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Speaker 1: Hi, everybody. I'm Stephanie Wilder Taylor, and this is Drunkish.

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I wrote a book called Drunkish where I told my

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sobriety story, and now I have a podcast so I

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can hear other people's stories that you don't even have

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to be sober to listen. So curl up with a

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mocktail or a beer. There's no judgment here, and please

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please give me a review on whatever platform you listen

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to your podcast. It really will help me out. And

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today I'm so excited about my guest, Lisa Lampanelli. She

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had a long career as a stand up comedian. She

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was known as the Queen of mean, but you guys,

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she's retired from stand up and she's nice now, which

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you're going to hear all about. She also currently hosts

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the iHeart podcast Shrink This, where she and her co

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host Nick discuss real life issues submitted by listeners. And

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we had such a good conversation about food issues, codependency,

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and so much more. So let's do it.

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Speaker 2: Hello.

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Speaker 1: I'm thrilled to be here with Lisa. How are you, hey, girl?

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Speaker 2: So good to reconnect.

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Speaker 1: I know I had you. You made a couple of

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appearances I feel like on for crying out loud my

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podcast with Lynette Corolla. But now I get you all

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to myself.

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Speaker 2: Yes, but I wouldn't know what's wild though you are

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going to die. I have these long drives sometimes to

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see relatives, and I am so speaking of addiction. I'm

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so addicted to books audio books about women overcoming something.

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So I see your book called It's Drunkish, Yes, drunkish. Yeah.

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So I see this and I didn't even look at

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the author. I'm just like, oh, this is right up

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my alley. I'm listening to it. I'm like, why that

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boy sounds so familiar, and then I don't say it's

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your name, and I'm like, well, of course it is.

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I love that book so much.

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Speaker 1: Oh thank you.

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Speaker 2: I was so upseessed with that. I think I listened

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to it like in one shot on a drive. I

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was like, this is the best. It was very honest.

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Speaker 1: It's very easy writing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I mean it was easy listening because

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I was like fascinated and I just thought it was

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so revealing and honest and I just love vulnerability. So

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good for you, man, and congratulations, listen.

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Speaker 1: It's what I'm interested in. I write, what I want

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to read or or listen to. And one of the

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things I think for me that's helped for me with

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like twelve Step and this kind of recovery is just

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other people's stories, you know, I say it in my

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intro to this podcast, but I really mean it like that.

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To me, it's not the God stuff, it's not the

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I'm just not just keeping it real. I'm not a

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super spiritual person. I mean, I wish I was more so,

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but it's the fact. It's that feeling of just not

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being alone in the crazy yes thoughts, not feeling like

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I'm the only person.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, not feeling othered all the time because we think

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we're crazy. And it's like, wait a minute. I think

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that's why I love those kind of books. It's like, oh,

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she went through that, this person went through that, and like, okay,

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Like I fully hate celebrity bios or celebrity you know,

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biopics or whatever. They're just about their career. Least interesting

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thing about anyone is their career, and I'm like, no,

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I want to hear what they struggled with. Like even

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like Christy Brinkley's book, I mean, at first, I was like, oh,

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this is just me light and it's not so I

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just love that you went in there, man, and I'm

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sure it was helpful to so many people.

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Speaker 1: Well, when I'm writing, and same as when I'm speaking,

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I really try to go, what would I want to

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hear I was listening to me, or if I was

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reading this book, and therefore I write the stuff that

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makes me feel really uncomfortable to write. You know, I

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know I'm doing something when I feel really icky about

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what I'm writing, and I go, I could I could

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not write this part, and then I write it anyway,

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and I always go, you know, I can always delete

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it later. I could always change my mind before it

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gets published. And usually by the time I'm done, I'm like, ah,

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fuck it, I don't care correct.

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Speaker 2: Mention it all one. Yeah, yeah, most of the people.

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I mean, I was saying when I wrote my autobiography,

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I guess they are memoir or whatever. I was like,

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Oh I write, Oh, I mean, I was really revealing

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about codependency and about food stuff and all that. I

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was like, Oh, it'd be a way different book if

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my parents were dead, you know, because I knew they

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did the best they could. But there was some stuff

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that was not cool. Rage wise, et cetera. I'm like,

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you know, at the end of the day, if we're

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helping somebody else with their secrets then and taking a

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little shame out as our job.

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Speaker 1: So you did mention some stuff about it, but you

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kept it tamer than you would about your pit with

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your parents.

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Speaker 2: I definitely said my mother was a yeller and stuff,

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but I sort of glossed over it a lot because,

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you know, joking around a little, and I just found

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writing it. I was like, this is she's going to

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read this. It's not you know, and back then, I mean,

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they were raised during the depression. Like if you said

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the word I need therapy, like they'd put you in

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a straight jacket and throw you somewhere. So I'm like,

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I get it. It's very easy, by the way, or

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easier to work on not being mad at your parents

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anymore when they're dead because they're not constantly reopening wounds.

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And I was lucky enough that my parents were pretty good.

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But I get why they did what they did. I

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get that my mother had rage. I get that's that's

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how she probably grew up. You know, hurt people, hurt people, Okay,

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but it was pretty good to work on it when

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they were gone, because they're not doing it to you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's so true for me. I not contact,

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no contact with my mother and stepfather for many years now,

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which is but I have let a lot of stuff

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go too, just in the not I completely relate with

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the not opening those wounds all the time and then

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refeeling mad about stuff or disappointed. And now I just

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feel like, at my age, I'm just too old to

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feel disappointed with how I was parented. It's like enough,

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I'm a full grown adult. It's really on me now.

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So then it becomes more about boundaries and like what

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you don't want to be around and what you will

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be around.

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Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah, it's just taking care of yourself.

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You accept them that this is how they are, but

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doesn't mean you have to accept being open to it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah for sure, But you know, tell me a little bit,

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like let's just go back. For people that don't know you,

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I mean, I don't know how you could not know

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Lisa Lampinelli, I would really mean, but not anymore right

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the former, So you had a whole career before you

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even started doing stand up as a journalist.

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Speaker 2: Right right, I would say a half asked one. I

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think I think a lot of being raised like I was,

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or the middle child or whatever it is, whatever family

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system was going on. I was the rebel of the family.

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So I always tried to do things, of course, not consciously,

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you don't know, that were interesting or unique or made

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me special. I think the least the less special you feel,

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the more you have to try to make yourself feel special.

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So I was like, oh, I'll be really cool to

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interview bands and work at Rolling Stone and this and that.

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So of course I did those things. And I remember

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Tom Wolfe, the great novelist, would come in as so

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many years ago in the eighties and he was publishing

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Bonfire the Vanity's at Rolling Stone and we would type

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it as assistance. We would type it in and uh,

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I was like, I'm never going to be tell wolf

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Like I just knew. I. Oh, he's you know, iconic.

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Well what am I going to do? So I think

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that's when I sort of was like, oh, maybe I can.

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I've always wanted to do stand ups, so I'll try

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it once, Like I'll take a little class and try

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it once. If I bomb, then I'll just won't do it.

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And Lucky, oh, lucky for the world, No, lucky for me.

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The first time went well enough that I was like, Okay,

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this is something I want to pursue. But yeah, I

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think it was always me trying to find a career

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or a job that made me feel special.

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Speaker 1: It's funny that you say that I want to let

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you do all the talking, but I have to interject

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that I have that thing too though, where I was like,

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I didn't feel special, I didn't feel talented really in

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any I didn't feel gifted. I never had a passion

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in high school or earlier. A lot of my friends did,

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and I always just felt like I just don't think

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I'm especially good at anything. And my father was a comedian,

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which made me want to do stand up because I

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liked comedian and I loved being made to laugh, and

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I was like, what if I could do that? You know?

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But I do remember because I waited, So I waited

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tables like cocktail waitress at comedy clubs, and I had

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that same thing of like, well, I'm never gonna know.

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I'll never be like that, I'll never be like For me,

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it was like Paula Poundstone, you know, I'll never be

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Paula Poundstone, so like, what's the point. But then I

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had the same thing of like, well, I just want

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to try it, like before I die, Like I just

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want to try it once and you know, and then

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I'll know, I'll know I'm terrible at it and I

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can move on.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it went well for me too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's just like and then you get sucked

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into it and honestly, like I really wish that that

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was something I hadn't felt the need to do. But

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yet no shade on the career. It was good and

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like okay, and then I get to have enough money

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to go to therapy all the time. I really think

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like money is about getting help. And you'll thanks thankfully,

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you know, I can now afford to just look at

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myself and go why do I act the way I act?

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Or my relationships with other people or family, And it's

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nice to kind of go, oh, I am kind of

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privilege that it worked out.

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Speaker 1: So when you were first doing stand up, do you

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feel like you were struggling with some stuff like food codependency.

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Were you already struggling at that time, or do you

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think that doing that kind of life brought some of

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it out in you?

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Speaker 2: No. I think like I wasn't aware of like food

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issues or you know, serial monogamy and never having a

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break in between a boyfriend or whatever. Like I think

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I went from thirteen to fifty without having a break

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from a guy, Like come on, I mean we call

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that codependency. Now. I thought I was just popular, so

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I think. And with the food stuff, it was always

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the way. It was always up and down and down.

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It was eating for comfort, which again there's nothing wrong

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with emotional eating, nothing wrong with eating for comfort, but

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I didn't like how that was coming out with me,

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like it was binge. Thank god, it was never a disorder,

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but it was binge enough that it's like, oh, let

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me look at this compulsive eating thing and see what's

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going on. So I don't think I was quote aware

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of it enough to be like, oh, I'm a codependent

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food you know, addict or whatever the thing is. But

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they were always there, like since college. I remember all

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this stuff. Ever since going away to college, all that

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stuff came up.

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Speaker 1: Tell me about it.

