Speaker 1: Hey, gang, So this one got a little how do
you say, away from us, It got a little dicey.
So you're gonna be hearing a fair amount of bleeps
at many portions of the episode. And that's okay, you
know sometimes we just Pat had had a strawberry Macha
frappuccino and I had had I think too much green
tea iced green tea, and things just got a little wonky. So,
as I mentioned, you'll be hearing bleeps. And if you
don't want to hear those bleeps and you want to
hear all of the really fun stuff that we said,
you can go to patreon dot com, slash another podcast network,
and join the Uncensored tier. This is really not a
pitch or anything. I just wanted to give you guys
a heads up because we haven't really like teed off
like this in a little bit. And so yeah, you
just wanted to let you know that you're gonna hear
more bleeps than normal. But if you don't want to
hear the if you can go to that website, like
I said, and have a great week, and we love
you and thank you for supporting the show, and leave
five stars and kind words in the comments and we
love you and enjoy the episode.
Speaker 2: Ole Sole is like an attractive gecko. You ever see
a gecko eat a bug? The tongue just flies out
grabs a bug. They appear to have no feelings while
extinguishing the life force. It's like, you know, when we
eat steaks. Sometimes I'm thinking, I mean, I don't like
to think it had a head, but I mean I'm like,
you know, or a kid. Something gave itself for me
to enjoy this with some mashed potequess, I.
Speaker 1: Often say thank you to the animal that I'm consuming. Right,
and that's because human beings have in innate and evolved
capacity for examination. Right, we can examine the things that
we're doing. We again can examine the states of ourselves
while we're doing things geckos can And that's exactly especially
hot on a Welcome aboard another brand spang new episode,
uh by TV, I'm Dylan, that's path great to be here.
Speaker 2: Permission to come aboard?
Speaker 1: Oh granted, what's going on? What's going on? Sweety pie?
Speaker 2: Oh not much. My tummy kind of hurts because you
brought me that Macha coffee. I shouldn't have drank that
much milk.
Speaker 1: Well, it wasn't a match of coffee. It was actually
a strawberry Macha frappuccino from Starbucks. You would say a
delectable treat.
Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, I stopped myself, though I still have a
third left.
Speaker 1: I'm proud. Yes, what would you give it out of ten?
Speaker 2: Very enjoyable? I'm not a sweet sky. I'm gonna give
it a seven out of ten?
Speaker 1: And how many pots would you give this episode? Oh?
Speaker 2: This was great?
Speaker 1: Up, this is a great episode.
Speaker 2: This is a great episode.
Speaker 1: Can I say something? I love Jess?
Speaker 2: You love Jess?
Speaker 1: I love Jess.
Speaker 2: Now do you love Jess because she's able to understand
that she f'd up?
Speaker 1: Yes, I think we have three types of love addicts this.
On this boat. We have Celene, who is just a
Tasmanian devil.
Speaker 2: Hearts beware right, she had said, and I couldn't believe
she said this out loud. In one of her interviews,
she said, Uh, the only thing you have to worry
about is getting.
Speaker 1: Hurt, not hurting anybody else, that's right, protecting herself?
Speaker 2: So true? Sex Adams.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so Selena is the joker. Okay. Then we have Babs,
who is just a mushball right, And at various points
of this episode, I'm like, Babs, come on your fucking
sea rats.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I know, but I do appreciate her
putting on ice. Every once in a while, someone needs
to understand how much you hurt them by your action.
Speaker 1: Gotta put them on ice, right, And then you Jess,
who is middle Porridge, right, a little bit of a
little bit of a player, but also has a soul, right,
not like Selaine who will light hearts and money on
fire and slide down them.
Speaker 2: I want to say, we do get a little c
rat history with Jess earlier. And one thing that's true.
Speaker 1: With she's already done this.
Speaker 2: They're not able to break bad patterns. Yeah yeah, okay,
yeah yeah, problem is great.
Speaker 1: I give this episode one hundred boobs.
Speaker 2: Okay. One of the funnier things was how the charter
guest could give two ships about Kelly smelly Kelly being
thrown off the they just moved on.
Speaker 1: And and can I tell you something else. Somebody I
love more than Jess is Frank.
Speaker 2: Frank. I don't know what the character is uh in
that Pixar film up, but he looks just like that
fucking curmudgeon.
