Speaker 1: On location and driven by Victor Chrystlin, dot's chief Brown.
It's Billified the Bill Moran Podcast.
Speaker 2: Well, hello and welcome from the love capital of Rhinebeck,
New York. I mean my mom's home. You can see
all the things behind me, and there she is mah March.
Last night we uh, we were people watching at the
Beagman Arms, the oldest in in America.
Speaker 3: And it's so much fun to go there. It's like
this old it's almost like a speakeasy in the back.
I mean it's not it's you know what I mean.
It's quiet, it's nice. It's like you're tucked away. No
one knows where you are. It's awesome. And bar Marge
was disciplined and had one drink and I did not.
Speaker 1: I had to. I love I have to just say this.
Speaker 3: And I don't know where I got this from, and
maybe you have a better insight, but I love to drink.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 3: I mean, I love I absolutely, I just love it.
I love the people. I love the events around it,
like the games, like the socialization. You know, nothing makes
me happier than when you go out for brunch and
they say mimosas, mimosas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, we'll have mimosas.
Speaker 3: Oh it's bottomless mimosas today, and you practically, you know,
get so excited. It's so much fun. But my mother said,
as she sat down, I don't know what we're going
to talk about, and oh, yeah, here, and I said, oh,
I don't like to tell you because I don't want
you to overthink things, because you have a tendency.
Speaker 1: To do that.
Speaker 3: But what I would say is, this will be fun.
This will be very interesting and insightful. And I think, no,
I did, Why are you nervous? Yes, you are my
mom who rebuilt her house after burned down, rebuilt her
life after thirty five years of marriage, raised three kids,
ran a department, and is still teaching at seventy nine
years old. Right, well, you're going to be teaching a
class for adult learners at Bard College, which I think
is still one of the most expensive universities in the
United States. And for people who haven't heard about it,
if you watch the Chevy Chase and it's Chevy.
Speaker 1: You idiot.
Speaker 3: As I interviewed him once and I burst out laughing,
I think I just get that guy, like I really do,
because everybody said to me afterwards that interview would have
tanked had you not. And I go, yeah, he wasn't.
That's that's funny. That's a funny thing that he said.
But it's in there. He went to bard. I don't
know that he finished. I think he dropped out, but
it's in there. So, But you were going to be
teaching a class for adult learners on listening, which I
think is maybe one of the most important skills you
can have, and if you could develop it at twenty five,
it would be such such a nice thing. But for you,
what is the difference between hearing and truly listening? And
pull that microphone a little bit closer to you. You
don't have to if you just yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, hearing's more physical mechanics.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Listening it's more into emotional, right and intellectual and
if you're really listening, your empathizer with the listener.
Speaker 4: With the speaker.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So listening is a validation, yes, when you think about it.
And I even wonder if that helps people with like
their nervous system regulation of things. I mean, when you
think about a child who isn't listened to, what do
they do?
Speaker 1: They get loud, then.
Speaker 3: They get your attention one way or another, right, And
I think that's that's the uh, well, sure, And I
mean there is something about when we feel really heard.
I even think that like when you're not really listening
in a marriage, you know, and you're hearing but not listening.
And I think like most guys here and then they
try to fix instead of listen, right, Yes, And I
really do. And I think that listening, I mean this
is where arguments dissolve some time into name calling, which
is always the intellectual eject button on anything, and it's
hard to recover from that. I think that it leads to,
like our political division, no one's really listening to anybody anymore.
There's a lot of shouting on social media and things
that we hear.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I would say listening is regulation.
Speaker 5: And then that's a big thing when people are trying
to fix it and somebody else is just trying to
say sometimes they just need a place to talk, They
need somebody to listen to them. And you know, I've
spent my life in teaching communication skills. Most of it
was on the other end, helping people speak correctly, but
to do that, you know, I also saw it listening
and I used to with the kids talk about whole
body listening, so you need to tend with your eyes.
You need to be looking at the person. You need
to be tuned in, so you need to be centered,
calm down, focused.
