WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>Weird.

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<v Speaker 2>We welcome back midnight viewers, truly to Father Malone's weekly

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<v Speaker 2>round up. I'm Father Malone, and with me on the

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<v Speaker 2>mic is the pug with all the drugs, all the hugs,

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<v Speaker 2>all the shrugs. Got it? Miss Ripley Jean, how are you,

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<v Speaker 2>young lady? I know it's been hot lately. Also on

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<v Speaker 2>board or behind the board, fresh from her sojourn in

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<v Speaker 2>the backyard shed and a brief tour of the sub

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<v Speaker 2>Saharan Desert, Miss Foxy Brown do some weird clicking into

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<v Speaker 2>the mic. You nomadic freak. Here you go. Let's jump

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<v Speaker 2>right in. We've got a lot to cover, a lot

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<v Speaker 2>to catch up on. Ready, actual round up. Yellow Jackets

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<v Speaker 2>continues to falter, although there are a few bright spots.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm loving Shawna's husband Jeff and her daughter Calli. They're

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<v Speaker 2>especially good this season, as is some of the funkier

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<v Speaker 2>revelations about Shanna herself. Those are tantalizing, but they're like

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<v Speaker 2>droplets of water in an otherwise fallow period. Get to

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<v Speaker 2>the fucking twisted already in better DearS, I finished Jeni

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<v Speaker 2>fallen order and my lightsaber is fucking cherry baby, got

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<v Speaker 2>it tricked?

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<v Speaker 3>Out.

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<v Speaker 2>It's mostly the magi's skin with a violet blade double bladed,

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<v Speaker 2>which I think is excessive, but sometimes it's nice to have.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh what a fucking dork you're listening to? Anybody watching

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<v Speaker 2>Hunting Party that's on Peacock. It's only like six episodes,

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<v Speaker 2>pretty intriguing. It feels like a nineties show in its construction.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a secret underground prison that's populated with the worst

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<v Speaker 2>killers in the world, so bad that they've been officially

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<v Speaker 2>publicly executed, kind of like lefam Nikita, but instead of

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<v Speaker 2>turning them into assassins, they've just got them locked up anyway.

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<v Speaker 2>The opening scene, a bomb goes off, killing untold number

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<v Speaker 2>of prisoners and releasing just as many. That's the premise,

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<v Speaker 2>get the killers back. It is a solid cast, solid action,

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<v Speaker 2>and provides a good old dose of freak of the

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<v Speaker 2>week vibes. Plus what the hell was that prison? Anyway?

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<v Speaker 2>Remember right after Lost Everything had some mystery box situation,

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<v Speaker 2>including a show about Alcatraz. There was a Spielberg show

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<v Speaker 2>about some expedition in the Amazon with that guy from

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<v Speaker 2>Across the Universe Blonde dude. Am I just rambling? Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>I have a ton of useless knowledge I have left

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<v Speaker 2>over from last week, including the fact that every episode

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<v Speaker 2>I tell myself I'm gonna do a rundown of all

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<v Speaker 2>the new trailers and let you know which ones look

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<v Speaker 2>like they're worth of dam or at least the ones

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<v Speaker 2>that have got me hyped. Timing couldn't be more perfect

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<v Speaker 2>to do it. Then this week, what with that several

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<v Speaker 2>minutes long ode to uncomfortable canvas furniture that was the

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<v Speaker 2>Avengers Doomsday trailer, A slow pan of twenty six names

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<v Speaker 2>of actors we all assumed would be in the movie

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<v Speaker 2>X Men was a surprise the original X Men I

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<v Speaker 2>guess are returning Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Rebecca Romaine, James Marsden,

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<v Speaker 2>Kelsey Grammer, and Channing Tatum. Okay, that's kind of exciting

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<v Speaker 2>Alan coming. That actually is exciting. But as cool as

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<v Speaker 2>that reveal might be, there were a couple of glaring

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<v Speaker 2>omissions Spider Man, Doctor Strange, Miss Marvel, Moonnight she Hulk. Also,

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<v Speaker 2>I guess we know who survives the Thunderbolts movie. Huh.

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<v Speaker 2>You think maybe they could have held back on the

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<v Speaker 2>reveal that a bunch of the characters in the movie

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<v Speaker 2>that's coming out next month, are gonna survive the movie?

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<v Speaker 2>Speaking of Thunderbolts, Asterik, I am fucking stoked. I know

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<v Speaker 2>a bunch of you are out there saying it's just

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<v Speaker 2>Suicide Squad. Well, guess what. Suicide Squad is just the

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<v Speaker 2>dirty dozen assholes, and Thunderbolts is more like Kelly's heroes.

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<v Speaker 2>Thunderbolts manages to evade the trap that most of these

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<v Speaker 2>types of flicks fall into. The members aren't all that

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<v Speaker 2>villainous to begin with. They are low level, fucking Marvel villains.

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<v Speaker 2>Several work as mercenaries for either side. Anyway, none of

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<v Speaker 2>them have say attempted mass murder. Suicide Squad is stuck

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<v Speaker 2>with genuinely bad people that they have to soften to

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<v Speaker 2>the point that they're unrecognizable. Harley Quinn is a psychopath, y'all.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know how everyone forgot that. I know she

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<v Speaker 2>escaped an abusive relationship, and she's loud and proud in

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<v Speaker 2>her relationship with Ivy these days, but she will still

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<v Speaker 2>feed you to hyenas for no reason at all. The

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<v Speaker 2>closest we've gotten to action Harley Quinn was that Birds

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<v Speaker 2>of preyflick. She's so fucking chaotic there and whatever way

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<v Speaker 2>she's swinging these days, I think all genders can agree.

