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Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, this is not Abuse

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No More with your host, doctor evangelist ko Rich, how

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you to admit what you feel in order to heal

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from the effects of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings do matter.

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Speaker 2: How y'all doing today on this lovely.

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Speaker 3: Friday morning, this is February of twenty twenty six. I

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pray that you're having a blessed, stress free, narcissistic free

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week and that the remainder of this week will continue

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to be so as well. But if not, we're gonna

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be talking about a few things today.

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Speaker 2: Again.

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Speaker 3: My name is doctor ko Rich or Knock Abuse No More,

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where we're here to help you admit what you feel

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in order to heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse,

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because your feelings do matter.

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Speaker 2: Yes they do.

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Speaker 3: But before we go on with today's podcast, I would

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like to invite you to visit us on our website

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at www dot NRC narc Abuse No More dot net Again,

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that's www dot RC n arc Abuse No More dot

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net and on our website you will find valuable information.

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But we're gonna be adding some more things onto the

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website as the year progresses, so we want you to

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be able to go to a one stop sign all

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things narcissists on that website. So we're gonna be adding

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some more things onto the website. So I pray that

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it will be a blessing to you as we add

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on to that website. And then in the near future,

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we're going to also be having Zoom counseling sessions for

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those who may want to book us for counseling one

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on one. And then I'm thinking about having also a

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group counseling session via Zoom where you can join in

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weekly for group group counseling and we can discuss various

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things via Zoom. So that's in the upcoming future for that,

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Lord Willing. In the meantime, before we get started today,

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just to let you know we're on every Monday, Wednesday,

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and Friday at ten am Eastern Standard time nine am Central.

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And I want to also give you a number to

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the National Domestic Violence Hotline. If you are in a

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situation and you need help, you can call one eight

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hundred seven ninety nine safe. That's one eight hundred seven

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nine nine seven two three three. You can also text

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the word start that's st a r T start to

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eight eight seven, eight eight, And there are people there

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that can help you and give you a little guidance,

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guidance as for your particular unique situation. All right, what

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are we talking about today? We are talking about how

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do you act toward your partner? How do you act

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towards your partner? We're getting this information today from the

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hotline dot org the hotline dot org. And one thing

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that is important for those who may be dealing with abuse,

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or you may be the one that's doing the abuse,

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is to self evaluate to make sure that you're not

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the abuser or you're not the recipient of a person

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who is being abused. And so we're gonna go with

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some things that you need to check to see if

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you're an abuser or if you are the recipient of one,

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and then also some behaviors that you would definitely want

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to check out or notice within yourself or someone whom

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you may be abusing as well, because let me just

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remind you that abuse is not just physical we normally

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think about when we think about abuse, we often think

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about a black eye, a broken bone, missing to something

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you know that someone has done in the physical sense.

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But abuse goes beyond just the physical you can be

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emotionally abusing someone, verbally abusing someone sexually, spiritually, financially, So

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there are different elements of abuse and not just the fiscal.

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So in this first one number one do I want

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to put Do you get angry or insecure about your

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partner's relationships with others that involves friends, family, coworkers.

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Speaker 2: Do you feel possessive?

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Speaker 3: Now? If you are the recipient of this, you will.

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Often when you're dealing with someone who's an abuser, they

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get angry when you go around other people. They make

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comments when you go around other people. They will try

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to guilt you for being around other people, and therefore

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they don't want you to have an outside life outside

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of them. So if you notice that if you hang

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out with a friend and they have something negative to say,

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or if you have a family and they they get

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angry about you going around your family or friends, and

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this is you know, this is not You might not

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even do it maybe once a year or every few years,

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you don't do it that often, but they have something

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negative to say just because you're being around someone else,

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then that's a sign of an abuser. You're either the

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recipient of it or you're the one that's doing it.

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Number two, do you frequently call and text to check

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up on your partner or have them check in with you?

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Speaker 2: And what? And this is not.

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Speaker 3: For safety wise, okay, we're not talking about someone that's

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just calling, Hey, I'm making sure you got home okay,

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or I'm making sure you're doing okay. This is someone

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who goes over and beyond obsessive with it. That's a

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form of abuse for is trying to have that control

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over you where you feel like, I gotta check in

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and if I don't check in, then I'm gonna have

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to deal with the wrath later on. So you're in

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fear that whenever you do or wherever you go, you

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have to make sure you check in at a certain

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time or else you're gonna hear about it.

