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Please 70 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:39.400 check out the link down the description and support our sponsor. 71 00:03:40.759 --> 00:03:44.120 All Right, So this is episode I think three and 72 00:03:44.159 --> 00:03:47.400 ninety two of the Team House. I'm Jack Murphy here 73 00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:51.759 with our guest tonight, Bethany McDonough. Bethany is a former 74 00:03:51.879 --> 00:03:56.560 Army officer and just to be completely candid and upfront 75 00:03:56.560 --> 00:04:00.840 with the audience, has a pretty terrible story tonight. So 76 00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:04.919 I've urged viewer discretion if you have kids running around 77 00:04:05.240 --> 00:04:08.240 as you're listening to this, but otherwise we're going to 78 00:04:08.240 --> 00:04:10.639 get into it. You know, mostly this podcast is sort 79 00:04:10.639 --> 00:04:14.800 of a celebration of military service almost, but there are 80 00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:17.800 times where we have to have some difficult conversations about 81 00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:21.120 things not working the way they're supposed to, and uh, 82 00:04:21.199 --> 00:04:23.600 this is going to be one of them. So Bethany, 83 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.959 thank you so much for joining us on the podcast 84 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:29.439 tonight and doing this. I know it's it's not an 85 00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:32.240 easy thing to stand up and say the things that 86 00:04:32.319 --> 00:04:33.000 you need to say. 87 00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:37.639 Thank you for having me. I'm I'm you know, really 88 00:04:37.759 --> 00:04:39.920 grateful that you have this platform and that we were 89 00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:43.480 able to connect and and you know, allow me to 90 00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:46.319 be able to talk about this. And again, like the 91 00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:49.519 reason that I was wanting to do this is it's 92 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:54.439 not it is because it's because I believe this happens 93 00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:57.879 to other people. It is important for you know, other 94 00:04:57.920 --> 00:05:00.319 people that this that this happens to to know, I 95 00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:02.600 mean number one, that they're not alone and quite frankly, 96 00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:05.600 for people to make decisions about whether or not they're 97 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:11.879 wanting to serve as a yep, that this can happen. Yeah. 98 00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:15.040 Well, take us back sort of to the beginning. Tell 99 00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:17.800 us about how you came to military service to begin with, 100 00:05:17.959 --> 00:05:20.000 and and sort of what your journey was like joining 101 00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:20.600 the military. 102 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:26.319 Sure. Yeah, so, I let's see, I enlisted while I 103 00:05:26.480 --> 00:05:31.120 was just out of high school. I enlisted in the 104 00:05:31.199 --> 00:05:32.879 National Guard. You know, I wanted to go to I 105 00:05:32.959 --> 00:05:34.639 wanted to go to college and do all these things 106 00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:40.240 and and I I wound up, like you know, on 107 00:05:40.360 --> 00:05:48.240 campus in like the ROTC program, and you know, they said, 108 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:50.720 oh this, you know you can. I met all the 109 00:05:50.720 --> 00:05:52.560 other students there, and I was like, oh, these are 110 00:05:52.600 --> 00:05:57.120 other other college students that are also like serving in 111 00:05:57.160 --> 00:05:59.680 the military or figuring it out. And like when you're 112 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:02.000 when you're like at that age, that's a huge thing 113 00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:05.040 to like have in common with other people. So I, 114 00:06:05.480 --> 00:06:11.680 you know, I wound up commissioning in O seven and 115 00:06:11.720 --> 00:06:15.480 then I, you know, I've served in the National Guard 116 00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:19.600 and the reserves my entire career. I was never straight 117 00:06:19.639 --> 00:06:23.120 active duty, and I mean that was you know, looking 118 00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:24.639 back on it, I might have done it differently, but 119 00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:27.360 at the time, like I always planned on being in 120 00:06:27.399 --> 00:06:31.800 the reserves and National Guard. That was what was That 121 00:06:31.959 --> 00:06:37.800 was what I chose to do. And uh so, I 122 00:06:37.879 --> 00:06:40.120 you know, I was a military intelligence officer. I say 123 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:43.079 