Speaker 1: Welcome to Get Big Out Loud Radio, where we explored
Speaker 1: living the complex, funny and beautiful ride of life with
Speaker 1: me Carrie Knutson and Doctor Pat on Transformation Talk radio
Speaker 1: dot com. Are your thoughts keeping you small? Are you
Speaker 1: ready to get big? I will offer you ideas to
Speaker 1: transform what you are thinking into conscious action. Explore what
Speaker 1: is keeping you small and how to shift your behaviors
Speaker 1: in order to get big. Learn what is possible for you.
Speaker 1: Get ready to get big and live life out loud.
Speaker 2: Starting now, we have got a great show. I'm doctor Patt.
Speaker 2: I get to join the most incredible Carry Knutson on
Speaker 2: this show, her amazing show, her long running hit show.
Speaker 2: Today's topic is so on point. When Carrie picks a topic,
Speaker 2: I'm always like, o MG. She had to be here
Speaker 2: with me, She had to be here with me over
Speaker 2: the weekend, a little bit last week. This is the
Speaker 2: topic that I know most of you are going to
Speaker 2: be like, really, yeah, the things we can't rush. You
Speaker 2: got that, The things we can't rush. So what's doctor
Speaker 2: Patt's number one thing? Grandma is two day old amazing
Speaker 2: meet spaghetti sauce. You cannot crush. You cannot rush that.
Speaker 2: If you rush it, you don't get Grandma sauce. You
Speaker 2: get some version of sauce that doesn't really have any
Speaker 2: of the elements, the smoothness to taste. My friend would
Speaker 2: tell me, you can't rush a good bourbon, but I
Speaker 2: don't drink, so I don't know about that. Today, you're
Speaker 2: gonna hear what carry canuts and talks about. This is
Speaker 2: a culture where we value speed, not even little speed
Speaker 2: like mega speed you know, you ever you ever notice
Speaker 2: is carried like we're now in a culture where if
Speaker 2: we have to wait three seconds for the TV channel today,
Speaker 2: we're calling the TV provider like you hit the remote
Speaker 2: right right, Well.
Speaker 3: Most people don't know what time before remotes when you
Speaker 3: actually had to physically get up and turn the channel,
Speaker 3: you know, like there was a time not that long
Speaker 3: ago when you just got up to turn it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And that's why when we talk about the things you
Speaker 3: can't rush, there's so many things in our life we
Speaker 3: know we can't rush.
Speaker 1: But then the counter argument is like of society is
Speaker 1: like hurry up, and we're kind of our tension stands
Speaker 1: are getting you know, shorter, and that idea of like
Speaker 1: we can't even wait the three seconds to turn something.
Speaker 3: It's it's real, right. So that's the good part about
Speaker 3: talking of things today is there are some things we
Speaker 3: just can't rush and what is the value in bringing
Speaker 3: some consciousness to.
Speaker 1: Why is it hard to be patient for those things?
Speaker 3: Like you know, the two day, you know that saus
Speaker 3: you're gonna taste that your gonna is gonna taste so good.
Speaker 3: But in the time it takes to make it, some
Speaker 3: other things pop into your head about I could just
Speaker 3: do this easier, open it can and ragou and there's be.
Speaker 1: Done with it, you know, because I have done that.
Speaker 3: I have done that sy because I'm busy, right, And
Speaker 3: so that's what I wanted to bring up today because
Speaker 3: I do think it's important to like analyze a little
Speaker 3: bit about the culture messages that we get versus what
Speaker 3: is helpful to us internally. And the whole goal of
Speaker 3: the show is like, can we just become conscious of
Speaker 3: some ideas so then we can counter them without just
Speaker 3: being pushed by them.
Speaker 1: Like you do I really need, you know, to Can
Speaker 1: I have some patience? And what does patients mean anyway? Right?
Speaker 1: When you think about patience, Like, so I wanted to
Speaker 1: explore some of those topics today, like what we can
Speaker 1: and can't rush? What does patience really mean?
Speaker 2: Because well, tell me what patience is because most people
Speaker 2: don't understand it. I actually have to look up tenacity
Speaker 2: for an episode I'm doing, but people don't understand what
Speaker 2: patients or patients probably mean. Now with Grandma's sauce, you
Speaker 2: couldn't leave it. It's not a crop pop project, you understand.
Speaker 2: So that meant for two days you and not leaving
Speaker 2: the house, you understand. So what does patients mean?
Speaker 3: Well, I looked up because I wanted to counter it
Speaker 3: with like the definition, so I'm just gonna look. Yeah,
Speaker 3: the ability to this is go into Websters by the way, Okay,
Speaker 3: the ability to accept obstacles, delays.
Speaker 1: And adversity in a calm, self possessed, and uncomplaining manner.
Speaker 1: And when I read that, I'm like, oh, it's very
Speaker 1: hard to be calm self possessor when you're trying to
Speaker 1: be patient.
Speaker 3: And it sounds straightforward, right, but when you practice, when
Speaker 3: you try to practice it, but when's.
Speaker 1: The last time you're like, oh, I'm having a problem.
Speaker 1: Look at me being calm or self possessed or uncomplaining.
Speaker 3: We're kind of primed to do the opposite, and so
Speaker 3: I want to first of all, like why well, because
Speaker 3: sometimes in a world that says go faster, do more,
Speaker 3: it should have been done yesterday, give one hundred and
Speaker 3: ten percent. And if you're trying to be patient or
Speaker 3: live in the moment or take a beat, it's almost
Speaker 3: antithical to the pressure of society.
Speaker 1: So it's like, what's wrong with you that you're not,
Speaker 1: you know, responding like with what's next? Or hurry up?
Speaker 1: Or like even have you noticed like if someone like
Speaker 1: it is like on the way to I have this goal,
Speaker 1: did you reach it or not? And it's it becomes
Speaker 1: very much like yes, no, good, bad, I did or
Speaker 1: I didn't. And that's why it's hard to be patient too,
Speaker 1: because you want the end result, you know, to show itself.
Speaker 1: And so that's hard to in a society that like
Speaker 1: what's the end result? How did you get there? Not
Speaker 1: like how was the journey for you? No one ever said,
Speaker 1: like on the way to go, how was that journey
Speaker 1: for you along the.
Speaker 3: Way, And so focus on, you know, what what happened,
Speaker 3: what was the outcome?
Speaker 1: How quickly could you do it? Because efficiency has become
Speaker 1: another thing in our.
Speaker 3: Society like be efficient, Like don't just drive somewhere, drive
Speaker 3: and be listening to a podcast, or like drive me
Speaker 3: listen to your voice messages, or like have your book
Speaker 3: on tap so you can drive and listen, or like don't.
Speaker 1: Just make like a couple trips in after the grocery store,
Speaker 1: like you better get it all in one trip. We
Speaker 1: got to be efficient.
Speaker 3: And sometimes you're like why can't I take three trips
Speaker 3: in from the car, Like why can't I just drive
Speaker 3: somewhere and drive or just call somebody on the phone,
Speaker 3: not while driving and just call and just talk and like.
Speaker 1: Like what is this? You know?
Speaker 3: Drive? And I really think we have to look at
Speaker 3: society's idea of what it means to be productive, also
Speaker 3: how we're driven towards producing things and doing things, And
Speaker 3: then that leads to us also saying like if you
Speaker 3: meet somebody, sometimes how are you doing? If I'm busyda
Speaker 3: has become a feeling, an identity, sometimes a badge of honor.
Speaker 1: Like look at me, I'm so busy. It was a busy.
Speaker 1: And sometimes if you want to one up somebody go, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, I'm crazy busy, like and then we're all
Speaker 1: busy so then it's all okay. But if you just said, like,
Speaker 1: I'm what if you're not busy, then I do have
Speaker 1: worse are you? Are you okay? Like? But we right
Speaker 1: push that up on a pedestal, Well, look.
Speaker 2: At you're absolutely You know what, when I talk to
Speaker 2: our clients. We have a number of amazing hosts on
Speaker 2: the network, and I do meetings with them, but I
Speaker 2: will get these text messages I know you're really busy.
