Speaker 1: Conyga round dirty.
Speaker 2: Come he did the gain.
Speaker 1: He join the Questing is and charted join the icy Baast.
Six writers face off.
Speaker 3: Buy a roll of the dice felt quite dirty, leaving.
Speaker 4: Nothing behind but fingerprits and a tall taiale, stealing carts,
breaking fats with plenty.
Speaker 5: Of time to kill.
Speaker 2: And icy maasters tenisols ticing you know the camp be
tasty fasts. Come on and join the dice Baster.
Speaker 1: Hey everybody, it's Gibbie. How you doing. This is the
next episode of the Dicey Bassards.
Speaker 6: I'm M. G.
Speaker 1: Gibson, your host in Dungeon Master, authors of such books
as the Shadow Master series, the Techno Manswer series, and
many other Who do we have with me to day?
Another full house?
Speaker 6: Who would have thunk it?
Speaker 1: Let's begin with Emily Kaplan out of order because I'm
not getting yelled out again. How are you doing, tiny one?
Speaker 7: I am great, Thank you very much. I am Emily Kaplan,
E M. Kaplan, and I play Claudia the Rogue. I
also write books like the Josie Tucker Mystery series, which
you should definitely grab and read every single one.
Speaker 5: Over and over.
Speaker 1: Could you say that in your Claudia voice. Yes, all right,
back to the beginning. Robert Bevan, how are you, sir?
Speaker 3: Great? Hello friends. Robert Bevin here, author of the Coverts
and Creatures series of comedy fantasy novels and short stories.
Uh and I played the role of Juulcro the Sorcerer,
your next male or mayor sorry.
Speaker 1: And your next male Sorcerer with the I'm gonna remember
that one. Hi there, I'm Steve your next mail. Rick Walterierry,
how are you, sir?
Speaker 6: I'm doing pretty good. Hey everyone. My name is Rick
Qualterriana face Eater, the Eldridge Knight, who slaughters elf children.
Speaker 1: All night, Who's out of side? Who's dying a mi.
Speaker 6: In real life? I write several things, including the tone
of bills series Bill the Dead tells it a crypto hunter.
But my latest Time Chaser, my very first LITTERARPG adventure,
is out there right now, and damn it, you better
all be reading it or else.
Speaker 1: He knows where you live, you know, every time you
buy one, he already has your addresses, so he's coming
for you, sir.
Speaker 2: I am good. I am playing Kubert the Expedient. He's
part horse, He's on course to win a race and
eat a face.
Speaker 1: Bustling on your territory.
Speaker 6: They're stay in your lane.
Speaker 2: It seemed like, uh, it's like the running theme. I
am Drew Rays. I'm the author of books and series,
including such as Superpowers and Villains Coulde. The list of
Witchling Reflections is available now and everything but audio again,
I'm sorry. Uh. A Decade of Death and Decisions, a fun,
spooky horr book, which is a little lot of season
by this point, but hey, why not grab? It's on
audio and everything else. And Roverpowered, the newest of which
to be coming out very shortly from here. It's my
young adult progression fantasy series, available on all formats. Check
it out.
Speaker 1: That's a mouthful. And last, but not le least, Uh,
mister Steve Weather or how are you, sir?
Speaker 4: Hi, I'm Steve. I'm playing Stan Dandy Liver. Turns out
the plan I talked about last episode pretty stupid, but
we'll see how it works in real life.
Speaker 1: I write books.
Speaker 4: I'm not just a podcast fuck boy. You can drop
in on when you want your podcasts fakes. I have
feelings and I've written books, and you can check out
those feelings and books on the internet.
Speaker 1: You podcast slack. Speaking of feelings, I'm fine, everybody, Thank
you for asking. All right, before we get into the game,
we're gonna want to take a moment to remind everybody
that if you're not part of the A and D
family thing, you are missing out. Head over to patreon
dot com slash Authors and Dragons. Check out the various
tears with all kinds of perks at just the five
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for all types of crazy shenanigans. Join us at the
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links to Tea Public for some cool merch t shirts,
all kinds of things you're gonna love, show your friends,
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We understand times or tough, so just go to your
podcast services, go to YouTube, go to any wherever you
hear us, click like, subscribe, leave comments. It helps way
more than you realize. All Right, is everybody ready to disco?
Speaker 4: Is where I really talk about my feelings? That's not
why five bucks a month.
Speaker 6: I'm really disappointed we didn't get and I will stuff
your stockings. You know.
Speaker 3: Joke there, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: We can we can fix this in post. Give us
a way ahead of the game. Man, you're here for
one reason. He's here for more than just one reason, don't.
I'm worried about you. Tell your Okay.
Speaker 3: That's fine, that's the only reason I want to be
here for.
Speaker 4: You, like your quarterback of horrible things.
Speaker 7: Wait wait, Connie, Connie, before we start, yes, ma'am, yes, yes,
Wait a minute, you're talking to my conscience.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we can all talk to each.
Speaker 6: Other right now.
Speaker 5: In my head?
Speaker 2: Why not?
Speaker 6: Sure?
Speaker 1: You fucked this up for everyone.
Speaker 2: Claudia is the deadpool of this.
Speaker 7: It is goddamn noisy in here. Hey, before we get started,
I want to clarify that I did steal things off
the sex tower table. Yes you did, Yes, Yeah, I
saw some nipple tassels and a sex paddle. So yeah, okay, thanks.
Speaker 1: I was going to bring that up, but thanks for
getting ahead of my job. All right, Hi a, greetings all.
This is a stands conscience.
Speaker 6: Connie.
Speaker 1: How are you in the last episode? Conscience? Everyone draws
throat stuff.
Speaker 4: You fucked this up for everyone.
Speaker 1: It's just confusing.
Speaker 3: Now I'll send out a telepathic oh my to the group.
Speaker 1: In the last episode of the Dicey Bastards Come Bare,
the Expeding, after changing into a monkey, ran to the
Adventurous Guild, where he ran it to the Popo, the
very people that have been chasing them down ever since
the stampede of John's Remember that great episode, Go back
and re listen. Tell your friends. After that, we jumped
over to where the other group of people were making
them the final deals with the Green Hags. Don't every
bother ask her name, but we know her as Pink
readop after stealing many, many many sex toys. Uh, that's
when Miss Claudia noticed, Oh Cobert was coming with the
actual police to their to their height out in the
sex tower that we we agreed on, the sex sex Tower.
That was what we agreed on.
Speaker 4: Definitely a sex now, yes, sext Tower.
Speaker 1: After a daring time of back and forth, we learned
that Moo's a hero somehow. It's amazing pile of bullshit.
You've convinced the police to help you and to take
down the Hags of which pick up which is an
amazing God. All right, you guys, I just better the
goddamn game.
