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Speaker 1: On location and driven by Victor Chrystlin, dot's chief Brown.

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It's Billified the Bill Moran Podcast.

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Speaker 2: Well, hello and welcome from the love capital of Rhinebeck,

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New York. I mean my mom's home. You can see

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all the things behind me, and there she is mah March.

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Last night we uh, we were people watching at the

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Beagman Arms, the oldest in in America.

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Speaker 3: And it's so much fun to go there. It's like

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this old it's almost like a speakeasy in the back.

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I mean it's not it's you know what I mean.

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It's quiet, it's nice. It's like you're tucked away. No

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one knows where you are. It's awesome. And bar Marge

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was disciplined and had one drink and I did not.

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Speaker 1: I had to. I love I have to just say this.

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Speaker 3: And I don't know where I got this from, and

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maybe you have a better insight, but I love to drink.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I love I absolutely, I just love it.

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I love the people. I love the events around it,

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like the games, like the socialization. You know, nothing makes

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me happier than when you go out for brunch and

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they say mimosas, mimosas.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, we'll have mimosas.

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Speaker 3: Oh it's bottomless mimosas today, and you practically, you know,

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get so excited. It's so much fun. But my mother said,

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as she sat down, I don't know what we're going

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to talk about, and oh, yeah, here, and I said, oh,

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I don't like to tell you because I don't want

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you to overthink things, because you have a tendency.

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Speaker 1: To do that.

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Speaker 3: But what I would say is, this will be fun.

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This will be very interesting and insightful. And I think, no,

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I did, Why are you nervous? Yes, you are my

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mom who rebuilt her house after burned down, rebuilt her

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life after thirty five years of marriage, raised three kids,

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ran a department, and is still teaching at seventy nine

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years old. Right, well, you're going to be teaching a

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class for adult learners at Bard College, which I think

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is still one of the most expensive universities in the

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United States. And for people who haven't heard about it,

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if you watch the Chevy Chase and it's Chevy.

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Speaker 1: You idiot.

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Speaker 3: As I interviewed him once and I burst out laughing,

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I think I just get that guy, like I really do,

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because everybody said to me afterwards that interview would have

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tanked had you not. And I go, yeah, he wasn't.

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That's that's funny. That's a funny thing that he said.

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But it's in there. He went to bard. I don't

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know that he finished. I think he dropped out, but

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it's in there. So, But you were going to be

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teaching a class for adult learners on listening, which I

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think is maybe one of the most important skills you

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can have, and if you could develop it at twenty five,

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it would be such such a nice thing. But for you,

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what is the difference between hearing and truly listening? And

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pull that microphone a little bit closer to you. You

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don't have to if you just yeah.

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Speaker 4: Well, hearing's more physical mechanics.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Listening it's more into emotional, right and intellectual and

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if you're really listening, your empathizer with the listener.

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Speaker 4: With the speaker.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So listening is a validation, yes, when you think about it.

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And I even wonder if that helps people with like

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their nervous system regulation of things. I mean, when you

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think about a child who isn't listened to, what do

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they do?

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Speaker 1: They get loud, then.

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Speaker 3: They get your attention one way or another, right, And

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I think that's that's the uh, well, sure, And I

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mean there is something about when we feel really heard.

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I even think that like when you're not really listening

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in a marriage, you know, and you're hearing but not listening.

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And I think like most guys here and then they

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try to fix instead of listen, right, Yes, And I

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really do. And I think that listening, I mean this

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is where arguments dissolve some time into name calling, which

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is always the intellectual eject button on anything, and it's

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hard to recover from that. I think that it leads to,

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like our political division, no one's really listening to anybody anymore.

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There's a lot of shouting on social media and things

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that we hear.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I would say listening is regulation.

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Speaker 5: And then that's a big thing when people are trying

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to fix it and somebody else is just trying to

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say sometimes they just need a place to talk, They

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need somebody to listen to them. And you know, I've

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spent my life in teaching communication skills. Most of it

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was on the other end, helping people speak correctly, but

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to do that, you know, I also saw it listening

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and I used to with the kids talk about whole

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body listening, so you need to tend with your eyes.

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You need to be looking at the person. You need

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to be tuned in, so you need to be centered,

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calm down, focused.

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Speaker 3: So all of that, all that does come into play.

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Let me ask you about like the neurodivergent, for example,

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which is the term we'll tell you say about kids

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with the Autis's spectrum disorder or anything. Because I spent

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a lot of time with a young man who.

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Speaker 1: Has some issues. I won't go into where they are.

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Speaker 3: But often it's like doing something else while the teacher's teaching,

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but will look at me and answer the question that

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is asked to the class. I just want to For

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some it's that way. I would think, like there are

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physical signings that you're tuned in and listening, and I

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think as an adult, you know you need to learn

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those or give the respect, especially in relationships and things.

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And and I don't even mean romantic relationships. Yeah, yeah, imptant, yeah,

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because I think if you don't feel heard at some times,

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you don't feel safe, would that be you know.

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Speaker 1: What I mean? You almost feel especially in a relationship.

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And I do think like.

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Speaker 3: What was a silly book that used to came out

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years ago, and then there's some truth through it. Men

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are from Mars, women are from Venus, you know, and everybody.

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It became a joke, it became something some people took

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it very seriously, but there was some value I think

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in there, and especially from the male side of well,

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I have to fix something, and the more emotional side

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is like exactly what you said, which is what therapy

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would be. Person centered therapy would be listening and not

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trying to fix, you know, let you find the solution

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your off.

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Speaker 5: A lot of times, like in relationships and with men especially.

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Speaker 4: They're hearing.

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Speaker 5: They are hearing, yes, and so it looks to the

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speaker that they're not listening, but they've heard, you know,

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if you question them on it. So, but then you

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know it's making the speaker comfortable too. Is another responsibility

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of the listener.