Speaker 3: So all of that, all that does come into play.
Let me ask you about like the neurodivergent, for example,
which is the term we'll tell you say about kids
with the Autis's spectrum disorder or anything. Because I spent
a lot of time with a young man who.
Speaker 1: Has some issues. I won't go into where they are.
Speaker 3: But often it's like doing something else while the teacher's teaching,
but will look at me and answer the question that
is asked to the class. I just want to For
some it's that way. I would think, like there are
physical signings that you're tuned in and listening, and I
think as an adult, you know you need to learn
those or give the respect, especially in relationships and things.
And and I don't even mean romantic relationships. Yeah, yeah, imptant, yeah,
because I think if you don't feel heard at some times,
you don't feel safe, would that be you know.
Speaker 1: What I mean? You almost feel especially in a relationship.
And I do think like.
Speaker 3: What was a silly book that used to came out
years ago, and then there's some truth through it. Men
are from Mars, women are from Venus, you know, and everybody.
It became a joke, it became something some people took
it very seriously, but there was some value I think
in there, and especially from the male side of well,
I have to fix something, and the more emotional side
is like exactly what you said, which is what therapy
would be. Person centered therapy would be listening and not
trying to fix, you know, let you find the solution
your off.
Speaker 5: A lot of times, like in relationships and with men especially.
Speaker 4: They're hearing.
Speaker 5: They are hearing, yes, and so it looks to the
speaker that they're not listening, but they've heard, you know,
if you question them on it. So, but then you
know it's making the speaker comfortable too. Is another responsibility
of the listener.
Speaker 3: Well, feeling her right, So the listener needs to almost
validate that, like instead I got you, I got you,
I hear you, or what wait, what was my favorite?
Speaker 1: What was my favorite? Your parents? Your parents agon ed?
Speaker 3: I used to love I got it, I just I
got as Oh, whatever you say, I just whatever you say,
I got it.
Speaker 1: I got it. That would be what he would say.
Do you think I ever felt her? That was my favorite.
That and the other thing I just thought about.
Speaker 3: I always think of this every once in a while
and I get such a smile on my face, and
then I want to hit one other thing on them too.
So my grandparents lived in I don't even know what
would you call it kind of house ranch? Yeah, the ranch,
straight ranch.
Speaker 1: So they had one bathroom and the place was immaculate.
I mean it was spotless, spotless. It was like the.
Speaker 3: Show house of the neighborhood. You could you could never
walk in there, and it wasn't spotless. And he would
stand at the other end when we were all we
would all sleep over or something. He would stand at
the other end and yell from his bedroom Agnes the
bathroom empty, and she would yell back, Yeah, it's fine,
you go, are you sure? Yeah, And then he would run.
He would run in his boxer shorts. So once I
learned what was happening, I would just stand by the
door because I needed to see this blur of a
big old man running down the hall at top speed
for him, and it is underwear. I remember his boxer
short he had no shirt on. He just had his
boxer short. He had a towel, I think, and something
else in his hand and then he uh, but the
boxer shorts always had a pattern. They were like big
brown spots on there or something. They weren't made by him,
they were on there, but it was that. But then
when you think about fixing, and people talk about in
relationships love language, and I almost feel like his love
language was to do for you.
Speaker 1: Oh, definitely, to do for you. So he was very he.
Speaker 3: Was he had colon rectal cancer that eventually took him out.
Speaker 5: But thinking when you took about the old man running
down the hall, he wasn't much older than you are now.
Speaker 1: Probably yeah, he died sixty nine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's probably true. Yeah fifty five. Well I
was five when he was. I'm fifty four. I was
probably like four. I don't know how old he was
when I was born. I know AG was fifty.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he was like also fifty one.
Speaker 3: Fifty one yeah, so yeah, yeah, time I'm thinking of
this more, I was about ten, so he was probably
sixty when he would do this, And yeah, you're right,
not much older than me.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So the but then when he was dying in
that day.
