Speaker 1: You're listening to. Love is a Verb. An actual play
podcast of Blood on My Name, a TTRPG designed by
Keanna Shaw and Jason Catrone. This actual play is performed
and released by angel Amore. Click on the links in
the description to get a copy of the game and
otherwise support the creators. Content warnings for this ap include death,
death of a loved one, murder, betrayal, graphic depictions of violence, blood,
graphic injuries, head trauma, trauma, grief, guilt, and vengeance.
Speaker 2: Listener discretion is advised.
Speaker 3: Hey, bribe, I broke our rule, the no killing rule.
Speaker 2: Uh, but I can't even say I think you'd understan
And because you're not here, I can't check you, I
can't ask you. I can only project. It doesn't matter
how well I know you. I will never actually really
know or opinion on anything that happened after your death,
So I can't say that I think you'd understand or
I mean, I guess I could lie to myself and
tell myself whatever I wanted, but I did. I killed ambush,
not a big deal, didn't kill all of them, but
they they got the message, so I'm not I'm not
worried about them. They look different now they do look
it's just so utilitarian. The redesign it used to we
used to all like they used to have these it's
all black, and it was you know, is this the
most you know, practical thing to have slightly shiny material
note But it's it's just it's just it's just what
it looks like. You know. Even kevlar has a certain
shine to it in the light of fibers, and I
don't know, they made it gray and it's a different material.
I'm sure it's even better. I'm sure it's lighter and
you know, even more I don't know, blade resistant. But
it's you know, it's just weird. It's weird to feel
like I'm not oh of these little things. But also
I don't give a fuck, like really, you know, I
feel like feeling it's weird. It's like a knee jerk,
like a like a like a reflex, not like a
real opinion that I care about. I have a contingency plan.
I didn't tell you about it. I really should have.
It doesn't matter, but I have it, and I hope
I get to use it. But if I don't, I
don't know, that's not really important right now, talk to
you next time. Hey, babe, it's been a couple days.
You know, I might have been a trade hazard, but
I don't really believe in an afterlife, which used to
be I guess comforting. You know, you don't exactly want
to think of well, first of all, you don't want
to think about your targets as people. The last thing
you want is to think of them as people who
are hanging around. And now my complete inability to believe
in an afterlife is like my curse, mown personal curse.
Because I don't think you're listening to this. I don't
think I don't think you're here at all. This is
just for me. And yeah, the off off off off
off chance that I'm wrong, but on the off off
almost never happens. Chance that I'm wrong, don't worry about
the TV shit, it's not gonna happen. So what's not
gonna happen again? And they sent someone again? It was
balu Chi. I never told you about that, because I
never told you about any of the people that I
worked with, because why would I what to ruin your day,
you know, making you more aware of people like me.
It's bad enough obviously that you were aware of me.
But yeah, oh she's kind of a weird one. Was
kind of a weird one, refused modern weapony. The only
modern shit that they used was the outfit. You know, almus,
I guess the shtick is cool, but kevlar is nicer.
And it's this like vintage pistol. It's so impractical because
the amount of times that thing installed. You have no
idea except obviously it didn't install yesterday morning.
Speaker 4: But the hotel I'm at is fucking ancient and everything
creaks now for me, not a problem, but.
Speaker 2: This is not exactly a stealthy guy. I'm fine. I
don't know why I'm comforting you. You're not here, but
I'm fine. Well, from the attack, I'm fine. It wasn't
it wasn't hard. Disarming him was pretty quick, just had
to leave a twenty when I left downstairs to cover
the the ikea lamp that I broke over his head
and did my thing again. No blood, no well, no
blood on surfaces, carpets, et cetera. I was I mean,
blood on him, but did my thing, kept it contained
to the body and didn't leave the body there. So
I left the pistol there though, so the Babel agent
they sent to clean up is gonna find it, and
maybe one of the times that they get the message,
it'll actually fucking take. But I got a lead, and
I meaning closer. I actually saw a Babel of today.
While a shareholder shouldn't say operative, they don't do anything,
but we saw each other actually, and he didn't recognize
me at all, barely glance to me. I had no
idea who I was. Why they wear that lapel pin
is fucking beyond me, because why the fuck would you?
You know, it's just fucking stupid, all of that. That's see.
You don't see assassins wearing motherfucking lapel pins. First of all,
don't want to get stabbed. Second of all, what why
would you? Flashy fucking You don't want to know how
many times I've had this rant. Anyway, he didn't recognize me,
which is for the better. It's where the new ones
get younger and younger. But none of these old fox
ever die. It doesn't matter this can Chanion Sea closed
to plan. They're gonna wish they had died. So I'll
talk to you later. Hey, babe, Uh, I'm maybe going well,
I was gonna say, I'm maybe going to hell. But well, one,
I'm already there. And two I think that was that
was if there was If there is one, that was
probably setting Stone a long time ago. So but if
it wasn't, it isn't hell. I saw Rebecca today. You
don't know who that is? Again, Well, you don't know anything.