Speaker 2: There are children who need saving, he says, stuffing dil
doos into a uh.
Speaker 8: And that's where we pick up in the I think
that full blood sigh was kind of all that stands
conscious needed to do, conveyed everything up until this point.
Speaker 1: All right, so everybody gets the the other people get
around the thing. You're gonna are you gonna hop in groups?
And on one, two, three, how you're gonna? How do
you guys want to work this?
Speaker 5: Let's all hold hands.
Speaker 1: I'm dragging you over Cobar just like if I need
you will on the map another point. So yeah, yeah, yeah,
no worries, Gibbie.
Speaker 4: I've put myself in an uncomfortable position because I don't
think this sex canon is actually going to work.
Speaker 1: But I know, like not to met a game here.
Speaker 4: There are a lot of people listening to this who
really want me to fire this sex cannon.
Speaker 6: I know they do. I know they did.
Speaker 2: It's check off sex cannon Dude's part.
Speaker 1: You have to be touching the wands to fire them.
Speaker 4: Well, that's why I've put it in the satchel so
I could put my fist in the satchel. The satchel
goes into the sack of Dildo's.
Speaker 3: Mine works the same way.
Speaker 1: Well, so what I'm what I'm what I'm hearing is okay.
So you're so you're facing them out, so you're putting
your hand in the satchel, so they're facing the back
of the satchel, right, putting your hand, you're pinting. You're
putting your hand in the cannon's mouth, aiming the wands
to the back of the cannon through another canon of Dildo's.
Speaker 4: No, I really want to explain this how this works,
because it's technically I can I've distressed one side of
the satchel. These six ones are in the satchel. I
can fit. I can go in through the mouth of
the satchel, put my hand around the six ones. Yep,
the distressed end of the sex the de satul is
now in the sack of sex toys. Yes, so I
should be able to fire this through a pile of
sex toys Yep, into the target.
Speaker 1: I think we're describing the same thing but different ways.
But yes, you will. I'm I'm cool. I think it's.
Speaker 4: Very important that we get the technical details. We have
a lot of serious listeners here who will send me
emails if we get this wrong.
Speaker 6: Do there really engineers? We want the blueprints with what
the edge of it is.
Speaker 4: We want people who like if this if the sex
canon isn't a downloadable option on the ind Beyond by
next week, and we failed as a podcast, and I
don't want it to happen. So let's let's get this
sorted right now.
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: Uh So again, it looks like only four you can
get in at a time. So who are the first
four going through? It's based on the size of this
is based on the size of the the excuse me,
the magic teleporting circle. Uh for you can go out
of time. Who are the first four going through?
Speaker 6: Well, I'm thinking the inspector. Who you heard two deputies
and one other unlucky person.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't want to look like a coward in
front of my stany she said.
Speaker 1: She says, that's a great idea, Deputy Moog. Since you
are clearly the leader of this group and the hero
who brought down the cultists of the Green Trees, you
definitely gonna go with us.
Speaker 6: Correct, of course, move Moo couldn't imagine doing anything anything else.
Speaker 4: All right, Stan is waving a dil doo ska again.
He will say, so, who wants to go in front
of me?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 3: You know there there are optics to consider. I cannot
look like a coward. I will be in the first wave.
Speaker 1: Okay, so sounds like it's gonna be moog georcerer and.
Speaker 4: Get ready for the pink fleshy way.
Speaker 1: Who's who? And who is the number? Four? Inspector Riggs
will go with you? Okay, so you four, I'm just
gonna put you here right here. Boom, boom, boom and
boom you for the first to go through. All right,
I'll put you on the other map. God this, there's
no way this can go bad. Right If we don't
make it back, it's probably a very good reason.
Speaker 3: Good bye.
Speaker 1: All right. Now, I think I do have a bucket
on this map on so we can see this. I
don't think I have Oh, I do have a team
bucket on this mapod I'll put you every The team
bucket will be over by the cocaine and I will
now bring you guys over to that map. Boom, you
are the first four through.
Speaker 3: If somebody is a bucket for their cocaine, that might ever, well.
Speaker 1: No, so no, the team buck Everybody can see that
the team bucket. So on the map side of what
you on? So uh, you guys appear to the hags layer.
It is a very large cavernis for the for the
readers at home, it is a very large cavernous elevated
platform with multiple beds and and and blankets and trinkets
and tables and stoves and all kinds of kind of stuff.
You have two sleeping hags. You guys appear poof.
Speaker 6: What do you do?
Speaker 1: Gibby?
Speaker 4: You know what I want to do, but maybe I
should give the floor over to people you are less
stupid than me.
Speaker 3: Behold my wonder.
Speaker 1: Did you say that out loud?
Speaker 3: Yes? As I'm a spell all right, and.
Speaker 1: You definitely wake the hags up?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 3: All right, I am. I don't know that I'm actually
if this works out, I don't know if I'm gonna
be running from there or not. So I'm gonna I
don't have a finished campaign speech, but I will, you know,
practice the bits I have while I fight. Okay, all right,
so I'm gonna start naturally with a web. Okay, naturally,
so that you know the the mayor looks like a
big whore. Okay, it's great outtakes, man, I'm loving the
outs you cast web cast web boom.
Speaker 1: And the dream had cast counterspell.
Speaker 3: All right, No one does that automatically work.
Speaker 1: She's casting it at level four. If you're casting a
level too, it automtically counters your web Do my pants
help with that? No, that gets you out of that.
You're ever going to get the safety pants, but I
remember the correctly. If you were ever to get like
knocked unconscious, they will actually move you right before you
fall unscious to a place of safety where you then
have to dance for the rest of your turn once per.
Speaker 3: Dath h some safety pants. All right, well, at least
all I come not to bury Caesar, but to bury
my wonder inside him.
Speaker 4: Oh no, you've been working on that the whole time,
all right, And before it sounds like something you just
say randomly, mate, to be honest, having known you a
while now, But who wants to who wants to go next? Okay,
stand's going to move over to this table here so
he's away from everybody else. Okay, and say, actually, how
about you behold my wonder? Put his fist into the
sex cannon.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's created by detonated by fisting.
Speaker 4: Of course, Operation clusterfuck is go. He's gonna wrap his
hand around all six ones and say magic missile. Okay,
Gibby is entirely up to you.
Speaker 1: Let me see.
Speaker 6: Uh. I love that.
Speaker 2: The dildo inclusion really added the fuck in cluster fuck,
really drove that off.
Speaker 4: It's funny how these things work out. Gibbie, You've got
an opportunity to make dungeons and dragons history here.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm looking at one second, sir, talking about yourself?
Why do check something out?
Speaker 4: How's everyone doing? You don't have a good time?
Speaker 6: Good?