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Speaker 2: I think it was like my first year of college

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I went away. I know for a fact, I was

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not ready. I think when you're smart and you're raised

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where I was in Connecticut. Not like we're classy or

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anything or wealthy not, but you just kind of you're smart.

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You got good SAT scores. Of course you're going to college.

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And now people take gap years or they stay home.

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I like, know, I wasn't emotionally ready to go away,

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but I did obviously, and I just hated it was

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super lonely. My housing situation was awful. It was with

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three seniors in an apartment and I was stuck with them.

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It was just like a mistake, and I was so miserable.

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And I remember just food, food, food, food, because I

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was never a drinker because I didn't like the taste.

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I also had the distinct memory of going, well, if

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it's going to be calories, I might all eat them,

239
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Like why waste it on booze? It doesn't even taste good.

240
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This stuff tastes good. And then I think I started

241
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to notice obviously weight gain, and then the diet culture

242
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kicks in, where you know, you know, on the fad

243
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diet and you get underweight, and thank the Lord, I

244
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never I was very to having anorexia, but then God

245
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escaped it. And then I was like with every binge

246
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or purge or not purge. With every binge of restriction

247
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comes the opposite. So I was just like, screw it,

248
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I'm just going to eat, and I was dealing with

249
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food stuff for the next however many years, still do

250
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but I mean, thankfully I work on it a lot.

251
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So yeah, it was kind of wild what we use

252
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for comfort.

253
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Speaker 1: So did you drop out of college or did you know?

254
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Speaker 2: I speaking at codependency. I had my high school boyfriend,

255
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which probably no shade to anyone I was married to

256
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or involved with, but probably was the only good guy

257
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I've ever dated. He was at Cornell. I was at

258
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Boston College, and, by the way, a school that I

259
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could never get into. Now. I love that the standards

260
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were low enough back then to let me in. He

261
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was at Cornell, and I was like, oh my god,

262
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I've got to get closer to someone who's grounding, because

263
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he was a decent human for real. So I transferred

264
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to Syracuse majored in journalism, and it's like an hour

265
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and a half from Ithaca.

266
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Speaker 1: Was that in a new house?

267
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Speaker 2: Yep, in new house.

268
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Speaker 1: Yeah, my husband went to Oh yeah.

269
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Speaker 2: Back then your husband's young. But the major I had

270
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was newspaper journalism, so like it's newspaper stuff. And again

271
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I don't even think. I think. I just I had

272
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a real talent for editing. I had real talent for writing.

273
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I was like, Okay, this feels safer. I wouldn't have

274
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even back then to Noble put it together, but I

275
00:14:34,399 --> 00:14:37,879
know it felt safer because I was near ish to

276
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this guy who was very grounding, you know, and I

277
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:45,159
was lucky enough that, like man, nothing horrible happened to

278
00:14:45,159 --> 00:14:47,240
me in college. There was no date rape, there was

279
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:53,200
no assault, no nothing, no robbery. I just hated every

280
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:57,320
second of being so at sea, and the only anchors

281
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were really the food, the guy, and that continued for

282
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a while through comedy and everything. Always had a boyfriend.

283
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That's why I think I was never me too. Part

284
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of it is that always had a boyfriend or husband,

285
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always protected somehow, and not that that protects all women,

286
00:15:17,759 --> 00:15:19,360
but it was part of it. I know what you're saying.

287
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Speaker 1: I know what you're saying. You weren't probably fortunately in

288
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a lot of situations where you were available.

289
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Speaker 2: Never never. I was always like I don't know there

290
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was and also somebody up there was looking out for me,

291
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just like why she doesn't have to deal with this,

292
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So yeah, I had to deal with the codependency.

293
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Speaker 1: And also did you recognize it though? So I mean

294
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for a while, like because for me, I had food

295
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stuff too. I was bellimic, went sixteen to like early twenties.

296
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I got help for it and I got over it,

297
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but then I would have another but then like the

298
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alcohol kind of took over for me. Also didn't like

299
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:04,960
the taste, but pushed through. You know it work for you, yeah,

300
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,440
not aquitter, but you know, then the food stuff would

301
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,039
come back. But that was like my first love. But

302
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,919
I recognized it really early on. I was trying to

303
00:16:13,919 --> 00:16:17,720
get help for that. But then maybe because bolimia is

304
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:19,919
more like black and white, it's like you're either doing

305
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:23,200
that or you're not. So it's pretty hard to go like, no,

306
00:16:23,279 --> 00:16:25,799
I'm fine with food when you're making yourself puke.

307
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:30,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, there's no real that's a real black and

308
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,840
white thing, like with compulsive eating is what they would

309
00:16:33,879 --> 00:16:37,919
call it. Years ago, I was like, I just feel

310
00:16:37,919 --> 00:16:42,639
out of control around food. Binge eating disordered diagnosis hadn't

311
00:16:42,679 --> 00:16:49,519
been created yet, so I remember going, wait a minute,

312
00:16:49,559 --> 00:16:52,360
people go to rehab for drugs and alcohol. Let me

313
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:57,000
look up if there's some rehab for food. So I

314
00:16:57,039 --> 00:17:02,279
look up this place and it's called Rosewood Ranch and Wickenburg, Ohio, Arizona,

315
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,720
which is like where the meadows is a lot of

316
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,680
the famous rehab joints. And I'm like, I'm going to

317
00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:11,440
go there for thirty days and kick my compulsive eating.

318
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Speaker 1: How old were you at this time, though, Like were

319
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,359
you a standard.

320
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,680
Speaker 2: For Yeah, I was like forty five. It was right

321
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,480
after Carnegie Hall, so it was I forget what the

322
00:17:19,559 --> 00:17:22,880
data that was, but I was like already established and everything,

323
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,359
and I was like, all right, I'm just gonna go

324
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,079
to this thing. And you had to have a roommate,

325
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:34,319
but I lied and said I was important and I

326
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,960
needed to take some personal business or business call. So

327
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,759
they let me pay extra to have my own room,

328
00:17:40,799 --> 00:17:44,559
because gotferbid, I don't control something in rehab, right, So

329
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:50,799
I go and it was literally one hundred percent Antirexica

330
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:55,799
Bleamic women and me, and so I'm like the only

331
00:17:55,839 --> 00:17:57,839
fat chick. So at the time, I was probably two

332
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,519
hundred and forty pounds, and you know, it just was

333
00:18:01,839 --> 00:18:04,799
again another place I didn't really fit in. They were

334
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:09,400
told to behave certain ways to work on their food issues.

335
00:18:10,519 --> 00:18:14,160
My advice should have been the opposite. But like they're

336
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,519
being told they have to eat dessert, and I'm like,

337
00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:18,839
well what about me? Like do I? And they and

338
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,519
the Innerexit girls were so cute. They were like, yeah,

339
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,799
like we're supposed to have dessert. I'm like, okay, I

340
00:18:24,839 --> 00:18:27,960
guess I will. So I don't remember learning a lot.

341
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,319
Speaker 1: You lit left there heavier than you started.

342
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:34,240
Speaker 2: I probably did, honestly. Honestly, I probably did. And I

343
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:39,000
think the thing I did learn there, though, was that

344
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,920
community is really good for these things. Twelve step stuff

345
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,720
is amazing, even though I did not subscribe and still

346
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,519
don't to OA, I don't agree with because a lot

347
00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:55,000
of the different meetings ban certain foods and demonize certain things.

348
00:18:55,599 --> 00:18:58,240
And I'm like, okay, I love the twelve step model.

349
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,920
I love the acceptance piece and the you know, serenity

350
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:07,079
prayer stuff, and okay, so at least I'm open to it.

351
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,400
And I think that's what It still resonates a lot,

352
00:19:11,519 --> 00:19:14,359
Like I'll look at twelve step books on codependency and

353
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,359
things and I'll be like, yeah, they're right, Like the

354
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:21,039
principles I really think are very sound.

355
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,480
Speaker 1: I want to know before you went to rehab. So

356
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:28,519
you're living your life. You're getting accolades for stand up.

357
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:30,480
I mean you were very popular, were you. You were

358
00:19:30,519 --> 00:19:35,400
obviously already doing roasts yep. I mean tell me about

359
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,960
like the behavior with food that would drive you to

360
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,319
actually go I need rehab.

361
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:43,400
Speaker 2: I think it's that I had a I mean the

362
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:49,640
big like bottom was I was in Vegas and I

363
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,680
was very food. I mean, I love food. I still do,

364
00:19:53,319 --> 00:19:55,799
so I love food so much. And I remember it

365
00:19:55,839 --> 00:19:58,279
was with my two openers, these two girls who were

366
00:19:58,279 --> 00:20:02,680
pretty small and were at like some like diner or

367
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:07,599
something in Vegas. And the whole time we're like looking

368
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,559
at that you know, the last case.

369
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,799
Speaker 1: Oh, I already knew before. As soon as you said

370
00:20:12,799 --> 00:20:15,319
I'm looking at I'm like, oh the dessert thing.

371
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 2: That the carousel, like you just want to jump on

372
00:20:19,039 --> 00:20:20,359
the carousel and ride.

373
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 1: The pope the caves and eat everything.

374
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's those tall pieces of ca Oh my god.

375
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,920
The whole time we're like fantaside, like, oh my god,

376
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,440
I want that one. That's what I'm gonna get. I'm

377
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,880
gonna get that. So we're I'm fully trusting these two

378
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,920
bitches that they're going to have dessert. So I remember

379
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,359
they we eat or whatever, lousy caesar salad, shit or whatever.

380
00:20:41,559 --> 00:20:44,200
And so the waitress comes over and she's like, oh,

381
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,240
what do you have for dessert? And one of them goes, oh,

382
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:50,200
no dessert for me, thanks, and the other the other

383
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,720
ones like me neither. I'm like, wait a minute, like

384
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,440
you two fucking horns said you were gonna have dessert.

