WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.399 --> 00:00:06.240 Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the 2 00:00:06.360 --> 00:00:10.679 Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you 3 00:00:10.919 --> 00:00:16.519 every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships. 4 00:00:16.839 --> 00:00:20.079 In it, Rick Warren shares practical ways to help you 5 00:00:20.199 --> 00:00:25.160 take your relationships with family, friends, co workers, and even 6 00:00:25.280 --> 00:00:30.120 God from ordinary to extraordinary. And this is a series 7 00:00:30.280 --> 00:00:32.719 you don't want to miss. And now let's go to 8 00:00:32.840 --> 00:00:35.920 Rick for the final part of a message called fighting 9 00:00:36.039 --> 00:00:37.719 for an Awesome Marriage. 10 00:00:38.159 --> 00:00:40.159 We have it in our family what we call the 11 00:00:40.200 --> 00:00:43.119 five second rule, which is called love my idea for 12 00:00:43.159 --> 00:00:48.159 five seconds, because when one of us has an idea 13 00:00:48.200 --> 00:00:51.280 for a change, usually the other one is automatically going 14 00:00:51.320 --> 00:00:56.359 to why why And so rather than immediately moving in 15 00:00:56.439 --> 00:00:59.399 the judgmental mode, we say, Okay, I'm gonna share an 16 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:00.799 idea for five. 17 00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:03.920 Seconds that has been revolutionary in our relationship. 18 00:01:03.960 --> 00:01:04.719 I'll save your marriage. 19 00:01:04.719 --> 00:01:04.959 Go home. 20 00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:08.319 That's all you need. So the other thing about change 21 00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:12.000 is is it does the antidote to boredom. You've got 22 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.920 to keep your marriage fun and and so you've got 23 00:01:14.959 --> 00:01:17.120 to work at creativity for the opposite of the boredom. 24 00:01:17.239 --> 00:01:20.599 I remember one time k knows that I like hot sauces. 25 00:01:20.680 --> 00:01:24.519 I collect hot sauces. I collect. I have over three 26 00:01:24.599 --> 00:01:27.640 hundred and fifty different bottles of hot sauce from around 27 00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:34.159 the world. I don't just believe in hell, I eat it, okay, and. 28 00:01:33.599 --> 00:01:36.400 Then he burps it, and so what that? 29 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:42.159 What'd you say? I didn't know what you said. That 30 00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:44.680 was just should have that one under there. I just 31 00:01:46.200 --> 00:01:49.159 that's getting edited before one o'clock. Whatever else. I don't know. 32 00:01:49.560 --> 00:01:54.000 But one time I just creativity Kane, I like hot sauce. 33 00:01:54.280 --> 00:01:58.799 She walks in and flops down a couple of airplane tickets. 34 00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:00.959 I go, what's that? She goes, I'm taking you this 35 00:02:01.079 --> 00:02:03.760 weekend to Albuquerque. I said, what in the world did 36 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:10.039 an Albuquerque said? The International Hot Sauce Convention. What a woman. 37 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:13.599 I want to tell you that is a godly woman 38 00:02:13.719 --> 00:02:14.159 right there. 39 00:02:14.280 --> 00:02:19.199 Okay, yeah, okay, I'll tell you later what I said. 40 00:02:21.159 --> 00:02:25.039 In this season of change, then adjust. But then sometimes 41 00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:27.599 change is negative because you look at each other and 42 00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:29.680 you go, you're never gonna change, are you? You know, 43 00:02:29.759 --> 00:02:32.240 you get in those stuck places and you realize you 44 00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:35.120 both you're so different. When Rick has said through these 45 00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:37.479 years that we are different. It's not just to make 46 00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:39.800 this nice little point in a marriage sermon. Now we 47 00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:42.840 are so so if there's a category of so different, 48 00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:46.479 we fall into that so different category. We are over 49 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:50.080 the top on that. I mean, he is playful, I'm serious. 50 00:02:50.120 --> 00:02:55.360 He's an extrovert. I'm an introvert. He is tig or. Man, 51 00:02:55.360 --> 00:02:57.879 I'm having trouble in this service talking. He's tigger. I'm 52 00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:06.439 e or you hate it. Yeah, He's impulsive and spontaneous. 