Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 2: Hells you good friend Clayton brother Satan. Maybe you've heard
of me. Here's my friend Chris. Chris. How's it going? Well? Uh?
Pretty good? I mean I mean I'm dead.
Speaker 1: I died about a year and a half ago, and
my eternal punishment is to do this.
Speaker 2: Podcast where we interview everyone in hell. So you know
it's it's it's.
Speaker 1: Going pretty good. Yeah, well, I mean it's not. It's
not all punishment, Chris. I got a little surprised for you,
So go ahead, open your eyes.
Speaker 2: What I can't you? I don't have you took? You
took so sorry? Here here, let me take them out
of my pocket.
Speaker 1: Got a little linton, I'm here plug plug those back in,
all right, Chris, Now open.
Speaker 2: Your eyes here? Okay, sorry, there is now open your eyes?
Speaker 1: Where what is it's six six six flags?
Speaker 2: What Hell's number one theme park? That's right, buddy? What Yeah,
we're going to six last six six six legs.
Speaker 1: That's right, Yeah, we're going to six sixth lass right son?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey Bob, you go off. You have a great time.
You've been working real hard, cat this days for you?
Speaker 2: Oh my god? Is that? Can I can I get
to go? To. Can I go to the right? Can
I go the right?
Speaker 1: Kind of go?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Chris, Yeah, you've worked so hard on this podcast.
You did such a great job. You do whatever you want,
you can, you can just the park is yours. You
go have fun, bud, can I can?
Speaker 2: I have a couple of souls to spend? All right,
let me let me check my wallet. Hold on, all right,
here's a couple of souls here, use them. Well, all right,
all right, all right bye, I'll slater, okay, okay, all right,
see you later. I'll look at him. Go oh, he's
so happy, look at him.
Speaker 1: Go well, well, Chris runs off and has a little
bit of fun here at six six six flags. I'm
gonna be sitting down with the park owner, Salt Kidney.
Speaker 2: Where is he? Hey, Salt, how's going? Oh? Clayton, Clayton,
right right this way? Come on. Oh it's mister Kidney,
mister Salt Kidney. Oh good to see you, sir. It's
so good seeing you, Clayton. Thank you for coming to
my park. I hope you and you and Chris have
a magical day here today.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I looked a little squirre. He's off off
right in your rides and enjoying the place. But uh,
you and I do you want to go settle down
somewhere we could we can have a talk, you know,
and maybe conduct an.
Speaker 2: Interview for my show. Oh yeah, of course, I've got
my office right above the main street at the front there.
If you want to join, we can go on up.
Speaker 1: The famous office, the famous Salt Kidney office. So yeah,
let's go this way. All right, let's go on in. Okay,
So set the scene for me. What are we were
going through? This is like a secret entrance, Like, how
do I get in here?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, there's a door right here out front? Put
your hand in the snake, Clayton, put my hand in
the snake. Yeah it's its mouth is open. It's put
your hand right in there. Okay, yards sticking it in.
All right, there we go right there, the door open up. Yeah,
it seems very scary, but no, it's actually it's been
one hundred percent fine, fronty demons. So let's go on in.
Let's step up the stairs to my office. Okay, I'll
have a seat. Said that. You do you like the
leather of this this chair? Yes? Yes? What was it
made of? Authentic? Human? Actually? It's uh yeah, tempered over time.
It took. It came in from some of the finest
parts of North of Mala America. Actually, Florida leather right
now is just very very nice. Oh yes, So anyway,
look you can see here, we've got cameras set up
all over the parks, including all of the restrooms as well,
and you can see Chris right now. He's he's getting
on one of the one of my most favorite rides.
Oh what right is that, mister Kidney. It's Taxes. He's
getting onto the Taxes ride. Oh wow.
Speaker 1: He looks very confused. He doesn't seem to know what's
going on. I think he's used to the Earth theme parks.
So yeah, walk us through what is Chris experiencing right now?
Speaker 2: So right now, he's gonna wait in line for a
good hour or so. And then right as he thinks
he gets to the pre show area, he just gets
in another line. Oh oh wow, that's that's pretty much it.
And then at the end of that line is taxes.