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<v Speaker 2>Without Harley, there is no cause play community. People have

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<v Speaker 2>always gone to conventions and costume, but that lady inspired

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<v Speaker 2>a ferocity and dress up a previously unknown Do you

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<v Speaker 2>think Harley is the hottest? I do, but your opinion

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<v Speaker 2>may differ. Hit me up at father Malone seventy one

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<v Speaker 2>at a gmail dot com. Let me know your dorky

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<v Speaker 2>crush is a catwoman. I think most DC leaning people

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<v Speaker 2>will say miss Kyle, but I don't know. I'm asking

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<v Speaker 2>that goes with everything we're talking about on the show.

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<v Speaker 2>If you agree, disagree, have another point of view, feel

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<v Speaker 2>free to drop me a line at Fathermalone seventy one

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<v Speaker 2>at in gmail dot com. Or you'll have better luck

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<v Speaker 2>on the socials, probably at Fathermalone on the Insta and

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<v Speaker 2>the threads and the skies of Blue. Quite a few

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<v Speaker 2>of you have reached out to say how relieved you

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<v Speaker 2>are that Miss Foxy Brown made her way back home.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I've thanked you all individually, but if I

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<v Speaker 2>missed any of you, I'm thanking you here. It was

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<v Speaker 2>truly a preciated Do you know when she came back.

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<v Speaker 2>I scooped her up and walked around clutching her and

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<v Speaker 2>bawling for like an hour straight, after which I fed

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<v Speaker 2>her in Ripley, and then I let Ripley outside, and

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<v Speaker 2>Foxy jumped down and started strutting out the door. Fuck you, kat,

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<v Speaker 2>You're indoors forever. I mentioned this over on the crossover

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<v Speaker 2>episode with Noise Junkies about the movie Crossroads. But the

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<v Speaker 2>trailer for Ryan Coogler's new movie is online. It's called Cinner.

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<v Speaker 2>It comes out at the end of April. It's a

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<v Speaker 2>prohibition era supernatural action gangster flick. I think I'm more

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<v Speaker 2>excited for this film than anything coming down the pike.

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<v Speaker 2>Check of that one out. There are several exorcism flicks

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<v Speaker 2>on the way, got al Pacino in one. There's also

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<v Speaker 2>a flick called Project Silence, which is about a group

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<v Speaker 2>of people trapped on a suspension bridge. It seems a

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<v Speaker 2>very final destination. You know what else looks a bit

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<v Speaker 2>like Final Destination? The new final destination movie Bloodlines. Can

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<v Speaker 2>we retire that as a subtitle for any long running franchise.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't care if it's the perfect title for your

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<v Speaker 2>summation reimagining reinvestment, legacy sequel, prequel, whatever the fuck Bloodlines

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<v Speaker 2>is taken, Move along. That movie looks good, though, the

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<v Speaker 2>new Final Destination movie, and any Final Destination movie is

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<v Speaker 2>going to be more fun than the most ponderous goddamn

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<v Speaker 2>still photographs were getting as horror these days. One other thing,

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<v Speaker 2>not a trailer, not a movie podcast. Dana Carvey has

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<v Speaker 2>had a bit of a renaissance lately with his SNL

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<v Speaker 2>fiftieth appearances and the success of his show that he

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<v Speaker 2>does with David Spade. But a couple of years ago

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<v Speaker 2>he put out one season of a show called The

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<v Speaker 2>Weird Place, which is basically an audio Twilight Zone, right

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<v Speaker 2>down to Carve's Rod Serling impression, and he does all

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<v Speaker 2>the voices naturally. Each episode is short in sweet, interesting

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<v Speaker 2>stories that I think are worthy of the original Twilight Zone.

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<v Speaker 2>But more importantly, they are very, very funny with really

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<v Speaker 2>oddball observances. For some reason, the fact that after a

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<v Speaker 2>particular eventful moment a character paused to have a taco

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<v Speaker 2>dinner and watch television just struck me as all kinds

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<v Speaker 2>of funny. The show is a nice reminder that Carvey

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<v Speaker 2>is a pure entertainer who doesn't need all the ticks

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<v Speaker 2>and mugging that he sometimes devolves into in order to

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<v Speaker 2>really kill the weird place. They're like twenty minutes each.

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<v Speaker 2>You can hear the entire season in like an hour. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>I can't really prevaricate any longer. We're gonna have to

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<v Speaker 2>deal with the princess in the room. Not you, sweetie,

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<v Speaker 2>You're more like Princess Leah by the way, heir to

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<v Speaker 2>a fallen kingdom. If I may, when the revolution begins,

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<v Speaker 2>can we have Lea as our de facto symbol? What

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<v Speaker 2>better banner do you want to rally behind? Seriously, I

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<v Speaker 2>am unapologetically a Disney person. My late wife and I

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<v Speaker 2>honeymooned in Disneyland, where we anticipated going on the Haunted

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<v Speaker 2>Mansion one million times. But we were married on Halloween,

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<v Speaker 2>so when we got to the park, it was already

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<v Speaker 2>themed with Nightmare before Christmas, so we ended up going

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<v Speaker 2>a handful of times. You know, not everyone thinks that

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<v Speaker 2>movie is as magical as those who were raised on it.

