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<v Speaker 1>This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a great Love to bab Hi again. Everyone's Brian Howie.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one

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<v Speaker 2>dating air relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am here

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<v Speaker 2>in the very fine, fancy and brand new updated studios

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<v Speaker 2>of Pod Popular Podcasts for the People. I am at

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<v Speaker 2>the one in Palm Beach Gardens and it's a new one,

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<v Speaker 2>and I have Travis here, not only on the controls,

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<v Speaker 2>but he's also hanging some shit here. So if you

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<v Speaker 2>hear a drill, he was worried. He's like, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to make noise during your podcast. And

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<v Speaker 2>I said, my podcast listeners love ambient noise, and some

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<v Speaker 2>of my podcast listeners out there are like, no, we

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<v Speaker 2>do not. We don't like ambient noise. But if you

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<v Speaker 2>hear a drill or something breaking, he's hanging stuff. One

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<v Speaker 2>thing that we we touch on, I don't know. Occasionally

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<v Speaker 2>around here we touch on it more, but we haven't

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<v Speaker 2>quite done it in a while is the concept of

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<v Speaker 2>the five love languages. And for those of you who

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<v Speaker 2>are not familiar. It was a book by Gary Chapman. Chapman,

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<v Speaker 2>I think, and it basically says that everyone has a

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<v Speaker 2>certain love language that is most important, and that by

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<v Speaker 2>understanding and speaking your partner's love language and having them

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<v Speaker 2>understand yours somehow you are able to properly communicate and

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<v Speaker 2>give your partner what they want need to be happy, fulfilled, whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>So now, common mistake that people make, whether it's in

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<v Speaker 2>their thought process or in their their dating profile, is

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<v Speaker 2>that they're trying to find someone who speaks the same

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<v Speaker 2>love language. And if you aren't familiar, and just to

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<v Speaker 2>back up forty five seconds here, the love language in

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<v Speaker 2>the book, the five love languages are acts of service,

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<v Speaker 2>receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.

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<v Speaker 2>And we'll circle back to those in a second in

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit more detail. But my issue is in

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<v Speaker 2>people trying to find a partner who speaks the same

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<v Speaker 2>love language, which makes no sense to me. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>you both love receiving gifts. You both think that's your

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<v Speaker 2>love language, or you're looking for somebody who also likes that,

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<v Speaker 2>so you just sort of pingpong the massage weekend gift

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<v Speaker 2>cards back and forth between you. That doesn't make any

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<v Speaker 2>sense to me. Of course not. Of course that is

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<v Speaker 2>not a recipe for anything. And that kind of mindset

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<v Speaker 2>has you and a lot of people out there looking for,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, a version of yourself. I like this. This

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<v Speaker 2>makes my life easier if they like that. H That's

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<v Speaker 2>like saying, you know, you both need to be Denver

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<v Speaker 2>Bronco fans and people date that way, or fans of

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<v Speaker 2>the Office people date that way. But you need to

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<v Speaker 2>be you know, find a situation rather than that, to

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<v Speaker 2>find one who can sort of compliment and enhance who

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<v Speaker 2>you are and the situation. But I'm not here to

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<v Speaker 2>just dive in all the love languages. I'm here to

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<v Speaker 2>talk about my problem with them, the issue I have

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<v Speaker 2>with them. First of all, I don't think there's only five,

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<v Speaker 2>and I don't know. I would love to see Gary

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<v Speaker 2>Chapman's discard list. I would like to see how he

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<v Speaker 2>had fifteen and then narrowed it down, and he's probably like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>these three are kind of the same, let's do that.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a lot easier if you have a group of five.

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<v Speaker 2>I get that. I don't think there's only five, though,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean Mazarelli sticks or my love language, and I

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<v Speaker 2>don't see them on this list or in his book.

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<v Speaker 2>Not a single maxim mentioned. But maybe that's in receiving gifts.

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<v Speaker 2>I want some to give those to me. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>But that's not my issue with the love languages. My

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<v Speaker 2>issue is this, eighty five percent of men have the

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<v Speaker 2>same love language eighty five percent. And you're like, where'd

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<v Speaker 2>you get that stat from? I did the research myself.