Speaker 2: I have never said I'm busy. I don't even use
Speaker 2: that word. Okay, you understand. I don't because I don't
Speaker 2: want to be busy. I want to be in harmony.
Speaker 2: I want to be in flow. But I'm shocked about
Speaker 2: how many people think I'm too busy to talk with them.
Speaker 2: And so I thought about that, and I thought, Okay,
Speaker 2: even if I don't say the word, am I demonstrating
Speaker 2: that I'm too busy? Am I doing something? But then
Speaker 2: the sanity check was no, I'm not. So what happens
Speaker 2: is I think about that and then I think, oh
Speaker 2: my gosh, they must be too busy. Now we're into
Speaker 2: a conversation and a story we just made up about
Speaker 2: everybody in the world being too busy. And none of
Speaker 2: it's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but then also that's like to what if
Speaker 1: you didn't say you were busy, then like, what's wrong
Speaker 1: with you? Because everyone else I got, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm busy.
Speaker 3: But yeah, we're But then at the same time find
Speaker 3: time for yourself, like the whole take care of yourself thing.
Speaker 1: But not really right because the rest of us are busy.
Speaker 1: And I think it's hard for some of us to
Speaker 1: just to see that busyness is different from like progress
Speaker 1: or actual movement. And sometimes we mistake that our busyness
Speaker 1: for making progress and we're just busy doing things, but
Speaker 1: are we making progress? Really, it's harder to see.
Speaker 3: That, And I think we have to identify the cultural
Speaker 3: norms first, which make us feel like I should have
Speaker 3: done that yesterday, I have got to hurry up, I've
Speaker 3: got to be busy.
Speaker 1: Getting like even for rest.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I think about like the idea of like when
Speaker 3: you need to rest or your body needs to stop
Speaker 3: or you need to sleep, like that that's not productive time,
Speaker 3: but like is it because your body needs that, But
Speaker 3: we don't sometimes categorize that like, oh I'll figure it out,
Speaker 3: they'll sleep later. I used to think like oh God,
Speaker 3: you can sleep when you're dead. Why why do we
Speaker 3: need it now?
Speaker 1: Like I used to have to like really like go
Speaker 1: go go, And we have to counter that like is
Speaker 1: it productive to stop and rest? Is that still productive? Yes?
Speaker 1: Because your body needs that, like, but it doesn't look
Speaker 1: like you're doing something, And again countering these messages of
Speaker 1: like what is.
Speaker 3: My busyness about? Versus what I'm working on? Is am
Speaker 3: I making progress? And can you? Can you look at
Speaker 3: the duality too, of the like all or nothingness or
Speaker 3: the fact that I do feel like the idea of
Speaker 3: having patients is is almost antithical to most messaging that
Speaker 3: we're getting, Like when you make a goal, what are
Speaker 3: your smarkles?
Speaker 1: Can you measure it? Can you see it? Can you
Speaker 1: tell all the things? And smartles? Which I just get
Speaker 1: to the s like part and then I'm like, what
Speaker 1: is that? You know what I mean?
Speaker 4: We try to like can we even in our lives,
Speaker 4: like trying to categorize things and measure them, and like
Speaker 4: every I don't have money these but you know the
Speaker 4: that can measure like your steps and your sleep and.
Speaker 3: Your heart beat and they can remind you to stand
Speaker 3: up and they can like so you can have a
Speaker 3: lot of measurements of all kinds of things. We can
Speaker 3: measure so many, so many things like and you can
Speaker 3: look at your workout, how long you worked out, what
Speaker 3: your heart rate was, how many mileage you want, whatever.
Speaker 1: But then so those are measurable, and we really like
Speaker 1: measurements because it's tangible. Then what up? How can I
Speaker 1: measure my healing progress? How do I measure trust being
Speaker 1: built in a relationship? How do I measure if I've
Speaker 1: gained some wisdom, like see how hard it is to
Speaker 1: be like And then our brain's like, well, these are
Speaker 1: facts and these are tangible. So then we lean towards
Speaker 1: that because we like to measure things.
Speaker 3: We like tangible, you know, acknowledgement of see what I did,
Speaker 3: see what I did, And that I think comes not
Speaker 3: only from society, but from the human need to like
Speaker 3: show other people, to get some recognition that if other
Speaker 3: people see my growth or I have something to show
Speaker 3: for what I did, I have something to show for
Speaker 3: it seeing what I can Here's and and I think
Speaker 3: it's that has its place, but it's it's to me,
Speaker 3: it's at.
Speaker 1: The expense of all of this other kind of growth
Speaker 1: over here that we miss out on if we're so
Speaker 1: focused on this, we miss it on that.
Speaker 3: And then and then I'll say this too, like feeling
Speaker 3: like a failure. I didn't reach my goal, so I failed,
Speaker 3: But you're like, did you do somethings chargeable? But maybe
Speaker 3: you learned something in that, because it's again it's that
Speaker 3: all or nothing. I either got my goal or I didn't.
Speaker 1: I either succeeded or I failed, either got my time
Speaker 1: or I didn't whatever thing. So then we're left with
Speaker 1: a lot of people.
Speaker 3: Feeling like failures instead of being able to say, well, what,
Speaker 3: let's talk about what you learned along the journey or
Speaker 3: that you're learning, or like, is.
Speaker 1: The end goal the really goal is? Or is it
Speaker 1: the tangible thing that you want to show people like?
Speaker 1: So I think that's worth exploring a bit in our
Speaker 1: own psychology. Becoor identity doesn't get wrapped up in achievement, right,
Speaker 1: it's more wrapped up and am I making progress? Versus
Speaker 1: did I achieve all those things with my smart gooles?
Speaker 2: I never could remember what the es and smart Goldsmith.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's interesting because let's talk about
Speaker 2: two things that you brought up and I want to
Speaker 2: make a distinction between busy and rushing, busy and rushing
Speaker 2: because people don't put those two together. They are two
Speaker 2: piece in a pod. They are two strange fella They
Speaker 2: are two strange bedfellows. And what do I mean by that?
Speaker 2: If somebody is in that busy busy busy energy? Can
Speaker 2: I call it energy for the moment? Right? Energy? Okay,
Speaker 2: let me ask you a question. Have you ever watched
Speaker 2: window people put window in windows in high rise buildings.
Speaker 1: When they're strapped into all that climbing gear.
Speaker 2: Busy is not something you find right. And it's really
Speaker 2: interesting how it shows up in language because part of
Speaker 2: this you mentioned about healing, and I want to mention
Speaker 2: something about healing. You know, look, I've gone through a
Speaker 2: healing journey. You've gone through it. Mine was ten years
Speaker 2: because it's not very easy if you use holistic medicine.
Speaker 2: And I had to use it because nobody else could
Speaker 2: figure out what's going on with me. That was my
Speaker 2: last option to healing, to feeling healthy. And I remember
Speaker 2: going into doctor Darbish's office my natural path the first time, right,
Speaker 2: And I go in and I bring her all my
Speaker 2: stuff and she does her magic and he says, well,
Speaker 2: the good news is you don't have this, and then
Speaker 2: she says, well, the other news is more to be revealed.
Speaker 2: And I looked at doctor Darbish like what what okay?
Speaker 2: And I'm waiting for the more like in that first visit,
Speaker 2: and then I walk out, just like I did the
Speaker 2: first time I met with my therapist in nineteen nine eighty.
Speaker 2: I don't know what and I said, okay, we're done now, right, okay.
Speaker 2: So that's that is the way we think about things though, right,
Speaker 2: It's like therapy, we're done yet, doctor Darvish, Are my fixed?
Speaker 2: If I am?
Speaker 1: I fixed? Am I done? Is it?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I fixed? Am I done? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 3: But to you the point, tell me what to do
Speaker 3: and then I'll do it, and then I'll be done.
Speaker 3: And sometimes that whole idea of like more to be revealed,
Speaker 3: that's a beautiful way to say it, like well you've
Speaker 3: got to start sometimes and then the next thing will come.
Speaker 3: But like notice again, in our in our psyche's almost
Speaker 3: like okay, we're done here, Like I said, the thing
Speaker 3: I've done.
