WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.520 --> 00:00:04.679 Welcome to Playing on the Edge Radio, Radical Change with 2 00:00:04.759 --> 00:00:08.960 Ease with Master Healer Megan Edge and doctor Pat This 3 00:00:09.039 --> 00:00:12.080 is a space for real conversations about what it means 4 00:00:12.160 --> 00:00:16.719 to heal, grow and transform without losing yourself along the way. 5 00:00:17.519 --> 00:00:22.120 Here we explore the edges of change, grief, identity shifts, 6 00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:28.839 spiritual awakening, burnout, recovery, transformation, and the quiet return to belonging. 7 00:00:29.800 --> 00:00:34.759 Each episode blends intuitive insight, practical tools, and meaningful spiritual 8 00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:37.960 perspectives to help you reconnect with your inner wisdom and 9 00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:42.759 navigate life's transitions with more at ease, courage, and self trust. 10 00:00:43.640 --> 00:00:46.520 If you're ready to come home to yourself and discover 11 00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:49.679 that radical change doesn't have to be hard, you're in 12 00:00:49.759 --> 00:00:50.600 the right place. 13 00:00:55.240 --> 00:00:58.159 Take this really journey and we have got a blockbuster 14 00:00:58.320 --> 00:01:02.039 for you today. This is one of these episodes where 15 00:01:02.399 --> 00:01:06.079 both Megan and I we are influenced by the world's 16 00:01:06.120 --> 00:01:09.359 around us. Whether it's helping people, running a network, whatever 17 00:01:09.439 --> 00:01:13.159 we do, there is an influence and I want to 18 00:01:13.159 --> 00:01:16.280 just point this out. You don't always have to come 19 00:01:16.359 --> 00:01:20.040 from the worst of the worst situations to be on 20 00:01:20.120 --> 00:01:24.920 the edge of your outdated story. That's today's episode. You 21 00:01:24.959 --> 00:01:30.680 see we often think about ourselves or people we see 22 00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:33.760 or movies. We take a look out there and we 23 00:01:33.879 --> 00:01:36.959 think about these other people and we see how awful 24 00:01:37.359 --> 00:01:41.879 or their situation and what they're going through, right, and 25 00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:44.959 then we project upon them. How do we do that? 26 00:01:45.319 --> 00:01:50.680 Social media emails talking? The bottom line is, and Megan's 27 00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:53.079 going to walk us through this because this is the 28 00:01:53.159 --> 00:01:56.359 work she does to help people. And without this work, 29 00:01:56.519 --> 00:01:58.719 I'm telling you, folks, you are running in place. You're 30 00:01:58.719 --> 00:02:02.159 not even running walking in place. You're on the edge 31 00:02:02.680 --> 00:02:06.799 of just moving backwards because the world around you is 32 00:02:06.840 --> 00:02:10.879 moving ahead without you. So what story are you telling 33 00:02:10.919 --> 00:02:14.879 yourself every day? Megan? What do you think about what 34 00:02:14.919 --> 00:02:17.520 I said about that? Like, even if you think right, 35 00:02:17.639 --> 00:02:19.800 even if you think you're moving forward and you're not, 36 00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:22.919 you're just you're just walking in place, jumping in place, 37 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:25.639 let's say, And you think you're moving but you're not 38 00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:28.000 because everything around you was kind of moving ahead. 39 00:02:28.400 --> 00:02:32.039 Well, yes, and that is accurate, to be sure, especially 40 00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:36.680 if you are unconsciously stuck in a real or stuck 41 00:02:36.680 --> 00:02:39.400 in a loop of an outdated story that no longer 42 00:02:39.439 --> 00:02:42.560 serves you, but you're not aware of it yet because 43 00:02:42.639 --> 00:02:47.039 it's so comfortable. You're so used to that story, those 44 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:50.280 words that you're saying to describe your circumstances and situation, 45 00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:53.479 that you aren't moving forward. And I think part of 46 00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:57.639 burnout comes because we're struggling in an old story that 47 00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:00.919 we're not aware of and try at the same time 48 00:03:01.319 --> 00:03:04.280 to keep pace with the world around us, which, as 49 00:03:04.280 --> 00:03:06.919 you point out, is moving very fast these days. 50 00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:10.360 Yeah, yeah, and