Speaker 1: But he's not like that guy's bald.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, Frank was a delight adult. And I'm going
to say this, I'm going to say some offensive things
about the people on this boat this episode. I'm merely
going to be commenting on what Bravo presented me as
a podcaster, top notch podcaster. But I'm going to say,
at some point in the episode, I came around to
the charter guests, not all of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well try state trash often does that to you.
Right when you first meet them, they're eating hot dogs
out of pizza, right, pizza bread, and you're like, why
is there so much ketchup on that? And why are
you talking like that? But then you know, you go
to their living room and you meet their family, and
you're like, oh my gosh, these people really love each
other and they really do love the Eagles that much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're also relics of the past soon to
be passed, you know how, Like we learn every year, like, oh,
there's only four more veterans from like World War Two. Yeah,
there's only like eighteen thousand more guidos pretending like they're
on the Sopranos. They're all dying out, they're phasing out,
you're obnoxious. I'm sure it was fun in the seventies
when they were talking like that. Right now, it just
makes you sound like trash. I'm sorry it does. It
is annoying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have olive oil on you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but Frank was a delight.
Speaker 1: Frank was a delight. I mean, there are all delights,
you know.
Speaker 2: Let's see here. I was gonna I'm gonna start up
with smelly Kelly.
Speaker 1: Oh but well, how many pots.
Speaker 2: Do you I'm gonna give it fourteen knots.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a great episode.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm at forty four.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's more. Now, what I don't want you to
do is curb yourself or muzzle yourself really in any way.
Speaker 2: Sha, this is hard to do because Dylan didn't want
me to talk about this, and I'm not going to
still don't want I'm not going to, but Dylan, I'm
going to execute this recap as intended initially, rather than
soften it for the sake of good people.
Speaker 1: With Smelly Kelly.
Speaker 2: Okay, a drunk cat, I love a bad drunk right,
they say things like don't respect me or literally having
a pillow fight with a wall and threatening everyone. When
I was watching Smelly Kelly, one image came to mind.
It was, this is what it must have felt like
to be one of Julie Garland's children.
Speaker 1: Sure watching this, Yeah, mom's mom's had a tough tay again.
Let's let's give her an aspirin and get her to bed.
Speaker 2: By the way, little teas for PMC. I did a
thing on Judy Garland where she did a show or
was so fucking high, only Michael Jackson was higher than her,
but she was still alive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Well, the the industry really did abuse her
to take advantage of her, but she really did lose
her mind.
Speaker 2: Well, Smelly Kelly's removed from the boat and then Helen
agrees to accompany her so long as she gets to
come back.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, that drunk string of snot was, you know,
Pillow attacking all of the Democrats aboard the vessels, so
she had to go.
Speaker 2: Well, she was also shouting pussy. She walked through a hotel,
And I thought dyl was a little harsh when he
referred to these people as tri State gutter trash. But Dale,
when you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1: I didn't say gutter trash. Oh yeah, TST. So we've
got to put everything behind us that they're and have
fun on this trip. Okay, Dale, I'm sorry, I call
to action forgive me CTA. I'd love to talk to
Helen and Kelly and Michelle the charter guests here if
you know smelly Kelly on a personal level and you'd
like to submit a horrible run in with her. I
did this years ago with Leslie Mann, who's an absolute
terrible person. Turns out, a bunch of people hit me
up with horrible stories. I want you to submit your
stories to me. I assume most of them.
Speaker 2: Will start out with.
Speaker 1: Me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think a lot will be. I volunteered
at a dog rescue with her. I think most will
start with after she punched the bouncer things for her
south right, So feel free to get that. But Helen,
if you're listening, we'd love.
Speaker 1: To have you. Yeah. No, she punched the bouts or
didn't really do anything to him. What did hurt him
was her calling him the F word and calling him
a liberal. Wow. So allegedly Stilly is and I don't
know how we got that name, but it's his last
last name. It's still kind of harboring a bit of
resentment the Dame Man. And then we get to Yes, I.
Speaker 2: Was gonna say this a couple other things I want
to touch on, So Yes, the Sea Rats self reflect
on their public drunkenness moments in decency. And that's when
Kyle the resentments about him to have to watch his
girl hook up with every single person on the boat.
