Speaker 1: Yeah, you did side with Nia and Danny and throw
Speaker 1: Brittany under the bus as a ranch eating drunk when
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be her best friend. So's you can
Speaker 1: to make a correction there?
Speaker 2: Yeah, go ahead, there was no ranch. Manuel said we
Speaker 2: don't have ranch.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, I could have sworn that Manuel had ranch.
Speaker 2: Well, who did not have ranch?
Speaker 3: Hyla and welcome by TV. I'm Dylan. That is pat
Speaker 3: great to be here. Is what's up with you? Boo?
Speaker 3: Are you having a good day.
Speaker 4: I'm having a wonderful day.
Speaker 1: It's hot, it's iguana weather, so I'm sure you're happy.
Speaker 1: Oh he's a pick and ship in summer.
Speaker 3: He's so, he's so joyous.
Speaker 1: Today we are joined, though not by Papia dog Girl,
Speaker 1: but by a fellow podcaster, and dare I say friend?
Speaker 3: Dare I say, comrade.
Speaker 1: Laurie Alterman of the Fan of Franatic podcast. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the show. Thank you for doing this, and we're sorry
Speaker 1: in advance.
Speaker 2: Well my apologies back at you. Yeah, I feel horrible
Speaker 2: for what's about to happen.
Speaker 1: Thank you for Yeah, we kind of try to prime
Speaker 1: the audience for what's about timefold, but they've been listening
Speaker 1: for a long time, so they know. Now you are
Speaker 1: in the reality swamp with us.
Speaker 3: How did you come to The Valley and what do
Speaker 3: you think of the third season of The Valley.
Speaker 2: I come to this season a virgin, gentlemen. Although we've
Speaker 2: watched every single Vander Pump Roles reunion and such, I
Speaker 2: only started watching The Valley this season, So my vantage
Speaker 2: point it's unique.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like, huh, that's like starting Star Wars at
Speaker 1: the Han Solo movie.
Speaker 3: No ouch, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: You just compare The Valley to Star Wars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm not the big I think Star
Speaker 1: Wars really jumped the shark. I think The Valley has
Speaker 1: more integrity than that fucking franchise. But but yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's a crazy comparison. What what I'm what
Speaker 1: I'm driving at is that this is probably the worst
Speaker 1: season we've had so far.
Speaker 3: Correct, am? I correct?
Speaker 4: Last season was pretty bad too.
Speaker 1: I know, but we we still had Jackson a cocaine downfall,
Speaker 1: which was entertainment for us at the very least. Brittany
Speaker 1: got thrown into some bushes.
Speaker 3: But what can you do?
Speaker 4: This show technically should be on the chopping block as
Speaker 4: far as Bravos goes, oh should be oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: We had multiple cast members say, well, Jesse Tonight said
Speaker 1: that group is boring. I'm gonna come over here there.
Speaker 1: There are entire groups and pods of this cast that
Speaker 1: are just too boring to even film with. But Laurie,
Speaker 1: we start off every episode by giving a rating of
Speaker 1: the episode out of one hundred bumps. Now that those
Speaker 1: could be baby bumps, where they could be bumps, bumps
Speaker 1: of cocaine?
Speaker 2: Is that in memory of Jack's Yes, it is.
Speaker 3: It is in memory of Jack's Taylor, who we wanted
Speaker 3: to honor.
Speaker 1: Because he's passed exactly. So, how many bumps would you
Speaker 1: give this episode?
Speaker 3: Laurie?
Speaker 2: Wow, I'm gonna say that it was bumpless because anytime
Speaker 2: crazy creepy cult leader Danny Yeah and his I guess
Speaker 2: disciple brainwashed wife are on the screen, it's unwatchable. Although
Speaker 2: I can't stop watching it right.
Speaker 3: Right, right, it's quite a paradox.
Speaker 2: Wow, it's a real mind.
Speaker 1: You know what. So you're giving it zero bumps, absolutely
Speaker 1: no bumps whatsoever.
Speaker 2: Well, okay, let me let me let me give a
Speaker 2: few little bumps. Okay, what got me bumpy? And bumped up.
Speaker 2: Anytime I see Schwartzy, I love him, I know him,
Speaker 2: he is he is. It's nostalgic for me. It is
Speaker 2: a familiar place. So when he comes on the screen,
Speaker 2: I'm feeling and probably it sounds like you were hanging
Speaker 2: with and I hoped to be hanging with soon. I'm
Speaker 2: feeling Jesse and Ladycy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2: So we're gonna give some bumps for that. So let's
Speaker 2: say those two get two bumps. Seat and what's his face,
Speaker 2: Tommy Schwartz. He gets fifteen.
Speaker 3: Okay, so we're looking at a nineteen right now.
Speaker 2: Who doesn't get a bump?
Speaker 3: Nineteen is not a very good time.
Speaker 4: I don't want to get off on the wrong foot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have to address I cackled like a hyena
Speaker 1: when you said that you love Schwartz, because well, Pat,
Speaker 1: why don't you take it away?
Speaker 4: Well, I understand Lorid the sentiment that there's a comfortability,
Speaker 4: and with Schwartz being that, it's like a warm old friend,
Speaker 4: there's a familiarity with something that you remember.
Speaker 3: He's like a hot pocket.
Speaker 4: I'm going to compare him to the film Goonies. As
Speaker 4: a child, when your brain's not developed, and you were
Speaker 4: nine when you saw it. You love that movie, but
Speaker 4: as an adult you realize what a giant piece of
Speaker 4: dog shit it is. And that's what Schwartz is to me.
Speaker 4: He's an adult child in a moron and he has
Speaker 4: a complete dad bod. He has man tiss.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's all gonna have to enter the chat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, please come.
Speaker 2: He is a gooty. Second of all, I love a
Speaker 2: dad body. Looking at your physiques, yeah, those will do.
Speaker 2: Third of all, he brings nothing to the show except
Speaker 2: for a hot pocket, which I have. Motherfucker, just put
Speaker 2: one in the microwave.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's nostalgic, it's nuclear hot, and it has no
Speaker 1: nutritional value.
Speaker 2: Okay, but Danny, how.
Speaker 3: Many bumps do you give?
Speaker 4: Okay? So now a little plug for Laurie. She's gonna
Speaker 4: give her second appearance on Juicy Scoop. I'm very jealous
Speaker 4: this week, but I'm gonna quote another popular guest on
Speaker 4: Juice Scoop because I'm big fan, Heather. You should have
Speaker 4: us on Zach Peters. He said, completely agree with us.
Speaker 4: Agree with him. He said, the reason why the valley
Speaker 4: sucks is there's no one to root for.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a little bit like the US team in
Speaker 1: the in the World Cup. There's no there's no Startlet
Speaker 1: you know, Christian Pooliticic is not going to cut it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: I was just gonna say thank you to the word
Speaker 4: time of my mom.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So Orange County we have Gen and of course we have.
Speaker 2: You see what happened to Gen today?
Speaker 4: Happened to Gen today?
Speaker 3: What happened to Gen today?
Speaker 2: First one of her sons, I don't know it, like
Speaker 2: twenty five.
Speaker 1: Al right, Prchie, that was Archie. He's dead too, he's dead.
Speaker 1: With Jack's go ahead?
Speaker 4: What happened?
Speaker 2: Wait? Archie wasn't Archie Shannon's dog who also recently passed.
Speaker 3: He's gone. Yes, the dog is gone, but.
Speaker 4: We rooted for him. Yeah, okay, but what are you
Speaker 4: gonna say about jensa son? O?
Speaker 2: Jen has a son who apparently just started a fire
Speaker 2: near you guys. Oh yeah, it isn't good. And she
Speaker 2: jumped on pr and said, you know, we feel awful's
Speaker 2: parents were dealing with this, so this just in't Oh she.
Speaker 4: Didn't saying I would have just scrambled those words we
Speaker 4: are awful parents.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, Well, okay, but but hang on a second,
Speaker 1: and now this is interesting.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 1: A housed pyromaniac is a rare breed. Usually you don't
Speaker 1: see them in Los Angeles now where we are. They're
Speaker 1: usually zombie fires or bum fires as we call them.
Speaker 1: You know, people cooking I don't know, stuff top popcorn
Speaker 1: over an open sterno fire that'll light a bunch of
Speaker 1: pallet wood on fire.
Speaker 4: You're being too kind. It's normally a crack pipe.
Speaker 3: Well, okay, so anyways, Jen Sun his house.
Speaker 4: Which one the one that was speeding, Well, isn't there.