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<v Speaker 2>Some of us thought it peculiar that a champion of

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<v Speaker 2>the misunderstood, mister Tim Burton, would craft a story that

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<v Speaker 2>essentially says, know your place, whatever lot You've been assigned

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<v Speaker 2>in life. That's it, baby, Do not seek outside interests.

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<v Speaker 2>I suppose the lesson could also be know your limitations,

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<v Speaker 2>but that's equally fucked up for a kids movie. But

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<v Speaker 2>I digress. Look, I love Disney, but I'm not totally insane.

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<v Speaker 2>My place isn't tricked out in Disney Ona. I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>dying to be a resident of Celebration, Florida. I know

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<v Speaker 2>Disney is no longer affiliated, but does a better symbol

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<v Speaker 2>of Disney fans gone too far exist beyond a living

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<v Speaker 2>in a town created by Disney. At the same time,

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<v Speaker 2>I never subscribed to the overly facile portrait of Disney

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<v Speaker 2>Corporation as What's wrong with America? It would always pop

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<v Speaker 2>up in political art alongside a crucified Ronald McDonald. Probably,

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<v Speaker 2>of all the evil corporations ruining America, the one whose

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<v Speaker 2>primary product is joy isn't really high on my list

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<v Speaker 2>of villainy. I could do a whole show just on

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<v Speaker 2>the animated films of Disney or the many television series

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<v Speaker 2>they produced throughout the fifties and sixties. Do you remember

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<v Speaker 2>Doctor Sinn the Scarecrow. He was a Western English robin

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<v Speaker 2>hood patrolling the grounds of Rumney Marsh, which incidentally was

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<v Speaker 2>the original name of my hometown of Revere, Massachusetts. In fact,

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<v Speaker 2>the cemetery in Revere, the oldest one, is called ye

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<v Speaker 2>Old Rumney mar Cemetery. I could do an entire show

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<v Speaker 2>just about Disney short subjects. Have you ever seen Dad?

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<v Speaker 2>Can I Borrow the Car? Narrated by teenage Kurt Russell.

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<v Speaker 2>It's fabulous.

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<v Speaker 4>Hell.

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<v Speaker 2>You could do an episode about the first five years

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<v Speaker 2>of the nineteen fifties, just the output they put out there.

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<v Speaker 2>Here it is Cinderella, Treasure Island, Alice in Wonderland, The

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<v Speaker 2>Story of Robin Hood, Peter Pan, The Sword in the Rose,

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<v Speaker 2>The Living Desert, rob Roy, The Highland Rogue, The Vanishing Prairie,

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<v Speaker 2>twenty thousand Leagues Under the Sea, Davy Crockett, King of

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<v Speaker 2>the Wild Frontier, Lady in the Tramp, The African Lion,

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<v Speaker 2>The Littlest Outlaw. That's five years. Even adjusted for inflation,

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<v Speaker 2>you take all the budgets of all of those movies,

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<v Speaker 2>it's still nowhere near what we got to remember that number,

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<v Speaker 2>that output and realized that while Disney cut his teeth

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<v Speaker 2>with the animated shorts in the early nineteen thirties. It

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<v Speaker 2>was nineteen thirty nine that Disney as a studio entered

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<v Speaker 2>the cinematic arena and declared itself a contender. That was

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<v Speaker 2>with the first full length animated film, snow White in

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<v Speaker 2>the Seven Dwarfs. Aside of getting stoned and watching Fantasia,

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<v Speaker 2>that is my favorite Disney film. It's so slick and

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<v Speaker 2>yet still experimental. You can feel the desire at the

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<v Speaker 2>end of every animator's brush to make what you're seeing magic,

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<v Speaker 2>and you can see innovation in every goddamn scene. It

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<v Speaker 2>is a triumph just technically, never mind the fact that

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<v Speaker 2>you can already see the dynamism that they'd approach every

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<v Speaker 2>subject with, baking it into the story. And about that story,

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<v Speaker 2>do you know there is an early version of the

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<v Speaker 2>Tale of snow White where the evil queen is not

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<v Speaker 2>her stepmother at all. It's her actual mom. That's the

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<v Speaker 2>only change. How do you like them poison apples? There's

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<v Speaker 2>a Greek version with poison grapes instead of apples. The

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<v Speaker 2>Netherlands doesn't have a Prince Charming, it's snow White's dad

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<v Speaker 2>that saves her. There's a French version where there are

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<v Speaker 2>no dwarves but a band of thieves. There's a fucking

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<v Speaker 2>Scottish version with thirteen cats instead of dwarves, and in

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<v Speaker 2>that one, the snow White character is on the run

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<v Speaker 2>because she's been framed for murder. Oh my god, Scotland,

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<v Speaker 2>If you guys would have one fucking sunny day, I

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<v Speaker 2>would move there on a heartbeat. The Spanish version dispenses

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<v Speaker 2>with the magic mirror and instead makes it a demon

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<v Speaker 2>that whispers into the Queen's ear the whole time. Here's

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<v Speaker 2>my problem with the mirror, by the way, not the mirror,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's use. We're led to believe in every one

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<v Speaker 2>of these iterations that the evil Queen is above all vain.

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<v Speaker 2>She needs to hear every day that she's the fairest,

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<v Speaker 2>and the day she hears different, that girl's gotta go.