Speaker 3: He was sick and he was in bed, and then
Grandma could never sleep or I don't know what she
would do. She'd be up and you know, she'd be
lurking around like a cat somewhere. And she comes in
to check on us. And they had a wicker wreath
on the bedroom door of the middle room, and she
trips over a bag as she lands. As she leaves
the room, she then kind of crashes into the door
and she falls with her hand up and the wreath
falls down her arm up to herself. It was like
a ring toss, and it's this loud thing and she
lets out one of her egg and you hear from
the bedroom.
Speaker 1: I goes, I.
Speaker 3: Goes, you're right, I'm fine, Eddy, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: He goes, what do you need me to do? Stay away?
Speaker 4: Already?
Speaker 1: This was the whole thing. It was like, it was
the funniest fucking thing. I remember just laughing. I couldn't
believe it.
Speaker 3: Once you knew she was fine. You know, you weren't
gonna do anything. But anyway, I those were They're fun
things for me to think about every once in a while.
The house that we were raised in, that dad had built,
primarily built most of it.
Speaker 1: It burned out.
Speaker 3: And what was the first thought when you when you
saw the house, like after you come back and it
was just ashes in the foundation in the basement, you know,
because we had all come down, and uh, what did
you I mean, what was that first thought when you
saw that?
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm thinking in the aftermath, but even when it was happening,
because you were trying to get the car out, and
that's screaming, get out, get out, get out, and you're
gonna go get the car, back it out and then well, yeah.
Speaker 5: Dad was downstairs and had said you have to get
out right away and clone nine one one. There were
only weren't cell phones that big in that day. So
I somehow had the house phone and I'm calling nine
one one. And then I had just come in from
yoga and I was in the crappiest clothes possible, and
I decided, well, we both need jackets.
Speaker 4: Well I pulled out.
Speaker 1: Old, Yeah, what what time are you here? Was this?
I don't remember feverywhere February? Okay, yeah, it.
Speaker 5: Was very cold out. It was snow all over the ground.
And I so then I'm like not seeing the flames right,
and they're under me. So I'm thinking I had a
new job, and all the testing for the kindergartens school
district was in the back of my car. We did
this quarterly test a lot of the listening skills and all.
So I thought, I'll go through the garage. So you
as I'm going through the dining room, which we entered
the garage through, the lights went it. The flames were
raging under me, but I didn't know it, and so
I went to put up the garage door and only
went up a little bit because the electricity went out.
So I'm going down, coats in my hand and all,
and I go down the stairs because you went down
into the garage, and I said, do we take.
Speaker 4: The car and just drive it? I would have ram
it through. Well. Dad was standing there.
Speaker 5: So so it was a good thing I did. I
crawled under and he goes, oh my god, we're worrying,
and he said, we have to run down this driveway
and he said the wind is going to blow. And
we weren't to the bottom of the driveway that the
wind just started blowing out there.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean that's a yeah. So oh,
you come real close to your own mortality.
Speaker 5: In that Oh my god, when I think about standing
over that dining room, Oh when I think of what
that would have felt like, that floor collapsed and everything
did clapse and went right into the basement, right, And
it was minutes, Yeah, maybe less, I don't know. But anyway,
I got out and the car earned in the school district.
Speaker 4: We were fine. There's nothing that taught you, and that
that was the thing. I think.
Speaker 5: I was even the bottom of that driveway and I
realized everything else is replaceable.
Speaker 4: Everything. I remember really being hit by.
Speaker 5: That that here we were standing there, we had good jobs,
we had in terms somehow this would be taken care of,
and and then we were a mess together. And I
really thought that we could now work together and pull
this back together in our own relationship because everything was
taken away.
Speaker 4: I mean there was nothing.
Speaker 3: No. I was yeah, because I was going to ask you,
what does it teach you about attachments?
Speaker 1: And I think you just said it. Everything is replaceable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean there are certain things like the pictures
and stuff, the.
Speaker 5: Pictures and the videos, those were the things of you
guys growing up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are the things I think would be hard.