You're not here anymore. I am talking to myself. I'm
gonna start back as to day. You know, she used
to be an operative. She was the first operative to
become a shareholder. So she has a ring and not
a pin. Again, why you would want to identify yourself
at all? Beyond me? Beyond me. That fucking ring is
poisoned by the way. It has a little she has
a little button on the side. She pushes it with
her knuckle, a little, tiny little needle at the tops
punches you poison. It's a spider. It used to be
her thing. Fucking flashy and disgusting, but effective. Dead in
about five minutes, no antidote. It's quick, it's efficient. But
she used to use a spider and not a ring.
So get why I say flashy. We were together once
and I almost killed her because she got in the way.
She managed to just about not get in the way
when it mattered, but it was close. No amount of
her weird bullshit was going to be faster than me,
and she knew it, so smarter her to run. You
probably should have run when you saw me too. But
here we are. And if you're watching, which you're not
because you're just gone, I don't know. Do I really
believe that? Do you think? Well, you can't answer conversation
with someone who can respond about whether or not I
actually think they're listening. The pastor would probably love this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. That's so
shit right there. I don't even think I want you
to be there. That's the really fucked up part, because
I don't want you to be listening to this. I
don't want you to see this, want you to see
any of this. But I told you selfish, but it
already got you killed, so why not have a ruined
your afterlife as well? I got shot, it's whatever, I'm fine.
Well I got shot. I fucking hurt. But they're dead,
so you would not believe how many of them there were. Honestly,
this were twenty years ago. Not for the reason that
it is probably be a little flattered probably would have
taken it as a challenge. And I just I don't
even remember thinking during any of this. It's just it's
like muscle memory. I just have a target and an objective.
I don't know there were I think about three dozen total,
just out of one alleyway was like a fucking cloud car.
I think about halfway through them, I had to jump
off the motorcycle that I was on, and I think
it blew up, but I I just don't want it anyway.
So I it's so weird telling you this because I
wouldn't ever tell you this if you were alive. I
never wanted to tell you any of this shit. That's
probably why I hope you're not fucking listening. First two
after I broke their neck with this is pretty gross,
but with my fucking shot forearm, which by the way,
they broke my leg arm shot right through the bone.
Hurt like motherfucking hell. But yeah, blood is pretty, it's
pretty thick, and uh, you know you shove that in
someone's face. They're not they're not thinking straight immediately, pretty
easy to snap their neck and it was caught on
and I don't know, it's just do you remember that
Lego house that you built. It was like the Lord
of the Rings, like the Hobbit house. And yeah, so
a tunnel visioned. You had the kit and all these
pieces which I definitely could kill someone with. Absolutely. Yeah,
I don't even think I have to do anything. You
absolutely kill someone with those little shits and the instructions,
and you just laser focused in and I watched you
do nothing else for five hours. All day. I watched
you put together stuff and then it was done, and
then you looked up. He looked at it. He looked
at me. He said, I'm angray. I was like, no shit,
it's been five hours. That's that. I felt like tunnel vision.
You know. If I asked you when you were still alive,
i'd asked you, like, do you remember putting I don't know,
the tiny orange piece you know in the fire, you
would have probably said, no, I don't. If I had
asked you about like I don't know, like one of
the eighty fucking gray pieces or green pieces, my customer
green pieces, and then I said, yes, you would not,
you would not distinguish one from the other. But here
we are. I can't distinguish the lego pieces. They're just bodies.
I'll talk to you later. Hi. Hey, I got blown
up a little bit. Well I'm fine. I mean, these
stopped saying that. That fuck and I on a mission.
I think it was about like seventeen years ago. We
had to steak out and we ended up in this
really shitty old mill. It was disgusting. It definitely had asbestos.
I definitely breathed asbestos. It was not good, but it was.
It was one of the grosser fucking hideouts. But it's
completely ruined now and well now it's dust, but it
was so ruined when I got there. But he he
had a tendency to get kind of talkative. It's a
bad habit in this line of work. He told me
about a safe house. He didn't tell me it was
the safe house, but I mean it was pretty obvious,
and he told me where it was. He didn't say
the address per se, but he told me enough. But
I knew I could figure it out with the information
he gave me and what I knew about him. But
I also knew better than to keep it in my mind.
It's not a very safe place mini work at a
place like that, So I coded it and I hate it.
But he wasn't okay when he stepped out. I guess
he saw me coming and then figured out what I did.
He blew it up. I'm fine. My arm still hurts,
but i'm fine. Well, well, never fine, but I'm fine.
I'm here and I'm on the job. That's about as
good as that's gonna get. Talk to you later. I
have a better update. Bye. Anyway, It's been two weeks,
which just weird. I I am not I am not
the same. I'm not the same. I'm not even the
same way. I'm not the same. You know, I changed
when I met you. I changed when I lost you.
I'm not the same killer, And it's not for lack
of trying, as it was just improvised weapons used to
be so easy. You could look at anything. I can
look at anything and see exactly all of the ways
I could kill somebody with it. And I saw it,
I picked it up. It didn't work. More than that.
