WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.919 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI 2 00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:05.960 AM six forty the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand 3 00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:09.400 on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy 4 00:00:09.400 --> 00:00:12.839 Walls Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on 5 00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:16.239 the iHeartRadio app. On this Mother's Day, I am taking 6 00:00:16.239 --> 00:00:22.239 your relationship questions by a instant message direct message on Instagram. 7 00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:22.800 There we go. 8 00:00:23.160 --> 00:00:26.199 Just send a question to at Dr Wendy Walsh at 9 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:28.399 doctor Wendy Walsh. If I don't get to it this week, 10 00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:30.839 Caleb will collect them during the week and I'll read 11 00:00:30.839 --> 00:00:34.479 it next week. All right, here we go, Dear doctor Wendy. Oh, 12 00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:37.359 this is an interesting one. Should I take it personally 13 00:00:37.439 --> 00:00:42.159 that my girlfriend won't kiss me with tongue? Ever, No, 14 00:00:43.079 --> 00:00:45.719 this is not about you. It is about her, her 15 00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:47.320 preference and her learned behavior. 16 00:00:48.679 --> 00:00:49.399 The only thing I. 17 00:00:49.399 --> 00:00:51.920 Would say is that it's time for you to have 18 00:00:51.960 --> 00:00:54.960 a discussion, not a why don't you kiss me with 19 00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:56.320 your tongue discussion? 20 00:00:57.119 --> 00:01:00.359 How about I'm really attracted to you. 21 00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:05.799 I love kissing you, but I actually like kisses that 22 00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:08.159 are a little more wet, and I like to have 23 00:01:08.239 --> 00:01:10.760 more of an open mouth or with tongue. I'm wondering 24 00:01:10.760 --> 00:01:13.799 how you feel about that. That's how you do it. 25 00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:17.519 That's how you do it. You express your needs in 26 00:01:17.560 --> 00:01:21.560 a loving way. Don't take it personally. Get more information, 27 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:23.480 all right? 28 00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:24.239 Moving on? 29 00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:29.120 Ooh, dear doctor Wendy, I am hurt. I have a 30 00:01:29.159 --> 00:01:32.439 really close friend who has cut me out of her life. Oh, 31 00:01:32.719 --> 00:01:35.840 that's happened to me before. I connected with a guy 32 00:01:36.040 --> 00:01:39.040 and when I told her about him, she got weird 33 00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:42.400 and stopped talking to me. I found out that they 34 00:01:42.439 --> 00:01:46.359 had hooked up before, but I had no idea. Should 35 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:49.120 I talk to her about it or respect that she 36 00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:54.359 doesn't want me in her life anymore. Okay, I'm a 37 00:01:54.359 --> 00:01:58.120 big believer in the truth. Now here's the problem. If 38 00:01:58.200 --> 00:02:03.239 her conflict style, or her style of dealing with painful 39 00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:06.239 feelings is to push them out of her life, you're 40 00:02:06.280 --> 00:02:08.159 going to have a heck of a time trying to 41 00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:11.240 get her to the table to talk about this. However, 42 00:02:11.719 --> 00:02:15.439 you have a right to express your feelings because she 43 00:02:15.520 --> 00:02:19.199 can't control you. She can't control your feelings. She can 44 00:02:19.240 --> 00:02:22.960 control herself. Now, there are ways we can communicate with 45 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:24.879 people without getting them on the phone or face to face, 46 00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:27.400 whether it's an email, whether it's a text, whether you 47 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:30.400 write a letter with a pen and paper and put 48 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:33.240 an envelope and mail it to her, you have every 49 00:02:33.360 --> 00:02:38.439 right to say something like, Hey, your friendship is very 50 00:02:38.479 --> 00:02:41.759 important