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<v Speaker 2>She's then duped into believing that snow White is dead.

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<v Speaker 2>A significant amount of time then passes, and then and

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<v Speaker 2>then the queen asks who's the fairest, and the mirror

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<v Speaker 2>spills the beans snow White's alive. You're telling me the

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<v Speaker 2>Queen didn't ask at any time up until now. It

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't the first fucking thing she did. When the huntsman

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<v Speaker 2>showed back up with a stag heart. Now, who's the

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<v Speaker 2>fairest still snow white? The fuck? That's a dear heart?

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<v Speaker 2>That punk is lying to you, queen. You know, if

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<v Speaker 2>you heard the Spanish version, you're probably a child in Spain.

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<v Speaker 2>And I have a sneaking suspicion that you might have

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<v Speaker 2>imagined snow White or Blanca and the abas as looking

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<v Speaker 2>a bit more like yourself and less like the nearly

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<v Speaker 2>transparent version in the Disney film. The snow White story

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<v Speaker 2>got around, and everywhere it went people claimed ownership. Hell,

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<v Speaker 2>it got around cinematically as well. The Disney film is

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<v Speaker 2>the fourth film adaptation of Snow White, and the second animated.

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<v Speaker 2>Betty Boop got there in nineteen thirty one, and she

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<v Speaker 2>hung around with Cab calloway gasp, pearls clutched. Since then,

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<v Speaker 2>there have been dozens of films, hundreds of animated versions.

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<v Speaker 2>Every kind of snow White and every amalgamation of numbered

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<v Speaker 2>henchmen have been visited upon the screens, both big and small,

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<v Speaker 2>and you never heard word one about fucking any of them,

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<v Speaker 2>not a peep. Why because who gives a fuck? Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>Racists and misogynists. I used to not understand toxic fandom,

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<v Speaker 2>and yeah, there are any number of factors that contribute

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<v Speaker 2>to the forming of these fuckers, and who knows, they

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<v Speaker 2>might be just shitty across the board, and it isn't

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<v Speaker 2>narrowly focused as something like racism or hating women. But

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<v Speaker 2>let us not speak falsely. Now the hour is getting late.

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<v Speaker 2>You throw up a Hitler salute, you're a Nazi. And

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<v Speaker 2>if you're after a children's movie because it's not white enough,

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<v Speaker 2>you're a fucking racist. End of story. Here's a question

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<v Speaker 2>for a future show. What do these assholes enjoy? We

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<v Speaker 2>know full well what they hate. They organize around their hatred,

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<v Speaker 2>but does anything make them happy? And can we take

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<v Speaker 2>that away from them? Seriously? Get fucked you ask clowns

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<v Speaker 2>who roots for failure? How sick in your soul are you?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh right, racist and sexists clinging to an ideology that's

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<v Speaker 2>currently death rattling. Enjoy yourselves in twenty years, guess who's

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<v Speaker 2>going to be the minority in America? Snow white? The

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<v Speaker 2>new one, the one I'm reviewing, is a colossal fucking failure.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm serious. It is bafflingly bad. There are moments I

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<v Speaker 2>just stared, mind reeling trying to comprehend how this came

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<v Speaker 2>to be, But the problem wasn't because the casting was

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<v Speaker 2>color blind. That may have contributed to its financial downfall

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<v Speaker 2>a little, but I think really, when you remake an

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<v Speaker 2>animated film from ninety years ago, spending upwards of three

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<v Speaker 2>hundred million dollars on it, it kind of means you're

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<v Speaker 2>setting yourself up for failure. This is cleopatracized hubris. You

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<v Speaker 2>think the company pumping out all of those films in

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<v Speaker 2>the early nineteen fifties would have taken this risk. Of

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<v Speaker 2>course not, but they did. So they have to make

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<v Speaker 2>it as blandly appealing as possible because it has to

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<v Speaker 2>make a billion dollars to be profitable. It's always hilarious

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<v Speaker 2>when these toxic bros starts screaming about woke corporations. Do

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<v Speaker 2>you know how business works at all? Dummies? You go

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<v Speaker 2>where the money is. The twenty year obsession with IP

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<v Speaker 2>is proof of that. Do you think one human being

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<v Speaker 2>was clamoring for a Green Hornet remake? No, but the

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<v Speaker 2>name was wreckedizable, so throw money there. I've spent my

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<v Speaker 2>whole life tempering anything good a corporation has done with

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<v Speaker 2>the knowledge that if they weren't profiting, they wouldn't have

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<v Speaker 2>done it. But hell, however, you get progress right, you'll

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<v Speaker 2>take it. So if you think Rachel Ziegler's casting is

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<v Speaker 2>this movie's downfall, does that mean Tom Hanks wasn't Italian

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<v Speaker 2>enough as Geppetto? Was that why Pinocchio was such a failure?

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<v Speaker 2>Now can you see why this is such a difficult

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<v Speaker 2>review to navigate? It should just be this is a

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<v Speaker 2>muddle headed remake, don't see it. Instead, it's become freighted

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<v Speaker 2>with so much political fould all in nonsense that by

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<v Speaker 2>dissing the movie, I end up on the side of

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<v Speaker 2>these toxic pricks. It was the same situation with Ghostbusters.

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<v Speaker 2>Answer the call no no vaginas in the jumpsuits.

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<v Speaker 5>It gruse.

