Speaker 1: The minor Cannon by anonymous. It was Monday, and in
the afternoon, as I was walking along the high street
of Marchbury, I was met by a distinguished looking person
whom I had observed at the services in the cathedral
on the previous day. Now it chanced on that Sunday
that I was singing the service properly speaking, it was
not my turn, but as my brother minor cannons were
either away from Marchbury or ill in bed, I was
the only one left to perform the necessary duty. The
distinguished looking person was a tall, big man, with a round,
fat face and small features his eyes, his hair and mustache.
His face was bare but for a small mustache, were
quite black, and he had a very pleasant and genial expression.
He wore a tall hat set rather jauntily on his head,
and he was dressed in black, with a long frock
coat buttoned across the chest and fitting him close to
the body. As he came with a half sauntered, half
swagger along the street, I knew him again at once
by his appearance, and as he came nearer, I saw
from his manner that he was intending to stop and
speak to me, for he slightly raised his hat and,
in a soft melodious voice with a colonial twang which
was far from being disagreeable, and which indeed, to my ear,
gave a certain additional interest to his remarks. He saluted
me with good day, sir. Good day, I answered, with
just a little reserve in my tone. I hope, sir,
he began, you will excuse my stopping you in the street,
but I wish to tell you how very much I
enjoyed the music at your cathedral yesterday. I am an Australian, sir,
and we have no such music in my country. I
suppose not, I said, no, sir, He went on, nothing
nearly so fine. I am very fond of music, and
as my business brought me in this direction, I thought
I would stop at your city and take the opportunity
of paying a visit to your grand cathedral. And I
am delighted. I came so pleased, indeed, that I should
like to leave some memorial of my visit behind me.
I should like, sir, to do something for your choir.
I am sure it is very kind of you, I replied, yes,
I should certainly be glad if you could suggest to
me something I might do in this way. As regards money,
I must say that I have plenty of it. I
am the owner of a most valuable property. My business
relations extend throughout the world, and if I am as
fortunate in the projects of the future as I have
been in the past, I shall probably one day achieve
the proud position of being the richest man in the world.
I did not like to undertake myself the responsibility of
advising or suggesting, so I simply said, I cannot venture
to say off hand what would be the most acceptable
way of showing your great kindness and generosity. But I
should certainly recommend you to put yourself in communication with
the Dean. Thank you, sir, said my Australian friend. I
will do so. And now, sir, he continued, let me
say how much I admire your voice. It is, without exception,
the very finest and clearest voice I have ever heard. Really,
I answered, quite overcome with such unqualified praise. Really, it
is it is very good of you to say so, ah,
But I feel it, my dear sir. I have been
round the world, from Sydney to Frisco, across the continent
of America he called it America, to New York City,
then on to England, and tomorrow I shall leave your
city to continue my travels. But in all my experience
I have never heard so grand a voice as your own.
This and a great deal more, he said, in the
same strain which modesty forbids me to reproduce. Now, I
am not without some knowledge of the world outside the
close of Marchbury Cathedral, and I could not listen to
such a flattering tale without having my suspicions aroused. Who
and what is this man? Thought I. I looked at
him narrowly. At first the thought flashed across me that
he might be a swell mobsman. But no, his face
was too good for that. Besides, no man with that
huge frame, that personality, so marked and so easily recognizable,
could be a swindler. He could not escape detection a
single hour. I dismissed the ungenerous thought. Perhaps he is rich,
as he says, we do hear of munificent donations by
benevolent millionaires. Now and then, what if this Australian, attracted
by the glories of the old cathedral should now appear
as a deus ex machina to re endow the choir
or to found a musical professorate in connection with the choir,
appointing me the first occupant of the professorial chair. These
thoughts flashed across my mind in the momentary pause of
his fluent tongue. As for yourself, sir, he began again,
I have something to propose, which I trust may not
prove unwelcome. But the public street is hardly a suitable
place to discuss my proposal. May I call upon you
this evening at your house in the close I know
which it is, for I happened to see you go
into it yesterday after the morning service. I shall be
very pleased to see you, I replied. We are going
out to dinner this evening, but I shall be at
home and disengaged till about seven. Thank you very much.
Then I shall do myself the pleasure of calling upon
you about six o'clock till then farewell. A graceful wave
of the hand, and my unknown friend had disappeared round
the corner of the street. Now at last I thought,
something is going to happen in my uneventful life, something
to break the monotony of existence. Of course, he must
have inquired my name. He could get that from any
of the cathedral Vergures, and as he said, he had
observed whereabouts in the clothes I lived. But I was
not to see him again till six o'clock, and there
were three good hours to wait. I recalled all that
happened on the Sunday. It seemed as if some special
providence was acting in my favor. It was due to
the illness and absence of my college that I had
had the good fortune to officiate. Surely this was providential,
and I am ashamed to say that I was, in
one way realizing the truth of the famous maxim of
La Rochefouclt, in deriving a secret satisfaction from the misfortunes
of my friends. Still, it was remarkable that it should
happen thus, and it was undoubtedly true that on that
particular Sunday I was an excellent voice. And then the
vanity which is natural to all men, asserted itself in me,
and I found myself only too ready to believe that
my voice was the finest and clearest ever heard. Somebody's
must be the finest, and why not mine. My mysterious friend,
whatever else he might be, was most certainly a man
of good taste and judgment that could not be denied.