to me. I feel so sad and hurt that 51 00:02:41.800 --> 00:02:45.039 you're not talking to me anymore. I wish i'd known 52 00:02:45.159 --> 00:02:48.400 before I met whatever his name is, that you and 53 00:02:48.439 --> 00:02:50.759 he had a thing in the past. I didn't know 54 00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:53.319 that this would hurt you, or that you would feel uncomfortable, 55 00:02:53.719 --> 00:02:55.520 And the last thing I would ever want to do 56 00:02:55.599 --> 00:02:58.639 is hurt you. I'm wondering if we can talk about 57 00:02:58.639 --> 00:03:01.960 this together sometime, because you are very important to me. 58 00:03:03.479 --> 00:03:04.439 That's how you do it. 59 00:03:05.080 --> 00:03:09.360 And if she doesn't respond, it's not your fault. You 60 00:03:09.479 --> 00:03:13.520 were able to express your feelings and she didn't have 61 00:03:13.960 --> 00:03:18.319 the emotional intelligence to be able to communicate back to you. 62 00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:20.919 Now it's on her and you can just go on 63 00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:25.439 with your life. Uh Okay, moving on, Dear doctor, Wendy, 64 00:03:26.840 --> 00:03:30.599 the guy who I am dating has a roaming eye. Woo, 65 00:03:31.280 --> 00:03:34.919 it's offensive. We aren't together. We aren't together. Well, if 66 00:03:34.919 --> 00:03:37.719 you're dating him, I'm confused. I want to say something, 67 00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:39.759 but I don't want to speak like I'm his girlfriend 68 00:03:39.840 --> 00:03:42.800 when I'm not. Oh oh, oh, I get what's happening here. 69 00:03:43.560 --> 00:03:47.199 The guy you're dating is your situationship. So, because this 70 00:03:47.360 --> 00:03:52.039 relationship is fragile, because this relationship is vulnerable, you're particularly 71 00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:54.879 sensitive to the fact that his eyes wander around the 72 00:03:54.919 --> 00:03:58.479 room checking out other beautiful women, And then you say 73 00:03:58.520 --> 00:04:02.000 we aren't actually together. I want to say something, but 74 00:04:02.280 --> 00:04:04.800 how can I speak like his girlfriend when I'm not 75 00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:09.439 his girlfriend? So you have a twofold problem here. The 76 00:04:09.479 --> 00:04:13.400 first problem is you want some kind of definition for 77 00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:16.439 this relationship because it is too fragile, and you don't 78 00:04:16.439 --> 00:04:20.319 have a voice in a relationship that's fragile. So the 79 00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:23.560 first conversation shouldn't be about his roaming eye. It should 80 00:04:23.560 --> 00:04:25.920 be the what are we conversation and not just the what. 81 00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:29.759 It should be the this is what I'd like? Are 82 00:04:29.800 --> 00:04:33.160 you able to be that to me? And if he isn't, 83 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:36.720 then you need to walk away because you're killing yourself. 84 00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:41.000 It's painful being in this fragile, vulnerable relationship that has 85 00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:45.759 no definition because you're right, you're sitting there squelching your voice, 86 00:04:46.199 --> 00:04:49.800 you're dimming your light, You're unable to speak your truth 87 00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:53.199 because you're so afraid he's going to abandon you, so 88 00:04:53.240 --> 00:04:55.639 you know what face up to it. And if he says, nah, 89 00:04:55.680 --> 00:04:57.720 I don't want to really be an exclusive, then you 90 00:04:57.839 --> 00:05:00.839 know and you need to leave. That's what I'm saying, 91 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:04.680 you need to leave. I say this to people all 92 00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:10.399 the time. If your fear of abandonment is bigger than 93 00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:13.600 your fear of getting your needs met, your needs will 94 00:05:13.639 --> 00:05:17.439 never be met, never ever, ever, because you will acquiesce 95 00:05:17.480 --> 00:05:22.279 to anybody. Because of that, you can do this. Be strong, 96 00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:24.240 all right? I think we have time for one more. 97 00:05:25.519 --> 00:05:29.759 Dear doctor Wendy. How red is the flag? My bipink 98 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:32.639 flag ORANGEE? I don't know how red is the flag. 99 00:05:32.959 --> 00:05:35.680 If a guy won't meet me at the door when 100 00:05:35.720 --> 00:05:39.720 I come over, he just buzzes me up. I'm scared 101 00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:43.800 walking from my car to his front door, so buzzes 102 00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:45.759 me up. Sounds like he lives in an apartment building. 