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<v Speaker 2>That was a bad movie. I love all of those actors,

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<v Speaker 2>I love Paul Figue. Terrible movie, But if you say that,

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<v Speaker 2>you're associating with these adolescent temper tantrum babies. Comparatively, though,

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<v Speaker 2>Ghostbusters was a masterpiece compared to Snow But let's dispense

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<v Speaker 2>with the toxic boys and that fucking producer's kid, who

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<v Speaker 2>is really the one who needs to shut his mouth?

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<v Speaker 2>If your daddy is that important. He doesn't need you

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<v Speaker 2>popping off for him. Also, your dad made the movie,

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00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:15.640
<v Speaker 2>and he cast this girl and helped all the other

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<v Speaker 2>boneheaded decisions make it to the screen. What bone headed

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<v Speaker 2>decisions you ask? Let's talk about snow white.

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<v Speaker 5>This was my father's kingdom, a place of fairness, but

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<v Speaker 5>the queen changed everything. Take him away, your majesty, what

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<v Speaker 5>did you say? The people need some kindness? You know,

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<v Speaker 5>I really don't remember you being this opinionated magic mirror

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<v Speaker 5>on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?

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<v Speaker 4>Fame is thy beauty, majesty, the lovely maiden. I now behold.

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<v Speaker 1>I look at you, and I just want to be.

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<v Speaker 4>The fairest of them all.

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<v Speaker 3>The Queen is evil even flee into the woods.

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<v Speaker 5>My parents always said this forest was a magical place.

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<v Speaker 4>Hello, is there anybody here?

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<v Speaker 3>Queen?

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<v Speaker 5>It's a human. What did you think I was nothing?

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<v Speaker 3>Ghost?

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<v Speaker 1>You'll be shaved from the queen here.

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<v Speaker 5>The Queen stole everything from all of us. You're gonna

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<v Speaker 5>need druk. It's time to restore our kingdom. Fighting on

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<v Speaker 5>a way, holding up for Sunday, hoping somehow, some way

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<v Speaker 5>be comes a man.

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<v Speaker 1>If I'm snow white.

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<v Speaker 5>Gay, this is our kingdom and now we're here to

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<v Speaker 5>take it back.

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<v Speaker 1>You were saying, I'm sorry, my dear, did I frighten you?

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<v Speaker 2>How about making these seven Dwarves ce gen nightmares. They

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<v Speaker 2>don't look like the original Dwarfs. They only vaguely resemble

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<v Speaker 2>the actors, though Bashville looks awfully white for being played

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<v Speaker 2>by Titus Burgess, thank god, or some of these fellas

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<v Speaker 2>might have started doxing wallflowers everywhere. The Dwarves are now immortal,

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<v Speaker 2>and they have magic powers that manifest as glowing hands

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<v Speaker 2>and allow them to light up the veins of minerals

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<v Speaker 2>in the caves. I'm not talking about the performances of

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<v Speaker 2>the Dwarves.

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<v Speaker 6>By the way.

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<v Speaker 2>Mark Kebble, who was in all of the Pirates movies,

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<v Speaker 2>takes center stage as Grumpy and he's fucking great. In fact,

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<v Speaker 2>across the board, the performances in the film are solid

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<v Speaker 2>except Galgadot. She's very pretty okay, but there is not

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of range there. Remember that Cringey imagined performance

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<v Speaker 2>she did at the start of the pandemic, Well, imagine

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<v Speaker 2>that inhuman form, poured into a skin tight, shimmery black

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<v Speaker 2>dress and under an art deco stained glass crown that

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<v Speaker 2>sums the movie up. It should be called a ropodope,

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<v Speaker 2>the motion picture. Every time your mind finds purchase a performance,

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<v Speaker 2>a bit of scent decoration, a costume, you begin to

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<v Speaker 2>settle in and bow. You're on the fucking pavement wondering

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<v Speaker 2>what the fuck happened? This movie is two fucking hours,

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<v Speaker 2>a solid two hours. How they get there? More songs,

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<v Speaker 2>of course, the Greatest Showman type numbers, you know, rousing

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<v Speaker 2>tunes that start off small and suddenly everyone's chanting and

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<v Speaker 2>the music is building, and it plateaus and grows higher.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the musical theater equivalent of imagine dragons, all anthems,

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<v Speaker 2>all the time. It's exhausting, but yet again that's what works, right,

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<v Speaker 2>That's what audience is like. And we've got how much

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<v Speaker 2>riding on this do what works? The Greatest Showman? Those

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<v Speaker 2>pricks we got to sell soundtracks. The budget is too hi.

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<v Speaker 2>There's some blow dried Prince Charming here. But now he's

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<v Speaker 2>a rogue thief. So he's basically Aladdin or whatever the

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<v Speaker 2>archetype happens to be now, the helper guy. We see

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<v Speaker 2>him in every movie. Why because that's what they think

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<v Speaker 2>we want. So we got to put him in because

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<v Speaker 2>we got to make the money. The worst defense in

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<v Speaker 2>the movie, however, is giving Rachel Ziegler snow White's bob haircut.

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<v Speaker 2>She'd be better off with a Prince Valiant. I'm serious, now, listen.

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<v Speaker 2>I said, snow White is my favorite Disney animated flick.