Speaker 2: Like a marine? And isn't there there's a plus or others,
Speaker 2: some adopted kids if you want to, I don't wait too.
Speaker 2: I don't like kids guys. I don't like animals. I
Speaker 2: don't like old people. I don't like So this just
Speaker 2: happened with one of her kids. And you're right. I mean,
Speaker 2: it would have been much better if she came on
Speaker 2: to guy I must suck.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, so she does have a marine who faints that's jaws. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she has a really sexy by the way, a litter.
Speaker 3: Of mistakes, A litter of sexy mistakes.
Speaker 2: He fainted getting a tattoo yes.
Speaker 1: Not gonna not gonna go Well, when the U shaped
Speaker 1: ambush springs up, you give it how many bumps?
Speaker 4: I'm gonna give it not a lot of bumps, because
Speaker 4: this episode was absolutely terrible. Really yeah, although the other
Speaker 4: the one thing I was going to say, I get
Speaker 4: it that Nia is a brainwashed cult member for Danny
Speaker 4: the Drunk. However, I must say say what you will
Speaker 4: about how awful these people are. I would love if
Speaker 4: my wife would stand in front of me to blow
Speaker 4: that was so hot.
Speaker 1: I know, we talk about it all the time, how
Speaker 1: we have normal wives who aren't brainwashed, who do love us,
Speaker 1: but they're just they're just totally normal. So if we're
Speaker 1: doing something grotesque in public, which we don't do because
Speaker 1: we're adults and we're behaved, they'll actually join the tomato
Speaker 1: throwing because we're you know, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's a similar thing to where I was watching
Speaker 1: Obsession and I was like, I wish that my wife
Speaker 1: would bang somebody's head against the block fifteen times on
Speaker 1: my behalf.
Speaker 3: That's actually really cool.
Speaker 4: It's time it's hot.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I will say I understand it to Laala's
Speaker 4: in the program and she's been sober, but I would
Speaker 4: ask what exactly what was she doing to go over
Speaker 4: there for round three?
Speaker 3: To go for.
Speaker 1: Dan's trying to make the fucking show watchable?
Speaker 4: Gotcha zero bumps?
Speaker 1: Wow, not a lot of cocaine flowing around tonight. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna spill mine on the table and give this episode
Speaker 1: ninety two bumps. I don't know why I thought this
Speaker 1: episode was a lot of this. I wish, I just
Speaker 1: I miss it so much, but it's got fentanyl in it,
Speaker 1: and we can't do it because we're Dad's.
Speaker 3: But I think that.
Speaker 1: La La going after Danny Nia, going full David Miscavitch
Speaker 1: handler interventionary kind of behavior was amazing. We've got Luke ascending.
Speaker 1: Luke does this weird thing. He's like a gloomstalker Luke
Speaker 1: where he will resurface into my hate phil hateful crosshairs
Speaker 1: every once in a while, and then he'll slink back
Speaker 1: into this kind of calm deliverance fisherman status. But tonight
Speaker 1: it was a stark reminder that he is quietly, as
Speaker 1: the kids would say, low key, one of the worst
Speaker 1: people on reality Televion.
Speaker 3: I fucking hate this.
Speaker 4: I know it was hurtful what I said but maybe
Speaker 4: a tough or a lesson. Maybe it's scared her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hey, look go take a nap on a towel.
Speaker 3: Okay, god, I can't stand that.
Speaker 2: How about double down and take a nap on a.
Speaker 3: Tom Oh right, right, exactly.
Speaker 1: He's just he's not my favorite. But we let's get
Speaker 1: into it. We are in Mexico and last we laughed off,
Speaker 1: Zach almost got decapitated and Danny was.
Speaker 4: At least he wouldn't have that haircut anymore.
Speaker 2: Zach to me, I mean, guys, remember this is my
Speaker 2: first season. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's been no tempering at all.
Speaker 2: Wow, you gotta explain the Zach of it all?
Speaker 3: Why you know?
Speaker 1: It's a It's a class we could take a thousand
Speaker 1: times and fail every single final exam because we have
Speaker 1: not the faintest idea he there, there's there is really
Speaker 1: nothing redeeming about him. He's not funny. He thinks he is.
Speaker 1: That's worse than being not funny. He lives in You know,
Speaker 1: I honestly might prefer being an adventurous rogue zombie out
Speaker 1: there in the streets than what Zach and Benji are
Speaker 1: living in.
Speaker 4: I mean, that's when you're weeping over a monster energy
Speaker 4: drink refrigerator that you probably stole your trash.
Speaker 2: And is that when did he adopt Benji? And who
Speaker 2: is there another parent?
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a gay asp C a group
Speaker 1: that he joined. It was an instrgument season. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was in Instagram at I think. But we start
Speaker 1: in Jasmine and Melissa's room. Why speaking of the room,
Speaker 1: all of the rooms look like cave dwelling creatures have
Speaker 1: been living in them the morning after the night before.
Speaker 3: Now this is like, this is.
Speaker 1: Just kind of what hotel rooms look like when you're
Speaker 1: getting when you're getting a little torqued up on vacation.
Speaker 1: You know, you get a couple of French fries on
Speaker 1: the ground, a couple body parts under the bed.
Speaker 4: It's just what I think you're referring to the girls.
Speaker 2: Maybe if you're on spring break in college.
Speaker 4: Yeah okay, yeah yeah, or or you're like on a
Speaker 4: vacation like this. This is what I love. The girls
Speaker 4: really rallied for Brittany the night before, and they also
Speaker 4: ate everything at the resort. Now there's no judgment here,
Speaker 4: but I want to say this, after night of drinking,
Speaker 4: this is when girls can really throw down.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Right, It's like it's the only time they'll act like
Speaker 4: men when they're like men eat you know. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: it's like the fourth meal at Taco Bell and Laurie.
Speaker 1: Any thoughts on women finally eating?
Speaker 4: How many does that complete your order? Actually not, no.
Speaker 3: No, and shut up.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you when I'm done, Laurie. Any thoughts on
Speaker 1: what Patcha said.
Speaker 2: Yes, so, my favorite kind of eating is drunk eating,
Speaker 2: and I like to do it when I'm drunk, not
Speaker 2: in bed. So I'm going to start that entire process
Speaker 2: while I'm at a bar. It's not a popular thing
Speaker 2: to do. Everybody wants wants to dance and drink more.
Speaker 2: And I've got nachos.
Speaker 4: Coming ye, yes, good start.
Speaker 2: Gave me some chicken wings and what the only thing
Speaker 2: was missing was me Ma's beer cheese.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I thought.
Speaker 2: That she traveled with that, and I was disappointed that
Speaker 2: not only did she not have on her for Cocta,
Speaker 2: I guess it was a girdle she needed to put on. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the Britney situation again. First season. I haven't seen her
Speaker 2: since vander Pump. Yeah, and a cross that you could
Speaker 2: take it?
Speaker 5: Why?
Speaker 1: Uh, okay, why Brittany is the heart of this show,
Speaker 1: which shows you how.
Speaker 3: How this show has it. But Brittany is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the kind of moral guidestone, I would say, And
Speaker 1: she also just sucks down shellfish before major surgery and
Speaker 1: does travel with cheers.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Good. Can we talk about again? First season? Like these
Speaker 2: people really normally wouldn't be together. Seemingly the only way
Speaker 2: they can coexist is by drinking a lot, and it
Speaker 2: just comes off to me as completely not organic and
Speaker 2: not real. Why not just Sena and bra can even
Speaker 2: bring Katie at least, let's see where they are in
Speaker 2: their life, because this is really depressive.
Speaker 4: I'll tell you why, Laurie, because that show was called
Speaker 4: vander Pump Rules and we canceled it because we were
Speaker 4: sick of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the absence makes the heart grow fonder, now,
Speaker 1: does it?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Now, listen, Pat and I have a particular gripe with
Speaker 1: Sheena and Brock, who has flown underneath the radar, being
Speaker 1: you know, one of modern history's worst parents.
Speaker 2: Okay, well worse than jin from O C.
Speaker 3: Well I think so. Maybe.
Speaker 4: Well, Brock has two kids on the other side of
Speaker 4: the planet that that I don't think he has any
Speaker 4: It's fine, communication, there are worse.
Speaker 2: He doesn't. That's not fair, guys, he doesn't know about them. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's not nice.
Speaker 4: I think he knows.
Speaker 3: Laurie.
Speaker 1: Please, if, if, if we are not being nice, can
Speaker 1: you just let us know.
