Speaker 1: Welcome to soft core history.
Speaker 2: What is up? Welcome back to softcore History. I am
your host for the week, Rob Fox, joined as always
by Dan Rijester.
Speaker 3: Always it's always me, always you.
Speaker 2: You're the one constant here. I've missed shows. Jake is dead,
but you were always here.
Speaker 3: But I changed my look enough to kind of give
off the appearance it's a different person.
Speaker 1: You are a chameleon. Yeah, look at you.
Speaker 2: You're whoever you want to be. Yeah, you're a mister potato.
Speaker 3: Head, just swapping out on customize me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm proud of you.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm hoping that now I said the soft air. But
now when people see our thumbnails on YouTube, they won't
think you're about to say like insane j six shit
for an hour.
Speaker 3: Beard's gone. I look about ten years younger, like.
Speaker 2: Truly, welcome back. Thanks to fucking earth.
Speaker 3: I can kind of sabotage my looks when we're successful.
We can't afford that yet.
Speaker 2: No, no, and again, I think you need to either
do like steroids or start doing one of those hard cuts.
Speaker 3: Maybe some peptides.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because that's the dynamic. We need to sell people
right like you're the hot man's man and I'm just
the goofy dad.
Speaker 3: And the more tired you get, the more you start
to kind of develop this fatherly lisp. I've noticed that's
the zen this is in, that's his z in.
Speaker 2: But it's worth it.
Speaker 3: But I have a soft voice anyway. Yeah, so I
need to be a hard man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we do sound as soft as fuck right now.
I guess when I'm like, so, here's what happens, it's
not gay, but so here's what happened to history today,
you're just.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, tell me about it.
Speaker 3: But yeah, our numbers have been pretty stagnant. I need
to get hot as fuck. I need to draw in
either of the gay crowd.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think gay is just because I mean, women
are gonna listen to history.
Speaker 2: Klon No, no, no, you're more like I like, be
like in a college basketball podcast for women.
Speaker 3: M hm, No one's listening to that, right, And I'm
not working out for women. No, I'm not popping top
on my birthday for women.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we knew that. It's all for the It's all
for dude. That's what That's what that fucking beard was
for too.
Speaker 1: Though.
Speaker 3: I think we have that locked in.
Speaker 2: I think we got enough of them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we need to uh spread the diversity.
Speaker 2: Need to diversify audience diversifications.
Speaker 3: What if you got hot, dude, what if you just
got on some TRT. You already have a bunch of
testoster on. You have three kids? Now, yeah, could the
world handle you?
Speaker 2: I don't think they're ready. I don't think they're ready
for that. My wife's vagina has been damaged enough this month.
Speaker 3: By the baby. Yeah yeah, yeah, not from you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not yet.
Speaker 3: You're about to pump in number four.
Speaker 2: But if I get on the t RT, I'll get
a sect me and it'll still a little fucking fire through.
I think TRT fucks with your fertility rad I'm sure
it does.
Speaker 3: So we're gonna stay off that.
Speaker 2: For we don't know all the effects of gender I
mean care, let's.
Speaker 3: Just put it in that's true. I'm not even gonna
take credit for that, but yes, I do agree with
Billy McCusker from war Mode who said that doing TRT
as a man is gender firm care.
Speaker 2: So good, so fucking good. Anyway, we're here today also
in the hopes of getting listens. We're just chasing virality,
all right, We're just chasing the news we're just chasing
the hot the hot stuff that's going viral right now. Okay,
And what's the hottest thing you know about in history
right now?
Speaker 3: What's hot in these streets? Yeah, obviously the Egyptian Pyramids.
Speaker 2: Boom, that's what we're talking about.
Speaker 3: I was gonna I probably should have listed off other
things and then built to that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's fine. Is there anything else even remotely
being talked about?
Speaker 3: It's probably in the same stratosphere Aliens, that's the same
thing things that happened before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, if it happened before, what you mean before,
I mean before before? Then like that, I want I
want Graham Hancock to eventually subvert himself, like he's he
ends up being right and then he's like, but what
well if it was before I said it said it
was before.
Speaker 3: He can never accept the dub.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's just like velociraptors built the pyramids.
Speaker 3: I do like seeing Graham Hancock, though, kind of vindicated.
What do you mean he could just shove our shit in?
He could be throwing our face into the again the truth.
Speaker 2: We have spoken about how what he's saying is the
only guess you can say. You can't say after right,
or what if you can? Then we thought, yeah, that's
the only thing you can say.
Speaker 3: And by the way, eh, I mean I could get
down with that, Like what if you there's a bunch
of years of history they're just made up?
Speaker 2: Oh you mean like the conspiracy theory with the Vatican
Vatican fears, just like two hundred and ninety six years,
two hundred nine seven years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, we could. It could honestly be like seventeen
hundred right now.
Speaker 2: We don't know changes nothing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly it's not we wouldn't.
Speaker 2: Even do anything. We'd be like, I mean, could we
already measured arbitrarily twenty twenty five years since one religion's
messiah was born?
Speaker 3: Yeah? But we could also just be the people from
Blade Runner, where all of our memories are implants and
today is actually the only day we have ever lived.
Speaker 2: They're called replicants.
Speaker 3: They're replicants.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, replicants maybe, And that's fine, But let's talk
about the stuff they allegedly discovered under Do.
Speaker 3: You believe in space? Do you think it's real? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I believe space.
Speaker 2: I saw that was the thing lately the people like
space isn't real.
Speaker 3: I don't know, I've never been. It could be a projection.
Feel like it's real. We're in a dome. Feel the planetarium.
Speaker 2: Doesn't really change anything for me, but uh yeah.
Speaker 3: I'm not going there. It's like be like, oh, what
do we live in the simulation?
Speaker 2: Like, I don't know. Do I still work tomorrow?
Speaker 3: Yep? Then what the simulation sucked?
Speaker 2: Great? Can I fly now my neo now that I
know I'm in a fucking simulation, which, by the way,
the fucking people who everyone else who was in the matrix,
who knew who they were the matrix, they couldn't even
do anything cool with it.
Speaker 3: Once we project ads onto the moon, though, I will
have my doubts that space is real.
Speaker 2: That's when you'll yeah.
Speaker 3: If they're just changing ads out on the moon, yeah,
that it's not a thing. Then it's not it doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: I will respect your beliefs.
Speaker 3: Okay, thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's all I can say.
Speaker 3: You don't think when they saved those two from the
International Space Station and they crashed down into the water,
that kind of looked that sucks very sus.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they're just chilling in the fucking Florida Keys
or something, and they hopped on a plane.
Speaker 3: They just admitted, essentially with that movie that came out
with Scotlett Johansson, that they did film the moon landing
just in case, oh yeah, case they didn't get there,
or they just did it in the first place.
Speaker 2: Well, the funny thing about the moon landing conspiracies is
that it really only pertains to I guess the first one,
because you can literally take a high powered telescope and
see rover tracks on the moon.
Speaker 3: Now, did we landed on the dark side of the moon?
Speaker 2: Okay, that's where the Nazi bait, that's where Hitler lives.
Speaker 3: At this point.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he jumps from Brazil to Antarctica and then he
launched to the Moon, to the moon which doesn't exist,
I guess.
Speaker 2: But uh, let's talk about what they found found hard
air quotes under the pyramids, because I got some problems.
Speaker 3: It's a bit of a you know, unreliable scan Is
that what you're saying, Yeah, quite a bit of an
unreliable scin he just wanted to be true and I
understand that, and I.
Speaker 2: Kind of, well, here's the thing. There could be something
under the pyramids, But I'm not like, I don't put
anything past just the capabilities of the ancient Egyptians.
Speaker 3: I have a theory, what what if they were just there?
What the pyramids? Yeah, God just made.
Speaker 2: Them, just sweet mountain's. I would to make three tiny
perfect mountains and the other mountains of whatever. But I
want to make three tiny little.
Speaker 3: No, even like the Mayan and the Incas, they're pyramids,
they're already there before. Who cares? Okay, nothing was man made.
Speaker 2: I like that. I like, actually, let's like take more
away from Man, which the alien thing kind of does.
But it's not even like another living thing. It's just
God did it and were useless.
Speaker 3: Also the fact that we think aliens would be like
a humanoid. Yeah, it's pretty funny.
Speaker 2: It'd be funnier if it was like a race of spiders.
Speaker 3: I like the alien race in that movie that just
came out Mickey seventeen.
Speaker 2: Oh I haven't seen that yet.
Speaker 3: I enjoyed it very much.
Speaker 2: It looked good. I like Robert Patrick, I like weird
Robert Pattinson.
Speaker 3: You're gonna get a lot of that. Yeah, and make
you some time. I suggest go see and I will.
Speaker 1: I will.
Speaker 2: But let's talk about how they found this shit. First off,
because do you remember another relatively recent historical brew haha,
where they found the bones of all those Indian children
in Canada next to old Catholic orphanage from the turn
of the century.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but those weren't old bones. Those were bones from
like last century, right, Trudeau's dad did that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, here's the thing is that they they kept
looking because of the light oar scan and they realized
that it was just old tree roots and there were
never any bones there.
Speaker 3: We never got the follow up on that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't really catch the main news the way
the original story did. They had already been burning down
Catholic churches in Canada at that point, but it turned
out no bones.
Speaker 3: Catholic churches have been catching l's left and right recently
Europe Canada.
Speaker 2: No bones, no bones. But the first latter is gether like, oh,
I've got to be bones. That's that's baby bones. That
is that is such a bold take offul one scan.
It's it's Indian baby bones.
Speaker 3: No, it's roots.
Speaker 2: What like, maybe look twice before you're like, I found
a genocide.
Speaker 3: I always assume genis.
Speaker 2: Not to say that those orphanages were nice places to live,
but there were no bones.
Speaker 3: It never happened.
Speaker 1: Uh, well, they were mean to them.
Speaker 2: I don't know that they had a mass unmarked grave
of fucking Eskimo children.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's fair enough. Yeah, you know, I have to
now provide evidence that you're wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, which you won't.
Speaker 3: You could have also just made that up. I have
no idea, I know, and that's the fun part about it,
and I'm not gonna look it up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, nor should you. Uh no, but I'm.
Speaker 3: Gonna live in my truth, my reality. Those were bones.
Those were Eskimo and seal bones, because they buried them together. Okay,
because Eskimos had the like pet seals. Oh, they'd be
sweet that they slaughtered.
Speaker 2: Oh I thought it was just like their dogs because
they lived.
Speaker 3: No, they are I'm saying they. Oh y, Canadians also
slaughtered their dogs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so this same technology essentially that was a little different,
but like the same same idea that was used to
do that, and that whole big historical thing it was
used to do this. So they have no fucking idea
what this is at all, and they don't even know
who did it. But one of the reasons this has
caught so much attention is that, you know, people are like, oh,
we know, we know so little about who built the pyramids,
you know, like it could be it could be anything,
you know, Like it's so hard to know. We know
so fucking much about who built the pyramids. We know
so goddamn much about who built those fucking pyramids that
it's actually fucking crazy.
Speaker 3: Who is the we in this scenario, Humans that care
to look, not general knowledge.
Speaker 2: It's out there, you could find it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but the fucking waters are getting muddied now, Yeah,
because some asshole walked up and dump mud into the pool.
It's contaminated. At this point, we.
Speaker 2: Know so much about who built the pyramids that today's
episode is going to be some fun anecdotes about the
people who built the pyramids, because not only do we
know basic information, we have a lot of random minute
information about the people building them.
Speaker 3: I guess I don't really fully understand or grasp how
long ago the pyramids were built. As a while, it's
like four thousand years.
Speaker 2: Uh forty six hundred years ago.
Speaker 3: Okay, so we're close to five thousand years ago.
Speaker 2: Five thousand year ago, so the pyramids were built probably.
I think it was like the pyramids were built like
four hundred years. I think after writing was invented in
a in ancient Sumer.
Speaker 3: So you're telling me around we came up with a
way to communicate with one another and pass along knowledge,
just great information, and yet four hundred years later we're
building some of the most advanced structures on the planet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that completely tracks.
Speaker 3: I don't know if it does. Okay, let me.
Speaker 2: Put it this. There's another way. There's another way to
put it right. Modern humans existed for existed for like
two hundred thousand years, like our version of ourselves have
it before, like Homo sapiens exist for like two hundred
thousan years, two hundred thousand years. So for one hundred
and ninety what five one hundred and ninety five thousand years,
we're more or less walking around being whatever you could say,
one hundred and ninety thousand years because we were starting
to do cities and off like Gooblecky Tepe and Karahan Tepe,
the City of Wieners one of our best episodes. Go
listen to it, the Lost City of Wieners. So we're
doing stuff about that's like civilization. Civilization adjacent in about
ten thousand BC, and so one hundred and eighty eight
thousand years ago. Right, we invent writing one hundred and
what I say, ninety six whatever, one hundred ninety thousand
years into being human beings. As soon as we invent
external data storage, we've existed for all of that time.
We invent external data storage, and we are off planet
within three thousand years.
Speaker 3: I can get down with an advanced civilization that we
just lost information on and we kind of went backwards.
That makes more sense than me, honestly.
Speaker 2: So today we're going to talk about because people one
of the reasons these things stick of like we don't
know about the Pyramids, could be anything there. We know
so fucking much, so I would talk about really minute stories.
Speaker 3: I know nothing about the Pyramids. By the way, it's
never really garnered my interest.
Speaker 2: Well, the first thing is that fake news that slaves
built it?
Speaker 3: Are you saying they got paid?
Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone was.
Speaker 1: A skilled labor paid.
Speaker 3: They were Moses saved then, but they weren't building the pyramids.
Speaker 2: In fact, the Exodus story takes place a thousand years
after the Pyramids.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I just imagine it was the same folks,
maybe their ancestor just there the whole time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I know the world was a little bit,
quite a bit different a thousand years prior to Moses
than when Moses was around.
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah blah. Pyramids were built a thousand years
before Moses. Yeah, this makes no sense to me. We
don't have information that's reliable. There's no way.
Speaker 2: Do you believe everything you read in the Bible every word, bro, No,
we do have information that's reliable because they have found
literal writings from the time in archaeological digs.
Speaker 3: They could be lying, Yeah, I guess that's true, hyping
themselves up for stuff they didn't do.
Speaker 2: Well. There was a lot of boasting, actually, so we'll
get to that. The first thing we'll talk about is
so there were the people who built the pyramids. There
were lots and lots of I guess what you would
call like work teams, essentially, teams that you know, carried blocks,
teams that worked the boats everything, union men kind of yeah, genuinely,
genuinely skinematic. We did a whole episode on how some
Peermid workers went on strike to tell you how much
we fucking know about this shit. But there were different teams,
and they'd all name themselves different things. And they would
have rivalries with other teams.
Speaker 3: Of course, I mean it happens to this day. I mean,
you have a roofer that interacts with like a plumber.
I don't think they get along.
Speaker 2: Or even just like you know, union or unions have
different numbers, even if it's the same industry, right, Like
you'll be branch one oh seven, and you know they'd
be like the waterman branch one of seven and he's
waterman Branch one ten. Play they play each other in softball, Yeah,
get gets nasty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my dad got stabbed actually by a rival gang
of watermen.
Speaker 2: At a softball game.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he fucked up his pinky in the softball game.
He was a pitcher. Guy, hit it right back to him,
caught it. But for the rest of his days his
pinky was like that.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, bare hand.
Speaker 3: Caught none with his glove.
Speaker 1: Wait, how to get like that? Then?
Speaker 3: Because it was so fucking quick, broke his finger to
the point that I guess the doctor said he could
go fancy with it and fix it and be like
that his whole life, or he can close it in
or go like that so he can grip a golf club.
Speaker 2: He decided to get Yeah, I think that's the right move.
Speaker 3: But yeah, his finger looks like that the whole time.
Speaker 1: Damn, that's fucking wild.
Speaker 2: So one of these teams was called They called themselves
the Gang of Drunkards, self proclaimed drunks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, that's bragging about how much you drank in
like your thirties or forties. It's gross. Yeah, unbecomming. Look
I don't disagree, but these It sucks in college too,
Like cool, dude.
Speaker 2: Dude, I had like sixteen beers fucking four shots or
gold slogger.
Speaker 3: Fucking does every girl just like open up their legs
when they hear that you're so strong twenty beers? She's
soking wet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, yeah, I know you fucking pissed in my bedroom.
I know how much you dried.
Speaker 3: You were dick. Yeah, if I hate you, do you
expect a guy to like give you a fucking high five?
Is that what you're what is the goaling? Just to
show how manly you are? Yeah? Yeah, you probably have
bitch tits.
Speaker 2: So in the Workers Village near the Giza Plateau, archaeologists
uncovered graffiti left by lots of different labor gangs. They
would always like carve carve their hype shit into the
into the stone and stuff like that. One of the gang.
And like I said, the gangs all give themselves names.
Speaker 1: One of the gang.
Speaker 2: One of the gangs was the Gang of Drunkards. They
were responsible for hauling stones to the Pyramid of Mencore,
which is the smallest of the three GE's of pyramids.
Speaker 1: Beer was regularly regularly.
Speaker 2: Consumed by all pyramid workers. It was not just a ration,
but it was often a form of payment.
Speaker 3: I have a new theory what the pyramids were originally
meant to be a luge, the world's greatest shot loge.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm so down with that theory.
Speaker 3: Like build it higher, Yeah, make it epic, just.
Speaker 2: Like a huge spring break party and fucking twenty six BC.
Speaker 3: They just pour a that of beer down it.
Speaker 1: People are just.
Speaker 2: Like they're all up the pyramid, like lining the whole
steps of the pyramid, Like whoa.
Speaker 3: It goes into all the different crevices and all the
cracks of it.
Speaker 2: That would make that would explain the unexplained shafts.
Speaker 1: All through the pyramid.
Speaker 3: I think we cracked the case.
Speaker 2: I think we might have.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just wanted to get hammered.
Speaker 2: So beer I think, Uh, one of the reasons they
had beer so much. Obviously people like to get fucked up,
but it was a useful carb as well because they
were their rations were basically beer and bread. So it's
just like carb up, boys, you're gonna be hauling giant
fucking stones for the next four months.
Speaker 3: That's what you want before a workout. After a workout too,
the body's gonna run on it.
Speaker 2: These guys were drinking beer every day, like for like
in for pragmatic reasons as well as but they were
also getting fucked up. So these guys, I.
Speaker 3: Guess, so people have been drinking on job sites forever.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so my home, I live in a new build.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: When we would go to like look at the build
or whatever, like as it's going up, just to see
the progress. I would walk through the house all the
time modello cans and bottles and there they reware it.
I mean literally beer bottles left everywhere. Corona medello always
those two nothing else.
Speaker 3: Kind of explains why frames of modern day houses are
so poorly done. Yeah, because these guys are just drinking
on the job.
Speaker 2: But look, man, if it worked for the fucking pyramids,
like everyone was getting sucked up on the job. And
what did these raging alcoholics do, because we know what
their job was. To their job, they were drunk all
the time. I guess their job was to specifically haul
the multi ton stones that were going up the pyramid.
Speaker 3: How did they roll those big stones where they're like
logs underneath?
Speaker 2: And it was uh yeah, I think that, and they
like wetted the sand.
Speaker 3: Not as impressive as I thought.
Speaker 2: It's ingenious. Yeah, by the way, I believe this was
pre Wheel. I could be wrong by that, but I
think it's pre Wheel.
Speaker 3: You're telling me these motherfuckers were run the entire time
pre wheel. Yeah, and moved hundreds of tons of stones,
thousands of tons of stones. Yeah, this that doesn't add up.
Speaker 1: They did.
Speaker 2: You got the number one factor in history you always
have to remember is these people add nothing but time
on their hand.
Speaker 3: I understand that, but you also have to factor in
people want a good story. Yeah, it's a better story
than what probably happened. No, Aliens is a better story
than what than what actually happened. No, my story of
it was just there.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah yeah. Also, yeah, this is a better story.
Speaker 3: In the words of Obama, you didn't build that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, speaking of getting sucked up, we also, because we
know so much about who built the pyramids.
Speaker 3: Name names. Did it was Gary?
Speaker 2: We also shuck have a worker we have a specific
account of a sick day or a hangover on the
job though a worker called in sick or whatever in
the workers village at some place. I'm not gonna say
the name, doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: Just keep drinking hair are the dogs?
Speaker 2: Archaeologists found a piece of pottery that was used for
writing that specifically recorded absences. One entry, and I'm gonna
name names here notes that a worker named PANEB couldn't
come into work that day because he was, quote from
the pot quote, suffering from the effects of beer.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a PANEB move to.
Speaker 2: Paned th real piece of shit or he's a bitch
either or it could be a piece of shit too.
Can't handle it. No, I can't fueb can't hang bad hang.
We actually are going to talk about a bad hang later.
But yeah, that's a that's a tiny antidote that again,
I just wanted to share because we know so much
about pyramid construction, did we have sick day records?
Speaker 3: On what?
Speaker 2: What do you mean? On what Where are the records?
I just told you it was written on fucking clay.
Speaker 3: Where are they? Where are these records?
Speaker 2: My god, I don't know. Some British museum probably.
Speaker 3: It's made up, dude, it's all made up.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: They're crossing their t's and dotting their eyes. Okay, because
a fucking fool like you would be like, well, they
have a record of this man being too drunk to
do his job. Clearly they built the pyramids.
Speaker 2: They know exactly.
Speaker 3: That's how you connect the dots from A to B.
Speaker 1: There.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is basically just the argument from It's Always sunny.
It was like, oh, so you've gone over these fossil records.
Speaker 3: Yourself, you poured over the Oh so you're blindly trusting these.
Speaker 2: Men, Yeah, who you've never met.
Speaker 3: That's all you're doing, proven yourself to be up.
Speaker 1: Bitch.
Speaker 2: I am blindly trusting these men and I feel fucking
fine doing it.
Speaker 3: And honestly, all Egyptology, this shit all came about in
the nineteen hundreds. Really, it's all British explorers in like
nineteen twenty a.
Speaker 2: Little bit before that, because Napoleon found the Rosetta Stone.
Speaker 3: Well he also shot cannons into into the pyramid. Pyramids,
as the movie portrayed.
Speaker 2: Were nothing but respect to Ridley Scott.
Speaker 3: I loving Gladiator too. He could have just easily had
like nile crocodiles yep in the coliseum. Not it when
need sharks.
Speaker 2: He made you. Really, Scott at this point is just like,
oh day you not to suspend your disbelief, you little
bitch keeps him alive. Yeah, you got a cute gonna
suspend that disbelief, asshole, No matter what, I'll frow at you, dude.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Napoleon he probably blasted a hole in the pyramids,
found these exact records you're speaking of, and be like,
oh dude, don't be like this fucker Pinepa or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he used as an example to his soldiers.
Speaker 3: So it was in Napoleon propaganda.
Speaker 1: Could be.
Speaker 2: This is my favorite story from the Pyramids, again because
we have so many goddamn details about it that we
know this. In the workers Village at Giza, archaeologists uncovered
a large bakery capable of producing thousands of loaves of
bread a day to feed a workforce of up to
twenty thousand people. Again on another piece of clay, it's.
Speaker 3: Only three ingredients, as Jacobs taught us.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, it's not hard to bake bread. And I'm
sure this bread wasn't awesome, but they just had to
feed them, you know.
Speaker 3: Oh, they didn't even rise honestly.
Speaker 2: Eleven bread, peta. They're all eating pea bread and drinking beer.
Speaker 3: That sounds like a good night, as long as you
got some dipping sauces.
Speaker 2: They had hummus. I'm sure you know chickpeas or dates,
probably dates something sweet, Yeah, I think dates.
Speaker 3: Uh, they found energy, there's more carbs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they found an another piece of writing, and it's
a complaint from a worker who worked the Pyramids.
Speaker 3: Wear and lack of protein for these boys.
Speaker 2: Protein speaking of food being shittier back then, not easy
to come by.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so they're not very strong, dude, Dude.
Speaker 2: Meat meat was not like the I think I read before.
This could be wrong, but I remember reading at some
point that the primary protein, or one of the like
two primary proteins in ancient Rome was beans.
Speaker 3: Beans suck.
Speaker 2: It was not like you were sitting down to like
a fucking goat steak every night, or you know what
I mean, or like you're not eating lamb constantly dudes are.
Speaker 3: Just ribbing ass.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all day long, wine and beans.
Speaker 3: It already smells bad enough. Yeah, what are we doing?
Speaker 2: And then, by the way, you get to wipe your
ass with a wet vinegar sponge.
Speaker 3: It's hell.
Speaker 2: They also had hobbin area shitteries.
Speaker 3: I mean that's porta potty though, yeah, except it's all
it's urinals, but it's for pooping.
Speaker 2: So it was like a social place.
Speaker 3: People would chit chat, you kind of catch up on
the goss. Yeah, as you're just like ah ah, Justin's
wife left him, like.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's crazy, Like there had they couldn't have
been a solid poop in that whole city.
Speaker 3: I don't think we had solid poops until the eighteen hundreds.
Everyone was just leaking, just straight piss out the asshole. Yeah,
I would at all times, I would agree with that
because I mean, have you ever done like a carnivore diet,
even if you're a hunter gatherer and you're just like
getting that protein, you're getting that strictly meat based diet,
it goes right through, does it.
Speaker 2: Because I was eating the the other day, it's actually
several days last week for lunch, I was eating the
first forum just eating first form bars and uh, maybe
like a meats from first form as well, which is
all jacked up with protein.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and.
Speaker 1: Flogs log city.
Speaker 3: I said meat only. Okay, the bars are gonna have
obviously a bunch of fiber.
Speaker 2: True, yeah, fair enough, but it's heavy in protein either way.
So they found this pottery, this clay, and it was
a worker complaint about the bakery. A worker from the
Pyramids complained about the bakery. He had gotten bread from
the bakery that morning and ate it, and he got
he had to go back and complain about the bread
because he said the bready ate one morning made him
see quote visions of the gods. Because it turned out
that a baker who was known for fucking with people,
had mixed a small amount of a local herb. They
think a henbane, which has mild hallucinogenic properties. Probably I
don't know, maybe on the level of like doing a
mushroom bar.
Speaker 3: He made LSD bread.
Speaker 2: Yeah, somebody he's gonna trip balls today. Okay, this baker
who worked the pyramids, by the way, knowing that these
guys were gonna have to go out and haul giant stones.
Speaker 3: Someone's getting corruped.
Speaker 2: That could crush them into fucking soup.
Speaker 3: He was like, that's just guys being dude, it really
it is. You know, you gonna have fun. Why are
we so? Why are we taking life so seriously? Just
do a bunch of LSD bread as you're building some
of the most magnificent structures in human history.
Speaker 2: So this guy, this baker, doses the bread, and the
worker leaves after eating the bread, and according to the
record that we have, he wandered around the work site
telling all the other people he worked with that he
was chosen by ra to lead the gang. So his
to his work group, he's he walks in, tripping out
of his fucking skull and he's like, hey, God chose
me to be the boss.
Speaker 3: Now did they oblige?
Speaker 2: They did not. They just laughed at him. They were
he essentially uh was walking around doing that until he
tripped over a stone and everyone started laughing at him,
and then he went and fell asleep in the shade.
Speaker 3: Oh so there's a happy ending. I thought, I totally
saw that going much much.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, no, no, Well he wrote the complaint.
The guy went, it's it's from him.
Speaker 3: So the complaint is they won't allow me to be
the boss.
Speaker 2: No, the complaint is, hey, your asshole baker put LSD
in my bread and I spent the whole fucking work
day tripping my dick.
Speaker 3: Off, made a total glass in myself.
Speaker 2: Told everyone, God put me in charge.
Speaker 3: Now the boys won't invite me to poker, and I.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I am the laughing stock of my work gang.
Fuck you. The baker, by the way, not fired, reprimanded,
but not fired, as in, God damn it, don't do
that again.
Speaker 3: What would you fire him? He's making such great bret.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure other people had fun with it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just because one dude complained. Yeah, I mean if so.
You know, there's stickers on the back of work vehicles.
It's like, how's my driving? Or call this number if
you know it's bad, because people only call that number
if it's bad. No one's calling and be like, yo,
actually vehicle forty one, this dump truck was crushing it.
This dude incredible driver.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, absolutely, magnificent moves on the road today.
Speaker 3: Those people don't get fired. They're just like, hey, something
you had to complaint, Yeah, some fucking dickhead.
Speaker 2: They only get fired if they like ram into another,
like they have to hurt someone. They don't get fired
because they cut someone off.
Speaker 3: And even then, yeah, you never know. They just gets
dependent on. It's like a Catholic priests. They get transferred
to other construction the industry. Yeah, he could could be
such short staff that he has to continue to drive.
Speaker 1: Yeah got oh boy, we.
Speaker 2: Don't really want to keep Miguel on because he's definitely
gonna kill a toddler at some point. But uh, no
one else is applying and we got rocks to move
this next one. We have a fun story about a
mean boss. His nickname, He was a foreman. His nickname
was the Angry Bowl, and he was responsible for transporting
limestone on boats. One of the people responsible, whose team
was responsible for it. There's a log book that we
found the Wadi el Jarffe papyri much limestone.
Speaker 3: Could those old ships actually transport.
Speaker 2: I think more than you think, and they they diverted
than One of the reasons they were able to do
it is they diverted the nile so they could do
it on water.
Speaker 3: Yeah. That's something I'll never fully grasp is buoyancy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't make any You get on a metal
boat and just go like, I kind of accept faith
that we figured it out at this point, but yeah,
boats then like hundreds of tons of rocks just it's
not going to sink their little boat. See. This is why,
by the way, with the whole shit they found under
the pyramids thing where people are like God to beer irlooms,
I need it proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the Egyptians,
if it's there, just didn't dig it themselves, because they're
they're clearly capable of fucking anything. Like they had nothing
but time, hundreds of thousands of people to use for work.
Speaker 3: Oh so we dug into the earth and created the pyramids.
Speaker 2: No, no, No, this stuff below the pyramids where there
was like those columns and bigger rooms even below that
I need. I need to be proven to me essentially
that they didn't just be like, go to fifty thousand
people and be like grab as shovel ass.
Speaker 3: Those are support beams.
Speaker 2: Maybe honestly, that's another thing too, is maybe that that
could be a thing like they were so worried about
how heavy the pyramid would be that they put a
bunch of support underneath it. That's the thing that I've seen.
I think I mentioned on the show before they've seen
talk about where it's like, why are there so many
buildings from our houses from the made out of like
wood and shit from the fifteenth century, fourteenth century, twelfth
century in like England and France that are still standing,
Like shouldn't they have crumbled by now? And it's like, oh, well,
they weren't necessarily sure of how much stuff they were
supposed to use, so they reinforce the fuck out of it,
like ten x what they needed.
Speaker 3: To covering their own ass. Yeah, essentially, because imagine, you know,
you put that final stone on the top of the
pyramid and it just goes down like a house.
Speaker 2: Of cards, rumbles into the fucking like the fans is.
Speaker 3: Like, it's a bad day at work.
Speaker 2: And again he's like, truly, you tell fifty thousand people
like you draw a fucking square in the in the
desert and give fifty thousand people shovels. You could do
some digging. You could do some digging.
Speaker 3: I can always do some digging.
Speaker 2: I can never do digging. Fuck digging.
Speaker 3: I was built a dig That was my calling in
life was the dig ditches. What happened I overcame all
the odds, the.
Speaker 2: Allure of soft hands work proved too strong.
Speaker 3: I know, I I have to larp hard hands.
Speaker 2: Not a callous on there.
Speaker 3: There's callouses callous on there. But it's because I larp
hard work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you do hard work for fun.
Speaker 3: M That's how privileged I am.
Speaker 2: Kind of like if you tell them like, oh, like
you tell some Egyptian worker're like, oh, you're big like me.
Speaker 1: What do you do?
Speaker 2: Like, Oh, I just go pick heavy things up for fun?
It's like, oh, I I must do it to feed.
Speaker 3: My family too. In a way, maybe, yeah.
Speaker 2: Because you need to get hot for the show.
Speaker 3: So yeah, so in a way, me looking better gets
more numbers, gets more money.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But no, dude, if that's all fails, I definitely need
to just go back to hard labor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, construction, I agree, we're going a job site. Yeah,
I don't disagree with that. So the Angry Bowl, according
to this papyrus that we have, uh, he responded, he
was responsible for unloading boats at Giza, probably stones, I
don't know. And he just.
Speaker 1: Shouted really loudly. He was a big asshole.
Speaker 2: Of his employees constantly screaming at him. Real old school
basketball coach situation.
Speaker 3: The Bobby Knight of his time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the Bobby Knight of limestone unloading.
Speaker 3: That's a miserable existence.
Speaker 2: So the papyrus also notes a specific time in which
the Angry Bowl got very angry because we know so
goddamn much about this that.
Speaker 3: One day a worker and really hammering that home. I
really need to Yeah, I don't think we know that
much about it, Rob, so God damn, I'm blindly trusting
you here. It's fine. Fuck me, it's fine.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 3: One one day I will become the angry Bull.
Speaker 2: One day a worker dropped one of his ropes into
the water, and the foreman apparently yelled screamed at him
so bad that the worker jumped into.
Speaker 1: The river to retrieve it.
Speaker 2: Because he was just like, oh fuck, walk walk, and
on his way to do it like he was gonna
jump in feet first, he slipped eight shit, fell in
head first, and allegedly, according to this report, the team
was laughing so hard that it caused I don't know,
an eight hour delay in work because everyone was too
busy laughing at the guy. They said they lost half
a day of work to everyone laughing at this guy.
Speaker 3: Did they keep one of those signs that said zero
days since last mishat.
Speaker 2: I hope, well it was Falcon days since last you know,
a hieroglyph. But yeah, yeah, and then they had to
change it to Jackal days since last damn.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They wanted to get back to Falcon, but stuck on
Jackal after that. But I was really hoping for this.
Guy was then ripped pieces by a crocodile in this,
but unfortunately he was able to get back out and
be laughed at.
Speaker 3: Okay, so we do have alleged records of a work accident. Yes, uh,
sick day dude. This could have all just been made up.
Speaker 2: Drug the bread.
Speaker 3: I need you to cite your sources.
Speaker 2: It's not that type of show.
Speaker 3: You just don't have fun. That's what it really boils
down to. Yeah, hey, yah, you're here to just kind
of shit.
Speaker 2: On everyone everyone's dreams. Yeah, that's what I'm here to do.
We're not having fun today. Fuck you.
Speaker 3: I believe magic, typically I liked you too, but this
is what you're gonna teach your children.
Speaker 2: Yeah, magic isn't real, by the way. That's the other thing.
That's the other thing that drives me insane about this
is that if everything we currently about the Pyramids is true.
There's not extra stuff. There's not a pre Egyptian civilization
that taught them this or whatever. These things are a
miracle already. You're trying to over miracle the miracle. You're
just used to it, so it's not a miracle anymore.
It's a fucking miracle. They built these things. It's insane,
but you're used to it. It's already here, so you're just.
Speaker 3: Like, well, looks normal.
Speaker 4: It's normal to have these pyramids here because they saw them.
And no, it's normal. Oh need a better explanation because
the miraculous explanation I already have I heard and now
it's not miraculous. Good God, check it out.
Speaker 3: Though you're wrong. I think we need to go to
the Pyramids ourselves. We need to pop our heads in investigate. Yeah,
this needs to be a little history mystery.
Speaker 1: Take a look for myself.
Speaker 3: We do. We do have a friend of the show
that has been to the Pyramids, and I actually paid
somebody to take him into places he wasn't supposed to go.
Speaker 2: Hell, yeah, Ryan, Ryan, there you go.
Speaker 3: I think that's where you're cancer. Honestly, he got it
from the Pyramids. Yeah. He was also in Chernobyl at
one point, but we'll overlook that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean Chernobyl Pyramids. They're both they're both
nuclear power plants essentially apparently.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so who could say where.
Speaker 2: He got it right? It could be any of those
two power plants, the Pyramids or Chernobyl.
Speaker 3: When he's back in the stance, we'll get him on
the show.
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah we should.
Speaker 2: Actually I would love to talk to.
Speaker 1: Him about that.
Speaker 3: He's like in India right now. Yeah. I think we've
talked about maybe Sri Lanka. He's just like this place
is a nightmare. Yeah, He's like, never go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, if you told me that, I would be like, oh,
I didn't plan on it.
Speaker 3: I think I'd rather go to every other continent and
every other country on the planet before I go to
Pakistanra India.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I'd rather go to Africa, Like, straight up,
I would easily rather go to Africa.
Speaker 3: I'd rather go to fucking like darfour, probably go.
Speaker 2: To India Overdar for India is very low in the
list countries. I have no interest.
Speaker 3: It's bottom one.
Speaker 2: I'm not super into the food necessarily, think it's fine.
Speaker 3: It's just overpopulated and there's ship on the streets. It
just seems miserable. Even the nice like parts of India
are not nice.
Speaker 2: The best reason to go to India is to experience
what living in the past is like.
Speaker 3: For a perspective. Yeah, but as a father, don't you
have enough perspective?
Speaker 1: I have plenty of perspective.
Speaker 3: Every baby that pops out of your wife just juices
you to the gills with perspective.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm dude, I am bursting with perspective. You don't
even know how much perspective it.
Speaker 3: You'r rock hard with perspective, which.
Speaker 2: Is why I know that the Pyramids were built the
way we think they were, and if there is something
beneath it, the Egyptians probably just doug a big fucking
hole because they had nothing but time on their hands.
Speaker 3: I just want you to admit you're wrong when the
evidence finally comes out.
Speaker 1: I will.
Speaker 2: But my take right now is a we don't even
know what's under there because this same stuff now, actually,
I'll I'll go back and forth on this too. I'll
both sides. This lidar has actually found a lot of
good stuff too, Like we have found cities in the
middle of the Amazon that we didn't know existed because
of that, because we're finding like these super straight lines
that are that are roads and buildings and stuff that
are obviously not natural. So it has done successful things too.
But by the way, that stuff wasn't necessarily underground so
much as it was like beneath vegetation. The But then
you go to the fucking Canada Indian Baby Indian Bone
story where they're like, we found this mass grave and
then they did another one like oh it's tree roots.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but think of all the sandstorms that are probably
hit of Egypt could just be layer and layer of
sand that covers it up.
Speaker 2: I mean, the pyramids are still poking out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we don't know how deep it goes. We know
we know how parents are. Well, if they're deeper, well,
but what if it's it's deep. What if you found
that out about your own peace? Then it actually, you know,
I could extend it. I actually want to cover it
up by too much skin. I actually want to call this.
Speaker 2: I'm sure I've showed you this before because it's it
makes it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen,
and it makes me laugh like hysterically every time I
think about it or see it. So I'm going to
call the the What's beneath the Pyramids the gay digg
Lit theory.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll explain to the people.
Speaker 2: You're gonna have to pop it up on the on
the YouTube show. But the gay dig lit theory is
essentially so it just made like gay dig lit the pokemon, right,
it like pops up from the ground and it's just
like this little like brown zehnder with a face, and
there's just like someone made like gay art of it
where it was actually just like it's like some some
like big Jack brown Digglets who has the same face
as his dick by the way, to just put pushing
his dick out of the ground.
Speaker 3: Was in his dick though I thought it was his head, No,
and then dick the body.
Speaker 2: With So there's the the Doug trio, which is the
evolved form of just the evolved form was this one?
Speaker 3: Yeah, just three but gay Digglet I like that better. Okay,
I'll put that on the screen because man, where are coming?
Oh yeah, yep, okay, I'm sure you two will definitely
monetize us after this. It's so funny, especially because his
dick has a face just like his face, and it's
also the truth. Yeah, that's the Pyramids. Yeah.
Speaker 2: By the way, the account that posted this is free Palestine.
Speaker 3: That's what they have is their day. Oh my god. Yeah.
What if it's actually one of those like Egyptian dogs
on the ground and it's just that right there is
it's peace popping out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm fine with that. That's the only theory
I'll take, okay, is that it's a giant.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna take it, Rob, It's.
Speaker 2: A giant dog of the gods and it's fucking Wieners.
I'll take that. But yeah, this is essentially it's the
gay dick lit theory.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 2: Dan, you keep saying this over and over again, and
I wanted to just kind of go off on a
side quest here for a second. You're you're telling me
I don't believe in magic. That's right, But what if
I told you that I actually do believe in magic.
Speaker 3: What kind of magic do you believe in?
Speaker 1: Reb?
Speaker 3: I believe in magic mind a mind that is magical.
Speaker 2: Yeah, magic mind, because I think that the Egyptians who
lived at the time, their minds were magical, and maybe
they were taking things that help make their minds magical,
and what I take to help make my mind magical
is Magic Mind. If you go to magicmind dot com
slash softcore history, the code Softcore twenty gets you up
to forty eight percent off your first subscription for the
next ten days, or twenty percent off for a one
time purchase. What is Magic Mind? It is a mental
performance shot. It helps with focus, clarity, gives you a
sharper mind, less stress, clean energy. There's time release caffeine.
Caffeine doesn't actually give you energy. It blocks receptors in
your brain to basically make you tell you you're not tired.
But when the receptor is unblocked one to three hours later,
obviously we all know you fall off a freaking cliff,
you crash. It sucks. The Magic Mind formula uses twelve
active ingredients to help support your body's energy engine atp instead,
day after day. Magic Mind's not a fleeting charge up.
It is an enhancement for a brilliant today and an
even better tomorrow. I take it every day and it
has made a huge difference in look energy wise. It's
good energy, for sure, but I don't care about the
energy so much like I like to get up but like,
like they said, anything can get you up, and energy
drink can get you up whatever. What I hate is
having to like crawl to the fridge for another energy drink. Yeah,
because I'm in the fucking h what is it not
the upside down? What's the one from? Get out the
sunken place. I'm in the sunken place. I am like
a dead person just being like I need more magic mind.
That is where that's where the value of magic mind
really comes in, because now I don't have down moments
in the day.
Speaker 3: I mean. Huberman from Huberman Labs has said that the
more you drink energy drinks, the more you disconnect from
your fellow human and I believe that that's totally accurate.
The science is backed. You can't rely on energy drinks.
We need to believe in people. We need to be
able to connect emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. Drink magic mind
and then you can have those meaningful connections with others
and still get that energy.
Speaker 2: You still got the energy. It's not a coffee replacement.
They don't replay the coffee, so you can still have
your caffeine that you're gonna have, but the addition to
your morning routine, just like a vitamin you might take
or something. It makes your coffee last all day. It
takes away the crash. Does give you some energy, but
it takes away the crash, which is the big thing
for me. And also it reduces stress. That include herbs
and Magic Mind's formula that provide safe and effective stress reduction.
Speaker 3: And before Rob started taking Magic Mind, I'm like he's
a total moron, and now I only think he's slightly
a moron.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I've really jumped up a level. Has
it lifted my mood as well.
Speaker 3: Quite a bit? You are dealing with three kids, and
we know the postpartum really hits, especially for the dad.
Speaker 2: It's the father of the hardest.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So the fact that you have Magic Mind in
your life, it's kept your kids alive as well. Good
look look at that there.
Speaker 2: God, come on, man, it's doctor vaalaided. By the way,
over two hundred scientific studies behind every ingredient. And that's
their mushrooms or our game grown in California. The fruiting body,
which is where you find the highest density of the
beneficial bioactive compounds, is used as opposed to the macilia.
It is no risk, so we're confident that magic Mind
is the thing to do. They've built, They've built a
great product, and the refund one hundred percent, no questions
asked after one hundred for one hundred days after buying
it shipped internationally. You can find it in stores too.
You won't get a discount though. If you get it
in stores Sprouts, AGB, Central Market, Arawan check magic Mind out.
I'm telling you it has changed my daily routine, or
not my daily routine. I guess it has changed my
daily routine because it's part of my daily routine now,
but it has changed my day, specifically my afternoons so much.
I am just in a better mood because I'm not crashing,
and it's just like it's a double mood. It doubles
your mood in two ways, because you're not crashing and
because the stuff that then already gives you a better
mood as well. So again, go to Magicmind dot com.
Slash Softcore History. Softcore twenty gets you up to forty
eight percent off your first subscription for the next ten days.
We're twenty percent off for a one time purchase. I'm
telling you this will change your days, your life and
your afternoons. Especially Magic Mind is a game changer. Check
it out and we have a special offer for you
guys right now. And they reached out to us, by
the way, so it would mean a lot if you
did buy this stuff, not only because it'll help you,
but because I always love it when advertisers contact us
out of the blue and are like, we like your show,
can we advertise on it? So highly recommend getting with
these guys just because they wanted to support the show,
and you support the show. See you have something common there.
The last one I feel like that I have I
feel like you'll relate to. It's a guy who tried
and failed to impress a woman by lifting a heavy thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: This was before people realize that women don't care. They
don't care about your bench squad, you're deadlift, you're overhead,
military press.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't care.
Speaker 3: Some do, I mean beautiful ladies do, but the general
female population, unfortunately, they're not educated on the matter. So
they just think they see a guy bench in like
one thirty five and they're like, oh wow.
Speaker 2: They revel in their ignorance.
Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, dude, I could do that in seventh grade. Bro,
all right.
Speaker 2: So on another clay tablet with records written on it,
there was a worker, a story about a worker named Ka,
and there was a girl in a village nearby, uh
probably twelve who knows who he was, had a crush on. Essentially,
he had a crush on this girl kaw did, who
lived in nearby village. So Ka, to impress her, boasted
that he could lift a small limestone block, which is
about half a ton, to prove his own strength. And
I don't know how.
Speaker 1: Much he thought he was gonna lift.
Speaker 3: It, But what is half a ton tons? I mean
two thousand pounds. He is a ton, so it would
be a thousand pounds.
Speaker 2: Oh half a ton is a thousand pounds.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, okay, yeah, so
a ton is two thousand pounds. Half of that one thousand.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So he said he could lift a thousand pounds
off the ground. That's how strong he was.
Speaker 1: Ok.
Speaker 3: I think like the record for deadlift is around there,
so maybe he was deadlift in it.
Speaker 2: I mean he's not putting it over his head.
Speaker 3: No, you can't do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So during a break from work, a crowd of
workers and villagers showed up because to see cause show
for this girl about how he was gonna be like,
look how strong I am. Let's let's bang after I
prove how strong I am. Reaches down, tries to pick
up the stone, gets it up a little bit.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So the world's heaviest deadlift in the history of
weightlifting competitions is one and four pounds.
Speaker 2: That's almost a half ton dead on.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, and you're telling me this little Egyptian he's
probably all four or five of them. Yeah, like a
little fella, but a little muscle hamster. I guess probably
doesn't get enough protein in his day to day diet
fueled off carbs and booze. I think the booze helps
was able to get it off the ground a little bit.
Speaker 2: He was able. I imagine that he's like at a
corner and like lifting it up. You know what I
mean a deadlift?
Speaker 3: You know what a dead lift is? No, not really, Okay,
I won't explain it then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't bother. So I think he's getting it a
little bit. He does get it a little bit off
the ground, not the whole thing, but I think he
gets some of it up.
Speaker 3: As you lifted up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he was only able to budge it a
little bit, and he lost his grip and the half
ton stone.
Speaker 3: Smashed his hands, crashed, smashed his foot. I think I'd
rather lose the foot probably than the hands.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would rather lose a foot than a hand, no,
no question.
Speaker 3: Did it just come clean off?
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, he didn't lose the foot. It
just crushed it, so maybe he'd I mean, it was
probably useless after that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he actually was able to like slide it from
underneath because it was so flat. Just fucking jelly. Yeah,
an acme cartoon. Yeah, like just Wiley Coyote having an
anvil drop on his head.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 2: So poor Caw hopped around in horrible pain as everyone
pointed and laughed at him.
Speaker 3: Damn in front of his lady.
Speaker 2: And then the girl laughed and told him to quote
this is a quote from the record, to quote stick
to hauling with a sledge next time.
Speaker 3: That's cold, baby. Then who else is doing this? No
one's lifting a half ton up by themselves. Dude got close,
he flew too close to the song.
Speaker 2: Allegedly it slipped right, so maybe he was on the way,
but it was a grip problem.
Speaker 3: Imagine if he has some chalk. Yeah, maybe some straps.
I mean, it doesn't really count if you have straps.
Speaker 2: But that's what I always say. Then, for the next
couple of weeks, his friends mercilessly made fun of him
by giving him the nickname ka the stone Crusher. Okay,
so just an ironic nickname for their virgin bro.
Speaker 3: Who's not even ironic though it is very literally he.
Speaker 2: Was stone, he was crushed by the stone. But I
think I think it is an ironic nickname because they
were saying that they're making fun of him for yeah,
and uh, yeah, he didn't get the girl. I imagine
he was a cripple for.
Speaker 1: The rest of his life.
Speaker 3: Got no pussy after that, No pussy after that because
he's just hobbling along. Yeah, seen as a weak man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's rough. Uh.
Speaker 3: The lesson today is just don't even try.
Speaker 2: No, don't even try. Don't don't put yourself out there.
Don't even try to build a pyramid because people will
say you didn't do it.
Speaker 3: That's a great life lesson. Actually, don't take the chance,
don't risk anything alway, escape by under the radar. Yeah,
make no noise, make no history exist, Just be happy.
Speaker 2: Just chill, don't let anyone see you because they'll just
be mean to you. Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 3: God forbid he'd try. Man just wants to have a
little fun.
Speaker 2: He just wanted love. Yeah, like he just wanted a girl.
Speaker 3: He just wanted to peacock show off. It sounds like
he was pretty strong.
Speaker 2: He wasn't not strong.
Speaker 3: He just fucked up. It slipped. The worst part is
this life changed forever.
Speaker 1: The girl was immediately like peace.
Speaker 3: Loser moved on to like his homie.
Speaker 2: Probably, Oh, I'm fucking sure.
Speaker 3: Who clearly didn't take the same risk or chance.
Speaker 2: No, because you marry the smart one. Yeah, who doesn't
crush his foot. You're already, by the way, in a
bad place if you think you have to do something
like that to impress the girl.
Speaker 3: Also got to think, now he's jobless. He's not moving
more stone that foot. No, unless they gave they chopped
it off and give him a little wheel, which again
there was no wheel.
Speaker 2: There was no wheel.
Speaker 3: Yeah, a little log or something.
Speaker 2: They had to wet the sand in front of his foot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a useless pert. They just put him down.
At that point, your life's over pretty much.
Speaker 2: But yeah, those are some of the many, many detailed
anecdotes we have about the people we know built the pyramids.
Speaker 3: Who paid you to do this episode, rup Big Egypt, the.
Speaker 2: Brits NA Egyptology. Actually, the Egyptians are very very protective
of their shit, and it would not surprise me if
these guys who did the light ar or whatever they did.
Speaker 3: Right it went rogue. That was definitely not pre opponent
ground radar.
Speaker 2: It was pre approved. But I guarantee you if they
ever get ever get permission to go down there and look,
it's like twenty years from now, like the Egyptology, Egypt
don't guards that shit extremely closely.
Speaker 3: Pay the right guy.
Speaker 2: You would think in a country like that, you would
think that all you need is just slip a due
to twenty Yeah, grease a few poems and you're good
to go. Yeah, you could live in the pyramids with
the right amount of money.
Speaker 3: You could sleep in a cou cha. Yeah, you can
sleep in a chamber of a pharaoh like Napoleon did.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I've already did that.
Speaker 3: Fucking weirdo allegedly saw a ghost.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's what they all say he was.
Speaker 2: That's just that's just a gas himself up.
Speaker 3: What if it was a ghost of this dude that
crushed his foot.
Speaker 2: He was like, trust me, you don't want to impress people, man.
Napoleon's like, no, it must be the glightous man who
ever leaved. Like, no, dude, you don't, don't try. It's
gonna go so bad.
Speaker 3: He's like, you want to just have a good day. Yeah,
don't try to conquer the world, don't try to conquer
the stone, don't try to conquer that country. It all
goes back poorly.
Speaker 2: Just fucking chill, dude, just chill. But Napoleon didn't listen.
Speaker 3: And both of them lost their women. Yeah, both some
lost their although Japoleon's girl was fucking all over France.
Oh got Napoleon. Napoleon was a big old cook.
Speaker 2: I think Napoleon was getting it too.
Speaker 3: I think I mean he was slaying, but he was
still getting cooked. Like and right, I guess seems like
a break even to that point. Now it's just an
open relationship. And again you're gonna lose. He's the man
you are. You will lose, You will always lose.
Speaker 2: But that's all I got for today.
Speaker 3: What'd you learn that you hate anything new or anything
that could potentially push the limits of what's already established.
That's already bullshit.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, pump the fucking breaks.
Speaker 3: First off, it's a nuclear reactor.
Speaker 2: Rob. The worst part is people being like, well, we
go so little, we fucking don't check it out.
Speaker 3: Rob, It's a fucking stargate.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's fine.
Speaker 3: I hope it is, even though that's in bagdad.
Speaker 2: Uh oh, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3: I forgot about that. But this has to be a
portal into another dimension that has to you know, beam
up into the stars.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I'm sure it opened something. It's a key to what.
I don't know, but I just know that you don't
believe in magic.
Speaker 2: Not on this. I don't not fucking at all.
Speaker 3: Or how fucking reality works. Brother, who's today's hitler?
Speaker 2: I feel like I know you're gonna.
Speaker 3: Say, I'm gonna surprise you.
Speaker 1: Okay, Who it was?
Speaker 3: That girl? Okay that laughed at a man who.
Speaker 2: Was just trying to be great, just trying to get gains.
Speaker 3: Trying to get gains, trying to impress you. What were
you doing? You were just laughing at him? Man? What
have you done that day? You're just on the work site,
just hanging out. You're not contributing, You're not doing any
damn thing. You're probably getting drunk off your ass too.
Horn around damn not fucking around with this chick. I
just feel bad for Clubfoot.
Speaker 2: KA call the stone Crusher.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna start referring to Clubfoot. Ask foot, that's yeah,
we should.
Speaker 2: By the way, can you mat like this guy?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: They say like, uh, you only you only die when
the last person forgets your.
Speaker 3: Name, when your name's not mentioned anymore. Yeah something. Yeah,
he's living forever.
Speaker 2: This guy bought himself immortality.
Speaker 3: He's just bought himself at least another year. Like our podcast.
Speaker 2: He's hopping around forever in the Cocoa verse because of
this podcast.
Speaker 3: I do get that reference. I have seen that Pixar movie.
Speaker 2: With his busted ass foot. He might be the oldest
person there. Well, no, it's not true, but.
Speaker 3: I feel like I would rather believe that.
Speaker 2: I know what you would rather believe. I know everyoneould
rather believe. And again it goes back to that you're
rejecting the miracle that's already in front of you because
you're used to it, so you don't think it's a miracle. Anymore.
Speaker 3: You might have convinced me though, if that guy got
you know, a half ton stone slightly off the ground
by himself, maybe these were just you know, giants, just
huge dudes, massive men.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know how tall they were, but
you gotta think they were strong as fuck.
Speaker 3: Maybe they had signs that was beyond our knowledge now though,
because they're clearly at a calorie deficit, so the fact
that they were able to have such immense gains, I.
Speaker 2: Don't think that they weren't at a calorie deficit. Yeah
they were, No, they weren't.
Speaker 3: Dude, if you're you're doing that all day and all
you're doing is drinking and eating bread, you were definitely
at a calorie deficit.
Speaker 2: I don't think they were. I think they had a
lot of bread and beer. It was. You can't think
of it as like a fucking ipa or a bud
light or something like that. This was a denser, richer
beer with more nutrients in it in our current.
Speaker 3: I understand that, but still up still booze though. These
guys were probably working harder than fucking Michael Phelps was
preparing for the outpos and Michael Phelps in order to
keep up with his training regiment needed like twelve thousand
calories a day.
Speaker 2: That's fair, that's fair.
Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, So we have lost the data and the
science on how to get gains. Yeah, and I think
that's the present issues here with these guys just like
absolutely cut then adonisis.
Speaker 2: Because like think about it, they're at a calorie deposit,
but they're getting crazy workouts, like just everyone rippling six
pack abs and fucking insane biceps, not only because they
are obviously lifting heavy shit, but they're like they're tight,
you know what I mean, Like they're all the fats
being eaten.
Speaker 3: They're a bunch of like DK metcalfs, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Just like the what's the lowest amount of body fat
you can have without dying?
Speaker 3: It's not as low as you think. Like people keep saying, oh,
this guy's two percent three percent body fat. No one
is that low, like six yeah, five or six yeah.
But like when you start getting to like the one
or two range, you're dead. Like you don't even really
want to b six percent body fat.
Speaker 2: It's not any more than ten twelve range.
Speaker 3: Healthy range is ten to twelve pe ok, Like because
you're gonna keep your strength, and you're also gonna look
damn good. All right me Right now, I'm probably hovering
at like fifteen. I need to get back to like twelve.
Gross I put on I put on a lot of weight,
put on like I'm two hundred and thirty pounds.
Speaker 2: Word, that's fucking crazy. I guess it's all muscle for
the most part, but.
Speaker 3: It is weird that I don't I don't look that big.
Speaker 2: No, but I'm just damn if I weigh two hundred
and thirty pounds.
Speaker 3: Dude, you should. You should become two hundred and thirty pounds.
I don't care how you do it. But for the
sake of the show, we need unity. We both need
to be two hundred and thirty pounds.
Speaker 2: I hate myself.
Speaker 3: You need to be a fucking hos.
Speaker 2: I would hate myself if I was two hundred and
thirty pounds.
Speaker 3: Your wife's not gonna leave you. We got three kids together.
I get that, But just become a unit.
Speaker 2: The amount of self loathing that I would have for
myself clocket of probably like one fat rob would just
take over the world. Pass pass. That's not man, it's
not worthy unless it was like literally like, hey, you
can be in a movie tomorrow, but you got to
gain a bunch of you got a Christian bale it.
Speaker 3: You gotta become the whale.
Speaker 2: I could do it for the whale. I couldn't do
it for the lulls on this fucking podcast.
Speaker 3: I would do it for the lulls.
Speaker 2: You need the opposite for the lulls.
Speaker 3: I know I'm doing, uh the part where nobody cares
in all this sunny right, Yeah fuck that, but you're married,
I'm not.
Speaker 2: Yeah it's fair, but yeah, that's all I got for today.
Speaker 3: I've also gotten to this weight, but in a totally
different manner for the lolls.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I get that.
Speaker 3: At TFM. Yeah, granted I thought I was fucking yoked,
but that was delusional.
Speaker 1: Oh I'll never forget.
Speaker 2: You're just seeing a thing of microwavable chicken enchil out
of meat.
Speaker 3: That's how I lost weight. I know, that's how I
cut and uh every day. It pissed off so many
people in the office because it smelled. Yeah, I wasn't
making fish, it was fucking chicken.
Speaker 2: I didn't think it smelled a bad but it was
just funny because I would go in there at the
same time as you every day pretty much getting like
whatever sandwich or bullshit I packed for lunch, and you
would just be in there microwaving, think of chicken, nothing else.
Speaker 3: You throw some sarraja on it. Yeah, was that a
massive cut at that point? Calorie deficit?
Speaker 2: And if you want to see that version of Dan,
there is a sketch on YouTube from the TFM days.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, I'll just fire up the photo of me
and DVD in Mexico.
Speaker 2: Also that I guess I was huge. But if you
if you, but that's a photo. If you want to
see video of Dan, there's a sketch called the Frat
Political Attack ad okay where Dan's one where he fucked
your mom.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, not literally about the character.
Speaker 2: The character yeah uh. It's actually one of my favorite
videos we did at the at TFM. But Dan is
in it has a wonderful part, even though he claims
I never cast him in videos.
Speaker 3: You were afraid of the talent in front of you.
You're like, he's gonna take my goddamn rolls. I wrote
for myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I did check check that version of out.
It's still on YouTube. But that's all I got for that.
Speaker 3: No, we learned so much, actually nothing at all.
Speaker 2: You should have learned everything you need to know.
Speaker 3: I don't think so, because if they're like, if you
have records of a guy being like, god, damn it,
someone put LSD in my bread, and hey, this asshole
tried to impress a girl.
Speaker 2: If that's written down, I think you know who built
the pyramid.
Speaker 3: It's an urban legend. Brother. It's like the guy that
does too much LSD and he thinks he's a glass
of orange juice and if you tip him over, he dies.
It's the same kind of fucking story. You think all
they wrote was nonfiction.
Speaker 2: I hate these arguments so much because I'm like, here's
the evidence, and you're like, dog, just wait for my evidence.
Do they find it?
Speaker 3: Cylinders underneath the pyramid?
Speaker 2: They don't know that. They don't know that there's bones
next to that cap.
Speaker 3: The gorfin is Well to bring a full circle, let's go,
gret a shovel, let's fucking go, and let's let's take
our ass to to fucking Egypt.
Speaker 2: Let's get to Cairo. We'll carve up on some pizza
hut and then.
Speaker 3: Be a good time. We did an episode from that
pizza hut. Yeah, we should do an episode from that
pizza hut.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's gonna happen at some point.
Speaker 3: When we finally make it. Boys. So yeah, subscribe, rate
and review, tell friend about the podcast so we can
go to Egypt and truly uncover the magic.
Speaker 2: The broad broadcast the show from the pizza hut that
overlooks the pyramids.
Speaker 3: Well, we'll do that when we reach, however, many patrons.
We need a picture on dot com slash.
Speaker 2: Off course or three thousand, maybe five thousand, yeah, probably
five thousand, closer to ten.
Speaker 3: We need a lot of people, is what we're asking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just get us to gill Us numbers and we're.
Speaker 3: We'll never get there. Yeah, no, no, no, we will never
get there, should we?
Speaker 2: I mean someone one of us needs to say something
egregious and lose a great job over it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, just fucking get a position at SNL and then.
Speaker 2: I think it immediately fired. Yeah, that probably worked.
Speaker 3: That was your dream, right at some point.
Speaker 1: A dream.
Speaker 3: It was one of them.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I wasn't like uniquely like that's what I want
to do, but that was something I dreamed of.
Speaker 3: I always wanted to make movies. I don't know if
that's gonna happen. I don't know if that's in the cards.
Speaker 1: Gotta pivot, pivot to audio.
Speaker 3: Gross, Gotta see Egypt, please and thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, see you guys later for Damna Chester. I'm rob Fox.
Speaker 3: You just got Saucer