Speaker 1: Like some things can't be rushed, but we are inclined
Speaker 1: to rush them. And I feel like I think for me,
Speaker 1: it's interesting kind of like you, I'm I notice if
Speaker 1: it's if, if I'm unchecked, I'm I'm not there FAI like,
Speaker 1: I want to do the next thing?
Speaker 3: And what sex I want to go? What sex on
Speaker 3: the schedule? What's next on the thing? What are we
Speaker 3: doing next? What do we finish?
Speaker 1: And I took a test, an assessment that a test,
Speaker 1: an assessment for emotional intelligence a few years back, and
Speaker 1: one of the things that came up that I was
Speaker 1: lower on was impulse control.
Speaker 3: And I was offended at first. I'm like, impulse control,
Speaker 3: I have impulse control.
Speaker 1: I totally do. And then I was like, what does
Speaker 1: that even mean?
Speaker 3: And I'm looking it up feeling like I failed because
Speaker 3: I got it. And this also is not a it's
Speaker 3: an assessment of like you can't fail the assessment. It's
Speaker 3: just insight, right, it's not like good or bad. But
Speaker 3: I took it immediately and I even study this, right,
Speaker 3: But here's my humanness coming out. I'm like low one
Speaker 3: impulse control. And then I got all angry about it
Speaker 3: because I have. And then I tried to prove to
Speaker 3: myself I do have inPulse control because I didn't want
Speaker 3: to fail the assessment. And then I had to laugh
Speaker 3: about I don't know, like twenty minutes later to see
Speaker 3: my initial reaction. Then I was laughing at myself to
Speaker 3: be like, you're.
Speaker 1: Not you don't have actually great false control you that's
Speaker 1: another word for patients. And this is really great insight
Speaker 1: because you could use someone, which is why you want
Speaker 1: to take this assessment in the first place, because I
Speaker 1: work on everything with emotional intelligence and I don't know
Speaker 1: myself what am I doing teaching it, you know. But
Speaker 1: it was a laughable moment for me because impulse control
Speaker 1: connected to patients, connected to waiting connected, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I have to work on that. It's not my default
Speaker 1: to be patient.
Speaker 3: Then I live in this culture which kind of goes
Speaker 3: with my default the faster, more go, hurry up, and
Speaker 3: I have to consciously be like, slow down, take a
Speaker 3: be take a breath.
Speaker 1: Maybe don't solve this today, Maybe timelin like I have
Speaker 1: to really go to another place to do that. But
Speaker 1: I just I think it'd be funny for listeners in
Speaker 1: their own life to notice in what places where you like,
Speaker 1: think you have patience, but you you don't write or
Speaker 1: like or like. For me, impulse control on my evaluation
Speaker 1: assessment and like thinking like why don't I have impulse control?
Speaker 1: Because I want to make things happen, and so I
Speaker 1: just think it's a good moment for all of us.
Speaker 3: Even if you look at your own life. Your two
Speaker 3: examples are perfect. Are we done here? To wrap it up?
Speaker 1: And then like, this is a process, you know that
Speaker 1: you can laugh about it.
Speaker 3: It is good too, because these are human foibles, are
Speaker 3: a human condition.
Speaker 1: This is, you know, how we show up in the world.
Speaker 3: And if you can acknowledge it with some love and
Speaker 3: some compassion for yourself instead of judgment, that's where like
Speaker 3: now I can say like I'm working on impulse control,
Speaker 3: but without like and I'm horrible because I don't have it,
Speaker 3: versus like, this is something I'm working on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you see what we're talking about to cover
Speaker 2: a few things, I want to cover some of the
Speaker 2: things that you've out wanted to talk about today. But
Speaker 2: it's really kind of laughable. We have to laugh at ourselves.
Speaker 2: I remember going to doctor Jeane Houston, who recently passed
Speaker 2: away and we are going to miss her. But I
Speaker 2: also studied at the first Webshop, a workshop she did
Speaker 2: on leadership. I was one of the first to be
Speaker 2: in the first workshop. She did ten days, right, And
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, I'm like, really ten days, it
Speaker 2: takes ten days, you could see, right. So I get
Speaker 2: there and I got to work with the most amazing
Speaker 2: woman who actually left this planet way too soon. Doctor
Speaker 2: angelis Aarian, and I remember being a private conversation. We
Speaker 2: got to work with people privately, and I just wanted
Speaker 2: to work with her. And you know what she gave
Speaker 2: me to do. And I misunderstood the task. Why because
Speaker 2: patience also goes to listening, doesn't it You have to
Speaker 2: put the patients to listen. So she said something like,
Speaker 2: I have an assignment for you. I want you to
Speaker 2: literally watch grass grow. I want you to watch grass grow.
Speaker 2: I want you you know, but she was using it metaphorically.
Speaker 2: So what do I do. I go out to the
Speaker 2: workshop and for a month I watched a grass grow
Speaker 2: and I was so obsessed about it that I dug
Speaker 2: up the Patrick I had the Patrick grass and I
Speaker 2: would not cut around it so I could watch it grow.
Speaker 2: Because I thought you, I watched it grow for an
Speaker 2: hour a day. I would go out and watch it grow. Now,
Speaker 2: clearly she laughed her butt off that wasn't the assignment,
Speaker 2: but it really was. What did that tell me about?
Speaker 2: First of all, let me know I could actually spend
Speaker 2: an hour, and I was really busy back then. I'm
Speaker 2: going to tell you I was just so busy. I
Speaker 2: was finishing up my doctorate. I mean busy in the
Speaker 2: word where my day was full. I never felt busy,
Speaker 2: but I took an hour and I watched the grass
Speaker 2: grow every day and something happened to me around that,
Speaker 2: and then I forgot it. So walk us through the
Speaker 2: important growth areas of our lives that maybe if we
Speaker 2: all could sit and watch grass grow for fifteen minutes,
Speaker 2: it may create a shift.
Speaker 1: But let us talk about.
Speaker 2: The list and what's some of the real challenging areas
Speaker 2: are for people.
Speaker 1: Yes, well, and I love your example because the whole
Speaker 1: thing of like literally watching grass grows, I want me
Speaker 1: to think of it, but all in our lives.
Speaker 3: It's like we're in my life? Could I be watching
Speaker 3: grass grow? But what I think sometimes people do.
Speaker 1: Is baby like now I have like if I want
Speaker 1: to meditate, I better meditate for an hour and like
Speaker 1: make sure I did it, like versus like can I
Speaker 1: can I take some breaths in this moment and bring
Speaker 1: mindfulness to this moment without having to like set a timer,
Speaker 1: sit on the floor, do one hour whatever. Because if
Speaker 1: it doesn't fit into your life, then you do it.
Speaker 3: You do a task, you do something that and then
Speaker 3: then it's not really the point of the task, Like
Speaker 3: the whole thing.
Speaker 1: The point wasn't to watch the grascow.
Speaker 3: Can you stop in your life and notice something for
Speaker 3: a period of time? Right, And sometimes things takes time.
Speaker 1: So doing something on the daily that slows you down
Speaker 1: and makes you makes you stop, you know, that's like
Speaker 1: a good lesson. But then again what you said, but
Speaker 1: then how can I forgot it? Because real life because
Speaker 1: it was so extreme, right, it's not part of your
Speaker 1: real life.
Speaker 3: And part of the goal when you think about practicing
Speaker 3: mindfulness and self awareness is are there things I can
Speaker 3: do on the daily not a special Now I'm going
Speaker 3: to practice mindfulness and like because I could do that
Speaker 3: for some amount of time if I'm like want to
Speaker 3: do okay, every I'll take this retreat or I'll do
Speaker 3: this thing, but like eventually.
Speaker 1: Real life comes back in. So the goal is to say,
Speaker 1: in my real life, in my actual day today, how
Speaker 1: I am including things on the daily, and I say this,
Speaker 1: real time, real budget, real you, the real time you
Speaker 1: have to do something.