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Speaker 3: Well, feeling her right, So the listener needs to almost

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validate that, like instead I got you, I got you,

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I hear you, or what wait, what was my favorite?

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Speaker 1: What was my favorite? Your parents? Your parents agon ed?

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Speaker 3: I used to love I got it, I just I

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got as Oh, whatever you say, I just whatever you say,

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I got it.

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Speaker 1: I got it. That would be what he would say.

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Do you think I ever felt her? That was my favorite.

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That and the other thing I just thought about.

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Speaker 3: I always think of this every once in a while

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and I get such a smile on my face, and

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then I want to hit one other thing on them too.

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So my grandparents lived in I don't even know what

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would you call it kind of house ranch? Yeah, the ranch,

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straight ranch.

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Speaker 1: So they had one bathroom and the place was immaculate.

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I mean it was spotless, spotless. It was like the.

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Speaker 3: Show house of the neighborhood. You could you could never

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walk in there, and it wasn't spotless. And he would

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stand at the other end when we were all we

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would all sleep over or something. He would stand at

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the other end and yell from his bedroom Agnes the

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bathroom empty, and she would yell back, Yeah, it's fine,

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you go, are you sure? Yeah, And then he would run.

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He would run in his boxer shorts. So once I

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learned what was happening, I would just stand by the

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door because I needed to see this blur of a

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big old man running down the hall at top speed

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for him, and it is underwear. I remember his boxer

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short he had no shirt on. He just had his

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boxer short. He had a towel, I think, and something

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else in his hand and then he uh, but the

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boxer shorts always had a pattern. They were like big

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brown spots on there or something. They weren't made by him,

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they were on there, but it was that. But then

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when you think about fixing, and people talk about in

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relationships love language, and I almost feel like his love

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language was to do for you.

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Speaker 1: Oh, definitely, to do for you. So he was very he.

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Speaker 3: Was he had colon rectal cancer that eventually took him out.

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Speaker 5: But thinking when you took about the old man running

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down the hall, he wasn't much older than you are now.

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Speaker 1: Probably yeah, he died sixty nine.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's probably true. Yeah fifty five. Well I

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was five when he was. I'm fifty four. I was

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probably like four. I don't know how old he was

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when I was born. I know AG was fifty.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he was like also fifty one.

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Speaker 3: Fifty one yeah, so yeah, yeah, time I'm thinking of

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this more, I was about ten, so he was probably

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sixty when he would do this, And yeah, you're right,

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not much older than me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So the but then when he was dying in

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that day.

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Speaker 3: He was sick and he was in bed, and then

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Grandma could never sleep or I don't know what she

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would do. She'd be up and you know, she'd be

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lurking around like a cat somewhere. And she comes in

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to check on us. And they had a wicker wreath

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on the bedroom door of the middle room, and she

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trips over a bag as she lands. As she leaves

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the room, she then kind of crashes into the door

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and she falls with her hand up and the wreath

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falls down her arm up to herself. It was like

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a ring toss, and it's this loud thing and she

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lets out one of her egg and you hear from

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the bedroom.

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Speaker 1: I goes, I.

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Speaker 3: Goes, you're right, I'm fine, Eddy, I'm fine.

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Speaker 1: He goes, what do you need me to do? Stay away?

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Speaker 4: Already?

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Speaker 1: This was the whole thing. It was like, it was

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the funniest fucking thing. I remember just laughing. I couldn't

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believe it.

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Speaker 3: Once you knew she was fine. You know, you weren't

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gonna do anything. But anyway, I those were They're fun

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things for me to think about every once in a while.

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The house that we were raised in, that dad had built,

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primarily built most of it.

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Speaker 1: It burned out.

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Speaker 3: And what was the first thought when you when you

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saw the house, like after you come back and it

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was just ashes in the foundation in the basement, you know,

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because we had all come down, and uh, what did

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you I mean, what was that first thought when you

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saw that?

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Speaker 1: Well, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I'm thinking in the aftermath, but even when it was happening,

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because you were trying to get the car out, and

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that's screaming, get out, get out, get out, and you're

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gonna go get the car, back it out and then well, yeah.

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Speaker 5: Dad was downstairs and had said you have to get

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out right away and clone nine one one. There were

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only weren't cell phones that big in that day. So

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I somehow had the house phone and I'm calling nine

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one one. And then I had just come in from

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yoga and I was in the crappiest clothes possible, and

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I decided, well, we both need jackets.

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Speaker 4: Well I pulled out.

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Speaker 1: Old, Yeah, what what time are you here? Was this?

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I don't remember feverywhere February? Okay, yeah, it.

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Speaker 5: Was very cold out. It was snow all over the ground.

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And I so then I'm like not seeing the flames right,

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and they're under me. So I'm thinking I had a

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new job, and all the testing for the kindergartens school

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district was in the back of my car. We did

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this quarterly test a lot of the listening skills and all.

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So I thought, I'll go through the garage. So you

241
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as I'm going through the dining room, which we entered

242
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the garage through, the lights went it. The flames were

243
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raging under me, but I didn't know it, and so

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I went to put up the garage door and only

245
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went up a little bit because the electricity went out.

246
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So I'm going down, coats in my hand and all,

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and I go down the stairs because you went down

248
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into the garage, and I said, do we take.

249
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Speaker 4: The car and just drive it? I would have ram

250
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it through. Well. Dad was standing there.

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Speaker 5: So so it was a good thing I did. I

252
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crawled under and he goes, oh my god, we're worrying,

253
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and he said, we have to run down this driveway

254
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and he said the wind is going to blow. And

255
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we weren't to the bottom of the driveway that the

256
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wind just started blowing out there.

257
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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean that's a yeah. So oh,

258
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you come real close to your own mortality.