Speaker 5: I had antique things of that my mother had given me,
of her mother's and that stuff was gone. It was
a beautiful butter dish, and you know it's gone. And
I remember saying to her, now hold it for a while,
and what she did. But yeah, you realized that. And
I remember when the psychologists in school, he meant well,
but he kept following me around.
Speaker 4: He thought I should be a wreck. He thought I
should be a mess.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I was really okay because you know, we
just started putting it back together in and you none
of you guys were there.
Speaker 1: You were all adults. I had. I mean, I'm not
sure we're the U. I had kids. Yes, you, Jackson
and Jordan were around, so and you.
Speaker 4: All came down.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: You know, we got settled into a condo and we
get preoccupied with building that house.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you grow all these attachments again.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean that's what I was going to ask you.
Because the Homie rebuilt, like the boys loved. It was
a beautiful, love, really gorgeous home. And uh, what was
that rebuilding about structure or even more about identity of
having a place that is yours, where you know, you're
in this condo and you don't own it, and there
is something about that that I think.
Speaker 4: Is, yeah, the one did.
Speaker 5: I think I was pretty pushing and instrumental in the
rebuilding of this house in a lot of ways, but
that worked and designed with the architectal. When did something
that the grandchildren that there would be space could all
come home to and just something that was really comfortable.
Everything had a place and that place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it did, it was it was. It was lovely.
Speaker 3: It was really really, really really nice. And I think
sometimes there are things that happen in life that you know,
your house burns down, you get to see kind of
what actually matters. I mean, you sort of hit on
that and then we go back to uh more of
the human side of things and we're going to rebuild
and and you know, we need this and we need that,
and it's a wonderful distraction and its shopping for the
new furniture and it's like it's all there and it's
almost like, you know, you paid your insurance for nearly
forty years or whatever it was, and so now you
know there's a lot there and you never had many claims,
so this is you can you know, you can rebuild. Yeah,
you you mentioned the house burning as a way for
the marriage maybe to come back together a little bit, right,
And I remember thinking, oh, this is great. There's nothing left.
They can go get apart. And I know that that
sounds terrible. I really did.
Speaker 5: My closest friends wonderful. Yeah, they'll each took their share
of the insurance, and then this is a way out.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And then one friend said.
Speaker 5: Oh no, no, I know her. She will say we can
put this back together. You know that this is the reason.
And I actually kept thinking of Paul in the Bible
being thrown off and blinded and thrown it was so
and then just you know, realisten.
Speaker 4: So I just thought we could.
Speaker 1: This would be our thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how many years were you matter? Thirty eight was it?
I remember we had the thirty five.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it was about thirty eight when we did separate.
Speaker 1: Was Lee leaving harder than staying?
Speaker 4: Staying?
Speaker 5: Was probably all the years in between. And I'm only
talking for myself, I'm sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 4: It was hard. But I was scared. Yeah, you know
I was.
Speaker 5: I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think
I was strong enough to do it, and I I
certainly Yeah, So what is so but when the final
breaking point came, the it was easier, it was it
was better at that point to be alone.
Speaker 3: And I'm thinking about, like, you know, a lot of
times I think there are maybe it's men because I'm
a guy, and you know, but men, men feel stuck
in a certain relationship. And don't know, I think this
is a very relatable thing here. But you're sixty plus
at that point. What what did you learn about yourself
in that situation that I could.
Speaker 4: Have done and I could have done it all along,
you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and oh you know you say you guys feel stuck.
Speaker 4: Women feel stuck. Oh, sure, you know because a lot
of women.
Speaker 5: Well, I was raised with the idea that the man's
head of the family, the man takes care of everything, right,
you know, which I never complied to. I remember my
dad saying to me, so you're working for a little
while now. I think it was after you were born,
Billy or maybe Katie. I had gone back and he
said to help Bill out. And I was like, wait
a minute, I have a career here, and I said, not, Dad,
I have a career trained to do this stuff. I
love doing it, and I'm working for that, you know.
So a lot of women feel stuck, and a lot
of women are and they couldn't support themselves, so they're
very stuck in situations they can't get out of.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, and a lot of it.