103 00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:48.560 Sounds like you park on the street, sounds like you're 104 00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:49.720 going over there late at night. 105 00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:55.000 Have you had this conversation? 106 00:05:55.160 --> 00:05:58.720 I love it how people have these expectations and they think, well, 107 00:05:58.759 --> 00:06:00.240 I'm just going to judge them because it's a red 108 00:06:00.279 --> 00:06:03.399 flag because he doesn't come down. How about the dude 109 00:06:03.519 --> 00:06:06.879 doesn't know they're not Most of them aren't brain surgeons. 110 00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:09.000 Just the ones that work at the hospital. They're brain surgeons. 111 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:11.160 The rest of them are not okay, and they need 112 00:06:11.439 --> 00:06:14.079 an owner's manual. No, they don't own you. They didn't 113 00:06:14.079 --> 00:06:18.040 operating manual. You need to say, Hey, you know, I'm 114 00:06:18.040 --> 00:06:20.000 a little scared at night when I'm walking from my 115 00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:22.399 car to your front door. Would it be okay if 116 00:06:22.399 --> 00:06:24.000 when I got near I called you and you came 117 00:06:24.040 --> 00:06:27.199 down to meet me and see what he says. And 118 00:06:27.240 --> 00:06:30.439 if he cannot offer you that care? Why are you there? 119 00:06:31.000 --> 00:06:34.920 That's all say? Why are you there? 120 00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:36.199 All? 121 00:06:36.279 --> 00:06:36.480 Right? 122 00:06:36.600 --> 00:06:38.120 Oh I do have time for one more quickie? Here 123 00:06:38.120 --> 00:06:40.279 we go, Dear doctor Wendy. How do you make yourself 124 00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:42.600 feel better after you have sex with someone who never 125 00:06:42.680 --> 00:06:43.319 deserved you? 126 00:06:43.879 --> 00:06:44.079 Oh? 127 00:06:44.160 --> 00:06:46.759 Lord, hate it when I break my own boundary, I 128 00:06:46.759 --> 00:06:49.399 feel I betrayed myself. Okay, I'm going to pull you 129 00:06:49.399 --> 00:06:51.800 off the guild train. Everybody does that at some point. 130 00:06:51.920 --> 00:06:55.720 They think they're lonely, they're tired, they're drunk, and they 131 00:06:55.839 --> 00:06:58.360 end up getting with an X or a situationship and 132 00:06:58.399 --> 00:07:00.360 they didn't want to and they feel totally bad the 133 00:07:00.399 --> 00:07:05.600 next day. You know what feelings and emotions are messengers. 134 00:07:06.399 --> 00:07:08.199 I don't want you to beat yourself up, but I 135 00:07:08.199 --> 00:07:10.439 want you to pay attention to the message. And the 136 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:13.319 message is I don't like this feeling. And next time, 137 00:07:13.319 --> 00:07:14.800 I'm going to do the things that I need to do. 138 00:07:14.839 --> 00:07:16.279 I won't be tired, I won't be drunk, I won't 139 00:07:16.279 --> 00:07:20.600 be near and whatever. To prevent this from happening again. Obviously, 140 00:07:20.600 --> 00:07:22.560 I need to do more things so I can erect 141 00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:25.279 the boundary to myself. Right, that's all you need to do. 142 00:07:25.399 --> 00:07:26.319 I'm sorry it happened to you. 143 00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:27.360 Baby, I hurt. It's like crazy. 144 00:07:27.399 --> 00:07:31.720 I know I have been there, all right. I have 145 00:07:31.720 --> 00:07:34.199 a special guest when we come back. You are listening 146 00:07:34.199 --> 00:07:36.800 to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six 147 00:07:36.959 --> 00:07:39.639 forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 148 00:07:40.040 --> 00:07:44.240 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 149 00:07:44.439 --> 00:07:46.800 AM six forty Welcome back to the. 150 00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:49.920 Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty live 151 00:07:50.040 --> 00:07:52.199 everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. 