He gets to do taxes, which is wow. Yeah, brilliant work. Yeah,
that's that's you know, people, people are really excited for
this one. But you know, it's a new attraction. We
just brought it in and I'm excited. We've been using
it to promote the park for the past few months
and it's really pissing people off, I imagine.
Speaker 1: So so the name six six six Flags, I guess
that originated from six Flags, which is another hellish theme park,
you know, based off the North American one?
Speaker 2: Is that correct? That that is correct? And actually my
cousin is missed a six. You may have seen him dancing.
He brought a lot of misery to a lot of
people who watch television in the United States.
Speaker 1: But the vinga bust guy, the guy that the old
man with glasses and he just does the oh yeah, yeah, wow,
that's mister six.
Speaker 2: That's my cousin. He's a he's a good, good demon.
What an asshole? I hate that guy. That's great. Oh wow,
I hate him too. But he's doing a lot of
a lot of good work, a lot of negative work
up there, and U you know, it's it's good having
him aund he he pops in every now and then
you see him dance around the park and really just
upsetting everyone. It makes me so happy.
Speaker 1: So I understand the play on six sixty six Flags.
But you actually have to have six hundred and sixty
six flags.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean it's kind of one of those things,
you know, like we have we have the flags kind
of hidden all over the place when he least expect him,
like in some of the restrooms when you really, like,
you know, you get off some of our more intense rides,
you go into the restroom and in the stall where
you expect a toilet to maybe you know, throw up
or evacuate your bowels, it's just a flag. Wow. Yeah, groundbreaking, mister,
mister Kidney. I know, it's very exciting. You know, like
up in some of those other theme poks you see
and you know on the on the upper level you
see like hidden mickeys and stuff. No, no, we've just
got hidden penises everywhere. You know. It's like up in
the clouds and some of the paintings, and you know
why where aver you're looking if you're thinking like, oh,
maybe I find a little Easter egg, No, no, it's
just a penis. Well, I actually see him looking at
the security camera.
Speaker 1: It looks like Chris exited the line for the taxes
ride and he's getting his face painted and it looks
like sure enough, they're giving him a penis tattoo.
Speaker 2: There you go. He probably thinks he's getting a cute
squirrel or something, but no, it's just a penis. And
also no mirrors of this park either, so you know,
we go you think you see a mirror, No, just
another flag.
Speaker 1: Also, that's not face painting, that's actually face tattooing, like
they are permanently putting that on his skin.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, obviously, obviously why would you, you know, bother with
any kind of paints. Paints aren't good for the environment,
you know, that's right, right.
Speaker 1: But that being said, I see that this park is
just chugging out smoke and and all sorts of I mean,
it's just consuming lots of energy.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so greenhouse gases. Yeah, we have lots of those.
We have lots of those. It's a good thing. We
collect the greenhouse gas and bring it back in and
recycle this greenhouse gas and just try to you know,
whereas carbon positive as possible throughout the park. You know,
every single piece of merchandise, every single ride, just produces
loads and loads of carbon. I mean, I could smell it.
It's a wonder. It's that sense you get when you
walk through the turnstile, and after you pay us lots
and lots of money to get in here, you just
smell that carbon in the air. It's fantastic and it's
keeping us going, and it just makes me happy every
time I stroll down the streets. I love it. If
you look on the cameras, Chris is he's wandering around
looking for another attraction. I think he's actually heading to
another one of our favorite ones, the high school reunion. Oo,
let me tell me about that one. That sounds nice. Yeah.
All it does is just makes you feel awkward and
out of place. It's great. You look around and you
see all of your friends from school, except they've all
have kids now or are fat, and that's it. Wow.
Speaker 1: Wow, there's suposed to be right at home feeling awkward
and out of place. Though, I mean, I gotta say, yeah,
that's just his state of being. He may may enjoy
this one a little bit too much. Actually yeah, actually, uh,
maybe maybe we should get him escorted out of there.
You called like park security. Maybe move him to a
different ride. Is that is that a possibility.