I do want to say this the charter guess which
I initially couldn't stand any of them, They start apologizing
kind of halfway. If I'm the crew, I'm going to
say to you, the tornado of drunken trash on this
boat is your fault to well, you all sat up
there and ate while your friend was fucking pillow fighting
with a wall.
Speaker 1: I don't I think that's unfair. I think that they
tried to handle her as best they could, and I
do think that they were genuinely remorseful and respectful to
the crew. But we get to Romeo and Juliet aka
Sole Jess or Jess says that she's Juliet, and that's
confusing to me because she literally has the same haircut
as Leo DiCaprio from the bos Lherman version. So she's rough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I do want to remind both these people
that Romeo and Juliet did in fact die.
Speaker 1: They died, Yeah, they died. So tragedy.
Speaker 2: I mean, the worst thing that can happen out of
this relationship is someone gets a venarial disease allegedly. Now,
try to guest Frank and Brian. They discussed Smellie Kelly,
and Ryan says he doesn't date girls like that mostly
because she has a vagina and gay men don't have coucies. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
they're insinuating Brian's gay.
Speaker 1: Well, they have butt coucies. But uh don't we all
sorry Brian, Okay, Jesus Christ, cowboy night cows, fatman and barbecues.
That's what Fraser thinks of. And David is a pretty
good Southern impression. He does good.
Speaker 2: Uh ah, you know it's funny now, I know how
the our Australian audience feels when we do.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's not good, hey, I yelled, don we're dining air,
just kicking up sausage likes it's got cheese. Alipagne is
and I work on brian Wells cattle and fuck her sisters.
You know that kind of thing the South is a
beautiful place.
Speaker 2: Nice people. They open the doors for you, ask how
you're doing it.
Speaker 1: I don't mean Texas, and I don't mean Mississippi. I
mean the wooded South, not the not the muddy or
dry parts of the South. Okay, fucking disgusted.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, the cities are filled with those
goddamn Democrats. What are you talking about down in those
Texas places, you.
Speaker 1: Know, Austin? Yeah, yeah, all right, So Babs and Jazz
are still not doing great. Babs has every right to
be upset, but as we mentioned, I mean your sea rats.
Speaker 2: We gotta get over this, understood, And I think she
kind of does. But again I appreciate icing another sea rat.
Let her pay for her nonsense.
Speaker 1: Well, Jess puts her foot in her mouth a bit
with Celene because she's dealing with a live wire, ika
sexual joker. Now, Cilet is a dangerous woman like that
hariana Grande song Sole opens or. Upon hearing that, Jess
feels remorse for another human says, you can go fuck yourself,
you can sleep in your own fucking bed. I mean, what,
what kind of of unanimity is required of this young
woman to go down on you. She has to be
completely psychotic and evil to other people. I don't think
I'm a fan of circa do selet.
Speaker 2: I really do think classic sex and love addiction here,
it's about getting the person to fall in love with you,
and when you do, then you can act with impunity
about them.
Speaker 1: Right right.
Speaker 2: It's a really disgusting behause it's.
Speaker 1: About acquiring leverage. I got it. I see, all right,
Well let's get to Anthony.
Speaker 2: I do want to say this, yeah, because.
Speaker 1: Anthony is one of my favorite people to get to.
Speaker 2: Oh, we'll get to him, don't worry. Ole Sole is
like an attractive gecko. You ever see a gecko eat
a bug? The tongue just flies out grabs a bug.
They appear to have no feelings while extinguishing the life force.
It's like, you know, when we eat steaks sometimes I'm thinking,
I mean, I don't like to think it had a head,
but I mean I'm like, you know, or a kid.
Something gave itself for me to enjoy this with some
mashed potekas.
Speaker 1: I often say thank you to the animal that I'm consuming, right,
And that's because human beings have in innate and evolved
capacity for examination right. We can examine the things that
we're doing. We can examine the states of ourselves while
we're doing things get gos can't. And that's exactly what
especially hot ones. Yeah, she's a get go All right,
Let's get to Anthony, who did lose his wife to
his uncle.
Speaker 2: That's right, Dylan, he was also dyslexic and cooking saved him.
And now that's uh, Now, cooking is his passion. That's
all I have to say about that.
Speaker 1: Right, And we we've said this before, but we do
need to stop normalizing dyslexia as as a real cross
to bear, because you know a lot of people do.