53 00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:10.199 I'm a planner. He's a big picture. I'm detail. I mean, 54 00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:12.479 you know, I see these all these services. I keep 55 00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:14.360 seeing these little things on the carpet, little threads, and 56 00:03:14.360 --> 00:03:15.639 I'm like, I got to get those threads off the 57 00:03:15.639 --> 00:03:19.319 carpet because I'm so detailed. Right, Yeah, he's like, what 58 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:21.120 are you talking about it? I don't even see what 59 00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:25.240 you mean. So, and it's funny until you get down 60 00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:28.800 to real life situations where you see things differently, and 61 00:03:28.840 --> 00:03:31.080 you've got to come up with some sort of a 62 00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:33.840 how do you get along when you're stop? 63 00:03:34.199 --> 00:03:37.560 I mean we've been married now a long time. 64 00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:38.840 How many years? 65 00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:41.879 Thirty nine years? I mean just this week we were 66 00:03:41.919 --> 00:03:44.280 looking at something we were changing in our house and 67 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:46.080 she goes, I think that's too big, and I'm going 68 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:48.080 I think that's too small. I think that's too well, 69 00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:50.360 look at it from this angle. We walk over here 70 00:03:50.400 --> 00:03:52.319 from the living room, look at it from this angle, 71 00:03:52.719 --> 00:03:55.879 and she goes, well, we just see things differently. I go, well, 72 00:03:55.879 --> 00:04:00.639 that's never happened. And there are things is going to 73 00:04:00.680 --> 00:04:03.479 be constantly changing in your marriage, but there's some stuff 74 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:05.400 that's not going to change. What's not going to change 75 00:04:05.479 --> 00:04:09.240 is your personality. So you got to decide are you 76 00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:11.840 just going to accept that and love it? Are you 77 00:04:11.879 --> 00:04:14.039 do you have to force them to change before you 78 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:14.599 love them. 79 00:04:14.919 --> 00:04:17.360 I will confess that I have opted for the force 80 00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:22.240 him to change amen approach many times. It's the honest truth. 81 00:04:22.279 --> 00:04:25.079 I'm being really real with you. I can just give 82 00:04:25.079 --> 00:04:28.120 you an example for years. I mean well, first of all, 83 00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:30.279 he grew up in the country and they never locked doors. 84 00:04:30.319 --> 00:04:32.319 And I grew up in the city. 85 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:33.879 A better man an outside door and I never even 86 00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:35.879 closed it. Yeah, I'd sleep with open it. 87 00:04:36.040 --> 00:04:40.680 I'm aware of that, yes, so, and that that thought 88 00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:43.240 always bothered in our marriage because we would get into 89 00:04:43.240 --> 00:04:45.120 bed at night and I would say to him, as 90 00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:47.120 we're drifting off to sleep, Did you lock the doors? 91 00:04:47.439 --> 00:04:51.160 And he would say, no, why are you asking me 92 00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:53.319 right now? Why didn't you ask me fifteen minutes ago? 93 00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:55.279 And I'm like, because we weren't in bed fifteen minutes ago. 94 00:04:55.319 --> 00:04:57.160 You're supposed to lock the door before we go to bed. 95 00:04:57.560 --> 00:05:00.600 And so he would sometimes in a very grumpy, very 96 00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:02.800 unhappy way, trudge down the stairs. 97 00:05:03.720 --> 00:05:07.480 You wouldn't wait till my head was on the pillow. 