WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.720 --> 00:00:04.320 You're listening to Later with Mo Kelly on demand from 2 00:00:04.400 --> 00:00:06.240 KF I A M six forty. 3 00:00:06.519 --> 00:00:10.839 SAMSI a sex stop. He's a samsu sex Stop. He's 4 00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:26.239 a sax do stop, sex dox dot sext. 5 00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:39.359 Key stop. 6 00:00:40.640 --> 00:00:48.119 Later Later with Mo k if I am six forty. 7 00:00:48.159 --> 00:00:51.920 We're live on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and the iHeartRadio app 8 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:53.359 letst talked to the sex doctor. 9 00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:56.600 He is now in the building, Sam Z, how you doing, brother? 10 00:00:56.840 --> 00:00:57.320 Not bad? 11 00:00:57.439 --> 00:01:00.359 I'm glad that I am here. I I just had 12 00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:02.039 a you know, because I'm a marrigean family therapist. I 13 00:01:02.119 --> 00:01:04.400 just had a session with some people, and sometimes you 14 00:01:04.519 --> 00:01:07.040 carry some energy from people, and it just makes me 15 00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:09.799 happy that I came over here and felt the energy 16 00:01:09.959 --> 00:01:11.400 shift in the right directions. 17 00:01:11.560 --> 00:01:14.400 I get that. I actually do. I understand that. 18 00:01:15.159 --> 00:01:18.599 Tonight, I'm gonna let you know in advance we're gonna 19 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:22.439 have a spirited discussion and we're also going to go 20 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:25.719 straight to the hallway after this segment. So if you 21 00:01:25.879 --> 00:01:29.280 have questions and you're amongst the Mo migos and you 22 00:01:29.359 --> 00:01:32.400 want to put it in the Motown chat, go ahead 23 00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:35.959 and we'll answer those questions, which are probably better suited 24 00:01:36.079 --> 00:01:38.359 for the hallway than live on air. 25 00:01:39.319 --> 00:01:41.359 You know what to do? Sam, Where are we going 26 00:01:41.439 --> 00:01:42.040 to start tonight? 27 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:46.359 Well, I was, you know, as usual, perusing through social media, 28 00:01:46.439 --> 00:01:50.280 and I saw a meme that came up where guys 29 00:01:50.319 --> 00:01:54.719 would say, if they could have any sound effect accompany 30 00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:58.000 them as they're getting aroused, what would it be? And 31 00:01:58.120 --> 00:02:00.280 the one that the guy in the video had was 32 00:02:00.519 --> 00:02:04.719 the sound of No, it was the sound of when 33 00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:12.080 Mario finishes a level in Mario Brothers. Stephan find that 34 00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:14.960 one for reference sake. Now personally, and I think I 35 00:02:15.159 --> 00:02:16.960 had I had to talk to Stefan about this one. 36 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:20.800 My personal one is having the sound of a lightsaber turning. 37 00:02:20.599 --> 00:02:25.159 On the Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you, I've 38 00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:29.599 never thought of a sound effect. Thank you. Definitely precisely 39 00:02:30.680 --> 00:02:32.680 wave that lightsaber around. 40 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:34.159 Now. 41 00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:36.879 Of course, anybody, if you have any other ideas for 42 00:02:36.879 --> 00:02:38.560 funny sound effects to go if then please hit us 43 00:02:38.599 --> 00:02:42.240 up on the chat and stuff like that. But uh, now, also, 44 00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:44.039 there's a sound effect for when you know you don't 45 00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:45.159 quite reach arousal. 46 00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:47.639 You know, those moments where you don't get quite to 47 00:02:47.719 --> 00:02:48.000 the top. 48 00:02:48.280 --> 00:02:50.639 Yeah, those little tiny moments where you feel a little 49 00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:53.520 insufficient and insecure there's a sound effect that should go 50 00:02:53.680 --> 00:02:54.520 with that as well. 51 00:02:57.360 --> 00:03:01.800 I'm sorry, but I've never associated sound with that particular 52 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:05.360 act or approach to the act. 53 00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:08.680 Yeah, my head tends to wander during sex. 54 00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:09.280 So you have. 55 00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:15.000 A soundtrack? Is there music playing in your head? Oh? Yeah, constantly. 