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Speaker 1: Last week, my fifteen year old granddaughter came out to

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our trailer. We've done this for years and years with him,

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but for the first time, I realized she doesn't really

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need me anymore. And I so was not ready for

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how that felt. I'm more in Debrandski, this is life

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starts at retirement. Let's just talk about this. You know,

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every summer we bring our grandkids to the trailer for

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a few days, and as they've gotten older, we've always

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encouraged them to bring a friend along. We really wanted

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this to be a place where they loved coming even

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as they grew up. So Brianna, our fifteen year old granddaughter,

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and her friend came out last week and they had

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a wonderful time. They laughed, they whispered, they wandered off together,

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they planned things, they went to the pond. They lived

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in their little own world, exactly the way fifteen year

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old girls should. And I found myself sitting there watching

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them with a lump in my throat because I suddenly

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realized something for the first time, my granddaughter didn't really

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need Karama anymore. We didn't go to the pool together,

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we didn't play our usual games, we didn't have those

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long conversations we normally did. I just somehow quietly assumed

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that we'd always do the same things, not realizing that

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life moves on and moves on fast, you know. And

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I sat there watching the two teenage girls have the

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time of their lives, twenty feet apart from me, in

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a world though where I wasn't a part of it.

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And here's the thing, I'm genuinely happy watching her. She's

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becoming a confident, independent woman. She's finding her own place

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in the world, and that's everything that we want for

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our grandchildren. But I'd also be lying if I didn't

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say it really makes me a little bit sad too.

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And it's a strange kind of grief, though, I think,

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isn't it, Because it's the kind where really nobody did

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anything wrong, where nothing bad has happened. It's exactly what's

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supposed to happen. Kids grow up, they spread their wings,

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they need us less and less, and that's the way

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it should be. And yet I was sad because there's

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there's a version I guess of her that I used

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to know, the one that thought Grandma was the most

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fun person at the trailer and summer this year, it

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was gone, without a single dramatic minute, without a moment

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that I can think of. She just quietly became someone else,

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someone I'm getting to know all over again. And I

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think this is the part that's hard to explain. I'm

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not sad that she's growing up. I'm proud of it.

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I'm proud of her. I want her to have her

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own world, her own friends, her own plans that really

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don't include me as much. Sometimes as grandparents and then

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parents too, we don't realize that we're saying goodbye to

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one chapter while we're still living it. We think, or

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I thought we had more time still in that old

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chapter than I did. And then one summer at the trailer,

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it's just over, and I didn't see a warning. I'm

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sure they were there, but I certainly didn't see it.

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But now both things can be true at once. I

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can be happy for her, and I can miss her

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and be sad for me too. Neither one cancels out

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the other. I can be incredibly proud of the young

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woman she's becoming and still miss the little girl who

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thought Grandma was just wonderful. So those two feelings can

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still exist together. And here's though, what I keep coming

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back to. Our relationship isn't disappearing, it's just changing shape.

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The little girl who wanted to play dolphin school at

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the pool is become a young woman who, one day,

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I hope will want to sit across from me with

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a cup of coffee and actually tell me about her life,

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not because she feels obligated or because I ask one

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hundred questions, but because she wants to. And that's not

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the same relationship that we have now. So it might

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be the end of this part of our relationship, but

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it's just the next chapter starting before I was ready

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to close the last one. And I don't think it's

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just a gramma thing either. I think a lot of

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us parents, grandparents, anyone who's loved a kid as they

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grew up goes through this exact moment more than once,

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because nobody prepares you for how many smogabies are falling

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into raising or grandparenting a child. We're so focused on

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the big milestones that we don't notice we're saying goodbye

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to something every single year, every single month, all the time.

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And I think retirement now introduces us to that kind

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of emotion even more, like over and over and over again.

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And nobody really talks about it. People worry us about

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our finances. They tell us to stay active, They remind

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us to exercise, to volunteer, to find hobbies, all wonderful advice,

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But nobody also tells you that retirement and I guess

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aging is full of all of these little, quiet goodbyes.

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Not the dramatic goodbyes, just little ones like the last

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time your grandchild asks you to play a borgame, the

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last time they want you to push them on a

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swing who, the last sleepover where they still want Grandma

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to read a story. The last Christmas where everyone sleeps

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under one roof okay, the last family vacation before everybody's

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schedule becomes too busy. The last time maybe your adult

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child calls just because they need your help fixing something,

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because now they already know how to fix it. Oh

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my goodness. You rarely recognize these moments while you're living them.

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It's only afterward that you look back and realize, oh,

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that was the last time. And I think that's why

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they hurt so much, not because something has been taken away,

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but because you didn't realize you were saying goodbye. Retirement

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seems to magnify those moments. Maybe it's because we finally

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have time to notice them. When we're busy raising kids

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and working full time, life races past us, but retirement

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slows us down and we pay attention. We notice the

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traditions that slowly change, the grandchildren who suddenly seem taller

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every time they visit. It's really a strange kind of grief.

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There's no funeral, there's no tragedy. There's just love that's

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quietly changing shape. So today I'm just letting myself miss

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the little girl who thought Grandma was the most fun

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person in the world. Well, I get to know the

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young woman she's becoming. I'd love to know has anyone

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else felt this? How has your relation changed with your

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grandkids or even your own kids changed as they become teenagers?

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As they tell me in the comments I do read

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