98 00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:10.959 But it wasn't like come on, but it wasn't like 99 00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:11.600 you didn't know. 100 00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:15.160 Women. Here's the word, don't start a conversation when your 101 00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:19.600 husband puts his head down from about the foremost feared 102 00:05:19.600 --> 00:05:21.879 word by any husband when he puts his head down. 103 00:05:21.879 --> 00:05:23.199 There we need to talk. 104 00:05:23.319 --> 00:05:26.279 No, you just need I don't want to talk. I 105 00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:27.600 just wanted to know if you lock the door? 106 00:05:27.639 --> 00:05:28.439 Are you kidding me? 107 00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:33.360 Okay? So how many nights was there the obligation to 108 00:05:33.399 --> 00:05:36.279 lock the door? Well, only three hundred and sixty five, 109 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:40.399 I mean you know. So we would have this ongoing struggle, 110 00:05:40.600 --> 00:05:42.720 and as you could see, it didn't ever go very well. 111 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:44.879 So sometimes he would go down and lock the doors 112 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:46.759 and come back up and be irritated with me, and 113 00:05:46.839 --> 00:05:49.079 I'd be irritated because I had to ask him. And 114 00:05:49.120 --> 00:05:50.959 then sometimes I would say, did you lock the doors? 115 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:53.240 And he would say yes, and I would think to myself, 116 00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:57.920 I bet he didn't, And so I would go downstairs 117 00:05:57.959 --> 00:05:59.959 and I would find two of the three. 118 00:06:00.399 --> 00:06:03.680 That's pretty good, do you think? Yeah? 119 00:06:03.959 --> 00:06:06.519 Okay, So I can't tell you the years it took 120 00:06:06.519 --> 00:06:08.959 for us to come up with the solution to that problem. 121 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:10.920 The solution is I locked the doors. 122 00:06:14.000 --> 00:06:15.920 Why didn't we start that earlier? Okay? 123 00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:20.399 Now, because he's not gonna change, and it was silly 124 00:06:20.519 --> 00:06:23.879 for us to continue this habit. But we got locked 125 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:27.000 into this habit. You are laughing, but you have those 126 00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:29.759 same stuck places in your you are you have those 127 00:06:29.800 --> 00:06:33.519 same stuck places. If I had simply acknowledged the fact 128 00:06:33.639 --> 00:06:37.040 that our backgrounds are different, he was never going to 129 00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.480 lock the doors the way I wanted them locked. And 130 00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:41.920 if I just lock the doors, then he goes to 131 00:06:41.959 --> 00:06:45.480 bed happy. I go to bed happy. Everything's great acceptance, 132 00:06:45.720 --> 00:06:48.560 I'm telling you right now, acceptance of the parts of 133 00:06:48.600 --> 00:06:52.079 your mate that are not going to change. Stop fighting 134 00:06:52.199 --> 00:06:55.600 about it and just accept it. You both be happy. 135 00:06:55.759 --> 00:06:58.319 Okay. Let me give you a couple advice from things 136 00:06:58.360 --> 00:07:03.839 we've learned. Number one is stop using incompatibility as an 137 00:07:03.879 --> 00:07:11.240 excuse for selfishness. People say, well, we're just incompatible. I 138 00:07:11.240 --> 00:07:13.800 don't even believe in that term. It's a term made 139 00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:17.199 up by divorce attorneys to justify divorce. The fact is 140 00:07:17.439 --> 00:07:24.279 you're not compatible with anybody. There's nobody who's completely compatible 141 00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:26.600 with you. So no matter who you married in the world, 142 00:07:27.000 --> 00:07:30.560 you're incompatible. Incompatible is not an excuse for divorce because 143 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:35.279 you're not compatible with anybody. You're all, You're unique. And 144 00:07:35.319 --> 00:07:39.879 there's another word for incompatibility, selfishness. I want what I want, 145 00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:41.800 you want what you want, and then our heads. But 146 00:07:42.439 --> 00:07:45.879 then another thing is I want you to talk about this. 147 00:07:46.600 --> 00:07:51.759 You've got to celebrate the real, not the ideal. Yes, 148 00:07:52.439 --> 00:07:53.839 because this was a big issue. 