Speaker 2: We'll get some of our enforces to come in and
move them on to another ride. Uh, gentlemen. Hey on
in second Clayton. Yeah, well yeah, he's uh yeah, take
him the line, perfect, take a shot, all right, cool,
Sorry about that. They'll take care of them now. Oh
there you go. You can see my My guys are
in there right now. They're taking them away. They're just
putting him another line. Wow.
Speaker 1: Oh and they're all dressed as a giant mascots, kidney mascots,
kidney shaped mascots, and it looks like they're beating him
in the line.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean obviously, right, I mean, did you expect
anything different from you know, six six six flags? No,
not surprised, but yeah, still brings a smile on my face.
Speaker 1: So tell me about some of the other rides and
like where you acquired these beautiful pieces of equipment.
Speaker 2: I mean you got monstrous roller coasters. Oh yeah, you
can see this one here up in the north Way
part of the park. We acquired it actually from Texas.
It's called the Cyclone. Yeah, tell me more about that.
It's just a cyclone. Oh, it's literally just a tornado
that we lifted from nature, Mother Nature up on Earth.
It's just literally a tornado and we'll just wreck you very,
very badly. You don't want to get too close to it,
but when you do, you go up pretty high and
get thrown around quite a bit. If you look carefully,
you can actually see some cows in there as well.
Speaker 1: Oh, very nice, a little twister tie in, you know,
I know that's true. Parks typically do a little bit
of movie tie in.
Speaker 2: Bill Paxton came down the other week and he took
a look at it. He really liked it. He said
it felt very authentic to what he wrote. Yeah, that's incredible.
We're waiting on Helen Hunts to get the reunite. Oh yeah, yeah,
of course, Yeah, it'll be lovely.
Speaker 1: This place is known for some of its park foods.
You know, you come here, you ride the rides, you
get some foods. Tell me some about the park foods
that you guys serve here.
Speaker 2: One of the most popular foods that we have. It's
really it's convenient. It's a small bag just full of
shards of glass. It's his shards of glass and a
bag and you can munch on it. It's great. It's
like popcorn, except it's glass. The kids love it, they
really do, and you know, it really tickles the tummy
as it goes down, as we like to say, it's
pretty cheap to make too. We just you know, get
all the glass from people who park out fronts. We
just shatter all the windows of their vehicles and collect
it and then we sell it to them. So really
they're buying their own windshields and we're making money on it.
I mean, it's it's a fantastic, fantastic way.
Speaker 1: To do this, revolutionary, and I bet they're excited to
come back to their car just beaten to bits.
Speaker 2: You know, glassy where absolutely absolutely really you get that
wind in your face? Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I've also heard a rumor that, you know, in order
to promote vomiting on your rides, your ice cream and
your suits are laced with epicac syrup.
Speaker 2: Oh yeahs that crack obviously, obviously. I mean, who do
you think I am some kind of amshe Oh no, no, no, sir,
you're You're the best in the biz. All of our
cotton candy and our ice cream just have a little
little dab of epicac in there as well, and just
make you throw up as quick as you get it.
It's fantastic.
Speaker 1: Do you have some sort of like vomit quota that
you need to meet because I'm looking on these theme
park right. Oh, even Chris right now, it looks like
he's just barfing his guts up.
Speaker 2: Do you do you do you provoke barf? It works
out pretty well because actually our log flume we have,
you know, the one that goes around and goes on
little ramp. It's instead of water, we just have vomit,
that's all it is. So we got to keep that
thing full every single day. And so you know, vomit
has you know, evaporates over time because it is awful
hot down here. So having more vomit to fill up
the flume keeps it moving. It's a little sloshy, but hey,
you know, it's good times. And the kids. The kids
like it. They enjoy standing at the bottom getting splashed
by all the vomits. It warms the cockles of my heart.
Speaker 1: It looks like Chris after he threw up into that
river which he thought was just a river, it looks
like the log is actually coming towards him.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, he just got splashed with all that vomit
looking at him. All good times, good times. Indeed, I
love seeing the wondrous joy on all the kids' faces. Yeah. Oh,
look at Chris. He looks so happy. Oh no, he's miserable.
He's actually miserable. Excell Maybe I'll have one of my
enforces move him on to another ride. It's just small world.
It's it's a fantastic one. He he will love it.