it was because I'm I'm now a veteran as of 124 00:06:43.120 --> 00:06:52.120 about two months three months, right, and thank you. I yeah, 125 00:06:52.160 --> 00:06:56.319 I've served in several different National Guard states. You know, 126 00:06:56.360 --> 00:06:59.959 I moved all over the country. I spent a signific 127 00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:06.759 at a time at Fort Wood, Chuka and let me see, 128 00:07:06.360 --> 00:07:08.800 I I you know, I went to Afghanistan in two 129 00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:11.839 thousand and seven, two thousand and seven, two thousand and nine, 130 00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:19.079 twenty ten. And let me see, eventually I wound up 131 00:07:19.079 --> 00:07:22.360 in the Northern Virginia area for my civilian job and 132 00:07:22.399 --> 00:07:27.879 then wound up being assigned on active duty for about 133 00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:33.040 five years, you know, during during which time a lot 134 00:07:33.079 --> 00:07:36.199 of this kind of went on. So my active duty 135 00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:44.040 time most recently was in a like a budgeting capacity, 136 00:07:44.439 --> 00:07:47.560 So I have a finance background and then as a 137 00:07:47.639 --> 00:07:49.800 military intelligence officer at the same time, it's kind of 138 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:52.680 a very niche like thing. Not a lot of not 139 00:07:52.720 --> 00:07:55.279 a lot of people like finance to begin with, especially 140 00:07:55.319 --> 00:07:58.160 in the army. So for me, it was just a 141 00:07:58.199 --> 00:08:00.720 really good fit. And so I was serving on active 142 00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:04.639 duty when you know, some of these other events. 143 00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:08.639 Transpired, and in the run up to being stationed at 144 00:08:08.680 --> 00:08:11.720 Fort Myers, your you know, your career up to that 145 00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:15.879 point as a military intelligence officer. You describe a little 146 00:08:15.879 --> 00:08:17.959 bit about your job for folks and kind of what 147 00:08:17.959 --> 00:08:19.519 what your day to day was like. 148 00:08:20.319 --> 00:08:24.079 Sure, so I was actually so I was actually assigned 149 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:30.720 for beil War. I I worked at you know, I 150 00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:34.960 worked at the Military Intelligence Readiness Command on Fort bel 151 00:08:35.000 --> 00:08:39.600 War and I was a program manager, So I managed 152 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:45.720 a program called Foundry and uh it is a military 153 00:08:45.759 --> 00:08:48.639 intelligence funds for military intelligence soldiers. And I just I 154 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:52.960 administered the program. So I would recommend to commanders how 155 00:08:53.000 --> 00:08:55.679 to utilize those funds and how to disperse them to 156 00:08:55.960 --> 00:09:00.600 units and then account for them correctly and all of 157 00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:02.799 those things. So yeah, I did that for about five years. 158 00:09:03.159 --> 00:09:07.159 Okay, okay, And so your station of Fort Belvoir for 159 00:09:07.159 --> 00:09:09.600 Fort Myers, I mean these are both bases in the 160 00:09:09.720 --> 00:09:10.879 Washington area. 161 00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:13.639 Yeah, yeap, very close to each other. 162 00:09:15.000 --> 00:09:19.159 So I mean, let's begin to kind of like unpack 163 00:09:19.200 --> 00:09:22.159 where things start to go downhill. I mean it starts 164 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:25.200 innocuously enough, right with you know, just going out on 165 00:09:25.240 --> 00:09:25.600 a date. 166 00:09:26.519 --> 00:09:31.240 Yeah. So yeah, So I was on active duty from 167 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:36.879 twenty nineteen until I mean so at the time this happened, 168 00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:42.000 it was twenty twenty two, so pretty normal active duty 169 00:09:42.039 --> 00:09:47.240 time up until that point. And so I I, let 170 00:09:47.320 --> 00:09:50.120 me see, I met someone on a dating app and 171 00:09:51.679 --> 00:09:55.639 this person was an five A sign at the Pentagon, 172 00:09:56.600 --> 00:10:00.279 And to me, that was like an automatic like Okay, 173 00:10:00.360 --> 00:10:02.519 I can be I can be safe around this person. 