149 00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:56.800 Yeah, and I Yeah, we made a couple of married 150 00:07:57.199 --> 00:07:59.879 problems right off the bat. First of all, we didn't 151 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:01.199 know each other when we got married, which is a 152 00:08:01.240 --> 00:08:03.800 whole other story. That was a big problem. Yeah, well 153 00:08:03.800 --> 00:08:05.720 you knew that was all you really needed to know. 154 00:08:07.040 --> 00:08:12.560 So no, so really we didn't we didn't know each other. Stop, 155 00:08:12.680 --> 00:08:17.399 I'm trying to talk. We don't advise not knowing the 156 00:08:17.439 --> 00:08:20.120 other person. That was a mistake. Second, I read too 157 00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:24.360 many romance novels as a teenager, and I decided I 158 00:08:24.360 --> 00:08:26.360 had it in my head of what you know, a 159 00:08:26.439 --> 00:08:29.319 husband was going to be like, and it was completely unrealistic, 160 00:08:29.399 --> 00:08:31.600 and it was I set him up for failure because 161 00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:34.360 I was looking for some you know, dime store novel 162 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:37.480 character instead of a real person who was and it 163 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:39.720 got in the way of me loving and accepting the 164 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:42.480 real person because I had a very stupid set of 165 00:08:42.600 --> 00:08:45.159 things in my head of what cut through here? 166 00:08:45.559 --> 00:08:55.720 She thought she was getting fabio, she got FLABBYO. You 167 00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:58.639 might write this one down. A great marriage is the 168 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:04.720 union of two great forgivers. 169 00:09:02.480 --> 00:09:05.960 And marriages that are happy are couples who have decided 170 00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:09.799 to be happily incompatible. 171 00:09:08.879 --> 00:09:12.399 Happily incompatible. In fact, every couple has a has a song, 172 00:09:12.840 --> 00:09:18.279 and our song is Huey lewis stuck with you, Happy 173 00:09:18.320 --> 00:09:20.960 to be stuck with you? And and if you know 174 00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:21.679 the words. 175 00:09:21.399 --> 00:09:24.320 That songs and you know we thought about giving up, 176 00:09:24.559 --> 00:09:28.879 you know we always. 177 00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:29.200 But we got the same address. Let's just stay again, James. 178 00:09:31.279 --> 00:09:34.759 Okay, so season spring busy, you know what can you 179 00:09:34.799 --> 00:09:39.000 do to to create oneness and maintain oneness summer, bank 180 00:09:39.159 --> 00:09:42.039 on those good times and invest for the harder times. 181 00:09:42.240 --> 00:09:44.279 When it's fall and there's change, you're going to have 182 00:09:44.279 --> 00:09:46.799 to jest when it's good things and accept when there's 183 00:09:46.799 --> 00:09:49.320 stuff that isn't going to budge. And then it leads 184 00:09:49.399 --> 00:09:51.759 us to winter. And if you stay married long enough, 185 00:09:51.879 --> 00:09:54.720 every couple is going to go through winter. It's that 186 00:09:54.919 --> 00:09:58.000 time when when the bottom falls out. It's when there's 187 00:09:58.120 --> 00:10:01.639 deep loss and deep grief. For us. You know our situation. 188 00:10:01.799 --> 00:10:04.600 I've had cancer twice and then we lost our son, 189 00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:08.960 our son, Matthew. And it's when your marriage takes a 190 00:10:09.039 --> 00:10:10.799 hit that sometimes you think we're not going to be 191 00:10:10.840 --> 00:10:12.919 able to get through this. It could be an affair, 192 00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:15.960 there could be a betrayal, there could be a child 193 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:20.879 that ends up in jail. There can be mental illness, bankruptcy, 194 00:10:21.240 --> 00:10:24.879 I mean, cancer, any crisis. Most of you are not 195 00:10:24.919 --> 00:10:26.960 going to lose a child the way that we have, 196 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:29.120 and I'm grateful for you that that's not going to happen. 197 00:10:29.159 --> 00:10:31.279 But you're still going to have to decide how do 198 00:10:31.360 --> 00:10:33.960 we face it when our marriage goes through that winter 199 00:10:34.080 --> 00:10:38.279 time when things are just breaking your heart? How do 200 00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:41.279 you survive and thrive in grief and in loss. 201 00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:47.440 Well a couple things. What we've learned, a crisis cannot 202 00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:51.440 destroy your marriage. What destroys it is your response to 203 00:10:51.480 --> 00:10:56.240 that crisis. Okay, that matter what the crisis is, The 204 00:10:56.320 --> 00:11:00.240 crisis cannot destroy your marriage. What will destroy is the 205 00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:02.559 way you choose to respond to it. And one of 206 00:11:02.600 --> 00:11:04.519 the ways you must choose to respond to it is 207 00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:10.200 this we've learned. Don't judge your mate's feelings or try 208 00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:13.120 to talk them out of their feelings in the crisis. 