259
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Speaker 5: In that Oh my god, when I think about standing

260
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over that dining room, Oh when I think of what

261
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that would have felt like, that floor collapsed and everything

262
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did clapse and went right into the basement, right, And

263
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it was minutes, Yeah, maybe less, I don't know. But anyway,

264
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I got out and the car earned in the school district.

265
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Speaker 4: We were fine. There's nothing that taught you, and that

266
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that was the thing. I think.

267
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Speaker 5: I was even the bottom of that driveway and I

268
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realized everything else is replaceable.

269
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Speaker 4: Everything. I remember really being hit by.

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Speaker 5: That that here we were standing there, we had good jobs,

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we had in terms somehow this would be taken care of,

272
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and and then we were a mess together. And I

273
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really thought that we could now work together and pull

274
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this back together in our own relationship because everything was

275
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taken away.

276
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Speaker 4: I mean there was nothing.

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Speaker 3: No. I was yeah, because I was going to ask you,

278
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,399
what does it teach you about attachments?

279
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Speaker 1: And I think you just said it. Everything is replaceable.

280
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean there are certain things like the pictures

281
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and stuff, the.

282
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Speaker 5: Pictures and the videos, those were the things of you

283
00:14:55,679 --> 00:14:56,559
guys growing up.

284
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Speaker 1: Yeah, those are the things I think would be hard.

285
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Speaker 5: I had antique things of that my mother had given me,

286
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of her mother's and that stuff was gone. It was

287
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a beautiful butter dish, and you know it's gone. And

288
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I remember saying to her, now hold it for a while,

289
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and what she did. But yeah, you realized that. And

290
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I remember when the psychologists in school, he meant well,

291
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but he kept following me around.

292
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Speaker 4: He thought I should be a wreck. He thought I

293
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should be a mess.

294
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Speaker 5: Yeah, and I was really okay because you know, we

295
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just started putting it back together in and you none

296
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of you guys were there.

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Speaker 1: You were all adults. I had. I mean, I'm not

298
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sure we're the U. I had kids. Yes, you, Jackson

299
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and Jordan were around, so and you.

300
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Speaker 4: All came down.

301
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Speaker 1: Yeah.

302
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Speaker 5: You know, we got settled into a condo and we

303
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get preoccupied with building that house.

304
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Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you grow all these attachments again.

305
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Speaker 2: Yeah.

306
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Speaker 3: I mean that's what I was going to ask you.

307
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Because the Homie rebuilt, like the boys loved. It was

308
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a beautiful, love, really gorgeous home. And uh, what was

309
00:16:01,759 --> 00:16:06,080
that rebuilding about structure or even more about identity of

310
00:16:06,159 --> 00:16:08,600
having a place that is yours, where you know, you're

311
00:16:08,639 --> 00:16:11,480
in this condo and you don't own it, and there

312
00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:13,200
is something about that that I think.

313
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Speaker 4: Is, yeah, the one did.

314
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Speaker 5: I think I was pretty pushing and instrumental in the

315
00:16:20,759 --> 00:16:23,480
rebuilding of this house in a lot of ways, but

316
00:16:23,559 --> 00:16:28,559
that worked and designed with the architectal. When did something

317
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,039
that the grandchildren that there would be space could all

318
00:16:32,039 --> 00:16:36,320
come home to and just something that was really comfortable.

319
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Everything had a place and that place.

320
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it did, it was it was. It was lovely.

321
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,559
Speaker 3: It was really really, really really nice. And I think

322
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,799
sometimes there are things that happen in life that you know,

323
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:50,960
your house burns down, you get to see kind of

324
00:16:51,039 --> 00:16:53,960
what actually matters. I mean, you sort of hit on

325
00:16:54,039 --> 00:16:57,440
that and then we go back to uh more of

326
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,399
the human side of things and we're going to rebuild

327
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and and you know, we need this and we need that,

328
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,519
and it's a wonderful distraction and its shopping for the

329
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,160
new furniture and it's like it's all there and it's

330
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:11,400
almost like, you know, you paid your insurance for nearly

331
00:17:12,039 --> 00:17:15,680
forty years or whatever it was, and so now you

332
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,960
know there's a lot there and you never had many claims,

333
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,720
so this is you can you know, you can rebuild. Yeah,

334
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:27,000
you you mentioned the house burning as a way for

335
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,920
the marriage maybe to come back together a little bit, right,

336
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,319
And I remember thinking, oh, this is great. There's nothing left.

337
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They can go get apart. And I know that that

338
00:17:37,759 --> 00:17:39,839
sounds terrible. I really did.

339
00:17:40,039 --> 00:17:44,519
Speaker 5: My closest friends wonderful. Yeah, they'll each took their share

340
00:17:44,559 --> 00:17:47,079
of the insurance, and then this is a way out.

341
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:48,119
Speaker 1: Yeah.

342
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,279
Speaker 4: And then one friend said.

343
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Speaker 5: Oh no, no, I know her. She will say we can

344
00:17:55,079 --> 00:17:58,440
put this back together. You know that this is the reason.

345
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And I actually kept thinking of Paul in the Bible

346
00:18:03,839 --> 00:18:07,119
being thrown off and blinded and thrown it was so

347
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,200
and then just you know, realisten.

348
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Speaker 4: So I just thought we could.

349
00:18:12,039 --> 00:18:12,799
Speaker 1: This would be our thing.

350
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:13,079
Speaker 4: Yeah.

351
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, how many years were you matter? Thirty eight was it?

352
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:18,880
I remember we had the thirty five.

353
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Speaker 4: Yeah, so it was about thirty eight when we did separate.

354
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,240
Speaker 1: Was Lee leaving harder than staying?

355
00:18:28,599 --> 00:18:29,079
Speaker 4: Staying?

356
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,920
Speaker 5: Was probably all the years in between. And I'm only

357
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,559
talking for myself, I'm sure.

358
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.