Speaker 3: But also I will say in the time category, you know,
Speaker 3: when people say they're busy, I try to say this
Speaker 3: because we make time for things that are important all
Speaker 3: the time, even if we're busy. So I like to
Speaker 3: say that's not a priority for me right now, just
Speaker 3: to recognize, and I say I'm too busy for that,
Speaker 3: because I'm like, I will like I will never go
Speaker 3: to sleep with the kitchen being a mess, even if
Speaker 3: I'm exhausted.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, i will clean the kitchen, right. I will
Speaker 1: clean it up because I don't want to wake up
Speaker 1: in the morning. So that's a priority. So I always
Speaker 1: I still have time somehow to clean that, right, even
Speaker 1: if I'm exhausted, I'll make time for that. Or when
Speaker 1: I think about, like when the things that are important,
Speaker 1: like even if I'm busy, I'm going to figure out
Speaker 1: how to get my kids. But they need to go
Speaker 1: and figure out the schedule and do the thing because
Speaker 1: they have to get where they need to go and
Speaker 1: they need someone to help them do that. Right, So
Speaker 1: that's my priority is that they get to school and
Speaker 1: dirg activities.
Speaker 3: So like we have different priorities even when we're busy, right,
Speaker 3: So like I feel like, first of all, thinking about time,
Speaker 3: I don't have time for that versus like what's my priority?
Speaker 3: Then so real time thinking about the real time you
Speaker 3: have in your day to do things. But then real budget,
Speaker 3: like sometimes like going on a retreat. I'd love to
Speaker 3: go on a yoga retreat to like the south of.
Speaker 1: France and like have a month to just be calm whatever,
Speaker 1: Like that's not gonna happen right now, right no budget?
Speaker 3: And sometimes I like, do you have budget to take
Speaker 3: a yoa coast? You have a budget to go exercise
Speaker 3: whatever at a gym? Sometimes we don't have the budget
Speaker 3: for things that we think would help us get into
Speaker 3: that place of patience its flowing down and every mindfulness.
Speaker 1: So you have to think, is walking around the block
Speaker 1: observing nature and taking it or sitting on my back
Speaker 1: porch for a minute watching the hummingbirds come in? Is
Speaker 1: that enough to slow me down? With the real budget
Speaker 1: that I have to do things? And then real me,
Speaker 1: what are things I enjoy? Like I don't enjoy sitting
Speaker 1: crossly get on the mat, like it just was uncomfortable
Speaker 1: and I'm always thinking that I'm gonna fall asleep or
Speaker 1: not or whatever. But like when you're thinking about start
Speaker 1: snoring or is that snoring or is it that whatever?
Speaker 1: And again that works for some people, So you don't
Speaker 1: want to poo. There are things, but real you means
Speaker 1: like what.
Speaker 3: Does it mean for me to be patient myself and
Speaker 3: slow down? And this is like a small two small examples.
Speaker 1: So sometimes when the sun is setting, and my husband's
Speaker 1: really good about this, he's like, oh, let's go make
Speaker 1: sure don't miss the sunset. And so even when milk
Speaker 1: cooking dinner, we'll put everything on simmer or whatever and
Speaker 1: like go out for five minutes and just be on
Speaker 1: our front porch. And sometimes it's the best part of
Speaker 1: my day just to like sew things down, like I
Speaker 1: don't want to miss the sunset right like and to
Speaker 1: see that. And then other times too, I'll just slow down,
Speaker 1: Like I have a favorite tea that I like to drink,
Speaker 1: and I like to make the tea and I have
Speaker 1: a favorite lud and sometimes it's just like I'm gonna.
Speaker 3: Like take the time to make this tea that I
Speaker 3: like have out a summer, get my mug out and.
Speaker 1: Just sit and not sit in scroll and not sit
Speaker 1: and be folding.
Speaker 3: Laundry and saving my tea and doing whatever, just like
Speaker 3: I'm going to enjoy this tea and sit somewhere and
Speaker 3: just drink my tea for a minute.
Speaker 1: And sometimes that's like a ten, fifteen, twenty whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But is that enough to slow it down in a
Speaker 1: way I could do in my daily life? So real time,
Speaker 1: real budget, real you things that you can do and
Speaker 1: I but part of that is inviting, inviting the idea
Speaker 1: of like, in what ways in my life can I
Speaker 1: slow things down enough to enjoy them or appreciate them,
Speaker 1: or get a lesson from them, whatever, And what ways
Speaker 1: can I consciously invite that in a world that says
Speaker 1: hurry up, move on, get done with this. What's the schedule?
Speaker 1: That's where the that's.
Speaker 3: Like the middle point I say, between making a decision
Speaker 3: and just being run by your unconscious mind. I'm going
Speaker 3: to make a decision to just so I'm going to
Speaker 3: make a decision to enjoy this month. I'm going to
Speaker 3: get a decision to let myself.
Speaker 1: Relax a little bit or I even like to say
Speaker 1: even enjoy, like didd you get through your day, And
Speaker 1: is there there's something you can be like, I'm proud
Speaker 1: of myself for getting through today instead of like you know,
Speaker 1: like waiting till the end of the month or the
Speaker 1: year to like take stock and what you did could today.
Speaker 2: Be in love? Right?
Speaker 3: So that's one kind of thing that I wanted to
Speaker 3: think about, like how we invite that kind of thinking
Speaker 3: into our lives.
Speaker 1: And to me, that's also about permission, permission to like
Speaker 1: you were saying, I'm in the middle of my PhD again,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go spend an hour kind of meditating outside
Speaker 1: and being outside, right, and then what did it give me? Well,
Speaker 1: sometimes it doesn't give us stuff right away. Sometimes it
Speaker 1: we're annoyed by it. Or sometimes it's like we have
Speaker 1: to let our body, like I have to calm down
Speaker 1: enough to enjoy an experience.
Speaker 2: Calm down, you really do? You know this is really
Speaker 2: reoccurring across the board, but you and I are perfect examples. Now,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you my greatest teacher right now is
Speaker 2: Linda my best friend. And you know, I'm not saying
Speaker 2: that Linda is the most patient person in the world,
Speaker 2: but there's something She's extraordinarily patient and I'm watching her
Speaker 2: now she made a decision. First of all, you've got
Speaker 2: to make decisions. You've got to make a decision about
Speaker 2: do I turn right or do I turn left? I mean,
Speaker 2: that's that's not quite did you get it? But we're
Speaker 2: back here in New Jersey and it's an opportunity. And
Speaker 2: you know when you go through and you handle the
Speaker 2: loss of a loved one's estate, you know, or the
Speaker 2: loss of a loved one like a mom, like she did.
Speaker 2: She took care of her mom for like twelve years
Speaker 2: then had to handle all that. So she has all
Speaker 2: the paperwork and I'm watching her now because what did
Speaker 2: she say to me? She said, I've got to do this.
Speaker 2: It's starting to feel heavy.
Speaker 1: But I'm watching the.
Speaker 2: I'm watching the systematic way every I'm talking boxes, every
Speaker 2: piece of paper is picked up, read carefully, a decision
Speaker 2: is made do I keep it? Emotionally, I'm watching this.
Speaker 2: It's such a beautiful depicture of what you're talking about today.
Speaker 2: Why it handles one the recovery from loss, and yes
Speaker 2: we do grieve decades after we lose someone. But I'm
Speaker 2: just watching the patients, see you now, if that were me,
Speaker 2: kind of like when I moved out here. You should
Speaker 2: have seen the way I got rid of things on
Speaker 2: December tenth. Hello, but I'm watching this and at some
Speaker 2: level I could seal the energy and the gratitude. Now,
Speaker 2: what if we could do that in different areas of
Speaker 2: our life. We're going to take a short break when
Speaker 2: we come back. What is it like to really look
Speaker 2: at items in our lives where we can kind of
Speaker 2: expedite accelerate things a bit, but other areas you better
Speaker 2: have the patience of a saint. Carrie? How do people
Speaker 2: find out about you? What is the best way for
Speaker 2: people to work with you because you are an emotional
Speaker 2: intelligence expert. And then when we come back, I'm going
Speaker 2: to tell you about my lesson from Ping Pong.
Speaker 1: Oh, of course I had to bring up Ping Pong, right,
Speaker 1: So you can find out about me at canutsenspeaks dot com.