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<v Speaker 2>I've done it twice two times. We have done a

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<v Speaker 2>survey of over one thousand men, which makes this the

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<v Speaker 2>single biggest survey ever done on this, and ask them

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<v Speaker 2>what is their love language, and men eighty five percent,

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<v Speaker 2>like eighty four point five came back with the same

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<v Speaker 2>love language. So back to Gary Chapman's book. If you're

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<v Speaker 2>going to break this concept down and say there's only

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<v Speaker 2>there's five and there's only five, that's fine, but they

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<v Speaker 2>better be split at about twenty percent each. You can't

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<v Speaker 2>have one have eighty five percent and then the other four,

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<v Speaker 2>at least on the men's side collectively do fifteen and

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<v Speaker 2>or else it doesn't really make sense. And on the

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<v Speaker 2>women's side, it's not twenty twenty, twenty twenty twenty either

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<v Speaker 2>you know, but it's it's a little closer on that.

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<v Speaker 2>So when I ask women, which is what I'm getting

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<v Speaker 2>into here today, to guess the love language that eighty

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<v Speaker 2>five percent of men have, about eighty five percent of

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<v Speaker 2>them get it wrong. And the fact that they get

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<v Speaker 2>it wrong really affects everything about how they date and

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<v Speaker 2>who they date and the outcome of them dating. Because

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<v Speaker 2>if you think a guy I wants this or does

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<v Speaker 2>this or has that and it's not quite right, neither

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<v Speaker 2>of you will be fulfilled. And you hear the drill,

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<v Speaker 2>that's the drill. I told you it was coming. And

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<v Speaker 2>that's a huge problem with all of this and all

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<v Speaker 2>of us. Nobody is fulfilled. So you're probably like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>just get to the point. What is the eighty love

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<v Speaker 2>language that eighty five percent of men have? And some

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<v Speaker 2>of you're trying to guess out there, Well, that is

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<v Speaker 2>called a tease. We will reveal that love lesson for

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<v Speaker 2>you here. Don't be a tease, but we will reveal

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<v Speaker 2>the answer to that and be back right after this.

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<v Speaker 2>And we are back. We're talking about love languages. So

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<v Speaker 2>eighty five percent of women think that men No, wait,

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<v Speaker 2>that's wrong. Sorry, I almost ware eighty five percent of

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<v Speaker 2>women guess this wrong. Eighty five percent of men have

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<v Speaker 2>the same love language and almost all women and guess

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<v Speaker 2>it to be physical touch. They're like, men are horny,

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<v Speaker 2>primitive creatures. It must be physical touch, and it is

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<v Speaker 2>not and it is not gifts, and it is not

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<v Speaker 2>acts of service. Eighty five percent of men love language

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<v Speaker 2>is words of affirmation, and because they do not get

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<v Speaker 2>words of affirmation, they need the physical touch because in

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<v Speaker 2>some way that is at least a sign that she

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<v Speaker 2>thinks something positive of you. I bring this up a

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<v Speaker 2>lot that a lot of times the women are like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>the men are just trying to get some action on

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<v Speaker 2>the first date, and they're always groping at me whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>It's that. It's because they are not hear that's real.

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<v Speaker 2>It's because they are not getting anything back communicatively on

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<v Speaker 2>these dates. They tell you you're pretty, they tell you

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<v Speaker 2>would you like to see a dessert menu, They compliment you,

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<v Speaker 2>they say all these things, and maybe the men is

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<v Speaker 2>getting back thank you. So he's like, well, if I

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<v Speaker 2>make a move and she likes it, well then she

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't think I'm gross. But if he got some positive words,

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<v Speaker 2>I got it, he would calm down. To the point

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<v Speaker 2>where I've said many times, if the women want the

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<v Speaker 2>men to just calm the fuck down on the first date,

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<v Speaker 2>she has to be like, listen, I find you super attractive.

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<v Speaker 2>I just don't like to do anything until I'm ready.

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<v Speaker 2>But when I'm ready, it will blow your mind, and

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<v Speaker 2>he will calm the fuck down because he knows blow

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<v Speaker 2>your mind is on the menu. I talk about this

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<v Speaker 2>on our live shows a lot that there's three things

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<v Speaker 2>that all men three things at all women need. There's

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<v Speaker 2>three things that all men need, and the women just

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<v Speaker 2>to quick a refresher if you're new around here. The

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<v Speaker 2>women need to feel special, they need to feel safe,

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<v Speaker 2>and they need to feel sexy. Safe is the tough one.

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<v Speaker 2>On the women's side, they need to safe is about

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<v Speaker 2>trust and sharing and oustin and understanding all these things.

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<v Speaker 2>But on the men's side, the men need to be

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<v Speaker 2>admired or respected. The men need to be appreciated, and

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<v Speaker 2>the men need to be needed, And that is the

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<v Speaker 2>tough one, especially as we record this in twenty twenty four.