56 00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.879 Yeah, I'm not thinking about video games. Maybe I'm just 57 00:03:24.039 --> 00:03:28.360 wrapped a little bit differently. Maybe if there was a 58 00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:31.879 theme playing in my head, Rocky would be a little 59 00:03:31.879 --> 00:03:34.719 bit on the nose, that would be I could see that. Yeah, 60 00:03:35.439 --> 00:03:37.599 it would be a movie soundtrack, No Easy Way Out 61 00:03:37.719 --> 00:03:48.159 Rocky four. Yeah, I see what you did. But with 62 00:03:48.360 --> 00:03:49.400 that is the precursor. 63 00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:49.719 Yeah. 64 00:03:50.080 --> 00:03:53.479 Now for me, obviously, I'm getting older in the years 65 00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:57.560 and uh, you know that sound effect of the price 66 00:03:57.719 --> 00:03:59.879 is wrong sound effect tends to come up a little 67 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:03.479 more often now as I'm getting older, and you know, 68 00:04:03.680 --> 00:04:05.599 it can get embarrassing for guys as we get older 69 00:04:05.639 --> 00:04:07.639 to go and talk to their doctors about you know, 70 00:04:07.719 --> 00:04:09.800 the body parts not working the same way that they 71 00:04:09.919 --> 00:04:13.080 used to. And it's hard, you know, doctors are you know, 72 00:04:13.240 --> 00:04:14.840 especially if it's a male doctor. You don't want to 73 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:17.959 necessarily admit something where you're not as virile as you were. 74 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:19.839 In the past, and if it's a female doctor, forget 75 00:04:19.920 --> 00:04:22.959 about it. But for men, the ability to control and 76 00:04:23.120 --> 00:04:26.800 maintain arousal during sex is something that has a huge 77 00:04:26.959 --> 00:04:28.319 impact on mental health. 78 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:32.439 It's a new age because not only can we actually 79 00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:35.839 talk about it on the radio, they are also products 80 00:04:35.959 --> 00:04:41.560 available on the general marketplace, which are advertised all times 81 00:04:41.639 --> 00:04:42.040 of the day. 82 00:04:42.199 --> 00:04:44.519 Yeah, what would you say about that evolution? 83 00:04:44.879 --> 00:04:49.240 Where is it society getting a little bit more mature 84 00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:51.560 or is it they've just found a way to monetize it. 85 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:56.360 Well as sex has been commoditized without question, there's and 86 00:04:56.480 --> 00:04:58.399 you can make money off of it and everything like that. 87 00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:01.199 And we are up on I think or we just 88 00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:06.360 passed the twenty seventh year birthday of viagra. It's been 89 00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:09.399 almost thirty years we had the viagra. Babies are almost 90 00:05:09.480 --> 00:05:11.360 hitting thirty years old. Now, okay, let's back up for 91 00:05:11.399 --> 00:05:14.399 people who may not know. Viagra originally was a blood 92 00:05:14.399 --> 00:05:17.279 pressure medicine. Yeah, that's what they were testing it for. Yeah, 93 00:05:17.319 --> 00:05:22.439 and then as a side effect they realize, wow, it 94 00:05:22.600 --> 00:05:26.759 made things work and it brought life to people who 95 00:05:26.839 --> 00:05:28.600 had felt sexually dead. 96 00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:30.439 And you would think about it if you're talking about 97 00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:34.839 blood pressure medicine. You're already dealing with a demographic probably 98 00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:37.199 on the other side of forty yeah, probably. 99 00:05:37.000 --> 00:05:41.759 Yeah, now, And something that can affect that is obviously anxiety, 100 00:05:42.040 --> 00:05:44.360 and you know, performance anxiety is a thing for a 101 00:05:44.439 --> 00:05:46.519 lot of guys, especially when we get older. If it's 102 00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:49.040 things aren't working, we tend to put more pressure on ourselves. 