359
00:18:38,079 --> 00:18:42,559
Speaker 4: It was hard. But I was scared. Yeah, you know

360
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:43,400
I was.

361
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Speaker 5: I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think

362
00:18:46,599 --> 00:18:49,559
I was strong enough to do it, and I I

363
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,599
certainly Yeah, So what is so but when the final

364
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:59,519
breaking point came, the it was easier, it was it

365
00:18:59,559 --> 00:19:01,880
was better at that point to be alone.

366
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,960
Speaker 3: And I'm thinking about, like, you know, a lot of

367
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:11,920
times I think there are maybe it's men because I'm

368
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,960
a guy, and you know, but men, men feel stuck

369
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,400
in a certain relationship. And don't know, I think this

370
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:22,599
is a very relatable thing here. But you're sixty plus

371
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:26,039
at that point. What what did you learn about yourself

372
00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:27,640
in that situation that I could.

373
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,440
Speaker 4: Have done and I could have done it all along,

374
00:19:29,759 --> 00:19:29,960
you know.

375
00:19:30,279 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, and oh you know you say you guys feel stuck.

376
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 4: Women feel stuck. Oh, sure, you know because a lot

377
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:37,559
of women.

378
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,319
Speaker 5: Well, I was raised with the idea that the man's

379
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,200
head of the family, the man takes care of everything, right,

380
00:19:43,279 --> 00:19:48,039
you know, which I never complied to. I remember my

381
00:19:48,279 --> 00:19:51,079
dad saying to me, so you're working for a little

382
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,440
while now. I think it was after you were born,

383
00:19:54,599 --> 00:19:57,359
Billy or maybe Katie. I had gone back and he

384
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:01,480
said to help Bill out. And I was like, wait

385
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:05,440
a minute, I have a career here, and I said, not, Dad,

386
00:20:05,559 --> 00:20:07,799
I have a career trained to do this stuff. I

387
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:11,119
love doing it, and I'm working for that, you know.

388
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,880
So a lot of women feel stuck, and a lot

389
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,960
of women are and they couldn't support themselves, so they're

390
00:20:18,039 --> 00:20:20,240
very stuck in situations they can't get out of.

391
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

392
00:20:21,759 --> 00:20:25,400
Speaker 4: Well, and a lot of it.

393
00:20:24,559 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 5: Is what we think limit ourselves with our thinking.

394
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,200
Speaker 3: Well, what advice would you give to somebody that maybe

395
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,880
even as you said, afraid to leave.

396
00:20:34,839 --> 00:20:37,119
Speaker 5: I think you have to think the whole situation over.

397
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:41,799
Sure you know carefully what your situation is. See what

398
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,680
your resources are. You know, do you have a decent job,

399
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,960
are you bringing money? If you have children, are you

400
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,880
going to be able to manage this on your own?

401
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:54,680
Or can you come up with a peaceful resolution between

402
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,680
the two of you? And I think then you have

403
00:20:57,759 --> 00:21:05,039
to also at yourself because if you're not happy and

404
00:21:05,079 --> 00:21:08,519
if you if this is making you think less of yourself, yeah,

405
00:21:08,759 --> 00:21:11,599
and you don't love yourself, then you can't reach out

406
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,359
to anybody else with the love that you need to

407
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,920
be given, so diminishes you as a person.

408
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's a very important thing.

409
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:25,400
Speaker 3: And I remember a doctor saying to me one of

410
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:32,039
the kids, pediatricians saying, if you are not good, you're

411
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,400
gonna be GOODO for no one. You need to you

412
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,559
know when I think for years, and I don't know

413
00:21:37,599 --> 00:21:39,759
if you'll agree with this or not, but self care

414
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,680
was seen as selfish.

415
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,799
Speaker 1: You know, Oh yeah, they're gonna go.

416
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:46,599
Speaker 3: But all it is is a little time to reset,

417
00:21:46,599 --> 00:21:50,480
and I think it's very important for everybody, especially if

418
00:21:50,519 --> 00:21:55,119
you're a parent, if you are you know, by anything

419
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,440
in life. But really, that to me, would would be

420
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:01,599
the thing. So I mean, the starting overall. But you did,

421
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,319
and I'm not saying this for any reason other than

422
00:22:04,519 --> 00:22:08,960
I am somewhat curious about the uh what maybe surprised

423
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,319
you because you did start dating? What surprised you about

424
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,559
dating later in life? Because you're sixty something years old

425
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,440
and it was though it was I mean, I had

426
00:22:18,519 --> 00:22:20,160
no problem with that at all.

427
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,160
Speaker 1: I thought it was great, It was kind of fun.

428
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 4: It was kind of need to see that you still

429
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:28,039
could attract people.

430
00:22:28,319 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

431
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,640
Speaker 5: Sure, and there were a lot of good times, you know, Yeah,

432
00:22:31,759 --> 00:22:34,599
I had a lot of good times. And each person

433
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,640
brings something different. But now I think you look at

434
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,519
it and you realize, you know, I'm not giving up

435
00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:42,720
what I have right, a lot of my independence, a

436
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,200
lot of freedom. So getting married again is fine for

437
00:22:46,279 --> 00:22:48,759
some people, but I think you have to look at

438
00:22:48,759 --> 00:22:53,400
the whole pictures, so and then you see you can

439
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:58,000
you're not there's an independence there, so you're not involved

440
00:22:58,039 --> 00:23:00,440
with that other person. So even sometimes when they make

441
00:23:00,519 --> 00:23:03,240
remarks and things were with your husband, and I know,

442
00:23:03,319 --> 00:23:11,920
I was like this, Oh stop, you know, don't hey.

443
00:23:09,319 --> 00:23:12,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it. That's funny. Yeah, that is very funny.

444
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,640
Wow that that I kind of like that.

