WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:04.080 Welcome to Get Big Out Loud Radio, where we explored 2 00:00:04.160 --> 00:00:08.240 living the complex, funny and beautiful ride of life with 3 00:00:08.359 --> 00:00:12.599 me Carrie Knutson and Doctor Pat on Transformation Talk radio 4 00:00:12.759 --> 00:00:16.640 dot com. Are your thoughts keeping you small? Are you 5 00:00:16.719 --> 00:00:20.000 ready to get big? I will offer you ideas to 6 00:00:20.079 --> 00:00:24.679 transform what you are thinking into conscious action. Explore what 7 00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:27.679 is keeping you small and how to shift your behaviors 8 00:00:27.719 --> 00:00:31.559 in order to get big. Learn what is possible for you. 9 00:00:33.000 --> 00:00:35.560 Get ready to get big and live life out loud. 10 00:00:35.719 --> 00:00:42.280 Starting now, we have got a great show. I'm doctor Patt. 11 00:00:42.280 --> 00:00:44.920 I get to join the most incredible Carry Knutson on 12 00:00:45.000 --> 00:00:48.479 this show, her amazing show, her long running hit show. 13 00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:54.960 Today's topic is so on point. When Carrie picks a topic, 14 00:00:55.799 --> 00:01:00.000 I'm always like, o MG. She had to be here 15 00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:02.479 with me, She had to be here with me over 16 00:01:02.479 --> 00:01:05.120 the weekend, a little bit last week. This is the 17 00:01:05.159 --> 00:01:07.920 topic that I know most of you are going to 18 00:01:07.959 --> 00:01:14.599 be like, really, yeah, the things we can't rush. You 19 00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:18.239 got that, The things we can't rush. So what's doctor 20 00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:23.680 Patt's number one thing? Grandma is two day old amazing 21 00:01:24.680 --> 00:01:28.879 meet spaghetti sauce. You cannot crush. You cannot rush that. 22 00:01:29.640 --> 00:01:32.400 If you rush it, you don't get Grandma sauce. You 23 00:01:32.439 --> 00:01:35.959 get some version of sauce that doesn't really have any 24 00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:40.400 of the elements, the smoothness to taste. My friend would 25 00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:44.200 tell me, you can't rush a good bourbon, but I 26 00:01:44.200 --> 00:01:47.040 don't drink, so I don't know about that. Today, you're 27 00:01:47.120 --> 00:01:50.400 gonna hear what carry canuts and talks about. This is 28 00:01:50.400 --> 00:01:53.560 a culture where we value speed, not even little speed 29 00:01:53.599 --> 00:01:56.400 like mega speed you know, you ever you ever notice 30 00:01:56.480 --> 00:01:59.200 is carried like we're now in a culture where if 31 00:01:59.239 --> 00:02:02.159 we have to wait three seconds for the TV channel today, 32 00:02:02.200 --> 00:02:06.439 we're calling the TV provider like you hit the remote 33 00:02:06.519 --> 00:02:08.479 right right, Well. 34 00:02:08.520 --> 00:02:10.759 Most people don't know what time before remotes when you 35 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:13.400 actually had to physically get up and turn the channel, 36 00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:17.120 you know, like there was a time not that long 37 00:02:17.159 --> 00:02:19.800 ago when you just got up to turn it. Yeah, 38 00:02:19.840 --> 00:02:21.800 And that's why when we talk about the things you 39 00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:24.840 can't rush, there's so many things in our life we 40 00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:25.680 know we can't rush. 41 00:02:25.719 --> 00:02:29.719 But then the counter argument is like of society is 42 00:02:29.800 --> 00:02:32.800 like hurry up, and we're kind of our tension stands 43 00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:35.400 are getting you know, shorter, and that idea of like 44 00:02:35.439 --> 00:02:38.159 we can't even wait the three seconds to turn something. 45 00:02:38.199 --> 00:02:40.759 It's it's real, right. So that's the good part about 46 00:02:40.759 --> 00:02:43.039 talking of things today is there are some things we 47 00:02:43.240 --> 00:02:47.520 just can't rush and what is the value in bringing 48 00:02:47.560 --> 00:02:48.680 some consciousness to. 49 00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:50.879 Why is it hard to be patient for those things? 