And you know, I'm dyslexic. Lots of people are dyslexic, right,
And I'm not saying it's not a hurdle. I'm not
saying that it's not a couple of rocks in your shoe, right,
but it's definitely not you know a lot of other things.
Speaker 2: There's different varieties of it, Dylan. You know Ashton Kucha
that on some devil he had dyslexia when he was
a kid, and that's why he convinced Demi war Moore
why they needed to have threesomes throughout their entanglement.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, she wrote that about her book. Oh
really he cited dyslexia.
Speaker 2: I think he did.
Speaker 1: He's an idiot. Okay, he's also you know, kind of.
Speaker 2: A Oh I thought you were demi.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah right. You would think that removing the
confusion would help with the dyslexia, right, but no, Yeah,
he got all tangled up with Diddy, didn't he?
Speaker 2: I think he did. He's been pretty quiet. He used
to be on Shark Tank every other episode. He ain't
on there anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I saw there's that training camp video from I
think Old Miss. Somebody was running through one of those
drills where they have all those plastic things that you
have to run through that kind of manufacture linemen trying
to grab it.
Speaker 2: Oh sure, okay yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: And they were bay colored and they looked like a
bunch of dicks. And someone retweeted and said, Justin Bieber
breaking out of Diddy's basement. That's really fucked up. What
was going on down there? Oh man, cooking is the
only way he can focus. Let's get to rain.
Speaker 2: Okay, Rainbow Reports, I Rainbow, If you're listening, come on
the show. Rainbow Reports A Fraser about Olay's work ethic.
I think this is kind of a mixed report because
she was so horrible. Anything that she does now is
an improvement technically. Well anyway, then Olay kind of described
I'm sorry Rainbow describes the boat in the dynamic right
now as a circular firing squad where everyone's trying to
eliminate each other. You know, sounds like the sentiment of
a person who decapitated both our sisters with a explosive munition. Yeah,
someone had to live, Dill.
Speaker 1: You know, watching Hunger Games the other day at the house,
which one just the first one for research, and I
was thinking about Rainbow, and I think what Rainbow did
was a little bit like what Peta did, where she
just pretended to be a rock pretty much the whole time.
And uh, but eventually there's only two left, and you
can't be a rock forever, so you do have to
decapitate somebody, and her case, it was her sister, and
so that's that's actually pretty tough. You know.
Speaker 2: The only worse way to die than having your head
separated from your shoulders is to be stung by bees.
Speaker 1: Too. Saw that killer bees in that movie. Huh, it's
a great film. You know, steaks are really high when
kids are killing each other, you know, really demented. So
Rainbow's got a tinge of darkness enter though, because she
says it's nice that everybody's fighting. Now, yes, she's not
the only one that's on the outside. Let's le's get
to dinner. The guests think that Kelly is a piece
of trash, and I think Brian is disgusted by her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they really are.
Speaker 1: First course is a lovely Bullia base and it would
seem that Frank, the honorary Sea Rat, was with Kelly.
I say that he's the honorary Sea Rat because they
smushed him into one of those blue moisture waking shirts
earlier on in the episode, and they would look the
same with me. I'm not no shade, but you know
you've gotta be hot to wear those things, So Helen, No.
Next course is Babs and Selene talking.
Speaker 2: And bounce around quite a bit here.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, Well, the next course is Babs and
Celene burying the hatchet, and Jess said that she says
that Jess said that she likes you and I just
want us to be good friends. And they do bury
the hatchet, and we quickly begin joking about how there's
lips in the toilet.
Speaker 2: Well, there's a couple things going on here. The charter
guests were bleeding on the couches, and there's lipstick on
the toilets.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't understand. It's a little bit like a
blood spatter analyst, Like when you walk into a room,
you have to decode the story, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it tells the story.
Speaker 1: Some would argue, how would someone get lipstick on the
inside of a toilet. I'm just trying to think about how.
Speaker 2: I'm not Surlock Holmes, but I would say that she
flicked a chump of like a piece of it off
the actual lipstick thing into the toilet. It bounced off
the rim, and that's how you have the mark, you think, Yeah, okay,
what do you think, Watson?