Speaker 4: One's Spring Saturn. The other ones called Winter Pluto or
Speaker 4: something winter green.
Speaker 2: That's right, Yeah, yeah, exactly, Probably as too.
Speaker 1: Juicy little ass wife Peter shirts dance moves.
Speaker 3: She is the real witch of the equation.
Speaker 1: But I would take them over, Melissa and Jasmine. I
Speaker 1: would take them over a sack.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. Listen, I'm not saying I'm going
Speaker 2: to leave my goldfish with them. I'm just saying, maybe
Speaker 2: we don't even make it a whole series. Maybe we
Speaker 2: do just like a day in the life, right, and
Speaker 2: just tip tiptoe into this, because this valley is not
Speaker 2: working all right.
Speaker 4: First off, we live in the valley, and it's not
Speaker 4: about all about postpartum Janet shared our horrific Uh yeah, that.
Speaker 3: Would be fun to talk about it.
Speaker 4: It's not about miserable parents. Look, we have fucking Universal
Speaker 4: studios here.
Speaker 1: Okay, don't don't. Don't launch a defense of where we live.
Speaker 4: We have great sushi here and also a bunch of
Speaker 4: good looking.
Speaker 2: Now you're bringing in a different show. You're bringing in
Speaker 2: the Valley Persian style, and one of those cast members
Speaker 2: has been shitting on the Valley the whole season. You
Speaker 2: may not watch it, I kind of watch.
Speaker 3: I hate the Valley. I will not move there. He's
Speaker 3: fucking disgusting. So let's get Wait, is that was that?
Speaker 2: Which one's your real accent?
Speaker 3: That one?
Speaker 2: Can we talk about Kristen?
Speaker 3: Sure?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, because there's two things going on. I don't want
Speaker 2: to forget to talk about Let's talk about Kristen. And
Speaker 2: let's need you guys to know that the women who
Speaker 2: could be so annoying out there all love that we're
Speaker 2: seeing the real side of postpartum and marriage after and
Speaker 2: what it's like. I am not turning on the TV
Speaker 2: to look at lives worse than mine. I want to
Speaker 2: be jealous, I want to have fomo, I want to
Speaker 2: aspire to something. So I am not on the side
Speaker 2: of the women with this. I already had postpartum. I
Speaker 2: don't need to watch it.
Speaker 3: One.
Speaker 1: I do think that while it may be refreshing to see,
Speaker 1: I do think it's maybe not extreme extreme, but it's
Speaker 1: a rather severe case, and she's got a fly and
Speaker 1: she's got a film, so it's not it's not everybody's situation.
Speaker 4: Now, Laurie, you're a this is your world, You're a
Speaker 4: big Bravo fan.
Speaker 2: Yes I am, Yes, sir.
Speaker 4: As I've discussed quite a bit here. This is Bravo's
Speaker 4: pivot into an aging audience that are now parents and
Speaker 4: want something to relate to other than hot twenty year
Speaker 4: olds working at a bar.
Speaker 2: Listen, I'm almost sixty and I still want to see
Speaker 2: those twenty year olds working at a bar. I don't
Speaker 2: want to see Kristin who again, I haven't seen her
Speaker 2: since vander Pump and she's still whiny and complaining and
Speaker 2: annoying and boring. So nothing's changed.
Speaker 1: No, the more things change, the more annoying Kristen gets.
Speaker 1: It's another queen's birthday though.
Speaker 3: It's Danny's birthday today.
Speaker 1: Yes, he is smiling like the joker talking about his birthday,
Speaker 1: and I want to just really quick. They talk about
Speaker 1: men being into their birthday. I know one man who
Speaker 1: is really into his birthday and it's not grading. And
Speaker 1: I'm not just saying that because I'm sitting next to him.
Speaker 1: He actually pulls off being a bitch about his birthday
Speaker 1: the way that few men can. Pat loves his birthday,
Speaker 1: and so does Danny. Danny, first off, I don't make
Speaker 1: a big thing of it. Hold on my birthday is
Speaker 1: generally I'm going to be at a bar.
Speaker 4: You love your birth there. I'll pay for everybody to
Speaker 4: be there. I take care everybody.
Speaker 3: I know, but you take care. But you love to
Speaker 3: throw a.
Speaker 1: Birthday party for your birthday. You love a birthday party. Now, men,
Speaker 1: when what do you think the cutoff should be for
Speaker 1: men caring about their birthday, if there should be a
Speaker 1: cutoff at all?
Speaker 4: First off, Danny said this like he was making it
Speaker 4: all about himself. I don't parade around.
Speaker 1: I'm saying, you pull it off. Okay, Laurie, what's the cutoff?
Speaker 2: This is such a hot button for me, trigger to
Speaker 2: reuse and use that word too much. I have a
Speaker 2: very strong opinion about women and mostly men, who are
Speaker 2: birthday babies. Guess what you did? Nothing? Your mom or
Speaker 2: whoever the hell you think is your mom pushed you
Speaker 2: out of her you know what reason? Yeah, and went on.
Speaker 2: I have had experiences with said people, and there's a
Speaker 2: checklist of the way you're supposed to act, the way
Speaker 2: you're supposed to show up, what you're supposed to wear,
Speaker 2: how you're supposed to celebrate its work. And a grown
Speaker 2: ass man shouldn't even know one whose birthday is, unless,
Speaker 2: of course, I'm in LA and it's your birthday and
Speaker 2: we go somewhere fabulous.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't wait. You should come out.
Speaker 2: It's going to be there in two days. But then
Speaker 2: you're going.
Speaker 4: I'm going to Napa.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2: Want to tell it everybody. I want them to you know,
Speaker 2: the paparazzi.
Speaker 1: You're going to be in NAPA on your birthday, well,
Speaker 1: a little bit before my birthday, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: we got to talk about.
Speaker 4: Who's gonna you know, replace then.
Speaker 3: You're gonna be are You're going to be in al
Speaker 3: for your birthday? A birthday you can one hundred percent
Speaker 3: sit in this place. There you go.
Speaker 2: If you want to be there Saturday for a week, Yeah.
Speaker 3: That'd be great.
Speaker 1: Okay, well I'm confused about we got to talk.
Speaker 3: We'll talk about when your birthday is.
Speaker 2: But yeah, the cut off ages six.
Speaker 3: Okay, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4: I never thought you'd get to that answer.
Speaker 3: I was going to say seven.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're more generous.
Speaker 3: His is.
Speaker 1: Fifty, all right, so we So my thing with Danny
Speaker 1: and his birthday is he's very into it, and then
Speaker 1: he jokes about birthday sex, and then he jokes about
Speaker 1: how he hasn't gotten the phasectomy yet and that he
Speaker 1: wants to have yet another child. You are Danny, and
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've probably you're at the gym working out
Speaker 1: so often. How do you not listen to every podcast
Speaker 1: that talks about you?
Speaker 3: If you are listening? And I really hope that this
Speaker 3: is I'm not saying that there's not room for improvement.
Speaker 1: I hope this isn't too insulting. You're a six out
Speaker 1: of ten father. Stop having children until we get.
Speaker 3: That number up a little bit.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that you can't do it. But
Speaker 1: when you're such a deadbeat dad who's more focused on
Speaker 1: the garage workout time than helping rear the children, stop
Speaker 1: having harems. That's a bad word. Litters of children.
Speaker 4: Okay, start with the alcohol is an issue.
Speaker 3: That's bad too.
Speaker 2: It's not great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually probably pretty bad too.
Speaker 3: That's the number one.
Speaker 2: Okay, Wait, he did stop drinking this season, didn't.
Speaker 4: Oh, you're right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right, you are. He did stop drinking, so, by.
Speaker 4: The way, the end of the episode, his wife would
Speaker 4: have had sex with him, but he chooses to sit
Speaker 4: at the bar.
Speaker 3: Because he's a drunk. Exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's already gotten the wheels turning and he cannot
Speaker 1: stop them. So Janet says, my biological instincts tell me
Speaker 1: to stay off the boat that they're going to be
Speaker 1: going on to celebrate Danny's birthday, And my biological instincts
Speaker 1: tell me.
Speaker 3: To tell you to get the fuck off the show.
Speaker 1: Is there anyone outside of like Rula that just doesn't
Speaker 1: film the way that Janet does? I mean, she just
Speaker 1: doesn't go to stuff, and it's always a it's always
Speaker 1: a thing. And I'm also just blown away that there's
Speaker 1: a millennial named Janet.
Speaker 3: It's always crazy.