103 00:05:49.040 --> 00:05:50.680 So if you don't want to take the medication route, 104 00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:53.600 you got to start actually working on relaxation methods, deep 105 00:05:53.639 --> 00:05:56.279 breathing exercises, yoga, things like that, just so that you 106 00:05:56.399 --> 00:05:58.920 carry more of a sense of peace and calm with you, 107 00:05:59.079 --> 00:06:02.720 so that you won't anxiously block your arousal down the line. 108 00:06:03.959 --> 00:06:08.120 Not everybody is as good at mastering their anxiety as others, 109 00:06:08.279 --> 00:06:11.680 so for them, the medication is something that can absolutely help. 110 00:06:11.920 --> 00:06:15.800 There's viagra and sialis. Those are the two major players 111 00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:16.279 in the game. 112 00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:17.720 Let me ask you this, and you may not know, 113 00:06:17.920 --> 00:06:21.040 but why is it that there are only two major 114 00:06:21.079 --> 00:06:24.079 players in the game. Isn't there I thought there'd be 115 00:06:24.160 --> 00:06:27.439 more research and possibly more entrants into that industry by 116 00:06:27.480 --> 00:06:31.319 now because it's so lucrative. Well, there's it's obviously very lucrative. 117 00:06:31.399 --> 00:06:34.800 But if a product is working. There's no point in 118 00:06:34.879 --> 00:06:37.120 trying to adjust it or make it sialis. It works 119 00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.879 in its own way. It's effective up to thirty six 120 00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:41.000 hours more. 121 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:44.240 It's more effective for people who are just like spontaneously 122 00:06:44.319 --> 00:06:45.959 going through their day and they you know, they're not 123 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:47.279 planning on when they're gonna do it. 124 00:06:47.319 --> 00:06:48.720 They're just gonna do it at some point. 125 00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:51.000 At some point, viagra is like we're ready to go, 126 00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:54.279 and thirty minutes from now, I'm we're gonna have some fun. 127 00:06:54.360 --> 00:06:56.439 Oh I didn't know the difference, Okay, And just that 128 00:06:56.639 --> 00:06:59.800 lasts up to six hours, so and if it does 129 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:02.560 last more than four hours, you should see your doctor. Absolutely, 130 00:07:03.000 --> 00:07:10.160 a condition called priatism is real, and the way you 131 00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:12.639 treat it, the way doctors treat it is not something 132 00:07:12.680 --> 00:07:16.519 you want to experience that it involves needles in the 133 00:07:16.639 --> 00:07:21.279 draining of blood from that, and it's something that I'm sure, 134 00:07:22.040 --> 00:07:25.120 I'm sure some people have had viagra horror stories. I 135 00:07:25.319 --> 00:07:28.680 for one, have had one viagra horror story, and it 136 00:07:28.879 --> 00:07:32.399 happened about twenty something years ago, back when it was 137 00:07:32.519 --> 00:07:34.040 like new on the market, and. 138 00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:36.399 I was like, I got to see what everybody's talking about. 139 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:38.240 I didn't need it. I was like twenty two to 140 00:07:38.319 --> 00:07:39.160 twenty three years old. 141 00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:43.279 I was with somebody committed relationship and because of an 142 00:07:43.399 --> 00:07:48.680 episode of sex in the city, they tried like the girls, 143 00:07:48.759 --> 00:07:51.439 one of the girls like tried a viagra pill while 144 00:07:51.560 --> 00:07:53.800 with other guys to with like to see what the 145 00:07:53.879 --> 00:07:56.600 physical because they heard that there was some kind of 146 00:07:56.680 --> 00:07:59.000 reaction for them too, But it was really more placebo. 147 00:07:59.639 --> 00:08:00.399 Now tried it. 148 00:08:00.519 --> 00:08:02.319 Me and my girlfriend at the time tried it, and 149 00:08:02.519 --> 00:08:06.199 my girlfriend got violently ill, throwing up and dizzy and 150 00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:07.560 just couldn't quite manage. 