152 00:07:52.600 --> 00:07:54.199 We spent a lot of time on. 153 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:58.560 The show talking about motherhood, all the various complication complic 154 00:07:58.639 --> 00:08:03.120 complicated emotions, the feelings that people have around something that 155 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:03.399 you know. 156 00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:04.160 I've said it. 157 00:08:04.160 --> 00:08:07.560 It's kind of a hallmark holiday, but it's a time 158 00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:11.560 for us to really talk about motherhood and everything it 159 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:14.399 has entails. And I always say, you know, mothers can't win. 160 00:08:14.639 --> 00:08:16.720 You know, whether you do the right thing or don't 161 00:08:16.759 --> 00:08:19.439 do the right thing, you get blamed for everything. My 162 00:08:19.560 --> 00:08:23.720 next guest is not only a psychiatrist, but a mother 163 00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:28.240 of two and one of her daughters was born with disabilities. 164 00:08:28.319 --> 00:08:31.639 I'd like to welcome doctor Eva Ritfo to the show. Hi, 165 00:08:31.720 --> 00:08:34.159 doctor Eva, how are you Hi? 166 00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:37.320 It's wonderful to hear your voice, especially on Mother's. 167 00:08:37.080 --> 00:08:38.559 Day exactly now. 168 00:08:38.600 --> 00:08:41.240 I know when one is about to become a mother 169 00:08:41.600 --> 00:08:47.399 and they're full of expectations, and then something happens and 170 00:08:47.480 --> 00:08:51.600 their baby may not be this perfect child or I 171 00:08:51.679 --> 00:08:54.480 know you'd argue with me about what is perfection, but 172 00:08:55.200 --> 00:08:58.759 a child that might have physical or mental disabilities. Can 173 00:08:58.799 --> 00:09:01.039 you share us a little bit about what happened to you? 174 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:05.080 It was your firstborn, right, yes, it was my firstborn, 175 00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:10.519 my daughter. I was finishing my psychiatry residency and she 176 00:09:10.720 --> 00:09:14.279 was born and we thought everything was great, and then 177 00:09:14.320 --> 00:09:16.759 we moved down to Florida, where I was starting a 178 00:09:16.840 --> 00:09:20.080 job on the faculty at University of Miami. And in 179 00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:24.279 the couple weeks of transitioning, my sister, who was training 180 00:09:24.279 --> 00:09:28.159 as a pediatrician, came down to visit and she's I 181 00:09:28.200 --> 00:09:30.000 said to my sister, oh, well, we can already tell 182 00:09:30.039 --> 00:09:31.879 she's going to be right handed because she hasn't used 183 00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:34.679 her left hand as much. And my sister was smart 184 00:09:34.759 --> 00:09:37.159 enough to be like, what, that doesn't make any sense. 185 00:09:37.879 --> 00:09:39.600 This goes back a long way, so you weren't just 186 00:09:39.600 --> 00:09:42.759 looking everything up on the internet, right, So we called her. 187 00:09:42.840 --> 00:09:44.759 And this baby was only two weeks old at this point, 188 00:09:44.799 --> 00:09:45.519 your daughter. 189 00:09:45.480 --> 00:09:46.559 No, she was six months. 190 00:09:46.639 --> 00:09:47.240 Six months? 191 00:09:47.279 --> 00:09:49.600 She was six months. Yeah, she was six months. So 192 00:09:49.639 --> 00:09:53.639 we had a beautiful, uneventful six months minus the colic, 193 00:09:53.720 --> 00:09:55.799 which you know lots of people have that. That wasn't 194 00:09:55.840 --> 00:10:00.559 much fun, but we got through the collic. Turned out 195 00:10:00.600 --> 00:10:04.360 she was allergic to breast milk. Go figure, so well, hey, 196 00:10:04.480 --> 00:10:06.559 we took it took a while to sort that through, 197 00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:09.720 so you know, it was definitely not a very easy start, 198 00:10:11.000 --> 00:10:13.399 but we got through that. We moved down to Miami. 199 00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:16.120 My sister made the comment I didn't even have a 200 00:10:16.159 --> 00:10:19.799 doctor down here. So found a pediatrician, went in and 201 00:10:20.200 --> 00:10:21.919 I got to tell you, Wendy. Even though it was 202 00:10:22.559 --> 00:10:25.080 thirty plus years ago, I remembered the phone call like 203 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:28.039 it was yestvay and I stick to my stomach thinking 204 00:10:28.080 --> 00:10:32.799 about it. He was terribly rude, told us you know 205 00:10:34.440 --> 00:10:38.080 his name, and said, you know, well, your daughter has 206 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:41.759 a hole in her brain and he's never going to 207 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:45.080 be normal. And we ran what because we just thought 208 00:10:45.080 --> 00:10:47.679 she wasn't loving her left hand as much. So it 209 00:10:47.720 --> 00:10:50.919 was over the phone. It was really, honestly a horrible moment. 