Speaker 1: You're listening to Later with Mo Kelly on demand from
Speaker 1: KF I A M six forty.
Speaker 2: SAMSI a sex stop. He's a samsu sex Stop. He's
Speaker 2: a sax do stop, sex dox dot sext.
Speaker 3: Key stop.
Speaker 2: Later Later with Mo k if I am six forty.
Speaker 3: We're live on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and the iHeartRadio app
Speaker 3: letst talked to the sex doctor.
Speaker 2: He is now in the building, Sam Z, how you doing, brother?
Speaker 2: Not bad?
Speaker 4: I'm glad that I am here. I I just had
Speaker 4: a you know, because I'm a marrigean family therapist. I
Speaker 4: just had a session with some people, and sometimes you
Speaker 4: carry some energy from people, and it just makes me
Speaker 4: happy that I came over here and felt the energy
Speaker 4: shift in the right directions.
Speaker 2: I get that. I actually do. I understand that.
Speaker 3: Tonight, I'm gonna let you know in advance we're gonna
Speaker 3: have a spirited discussion and we're also going to go
Speaker 3: straight to the hallway after this segment. So if you
Speaker 3: have questions and you're amongst the Mo migos and you
Speaker 3: want to put it in the Motown chat, go ahead
Speaker 3: and we'll answer those questions, which are probably better suited
Speaker 3: for the hallway than live on air.
Speaker 2: You know what to do? Sam, Where are we going
Speaker 2: to start tonight?
Speaker 4: Well, I was, you know, as usual, perusing through social media,
Speaker 4: and I saw a meme that came up where guys
Speaker 4: would say, if they could have any sound effect accompany
Speaker 4: them as they're getting aroused, what would it be? And
Speaker 4: the one that the guy in the video had was
Speaker 4: the sound of No, it was the sound of when
Speaker 4: Mario finishes a level in Mario Brothers. Stephan find that
Speaker 4: one for reference sake. Now personally, and I think I
Speaker 4: had I had to talk to Stefan about this one.
Speaker 4: My personal one is having the sound of a lightsaber turning.
Speaker 2: On the Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you, I've
Speaker 2: never thought of a sound effect. Thank you. Definitely precisely
Speaker 2: wave that lightsaber around.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 4: Of course, anybody, if you have any other ideas for
Speaker 4: funny sound effects to go if then please hit us
Speaker 4: up on the chat and stuff like that. But uh, now, also,
Speaker 4: there's a sound effect for when you know you don't
Speaker 4: quite reach arousal.
Speaker 2: You know, those moments where you don't get quite to
Speaker 2: the top.
Speaker 4: Yeah, those little tiny moments where you feel a little
Speaker 4: insufficient and insecure there's a sound effect that should go
Speaker 4: with that as well.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, but I've never associated sound with that particular
Speaker 3: act or approach to the act.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my head tends to wander during sex.
Speaker 5: So you have.
Speaker 2: A soundtrack? Is there music playing in your head? Oh? Yeah, constantly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not thinking about video games. Maybe I'm just
Speaker 3: wrapped a little bit differently. Maybe if there was a
Speaker 3: theme playing in my head, Rocky would be a little
Speaker 3: bit on the nose, that would be I could see that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it would be a movie soundtrack, No Easy Way Out
Speaker 3: Rocky four. Yeah, I see what you did. But with
Speaker 3: that is the precursor.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Now for me, obviously, I'm getting older in the years
Speaker 4: and uh, you know that sound effect of the price
Speaker 4: is wrong sound effect tends to come up a little
Speaker 4: more often now as I'm getting older, and you know,
Speaker 4: it can get embarrassing for guys as we get older
Speaker 4: to go and talk to their doctors about you know,
Speaker 4: the body parts not working the same way that they
Speaker 4: used to. And it's hard, you know, doctors are you know,
Speaker 4: especially if it's a male doctor. You don't want to
Speaker 4: necessarily admit something where you're not as virile as you were.