151 00:08:07.639 --> 00:08:09.680 And I'm sure it's an off label use. 152 00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:12.680 Yeah, no, it's not something that is prescribed for women's Actually, 153 00:08:12.800 --> 00:08:16.160 it's a placebo effect if anything. And the effect that 154 00:08:16.199 --> 00:08:18.639 I had on her was more of like the negative 155 00:08:18.680 --> 00:08:22.519 side effects that you see from it from overdosing on viagra, 156 00:08:23.000 --> 00:08:25.240 and so she didn't necessarily overdose. 157 00:08:25.319 --> 00:08:27.079 She just had a really bad reaction. 158 00:08:27.639 --> 00:08:31.000 So she was stuck in bed, throwing up, having the spins, 159 00:08:31.160 --> 00:08:31.879 not feeling good. 160 00:08:32.279 --> 00:08:36.879 And I was in the other room alone with a 161 00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:40.840 woodrow the size of a Winnebago. Well that had an attitude. 162 00:08:41.039 --> 00:08:42.440 Let me ask you this, what are some of the 163 00:08:42.519 --> 00:08:46.919 other side effects that are less discussed or issues which 164 00:08:47.039 --> 00:08:48.879 may come out of using that. 165 00:08:49.240 --> 00:08:53.279 Yeah, well, blurred vision, a bluish tint to your vision 166 00:08:54.440 --> 00:08:55.080 is another one. 167 00:08:55.399 --> 00:08:58.039 Also, heart issues if you're overdosing on it. 168 00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:01.480 It's why if you are going to explore those options, 169 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:05.440 please do it with I know there's online resources available 170 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:08.240 for people, and if you're physically fine and everything like that, 171 00:09:08.320 --> 00:09:10.759 I'm not gonna I'm not the medical doctor to tell 172 00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:13.200 you what to do. But I also know for a 173 00:09:13.240 --> 00:09:16.399 fact that your medical doctor has a better idea of 174 00:09:16.759 --> 00:09:20.679 how your body works and what medications work with it 175 00:09:20.759 --> 00:09:22.799 and which ones don't. So if you're going to have 176 00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:26.320 this conversation, don't be afraid, don't have any shame about it. 177 00:09:26.519 --> 00:09:27.799 Go talk to your doctor about it. 178 00:09:27.960 --> 00:09:31.120 The benefits of actually having a good sex life, which 179 00:09:31.200 --> 00:09:36.879 these medications promote, are boundless. It decreases anxiety, decreases depression, 180 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:43.720 creases exercise increases exercise boosting esteem, self esteem goes up, 181 00:09:43.799 --> 00:09:48.200 improves sleep quality. There's so many different factors that go 182 00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:52.200 into having a healthy sex life that it's worth having 183 00:09:52.279 --> 00:09:54.759 these discussions, even if you're embarrassed to talk about it 184 00:09:54.799 --> 00:09:55.360 with your doctor. 185 00:09:55.440 --> 00:09:57.080 Okay, we're getting ready to go to the Hallway and 186 00:09:57.120 --> 00:09:59.000 Constanine is this discussion. There are things I would like 187 00:09:59.039 --> 00:10:00.639 to say that I can't say on this microphone and 188 00:10:00.759 --> 00:10:04.000 can't say over the public airwaves. But when we come back, 189 00:10:04.120 --> 00:10:07.480 I want to address the shame and stigma because all 190 00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:11.840 these conversations we have, there's always next to it, adjacent 191 00:10:11.919 --> 00:10:14.639 to it. There's a feeling of shame and there is 192 00:10:14.720 --> 00:10:16.759 some sort of stigma. And if we could get rid 193 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:19.159 of either or both, I think people are better off. 194 00:10:19.279 --> 00:10:19.840 Oh for sure. 195 00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:24.120 You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from 196 00:10:24.240 --> 00:10:26.000 KFI AM six forty. 197 00:10:30.360 --> 00:10:31.759 KFI Later with Mo Kelly. 198 00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:35.159 We're live on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and the iHeartRadio app, 199 00:10:35.559 --> 00:10:37.200 and we just came back from the Hallway. 200 00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:40.080 We were having a very open conversation. We're having a 201 00:10:40.159 --> 00:10:40.840 free conversation. 202 00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:44.840 I was asking our guests, doctor sam Zia, the sex Doctor, 203 00:10:45.399 --> 00:10:49.159 about a variety of subjects and I can't detail them here, 204 00:10:49.639 --> 00:10:51.720 but a part of it, adjacent to it, was this 205 00:10:51.919 --> 00:10:53.320 idea of shame. 