Speaker 1: You can find about coaching, about my presentations, about my keynotes,
Speaker 1: about one Woman Show, and that all the various things
Speaker 1: I do that encompass canusance speaks. And I didn't post
Speaker 1: my eqissment, but now everyone knows I'm I got the
Speaker 1: one impulse control everybody that's he won't find.
Speaker 2: That on my website, but I'm telling you that now
Speaker 2: I should take that great So that's where people can
Speaker 2: find everything about you, how to hire you for speaking,
Speaker 2: and all of the above. When we come back, we're
Speaker 2: going to talk about the story of growth and patience
Speaker 2: and how they relate to so many many things. But
Speaker 2: I am going to challenge you to take fifteen minutes
Speaker 2: a day and watch grass grow. Really, just watch it.
Speaker 2: Watch it. You'd be amazed at.
Speaker 1: What you see.
Speaker 2: Let's take a short break, we'll.
Speaker 1: Be right back.
Speaker 5: We remember a time when you could simply form a
Speaker 5: thought and it would manifest. The harmony was forgotten, but
Speaker 5: it is returning now. The power of inspiration and awakening.
Speaker 5: Radio with Julia will take you on adventures through the
Speaker 5: heart and spirit, exploring who we once were and how
Speaker 5: to awaken that power today. Julia studied under the guidance
Speaker 5: of wolves, learning from their wisdom to master a higher
Speaker 5: frequency for new state of mind. Learn to master the
Speaker 5: secrets of manifestation. Visit onetru self dot com.
Speaker 1: Are you ready to get big and live your life
Speaker 1: out loud? Tune in to Get Big out Loud Radio,
Speaker 1: exploring life through the lens of curiosity and compassion with
Speaker 1: me Carrie Knutson joining Doctor Pat live every second Monday
Speaker 1: at ten am Pacific on Transformation Talk Radio dot com.
Speaker 1: I will offer ideas to transform what you are thinking
Speaker 1: into conscious action. If you want to get big and
Speaker 1: live your life out loud, visit me at Canutsen Speaks
Speaker 1: dot com. School.
Speaker 6: Ancient Wisdom for everyday life is your practical and inspiring
Speaker 6: gateway to spiritual awakening. Join me, Shati Durga and doctor
Speaker 6: Pat every first and third Monday at three pm Pacific
Speaker 6: time as we explore relationships in a plain realities, channel
Speaker 6: light beings, learn from ancient wisdom and share tools to
Speaker 6: navigate life with ease and grace.
Speaker 1: Are you ready to.
Speaker 6: Step into your highest potential? Subscribe to Mystery School. Your
Speaker 6: transformation starts here.
Speaker 7: Cut the shit, stop struggling to feel present, stop being
Speaker 7: taken advantage of express how you feel, and start making
Speaker 7: choices based on what other people think. Intuition Unleashed a
Speaker 7: revolution in Personal Liberation. Podcast is your go to resource
Speaker 7: for combining guidance with mental health and spirituality and solving
Speaker 7: your questions about why you can't seem to catch a
Speaker 7: break and find your true happiness. And you can find
Speaker 7: more episodes at Backnelton dot com. Forward Slash Podcast.
Speaker 5: We remember a time when you could simply form a
Speaker 5: thought and it would manifest. The harmony was forgotten, but
Speaker 5: it is returning now. The power of inspiration and Awakening
Speaker 5: Radio with Julia will take you on adventures through the
Speaker 5: heart and spirit, exploring who we once were and how
Speaker 5: to awaken that power today. Julia studied under the guidance
Speaker 5: of wolves, learning from their wisdom to master a higher
Speaker 5: frequency for new state of mind. Learn to master the
Speaker 5: secrets of manifestation. Visit onetrueself dot com.
Speaker 1: Are you ready to get big and live your life
Speaker 1: out loud? Tune in to get Big out Loud radio
Speaker 1: exploring life through the lens of curiosity and compassion with
Speaker 1: me Carrie Knutson joining Doctor Pat live every second Monday
Speaker 1: at ten am Pacific on Transformation Talk Radio dot com.
Speaker 1: I will offer ideas to transform what you are thinking
Speaker 1: into conscious action. If you want to get big and
Speaker 1: live your life out loud, visit me at nutsen Speaks
Speaker 1: dot com.
Speaker 6: Mystery School Ancient Wisdom for everyday life is your practical
Speaker 6: and inspiring gateway to spiritual awakening. Join me, Shatti Durga
Speaker 6: and Doctor Pat every first and third Monday at three
Speaker 6: pm Pacific time.
Speaker 2: Cut the shit stop, buddy, Welcome back. Before we go
Speaker 2: into this one more time, give out your website if
Speaker 2: you don't mind, Carrie, Sure, it's.
Speaker 3: Canutson speaks dot com, k n U T s o
Speaker 3: n speaks dot com. Found about training, coaching, presentations, keynotes,
Speaker 3: one woman show.
Speaker 1: The whole thing is on there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and in a couple of months, I'm going to
Speaker 2: be hooking up with Carrie because she's gonna help me
Speaker 2: with my unstuckable platform and speaking platform for that. Look,
Speaker 2: we were talking about what with patients. We're talking about
Speaker 2: the things we can't rush, you know, and so trust
Speaker 2: was one of them. Learning a new skill is another one.
Speaker 2: And then we're going to talk about some of the
Speaker 2: most most important growth put points that you especially have
Speaker 2: gone through recently. But I was I get coached, you
Speaker 2: know this, and I change clubs. Now I still play
Speaker 2: on Tuesday at my other club, but I wasn't feeling it.
Speaker 2: It wasn't a good environment. It's the culture good whatever, whatever.
Speaker 2: So I started up at Matchpoint and I love the
Speaker 2: people that love the coaches. I show up on Saturday.
Speaker 2: You're there from two to four, and I'm a pretty
Speaker 2: good player, so they don't have a lot of criticism.
Speaker 2: They do have a lot of coaching. But the one
Speaker 2: thing across the board that I heard over and over
Speaker 2: and over again on Saturday was don't rush. Slow down,
Speaker 2: don't rush. And one of the coaches that I love
Speaker 2: getting coach from says, you're rushing. Why are you rushing?
Speaker 2: Why are you rushing? Your forehad why are you rushing?
Speaker 2: We're going to be here from two to four. Rushing
Speaker 2: is not going to get you out of here any sooner.
Speaker 2: It's not going to get you I mean. So it
Speaker 2: showed up and it held a mirror in front of me,
Speaker 2: and when I left there, I had a new perspective
Speaker 2: that reflected on my life because I got to tell
Speaker 2: you there's some things I'm getting very impatient about. So
Speaker 2: walk us through because you're going to talk about one
Speaker 2: of them. Walk us through you and why this topic
Speaker 2: became so important to you?
Speaker 3: Yes, well, it so came up, like in my face
Speaker 3: this month as I had a back injury. I talked
Speaker 3: about this before on the show in February or my
Speaker 3: back really bad and months of recovery where and I
Speaker 3: like in bed recovery.
Speaker 1: For days kind of recovery, like a big embrace on
Speaker 1: my back, physical therapy appointments, chiropractical appointments, rest of like
Speaker 1: going to the doctor for like all the things, and
Speaker 1: then like only doing one thing in a day, which
Speaker 1: might have been to go to appointment, come home and
Speaker 1: that was enough, right like days and weeks and then
Speaker 1: now months of that, and so I finally got cleared
Speaker 1: to go back to the gym, and uh, now it's June,
Speaker 1: and so I went back to the gym, and I
Speaker 1: was feeling like happy about getting cleared by my doctor,
Speaker 1: and my physical is like I can go back to
Speaker 1: the gym, and we talk about the exercise I can do,
Speaker 1: and I'm I was feeling good in the moment. But
Speaker 1: then I go to this gym it's called Cocoa, and
Speaker 1: it has it's a digital gym asince you can put
Speaker 1: your fob and it keeps track of your workouts and
Speaker 1: all this stuff, and it said, welcome back. Your last
Speaker 1: session was on February sixth, and I just looked at
Speaker 1: the date and I'm like February six and I'm like February, March, April, May, June.