Speaker 2: Started watching a show this week that I thought was
really funny. It's basically The Mole, but everybody thinks they're
the mole, all right, which turns a very basic reality
show into a hilarious comedy as everyone is trying to
outgame the same thing.
Speaker 4: I don't know if that sounds like a reality show,
Well just reality, Frank.
Speaker 2: Well it's called The Getaway. If anybody wants to check
it out, I'll plug that out. It's been really fun.
Speaker 1: Slash roll twelve D four plus how many dildos was it.
It was ten dildos ten. I thought that was an
additional bludgeoning damage, but they are not magical. Okay, how
else is wow?
Speaker 6: He's here?
Speaker 2: That depends on the model and who you're asking.
Speaker 1: Okay, was here? Okay, you did forty two damage in
magic missile damage? Damn yeah, I need to check something
else about the hack real fast. Which one are you
meaning up by the way, please let them be susceptible
to deal this? Which one? Which one? Were you off?
Speaker 4: The dreaming hag?
Speaker 1: I got it all right? Cool? Okay, So she took
all that force damage.
Speaker 4: So you know I played Brandon firemassid for ten years.
My fingt this is the sexiest I've ever been on
this podcast. Okay, she took that, and then I really
appreciate the level of thought you're putting into my stupid idea.
Speaker 1: No, no, you hit her hard. Now, Unfortunately they have resistances.
They have resistances to bludgeting damage. So I'm gonna I'm
gonna tack on another fifteen points of bludgeoning damage after
the after you mind us off the deals. So you
shot her? It hit her then like the flood of
didos when off her forehead. That did seem to hurt
as much, but you can definitely tell it wounded her pride.
Speaker 3: So psychic damage, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Just for the flavor and the fun of it. Stan
roll me a D one hundred. If you get set
above a seventy five percent, one's stuck in her mouth.
I'll give you twenty five percent chance, but it's I'm
going on the top end, so seventy five percent or
both the slash roll D one hundred.
Speaker 4: The worst thing about swashbucklers in D and D is
they don't get vicious mockery as a bonus action. Because
this is the perfect time for a one liner, a
devastating one liner. Okay, D one hundred, here we go.
Speaker 3: There's nothing keeping you from doing it.
Speaker 1: Bounce bounced over FOURD in her eyes, but like you know,
she's there now. They're doodles all over the bed. Okay,
so that is your turn. And there's a big hole
through the satchels and there's dicks everywhere. Okay, uh moog.
Speaker 4: It doesn't really need a one line of visually, this
is fantastic.
Speaker 6: So so move, move, move. You know it's got the hedges. Bets,
he's gonna, he's gonna basically scream up. Oh no, people
who have charmed move with spell. Don't force move to
attack innocent hags. And then we'll scream, and then we'll scream.
You ready boots and fly across and drop kick.
Speaker 1: This one not a problem, so okay, So you fly
across the room. You click your heels together, activate the
magic phrase, are you ready? Boots? The boots of walking
all over you propel you across a good sixty feet
across the space where you perform a flying drop kick
against the hag. It is an unarm attacked, but I
think it's with advantage, and I give you the stature.
So do me a favorite role the attack roll with advantage.
This is an unarmed strike all right, only at twelve
twelve does not hit. So you flew across the boots
are ready? Clearly you were not. Now you're standing in
front of the hag's bed.
Speaker 6: Okay, wow, really glad you did not hurt you with that.
Speaker 4: I love the revelation that Moog is not stupid. He
just talks like an orc.
Speaker 1: Now I will say this, the amount of dildos that
are over there right now, you are now what's we're
called a blocking terrain. So you will move half movement
around that area because it's covered in dildos. If you
try to move at full speed, is' a chance they're
gonna slip and roll and fall on dicks. Inspector Riggs
is going to use her turn to uh some of
her angelic her a power pop her angelic wings, which
will give her more damage. Like so she is now
glowing radiant and slightly hovering off the.
Speaker 6: Grounds and that's all she does.
Speaker 1: Well, that's that's her action to do that.
Speaker 6: Thank thanks for not helping and fight, Inspector.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that looks great, well done, Well done
you george y.
Speaker 1: Are you going to stay stay in that spot?
Speaker 3: Let's see where I'm I'm over there, oh, optics, because.
Speaker 1: There's four people are gonna teleport into that spot and
you're gonna get shoved one way or the other.
Speaker 3: All right, donavo over by the by the cocaine table.
Speaker 1: Okay, because that's gray up takes that's.
Speaker 3: The free table. Oh what where's where's the cocaine?
Speaker 6: Came up? Here?
Speaker 1: D the bucket so closer to them?
Speaker 3: Oh I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you get right about there. Okay, all right, it's
their turn. Straight to the buffet.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: So you're standing right there, moog, and you know what, Uh,
we had a damn mug and she's going to just
swipe at you with her claws. She rolls a nineteen.
Does that hit?
Speaker 6: Nineteen would normally hit, but.
Speaker 1: Cast a shield spell?
Speaker 6: Ye? Well done? All right?
Speaker 1: And okay that is gets got one attack. She only
gets what that sucks? She gets one attack that sucks,
all right. That's her, that's her action. Damn it, all right.
Her sister will hop down.
Speaker 4: Actually, Gibby, I think she's recovered remarkably well from the
dildo hurricane.
Speaker 1: She was just no, you here's the thing. You knocked
your like to half health already. Yeah, but I wouldn't have.
Speaker 4: Thought that that would have had kind of a what
to fuck aspect to it. But no, she's just like
psychologically powered fruit.
Speaker 1: She's a professional. I mean, okay, so you have a
hag who's been around for however long that you don't
think they have dildos in the fay. While this is
not her first dildo store, they use and they use
like shelely like Knobby Wooden ones, so that what you
sent there was like cop top of the line.
Speaker 4: She might actually be happy. I've walked into situation beyond
my ken here.
Speaker 6: I respect you told like you've had this happened for
it eleven times as a matter of fact.
Speaker 1: Now the other one she gets a couple attacks, so
but in fact, what she's going to go for is
the crushing hug. That's what she's going to give up
her attack. So she's gonna make a crushing hug hits
one target crushes, and you are grappled. Come the grand knee. Yep,
so missus on eleven.
Speaker 6: Okay, not the hugging type.
Speaker 1: Okay, who are the next four that want to come through?
Speaker 5: Wait? Does Riggs get a get a shot at him?
Speaker 1: She used her action to pop her wings.
Speaker 2: Okay, she had to style up before this fight.
Speaker 1: Now I've played as in the past of this kind
of it's it sucks. You get more damage when your
wings are out, but it takes up your first action
to do it that way. She should have done it
ahead of time, but I wasn't thinking about it.
Speaker 4: So anime rules, Man, you've got a cool you move
before you do it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Cool? So actually all four of you can come through,
so the monkey, then the so everybody else can come through,
So I'm gonna grab the four of you. You are
in monkey form, correct, I am?