you know that in that context, I 51 00:03:10.360 --> 00:03:11.759 want to talk to you about what you're going to 52 00:03:11.800 --> 00:03:13.759 take us through right out of the gate, the anatomy 53 00:03:13.759 --> 00:03:17.479 of an outdated story and core beliefs. And you know 54 00:03:17.639 --> 00:03:20.599 what's so obvious to me as I prepared for this 55 00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:23.960 is how many of those stories you know, we have, 56 00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:27.439 even you and I who do this work. I mean, 57 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:31.000 if I had a dime for every issue in my 58 00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:33.360 life that I had to work on and move beyond, 59 00:03:33.680 --> 00:03:36.080 you and I would not be talking. We would be 60 00:03:36.159 --> 00:03:41.159 buying our own island somewhere. But part of this is 61 00:03:41.240 --> 00:03:47.280 I wasn't always aware. I wasn't always aware. So from 62 00:03:47.360 --> 00:03:51.919 where you sit, right, m hm, how do we break 63 00:03:51.919 --> 00:03:55.360 this down so people not just understand it? Because every 64 00:03:55.400 --> 00:03:57.360 time we talk about you got to release it, You 65 00:03:57.479 --> 00:04:01.240 got to let it go. You go you oh, yeah, 66 00:04:01.319 --> 00:04:03.159 you got to do all that. But what does that 67 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:07.000 even mean? So help us understand the anatomy of this thing, 68 00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:13.000 because does it look like a jellyfish? Does it look 69 00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:17.079 like a Schwarzenegger? Does it look like a mack truck? 70 00:04:17.279 --> 00:04:19.519 What does it look like? To help me out? 71 00:04:20.560 --> 00:04:23.199 Well, I love all of those analogies. Sea Urchin came 72 00:04:23.240 --> 00:04:26.800 to mind too, you know that's a good one. Protecting us. Well, 73 00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:31.160 let's let's start with a really key phrase, which is this, 74 00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:36.759 Your past is a place of reference. It is not 75 00:04:36.879 --> 00:04:41.680 a place of residence. Think about that for a moment. 76 00:04:41.720 --> 00:04:45.560 What do I mean by that your past is a 77 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:48.800 place of reference. It's something that has happened to you 78 00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:53.160 already that you refer back to, and it shapes the 79 00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:56.680 way in which you perceive your experiences in the present moment. 80 00:04:57.439 --> 00:05:01.199 But you're not supposed to live there. And I've known 81 00:05:01.240 --> 00:05:05.040 many many people over the years, clients, family friends, who 82 00:05:05.519 --> 00:05:11.480 unconsciously are living in that past experience or experiences. And 83 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:16.879 what do experiences give us? They give us beliefs. It's 84 00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:20.720 a cycle. We have an experience, it either reinforces a 85 00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:24.079 belief that we already have, for example, Let's say the 86 00:05:24.160 --> 00:05:26.360 belief that you're carrying. One of the beliefs you're carrying 87 00:05:26.439 --> 00:05:29.680 is I'm not good enough, I don't deserve to have anything. 88 00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:33.319 There'll be a belief above that, which is nothing good 89 00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:36.000 ever happens to me, or there's no point in my 90 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:39.360 trying because it's not going to work right, And then 91 00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:44.160 your experiences are going to validate that limiting belief without 92 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:47.680 you being consciously aware of it, and that begins to 93 00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:51.360 run your life. That becomes the narrative in the back 94 00:05:51.399 --> 00:05:54.879 of your mind. And again you're not necessarily aware of 95 00:05:54.920 --> 00:05:57.199 this voice. It's way way in the back of your mind, 96 00:05:57.240 --> 00:05:59.360 you know, if you want to look at it geographically, 97 00:05:59.800 --> 00:06:01.920 way at the back of your head, this little tiny 98 00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:05.199 voice that says, m m mmm, not you, everybody but you. 99 00:06:06.680 --> 00:06:10.240 The work that I do with people's stories is helping 100 00:06:10.279 --> 00:06:15.160 them to identify those limiting beliefs by pulling out the 101 00:06:15.279 --> 00:06:19.199 language that they're using to describe their experiences. So I'll 102 00:06:19.240 --> 00:06:21.240 give an illustration of that. I had a client in 103 00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:24.480 this week and I noticed that she was talking to 104 00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:26.959 me and telling me her story. And I could tell 105 00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:29.720 this was a story she told many times before because 106 00:06:29.720 --> 00:06:33.439 she was very comfortable and very entrenched in her responses 107 00:06:33.439 --> 00:06:36.319 and triggers to the story as she told it. One 108 00:06:36.319 --> 00:06:41.160 of the words she used repeatedly was hard. The word hard. 109 00:06:41.639 --> 00:06:44.399 Everything was hard, It started hard, it ended hard, it 110 00:06:44.439 --> 00:06:47.560 was just hard. Her life was hard. And I pointed 111 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:50.360 this out to her gently and lovingly, but also forcefully, 112 00:06:50.879 --> 00:06:52.839 because when someone comes to work with me, I don't 113 00:06:52.839 --> 00:06:56.199 want to waste time, you know, namby pamming about all 114 00:06:56.240 --> 00:06:57.959 of it. I want us to get to the heart 115 00:06:57.959 --> 00:07:01.639 of it as quickly and as healthily as we can. 116 00:07:02.120 --> 00:07:04.319 Because by the time someone comes to me, they're ready 117 00:07:04.360 --> 00:07:06.759 to put this story down, they're just not sure how 118 00:07:06.759 --> 00:07:08.680 to go about doing it, or they don't know yet 119 00:07:08.680 --> 00:07:11.959 that they're even carrying that story. So I pointed this 120 00:07:12.040 --> 00:07:14.680 out to her, and I invited her to start paying 121 00:07:14.680 --> 00:07:17.800 attention to any of the times that she used that 122 00:07:17.879 --> 00:07:21.639 word to describe something in her life. Now, in and 123 00:07:21.639 --> 00:07:23.839 of itself, it's just a word. Why am I harping 124 00:07:23.879 --> 00:07:29.040 on this word hard? Because every word has vibration, and 125 00:07:29.199 --> 00:07:31.519 some words have a high vibration and some words have 126 00:07:31.560 --> 00:07:34.920 a low vibration. And this isn't wuhoo. We can actually 127 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:39.199 see the oscillation when we record people speaking of when 128 00:07:39.360 --> 00:07:42.439 a word dips in the vibration of the sound of it, 129 00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:44.480 and when a word goes up in the vibration of 130 00:07:44.519 --> 00:07:47.959 the sound of it. So hard is one of those 131 00:07:48.000 --> 00:07:50.639 low vibration words. And here's what happens when you say 132 00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:56.040 the word hard full stop. If something is hard, that's it. 133 00:07:56.079 --> 00:07:58.600 You're done. It's just it's hard, and you just stay 134 00:07:58.600 --> 00:08:03.959 there in that hard energy. I suggested to her that 135 00:08:04.000 --> 00:08:10.720 she start practicing inserting the word challenge or challenging in 136 00:08:10.759 --> 00:08:15.920 replace of the word hard, and noticing how everything in 137 00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:19.600 her system, in her nervous system, in her vehicle, every 138 00:08:19.639 --> 00:08:24.319 system in the body reacts to that new word. What 139 00:08:24.519 --> 00:08:28.199 do we do with a challenge? Typically we rise to 140 00:08:28.240 --> 00:08:31.120 the challenge. As soon as we say the word challenge. 141 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:34.639 Our brain starts looking for solutions. Yeah, there's this incredible 142 00:08:34.759 --> 00:08:37.919 neuron explosion that goes off in our brain when we 143 00:08:37.960 --> 00:08:40.919 start using the word challenge, because we like a challenge. 144 00:08:40.960 --> 00:08:43.440 As a species, we like a challenge, where hardwired we 145 00:08:43.480 --> 00:08:48.240 do define solutions for challenges. Right. So, with that, just 146 00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:51.799 that simple switch from one word that she'd been using 147 00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:54.919 for years and years and years, that defined not only 148 00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:58.360 described her experience of her life, but defined her experience 149 00:08:58.399 --> 00:09:01.480 of her life. She now as the opportunity to switch 150 00:09:01.559 --> 00:09:05.840 it up and start to feel into solutions right as 151 00:09:05.840 --> 00:09:06.799 opposed to stuck. 