Speaker 4: I don't like it when she skips, and I also
Speaker 4: don't like it when she shows up.
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, Laurie, your thoughts on Janet. This is
Speaker 1: your first season with her. Your thoughts on Janet.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm getting killed on social media because as the
Speaker 2: first time watch from see last season. Yeah, she of
Speaker 2: all the horrible people on this show, she's bothering me
Speaker 2: the least because she was calling out Danny. Danny's a
Speaker 2: character who each time he's on the screen, I'm thinking,
Speaker 2: make me like you less. It's not possible, right, it's
Speaker 2: not possible. Yet he is achieving that unlike his fathering parenting,
Speaker 2: he's really good at making me like him less. So
Speaker 2: Janet has been calling out the person I like least.
Speaker 2: She's not loud and she's not annoying. Remember that I
Speaker 2: only know Janet this season.
Speaker 4: Yes, okay, and people, that's how people can reinvent themselves.
Speaker 4: New audiences come in and they're like, I like Janet.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well let's just back.
Speaker 2: Well let's just say though she's bringing nothing to the
Speaker 2: show in terms of of me caring or you got
Speaker 2: a hater loves someone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's you know what. It's It's really true.
Speaker 1: This show has an imbalance in the strength of how
Speaker 1: we feel about the cast.
Speaker 3: There are some people that we.
Speaker 1: Hate, no one we love, and a bunch of.
Speaker 3: People we feel nothing for.
Speaker 2: So that it's like, you guys have kids, right, Yes,
Speaker 2: we go to my kids' school regrettedly and to some
Speaker 2: you know, back to school night, and I would leave
Speaker 2: going I mean they pay, they're fine, they're fine, they're parents.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I thought you were talking about the kids, because
Speaker 4: that would be funnier.
Speaker 2: Oh I never I never got anywhere close to the kids.
Speaker 2: I do, but the parents. I was like, I don't
Speaker 2: need to go out. They're fine. And you go to
Speaker 2: like a school event and you're like, they were perfectly nice.
Speaker 2: They were easy to talk to for a few minutes,
Speaker 2: but they leave no impression and you think of them
Speaker 2: never again. It's this cat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it really really is. And just to kind of.
Speaker 1: Backload you with a little bit of Janet Janet context, Yah,
Speaker 1: sorry for that. I think the reason why people have
Speaker 1: an issue with her is that.
Speaker 3: This is a new meek suit that she's wearing.
Speaker 4: The Yeah, the first two seasons she was an absolute
Speaker 4: type A alpha shitster.
Speaker 1: So it's been quite a dramatic reversal of cadence from Janet,
Speaker 1: and given she's a little disingenuous, so it's it's hard
Speaker 1: to buy it, but she's not as annoying as Danny
Speaker 1: or zach RL.
Speaker 4: We should probably get to the first the second five
Speaker 4: minutes of the show.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's do it, Okay.
Speaker 1: So the theme is Miami Vice for Danny's boat party,
Speaker 1: and evidently people do not know what that is. Luke
Speaker 1: asks if it is Dexter.
Speaker 4: First off, fuck off, fuck off. Miami Vice was a
Speaker 4: cool show, way ahead of its time.
Speaker 1: Not only is it a cool show, it's one of
Speaker 1: these weird shows.
Speaker 4: That your show sucks.
Speaker 1: Bluke has like cemented itself into the cultural like language like,
Speaker 1: how do you not know what Miami Vice it's? It
Speaker 1: was a fucking it was a fucking grand theft auto game.
Speaker 2: In the middle of a cornfield.
Speaker 3: He grew up in Denver. There's no excuse to not know.
Speaker 4: But Jasmine claimed not to know what it was either.
Speaker 1: That's insane, and they just did. They did a remake
Speaker 1: with Colin Ferrell that's supposed to be Jamie Fox.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it wasn't true to the show.
Speaker 1: All right, Schwartz has hungover No Way and Zach and
Speaker 1: Jasmine talk about what happened at the lunch the day before,
Speaker 1: and now we continue to do this thing where everyone
Speaker 1: on the cast thinks.
Speaker 3: Danny is an annoying drunk, and no one on the.
Speaker 1: Cast except for La La will actually go up to
Speaker 1: Danny and say you are a inappropriate drunk. Zach Zach
Speaker 1: will talk about it, Janet will talk about it. Lala
Speaker 1: is really the only person that will get in his
Speaker 1: little face and say you're inappropriate, you're root, and you're drunk.
Speaker 1: So it's a lot of talking not enough action. Janet
Speaker 1: and Laala have a chat, and Janet has a really
Speaker 1: uh traumatic thing to happen to her. And this is
Speaker 1: why I I just want to start throwing guys that
Speaker 1: essay and are in just giant pits of lava, because
Speaker 1: it is really a disgusting thing to do. And I
Speaker 1: think we all feel for Janet. Are we just gonna
Speaker 1: are we gonna ice skate over this?
Speaker 3: Really?
Speaker 4: Podcaster?
Speaker 2: However?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no, but no, but whatsoever, Laurie,
Speaker 1: anything on this conversation? Or do you want to join
Speaker 1: us in running as far away from it as humanly possible?
Speaker 2: It's gonna say. But however, I.
Speaker 4: Was gonna say, let's go back to the triangle of
Speaker 4: sadness on that boat? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh, very good movie, very good, way more exciting than
Speaker 2: that boat. Yes, And if we could play the drinking game,
Speaker 2: and I know you'd rather play the bump game. Every
Speaker 2: time Danny would scream, what what what? What were those
Speaker 2: words that gave me I know, in hell when you
Speaker 2: walk in on a ticker tape, yeah repeat, Yeah, that
Speaker 2: a grown man. And it's so interesting to me. I
Speaker 2: get the ick so easily on every human being in
Speaker 2: my life, mainly my husband that I've been banging thirty years. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and that she doesn't hear that and her vagina doesn't
Speaker 2: dry up like a raisin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's unbelievable, the loyalty she had them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it really like, how.
Speaker 2: Does she hear that? Or he says, but it's my
Speaker 2: birthday and she doesn't just throw up in her mouth
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna be honest. Guys, you know me pretty
Speaker 2: well now. I don't get I don't I don't get jealousies.
Speaker 2: I am jealous. I wish I felt like you wish
Speaker 2: your wives at your back. I wish I felt like
Speaker 2: that about my husband.
Speaker 4: I'm one hundredth the douche the Dannias, and my wife
Speaker 4: still hates me.
Speaker 1: I know, I know I'm a different kind of douche,
Speaker 1: but I'm also one hundredth of it.
Speaker 3: And yeah, I mean.
Speaker 4: I saw your wife the other day.
Speaker 3: She doesn't like you, no, not at all. And and
Speaker 3: and here we are. We're great. I never let go.
Speaker 2: And why is? Why is nia so pray?
Speaker 3: It's crazy?
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Speaker 4: I I don't know what spell he has over her,
Speaker 4: Well it's Jesus. Well maybe hey, SHREI, let's go to church.
Speaker 3: All right. So we get back to the boat. People
Speaker 3: are going down, people are sick, hungover, throwing up.
Speaker 4: This is the worst thing ever.
Speaker 1: What are we doing going on boats after having.
Speaker 2: I don't know you guys, You guys are obsessed with
Speaker 2: below knocks. You really had.
Speaker 1: Your boats, Laurie. Should we discuss below deck really quickly?
Speaker 3: Do you want to?
Speaker 2: We could clean We can clean up this aisle five
Speaker 2: on valley and and think of what what we wish
Speaker 2: for if there is a sec another season? Mm hmm, Like,
Speaker 2: where do you what could you do? If you're Andy
Speaker 2: Cohen write this? Mind it? What could you do to
Speaker 2: improve the valley?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Turn them all into sea rats and just cast everybody
Speaker 1: on the next season below Deck?
Speaker 4: Okay, I'd clean house in the valley. I'd keep like
Speaker 4: four maybe six cast members.
Speaker 3: Persian style is much better than this show.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: And it's the same reason that Rhode Island works. And
Speaker 1: it's the same reason that vander Pump worked in the
Speaker 1: early days. These people genuinely truly know each other, see
Speaker 1: each other a lot, and have relationship equity with each other.
Speaker 1: These people, I guess they do. I just don't buy that.
Speaker 1: Zach and Britney are like the closest people, and I
Speaker 1: just don't buy it.
Speaker 3: Okay, of it?
Speaker 4: So I am I because you don't know this, Lorie.