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Speaker 2: Number three, Do.

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Speaker 3: You check up on your partner in different ways such

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as reading their personal emails, reading checking their texts, going

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through their personal things? Do you check up on them

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that way? That's a sign that you are possibly in

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an abusive situation when you're not safe to have your

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phone or have your computer or your laptop or your

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iPad or whatever you're dealing with being checked by the

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other person. Okay, there's actually some trust issues even going

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on with that. And one thing that you have to

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be careful of is sometimes the person who's doing the cheating.

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Speaker 2: Is the one that's checking on you.

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Speaker 3: Okay, but they want to make you feel insecure so

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that you don't catch them in the cheating because you're

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going to be closer to home and you're not gonna

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want to raising their eyebrows because they're always having you

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on the edge feeling like you're on the edge. So

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therefore they gonna check in on you, have you checking

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in with them, just so they can basically keep be

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aware of where you are while they're doing what they're doing.

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Number four, do you feel like your partner needs to

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ask your permission to get out, get a job, go

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to school, or spend time with others? Now, let me

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just say this. When you are married, then it's no

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longer I is we. But then even then there are

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some things that is going a little beyond if the

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person never wants you to do anything without their permission.

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I'm not talking about spending funds because you all have

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to pay the mortgage or something like that. I'm talking

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about if you just say, if you go to the store. Well,

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what time you getting back, what time or or what

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time you leave, what time you get back, who you're

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gonna be with, what street you're going on. I mean,

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it's a such thing as obsession.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 3: So, and then another thing is when you are in

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a controlling, manipulative relationship, they have a problem with your job. Okay,

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they either don't want to get you one. I mean

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they'd either they either don't want to get one, don't

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want you to get one, or they want to tell

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you when you can work, if you can go to school,

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how much time you can spend there, if you can

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go with someone else, or you know, hang out with

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friends or family. They want to control every aspect of

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your life. If you're in a controlling relationship and that

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person does not want you to work. Now, sometimes it

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could be where it's a mutual agreement or whatever, but

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we're talking about in an abusive situation where a person

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is trying to control your whereabouts so that they can

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know where you're at at all times, not for your

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well being, but because it's a form of manipulation and control.

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Speaker 2: This is something that you have to be very careful of.

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Speaker 3: If a person don't want you to better yourself by

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going to school. Oftentimes abusers are threatened by you being better,

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or should I say, bettering yourself. That means if you're

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trying to get a promotion, if you're trying to get

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more education, if you're trying to do things to better yourself,

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then they're threatened by it. It can be as simple

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as you trying to lose weight. Okay, but that person

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starts bringing ding dongs and honey buns and twinkies and

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all these things to keep you from being able to

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accomplish your goal. That's a way of control. We're going

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to take a quick break and we'll be back in

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just a moment.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I've loved you in the.

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Speaker 5: Spaces, were stuffy in the moments, nothing's happen, but.

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Speaker 4: My heart is staying instead. I loved you in the

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d Tuesday ninety and slow mornings too.

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Speaker 2: Now just went off.

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Speaker 6: Perfect when it's just mean you. I don't need a

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crowd noise, it's no I loved because love you feel.

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Speaker 4: See. The truth is supposed to see your boys the

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world for the badies.

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Speaker 7: The prayer I stopped explaining because God already gave me

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to see him.

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Speaker 3: My rest my safe, my.

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Speaker 4: Home, every od I ever since.

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Speaker 6: Now about you more.

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Speaker 5: I don't love your life to feel.

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Speaker 4: That comes and goes with today.

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Speaker 5: I love you lot the proms that I choose in

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every way I see forever in your laughter grace.

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Speaker 8: Is away state.

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Speaker 4: You don't just love loved. You love me the faithful way.

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And if love is how doses.

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Speaker 5: Then I hear him.

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Speaker 9: We see.

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Speaker 4: If you're still choosing.

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Speaker 5: You donnacus because it's Bantams, but because it feels right.

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Speaker 9: Seal inside denistal to the strap.

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Speaker 4: I recorded, not print to the.