It cost me time all not to say I got stabbed,
but I'm fine. It's not a big deal. I mean,
what's a stabbing. It's it's not lethal, it's clumsy. It
was mostly embarrassing. It's more embarrassing so that they tried
to stab me like that than the fact that I
got stabbed. But I never made that mistake before, never
been wrong about what something could do or what I
guess what I could do with it. I have to
let it go. I think it hurts mentally more than
it hurts physically, although it fucking hurts physically. I didn't
notice pain like this before you did it. Get something, though,
got got some very interesting in from.
Speaker 1: It.
Speaker 2: Seems like I'm not the only one that fell in love.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what he did. Well,
I guess I am doing it to them. I don't
really give a shit about them though, so I'm not
really an eye for an eye kind of person. So literally,
it's more, well, you know what I'm gonna do, and
I did. I did have to kill for this one too.
I think I think we're probably past the point of
having to tell you about Yeah, the individuals feel I
feel like I'm a fucking confessional, but it's just some admin.
They probably didn't even know what they add. I never
thought about the people that get left behind because you can't.
But now you can't stop thinking about them. It's not
stopping me it's not even making me hesitateate, just wants
me fucking afterwards, really useful. Anyway, it's a baron, you
know know that is Yeah, these people I always I
say this like you know the I mean you don't
know them. You I almost did it. I almost said
if you would have liked Baron or not. I don't
get to do that. I don't get to have new
opinions of yours when you're gone. I don't hate him.
He's fine fucking dog person. Though I didn't kill a dog. Okay,
I didn't kill any animals fucking fitby though the had
to go see him. The info that I have now
I am he has this one. It's only got one eye.
It's my favorite. It's my favorite of all of them.
I can even have a favorite of dogs that tried
to kill me. But you know, I think his name
is five. Yeah, they're numbered. They're not named, they're numbered.
He's not fucking you know, don't be fooled. He's not sentimental.
Who knows how many fives there have been, but this
is the five that I know. It's still the same
five that I know. Not one eye does not fucking
like me. And you know what I think that's why
I like it, because I wish. I just think it's
smarter than the others. You know, Baron called them off,
and they just go into neutral. They don't register anything
for me, specifically beyond what they're trained to register. But five,
I think five sees shit and I think five knows,
and that's why he's my favorite. There's probably something really
obvious there, but I if I know, I don't have
to say it. And if you can know anything where
you are, which is nowhere, then you already know anywhere
you probably no mm hmmm, said any I said, you
probably disagree with me, but you know what, I hope
you don't. I really hope you don't. Anyway, he gave
me something pretty useful. Now he doesn't have his doesn't
have the info that I wanted. He doesn't have anything
more direct. But it's a lead. It's a club, so man,
there soon. I've already been there once, but I kind
of loved a mess. I want to go back and
see if there's something that I missed and something I
could sweep up. But we'll see. I saw Aubrey. You
know what that is? Uh, probably for the best. If
normal hadn't then it would have been Aubrey. It was
a pretty big shootout. I'm fine, don't get shot. At
this time. It was dark. It was one of those
how did you say, You said, Uh, it's music clubs,
fucking hyper pop or something. Not my scene, probably yours
from what you told me you used to like. It
was chaotic, it was loud, it was dark. There were lasers,
weird smoke machine. I don't know. They were put in weird,
weird spots. I don't know why you'd want want it
to fucking entrance. I don't. I don't like them anyway,
But uh, I ended up on the rafters. Kind of
a warehouse club situation doesn't really seem too safe. But
I ended up in the rafters. You didn't even get
to shoot. Aubrey got her pistol, offer to get them
out the fucking pistols. Get a normal fucking gun. She
lost her balance. I guess we're all getting older, broke
her neck fell. Don't get me wrong, I would have
killed her. I just didn't have to. She's a Norvil's lieutenant,
so if he wasn't sure of what I was doing,
he is sure now. And you're probably shocked that this
is so long, you know, if you can have an
emotion or think anything at all. I don't know. She'd
probably stop disclaiming that, but I just feel it's so
kind of crazy. If I don't wrong or disrespectful or something.
I don't know, but I'm in the safe house, the
one that I told you about. My first one. Looks
nothing like our house. It looks nothing like dream home
either much of anything. It just looks like a fucking
crash pad. I can't believe I ever thought anything else.
I had something here the last time I went here,
right before I retired. I loved myself something and I
never wanted to have to get it again.
Speaker 1: It's my.
Speaker 2: It's a special knife from my first kill. The weapon
I've used the most in my life wasn't always a shooter.
The improvised thing is just a practicality. This is me
and I have it again, and I'm not putting it
down until one of us is in the fucking ground.
Talk to you later, hi, babe. I I have a
confession to make. It's really I don't know if you remember.
I don't know if you can remember. I don't know
if you are. But if you can, and you are
do you remember when we painted Lillrium And I said
that there was no point because we're moving into dream
house within a year anyway. But you wanted to live
in a nice place now and you wanted it to
be exactly what you wanted, and I can't argue with that.
So we painted it and we were just absolutely fucking
covered in paint afterwards. It's just such a fucking mess.
I think there was more paint on you than on
the wall. And you took this poll the roids and
in one of them was supposed to be a selfie
or smiling, but you said something. I don't remember what
it was. It was so funny. It was so funny.