385
00:20:57,519 --> 00:21:00,799
Like I had so much anger and we're not hungry,

386
00:21:00,839 --> 00:21:04,559
and I'm like, what does dessert have to do with

387
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,079
being hungry? Like, no one's hungry for dessert. I was

388
00:21:08,839 --> 00:21:12,960
like literally furious, and it was so disproportionate and crazy.

389
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,680
It was like, look somebody would do if they were

390
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,880
on drugs or alcohol. I just remember I threw down

391
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:21,079
the money on the table. I stormed upstairs. I sort

392
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,279
of got and I go I called my manager and

393
00:21:23,279 --> 00:21:27,079
I was like, listen, get my flight changed. I'm leaving tonight,

394
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,480
and those tickets of Cerctaisalon, fuck those girls, we're not going.

395
00:21:31,599 --> 00:21:34,839
I'm out here and I'm at the airport like waiting

396
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,839
for my flight, and I'm like, yeah, I think I overreacted.

397
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,240
And I was like, oh, and that's when I go,

398
00:21:42,319 --> 00:21:45,119
that's how people act when they're on drugs or they're

399
00:21:45,519 --> 00:21:48,519
ruled by a substance like booze. And that's when I

400
00:21:48,559 --> 00:21:52,759
looked up. I literally typed into the Google thing food rehab,

401
00:21:53,319 --> 00:21:56,960
and that place came up so again, like those girls

402
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,480
would laugh at that now maybe they wouldn't even remember it,

403
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:02,759
but it was so disproportionate in my head. I was like, oh,

404
00:22:02,799 --> 00:22:04,960
this is all about you, Like you've got to work

405
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:09,880
on this. And again, like I don't demonize any type

406
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,920
of food. People give me whatever size they want. I

407
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:18,039
just could not accept that the shape I was in

408
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,799
physically was not what I wanted to match what I

409
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:23,920
saw in the mirror. I didn't like the food seemed

410
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,440
to rule my life and different circumstances like just being

411
00:22:27,519 --> 00:22:29,519
so like, ooh, I need to have this all the

412
00:22:29,559 --> 00:22:31,079
time and I always have to have this in the

413
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,160
dressing room or whatever. I'm like, well, let's look at that,

414
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,759
and I will make fun of that rehab place. But

415
00:22:37,799 --> 00:22:39,279
it definitely made me look at some of that.

416
00:22:40,279 --> 00:22:43,599
Speaker 1: I mean, I still struggled as well. But when I

417
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,599
was dealing with the active eating disorder, I remember I

418
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:51,240
did go to OA and I didn't get a spot.

419
00:22:51,319 --> 00:22:53,000
I didn't do it the way other people did. I

420
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:56,880
was really young. I mean I was probably twenty when

421
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,200
I started going to meetings. And at first I was

422
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,039
just going to regular meetings and everybody was pretty large.

423
00:23:03,039 --> 00:23:06,440
And then I felt weird because I felt like people

424
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,279
were looking at me like why are you here? And

425
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,599
I was really at a low. I mean, I was

426
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,960
being ruled by food, and I was, you know, timing

427
00:23:15,039 --> 00:23:18,160
shopping trips and you know, grocery shopping and going to

428
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,440
different stores so that they wouldn't see me at the

429
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,559
same store every day. I mean, it was really ruling

430
00:23:22,559 --> 00:23:26,160
my life. And the first thing that I did was

431
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,960
started to realize my trigger foods. And so I had

432
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,799
a thing where like if I if I had peanut

433
00:23:31,839 --> 00:23:34,400
butter in my house, I would eat an entire jar

434
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,759
peanut butter, like one spoonful at a time. That comfort eating,

435
00:23:37,799 --> 00:23:40,319
and it was if it was there, it would just

436
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,160
call to me. And I couldn't just leave a jar

437
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,000
of peanut butter. It's funny to almost funny looking back,

438
00:23:46,039 --> 00:23:49,400
because I don't have that at all. But I had

439
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:53,480
to eliminate a bunch of foods. But it wasn't because

440
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,720
OA made me do it. It was like My abstinence

441
00:23:56,839 --> 00:24:00,680
was my own. It was like, no throwing up at all,

442
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,960
have none of that. But then I got very perfectionist.

443
00:24:04,039 --> 00:24:06,480
I'm wondering if you had this too. So once I

444
00:24:06,559 --> 00:24:09,799
was like thought I was in recovery, I was like, okay,

445
00:24:10,279 --> 00:24:13,680
three meals a day. I just got really strict and

446
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,400
then that wasn't healthy either, because then it was ruling

447
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,160
my life in another way. It was just constantly thinking

448
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,839
about what I'm not doing, and I'm even when I

449
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,880
was starving, I was like, well I can't. I can't

450
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,359
have a snack because it's not prescribed in my day.

451
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:31,039
Speaker 2: Right ps. I think that's the only way to do OA,

452
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,920
by the way, which is great. I went to one

453
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,720
meeting once that I thought was great that they were

454
00:24:36,759 --> 00:24:40,319
like whatever program you subscribed two, meaning we're not going

455
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,079
to tell you not to eat sugar and white flour

456
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,799
that's how it used to be, and gray sheet and

457
00:24:44,799 --> 00:24:47,519
all that crazy stuff. You did it like the way

458
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:53,799
that one should. Right. I never sort of was able

459
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:59,279
to handle food without huge intervention, like I had to

460
00:24:59,279 --> 00:25:01,400
get weight loss because I was like, I am not

461
00:25:01,799 --> 00:25:05,359
and I do not promote weight loss surgery because it

462
00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:07,839
really hurts a lot of people. I was lucky enough

463
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,920
that it didn't, but I would never tell somebody to

464
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:14,200
get it. But dude, I was like, I am of

465
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,240
the age that I will never like how I look

466
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,079
at this weight. I love that people are now able

467
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:25,279
to work on body acceptance, body neutrality, body positivity. I couldn't,

468
00:25:25,759 --> 00:25:27,440
and I think it was growing up when I did.

469
00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:31,440
If I was born twenty years later, maybe I could

470
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,200
be like, oh, I'm finding a size, whatever it is.

471
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,160
But I was like, Nope, never going to feel that way.

472
00:25:37,279 --> 00:25:39,720
No matter how much I try to bullshit myself, I'm

473
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,240
not going to like myself bigger. Got the surgery, lost

474
00:25:43,279 --> 00:25:45,079
one hundred and seven pounds, and.

475
00:25:45,799 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 1: So wait kind of so you go to the rehab,

476
00:25:49,039 --> 00:25:53,000
you get out, but you're not feeling better because it

477
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:56,079
was not really the best place for you. How long

478
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,400
in between getting out of rehabit and deciding to do

479
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,519
the surgery, and what was happening in your career and

480
00:26:02,559 --> 00:26:04,799
how are your relationships with other people? It's a bunch

481
00:26:04,799 --> 00:26:06,039
of questions at once.

482
00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 2: Well, No, I remember being in the food rehab and

483
00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:15,240
nothing really changing food wise, but knowing that at least

484
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,960
I picked up a few tools about acceptance and things

485
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,359
in there and twelve Step and being open to that

486
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,680
kind of philosophy. So I think like Radio City was

487
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:29,640
around then, you know, all the specials and all those

488
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,640
things are going on, and I think I met my

489
00:26:34,319 --> 00:26:38,720
husband my ex husband now, but we're friends at age

490
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,880
around forty nine, so it was like a three years

491
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:46,000
after that, after that rehab, and he was a big,

492
00:26:46,039 --> 00:26:50,200
fat guy and I was fat, but we had this

493
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:55,440
awesome sweetheart. I always hate trainers, but she was like

494
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:59,359
a yoga woo wu chick and she would come to

495
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,920
the apartment and then she'd like, she'd say, we were

496
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,799
doing yoga, but I thought we were just laying there,

497
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,079
and like she'd let me just take walks instead of run,

498
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,880
like she was just so nice. And she mentions one

499
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,839
day and it's almost like I never had heard the

500
00:27:12,839 --> 00:27:16,680
words weight loss surgery. Maybe I hadn't, and she just goes, oh, yeah,

501
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,559
client of mine just had weight loss surgery. I literally

502
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,480
was like, what what is that? And she's like yeah,

503
00:27:22,519 --> 00:27:26,880
and I go send me some info. And I remember

504
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,720
doing the Celebrity Apprentice. I was still fat, and Jimmy,

505
00:27:30,799 --> 00:27:34,119
my husband at the time, goes, oh, I ran into

506
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:37,039
a guy at Gotham Comedy Club, where Jimmy had been

507
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:41,000
a doorman, and he goes, uh, he has a great

508
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,400
weight loss surgeon. Do you want his number? I'm like yeah,

509
00:27:44,559 --> 00:27:47,720
And right after Celebrity Apprentice, I was like, I'm bucking

510
00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:53,240
meeting doctor Trevetti. And again, it's not the greatest option,

511
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,119
but at the time, it's all that existed to like

512
00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,079
for me to be able to get my head around

513
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,319
hatred of how I looked. Look, my face is my face.

514
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,599
I'll never do anything to my face, not because I'm

515
00:28:05,599 --> 00:28:08,079
morally opposed to it, because I'm a pussy and I'm scared,

516
00:28:08,559 --> 00:28:12,200
because I will never stop so I can accept from

517
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,480
the neck up. I wanted to be able to accept

518
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,559
from the neck down, and my flaw is I could

519
00:28:17,079 --> 00:28:18,480
without some kind of intervention.

520
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,839
Speaker 1: It's interesting that your husband was like, hey, I found

521
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:25,400
a great weight loss surgeon for.

522
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 2: You, so oh no, for him too.

523
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh you do Oh he did it too.