152 00:09:07.960 --> 00:09:10.960 Yeah, and you know that's just one thing, but it 153 00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:15.559 really is everyday life language, everyday life thinking. And then 154 00:09:15.759 --> 00:09:18.360 even when you put a string of those thoughts together 155 00:09:19.279 --> 00:09:25.720 and they appear as a collective, right, it's a story. Okay, 156 00:09:25.879 --> 00:09:27.879 I knew, I told you I wasn't going to do this, 157 00:09:27.960 --> 00:09:31.960 but I have to do it. I posted on ex 158 00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:36.320 Twitter today because I am a sports women's sports advocate. 159 00:09:36.399 --> 00:09:38.320 I have been all my life, since a day I 160 00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:42.639 started to play softball. Manhole to manhole, and yes they're 161 00:09:42.679 --> 00:09:47.000 still called manholes, but they really are. I think we 162 00:09:47.120 --> 00:09:48.200 tried to change. 163 00:09:47.879 --> 00:09:49.799 That up, but it's street street holes. 164 00:09:50.240 --> 00:09:52.679 Is it street holes now? I don't know. 165 00:09:52.759 --> 00:09:55.759 But it's the power of words. 166 00:09:56.679 --> 00:10:00.919 And I'm watching something in a sport that I could 167 00:10:00.919 --> 00:10:03.879 not excel at. It was not for me. First of all, 168 00:10:03.879 --> 00:10:07.919 I'm too short, but I am tough on the basketball court, 169 00:10:08.120 --> 00:10:11.639 right But early on I knew that wasn't going to 170 00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:13.840 be for me. But I still love the sport and 171 00:10:13.879 --> 00:10:17.159 I've been watching the rise of the Women's Basketball Association, 172 00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:22.960 and so there is a core superstar that you could 173 00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:29.039 see her evolving story around referee and fouls. And I 174 00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:32.639 want to write her or call her and say, mss 175 00:10:32.720 --> 00:10:35.919 Clark Megan, and I can help you a lot about this, 176 00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:40.039 and I really can. You know, there are some things 177 00:10:40.120 --> 00:10:44.240 we could show you, really to help you be in 178 00:10:44.360 --> 00:10:48.720 complete control of who you are and show them by 179 00:10:48.759 --> 00:10:53.320 being badass about it. But that's the truth of it. 180 00:10:53.559 --> 00:10:58.440 And so I'm watching this and I'm saying, why does 181 00:10:58.480 --> 00:11:01.679 she not have somebody in her court to help her? 182 00:11:02.039 --> 00:11:06.480 And then I realized millions and millions especially of women 183 00:11:06.679 --> 00:11:09.720 don't have somebody to help them with this. Am I wrong? 184 00:11:10.519 --> 00:11:12.600 I don't think so. I think you're quite right. I 185 00:11:12.600 --> 00:11:17.720 think you're quite right to your point, where is her support? 186 00:11:17.759 --> 00:11:20.679 Where is her help? What story is she telling her? 187 00:11:21.000 --> 00:11:22.519 I want to talk a little bit, first of all, 188 00:11:22.519 --> 00:11:24.679 about what I mean by story, what do we mean 189 00:11:25.039 --> 00:11:28.720 do your story? And some people, when I have started 190 00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:30.039 this work with them, will say, well, what do you 191 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:31.759 mean my story? Like I'm making it up? You think 192 00:11:31.799 --> 00:11:35.600 I'm making this up? No, And probably that person as 193 00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:37.960 they were growing up, were told not to make up stories. 194 00:11:38.519 --> 00:11:41.799 So the word story becomes loaded. All that I mean 195 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:46.080 by story is the experiences that you've had in your life. Yep, 196 00:11:46.519 --> 00:11:51.120 are you making up your experiences? No, your experiences happened 197 00:11:51.159 --> 00:11:53.840 to you. Somebody slams the car door on your finger, 198 00:11:53.879 --> 00:11:57.240 that's a real experience. But what do you do with 199 00:11:57.279 --> 00:12:00.919 that experience? When I work with people around story, I 200 00:12:01.000 --> 00:12:03.879 am calling them out on what they are making up 201 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:07.600 about the experience that they had, what it means to them, 202 00:12:07.720 --> 00:12:11.600 or what they think it means about them, and then 203 00:12:11.799 --> 00:12:15.720 where they're taking that story and bringing it into their 204 00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:18.639 everyday life, like you talked about earlier, you know, and 205 00:12:18.759 --> 00:12:21.720 some stories are great stories. We talk about in the 206 00:12:21.720 --> 00:12:25.240 work I do. I talk about limiting beliefs and limitless beliefs. 