174 00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:05.200 I should be safe around this person. And to boot 175 00:10:05.440 --> 00:10:08.559 that person isn't going to They're not going to be 176 00:10:08.679 --> 00:10:12.960 someone who commits crimes, lives in their parents' basement, does 177 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:16.759 drugs or you know, alcohol excessively. They this should this 178 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:19.919 should be the safest type of person that I should 179 00:10:19.919 --> 00:10:24.440 be able to be around. And so that's why I 180 00:10:24.440 --> 00:10:27.519 I knew this person for about ten days give or take, 181 00:10:28.039 --> 00:10:30.639 and why I felt comfortable going to his house even 182 00:10:30.639 --> 00:10:32.679 though I didn't know him that well, because you should 183 00:10:32.679 --> 00:10:36.200 be safe around someone like that. At least that was 184 00:10:36.200 --> 00:10:43.360 my assessment at that time. Let me see, I I 185 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:46.480 was also like sort of fighting my own instincts. So 186 00:10:46.879 --> 00:10:51.080 I had sort of like a creepy vibe when I was, 187 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:56.679 you know, interacting with this person, where like any woman 188 00:10:56.840 --> 00:11:01.200 who who hears this will understand what I'm saying. Whereas 189 00:11:01.279 --> 00:11:04.360 you get this vibe that like, Okay, this person might 190 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:09.240 not be as safe as as I. It's sort of 191 00:11:09.279 --> 00:11:10.840 like the hair stands up on the back of your 192 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:15.039 neck every so often and but again, but then I'm 193 00:11:15.200 --> 00:11:18.039 like the other part of me was like, yeah, but 194 00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:21.679 he has all these things to lose. He's security planings, 195 00:11:21.759 --> 00:11:24.240 he's a No. Five on ACTI duty at the pen again, I, 196 00:11:24.519 --> 00:11:26.480 you know, I don't need to I don't need to 197 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:32.360 be concerned. So I sort of brushed off those, if 198 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:34.480 off some of those indicators. 199 00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:37.480 If I can ask Bethany, I mean I would be 200 00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:40.320 and I think there are other people out there who 201 00:11:40.320 --> 00:11:43.960 would be interested to hear in retrospects, like what were 202 00:11:44.000 --> 00:11:46.440 those indicators? I mean, I understand that there's a certain 203 00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:49.240 amount of gut instinct here, but was there anything specific 204 00:11:49.399 --> 00:11:49.960 that was like. 205 00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:55.919 Let me see, let me see. So there are sort 206 00:11:55.960 --> 00:12:00.000 of like I'm there was sort of just generic red flags. 207 00:12:00.039 --> 00:12:08.480 And I say generic because these they're so it's so generic, 208 00:12:08.759 --> 00:12:16.320 Like there was a lot of calling and texting and 209 00:12:16.440 --> 00:12:22.320 like immediate clinginess, I would say, and whereas I, you know, 210 00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:24.159 I was like in my mind, I was like I 211 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:28.639 barely know you, like back off, dude. But there was 212 00:12:28.679 --> 00:12:31.759 also like some that were in my mind I was, 213 00:12:32.679 --> 00:12:35.919 I brushed these off. But in retrospect, yeah, they were 214 00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:41.639 huge indicators. One was that he stored weapons in his bedroom, 215 00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:44.279 weapons and ammunition in his bedroom. And I know this 216 00:12:44.320 --> 00:12:48.440 because he showed them to me, not just not just 217 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:53.159 one a case with several in them, like and uh, 218 00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:57.840 let me see, ah, not in m four. What's the 219 00:12:57.879 --> 00:13:03.159 other what what's what's like, what's the the civilian weapon 220 00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:09.120 that's like damp Yes, an air fifteen, a shotgun, a 221 00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:15.320 handgun in his closet, and like, I, you know, I 222 00:13:15.320 --> 00:13:20.320 I don't own any weapons. I don't utilize weapons outside 223 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:22.559 of what I've needed to do in the military for training. 224 00:13:22.639 --> 00:13:24.600 But I know that a lot of a lot of 225 00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:28.200 service members do have that as a hobby, so I 226 00:13:28.360 --> 00:13:33.600 brush it off. I would say, like, another really strange 227 00:13:33.600 --> 00:13:40.279 indicator was there was a lock on his So there 228 00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:42.799 was a point at which I was attempting to let 229 00:13:42.840 --> 00:13:44.799 this person's dog out in the middle of the night 230 00:13:45.159 --> 00:13:50.440 because it was whining, and I realized after like not 231 00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:52.799 being able to do that, that there was a lock 232 00:13:52.879 --> 00:13:56.159 on the back door where you had to have a 233 00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:01.639 key to open the back door, which was making me 234 00:14:01.759 --> 00:14:04.720 and so to me, I was like, okay, well, I'm 235 00:14:05.480 --> 00:14:09.360 I might be locked in the house. I didn't find 236 00:14:09.399 --> 00:14:14.679 that out until you know, some other I didn't find 237 00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:17.600 out that out in time enough where I would have 238 00:14:17.600 --> 00:14:20.120 been able to react to that red flag, But yeah, 239 00:14:20.120 --> 00:14:22.879 that was that was that was it was. That was 240 00:14:23.080 --> 00:14:24.679 definitely part of the creepy guye. 241 00:14:26.759 --> 00:14:29.000 And then at a certain point that night, you know, 242 00:14:29.039 --> 00:14:30.600 there was an actual assault. 