It was so funny. Then we just laughed and it
was a little shaky, and we looked so happy, and
you said it was your favorite picture anybody'd ever taken
a few, and you gave a picture of us, and
then you couldn't find it anymore. That was me. I
took it and I put it somewhere where I hoped
I would never see it again. I figured I get
to see that happy all the time every day. I
don't need a picture to see it. But if I
did need a picture to see it. Then I was
probably gonna need a couple other things, so I'll put
in enough safe to paw the box with a couple
of other things you don't need to know about. And
I didn't tell you about it because I thought, my father,
you're happy. I'm happy I see each other that happy
every day. You don't need it. It feels kind of
sick if I could really judge that. Anyway. I hope
people that I thought about the possibility of needing it,
that I did, and I was right. What was I
supposed to say, Oh, that I took it. I put
it in a safe above the box in case you
get fucking murdered and I go insane and have to
kill somebody. I can't even pretend to know how you
would have reacted to that. Not a gambling person, but
I'm really as honest as I can be. You probably
would have just been sad. You should have been scared.
I just needed it, and I knew I was gonna
need it. I was gonna need it as this happened.
Talk to you later. It's been a couple of days
since I last talked to you. Well at you, I
guess talks to myself and your name. Hm. They tried
to lure me in with such an obvious trap. Got
a message from one of the archivists. Also a bad idea,
by the way I think, But fuck it, I'm not
a sure Older Peter met him a couple of times,
says he. Well, he said he heard about what I
was doing, and he just wanted to keep some records.
Invited me to a safe house. Well, if that's not
a trap, I am. I sent him to this abandoned
warehouse and told him that I would meet there instead. Now,
obviously they know that's the trap. But there's this old
train station that's also abandoned, defunct, that's just barely within
the less side of the warehouse. And I knew whoever
would be waiting for me, I would see that and
be like perfect, So before I concered him, I rigged
it with explosives. I was already gone, but I saw
in the news that in this explosion in the middle
of nowhere, so I know that they weren't. They should
have fucking known better. And it's said in the news
that nobody was hurt. Because obviously we can't can't leave
evidence officially, So whoever was trying, and whoever died bubble
already cleaned up. I don't know who it was, and
then and it bugs me. It's never bugged me. It
bugs me, bugs me like you wouldn't fucking believe. I
know it wasn't normal. I know it wasn't him, but.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it was.
Speaker 2: And I didn't care when I wrecked it, and I
don't care now. I could find out who was and
not feel any different. But the fact that I don't know.
I never felt like I should care before because I
still don't care, But now the thought that I should
just won't leave me alone. And I thought that I
had cleared my traces, but I very clearly didn't. I
was followed halfway out. That shouldn't have even been possible.
I don't know what I did. I did something wrong,
I had something to fuck wrong. I left some sort
of fucking I don't have evidence trail trace. I don't know.
I shook him again, but like I was, I distracted.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: That's killing me too. I don't no, I don't know.
I had a nightmare. Well, I had a dream, and
I think for a normal person who would have been
a nightmare and I saw Noraville, saw your killer, and
he was battered and bloody and completely at my mercy.
Right before I did it, he looked at me, and
I woke up. I know how I'm gonna do it.
You just cut your life where you stood. You didn't
even have time to understand what was about to happen.
You just came around the corner, probably thought it was
me coming home, and before you could probably even have
a full thought that it's not me that you should
be scared. He killed you before you had time to
feel a single thing, and then you were gone. I'm
gonna do the same to him. It's gonna be so
fast he'll have no chance, and he doesn't get to
process a single motherfucking thing. I'm back to sleep after that.
When I saw someone I haven't seen ten years, it's
just a target. I don't even know their name. I mean,
like I've said, Norville didn't exactly ever leave time for impressions.
But I didn't always work with him, and I'm not
the type to draw things out myself, But sometimes shit happens.
Sometimes a target gets a word in, not often, but
sometimes all right before I finished up, I cut them
down mid sentence, and they said, I hope he looked
so angry, so self righteous, and why not I was
gonna kill them. I don't progretch them their feelings. It's
kind of all you have left if you're lucky. Do
you have enough time? I didn't even let them finish
their sentence, just stopped, and I saw that again. My dream,
Oh God, was cold and sweating. I have no idea
what they hoped for. I hoped I would get mine
goodness for them. I guess they hoped.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know what they hoped. If
I don't allow myself to project one to you and
your memory, there's probably no sense in projecting on someone
who died ten years ago and didn't even know who
I was, that, you know, thanks to think about. I
guess this morning I am. I arrived at the my
next safe location and found a picture. It's boiloid too,
nothing like ours. I'm not smiling in it because I
didn't really do that before before you. It's a picture
that uh An Noorville took of us together at a
job after obviously at some bar. I cut it in
half and I burnt the part that I was in.
I can't take myself out of there. I can't change anything,
but I just didn't want to see it. In his part,
I'm keeping until the end. There won't really be a
last thing he sees. But it's not really a message
for him. I have to go soon. I'll talk to
you later. You will not believe the work week I
fucking had hi well. The day after I left my
last message, I had to shoot myself on the shoulder.