Speaker 1: Uh? I think she was probably like trying to eat
the toy toilet. Yeah. I wouldn't put it past these all, Right,
So last we left off. Nope, my notes went all
the way to the top. The next course is actually
a brand zeno. Okay, thoughts on this lovely, lovely fish. Now,
I'm never a fish guy. I'll never go to a
restaurant and order the fish right right. But I think
when someone does a brand zina well and this looked
to be done well, it's an unrivaled culinary experience. It
really really is. It's just that it's that lesser traveled
road that people just have to take some time. And
I would implore lots of people that, you know, if
you're out and you trust the place and you've been
there before, you know your favorites, maybe take a night
off from the steak and cream spinach and try the fish.
You know what?
Speaker 2: My wife and I do what we will at a
restaurant that we've been going to for a long time,
something that we never ordered. Will just order as almost
like an appetizer, so we both get the tried and true,
tested things that we want. And you put that one
thing on the side and we just pick at.
Speaker 1: It, and it's always worse than the things that you.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's disgusting. We ordered something like we went to Casaluna.
I'm like, oh, thank god I did in order this
is what I was. It was some mushroom risotto.
Speaker 1: Okay, you didn't like it. You don't like this, Oh
I didn't like it.
Speaker 2: That's still took it home. I fed it to the dogs.
Speaker 1: Okay, they're eating. Well, we end things with a microwave
chocolate cake.
Speaker 2: Let's not do dessert. What is someone gonna say about
a fucking cake.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. If I was on VIA, I
would have cobble of that.
Speaker 2: Why.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love bias so much. What have you been
taken from VIA recently? Because you took one the other
day on a PMZ, I thought you were gonna have
a tough time. You excelled.
Speaker 2: Now I excelled it. It made my brain work better.
Speaker 1: It was almost like he transformed into a fucking pegasus.
Actually I did.
Speaker 2: I was flying around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really really weird how amazing this stuff is.
But listen, they've got a lot of products. So if
you're not sure where to start, you can take VIA's
Product Finder quiz to get personalized recommendations tailored to your needs.
It can take you less than sixty seconds to complete.
And they've got lots of stuff. Okay. It can support
your daily wellness routine, enhance focus and clarity, or unwined
with deep relaxation. Every VIA product.
Speaker 2: We're talking gummies and roll joints, Every.
Speaker 1: Single one of these things is thoughtfully crafted, made with
organic lap tested hemp sourced from trusted American own farms.
Speaker 2: Hey, Dy'll tell him about the box when it shows up.
It says curated for Old Patty or Dailly. It's you
feel so special you open this thing. It's got a
treasure trove of things that are gonna make you feel amazing.
Speaker 1: Imagine the gift bag that you get after the Oscars party.
Speaker 2: Doesn't hold a candle to this, doesn't hold a candee
to a Lamborghini. I don't need that.
Speaker 1: So if you're twenty one and overtreat yourself to fifteen
percent off and get a free gift with your first
order using our exclusive code bad tv at via hemp
dot com. Plus enjoy free shipping on orders over one
hundred dollars. You're gonna want to get over for one
hundred dollars. Okay, trust us on that. That's v I
I A h e MP dot com promo code bad tv. Now,
speaking of Oscar gift bags, Okay, this is.
Speaker 2: Something the YouTube page to see this.
Speaker 1: This is something that you would get in an Oscar's
gift bag. Okay, this is okay, I unfrolled my lola blanket.
This line, I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna do it right now. I'm gonna unfurl this.
Speaker 1: I unfurled at this. Go ahead. It's pure bliss. I
unfurled it this morning.
Speaker 2: I'm wrapping myself up in a blanket.
Speaker 1: It is one of the softest things. It's it's almost
like like you're on psychedelic drugs or something, and you're like, wait,
I didn't know that things on Earth could actually be
this soft. Now. I was looking at what it's made
out of. It's made out of it's made out of
because I was like, what is this kashmir nine percent
vvegan polyester? Wow? How is vegan polyester the most magical
feeling thing on planet Earth? Seriously, Lola blankets are incredible
and you can get thirty five percent off your entire
order at Lola Blankets dot com by using code bad
TV at checkout. You need to experience the world's number
one blanket. And I'm not even kidding.
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, make your do your favor, do yourself favor,
head over to that website and buy this. This will
say I care about me. I like I feel.