50 00:02:51.159 --> 00:02:53.120 Like you know, the two day, you know that saus 51 00:02:53.120 --> 00:02:55.159 you're gonna taste that your gonna is gonna taste so good. 52 00:02:55.479 --> 00:02:57.199 But in the time it takes to make it, some 53 00:02:57.240 --> 00:02:58.919 other things pop into your head about I could just 54 00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:00.960 do this easier, open it can and ragou and there's be. 55 00:03:01.000 --> 00:03:03.520 Done with it, you know, because I have done that. 56 00:03:03.800 --> 00:03:07.039 I have done that sy because I'm busy, right, And 57 00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:09.439 so that's what I wanted to bring up today because 58 00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:12.800 I do think it's important to like analyze a little 59 00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:15.919 bit about the culture messages that we get versus what 60 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:19.280 is helpful to us internally. And the whole goal of 61 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:21.759 the show is like, can we just become conscious of 62 00:03:21.800 --> 00:03:26.280 some ideas so then we can counter them without just 63 00:03:26.280 --> 00:03:27.719 being pushed by them. 64 00:03:27.599 --> 00:03:30.639 Like you do I really need, you know, to Can 65 00:03:30.719 --> 00:03:33.080 I have some patience? And what does patients mean anyway? Right? 66 00:03:33.159 --> 00:03:35.520 When you think about patience, Like, so I wanted to 67 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:38.759 explore some of those topics today, like what we can 68 00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:40.800 and can't rush? What does patience really mean? 69 00:03:41.159 --> 00:03:43.560 Because well, tell me what patience is because most people 70 00:03:43.639 --> 00:03:46.360 don't understand it. I actually have to look up tenacity 71 00:03:46.439 --> 00:03:49.039 for an episode I'm doing, but people don't understand what 72 00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:53.080 patients or patients probably mean. Now with Grandma's sauce, you 73 00:03:53.120 --> 00:03:57.840 couldn't leave it. It's not a crop pop project, you understand. 74 00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:00.719 So that meant for two days you and not leaving 75 00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:03.680 the house, you understand. So what does patients mean? 76 00:04:04.199 --> 00:04:06.080 Well, I looked up because I wanted to counter it 77 00:04:06.120 --> 00:04:08.280 with like the definition, so I'm just gonna look. Yeah, 78 00:04:09.319 --> 00:04:12.280 the ability to this is go into Websters by the way, Okay, 79 00:04:13.080 --> 00:04:15.919 the ability to accept obstacles, delays. 80 00:04:15.479 --> 00:04:20.279 And adversity in a calm, self possessed, and uncomplaining manner. 81 00:04:20.680 --> 00:04:22.079 And when I read that, I'm like, oh, it's very 82 00:04:22.120 --> 00:04:24.720 hard to be calm self possessor when you're trying to 83 00:04:24.759 --> 00:04:25.240 be patient. 84 00:04:25.560 --> 00:04:28.959 And it sounds straightforward, right, but when you practice, when 85 00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:30.959 you try to practice it, but when's. 86 00:04:30.759 --> 00:04:32.560 The last time you're like, oh, I'm having a problem. 87 00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:36.199 Look at me being calm or self possessed or uncomplaining. 88 00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:39.959 We're kind of primed to do the opposite, and so 89 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:42.839 I want to first of all, like why well, because 90 00:04:43.160 --> 00:04:46.519 sometimes in a world that says go faster, do more, 91 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:48.399 it should have been done yesterday, give one hundred and 92 00:04:48.439 --> 00:04:51.519 ten percent. And if you're trying to be patient or 93 00:04:51.560 --> 00:04:54.800 live in the moment or take a beat, it's almost 94 00:04:54.839 --> 00:04:57.319 antithical to the pressure of society. 95 00:04:57.319 --> 00:04:59.759 So it's like, what's wrong with you that you're not, 96 00:05:01.079 --> 00:05:03.720 you know, responding like with what's next? Or hurry up? 97 00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:06.040 Or like even have you noticed like if someone like 98 00:05:06.079 --> 00:05:09.120 it is like on the way to I have this goal, 99 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:12.000 did you reach it or not? And it's it becomes 100 00:05:12.120 --> 00:05:14.959 very much like yes, no, good, bad, I did or 101 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:17.639 I didn't. And that's why it's hard to be patient too, 102 00:05:17.639 --> 00:05:22.199 because you want the end result, you know, to show itself. 