Speaker 1: Conny gather Dirty, can he can join the questing is uncharted,
join the.
Speaker 2: Icy blasted six writers face off the fire roll of
the dice til fight Dirty leave nothing behind but fingerpits
and a tall tale stealing cart breaking parts with plenty
of time to kill.
Speaker 3: And icy maasters.
Speaker 4: Ten pis always ticing and you know the camp be
dasty bastards, John and join it, diicing bastard.
Speaker 5: Hey, there're a and Devians Junior Adventures and friends.
Speaker 6: Welcome to the next episode of Authors and Dragons with
the Dicey Bassards. Not season three, but we are part
two of Connie's crazy holiday heist. I'm mkay Gibson, you're Dudgemaster,
author Villain's Rule to Beat the Devil?
Speaker 5: And Moore? Who is here with me? Well, the same
people they are here last time, and I'm happy they are.
Happy Holidays still to you. Robert Bevan, how.
Speaker 7: Are you wonderful? Hello? My name is Robert Bevin. I
play the role of Jolso the Sorcerer, the Sorcerer with
the Morcerer, and I am having holly Jolly's. I write
the Caverns and Creature series of comedy fantasy novels and
short stories, starting with the first book, Critical Failures and
Merry Christmas.
Speaker 5: Merry Christmas to you too, sir. Happy holidays to you.
Rick Walteriery, Happy holidays.
Speaker 8: My name is Rick wall Tiery, and I play Moog
slayer of jolly old Elves. In real life. I write
several things. But if you're sitting here going gee, wouldn't
it be nice if give we something you by Rick? Well,
there is go check out Mike the Werewolf. By now.
It should be available in print and audio. I'm sorry,
in print and ebook, and Chris Featherhoff is currently recording
it in audio.
Speaker 5: Or Rick will just scream it at you in move voice.
Speaker 3: No, I I do that.
Speaker 8: That'll The audiobook will be about like you know, three
minutes long before my voice give my throat gives.
Speaker 6: Out worth every penny. Speaking of Penny Drew Hay, sir,
how are you happy holidays?
Speaker 9: Oh?
Speaker 10: Oh, I've been possessed by the spirit of shilling Santa.
Drew Ays is the author of books such as Fred
the Vampire Accountant. The audio book for the final chapter
should be almost out by now, along with series like
Rover Powered, which out its fourth and stalling it as
a fifth with all the rides and hey, have you
checked out the authors and Dragons Patreon lately? Shilling Santa
has cold if you haven't. Oh oh, all.
Speaker 5: Right, there's two ways of going with this one. Speaking
of Ho Ho Ho.
Speaker 6: Before that, I was gonna say, the voice is very
reminiscent of when we play.
Speaker 5: Rodeo and the perverted gem the orb guy.
Speaker 10: So, how dare you?
Speaker 3: Sounds like this?
Speaker 10: He's much more on fucking hen you know what?
Speaker 6: You're right, Let's go back to Ho Ho Ho Emily. Now,
Happy holidays and happy uh how to go to you?
Speaker 5: Emily Kaplan?
Speaker 3: Hey, thanks, welcome.
Speaker 11: This is Emily first chair Trombone, ready to play sleigh
ride for you with a yearly celebration. I'm playing Claudia
the Rosta Koala Rosta Rogue.
Speaker 3: There we go.
Speaker 11: Yeah, pretty excited. And I am currently writing a novel
with Rachel Carr which should be in the romanticy area genre.
Speaker 5: A lot of heaving and thrusting.
Speaker 11: Yes, all right, I'm.
Speaker 5: Heaving and thrusting.
Speaker 3: Speaking of heaving and thrusting.
Speaker 5: Happy holidays, sir, how are you?
Speaker 3: I'm doing fine? Give me a happy New Year to
you and a bumptious hog maneh and and I was
just kidding about all those other holidays. I'm sure they're
great too. And if you want to find my books,
I'm going to be releasing a lot more shit in
the year coming up, So why not follow me on
social media. I promise I'll make your laugh or die trying.
And I'm playing Stan Dandy Lever. There we go.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that was going somewhere before we go in the
game and remind everybody that we gotta do some shilling
real fast. Patron dot com, slash Authors and Dragon that's
where you can find us. Where you can give us
two bucks a month like you're probably doing now to
hear our podcast, join us hang out, and then you
can also five bucks a month. You can actually get
more access to more access, change access to more channels
on the discord, hang out with us live while we
play the game, be able to be in the chat,
be part of the group, and and so forth and
so on. We also have authors in Dragons dot Dashery
dot com.
Speaker 5: Forerence some really cool merchandise.
Speaker 6: And as I said last game, this is nothing that
was hilling. This is everything about being a good human.
Holidays are hard on people.
Speaker 5: Some people feel alone.
Speaker 6: Look out for friends who do or do not need
a friend and just grab them anyway and say hey,
I'm here for you, buddy.
Speaker 9: Okay, God damn it.
Speaker 5: Takes everybody. Oh it's Connie Sunds conscious. You know what
you're here.
Speaker 6: Last time, we're gonna pick up and we left off
stand in the workshop accepting gifts broken a Santa's workshop,
had hilaritious things across the night frozen river. And now
they're trying to climb their way into his Santo's fortress,
which they I think they actually just did. Yes, they're
there now, and now they're going.
Speaker 5: To move inside of his Uh, I guess the sleigh shop.
So let's see. Let's pick up there? Do are you
guys find yourself?
Speaker 6: You are at the top of the ramp and leading
into a shoot into a giant sleigh ride.
Speaker 11: I'm staring at a sleigh full of is it rapped presents?
Speaker 3: It is?
Speaker 6: These are giant bat bags of what appeared? Do you
recognize them as giant bags of holding?