Speaker 1: Special in this rust and there are lots of things
that can enhance the aesthetic of your living room. Right,
throw blankets like you know, blankets, You want them to
actually have some utility. Okay, think about this blanket on
a movie night right now. It works when you're having
people over. Oh that's a nice blanket. Yeah, well, we're
not really doing couch stuff right now, we're doing a
dinner party. But next weekend when you the husband or
the wife and the kids are getting together, ready to
watch cars.
Speaker 2: Or bring it on or bring it on some other
inappropriate movies that.
Speaker 1: Are anaconda, doesn't matter what you put on. Slap that
Lola blanket across your your your legs. You're going to
be in heaven.
Speaker 2: Jian. Let me tell you something. This Lola blanket is
so special. If I have guests come over and they
need a blanket to sleep, you know they're not good
enough to have this put on. Absolutely, I'm gonna hide it.
Speaker 1: We got the extra large. We're very lucky.
Speaker 2: What did you get?
Speaker 1: I got the extra large? Well color, a lovely kind
of cream brown that really accents the beauty and the
sandal one of the of the living room. But listen,
don't miss the matching pillows. Go to Lola Blankets Dot
com and enter in promo code bad TV. At check
out you'll get thirty thirty five percent off Wow your
entire order. So head to Lola Blankets dot com and
use promo code bad TV. All right, so back to
the show. We got some titties coming out pretty soon. Yeah,
we do, Helen.
Speaker 2: So how did you rate? Did you give the dinner? Pots?
Speaker 1: Seven?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 1: Really bull your base? Rainbow tells Selen she can go
to bed. Selene says that's nice. Rainbow says, it's part
of my jub So no, no, no, I wasn't saying
you're nice. I think you're an evil bitch, but going
to bed will be nice. And Rainbow says, oh okay,
well I think you're an evil bitch. Have a nice sleep.
These two hate each other, they do.
Speaker 2: They're never gonna be friends.
Speaker 1: So Helen is heading back to the boat and re
joins the crew the next day. I believe Frank is
throwing punches. He's got a really solid base. I think
this guy was a fighter in his youth. I think
he's gotten into some scraps. Yep, you know. But we
get to Stilly. He is still morose. He's been spun
out by this whole Selene thing. And these are the
kind of flies that land haphazardly in the web of
these sex addicts. Okay, Kyle is chummed to Selene. He
is got to move on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you do to who mm hmm. It's not bad
girl in the trailer.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 1: Okay, what it's out of that girl in the trailer?
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2: Did you watch trailer for the next episode where he
slept with charter guests?
Speaker 1: Uh? I wonder who he's love. Did he sleep with
the charter guess?
Speaker 2: I believe Captain Carry and the trailer. I'm not like
speaking out of turn here, he says. Uh, I thought
the crew, thank you banged a charter guys.
Speaker 1: I thought it was well. I mean, listen, he said banged.
Speaker 2: Yes, he did, know he did. I'll pull the tape.
Speaker 1: He did not.
Speaker 2: He said bang.
Speaker 1: Carrie said, sorry, you banged a chat Do you have
it on your phone? No, we're not doing that right now. Okay,
so let's get to the breakfast table. We've got egg
white omelets and locks with breakfast. Captain Carry is accosted
by the ladies.
Speaker 2: I tell him, gonna sound mean here. Yeah, but I
have to just call balls and strikes. Michelle and Helen.
They want to know if he's single. You know, maybe
they could have him hold them in the water, you know,
when their shirts off. Let me say this, I don't
know Captain carried that well, but I'll tell you this.
He's cucumber.
Speaker 1: Then whoa pretty stuffy Sorry? Okay, now, listen, Italian women are.
Speaker 2: It makes the world interesting if you really think about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've I'll really think about it later. But listen,
Italian women are are generous lovers. So I think that, Kyle,
Oh really, I think so.
Speaker 2: I grew up with Italian women. They're not.
Speaker 1: Oh really, I think I thought they They kind of
colloquially crack their knuckles and get to work. All right.
I feel like this episode is pretty brutal.
Speaker 2: I promised you at the beginning I would be authentic.
Speaker 1: You you made good on that promise?
Speaker 2: You?
Speaker 1: All right? All right? Okay? Helen hits the beat. Wow,
wouldn't it be funny if we had we have to
finish the episode? All right? Helen hits the beach. She's
already pretty turned up and she is pretty touchy. She
pops those tits out and Kyle starts to I mean
essentially motor butter from behind. I mean, this is very
very sexual. Guy goes, it's almost sexual. I can that's
perfect right, Scottish? Pretty good?