524
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,680
Speaker 2: Yeah. The funny thing was, this is fantastic. We went

525
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,079
to meet this doctor who we met through the guy

526
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,880
he was he met him through was the guy Carolyn

527
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:42,359
Manzo's husband from The Jersey Housewife. Huh huh, So how

528
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,279
Carolyn's husband had gotten that surgery. So we go to

529
00:28:46,319 --> 00:28:51,400
meet this doctor and I'm going to just pay for

530
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,640
it myself because I'm like, I'm not going to insurance,

531
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,440
like they're not going to pay it. My BMI isn't

532
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:59,799
high enough. It's such a racket. But Jimmy BMI was

533
00:28:59,839 --> 00:29:03,119
really high, so he had a weight three months and

534
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,799
he goes, yeah, he goes, you get it. If you

535
00:29:05,799 --> 00:29:09,000
don't die on the table, I'll get it too. And

536
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,359
what's funny is since then, Jimmy's gotten fat again because

537
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,599
we got divorced and he got remarried, and I think

538
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,480
he just found acceptance and he, you know, has a

539
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,279
great wife. I was at the wedding and I'm just like, cool, cool,

540
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,480
you know, have good time. But yeah, we both got it,

541
00:29:24,599 --> 00:29:27,400
and for me it kind of stuck.

542
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 1: So do you feel like when you have the weight

543
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,200
loss surgery. I mean there's a lot to that, right,

544
00:29:34,359 --> 00:29:36,920
like the recovery and then does it did it change

545
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,000
the way you felt about food or did it just

546
00:29:39,079 --> 00:29:41,200
change your weight and then your weight changed the way

547
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,119
you felt about food?

548
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 2: Well, no, the weight goes off, but your stomach's so

549
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,519
fricking small. And I always joke with the surgeon that

550
00:29:49,599 --> 00:29:51,799
he made mine smaller because I was in the public

551
00:29:51,839 --> 00:29:54,200
eye and he wanted me to stay thin. I'm like,

552
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,799
fuck you, doctor Zavetti. He made me, you know, half

553
00:29:57,799 --> 00:30:00,920
a couple of food a meal, but literally my stomach

554
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:06,160
never stretched out, so it was a little bit easier

555
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,119
to keep off. But like in my house now, you

556
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,680
couldn't name a food that isn't in my house because

557
00:30:12,759 --> 00:30:16,440
it just doesn't fit. Like there's never a danger of

558
00:30:17,119 --> 00:30:20,559
needing an entire bag of anything because it just physically

559
00:30:20,599 --> 00:30:25,599
will not fit. It's extreme. It kind of sucks that

560
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:29,519
you're full so fast, But for me it was worth

561
00:30:29,559 --> 00:30:34,000
the price because I hated being fat more than I

562
00:30:34,079 --> 00:30:39,599
hate eating small meals every day. And again, were I

563
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,359
born later, I may have been like, oh my god,

564
00:30:42,359 --> 00:30:45,000
I just love food and I'm fat and it's okay.

565
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,599
I almost that's like the perfect situation, but I wasn't

566
00:30:48,599 --> 00:30:48,920
in it.

567
00:30:50,799 --> 00:30:53,799
Speaker 1: So did the obsession though, lift about food.

568
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean for me it did because I had

569
00:30:56,759 --> 00:31:00,200
no choice. Like, of course, then it transfers to shop

570
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,839
because you lose one hundred and seven pounds, you pretty

571
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:07,279
much go through your clothes pretty quick. But now what

572
00:31:07,359 --> 00:31:10,759
I work on. Is not doing that, not needing the

573
00:31:10,839 --> 00:31:16,359
hit of the package, arriving on the front step, not

574
00:31:16,599 --> 00:31:25,799
medicating with overactivity, busyness, too much friend stuff, any drama.

575
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,680
Like I work really hard on noticing if something feels

576
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,680
medicating and not doing it. Do I win all the time? No?

577
00:31:33,359 --> 00:31:35,960
But more times than I lose.

578
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:40,559
Speaker 1: So tell me about the codependent stuff? Did that start?

579
00:31:40,759 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 2: Was that?

580
00:31:41,079 --> 00:31:43,319
Speaker 1: Did you feel like that was happening a lot before

581
00:31:43,839 --> 00:31:46,920
the food stuff concurrently with the food stuff.

582
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 2: That was at the same time. I don't think I

583
00:31:50,319 --> 00:31:54,480
knew the word for codependency until later and when it

584
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:58,519
really hit me hard, and this was an angel appearing

585
00:31:58,599 --> 00:32:03,160
for me. Is dating a really terrible guy? Obviously this

586
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:07,200
is before I got married, And again, now that I

587
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,480
think about, maybe not a terrible guy. I was dating

588
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:13,279
a guy who was a pot addict and not good

589
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:17,000
not a good fit, okay, but you know, at the time,

590
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:20,480
it felt like he was horrible and I was being

591
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:25,000
obsessed with keeping that relationship alive. We must have broken

592
00:32:25,079 --> 00:32:30,200
up fifty times, and I was like he he was

593
00:32:30,319 --> 00:32:36,240
like a drug. So I remember going to like Kenyon Ranch,

594
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:39,519
which is like a health spot, and I would be

595
00:32:39,559 --> 00:32:43,200
saying to the therapists or stuff there, like but like he'll change, right,

596
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,079
I mean like I can help him change, right. And

597
00:32:45,079 --> 00:32:48,240
they'll be like, no, if you want to rescue something,

598
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,480
make it a dog. And I'm like what, and they're like,

599
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:57,359
he's your beer. I'm like, oh, he's an addict. I'm

600
00:32:57,359 --> 00:33:02,079
addicted to him. So I still going to codependence anonymous

601
00:33:02,119 --> 00:33:04,759
meetings and also alan On because they had the same

602
00:33:04,759 --> 00:33:07,720
principles and I was like, oh my god, I'm addicted

603
00:33:07,759 --> 00:33:12,440
to a person. So I went to this awesome place

604
00:33:12,599 --> 00:33:14,839
and I do promote the hell out of this place.

605
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:19,559
It's called the Karen Foundation cron in Pennsylvania because this

606
00:33:20,119 --> 00:33:24,559
angel of a man appeared to me in La once

607
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,440
at a comedy club and we're talking with him and

608
00:33:27,519 --> 00:33:31,599
my friends about this sky I'm addicted to and he

609
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,680
looks at me and he goes Karen Foundation. I'm like

610
00:33:34,759 --> 00:33:38,519
what and he goes it's a rehab. But they have

611
00:33:38,559 --> 00:33:42,680
a fifty get this, fifty one weeks out of the year.

612
00:33:43,119 --> 00:33:45,240
This is how in demand it is. They do a

613
00:33:45,279 --> 00:33:49,240
codependency week, so it's so full that they do it

614
00:33:49,359 --> 00:33:51,240
every week except one each year.

615
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,279
Speaker 1: You need this, you just go for a week it's

616
00:33:55,319 --> 00:33:56,279
not thirty days.

617
00:33:56,599 --> 00:33:59,119
Speaker 2: No, it's so intense though, like it feels like a month.

618
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:03,559
You're just going crazy because you're really attacking what they

619
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,039
think is the root of all addiction, which is codependency.

620
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,280
Oh my god, I tell you what. After this guy

621
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:12,960
I'll never forget him told me about it. I went

622
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:14,559
home that night. I was staying at a hotel in

623
00:34:14,679 --> 00:34:17,800
La I look up Karen Foundation, left them a message

624
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:20,360
at midnight. They called me in the morning. I was like,

625
00:34:20,519 --> 00:34:23,840
sign me up, and I paid and I went. Within

626
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:27,159
a few months or weeks, I have never had a

627
00:34:27,159 --> 00:34:30,079
more life changing experience in my life. Because they were

628
00:34:30,079 --> 00:34:35,840
doing family systems and like all this theory about why

629
00:34:36,599 --> 00:34:39,360
who you know, why we developed this codependency of looking

630
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,679
to other people for meaning and to looking for other

631
00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:45,400
people that change our lives and not looking inward. I'm

632
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,599
telling you that we clean my clock. I knew when

633
00:34:47,639 --> 00:34:51,679
I got out of there. I said, I won't even

634
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,000
notice the wrong type of men anymore, and I never have.

635
00:34:55,920 --> 00:35:00,320
It is just something they some magically way a the

636
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,639
therapy they had group or whatever. I forget. It was

637
00:35:02,639 --> 00:35:05,280
a lot of group and individual I was like, I

638
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,119
will never notice problematic man again are the ones who

639
00:35:08,159 --> 00:35:12,000
are problematic for me. And that's why when I met

640
00:35:12,039 --> 00:35:14,159
I took a year and a half off from dating

641
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,679
like they prescribed. They prescribe a year. I took a

642
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,519
year and a half and Jimmy I met him and

643
00:35:19,519 --> 00:35:23,159
he was just a nice guy. Jimmy's a very bless

644
00:35:23,199 --> 00:35:28,280
his heart guy, like nice, good, jolly good person. And

645
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,400
I was like, ever since Karen Foundation, I've never dated

646
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:32,800
a horrible man again.

647
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,519
Speaker 1: So were you still with the guy you were addicted

648
00:35:37,559 --> 00:35:39,159
to when you went to a foundation?

649
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,599
Speaker 2: You'll love this? When because I had told him, I said,

650
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,960
I'm going to this thing, and thank god, you're not

651
00:35:46,039 --> 00:35:52,800
allowed of phones. I said, never contact me again. And

652
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:57,440
I but I changed his name in my phone to Paine,

653
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:02,039
and I said, if I'm answering, I'm for pain. So

654
00:36:02,159 --> 00:36:04,119
whenever his number would come up, it it'd say pain

655
00:36:04,159 --> 00:36:07,639
and I wouldn't answer it. Like something happened right before

656
00:36:07,639 --> 00:36:09,039
I went and there, I was like, you're going to

657
00:36:09,079 --> 00:36:13,159
this frickin thing you're committing and I've never heard from

658
00:36:13,199 --> 00:36:17,360
her talk to him again? And again it was fifty

659
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:21,320
to fifty. I volunteered. There's this great saying in codependency rehab.