103 00:05:22.279 --> 00:05:24.519 And so that's hard to in a society that like 104 00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:27.600 what's the end result? How did you get there? Not 105 00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:30.680 like how was the journey for you? No one ever said, 106 00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:32.040 like on the way to go, how was that journey 107 00:05:32.040 --> 00:05:33.399 for you along the. 108 00:05:33.360 --> 00:05:38.839 Way, And so focus on, you know, what what happened, 109 00:05:38.839 --> 00:05:39.560 what was the outcome? 110 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:42.879 How quickly could you do it? Because efficiency has become 111 00:05:42.920 --> 00:05:43.800 another thing in our. 112 00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:48.519 Society like be efficient, Like don't just drive somewhere, drive 113 00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:50.879 and be listening to a podcast, or like drive me 114 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:53.480 listen to your voice messages, or like have your book 115 00:05:53.480 --> 00:05:55.959 on tap so you can drive and listen, or like don't. 116 00:05:55.800 --> 00:05:59.079 Just make like a couple trips in after the grocery store, 117 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:01.120 like you better get it all in one trip. We 118 00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:02.800 got to be efficient. 119 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:07.639 And sometimes you're like why can't I take three trips 120 00:06:07.639 --> 00:06:10.040 in from the car, Like why can't I just drive 121 00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:13.040 somewhere and drive or just call somebody on the phone, 122 00:06:13.720 --> 00:06:16.360 not while driving and just call and just talk and like. 123 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:18.079 Like what is this? You know? 124 00:06:18.199 --> 00:06:19.839 Drive? And I really think we have to look at 125 00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:25.759 society's idea of what it means to be productive, also 126 00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:30.680 how we're driven towards producing things and doing things, And 127 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:32.639 then that leads to us also saying like if you 128 00:06:32.639 --> 00:06:38.000 meet somebody, sometimes how are you doing? If I'm busyda 129 00:06:38.120 --> 00:06:42.959 has become a feeling, an identity, sometimes a badge of honor. 130 00:06:42.839 --> 00:06:44.480 Like look at me, I'm so busy. It was a busy. 131 00:06:45.000 --> 00:06:47.560 And sometimes if you want to one up somebody go, oh, yeah, 132 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:49.839 I know, I'm crazy busy, like and then we're all 133 00:06:49.879 --> 00:06:52.639 busy so then it's all okay. But if you just said, like, 134 00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:56.439 I'm what if you're not busy, then I do have 135 00:06:56.639 --> 00:06:59.839 worse are you? Are you okay? Like? But we right 136 00:07:00.519 --> 00:07:03.720 push that up on a pedestal, Well, look. 137 00:07:03.560 --> 00:07:05.920 At you're absolutely You know what, when I talk to 138 00:07:05.959 --> 00:07:08.160 our clients. We have a number of amazing hosts on 139 00:07:08.199 --> 00:07:10.839 the network, and I do meetings with them, but I 140 00:07:10.920 --> 00:07:14.000 will get these text messages I know you're really busy. 141 00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:17.120 I have never said I'm busy. I don't even use 142 00:07:17.160 --> 00:07:20.959 that word. Okay, you understand. I don't because I don't 143 00:07:21.000 --> 00:07:23.120 want to be busy. I want to be in harmony. 144 00:07:23.240 --> 00:07:25.720 I want to be in flow. But I'm shocked about 145 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:29.120 how many people think I'm too busy to talk with them. 146 00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:32.399 And so I thought about that, and I thought, Okay, 147 00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:35.240 even if I don't say the word, am I demonstrating 148 00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:37.680 that I'm too busy? Am I doing something? But then 149 00:07:37.759 --> 00:07:41.160 the sanity check was no, I'm not. So what happens 150 00:07:41.240 --> 00:07:43.000 is I think about that and then I think, oh 151 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:45.360 my gosh, they must be too busy. Now we're into 152 00:07:45.399 --> 00:07:48.040 a conversation and a story we just made up about 153 00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:50.199 everybody in the world being too busy. And none of 154 00:07:50.199 --> 00:07:50.800 it's true. 155 00:07:51.319 --> 00:07:53.920 Yeah yeah, but then also that's like to what if 156 00:07:53.959 --> 00:07:55.759 you didn't say you were busy, then like, what's wrong 157 00:07:55.839 --> 00:07:57.920 with you? Because everyone else I got, yeah, you know, 158 00:07:58.120 --> 00:07:59.120 like I'm busy. 159 00:07:59.399 --> 00:08:02.360 But yeah, we're But then at the same time find 160 00:08:02.439 --> 00:08:05.839 time for yourself, like the whole take care of yourself thing. 