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's U about Richard? Poor Richard? He's passed out
on the beach.
Speaker 1: The guy when he's got his shirt on, and yeah,
I mean I would say that he's he's got a
Mandy Pittankin vibe to him. He's just exhausted and just
staring out at our horizon. But what would you. I
can't imagine what kind of relationship these two have because
she's popping her tits out and the young buck is
just holding her in the ocean. I mean, I guess
he just he's cheating on her with so many women
he can't.
Speaker 2: Maybe you know, relationships, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So back to the boat, we get a call
from Selene's brother and she tells her brother that she
likes saying girl on the boat and then tells the
producers that Jess is playing with her. And the producers say, well,
what about you and Scottish And she goes, no, that's
very very different, Babs, and our love triangle is very different,
and the producers could have gone, well what about Dame
O then, and she no, no, no, it's different, Selene.
You do not have a fucking peg leg to stand on.
Speaker 2: Okay, she's not good on her feet, No she does.
This is when she says first rule of I guess
hooking up with people, don't get hurt.
Speaker 1: Barbara is getting things ready for the guests and Selene
is useless. Now after all this, do you want to
say anything more about the the tits coming out? The
tits are The tits come out cradled by stilly and
they remain out for some time. I think when Captain Carey.
Speaker 2: Comes to pairs still out.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and the Alice Cooper hair kind of covers
them up a little bit. You know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Alice Cooper, her buddy Michelle.
Speaker 1: No, I'm talking about her own hair.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Well you know, am I right in saying that Helen's
hair is a little Alice coopery?
Speaker 2: Yeah? It's uh more like every member of the glam
band Cinderella. You know, she's like Tom Keith.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know Tom.
Speaker 2: She's like, she looks like Tom Keefer.
Speaker 1: Let me pull that up real quick. Just because I
need a good laugh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, sure. Now, so they have lunch there, but
who gives a ship any thoughts on lunch while you
look up for Tom Keefer?
Speaker 1: Uh? Tom Keifer? Yep? Okay, what do you think accurate
or hair? No? He wow? Wow, you're talking about Tom Keefer.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh, it's stable and wonderful. Jesus, I feel like
he called me out at the top of the show.
I wasn't gonna let that happen. All right, So is
everybody back on the boat yet, because I got a joke,
all right, Michelle, she's making a little charter guest, Michelle
who looks like the guitar player for Cinderella. Although I
think that guy's dead.
Speaker 1: I knew ohhi, I fucking knew it.
Speaker 2: He left us. God rest his soul, you know what
I'm wrong. That's the guitar player for Striper. Anyway, all right,
tri State. Michelle wants a new career as a sea rat,
and I think she'd be great in the engine room
where no one has to listen to that fucking shrill voice.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, I think we're gonna lose some listeners from this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I think they I think they remember
I wrote this before I started. I took a turn
with these people and start liking that.
Speaker 1: Okay, well they're gone next episode, I don't so I
don't know when that happened or where it happened, but
I would say that I'm looking forward to reading a
one star review next week. That's that's gonna be a
lot of fun, because there's no way we're not gonna
get one. I mean, my goine, man, it's got Tom
Keefer is still on my phone. It's uncanny. Okay. So
Barbara is getting things ready for the guests, and the
problem with Celene being her partner is that Selene is
absolutely useless. And I don't like Celene in a professional environment.
I think that she's fun outside of the boat. Evil
but but but fun.
Speaker 2: And also don't get yeah, don't get entangled with her.
You go have drinks with her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so make out with you right, right, it's fun.
But she does this thing where she'll be clearly in
the wrong right, being just a useless, generally unconcerned coworker,
and then she'll find something to divert the accusation away
from her incompetence, right, so it'll be I don't like
the way that you're speaking to me, and now we're
in that ring and we're discussing that, and you know,
she'll manipulate the situation to the point where she's forgiving
the other person for what they did to her.
Speaker 2: Being good looking is one of the attributbutes that actually
ends up being a curse later on in life when
you're not as good looking because you formed all these
horrible habits of how you interact with humanity.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's really kind of.