445
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,759
Speaker 3: I saw an Instagram reel that I thought was maybe

446
00:23:20,839 --> 00:23:23,000
spot on, and it's from a woman's point of view,

447
00:23:23,559 --> 00:23:25,799
and she's like a single mom. She goes, you know,

448
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:30,119
I just want a part time boyfriend that will be

449
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,119
there when I want him to be and we'll do

450
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,079
what I want to do and he'll see nobody else,

451
00:23:36,559 --> 00:23:38,920
but he'll be available whenever I want. But he can't

452
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,119
see you know, I want him to myself. But I

453
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,400
just want him when I want him. And I thought, yeah,

454
00:23:44,559 --> 00:23:49,960
I could totally see why that ideal would be nice, right,

455
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,799
because you just don't want the bullshit of stuff. And

456
00:23:52,839 --> 00:23:55,319
I think I say often as a joke, you know

457
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,079
when we talk about unconditional loving things, you leave your

458
00:23:58,079 --> 00:24:01,599
socks on the floor, you know, those little own, tiny annoyances,

459
00:24:02,279 --> 00:24:05,000
you know, sharing a bathroom with a man is probably

460
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,720
way grosser than sharing it with a woman, or vice versa.

461
00:24:07,759 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 1: I don't know.

462
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,880
Speaker 3: So you you know, you walk in, there's hair in

463
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,079
the sink, there's this, there's that, or there's hair in

464
00:24:14,079 --> 00:24:14,480
the drain.

465
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:15,039
Speaker 1: I don't know.

466
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 3: I would say, you know everything you've kind of talked

467
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,240
about here. Reinvention is not a young person's game. This

468
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,519
is not or only a young person's game. I think

469
00:24:25,519 --> 00:24:27,839
a lot of time we think, well, you can reinvent yourself. No,

470
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,119
I think you should always be trying to better yourself

471
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,359
or do something. I'm not sure about reinvent. But you know,

472
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,319
even the starting over thing, I think all that's overwhelming

473
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,039
and scary.

474
00:24:38,079 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 4: It is.

475
00:24:38,559 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 5: But I think, as I said, we limit our so

476
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:46,440
we let ourselves be scared. Yeah, and I think they

477
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:50,119
are again more self love, more realism in your abilities,

478
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:51,799
more confidence in yourself.

479
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 3: You are a master level reiki as well I am.

480
00:24:56,559 --> 00:25:00,559
And what is reiki like in I guess in simple terms,

481
00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:02,319
we'll call it layman terms, so to speak.

482
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 5: It's working on the body, the chakras of the body

483
00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:15,359
to let energy flow, and everything is made of energy.

484
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,319
And people are realizing that more and more and more.

485
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,319
Science is valid all.

486
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:25,359
Speaker 4: Over the place, so it helps people. It doesn't do anything.

487
00:25:25,519 --> 00:25:28,839
Speaker 5: Reiki is not to cure you, you know, it's not.

488
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,519
If you have an illness, you can and have regki.

489
00:25:31,599 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 1: No.

490
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,839
Speaker 5: Reiki is just to let your body. And we have

491
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,839
magnificent bodies that can heal themselves in many, many ways.

492
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,359
So reiki is to let your body relax, let the

493
00:25:42,559 --> 00:25:46,680
chakras open, let the energy flow, and let you be

494
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,920
better able to heal yourself, your body to be more

495
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:50,640
in balanced.

496
00:25:52,799 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 3: I was gonna ask, like his energy, Uh, just attention

497
00:25:58,240 --> 00:25:58,880
to yourself.

498
00:25:59,599 --> 00:26:00,799
Speaker 1: But it's I don't think it is.

499
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 3: I think that it's something that you need to sort

500
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:07,440
of focus on and realize is there, and that in

501
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,160
those calming moments. You know, well, a lot of healing

502
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:14,440
happens during sleep, right and and I think that we

503
00:26:14,559 --> 00:26:17,200
have poor sleep hygiene for the most part. You know,

504
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,160
people are just going on their phones. It's right next

505
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,920
to the bed. It's all this stuff. I don't know.

506
00:26:23,039 --> 00:26:26,079
I'll ask you this because we talk about you know,

507
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,720
listening and stuff like that, and how important presence is.

508
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:31,799
Is presence healing?

509
00:26:33,279 --> 00:26:34,319
Speaker 1: Oh? I think so? Yeah?

510
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think being in the moment. You know, we're always.

511
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 5: Looking at the past or worried about what's going to

512
00:26:44,559 --> 00:26:46,160
happen in the future.

513
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 1: Right, But the moments we have right.

514
00:26:49,279 --> 00:26:51,880
Speaker 5: Like, I'm just thinking, this has been such a nice weekend.

515
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,359
It was a short week with you, but the moments

516
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,000
being in the present for those moments was a present

517
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,920
it was and we have those all the time, right,

518
00:27:02,279 --> 00:27:04,759
Like waking up in the morning and looking at at

519
00:27:04,759 --> 00:27:08,000
the sunshine, but being present to see that, not waking

520
00:27:08,079 --> 00:27:12,559
up I got to do this again, but taking those moments.

521
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:16,839
So that's where I think meditation really helps. Just gratitude,

522
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,319
practicing gratitude. And it's easy, it's simple.

523
00:27:21,559 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 3: It is very easy and simple, and I think a

524
00:27:24,039 --> 00:27:30,200
lot of times it's, uh, you know, what was it? Like,

525
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,920
you know, something goes wrong, everything goes wrong, and you know,

526
00:27:34,079 --> 00:27:36,359
here we go aget and they say, right, we get

527
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,279
into these patterns of thought, and so sometimes I believe

528
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:44,920
it's just going to keep happening. But we did a

529
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,119
bill Lightenment episode that I'm not going to drop for

530
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:53,000
a while on the other podcast. But in there, you know,

531
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,599
talking about setting intention and setting your intention for the day,

532
00:27:58,279 --> 00:28:01,319
so you get up and I I think often if

533
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,000
you just took a few minutes. And I know for

534
00:28:04,079 --> 00:28:08,319
many people it's going to sound like, but think about it.