Speaker 4: In the past, and if it's a female doctor, forget
Speaker 4: about it. But for men, the ability to control and
Speaker 4: maintain arousal during sex is something that has a huge
Speaker 4: impact on mental health.
Speaker 3: It's a new age because not only can we actually
Speaker 3: talk about it on the radio, they are also products
Speaker 3: available on the general marketplace, which are advertised all times
Speaker 3: of the day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what would you say about that evolution?
Speaker 3: Where is it society getting a little bit more mature
Speaker 3: or is it they've just found a way to monetize it.
Speaker 4: Well as sex has been commoditized without question, there's and
Speaker 4: you can make money off of it and everything like that.
Speaker 4: And we are up on I think or we just
Speaker 4: passed the twenty seventh year birthday of viagra. It's been
Speaker 4: almost thirty years we had the viagra. Babies are almost
Speaker 4: hitting thirty years old. Now, okay, let's back up for
Speaker 4: people who may not know. Viagra originally was a blood
Speaker 4: pressure medicine. Yeah, that's what they were testing it for. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and then as a side effect they realize, wow, it
Speaker 4: made things work and it brought life to people who
Speaker 4: had felt sexually dead.
Speaker 3: And you would think about it if you're talking about
Speaker 3: blood pressure medicine. You're already dealing with a demographic probably
Speaker 3: on the other side of forty yeah, probably.
Speaker 4: Yeah, now, And something that can affect that is obviously anxiety,
Speaker 4: and you know, performance anxiety is a thing for a
Speaker 4: lot of guys, especially when we get older. If it's
Speaker 4: things aren't working, we tend to put more pressure on ourselves.
Speaker 4: So if you don't want to take the medication route,
Speaker 4: you got to start actually working on relaxation methods, deep
Speaker 4: breathing exercises, yoga, things like that, just so that you
Speaker 4: carry more of a sense of peace and calm with you,
Speaker 4: so that you won't anxiously block your arousal down the line.
Speaker 4: Not everybody is as good at mastering their anxiety as others,
Speaker 4: so for them, the medication is something that can absolutely help.
Speaker 4: There's viagra and sialis. Those are the two major players
Speaker 4: in the game.
Speaker 3: Let me ask you this, and you may not know,
Speaker 3: but why is it that there are only two major
Speaker 3: players in the game. Isn't there I thought there'd be
Speaker 3: more research and possibly more entrants into that industry by
Speaker 3: now because it's so lucrative. Well, there's it's obviously very lucrative.
Speaker 3: But if a product is working. There's no point in
Speaker 3: trying to adjust it or make it sialis. It works
Speaker 3: in its own way. It's effective up to thirty six
Speaker 3: hours more.
Speaker 4: It's more effective for people who are just like spontaneously
Speaker 4: going through their day and they you know, they're not
Speaker 4: planning on when they're gonna do it.
Speaker 2: They're just gonna do it at some point.
Speaker 4: At some point, viagra is like we're ready to go,
Speaker 4: and thirty minutes from now, I'm we're gonna have some fun.
Speaker 4: Oh I didn't know the difference, Okay, And just that
Speaker 4: lasts up to six hours, so and if it does
Speaker 4: last more than four hours, you should see your doctor. Absolutely,
Speaker 4: a condition called priatism is real, and the way you
Speaker 4: treat it, the way doctors treat it is not something
Speaker 4: you want to experience that it involves needles in the
Speaker 4: draining of blood from that, and it's something that I'm sure,
Speaker 4: I'm sure some people have had viagra horror stories. I
Speaker 4: for one, have had one viagra horror story, and it
Speaker 4: happened about twenty something years ago, back when it was
Speaker 4: like new on the market, and.
Speaker 2: I was like, I got to see what everybody's talking about.
Speaker 2: I didn't need it. I was like twenty two to
Speaker 2: twenty three years old.