161 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:08.720 But not really right because the rest of us are busy. 162 00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:11.199 And I think it's hard for some of us to 163 00:08:11.399 --> 00:08:17.480 just to see that busyness is different from like progress 164 00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:21.560 or actual movement. And sometimes we mistake that our busyness 165 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:24.399 for making progress and we're just busy doing things, but 166 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:28.319 are we making progress? Really, it's harder to see. 167 00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:30.759 That, And I think we have to identify the cultural 168 00:08:31.279 --> 00:08:35.399 norms first, which make us feel like I should have 169 00:08:35.480 --> 00:08:37.799 done that yesterday, I have got to hurry up, I've 170 00:08:37.840 --> 00:08:39.600 got to be busy. 171 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:41.360 Getting like even for rest. 172 00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:45.600 Sometimes I think about like the idea of like when 173 00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:47.919 you need to rest or your body needs to stop 174 00:08:48.039 --> 00:08:52.039 or you need to sleep, like that that's not productive time, 175 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:55.480 but like is it because your body needs that, But 176 00:08:55.519 --> 00:08:58.759 we don't sometimes categorize that like, oh I'll figure it out, 177 00:08:58.799 --> 00:09:01.720 they'll sleep later. I used to think like oh God, 178 00:09:01.759 --> 00:09:03.320 you can sleep when you're dead. Why why do we 179 00:09:03.399 --> 00:09:03.840 need it now? 180 00:09:03.879 --> 00:09:05.559 Like I used to have to like really like go 181 00:09:05.559 --> 00:09:08.320 go go, And we have to counter that like is 182 00:09:08.360 --> 00:09:12.080 it productive to stop and rest? Is that still productive? Yes? 183 00:09:12.120 --> 00:09:14.399 Because your body needs that, like, but it doesn't look 184 00:09:14.480 --> 00:09:17.759 like you're doing something, And again countering these messages of 185 00:09:17.799 --> 00:09:19.600 like what is. 186 00:09:19.519 --> 00:09:23.919 My busyness about? Versus what I'm working on? Is am 187 00:09:23.919 --> 00:09:26.440 I making progress? And can you? Can you look at 188 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:29.600 the duality too, of the like all or nothingness or 189 00:09:29.639 --> 00:09:34.120 the fact that I do feel like the idea of 190 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:40.279 having patients is is almost antithical to most messaging that 191 00:09:40.320 --> 00:09:42.399 we're getting, Like when you make a goal, what are 192 00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:42.960 your smarkles? 193 00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:44.639 Can you measure it? Can you see it? Can you 194 00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:46.960 tell all the things? And smartles? Which I just get 195 00:09:47.000 --> 00:09:49.320 to the s like part and then I'm like, what 196 00:09:49.399 --> 00:09:50.559 is that? You know what I mean? 197 00:09:51.799 --> 00:09:54.759 We try to like can we even in our lives, 198 00:09:54.759 --> 00:09:57.840 like trying to categorize things and measure them, and like 199 00:09:58.039 --> 00:09:59.799 every I don't have money these but you know the 200 00:10:00.279 --> 00:10:03.879 that can measure like your steps and your sleep and. 201 00:10:03.960 --> 00:10:06.320 Your heart beat and they can remind you to stand 202 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:07.960 up and they can like so you can have a 203 00:10:08.000 --> 00:10:11.080 lot of measurements of all kinds of things. We can 204 00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:13.759 measure so many, so many things like and you can 205 00:10:13.799 --> 00:10:15.679 look at your workout, how long you worked out, what 206 00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:18.759 your heart rate was, how many mileage you want, whatever. 