207 00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:28.879 So limitless beliefs are fantastic beliefs. They're the belief that 208 00:12:29.519 --> 00:12:32.200 I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and Doggonnet people like 209 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:35.080 me to quote Saturday Night Live and really believing it, 210 00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:39.200 or simply knowing what you are good at and being 211 00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:41.679 okay with knowing that and owning that. You know, I'm 212 00:12:41.720 --> 00:12:44.360 a great runner. I'm not a great runner, I. 213 00:12:44.360 --> 00:12:45.320 Will call that one. 214 00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:48.200 But let's see, I'm really great at foraging. I'm a 215 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:50.960 master forager. I can say that with complete conviction because 216 00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:54.080 I know that it's true. You're a fantastic ping pong player. 217 00:12:54.759 --> 00:12:58.679 That's a truth, all right. That's a limitless belief. You 218 00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:03.600 can do so much with that belief. A limiting belief 219 00:13:04.519 --> 00:13:07.799 is one that holds you in place. Just like you 220 00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:11.120 talked about at the very beginning, it's holding you in place. 221 00:13:11.159 --> 00:13:12.759 So I'll give you an example because as we were 222 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:15.799 preparing for this show, and I'm thinking, all right, I 223 00:13:15.879 --> 00:13:18.519 know I still have limiting beliefs. We all do. You 224 00:13:18.559 --> 00:13:19.600 know they're all there. 225 00:13:19.399 --> 00:13:21.480 And healing is a big one right now. 226 00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:25.120 Healing is about pulling back the layers, right, So what 227 00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:29.200 is my current limiting belief? And I realized it's that 228 00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:32.480 I'm not good at technology. I even use the word 229 00:13:32.679 --> 00:13:36.240 luodite the other day in a conversation with someone about technology, 230 00:13:36.519 --> 00:13:39.559 and I'm talking basic technology. I'm talking about making a 231 00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:42.840 website or putting out an email or doing a funnel 232 00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:46.360 or all these kind of marketing things. I've got this 233 00:13:46.519 --> 00:13:50.440 belief that's now coming to the surface that I'm just 234 00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:53.120 not good at that it's not my wheelhouse. And I 235 00:13:53.120 --> 00:13:55.279 can make up all kinds of excuses and say I 236 00:13:55.320 --> 00:13:57.759 don't have time to learn it, I don't have the bandwidth, 237 00:13:57.799 --> 00:14:00.799 I'm not interested. But at the end of the day, 238 00:14:00.840 --> 00:14:03.639 as a business owner, if I don't understand how my 239 00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:08.679 technology works, I won't succeed in my work. And yes, 240 00:14:08.759 --> 00:14:10.600 I can farm it out and I can hire somebody 241 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:12.440 to do it, and I've tried that in the past, 242 00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:15.720 but in the end, I'm not the one in control 243 00:14:15.799 --> 00:14:20.480 of it, and therefore it doesn't do what I needed 244 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:22.840 to do or what I wanted to do. So what 245 00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:28.519 is the underlying, core limiting belief to this surface belief 246 00:14:28.600 --> 00:14:32.639 of I'm not good at technology. This is one of 247 00:14:32.679 --> 00:14:34.720 the things that I do with my clients when we 248 00:14:34.799 --> 00:14:38.320 go down deep into what is the limiting belief? So 249 00:14:38.639 --> 00:14:41.799 basically the question is what is the worst thing that 250 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:45.440 can happen to me if I'm not good at technology? Okay, 251 00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:48.240 And it's the first answer. So my first answer is 252 00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:51.720 I don't succeed at business because everybody else around me 253 00:14:51.759 --> 00:14:53.559 seems to know how to do it but me, right, 254 00:14:54.080 --> 00:14:57.960 So that the next question becomes, well, what is the 255 00:14:58.000 --> 00:15:04.440 worst case scenario if I'm not good at business? Oh? Okay, 256 00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:06.080 what do I believe about that. Well, if I'm not 257 00:15:06.120 --> 00:15:08.360 good at business, then who am I to be a 258 00:15:08.360 --> 00:15:12.240 business woman? Am I making it up as I go along? 