209 00:11:13.240 --> 00:11:16.240 Why do we do this? You know, when somebody has 210 00:11:16.279 --> 00:11:18.879 a feeling and you don't have it, you immediately start 211 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:22.799 trying to talk them out of it. That's dumb. Feelings 212 00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:26.000 just a feeling. A feeling is neither right nor wrong. 213 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:30.440 It's just a feeling. And so instead of me trying 214 00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:33.919 to when somebody's afraid, don't try to talk them out 215 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:38.679 of their fear. Just sympathize with their fear. When somebody's sad, 216 00:11:38.799 --> 00:11:41.399 don't try to talk about other sadness. Just sympathize with 217 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:44.919 their sadness. Don't try to talk them out of their feelings. See, 218 00:11:45.200 --> 00:11:49.879 my fears are perfectly rational, Yours are stupid, and my 219 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:53.080 feelings are always justifiable. Yours make no sense. And one 220 00:11:53.120 --> 00:11:55.840 of the things when Matthew died is I made the 221 00:11:55.879 --> 00:11:59.919 decision and Ky did too, that whatever we were feeling, 222 00:12:01.200 --> 00:12:02.879 we were just going to be there for each other. 223 00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:06.080 And if the feeling was anger, we share that anger. 224 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:09.320 If the feeling was depression, we share that depression. It 225 00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:11.440 was grief, we share the grief. We don't try to 226 00:12:11.480 --> 00:12:13.759 talk each other out of it. We just feel it. 227 00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:17.279 And even when you don't feel it, well. 228 00:12:17.240 --> 00:12:20.840 Yeah, because sometimes when you're going through a winter season, 229 00:12:20.919 --> 00:12:24.519 when you're experiencing loss, you don't always feel the exact 230 00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:27.279 same time at the same moment. And what Rick saying 231 00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:30.799 is that we just again decided to be intentional in 232 00:12:30.960 --> 00:12:34.840 staying connected. Because Matthew was ill for such a long time, 233 00:12:34.960 --> 00:12:36.919 mentally ill for such a long time, and his mental 234 00:12:36.960 --> 00:12:39.879 illness just kept getting worse. There were periods of time 235 00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:42.360 when I would look ahead to the possibility that he 236 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:45.320 might take his life and would become very fearful that 237 00:12:45.480 --> 00:12:48.600 if he were to die, that the conflict that he 238 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:51.440 and I already had over had a parent how to 239 00:12:51.480 --> 00:12:53.600 relate to him, Because I would think we should do this, 240 00:12:53.679 --> 00:12:55.519 He would think we should do this, and we would 241 00:12:55.559 --> 00:12:58.279 have different I just thought that the conflict was so 242 00:12:58.759 --> 00:13:01.480 painful at times that if I you lost that in grief, 243 00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:04.159 we would have that same conflict, and that maybe yeah, 244 00:13:04.879 --> 00:13:07.559 but that we would lose the intimacy, we would lose 245 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:10.360 the closeness in our relationship. But I can tell you, 246 00:13:10.480 --> 00:13:14.200 really in complete honesty that our relationship is closer than 247 00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:18.039 it's ever been, and it's largely because of the decisions 248 00:13:18.360 --> 00:13:20.600 that we have made of how to face it as 249 00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:23.759 a couple. In staying connected, physical touch is a really 250 00:13:23.799 --> 00:13:27.360 important part when you're going through winter time, because for me, 251 