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<v Speaker 2>The men are not needed much anymore. And I say

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<v Speaker 2>all the time, you know the people, some women say no,

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<v Speaker 2>it's about want, not need, no no need. I want

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<v Speaker 2>tater touts. I need world peace. Now I screwed up

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<v Speaker 2>my own joke. I need I need world peace. I

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<v Speaker 2>want tater tuts. I don't even know my joke is

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<v Speaker 2>anymore anyway. But that's the difference, Like it's about need.

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<v Speaker 2>They want to be needed, and the need is not

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<v Speaker 2>I need physical touch. I need you to need me

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<v Speaker 2>a lot more. A lot more women have a love

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<v Speaker 2>language of physical touch than men do. It's not even close,

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<v Speaker 2>but the men the women sometimes, misterpt it. I know

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<v Speaker 2>a girl and uh, she was really having challenges in

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<v Speaker 2>her marriage, and she couldn't understand why her husband did

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<v Speaker 2>not care about her love her the way she thought

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<v Speaker 2>he should or wanted him to. And she says to me,

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<v Speaker 2>I was talking to her. I barely knew her, so

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<v Speaker 2>surprised that she even said this, But she said, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't understand I give him blowjobs. She said that about

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<v Speaker 2>her husband, and and like that was gonna be the

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<v Speaker 2>magical thing that of course he's gonna love her, like

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<v Speaker 2>if she's performing these sort of wifely duties, especially the

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<v Speaker 2>light bulb was going to go off for him. And

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, she doesn't get it. If she somehow, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>encouraged him or made him feel good about himself, or

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<v Speaker 2>create an environment there he could feel confident or any

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<v Speaker 2>of these other things, or made him feel loved or anything,

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<v Speaker 2>he probably wouldn't need that. And he doesn't even need

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<v Speaker 2>that she's given to him because she's like, I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to give him this. This at least has to make

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<v Speaker 2>him happy. No, it will also make him happy, but

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<v Speaker 2>it will not be the core that makes him happy.

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<v Speaker 2>And you and a lot of the women are like,

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<v Speaker 2>I shouldn't have to do that. Happiness as this comes

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<v Speaker 2>from with him whatever. I don't know. It's about an

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<v Speaker 2>environment and two of you have to create an environment

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<v Speaker 2>where each other can be happy and the trust can

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<v Speaker 2>flourish and the sharing can happen and all these kind

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<v Speaker 2>of things. So if you're just like, oh, I'll just

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<v Speaker 2>have sex with him, that's going to be everything. And

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<v Speaker 2>the same girl, I mean, they got divorced later. I

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<v Speaker 2>know that because it didn't work out. And that same

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<v Speaker 2>girl I know her dating now. She she tends to

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<v Speaker 2>lead with sex. She's like, if I give them sex,

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<v Speaker 2>they're gonna, they're gonna that's what they need. And they

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<v Speaker 2>like me I'm like, they also need other things, and

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of those other things they need first, and

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<v Speaker 2>they need intimacy, and sometimes they need to hug, and

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes they need to hold your hand, and sometimes they

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<v Speaker 2>need to feel like they look good, and they need

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<v Speaker 2>all these things. So, yes, men are sometimes very primitive,

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<v Speaker 2>horny creatures and cave men. But a lot of times

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<v Speaker 2>that's because nothing else is getting in or getting through

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<v Speaker 2>to them. And so I'm not trying to like put

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<v Speaker 2>the burden on the ladies, but a lot of this

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<v Speaker 2>is you're just not understanding the men. And if you

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<v Speaker 2>think that physical touch is what is driving him, it's not.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the words, and the men rarely get the words.

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<v Speaker 2>The very very best partner that I know, the best

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<v Speaker 2>partner in the world, she never misses an opportunity.

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<v Speaker 1>To say.

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<v Speaker 2>I love you, you're the best, You're my guy, I

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<v Speaker 2>believe in you, I'm proud of you, I support you,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so happy to be with you, all of those

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<v Speaker 2>things that maybe in the twenty years of marriage people

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<v Speaker 2>have trouble saying to each other. And I understand that

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<v Speaker 2>in the noise of a life and the noise of

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<v Speaker 2>a family, you might forget to do that, but a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of times he doesn't forget to do that.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>I know there's a lot of women out there, like

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<v Speaker 2>my husband hasn't told me I'm beautiful in ten years,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe because he thinks he's not getting anything back, or

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<v Speaker 2>maybe he thinks you won't care, or maybe he thinks

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<v Speaker 2>you're saying it for the wrong reason. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of this, and a lot of the women,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, if you ask them, they need physical touch

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<v Speaker 2>because they want to feel desired, and that is the

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<v Speaker 2>missing element out of a lot of the women. They

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<v Speaker 2>want to feel desired, they want to feel close. They

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<v Speaker 2>want physical touch because they need closeness. And sometimes that

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<v Speaker 2>is just a hand on the arm or a or

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<v Speaker 2>a hug or something like that. It's not necessarily sex either.