259 00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:15.960 Is there some imposter syndrome going on underneath that? And 260 00:15:16.080 --> 00:15:19.120 you and I did a show about imposters? Yeah, okay, 261 00:15:19.159 --> 00:15:23.480 So if I'm an impostor, what's the worst possible case scenario? 262 00:15:23.559 --> 00:15:26.919 If I'm an impostor, Well, then I'm not being true 263 00:15:26.919 --> 00:15:31.200 to myself. Okay, but that's not the core belief yet. 264 00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:33.919 And so what we do is we keep going, we 265 00:15:34.039 --> 00:15:37.480 keep asking what's the worst possible scenario, what's the worst 266 00:15:37.559 --> 00:15:42.240 case if I'm not good enough? Eventually we're going to 267 00:15:42.279 --> 00:15:45.960 get to that absolute core belief that's holding up the 268 00:15:45.960 --> 00:15:48.679 house of cards, and we'll know we got there because 269 00:15:49.399 --> 00:15:56.279 there'll be a visceral body response, right, what's yours? 270 00:15:57.519 --> 00:15:59.159 Well, I'll tell you something that came up for me. 271 00:15:59.240 --> 00:16:02.519 And this is really act and reaction, because there's a 272 00:16:02.600 --> 00:16:04.720 second part to the story when you get to the 273 00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:08.080 point that you're at, especially if you are having a 274 00:16:08.120 --> 00:16:12.240 conversation with another person. Okay, so I've done a little 275 00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:16.600 posting here, really really kind of cool stuff, like you know, 276 00:16:16.679 --> 00:16:21.200 in order for me to show oh, this is so silly. 277 00:16:21.639 --> 00:16:23.679 In order for me to show the commissioner of the 278 00:16:23.879 --> 00:16:28.519 WNBA the full responsibilities of her job and in my opinion, 279 00:16:28.519 --> 00:16:31.200 what she's doing well and what she doesn't, I created 280 00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:34.799 a pair of sneakers. One shoe of the sneaker has 281 00:16:34.840 --> 00:16:38.519 all the things and the other one are all the 282 00:16:38.559 --> 00:16:42.519 things that are not being done. Now, when I post 283 00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:45.559 these things, sometimes I say I'm an athlete, and then 284 00:16:45.600 --> 00:16:49.440 somebody will look me up and I will get this. 285 00:16:50.120 --> 00:16:52.200 So here's it. So I got a thing that said 286 00:16:52.879 --> 00:16:58.200 ping pong is not a real sport. Okay, okay, honey, okay. 287 00:16:58.679 --> 00:17:01.960 So here's where I am. Now, this is not what 288 00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:05.440 I'm saying for people to do. You see what I 289 00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:07.960 just said about Caitlin Clark, Megan and I have to 290 00:17:08.039 --> 00:17:10.880 keep ourselves in check. But I did get an interesting 291 00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:16.880 idea because my response back is okay, I'd love for 292 00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:19.319 you to come out and sit at the other end 293 00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:22.119 of the table and hit back my eighty mile pen 294 00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:25.400 our own ball. And so the person says, no way, 295 00:17:25.480 --> 00:17:27.480 that's how fast the ball goes. So now what do 296 00:17:27.559 --> 00:17:30.079 I do. I'm looking up speed guns. So when I 297 00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:32.720 play with my coach on Friday, I can take a 298 00:17:32.759 --> 00:17:34.920 speed check and if I'm not hitting the ball at 299 00:17:34.920 --> 00:17:38.240 eighty maybe sixty, I have to do a rebuttal or, 300 00:17:38.440 --> 00:17:44.119 I don't, do you understand because our stories can turn 301 00:17:44.160 --> 00:17:51.559 into Bizarro action, like Bizarro, the anti Superman character Bizarro. 