660
00:36:21,519 --> 00:36:24,559
Every time I got fucked, I bent over, So it's

661
00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:25,480
half our fault.

662
00:36:26,079 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 1: It's an mighty place.

663
00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:30,159
Speaker 2: I like that. Oh no, it was badass, Like I remember,

664
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,719
they were just tough, and boy did I, thank goodness

665
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,800
learn my lesson and never dated any be bad again.

666
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,199
It's because it's so based in like recovery stuff in

667
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:44,599
twelve step and ooh, I'm so grateful for bumping into

668
00:36:44,639 --> 00:36:46,599
that guy who mentioned it. I would have never known.

669
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 1: I mean, do you think a lot of people can

670
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,960
get over it that quickly? I definitely have codependency stuff.

671
00:36:53,599 --> 00:36:57,480
And but like my husband and I are, we're codependent

672
00:36:57,519 --> 00:36:59,119
with each other and we make fun of each other

673
00:36:59,159 --> 00:37:02,079
for that. We're like, oh being mc cod right now.

674
00:37:02,519 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 2: Yep. And I think that's okay, because is there healthy

675
00:37:05,519 --> 00:37:09,840
codependency where you're just like need the other person and so,

676
00:37:10,039 --> 00:37:13,119
you know, I definitely see it though sometimes when I

677
00:37:13,119 --> 00:37:16,599
don't have control in other areas and I start micromanaging

678
00:37:17,199 --> 00:37:20,400
my husband, and I also notice it that he can.

679
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,760
Speaker 1: He will do that with me sometimes when he's feeling

680
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,599
anxious about other things, and then he'll start micromanaging me.

681
00:37:26,039 --> 00:37:29,159
We recognize it. I think we're both fairly healthy people.

682
00:37:29,199 --> 00:37:31,119
So we do recognize it in each other and we

683
00:37:31,159 --> 00:37:35,079
don't really fight about it. But I have definitely had

684
00:37:35,119 --> 00:37:38,000
it in relationships before my husband. My husband's the first

685
00:37:38,039 --> 00:37:42,000
like nice guy, I did it, oh good, And I

686
00:37:42,159 --> 00:37:46,320
wasn't even I didn't have that same that thing, that

687
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:50,400
attraction thing at the beginning with him because he wasn't

688
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,559
not a good guy. I mean I had a sixth

689
00:37:53,599 --> 00:37:55,239
sense for guys that would be asked for us.

690
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:59,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, I loved it. I love danger like even now,

691
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,400
like in the old spank Bank, the old because I

692
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,639
don't I'm not interested in dating. I swear to God,

693
00:38:06,079 --> 00:38:10,840
the edgy guys that I'm attracted to, I would never

694
00:38:11,039 --> 00:38:16,800
date them, like I am attracted to Season one Richie

695
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:21,280
from the Bear, not season four when he's a good guy.

696
00:38:21,519 --> 00:38:23,679
I don't want to spank it out to Richie who's

697
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,880
nice and polishing the forks. I want the Richie who's

698
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,559
a fucking dangerous guy who's selling heroin in the back.

699
00:38:31,119 --> 00:38:34,039
So I think, what's good about it? It's like you

700
00:38:34,079 --> 00:38:37,679
and your husband, you have interdependence. You know, you laugh

701
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,199
about it. You can be like Ugh being codependent again.

702
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,639
But I noticed with me since I don't want a

703
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:45,079
date and I don't want a relationship, and I probably

704
00:38:45,159 --> 00:38:48,000
know actually was probably the type who if I was

705
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,440
born again twenty years later, it would have been like

706
00:38:51,599 --> 00:38:53,719
marriage wouldn't have occurred to me. I just think my

707
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:58,559
generation did it. So I think it'll show up in

708
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:02,360
friend things, in nieces and nephews where I'm like, are

709
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:03,920
you okay? Is everything okay?

710
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:04,639
Speaker 1: Do you need help?

711
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 2: I'm overly helpful. So that's where the codependency shows up.

712
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,159
And I go back to a meeting, I'm just like, yeah, no,

713
00:39:12,559 --> 00:39:15,960
you don't need them to include you in everything. You

714
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:20,280
don't need to interrupt their journey. And that's where the

715
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:23,960
codependency comes in. It doesn't just disappear. It's like always

716
00:39:24,679 --> 00:39:27,320
top of mind to notice that and still work on

717
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,599
it just because it's not It shows up with other.

718
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,280
Speaker 1: People, like with friendships you're saying yeah, or.

719
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,559
Speaker 2: Family like I'll I have this little writing group and

720
00:39:36,599 --> 00:39:39,519
we don't even write. It's like four of us comics.

721
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,679
I'm retired. The three of them don't even want to write,

722
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,719
and we just have gotten together every Tuesday night. It's

723
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,440
like wild. For the past four years. Every Tuesday, it's

724
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:56,559
the same place and one of them. I swear to God,

725
00:39:56,159 --> 00:39:59,239
I love the girl he's dating, but I know she's

726
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:03,880
not right for him, She's not ready. She absolutely is

727
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,880
going from one thing to the next like I did.

728
00:40:06,559 --> 00:40:09,440
And I have not said one word to him about it.

729
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:13,920
I go that sounds great, good for you, And inside I'm.

730
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 1: Like, oh, you fucking I want to tell you.

731
00:40:17,039 --> 00:40:19,599
Speaker 2: None of my business. It's his journey to figure it

732
00:40:19,599 --> 00:40:21,679
out on his own. That's where it shows up when

733
00:40:21,679 --> 00:40:25,599
that stuff drives me nuts. So I got to police

734
00:40:25,639 --> 00:40:28,880
it all the time. Because a good friend doesn't do that,

735
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,119
doesn't tell you what to do.

736
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,760
Speaker 1: I feel like I just want to go back a

737
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,800
little bit, because this is a you know, it's it's

738
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:40,320
a long process to get rid of some of these

739
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:44,239
toxic things. But I'm so interested in the fact that,

740
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,440
you know, so you make your career being the queen

741
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:50,760
of mean you know, being a roaster and probably just

742
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:53,079
getting out there with the guys and getting a lot

743
00:40:53,079 --> 00:40:57,760
of you know, good validation for being like, oh you

744
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,880
can handle like the mean joke about you and you

745
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:04,159
can dish them out and all that. But I know

746
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:06,360
that when you had the weight loss surgery and when

747
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,400
you lost the weight and really started working on yourself.

748
00:41:10,079 --> 00:41:12,800
You stopped wanting to do it, and it was kind

749
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,880
of a sudden thing when you retired from comedy. Well

750
00:41:16,159 --> 00:41:17,639
it wasn't, said Howard Stern.

751
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,599
Speaker 2: Well, I announced it, because an announcement should be sudden.

752
00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:24,840
It shouldn't be teased, you know, p r y. But

753
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,800
it was like a five year knowledge that I was

754
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,000
going to get out, Like meaning between me and my

755
00:41:30,079 --> 00:41:33,440
business manager and manager were like planning, saving and some

756
00:41:33,679 --> 00:41:37,119
very like old school. My parents were always about saving money,

757
00:41:37,599 --> 00:41:39,679
make sure you don't have to work again, whatever it is.

758
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,880
So it was like a five year noticing of like,

759
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,440
oh I don't really love this anymore. I don't hate it.

760
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,880
I want to get out before I hate it. I

761
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,840
want to I got a divorce from Jimmy before I

762
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,360
hated him. I sold a big house before I hated

763
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,719
the house, Like I always know, Oh, okay, be an

764
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:00,239
adult and get out in a moral way.

765
00:42:00,559 --> 00:42:03,599
Speaker 1: This is so interesting to me because I mean, so

766
00:42:03,679 --> 00:42:06,239
you're doing stand up and you're doing so well, like

767
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,119
people loved to your sought after making a lot of money,

768
00:42:09,119 --> 00:42:12,280
I'm sure, But was there a time, I mean, I

769
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,400
remember talking to you about this on for crying out

770
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,920
loud because I had this with stand up myself where

771
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:19,760
I was just like, don't I don't like it. I

772
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:21,559
don't Well for me though, it was the feeling of

773
00:42:21,599 --> 00:42:25,079
I don't like the before part. I don't like I

774
00:42:25,119 --> 00:42:27,519
always am nervous. I don't like what this does to

775
00:42:27,559 --> 00:42:30,760
my self esteem. I do not like bombing. But you weren't.

776
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:35,119
You were like an established, well known, sought after performer.

777
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:38,000
So at what point I want to hear like when

778
00:42:38,039 --> 00:42:39,920
it just started to not fit for you?

779
00:42:40,559 --> 00:42:44,599
Speaker 2: Oh? I just started noticing my life because I wasn't

780
00:42:44,639 --> 00:42:50,480
running from anything anymore. So basically a really pivotal moment

781
00:42:50,599 --> 00:42:53,800
was I said done Radio City. What happened was we

782
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:58,719
announced Stunstern that I was doing Carnegie Hall. It's sold

783
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:00,599
out really fast because you go on Stern and your

784
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:04,840
favorite so Live Nation was like, well, let's do Radio

785
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:08,039
City like two months later, and I'm like, you sure,

786
00:43:08,079 --> 00:43:10,440
because that's like sixty seven hundred and thirty two seats.