It was the only way out. I couldn't get a
clear shot. I was being tailed by a couple of
operatives and the only perk shot I could get fast
enough as if I shot through my own shoulder behind me.
And I did kill them. But it hurt like a bitch.
Oh my fucking god. I hurt so bad. I tried
to wead the bone. I think I did a pretty
good job, but fuck same armas it's fucking before. By
the way, so thank god I'm a lefty. Fuck gosh.
And that hurt like that hurt, That hurt, a fucking hurt.
That's how I know I'm getting old. It fucking hurt.
I didn't hesitate. There's more than I can say for later,
but but that sucked, I really sucked. And then on
top of it, I barely get out right. I managed
to get to the other side of town, and a
bullet goes past my head. Doesn't touch me. It's so wide.
It's for us, that's wide, A couple inches off my head.
I might as well have tried to shoot a barn.
Ridiculous young shit. Right. Look, I don't fault anyone for
their ambition, and I never have this. It's not their fault.
I know who I am, I know my reputation, well,
at least I know what it was. So it turns
out Norville put quite the price on my head, which
means he's scared. Means he's gotten older too, and he's scared.
But they I saw who did it. It's just some
kid felt like can't have been more than twenty years old.
And of course when I saw them and they saw
that I was completely fine, they were terrified. You were
absolutely terrified. I don't feel anything about that. Probably used
to make me feel like I was good at something,
or it's good at my job, or I don't know.
I don't feel anything. Lead such a different life that
I lead now I let them go. I don't know
didn't do anything, not nearly good enough for that. So
I earned my stripes once I have to let the
new ones earn theirs. I had a couple of days
of nothing much happening following on the leads, traveling that
an invite Hilda Brand does this, uh shareholder a shareholder
at Babble. He invited me to catch up. And this
was definitely not on a trap like the other one is,
because the shareholders do not like mess at their illas.
But I saw something.
Speaker 1: It was this.
Speaker 2: This antique. I think it was one of those things
you used to put out candles, but for some reason
a spike in the middle. Maybe you used to used
to settle into the soft wax like stay. Maybe maybe
needed it to stay on or something. I don't know,
this weird little spike and the stick that it was
on was gone. So it's just this bell shape, this
little little bell shape with a spike in it and
a ring because I used to dangle off, you know,
And you know I told you I can look at
anything and see how I could use it to kill someone.
I almost got caught because I almost had to used
it on him that the last second the doorbell ring,
so instead of turning around. He walked away. Yeah, so strange,
so do abod and ring. He would have died, which
just been overre but someone who had no idea, I
was no idea. I was there. It's a delivery guy,
rang the door bell. That was it. I left nothing
else to say. I did get kidnapped. I did get kidnapped,
but that was two days ago. I did get kidnapped
the butcher. I was just crossing the street and then
there was a bag over my head and it was cold.
It was fucking cold, probably for the best given the
fucking gunshot wound I've been nursing. He definitely he grabbed
me because of the bounty. He's an old enemy. He's
not He's not an operative. He's just an old enemy.
Honestly shocked. He's still added at him, not exactly short.
I promised him something he couldn't refuse. So I have
a stop to make on my way. So petty, But
he has other enemies than me. Ones he hates more,
ones that are bigger problems. So I have to take
care of something before I leave down again on my way.
But I don't care. It's another body. Whatever it takes, well,
it's usually the way that it goes. One time, you know,
I know you never asked. I've seen you look is
he everybody looking? It was considerate of you to never
ask how I am. I lost that one year lobe.
You know, it's it's visible. Hair is usually up, you
can always see it. Can't wear two pairs of you know,
can't wear an ear ring without a partner. So not
that I would ever wear a earring, just begging to
have that she ached out of your ear in my
job that you didn't ask, So I didn't tell you,
Not that I would have even if you had. But
there was this job I had to take. I had
to take all of them, but this one I really
had to take. But at first I thought it involved
an innocent I thought that he was just an employee,
not the main culprit. It doesn't matter really, because a
job was a job. I stilled to kill them both.
I had to kill them both by fucking hesitated, because
he looked so confused. Fucking shit, I couldn't want to
fucking osk her. If you haven't been in this fucking
line of business. He looked so confused. He saw me
kill his partner, and he looked so confused and looked
scared first or sad confused. I you had no idea
why this was happening. I didn't know what to do
with that. I don't think anybody had ever looked at
me like that before in this situation. And I hesitated
my mother or bit my fucking ear love off killed
him immediately. But I don't know about you, but I'm
not about to dig into some dead man's mouth. I
hope to find a fucking ear low. But just sewed
it shut, and there was. It's the reminder to never hesitated,
no matter what. I won't do that again. Talk to
you later, I babe, it's no week. It's been a week,
and I'm closer. I'm a lot fucking closer. Were these
these physical archive sites which you know now that I can,
I honestly think I're also a fucking bad idea. I
think they're such a fucking bad idea. And they never
change the fucking locks. I even retired for years. They
never changed the fucking locks. You keep a guard, no lookouts,
just dust filing cabinets and information. Honestly, it was so
it was so easy that it kind of felt like
a trap. But it wasn't trust my inchecked. I thought
it might give me a couple safe houses, you know,
maybe a safe maybe just one of his. I had
all of them. I know that motherfucker only has seven.