206 00:10:53.679 --> 00:10:56.799 Yeah, the idea that men have shamed. 207 00:10:56.519 --> 00:10:59.159 As far as performance issues, the idea that men may 208 00:10:59.240 --> 00:11:03.759 have anxiety about how they're perceived by women, that we 209 00:11:03.799 --> 00:11:04.440 put it that way. 210 00:11:04.840 --> 00:11:07.240 How do we go about lessening that stigma or is 211 00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:08.679 it just something that's here to stay. 212 00:11:09.240 --> 00:11:13.840 We lessen the stigma by openly communicating about sex and sexuality. 213 00:11:13.879 --> 00:11:18.080 If we're hiding stuff, if we're a shame to even 214 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:20.399 discuss it, then it's just going to sit in the 215 00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:24.559 dark and stew and fester until it becomes something toxic. 216 00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:29.360 It's important to be actually open and honest about our 217 00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:32.960 needs and our desires with our partners and making sure 218 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:35.360 that our needs are being met. If not, then we 219 00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:38.320 have more room for resentment being built within a relationship, 220 00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:41.720 You have more room for frustration and tension starting to 221 00:11:41.799 --> 00:11:44.200 bite on people and then you start feel like you 222 00:11:44.279 --> 00:11:47.000 start to seeing the dynamic between them shift to one 223 00:11:47.039 --> 00:11:49.360 where they feel like they don't quite understand each other. 224 00:11:49.840 --> 00:11:53.559 Is the shame for men specifically? There's a shame as 225 00:11:53.600 --> 00:11:57.159 far as women and how women may be perceived by 226 00:11:57.159 --> 00:11:59.840 the world if they have what I call a body 227 00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:03.120 out that's higher than people are willing to accept. But 228 00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:06.600 men is different because it's I think it's self imposed, 229 00:12:06.720 --> 00:12:07.039 is it not? 230 00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:11.200 Yeah, yeah, well, and men tend to be more braggadocious 231 00:12:11.279 --> 00:12:15.440 with each other about their sexual conquests and what their 232 00:12:15.440 --> 00:12:18.519 body count is and with women it seems like the 233 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:20.679 more you have, the more shame gets thrown on. 234 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:23.080 People from other people. 235 00:12:24.120 --> 00:12:27.559 But really a lot of times guys will also feel 236 00:12:27.600 --> 00:12:31.440 ashamed about either not having enough sexual experience or enough 237 00:12:31.759 --> 00:12:35.399 sexual partners and feel like like, especially if they're in 238 00:12:35.519 --> 00:12:38.039 a committed relationship, and they don't feel like they've fulfilled 239 00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:42.159 enough of their of their their desires and experiences, and 240 00:12:42.279 --> 00:12:44.720 they feel too a shame to communicate those desires and 241 00:12:44.799 --> 00:12:48.240 experiences with their partner. So at that point, that's where 242 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:50.799 you start seeing resentment starting to build in a relationship 243 00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:53.960 because one person is like, I really want to open up, 244 00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:55.679 and I am afraid of how you're going to react. 245 00:12:56.360 --> 00:12:59.480 Speaking on that's where shame comes in, speaking of opening up. 246 00:12:59.559 --> 00:13:03.320 And I wonder if this is factual or just anecdotal. 247 00:13:03.360 --> 00:13:06.519 In other words, my view of the world, there was 248 00:13:06.559 --> 00:13:10.480 always this belief that a woman starts to enjoy sex 249 00:13:10.600 --> 00:13:14.360 more when she hits thirty or so first is their. 250 00:13:14.399 --> 00:13:17.559 Truth to that, I wouldn't say it doesn't necessarily get better. 251 00:13:17.559 --> 00:13:19.639 I'd say the quality of sex may improve because their 252 00:13:19.679 --> 00:13:24.080 partners may have more experience, or that individual may be 253 00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:25.519 more comfortable in their skin. 254 00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:25.919 Section. 