Speaker 4: I was with somebody committed relationship and because of an
Speaker 4: episode of sex in the city, they tried like the girls,
Speaker 4: one of the girls like tried a viagra pill while
Speaker 4: with other guys to with like to see what the
Speaker 4: physical because they heard that there was some kind of
Speaker 4: reaction for them too, But it was really more placebo.
Speaker 2: Now tried it.
Speaker 4: Me and my girlfriend at the time tried it, and
Speaker 4: my girlfriend got violently ill, throwing up and dizzy and
Speaker 4: just couldn't quite manage.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure it's an off label use.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, it's not something that is prescribed for women's Actually,
Speaker 4: it's a placebo effect if anything. And the effect that
Speaker 4: I had on her was more of like the negative
Speaker 4: side effects that you see from it from overdosing on viagra,
Speaker 4: and so she didn't necessarily overdose.
Speaker 2: She just had a really bad reaction.
Speaker 4: So she was stuck in bed, throwing up, having the spins,
Speaker 4: not feeling good.
Speaker 2: And I was in the other room alone with a
Speaker 2: woodrow the size of a Winnebago. Well that had an attitude.
Speaker 3: Let me ask you this, what are some of the
Speaker 3: other side effects that are less discussed or issues which
Speaker 3: may come out of using that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, blurred vision, a bluish tint to your vision
Speaker 4: is another one.
Speaker 2: Also, heart issues if you're overdosing on it.
Speaker 4: It's why if you are going to explore those options,
Speaker 4: please do it with I know there's online resources available
Speaker 4: for people, and if you're physically fine and everything like that,
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna I'm not the medical doctor to tell
Speaker 4: you what to do. But I also know for a
Speaker 4: fact that your medical doctor has a better idea of
Speaker 4: how your body works and what medications work with it
Speaker 4: and which ones don't. So if you're going to have
Speaker 4: this conversation, don't be afraid, don't have any shame about it.
Speaker 2: Go talk to your doctor about it.
Speaker 4: The benefits of actually having a good sex life, which
Speaker 4: these medications promote, are boundless. It decreases anxiety, decreases depression,
Speaker 4: creases exercise increases exercise boosting esteem, self esteem goes up,
Speaker 4: improves sleep quality. There's so many different factors that go
Speaker 4: into having a healthy sex life that it's worth having
Speaker 4: these discussions, even if you're embarrassed to talk about it
Speaker 4: with your doctor.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're getting ready to go to the Hallway and
Speaker 3: Constanine is this discussion. There are things I would like
Speaker 3: to say that I can't say on this microphone and
Speaker 3: can't say over the public airwaves. But when we come back,
Speaker 3: I want to address the shame and stigma because all
Speaker 3: these conversations we have, there's always next to it, adjacent
Speaker 3: to it. There's a feeling of shame and there is
Speaker 3: some sort of stigma. And if we could get rid
Speaker 3: of either or both, I think people are better off.
Speaker 2: Oh for sure.
Speaker 1: You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 2: KFI Later with Mo Kelly.
Speaker 3: We're live on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 3: and we just came back from the Hallway.
Speaker 2: We were having a very open conversation. We're having a
Speaker 2: free conversation.
Speaker 3: I was asking our guests, doctor sam Zia, the sex Doctor,
Speaker 3: about a variety of subjects and I can't detail them here,
Speaker 3: but a part of it, adjacent to it, was this
Speaker 3: idea of shame.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the idea that men have shamed.
Speaker 3: As far as performance issues, the idea that men may
Speaker 3: have anxiety about how they're perceived by women, that we
Speaker 3: put it that way.
Speaker 2: How do we go about lessening that stigma or is
Speaker 2: it just something that's here to stay.
Speaker 4: We lessen the stigma by openly communicating about sex and sexuality.
Speaker 4: If we're hiding stuff, if we're a shame to even
Speaker 4: discuss it, then it's just going to sit in the
Speaker 4: dark and stew and fester until it becomes something toxic.