Speaker 1: So, oh, tell me more about that, Like, is that
is that some sort of like interesting take on the
the classic ride from disney World.
Speaker 2: Oh no, it's it's literally the exact ride from Disney World.
It's just it's a small world. It's Oh, it's a
fifteen minutes just droning song. That's pretty much hell in itself.
It's like a compartmentalized version of hell, and it's it's
great to see that, you know, someone up there figured
out the key to really driving someone crazy. Why mess
with the classic? I just brought it down here, of course.
Speaker 1: Of course, now I do understand that you have a
unique take on the Hall of Presidents. It looks like
key of the Hall of Dictators. Oh yes, but it's
they're not animatronics.
Speaker 2: Is that right? It's just no dictators. It's actually like
Genghis Khan is in there, and Julius Caesar. You can
go listen to him speak about all the horrors they enacted.
It's it's really great. It's a lot of fun. And
we're really crossing our fingers to get Trump down here
pretty soon too. Wow. What a get Wow, it'll be
fantastic when he's here.
Speaker 1: Of course, I see that Chris is being beaten by
your enforcers, so it looks like they're moving them on
to another ride.
Speaker 2: Where's he? Where's he off to Clayton. Let me just
go ahead and say, I don't like the term beaten.
I like the term touched by ticklesticks. That's right. Yeah,
our enforces just hit the shit out of them with
those ticklesticks. It's it's a lovely time. It just you know,
encourages people to get in lines and get closer together
because the thing you want to be is really packed
in tight to uncomfortable spaces here at this at our park.
Here I see. But yeah, it looks like he's moving
on now to the Carousel of Failure, which is one
of the first attractions actually open up. When I was
a young, a young demon working and we had the
World's Fair and I built the Carousel of Failure and
it worked out well, and people seem to enjoy it,
and so I opened up six sixty six flags down here.
I see, So tell me about the early parts of
the day.
Speaker 1: You know, from my understanding, you had to buy up
a significant amount of land, but you try to keep
it a secret by buying it up with like shell companies.
Speaker 2: Like what was that process? Like, you'd be surprised how
difficult it is to buy burial grounds down here because
there's a lot of space, and barrel grounds are very expensive.
But we make sure to put all of our attractions
and all of our rides on top of actual burial grounds.
It really adds that extra essence to everything we do.
And then when we dig our tunnels underneath the park,
you know, to get more trash in it, because we're
just pumping trash in from the outside, just digging right
through all those caskets and all of those dead bodies.
It was just a remarkable time. It was a lot
of fun for the builders too. Oh yeah, I bet.
Speaker 1: I mean I've heard that you had to record numbers
of deaths and turnover from your builders because they just
kept getting you know, beaten up by corpses and haunted,
haunted bodies.
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, we had literally thousands of workers died during
the building process. It just adds an extra layer of
sort of specialness to my park. I'd like to think,
you know, all all of those little those souls floating
around here. My dream is to collect the souls and
actually have them like balloons where you can walk around
the park and the kiddies can hold onto those souls
and just wander around holding above their heads with little
horns poking out. It's gonna be great. Speaking of uch,
did you get your your horn hats? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have not yet gone to the gift shop,
but I mean, oh yes, yeah, I've those. You see
those around hell all the time, children that have gotten
their horn hats. I mean they're they're famous, they're infamous.
What are the kind of things you have in the
gift shop? Oh, we have all kinds of things. I
mean really, it's that's what this place is all about.
The sellly mentionize right of course naturally.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we have our stuffed animals, which is you know,
you can get your your stuffed version of the man
himself of mister Satan, who I know you're a big
fan of too.
Speaker 1: Right now, I don't know what about a fan I mean,
I'm related to him, but sure.
Speaker 2: I've got a Satan plushy right here. Here you go,
there you go. Notice how it's just full of rocks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, quite heavy, yeah, Percy, very very uncomfortable, all right,
Salt you mentioned earlier you have this underground system, and
to my understanding, it's you have like a pneumatic system
so that you can just constantly be shooting trash out.