255 00:13:26.279 --> 00:13:28.159 That's what I was thinking, because a woman who is 256 00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:31.759 thirty or above probably is not in the shadow of 257 00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:32.360 her home. 258 00:13:32.639 --> 00:13:34.960 Yeah, she's not necessarily as tied to. 259 00:13:35.799 --> 00:13:40.200 Beliefs that were imported to her or thrust upon her, 260 00:13:40.360 --> 00:13:42.480 maybe not thrust rest in the wrong word, put upon 261 00:13:42.639 --> 00:13:46.559 her growing up. And she's gorgeous making decisions as she wants. 262 00:13:46.679 --> 00:13:49.039 Is that part of it? Part of it? Yeah, it's 263 00:13:49.200 --> 00:13:50.519 also being. 264 00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:55.440 Less concerned about the pleasure of the other person and 265 00:13:55.559 --> 00:13:58.879 taking more ownership of your own pleasure and making it 266 00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:01.159 so that because and you hear a lot of times 267 00:14:01.240 --> 00:14:05.000 like that person made me climax, You know that person, 268 00:14:05.159 --> 00:14:06.480 and it's like, no, they didn't. 269 00:14:06.799 --> 00:14:07.840 You did that yourself. 270 00:14:07.879 --> 00:14:09.799 That's right, because it starts in to mind, your own mind, 271 00:14:09.799 --> 00:14:11.639 because that person could go with someone who may be 272 00:14:12.279 --> 00:14:15.080 in orgasmic. They may not be able to reach orgasm 273 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:17.759 and they're doing the exact same things, but they're not 274 00:14:17.879 --> 00:14:22.000 able to tear that wall down, whereas with yes, thank you. 275 00:14:23.399 --> 00:14:26.080 But with people when they're you know, if they're doing 276 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:28.480 it right and then they're attuned to each other's needs 277 00:14:28.519 --> 00:14:31.080 and they're doing the things that get each other off, 278 00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:36.120 then communication is already present. You guys are making sure 279 00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:37.679 that your guys' needs are being mad. 280 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:41.120 I wonder though, if the concept of going back to 281 00:14:41.200 --> 00:14:46.919 Shane of that and sex has changed remarkably because of 282 00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:53.120 the Internet, because people are able to see porn and 283 00:14:53.200 --> 00:14:55.600 how that reshapes the mind at a much earlier age 284 00:14:55.639 --> 00:14:57.360 than when you were growing up or when I was 285 00:14:57.399 --> 00:14:59.960 growing up. How does pornography fit into that equation. 286 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:03.840 Porn, again, is the fantasy of sex, and you have 287 00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:06.960 to keep it in that context. You're not seeing the 288 00:15:07.080 --> 00:15:10.639 reality of sex in it, but seeing the sexual act 289 00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:12.840 and seeing all of these different things has made it 290 00:15:13.080 --> 00:15:16.960 so that people have normalized sex a little bit more. 291 00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:21.039 There's a lot well, well they've normalized the act, but 292 00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:24.639 what they're seeing is abnormal, yeah, and unrealistic. 293 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:25.039 Yeah. 294 00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:29.799 But at the same time it's bringing up discussion. It's okay, okay, 295 00:15:29.840 --> 00:15:33.120 it's like, you know what that looks interesting? Have you 296 00:15:33.240 --> 00:15:36.279 ever wanted to try that before? Like, that's where the 297 00:15:36.399 --> 00:15:39.919 benefit of porn can be is that it helps create 298 00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:43.960 and it instigates conversation between couples about ideas that they 299 00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:46.240 may have or want to try, and they can use 300 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:48.279 porn as a way to introduce the concept. 301 00:15:49.000 --> 00:15:52.639 Maybe in a healthy adult relationship. 