I know the motherfucker. He loves the number. It's fucking superstitious.
I told him that it would be his downfall, and
you should have listened to me, or maybe you shouldn't have.
Maybe it's good this way, make it easier, faster. I'm
closing in, and he can tell he should be. He
should be fucking worried. I heard, I heard something interesting,
and I have to remind myself to stick to the plan.
Not a problem I used to have. But this is
not an ordinary target, is it. I have to remind
myself to stick with the plan, because if I don't
get messy, it's riskier. They said he was he was
almost out. He was leaving. He was fucking leaving. Asking yourself,
why somebody like one of us does what we do?
This is just a waste of time. But he was
almost out, he was fucking leaving. There's no way he's
stupid enough to have fallen for some some bullshit like that.
They would let him go if he, you know, went
after him, went after me. I don't know why I
ended up having to knock them out, the guards, I mean,
the bodyguards were talking. Honestly, they're lucky, that's all I did.
Loose lips not a good thing to have in this
fucking line of work I've set up before. After I
knocked them out, one of them some his soup jacket
was open and I saw and then he had a
pack of Marlboroughs sticking out of it. I don't know.
You hated the stressed smoke and it was tough to kick. Well,
it was tough to try to kick. But I haven't
smoked since you died. Fucking weird. I'm sure they am
The master or one of the shrinks of the bab
will probably say that I was scared subconsciously of the
possibility of losing you, and now that it's happened, I
don't really have anything to be afraid of anymore. Probably
something to it they should be very worried about, because
I'm not afraid anymore of anything. Nothing left to those
They should be very worried about that because their time
is running out. I just felt like apologizing to you
for a second, you know. Thank sorry for the intensity,
sorry for selling. So I don't know, Graham. The fuck
am I apologizing to you're not even here? Still feels
fucking route thumb. Sorry, I'm sorry. I saw Hawksley. He's
he's officially the new quartermaster for Babbel Operatives, and apparently
I still count. He's not bad. He's not good, but
he's not bad as a guy. I mean, as a quartermaster,
he's pretty fantastic. I got him to uh get me
new wheels, reinforced bulletproof glass, the works, not flashy, easy
to forget, good metal gray. The card that you see,
you might say that's nice. If you were asked a
couple of minutes later for any details, you probably wouldn't
have any. I don't know. Four door dark the license plate. Now,
of course I fixed the license plate thing, just rotate
sense all. But it does well in a chase. Got
to test it out immediately in between Huxley and fillipball Armor. Well,
he's dead, but I still have a few things of his,
especially now that I had a new sit and wheel
stee it all the way over to his workshop, pick
it up, and fight my way out. So you know,
I have that knife I told you about I know
that that's for my end the game, that I'm not
averse to other things, and he had made me this.
I almost hesitate to call it a gun because it
doesn't really quite cut it. He was kind of inspired
by those old things. He really liked taking from history
and making something new. So it was a handgun, but
it had he stylized the part that he launch out
of to look a little bit like a musket, but small,
just real small. And they're poisoned needles just in case
you can switch between bullets and them. It's a pretty
nice piece of work. Subtle, quiet, heavy, too deceptively so,
which is useful because the moment, the moment I picked
that shit up, felt like there were low level operatives
falling from the ceiling. In fairness, one of them did
very much fall from the ceiling. You know what I mean, Well,
you don't know. You don't know what I mean. If
there is an afterlife, you know, and you're hanging out
and watching me not smoke, seeing what I'm doing and
knowing how I'm feeling, I hope, and I hope it
doesn't just give you access to to everything you know,
And I want you to know everything that doesn't really
sound like much of an after life to me, and
sound very peaceful. Not that I think non existence is peaceful.
I think it's just nothing. But I think nothing would
be better than and not resting in peace, even if
it means that I'm talking talking to myself. No, you
don't hear or feel a single thing that this is
all selfish. When has it not been selfish? I'm halfway there,
at least. It's not gonna be much longer. Now. I
can't even say I'll see you soon. It's not even
the worst case scenario. You know, it wouldn't be so
bad if I know that i'd see you, because this
doesn't work out. But you know, I don't think like that.
And even if I did, and you and I aren't
going to the same place anyway. I'm gonna get some
sleep for a couple of hours, then I have to go.
Let's talk to you later. It's been six very long days.
There are some tricks of the trade, and kind of
only learn by needing them. There's this defensive maneuver. It
only works if someone is on top of you, choking
you out. It doesn't work otherwise. Not enough momentum not
the right angle. I don't know. It's not a movie
you want to need. I was kind of fucking gross.
So here's that the first time I needed to use it.
Because I can't practice it either, just learn it in
theory and hope when you need it that you've got it.
It was my first year's babble Norvella and I got separated.