Speaker 1: I was June and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: five months, it's June and it's been fine.
Speaker 3: And then I was like I was just in the
Speaker 3: weirdest place because I'm like part of me couldn't believe
Speaker 3: it it has been five months since I've been there,
Speaker 3: because it didn't feel that long, and other was like
Speaker 3: a century of like these five months have taken so
Speaker 3: long just to be able to go back to the gym.
Speaker 1: And it was such a weird juxtaposition moment.
Speaker 3: And then I felt all this sense of like why
Speaker 3: wasn't I here, Why couldn't I come back in March
Speaker 3: or April?
Speaker 1: And I'm like or May, because it's June. And then
Speaker 1: I played these games in my head.
Speaker 3: I was like, you got to stop wishing something different
Speaker 3: because you're here in June, because it took you till June.
Speaker 1: And even my physical therapist.
Speaker 3: She was like, you're doing really good for the injury
Speaker 3: you had. Yeah, I wouldn't have expected you to go
Speaker 3: back sooner. I think you're in a good point. Like
Speaker 3: her perspective was so like, you're doing great, and my
Speaker 3: perspective was like five months. And then and then what
Speaker 3: I started to realize was I can't I couldn't see
Speaker 3: my progress, but the progress to get me to the
Speaker 3: gym even was huge progress. And I didn't count all
Speaker 3: the days of like resting is progress, right, getting able
Speaker 3: to get off from the bed. And I had my
Speaker 3: husband even one day I was feeling said about my progress,
Speaker 3: and he's like you you couldn't even get out of
Speaker 3: bed by yourself, like or put your socks on. Let's
Speaker 3: go back to those days, right, Like you couldn't go
Speaker 3: down a step, Like do you want to remember that
Speaker 3: to see.
Speaker 1: How far you've come? And like, so sometimes it's the
Speaker 1: remembering the progress even if it's slow or you can't
Speaker 1: see it. And I thought my back healing. I couldn't
Speaker 1: see my back healing, and sometimes even feeling it changed
Speaker 1: from day to day, like that's healing, even though it's
Speaker 1: not all healed, it's in process. So the whole experience
Speaker 1: of going back to the gym just kind of shocked.
Speaker 3: Me into like the range of emotions I had about progress, success, timeliness.
Speaker 1: Was I was I succeeding and I ate even my
Speaker 1: first workout, I'm only clear to pick up so much
Speaker 1: weight now? And I had to laugh because the first
Speaker 1: time the gym was like, well, we'll just set up
Speaker 1: the machine and you'll just go back to the beginning,
Speaker 1: and she said, I was like, this is great, here's
Speaker 1: and I wanted to cry, like I don't want to
Speaker 1: go back to the beginning. I don't want to. I
Speaker 1: want to be where I was when I left off
Speaker 1: before the interview.
Speaker 3: Different Now I have a back injury and I am
Speaker 3: working on my full recovery, which everyone says you will
Speaker 3: be fully recovered, but I wanted to do it.
Speaker 1: I got hurt in February. By March, I should be
Speaker 1: ready ago. So it was the reason I wrote this podcast.
Speaker 3: Because I was surprised at myself and my wide range
Speaker 3: of reactions to simply the idea of going back to
Speaker 3: the gym and being that like on the screen and
Speaker 3: made me think probably in our lives, a lot of
Speaker 3: people have those moments where like we feel kind of
Speaker 3: I felt kind of gut it for a minute, like
Speaker 3: I was like, what are we doing five months?
Speaker 1: And then I have told themselves, yeah, five months, that's
Speaker 1: really good and.
Speaker 3: It's just important, you know, to And that's why I
Speaker 3: had to reflect on it, because without reflection, I could
Speaker 3: have stayed in that well, like I'm failing, I have
Speaker 3: to go back to the beginning.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's been five months. I haven't really
Speaker 1: done any and I'm hanything to show for it. And
Speaker 1: on the other hand, it be like, look what you
Speaker 1: did in five months, Yeah, look at the progress. And
Speaker 1: I kind of think about this analogy. Sometimes if you
Speaker 1: plant a seed, you literally don't see anything for a
Speaker 1: long time, and it's doing all this work but you
Speaker 1: can't see it. But we trust it because we know
Speaker 1: the journey of a seed into like say a flower.
Speaker 1: We know the journey is you got to go down
Speaker 1: and get rooted or out, you know, to get rooted
Speaker 1: and then you can go up. And but we wait.
Speaker 1: We even say like this is a time of germination.
Speaker 1: I gotta wait this many weeks. We don't yell at
Speaker 1: the seed, we don't bade the seed, we don't stop
Speaker 1: watering the seed. We know it's gonna happen, right, we know.
Speaker 1: And then when a little sprout comes up, we don't
Speaker 1: sqush it down and be like, oh damn, you're not
Speaker 1: you're only doing this much. We're like, yay, you're gonna
Speaker 1: start to bloom. We because we know what to expect it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like why can't we do that as human beings? Like,
Speaker 1: look at me, maybe this stuff nobody can see, but
Speaker 1: I'm working on stuff right, and maybe it's gonna take
Speaker 1: whatever time it takes, because that's what it takes. And also,
Speaker 1: when I see so a little bit of progress, why
Speaker 1: don't want to stomp it down? Like it's not good enough? Right?
Speaker 1: Little shoot right?
Speaker 3: Like and so good comparison because so much progress and
Speaker 3: it happens in things we cannot see, quantify or measure,
Speaker 3: and we love to live in a society.
Speaker 1: I can see it, I can quantify, I can measure it,
Speaker 1: and I can you know, prove it. And the things
Speaker 1: we can't prove, like am I building trust in my
Speaker 1: relationship with someone? How do you prove that over time
Speaker 1: you built you know, build trust. If I'm learning a
Speaker 1: new skill, am I supposed to be good at something?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 1: I had to know how to do the thing for
Speaker 1: a while and learn the new skill right to get
Speaker 1: better at it because I'm not doing it yet.
Speaker 3: But then that those are so important. It's important to
Speaker 3: consciously think of that because if we miss.
Speaker 1: The opportunity to consciously be like no, I'm doing okay,
Speaker 1: or like this is progress this counts, and that's what
Speaker 1: I can like this. Everything has to count towards the
Speaker 1: eventual goal, but the timing of it is not always
Speaker 1: up to me, right, So that's what the back. Thanks
Speaker 1: Coco Fit Club for that. I'm like, I had a
Speaker 1: real moment at Go Go Fit. But that's the lesson.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like me, I got two needs replace during COVID
Speaker 2: and people say, really, why did you do that? That's
Speaker 2: another story for another show. It's best decision I ever made.
Speaker 2: You could, you could. The hospitals were so clean you
Speaker 2: could literally eat off the floor during COVID for some
Speaker 2: of these things. But I went at the tail end
Speaker 2: of COVID. But but I went and I said to
Speaker 2: doctor Boone, Okay, let's get them both done. Let's literally
Speaker 2: cut open your knees, each of them by about twelve
Speaker 2: inches and get them done, is what I'm telling He said, Well,
Speaker 2: we don't really do that anymore. Why don't we do
Speaker 2: one at a time.
Speaker 1: We can't do both.
Speaker 2: Well, we're going to do one at a time. Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: so how long does it take to do one then
Speaker 2: the other? Three months? I can do it in two.
Speaker 2: No you can't, No, you.
Speaker 1: Can't pat if you target that game. You know that game.
Speaker 2: I could guess to do one three, No, but I
Speaker 2: did do it well. My mindset was to get it
Speaker 2: done faster, but not compromise on quality. And sometimes that
Speaker 2: is what happens. We take a shortcut, especially on loss,
Speaker 2: we take a short cut. We don't mourn it. We don't.
Speaker 2: And then just happened to me the other day. I
Speaker 2: drive down the street and I get triggered by a
Speaker 2: street sign that I used to drive by forty years ago.