535
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,359
You know, you wake up in a bad mood and

536
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,400
then you stub your toe and then the next thing

537
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,319
you know, you're driving and you get in a car accident,

538
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:15,960
and it's almost like one thing after the other.

539
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 1: Oh, I knew this was going to happen.

540
00:28:17,799 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 3: And if you got up and you thought, oh man,

541
00:28:22,079 --> 00:28:24,440
this is going to be a great day or whatever

542
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,000
you're thinking, and I'm excited to have this meeting and

543
00:28:27,039 --> 00:28:29,599
I'm really looking forward to this, and that it just

544
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:30,240
goes better.

545
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 1: It just does. And that's the thing, what are you

546
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:35,880
still learning?

547
00:28:38,039 --> 00:28:41,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think you ever stepped learning. I'm learning

548
00:28:41,359 --> 00:28:45,160
that and we fall back all the time. So yesterday morning,

549
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,480
I woke up, I wasn't feeling that great, and I

550
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:52,480
was anticipating doing trying to get everybody together for that

551
00:28:52,599 --> 00:28:55,279
podcast because it's a group I'm with and and we

552
00:28:55,279 --> 00:28:57,279
were doing it doing it from their homes.

553
00:28:57,559 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 4: I was worried about all of that.

554
00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 5: And then I didn't like the way my hair looked,

555
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,559
and I was just you know, and then I thought

556
00:29:06,799 --> 00:29:10,039
so then the day progressed and once that podcast was over,

557
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,279
I felt so relieved and it went well. And then

558
00:29:13,319 --> 00:29:16,240
we had such a nice afternoon taking a walk and

559
00:29:16,279 --> 00:29:19,960
then you know, stepping at the Beakman Arms, which we

560
00:29:20,359 --> 00:29:24,799
absolutely enjoy so much, and then nice dinner and you

561
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,920
were working and it just you know, So when I

562
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:32,079
got up this morning, I changed my attention completely because

563
00:29:32,119 --> 00:29:34,079
in fact, I'm going to this party and I was,

564
00:29:34,599 --> 00:29:38,000
I love who it's for this afternoon and then she

565
00:29:38,079 --> 00:29:39,839
tells me, she sits me at a table where I

566
00:29:39,839 --> 00:29:43,680
don't know anybody, because I'll handle it basically, Oh my god.

567
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,400
And then this morning I went, you know what, look

568
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,759
at it this way. That's going to be fun. And

569
00:29:48,839 --> 00:29:50,240
you know what, you're going to wash your hair and

570
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:51,799
blow it out and it's gonna come out. You're gonna

571
00:29:51,799 --> 00:29:54,839
really like it today. And so I set that attention

572
00:29:55,279 --> 00:29:59,839
and what a difference. So you do learn, and you know, I,

573
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,759
I think we're human, so you're gonna have to keep

574
00:30:02,799 --> 00:30:04,079
going back and doing those things.

575
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,319
Speaker 3: We're in a human experience, and I think sometimes we

576
00:30:07,359 --> 00:30:11,119
would look at all these things like, uh, if I

577
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,200
do this, it'll fix everything, or these woo woo things

578
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:19,039
are you're you're in a human body having a human experience,

579
00:30:19,279 --> 00:30:21,920
and you can, you know, kind of kind of go

580
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,440
the other way. And life's never gonna stop coming at you.

581
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,640
But you don't have to look at it as because

582
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,599
that even sounds uh disastrous.

583
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:30,799
Speaker 1: Life's never gonna stop.

584
00:30:30,519 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 3: Coming at you, you know what I mean, It's like

585
00:30:32,279 --> 00:30:33,880
a ninety mile an hour fastball.

586
00:30:34,599 --> 00:30:34,799
Speaker 1: Right.

587
00:30:35,119 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 3: Well, what what do older people? Older people get wrong

588
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:39,720
about aging?

589
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 4: I think probably.

590
00:30:44,519 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 5: Worrying too much about where they're gonna wind up and

591
00:30:48,319 --> 00:30:51,200
what's gonna happen. And again, if we could stay in

592
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,119
the moment, you have to do you have to set things.

593
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:58,119
I mean, I'm now in a condominium that I own

594
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,480
and I love, right and it's a better place to

595
00:31:01,519 --> 00:31:04,720
be than So you have to do all of those

596
00:31:04,759 --> 00:31:06,960
things and get them in place. But then I think

597
00:31:08,079 --> 00:31:14,319
you always have to keep having fun, being involved, being involved,

598
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:20,319
and you know, having a lot of volunteering is a wonderful.

599
00:31:19,839 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 4: Thing because you're you just get so much.

600
00:31:23,319 --> 00:31:25,759
Speaker 5: More out of volunteering, and there's so many places and

601
00:31:25,799 --> 00:31:28,200
so many people that can use help.

602
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 4: And I think just.

603
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 5: Being aware of the people around you. But I think

604
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:34,559
that's the thing isolation.

605
00:31:34,799 --> 00:31:40,039
Speaker 4: When people stop leaving their homes. You know, they're worried.

606
00:31:39,799 --> 00:31:43,759
Speaker 5: About things, and so that's that's I think the biggest

607
00:31:43,759 --> 00:31:49,000
thing probably the worrying and stop engage and stopping being engaged.

608
00:31:49,039 --> 00:31:53,160
I think lifetime learning is important. I think keeping up

609
00:31:53,319 --> 00:31:57,839
any kind of activities, knitting, groups, so in groups, dancing,

610
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,480
you know, being social.

611
00:32:01,119 --> 00:32:03,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's really really important.