Speaker 4: It's important to be actually open and honest about our
Speaker 4: needs and our desires with our partners and making sure
Speaker 4: that our needs are being met. If not, then we
Speaker 4: have more room for resentment being built within a relationship,
Speaker 4: You have more room for frustration and tension starting to
Speaker 4: bite on people and then you start feel like you
Speaker 4: start to seeing the dynamic between them shift to one
Speaker 4: where they feel like they don't quite understand each other.
Speaker 3: Is the shame for men specifically? There's a shame as
Speaker 3: far as women and how women may be perceived by
Speaker 3: the world if they have what I call a body
Speaker 3: out that's higher than people are willing to accept. But
Speaker 3: men is different because it's I think it's self imposed,
Speaker 3: is it not?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, well, and men tend to be more braggadocious
Speaker 4: with each other about their sexual conquests and what their
Speaker 4: body count is and with women it seems like the
Speaker 4: more you have, the more shame gets thrown on.
Speaker 2: People from other people.
Speaker 4: But really a lot of times guys will also feel
Speaker 4: ashamed about either not having enough sexual experience or enough
Speaker 4: sexual partners and feel like like, especially if they're in
Speaker 4: a committed relationship, and they don't feel like they've fulfilled
Speaker 4: enough of their of their their desires and experiences, and
Speaker 4: they feel too a shame to communicate those desires and
Speaker 4: experiences with their partner. So at that point, that's where
Speaker 4: you start seeing resentment starting to build in a relationship
Speaker 4: because one person is like, I really want to open up,
Speaker 4: and I am afraid of how you're going to react.
Speaker 3: Speaking on that's where shame comes in, speaking of opening up.
Speaker 3: And I wonder if this is factual or just anecdotal.
Speaker 3: In other words, my view of the world, there was
Speaker 3: always this belief that a woman starts to enjoy sex
Speaker 3: more when she hits thirty or so first is their.
Speaker 4: Truth to that, I wouldn't say it doesn't necessarily get better.
Speaker 4: I'd say the quality of sex may improve because their
Speaker 4: partners may have more experience, or that individual may be
Speaker 4: more comfortable in their skin.
Speaker 2: Section.
Speaker 3: That's what I was thinking, because a woman who is
Speaker 3: thirty or above probably is not in the shadow of
Speaker 3: her home.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's not necessarily as tied to.
Speaker 3: Beliefs that were imported to her or thrust upon her,
Speaker 3: maybe not thrust rest in the wrong word, put upon
Speaker 3: her growing up. And she's gorgeous making decisions as she wants.
Speaker 2: Is that part of it? Part of it? Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: also being.
Speaker 4: Less concerned about the pleasure of the other person and
Speaker 4: taking more ownership of your own pleasure and making it
Speaker 4: so that because and you hear a lot of times
Speaker 4: like that person made me climax, You know that person,
Speaker 4: and it's like, no, they didn't.
Speaker 2: You did that yourself.
Speaker 4: That's right, because it starts in to mind, your own mind,
Speaker 4: because that person could go with someone who may be
Speaker 4: in orgasmic. They may not be able to reach orgasm
Speaker 4: and they're doing the exact same things, but they're not
Speaker 4: able to tear that wall down, whereas with yes, thank you.
Speaker 4: But with people when they're you know, if they're doing
Speaker 4: it right and then they're attuned to each other's needs
Speaker 4: and they're doing the things that get each other off,
Speaker 4: then communication is already present. You guys are making sure
Speaker 4: that your guys' needs are being mad.
Speaker 3: I wonder though, if the concept of going back to
Speaker 3: Shane of that and sex has changed remarkably because of
Speaker 3: the Internet, because people are able to see porn and
Speaker 3: how that reshapes the mind at a much earlier age
Speaker 3: than when you were growing up or when I was
Speaker 3: growing up. How does pornography fit into that equation.