210 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:53.639 I didn't know a soul in Miami. I was about 211 00:10:53.639 --> 00:10:55.279 to start in the first job in my life, twenty 212 00:10:55.399 --> 00:11:00.360 nine years old. Horrible, and then things went down hill 213 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:04.759 from there. We found out she had a form of 214 00:11:04.840 --> 00:11:07.559 cerebral policy called Hanny paris Is, where she couldn't use 215 00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:11.519 her left side. But that was okay, you know, she 216 00:11:11.600 --> 00:11:15.159 was still a bright, beautiful, easy going, fun child. So 217 00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:18.360 we got her into therapies and everything was sort of 218 00:11:18.399 --> 00:11:21.200 you know, coming back together, started my job, et cetera. 219 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:24.919 And then at two and a half, she had a seizure. 220 00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:28.039 We were all at home and we saw it and 221 00:11:28.279 --> 00:11:30.879 I knew what it was immediately. We raced to the hospital. 222 00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:35.639 They kept her overnight, and then we had a really 223 00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:38.639 bad two and a half years, really really bad. When 224 00:11:38.639 --> 00:11:42.240 she would have seizures, they wouldn't stop, so we would 225 00:11:42.279 --> 00:11:44.799 have to call the paramedics. They would come, they would 226 00:11:44.840 --> 00:11:48.679 give her ivy rectalie to get the seizure to stop, 227 00:11:48.759 --> 00:11:50.799 and then they'd have to transport her to the hospital. 228 00:11:51.720 --> 00:11:54.519 So we weren't allowed to go, you know, too far 229 00:11:54.559 --> 00:11:57.279 away from a hospital. So no traveling back to see 230 00:11:57.279 --> 00:11:59.639 my family, which was in Los Angeles, no traveling back 231 00:11:59.639 --> 00:12:02.519 to see my friends that were in New York, no 232 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:06.440 going really very far at all. I would go to work, 233 00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:08.600 but that was about five minutes away from the house, 234 00:12:09.159 --> 00:12:11.639 and sure enough, I remember sitting with a patient once 235 00:12:11.679 --> 00:12:13.279 and getting that phone call and just saying, in the 236 00:12:13.320 --> 00:12:15.000 middle of a session with a patient, I'm sorry, I 237 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:17.480 have to go. He was like dumbfounded, and I'm like, 238 00:12:17.559 --> 00:12:19.080 I way plain later, I've got to get out of 239 00:12:19.120 --> 00:12:19.799 here fast. 240 00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:21.639 So as I worked at the hospital. 241 00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:25.000 You know, there is a wonderful ending to the story. 242 00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:26.919 I want to save it for a few minutes from now, 243 00:12:27.480 --> 00:12:30.320 but I want to talk about the feelings and emotions. 244 00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:33.600 You didn't plan to have a child with disabilities. I'm 245 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:36.759 sure mothers blame themselves for everything. Did you have to 246 00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:40.360 handle guilt? And what happened was her stress on your 247 00:12:40.399 --> 00:12:42.960 marriage because of this talk about what happens to a 248 00:12:43.080 --> 00:12:44.440 family when this happens. 249 00:12:44.759 --> 00:12:47.639 Well, we went downhill from the seizures. And at five 250 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:51.159 she had to have surgery brain surgery to move the 251 00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:54.879 portion of her brain that was starting the seizures. And 252 00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:59.559 that's when things really got bad. And then she had 253 00:12:59.600 --> 00:13:03.360 a complation following the surgery, had a second emergency surgery, 254 00:13:03.679 --> 00:13:07.559 near death episode. I mean, as bad as it gets, Wendy, 255 00:13:07.879 --> 00:13:11.039 as bad as we get. So that's when the guilt started. 