Speaker 4: I know all these fucking people, not know them personally,
Speaker 4: but go to the same bars as all these idiots.
Speaker 4: We're in the same city, the school that I go to,
Speaker 4: where my kids go to school. There is so much
Speaker 4: shit going down at this school. People fucking each other.
Speaker 4: There's a crazy story where this dad, him and his
Speaker 4: wife were divorced. Another mom now is banging this guy.
Speaker 4: He got accused of raping his wife and they went
Speaker 4: to court, and the proof that he had that he
Speaker 4: didn't rape her is he showed a video of him
Speaker 4: banging his wife anally and her smiling back, and he
Speaker 4: points at it in court and says, look at her.
Speaker 4: She loves it. Okay, Okay, that's a story going around school, Okay,
Speaker 4: and that would be great on the show.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know that it sounds a little heavy,
Speaker 1: but I take your point. There are a lot of
Speaker 1: normies out here that are doing exciting stuff more than
Speaker 1: these people. That's what I'm saying, not that that that
Speaker 1: any of that sounded exciting, that sounds awful.
Speaker 2: Actually, well, I'll say this, you know, three hours later
Speaker 2: hear in Philadelphia, it's almost my bedtime and good bedtime story.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, Jesus fucking.
Speaker 2: Chris, just to take don't charge the story that was.
Speaker 2: That was a strong storyline, and we'd be lucky for
Speaker 2: it to show up on Brado.
Speaker 3: Michelle and Lazy.
Speaker 1: We had a fifty four minute episode, I should say,
Speaker 1: and these kinds of conversations, this retread horseshit of these
Speaker 1: two talking to each other about how it's challenging that
Speaker 1: she's dating her excit.
Speaker 3: Okay, we got it.
Speaker 2: Why not organic right, buy it? It wouldn't happen. The
Speaker 2: show I want to see is Michelle and Doctor dre period.
Speaker 4: You think, I hope she's getting some self defense classes.
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 1: So, as you mentioned, he's yelling stuff and it's very
Speaker 1: off putting. And that's when Jace, Jesse and Lacey sit down.
Speaker 1: They they find some till the Swinton kind of beach
Speaker 1: like area and they start I don't like spicy?
Speaker 3: Does that have?
Speaker 1: They start eating and she.
Speaker 4: Asked him, hey, stop hitting on me in front of
Speaker 4: your ex wife, and he's like, fuck that. If that
Speaker 4: the bee guy, if he was still on the boat,
Speaker 4: none of this would be, you know, an issue.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you can hear the sound of
Speaker 1: the bees in the mic, but the bees.
Speaker 4: Are actually on the beach. They're delivering a message. They're
Speaker 4: saying he's sorry he kicked her and her daughter out,
Speaker 4: and he also promises he might try and blink once
Speaker 4: this year.
Speaker 1: Okay, so just to give your heads up, there's a
Speaker 1: man named Aaron who she didn't see that used to.
Speaker 3: And now this.
Speaker 2: I did know because as the season started there was
Speaker 2: a breakup. Right, she was heartbroken. He wanted her to
Speaker 2: work out or be more.
Speaker 1: That's right, Yeah, she was too fat, and he's right,
Speaker 1: she's disgusting. But the thing about him is that his
Speaker 1: eyes were actually the widest eyes and the most open
Speaker 1: eyes in the continental United States. And it was actually
Speaker 1: really unsettling to look at. It was a little bit
Speaker 1: like what people saw in the Ring right before they died.
Speaker 2: So I did some homework obviously before I started watching
Speaker 2: this colossal train wreck, to see how hot this guy
Speaker 2: was that she was so sad over. Yeah, and I
Speaker 2: thought to myself, you know what would make sense to
Speaker 2: bang doctor dre.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's quite a jump from I'm not gonna say
Speaker 1: Aaron's not lean, He's very lean, but his eyes are
Speaker 1: also very haunting, and he thinks that Michelle, who has
Speaker 1: a perfect body, is fat. So let's get to Jesse,
Speaker 1: who's having a tough time with the boring crowd.
Speaker 3: So he decides he's gonna have a little fun.
Speaker 2: He was allowed one beer.
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, this is uh, this is crazy. There's
Speaker 4: a lot of yeah. But he does with Kristen. But
Speaker 4: I'll just break it down and kind of passphrase. He
Speaker 4: tells her Luke hates her, mm hmm, and uh, there
Speaker 4: might not be a wedding because he hates her.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: He tells her that her fiance told him that he
Speaker 1: doesn't think they're gonna get married.
Speaker 2: Right, And he tells her that your baby daddy wants
Speaker 2: you to die.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's very very cool of you to say to her, Jesse,
Speaker 1: that's really awesome.
Speaker 3: It's it's it's I.
Speaker 2: Liked it because I don't like Kristen. Is that wrong?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 4: No, the thing it's the same thing going on with
Speaker 4: how much you hate Danny, which makes you kind of
Speaker 4: like Janet, I really hate Kristen, but because everyone else
Speaker 4: is so much more hateable that I actually think I
Speaker 4: might be okay with her. Sometimes I don't know if
Speaker 4: I really hate her, not the.
Speaker 2: Name drop, which I love to do. I was just
Speaker 2: doing a show with Michael Rapaport and we had a
Speaker 2: fight about this because he thinks Kristen is one of
Speaker 2: the best parts of Bravo TV. She should be respected,
Speaker 2: revered and admired.
Speaker 4: Michael Rappaport, who.
Speaker 3: On Bravo should be respected, revered and admired besides for
Speaker 3: maybe Alicia.
Speaker 4: Alicia, who's Alisia?
Speaker 2: No, I see, we're gonna talk about Rhode Island and
Speaker 2: you're not gonna believe my hot take on that.
Speaker 3: What is it?
Speaker 2: I can't do it, won't do it, really unable to
Speaker 2: do it. And I'm an addict. So that is like
Speaker 2: me saying, take those bumps away.
Speaker 4: Why I don't give us a hand.
Speaker 2: I don't like to watch the show. We talked about
Speaker 2: this just now, where the houses are gross, the fashion
Speaker 2: is terrible, the accent's annoying, the dramas stupid. It's why
Speaker 2: I don't fuck with New Jersey.
Speaker 4: Well, you know, it's funny you mentioned that because our
Speaker 4: co host Ruby is in love with miss Krakas, and
Speaker 4: I don't feel as much love for Alicia. She would
Speaker 4: fit in the cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey perfectly,
Speaker 4: and I absolutely detest the cast of New Jersey. In fact,
Speaker 4: I hate the entire franchise. They were running marathon of
Speaker 4: real Housewives of New Jersey and it makes me want
Speaker 4: to throw up. I hate those.
Speaker 2: You're separated at birth, although I think I could be
Speaker 2: old enough to be your mother.
Speaker 1: What no, no, thank you?
Speaker 2: Thank you?
Speaker 3: What is your too? What's your favorite housewife franchise?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, recently, I binge every season, every reunion.
Speaker 1: Married to Medicine, Married to Medicine Under the Radar, that's
Speaker 1: a sleeper.
Speaker 4: Huh, we've had one of them.
Speaker 2: I love Beverly Hills because I'm a obsessed with LA
Speaker 2: and it's old school and it's something that I always
Speaker 2: when you watch it, it's like one, look at the
Speaker 2: things they're doing and it's in Hello, I just lost
Speaker 2: you guys. We're oh uh. It revolves around a lot
Speaker 2: of people in the industry and fabulous storylines. So Beverly
Speaker 2: Hills I've always loved. I love old school New York. Yeah,
Speaker 2: old school at Atlanta, but New Jersey and Rhode Island.
Speaker 3: Uh, it's it's Northeast trash. I think what you guys
Speaker 3: are we're from there. Repelled by that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I got a house for New Jersey, and
Speaker 2: so I'm here to tell you it's just not my thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well up, bye bye, mahulitas. And this is when
Speaker 1: we get to we're back on the boat. Back on
Speaker 1: the boat, disgusted by what Jesse did.
Speaker 3: Disgusted.
Speaker 1: Now, Kristen plays the whole thing off well when she
Speaker 1: hears what Jesse tells her, and I thought, for a
Speaker 1: moment there was a sense of maturity that she had
Speaker 1: to her. Things are really stressful right now for us.
Speaker 1: He could probably say some things that are not. He
Speaker 1: doesn't mean the temperature is a little hot that dissipates
Speaker 1: within milliseconds. And she goes straight to Luke and listen,
Speaker 1: she's she's not great. But to be fair to her,
Speaker 1: she has to contend with this squirrel, This fucking squirrel brained,
Speaker 1: fucking fisherman.