Speaker 5: Is what we think limit ourselves with our thinking.
Speaker 3: Well, what advice would you give to somebody that maybe
even as you said, afraid to leave.
Speaker 5: I think you have to think the whole situation over.
Sure you know carefully what your situation is. See what
your resources are. You know, do you have a decent job,
are you bringing money? If you have children, are you
going to be able to manage this on your own?
Or can you come up with a peaceful resolution between
the two of you? And I think then you have
to also at yourself because if you're not happy and
if you if this is making you think less of yourself, yeah,
and you don't love yourself, then you can't reach out
to anybody else with the love that you need to
be given, so diminishes you as a person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's a very important thing.
Speaker 3: And I remember a doctor saying to me one of
the kids, pediatricians saying, if you are not good, you're
gonna be GOODO for no one. You need to you
know when I think for years, and I don't know
if you'll agree with this or not, but self care
was seen as selfish.
Speaker 1: You know, Oh yeah, they're gonna go.
Speaker 3: But all it is is a little time to reset,
and I think it's very important for everybody, especially if
you're a parent, if you are you know, by anything
in life. But really, that to me, would would be
the thing. So I mean, the starting overall. But you did,
and I'm not saying this for any reason other than
I am somewhat curious about the uh what maybe surprised
you because you did start dating? What surprised you about
dating later in life? Because you're sixty something years old
and it was though it was I mean, I had
no problem with that at all.
Speaker 1: I thought it was great, It was kind of fun.
Speaker 4: It was kind of need to see that you still
could attract people.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Sure, and there were a lot of good times, you know, Yeah,
I had a lot of good times. And each person
brings something different. But now I think you look at
it and you realize, you know, I'm not giving up
what I have right, a lot of my independence, a
lot of freedom. So getting married again is fine for
some people, but I think you have to look at
the whole pictures, so and then you see you can
you're not there's an independence there, so you're not involved
with that other person. So even sometimes when they make
remarks and things were with your husband, and I know,
I was like this, Oh stop, you know, don't hey.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it. That's funny. Yeah, that is very funny.
Wow that that I kind of like that.
Speaker 3: I saw an Instagram reel that I thought was maybe
spot on, and it's from a woman's point of view,
and she's like a single mom. She goes, you know,
I just want a part time boyfriend that will be
there when I want him to be and we'll do
what I want to do and he'll see nobody else,
but he'll be available whenever I want. But he can't
see you know, I want him to myself. But I
just want him when I want him. And I thought, yeah,
I could totally see why that ideal would be nice, right,
because you just don't want the bullshit of stuff. And
I think I say often as a joke, you know
when we talk about unconditional loving things, you leave your
socks on the floor, you know, those little own, tiny annoyances,
you know, sharing a bathroom with a man is probably
way grosser than sharing it with a woman, or vice versa.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: So you you know, you walk in, there's hair in
the sink, there's this, there's that, or there's hair in
the drain.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I would say, you know everything you've kind of talked
about here. Reinvention is not a young person's game. This
is not or only a young person's game. I think
a lot of time we think, well, you can reinvent yourself. No,
I think you should always be trying to better yourself
or do something. I'm not sure about reinvent. But you know,
even the starting over thing, I think all that's overwhelming
and scary.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 5: But I think, as I said, we limit our so
we let ourselves be scared. Yeah, and I think they
are again more self love, more realism in your abilities,
more confidence in yourself.
Speaker 3: You are a master level reiki as well I am.
And what is reiki like in I guess in simple terms,
we'll call it layman terms, so to speak.
Speaker 5: It's working on the body, the chakras of the body
to let energy flow, and everything is made of energy.
And people are realizing that more and more and more.
Science is valid all.
Speaker 4: Over the place, so it helps people. It doesn't do anything.
Speaker 5: Reiki is not to cure you, you know, it's not.
If you have an illness, you can and have regki.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 5: Reiki is just to let your body. And we have
magnificent bodies that can heal themselves in many, many ways.
So reiki is to let your body relax, let the
chakras open, let the energy flow, and let you be
better able to heal yourself, your body to be more
in balanced.
Speaker 3: I was gonna ask, like his energy, Uh, just attention
to yourself.
Speaker 1: But it's I don't think it is.
Speaker 3: I think that it's something that you need to sort
of focus on and realize is there, and that in
those calming moments. You know, well, a lot of healing
happens during sleep, right and and I think that we
have poor sleep hygiene for the most part. You know,
people are just going on their phones. It's right next
to the bed. It's all this stuff. I don't know.
I'll ask you this because we talk about you know,
listening and stuff like that, and how important presence is.
Is presence healing?
Speaker 1: Oh? I think so? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think being in the moment. You know, we're always.
Speaker 5: Looking at the past or worried about what's going to
happen in the future.
Speaker 1: Right, But the moments we have right.
Speaker 5: Like, I'm just thinking, this has been such a nice weekend.
It was a short week with you, but the moments
being in the present for those moments was a present
it was and we have those all the time, right,
Like waking up in the morning and looking at at
the sunshine, but being present to see that, not waking
up I got to do this again, but taking those moments.
So that's where I think meditation really helps. Just gratitude,
practicing gratitude. And it's easy, it's simple.
Speaker 3: It is very easy and simple, and I think a
lot of times it's, uh, you know, what was it? Like,
you know, something goes wrong, everything goes wrong, and you know,
here we go aget and they say, right, we get
into these patterns of thought, and so sometimes I believe
it's just going to keep happening. But we did a
bill Lightenment episode that I'm not going to drop for
a while on the other podcast. But in there, you know,
talking about setting intention and setting your intention for the day,
so you get up and I I think often if
you just took a few minutes. And I know for
many people it's going to sound like, but think about it.
You know, you wake up in a bad mood and
then you stub your toe and then the next thing
you know, you're driving and you get in a car accident,
and it's almost like one thing after the other.
Speaker 1: Oh, I knew this was going to happen.
Speaker 3: And if you got up and you thought, oh man,
this is going to be a great day or whatever
you're thinking, and I'm excited to have this meeting and
I'm really looking forward to this, and that it just
goes better.
Speaker 1: It just does. And that's the thing, what are you
still learning?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think you ever stepped learning. I'm learning
that and we fall back all the time. So yesterday morning,
I woke up, I wasn't feeling that great, and I
was anticipating doing trying to get everybody together for that
podcast because it's a group I'm with and and we
were doing it doing it from their homes.
Speaker 4: I was worried about all of that.
Speaker 5: And then I didn't like the way my hair looked,
and I was just you know, and then I thought
so then the day progressed and once that podcast was over,
I felt so relieved and it went well. And then
we had such a nice afternoon taking a walk and
then you know, stepping at the Beakman Arms, which we
absolutely enjoy so much, and then nice dinner and you
were working and it just you know, So when I
got up this morning, I changed my attention completely because
in fact, I'm going to this party and I was,
I love who it's for this afternoon and then she
tells me, she sits me at a table where I
don't know anybody, because I'll handle it basically, Oh my god.
And then this morning I went, you know what, look
at it this way. That's going to be fun. And
you know what, you're going to wash your hair and
blow it out and it's gonna come out. You're gonna
really like it today. And so I set that attention
and what a difference. So you do learn, and you know, I,
I think we're human, so you're gonna have to keep
going back and doing those things.
Speaker 3: We're in a human experience, and I think sometimes we
would look at all these things like, uh, if I
do this, it'll fix everything, or these woo woo things
are you're you're in a human body having a human experience,
and you can, you know, kind of kind of go
the other way. And life's never gonna stop coming at you.
But you don't have to look at it as because
that even sounds uh disastrous.
Speaker 1: Life's never gonna stop.
Speaker 3: Coming at you, you know what I mean, It's like
a ninety mile an hour fastball.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Well, what what do older people? Older people get wrong
about aging?
Speaker 4: I think probably.
Speaker 5: Worrying too much about where they're gonna wind up and
what's gonna happen. And again, if we could stay in
the moment, you have to do you have to set things.
I mean, I'm now in a condominium that I own
and I love, right and it's a better place to
be than So you have to do all of those
things and get them in place. But then I think
you always have to keep having fun, being involved, being involved,
and you know, having a lot of volunteering is a wonderful.
Speaker 4: Thing because you're you just get so much.
Speaker 5: More out of volunteering, and there's so many places and
so many people that can use help.
Speaker 4: And I think just.
Speaker 5: Being aware of the people around you. But I think
that's the thing isolation.
Speaker 4: When people stop leaving their homes. You know, they're worried.
Speaker 5: About things, and so that's that's I think the biggest
thing probably the worrying and stop engage and stopping being engaged.
I think lifetime learning is important. I think keeping up
any kind of activities, knitting, groups, so in groups, dancing,
you know, being social.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's really really important.
Speaker 3: And like you know, you could even see it in
you and Dad, the difference that was there for a
certain thing. What do you think so younger people like,
we we look at getting older, but what do we
misunderstand about getting older?
Speaker 1: Maybe I think.
Speaker 5: I haven't experienced this too much, but I think some
of the people said that all of a sudden, the
younger well this would be their own children, right, are
telling them now what to do, oh you know, and
treating them like they're less than. So I think one
of the things for younger people to understand is you
need to assess, you need to see where.
Speaker 4: Your parents are at.
Speaker 5: Sure, and then but then the other thing is but
let them be who they are and let them The
other thing is just in general with all the people,
I think you need to realize all the wisdom people
can bring. Yeah, And I think talk to them more,
you know, and if you have some kind of a group,
asked them to come join their group.
Speaker 4: Even play groups.
Speaker 5: We have a playgroup that's here and they're looking for
like grandmothers to come read to the little kids.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a great thing, you know. But there's a
lot of wisdom that can be shared.
Speaker 3: That's very interesting because as you were saying, I go,
you know, there's wisdom versus information, right, and sometimes we
can all absorb information, but then how do you apply it?
And that's where wisdom is. How do I fit this
into my life or or whatever it is? Well, is
there anything that you wish you understood better? Let's say
at forty, I know, or we could say your younger
self to now.
Speaker 5: You know, yes, I would really have like to said,
you know, things they're gonna be okay, they're gonna work
out fun. You need to relax and you need to
really be who you are, and you need.
Speaker 4: To love yourself more. Yeah, sure, so that you can.
Speaker 3: Be better for every Yeah, and be better for everybody
around you. That's uh, that's good. The uh yeah, I
mean you know you think about even energy and relationships
where you're worrying, that's an energy, right, and and then
that's picked up on and you know, you start this
dance and the dance becomes the same thing over and
over again, and.
Speaker 1: I like it.
Speaker 3: I think a lot of what you're saying to me
is like aging without shrinking, yeah right, where you know,
while I really can't do that anymore or physically, I'm
just gonna stay here, I'm not gonna age without shrinking.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's that's a big thing.
Speaker 5: So you have to adapt to you know, I no
longer want to get on my bike.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'll go out walking, sure.
Speaker 4: And you know, do lots of other things.
Speaker 5: Traveling, Yes, traveling is very important if you can do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: You went to Milan last year, last summer, last fall,
Le's fall. Yeah yeah, and now the Olympics are in
Milan and.
Speaker 4: That's been so much fun to watch.
Speaker 1: Is there anything that you're still working on? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
what would that be?
Speaker 4: Well? See confidence?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got a You went to college, right, to
an all girls college, coming from a home where that
wasn't really supported. No, I mean I can say supported.
It did happen, but it wasn't popular.
Speaker 5: It wasn't it was not popular, and I think in
so many ways I really cannive my way into that one.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, but that's a confidence that you can do
it right. And then the masters and then the running
your department, getting a private license to do therapy when
you used to do stuttering therapy with people.
Speaker 4: And early intervention.
Speaker 3: Early intervention stuff. So really confidence, well in one area in.
Speaker 5: New areas, like I have never really taught adults, so
I'm looking, yeah, to possibly do that in the fall,
and designing your course and putting that together.
Speaker 4: And I think these learning new.
Speaker 5: Things with the computer and all, because I can get
overwhelmed with that stuff. But so I think working on
the confidence that I can figure this out. You know,
even when I got the new car, it was like
whoa right because my other car is twelve years old.
So the difference in this car in that car was amazing.
Speaker 1: I think this is great.
Speaker 5: And then confidence because I think society often thinks they're older.
You know, that happened there, so you often think, I
want to be very cautious in the car too, because
if you're an accent, oh well.
Speaker 3: I think that there is maybe a certain point in society.
I never felt this way. I can't say that they
don't care what people think. And then obviously things like
what other people's opinions on me or none of my business.
But it's not that I don't. I never cared. I
just never let it kind of stop me. And I've
never felt where I've heard women my age say you
become invisible in society.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's changing now.
Speaker 3: A little bit because you're you know, and then there
are certain segments of oh, yeah, you know, there's married
and unmarried. I would be out seeing more of the
social life that goes on. And also many people my age,
their kids are in college or out, So yeah, I don't.
I've never felt that way. I've never felt invisible. I
never felt I never felt like I didn't fit in anywhere.
Speaker 1: I really didn't. I always felt like.
Speaker 3: I could walk into a country club and fit in there,
and I could walk into a garage and talk to
the guys there, and I just felt like I fit
in everywhere. Wonderful, I guess I just I just never did.
And I know that, like you know, people don't like
this because there's often the term white privilege, and I
know a lot of guys will go, well, what do
you mean. I had to work my ass off, I
had to do this, I had to do that. And
it isn't so much that I think. It's like you
have a you're more accepted, so when you go in there,
you're more accepted in certain places, you know. Yeah, I mean,
and I think that I would say, like, I know,
people profile and we hear I'm supposed to profile and
you shouldn't do this, but I go, it's sort of
our animal instinct and you get it. I mean, I remember, uh,
you know, brother, we's white guy covered in tattoos. Right,
He's coming back, had his boat up in Ontario, was
going to let the kids and everybody stay there, and
he's going to run home.
Speaker 1: And what he's bringing home are these oversized pillows that
are just on the boat, taking up too much space.
Speaker 3: He's going through with another guy in the car that
is also as tattooed as he is.
Speaker 1: They got them to tattoo poler together.
Speaker 3: Now, just to just tell you the story, they get
pulled over at the border and they and the border
security is ripping open the pillows looking for cocaine because
these guys, do you understand, So again, it's like what fits,
you know, your thing, and my thing was I felt
like like I could walk in anywhere. I was never
suspected of anything nefarious. I really wasn't. Ye, maybe a
little bit, but not, you know, nothing, I could. I
walked it everywhere, and I just always had fun. I
for the most part, I don't know.
Speaker 1: We'll wrap it up here.
Speaker 3: I would close it by saying, I think that most
people want to be understood. Yeah, and I think very
few sometimes are willing to understand. And I think that
may be part of our problem, even in a collective thing.
And maybe that's why I would say, it's seventy nine,
you're still growing, right, I mean, not the not the
shrinking flower, not the one. And maybe the goal isn't
to be heard, but maybe the goal is to become
someone worth listening to. Yeah, you know, someone worth listening to,
to have the wisdom, to have the life experience and
to sort of slow down and and uh, can.
Speaker 5: I live in an excellent community here? Yeah, it's an
aging is an aging population, but it's active, it's something
to do all the time. It's just and yet it's diverse,
you know, sure, So it's wonderful, very blessed.
Speaker 1: Well you are very blessed and even have me who
comes to visit all those types of things for Mo.
Speaker 3: Marge starting over and doing great. It's never too late.
I'm Bill Moran, will see you tomorrow
Speaker 1: Mister Budstnas Buildings, the Companion Holding