Speaker 3: Clodia is a Clodia is in a situation when not
only can she get free loop, but she can also
ruin the day of millions of showdren.
Speaker 7: I could crawl inside one and be delivered to good
little boys and girls.
Speaker 6: No good, but to use it the way of comparison.
This thing is almost the size of a semi truck.
It's about thirty to forty feet long, about like twenty
feet wide.
Speaker 3: It is a biggest it's a cool semi truck. I
mean it's it's like a full truck, right.
Speaker 6: No, that's you seen a real truck. Yeah, that is
that is that is only half the size of a
real truck.
Speaker 5: Or it's the erection. It appears to be unguarded at
the moment, So do as you see fit.
Speaker 11: Okay, I know this walkway is looking rickety, but I'm
going to try to can I just sneaky house walk.
Speaker 5: Up and it's it's just an old it's just an
old rickety ramp.
Speaker 11: Okay, she'll go. She's lured by the promise of stolen goods.
Speaker 10: She wants to go.
Speaker 11: Sorry, guys, gotta go.
Speaker 10: You gotta be you.
Speaker 9: All right?
Speaker 5: Where you go? To move your character on the screen
to me? Where you go?
Speaker 11: Let's see how far is this?
Speaker 5: I mean, it's you have to wear a world turn right,
Just tell me where you're gonna go.
Speaker 11: So you she wants to go right up by the sleigh.
Speaker 6: A right, you go by the sleigh, it's empty, No
one seems to be on it, but as you get
closer it does.
Speaker 5: It's there's like there's like a.
Speaker 6: Hum of vibration like a a a winchery magical pixie
dust and like a fairy tale kind of vibe around it.
Speaker 10: Like would you say we can feel the vibration?
Speaker 5: Feel it? Yep?
Speaker 11: Like does it? Does it feel like it's a protective
thing or.
Speaker 9: Just like.
Speaker 5: Magical, just magically magical.
Speaker 11: Oh, let's see, could she get close enough to try
to take one of the bags or open one?
Speaker 5: Uh, you can get a shot.
Speaker 11: Okay.
Speaker 6: As you move closer, look to your left. You see
that what appears to be green tinsil on the ground.
Speaker 9: M h.
Speaker 5: It starts to slither towards you, and.
Speaker 3: It's like Stan brings out a little box of popcorn.
Speaker 5: Yeah, as you like.
Speaker 6: But it's like, so this this exists, green tinsil here
on the side. It starts to slither out like a
living vine. It is greenish, and the tinsil, the metal green,
starts to like looks like it's spiking, and it's like
like little arcs electricity. The closer you to get to
the presence, hmm, and it starts to come towards you.
Speaker 10: So just she's going to.
Speaker 11: Do that, do that thing where she reaches out and
watches and then pulls back her hands.
Speaker 6: You reach your hand out there, it starts to like
it stretches a little bit closer towards you. You eat
your hand back, and it's going to shoot a little
bit of lightning at.
Speaker 3: You anyway, Just for the fucking it stand O'leada, Lena
over the kabert. See how Clodia bravely it brings the trap.
We all knew what's coming.
Speaker 5: Does a nineteen hit you?
Speaker 11: She is a true rogue in our terms, Yes, it
does a little.
Speaker 6: A little bolt of lightning shoots out of greenish lightning.
Holiday lightning shoots out from the from the sla hits
and you take just four points of lightning damage to
start with.
Speaker 3: Cool.
Speaker 11: Oh I forgot, I forgot to ask when we were resting.
I'm assuming we're all back to full health and stuff.
Speaker 5: Yes, it's been ten days you are fully rested, okay?
Speaker 12: Four?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 11: Interesting, Hey it's not so bad, you guys, Come on up.
Speaker 3: I don't think you've done disarming the trap, Claudia, big talk.
Speaker 11: All right, let's see how do I disarm stuff? I've
never actually.
Speaker 3: Tried, Claudia, I believe you offered your services to me
as a fucking rogue.
Speaker 5: Give me a perception check here, we'll check for traps.
We'll start with that. Give me give me a perception
check with advantage, because you're looking for apps.
Speaker 10: Okay, I love the beam. Now just love the trap?
Do you what?
Speaker 5: Now? So with advantage you give me two two rules?
That's a ten?
Speaker 11: Okay, all right? Perception no even.
Speaker 7: Three?
Speaker 3: Claudia. The trap? The trap, Claudia, I see one?
Speaker 6: You see Here's there's no mechanical traps that you're aware of.
There is nothing about this that is there?
Speaker 5: What trap?
Speaker 3: What trap?
Speaker 11: She's like gifts presence?
Speaker 5: Are you gonna try to reach into the bag again?
Speaker 3: I think she's gone loot crazy. We might have to
get involved.
Speaker 5: Would be gone brought to you by Loot create this
week's fun.
Speaker 10: I wish God, are they still around?
Speaker 5: I wish?
Speaker 3: I don't know. Maybe they are, fuck are they sponsors?
And then no? Then I hope they're dead.
Speaker 7: Lutta, can we see the vine? Thing from where we are.
Speaker 6: Well from where you're at, not really, but you did
see a flash of green lightning shoot like shoot on
and just like xap Claudia.
Speaker 7: All right, I'd like to step closer and see what
did that?
Speaker 6: All right, move up, move with the tunnel little bit,
joorier ullo. You see to the left and to the right,
you see this slithering green tencil on the ground. That's
like it's kind of like pointing at Claudia. It's kind
of got like a like an angry living snake made
of green tensil.
Speaker 7: Well, if it is living, if it counts as a creature, I'd.
Speaker 9: Like to, uh, what do you call it?
Speaker 3: A fuck it?
Speaker 9: Fuck it.
Speaker 7: Eldridge blasted, which.
Speaker 3: You know, go for it, finger blast it.