243 00:14:31.879 --> 00:14:34.519 I reported to the police within twenty four hours that 244 00:14:34.559 --> 00:14:40.759 I had been sexually assaulted, and I, uh, you know, 245 00:14:40.919 --> 00:14:47.000 before I left, this person had a handgun in the 246 00:14:47.159 --> 00:14:55.480 kitchen kitchen island. This isn't I mean, I had I 247 00:14:55.519 --> 00:14:58.240 again that this was This was also after the fact. 248 00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:06.320 So this led me to all of these things. I 249 00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:09.240 reported within twenty four hours to a police station that 250 00:15:09.240 --> 00:15:13.600 I've been sexually assaulted, and I named this person, and 251 00:15:15.440 --> 00:15:19.039 I got, you know, several restraining orders like right away, 252 00:15:19.480 --> 00:15:23.240 and I did within the week. I I you know, 253 00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:29.080 I did a full interview with the molass Manasa's police 254 00:15:29.080 --> 00:15:33.559 department about what all of the events that had occurred. 255 00:15:33.960 --> 00:15:38.440 And I'm trying to avoid talking about some of the 256 00:15:38.440 --> 00:15:43.200 specifics because they're they're kind of painful and also not 257 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:46.519 not as relevant to kind of the broader picture of. 258 00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:50.000 What would I would just point out, you know, Bethany, 259 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:54.720 for you know, viewers, there's questions that always come up. 260 00:15:55.120 --> 00:15:57.120 I mean, in the documents you sent me, I mean, 261 00:15:57.159 --> 00:16:00.720 you told this guy no multiple times. But yeah, pretty 262 00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:01.519 pretty clear. 263 00:16:01.320 --> 00:16:08.240 Cut, yeah, correct. Yeah, So some of the documents were 264 00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:15.759 you know, the congressional inquiry that went to Senator Earned 265 00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:21.559 Senator Gillibrand, And to my understanding, what I'm told is 266 00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:26.080 they you know, I asked them, please share my experiences 267 00:16:26.120 --> 00:16:28.600 so that when you decide whether or not you're going 268 00:16:28.639 --> 00:16:33.360 to take further action in legislation for military sexual assault, 269 00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:39.960 please take my experiences into consideration. Yeah. 270 00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:45.480 So, so you reported to the local police, which I'm 271 00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:48.600 sure you didn't. This wasn't even on your mind at 272 00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:51.879 all at the time. But my experience in investigating some 273 00:16:51.960 --> 00:16:56.159 of these stories is a very interesting game ends up 274 00:16:56.159 --> 00:17:00.679 getting played between the installation and the civilian police department. 275 00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:04.799 I was like, here's jurisdiction. Who has the case first? 276 00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:06.960 This guy has it, now, this guy has it. It 277 00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:11.519 gets bounced back and forth. What was sort of the 278 00:17:11.559 --> 00:17:16.839 next step for you after making that police report? And 279 00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:23.240 then you know you you informed the military like shortly thereafter. 280 00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:26.400 Uh yeah, so I recall like, while I was in 281 00:17:26.440 --> 00:17:29.640 the police station, I heard I so in the back 282 00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:31.680 of my mind, I didn't know if this person was 283 00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:34.160 still in active duty anymore. This person told me, oh, 284 00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:37.920 I'm retired, But what you know, what does that mean? 285 00:17:38.039 --> 00:17:42.319 Like this that doesn't just because you say you retire 286 00:17:42.359 --> 00:17:45.279 doesn't mean you're not on active duty, right Like, so I, 287 00:17:45.319 --> 00:17:47.920 in my mind, I reported somebody that I barely knew 288 00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:52.960 and I so I didn't know. So while I was 289 00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:58.079 sitting in the police station, uh they I heard one 290 00:17:58.119 --> 00:18:01.000 of the officers say something like that. So when I 291 