302 00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:56.799 Well, our stories can turn into drama. Yeah, And that's 303 00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:59.960 an interesting point. With one of my clients I was 304 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:03.160 working with, we got down to the very core limiting belief, 305 00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:07.000 which was that she wouldn't exist, and if she wouldn't exist, 306 00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:10.680 then there was nothing right. So there was an annihilation 307 00:18:10.920 --> 00:18:13.720 core belief that she was experiencing, and I suggested to 308 00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:18.039 her that potentially why her life was so hard and 309 00:18:18.079 --> 00:18:22.559 why she continued to be involved in other people's dramas 310 00:18:22.759 --> 00:18:27.039 and creating her own, is because that gave her existence 311 00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:30.200 some kind of meaning. Right. This is one of the 312 00:18:30.279 --> 00:18:33.720 hard questions, and I'm using that word purposefully because it 313 00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:36.119 does stop people in their tracks when I ask it, 314 00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:43.359 what is the benefit to you of your limiting beliefs? 315 00:18:43.480 --> 00:18:45.680 What is the benefit to you? How does it benefit 316 00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:48.759 you to be stuck in a story that doesn't allow 317 00:18:48.799 --> 00:18:52.759 you to thrive and evolve as a human being emotionally, intellectually, 318 00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:58.720 and spiritually. What's the benefit to you? And people whoa 319 00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:01.319 their backs go up? What do you mean, what's the benefit? 320 00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:03.519 Why would it be beneficial for me to think that 321 00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:05.839 I don't deserve to win the lottery or have a 322 00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:08.160 husband or a wife or whatever. You know what, why 323 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:11.039 would I do that to myself? And I'm not asking 324 00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:13.440 that question from a place of blaming. I'm asking that 325 00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:17.839 question from a place of responsibility. You're a full grown 326 00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:20.920 adult at this point. I'm not talking about a seven 327 00:19:21.000 --> 00:19:22.839 year old who's trying to sort themselves out and figure 328 00:19:22.839 --> 00:19:25.200 out their story and not even knowing they're doing it. 329 00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:27.680 They're just being in their creative juices. I'm talking about 330 00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:32.319 us as adults. We have a responsibility and we are 331 00:19:32.359 --> 00:19:36.839 the only one who can take that responsibility to do 332 00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:40.279 our healing work and to show up as the best 333 00:19:40.359 --> 00:19:42.720 version of ourselves, the best version of a human being 334 00:19:43.240 --> 00:19:46.599 that we possibly can. And that's the challenge that I 335 00:19:46.759 --> 00:19:49.799 put out to my clients, to my students, and if 336 00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:53.119 I'm doing public speaking like this is the base of 337 00:19:53.160 --> 00:19:56.559 it all, this is what holds it up. What are 338 00:19:56.640 --> 00:20:00.720 you doing to take care of yourself as as an adult? 339 00:20:01.039 --> 00:20:06.319 Exactly exactly that's your exactly. Yeah, And let's be very 340 00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:09.359 clear about what we're talking about for this moment in 341 00:20:09.480 --> 00:20:11.920 time that you and I are talking when we say 342 00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:14.680 taking care of ourselves, the body, mind, spirit part of 343 00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:17.960 this and the emotional part of it. And in nine 344 00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:21.640 times that of ten cases, the emotional part is left out. 345 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:23.720 You know, we give people a bunch of tasks, a 346 00:20:23.720 --> 00:20:26.480 bunch of assignment, right your journal, do this, do that, 347 00:20:27.079 --> 00:20:29.480 But that's not going to help Caitlyn Clark on the court. 