Speaker 6: Well, I'm gonna say it's a living creature, but it
is it is, and it appears to be something sticking
out of the wall that like, so yeah, by all
means you want Eldridge blash it, give me, give me
a tack roll.
Speaker 3: I'm just going to interrupt the action just for a
moment to say, if anyone is living to this and
has gone to Luke Crate, don't interact with them until
they give us five.
Speaker 5: Bucks or free Luke crate.
Speaker 10: I like it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can do a lot with five backs.
Speaker 10: Well, good news, give me it's still around.
Speaker 3: God damn it.
Speaker 10: We can always bleep that part.
Speaker 6: Okay, twenty five definitely hits.
Speaker 7: All right, that's ten damage, and I have a repelling blast,
so that should move good ten feet back away from coast.
Speaker 6: So you hit it though, to do ten damage to it. It
slams against the wall against over so it pushes across
the things on that you push it over here basically that way.
Speaker 5: It then looks at you.
Speaker 6: It swivels back around and it's going to fire its
own shot at you. We're gonna get a shot from
the left and the right because there's the two of
them on the on the one on the other side,
and both are going to target you with lightning blasts.
Speaker 9: This is between me and him.
Speaker 6: Oh no, all right, So a thirteen plus six is
nineteen and eleven plus six seven nineteen and a.
Speaker 3: Seventeen those will both hit.
Speaker 5: Okay, cool is that? And that's with you plus three
to your defense now correct.
Speaker 7: That puts okay. That puts my harberclass up to fifteen.
Speaker 6: Oh well, you could also you know, wear armor, padded
armor or something like. You know you could, but you
could wear clothes.
Speaker 3: But this is on you, Gibby, stopped trying to destroy
the beauty of this man's character.
Speaker 7: You've already done enough with this sinser.
Speaker 5: Bar, all right, et exactly, just give it time. So
you're gonna get two because you attacked it. So you're
gonna get two D eight from the left, two D
eight from the right, total twenty lightning damage to you.
Speaker 10: Oh shit, oh wow, god dang.
Speaker 6: So yeah, two shots of left, two shots the right.
Because you attacked it, it escalated its protocol and uh
you basically you got zap like that little kid trying
to cross in the Never Ending Story when the sphinxes, So.
Speaker 3: Okay, Chaps, ship has just got real longer whimsical.
Speaker 6: They hit you and they slither back as if they're
just waiting to see what you're gonna be, like, are
you going to be naughty or are you going to be nice?
Speaker 3: Maybe we should be nice, jeestra next time you're up.
Speaker 6: All right, So Claudia and the Georgia went, the rest
of you could bear Moog and drew when you want do.
Speaker 10: I'm going to cast good berry.
Speaker 13: Okay, it's it's only one action and then I'm gonna
start handing them out one by one, okay, saying happy
holidays Mary whatever we're calling this, Mary Ice Day, Mary Ice.
Speaker 3: Day, Happy nice day to you could bear you know,
things were looking a bit dangerous and non whimsical there
for a moment, but you've really check me out.
Speaker 13: I'm just seeing it being nice as a may.
Speaker 6: You can't see you cannot see the things from where
you're standing at But where Claudia and George or you
did a nice action, they kind of slither back and
they kind of go back into a nice resting mode.
Speaker 3: Do any of us realize that?
Speaker 5: Uh if Claudia and George are want to let you all.
Speaker 7: Know that, does the one I shot look hurt at all?
Speaker 5: Ish?
Speaker 12: Sort of?
Speaker 5: I mean it's tinsel.
Speaker 6: Have you ever seen have you ever seen tinsel like
hit with an eult just blast before like all the time?
Speaker 11: Yes, all right, I imagine that would be very sparkly.
Speaker 3: I want to.
Speaker 7: Put my good berry in my mouth, like the opposite
of a cyanide capsule.
Speaker 5: So do you walk back to Gobert? Does Cobart walk
up to you?
Speaker 7: I know you said was handing them out, all right.
Speaker 6: So Cobert, if you walked up to him, then you
you would see that as you pass all the good berries,
these things like kind of go into like a nice
low power mode.
Speaker 13: Yeah, I've definitely gotten enough speed to uh give one
to everybody and then move back to my starting position
without So when you.
Speaker 6: Pass all the good berries to everybody, you saw you
saw them do a nice thing. And then again, these
guys are kind of like the tinsel.
Speaker 3: The tinsel he moved in a straight line there, but
highlight to feend that Kabar now just like bounces around
the screen like an old DVD screen saver.
Speaker 13: Yes, I'm imagining him like wall riding like the new
Mario karts where he just kind of like v ears
like whoa.
Speaker 6: But it's like but it's you're kind of doing the
arm skating thing, so he's got to throw like a
speed skater on the thing.
Speaker 5: So so because you are offentually air walking, so oh yeah.
Speaker 11: Claudia is probably frozen with like her hand up toward
the bags, but also observing all of this stuff and
going these are nice bags, nice bags, that's nice. She's
like pat patting them, Okay.
Speaker 3: All right, Mogle, head up. Are we getting the message
here and seeing and seeing that everybody's doing nice things?
Moog will try his.
Speaker 8: Hand that okay, if there are any elves here, Mog
will very much consider making your tests quick and painless.
Speaker 10: Now here's the question, do these things read intent or not?
Because for Moog that is technically nice.
Speaker 6: Oh it is, Yeah, it is the nicest thing Moog
is probably said in quite a while. I mean again,
it's no one' shooting lightning right now. Elseo, everything seems
to be calm. No one's stealing, no one's no one's
no one's attacking.
Speaker 3: They remain calm, everybody softly, softly, nicely, nicely. Stan will
move up behind Moog. Same Moo. I don't hate you,
and you're not terrifying Mook. Thanks you for lapping off
his arms. It was my pleasure.