Speaker 4: Porn, again, is the fantasy of sex, and you have
Speaker 4: to keep it in that context. You're not seeing the
Speaker 4: reality of sex in it, but seeing the sexual act
Speaker 4: and seeing all of these different things has made it
Speaker 4: so that people have normalized sex a little bit more.
Speaker 3: There's a lot well, well they've normalized the act, but
Speaker 3: what they're seeing is abnormal, yeah, and unrealistic.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: But at the same time it's bringing up discussion. It's okay, okay,
Speaker 4: it's like, you know what that looks interesting? Have you
Speaker 4: ever wanted to try that before? Like, that's where the
Speaker 4: benefit of porn can be is that it helps create
Speaker 4: and it instigates conversation between couples about ideas that they
Speaker 4: may have or want to try, and they can use
Speaker 4: porn as a way to introduce the concept.
Speaker 2: Maybe in a healthy adult relationship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but to those who are using it or experiencing
Speaker 3: it as a part of their growth, and I don't
Speaker 3: need just as not just physically. Yeah, I'm just saying
Speaker 3: the growth is as a fully formed adult, because if
Speaker 3: you look at porn in your early twenties, is probably
Speaker 3: going to impact you differently than your early thirties.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, and there's the view that porn is exploitative, which
Speaker 4: a lot of times it is, but it's a lot
Speaker 4: of times people look at it as like the we
Speaker 4: can look at the performers, and that's another discussion about
Speaker 4: the exploitation of the performer, performers and stuff like that.
Speaker 4: But when it comes to what people are actually seeing,
Speaker 4: it's the way that porn has changed since the Internet
Speaker 4: has come in. It was something that was like you know, oh,
Speaker 4: we're going to go and raid my uncle's playboy stash too.
Speaker 2: Now it's like on every single phone, every single one.
Speaker 4: And it makes it so that you have to have open,
Speaker 4: active conversations about this stuff, either with kids or with
Speaker 4: your partner, because where that stuff wasn't as present, you
Speaker 4: weren't the conversation wasn't it wasn't accessible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't there, Well, you didn't need to have
Speaker 2: the conversation.
Speaker 4: Now, it's something that porn, whether you like it or not,
Speaker 4: is going to have some kind of impact on the relationship.
Speaker 4: Whether you like and want to incorporate porn to the
Speaker 4: relationship that you have with somebody or by yourself, or
Speaker 4: if you have a lot of shame about it and
Speaker 4: you don't want to have it be like, it could
Speaker 4: be viewed as perhaps cheating within a relationship.
Speaker 2: Really yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 4: I work with couples that are very much like they've
Speaker 4: had issues with infidelity in the past, and they view
Speaker 4: porn as part of the problem. So whenever they look
Speaker 4: at porn, that's as much that's as close to cheating
Speaker 4: as actually cheating.
Speaker 3: I can understand intellectually where you can see that brings
Speaker 3: an element into the relationship that not everyone is comfortable with. Yeah,
Speaker 3: But as far as infidelity, I'm not sure I understand
Speaker 3: the leap.
Speaker 4: It's the it's not necessarily like the physical actor or
Speaker 4: not actually being unfaithful, it's the feeling that gets left
Speaker 4: with the person who's on the other side of it,
Speaker 4: feeling inadequate, inadequate, feeling like what I'm not doing enough
Speaker 4: Like what I, oh, that's.
Speaker 2: What you want type thing? Yeah, oh, oh, you're more
Speaker 2: attracted to that. I'm not good enough for you.
Speaker 4: You want that's the kind of girl you want, And
Speaker 4: it's like they're not people who have to understand a
Speaker 4: lot most guys aren't necessarily looking at the girl as
Speaker 4: far as how beautiful they are, because there's beautiful women
Speaker 4: all over the place. They're looking at the sexual act.