Speaker 2: I transformed just before we stepped through a problem because
if I'm stepping into an unknown fight, I'm gonna step
in with claws and with horrible.
Speaker 1: H chaos.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I also think it would have been hilarious if
I had tried to stand next to stand and hold
his hands. But I thought that would have been a
little too dangerous with mister h dildo cannon trigger figure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4: That could have been a that could have been an
early release.
Speaker 1: That's a sex cat all right. So you you four
came through. Uh you see move over there, you see
what you see? What you see? You all have an action?
Now what would you like to do?
Speaker 2: Do we need to roll an initiative.
Speaker 1: Or we'll do this is a surprise round first and
then we'll roll into proper initiaive after this.
Speaker 6: Wait, how come they got an action in surprise round?
Speaker 1: I mean, you surprise them, but they saw you. I
fuck it. Just go with me, Okay, Yeah, well it's
a it's a loose they missed you. No one hit you,
so shut up. It's not technically a surprise round. And
you popped in, but you woke them up.
Speaker 2: They got a reaction speed, so well, what the hell?
Kebert will move thirty feet uh and throw a multi attack.
He lets out horrible primal scream, showing off those crooked
epe teeth, and it says it's a fist attack, but
I think we all know it's a it's a horrible
hand going in a claw grab.
Speaker 1: Yep, you are You're very small, she's very.
Speaker 2: Large, so uh well, well that's nice that it gave
me damage. I would have liked to roll the attack, though.
The thing do the left well fucking doing it on
the the monster sheet is a fun Okay, fourteen and
twenty the twenty hits, then I'll just take that second.
So the seven would have been the fourteen and the
six is the twenty, all.
Speaker 1: Right, so the six six damage? Yep, Yeah, they will
check on the real fast. Yeah, she is not immune.
Her sister has immunities, but she does not, So okay.
Speaker 2: And sorry, I need to check one thing real quick
on my h druid abilities, just to see bonus action. Okay,
and I will summon a hawk spirit with my horrible scream.
You don't have to put it. Put it on here.
It's it's intangible, but it's an or a thing.
Speaker 1: Okay unless you do something cool.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, and it's flying around. Let's just say above
me for right now, because they were sixty feet Okay.
Speaker 4: I thought your bonus action was just gonna you know,
genital stuff.
Speaker 2: But okay, that's that's what the fists was about.
Speaker 1: Claudia, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 5: Which which hag is most damaged?
Speaker 9: Oh?
Speaker 1: Can you see their life bars?
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 1: I think I changed you could see I see this one.
This one is more wounded.
Speaker 7: All right, Claudia would like to sprint or dash, sorry
to the closer hag.
Speaker 5: And she wants to.
Speaker 7: Try to slap her eyes with the two nipple tassels
that she's grabbed.
Speaker 1: All right, she is very tall, she is fifteen feet tall.
Rolled to run up you're gonna anime run up her leg.
Somebody needs so fine.
Speaker 4: I'd like to assume that Clodia is wearing the nipple tassels.
Speaker 5: No, just got them in her hands, all right.
Speaker 4: Okay, I didn't know how much you wanted to finesse this, so.
Speaker 1: It tooks your It tooks your movement to get to
hear you need your dash action to try to climb
up her. So and then I'm gonna need you to
give me an acrobatics roll because you'renna try to anime
anime run up this uh this fifteen foot tall Anna's
hag and tried to hit her in the face with
your nibble while rotating your tits.
Speaker 7: Claudisier made out of straw. Right now, I mean she's
a little angsty the inside.
Speaker 1: It's still flesh on the outside. Twenty yet not like
like like now ROUTEO, you just right up that ship.
Speaker 2: Yes, no, right now for.
Speaker 1: The attack roll with the nipple tassels.
Speaker 7: Okay, let's see what exactly should I Okay, like an unarmed.
Speaker 1: Uh well, it's a it's an improvised weapon, so it's
not a DEX. It's not wrote me a D twenty
and add your DEX already modified to it. Okay, you're
not profission with nipple tassels.
Speaker 5: So four you okay, eight?
Speaker 1: So twelve unfortunately you you you run upper and you
slap at the eyes. But it's just like she's ugly,
she's big, she's like then you just kind of like
the kind of like they kind of whisp across her face.
But it does no real damage. Uh, definitely bizarre.
Speaker 4: You you just as you'd expect from nipple tessels.
Speaker 1: Really, I guess that we think about it, you've.
Speaker 5: Had some glue or some suction.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but style points that well done. Okay, the old
faith of the mind is running pretty deep.
Speaker 1: The priestess, the dwarf priests, the claric is going to
move over by stan and do what clerics do and
still stand by case said it needs to be healed.
It's their action.
Speaker 6: There there went.
Speaker 4: They took a defensive position because I will say, I'm sorry,
do I need to bribe you to heal me?
Speaker 1: That's the other guy. He's actually gonna take a He's
gonna take a shot with his bow. Oh that's embarrassing,
that's all You guys look to quite quite the same.
A little bit racist. Actually sorry, actually it's quite actually
set ten plush. He misses, he takes a shot.
Speaker 4: Does somebody have to pay you to hit the target?
Speaker 1: He looks, you motherfucker? All right, So that's the now
we will do a proper we bring up the uh
where's the little uh turn order? There we go, proper
turn order. So make sure you click on yourself and
then click your initiative.
Speaker 6: Who gets seven?
Speaker 2: Cabert gets a three?
Speaker 1: Oh boy, all.
Speaker 3: Right, am I clicking myself on roll twenty.
Speaker 1: And then click yourself on roll twenty, then click your initiative.
In the dark where George gets nineteen. Oh, pretty good, okay,
Inspector Riggs gets a twenty one, Stan gets a twenty.
Oh good job.
Speaker 3: All right, all.
Speaker 1: Right, so top of the order, Inspector Riggs go first,
wings her out. She is going to charge up to uh,
She's gonna fly around and she is going to attack.
She's going to attack the hack.
Speaker 6: Sure I could have could if you'd actually joined the fight.
Speaker 4: She's just gonna continue to look fabulous.
Speaker 1: She misses all right what I said? Yeah, just continue
to gets one attack.
Speaker 6: Sure good. Glad that that deck can't be here. Brought
back effective reinforcements.
Speaker 1: I try to set you guys have the hero with
some backup. I get Claudia. You are hanging in the
mid air, do me your fig You're gonna fall the
fifteen feet back down the body unless you give me
an amazing acrobatics role to try to run back down
her body. Unless you quite in the air. If you rotate,
you'll tits fast enough you could get.
Speaker 4: A helicop perfect.
Speaker 5: Levitate. All right, let's try some acromatic.