Speaker 5: If Tinsel could purr, it would.
Speaker 3: I'll take my dash action to get up to Claudia
as well. Okay, Claudia, you're not massively incompetent. You're definitely
not the worst rogue I have ever seen, and I've
lived a long long time.
Speaker 11: Thanks my pleasure.
Speaker 3: That would be my time to the north.
Speaker 6: There is a passageway out of the ramping area, so
the loading zone, if it will, I.
Speaker 3: Will say, I will quickly say to Claudia line, I
don't think we can get our hands on the bags
on the sleigh, but maybe the bags on the way
out we can maybe nap one in a very nice way.
Speaker 11: For the poor children.
Speaker 3: Yes, because we can take them to children of our own,
hungry children, needy children, little sad children.
Speaker 7: I'm gonna cast major armor on myself.
Speaker 3: Smart Okay, No, Gibbie, he's not smart. He's about to
fuck everything up. He's just getting ready to do it.
Speaker 6: Okay, let's see what happens. Those who wish to move
on to the next passage move to the north side
of the math. Those who look to around and find outs.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we got we got.
Speaker 10: Just zips back.
Speaker 11: I have a quick question. Are these tinsels attached to
anything or are they like they seem.
Speaker 5: Sliding out like like mouse holes on the wall, you know.
Speaker 11: But but we can't see the end of them. No, okay, all.
Speaker 7: Right, before I peek my head out again, I'm going
to use another invocation and cast a disguiseself upon myself,
and I want to look like mister Rogers stick the
nicest person I can think.
Speaker 3: Of, well in our universe. In that universe he might
be Satan. You don't know.
Speaker 7: All right, So and I have slippers and a sweater,
I will venture forth past the slid.
Speaker 3: Okay, wow, that was free.
Speaker 5: Pressed slip by as carget and everything.
Speaker 11: Claudia kinda wants to grab some tinsel, but her friends
are all going, so she's she's gonna just go with them.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 5: Mister Rogers can be controlled by uh.
Speaker 3: Mister Rogers can't be controller misters can't be contained.
Speaker 5: If that is your disguise, we'll put Georget over here.
Speaker 6: But like that is, you could be miss Rogers for
I think because you use the Scott what do you
have the mask of many faces? Or you can be
missus Rogers indefinitely.
Speaker 3: So yes, all right, cool.
Speaker 5: Hopefully we don't get us sued for likeness involvement, all right.
Speaker 3: Not that would not be nice, No, that would be
pretty mean.
Speaker 7: Yeah, there's suice that will fuck up the whole streep the.
Speaker 5: Rogers the state. You find out he wasn't so nice.
Speaker 6: Yeah, all right, as you guys, you go north of
this area, it's a stone arched way it's been carving
to the side of the mountain. You go for a while,
it's not too bad, but you started getting everybody started.
Speaker 3: Giving me you like, wait, wait, wait, givvy. I was
running away because I thought Bevan was going to fuck
it up massively, but I did not expect him to
actually pull out a killer move. So I still think
we should maybe try and steal a bag.
Speaker 5: Oh, they go for it.
Speaker 3: We're here to experiment. So I would like to go
to over this bay. Yeah all right, I'd like to
cast a minor illusion, okay, of who else is nice
and way as a cardigan? Norman Bates next to this tinsail,
And while that's there being nice, being very pleasant and calming,
I want to try and tank one of these sects.
Speaker 11: While Stan is doing that, Claudia will run over to
this tinsil and say, oh, they're the nicest tinsel I've
ever seen. I've never seen such a nice Dan.
Speaker 5: You have access to Norman Bates here, controlled by.
Speaker 3: I wasn't trying to be funny. I just can't think
of another man who wears a cardigan.
Speaker 5: You got, uh, fine, there you go. You have access
to him.
Speaker 3: I would like to cast it by the tinsil. Please
all right, sure.
Speaker 5: Claudia, you were what are you trying to do, Claudia.
Speaker 11: She's trying to like snuggle the tinsil.
Speaker 5: Sure, h you can, you can pet the tinsel. Tinsel
seems to be like as long as you have positive intentions,
it's fine if you try to like open the bag
attickes not you let me know.
Speaker 11: No, she actually was wondering if she could get it
completely out of the it's little den yours be like.
Speaker 3: It just then, will say loudly before he takes one
of the bags. Oh, my missing bag that I lost.
How nice of you to keep it safe for me.
Speaker 5: Claudia, You feel the tinsel on your hand, Get tense?
Speaker 11: HMM's this she's gonna like trying to find some ears
and tickle the ears or you know.
Speaker 3: Like a cat with tinsel. Is that's fucking awful?
Speaker 6: Think of it more like as like one big green,
long ferret that doesn't have an end. Said, yeah, but
it definitely does not like the idea of someone taking
that's take something that's clearly not his.
Speaker 3: So no, I was just imagining human ears on this tinseil.
Speaker 11: Well, I mean it could see us.
Speaker 3: All right, well, I'm paying attention to what the tinsel does.
Does it look like it's frockling Claudia. I'll put my
hand on the bag.
Speaker 5: It's you. It's not happy.
Speaker 3: I'll take my hand off the back area.
Speaker 5: Then it goes back to.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, mood tinsil.
Speaker 11: We're both frustrated here. I really want I really wanted
to wear this tinsel.
Speaker 3: We haven't tried to kill it. Oh yeah, it didn't
work out.
Speaker 7: I mean it still might.
Speaker 9: I mean I killed you?
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, all right, Okay, the bags are off limits.
We'll find something else to steal. We're here to experiment, right,
We've got to see the capabilities of whoever the master
of this castle is.
Speaker 5: Are you Romania's Norman Baits? Are you stare switching back
to stay?
Speaker 9: No, I'm not.