Speaker 4: They're looking at what's physically happening. Unless it's somebody who's like, Wow,
Speaker 4: that's the most beautiful woman in the world and I
Speaker 4: want to know her name and get to know more
Speaker 4: about her. We're not looking at the names of the
Speaker 4: performers or who's doing it. We're looking at the actual
Speaker 4: sexual act. So a lot of times people will feel
Speaker 4: inadequate because they view the stuff that they're watching is like,
Speaker 4: that's the person, the kind of person you want, not
Speaker 4: necessarily that's the kind of stuff you want to engage
Speaker 4: in the act, the behaviors, the sexual things that you
Speaker 4: want to do.
Speaker 2: Doctor Samza, how can people reach out to you?
Speaker 4: You can hit me up on Instagram. It's at sam
Speaker 4: z on air. Also my Psychology Today page.
Speaker 2: You can hit up. My number is one zero six
Speaker 2: three five two.
Speaker 1: You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 2: KFI.
Speaker 3: It's a Lady with mo Kelly Live on YouTube, Instagram,
Speaker 3: Facebook and the iHeartRadio app. And are you a different
Speaker 3: person when you're overstimulated? Do you react differently to people?
Speaker 3: Do you respond differently? And I've never really thought about it.
Speaker 3: I don't think of myself as ever being overstimulated, But
Speaker 3: then when I read more about it, it made sense
Speaker 3: to me, and I think I can be self aware
Speaker 3: and realize when I am overstimulated. And to be overstimulated
Speaker 3: means that our senses received a lot of information, and
Speaker 3: working in this business, that's all it is, and now
Speaker 3: we're feeling overwhelmed as we're receiving this information. Yes, yes,
Speaker 3: And I think that's why oftentimes, when I'm driving in
Speaker 3: or driving home, I may listen to a driving home,
Speaker 3: I may listen to.
Speaker 2: A little bit of Nori, but then I'll turn off
Speaker 2: the radio.
Speaker 3: If I'm driving in, I'm not listening to any type
Speaker 3: of news or anything, or the radio is off because
Speaker 3: I'm conscious of trying to regulate my emotional balance. So
Speaker 3: I'm not over stimulated and the way it comes out
Speaker 3: to me, and I'm going to go around the room
Speaker 3: and get people's thoughts about this, and doctor Sam is
Speaker 3: still sitting in with us. When I feel that I'm overstimulated,
Speaker 3: and I think I'm aware of it, I am snippy
Speaker 3: because the amount of information I'm getting is usually from
Speaker 3: social media. Social media is moving very quickly. Now I'm
Speaker 3: responding to five or ten different conversations. If you've ever
Speaker 3: engaged me on social media like threads or something, I'm
Speaker 3: responding to a lot, lot of people, a lot sometimes
Speaker 3: by choice. Some people are engaging me, and then to
Speaker 3: then start interacting with real people who are operating at
Speaker 3: a much slower pace and you're having just a one
Speaker 3: to one conversation. I realize that I can be what
Speaker 3: they say short, I can be kind of snippy. I
Speaker 3: can be kind of rude at times, and it's been
Speaker 3: pointed out to me, and I try to be a
Speaker 3: little bit more self aware. But I think that's what
Speaker 3: happens to me when I'm overstimulated. And so the title
Speaker 3: of this article is are you mean when you're over stimulated?
Speaker 3: And I have to say maybe, yes, maybe, maybe because
Speaker 3: there's a of my I believe I'm somewhere on the spectrum, somewhere.
Speaker 2: I don't know. We talked about this last year.
Speaker 3: People are finding they are on the spectrum after the
Speaker 3: age of thirty because my oddities suggests that. And sometimes
Speaker 3: I do have problems with interpersonal relationships and conversation. I
Speaker 3: don't perceive the world and receive the world as most
Speaker 3: people do. Like for example, I don't like talking to people.
Speaker 3: I like talking to the radio, but I don't like
Speaker 3: talking to people. There's a difference. Don't call me, text
Speaker 3: me now, That's what I'm saying. It has to do
Speaker 3: a speed. I want you to get to the point.