One of the targets went rogue. I didn't have the
same eye that I have now. Before I knew it,
they were choking me and I couldn't reach my knife
and I couldn't reach my gun, and everything was getting fuzzy,
and then I remembered. For someone who doesn't leave mess,
it was definitely one of my more graphic kills. I
had to do it again on Monday. I literally haven't
had to do it since I only had to do
it once. I'll bury the details. I honestly don't know
if it's so effective because of the physical or the
psychological aspect. Probably could combat both. Those moves are a
good combat of both. Like I said, it's been a
long week. Maybe it was long because of something I did,
but I cannot bring myself to regret it. Sometimes he
could be so clever in those bodyguards last week. They
were right, he's almost out. He's just tying up blue sends,
setting his affair as an order, trying to set up
a nice retirement fro himself. Well funding that, it's going
to be a little bit harder now. I felt one
of his shipping facilities he'd commandeered, probably a couple of
years ago, and they left the manifest out. Probably didn't
think anybody would be stopping by. Well, let's just say
those diamonds will not be going on the journey he
had planned for them. But if it's that important to him,
he is more than welcome to fish them from the
bottom of the ocean. It wasn't that hard. A lot
of this stuff is automated. You just have to push
the right buttons, pull the wrong lever and bye bye.
Security was so minimum, Honestly, it was like he was
begging to get robbed. Maybe if I was thinking further ahead,
I would have robbed him instead of just messing it up.
But I wasn't thinking ahead. Should probably be a little
bit better about that. But I know exactly what face
he's gonna make. You know, when he gets that report.
It doesn't matter that I won't see. It doesn't matter
that they immediately hit me back. I know the face
of the throbbing in the temple, I know the rage,
and when I come for him, he won't have time
to feel these things. So you might as well get
out of the way now. I had to go to
a cemetery this week. I try to avoid them because
always creep me the fuck out, and it hasn't exactly
gotten any better. I'm sure you wouldn't be shocked, and
I feel confident in saying this one because I had
hinted at it before you were still here. But you're
not the first loss I ever had. I had a partner,
not a you kind of partner before Norville. I had
someone else only for about six months. They're buried not
too far from where you are. They were a much
older agent, like a mentor. He taught me that any
little trick this week that I am, I need it
this week, which is why I was very careful not
to choke her. No, I did what I always did
with the special ones, clean, quick, impersonal. They actually scouted
me before babble, so I guess in a long con
they've already got me back. Fine, when they died well.
When I killed them for the company, I left something
in the coffin. I guess I've always had a habit
of making little contingency plans. It was their weapon. Look,
it can't hurt to be too prepared, and a very
specific he set their sleeves. I guess you could say
Huxley would have absolutely killed to get his hands on them. Yes,
this was made by the old quartermaster. It's so tiny.
It's one of those stupid, stupid babble of helpens, and
the older ones so slightly different than now, but get
still did the trick. It's an emp. You know, when
they develop weapons and they say non lethal, it doesn't
mean you can't kill someone with it. It doesn't mean
using it near someone won't kill someone, pretty guaranteed. It
just means it's not technically made for that purpose. This
is not one of those. When I was younger, used
to fuck me up a little to think about the
electrical circuit of the body, because it would just think
about you know, blackouts, brownouts, circuit breakers. You just plug
the wrong Panini press and the wrong outlet, and human
body is not that different than an't even peas a
hell of a lot bigger than a Panini press. It
took about two hours to excavate her grave. It's fucking
dark raining look it and catch a fucking cold, But
I got it. I might not make it out of this.
I might not get what I want. This is the
opposite of every promise I ever made you. But I
promise I'm taking as many of them with me as
humanly fucking possible. They're associate and Norville's paid me a visit.
Right after I'd barely fallen asleep, I woke up. My
entire computer system was shrieking. My phone firewall they spell
it with a fucking y. Hackers. They're the worst when
it comes to code names, are so pretentious and fussy
kinds of folk. I guess they thought they could slow
me down, and they did for about half a day
figure out what the damage was. But I honestly don't
know why they bothered. Half of my fucking training is
memorizing things anyway. You don't rely on technology. It's lazy.
They should have known that I may have gone a
bit overboored. Maybe it's one of those transference things. I'm
not gonna be able to take my time with with him,
but I figured I already lost half a day. It's
another couple of hours. It was easy to find them.
Fire While never hides far from a target. It's kind
of a weakness of theirs. They like visuals. A lot
of their stuff is short range, harder to track, but
it leaves you vulnerable. They were in the fucking sewers.
They're still in the fucking sewers. They won't be leaving
anytime soon. I think I'm starting to what does it regress?
What's weird is I didn't enjoy night job. I'm just
good at it, you know. I didn't see a problem
with it, But I didn't enjoy it, not for a
long time, maybe the first couple of times, you know,
when you're young and fucking stupid. I don't know what
that says about me now, but I spent my time
with Firewall. I didn't feel fucking bad about it at all.
They tried fucking apologizing. It's just a reflex. It doesn't
mean anything. I've seen it a million times. People have
never seen my face before. Begging and apologizing as soon
as they can get a word out of their mouth.
It's just a defense mechanism. Something you expect from from
a target. It's not like anybody is trained in how
to get killed the from one of ours. Fucking embarrassing.