207 00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:22.039 But then so those are measurable, and we really like 208 00:10:22.159 --> 00:10:26.000 measurements because it's tangible. Then what up? How can I 209 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:30.399 measure my healing progress? How do I measure trust being 210 00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.200 built in a relationship? How do I measure if I've 211 00:10:33.240 --> 00:10:36.879 gained some wisdom, like see how hard it is to 212 00:10:36.919 --> 00:10:38.799 be like And then our brain's like, well, these are 213 00:10:38.799 --> 00:10:41.559 facts and these are tangible. So then we lean towards 214 00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:44.279 that because we like to measure things. 215 00:10:44.320 --> 00:10:49.679 We like tangible, you know, acknowledgement of see what I did, 216 00:10:49.759 --> 00:10:53.240 see what I did, And that I think comes not 217 00:10:53.279 --> 00:10:55.639 only from society, but from the human need to like 218 00:10:55.759 --> 00:11:00.480 show other people, to get some recognition that if other 219 00:11:00.559 --> 00:11:03.639 people see my growth or I have something to show 220 00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:06.039 for what I did, I have something to show for 221 00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:08.679 it seeing what I can Here's and and I think 222 00:11:08.679 --> 00:11:13.080 it's that has its place, but it's it's to me, 223 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:13.639 it's at. 224 00:11:13.480 --> 00:11:17.399 The expense of all of this other kind of growth 225 00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:20.879 over here that we miss out on if we're so 226 00:11:20.919 --> 00:11:22.240 focused on this, we miss it on that. 227 00:11:22.279 --> 00:11:25.159 And then and then I'll say this too, like feeling 228 00:11:25.200 --> 00:11:27.879 like a failure. I didn't reach my goal, so I failed, 229 00:11:27.879 --> 00:11:31.440 But you're like, did you do somethings chargeable? But maybe 230 00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:34.080 you learned something in that, because it's again it's that 231 00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:36.080 all or nothing. I either got my goal or I didn't. 232 00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:39.039 I either succeeded or I failed, either got my time 233 00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:42.279 or I didn't whatever thing. So then we're left with 234 00:11:42.279 --> 00:11:43.159 a lot of people. 235 00:11:42.919 --> 00:11:46.679 Feeling like failures instead of being able to say, well, what, 236 00:11:46.759 --> 00:11:49.279 let's talk about what you learned along the journey or 237 00:11:49.279 --> 00:11:50.440 that you're learning, or like, is. 238 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:53.879 The end goal the really goal is? Or is it 239 00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:56.799 the tangible thing that you want to show people like? 240 00:11:57.120 --> 00:11:59.679 So I think that's worth exploring a bit in our 241 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:06.279 own psychology. Becoor identity doesn't get wrapped up in achievement, right, 242 00:12:06.320 --> 00:12:10.720 it's more wrapped up and am I making progress? Versus 243 00:12:10.720 --> 00:12:13.759 did I achieve all those things with my smart gooles? 244 00:12:16.159 --> 00:12:18.919 I never could remember what the es and smart Goldsmith. 245 00:12:19.480 --> 00:12:22.799 I mean, I think it's interesting because let's talk about 246 00:12:22.840 --> 00:12:24.919 two things that you brought up and I want to 247 00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:30.080 make a distinction between busy and rushing, busy and rushing 248 00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:34.759 because people don't put those two together. They are two 249 00:12:34.759 --> 00:12:37.840 piece in a pod. They are two strange fella They 250 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:41.320 are two strange bedfellows. And what do I mean by that? 251 00:12:41.519 --> 00:12:44.720 If somebody is in that busy busy busy energy? Can 252 00:12:44.799 --> 00:12:48.919 I call it energy for the moment? Right? Energy? Okay, 253 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:51.720 let me ask you a question. Have you ever watched 254 00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:56.559 window people put window in windows in high rise buildings. 