Speaker 2: I said it to Linda. I said, Linda, I'm telling
Speaker 2: you I drive down that route twenty two and every
Speaker 2: time I passed the street, I get triggered. She said why,
Speaker 2: I said, because this reminds me of being seventeen years
Speaker 2: old and my parents throwing me out, and I'm on
Speaker 2: the street and my car broke down on Tarot Road,
Speaker 2: and I say, clearly, I got to do healing. Have
Speaker 2: you had anything like that? Loss is a tough one.
Speaker 2: You cannot rush that.
Speaker 1: No, But we sometimes want aren't I done yet? And
Speaker 1: I call this, I call this for me. I want
Speaker 1: to skip the line. I want to be done. I
Speaker 1: want to just and you know the line is there.
Speaker 1: And you know what happens. If I was going to
Speaker 1: a bank and try to skip the line, people would
Speaker 1: give you the death stare and you would not. You
Speaker 1: can't just if I get a bank, or let's sayt
Speaker 1: the grocery store, there's no place life I know, I
Speaker 1: just gonna skip this line, right Like, but in life
Speaker 1: sometimes you're like, oh, man, grief again, or I thought
Speaker 1: I was done with this, or especially when we get
Speaker 1: triggered by things and I think the same thing happens
Speaker 1: to me, Like.
Speaker 3: When you think about different things like a number on
Speaker 3: the scale, a number in your bank account, uh oh wait,
Speaker 3: the things should have happened, a memory of a song
Speaker 3: that comes up, whatever, and then you think, oh, I
Speaker 3: thought it was done with this, but then here it
Speaker 3: comes right back.
Speaker 1: And that's an important message for us. Like, and I
Speaker 1: say this to myself as a as a thought pattern, Carrie,
Speaker 1: you can't skip the line. You can't step so you
Speaker 1: got to keep the line where you are. But sometimes
Speaker 1: it's helpful, especially people, Well I want to skip the line.
Speaker 3: You're saying I want to do in one month, and
Speaker 3: you're surgeon is like, well, typically the human body needs
Speaker 3: this much time.
Speaker 1: Right, And even if you your body doesn't know you
Speaker 1: about your timeline, it knows about it. It's it's timeline
Speaker 1: to you. Right.
Speaker 2: You know what doctor Boone said to me, But he's
Speaker 2: so smart because he knew better. He said, Okay, we'll
Speaker 2: see now. He knew, he knew he wasn't going to
Speaker 2: get done in a month. He know a month's time,
Speaker 2: I'm going to be balling my eyes out trying to move.
Speaker 2: But you know, sometimes, Carrie, we see it in other
Speaker 2: people like Annie, right, and it's going to start. Let's
Speaker 2: talk about that.
Speaker 1: So, like Annie is my oldest daughter, seventeen, getting ready
Speaker 1: to think about college. He's going to be a senior,
Speaker 1: and we are starting a college search and we're starting
Speaker 1: to look at and there's so many options, like too
Speaker 1: many options go anywhere in the whole world, basically, right,
Speaker 1: And what we're trying to think about is I'm trying
Speaker 1: to frame this and like the whole college search is
Speaker 1: just the journey to bring us closer to the answer.
Speaker 1: But it's hard when you go to a campus and
Speaker 1: you're looking around.
Speaker 3: Like like every school has great programming, good things that
Speaker 3: you want to do, beautiful campuses, all that stuff.
Speaker 1: So sometimes it comes down to like how do I
Speaker 1: feel here? Do I feel like we could spend some
Speaker 1: time here? But then also the idea of like, we're
Speaker 1: spending time to do this so we can rule out
Speaker 1: some things we don't want because it's getting closer to
Speaker 1: what we do want, even if it's not that particular school.
Speaker 3: It's important to like this is the journey to come
Speaker 3: to a decision, and it just takes time and we
Speaker 3: have to like again, the things you can't see, how
Speaker 3: do I feel about something?
Speaker 1: I can't see my feeling. I'm experiencing my feeling right like,
Speaker 1: or how do I know something resonates with me? I'm
Speaker 1: checking in with to be like how my connection to
Speaker 1: this place? I can't show it to you. I have
Speaker 1: to experience it.
Speaker 3: And so I also think at the same time, when
Speaker 3: we're looking for schools, we're also managing a.
Speaker 1: Life transition of like what's next for me? And some
Speaker 1: of the fear around like what will my life be
Speaker 1: like now? Like I'm going through a major growth stage,
Speaker 1: So like the process is almost like the journey of
Speaker 1: the college search is a little bit around having patients
Speaker 1: for like we're not making.
Speaker 3: We're not doing this to make a decision today. We're
Speaker 3: doing this to help us make a decision down the.
Speaker 1: Road, but we have to start now. We have to
Speaker 1: experience the things now because it's helping us forge a path.
Speaker 1: And I think that's a good metaphor in life sometimes
Speaker 1: when we're trying to make decisions, like sometimes I got
Speaker 1: to be on the path that will help me get
Speaker 1: to the eventual decision. But I can't be like I
Speaker 1: want to do this and now I've decided. Some things
Speaker 1: take time. They just take time or experience. And then
Speaker 1: the things you can't see are like how am I
Speaker 1: processing this? What ways is this stretching me? How are
Speaker 1: my emotions playing into this? Those are the intangible things
Speaker 1: that you can't touch but you can feel and you
Speaker 1: can process. But that's again the things prove it to me, measure,
Speaker 1: measure it, show it, prove it. What's the timeline? And
Speaker 1: when you don't have it for those things? To me
Speaker 1: the most important things like how do you measure when
Speaker 1: you think about like love, when you measure like relationships,
Speaker 1: when you when you measure your capacity to generously give
Speaker 1: of your heart right like when you're when you're.
Speaker 3: With somebody, and like you said, just listen like, how
Speaker 3: you feel about an experience is hard to measure, and
Speaker 3: so then again our.
Speaker 1: Other part of our brain is like, well prove it,
Speaker 1: measure it, quantify. And I also think like does this
Speaker 1: college have it for Annie? Does it have this program?
Speaker 1: Yes or no? Then is it worth visiting? Well we
Speaker 1: have Do you really know what you want to do
Speaker 1: with your whole life right now at seventeen? So is
Speaker 1: it maybe worth it to have a broader search? Then
Speaker 1: does this program have a cause of executive? It's programmed?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you know as a parent. Come on now,
Speaker 2: wait a minute, though, because you're bringing something up. It's
Speaker 2: not just about any parents have to show extraordinary Now
Speaker 2: for me, let's talk about this. I went back to
Speaker 2: the doctoral program very late in life, and I did
Speaker 2: it after the job loss thing. And I applied to
Speaker 2: thirty five thirty six schools and I had to wait
Speaker 2: and slowly the rejections came in and except for one,
Speaker 2: and the one school was actually my first choice. But
Speaker 2: it came in and it said are you ready for it?
Speaker 2: We're going to put you on a wait list for
Speaker 2: next year. So hello, And I I thought, what the
Speaker 2: is a wait list? I mean, the letter came to Linda.
Speaker 2: She's the one that's sent it back, and I had
Speaker 2: packed up and moved to Seattle because I thought, what
Speaker 2: the heck's a wait list?
Speaker 1: What am I?
Speaker 2: But I didn't read the small print. You're not in
Speaker 2: this year, you'll be in next year. But the waiting
Speaker 2: the way. Don't you imagine what Annie is doing right now.
Speaker 3: Right, and so many kids across America right now, right
Speaker 3: you're just way you're waiting, you're looking, you're thinking, and
Speaker 3: their thing is supposed to perfect a wait list.
Speaker 1: I know it's gonna happen, but now I have to wait,
Speaker 1: So I have to be patient because I wanted to
Speaker 1: do it now and you're telling me I have to
Speaker 1: do it later, which is such a good example of
Speaker 1: like I want minee fixed now, Well your body will
Speaker 1: let you know when it's ready, or like I want
Speaker 1: to be back for my back injury next week and
Speaker 1: my body's like, yeah, not going to happen right, Like
Speaker 1: but back? What does it mean to be back? And
Speaker 1: that's why my husband's like, well, you couldn't get off
Speaker 1: out of the bed before. Now you can't, Like is
Speaker 1: that progress? So like the idea of being things are
Speaker 1: gonna happen, and I like the artist because time March
Speaker 1: is on right. So you eventually the wait list will
Speaker 1: be over and you will be in that program. But
Speaker 1: you're at your own concept of wait list and I
Speaker 1: wait a year and you and even though I know
Speaker 1: that thing's going to happen, but your journey to get
Speaker 1: there right?