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Speaker 5: On the Gove's patient, by.

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Speaker 4: Bob's kind the body feels.

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Speaker 5: Whold me of the seeing.

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Speaker 7: I don't need yours it for reason you say you

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got choose every season, not just today.

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Speaker 5: You see, and I don't take the liney, I don't

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take that out.

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Speaker 4: Who the loved continues to thank.

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Speaker 5: God, love and myna on my probative happy valentimes every

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part of me choosing h.

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Speaker 4: Not just.

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Speaker 2: And that is you're my yes, You're my yes? All right?

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Speaker 3: So we are talking about am I am I hurting?

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Am I hurting my partner? How do how do I

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act towards my partner and your your behavior affects other people.

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It's not just you, it's not it's not just worry

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about yourself. How does my behavior on my behavior, my

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behavior affect other people?

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Speaker 2: How am I?

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Speaker 3: How do I act toward my partner? And so number

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number five?

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 3: Do I do you get angry when your partner doesn't

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act the way you want them to or do what

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you want them to do? So or you the type

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where if things don't go your way, then you are

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acting abusive toward that person. You know, whether you're dating,

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whether you're married, are you acting in an unbecoming manner

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with regards to your partner if you don't if they

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don't do things the way you want them to do.

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Because one thing that people do is when they're in

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abusive relationships, you have the abuser that wants to control, okay, controlling, manipulate, manipulative,

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so they want to control every aspect of your life.

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So how do you act when someone doesn't do what

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you want them to do? If you're in a relationship

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with the abuser and you know that, hey, they act

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all kinds of uh out of character which may be

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their character when they when they you don't do what

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they want you to do, then that means something is wrong.

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If you're the person who does this, that means you're

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or you are doing wrong, if you're harming someone else.

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Number I believe we're Number six. Number six, Uh, do

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you blame others for your drugs, alcohol, or or your

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partner's actions so or do you take responsibility? And we

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often talk about with narcissists, they do not. They do

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not like the word responsibility or should I say accountability? Okay,

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they don't take accountability for the things they do, so

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therefore their they feel this they're not responsible for those

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things that they do. And if someone is always blaming

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you but never being accountable for their own or responsible

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for their own actions, taking responsibility, then that's a problem.

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Number seven. Do you find it very difficult to control

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your anger and calm down? If you are the recipient

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of someone who lashes out at any and everything, You

247
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walking on constant eggshells. You never know what bag they're

248
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going to come out of on any given day, then

249
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something is wrong. If you're the person who's doing this,

250
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you need to go to anger management, get a counselor

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talk to someone, join a support group to help you

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resolve those underlying issues. Number eight, Do you express your

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anger by threatening to hurt your partner or actually physically

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doing so?

255
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Speaker 2: If you have to lay.

256
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Speaker 3: Hands on someone, and I'm not talking about annoying to them,

257
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We're not talking aout annoying them with your fits either.

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Speaker 2: If you have to lay.

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Speaker 3: Hands on someone when you get angry, then that says

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you have work to do because you do not have

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a right because you get upset to lay hands on

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someone else.

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Speaker 2: If you are the recipient of.

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Speaker 3: Someone that's laying hands on you, please get out that

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relationship as safely as possible. Number nine, Do you express

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your anger by verbally raising your voice, name calling, or

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using put downs? Now, you know we all get angry,

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and if you're married to someone or or dating someone,

269
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you know you might have a and a disagreement that

270
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can be slightly elevated. But when it comes to when

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it comes to yelling, okay, screaming at the top of

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your voice, calling someone out their name, putting that person down,

273
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basically going below what you call it, go below in

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the belt, using things you know about that person to

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hurt them, and the heat of your anger, then something

276
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is not right. Just because you get upset with someone

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don't mean you have to try to hurt them to

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prove your point. If you use knowledge that you know

279
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on this person, you know things that they've told you,

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and you use it against them in the heat of

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the moment, then guess what that says more about you

282
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than it does about them. Another thing, when you're dealing

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with a narcissistic type person, you have to very much

284
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watch what you tell them because whatever you say can

285
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and we'll be used against you in the court of

286
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,960
the narcissists. They will take what you say, locking in

287
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a vault and bringing out on you whenever they feel

288
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like they're gonna need it for their ammunition. This is

289
00:21:18,279 --> 00:21:22,400
not being able to be in a safe place, a

290
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:26,640
safe space with this particular person when you feel that, hey,

291
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,000
as soon as they get angry, they're gonna throw things

292
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up in my face, they're gonna call me names. Calling

293
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,799
someone out their name is also abuse.