Speaker 2: Like what, what else do you have going on these
underground tunnels? Well, I mean that's pretty much where we
put all of the you know, the blood and all
of the vomit, the excess vomit we have from the flume.
If we have a good day down there. We have
got some storage down there. Also, that's where our restaurants are.
It's all underground, so you know, if you want any food,
you have to go under under the park and you
can see the flowing trash outside. Really adds a nice
little ambiance to to your eating experience.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if you can make it through the gagging
in the epicac syrup, I mean, wow, what a beautiful meal.
Speaker 2: That must be absolutely absolutely some of the absolute worst
garbage we have. It's it's it's good times. And you know,
one one meal for a family of four costs roughly
two thousand dollars. So it's a wonder that people actually
keep coming. But they do, and they love it. They
do love all the chaos. Hea, and I'm quite excited.
Oh look at that. I can see Chris now has
gotten out of It's a Small World and he's moved
onto Dante's Inferno. Oh yeah, what's that. Oh no, it's
not a ride. It's actually Dante's Inferno. It's just it's
the Nine Circles of Hell and he's going to work
his way down.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, Okay, he looks he looks very confused. I
think the physical toll of being in this park is already.
Speaker 2: Starting to take effect.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's he looks lost, He looks confused, a
little scared.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like a perfect day at a theme park. Yeah,
of course.
Speaker 1: You know, Chris is getting around pretty pretty fast. Does
he have some sort is there like a fast pass
system down here or like you know, you mentioned season
park passes?
Speaker 2: What's that like, Clayton, You got to be very careful
because you know, if you mentioned anything that, you know,
our friends up at at Disney World have you're gonna
get sued out of your mind. So we don't have
fast passes here. We have the speed Demon pass. Oh
I like that. Absolutely. You pay that and you get
in a separate line. It takes as long as the
original line. It just costs more money, of naturally, of course,
of course. Yeah, it's it's good. It's you know, really
adds an air of sort of superiority to you as
you have it, because you get aware it in a
lanyard around your neck. But you don't get into any
ride any faster. So I see, it's a fantastic way
for us to earn some extra money here as well.
Speaker 1: Now I see that some of your rides have like
a maximum height.
Speaker 2: You have to be this short to ride this ride,
and then.
Speaker 1: It looks like they have like an a they do
they cut off the legs so that you're small enough
to then ride the ride.
Speaker 2: Is that correct? Oh? Absolutely absolutely so. Yeah, some of
our attractions, you know, they're built a long, long time ago,
and so you know, you gotta be careful. You don't
want anyone losing a head out there. I mean, that
would be fantastic, But you know, instead of doing that,
we can actually chop from the bottom, so you can
still see where you're going. You just lose a little
bit of, you know, your lower lower leg area because
some of these rides they have they have some low overhangs,
and so when you say get rid of the bottom,
we say just to you know, make sure you can
fit in there. And it's really really disgusting and walking
around on stumps. It adds a nice little elements of
some bloody footprints throughout the park as well. So really
by the end of the day we have some lovely,
lovely just rivers of red running through the park. Oh
that's nice.
Speaker 1: And I bet also that blood contributes to that good
theme park chaf that you always get at the end
of the day.
Speaker 2: Right. Oh yeah, If you don't have that that crazy
chaf between your legs, you're doing it wrong. That's what
I say. That's what Mama always would say. Ah, I
see them. So what's Chris on too?
Speaker 1: Now? It looks like he's entering like just an ordinary
kind of roller coaster, it seems.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's what. That's one of our metal coasters.
It's a launch coast that's really nice. It's got some
loops and some spins, and it really kind of mixes
you up a little bit. It's great after you eat
some shots of glass too.
Speaker 1: I see that doesn't seem to be any sort of
like bit to that. Can you elaborate like what's you know,
what's what's so hellish about?
Speaker 2: Just an ordinary roller coaster? Oh no, it goes very
fast and he goes upside down quite a few times.
The kids really like it a lot. And then right
there at the end, you can see as he finishes
this loop at the end, you know, you can see
you can see those little boxes there at the end.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, does it take a photo of you? Oh no,
that's where we have our trained snipers. Oh, so as
you're coming down on that ultimate loop, then they just
take aim and open fire.