Speaker 3: That's minor illusion that just stays.
Speaker 5: There next Okay, Okay, I got it, got it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's it will be a reassuring presence for
them as we bang slowly away from this room.
Speaker 12: All right.
Speaker 6: As you go up the cave pathway, you start to
smell animal musk.
Speaker 3: It's just clodia, right, how can we tell?
Speaker 6: As you open to the next cave and you find
a very large cave, over one hundred twenty feet across
in length. It's wide, a lot of smell of hay there.
If you look around the ground, there's more of that
tinsil coming out of the walls. Looking around, but you
do find eight sleeping giant reindeer. Each one's ten to
fifteen feet tall, giant troughs of water and blood. There
is a lot of blood and bones on the floor
like this is where they live, eat and rest.
Speaker 11: So a reindeer's carnivores?
Speaker 3: Do we need to do a nature check here?
Speaker 13: If you all throw my nature my plus zero nature
six for Kebert, which is exactly right.
Speaker 3: Move gets a fifteen. They're actually vicious fuck is in
real life. They're right up there with monkeys as far
as stand.
Speaker 6: Like animals suck, dude, that's all right.
Speaker 3: Let's see if I get animals yuck exactly.
Speaker 5: I know they're tasty. That's about it.
Speaker 7: What do I need to roll to try to examine
the bones and try to identify what they come from?
Speaker 5: That's also nature roll, So moog, you do you see
like these are you know these are these are reindeer?
Or something's different about them?
Speaker 6: You know, you're aware that they're dear, but there's something's
different about sixteen Great.
Speaker 5: Bevan. You realize these are the bones of elves.
Speaker 7: Wow, this is how he treats the help. I wonder
how I was going to treat the intruders.
Speaker 9: These are elf bones, ye, Loog will go over and
check them out.
Speaker 5: They are orc bones, Moog. These are tiny. It's it's weird.
Orcs are supposed to be.
Speaker 6: Big, and some of these are tiny, like like.
Speaker 5: Orcs shouldn't be like three tall.
Speaker 6: But these are clearly the bones of an orc diministure,
like a homunculous Orcs that have been fed to these
these beasts.
Speaker 3: Deer have eaten orcs, now orc eat DearS. Stan's gonna
roll an in check, even though in those fuck all
about animals, apparently because there is blood and bones. Yeah,
fifteen moove, I think we should be very quiet. Yes,
it's be very quiet. We kill them before they wake up?
These Uh, well we could. I believe in you move.
I think you could kill something in its sleep. But
while you were doing that, it's friends, my wake up
and I want that should just move through this room,
very quietly, not disturbed. The giant carnivorous magical beasts.
Speaker 5: Stand give me a persuasion role.
Speaker 10: The reindeer are not convinced.
Speaker 5: It's pretty good, Moog.
Speaker 6: You can either like do with that as you see,
fib But if you want to let the dice be
the god.
Speaker 5: Roll an inside check.
Speaker 6: You were under fifteen, You're like, this is prey convincing
you roll above of fifteen.
Speaker 5: He's fucking with you. I'm telling you this just to
patronize you.
Speaker 3: So let's say where you can go with that.
Speaker 5: You're options okay, twelve twelve?
Speaker 3: He is.
Speaker 5: He's not wrong, he's not wrong.
Speaker 11: We live to see another Christmas.
Speaker 3: I stay, yeah, all right, we kill on way out.
I tell you what. Yeah, if we can't through this
and we find out, we won't be supposed to find
out on the way back out. You not get now
without Feller, We'll have reindeer cobabs. But for now, softly, softly.
Speaker 13: I've never been so glad to have hooves that aren't
touching the ground.
Speaker 3: Right, all right, So not a creature was stirring, not
even a moog.
Speaker 11: Come along, moo, are we stuffing? What's going on?
Speaker 5: I would like you all to try to cross this room.
Speaker 3: That's stealth.
Speaker 5: That's like one hundred and twenty feet across. The thing
is like, because your movement speed has halved when you
are in a stealth mode, So you've got to cross
one hundred and twenty feet to get to get out
of this room.
Speaker 3: Okay, so stealth checks all around?
Speaker 6: You do realize that, like you know, you have things
at your disposal? Do it just fit as a DM.
I'll try to fuck you over, have fun.
Speaker 8: We still have the flying carpet. Which of us has
which of us has the worst stealth score? You should
get on that. It's gotta be you, right.
Speaker 3: My stealth is plus three? Really not strike me as
a stealthy character.
Speaker 6: And it's like how you're having this conversation by the
sleepy Oh god impressed?
Speaker 3: You can't be quiet.
Speaker 7: I've got a plus two.
Speaker 11: It's like the alien room with the eggs exactly.
Speaker 3: How to fuck if you've got a plus two? I'm
not seen. You walk into a single room where everyone
hasn't immediately noticed. Oh oh oh, no, Stan, are you
getting on the car? Are you getting on the carpet? Uh? Frankly,
I'm a little bit insulted. I am a rogue. I
may be a very fucking old rogue who was suddenly
the size of a bodybuilder. But I'm still a rogue.
Speaker 13: I have my pride, give me. I'm just gonna test
a route here, yep. I just wanted to see how
far I could get and from there.
Speaker 6: So that's because that's because you have the additional twenty
feet of movements.
Speaker 10: So my standing speed is sixty feet, so a dash
action mixed with half speed gets me sixty feet.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I'm comfortable with that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you could get you could move. You get halfway
through there. Now give me.
Speaker 3: You are not.
Speaker 6: Making You're just a like a slow hum of your feet.
You're not making any sound, but you are kind of
drifting around. So let's see if you bump into again athletics, acrobatics,
whatever you see fit.