348 00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:34.240 I mean, this is a woman that has a lifetime 349 00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:40.079 of being a little bit like me, right, I mean honestly, 350 00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:44.160 so you want to work with somebody that was like 351 00:20:44.279 --> 00:20:47.319 you and is not like that anymore. Because I'm the 352 00:20:47.359 --> 00:20:51.240 woman that coached championship softball and I'm telling you when 353 00:20:51.240 --> 00:20:54.000 I was ejected from the game, I climbed over the 354 00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:58.680 backstop to get at the referee. And so please don't 355 00:20:58.720 --> 00:21:03.200 mark that down as good behave. It's not. But clearly 356 00:21:03.839 --> 00:21:05.960 I had to put my passion and purpose in a 357 00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:08.759 different place and know how to handle that, not for me, 358 00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:14.000 but for who I wanted the team to become. What's 359 00:21:14.039 --> 00:21:19.079 the consequence of that, Well, bad behavior on bad behavior 360 00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:24.640 on the field, like my players just crazy, like they're 361 00:21:24.839 --> 00:21:29.519 taking some kind of angry drug, but you can't see 362 00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:30.240 it in the moment. 363 00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:34.640 You're right, And to that point, this is where I 364 00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:37.039 do come to this work with a great deal of 365 00:21:37.079 --> 00:21:42.480 empathy and you know, fierce gentleness in that I know, 366 00:21:42.599 --> 00:21:45.160 I understand. I've been there, I'm still there in some 367 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:47.599 parts of my life. Like I just shared around technology, 368 00:21:48.519 --> 00:21:52.440 it's it's where we all are at some point or another. 369 00:21:52.559 --> 00:21:53.319 Yeah. 370 00:21:53.319 --> 00:21:55.400 But by the time someone comes to work with me, 371 00:21:55.559 --> 00:21:57.759 and I say this many I've said this many times before, 372 00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:01.240 they have got to be ready, willing and aim to 373 00:22:01.400 --> 00:22:03.519 do the work and what's asked of them, because they've 374 00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:06.920 already been through so many other healing systems that I 375 00:22:07.079 --> 00:22:09.119 just haven't worked for them. And I'm not bashing any 376 00:22:09.160 --> 00:22:11.720 healing systems because everybody comes to it from a different 377 00:22:11.720 --> 00:22:15.400 place and different modalities work for different people. But for 378 00:22:15.480 --> 00:22:17.519 the most part, by the time someone comes to me, 379 00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:22.279 they're saying I've tried everything, yeah, and I just there's 380 00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:24.799 something that hasn't shifted yet. And that's where I say, then, 381 00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:29.440 look good, let's go and find those core limiting beliefs. 382 00:22:30.039 --> 00:22:32.359 Let's go and find the language that you're using, and 383 00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:36.440 see if we can vibrate that language, you know, and 384 00:22:36.680 --> 00:22:39.599 let's get you into this mindset of I am responsible 385 00:22:39.640 --> 00:22:42.039 for myself and my well being. It doesn't mean your 386 00:22:42.119 --> 00:22:45.079 story isn't important. It doesn't mean that what has happened 387 00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:48.359 to you is irrelevant or that we're pushing it away. 388 00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:50.799 We are not at all. What we are doing is 389 00:22:50.839 --> 00:22:54.079 we are changing your relationship. 390 00:22:53.319 --> 00:22:55.799 With it, and we're not changing the fact that it's 391 00:22:56.039 --> 00:22:58.440 Some of these things are true. I'm not changing that. 392 00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:01.200 I mean, I was abused and beaten in Catholic boarding 393 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:03.759 school at age five. It doesn't mean that. But when 394 00:23:03.799 --> 00:23:06.759 I tell that story now, I don't lead with that. 395 00:23:07.079 --> 00:23:09.440 I said. When people ask me questions like what's the 396 00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:11.519 worst thing that happened to you in that Catholic boarding school, 397 00:23:11.559 --> 00:23:15.359 I said eating oatmeal, because that really was. But help 398 00:23:15.440 --> 00:23:18.279 us through with an exercise on how to question our 399 00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:20.599 core beliefs, because see, this is the work you do. 400 00:23:21.079 --> 00:23:22.920 And then, you know, we have a lot to talk 401 00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:26.440