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<v Speaker 2>It is. I saw it very young and often, and

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<v Speaker 2>in the land of too much information, I think snow

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<v Speaker 2>White and the Evil Queen are completely formative in what

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<v Speaker 2>I find attractive and sexy in women. I mentioned my

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<v Speaker 2>wife and I went to Disney on our honeymoon. There

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<v Speaker 2>exists a photo of me and snow White in which

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<v Speaker 2>I can only describe my expression as giddy. I get

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of things in life, giddy ain't one of them.

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<v Speaker 2>So my feelings of what snow White should look like

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<v Speaker 2>or as strong as anyone's more maybe, and if they're

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<v Speaker 2>going to veer away, veer away, she looks awful, impossible

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<v Speaker 2>to watch. Not to bring back Tom Hanks, but remember

385
00:22:32.680 --> 00:22:34.960
<v Speaker 2>the Da Vinci code. Neither do I, but I remember

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00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:37.680
<v Speaker 2>that terrible fucking head of hair. And not to bring

387
00:22:37.720 --> 00:22:39.720
<v Speaker 2>it back to the toxic folk, because I don't think

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<v Speaker 2>they have one fucking interest in Snow White at all.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you're a purist and you want a live

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<v Speaker 2>action version of the Disney cartoon, it exists. Disney did

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<v Speaker 2>that in nineteen eighty. They filmed their theatrical version of

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<v Speaker 2>Snow White at Radio City Music Hall. Snow White is

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<v Speaker 2>as white as your teutonic dreams will allow, and all

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<v Speaker 2>the dwarves are in masks that are identical to how

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<v Speaker 2>they look in the film. No surprises, just a literal

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<v Speaker 2>one for one. It's on YouTube. Watch it right now.

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<v Speaker 2>HP and I are going to be doing it over

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<v Speaker 2>on our Patreon channel if you want to hear more

399
00:23:09.720 --> 00:23:11.559
<v Speaker 2>about it there. If you listen to the show with

400
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:13.960
<v Speaker 2>any frequency, you know I have no problem with remakes,

401
00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:15.960
<v Speaker 2>and I have no problem with a studio wanting a

402
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<v Speaker 2>huge success. I want them to have a huge success.

403
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<v Speaker 2>But because there was some vision going in, Snow White

404
00:23:22.359 --> 00:23:25.000
<v Speaker 2>is the most bi committee thing I have ever seen,

405
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:27.799
<v Speaker 2>and hopefully it will mark an end to this kind

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<v Speaker 2>of bullshit. Also, in none of the remakes I mentioned

407
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<v Speaker 2>has anyone made the point that maybe the fucking mirror

408
00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:39.160
<v Speaker 2>is the problem. Whispering insecurities and sewing fear. Maybe those

409
00:23:39.240 --> 00:23:42.240
<v Speaker 2>ladies should get together and smash that fucking mirror. Let's

410
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<v Speaker 2>see that in a remake. You got an idea for

411
00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:54.720
<v Speaker 2>a remake? Tell me whoa hit it? Hp K, Thank

412
00:23:54.759 --> 00:23:57.359
<v Speaker 2>you hp We know we ended up on this network

413
00:23:57.400 --> 00:24:01.839
<v Speaker 2>because you were stealing pens at the last one. Oh traguna, mccoitees,

414
00:24:01.920 --> 00:24:07.279
<v Speaker 2>Trichorum satusty. It's bed knobs and broomsnakes, motherfuckers?

415
00:24:16.839 --> 00:24:18.000
<v Speaker 1>What is going on here?

416
00:24:20.759 --> 00:24:24.839
<v Speaker 6>Soon you'll see a world of magic beyond anything you've

417
00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:29.640
<v Speaker 6>ever seen before. It's bed knobs and broomsticks from Walt

418
00:24:29.640 --> 00:24:40.079
<v Speaker 6>Disney Productions. To help England fight off an impending invasion,

419
00:24:40.359 --> 00:24:46.799
<v Speaker 6>an apprentice witch goes to war with centuries old empty armor,

420
00:24:48.519 --> 00:24:53.920
<v Speaker 6>getting a lab bed knobs and broomsticks, starring the incomparable

421
00:24:54.039 --> 00:25:02.119
<v Speaker 6>Angela Lansbury My First Room as Missus Egglentin Price, who

422
00:25:02.119 --> 00:25:12.079
<v Speaker 6>takes a correspondence course in witchcraft, and David Tomlinson as

423
00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:16.119
<v Speaker 6>Professor Emilius Brown, a lovable London con man.

424
00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:21.240
<v Speaker 5>I'm welcome in cheat a road.

425
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:26.799
<v Speaker 6>Three homeless Cockney waves alone can help Eglentine find the

426
00:25:26.920 --> 00:25:38.279
<v Speaker 6>missing spell. Their search is supersonic, their adventures are ultra fantastic.

427
00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:54.359
<v Speaker 3>For some reason, we have great difficulty finding referees round here.

428
00:25:57.759 --> 00:25:59.799
<v Speaker 6>Pedrogy and her magic is in.

429
00:26:01.319 --> 00:26:01.559
<v Speaker 4>Jay.

430
00:26:02.039 --> 00:26:03.319
<v Speaker 1>It's great.

431
00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:10.039
<v Speaker 6>When you're dancing on the sea. Angela Lansbury popping along

432
00:26:10.279 --> 00:26:14.279
<v Speaker 6>singing a song on Nubbu in lot Disney Production's most

433
00:26:14.359 --> 00:26:20.880
<v Speaker 6>magical motion picture, Bed Knobs and Broomsticks. It's family entertainment.