Speaker 5: I give yourself. So you like, let's see, make sure
you don't drift into the flammable. Hey, you don't bump
into the trough. Let's see how you do here.
Speaker 10: Thirteen.
Speaker 5: You're fine. It's above above average, Like all of my
room fourths are twelve were better on these kind of rolls,
Like for simple roles, there's this above average.
Speaker 6: Okay, you kind of drift into a nice you're hovering
exactly jetsons.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, so Stan will say to move move you
take choice from your copy. Me and Claudia, who is
a rogue, will sneak up true to wall the troughs
so we have some cover.
Speaker 14: Claudia, mister rogers up a bit the fig he said that,
really fucking.
Speaker 8: I know, it's one person carpet that can much like
the door and Titanic can can can.
Speaker 6: Squeeze, bounce. It only holds that much. The more you go,
bubbet just it becomes a rug.
Speaker 5: So no, it's just you.
Speaker 3: Claudia and I who is a rogue. Now that doesn't work,
fuck you?
Speaker 7: All right, Well, I'm gonna stealth my way thirty feet
with a dash.
Speaker 6: So you're gonna move and then you're you're gonna use
your movement action and your action, so you're gonna get
thirty feet. So give me I want I need uh
stealth rolls?
Speaker 7: Okay?
Speaker 9: Two?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Oh I wonder if he can he lean on his
sense of to keep his white off the ground? Does
that help?
Speaker 6: Well, he hasn't tried. Well you you should have told
that before he moves, So can you roll.
Speaker 3: Your dick on the sensiba. It might help you move
more quietly.
Speaker 6: Look eleven, that ain't good. You got fifteen feet five ten, fifteen.
Let me your perception check on the nearest of the uh,
sleeping reindeer. We'll look at Vixen and Blitzen to see
how they do. They'll get disadvantage for each one, so
we'll take the lowest because our asleep all right, uh
seven okay, and so okay, he doesn't notice. And two
you're lucky, so neither I've notice.
Speaker 3: You're good for now. Stan is going to do a
botic inspiration for Josu. Okay, so you're gonna start singing
at him. No, that's good. Anything you do this, shut up, shush.
Speaker 5: Now are you gonna like now you're gonna listen what
you do before you go?
Speaker 7: Late?
Speaker 5: Lya on your bar and do this.
Speaker 7: Did you tell me that he did?
Speaker 5: Oh you listened or not?
Speaker 9: It's different, all right?
Speaker 7: If he told me, then then I'll do it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: The bar hovers you lay on it, so you just
kind of like you can kind of just doggy paddle
your way across the room because it's always floating ebsolute,
so it doesn't make any noise, and you just kind
of like, I'm not gonna ask you to a stealth
because it's like much like a bear.
Speaker 5: But you're just moving slower, so you just over the suit.
That's where you're at. All right, that's fine, move what
you're doing.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna I'm gonna going to use the magic carpet.
And what I'll do is I'll see if i can
grab George Firs since he's floating and drag him with me.
Speaker 5: All right, So how far is how fast is the
magic carpet?
Speaker 3: That's a good question to get her.
Speaker 7: Actually, man, this is going to ruin my plan of
swimming through the trough.
Speaker 6: I think it's a flying speed of sixty, but I'm
not sure. I think I think it's like a fly spell.
Speaker 3: Us are just imagining from the trough like apocalypse. Now, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 6: Oh, No, flying speed is eighty Okay, go so you
can give you there's no dash rightning like that, So
it's just eighty feet around, So you get eighty feet
so you can go like thirty feet grab Doorstortes, kind
of drag him beside because he's already hovering on his
on his dick bar.
Speaker 5: As long as he says.
Speaker 3: Back, Yeah, we'll go We'll go around, all right.
Speaker 5: So you grab him in tow. I mean you're pulling
him there.
Speaker 3: So I wondered how long it would be before we just
default it to dick bar on that.
Speaker 7: I would like to try to urinate under the trough
as I pass.
Speaker 5: Uh give me okay, as a gentleman does.
Speaker 3: He has a botic inspiration on this gush.
Speaker 6: So I would like a you know one, it's let
me see you're trying to piss. How are you trying
to piss? You're trying to like a MASSI piss? Are
trying a little squirt? Are you trying to like?
Speaker 7: No, just let it go as a as a fly along, so.
Speaker 5: You're not trying You're not trying to stealth pee.
Speaker 3: So okay, ah, you know you've got an aim for
the rim to stealth pee.
Speaker 5: Okay, give me a favor.
Speaker 6: You're gonna get your You're gonna shift to the side
and start you're thinking about getting your dick out and
started pissing the trough.
Speaker 5: Give me perception check sure.
Speaker 6: Twenty you see the tinseil north of you not happy
with these ill intentions, and it's starting to like like
like a like an angry cobra. They're starting to rat
a little.
Speaker 12: Bit, turn around to a stir like tor sirer, my
good friend, I would like you to hold it into
the next room, because that would make Moog very happy,
and and then Moog would not have to do horrible
things to you.
Speaker 7: Can I do like an insight to see what the
hell's problem is?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 12: Does that.
Speaker 3: You get body.
Speaker 5: Twelve plus? Give me a Bartica inspiration?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 5: Was that a D? I think I level D six.
Speaker 3: At this point? Yeah, one day at a D six
one thirteen.
Speaker 6: Well, it's above average. Moog is trying to convey something
to you about what you're doing is inappropriate.
Speaker 5: He's using and using the context clues of the room.
That's as far as I'll go.
Speaker 3: Moo he just he just rotate the cup, all.
Speaker 7: Right, I'll hold it for now and pretend I was
only master bid.
Speaker 3: Okay, God, how is the tinsel not gonna? Never mind?
Speaker 6: All right, Claudia and stand the two rogues. I'd like
to see you guys stealth stealth your way up there?