612
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 3: And like you know, you could even see it in

613
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:09,279
you and Dad, the difference that was there for a

614
00:32:09,319 --> 00:32:12,319
certain thing. What do you think so younger people like,

615
00:32:12,519 --> 00:32:15,359
we we look at getting older, but what do we

616
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,119
misunderstand about getting older?

617
00:32:17,319 --> 00:32:21,839
Speaker 1: Maybe I think.

618
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 5: I haven't experienced this too much, but I think some

619
00:32:25,279 --> 00:32:28,920
of the people said that all of a sudden, the

620
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,359
younger well this would be their own children, right, are

621
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,599
telling them now what to do, oh you know, and

622
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:41,039
treating them like they're less than. So I think one

623
00:32:41,079 --> 00:32:43,480
of the things for younger people to understand is you

624
00:32:43,559 --> 00:32:45,400
need to assess, you need to see where.

625
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 4: Your parents are at.

626
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:50,599
Speaker 5: Sure, and then but then the other thing is but

627
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,920
let them be who they are and let them The

628
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:56,839
other thing is just in general with all the people,

629
00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:00,400
I think you need to realize all the wisdom people

630
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,519
can bring. Yeah, And I think talk to them more,

631
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,160
you know, and if you have some kind of a group,

632
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,000
asked them to come join their group.

633
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 4: Even play groups.

634
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,799
Speaker 5: We have a playgroup that's here and they're looking for

635
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,880
like grandmothers to come read to the little kids.

636
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,559
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a great thing, you know. But there's a

637
00:33:17,599 --> 00:33:22,039
lot of wisdom that can be shared.

638
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 3: That's very interesting because as you were saying, I go,

639
00:33:25,519 --> 00:33:29,920
you know, there's wisdom versus information, right, and sometimes we

640
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:33,440
can all absorb information, but then how do you apply it?

641
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,920
And that's where wisdom is. How do I fit this

642
00:33:36,079 --> 00:33:39,200
into my life or or whatever it is? Well, is

643
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,599
there anything that you wish you understood better? Let's say

644
00:33:43,599 --> 00:33:50,839
at forty, I know, or we could say your younger

645
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:52,319
self to now.

646
00:33:52,799 --> 00:33:59,359
Speaker 5: You know, yes, I would really have like to said,

647
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,839
you know, things they're gonna be okay, they're gonna work

648
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,000
out fun. You need to relax and you need to

649
00:34:05,039 --> 00:34:07,039
really be who you are, and you need.

650
00:34:06,839 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 4: To love yourself more. Yeah, sure, so that you can.

651
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 3: Be better for every Yeah, and be better for everybody

652
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,440
around you. That's uh, that's good. The uh yeah, I

653
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,000
mean you know you think about even energy and relationships

654
00:34:20,039 --> 00:34:23,559
where you're worrying, that's an energy, right, and and then

655
00:34:23,639 --> 00:34:26,639
that's picked up on and you know, you start this

656
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,039
dance and the dance becomes the same thing over and

657
00:34:30,079 --> 00:34:31,480
over again, and.

658
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:31,840
Speaker 1: I like it.

659
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,679
Speaker 3: I think a lot of what you're saying to me

660
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,360
is like aging without shrinking, yeah right, where you know,

661
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,199
while I really can't do that anymore or physically, I'm

662
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:42,840
just gonna stay here, I'm not gonna age without shrinking.

663
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:44,199
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's that's a big thing.

664
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 5: So you have to adapt to you know, I no

665
00:34:46,039 --> 00:34:47,360
longer want to get on my bike.

666
00:34:47,679 --> 00:34:50,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'll go out walking, sure.

667
00:34:50,559 --> 00:34:54,679
Speaker 4: And you know, do lots of other things.

668
00:34:54,679 --> 00:34:57,639
Speaker 5: Traveling, Yes, traveling is very important if you can do it.

669
00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

670
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 3: You went to Milan last year, last summer, last fall,

671
00:35:01,039 --> 00:35:03,559
Le's fall. Yeah yeah, and now the Olympics are in

672
00:35:03,599 --> 00:35:04,119
Milan and.

673
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,039
Speaker 4: That's been so much fun to watch.

674
00:35:07,199 --> 00:35:11,559
Speaker 1: Is there anything that you're still working on? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

675
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:12,400
what would that be?

676
00:35:12,599 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 4: Well? See confidence?

677
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:16,639
Speaker 1: Really?

678
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got a You went to college, right, to

679
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,119
an all girls college, coming from a home where that

680
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,760
wasn't really supported. No, I mean I can say supported.

681
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,800
It did happen, but it wasn't popular.

682
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 5: It wasn't it was not popular, and I think in

683
00:35:33,519 --> 00:35:36,199
so many ways I really cannive my way into that one.

684
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 3: Well yeah, but that's a confidence that you can do

685
00:35:40,039 --> 00:35:43,679
it right. And then the masters and then the running

686
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:47,719
your department, getting a private license to do therapy when

687
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,079
you used to do stuttering therapy with people.

688
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 4: And early intervention.

689
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 3: Early intervention stuff. So really confidence, well in one area in.

690
00:35:56,039 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 5: New areas, like I have never really taught adults, so

691
00:35:59,519 --> 00:36:02,719
I'm looking, yeah, to possibly do that in the fall,

692
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,599
and designing your course and putting that together.

693
00:36:05,679 --> 00:36:08,559
Speaker 4: And I think these learning new.

694
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,519
Speaker 5: Things with the computer and all, because I can get

695
00:36:10,559 --> 00:36:13,320
overwhelmed with that stuff. But so I think working on

696
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,559
the confidence that I can figure this out. You know,

697
00:36:16,679 --> 00:36:18,360
even when I got the new car, it was like

698
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:21,159
whoa right because my other car is twelve years old.

699
00:36:21,639 --> 00:36:25,239
So the difference in this car in that car was amazing.

700
00:36:29,039 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 1: I think this is great.