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<v Speaker 2>They want him to say I've got you, and touch

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<v Speaker 2>means I've got you. Some of this, you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>know we've gotten into before, and some of it we haven't.

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<v Speaker 2>But it comes up a lot, and I'm surprised at

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<v Speaker 2>a concept that really seems to have so much legs

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<v Speaker 2>and people talk about a lot. They rarely talk about

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<v Speaker 2>that sort of blip in his system where it's like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>if eighty five percent of men want the same thing

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<v Speaker 2>and a big, big chunk of women are getting it wrong,

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<v Speaker 2>we're not doing a good job of communicating what that

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<v Speaker 2>is and why it's getting why it's wrong, and so

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<v Speaker 2>many of the women are like, he's a simple creature.

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<v Speaker 2>He is. I've said before, the men are light switches

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<v Speaker 2>and the women are motherboards. And you know, we had

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<v Speaker 2>back in the early days of this podcast, we had

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<v Speaker 2>doctor John Gray, the guy who wrote mars Venus, on

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<v Speaker 2>this podcast, and he was fantastic, and he agreed with

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of the you know, the differences between the

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<v Speaker 2>men and the women and how they've evolved. We always

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<v Speaker 2>say on the Great Love Debate, the women look for

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<v Speaker 2>red flags and the men look for green lights. We

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<v Speaker 2>stand by that. He agrees with that. We're just different

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<v Speaker 2>in what we're looking for. And for him, a green

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<v Speaker 2>light comes from the words, comes from the words. So

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<v Speaker 2>if you think that, you know, well, I made out

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<v Speaker 2>with him, so he knows I like him, not necessarily,

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm saying you shouldn't do that either. Saying you shouldn't,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm saying you got to follow that up with this

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<v Speaker 2>was fun. That was great. I want to do it again.

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<v Speaker 1>You look good.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, we get the smack on the nose as

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<v Speaker 2>men way more than we get the pat on the nose.

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<v Speaker 2>The pat on the nose means so much more because

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<v Speaker 2>it is rarer. And so if you think about it again,

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<v Speaker 2>as always, I'm never trying to defend the men. Most men,

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<v Speaker 2>including me, suck. But if you're getting into this and

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<v Speaker 2>you're trying to understand, what is something very very easy

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<v Speaker 2>that I need to do for him to make him

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<v Speaker 2>understand not that he cares about me, that that I

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<v Speaker 2>care about him. It's not a lap dance. It's not

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<v Speaker 2>say that for birthdays and anniversaries. It's you were amazing today,

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<v Speaker 2>or you made me feel great, or I'm proud of you,

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<v Speaker 2>or I love how hard you work, I love how

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<v Speaker 2>you take care of this family, whatever it is. I

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<v Speaker 2>love how you put me first. Things like that. And

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<v Speaker 2>then maybe even if he's not putting me first, he

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<v Speaker 2>might realize that that matters to you. So your words

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<v Speaker 2>of affirmation will boomerang back to you in a very

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<v Speaker 2>very positive way that it's like, oh, she recognized that

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<v Speaker 2>I did something that made me care more about her,

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<v Speaker 2>that made me love her, that made me want her,

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<v Speaker 2>that made me appreciate her all of that. And so

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<v Speaker 2>you know, this isn't the longest podcast that I can

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<v Speaker 2>tell that Travis has tried to dodge around my sentences

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<v Speaker 2>to avoid the drill. Go ahead and drill trap this drill,

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<v Speaker 2>baby drill. He's putting acoustic panels up on the wall,

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<v Speaker 2>so maybe there's little echo. But that's what I want

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<v Speaker 2>to get into today. Ladies, men, don't assume that's what

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<v Speaker 2>it is, because it is not. Give him some words

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<v Speaker 2>and a gift card for some Mazzarelli sticks. As far

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<v Speaker 2>as us like, share, follow, please re youth, shoot me

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<v Speaker 2>an email, mail Great Love Debate at gmail dot com.

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<v Speaker 2>If you've got comments, thoughts, questions, or I don't agree

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<v Speaker 2>with you, you're wrong, but you can agree with me.

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<v Speaker 2>Great Love Debate at Gmail because as always at the

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<v Speaker 2>Great Love Debate, we never stop making love. See you

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<v Speaker 2>next time.

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<v Speaker 1>The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, Degree

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a Great Love Debate.