Speaker 1: Are you gonna try to atta her while you're the Are
you gonna try to run back down? What are you
gonna do?
Speaker 5: She still has the paddle. I maybe she'll try to
paddle her.
Speaker 1: All right, So you again, remember you're fifteen feet in
the air. You're just getting you rant up her and
grab you's gonna take over here. You're gonnall fifteen feet
and take falling image. If you don't give me an
acrobatics role to either like cling to her, run back
down her, or something, you can still do your action,
but where you want to do your action from.
Speaker 7: Yeah, she's gonna try to cling to Wait a minute,
she was she was kind of around the back. If
she wanted to slap the eyes with it, maybe she can.
Maybe she could uh cling like a backpack.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 1: See, there's a lot of things growing out of her
back there, So you're gonna try to grab onto some
tree or an antler or whatever the hell's grown out
of her back there. So give me give me an
athletics role to try to grip onto something to hang there.
Nineteen Okay, nineteen. Too easy. All right, you're you have
you have fallt off gravity and you were hanging on
her back. So now you have your action. What are
you gonna try to hit her with?
Speaker 4: It's not it's not enough to skin the koala, you
must become the.
Speaker 5: K okay, so hold on, make this good? All right?
She has a sex paddle. I'm assuming it looks like
a like a cricket bat.
Speaker 1: Maybe yeah, okay, it's a cricket bat with like the
knotted rope kind, or the kind with like little tiny barbs,
so like a little you about to yee hot as heck?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you shot a dildo cannon.
Speaker 6: I don't know.
Speaker 1: A finesse weapon because you have to know I hit
somebody right to either cause pain or pleasure. So we'll
call this a finesse weapons. So you get to use
all your rogue bonuses with this acid.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And as she's engaged with something, so yes, okay, it
counts because she's engaged with another person, so there's people
on either side of her, so she's secondly engaged in combat,
So yes.
Speaker 2: Have advantage for this role. Claudia, she does not. She does.
Now that's what my hawk does.
Speaker 1: Okay, well now she gets Okay, you roll, you roll
your tack twice, get the higher roll, and you get
all the sneak attack damage. Well, let's not hang at Drew.
How does the holk encourage the sex paddle?
Speaker 2: It's so it's basically an aura thing.
Speaker 9: But I guess we'll just say the the hawk swoops
down and like flies through her chest and empowers her
with the strength of paddling.
Speaker 1: Rank it here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the hooks are like yeah, around, Yes, it's.
Speaker 1: A horny hawk you know.
Speaker 2: Oh no, he lands on her shoulder and kind of
leads down. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, uncomfortable right now, and I'm running the shame. I definitely.
Speaker 4: Folks just smoking a cigarette, real hot.
Speaker 5: All right, let's see, let's see.
Speaker 7: I don't know where the vulnerable parts of this hag are.
Speaker 1: Just smack away man sway, barrel do it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, all right, right, she'll just smack it. What the
hell do?
Speaker 1: I just just give it rolling as if it's your
dagger whatever whatever, it's a because you get all the bonuses.
So do you have a dagger.
Speaker 5: I do have a dagger.
Speaker 1: Let's use that. We'll count down with it feels good mechanics.
It hits fourteen damage and a little naughty time. So yeah,
so you uh, you paddle whack uh the black annas
Hag in a way that she hasn't had done in
quite some time, or has she because she you realize
she's the mayor. You're hitting her with her own sex battle.
Speaker 4: That was a lot of keywords in a road man.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say. The hawk takes another drag off that cigarette.
Oh that's the fucking stuff and flies back into the air.
Speaker 1: Claudia, you realized, like remember she as she explained, this
is the one who's been mascurerating in the mayor and
you just smacked her with her own thing, and uh,
she's both in pain and turned on. You've just been
pulled by the electorate baby.
Speaker 6: Stance.
Speaker 1: As you have so much to say, it's returns her.
Speaker 4: Oh shit, Well, I I want to use my bonus action. No,
I can't use my bonus at I'm gonna use my
action for vicious mockery. And I'm just gonna say what
I said there and wasted.
Speaker 1: Give me some give me some vicious mockery, and wonder
how does vicious mockery work?
Speaker 6: Again?
Speaker 1: It's a wisdom saving.
Speaker 4: Throw rudimentary information Okay, here we go, wisdom saving for her? Yep,
at least a string of insults, timely insults.
Speaker 6: How have you know?
Speaker 1: She rolled a seven? So she fails. So what happens
to her?
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm gonna bring psychic damage for but also disadvantage
on the next attack, which is the real kicker.
Speaker 1: Okay, so she takes four psychic and disadvantage on the
next attack.
Speaker 2: Yeah, got it.
Speaker 1: That's actually pretty good.
Speaker 4: I will use my rogue ability. God, how long I've
been playing this game, my cunning action to hide under
the table as well.
Speaker 1: Okay, give me give me a stealth roll. See how
well you're hidding?
Speaker 4: Talk shit and run away. Now we're talking some uh,
some proper rogue stuff.
Speaker 1: Yes, fifteen fifteen highs. So I'm gonna put you underneath
his mask over here, so you're behind those tables, all right, Georgery,
you're up, dude.
Speaker 4: Finally I'm doing something that a wizard can't do better
than me, just by clicking his fucking fingers. I can't,
you're a bitch and disablity whatever.
Speaker 3: I am going to use the spell dissonant whispers.
Speaker 4: Okay, and oh I sweat to God if you call
her a bit and disappear really fucked up?
Speaker 3: No, and I'm going to use however many sorcery points
it takes to twin that.
Speaker 1: Both of them got it.
Speaker 3: Whisper to them both.
Speaker 1: Okay, and what do you whisper?
Speaker 3: I whisper?
Speaker 4: This would be the most sexual podcast we've ever done.
Dunblets down right now.
Speaker 3: All right here we go, get it all. How about
you and me get out of here. Maybe you could
show me your back door.
Speaker 1: Okay, I've just come. Then The rest of the just
the rest of the game is just self pity. Why
why do I? Why did I?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 6: Why? Why did I?
Speaker 2: Do?
Speaker 1: It?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 1: So it is wisdom saving three to thirteen, So the
Anna sid will do her first me see wisdom. She
fails and the night Hag passes. So what happens to
the Enna's haag?
Speaker 3: All right? According to the damage, here's a psychic damage
twelve and psychic critical damage twelve. The hell does that mean?
Speaker 1: I don't you didn't roll tot if you had rolled?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 3: So they both take twelve damage. The one are the
one who all right? The one who failed takes the
twelve damage and runs as far away from me as
she can.
Speaker 1: Okay, she runs over to here. You and three of
you get a tax opportunity against her? Three or four
four of you?
Speaker 6: Yep, yep, all right, move rules of fifteen missus.