256 00:13:12.200 --> 00:13:15.720 I think the marriage was strained, you know, I don't 257 00:13:15.720 --> 00:13:17.399 know if we want to say at a breaking point then, 258 00:13:17.440 --> 00:13:21.320 but certainly we did go on to divorce. Yeah, it 259 00:13:21.440 --> 00:13:22.480 was pretty bad. 260 00:13:23.159 --> 00:13:26.559 Well there was a silver lining. First of all, you 261 00:13:26.600 --> 00:13:29.840 went on to have another daughter, and yeah, how many 262 00:13:29.919 --> 00:13:33.720 years between your daughters. 263 00:13:32.200 --> 00:13:34.480 Four and a half, So it was right before the 264 00:13:34.559 --> 00:13:37.120 really really bad part that the other daughter was born 265 00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:40.440 was a miracle. She was born. Let's just say we 266 00:13:40.440 --> 00:13:44.360 weren't exactly trying and she came to the world. That 267 00:13:44.480 --> 00:13:48.279 was also a very rough pregnancy because she was very small, 268 00:13:49.240 --> 00:13:52.240 so they thought, oh gosh, you know, another set of complications. 269 00:13:52.399 --> 00:13:56.679 But miracle, she was fine and has been fine, and 270 00:13:56.720 --> 00:13:59.919 it's thriving and it's really been a pillar of strength 271 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:02.840 our family. When she was born, we jokingly called her 272 00:14:02.879 --> 00:14:06.759 Paxel because she lifted everybody's mood up. And the poor 273 00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:09.360 kid is now becoming a psychotherapustiness because she's got to 274 00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:10.519 lift the whole world's mood up. 275 00:14:11.799 --> 00:14:14.240 But I do want to say, you know before we 276 00:14:14.320 --> 00:14:20.320 go to a break, that your oldest daughter, Joy lives 277 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:25.519 independently now and yes, recently, what did she experience. 278 00:14:26.919 --> 00:14:28.840 Well, the funny thing is, right, the last time she 279 00:14:28.919 --> 00:14:31.759 was on your show, you proposed to Julio. Right, she 280 00:14:31.960 --> 00:14:34.240 was on and then she hung up and the next 281 00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:37.799 thing you know, you're proposing to Julio. We're all completely shocked. Well, 282 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:41.840 Joy has gone on to be a miracle. She's done 283 00:14:42.039 --> 00:14:44.600 so much therapy. You name a therapy, We've done it. 284 00:14:44.639 --> 00:14:46.600 I can give you feedback if any mother's out there 285 00:14:46.639 --> 00:14:48.960 want to know what works and what doesn't work, because 286 00:14:48.960 --> 00:14:50.759 a lot of people will sell you things that don't work, 287 00:14:50.799 --> 00:14:51.720 but a lot of things all. 288 00:14:52.120 --> 00:14:54.440 She's a very smart young woman and went on a 289 00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:58.039 dating app and found herself a husband and that's it. 290 00:14:59.440 --> 00:15:02.960 And you dad said her wedding literally Julio, and you 291 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:05.720 were not a married woman. Then it was a very 292 00:15:05.879 --> 00:15:08.759 very happy ending. So to your mother's out there, I say, 293 00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:13.639 take a deep breath. Patience and time is a wonderful healer. 294 00:15:14.039 --> 00:15:16.399 And today I just spent a glorious day just my 295 00:15:16.519 --> 00:15:18.919 daughter Joy. By the way, her birth name was Marissa, 296 00:15:18.919 --> 00:15:21.000 but she chose to go by her middle name, which 297 00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:23.919 is Joy, which is very appropriate, and she leads a 298 00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:28.000 very joyful life. I got to spend the whole day 299 00:15:28.039 --> 00:15:31.799 with her because her very sweet, nurturing husband is actually 300 00:15:32.039 --> 00:15:34.600 up with his grandmother, which was very dear because he 301 00:15:35.000 --> 00:15:39.440 had lost his mother during his childhood. So are you really 302 00:15:39.399 --> 00:15:40.919 ready to bring you back? 303 00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:43.120 I want to talk about this silver lining that through 304 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:46.919 your relationship with a daughter with disabilities, you found it. 305 00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:48.879 The most amazing. 