00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:04.119 first went there, they were like they were doing this, 292 00:18:04.599 --> 00:18:06.839 you know, flirring around like I didn't know what they 293 00:18:06.839 --> 00:18:08.880 were doing. I was sitting there for like two hours 294 00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:13.359 waiting for them to say something or do something, and 295 00:18:13.400 --> 00:18:16.960 they just said, okay, wait here and and went off 296 00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:20.680 to do something. And like what I what I learned 297 00:18:20.759 --> 00:18:23.079 kind of later on was that they were probably checking 298 00:18:23.079 --> 00:18:28.160 this person's background and also learning that he had a 299 00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:31.640 whole criminal criminal record. That's probably what. 300 00:18:31.599 --> 00:18:35.279 They were realizing right this time. 301 00:18:35.319 --> 00:18:37.799 But they told me later that they were they were 302 00:18:37.839 --> 00:18:39.799 deciding whether or not that I that they could tell 303 00:18:39.839 --> 00:18:42.319 me to go home safely. That's what they told me later. 304 00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:45.920 But at the time I was just like sitting there, 305 00:18:45.960 --> 00:18:48.200 and then I heard somebody say, oh, she can go 306 00:18:48.279 --> 00:18:52.720 home now. We called c I D and so I 307 00:18:52.920 --> 00:18:55.519 So in my mind I was like, oh, they already 308 00:18:55.559 --> 00:18:58.799 told the military, Holy crap. And I was like, oh, 309 00:18:58.920 --> 00:19:01.799 damn it, because I in my mind I was like, well, 310 00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:05.839 the right thing to do is to report it, but 311 00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:09.000 you know, maybe he's not an active duty and I 312 00:19:09.079 --> 00:19:11.359 don't want my boss to know, you know, I don't 313 00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:17.079 want I don't want my I the command where I 314 00:19:17.160 --> 00:19:19.519 was at was a one star general, like that was 315 00:19:19.599 --> 00:19:22.799 going to be the person that was, you know, the 316 00:19:22.839 --> 00:19:25.240 who has to know about the assault, That was going 317 00:19:25.319 --> 00:19:27.599 to be the person that was going to have to 318 00:19:27.720 --> 00:19:31.480 like hear about it. And so knowing that, I was like, 319 00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:34.920 oh my god, like no, I So I just sort 320 00:19:34.920 --> 00:19:37.599 of pulled the band aid off and did it reporting. 321 00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:40.960 And then you know, within the week I was like, 322 00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:45.839 you know, the start got notified and like I so 323 00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:49.880 I did like a Saint exam and like again me, 324 00:19:50.039 --> 00:19:52.039 I was kind of like just kind of an autopilot 325 00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:54.480 the whole time. Like within the first twenty four hours 326 00:19:55.839 --> 00:20:03.559 the well to get saine exam, I just called the 327 00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:08.079 sharp Port Bulwar number and somebody picked up the phone. 328 00:20:08.359 --> 00:20:12.480 That was the criteria of how I got to get 329 00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:14.839 a sane exam. And then once I was at once 330 00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:19.279 I was getting the sane exam, the nurse was like, well, 331 00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:21.559 do you want me to call the police, and I 332 00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:25.440 in my mind, I was like, what what you know? 333 00:20:25.519 --> 00:20:30.559 I didn't. I was like, I didn't. I was making 334 00:20:30.599 --> 00:20:31.920 decisions on autopilot. 335 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:36.319 Like survival of the SARK is if I recall right, 336 00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:39.359 sort of like a special representative like a victim's advocate 337 00:20:39.440 --> 00:20:40.400 on installations. 338 00:20:41.000 --> 00:20:45.319 Uh yeah, So the SARK is a sexual assault response coordinator. 339 00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:49.279 They're like, they're the SHARP program, They're the administrators of 340 00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:52.559 the SHARK program. So are you do you recall the 341 00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:58.680 SHARK program harassment Assault Response Prevention? 342 00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:04.480 It's I remember, I remember the briefings exactly. 343 00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:07.880 So it's kind of like this fluffy, nice to have program. 344 00:21:08.119 --> 00:21:11.640 And I like my experience working with these people I've 345 00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:13.640 worked with a lot of them over time, is that 346 00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:16.960 they're very caring people. It's just their program doesn't have 347 00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:18.480 any teeth to it, right. 