255 00:12:56.519 --> 00:12:58.799 When they're strapped into all that climbing gear. 256 00:12:59.559 --> 00:13:03.960 Busy is not something you find right. And it's really 257 00:13:04.039 --> 00:13:07.159 interesting how it shows up in language because part of 258 00:13:07.159 --> 00:13:09.240 this you mentioned about healing, and I want to mention 259 00:13:09.360 --> 00:13:13.159 something about healing. You know, look, I've gone through a 260 00:13:13.159 --> 00:13:15.679 healing journey. You've gone through it. Mine was ten years 261 00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:20.960 because it's not very easy if you use holistic medicine. 262 00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:22.960 And I had to use it because nobody else could 263 00:13:23.000 --> 00:13:24.919 figure out what's going on with me. That was my 264 00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:30.200 last option to healing, to feeling healthy. And I remember 265 00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:33.960 going into doctor Darbish's office my natural path the first time, right, 266 00:13:34.000 --> 00:13:35.320 And I go in and I bring her all my 267 00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:38.159 stuff and she does her magic and he says, well, 268 00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:40.799 the good news is you don't have this, and then 269 00:13:40.840 --> 00:13:47.039 she says, well, the other news is more to be revealed. 270 00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:53.159 And I looked at doctor Darbish like what what okay? 271 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:57.320 And I'm waiting for the more like in that first visit, 272 00:13:57.960 --> 00:13:59.759 and then I walk out, just like I did the 273 00:13:59.759 --> 00:14:03.600 first time I met with my therapist in nineteen nine eighty. 274 00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:08.279 I don't know what and I said, okay, we're done now, right, okay. 275 00:14:08.639 --> 00:14:12.320 So that's that is the way we think about things though, right, 276 00:14:12.799 --> 00:14:18.120 It's like therapy, we're done yet, doctor Darvish, Are my fixed? 277 00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:20.279 If I am? 278 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:21.840 I fixed? Am I done? Is it? 279 00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:22.039 Oh? 280 00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:24.879 I fixed? Am I done? Yeah? Yeah? 281 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:28.320 But to you the point, tell me what to do 282 00:14:29.080 --> 00:14:30.759 and then I'll do it, and then I'll be done. 283 00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:34.440 And sometimes that whole idea of like more to be revealed, 284 00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:36.120 that's a beautiful way to say it, like well you've 285 00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:40.120 got to start sometimes and then the next thing will come. 286 00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:43.279 But like notice again, in our in our psyche's almost 287 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:44.840 like okay, we're done here, Like I said, the thing 288 00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:45.399 I've done. 289 00:14:45.320 --> 00:14:48.759 Like some things can't be rushed, but we are inclined 290 00:14:49.720 --> 00:14:52.480 to rush them. And I feel like I think for me, 291 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:56.279 it's interesting kind of like you, I'm I notice if 292 00:14:56.279 --> 00:15:00.600 it's if, if I'm unchecked, I'm I'm not there FAI like, 293 00:15:00.679 --> 00:15:01.960 I want to do the next thing? 294 00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:03.519 And what sex I want to go? What sex on 295 00:15:03.559 --> 00:15:05.039 the schedule? What's next on the thing? What are we 296 00:15:05.080 --> 00:15:06.360 doing next? What do we finish? 297 00:15:06.559 --> 00:15:10.919 And I took a test, an assessment that a test, 298 00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:15.600 an assessment for emotional intelligence a few years back, and 299 00:15:15.639 --> 00:15:17.360 one of the things that came up that I was 300 00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:19.360 lower on was impulse control. 301 00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:22.120 And I was offended at first. I'm like, impulse control, 302 00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:23.320 I have impulse control. 