Speaker 4: He caught that fish.
Speaker 3: I cannot stand this guy.
Speaker 2: So talk about that random fish.
Speaker 4: Well, we'll get there. I don't believe him that he
Speaker 4: caught that fish.
Speaker 3: Me neither.
Speaker 1: That was the Yeah No Reservations episode where they're throwing
Speaker 1: octopus in the water and to pretend like they were there.
Speaker 4: Luke, did you talk about canceling our wedding?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 4: This is where he focks up.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I would have said, uh, no, Jesse's a liar. Yeah,
Speaker 4: also a drunk, and I would have just ended it
Speaker 4: there and dealt with it later when.
Speaker 3: The show debuted, Deny Deny, Deny.
Speaker 4: And said, he's like, yeah I did.
Speaker 3: Yeah I did, and uh and hey, I'll tell you
Speaker 3: what else. I'm glad I said it because at least
Speaker 3: it's making you pay attention to my fucking feelings. That's right,
Speaker 3: you fucking oh shit. Sorry, that was a dick thing
Speaker 3: to say.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave you now.
Speaker 4: And go soon to take a nap.
Speaker 3: I'm going to go take a nap, Laurie.
Speaker 4: I don't know if you and your husband have this
Speaker 4: type of arrangement. My wife and I have a rule.
Speaker 4: We didn't even start out this way, but somehow we
Speaker 4: agreed upon it years later into our marriage. We never
Speaker 4: threatened divorce. We've never no matter how bad the fights
Speaker 4: have gotten over there years, we never go I want
Speaker 4: a divorce. Sorry, I could divorce you. We've never said
Speaker 4: that to one another.
Speaker 3: No, I think it's.
Speaker 4: An important thing.
Speaker 2: I think it's certain because then it's the boy who
Speaker 2: cried wolf. We also never threatened to sleep with each
Speaker 2: other's parents, and that's been a boundary that we have
Speaker 2: never crossed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really mature of you, guys.
Speaker 4: I my wife's mother's not attract Wow.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is awkward for the mom.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna fuck your mom. Okay, get the fuck out.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have sex with your fucking mom. Okay, so
Speaker 3: we get back.
Speaker 2: He knew that if he just tried to reason with Kristen,
Speaker 2: it would be met with a complete open mind and maturity. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that he would deserve this far into this not relationship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you for saying that. Lourie, I fink.
Speaker 1: All right, so Michelle heads back. She did not get fucked,
Speaker 1: but looked like she did.
Speaker 2: And well, I said, didn't you guys think be honest?
Speaker 2: Just between us? Yeah, everybody stopped listening, right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: when Laala said, and Lala loves to just throughout the
Speaker 2: sexually and the too much, she's doing too much. But
Speaker 2: when she says, you look like you were freshly, didn't
Speaker 2: you think? What does she look like after Dre takes
Speaker 2: a dig in her?
Speaker 1: She looks like she got electric it looks like she
Speaker 1: broke into some heavily secured facility.
Speaker 4: Now do you think her?
Speaker 2: Do you think we didn't see? And it gets brought
Speaker 2: up in the reunion, the reason Lacey went so hard
Speaker 2: on Jesse to act appropriate. Do you think Lacey and
Speaker 2: Michelle had a little moment.
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: I don't think so, But I think that they probably
Speaker 1: would be more attracted to one another than either of
Speaker 1: them are to Jesse.
Speaker 4: Jesse and I see if the show does go for
Speaker 4: four season, I see Michelle and Lacey's bond growing stronger.
Speaker 3: I do too.
Speaker 2: No, I don't mind that, And I really am enjoying
Speaker 2: Lacey her backstories for nominal Yeah.
Speaker 1: And she's yeah, yeah, she's the only one with any
Speaker 1: kind of I don't know, dynamism.
Speaker 3: Everybody else just kind of okay.
Speaker 1: So Luke and Kristen chap and we get Luke asking Kristen,
Speaker 1: she's okay.
Speaker 2: Who They go back to that that dark, depressing hotel room.
Speaker 2: Too hot nanny who I don't know where she comes from,
Speaker 2: But all of a sudden, you'll see this really hot
Speaker 2: nanny coca baby and she's got two seconds before the
Speaker 2: baby cries, and it just makes me not want to
Speaker 2: have kids.
Speaker 4: Don't you have kids?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it just maybe I shouldn't.
Speaker 1: Have Oh okay, yeah No, it's a very dark room,
Speaker 1: and it's such a it's.
Speaker 3: You know, I hadn't thought about that. The hotel rooms
Speaker 3: with kids are so they're so with babies, they're so dark.
Speaker 3: They're the darkest places. They're the darkest, quietest places.
Speaker 4: Well, because you have to keep the shades closed.
Speaker 3: You got to keep the shades closed.
Speaker 2: Fucking annoying.
Speaker 3: God forbid.
Speaker 2: The thing about a reality trip, a reality cash trip,
Speaker 2: they never go well like that's the point. But then
Speaker 2: you throw in a baby and then what's her face?
Speaker 2: Nia brings that and I'm gonna be honest, that little orange,
Speaker 2: the little orange baby that she has attached to her breast. Yeah,
Speaker 2: a little while, I was kind of like, that's a
Speaker 2: cute little baby. Yeah, there's so about that baby. And
Speaker 2: then I was like it it was grown from Danny.
Speaker 5: That's what.
Speaker 3: It's so crazy.
Speaker 1: Let's go because that little baby. I love that little baby.
Speaker 1: That little baby is so beautiful and adorable.
Speaker 3: And it started in let's.
Speaker 2: Go when I'm in lay, can you and I because
Speaker 2: this one's going to be a NAPA yah, you know
Speaker 2: and Chuck E Cheese celebrating his birthday. Yeah, you and
Speaker 2: I we go where they live they live in like
Speaker 2: Locata or Clara.
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, yeah, New Mexico. Yes, we go and.
Speaker 2: We it's not kidnapping because we're not keeping it right.
Speaker 3: Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: As badly as I would like to smosh that little baby,
Speaker 1: I can't go to Santa Clarita. It is a very disgusting, Dylan.
Speaker 4: We'll take you to Jack's, I know the owner.
Speaker 1: We'll go to Musso and Franks, which is a place
Speaker 1: that I want to go all the time. But Pat
Speaker 1: can't go because he'll be killed if people will go there.
Speaker 4: Now things have been worked out, all right, whatever. Can
Speaker 4: we go downstairs and go to the party.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well let's do that. By the way, I love
Speaker 2: an all inclusive buffet.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, A good one is a really it's a
Speaker 1: it's an exciting moment when you look at everything that's
Speaker 1: before you, and then I think, after about a plate
Speaker 1: in the half you go.
Speaker 3: There is no good buffet, is there?
Speaker 2: They exist, people breathing over it, people talk to you.
Speaker 2: And what I clocked is Brittany saying, is that salad
Speaker 2: can I have some ranch and I'm like that that
Speaker 2: hoe is so not just seating a salad. And sure enough.
Speaker 3: She can get Yeah, she can say that. We can't
Speaker 3: say that now.
Speaker 4: I was. I was pretty hard on Lacey this season,
Speaker 4: and I didn't know, you know, obviously her traumatic pass.
Speaker 4: She's so pretty when she came down these stairs tonight,
Speaker 4: and we all know I was hard on her with
Speaker 4: my lowbrow remarks.
Speaker 3: Let need to tell Lorii what you said.
Speaker 4: Well, I would say we didn't really know what she
Speaker 4: looked like, and that she'd wear so much foundation you
Speaker 4: could well, you could say it could hold up the
Speaker 4: Empire States building on top of her face. And then
Speaker 4: but now she's a beautiful girl, and it's not like
Speaker 4: I said before. You could touch her face and oh yeah, no,
Speaker 4: I'm it's I was.
Speaker 3: So you could chip it off. It was like grout.
Speaker 4: If you just touched it too hard, parts of her
Speaker 4: face would chip. All right, let's not anymore so.
Speaker 1: If everybody's beautiful, Zach looks like a baby, and Janet is.
Speaker 2: What about that thing around his face? What about that
Speaker 2: thing around his face?
Speaker 4: Oh, swartzy, anything for a bit, you love schwartzy, Laurie.
Speaker 2: My thing about Schwartzy.
Speaker 6: I just feel like the feeling of someone that hugs
Speaker 6: you that is just so special and sweet and gooney.