And then, as he had said he was rich, plenty
of money, he said he had. What is he coming
to see me for, I wondered. I spent the rest
of the afternoon in making the wildest surmises I was
castle building in Spain at a furious rate. At one
time I imagined that this faithful son of the Church,
as he appeared to me, was going to build and
endow a grand cathedral in Australia, on condition that I
should be appointed dean at a yearly stipend of say,
ten thousand pounds. At another time I imagined him asking
me to become his private chaplain at about the same remuneration. Again,
I thought he might offer to educate my three boys
at his own expense, provided that special attention should be
given to the development of their natural musical genius. Or
perhaps I said to myself, he will beg me to
accept a sum of money. I never thought of it
as less than a thousand pounds, As a slight recognition
of and tribute to my remarkable vocal ability, I confess
I always came back to this last conjecture as the
most probable the others seemed rather wild in their fancifulness.
I took a long, lonely walk into the country to
correct these ridiculous fancies and to steady my mind. And
when I reached home and had refreshed myself with a
quiet cup of afternoon tea, I felt I was morally
and physically prepared for my interview with the opulent stranger. Punctually,
as the cathedral clock struck six, there was a ring
at the visitor's bell. In a moment or two, my
unknown friend was shown into the drawing room, which he
entered with the easy air of a man of the world.
I noticed he was carrying a small black bag. How
do you do again, mister Dale, he said, as though
we were old acquaintances. You see I have come sharp
to my time. Yes, I answered, and I am pleased
to see you. Do sit down. He sank into my
best arm chair and placed his bag on the floor
beside him. Since we met this afternoon, he said, I
have written a letter to your Dean expressing the great
pleasure I felt in listening to your choir, And at
the same time I enclosed a five pound note, which
I begged him to divide among the choir boys and
men from Alexander Poulter, esquire of Poulter's Pills. You have,
of course heard of the world renowned Poulter's Pills. I
am Poulter Poulter of Poulter's Pills. My heart sank within
me a five pound note. My airy castles were tottering.
I also sent him a couple hundred of my pamphlets,
which I said I trusted he would be so kind
as to distribute in the clothes. I was aghast. And now,
with regard to the special object of my call, mister Dale,
if you will allow me to say so, you are
not making the most of that grand voice of yours.
You are hiding under an ecclesiastical bushel here lost to
the world. You are wasting your vocal strength and sweetness
on the desert air, so to speak. Why, if I
may hazard to guess, I don't suppose you make five
hundred a year here at the outside, I could say nothing. Well,
now I can put you into the way of making
at least three or four times as much as that. Listen,
I am Alexander Poulter of Palter's Pills. I have a
proposal to make to you the scheme is bound to succeed,
But I want your help. Accept my proposal, and your
fortunes made. Did you ever hear of moody and Sankeie,
he asked abruptly. The man is an idiot, thought I.
He is now fairly carried away with his particular mania.
Will at last long shall I ring novelty? My dear sir,
he went on, is the rule of the day, and
there must be novelty in advertising, as in everything else,
to catch the public interest. So I intend to go
on a tour lecturing on the merits of Poulter's Pills
in all the principal halls of all the principal towns
all over the world. But I have been delayed in
carrying out my idea till I could associate myself with
a gentleman such as yourself. Will you join me. I
should be the Moody of the tour. You would be
its sankee. I would speak my patter, and you would
intersperse my orations with melodious ballads bearing upon the virtues
of Poulter's Pills. The ballads are all ready so saying.
He opened that bag and drew forth from its recesses.
Nothing more alarming than a thick roll of manuscript music.
The verses are my own, he said, with a little
touch of pride. And as for the music, I thought
it better to make use of popular melodies so as
to enable an audience to join in the chorus. See
here is one of the ballads, Darling, I am better now.
It describes the woes of a fond lover, or rather
his physical ailments until he went through a course of Poulter.
Here's another. I'm ninety five. I'm ninety five. You catch
the drift of that. Of course, a healthy old age
secured by taking Poulter's pills. Ah, what's this little sister's
last request? I fancy the idea of that is to
beg the family, never to be without Poulter's pills. Here again,
then you'll remember me. I'm afraid that title is not original.
Never mind, the song is, and here is. But there
are many, mor'n. I won't detain you with them now,
he saw. Perhaps I was getting impatient. Thank heaven, however,
he was no escaped lunatic. I was safe, mister Poulter said,
I I took you this afternoon for a disinterested and
philanthropic millionaire. You take me for for something different from
what I am. We have both made mistakes. In a word,
it is impossible for me to accept your offer. Is
that final? Asked Poulter, certainly, said I. Poulter gathered his
manuscripts together and replaced them in the bag, and got
up to leave the room. Good evening, mister Dale, he
said mournfully as I opened the door of the room.
Good evening. He kept on talking till he was fairly
out of the house. Mark my words, You'll be sorry,
very sorry, one day that you you did not fall
in with my scheme. Offers like mine don't come every day,
and you will one day regret having refused it. With
these words, he left the house. I had little appetite
for my dinner that evening.