787
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,639
I love how I know the exact numbers, and he's like, no,

788
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,400
we can do this. So I remember it Radio City

789
00:43:18,559 --> 00:43:22,280
and I was like, okay, it was sold out. Obviously

790
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:25,039
it was really fun. I give me a stand where

791
00:43:25,039 --> 00:43:27,320
the roquets stand, and I have my niece and her

792
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:28,880
friend come out and do a dance like it was

793
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,000
just like my whole family's there. We're having a blast.

794
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,760
And I remember the head of Live Nation, because it

795
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:37,639
was a big deal, comes up to me backstage and

796
00:43:37,679 --> 00:43:41,599
he's like so happy and we're friends and goes next

797
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:48,239
Madison Square Garden and he expects me to be like yeah,

798
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,599
And I'm sure I said that outwardly and in my

799
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:55,599
heart though, I was like, it's never going to be enough.

800
00:43:56,960 --> 00:44:01,440
It'll then be Madison Square Garden twice. And at something

801
00:44:01,519 --> 00:44:07,920
in me I had the wisdom of noticing, oh, this

802
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:12,840
will never be enough. So if I don't love it

803
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,199
like I'm supposed to, let's stop chasing some high that

804
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,480
I'm never going to get. And I was like, oh,

805
00:44:19,559 --> 00:44:21,880
I didn't bring it up then because I didn't know

806
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,480
this was percolating to get out. I was like started

807
00:44:25,519 --> 00:44:27,760
noticing over the years as I did more work on myself.

808
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,719
I went to retreats and different things. I was like,

809
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,880
every time I go to pac for a weekend, I'm like, uh,

810
00:44:34,599 --> 00:44:36,559
I want to be home with the dog, and I

811
00:44:36,599 --> 00:44:38,599
want to be in the house, and I love my

812
00:44:38,679 --> 00:44:41,679
friends and family. I don't want to miss things. And

813
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:45,239
I was like, oh, guys, I'm going to retire, and

814
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:47,880
my business manager was like, Okay, we'll figure out like

815
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:51,239
a savings plan or whatever. So that's when it started noticing.

816
00:44:51,559 --> 00:44:55,280
Speaker 1: But was it the actual performing, because no, it's such

817
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,920
a high right when you're performing and people are laughing

818
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:01,800
at something that you thought of. That part never went away.

819
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:03,519
So it was just the everything around it.

820
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the business like the life of it,

821
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:10,639
and it's isolating because hey, you bring your opener, but

822
00:45:10,679 --> 00:45:13,800
like you're not with family or real friends, and like

823
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,039
I'd scare up friends all over the country or like

824
00:45:17,159 --> 00:45:19,039
I had a nephew who was at school in I

825
00:45:19,079 --> 00:45:22,400
think Cincinnati, which is like five hours from Louisville, and

826
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:24,400
I was playing Louisville. I sent a limo for him

827
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,559
and his friends. I was like, Oh, there's somebody to

828
00:45:26,599 --> 00:45:29,679
hang with. But I think I was just like growing

829
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:33,000
And I said on a podcast right after I retired,

830
00:45:33,039 --> 00:45:35,119
I said, I don't think I was ever a comedian.

831
00:45:35,519 --> 00:45:37,760
I think I was someone who wanted to connect but

832
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,119
didn't know how. Other than that, and so now I

833
00:45:40,199 --> 00:45:47,320
just connect one on one small groups, like I'm still humorous.

834
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,320
I don't have to be funny. I sell a good time.

835
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:53,239
We laugh like me and my friend on our podcast,

836
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,480
like we have a good time. But there's no pressure

837
00:45:56,559 --> 00:46:00,320
to do anything. I'm just not performing. I'm just being

838
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,320
who I am. So that's kind of nice.

839
00:46:03,199 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 1: I remember when I stopped doing stand up. I would

840
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,159
still do it sometimes, but I stopped having the dream

841
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:11,400
of like being a famous comedian. I think it occurred

842
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:14,400
to me at some point, I'm never going to be uh.

843
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,719
I just think my humor's not for everyone. But that's okay.

844
00:46:18,039 --> 00:46:20,480
But I was also just like going, you know, to

845
00:46:20,559 --> 00:46:23,519
a comedy club and staying in a shitty condo and

846
00:46:23,679 --> 00:46:26,159
just like, I don't know if this is for me.

847
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,000
I think I'm similar to you in that way. And

848
00:46:28,039 --> 00:46:29,840
then I got a job writing on a game show

849
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:34,440
and I was like, oh, this is fun. I have camaraderie,

850
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:38,119
I have co workers, we're together all the time. I

851
00:46:38,159 --> 00:46:39,679
write a joke and I don't even have to be

852
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:41,519
the one to risk whether it works or not. The

853
00:46:41,559 --> 00:46:45,360
host does it. And then that to me once I realized, oh,

854
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,000
I don't like to be the one that has to

855
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:49,960
have the pressure of telling the joke. Well, I think

856
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,639
I'm a better writer than performer, So when somebody else

857
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:55,440
performs the joke and gets a big laugh, it gives

858
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:57,199
me every bit of a good feeling.

859
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

860
00:46:57,519 --> 00:46:59,920
Speaker 1: I think it's the same validation for me as do

861
00:47:00,159 --> 00:47:02,480
it myself. And once I realized that, it was very

862
00:47:02,519 --> 00:47:04,639
freeing because I was like, oh, I could do this,

863
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:09,000
and then I always wanted to be on the radio

864
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,519
or like when podcasting came along, I was like, oh,

865
00:47:11,559 --> 00:47:13,880
that's for me because I also love the no pressure

866
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:14,519
to be funny.

867
00:47:15,039 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 2: Yes, Like why should we have to perform anything? Like today,

868
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:22,800
I teach stand up and storytelling at this college and

869
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,400
I went to their little showcase today, not the stand

870
00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:28,719
up one, but like the singers and the dancers and

871
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:31,519
the actors, and I was just watching and you get

872
00:47:31,559 --> 00:47:36,840
telling someone's performing tears instead of actually having emotion. I

873
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:38,440
was like, I never wanted people to think I was

874
00:47:38,559 --> 00:47:41,920
performing comedy or being funny. I just wanted to be

875
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,440
And I was like, oh, I just get to be

876
00:47:45,199 --> 00:47:47,480
Like I get to like be quiet, I get to

877
00:47:47,559 --> 00:47:49,599
like not in my house like I do tons of

878
00:47:49,599 --> 00:47:52,159
game nights and stuff. I don't have to be the

879
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:54,760
center of attention. I could listen to other people, like

880
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,159
it's just so much fun. Like even on the podcast,

881
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:02,559
I really it's my podcast, it's not me and Nick,

882
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:05,480
but it's just like this comic who's a friend of mine,

883
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:08,119
and I let him do a lot of the talking.

884
00:48:08,639 --> 00:48:11,440
I'm like, I don't need to be front and center.

885
00:48:11,559 --> 00:48:13,840
I want to make him famous, you know, even though

886
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,239
I don't know if you even wants that. So it's

887
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:20,119
just nice to not need or be chasing anything.

888
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,639
Speaker 1: So I don't want to ease A podcast what's it called?

889
00:48:23,039 --> 00:48:25,639
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's called Shrink This with Lisa Lampinelli on

890
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:28,360
High Heart. And the thing about the only reason it

891
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:32,199
happened was because I was retired and this woman who's

892
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:35,239
a sidekick on Elvis Durant's show, said oh, could you

893
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,159
be on my podcast as a guest, And I'm like sure,

894
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,400
And I was just very serious, like we're just talking

895
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:44,440
about like I coach people, like like stuff and advice.

896
00:48:44,559 --> 00:48:47,800
And Elvis was like, oh, you need a podcast for

897
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:53,519
our network about that's advice but funny but just being you.

898
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,559
And I was like ooh good, Like all right, nobody's

899
00:48:56,599 --> 00:48:59,960
gonna listen because I was like, no one's I go, dude,

900
00:49:00,079 --> 00:49:02,800
well my age, my fans don't listen to podcasts, and

901
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,800
he's like, I don't care. I believe in it. Well

902
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:09,000
expect three listeners because I don't EGO care anymore and

903
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,079
doing pretty well, but I'm like, oh, it's just kind

904
00:49:12,079 --> 00:49:15,480
of fun and not looking at numbers. I don't need

905
00:49:15,559 --> 00:49:19,000
one more thing. If I never get applause again, which

906
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:23,800
I hopefully never will, that's okay, like that, it's also

907
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:28,400
fucking bullshit. It's it's so fake. And I coach a

908
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:31,880
lot of girls now, recent graduates of this college, like

909
00:49:32,199 --> 00:49:35,920
creativity coaching, and I'm like, you think you need applause,

910
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:39,119
You don't. You need applause of the heart. You need

911
00:49:39,159 --> 00:49:42,599
your own nobody else's and they're not going to listen

912
00:49:42,679 --> 00:49:43,960
to me. But at least I could say it.

913
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:47,079
Speaker 1: Did you find it hard though? You know? I mean

914
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:51,039
you sound very healthy, uh, and you know you've adapted

915
00:49:51,079 --> 00:49:54,400
to this new life. But when you stop doing stand up,

916
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,039
was there any withdrawal? Were you like, oh wait, wait,

917
00:49:58,079 --> 00:49:59,440
I'm just never going to do it again.

918
00:50:00,079 --> 00:50:02,199
Speaker 2: No, no, no, not for stand up. But I'll tell you where

919
00:50:02,199 --> 00:50:05,119
the problem came in. I just I never get out

920
00:50:05,159 --> 00:50:08,159
of anything too early or too late. So I knew that.

921
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,840
Like it's like driving by a house you sold and

922
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:12,840
going what did the new people do to the house,

923
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:18,039
Like I don't care, like what? So I never missed

924
00:50:18,119 --> 00:50:24,199
stand up, but I missed having a identity. I had

925
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:29,199
no zero identity. I have no hobbies because to become

926
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:32,280
famous and rich, you think you do that? Why quilting

927
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:35,039
on the side, You fucking do this and that's all

928
00:50:35,079 --> 00:50:38,039
you do. It's like an Olympic athlete. Like I saw

929
00:50:38,039 --> 00:50:40,840
a documentary right after I retired, and I was sobbing

930
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:44,639
about these Olympic athletes who commit suicide because they're done.