Speaker 2: Precisely. You get it yourself, a little souve. And he
had to take home with you a bullet that's free
of charge. He had six six six flags. You get
to take them a bullet then that's that's very cool.
Speaker 1: And and a photograph of you after you've gotten shot
then huh.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, you get not only get your your scaf A life,
but you get a photo of the moment. So you're
gonna really see some great great looks. Yeah, it looks
a lot like Jack Ruby shooting Oswald. You know, great photos,
great photo. That's where I got the idea from it.
Speaker 1: So, you know, sometimes parks up on the Earth Realm
they have you know, themed seasonal days, you know where
they'll oh it's.
Speaker 2: The Christmas Liberation knows. Not only what kind of themed
days do you guys have done here? We have a
great one. In August we have first day of school.
All it is is just the the nervousness of going
back to school in theme park foam.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, you really just got to bottle up that anxiety.
You know, I'm sure you liter around like school supply
commercials and back to school sales stuff.
Speaker 2: Oh exact, what a nightmare. Backpacks are very expensive. And
then in Decemba, on December twenty fourth, we have the
I Forgot to buy Presents Day. Oh yeah, it's it's
all all of the nervousness of not doing what you're
supposed to do crammed into one day of fun.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, wow that sounds like an anxiety, horrifying nightmare.
Speaker 2: That's that's good stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So tell me about like, say a family came
in from across hell. You know, they just just want
to get the full six six six flags experience.
Speaker 2: Uh. Do you guys have like resorts that they can
stay at, like, tell me about those? Oh? Absolutely, we
have all kinds of results. You can see the lake
of fire out in front of the park out there,
so around that we have the duo rail, which is
what I call it a very fancy term. Uh. And
then there's there's a bunch of different hotels. We've got
a bunch of different results. You can go have yourself
a spa day where you can sit in some lava
for a few hours. Well you don't. You don't have
you don't have the choice. You sit in lava for
quite a few hours. It's very very painful. Do do
these do these hotels have like themes?
Speaker 1: I mean maybe they are they like bad movie tie ins, Like,
tell me about like the themes of the hotels?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, absolutely so. Each of each of the hotels
are themed around different books or movies or or songs.
Speaker 1: Actually I understand that you have a soap opera Days
of Our Lives themed hotel.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. You can actually stay at the General hospital if
you want. You can go there, get some get some
operations and come to a theme pocket. It's really great
when you have those open wounds. Yeah, and you see
if if you stay on the dual rail around, you
can actually stay at the Overlook Hotel, which we managed
to get directly from mister King himself.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Do you even have the maze and everything? Absolutely? And
then Jack will just chase you around with an axe
throughout the whole night. You really no sleeping at all
in that one. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: But you can hear the kids screaming all night, all
hours of the night. It's fun time for everyone.
Speaker 2: It's just lovely.
Speaker 1: You know, you got a bunch of brilliant ideas down here, Salt.
You know, like these these rides are really elaborate. Everything's
very calculated and well thought out. Do you have like
a team of demons that are just imagining all these things? Oh?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, we thought of what can we say? You know,
like they're imagining ideas and they're kind of engineers. So
there are demoneas is what they are. Oh yeah, and
so they design all of the different attractions. You see
all the different results, you see the spas everything. They're
really just the worst and I'm so glad to have them.
With me.
Speaker 1: From my understanding, they just they think of every single
detail and how they can just make every single element
of this experience just awful.
Speaker 2: You know, some wonderful people to work with. They're they're
thousands of years old at this point, and they've been
doing this for so long. They know exactly what we'll
get under your skin. Literally, splinters are a big thing
for these guys. I see, that's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I see that you have a statue of yourself in
the center of the park. Tell the viewers what's going
on with that statue.
Speaker 2: That is a very interesting pose that you're making. Oh obviously,
I mean like every park creator deserves a golden idol
of themselves in the middle of the park. Of course.
Of course, that's where people come to worship. You can
see right there, it's just me with my pants around
my knees and two middle fingers in the air. It's
a great spot to take photos. We do have our
photo folks rut there who are ready to take a
photo of you and then punch you in the crotch.