303 00:15:23.559 --> 00:15:24.879 I totally do. And then I was like, what does 304 00:15:24.879 --> 00:15:25.360 that even mean? 305 00:15:25.399 --> 00:15:27.720 And I'm looking it up feeling like I failed because 306 00:15:27.720 --> 00:15:30.320 I got it. And this also is not a it's 307 00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:33.320 an assessment of like you can't fail the assessment. It's 308 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:36.720 just insight, right, it's not like good or bad. But 309 00:15:36.840 --> 00:15:39.480 I took it immediately and I even study this, right, 310 00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:42.240 But here's my humanness coming out. I'm like low one 311 00:15:42.399 --> 00:15:44.399 impulse control. And then I got all angry about it 312 00:15:44.440 --> 00:15:45.960 because I have. And then I tried to prove to 313 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:47.919 myself I do have inPulse control because I didn't want 314 00:15:47.919 --> 00:15:50.679 to fail the assessment. And then I had to laugh 315 00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:53.840 about I don't know, like twenty minutes later to see 316 00:15:53.879 --> 00:15:56.360 my initial reaction. Then I was laughing at myself to 317 00:15:56.399 --> 00:15:57.799 be like, you're. 318 00:15:57.600 --> 00:16:02.279 Not you don't have actually great false control you that's 319 00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:05.120 another word for patients. And this is really great insight 320 00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:08.240 because you could use someone, which is why you want 321 00:16:08.279 --> 00:16:10.399 to take this assessment in the first place, because I 322 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:13.320 work on everything with emotional intelligence and I don't know 323 00:16:13.600 --> 00:16:16.399 myself what am I doing teaching it, you know. But 324 00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:20.679 it was a laughable moment for me because impulse control 325 00:16:20.840 --> 00:16:24.279 connected to patients, connected to waiting connected, and I was like, 326 00:16:24.600 --> 00:16:27.600 I have to work on that. It's not my default 327 00:16:28.440 --> 00:16:28.960 to be patient. 328 00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:31.720 Then I live in this culture which kind of goes 329 00:16:31.759 --> 00:16:34.600 with my default the faster, more go, hurry up, and 330 00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:38.200 I have to consciously be like, slow down, take a 331 00:16:38.279 --> 00:16:40.399 be take a breath. 332 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:43.440 Maybe don't solve this today, Maybe timelin like I have 333 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:46.919 to really go to another place to do that. But 334 00:16:47.000 --> 00:16:48.840 I just I think it'd be funny for listeners in 335 00:16:48.879 --> 00:16:50.840 their own life to notice in what places where you like, 336 00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:54.639 think you have patience, but you you don't write or 337 00:16:54.679 --> 00:16:58.480 like or like. For me, impulse control on my evaluation 338 00:16:58.759 --> 00:17:03.679 assessment and like thinking like why don't I have impulse control? 339 00:17:03.720 --> 00:17:06.200 Because I want to make things happen, and so I 340 00:17:06.279 --> 00:17:08.359 just think it's a good moment for all of us. 341 00:17:08.440 --> 00:17:10.160 Even if you look at your own life. Your two 342 00:17:10.200 --> 00:17:13.160 examples are perfect. Are we done here? To wrap it up? 343 00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:17.240 And then like, this is a process, you know that 344 00:17:17.279 --> 00:17:18.160 you can laugh about it. 345 00:17:18.039 --> 00:17:21.039 It is good too, because these are human foibles, are 346 00:17:21.160 --> 00:17:22.079 a human condition. 347 00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:24.680 This is, you know, how we show up in the world. 