I don't think it was until I was back in
my next safe spot, showering because you know, soer that
I realized I was fucking smiling. Not that nice one,
not the one for the picture. Far more mechanical, purely
physical response. I know I changed after Usually it feels
less like just change and more like being emptied. But
I think something's filling the void. I'd say it was
a survival mechanism, but I think it's just an excuse.
And I don't really do excuses. I don't know what
you'd say about it, but for some of this, I
think then I don't want to know. I got fucking
shot again, A little bit disgraced. What is it with
everyone in my right fucking my right fucking side. Oh,
I was visiting to Chessa. She's a good guy, the
best I h I think, just good. Thankfully, that's why
it was grazed. She said I look different from how
she remembers me. No shit, no fucking shit. She was
sorry for shooting me though it was just a fucking
accident anyway, she wouldn't have shot her, she'd recognize me,
or recognized me properly. I don't know if she means
that look different because she last saw me before I
liven laid eyes on you, or because there's something about
me now that wasn't there when you were still here.
She narrowed down the list of safe houses for me.
Apparently it was kind of outdated. She's not so bad.
It's fucking cold. I'm gonna warehouse. I've kind of blown
through most of my usual haunts. Mmm, some of them
aren't that secret anymore. So there was this old warehouse,
hours and hours from our fore her homeland that we'd
picked out further north, supposed to snow tomorrow. Nowhere else
doesn't clothes. It's gonna be a tough one. But what
does that even really mean for me? Anyway? And I
found something that you might have liked. That's not an assumption. Well,
I mean it is, but because you told me, you
told me used to have a gambling happened. Honestly, when
you first told me, I was shocked. I was absolutely
fucking shocked because it didn't really seem like you at all,
and it wasn't anymore. She said it was when you
were in college. There was an old bug out bag.
They're they're like go bags, but a little less, uh,
unless made with mental fortitude, let's say it that way.
And there was a fucking pack of cards that wasn't mine.
I don't onto toys, I don't gamble. It was his.
He slipped it in there at some point. He used
to complain all the time, not getting bored, board on steakouts, board,
waiting for targets, board, doing raycon Bard board board. It's
like his baseline. I set it on fire. I know
they're mostly plastic now, and I really shouldn't be inhaling
those tunes. But heat is heat. I shouldn't be more than.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: Maybe I shouldn't put an estimate on it. I don't
think I'm more than a week away. It's already taken
too little as it is. I can't really think about
the after Murham hurts. It's fucking cold. You're not even here,
you're not even listening. I feel guilty for complaining to you,
because what am I complaining about. I'm alive. I'm cold
because I'm alive. By arm hurts, because I'm alive. I
miss you because I'm alive and you're not talk too later.
It's been two days that fuck.
Speaker 1: Mhm.
Speaker 2: First of all, it's getting harder and harder to remember why.
I have to be quick when it's time, and that'll
seek every second to make him wish he hid never
ever thought of either of us. The first day was bad, whatever, whatever.
Yesterday I finally meet it to the first of his
safe houses on the fuck list, and he'd just been there.
He made sure I knew it, and he left me
a present I made apart from the fact that he
rigged it to shit, and I had about five minutes
before everything started fucking blowing up. He had You're fucking
right when you told me you'd had since you were
ten years old from your mom. You got when she died,
and you always kept that you wore around your neck.
You never took it off. I knew it was missing,
and here he took care. He put it on a
pillow in the middle of the room. There's a trip wire.
I didn't see. That's been about eight hours. My years
are still ringing. I shouldn't have made it out, well,
I didn't you remember Natalia? We met her once together.
I told her she was my cousin. She's not my
fucking cousin. Might as well be. She's been in baby
longer than I have, so I wasn't lying when I
told you. She taught me a lot. She has some swave,
not enough to call his shit off, but she bought
me more time. She dragged my ass out of that
building before it collapsed. I'm at her place, one of
her safe houses. Got a couple hours of sleep. Sleep.
If you got knocked unconscious, probably not still a neghbors Anyway,
I woke up, I called you. There's nothing I could
ever say or to to make up any of this.
I feel like I know he killed you, and I
feel like it was me. It was me if you'd
never met me. No, you could have met me if
I had left you alone, if I hadn't loved the
way it made me feel from the first moment. If
I'd been little stronger and walked away, who knows where
you'd be, But it wouldn't be dead. Oh, let's talk
to you later.
Speaker 5: I'm so fucking injured. Oh fuck, I'm so fucking injured.
I stopped and then fucking raps. I have a concussion,
A fucking concussion.
Speaker 2: From now so if I stop making sense. M yeah,
that's not all. It's a it's just hard to to focus.
M h. F panicromes. Her name is fucking Circe. She
an old Kai Kai of us, fucking bitch, the first
of all some assholes to have me on the street.
So decorum left these days. I think they got me
in the fucking lamp assholes. But I was already at
Circe's place. Mhm. Oh, you hope I don't pass out.
She said, fucking please. The bitch shot me in the
leg and said fucking please. I left, Miss lovet fucking miss.
Speaker 1: M h.
Speaker 2: I can't see how much of it was my blood
and how much of it was hers, but it was everywhere.
This might be the last time I've talked to you.
M hm, well, what was it? I said a couple
of weeks ago, and I don't talk to you any more.
I talk at you.