And then also to man money, of course, every single
thing you do in this park requires some form of money.
Speaker 1: Oh, looks like Chris is kind of at this point,
he doesn't seem excited. I think he's kind of onto
the bit the stick. He's just kind of aimlessly wandering around.
Looks like he's going into another ride.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, well what's going on there? Oh so this
one we lovingly call the Gauntlet. My Demonatres can't take
full credit for this one because this is literally every
single ride from Earth that has injured someone severely at
some point, mostly decapitations. We've just brought them down and
looped them all together. So once you finish one, it
goes right into the next one.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, it just keeps going and going, and you
just keep getting injured over and over again.
Speaker 2: Your back will just be a shattered bag of glass.
Speaking of which we have, would you like another bag
of glass? Oh? Go get please? Please? This? Oh oh
that's goes down rough. It really hurts my vocal cords.
It's good stuff. It's good stuff where it keeps you
very happy.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, So what tell me about like the
night events. You know, you've been here at the park
all day, You've experienced all the scares, all the vomiting.
How do you cap off a perfect day at six
or six flags?
Speaker 2: Well, you know, most of the theme box you see around,
they'll do some form of fireworks. Will you have it
explosions in the sky, and it really just you know,
you can see the reflections of fire in children's eyes
and that's great and all, but fireworks are very very expensive.
So what we've done here, and we've actually trained a
thousand birds just the shit on everyone. So you go
and you look up at our icon there in the
middle of the park. You look up and its birds
poop all over your face. It's it's really great, and uh,
you know, the birds then collect food and continue shitting
on people. It's uh, it's it's very very cost effective
for me. And not only that, but you know you
can sometimes catch a little bit of poop in your
mouth and uh yeah, it's very very nice. Sometimes it's
multicolors depending on what they've been eating, and uh, it's
something I think unique to apop. Wow, that's magical.
Speaker 1: And then you, as I understand, you guys have a
parade as well, tell me tell me more about that.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's just a parade of cause that is
tear through the park. There's no there's no sort of
defined line or router or anything. They just run over
people and just go very fast. It's uh. But we
have a series of vehicles from some really really vicious
movies up in the up on the you know, the
Earth area. We have all the mad Max rides. They
just drive around collecting up guests on their spikes, and
we just have tankred trucks. We have very fast cars.
You can actually see the fast the furious vehicles sometimes
will drive around there. The kids love seeing them as
they you know, very quickly get run over. But it's
good times.
Speaker 1: Oh I see, I see that you have the Stephen
King maximum overdrive truck just ripping and shredding through the crowds.
Speaker 2: It's amazing. It's one of my favorites. I love seeing it.
Anytime you can get those big trucks out there. They
make a lot of noise, they produce a lot of
a lot of carbon, a lot of exhaust, and they
run over a lot of people, so that it's a
good time. You know. The parade sometimes shows up between
you know, three o'clock and five o'clock at some random
time from some random place in the park, and they
usually terrorize people for a good hour or so before
going back and refueling. Oh that's lovely.
Speaker 1: Oh, it looks like Chris is into exiting the gauntlet.
Speaker 2: He is. Oh, he's in bad shape. He looks awful.
It looks like he's had a great day here at
six six six flags. Oh, I'm gonna have my happy stick.
People push them over to what more of my favorite attractions.
It's the meat grinder, is what it's called. Oh? Any
cool unique features of the meat grinder ride? Oh, it's
just a big meat grinder. Oh, there's a little platform
on the top. Well, you know, you get pushed in
and then you just get round into a meat, just
a big bag of meat.
Speaker 1: I see, I see there's a there's a park announcements
ready for pick up. Oh it sounds like it sounds
like I need to go pick up my Chris. Sounds
like he went through the meat grinder. Oh yeah, yeah,
it's it's gonna be great.
Speaker 2: You might want to get some gloves or something, because
they usually come out pretty messy.
Speaker 1: Is there any sort of like vessel that I can
carry my Chris coop in, uh to take home with
me some sort.
Speaker 2: Of collector's item? I mean, of course, any any excuse
to make some money is a good one. Here's this
is a this is a very exclusive garbage bag. I mean, uh,
sixty six six flags souvenir Can meat receptacle. There you
go here take that. That'll be two thousand dollars. Oh joke,
let me get off my wallet. Here, here you go, sir. Well,
let's let's actually head down.
Speaker 1: We can go pick up Chris and then I can
just do one kind of funnel walk through of the park.
Oh well, now that I'm stepping outside, I'm really smelling
that carbon that's sulfur.
Speaker 2: Really gets into the lungs gets It's it's like smoking
a pack of cigarettes without having to actually smoke. Yeah,
oh wow, there is.
Speaker 1: The streets are just thick with vomit, blood, a lot
of tears.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I just it warms my heart to see the
frowns on all these children's faces.
Speaker 1: All right, we just survived to the meat grinder. Looks
like Chris is coming out of a very small tube.
Oh there he goes right into the bag.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, wow, there you go. I see an eyeball.
Look at that, And there they're gonna tie him up
for you, and there you go. Take him home. Be careful,
I make sure he doesn't roll around too much in
your car on the way home.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, I don't want I don't want Chris
getting in my back seat, not again, you know, and.
Speaker 2: Keep it keep in mind you probably no longer have
a front windshield, so you know that is gonna blow
him around little bit. Be very careful. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So, actually I'm sorry to ask mister Kidney, mister salt Kidney,
can you can you autograph my Chris.
Speaker 2: Bag ho please? Of course, there you go, there you go,
young one. All right, that'll be three thousand dollars. Oh
oh I have to pay you for that. Okay, obviously
I don't know. Yeah, sure her free. What do you
think I am? I don't know. There you go. There's
your three thousand dollars. Thank you. All right, Well I
think that that's it. I think we're gonna we're gonna
call it a day. Chris, how are you doing? Okay?
All right? Well we yeah, all right.
Speaker 1: Oh oh and the fireworks are going off and by
far looks it means the bird's shitting on us.
Speaker 2: Oh god, absolutely, there you go. You got a little
take home assuming here Clayton, you boys, it does a
pleasure mean you? I hope Chris has a good time,
Obi enjoyed himself today and Clayton is always a pleasure
to see you.
Speaker 1: You you as well, mister Kidney. All right, well that's
been another episode. Oh go God, the Braide's coming. It's
it's the cars the coming. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 2: Check us out on social We're at Morning from Hell.
Speaker 1: On Twitter, Instagram, TikTok Oh god, god he'll die that.
Hey guys, thanks for listening to another episode of Good
Morning from Hell. That's been Jack Pattillo a close friend
of ours, so the show Jack, thanks for having being on.
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity
to just have a horrible accent for a good thirty
minutes or so.
Speaker 1: To Transatlantic as it really slipped in and.
Speaker 2: Out over Yeah, Kevin drifted. It's okay, no, no, no,
it's good stuff.
Speaker 1: So we did this theme park episode to promote a
new show that you have coming out, So tell us
more about that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, Annual Pass is my brand new podcast coming
out to everywhere you listen to podcasts. Comes out April
twenty second and then Thursday. From that point on. It's
all about theme parks and the sort of magic and
experience you have while going. It's myself and Jeff Ramsey's
my co host. I've been doing theme park stuff since
I was a kid, and Jeff is relatively new to
theme parks, and so we're talking about different attractions. We've
got special guests. It's gonna be a lot of fun.
If you like theme parks, hopefully you'll dig the podcast.
So Annual Pass get it wherever you listen to podcasts. Yeah,
Jeff Ramsey's also a friend of the show. He's been on.
Speaker 1: He's a member of the Face Show, and then he's
also been on as the Tooth Fairy and I think
Grimlin I can't remember. All right, well, Jack, where else
can folks find you? Aside from Annual Pass?
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you want to find me, I'm on Twitter,
Jack Underscore p on Twitter, and I almost got a
YouTube channel where I stream a bunch of stuff to
YouTube dot com slash Jack Pattillo. That's P A T
T I L O TES two l's and yeah, check
out my stuff. I like building Lego and playing Minecraft
and all kinds of stuff like that. Alright on, Well,
thanks again, Jack, thank you very much. Thanks for having me.
Baye