306 00:15:49.159 --> 00:15:52.159 I hate to call it charity because it's really about 307 00:15:52.879 --> 00:15:56.480 an educational expose and art, and we're going to talk 308 00:15:56.519 --> 00:15:59.279 about that when we come back. My guest is doctor 309 00:15:59.399 --> 00:16:03.279 Eva Foe, a psychiatrist from Miami. You are listening to 310 00:16:03.320 --> 00:16:06.200 the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six forty Live 311 00:16:06.279 --> 00:16:08.600 everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 312 00:16:09.799 --> 00:16:14.000 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 313 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:16.799 AM six forty. 314 00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:19.759 Welcome back to the home stretch of the Dr Wendywell 315 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:23.159 Show on KFI AM six forty. My guest doctor Ivo Rittfo, 316 00:16:23.240 --> 00:16:26.559 a psychiatrist on Miami, and Happy Mother's Day to you, 317 00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:31.759 Doctor Ritfoe. We've been talking about the shock and when 318 00:16:31.960 --> 00:16:36.200 an unexpected baby is born with disabilities, and you've done 319 00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:40.399 an amazing job raising your beautiful daughter Joy. But out 320 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:43.559 of this came some beauty. Can you talk about the 321 00:16:43.720 --> 00:16:45.840 Old Beauty Project and what is it? 322 00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:49.159 First of all, thank you, Wendy, and I love to 323 00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:52.679 talk about the Bold Duty Project. So as we just shared, 324 00:16:52.720 --> 00:16:56.960 we had some very dark years, but we emerged out 325 00:16:56.960 --> 00:16:59.320 of that and one of the ways that we emerged 326 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:04.319 out of them was through this non profit we're called 327 00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:07.359 the Bold Beauty Project. We were formed in twenty and 328 00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:11.119 fifteen where the brainschild of a social worker named Shelly 329 00:17:11.160 --> 00:17:14.480 Baher and her idea was to take women with disabilities. 330 00:17:14.839 --> 00:17:18.680 Pair of the wind photographers we use all volunteer photographers, 331 00:17:18.720 --> 00:17:22.039 have them get together, have a very special photo shoot experience, 332 00:17:22.519 --> 00:17:25.920 and then we take one image from each pair, and 333 00:17:25.960 --> 00:17:29.720 then we exhibit them together along with a brief narrative 334 00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:31.920 of the woman with the disability and the narrative of 335 00:17:31.960 --> 00:17:36.519 our volunteer photographer. So my daughter Joy got to be 336 00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:42.599 a model very early on. And the fortuitous part was 337 00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:46.480 if anybody listening those Robert Zuckerman, Robert was a very 338 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:51.119 famous photographer shooting all the behind the scenes movies in Hollywood, 339 00:17:51.440 --> 00:17:55.759 the stills for the movie posters. He became disabled, he 340 00:17:55.799 --> 00:17:59.720 did not find the Hollywood community welcoming. He left, came 341 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:02.400 back to Miami, which is where we met him, and 342 00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:05.359 he was used to shooting all the celebrities. And I 343 00:18:05.480 --> 00:18:07.960 was a Tiger mom before that was a word, and 344 00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:10.720 I asked him if he would photograph my daughter, and 345 00:18:10.759 --> 00:18:13.279 he said yes, and he came over to our house. 346 00:18:13.359 --> 00:18:15.720 We called a love feth day, and he took the 347 00:18:15.720 --> 00:18:18.519 most beautiful picture of her, which has now been shown 348 00:18:18.599 --> 00:18:21.160 in countless art fairs and is on all of our branding. 