931
00:50:44,679 --> 00:50:47,719
They don't have anything to do. And I'm like, oh fuck,

932
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:51,039
I'm certainly not suicidal, Thank the Lord. I'm like, yeah,

933
00:50:51,119 --> 00:50:55,119
I got no purpose. I got no freakin identity. Who

934
00:50:55,159 --> 00:50:59,320
the f am. I So I start experimentings, start being

935
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,000
a better friend and start doing game nights, start doing

936
00:51:02,039 --> 00:51:05,519
a little podcast, start writing this one solo show, take

937
00:51:05,559 --> 00:51:10,400
acting classes. It's a little experiment. These gifts I've been

938
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:13,039
given of this college getting in touch and saying you

939
00:51:13,079 --> 00:51:17,599
want to teach here, I'm like, yeah, the little gifts.

940
00:51:18,559 --> 00:51:22,079
That took eight fricking years to have what I would

941
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:27,639
consider a semi fulfilling life. And I'm like, oh boy,

942
00:51:27,679 --> 00:51:31,920
it takes a long time because I neglected everything except comedy,

943
00:51:32,039 --> 00:51:35,360
and that's way. I would hope people don't do that,

944
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:35,920
but they do.

945
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 1: And do you have do you ever recognize in other people?

946
00:51:42,559 --> 00:51:45,559
Like I don't miss stand up at all? It's funny

947
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:49,039
because not at all in the least. And as soon

948
00:51:49,039 --> 00:51:50,920
as I stopped doing it, I just felt I felt

949
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:53,039
nothing but relief. I was like, oh, when I would

950
00:51:53,079 --> 00:51:55,679
see people doing stand up, I would go, oh my god,

951
00:51:55,679 --> 00:51:59,440
I'm so glad that's not me. Especially in like high

952
00:51:59,519 --> 00:52:02,199
stakes situations. I would be like, oh, I don't like

953
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:05,719
that risk factor. I did not like risk. And you know,

954
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:07,760
I had a TV show for a while, which was

955
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:09,800
such a fluke because I was in my mid forties.

956
00:52:10,039 --> 00:52:13,920
I was given this TV show and they asked me

957
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:16,320
if I would go go and do stand up to

958
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:20,239
rehearse for like doing monologues, and it was awful. I

959
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:22,239
was like, oh my god, I don't want to do that.

960
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:24,840
I did it a few times because I because I

961
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:28,960
had to. My coep was Hugh Fink, I don't know

962
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:29,880
if you know him, he's.

963
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:30,760
Speaker 2: All, I love you.

964
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:33,519
Speaker 1: But he was all for it. He was like, come on,

965
00:52:33,639 --> 00:52:35,400
you got to go do it. I'll do it with you.

966
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,840
And I was so thankful that I don't do I

967
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:41,000
was so thankful that the risk wasn't really there because

968
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,320
I was like, well, I'm just doing this to remember

969
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:45,639
how to talk in front of an audience, you know,

970
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:49,000
live on a stage. But it wasn't until you know,

971
00:52:49,079 --> 00:52:53,119
the first like h taping the eight shows, I had

972
00:52:53,159 --> 00:52:56,360
that feeling again where I had too high an expectation

973
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:58,639
of myself, you know, where I was like, I have

974
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:02,119
to be perfect, has to be so funny. I don't

975
00:53:02,119 --> 00:53:04,519
want to let these people down. And it wasn't until

976
00:53:04,559 --> 00:53:07,360
I actually did a little bit of inner work of

977
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:09,559
and I was sober at the time, thank god, so

978
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,159
I was already doing some of that work. But it

979
00:53:12,199 --> 00:53:16,480
was really about going it's okay if like a joke

980
00:53:16,559 --> 00:53:19,519
doesn't work, it doesn't mean that I'm not a good person,

981
00:53:20,159 --> 00:53:22,280
you know, it doesn't mean I'm not funny and don't

982
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:26,400
deserve this show. And it was sometimes you'd have to

983
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:29,599
repeat a joke right because you're you're doing a TV show,

984
00:53:29,639 --> 00:53:31,480
so they had to do a pickup and the first

985
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:34,559
time I ever had to repeat a joke, I was like, oh, no,

986
00:53:34,679 --> 00:53:37,480
I can't do that. That goes against everything. They've already

987
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:40,880
heard it, you know, and they're like, well, you have to.

988
00:53:41,599 --> 00:53:45,000
And the first time I realized like, oh, they're on

989
00:53:45,039 --> 00:53:47,639
my side. I can just tell them, you guys, I

990
00:53:47,679 --> 00:53:49,440
have to. I'm going to have to do this thing again.

991
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,360
Can you guys laugh again like you've never heard it before?

992
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:54,639
And then I would do it and they would all

993
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:57,119
laugh even more than they did the first time, And

994
00:53:57,199 --> 00:54:00,599
I was like, oh, why can't I go back to

995
00:54:00,639 --> 00:54:02,880
when I was first doing stand up and take some

996
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:05,880
of the pressure off of myself, like my life could

997
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:06,519
have been better.

998
00:54:07,039 --> 00:54:12,280
Speaker 2: I think I would argue it wouldn't be better because

999
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:15,239
you wouldn't be here exactly where you are now, which

1000
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:19,480
is where you're supposed to be, because I, first of all,

1001
00:54:19,519 --> 00:54:22,119
I think that's so cool and brave to be like, guys,

1002
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:24,559
I'm going to do this over. Like I tell the

1003
00:54:24,599 --> 00:54:28,039
girls that I coach, like when they're do auditions, just

1004
00:54:28,079 --> 00:54:30,760
start over. Look at Adele did it on the Grammys

1005
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:32,599
that year when she was doing the George Michael thing,

1006
00:54:32,639 --> 00:54:35,400
and she goes, no, I'm starting over because it's I'm

1007
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,280
off key like so I love that whole like, look

1008
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:41,599
at us, we're fallible thing. I think it's humanizing. But

1009
00:54:41,679 --> 00:54:44,360
also I think we did exactly what we needed to

1010
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:49,079
do to be sitting here like this. And boy, sometimes

1011
00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:51,440
I'll be like, I wish it was never comic because like,

1012
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:54,719
I'll get recognized now and people say insulting things thinking

1013
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,239
they're funny, and I'm very thin skinned now that I

1014
00:54:57,239 --> 00:54:59,639
don't do comedy. I always probably was, but then you

1015
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:02,519
have to take it could tradition out like they'll say

1016
00:55:02,519 --> 00:55:05,880
it and I'll just be like, oh so, But then

1017
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:07,599
I'm like, yeah, but if you didn't do comedy, you

1018
00:55:07,599 --> 00:55:10,400
wouldn't learned this shit. If you didn't do comedy, you

1019
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:12,679
wouldn't have enough money to get all the therapy and

1020
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:14,960
the help and not even think about it. Some people

1021
00:55:15,039 --> 00:55:18,639
have to like worry about where that money's coming from. Yeah,

1022
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:21,480
fuck it, I guess it was what was supposed to happen,

1023
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:23,400
you know, so do you?

1024
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:26,280
Speaker 1: That just makes me want to ask this and to

1025
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:29,000
have you so when you were doing roast. I mean

1026
00:55:29,079 --> 00:55:31,400
I talk about this with some of my comedian friends

1027
00:55:31,559 --> 00:55:35,719
all the time. I mean, people were very insulting. You

1028
00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:38,440
were doing it too, but and you were really good

1029
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:40,760
at it. But did it hurt your feelings?

1030
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:44,159
Speaker 2: I always say, and this is so true, like I

1031
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,519
was worse to anyone than they were to me because

1032
00:55:46,559 --> 00:55:49,480
I was just so I was. I mean my only

1033
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:52,039
I say, I had two talents in my life. I'm

1034
00:55:52,079 --> 00:55:54,000
the best parallel Parker in the world.

1035
00:55:54,199 --> 00:55:56,440
Speaker 1: I'm a good one too, right, I love that.

1036
00:55:56,840 --> 00:56:02,079
Speaker 2: And I was just lovable, so I could get away

1037
00:56:02,159 --> 00:56:05,039
with shit that those guys couldn't. So I could say

1038
00:56:05,079 --> 00:56:08,199
something that was so nuts that you would be like,

1039
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:11,920
oh my god, why aren't they mad? So I never

1040
00:56:12,079 --> 00:56:14,800
was like, oh now I'm hurt. I would get hurt

1041
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,679
if the joke was lazy, if it was something freaking

1042
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:21,960
so stupid and so basic, but a joke that was

1043
00:56:22,079 --> 00:56:25,559
well written about me, I felt like honored. It's a weird,

1044
00:56:25,559 --> 00:56:29,599
old fashioned Friars Club kind of way of thinking of things. Wow,

1045
00:56:29,679 --> 00:56:32,880
you took the time to write this really smart, funny,

1046
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:37,239
clever thing that was brutal. Thank you. But when it

1047
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:40,360
was lazy, I'd be like, ugh, come on, like I

1048
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:42,800
feel like not worthy or something like oh they didn't

1049
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,840
think I was worthy of a good joke. So yeah,

1050
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:47,639
I mean now I can't take a joke at all

1051
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:50,360
all my I mean, they know because I've been through it.

1052
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:54,079
I don't need that with my podcast now. I told

1053
00:56:54,119 --> 00:56:58,199
them I don't want to hear any comments on social media.

1054
00:56:58,519 --> 00:57:02,199
Comments are closed I because people think they're being funny,

1055
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:04,840
like they're fans, and they'll say something and I'll be

1056
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:08,440
like hurt, and it's like I protect myself from that stuff.