Speaker 2: People like pretty people. I'm not so keen on uglies.
Speaker 1: I don't like e Ccellence scares me, really really scares me.
One of the guests wants to be a sea rut.
Speaker 2: That's the one I talked about. She can work in
the engine room.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, great. So Babs and Jess are
still not doing great, paps, come.
Speaker 2: On, get over it.
Speaker 1: I guess at this point you go. She goes you
should He tells Jess you should go. I don't know
what you guys call it, but whatever it is, you
need to do it. Well.
Speaker 2: He's too rational to understand sea rat behavior. He needs
to go to like college for two years to understand it.
Speaker 1: I love Hugo.
Speaker 2: I do too.
Speaker 1: I think he's an incredible manager, and I think that
had he I think we'll get him again at the
top of the season, and I think he'll get into
some stuff maybe, but I think he's a great manager
and that he recognized these are fucking c rates, you
know what I'm talking about, the fucking st.
Speaker 2: But Dylan, it begs the question, why is he here?
Is it to eventually? I guess drive a boat like
Captain Carry.
Speaker 1: I don't know. He's handsome as fuck. I think he
could be on TV for a while. So the sea
rats hit the boat, Helen's grabs Stilly and evidently heads
to a room. Jess, we get a sea rat history
of love here.
Speaker 2: It's quick one. It turns out breaking on hell the
patterns in life is easier said than done in the
sea rat world.
Speaker 1: Oh, next to him, possible, I would say, next to
him possible. I mean, look at Rainbow. You cut one
sister's head off and you're ruined for the rest of
your life. But she hasn't cut anybody else's head off.
So maybe she's the uh, maybe she's the hope that
we're looking for. Now we've got an eight course dinner
to prepare and chef Anthony has almost killed people in
the past, but tonight he has to tell a story.
Speaker 2: He does don't And you know, a lot of the
audience has probably listened to me talk about me writing
a script, so I understand storytelling, right, So he he
tells us these courses will in fact tell a story,
and it's like acts in a play.
Speaker 1: Definitely, yeah.
Speaker 2: In the fourth course, it's an eight act structure.
Speaker 1: It's famous, yes, clearly.
Speaker 2: And the fourth act apparently will be the part of
the story where his uncle ben his wife over railing,
and in writing we refer to that arc as the trigger,
right right, yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Can't wait to the dyslexia diagnosis is the rising action.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: So anyways, Anthony does not need to tell a story.
What he actually does need to do is cut the
ribbis in half, because what are you doing trying to
make eight ribbys? And remember that you're serving food to
people from South Jersey who are blacked out. We're not
trying to tell a story. We're trying to put decently
food on a plate and get everybody to bag without bleeding.
Speaker 2: I think he honestly could have served them three courses
and convinced them later when they woke up.
Speaker 1: Eight yep, I think so too. Now Damo another fire impression.
He loves Frank. I love Frank too, but he nails
the Italian. But we have to get to an evening
of lingerie in lights now. The last time Carrie was
at a dinner, it didn't go well. Jill Zarin was there.
She did not have her Amazon button, she did not
have her Staples button and was pissed off about it.
And things are not going great because you know, Anthony
is just the walls are close, the walls are closing in.
But we end with Jess and Selene more trouble in
paradise there. I think that Jess recognizes now that Selene
is the joker, and because she's middle Porridge, she can
recognize when she's hurting people and also when people are
fucking dangerous sex addicts and you're gonna get gobbled up
if you don't get out.
Speaker 2: Wasn't this also her warning, uh, Sole, that you might
get your fucking ass fired if you keep fucking up.
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Correct?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So she tells Selene that there are murmurings afoot,
that her work ethic is really really bad, and that
she doesn't want her to go off the boat, so
she should shape up. Now. Selene is here to prolong
her television career and to just fuck around, so an
accusation like that shouldn't be too bad, right. She gets
so instantaneously defensive, completely shuts her down and go we're
done with this conversation. And that's and Jessica is to
take a shower. So get in the comments. Let us
know what you thought about the episode. Five stars, kind words.
If you want to leave a one, leave a one,
it'll be fun next week.
Speaker 2: Ones or five. No two threes or four, No two
threes or fourth.
Speaker 1: Please we love you guys very much. I'm doing Say goodbye, Patton,
say goodbye later.
Speaker 2: It is