00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:30.360 I tend to withdraw when I am feeling sad or 252 00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:32.559 feeling lost or angry. I tend to withdraw on a 253 00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:36.000 shell and not receive comfort let myself be comforted. Me. 254 00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:39.519 I've had to decide to reach out to Rick, to 255 00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:42.320 hold his hand, to touch his arm, to let him 256 00:13:42.320 --> 00:13:44.320 put his arm around me when I'm feeling really sad, 257 00:13:44.360 --> 00:13:46.519 to not try to walk through it alone, but to 258 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:47.320 do that together. 259 00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:50.879 You know, one of the things Case said is that 260 00:13:50.919 --> 00:13:52.759 she is wondering, is what's it going to do to 261 00:13:52.759 --> 00:13:56.399 our relationship. It wasn't a fear of divorce because one 262 00:13:56.399 --> 00:13:58.679 of the things you have to do knowing you're going 263 00:13:58.720 --> 00:14:01.519 to have prices in your life. If you're married for 264 00:14:01.559 --> 00:14:03.600 a lifetime, you're going to have a lot of crises 265 00:14:03.639 --> 00:14:06.600 in your life. You're going to have a lot. What 266 00:14:06.639 --> 00:14:09.720 you have to do is what we did when we 267 00:14:09.759 --> 00:14:14.759 got married. We closed the escape patch to our marriage, 268 00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:21.519 like on a submarine, closed it, locked it, double locked it, 269 00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:25.039 and threw the key away. And I can honestly say 270 00:14:25.080 --> 00:14:28.480 in that all the crises, all the changes, divorce has 271 00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:32.360 never been an option. People said, have you ever considered divorce? Okay, no, 272 00:14:33.279 --> 00:14:36.080 because God says I hate divorce. 273 00:14:36.200 --> 00:14:39.919 But I have to say that there have been times 274 00:14:40.080 --> 00:14:42.840 when when it has felt our relationship has felt so 275 00:14:43.080 --> 00:14:47.879 fractured and so irretrievably broken, things that we'd said to 276 00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:50.159 each other, things that we had felt, the ways that 277 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:52.639 we had treated each other. I'm just being really honest 278 00:14:52.679 --> 00:14:56.200 with you that there have been times that divorce was 279 00:14:56.440 --> 00:14:59.639 attractive in the sense of I'm not sure I want 280 00:14:59.639 --> 00:15:02.480 to even breathe the same air you're breathing right. 281 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:06.080 Now, especially after garlic now. 282 00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:06.960 After you're hot sauce. 283 00:15:10.600 --> 00:15:13.759 That hurts. 284 00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:17.159 But when we got married, we decided we wanted to 285 00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:19.320 grow old together. That was part of it when we 286 00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:21.799 said yes to each other on June twenty first, nineteen 287 00:15:21.879 --> 00:15:25.360 seventy five. We fully intended to grow old together. It's 288 00:15:25.399 --> 00:15:28.120 what we have intended to do, and so that has 289 00:15:28.279 --> 00:15:31.039 kept us in many of the moments when it truly 290 00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:34.679 would have been easier to just say I am so done, 291 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:38.480 I am done. I'm not putting up with that another second. 292 00:15:39.360 --> 00:15:43.120 You and I I can't forgive you. We're just done. 293 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:46.279 And to know that that commitment and that vow has 294 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:48.360 has kept us. It's been a lot of blood, sweat 295 00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:50.200 and tears. There's a lot of blood on the floor, 296 00:15:50.519 --> 00:15:52.399 a lot of sweat and tears. But it's so worth it. 297 00:15:52.840 --> 00:15:54.759 You could see, you could say, why go through all 298 00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:57.440 that blood, sweat and tears. Why if it's so hard 299 00:15:57.480 --> 00:15:59.799 and it's so challenging, why go through all that blood 300 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:03.519 in tears? Because it is so worth it too, as 301 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:07.399 Rick said, to know to be fully known, to know somebody, 302 00:16:07.399 --> 00:16:11.039 and be fully known, to know that we're reflecting God's 303 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:14.600 love for his people. That is the that's one of 304 00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:17.080 the reasons that it's worth keeping going. And I would 305 00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:18.960 just say the last thing I would say is for 306 00:16:19.000 --> 00:16:21.200 those of you that in your late teens or twenties 307 00:16:21.279 --> 00:16:24.200 or thirties and honestly are a little frightened of marriage. 