434
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:26.480
<v Speaker 2>So Disney is trying to get the rights to Mary Poppins.

435
00:26:26.759 --> 00:26:30.000
<v Speaker 2>Negotiations are not going well, and somebody has the bright

436
00:26:30.039 --> 00:26:32.400
<v Speaker 2>idea to snap up the rights to Marry Norton's book

437
00:26:32.559 --> 00:26:35.480
<v Speaker 2>The Magic Bedknob. If we can't do one magical woman

438
00:26:35.519 --> 00:26:37.839
<v Speaker 2>looking after some children in a period piece, we can

439
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:41.359
<v Speaker 2>do another. That was a proper fucking instinct. In fact,

440
00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:44.359
<v Speaker 2>during those negotiations, Mary Norton put out a sequel called

441
00:26:44.440 --> 00:26:47.640
<v Speaker 2>Bonfires and Broomsticks, and Disney grabbed the rights to them too,

442
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:50.640
<v Speaker 2>And then they started putting a movie together, hiring the

443
00:26:50.680 --> 00:26:53.279
<v Speaker 2>Sherman brothers to write songs and Don Degrady to write

444
00:26:53.319 --> 00:26:55.319
<v Speaker 2>the script, and then they got the rights to Mary

445
00:26:55.359 --> 00:26:58.039
<v Speaker 2>Poppins and it was off to the lock with you nesse.

446
00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:00.720
<v Speaker 2>They try to restart it in the mid sixties, but

447
00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:03.319
<v Speaker 2>the script built around the premise of let's take a

448
00:27:03.359 --> 00:27:06.039
<v Speaker 2>property with a passing resemblance to Mary Poppins and make

449
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:09.000
<v Speaker 2>it even more Mary Poppins turned out to be too

450
00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:12.000
<v Speaker 2>fucking similar to Mary Poppins, so it was shelved again.

451
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:16.319
<v Speaker 2>Then finally in nineteen seventy they brought back everyone, reworked everything,

452
00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:19.319
<v Speaker 2>added a deleted song from Mary Poppins, even though we

453
00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:22.880
<v Speaker 2>are not making Mary Poppins now. They just needed a director,

454
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:26.359
<v Speaker 2>so they went with Robert Stevenson, director of You Got

455
00:27:26.359 --> 00:27:29.359
<v Speaker 2>It Mary Poppins. His first order of business was cast

456
00:27:29.400 --> 00:27:32.480
<v Speaker 2>the lead of Miss Eglantine Price, a witch in training

457
00:27:32.519 --> 00:27:35.079
<v Speaker 2>who must care for three orphans during the London Blitz.

458
00:27:35.640 --> 00:27:38.920
<v Speaker 2>So he went to Julie Andrews, who thought it was

459
00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:42.359
<v Speaker 2>a little too close to Mary Poppins and turned it down. Then,

460
00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:46.079
<v Speaker 2>out of loyalty or panic, attempted to re accept the part,

461
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:48.440
<v Speaker 2>but they had already gone with a red headed Irish

462
00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:51.640
<v Speaker 2>beauty in the form of future missus Lovett and Miss

463
00:27:51.640 --> 00:27:56.880
<v Speaker 2>Teapot and Missolve all the Murders Dame Angela Bridget Lensbury.

464
00:27:57.160 --> 00:27:59.119
<v Speaker 2>By the way, that's the proper way to spell Bridget.

465
00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:05.599
<v Speaker 2>The Irish Brigid brigid and to continue to distance themselves

466
00:28:05.599 --> 00:28:08.960
<v Speaker 2>from Mary Poppins. As for co lead, they cast David Tomlinson,

467
00:28:09.680 --> 00:28:12.359
<v Speaker 2>the dad from Mary Poppins. I kind of hate all

468
00:28:12.359 --> 00:28:15.359
<v Speaker 2>of the Mary Poppins comparisons because this was that movie.

469
00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:15.680
<v Speaker 3>For me.

470
00:28:16.359 --> 00:28:19.599
<v Speaker 2>I could never relate to the Banks family, that big house,

471
00:28:19.640 --> 00:28:21.839
<v Speaker 2>with a family too driven and indifferent to care for

472
00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:24.160
<v Speaker 2>their children so much that they had to hire a

473
00:28:24.200 --> 00:28:27.079
<v Speaker 2>servant on top of all their regular servants in their

474
00:28:27.079 --> 00:28:30.559
<v Speaker 2>house to keep their children entertained. I don't know how

475
00:28:30.599 --> 00:28:34.079
<v Speaker 2>anyone related to it, honestly. Dig this story. In the

476
00:28:34.119 --> 00:28:36.680
<v Speaker 2>middle of World War Two, a group of children, two

477
00:28:36.680 --> 00:28:39.200
<v Speaker 2>boys and a girl, are shipped off to the countryside

478
00:28:39.240 --> 00:28:42.400
<v Speaker 2>from London, which is being bombed into rubble. These are

479
00:28:42.480 --> 00:28:45.160
<v Speaker 2>poor kids. They talk like they escaped from a Dickens

480
00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:48.359
<v Speaker 2>novel and their schemers. They're not getting into mischief because

481
00:28:48.359 --> 00:28:51.599
<v Speaker 2>they're bored. They're on the run, possibly orphaned, and now

482
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:53.680
<v Speaker 2>put in the care of some strange woman in some

483
00:28:53.880 --> 00:28:57.400
<v Speaker 2>rural village on the coast. That setup makes all the difference,

484
00:28:57.599 --> 00:28:59.599
<v Speaker 2>because they will travel from the real world to an

485
00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:04.319
<v Speaker 2>animated and they'll have episodic musical numbers At Famed British locations,

486
00:29:04.759 --> 00:29:07.960
<v Speaker 2>just like Mary Poppins. But while we were left wondering

487
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:11.519
<v Speaker 2>where Mary gets her magic, there's no doubt with miss Price.