701
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 5: And then confidence because I think society often thinks they're older.

702
00:36:36,119 --> 00:36:39,559
You know, that happened there, so you often think, I

703
00:36:39,639 --> 00:36:43,679
want to be very cautious in the car too, because

704
00:36:43,679 --> 00:36:45,159
if you're an accent, oh well.

705
00:36:46,559 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 3: I think that there is maybe a certain point in society.

706
00:36:52,159 --> 00:36:56,800
I never felt this way. I can't say that they

707
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:01,800
don't care what people think. And then obviously things like

708
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,920
what other people's opinions on me or none of my business.

709
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,559
But it's not that I don't. I never cared. I

710
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:12,599
just never let it kind of stop me. And I've

711
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:17,239
never felt where I've heard women my age say you

712
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,960
become invisible in society.

713
00:37:21,599 --> 00:37:23,519
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's changing now.

714
00:37:25,599 --> 00:37:27,880
Speaker 3: A little bit because you're you know, and then there

715
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:30,840
are certain segments of oh, yeah, you know, there's married

716
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,519
and unmarried. I would be out seeing more of the

717
00:37:33,599 --> 00:37:37,239
social life that goes on. And also many people my age,

718
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:43,320
their kids are in college or out, So yeah, I don't.

719
00:37:44,079 --> 00:37:46,239
I've never felt that way. I've never felt invisible. I

720
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,599
never felt I never felt like I didn't fit in anywhere.

721
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 1: I really didn't. I always felt like.

722
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:54,119
Speaker 3: I could walk into a country club and fit in there,

723
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:56,920
and I could walk into a garage and talk to

724
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,360
the guys there, and I just felt like I fit

725
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:03,199
in everywhere. Wonderful, I guess I just I just never did.

726
00:38:03,519 --> 00:38:05,719
And I know that, like you know, people don't like

727
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:09,960
this because there's often the term white privilege, and I

728
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,639
know a lot of guys will go, well, what do

729
00:38:11,639 --> 00:38:13,840
you mean. I had to work my ass off, I

730
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,639
had to do this, I had to do that. And

731
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,679
it isn't so much that I think. It's like you

732
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:25,039
have a you're more accepted, so when you go in there,

733
00:38:25,599 --> 00:38:29,519
you're more accepted in certain places, you know. Yeah, I mean,

734
00:38:30,119 --> 00:38:33,039
and I think that I would say, like, I know,

735
00:38:33,119 --> 00:38:35,400
people profile and we hear I'm supposed to profile and

736
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:37,000
you shouldn't do this, but I go, it's sort of

737
00:38:37,039 --> 00:38:40,599
our animal instinct and you get it. I mean, I remember, uh,

738
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,400
you know, brother, we's white guy covered in tattoos. Right,

739
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:47,840
He's coming back, had his boat up in Ontario, was

740
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,719
going to let the kids and everybody stay there, and

741
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:50,920
he's going to run home.

742
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,079
Speaker 1: And what he's bringing home are these oversized pillows that

743
00:38:54,119 --> 00:38:56,119
are just on the boat, taking up too much space.

744
00:38:57,119 --> 00:38:59,880
Speaker 3: He's going through with another guy in the car that

745
00:39:00,119 --> 00:39:01,559
is also as tattooed as he is.

746
00:39:01,599 --> 00:39:03,039
Speaker 1: They got them to tattoo poler together.

747
00:39:03,119 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 3: Now, just to just tell you the story, they get

748
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:09,440
pulled over at the border and they and the border

749
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:13,079
security is ripping open the pillows looking for cocaine because

750
00:39:13,519 --> 00:39:16,880
these guys, do you understand, So again, it's like what fits,

751
00:39:17,119 --> 00:39:20,199
you know, your thing, and my thing was I felt

752
00:39:20,199 --> 00:39:23,079
like like I could walk in anywhere. I was never

753
00:39:23,119 --> 00:39:30,199
suspected of anything nefarious. I really wasn't. Ye, maybe a

754
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,880
little bit, but not, you know, nothing, I could. I

755
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,320
walked it everywhere, and I just always had fun. I

756
00:39:37,159 --> 00:39:38,760
for the most part, I don't know.

757
00:39:40,039 --> 00:39:41,360
Speaker 1: We'll wrap it up here.

758
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:45,199
Speaker 3: I would close it by saying, I think that most

759
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:49,480
people want to be understood. Yeah, and I think very

760
00:39:49,559 --> 00:39:53,360
few sometimes are willing to understand. And I think that

761
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:58,920
may be part of our problem, even in a collective thing.

762
00:39:59,599 --> 00:40:03,199
And maybe that's why I would say, it's seventy nine,

763
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,719
you're still growing, right, I mean, not the not the

764
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:10,239
shrinking flower, not the one. And maybe the goal isn't

765
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,440
to be heard, but maybe the goal is to become

766
00:40:13,639 --> 00:40:17,679
someone worth listening to. Yeah, you know, someone worth listening to,

767
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,800
to have the wisdom, to have the life experience and

768
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,440
to sort of slow down and and uh, can.

769
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,599
Speaker 5: I live in an excellent community here? Yeah, it's an

770
00:40:25,679 --> 00:40:30,519
aging is an aging population, but it's active, it's something

771
00:40:30,559 --> 00:40:35,320
to do all the time. It's just and yet it's diverse,

772
00:40:35,639 --> 00:40:40,079
you know, sure, So it's wonderful, very blessed.

773
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,320
Speaker 1: Well you are very blessed and even have me who

774
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:47,079
comes to visit all those types of things for Mo.

775
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 3: Marge starting over and doing great. It's never too late.

776
00:40:53,039 --> 00:40:55,719
I'm Bill Moran, will see you tomorrow

777
00:41:00,159 --> 00:41:04,760
Speaker 1: Mister Budstnas Buildings, the Companion Holding