Speaker 3: I'm not into fake pleasant trees. I'm not interested in
Speaker 3: small talk when I'm not at work. I don't want
Speaker 3: to talk about my job. I'm very linear in that regard.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's just that's how I am. And so if
Speaker 3: I am overstimulated, going back to this article, then yes,
Speaker 3: I can be snippy, I can be short, and I
Speaker 3: try to stop talking to people because I will probably
Speaker 3: say the wrong thing or lash out. Uh, doctor Sam,
Speaker 3: Are you one who is aware of being overstimulated?
Speaker 4: Oh? Absolutely? And I work primarily as a mental health professional.
Speaker 4: So overstimulation is something especially if you're on the spectrum.
Speaker 4: It's uh, it's more pronounced when we get when we
Speaker 4: get over stimulated, and the path of over stimulation is brutal,
Speaker 4: and it's like riding a wave that constantly gets bigger
Speaker 4: and bigger, like a tsunami, and it really it puts
Speaker 4: a huge importance on being able to separate yourself, like
Speaker 4: you were saying, getting in the car, turning off the
Speaker 4: radio and you know, maybe listening to music or just
Speaker 4: having silence. It puts a priority on being able to
Speaker 4: cope with the stress and anxiety and tension as you
Speaker 4: go throughout the day so that that wave doesn't carry
Speaker 4: as much momentum throughout the day.
Speaker 3: Stephan, what about yourself? Do you find yourself over stimulated
Speaker 3: in a job like this? You know you're processing a
Speaker 3: lot when you're working for these shows.
Speaker 6: I definitely compartmentalize because you know, I've worked so hard
Speaker 6: to get to this position, So I in general am
Speaker 6: a shy person. I don't like to talk to people,
Speaker 6: and I think we've matched up on this. Like if
Speaker 6: you have a party at your house, you expect the
Speaker 6: crowd that's fine because then you can kind of walk
Speaker 6: around to this and that. But if you come home
Speaker 6: and you don't expect ten to fifteen people in your house,
Speaker 6: you've heard my stories exactly, like you want to go
Speaker 6: into your room, but then you seem like the a
Speaker 6: hole because you don't want to talk to Anyboddy right right, Yeah,
Speaker 6: I've told this story before, so very quickly.
Speaker 3: There are times when my wife will invite family over.
Speaker 3: It's usually her family because my family's super small. Both
Speaker 3: my parents, my father's passed on, but both of them
Speaker 3: were only children. It's just me and my oldest sister.
Speaker 3: My sister married someone who was an only child. They
Speaker 3: had one child. I don't have aunts and uncles and cousins,
Speaker 3: so I'm used to having my space. And when I
Speaker 3: come home and my wife is one of five and
Speaker 3: they all have forty five children, and they're you know,
Speaker 3: they have children's children, and there are a lot of
Speaker 3: people at my house a lot. So when I get
Speaker 3: off work and I come home, and sometimes she'll surprise
Speaker 3: me like, oh, cousin so and so is.
Speaker 2: Here, It's like, oh what really?
Speaker 3: And then I'm getting off a tennish get home around
Speaker 3: eleven ish, and then people say, hey, tell me about.
Speaker 2: Your day, what's going on? Tell me the three radio show?
Speaker 2: How you being Foh, I want to go to bed.
Speaker 6: That's overstimulation And that's after a thirty minute drag. Because
Speaker 6: we both live in the same general area. Yeah, I
Speaker 6: don't want to be hospitable. I'm not not trying to entertain,
Speaker 6: so I'm gonnaware of myself in that regard.
Speaker 3: Carnelia, let me ask you as far as are you
Speaker 3: aware when you're overstimulated?
Speaker 2: And if so, how does it manifest?
Speaker 5: I feel like I can feel when I get over stimulated.