302 00:15:52.759 --> 00:15:56.720 Yeah, but to those who are using it or experiencing 303 00:15:56.759 --> 00:15:59.759 it as a part of their growth, and I don't 304 00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:02.679 need just as not just physically. Yeah, I'm just saying 305 00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:06.960 the growth is as a fully formed adult, because if 306 00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:09.799 you look at porn in your early twenties, is probably 307 00:16:09.879 --> 00:16:12.639 going to impact you differently than your early thirties. 308 00:16:12.799 --> 00:16:13.000 Yeah. 309 00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:18.200 Well, and there's the view that porn is exploitative, which 310 00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:21.399 a lot of times it is, but it's a lot 311 00:16:21.480 --> 00:16:25.600 of times people look at it as like the we 312 00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:27.840 can look at the performers, and that's another discussion about 313 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:30.840 the exploitation of the performer, performers and stuff like that. 314 00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:33.799 But when it comes to what people are actually seeing, 315 00:16:34.440 --> 00:16:38.679 it's the way that porn has changed since the Internet 316 00:16:38.759 --> 00:16:41.200 has come in. It was something that was like you know, oh, 317 00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:44.799 we're going to go and raid my uncle's playboy stash too. 318 00:16:44.919 --> 00:16:48.000 Now it's like on every single phone, every single one. 319 00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:50.720 And it makes it so that you have to have open, 320 00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:54.320 active conversations about this stuff, either with kids or with 321 00:16:54.480 --> 00:16:57.440 your partner, because where that stuff wasn't as present, you 322 00:16:57.519 --> 00:17:00.919 weren't the conversation wasn't it wasn't accessible. 323 00:17:01.000 --> 00:17:03.080 Yeah, it wasn't there, Well, you didn't need to have 324 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:03.879 the conversation. 325 00:17:04.559 --> 00:17:08.319 Now, it's something that porn, whether you like it or not, 326 00:17:08.559 --> 00:17:11.559 is going to have some kind of impact on the relationship. 327 00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:14.759 Whether you like and want to incorporate porn to the 328 00:17:14.839 --> 00:17:17.480 relationship that you have with somebody or by yourself, or 329 00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:19.000 if you have a lot of shame about it and 330 00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:21.480 you don't want to have it be like, it could 331 00:17:21.480 --> 00:17:24.440 be viewed as perhaps cheating within a relationship. 332 00:17:25.240 --> 00:17:26.759 Really yeah, oh yeah. 333 00:17:27.039 --> 00:17:30.319 I work with couples that are very much like they've 334 00:17:30.359 --> 00:17:32.920 had issues with infidelity in the past, and they view 335 00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:35.880 porn as part of the problem. So whenever they look 336 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:38.720 at porn, that's as much that's as close to cheating 337 00:17:38.759 --> 00:17:39.759 as actually cheating. 338 00:17:39.839 --> 00:17:44.079 I can understand intellectually where you can see that brings 339 00:17:44.119 --> 00:17:47.039 an element into the relationship that not everyone is comfortable with. Yeah, 340 00:17:47.440 --> 00:17:50.480 But as far as infidelity, I'm not sure I understand 341 00:17:50.519 --> 00:17:50.799 the leap. 342 00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:54.640 It's the it's not necessarily like the physical actor or 343 00:17:54.720 --> 00:17:58.880 not actually being unfaithful, it's the feeling that gets left 344 00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:00.920 with the person who's on the other side of it, 345 00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:05.359 feeling inadequate, inadequate, feeling like what I'm not doing enough 346 00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:07.319 Like what I, oh, that's. 347 00:18:07.240 --> 00:18:09.119 What you want type thing? Yeah, oh, oh, you're more 348 00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:11.200 attracted to that. I'm not good enough for you. 349 00:18:11.400 --> 00:18:13.480 You want that's the kind of girl you want, And 350 00:18:13.559 --> 00:18:16.160 it's like they're not people who have to understand a 351 00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:20.599 lot most guys aren't necessarily looking at the girl as 352 00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:23.000 far