348 00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:27.960 And if you can acknowledge it with some love and 349 00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:31.880 some compassion for yourself instead of judgment, that's where like 350 00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:34.839 now I can say like I'm working on impulse control, 351 00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:37.960 but without like and I'm horrible because I don't have it, 352 00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:39.839 versus like, this is something I'm working on. 353 00:17:40.680 --> 00:17:42.680 Yeah, but you see what we're talking about to cover 354 00:17:42.720 --> 00:17:44.480 a few things, I want to cover some of the 355 00:17:44.519 --> 00:17:46.880 things that you've out wanted to talk about today. But 356 00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:50.119 it's really kind of laughable. We have to laugh at ourselves. 357 00:17:50.200 --> 00:17:53.680 I remember going to doctor Jeane Houston, who recently passed 358 00:17:53.720 --> 00:17:56.799 away and we are going to miss her. But I 359 00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:59.960 also studied at the first Webshop, a workshop she did 360 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:01.880 on leadership. I was one of the first to be 361 00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:05.960 in the first workshop. She did ten days, right, And 362 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:09.200 all of a sudden, I'm like, really ten days, it 363 00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:12.759 takes ten days, you could see, right. So I get 364 00:18:12.799 --> 00:18:15.319 there and I got to work with the most amazing 365 00:18:15.359 --> 00:18:18.640 woman who actually left this planet way too soon. Doctor 366 00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:24.839 angelis Aarian, and I remember being a private conversation. We 367 00:18:24.920 --> 00:18:27.440 got to work with people privately, and I just wanted 368 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:28.880 to work with her. And you know what she gave 369 00:18:28.920 --> 00:18:33.119 me to do. And I misunderstood the task. Why because 370 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:37.000 patience also goes to listening, doesn't it You have to 371 00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:41.599 put the patients to listen. So she said something like, 372 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:43.839 I have an assignment for you. I want you to 373 00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:46.920 literally watch grass grow. I want you to watch grass grow. 374 00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:49.759 I want you you know, but she was using it metaphorically. 375 00:18:50.920 --> 00:18:53.000 So what do I do. I go out to the 376 00:18:53.000 --> 00:18:57.640 workshop and for a month I watched a grass grow 377 00:18:58.039 --> 00:19:00.519 and I was so obsessed about it that I dug 378 00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:02.759 up the Patrick I had the Patrick grass and I 379 00:19:02.759 --> 00:19:05.440 would not cut around it so I could watch it grow. 380 00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:08.160 Because I thought you, I watched it grow for an 381 00:19:08.200 --> 00:19:10.759 hour a day. I would go out and watch it grow. Now, 382 00:19:11.599 --> 00:19:15.920 clearly she laughed her butt off that wasn't the assignment, 383 00:19:15.960 --> 00:19:19.400 but it really was. What did that tell me about? 384 00:19:19.799 --> 00:19:22.400 First of all, let me know I could actually spend 385 00:19:22.400 --> 00:19:24.759 an hour, and I was really busy back then. I'm 386 00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:28.440 going to tell you I was just so busy. I 387 00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:31.640 was finishing up my doctorate. I mean busy in the 388 00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:35.200 word where my day was full. I never felt busy, 389 00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:39.400 but I took an hour and I watched the grass 390 00:19:39.400 --> 00:19:43.599 grow every day and something happened to me around that, 391 00:19:44.359 --> 00:19:47.880 and then I forgot it. So walk us through the 392 00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:51.720 important growth areas of our lives that maybe if we 393 00:19:51.759 --> 00:19:54.640 all could sit and watch grass grow for fifteen minutes, 394 00:19:54.920 --> 00:19:56.480 it may create a shift. 395 00:19:57.160 --> 00:19:58.680 But let us talk about. 396 00:19:58.359 --> 00:20:01.759 The list and what's some of the real challenging areas 397 00:20:01.799 --> 00:20:02.640 are for people. 398 00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:06.119 Yes, well, and I love your example because the whole 399 00:20:06.119 --> 00:20:08.839 thing of like literally watching grass grows, I want me 400 00:20:08.920 --> 00:20:10.359 to think of it, but all in our lives. 401 00:20:10.359 --> 00:20:12.680