Speaker 3: All right, Claudia, shall we rogue? Shall we do a
little bit of roague?
Speaker 11: Take hands and skip across yeah.
Speaker 3: Yes, and the one and the two and the free
and so this.
Speaker 5: Is for your movement. So that's perfect stand.
Speaker 3: One and two and a free.
Speaker 10: Claudia, especially after all the ship you were giving Claudia.
Speaker 5: To get like to your first very quiet.
Speaker 6: Uh, Stan, you take one step forward trip and fucked
it and your muscle it hurts.
Speaker 5: And so again we're gonna do a quickly check here
they're sleeping with this disadvantage or thirteen Uh?
Speaker 3: This?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 5: Is it mixing?
Speaker 6: Yeah, Vixen to your left, it starts to rouse a
little bit. Now what about blisten to the.
Speaker 10: Rights, vixing to the left of me, Blitzen to the right.
Speaker 6: So Blisten to the right doesn't move, and Vixen starts
to rouse and starts to raise its head up.
Speaker 11: I'm stuck in the middle there with you.
Speaker 3: Stan will make soothing rein dad noises.
Speaker 5: Give me a performance role.
Speaker 15: Well, I also rolled like a two for animal check,
so that should probably be a disadvantage.
Speaker 6: You're quick trying to calm this thing to sleep. Go
back to sleep, so you can give me a straighter
performance roles.
Speaker 5: Yeah, do.
Speaker 3: Reindeer noises make more noise.
Speaker 9: That will help.
Speaker 5: Let's see.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm just curious.
Speaker 5: Let's give it like an insight roll on those things
under your lucky bell. It kind of like.
Speaker 3: Jing cock go to sleep.
Speaker 6: It loads its head for now, but it's not always
sleeping just yet.
Speaker 3: Clodia, be quiet. You nearly welcome, all right?
Speaker 6: So, uh, Claudia, give you that was your movement. Now
give me your action to dash. Give me another stealth roll.
Speaker 5: Okay, twenty six five, ten fifty more feet.
Speaker 6: You're good, Stan, Please give me your dash stealth roll.
Speaker 3: Steffee steffey stealthy twenty four.
Speaker 11: Here we go.
Speaker 9: You fucked up. You still haven't moved it.
Speaker 5: You got fifteen you got fifteen feet, all.
Speaker 3: Right, stuffed my toe.
Speaker 5: It's his head, top of the order.
Speaker 10: Co bet all right, well it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I will. I will attempt to uh covertly make my
way out of here again.
Speaker 5: Okay, because you can get the distance. That's not a problem.
Speaker 6: You got with that with your speed even it has
to be you can move in you're moving.
Speaker 13: Oh yeah, I'm just I'm just marking my route, right,
but I yeah, for thoroughness, there we go.
Speaker 7: I'd tried to do that and everybody got pissed at me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I would like you to also give me one
more athletics or acrobatics role, whatever you feel, because you
are again you have got hot hooves.
Speaker 5: You good in hear some of that flammable Hey, I'm
just curious.
Speaker 10: This is the perfect time for it all to come
crashing down. Yeah, you're thirteen again.
Speaker 5: You're fine.
Speaker 7: You know, if we set this hay on fire, our
problems might just be over.
Speaker 10: He's not wrong wrong, I mean, he's wrong ethically.
Speaker 11: Hey, I'm hey, all right, So no move.
Speaker 5: You are hanging onto Georcier's outfit, are you not?
Speaker 3: Yep?
Speaker 5: I want to see something real fast D one hundred.
Speaker 3: You're fine.
Speaker 5: It does not catch a light.
Speaker 6: I mean, I give a twenty percent chance anything you're
touching out of comedic room, but so a twenty or
below one.
Speaker 3: But it's Georgia's outfit, so it's damp.
Speaker 5: It's fine, that's well, that's yea, So it's it's cool.
Speaker 8: So moogg will well will whisper through gritted teeth, happy
thoughts and then try dragging them eighty feet.
Speaker 12: Okay, it's pretty much should.
Speaker 5: Just yeah, you can do that.
Speaker 6: His bar hovers and you just as long as you
can balance on that dick beam, he's good. So for
the sake for the fund season, just for me, just
because the DM, give me a gimme an athletics rule.
Speaker 5: Just make sure you can maintain your you're being pulled.
It's you. You.
Speaker 6: You got your arms and your legs and your doggy
padding across like your leg on a skateboard. Essentially, I
just want to make sure it's sue Is.
Speaker 5: It's a pretty low DC. But give me athletics ruled.
Speaker 6: Like, you're fine. Here's the I said as a five.
Just don't get below a five. Like, oh so that okay,
You're cool. You're you teeter a time or two. You
gotta do that tinsel, but you you managed to stay
on your dick bean, all right, Claudia and.
Speaker 3: Stand yeah, rogues, try to be quiet.
Speaker 6: I would like I would like to stealth roll speech
of you to get another thirty feet.
Speaker 3: I got a body inspiration Clodia as well.
Speaker 11: Oh thank you.
Speaker 6: Actually you can go further because you can go because
you guys, it's not too You get three movements. You
got your movement, your action in your dash.
Speaker 11: Yeah, thinking the hugest horse guy gets over there, fast.
Speaker 3: I believe in you. That's a natural one, isn't.
Speaker 11: It stop distracting me?
Speaker 3: That is a natural on bodic inspiration, natural one for Cloda,
I believe in you.
Speaker 5: Stop suck up? So the natural one. You screamed that.
Speaker 6: I want to see how many of these deer to
your like tow to the left and two to the right.
Let's see, all right, so reception checks. They're low one
perception because they're deers. So these are just flat rolls. Okay,
to to the left.
Speaker 3: Cloudia, I think it's inspirational. You're not worried about in
fair sing me that was asleep.