as how beautiful they are, because there's beautiful women 353 00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:26.160 all over the place. They're looking at the sexual act. 354 00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:30.920 They're looking at what's physically happening. Unless it's somebody who's like, Wow, 355 00:18:31.000 --> 00:18:33.079 that's the most beautiful woman in the world and I 356 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:35.119 want to know her name and get to know more 357 00:18:35.160 --> 00:18:38.880 about her. We're not looking at the names of the 358 00:18:38.920 --> 00:18:41.359 performers or who's doing it. We're looking at the actual 359 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:45.119 sexual act. So a lot of times people will feel 360 00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:49.119 inadequate because they view the stuff that they're watching is like, 361 00:18:49.319 --> 00:18:51.839 that's the person, the kind of person you want, not 362 00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:54.400 necessarily that's the kind of stuff you want to engage 363 00:18:54.400 --> 00:18:57.000 in the act, the behaviors, the sexual things that you 364 00:18:57.079 --> 00:18:57.440 want to do. 365 00:18:57.720 --> 00:18:59.519 Doctor Samza, how can people reach out to you? 366 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:03.440 You can hit me up on Instagram. It's at sam 367 00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:07.799 z on air. Also my Psychology Today page. 368 00:19:07.799 --> 00:19:10.559 You can hit up. My number is one zero six 369 00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:11.359 three five two. 370 00:19:11.799 --> 00:19:15.359 You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from 371 00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:17.319 KFI AM six forty. 372 00:19:29.559 --> 00:19:30.000 KFI. 373 00:19:30.279 --> 00:19:32.519 It's a Lady with mo Kelly Live on YouTube, Instagram, 374 00:19:32.559 --> 00:19:35.799 Facebook and the iHeartRadio app. And are you a different 375 00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:39.480 person when you're overstimulated? Do you react differently to people? 376 00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:43.640 Do you respond differently? And I've never really thought about it. 377 00:19:43.759 --> 00:19:47.200 I don't think of myself as ever being overstimulated, But 378 00:19:47.240 --> 00:19:50.640 then when I read more about it, it made sense 379 00:19:50.759 --> 00:19:54.079 to me, and I think I can be self aware 380 00:19:54.119 --> 00:19:58.880 and realize when I am overstimulated. And to be overstimulated 381 00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:01.799 means that our senses received a lot of information, and 382 00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:04.480 working in this business, that's all it is, and now 383 00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:08.720 we're feeling overwhelmed as we're receiving this information. Yes, yes, 384 00:20:08.839 --> 00:20:12.400 And I think that's why oftentimes, when I'm driving in 385 00:20:12.799 --> 00:20:16.359 or driving home, I may listen to a driving home, 386 00:20:16.400 --> 00:20:16.920 I may listen to. 387 00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:18.960 A little bit of Nori, but then I'll turn off 388 00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:19.279 the radio. 389 00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:23.559 If I'm driving in, I'm not listening to any type 390 00:20:23.559 --> 00:20:25.839 of news or anything, or the radio is off because 391 00:20:25.880 --> 00:20:31.960 I'm conscious of trying to regulate my emotional balance. So 392 00:20:32.079 --> 00:20:35.359 I'm not over stimulated and the way it comes out 393 00:20:35.400 --> 00:20:36.680 to me, and I'm going to go around the room 394 00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:38.880 and get people's thoughts about this, and doctor Sam is 395 00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:43.559 still sitting in with us. When I feel that I'm overstimulated, 396 00:20:43.559 --> 00:20:46.000 and I think I'm aware of it, I am snippy 397 00:20:47.319 --> 00:20:50.039 because the amount of information I'm getting is usually from 398 00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:52.839 social media. Social media is moving very quickly. Now I'm 399 00:20:52.920 --> 00:20:55.720 responding to five or ten different conversations. If you've ever 400 00:20:56.160 --> 00:20:59.079 engaged me on social media like threads or something, I'm 401 00:20:59.079 --> 00:21:01.960