308 00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:26.759 You've seen your own family, You've seen the trouble in 309 00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:28.799 your own family. You've seen it with friends, with relatives. 310 00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:30.600 Maybe some of your best friends have already gotten married 311 00:16:30.600 --> 00:16:33.200 and their marriage is already over, and you're thinking, I 312 00:16:33.320 --> 00:16:35.240 can't do it. I don't know that I've got what 313 00:16:35.320 --> 00:16:38.799 it takes to survive in a marriage for my whole lifetime. 314 00:16:38.919 --> 00:16:42.000 Please don't be afraid, Please don't be afraid of marriage. 315 00:16:42.159 --> 00:16:45.039 It is so worth it is. It is worth every 316 00:16:45.039 --> 00:16:47.399 bit of energy you can put into it. God will 317 00:16:47.440 --> 00:16:49.559 be your help or God will give you grace. Your 318 00:16:49.639 --> 00:16:52.159 church will stand by you, will pray for you, will 319 00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:55.840 be there offering practical help. You pray for us, We'll 320 00:16:55.919 --> 00:16:58.919 pray for you. You pray for us. Don't be afraid 321 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:00.919 to get married, you know. 322 00:17:01.639 --> 00:17:04.960 And for those of you maybe you were in a 323 00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:09.720 marriage that didn't last. We feel your pain, We love you, 324 00:17:10.440 --> 00:17:13.319 We want you here. What matters is not so much 325 00:17:13.559 --> 00:17:16.359 what you've been through, but what direction your feet are 326 00:17:16.359 --> 00:17:21.640 headed now and your commitment to the sanctity of marriage. 327 00:17:21.799 --> 00:17:25.400 Whether you ever marry again or not, that you honor 328 00:17:25.559 --> 00:17:30.480 marriage not based on an experience that you had. It 329 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:33.640 really is worth it, you know. One of the benefits 330 00:17:33.640 --> 00:17:36.599 that Kay and I had as we both were products 331 00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:42.279 of long marriages. Kay's parents were married sixty years before 332 00:17:42.279 --> 00:17:46.200 her daddy died. My parents were married fifty two years 333 00:17:46.680 --> 00:17:50.039 before my mom died. And I'll always be grateful to 334 00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:53.200 my parents that my parents got married during World War Two, 335 00:17:53.799 --> 00:17:56.319 and they got married, they were only together three months, 336 00:17:56.839 --> 00:17:59.440 and my dad was shipped off to the South Pacific 337 00:17:59.480 --> 00:18:02.799 for the next two years and did not see his 338 00:18:02.920 --> 00:18:07.200 bride for two years. And he was involved in Guadalcanal 339 00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:09.559 and in Solomon Islands and in a lot of hand 340 00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:12.240 to hand combat. And he came back from that war 341 00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:15.599 experience a changed man. He was not the same man 342 00:18:16.119 --> 00:18:19.359 that my mom had married. My mom could have said, 343 00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:23.279 you're not the guy I married and walked out and 344 00:18:23.359 --> 00:18:28.000 walked out. If she had made that decision, I wouldn't 345 00:18:28.039 --> 00:18:32.240 be sitting here. You wouldn't be sitting here. There would 346 00:18:32.279 --> 00:18:35.559 be no saddle backed church, there would be no purpose 347 00:18:35.640 --> 00:18:38.079 driven life, there would be no peace plan, there would 348 00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:42.799 be no millions of people touched a lot of times 349 00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:45.000 when we're in pain, all we can think of is 350 00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:47.559 I got to get out of this pain. But you 351 00:18:47.640 --> 00:18:50.640 don't have any