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Speaker 1: The last lovely days of summer are upon us. When

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I sit on the porch of a little white house

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across the river from a marina, and I am grateful

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that it's not my house, and I don't own a boat.

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I'm a free man. Someone else gets to clean the gutters,

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and I wanted no obligation to rev up the outboard

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and take people out for a ride up the river

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and back. I've been on several boat rides in my

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long life, and several is enough. I sailed across the

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Atlantic on the Queen Mary Too once, five days in

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a hilton that vibrates hanging out with light headed people

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in spangly clothes. The freedom to not do what you

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don't like is basic in a free society. I resist hiking, boating, golfing, climbing.

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I prefer porching. Summer goes against my nature, except when

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a good thunder storm comes crashing and flashing in and

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I observe divine wrath hurled down upon the wicked. It

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satisfies the puritan in me. I appear to be a librum,

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but down deep, I'm a man in a tall black

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hat with a buckle on it. And now that the

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Party of Lincoln, was formed to set black people free

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from slavery, has become the Party of yellow golf Pants.

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There isn't enough lightning to reform it. This all began

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when I was a kid. Our house had scripture verses

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on the walls, which made us odd, and I wanted

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to keep this a secret. For example, thou shalt not

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bear false witness. I enjoyed bearing false witness. I was

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good at it. I loved books in which writers made

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up stuff. But when the yellow golf Pants runs for

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president on the basis of fictions and falsehoods, such as

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that fact checkers have checked into episcopal rest homes, then

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Puritanism starts to look good. Sitting here on the porch,

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I look at the woman sitting ten feet away, whom

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I love dearly, and she smiles and asks me, do

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you notice something different about me? A question that strikes

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fear in my heart. I don't want to say you

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got your hair done if the correct answer is you

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had your lower lip pierced and a large wooden disc

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inserted in it. But I don't see a disk. And

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she has two arms and two legs, and praise God,

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she hasn't shaved one side of her head and dyed

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the other side green. There is no tattoo on her arm.

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I'm about to say, I notice how radiant you look,

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but she puts a finger to her lips, and I

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notice lipstick pale red. Very cool. It makes me think

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of Catherine Hepburn, who used to live just up the

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road from this little house. The school yar has begun,

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and though I graduated long ago, school is never out.

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It goes on and on. What Missus Molenbrock expected of

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me when I was twelve years old, I now expect

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of myself to work up to my potential, to engage

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with the world. But the world passed me by long ago,

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And in my old age I learned to appreciate small pleasures. Coffee,

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the river, a toasted muffin with blueberry jan conversation. The

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woman sitting next to me regales me with reminiscence of

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her grandparents, whose porch this once was, And I love

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her stories. I've heard enough of my own. She stands

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to emphasize a point, and I hold out my arms

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and she sits on my lap. My arms around her,

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I hold her gently, not gravely or clutchingly, but meaningfully

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two independent persons in fine alignment. When I was twelve,

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I was a teacher's pet, so I was a target

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for playground bullies. A boy told me my teeth were

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green and rotten, and I believed him, and I stopped smiling,

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and I believed that the Second Coming was imminent. And

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though I was a Christian, I wasn't sure that God

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realized that Brother Frank could preach a sermon that made

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me feel like a war criminal. But you grow up

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and experience the generosity of this world. Justice prevails, at

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least it tries to. I got a good college education

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on the cheap. The world is full of fascinating individuals

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who were here for our appreciation. Highly educated people tend

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to treat you with respect, which is rather stunning. Society

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will try to do the right thing by you, and

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this woman will accept my love. So what's your problem, mister?

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Enjoy the day, Enjoy all of it. Just released a

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Prairie Home Companion's fiftieth anniversary two CD set recorded live

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at the Fitzgerald Theater. Garrison Keeler and the Gang celebrate

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with music, sketches, and of course the news from Lake Wobegon.

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Get to tales at Garrisonkeiller dot com.