Speaker 2: The bear rolls a god dang it twenty four that
hits seven damage, Claudia.
Speaker 1: It's a melee hit, not a short Sorry, it's okay,
you missed?
Speaker 6: Do you do you really hit?
Speaker 1: How much did you hit her?
Speaker 9: For?
Speaker 3: Drew?
Speaker 2: Uh? Seven? Budgeting?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Seven? I think I saw. I thought it was a
twenty four?
Speaker 2: Like what the fuck again? I accidentally rolled him inverted
again because of the sheet.
Speaker 1: Not a problem. So okay, uh, you missed, Claudia. And
oh specter riggs, she guess he gets an attack where
I put her?
Speaker 3: So she gets her.
Speaker 1: And eleven she misses.
Speaker 3: Damn it.
Speaker 6: Well why were we running from this cop on paper?
Speaker 1: She's built great? All right? Uh so that was your
move then? Now just you have to how far away
you have to stay?
Speaker 6: Or does it? It doesn't go?
Speaker 1: You can go, that's what that's she's against the cave walls.
So she ran away from here.
Speaker 3: And the other one takes half damage.
Speaker 1: Oh she takes half?
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, all right, unsuccessful, say no fault, say must immediately,
must immediately use this reaction if available to move as
far as its speed. A lot was away from you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she said, is it at the end of the
next time, she can she come back and does it last?
Speaker 3: That's all I've got here.
Speaker 1: Okay, So so she had to run away on the
next turn, she can come back, got it? Okay? Okay.
Speaker 3: Oh I'm gonna try another part of my speech. Okay,
one small step for a man, one giant wonder for
the ladies.
Speaker 4: I was just about to say, it took you like
ten years to start playing Klaus competently, and now all
of a sudden you're playing Dr Sort the fucking Sorcerer
and being effective, and yet still also saying those things.
Speaker 3: You've really learned a lot doing my website and my
YouTube channel.
Speaker 4: You've really come along as as our quarterback.
Speaker 6: Of shit, our tight end of shit.
Speaker 3: Not so tight anymore?
Speaker 1: Oh, no, wonderful?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 1: Okay, So it is now the Hag's turns. So this
hag is going to return back to where she was.
She gets three attacks. So first is a.
Speaker 3: Dam is useless. But they didn't get a bunch of
opportunity attacks.
Speaker 1: Now how long? So you're stand your thing is on
her next attack? Is it for her disadvantage?
Speaker 4: What does it say, disadvantage on a next attack?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like attack round or just her next singular attack.
Speaker 4: My next singular attack, I believe.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, So the bite on Moog is going to
be with disadvantage A ten not even close.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 1: The claw attack against Moog is it twenty three for sixteen?
Speaker 6: All right? That hits.
Speaker 1: And then the third claw attack is coming down on
the monkey because he has hit him several times eighteen
for sixteen.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that monkey is a hit. And now okay,
still a monkey.
Speaker 1: Yep, I think you have, like I think of enough
five points. Just junch, all right, just slap you so
well de tened into another animal. All right, this part
will shift over to here. So now she has advantage
on Moog and she's going to take a swing on
Moog twenty three for eighteen damage.
Speaker 6: Moog's out.
Speaker 1: Okay, Moog is down. That is the end of the think.
But you you are laying down, Moog is unconscious. That
is the end of your turn. And the mood they went, Moog,
it's your turn, so uh oh yeah, shit I never
one second, I never, I didn't do the idiots over here.
Uh I'll do. I'll let him go before Moog because
i'd be well, let me just roll world fast the
twenty uh sixteen fourteen. Okay, yeah, so I'll put them
both on the fourteen and be fun affair. So they'll
they just remind me the next time that the Dwarves
go after the Hag. So Dwarf Priests, She's going to
cast healing word on Moog mood take four healing. You're awake,
Dwarf Ranger is going to see what you're gonna do.
Awake but still sandwich between two hags. Oh yeah, he's yeah,
he's definitely down.
Speaker 4: We will come round from a blackout situation.
Speaker 1: The Dwarf Ranger is going to take a shot at
the She gonna go after the dream Hag and miss.
These guys are great. It is now a move star.
Did somebody not pay you enough to make that shot?
Speaker 6: You can't?
Speaker 1: The joke's getting old. I'm gonna shoot, not not for me.
It's not not under this table where I'm having a
great time. You are away. You wanna stand back up?
Speaker 10: Must have fainted, so yes, Google stand back up, okay,
shake it off, and you will cast a booming blade
against the night Hag the night bag.
Speaker 1: Sorry, it's yeah, dude, I'm in for it.
Speaker 6: So and then let's see what the orphan splitter can
do with to her twenty one for fifteen damage that
hits and.
Speaker 1: Uh is there any is there any thunder damage?
Speaker 6: It's if she if she moves uh before before, if
she moves on her next turn, she'll take five thunder damage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because the thunder crackles a round her. So yeah,
she's she ain't dumb, So okay, that's cool.
Speaker 4: You know what would be great, Rick, You should really
make orphans split up as a weapon and beyond D
and D and just have the caveat that it attacks
with advantage against.
Speaker 2: Orphans child orphans. You're your opponent could be an orphan too, all.
Speaker 1: Right, Uh, Drew, you are up, sir.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm trying to think of what we'll do the
most good for the full.
Speaker 1: Party jenital attack.
Speaker 2: Ah, yeah, I think I am. I'm gonna I will
I will do my multi attack uh and drop a
drop some fists an eight and a twenty.
Speaker 1: Two twenty two hits.
Speaker 2: Four bludgeoning, got it, I will move away, not disengaging.
Speaker 6: I know.
Speaker 1: Oh I see what you're saying. Yeah, okay, I thought
you just said like I think you make you like
a Okay, so yeah, you're gun say I shall do
a claw at you thirteen for fifteen damage that will hit.
Speaker 2: Can I have Kbert back?
Speaker 1: Put you right up here?
Speaker 6: Yep?
Speaker 2: Oh cool, I did not see him there.
Speaker 4: I put your sore, hedious screaming there.
Speaker 1: And then while you are there, Akbert, you will notice
that the the black gem that you're saying right next
to is rolling and crackling with energy and looks like
the glasses starting to break.
Speaker 6: Uh.
Speaker 2: Well, I suppose that makes the next one pretty easy.
I'm gonna misty the fuck away from that thing. Uh
let's see. Thanks thanks for saving me my bonus action there.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm just just like I'm just letting you
know what that thing is doing.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I mean I was talking to the monster.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Him whacking me saved me from using a bonus action
to pop myself off.
Speaker 1: A bonus action. Okay, yeah, all right, top of the order.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm just misty stepping over here, and I'm gotting
go for it.
Speaker 1: Specter Riggs now with advantage.