488
00:29:11.759 --> 00:29:14.799
<v Speaker 2>She is a fucking witch and there's an ambulet to

489
00:29:14.839 --> 00:29:17.200
<v Speaker 2>be found, and these kids are gonna help her do

490
00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:20.359
<v Speaker 2>it because bad people are after it. Once that there's

491
00:29:20.440 --> 00:29:24.480
<v Speaker 2>a plot, you're fucking right. Unlike Mary Poppins, Not only

492
00:29:24.480 --> 00:29:26.240
<v Speaker 2>do they have to skip around the globe using a

493
00:29:26.240 --> 00:29:28.880
<v Speaker 2>bed as conveyance to stop the villains. In the form

494
00:29:28.920 --> 00:29:33.079
<v Speaker 2>of Sam Jaffy, Keen eared Midnight Viewers listeners will remember

495
00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:35.559
<v Speaker 2>his appearance in the pilot for Night Gallery. He was

496
00:29:35.559 --> 00:29:39.720
<v Speaker 2>in the Richard Kylie Nazi episode Nazis you say, that's right,

497
00:29:39.839 --> 00:29:43.319
<v Speaker 2>They're on the way. That's the fucking climax they've concocted

498
00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:45.920
<v Speaker 2>for this film, and Angela Lansbury and a group of

499
00:29:45.960 --> 00:29:49.680
<v Speaker 2>disadvantaged kids have to use magic to fight a Nazi

500
00:29:49.720 --> 00:29:53.319
<v Speaker 2>invasion and knock those motherfuckers back into the Atlantic Ocean.

501
00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:58.359
<v Speaker 2>Sound good? Is great? Well almost? The movie is way

502
00:29:58.440 --> 00:30:02.039
<v Speaker 2>too long. The theatrical version I grew up watching evidently

503
00:30:02.039 --> 00:30:06.039
<v Speaker 2>had twenty minutes removed, and it's too long in that iteration.

504
00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:09.240
<v Speaker 2>Never mind the restored version that includes all the stuff

505
00:30:09.240 --> 00:30:12.359
<v Speaker 2>that was too ponderous for an already badly paced film.

506
00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:15.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm just being honest. I'm recommending this movie outright, see

507
00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:18.759
<v Speaker 2>it immediately on Disney Plus. But I am also recommending

508
00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:21.519
<v Speaker 2>let this get the remake treatment. It wouldn't be hard

509
00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:24.519
<v Speaker 2>and it would be oh so timely. I think this

510
00:30:24.559 --> 00:30:27.039
<v Speaker 2>is the kind of entertainment to our kids need. Hell,

511
00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:29.720
<v Speaker 2>I need it. I had a blast rewatching it, and

512
00:30:29.799 --> 00:30:32.640
<v Speaker 2>the song Portobello Road is one of my all time favorites.

513
00:30:32.880 --> 00:30:34.599
<v Speaker 2>In Hell, any movie that can get a bunch of

514
00:30:34.680 --> 00:30:38.680
<v Speaker 2>children chanting in Latin is worth a rewatch and a reimagining.

515
00:30:39.279 --> 00:30:41.680
<v Speaker 2>Have we talked enough? Have I did I make up

516
00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:44.240
<v Speaker 2>for my absence last week? I hope so. But I

517
00:30:44.279 --> 00:30:46.519
<v Speaker 2>am gonna wrap it up and try to enjoy my Sunday.

518
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:49.799
<v Speaker 2>I mentioned the Patreon channel that's patreon dot com slash

519
00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:52.279
<v Speaker 2>fatherm alone. You get episodes early and commercial free and

520
00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:55.400
<v Speaker 2>bonus shows like Cable Box Theater where Noise Junkies host

521
00:30:55.640 --> 00:30:58.119
<v Speaker 2>HP and I take a look at filmed theatrical productions

522
00:30:58.359 --> 00:31:00.599
<v Speaker 2>that showed up on cable TV in the early eighties.

523
00:31:01.079 --> 00:31:03.000
<v Speaker 2>Or if you have no dough to spare. You can

524
00:31:03.079 --> 00:31:05.240
<v Speaker 2>just share this show on your social media or like

525
00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:07.759
<v Speaker 2>it or five star it. You know the drill OH

526
00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:11.279
<v Speaker 2>tune back in, OH, tune in On Friday, HP is

527
00:31:11.559 --> 00:31:16.200
<v Speaker 2>rejoining me. We've suddenly stumbled into a retrospective of the

528
00:31:16.279 --> 00:31:20.200
<v Speaker 2>films of John Fusco. Last week we did Crossroads. Next

529
00:31:20.200 --> 00:31:22.640
<v Speaker 2>time we're doing Young Guns. It's gonna be a blast.

530
00:31:22.920 --> 00:31:23.920
<v Speaker 2>That's on Friday.

531
00:32:00.119 --> 00:32:00.279
<v Speaker 4>Yeah,