Speaker 5: It's like my mind is going through so much, especially
Speaker 5: if I don't have my days planned out. Then I'm
Speaker 5: thinking about, Okay, I gotta do this, this, this, and
Speaker 5: then I'm going through the process Okay, well how am
Speaker 5: I going to get this and this done? And I
Speaker 5: find myself getting so tense.
Speaker 2: Physically thinking about other stuff.
Speaker 5: You gotta do yes, And I find myself getting so tense.
Speaker 5: And Daniel is so good because he's always asking me,
Speaker 5: are you okay?
Speaker 2: Are you good?
Speaker 5: And sometimes I can't even verbally express what I'm feeling
Speaker 5: or how I'm feeling. I'm just like back up, give
Speaker 5: me some space, let me breathe.
Speaker 1: There it is.
Speaker 4: That's the key is it's okay to tell the people
Speaker 4: around you, hey, I'm overstimulated. I need a second and
Speaker 4: a good way to kind of stem the tide of
Speaker 4: that over stimulation is giving yourself maybe once an hour
Speaker 4: or once every two hours.
Speaker 2: This is a thing that we used to have. I
Speaker 2: know we gotta go to break, but it's an important point.
Speaker 4: There's something that was socially acceptable for us to engage
Speaker 4: in back in like the sixties, seventies, eighties, that we
Speaker 4: are not allowed to do. That made it so people
Speaker 4: weren't as overstimulated back then, and they think that we
Speaker 4: can't handle our stuff like they used to nowadays. It's
Speaker 4: because every fifteen or every hour or every two hours,
Speaker 4: we would take ten to fifteen minutes for a smoke break.
Speaker 4: We would separate ourselves from the stress, whatever is getting
Speaker 4: under our skin, and we would go outside. And if
Speaker 4: you take a cigarette out of the out of the
Speaker 4: person's hands and you just look at what they're physically doing,
Speaker 4: they're usually looking away, they're taking deep breaths, they're actually
Speaker 4: doing relaxation exercises. I'm not saying pick up a cigarette
Speaker 4: and start up a bad habit. I'm saying, give yourself
Speaker 4: the same permission that we used to give ourselves thirty
Speaker 4: forty fifty years ago.
Speaker 2: Go outside. That's legitimately. Mind, take a breath.
Speaker 4: That's a good one. I didn't think about that. Yeah,
Speaker 4: right there, that's stem for a talk. Do that once
Speaker 4: every two hours. Now we're starting to cut all of
Speaker 4: that wave of overstimulation and cutting it up in chunks
Speaker 4: to make it so it's more easily digestible before.
Speaker 3: We go to newsbreak, Mark, is there anything you'd like
Speaker 3: to add? I know you're a very private person, but
Speaker 3: I know that you have thoughts.
Speaker 7: Sam raised an excellent point. We need time to slow
Speaker 7: down and even to be bored. We have constant input
Speaker 7: from media, social media, Internet. We have no time for
Speaker 7: reflection or silence. Your brain's a muscle and it needs
Speaker 7: constant work to maintain itself. And I don't think we're
Speaker 7: gonna like what it's doing to our brains all this
Speaker 7: over stimulation. When we see enough studies have been done
Speaker 7: on I mean, think about this. It's almost impossib for
Speaker 7: us to imagine what life was like for our grandparents
Speaker 7: who grew up before TV, let alone Internet and everything
Speaker 7: we have now.
Speaker 2: I dread what this is going to show about us.
Speaker 2: Nothing good.
Speaker 7: You have to really go out of your way to
Speaker 7: take time to you know, take a walk or a
Speaker 7: smoke break like Sam mentioned, or just have some time
Speaker 7: to reflect and think. We don't really, there's no we
Speaker 7: don't build time into our day on the whole, just
Speaker 7: to think and just to be if you understand what
Speaker 7: I'm saying by just to exist without having to accomplish something.
Speaker 7: And that's especially true of Americans, which you find if
Speaker 7: you've traveled enough. That's why I say you gotta travel.
Speaker 1: You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty