WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.280 --> 00:00:01.960 Baby, I'm a game stato. 2 00:00:02.759 --> 00:00:14.039 It takes a little tangle mess with Messta to ouch 3 00:00:14.599 --> 00:00:16.359 baby game statoo. 4 00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:26.800 For good warning, this podcast is designed to take you 5 00:00:26.839 --> 00:00:29.839 outside of your comfort zone and make you question reality. 6 00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:42.600 Listener discretion is a vibe, Fellas, this ain't my first 7 00:00:42.679 --> 00:00:43.920 time at the rodeo. 8 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:55.520 Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Deplorable Nation. 9 00:00:55.799 --> 00:00:59.479 I'm your host of Glorable Janet, and today I'm super 10 00:00:59.560 --> 00:01:04.359 duper excited and stoked for the show. It has been 11 00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:08.280 a while in the making because we have all kinds 12 00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:14.040 of hoodies and things to chit chat about, and I 13 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:18.359 couldn't be happier for this moment. So, without further ado, 14 00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:24.120 welcome back returning guest Colby and Julia. How are you guys. 15 00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:27.920 I'm doing so good. Thanks for having us. 16 00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:33.040 Janet, I'm super excited, mister Colby, are you alive? 17 00:01:33.079 --> 00:01:38.200 And okay, I don't know I'm alive? And hey, okay, 18 00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:42.319 and do you have pens on this time? I knew 19 00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:42.920 it was going to be a. 20 00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:48.719 Video running joke for those of you who are new 21 00:01:48.799 --> 00:01:57.480 to the show. So anyway, tonight is a special edition, 22 00:01:57.719 --> 00:02:01.079 I guess you could say, and it is called a 23 00:02:01.159 --> 00:02:07.000 love connection for a reason, because miss Julia and mister 24 00:02:07.120 --> 00:02:11.639 Colby have a love connection after all of these years 25 00:02:11.719 --> 00:02:16.039 in the podcast community. So I'm super excited to talk 26 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:20.080 to you about it. So tell me how did this 27 00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:20.680 come about? 28 00:02:21.960 --> 00:02:26.319 Do you want me to go or are you well? 29 00:02:26.680 --> 00:02:32.400 I obviously have been podcasting for like, I don't know 30 00:02:32.560 --> 00:02:36.879 three years now, has it been three years, threeish years 31 00:02:37.280 --> 00:02:45.680 or more? And I have met so many people podcasting, 32 00:02:47.000 --> 00:02:50.520 and I never really like, you know, how it is, Janet. 33 00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:53.560 There's so many dudes, and a lot. 34 00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:55.840 Of them very many females, right. 35 00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:58.800 And like a lot of them are kind of snarky anyways, 36 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:02.039 towards working with females and stuff. So I have like 37 00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:06.159 this short list of cool people that I work with, 38 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:11.039 and Colby was always one of them, and I always 39 00:03:11.039 --> 00:03:13.919 had like a secret crush on him, but I couldn't 40 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:19.439 do anything about it. But I didn't know. So a 41 00:03:19.479 --> 00:03:22.000 lot has happened to me over the last year, which 42 00:03:22.039 --> 00:03:25.560 we can get into later. But he reached out to 43 00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:28.520 me in July, like right in the midst of me 44 00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:34.520 going through like a lot of life changes, and my 45 00:03:34.680 --> 00:03:38.240 husband and I had already decided to separate and like 46 00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:41.199 go our separate ways, and he didn't know that. He 47 00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:43.960 just wanted to do an episode about Hunter S. Thompson 48 00:03:44.919 --> 00:03:51.280 and he sent me an email and then you texted 49 00:03:51.280 --> 00:03:54.919 me or I texted you, and the rest is kind 50 00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:57.840 of history. I just kind of shot my shot, and 51 00:03:57.879 --> 00:04:00.680 I was like, even if he brutally didn't me, at 52 00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:06.280 least I can say, you know, I tried, but thankfully 53 00:04:06.360 --> 00:04:07.479 it was mutual. 54 00:04:07.960 --> 00:04:09.199 I brutally accepted. 55 00:04:10.520 --> 00:04:17.079 So I know that Colby has had a little secret 56 00:04:17.120 --> 00:04:20.800 crush on you as well for quite a long time. 57 00:04:22.600 --> 00:04:25.040 Well, I would have never known, because it's like I said, 58 00:04:25.079 --> 00:04:28.439 when you work together podcasting, like you try to keep 59 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:33.120 this professionalism. And he never once made any weird remarks 60 00:04:33.279 --> 00:04:38.399 or said anything inappropriate. So I was actually really nervous 61 00:04:38.439 --> 00:04:42.399 when I texted him kind of flirting with him, because 62 00:04:42.399 --> 00:04:44.639 I was like, he's gonna think like, this bitch is 63 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:47.120 married and fucking craziest. 64 00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:48.240 He's took weirdo. 65 00:04:49.560 --> 00:04:55.160 Yeah, but he didn't. And I mean, you jump in 66 00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:57.519 and say you're part of things. I had a crush 67 00:04:57.519 --> 00:04:59.519 on him for the longest time. I remember the first 68 00:04:59.560 --> 00:05:02.279 episode I saw of him, I remember what he was 69 00:05:02.319 --> 00:05:07.399 wearing everything. But I had to let it go, and 70 00:05:09.319 --> 00:05:13.879 I mean let it go. Ha ha, I'm here. I didn't 71 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:14.720 really let it go. 72 00:05:16.120 --> 00:05:23.240 Well, I mean, you waited until you're at least semi available. Yeah, 73 00:05:23.279 --> 00:05:28.759 And I myself was in the middle of, you know, 74 00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:34.519 doing the co parenting thing with my son's mom and 75 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:38.839 Janet from the last time I was on your show. 76 00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:43.160 We kind of talked about everything there, like in a 77 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:48.480 short version of that story. Someone I had known for 78 00:05:48.519 --> 00:05:52.959 a few years and I reconnected and one and done. 79 00:05:53.160 --> 00:05:57.519 She was pregnant and we actually once again broke up 80 00:05:57.639 --> 00:06:01.560 before either of us knew she was pregnant, and we 81 00:06:01.639 --> 00:06:04.519 tried to make it work, you know, to have a 82 00:06:04.639 --> 00:06:08.279 nuclear family type thing, and it wasn't for a lack 83 00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:11.240 of trying by any means. We're just not compatible. 84 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:14.279 So the nuclear family blew up. 85 00:06:15.560 --> 00:06:21.040 It became literally Yeah. So, I mean I at that point, 86 00:06:21.160 --> 00:06:24.519 I was busy with work and I you know, struggling 87 00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:29.360 to keep my two podcasts afloat, and I had dated 88 00:06:29.480 --> 00:06:31.560 or you know, i'd started dating again a little bit 89 00:06:31.600 --> 00:06:34.279 here and there, and it was always you know, not 90 00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:38.079 a good fit, compatibility or just a lack of timing, 91 00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:42.319 and I kind of just decided I'm just going to 92 00:06:42.360 --> 00:06:46.040 put all my energy into my life and raising my son, 93 00:06:46.600 --> 00:06:51.560 and right then, you know, I I had worked with 94 00:06:51.639 --> 00:06:54.600 Julia a few times, and I always thought she was 95 00:06:54.639 --> 00:07:01.759 cool as hell. And I'm not one to hit on 96 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:02.439 a married check. 97 00:07:02.680 --> 00:07:06.800 I was gonna say, yeah, he's not one to be flirty. 98 00:07:07.240 --> 00:07:09.879 And I can tell you that I tried to play 99 00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:15.839 Cupid with him before because I have always thought that 100 00:07:17.040 --> 00:07:21.439 Colby was such an amazing person. And I was like, man, 101 00:07:22.040 --> 00:07:26.000 and he will tell you and people already probably know this, 102 00:07:26.120 --> 00:07:29.759 but I was like, oh, man, this person that you know, 103 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:33.600 you had a relationship before, Like, she doesn't respect you. 104 00:07:33.759 --> 00:07:38.240 She's not the right person for you. Like I hoped 105 00:07:38.279 --> 00:07:41.839 and prayed that you know, he would find the right person, 106 00:07:42.639 --> 00:07:43.199 and here you. 107 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:47.839 Go, Well I hope. So I'm I've busted his balls 108 00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:49.839 like a few times since I've been here. 109 00:07:51.839 --> 00:07:52.279 How so. 110 00:07:53.879 --> 00:07:57.360 I just feel like, well, you know, no, I'm kidding. 111 00:07:58.240 --> 00:08:02.720 Well, you know, I'm not like the most easiest person 112 00:08:02.800 --> 00:08:05.879 to get along with, in my opinion, and I also 113 00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:08.639 feel like living with me might be a little bit difficult. 114 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:11.959 He disagrees, But I mean, I'm stubborn and I have 115 00:08:12.040 --> 00:08:15.000 like things about me that were still like figuring out 116 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:20.839 and learning about each other. But the way that all 117 00:08:20.920 --> 00:08:25.480 three of us think as far as conspiracy goes, it 118 00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:29.360 makes for an interesting match between the two of us anyways, right, 119 00:08:29.439 --> 00:08:33.159 And it's such a relief to be with someone who. 120 00:08:34.440 --> 00:08:36.399 Has the same belief systems. 121 00:08:36.600 --> 00:08:39.879 Yeah, and it's so like minded on so many things. 122 00:08:39.919 --> 00:08:43.519 I mean, we differ on a few things, but it's 123 00:08:43.559 --> 00:08:46.759 not gonna be like if he thought exactly like I did, 124 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:49.240 that would also be boring in its own way. But 125 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:52.440 like in my other relationship, I just felt like so 126 00:08:52.679 --> 00:08:57.360 unsatisfied with having to hide this whole part of my 127 00:08:57.480 --> 00:09:01.320 personality that was like so integral to who I am. 128 00:09:02.320 --> 00:09:06.759 Which sucks because when I first started podcasting, it was 129 00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:09.200 easy to keep that part of myself like kind of 130 00:09:09.240 --> 00:09:12.799 like compartmentalized and not talk about it in front of 131 00:09:12.840 --> 00:09:15.120 his family or not bring it up when we were 132 00:09:15.159 --> 00:09:19.639 around his friends. And as my show grew, it became 133 00:09:20.240 --> 00:09:23.919 more and more a bigger piece of my life and 134 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:27.639 I wanted to share that with someone. And Kolby's the same, Like, 135 00:09:27.879 --> 00:09:30.240 he has two shows and I love both of them. 136 00:09:30.279 --> 00:09:35.799 But it's just it's incredible being able to talk about 137 00:09:35.799 --> 00:09:38.360 this kind of stuff with your significant other. 138 00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:42.039 Right and not blows about right. 139 00:09:42.480 --> 00:09:46.600 Yeah, and just being able to be myself. That's so crazy, 140 00:09:46.639 --> 00:09:49.600 Like I can talk about pedophiles on a Wednesday morning 141 00:09:49.720 --> 00:09:56.919 and he's like totally coolios. Yeah, no, it's great, And 142 00:09:58.360 --> 00:10:01.480 I did. I do want to clear the air because 143 00:10:01.639 --> 00:10:03.879 you know, I feel like some people may have a 144 00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:06.279 lot of questions about how we came to be. But 145 00:10:07.399 --> 00:10:09.879 as I spoke with you before Janet, when we covered 146 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:15.279 the PCOS stuff, I got pregnant in December last year. 147 00:10:15.399 --> 00:10:18.399 I wasn't trying to get pregnant. I thought that was 148 00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:23.440 going to be impossible for me. My husband ex husband, 149 00:10:23.519 --> 00:10:26.360 and I were struggling already before I found out I 150 00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:28.200 was pregnant. And then I was like, well, you know, 151 00:10:28.279 --> 00:10:31.480 it must be God, and you know we're going to 152 00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:34.120 find our way through this and we'll make it work 153 00:10:34.159 --> 00:10:37.919 and we'll be parents or whatever God has in store 154 00:10:38.039 --> 00:10:43.720 for us. And obviously I had a horrible miscarriage and 155 00:10:44.039 --> 00:10:47.000 our marriage fell apart after that because we wanted different 156 00:10:47.039 --> 00:10:49.720 things and I felt like if we did have a 157 00:10:49.759 --> 00:10:52.799 baby together, it would save like whatever like remnant of 158 00:10:52.960 --> 00:10:58.039 love I had for him, and it just wasn't. Like 159 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:03.120 I kept forcing it to happen forcing things to work, 160 00:11:03.240 --> 00:11:07.960 and it just wasn't working. And we had many conversations 161 00:11:08.000 --> 00:11:10.279 and then we had like one big, huge blow up 162 00:11:10.320 --> 00:11:12.639 fight where we were like, this is just never gonna work. 163 00:11:12.679 --> 00:11:17.960 We're so incompatible with each other. And I had already 164 00:11:17.960 --> 00:11:22.360 started sleeping on the couch like a month before he 165 00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:24.799 ever even emailed me, and he had no idea what 166 00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:28.679 was going on, right, and my sister had plans of 167 00:11:28.759 --> 00:11:30.840 coming and getting all my stuff out of the house, 168 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:34.759 like it was already done and over with. When Colby 169 00:11:34.840 --> 00:11:38.600 reached out to me, and like I said before, I 170 00:11:38.759 --> 00:11:41.720 was nervous to even text him about some flirty shit 171 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:44.759 because I was like, he doesn't know what I'm even 172 00:11:44.799 --> 00:11:46.480 going through right now. I mean I had kind of 173 00:11:46.519 --> 00:11:48.799 told him a little bit, but he still thought I 174 00:11:48.879 --> 00:11:52.080 was married, still thought everything was cool, that we were 175 00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:56.679 just besties. And so it could have went another way 176 00:11:56.720 --> 00:11:58.840 and he could have been like, no, I'm not into it, 177 00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:02.360 and I would it'll be single and still not be 178 00:12:02.440 --> 00:12:05.720 with my husband. It's not you know, it didn't start 179 00:12:05.879 --> 00:12:10.159 with any nefarious like weirdness, And I. 180 00:12:10.120 --> 00:12:16.320 Want to I want to say I know this wholeheartedly 181 00:12:16.679 --> 00:12:20.679 because one of the very first times that I was 182 00:12:20.720 --> 00:12:24.639 ever on a show with you and he came into 183 00:12:24.679 --> 00:12:29.200 the picture and whatever. It was so like awkward. You 184 00:12:29.240 --> 00:12:32.240 could feel like the tension and stuff, and that's what 185 00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:36.000 you know when you reached him and I yes, yeah, 186 00:12:36.440 --> 00:12:38.759 when you had reached out to me, I was like, 187 00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:41.799 you know what, like I kind of got the sense 188 00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:44.840 that you guys have been done for a while and 189 00:12:44.879 --> 00:12:48.120 we're trying to like fake it till you make it 190 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:52.039 type thing. Let's let everybody think we're happy. But I 191 00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:56.240 could literally feel the tension and it was nothing like 192 00:12:56.919 --> 00:12:58.440 purposeful that happened. 193 00:12:58.600 --> 00:13:02.639 It was just well, it's it's the vibe between the 194 00:13:02.720 --> 00:13:05.639 two of us. Yeah, And you know, I forgot that 195 00:13:05.720 --> 00:13:07.960 he walked in and you met him that one time. 196 00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:10.879 I forgot about that. And you know, you've always had 197 00:13:10.919 --> 00:13:13.559 like a little bit of an intuition about things anyways, 198 00:13:13.559 --> 00:13:17.440 and I wonder like just from what I had told 199 00:13:17.519 --> 00:13:20.399 you about him, like what your thoughts were, but you 200 00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:22.000 met him actually, yeah. 201 00:13:21.960 --> 00:13:23.919 And that was and it was that was a long 202 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:26.879 time ago. That was like I want to say, close 203 00:13:26.919 --> 00:13:30.559 to two years ago the first time I ever met 204 00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:34.000 you and and whatever. And then I was like, oh man, 205 00:13:34.039 --> 00:13:39.279 this is like so incredibly uncomfortable, and you're such a 206 00:13:39.679 --> 00:13:46.200 like vibrant, you know, high energy type person, and as 207 00:13:46.200 --> 00:13:49.039 soon as he like came into the picture, it's like 208 00:13:49.240 --> 00:13:54.360 you just like sank, like your emotions just completely sank 209 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:55.720 into the bottom of the ocean. 210 00:13:56.200 --> 00:13:59.559 Yeah, I felt being with him, and imagine I was 211 00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:04.799 with him seven years, right, So I told Colby before, 212 00:14:04.879 --> 00:14:07.120 I felt like I almost went through like a budget 213 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:10.240 m k ultra program where I had to he like 214 00:14:10.320 --> 00:14:13.919 reprogrammed me into like thinking like what I was doing 215 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:16.919 on my show is stupid, and like right, he thought 216 00:14:16.919 --> 00:14:20.440 it was a waste of time, and everything I talked 217 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:23.919 about was like just utter bizarre bullshit. 218 00:14:24.600 --> 00:14:28.519 And I think like he acted like he didn't like you, 219 00:14:29.559 --> 00:14:34.679 like at all, and you kind of you kind of 220 00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:38.360 had the same type you know, like energy back at 221 00:14:38.440 --> 00:14:42.039 him after that started, and I was like, ooh, this 222 00:14:42.159 --> 00:14:45.840 is this is not a good situation. And you mentioned 223 00:14:45.879 --> 00:14:52.320 something earlier about like having to kind of hide that 224 00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:55.919 part of you that's so integral in your life and 225 00:14:56.360 --> 00:14:59.679 your feelings and what you think and how you act 226 00:14:59.720 --> 00:15:03.200 and all all of that stuff. And from the get go, 227 00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:06.159 I always thought he was the type of person that 228 00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:13.000 made you suppress every important part was you and I 229 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:17.279 had the exact same because my marriage was like that. 230 00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:21.200 And he hated me being a weirdo. He hated me joking, 231 00:15:21.320 --> 00:15:25.840 he hated like laughter, he hated you know, me being serious. 232 00:15:25.879 --> 00:15:30.879 He literally hated everything about my personality. And it was like, 233 00:15:31.519 --> 00:15:34.200 don't be you be this person that I want you 234 00:15:34.279 --> 00:15:38.759 to be. Literally, never do that, because when you have 235 00:15:38.879 --> 00:15:42.679 to hide part of yourself like that, it's never going 236 00:15:42.759 --> 00:15:43.120 to work. 237 00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:47.879 He could even like me, though, like I have said 238 00:15:47.879 --> 00:15:49.679 that to people before, I was like, I don't think 239 00:15:49.720 --> 00:15:52.759 he actually liked me at all, like as a person. 240 00:15:52.840 --> 00:15:55.720 I think maybe he liked how I looked or liked 241 00:15:55.919 --> 00:16:00.480 who I was when we met because going back to 242 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:03.480 like one of our first or maybe the first episode 243 00:16:03.480 --> 00:16:06.200 that you and I did together about like my life story, 244 00:16:06.759 --> 00:16:10.679 he met me when I was a very broken, very 245 00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:16.440 desperate person, and I needed him in that moment, and 246 00:16:16.559 --> 00:16:21.559 I tried to turn my feelings towards him from the 247 00:16:21.559 --> 00:16:25.440 beginning of our relationship into like something that could last forever, 248 00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:27.840 and it just was not meant to be that way. 249 00:16:28.200 --> 00:16:31.679 Like I did need him when I met him, and 250 00:16:31.720 --> 00:16:34.679 it was the kind of situation my mom had just died. 251 00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:38.399 Two weeks before I met him, I was drinking and 252 00:16:38.600 --> 00:16:43.200 crying and I was very depressed, and he kind of 253 00:16:43.240 --> 00:16:46.240 like saw me like a broken bird that he could 254 00:16:46.480 --> 00:16:48.519 kind of like manipulate. 255 00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:55.279 Because I was just gonna say that, yeah, because you're 256 00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:59.720 easier to control when you're weak or you feel like 257 00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:01.279 you're broken down. 258 00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:05.039 Yeah, yeah, And imagine you know how I felt about 259 00:17:05.079 --> 00:17:07.480 my mom too, And I was looking for someone to 260 00:17:07.599 --> 00:17:10.880 kind of like be that companion in my life and 261 00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:14.319 he just showed up. Like, but you know what's crazy, Janet. 262 00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:17.920 I still, even though I was with him seven years 263 00:17:17.960 --> 00:17:21.359 and like it was not a great relationship, I still 264 00:17:21.559 --> 00:17:25.559 feel like everything that happened leading up to this moment 265 00:17:25.640 --> 00:17:29.759 in time, it had to be in the perfect timing. 266 00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:36.039 Because even before I got pregnant last year, like let's 267 00:17:36.079 --> 00:17:39.000 say like June of last year, if you would have said, hey, 268 00:17:39.240 --> 00:17:41.799 if something ever happened to you and Zachary, would you 269 00:17:41.880 --> 00:17:44.920 date a guy that had kids or a kid? I 270 00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:49.519 would have been like, laugh, my fucking ass off. You 271 00:17:49.640 --> 00:17:53.079 gotta be fucking joking. I'm gonna date somebody with kids 272 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:55.039 when I have no kids. Like that was something I 273 00:17:55.079 --> 00:17:58.559 was completely disinterested in I had went on dates with 274 00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:02.640 guys like in the past had kids, and I'd be like, oh, 275 00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:04.640 what a shame they have kids. It will never work. 276 00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:07.599 I'm not interested in that. And you know, they would 277 00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:08.920 try to like sell it to me, like, oh, I 278 00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:11.039 only have my son like every other weekend, and I 279 00:18:11.079 --> 00:18:13.599 was like, you're selling yourself to me by saying you're 280 00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:18.079 a shitty dad, like like that's making it better. 281 00:18:18.279 --> 00:18:19.200 I want you more. 282 00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:22.519 Yeah, you might as well fucking move to fucking France 283 00:18:22.599 --> 00:18:24.680 as much as you see your kids, Like that's not 284 00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:27.839 you're not selling it to me. But so, you know, 285 00:18:27.960 --> 00:18:31.839 I just was completely disinterested in that. But after I 286 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:38.519 got pregnant, my whole mind like state shifted because I 287 00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:42.960 started thinking about like, goddamn, you know, I could see 288 00:18:43.000 --> 00:18:47.799 myself being part of a family, like my own family. 289 00:18:47.880 --> 00:18:51.039 And I love Wyatt so much. He's like the sweetest 290 00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:54.039 baby ever. He's happy all the time. He barely ever 291 00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:57.319 cries and it's only if he gets like severely injured, 292 00:18:57.839 --> 00:19:04.720 Like yeah, yeah, he's the sweetest little angel. And of 293 00:19:04.759 --> 00:19:07.200 course I didn't give birth to him, but I would 294 00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:10.680 not have been ready to step into this type of 295 00:19:10.759 --> 00:19:14.640 role if I wouldn't have gotten pregnant because it changed 296 00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:21.920 everything about what I think in value about my future. 297 00:19:22.440 --> 00:19:27.240 I had like a pretty shallow existence before that happened. 298 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:30.279 Like I really wasn't worried about it. I wanted to 299 00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:33.480 go to the bar and go to what do whatever. 300 00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:38.240 Zachary freaking drugged me out every weekend, and it was 301 00:19:38.279 --> 00:19:43.839 like drunk, puke, diarrhea, fucking like you know how it is, right, 302 00:19:43.960 --> 00:19:46.319 you get drunk every weekend and then it takes you 303 00:19:46.359 --> 00:19:48.880 almost like the whole next week to recover from that 304 00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:50.519 shit to just go back out. 305 00:19:50.359 --> 00:19:53.359 And get. 306 00:19:54.039 --> 00:19:58.279 It was just like such a meaningless existence. Really. In 307 00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:00.799 the second I found out I was pregnant, I was like, 308 00:20:00.839 --> 00:20:03.960 oh my god, we're gonna pick pumpkins together, and we're 309 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:07.240 gonna watch scary movies and we're gonna like I had 310 00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:11.720 this whole life in my mind, and it doesn't take 311 00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:14.759 very long for that to happen, Like it might take 312 00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:18.079 guys longer, you know, when their child is actually born, 313 00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:20.759 to feel like they're a father. But like the second 314 00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:24.160 I looked at the pea stick and I saw two lines, 315 00:20:24.440 --> 00:20:27.559 I had the entire future mapped out with me and 316 00:20:27.599 --> 00:20:31.000 that baby, and Zachary probably would have been an absent father. 317 00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:33.279 So like I had this whole thing in mind of 318 00:20:33.319 --> 00:20:35.839 what I was gonna do and shit, and then when 319 00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:39.799 I had the miscarriage, I was like, this can't be it, 320 00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:43.000 Like I can't stay with fucking this guy, Like this 321 00:20:43.079 --> 00:20:45.680 can't be my life. Because he didn't want to try again. 322 00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:48.519 He didn't want He was like, thank god that happened. 323 00:20:48.519 --> 00:20:53.519 I didn't want kids, right, And I'm sitting here completely 324 00:20:53.599 --> 00:20:58.240 like I've I've just got nothing left to give to 325 00:20:58.359 --> 00:21:01.039 him and he has nothing left give to me. We 326 00:21:01.119 --> 00:21:03.519 don't even want the same things. It was not it 327 00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:07.880 was never gonna work, right, But and I said. 328 00:21:07.759 --> 00:21:12.400 I thank you guys being together for seven years. You 329 00:21:12.519 --> 00:21:18.359 stayed together number one, because it's the right thing to do, right. 330 00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:24.480 It's a convenience thing, you know, it's companionship or whatever, 331 00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:28.200 even if it's not really a really great companion right, 332 00:21:29.160 --> 00:21:31.519 like world's shittiest roommate. 333 00:21:32.039 --> 00:21:32.720 To be with. 334 00:21:34.759 --> 00:21:38.119 Been there, been there, done that, you know. I mean, 335 00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:42.880 I tried to stick my marriage out for a really 336 00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:45.440 long time, and I was like, you know what, I 337 00:21:45.559 --> 00:21:47.599 finally got to play. I'm like, I can't do this 338 00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:53.480 anymore because you and I like don't mesh, like we 339 00:21:53.559 --> 00:21:59.079 hate everything about each other, like annoyed at the smallest things, 340 00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:04.599 and you know, like his personality disturbed me because he 341 00:22:04.680 --> 00:22:09.279 would get super duper drunk and do god awful embarrassing 342 00:22:09.359 --> 00:22:13.119 things like we went on a cruise one time and 343 00:22:13.960 --> 00:22:17.440 met all these nice couples at dinner or whatever, and 344 00:22:17.480 --> 00:22:19.440 he would get super drunk. He went out on the 345 00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:22.119 dance floor and literally strip naked. 346 00:22:22.519 --> 00:22:26.279 Oh my god, go bowling. 347 00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:30.720 Get super shit face drunk and so drunk that he 348 00:22:30.920 --> 00:22:33.240 like went down the lane with the ball fall in 349 00:22:33.319 --> 00:22:38.119 a fire because you're drunk, Like, oh my things. And 350 00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:44.200 I'm like the sober controlled person. And I was like, 351 00:22:44.319 --> 00:22:48.519 this is not like he hates my personality. He hates 352 00:22:48.599 --> 00:22:52.400 that I'm weird and quirky, and you know, he hates 353 00:22:52.440 --> 00:22:54.519 my sense of humor and stuff. And I didn't like 354 00:22:54.599 --> 00:22:58.119 him either. And we didn't like the same music or 355 00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:00.640 the same TV shows or or anything. 356 00:23:01.000 --> 00:23:04.680 Girl, how about down to We didn't like to eat 357 00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:06.759 the same shit, Like they couldn't even go to a 358 00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:10.079 fucking restaurant. Like it was just everything was a fight. 359 00:23:10.240 --> 00:23:13.200 Everything was an argument. But what I will say, though, 360 00:23:13.720 --> 00:23:17.599 like I know countless not countless, I know quite a 361 00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:21.279 few people who are in relationships or marriages like this 362 00:23:21.559 --> 00:23:26.119 who will never leave. They're unhappy, they know that they're 363 00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:29.920 not compatible with their partner, but they're never going to 364 00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:34.160 leave because, first of all, it's very uncomfortable and very 365 00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:36.839 stressful to leave a situation you've been in for many 366 00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:41.200 years to start something new or be by yourself. And 367 00:23:42.759 --> 00:23:46.799 second of all, it's just like you get matrix in 368 00:23:46.920 --> 00:23:50.759 your own fucking relationships, like you're stuck in them, and 369 00:23:50.799 --> 00:23:55.680 you fear that leaving it could end you up in 370 00:23:55.720 --> 00:23:58.640 a worse situation, so you just stay in it out 371 00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:00.400 of the convenience. 372 00:23:59.720 --> 00:24:01.279 Of it, you know what. I think a lot of 373 00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:07.079 a lot of people also are afraid to make the 374 00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:11.039 change and make the move because of what other people 375 00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:15.279 may think or say about them, or other people judging 376 00:24:15.319 --> 00:24:19.279 them that it's inappropriate. It shouldn't, uh, you know, you 377 00:24:19.279 --> 00:24:23.839 should never endo marriage Like I've heard literally all kinds 378 00:24:23.880 --> 00:24:26.599 of stuff about you know why, I'm not married to 379 00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:31.640 that person anymore, And I really could care less because 380 00:24:32.599 --> 00:24:37.279 leaving that everything fell into place, like you said, and 381 00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:40.319 I met my soulmate, the person I was supposed to 382 00:24:40.319 --> 00:24:42.240 be with all that time. 383 00:24:42.920 --> 00:24:45.680 And it just so happens that your situation is kind 384 00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:49.440 of similar to Colby, and I like he reached across 385 00:24:49.519 --> 00:24:52.759 time and plucked me out of my entire fucking life 386 00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:58.640 in Oklahoma, like I. The first time I saw him, 387 00:24:58.920 --> 00:25:01.839 I was a try him and he said he was 388 00:25:01.880 --> 00:25:03.960 an organ, and I put in my phone. I was like, 389 00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:06.440 you know, how fucking far is organ for my love? 390 00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:07.240 I wonder? 391 00:25:08.359 --> 00:25:10.759 And I saw how far away it was. I was like, oh, 392 00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:14.839 that'll never fucking happen, Like he's so far away. And 393 00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:19.480 then when we started talking and I flew here the 394 00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:22.440 first time to visit him, I was like, you know what, 395 00:25:22.759 --> 00:25:26.279 I fucking love everything about this. I'm gonna live an organ. 396 00:25:26.599 --> 00:25:30.839 I'm gonna leave my entire life, all my friends, my family, 397 00:25:31.079 --> 00:25:33.880 quit my job. I'm gonna do it all. Like I. 398 00:25:35.279 --> 00:25:40.759 This is hard for people, but I understand. And again 399 00:25:41.839 --> 00:25:44.119 probably because I had the miscarriage and I saw the 400 00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:46.279 fucking face of God while I was laying in the 401 00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:48.880