348 00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:19.799 They don't have the party to do. 349 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:26.640 Anything that is correct. So commanders very frequently like disregard 350 00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:30.119 a lot of things associated with the SHARP program and 351 00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:35.319 nothing happens. So, but the people are really nice. So 352 00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:39.240 I was interacting initially with a SARK, a sexual assault 353 00:21:39.279 --> 00:21:43.119 response coordinator from my organization, and she was like, well, 354 00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:45.720 what kind of a report do you want? To do. So. 355 00:21:46.039 --> 00:21:51.039 Service members probably recognize that you can do a restricted report, 356 00:21:51.119 --> 00:21:55.640 which basically means, well, the report exists in a database 357 00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:58.880 somewhere and you can get like I don't know, access 358 00:21:58.920 --> 00:22:03.240 to counseling or something like that, and an unrestricted means 359 00:22:03.240 --> 00:22:06.720 that it's going to be full uninvestigated. So the stark 360 00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:10.000 was like, well, okay, now you told me, and now 361 00:22:10.039 --> 00:22:13.319 you have to Now you you told the military, so 362 00:22:14.440 --> 00:22:16.079 like I didn't realize that at the time, but she 363 00:22:16.200 --> 00:22:20.240 was kind of telling me, you already reported, so now 364 00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:22.480 you were doing one or the other. You have to pick. 365 00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:25.799 And I hadn't even thought about that. So I said, 366 00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:28.640 we'll find out if the guy's on active duty. Then 367 00:22:28.839 --> 00:22:30.759 if he's if he's still on active duty, I'll do 368 00:22:30.799 --> 00:22:34.720 an unrestricted report. So within the week she finds out he's, 369 00:22:35.319 --> 00:22:38.720 you know, still on active duty, and I'm sitting down 370 00:22:38.920 --> 00:22:44.839 with a one star general telling him that I got assaulted. Really, 371 00:22:47.400 --> 00:22:52.160 that commander was great, Brigadier General Tzinski. I don't know 372 00:22:52.200 --> 00:22:54.359 where he is and what he's doing in life, but 373 00:22:54.519 --> 00:23:01.920 he's fantastic. He was probably the best him. And then 374 00:23:02.079 --> 00:23:05.559 like the HHD commander at the time, they were great. 375 00:23:06.759 --> 00:23:10.559 But again like the reserves. Like the reserves in the 376 00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:13.359 National Guard, one really big difference is they don't have 377 00:23:15.559 --> 00:23:20.559 sexual assaults getting reported. There's a really limited amount that 378 00:23:20.599 --> 00:23:23.759 the reserves actually has to do with it. Basically, the 379 00:23:24.079 --> 00:23:26.279 majority of what they do is administer the SHARP program 380 00:23:26.680 --> 00:23:30.039 because they don't have court martials, so there's there's not 381 00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:33.359 really going to be like the charging and all that stuff. 382 00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:37.119 So it's easier for them to it's easier for the 383 00:23:37.160 --> 00:23:43.359 National Guard Reserves to be supportive. I don't know, so 384 00:23:43.559 --> 00:23:48.000 my experience with that, you know, that commander at the 385 00:23:48.039 --> 00:23:49.720 Mert commander was fantastic. 386 00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:54.119 They were great at that time, and they did take 387 00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:56.799 some like positive action too as far as like getting 388 00:23:56.839 --> 00:23:58.880 you in order of protection and things like that. 389 00:23:59.400 --> 00:24:04.880 Yeah, so they assisted with getting a military protective order 390 00:24:04.920 --> 00:24:11.480 right away. And then then I also I went, you know, 391 00:24:11.480 --> 00:24:16.039 I went to the the local town, like my town, 392 00:24:16.119 --> 00:24:18.839 and I got a protective order from uh, like the 393 00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:23.640 city of Alexandria. A couple actually, and then I kind 394 00:24:23.640 --> 00:24:27.160 of reached my limit of being able to do that. 395 00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:30.480 So if if I if I had wanted like a 396 00:24:30.519 --> 00:24:35.200 long term one, it involves it involves basically a mini 397 00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:39.680 trial of proving that you have reason to need to 398 00:24:39.799 --> 00:24:44.640 have it. So I had one that was enforceable for 399 00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:48.119 I think a few months, six weeks something like that 400 00:24:49.480 --> 00:24:51.880 for the town, and then the military protective order went 401 00:24:52.119 --> 00:25:00.839