Speaker 2: I don't have that in my life. You don't mean
Speaker 2: and I have had a Tom Schwartz hug and it
Speaker 2: does feel like that.
Speaker 3: You don't need that, do I not? No, you don't
Speaker 3: need What do I need? Do you have a meditation? App?
Speaker 3: I hear people need those?
Speaker 1: Okay, let's get to Michelle and Danny who have a chat.
Speaker 1: And Danny approaches her pretty hews on the offenses his birthday,
Speaker 1: So why not pick a fight with one of the
Speaker 1: last from any people.
Speaker 3: Who like him?
Speaker 1: So she didn't say that he made her uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: She wants to clarify.
Speaker 1: She was talking about how he makes everybody else feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: And Danny says, you can't make fucking generalized statements like that. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's right, blanket blanket.
Speaker 3: Yes, she can't make blanket statements like that, which is Danny.
Speaker 1: You have to pick your battles, okay, trying to police
Speaker 1: the way that Michelle is summarizing the sentiment towards you.
Speaker 4: You it's not a battle you need to pick.
Speaker 1: Again, everyone is uncomfortable about you, and by you so
Speaker 1: don't fight with Michelle about this.
Speaker 4: Also, this is why Danny and Nia in their strategy
Speaker 4: this season was so dumb and they're so unable to pivot.
Speaker 4: They're trying to push through a steel door. The cast
Speaker 4: is firm and where they're going with the direction. It
Speaker 4: should have been like, all right, what we're we gonna do? Okay,
Speaker 4: I got it, let's own what you've done, and let's
Speaker 4: change the narrative. Say I acted like an idiot, I've
Speaker 4: been stupid. Do not hand them the sword to just
Speaker 4: stab you over and over with this. He just continues
Speaker 4: the narrative by not giving in, right.
Speaker 2: And let's not forget they have doctor Dre on their
Speaker 2: team now.
Speaker 1: Well, but also Laurie's like, are you not We've been
Speaker 1: dealing with this for a season, two seasons, two seasons now,
Speaker 1: are you not fatigued by this narrative with just just
Speaker 1: this one season.
Speaker 2: I just am always amazed by all of these reality
Speaker 2: stars who I get forgetting the cameras are there, but
Speaker 2: I don't get forgetting the cameras are there right right.
Speaker 3: I love that. I love that.
Speaker 4: One of the beautiful things about Real Housewives of Rhode Island,
Speaker 4: which I know you're not a fan of Laura is
Speaker 4: They kept the storylines a moving.
Speaker 2: Lad they did.
Speaker 4: Rula's marriage was the through line, which was always interesting
Speaker 4: because there was always new video of Brian. But every
Speaker 4: week there was another shoe that dropped.
Speaker 1: Oh look he's banging outside of a wah wah again.
Speaker 2: I'm jealous my husband sometimes, the way he holds his
Speaker 2: tongue in his mouth, I want to leave him. This man,
Speaker 2: this Brian is banging everything in sight, including your mom
Speaker 2: or your mother in law. You said, not even attractive.
Speaker 3: That's right, right?
Speaker 2: He standing by her man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: It's a delusion that is really admirable. So we wrap
Speaker 1: things up with Michelle and Danny by Danny saying if
Speaker 1: I make people uncomfortable, they can come to me and
Speaker 1: I will apologize to them. I love that salve that
Speaker 1: we're going to put on this thing. Don't change, Just
Speaker 1: have people come up to you and take a kind
Speaker 1: of sorrowful communion that you're going to deliver.
Speaker 3: It's just nuts.
Speaker 4: So Nia, Kristen and Zach chat and they discuss Janet
Speaker 4: being a shit star. Then Britney approaches, then Jasmine, and
Speaker 4: then the case is made that Janet is trying to
Speaker 4: cause trouble enter Janet Michelle, and then Kristin mocks Janet. Now,
Speaker 4: this is what's interesting here is this.
Speaker 1: Is a big Kristin moment for Laurie because there's no
Speaker 1: way out of this wet paper bag. She's just being
Speaker 1: absolutely awful here.
Speaker 3: Okay, sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2: Well, no, did she grow? I don't mean with did
Speaker 2: she grow Kristen. She seems much taller this.
Speaker 1: She's more foreboding. Yeah, she's more imposing.
Speaker 4: I think this is some of the fourth wall stuff
Speaker 4: where this is cast bullshit. This is Kristin might have
Speaker 4: heard that Janet signed a deal where she made ten
Speaker 4: thousand dollars more in episode this season, and there's some resentment,
Speaker 4: so she's going to demean her for not what it's
Speaker 4: really well.
Speaker 1: But also there was just this this thing where Janet
Speaker 1: just told Britney that they fall for this, this whipping
Speaker 1: votes kind of thing that Kristen is doing, where she's
Speaker 1: like this was relayed in without the proper context.
Speaker 3: This was clearly a tactic.
Speaker 1: Not really, I mean, she was texting back and it's
Speaker 1: a nasty dime dropping, but you did say all of
Speaker 1: the things that you said. And so yeah, you did
Speaker 1: side with Nia and Danny and throw Britney under the
Speaker 1: bus as a ranch eating drunk when you're supposed to
Speaker 1: be her best friend. So it's on you can.
Speaker 2: Make a career.
Speaker 3: Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2: There was no ranch. Manuel said, we don't have ranch.
Speaker 3: Oh. Oh, I could have swore that Manuel had ranch.
Speaker 4: Oh well we did not have ranch first, and I
Speaker 4: want to thank Lori for that because those are the
Speaker 4: important details that the audience gets extremely upset about.
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 2: Let me ask about this because you guys are season
Speaker 2: valley watchers. Yeah, is Janet a potster? Because I remember
Speaker 2: just seeing this one. She seems like she's just sort
Speaker 2: of spitting facts.
Speaker 3: She's a tactician.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she has been more of a potster in
Speaker 1: the past.
Speaker 4: Now, Janet has been on the outside of Vanda Pump Rules.
Speaker 4: I assume that you, as a Vanda Pump fan, have
Speaker 4: you noticed her in the background for multiple seasons? Okay, yes,
Speaker 4: So she's been dying to get on this television program
Speaker 4: for many years. In fact, and famously, the assistant to
Speaker 4: Tom and Ariana was Janet's assistant for a little while.
Speaker 2: Stop it.
Speaker 3: So what was her name again?
Speaker 4: And yeah, Maddox.
Speaker 1: All right, So Danny is is pissed and he's talking
Speaker 1: to his King's guard, all of his boys at the table.
Speaker 3: When La La heads.
Speaker 2: Over and when she has on the babushka, you know
Speaker 2: that this is an activated not fucking around Laala.
Speaker 3: Yes, she's going to get hood.
Speaker 4: Oh she's getting hood. I'm gonna go with adderall by
Speaker 4: the way, okay, Yeah, And I think that so qualifies
Speaker 4: as sober.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that, you know, you can Lots of
Speaker 1: people have ruined their lives on methamphetamine salts, so I'd
Speaker 1: be leery, but it might be h It makes sense
Speaker 1: because coming down on adderall at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: I I I've heard from other people.
Speaker 3: I have no idea what it feels.
Speaker 1: Like, but yeah, you're feels like lightning and the smallest
Speaker 1: grievance will fly you into the stratosphere.
Speaker 3: So I think that I don't know, maybe you might
Speaker 3: be right. Who knows.
Speaker 2: And we know that that Daniel, as his Stepford wife
Speaker 2: calls him, it's not a small.
Speaker 1: Grievance, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. I think that Daniel might be And.
Speaker 3: It's crazy because Nia is so gorgeous.
Speaker 2: Dunning but you know what I thought last night? It
Speaker 2: was you know, I watched it last night, sounds like
Speaker 2: you watched it tonight. Yeah, she's almost and I see
Speaker 2: this with some men too. She's almost too pretty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a there's a kind of uncannedy uncanny quality
Speaker 1: to it. But when she says Daniel, my vagina dries
Speaker 1: up like a raisin, it's just like, oh.
Speaker 3: Mike, well that her.
Speaker 4: That's like your scolding you with your full name saying Patrick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really off putting.
Speaker 4: So this is a few things happen here that are interesting.
Speaker 4: She's trying to get him out of this situation. And
Speaker 4: also I think this is really the come to Jesus
Speaker 4: moment for her, where she's like, we shouldn't have been
Speaker 4: on this show. These people are horrible people that aren't
Speaker 4: real friends. Yeah, this is a bad situation and we've
Speaker 4: I finally realized that this is all here to just
Speaker 4: destroy us.