Speaker 3: And also almost would you look back and say, were
Speaker 3: there some good things about waiting?
Speaker 2: The best thing that ever happened to me? Because what
Speaker 2: I did is I packed up and I moved to
Speaker 2: Seattle and I just moved back to New Jersey. But
Speaker 2: I lived in the Pacific Northwest for thirty years, and
Speaker 2: I do not think I would have done that right.
Speaker 2: But this is whole part of the journey.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I was coaching a mom the other day and this
Speaker 2: is a short story. We can talk about it more.
Speaker 2: And she said, I don't know what to do. Like
Speaker 2: what happened, She said, my daughter will not apply to
Speaker 2: any of the school except the school that Caitlyn Clark
Speaker 2: went to. Caitlyn Clark is women's basketball icon. Almost everybody
Speaker 2: knows her. If you don't follow the sport. My daughter
Speaker 2: wants to go to Kitlin Clerk school. I said, Okay,
Speaker 2: I don't want my daughter to go to Caitlin Clark school.
Speaker 2: My daughter doesn't play basketball. I said, okay, did you
Speaker 2: find out why she wants to go to that school? Yeah,
Speaker 2: She's given me some This is mom's word, Kaka Maimie's
Speaker 2: story about the excellence and what Caitlin Clark accomplished at
Speaker 2: this school. And I want to be in that energy.
Speaker 2: Mom is not thinking energy. Mom's thinking you don't live
Speaker 2: in that state. How much is it going to cost?
Speaker 2: You don't play basketball, but you want to somehow go
Speaker 2: and stand on the court at Caitlin Clark. You know,
Speaker 2: we have to have a patience of the heart to
Speaker 2: our children, our bosses. They aren't always going to give
Speaker 2: us what we want when we wanted their universe. But
Speaker 2: I got to tell you now the key for me
Speaker 2: and I want to hear your closing message. You know
Speaker 2: what the difference in my life is. And I pulled
Speaker 2: this out and I read it to Linda this morning.
Speaker 2: What gives me a shift is my big book and
Speaker 2: reminds me that I have turned I turn over twenty
Speaker 2: to thirty things a day to the God of my understanding,
Speaker 2: and I say, God of my understanding that's in the
Speaker 2: big book. It doesn't matter who you pick. You can
Speaker 2: pick the goddess you can pick isis. Whoever you pick
Speaker 2: doesn't matter. You can call it the universe or the grass.
Speaker 2: But twenty to twenty five times a day I'm doing
Speaker 2: that and then I'm saying thank you, because we have
Speaker 2: to trust in something outside of ourselves. What a great topic.
Speaker 2: What do you think about that? What's your message for today?
Speaker 1: Carrie?
Speaker 3: Yes, that's so beautiful trusting in the process because it's
Speaker 3: a process, right, and the things we can't see, and
Speaker 3: but the process.
Speaker 1: Is life, right, and the progress isn't always measurable. So
Speaker 1: bringing that to light to be like, yes, in a
Speaker 1: world that says, here's the mom's financial considerations with her
Speaker 1: daughter wanting to go to school, and here's the daughter's dream, right,
Speaker 1: and then here's the like and where do we find
Speaker 1: the journey that's going to get us one place or another?
Speaker 1: Because that thought might lead her someone which might leader
Speaker 1: somewhere else. But it's a process. And that's why I
Speaker 1: think is like making sure we understand and remember. We
Speaker 1: can understand, but sometimes we forget. So that's why I
Speaker 1: would say, not only understand it. But then remember, especially
Speaker 1: in times like when I'm looking at my cocoa thing
Speaker 1: five months and they like, yes, five months, or you'd
Speaker 1: be like, I'll be done with my my surgery in
Speaker 1: the month, right, whatever we say.
Speaker 3: And then I wrote this out because I want to
Speaker 3: be able to say my closing message. I wanted to
Speaker 3: like the definition of patients. I wanted to change it
Speaker 3: a little bit from the first thing. What if it's
Speaker 3: the ability to trust that something is happening even when
Speaker 3: we can't see it. So what if we redefined patients
Speaker 3: to be like the ability to trust something is happening
Speaker 3: when we can't see it, or saying healing is occurring
Speaker 3: before my pain is even gone, but I'm healing, I'm
Speaker 3: in process, or like growth is happening before I feel
Speaker 3: confident that I've achieved my goal, but I'm still growing
Speaker 3: right like and don't forget the little seed is doing
Speaker 3: something right, including us as the scene metaphor. And then
Speaker 3: maybe too like trust in the fact that before I
Speaker 3: have evidence to prove something, I could also just know
Speaker 3: something like the evidence might.
Speaker 1: Be inside us.
Speaker 3: First, if we take the moment to think that I'm
Speaker 3: gonna get out of my hurry up, rush, get it done,
Speaker 3: goal achievement culture, and I'm gonna be like what my
Speaker 3: evidence might be how I feel about something.
Speaker 1: My evidence might be how I've shifted somehow, like what's
Speaker 1: the idea of that?
Speaker 3: And then I think to like, if we think about
Speaker 3: what's meaningful, really, a lot of those things happened before
Speaker 3: we can see them, Like we don't.
Speaker 1: Get we don't get married and then express our love.
Speaker 1: We fall in love and get married, right like, but
Speaker 1: it happened something, and that's why the things we rush
Speaker 1: like aren't really the things that matter the most. And
Speaker 1: we think what really matters the cultivate like your relationship
Speaker 1: with g Linda, friendship over years, right, my marriage to
Speaker 1: Joe twenty years of marriage and then sixteen years of day.
Speaker 1: All the things like that can't be rush. It just
Speaker 1: has to be what it is. Raising children. You're raised
Speaker 1: that it takes time to do that, right like things
Speaker 1: that I life, that we want to achieve, and even
Speaker 1: if I put it back to my back, thing like okay,
Speaker 1: it took five months, but here I am so like,
Speaker 1: don't be so sad all the time. Now, I'm kind
Speaker 1: of proud of myself, right like I switched from like
Speaker 1: that like oh no, it's like okay, right, and so
Speaker 1: like do that inner work so then motorwork can reflect
Speaker 1: it the inner work first and then the outer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Carrie, thank you for this. I want to say
Speaker 2: two things to people. First of all, Carrie's work is
Speaker 2: also the emotional side of it, and there is an
Speaker 2: emotional side. I mentioned my knee surgeries. I got two
Speaker 2: brand new knees. They were perfectly done six months after
Speaker 2: I was done. But it wasn't until last week did
Speaker 2: I stop playing with knee braces on. Why Because I
Speaker 2: didn't trust, I didn't believe. Now that's significant. I took
Speaker 2: them off and I haven't put them on since. See,
Speaker 2: it's also what you talked about, because there's emotional side
Speaker 2: to this, and Carrie Knutson is an expert. Go to
Speaker 2: canuteson speaks dot com. That's the part of this, the
Speaker 2: emotional side. That's where we all need help. Carrie. Thank
Speaker 2: you for a great show.
Speaker 1: Oh thanks doctor Patton. Thanks everyone for listening.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear where Andy actually goes all right,
Speaker 2: find out, Oh my god, I can't wait to find out.
Speaker 2: Thank you all for tuning us in turning us on
Speaker 2: We'll see you next time.
Speaker 1: You have been listening to Get Big Out Loud Radio,
Speaker 1: where we explore the complex, funny and beautiful ride of
Speaker 1: life with me Carrie Knutson, joining Doctor Pat live every
Speaker 1: second Monday at ten am Pacific on Transformation Talk Radio
Speaker 1: dot com. I will help you to know which your
Speaker 1: thoughts are keeping you small in order for you to
Speaker 1: get big, Get big and live your life out loud.
Speaker 1: For more information, visit canutsand Speaks dot com