Speaker 1: Last week, my fifteen year old granddaughter came out to
our trailer. We've done this for years and years with him,
but for the first time, I realized she doesn't really
need me anymore. And I so was not ready for
how that felt. I'm more in Debrandski, this is life
starts at retirement. Let's just talk about this. You know,
every summer we bring our grandkids to the trailer for
a few days, and as they've gotten older, we've always
encouraged them to bring a friend along. We really wanted
this to be a place where they loved coming even
as they grew up. So Brianna, our fifteen year old granddaughter,
and her friend came out last week and they had
a wonderful time. They laughed, they whispered, they wandered off together,
they planned things, they went to the pond. They lived
in their little own world, exactly the way fifteen year
old girls should. And I found myself sitting there watching
them with a lump in my throat because I suddenly
realized something for the first time, my granddaughter didn't really
need Karama anymore. We didn't go to the pool together,
we didn't play our usual games, we didn't have those
long conversations we normally did. I just somehow quietly assumed
that we'd always do the same things, not realizing that
life moves on and moves on fast, you know. And
I sat there watching the two teenage girls have the
time of their lives, twenty feet apart from me, in
a world though where I wasn't a part of it.
And here's the thing, I'm genuinely happy watching her. She's
becoming a confident, independent woman. She's finding her own place
in the world, and that's everything that we want for
our grandchildren. But I'd also be lying if I didn't
say it really makes me a little bit sad too.
And it's a strange kind of grief, though, I think,
isn't it, Because it's the kind where really nobody did
anything wrong, where nothing bad has happened. It's exactly what's
supposed to happen. Kids grow up, they spread their wings,
they need us less and less, and that's the way
it should be. And yet I was sad because there's
there's a version I guess of her that I used
to know, the one that thought Grandma was the most
fun person at the trailer and summer this year, it
was gone, without a single dramatic minute, without a moment
that I can think of. She just quietly became someone else,
someone I'm getting to know all over again. And I
think this is the part that's hard to explain. I'm
not sad that she's growing up. I'm proud of it.
I'm proud of her. I want her to have her
own world, her own friends, her own plans that really
don't include me as much. Sometimes as grandparents and then
parents too, we don't realize that we're saying goodbye to
one chapter while we're still living it. We think, or
I thought we had more time still in that old
chapter than I did. And then one summer at the trailer,
it's just over, and I didn't see a warning. I'm
sure they were there, but I certainly didn't see it.
But now both things can be true at once. I
can be happy for her, and I can miss her
and be sad for me too. Neither one cancels out
the other. I can be incredibly proud of the young
woman she's becoming and still miss the little girl who
thought Grandma was just wonderful. So those two feelings can
still exist together. And here's though, what I keep coming
back to. Our relationship isn't disappearing, it's just changing shape.
The little girl who wanted to play dolphin school at
the pool is become a young woman who, one day,
I hope will want to sit across from me with
a cup of coffee and actually tell me about her life,
not because she feels obligated or because I ask one
hundred questions, but because she wants to. And that's not
the same relationship that we have now. So it might
be the end of this part of our relationship, but
it's just the next chapter starting before I was ready
to close the last one. And I don't think it's
just a gramma thing either. I think a lot of
us parents, grandparents, anyone who's loved a kid as they
grew up goes through this exact moment more than once,
because nobody prepares you for how many smogabies are falling
into raising or grandparenting a child. We're so focused on
the big milestones that we don't notice we're saying goodbye
to something every single year, every single month, all the time.
And I think retirement now introduces us to that kind
of emotion even more, like over and over and over again.
And nobody really talks about it. People worry us about
our finances. They tell us to stay active, They remind
us to exercise, to volunteer, to find hobbies, all wonderful advice,
But nobody also tells you that retirement and I guess
aging is full of all of these little, quiet goodbyes.
Not the dramatic goodbyes, just little ones like the last
time your grandchild asks you to play a borgame, the
last time they want you to push them on a
swing who, the last sleepover where they still want Grandma
to read a story. The last Christmas where everyone sleeps
under one roof okay, the last family vacation before everybody's
schedule becomes too busy. The last time maybe your adult
child calls just because they need your help fixing something,
because now they already know how to fix it. Oh
my goodness. You rarely recognize these moments while you're living them.
It's only afterward that you look back and realize, oh,
that was the last time. And I think that's why
they hurt so much, not because something has been taken away,
but because you didn't realize you were saying goodbye. Retirement
seems to magnify those moments. Maybe it's because we finally
have time to notice them. When we're busy raising kids
and working full time, life races past us, but retirement
slows us down and we pay attention. We notice the
traditions that slowly change, the grandchildren who suddenly seem taller
every time they visit. It's really a strange kind of grief.
There's no funeral, there's no tragedy. There's just love that's
quietly changing shape. So today I'm just letting myself miss
the little girl who thought Grandma was the most fun
person in the world. Well, I get to know the
young woman she's becoming. I'd love to know has anyone
else felt this? How has your relation changed with your
grandkids or even your own kids changed as they become teenagers?
As they tell me in the comments I do read
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