Speaker 3: Can I tell you something.
Speaker 1: It's the only show that they could be on. Everyone
Speaker 1: is too soft a target to take them bare the.
Speaker 2: No no, See what you guys don't know about me is
Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with cults. Yeah, and I've watched every single
Speaker 2: reality TV, cult and docu. They could easily have one
Speaker 2: of those shows on Tilson.
Speaker 1: But I think that that this is the easiest environment
Speaker 1: for them in terms of like predatory behavior. This is
Speaker 1: such a walk in the park.
Speaker 4: Dylan's to show. Dylan's making the case that on other
Speaker 4: reality shows these two people would have been eaten alive
Speaker 4: much quicker. The fact that, like there's no real apex
Speaker 4: predators on this, Like Jacks if he was still on here,
Speaker 4: he would have killed Danny immediately, just eaten them alive.
Speaker 2: Or what about the other seasons?
Speaker 4: Was Jackson he was a target of Jacks. Jax was
Speaker 4: making fun of him, proscolating him.
Speaker 1: The problem with with that effort made by Jacks is
Speaker 1: that Jacks had a very serious drug problem. So he
Speaker 1: actually went to a shack in Woodland Hills for.
Speaker 3: A couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: I called this so yeah, he got you did call
Speaker 1: the facility on the show, which I.
Speaker 3: Believe we caught a fair amount out because it was
Speaker 3: just very uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: But really do the work that no one else puts
Speaker 2: the effort into.
Speaker 3: Thank you very much Laurie for saying that.
Speaker 4: I have a question. So it's going around the interwebs.
Speaker 4: It seems like you do research, Laurie. I heard Danny
Speaker 4: and Nia did not show up for the reunion.
Speaker 1: Have you heard that Ruby said that they're not renewing
Speaker 1: for the fourth seasons. That what it is, Okay, I
Speaker 1: don't think that's been substantiated. It's a little bit like
Speaker 1: soccer transfer rumors. I'll just believe it once it's over
Speaker 1: the line, when the when the inks dry, let.
Speaker 4: Me know, because they would be filming right now.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm in a text with Lacy right now.
Speaker 4: We'll get out of here, are you really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm gonna interesting. By the way, we don't
Speaker 2: want Danny and Nia back, period.
Speaker 3: I don't want to sound like a pig. But Nia
Speaker 3: is really beauty.
Speaker 4: I'll take she can be a friend of the show.
Speaker 2: You can almost have the Cynthia Bailey arc. Do you
Speaker 2: watch Atlanta? Y?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, So remember she was born again and she was,
Speaker 2: you know, totally subservient to that first husband, and now
Speaker 2: she's banging every animal sex in Adam and all. She
Speaker 2: could have that Arknea and you would you guys would
Speaker 2: love that.
Speaker 1: Hey, you would love it too, Hey, hey, hey, you
Speaker 1: would love it too?
Speaker 2: Fine, But she could they could divorce and she could
Speaker 2: get her freak flag on.
Speaker 3: I would love that, but we'll see.
Speaker 1: So thank god for Laala, who I think is bringing
Speaker 1: it that. I really do think she's bringing it this season.
Speaker 2: She's getting a lot of hate. She's getting a lot
Speaker 2: of hate.
Speaker 3: I don't get it.
Speaker 4: I don't because it's so it's so clearly contrived. I
Speaker 4: think the whole thing is she's.
Speaker 1: It's going to look more contrived if she doesn't have
Speaker 1: any fucking help. Laala is looking around at this herd
Speaker 1: of lemmings, just going, can someone please help me make
Speaker 1: this showing the leagues right?
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's used to being on like the highest quality
Speaker 6: team and now she's back in kindergarten. Yes, it's contrived,
Speaker 6: but what is she suppose she needs to do something right?
Speaker 4: I get it. She can't be like Swartz and Hi
Speaker 4: hire a mariachi band to show up at someone's apartment
Speaker 4: and think they earn their pay.
Speaker 1: Okay, I want to say two things that special?
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, yes.
Speaker 1: So two things that will that she says, to which
Speaker 1: I was really relieved to hear her say directly to Nia.
Speaker 3: One, why the fuck am I talking to you?
Speaker 1: What are you doing, oh yeah with this this Jedi
Speaker 1: force field. Brittany mentions it off camera because again she
Speaker 1: won't get into any conflict, but she refers to him
Speaker 1: as a kicker who's behind the offensive line. But the
Speaker 1: second thing is that Laala says to Nia, you're pulling
Speaker 1: him away because she Nia frames it is this we
Speaker 1: just want to ds. No, no, no, you're pulling him
Speaker 1: away because you know that he's going to fucking embarrass
Speaker 1: you and he's going to embarrass himself.
Speaker 3: That's why you're getting him out of here.
Speaker 1: True enough with this whole de escalation thing.
Speaker 3: You just don't want the fighting.
Speaker 1: No, you have an image to protect, and your husband
Speaker 1: is the sharpest harpoon to take it down.
Speaker 4: What Nia should have said is, well maybe she did
Speaker 4: in a way is what why are you over here?
Speaker 4: Leave us alone?
Speaker 3: Show show show show.
Speaker 4: You are right though, it's it's just so out of place,
Speaker 4: like if there was more like first, Lalla's position was,
Speaker 4: I'm defending you, Nia, That's why I'm going after this
Speaker 4: drunk little guy, right I'm protecting you and your honor
Speaker 4: because he was being a dick to you right now,
Speaker 4: I'm just coming after him. And why are you standing
Speaker 4: in his in the way. Yeah, right, So it doesn't
Speaker 4: make any sense now we're we.
Speaker 2: All forget how she rode so hard for Randall and
Speaker 2: defended him and he was one of the worst.
Speaker 3: I know, but he had material goods he did.
Speaker 2: I thought we were gonna have so much fun.
Speaker 3: All right, So it's late on the East Coast.
Speaker 1: We want to get you out of here, but we're
Speaker 1: just wrapping things up. Nia begs Daniel to come up
Speaker 1: to the hotel room and bang her, but he, because
Speaker 1: he's a drunk, has picked a fight and he wants
Speaker 1: to continue fighting. He wants to continue sucking down mescal
Speaker 1: and fighting.
Speaker 3: With the rest bar.
Speaker 2: It was mescal and sprite might have been seven up.
Speaker 4: He talks to a bartender who probably doesn't speak English
Speaker 4: and says, why is my birthday not great?
Speaker 1: And he said, sir, I barely speak your language.
Speaker 2: God, and he says, I'm not comfortable around you. You
Speaker 2: make you make me uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Hard liquor and soda is a real alcoholics drink.
Speaker 1: If you're a drinking liquor with sprite or with I
Speaker 1: understand that there's a jack and coke cocktail you can
Speaker 1: go out and get but I feel like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just vodka and coke or or tequila and sprite.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're in a garage somewhere just really hammering.
Speaker 2: When Bravo production is packing up the stuff for the
Speaker 2: night and they're turning out the lights outside of the
Speaker 2: buffet and he's still sitting there.
Speaker 4: It's a problem.
Speaker 3: It's I think, heartbreaking. So we wrap.
Speaker 1: We wrap with Janet or with Nia and Kristen talking
Speaker 1: and Danny sitting alone at a bar, Nia going upstairs
Speaker 1: and crying, and we I think the finale.
Speaker 4: Is the finale? Wow, I think it is.
Speaker 1: No, it's the finale of in the season in the
Speaker 1: city City right first, But everyone.
Speaker 3: Go listen to.
Speaker 1: What's called Lori Lori al podcast or fanatically five Stars
Speaker 1: tell her that bad TV sent you. I know that
Speaker 1: ratings and reviews are a little antiquated and it's not
Speaker 1: that important anymore, but it would be fun if you
Speaker 1: have the time, go leave five Stars telling bad tvv
Speaker 1: sent you. Thank you so much for joining us. You
Speaker 1: were so fun. This is our first time meeting you.
Speaker 1: It felt very lovely to talk to you about this
Speaker 1: awful show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really puts into respect of what's important in life.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: And what's important is maybe this show coming back because
Speaker 2: I was thinking I didn't want it to, but you guys,
Speaker 2: you guys have made me see the importance of it.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're like little Yokis in that regard. We're spiritual teachers.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us. We had a
Speaker 1: blast with you. Everyone go listen to her show. I'm
Speaker 1: doing saying goodbye Pat, saygobye bye Laurie.
Speaker 5: Thank you, guys.
Speaker 1: He is