349 00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:25.079 And she started calling him Pops, and he just really 350 00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:29.599 inspires everybody. Sadly, he did pass away during COVID in 351 00:18:29.640 --> 00:18:32.720 twenty twenty two, so we miss him dearly. But the 352 00:18:32.759 --> 00:18:35.720 project goes on. So like I said, we started in 353 00:18:35.759 --> 00:18:38.200 twenty fifteen in Washington, d C. We did our next 354 00:18:38.200 --> 00:18:42.039 show twenty sixteen in Miami. We've exhibited in multiple cities 355 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:45.720 now throughout the country, Texas, New York, we did Los 356 00:18:45.799 --> 00:18:50.559 Angeles last year, Philadelphia, and due to the pandemic, we 357 00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:54.640 made a pivot and we're now on college canvases because 358 00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:57.920 we didn't want to expose any women during COVID too, 359 00:18:58.559 --> 00:19:01.319 you know the risk. We went to college campises because 360 00:19:01.319 --> 00:19:04.359 they were already out and about and getting exposed. 361 00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:08.960 So the big news is the Bold Beauty Project will 362 00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:14.240 be exhibiting for the very first time at UCLA next Sunday, 363 00:19:14.359 --> 00:19:18.480 May eighteenth, from three to five pm. Now, for those 364 00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:23.680 who love art, who love beauty, who love fashion, this 365 00:19:24.079 --> 00:19:28.119 is a photography exhibition you do not want to miss. 366 00:19:28.519 --> 00:19:31.240 And the whole goal of the Bold Beauty Project, as 367 00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:35.000 I understand it is to change the image of disability. 368 00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:36.799 Is that correct, doctor Eva? 369 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:43.440 Absolutely, we have so many beautiful women who have disabilities. 370 00:19:43.599 --> 00:19:46.279 Joy likes to call them women with different abilities, because 371 00:19:46.440 --> 00:19:48.640 if one thing is taken away from you. You know 372 00:19:48.680 --> 00:19:51.599 how it goes you strengthen in other areas. So our 373 00:19:51.720 --> 00:19:56.359 models are really inspiring, resilient, beautiful women and they get 374 00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:58.839 to depict how they like to be seen. And so 375 00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:02.759 it's an opportunity to see all sorts of different images 376 00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:06.200 and come and meet the models themselves, talk to them, 377 00:20:06.519 --> 00:20:09.359 and meet the photographers who, like I said, have volunteered 378 00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:12.279 their time, which is so heartwarming and beautiful. So we 379 00:20:12.359 --> 00:20:15.640 have a very interesting show coming up on campus. It's free. 380 00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:18.440 The more that's the big more we're celebrating. 381 00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:20.799 Yeah, I do want to say people do need to 382 00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:23.279 get tickets and you can go to the KFI AM 383 00:20:23.319 --> 00:20:25.640 six forty website. We will put a link to where 384 00:20:25.680 --> 00:20:27.319 you can get tickets, but you can also just go 385 00:20:27.400 --> 00:20:31.039 to Bold Beauty Project dot com to get more information. 386 00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:35.400 So it's next Sunday, May eighteenth, at three pm at UCLA. 387 00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:38.319 I will be there, Doctor Eva will be there, the 388 00:20:38.359 --> 00:20:41.759 models will be there. If you are interested in photography 389 00:20:42.279 --> 00:20:46.160 in glamour and makeup and fashion, or just because you 390 00:20:46.200 --> 00:20:50.799 want to support this amazing charity, this nonprofit, the Bold 391 00:20:50.839 --> 00:20:53.119 Beauty Project, we'd love to see you out. 392 00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:54.440 There, Doctor Eva. 393 00:20:54.480 --> 00:20:58.640 Any parting words for parents who may be dealing with 394 00:20:58.680 --> 00:21:00.559 a child with disability. 395 00:21:02.759 --> 00:21:07.640 Self care. You know, it is very challenging. Parenting is 396 00:21:07.759 --> 00:21:10.400 very challenging, particularly in this age that we live in. 397 00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:13.640 And if you add on top of that disabilities and 398 00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:17.440 special needs and therapy sessions and the fear of the unknown, 399 00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:21.359 it's a difficult road. And so I think it's really 400 00:21:21.400 --> 00:21:25.000 important not to neglect yourself. And remember, you know, you've 401 00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:27.640