Speaker 2: The hell away from.
Speaker 1: Attempt to attack the with advantage because my hawk is
still over there. Okay, well I missed those earlier. Okay,
twenty it hits, and now she'll pumps you smite into
it too.
Speaker 11: So you've got all right, yeah, he lands. I love
to see a window damage. God, yes, suck them up,
real man.
Speaker 1: What's just you played? You played a palette on what's
the smite? How much is that?
Speaker 6: Isn't like two D eight? Yes?
Speaker 1: Extra two D eight there you go plus this so okay,
cool slash roll two D eight.
Speaker 2: FYI can only do the hawk thing once per my turn.
That's why I'm only throwing him out occasionally.
Speaker 1: All right, So she hits them first sixteen damage plus
an additional radiant damage based on our level, so's twenty
total damage.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 4: I love the fact that your mystical hawk is going
to be Matthew McConn hey for the rest of the time.
Speaker 1: It's all right, It's all right. Uh you see that
the black gem is cracking, and this thing is getting
crazier and crazy the more you hit the black ants
hag all right. Next up is Claudia.
Speaker 5: Does everybody see the gem, like, can we all see it?
Speaker 1: Those who are around it? I mean you're facing her,
so it's it's year back, so you probably don't see that.
Speaker 7: All right, Claude would like to disengage, okay, and.
Speaker 5: Uh run back towards the buffet table.
Speaker 1: Okay, just get.
Speaker 6: We're doing a lot of damage to this hag. Let's
let's all run away from her over.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Actually I would like to drive her dagger into the
crystal thing.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, give me the tack rol. That's what the
people came for.
Speaker 1: Yeah, something stupid and unpredictable. Let's do it. Twenty one
hits for total seventh Oh no, okay, so sneak attack
is ax so eight damage. Okay, she takes six. The
hag takes sixteen damage. O uh she is screams in pain.
This thing is still like it's shattered and it's it's,
it's it's. I would like to use your off hand
attacked for your bonus.
Speaker 2: I think it was gonna blow up on it.
Speaker 1: Well, it isn't shattered all the way yet, it is
just spinning up. So oh, you use your bonus action disengage,
So yeah I did. Okay, you're cool, all right, that
is it. So you you got your bonus act. You
have movement left, that's it.
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you happy where you're at?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 1: Work stand you're up? Did I see that and put
that together? You're underneath the table. Tell me what you're
looking at?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm underleaf table.
Speaker 4: I like to think I'm taking in the entire scene from.
Speaker 1: My All right, then give me a you for watch everything,
give me perception check with advantage because you are simply
watching your group.
Speaker 4: So yes, you saw all right? Short bow attack at
the crystal, got it? Goolamo twenty four?
Speaker 1: Okay, the it shatters, the hag explodes, the one up
here is gone. She just looks like guts and after,
like it's a Cronenberg film. She explodes this Ara all over,
rigs and moog and claw. Let me see where's that
little measuring stick of yours?
Speaker 3: There we go?
Speaker 1: So yes, uh, Coubert, you're just safe tourist her and Claudia.
Let's see here. Uh you she was challenge rating seven,
So let me see slash roll seven D six necrotic
you two take give me a dexterity save DC sixteen.
Speaker 5: Claels A ten.
Speaker 1: You both fail, so you both take twenty nine necrotic damage.
Speaker 3: Well that drops me, unless.
Speaker 4: I thought I had a great idea.
Speaker 1: Sorry, your safety pants.
Speaker 3: Activate, sure as shit do? Sure is the ship inside them?
Speaker 1: Right, safety pants? Your safety pants activate. It teleports you
over here to the safest location, which is over here. Actually,
well no, because there's a hag there over here on
top of his chest, dang ding ding ding, and the
remain until your term starts. You are forced to dance.
Your friends are but if they don't dance with you,
are they really your friends?
Speaker 4: Is this fluffy unconscious body just like he's.
Speaker 1: Around, Well, he's moved out of the way before, he's
at one hit points. It got him out of there,
so it's like once per day he is. It saves
him from death. So you are at one hit point
and dancing. You don't have that luxury. You were just
fucked up.
Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now the safety pants description says it
negates the effect.
Speaker 1: Okay is that what I wrote?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And who m I'd argue with me. Well here you.
Speaker 2: So it explodes. Georcer teleports the way safely, and Claudia
is just a smoking room.
Speaker 5: I still have ten hit points.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Yeah, how many poys do you have?
Speaker 2: Not crazier? Yeah, I was like that feel I would
have fucked most of us.
Speaker 1: Up just so you look like Daffy Duck who fuck
around the gun and found out like gets turned around. Yeah,
that's what happened. The Kowala mask might be off.
Speaker 4: Does she do some really like fucked up whatever she
is ship like like crack a head back into place.
Speaker 1: So your head spins around for the blasting comes back around.
It's like death becomes it.
Speaker 3: But nobody.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's exactly what happened. That's exactly what happened. Okay,
stand that was your turn. You just blew up your friends,
and Gorcer is all of a sudden missing as far
as your concern. He no, he's behind you. You did
see that?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: All right, well Joeser is dead. Sorry, Chloda is doing
something horrifying, and I think that's probably what's taking up
all of his attention at the moment.
Speaker 5: I'm fine, it's fine.
Speaker 1: It's your turn. Dang, you can stop dancing now.
Speaker 3: Oh well, all right, that wasn't too bad.
Speaker 1: Well because it's you know, happen right before your turn,
so you can carry on dancing if you want to know,
let's see so we can stop you now you will
stand everybody else. Notice there are two other gems on
the ground.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, I don't have to worry about multiple targets anymore. Shit. Okay,
then I will reassess what spells are?
Speaker 6: What do you use?
Speaker 3: All right? Where, let's see how far I'm too far
to get close enough to do that, so all right,
I'm just gonna do a generic one. Did I not
choose magic missile?
Speaker 1: The fuck is wrong with You're gonna have a firebolt?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I got a firebolt? Okay, so I will. I'll
get close enough to come in next time if I'm
still needed. One two three, four five six moving up
there across the table from her, and I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: Be sorry staying. Something just ran across the tables above you?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 1: Is there an attack roll with that? I just see damage.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna look it up.
Speaker 1: No. Six, Yeah you missed? Oh shucks fipelss Yeah you
rolled a natural one. Actually, oh it looks on yeah,
natural one. Okay, so let's see where it goes to me?
Your favorite one two three four five six D six.
Speaker 4: Okay, you can dance if you want to.
Speaker 1: You can leave my pups because stands underneath the table.
Six So one, two, three, four five. You shot the priest.
You shot the dwarf priest with a firebolt?
Speaker 6: Why would you do with that?
Speaker 9: So?
Speaker 4: Okay, all right, you just started that rividad sick shrugging.