idea how that decision is going to 352 00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:55.960 affect other people around you, and you need to just 353 00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:59.640 be very careful about it. Now. Maybe you didn't grow 354 00:18:59.720 --> 00:19:03.559 up in a stable marriage. Okay, you start the new 355 00:19:03.640 --> 00:19:08.640 legacy for your family tree. You make the commitment, We're 356 00:19:08.680 --> 00:19:12.559 gonna break the cycle of divorce. We're gonna break the 357 00:19:12.599 --> 00:19:21.400 cycle of whatever. Okay, you make that decision. Let me stay. 358 00:19:21.400 --> 00:19:24.279 A couple of things will close if you're married. Make 359 00:19:24.359 --> 00:19:28.359 a recommitment to lock the escape patch, throw away the key, 360 00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:30.480 and say we're gonna make this thing work. If it 361 00:19:30.599 --> 00:19:34.119 kills us. It nearly did us several times, but it 362 00:19:34.200 --> 00:19:38.119 is worth it. The joy of a long term relationship, 363 00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:44.720 the comfort of a long the support, the flat out 364 00:19:44.839 --> 00:19:48.799 fun of knowing that this woman knows me completely and 365 00:19:48.920 --> 00:19:49.680 still likes me. 366 00:19:51.480 --> 00:19:51.680 Ha ha. 367 00:19:53.640 --> 00:19:56.559 That gives me an ability to handle enormous amounts of 368 00:19:56.559 --> 00:20:00.319 stress and enormous amounts of pressure. Because the the Bible 369 00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:02.640 says two are better than one. It's one of the 370 00:20:02.720 --> 00:20:08.000 values of marriage. So make a commitment to your marriage 371 00:20:08.039 --> 00:20:10.759 to stay in it and work on it, rather than 372 00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:12.880 people say, well, the grass is greener on the other 373 00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:15.079 side of the fence. The grass is not greener on 374 00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:17.039 the other side of the fence. The grass is not 375 00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:19.359 greener on this side of the fence. The grass is 376 00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:25.119 greener where you water it. That's where you put your energy. 377 00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:27.880 And so and if you have them been married, make 378 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:30.559 a commitment that if I get married, it's a lifetime commitment. 379 00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:34.680 Why don't we pray for the couples, and why don't 380 00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:35.440 you lead us? 381 00:20:35.799 --> 00:20:36.680 Should we have them stand? 382 00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:37.319 Sure? 383 00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:39.920 No, Okay, so we're gonna ask you stand if you're married, 384 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:41.839 and even if you came to church mad at each 385 00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:45.680 other today, and it happens we've all got a lover, 386 00:20:46.039 --> 00:20:48.279 and you may even be in that winter season and 387 00:20:48.359 --> 00:20:50.880 it really doesn't feel that great, but great, We're going 388 00:20:50.920 --> 00:20:51.279 to pray for. 389 00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:51.720 You, all right. 390 00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:54.359 Father. I pray for these men and women who are 391 00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:57.839 standing and are we committing, even just in the smallest 392 00:20:57.880 --> 00:21:00.000 way some of them. God, I thank you for those 393 00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:02.640 who are in that spring season and they're busy, and 394 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:05.119 they have maybe gotten into a pattern and a habit 395 00:21:05.160 --> 00:21:08.240 of busyness. I pray that you would give them good 396 00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:11.440 insight into how they can reconnect with each other and 397 00:21:11.559 --> 00:21:14.759 how they can make time for their relationship. For those 398 00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:17.279 that are in the summer, God, their things are just 399 00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:19.640 going so well. We're grateful for that and thank you 400 00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:22.759 for that. May they be wise enough to invest now 401 00:21:23.079 --> 00:21:25.799