Speaker 5: That was asleep, and that was as sleep. So uh pranself, Claudia.
You look to your left and.
Speaker 6: You scream, you shut the fuck. Transwer lifts its head
and looks at you like this deer. There is a
this deer, and it's got reddish eyes, Smoke kind of
bills from its nose. It opens its mouth, it's got
sharp teeth.
Speaker 5: It's like, oh Jesus.
Speaker 11: Christ, which which one is? It is directly to.
Speaker 5: Your left, it's this one right here, uh, this guy
right here.
Speaker 11: To okay, all right, what would.
Speaker 3: You like to do? Fucking run?
Speaker 5: It's not. It's not it's not all the way up yet,
but it's lifting its head. It's looking at you.
Speaker 11: All right, let's see she's gonna dash closer to it
and puff in its face.
Speaker 6: Okay, so you dash and you release your part.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yepleas you release.
Speaker 3: Your all right, I mean you'll have for you. Well,
you're just like like a bad dog or something.
Speaker 7: I was looking the big bad wolf.
Speaker 6: They are both stones. I kind of go, I kind
of like lay back down. That's what your movement, your action,
and your and your bonus action.
Speaker 5: So yeah, you're good. You are a stay at your turn.
Speaker 3: That was very cool. Actually yeah, okay, well I'm just
gonna try and snink past.
Speaker 5: You have three stealth three stealth rules.
Speaker 15: Now that Clodia has done the actual heavy lifting. Okay,
twenty four, that's.
Speaker 5: Fifteen feet fourteen, that's fifteen more feet ago there and cool.
Speaker 3: When it's twelve, it's.
Speaker 5: You're about you're above ten.
Speaker 6: You're gonna fried by sleeping, so you get forty five
feet due.
Speaker 5: Out there probably about yep. Okay.
Speaker 6: The rest of you all are watching stand like slow
rollers way through the trough.
Speaker 5: Hey, Claudia, you might want to hurry up.
Speaker 3: Shut up.
Speaker 11: Stuff?
Speaker 9: Are we making noise?
Speaker 10: Now?
Speaker 6: All right, I'm gonna come back to Claudia. Stand you're
in the middle of it, because this like like give
me through our roll.
Speaker 3: Stand.
Speaker 5: Let's say let's say a part you can get okay,
donkey oh ten, that's that's that's your DC. They're sleeping.
That's don't go any lower than that.
Speaker 6: Okay, forty five feet you're you're there, you're with your.
Speaker 5: Friends, Claudia, Yes, you're back here. They're stoned, dear, and
you're standing on brittle pay What would I like to do?
Speaker 11: Let's stealth the heck out of here. Well, yeah, okay,
eighteen and fifteen you're fine, Okay, so I'm about right.
Speaker 10: Let's see, I'll.
Speaker 5: Give you a third one you get three?
Speaker 11: Oh yeah yeah, twenty sixty six perfect, So you were there,
so that's you get You're right, forty five.
Speaker 5: Feet you get about right there?
Speaker 11: Okay, okay, and I guess I go yep, if.
Speaker 5: You give me three more, you'll be got to here.
Speaker 11: Okay, come on, no way, Amy's twenty ten, eighteen.
Speaker 5: A year out.
Speaker 8: Fake frick Moog sure is happy that we have rogues
to be quiet.
Speaker 3: That's how it's done, motherfuckers.
Speaker 11: By the way, I sense to trap.
Speaker 6: All right before we sign off for this next this
episode here, because this might be three or four part
thing of this holiday heist.
Speaker 5: But I do want to show you the next map.
As you creep down the.
Speaker 10: Hallway, the size of this episode is creeping.
Speaker 6: Yeah, well again, Gibby Gibbey didn't plank, Shut up you guys.
Speaker 3: Takes a long season two of.
Speaker 5: Exactly all right.
Speaker 6: So as you creep along the next hallway you get,
you hear the sound of like clattering and talking sounds
like it's like a tired like kind of like the
sound of a malaisement office is extremely tired, like ill
slept working. As you creep along the hallway, you see
this large room where it's like these shitty beds for
sleep to the right, and a never ending the production
line of crappier toys and people working and working and
working making.
Speaker 5: Toys and toys and more toys. And you see all
these for the rest.
Speaker 6: For most of you, you see tiny version of elves
approximately two and a half to three feet tall at
most gnome size. Elves are smaller, They are keybler, They
are tiny, and they are working, someone is going to
be chained in spot and they never There's something a
lot of shift to work, some are a lot of
shift to sleep.
Speaker 5: The room stinks of waste and it's horrible.
Speaker 6: As far as Move's concerned, there's easily sixty to one hundred.
Speaker 5: Chained tiny works who are forced into.
Speaker 9: Labor oh a PlayStation. And with that.
Speaker 5: Part two of Connie's Crazy Holiday Heist.
Speaker 3: Was there anything you.
Speaker 5: Guys like to say or do before we end the episode.
Speaker 9: Two? Do's drugs?
Speaker 3: I mean the whole like a roll for every step.
And also, you guys took too long, so now it's
a free PI.
Speaker 7: We're gonna find out at the end of the said
there were like eight more rooms that we didn't do.
Speaker 5: It was a role for every step that mostly it
was mostly using you wrote shut up anyway.
Speaker 6: Drew Hayes, Rick Volatier, Robert Revene, cap On, MK Gibson.
We're the Dicey Bazzards and you being grateful.
Speaker 5: See you all next time.
Speaker 3: By bye.
Speaker 16: You've been listening to Dicey Bastard's cats. See if Authors
and Dragons check us out at Authors and Dragons dot
com or look up our patreon if you want to supporters,
get secret content, and hang out on our discord music by.
Speaker 10: The door Call, fall
Speaker 11: I sensed a trap.