1057
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,519
My friend Anthony, who's sober I think forty years, he's like,

1058
00:57:12,599 --> 00:57:16,599
I hate being teased. Oh I got me too. Me,

1059
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:20,400
So that's my authentic self. I don't like that. But

1060
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:22,400
I did notice today though, this is interesting. When I

1061
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:26,320
went to see the high schoolers in my little program perform.

1062
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:30,679
The head of the school, who I like ish but

1063
00:57:30,719 --> 00:57:32,239
I know he's always going to say something to them,

1064
00:57:33,119 --> 00:57:37,519
said something about the pants I was wearing, and I

1065
00:57:37,599 --> 00:57:41,719
noticed that I didn't feel a hit. He didn't hit.

1066
00:57:42,519 --> 00:57:45,239
So I think by me knowing I can't take a

1067
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:48,679
joke and then knowing that's something that would have hurt

1068
00:57:48,679 --> 00:57:53,360
my feelings a month ago, ooh, something's loosening up. Maybe

1069
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:55,079
I will come to where I could take a joke

1070
00:57:55,159 --> 00:57:57,840
once in a while, you know, because I was very

1071
00:57:57,880 --> 00:58:01,079
impressed that I wasn't hurt. So I think it's just again,

1072
00:58:01,239 --> 00:58:04,800
it's all noticing. It's all noticing without judging myself or

1073
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:09,639
judging anybody else. Because he thinks he's connecting. He doesn't think, oh,

1074
00:58:09,639 --> 00:58:13,559
I'm going to insult Lisa. He's going, oh, I'm funny too,

1075
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:16,119
which is, by the way, the kiss of death, because

1076
00:58:16,159 --> 00:58:17,079
no one's fucking funny.

1077
00:58:17,119 --> 00:58:23,639
Speaker 1: Stop it. It's interesting because like I've been podcasting for

1078
00:58:23,679 --> 00:58:26,679
a long time and there's a lot of listeners, and

1079
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:30,960
a lot of times people will say stuff that's negative

1080
00:58:31,039 --> 00:58:34,079
or whatever. Point something out. People love on my other

1081
00:58:34,159 --> 00:58:37,960
podcast to point out when I've mispronounced a word, and

1082
00:58:38,239 --> 00:58:40,559
you know, listen, I didn't even go to college, so

1083
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:42,679
I'm always like, give me a break. I got my

1084
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:46,239
education from like reading Nancy Drew Mysteries and you know,

1085
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:48,840
reading books, and I was always with a book in

1086
00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:51,400
front of my textbook. You know, I always fail that

1087
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,960
out high school. The point is, like I want to

1088
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:56,880
pat myself on the back for pronouncing the words that

1089
00:58:56,960 --> 00:59:00,000
I do pronounce correctly, and like the thing is, people

1090
00:59:00,239 --> 00:59:02,960
get they do point out that I do have very

1091
00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:06,800
thin skin, but I feel like other people don't understand

1092
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:11,360
that if people are constantly, if you're always open to

1093
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:16,320
people's negative comments, it's damaging. It's after a while you're like, enough,

1094
00:59:16,559 --> 00:59:18,880
I get it. I mispronounced a word, Okay, move on,

1095
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:22,280
And I don't think it's that funny to go, oh

1096
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:25,000
my god, Stephanie mispronounced a word again. And that's why

1097
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:27,559
I don't read comments. I don't read reviews on my

1098
00:59:27,599 --> 00:59:30,559
books because it's what they say, Like if you if

1099
00:59:30,559 --> 00:59:32,559
you want to hear the good ones, you also have

1100
00:59:32,639 --> 00:59:34,599
to take in the bad ones, and I just don't

1101
00:59:34,599 --> 00:59:39,840
want to. It's it's Stimy's like, what I my ability

1102
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:42,599
to be vulnerable and honest if I have to worry

1103
00:59:42,599 --> 00:59:44,000
that I'm going to have to hear feedback?

1104
00:59:44,559 --> 00:59:48,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like why should we have to hear anything I say?

1105
00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:51,000
You read either none of them obviously or all of them.

1106
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:55,079
It's just like it's it's their damage that's making them

1107
00:59:55,119 --> 00:59:57,800
comment that. And I get it. Most of the time.

1108
00:59:58,039 --> 00:59:59,800
If I would read something, I'd be like, oh, I

1109
01:00:00,239 --> 01:00:02,400
see where that's coming from. Like once I got a

1110
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:05,480
really terrible review on a show, I did it wasn't

1111
01:00:05,519 --> 01:00:08,400
stand up, it was a play. And then I looked

1112
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:11,800
up this person who wrote the review and I saw

1113
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:16,320
that she was a failed performer, and I was like, oh,

1114
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,039
and it hurt like hell. And by the way, she's

1115
01:00:19,079 --> 01:00:21,559
since taking it down because she said she was wrong,

1116
01:00:22,159 --> 01:00:27,239
So yeah, it was pretty really amazing growth on her part,

1117
01:00:27,599 --> 01:00:29,840
and she goes, I was absolutely wrong. I misjudged that show,

1118
01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:32,039
and I was like, oh, my god, thank you. So

1119
01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:34,480
but I was able to look her up and go oh,

1120
01:00:35,039 --> 01:00:37,719
and honestly, I don't think I got to poor thing

1121
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,559
in less than a year, but I got there where

1122
01:00:41,599 --> 01:00:45,199
I go, oh, she did the best she could in

1123
01:00:45,239 --> 01:00:47,840
any given moment, like the rest of us. But why

1124
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:49,679
do I have to read that now, Like I'm I

1125
01:00:49,679 --> 01:00:53,280
shouldn't have to read comments? Yeah, you know. So I

1126
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:56,400
think we know how to protect ourselves and not be delusional,

1127
01:00:56,599 --> 01:00:58,719
because I think the difference is if we were then

1128
01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:02,679
but everybody loves me, trust me, thirty percent of people

1129
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:05,960
hate us, thirty love us, thirty couldn't care less.

1130
01:01:06,079 --> 01:01:08,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't have any of the like, oh everybody

1131
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:11,159
loves me, it's oh, we would never And if I

1132
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:13,280
was more delusional, I think I could have done stand

1133
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:16,760
up for longer. It was the problem was I wasn't delusional,

1134
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:19,320
and I felt every bit of every time I bombed,

1135
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,679
like I was like, well, I'm just not funny, Like

1136
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:24,880
I'll be the first person to tell you that I'm

1137
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:26,320
not that good, you know what I mean?

1138
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:26,960
Speaker 2: So I was.

1139
01:01:27,079 --> 01:01:29,519
Speaker 1: I wish I'd had more of that. Like you know

1140
01:01:29,559 --> 01:01:31,880
the people that do stand up and when they get

1141
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,920
in the when when they say like, oh, it's my

1142
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,039
birthday and people clap, they think they got a real

1143
01:01:36,079 --> 01:01:37,679
applause bry, Oh.

1144
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:40,079
Speaker 2: My god, that's so funny. My favorite is the one

1145
01:01:40,079 --> 01:01:42,039
who comes off stage and he goes, I killed and

1146
01:01:42,079 --> 01:01:44,000
I'm like, were you Were we in the same room

1147
01:01:44,079 --> 01:01:47,760
because I didn't hear shit? Okay, But that delusion, I

1148
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:52,159
think it is a superpower. It's just on that. We

1149
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,679
just did an episode on delusion. Because I'll have like

1150
01:01:54,719 --> 01:01:59,599
a friend who says they're gonna have their's anniversary at

1151
01:01:59,639 --> 01:02:03,079
and they they will name literally the most expensive place

1152
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:06,920
in like this huge resort or something. I'm like, you

1153
01:02:06,960 --> 01:02:10,440
don't have any fucking money, but we're all delusion a

1154
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:12,800
little and they say like j Lo and I love her,

1155
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:15,679
but they're like She's not the greatest singer, she's not

1156
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,239
the greatest answer, she's not the greatest actor, but her

1157
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:23,000
delusion of thinking she is has a superpower quality to it.

1158
01:02:23,079 --> 01:02:27,559
I'm like, yeah, and that's fantastic. I just we all

1159
01:02:27,679 --> 01:02:30,039
have it about something. I'm sure I have delusion that

1160
01:02:30,199 --> 01:02:33,000
I am the best dog mom in the world. I'm

1161
01:02:33,039 --> 01:02:36,559
the best coach in the world. I'm the best this

1162
01:02:36,639 --> 01:02:39,760
in the world. But I guess we have to have

1163
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:41,519
it sometimes.

1164
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:43,039
Speaker 1: We have to have it to get through life. But

1165
01:02:43,119 --> 01:02:47,599
this has been so delightful. Okay, so tell us tell

1166
01:02:47,679 --> 01:02:50,760
us the podcast again and give us your social media

1167
01:02:51,119 --> 01:02:54,239
and what day does the podcast come out, et cetera.

1168
01:02:55,199 --> 01:02:59,719
Speaker 2: Yes, every Tuesday. Shrink This with Lisa Lambinelli comes out

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on iHeart and they like to say, listen on the

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iHeart app. I could give a fuck. Listen where you

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want because it's everywhere. Also, I'm on social media but

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rarely do anything on it, but Lisa Lampinelli that's my name.

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I'm just on Instagram and the TikTok.

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Speaker 1: All right, thank you for so much for doing this

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and for being so honest. It was really fun and

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I want you to come back.

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Speaker 2: Yang. I love you. This was so cool and I

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just I just love the book so much and it

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makes me laugh that I'm reading it and I'm like,

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voice is familiar, but holy sha, I know her. So

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thank you for writing.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Okay, everybody, I will see you next week.

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Speaker 2: It's you can't be dealing li