Speaker 3: We have nothing to fear but time and come quat.
Speaker 1: Uh okay, such strong platform, you know. Uh so the
night hags not stupid? Move take your attack of opportunity.
Speaker 6: Oh she moving? Oh yeah, okay, Well first she takes
five thunder damage.
Speaker 1: She doesn't care her sister's dead.
Speaker 6: Okay, and sure I'll take it.
Speaker 1: And miss Okay, she's flipping the tables over where the
where that bolt came from to reveal a stand in
a clatter of masks and just junk their stand who's
laying on the ground, which gives her advantage of her,
which gives her advantage on her attack. And she's going
to try to smash the living shit out of you
because you just killed her sister.
Speaker 3: Shoot, he shot the firebolt.
Speaker 1: I thought I was hidden, you were until you fired,
and then takes you out of out of hiding. Okay,
fair enough, fair enough, she knows this school.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, yeah, if I didn't shoot them with my gun,
and how could they know what I'm in the problem?
Speaker 1: She hits you with a twenty six, but only for
seven slashing damage. Okay, well, twenty six definitely hits. I'll
take the slashing smash. Uh and that's she like gets
one attack around. That sucks for her. Okay, a lot
of hit points when we want to tack around, So
it's great for me. I gave you yes, all right.
So that is the end of her turn. The Ranger's
gonna finally try to take a shot. You suck and
I hate you. He also he misses again, called.
Speaker 3: It credit to the horse.
Speaker 1: She's gonna come around and she's gonna try something here.
Oh she hits so uh.
Speaker 4: Roll with a dwarf against a fifteen foot monster. I
can only assume this is an asshole attack.
Speaker 1: This is sixteen points in chronic damage where she did
the touch, she did inflict wounds. Is that what you
call it?
Speaker 6: The touch?
Speaker 1: I see the touch? Like, what what of their their touch? Attack?
That doesn't It's like the opposite of keeling.
Speaker 4: Is that thing Japanese kids do the two fingers?
Speaker 1: Well, that's the ind her turn. She now touched this
thing and did major damage to it. All right, Next
up is the monkey is no moog.
Speaker 6: Bet All right, Well Moog is gonna move into flink
with dwarf. Yep, getta cast booming blade again. Okay, and
uh take a swing with arpan splitter with advantage. That missus,
But I'm gonna use my my action surge. Try again,
try again. Nineteen That hits for eight slashing.
Speaker 1: Not a problem. She is standing but barely.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: Uh, now it's Cobar's turn.
Speaker 2: All right, I am going to cast summon beasts to summon.
Speaker 1: A land Uh being a monky beer don't on the screen.
So say what you got a monkey?
Speaker 2: It can be a monk. It's a it's a rock
shaped monkey. That's fine.
Speaker 6: Uh.
Speaker 2: It will pop up behind uh and it will move
immediately after me and it will attack. So I'm gonna
roll this and hopefully this gives it.
Speaker 1: You want to shift right here because she's large, you
can you put them right there that you can get
advantage because Moo's right there.
Speaker 2: Oh anywhere is fine. If if I have an ally
in five feet of it, I get advantage. That's then
that's the pack tactic.
Speaker 1: Oh got you got you got you all right?
Speaker 2: Uh so, first roll that have a number on it.
That is a whole lot of wall of No, that's
just description some of them. It tells you what the
thing is, but it doesn't give you an easy roll
for it. Here four looks like, let me just roll
my I'm gonna roll my thorn whip is the attack.
Speaker 4: What happens is the monkey grabs the janetalist.
Speaker 2: I don't think we need the second roll.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't because it only she only has five
pay points.
Speaker 2: Left, all right, Well yeah, the minimum it can do
is five, so so yes, you six piercing damage.
Speaker 1: Okay, great monkeys.
Speaker 2: Second, just a big old arm of earth in a
spike spures through her chest as the earth ape is
staring you down.
Speaker 1: Stand the Claudia and the rate the Dwarves. Claudia stand,
you are just beyond. The monkey is just beyond. Yeah,
the Dwarves and Claudia. What did I roll for?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Thank god? I serve out of that boom?
Speaker 1: All right, this shatters and they all take give me
a dexterity saving through DC sixteen.
Speaker 5: See Claudia Rul's are fourteen.
Speaker 1: You fail take thirteen psychic damage all.
Speaker 5: Right, I'm down, but she can't die.
Speaker 1: Correct, Well, no, you can die. It's you can, just
you'll need to breathe like that. You're already kind of
technically dead. But it's okay, it's yeah, you can. Your
spirit can, your spirit can leave this form.
Speaker 2: Yes, you fell within thirty feet of the healer. You'll
probably be okay, Yes, okay.
Speaker 1: Let me see and the other two let me see
they rolled. I see they both failed and they have there.
They're hurt but not dead. If I can use healing
word on Claudia, yes, you're out of you are out
of combat. Now feel free to use healing word Claudia.
I'm sorry for exploding you. I see that will give
a roll.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yep.
Speaker 1: Now, but this this is actually the end of the episode.
You have the dicey Bassards has have defeated the two
hags of only two you claim, like the three everything
in this room. We'll see how that comes.
Speaker 4: Back in the fairy tales, Gibbie like Goldielocks into two baths.
Speaker 1: You know, in the next episode, we will have our
day nw Ma of West Cherry as you lightly free
the prisoners and run for public office. And after that
go ahead and consider yourselves. You have leveled up to
level five. This next episode will be a day new
mode before you set off in your travels.
Speaker 3: So all right, and Moon and I are taking a
Warlock level.
Speaker 1: Yes, as long as no one kills the third one
you still get the Warlock level then yes, but that
is the end of this episode. Well done, everybody. You
defeated a major, major problem. And probably you're gonna say
some kids, there's some probably who are very confused right now,
but yeah, you did it. Now, Hopefully those masks.
Speaker 3: Don't explode on their faces.
Speaker 1: Hopefully, hopefully the mass will explode on the kids. We
saved some of the kids.
Speaker 2: All right, Yeah, nobody, that's great.
Speaker 1: On behalf of Drew Hayes, Emily Kaplan, Steve weatherall Rick
Walterry and Robert Bevan.
Speaker 6: I'm m. K. Gibson.
Speaker 1: We're the Dicey Bastards and you've been great. See y'all
next time. Bye, everybody, good.
Speaker 4: Bye, Oh lordie, you've been listening to The Dicey Bastards,
Catsy of Orphors and Dragons. If you want to support us,
check us out on YouTube, give us a like and
a share, or join us in Patreon. You're gonna hang
out and on Discord.
Speaker 1: It'll be right.
Speaker 4: We'd love to see you in the meantime see your
next episode. Music by the Girl call for.
Speaker 3: Do my Pants? Help with that