294
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Speaker 2: Number.

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Speaker 3: I believe we're at number ten. Number ten. Do you

296
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forbid your partner from spending money or require that they

297
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have an allowance and keep receipts of their spending. Now

298
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:58,880
with this one, this is this is not where a couple,

299
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:03,200
for example, America couple is doing a budget. We're playing

300
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,440
on buying a house, so we gotta keep track of

301
00:22:05,559 --> 00:22:09,480
all our spending. And this is not that we're talking

302
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,440
about someone that is financially abusive. That means that they

303
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,640
want to keep control of what you do because they

304
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,440
don't want you to have anything, especially if you work.

305
00:22:19,759 --> 00:22:22,480
They don't want you to have anything ness of your own.

306
00:22:22,519 --> 00:22:26,599
They don't want you to get financially independent where you

307
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will one day leave them because you got tired of

308
00:22:29,039 --> 00:22:31,960
their abuse. So therefore they're gonna they're gonna want to

309
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keep track of any and everything. And yes, there is

310
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a such thing as financial abuse. You deprive it and

311
00:22:41,079 --> 00:22:43,640
deny that person of things that they actually need, or

312
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,000
in this case, even being over obsessive with having them

313
00:22:47,039 --> 00:22:49,160
write down everything that they spend so you can keep

314
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,920
track of them. In other words, controlling and manipulating them

315
00:22:53,319 --> 00:22:56,200
so that they would have to even rely on you.

316
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So you feel like I gotta go ask this person,

317
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will you give me five dollars? Cannot buy this, cannot

318
00:23:01,559 --> 00:23:03,519
buy that, or whatever case may be.

319
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Speaker 2: That's financial abuse. Number eleven.

320
00:23:09,839 --> 00:23:13,079
Speaker 3: You force or attempt your partner to be intimate with you.

321
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Speaker 2: That's sexual abuse.

322
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Speaker 3: That means that if a person says no, even if

323
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,720
you're married, and you say no to being intimate with

324
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that person, that person has to accept that it used

325
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to be a time where men were able to rape,

326
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to rape their wives, and yes, there is a such

327
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,640
thing as raping your wife. Okay, So they were able

328
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,119
to rape their wives and nothing was done or could

329
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,519
be said about it because they felt that women were

330
00:23:43,599 --> 00:23:46,519
married to property, so therefore I could do with my

331
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:52,440
property as I wish. Well, guess what laws have changed.

332
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And yes, you can be accused of raping your spouse.

333
00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:03,039
No one should be forced to give something that they're

334
00:24:03,079 --> 00:24:07,960
not willing to give. You're actually taking it. And if

335
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:12,640
you could force someone into a sexual act, then that

336
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,359
says something about you.

337
00:24:17,079 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 2: Number twelve. You blow up?

338
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 3: Do you blow up in anger at small events or

339
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:29,799
mistakes your partner makes? Everyone makes mistakes. Okay, everyone makes mistakes.

340
00:24:29,839 --> 00:24:31,759
But see what the difference with the narcissists is that

341
00:24:31,799 --> 00:24:35,599
they don't wanna admit theirs. They will point out everything

342
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,599
that's wrong with everybody else, but they'll never look to

343
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,079
themselves and say, you know what, I gotta do some

344
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:41,960
work on me.

345
00:24:42,559 --> 00:24:43,799
Speaker 2: I need to change.

346
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 3: I am not treating people right, talking to them right.

347
00:24:46,519 --> 00:24:49,240
I'm not doing them right. I'm not I'm not being

348
00:24:49,319 --> 00:24:52,160
who I should be taught that individual, so they feel

349
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,880
like that they get a free pass that they can

350
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,000
treat everybody else like crap, and but they wanna be

351
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:04,640
a treated like royalty. It doesn't work that way. So

352
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,160
you will have this individual get mad, oh with just

353
00:25:08,279 --> 00:25:11,519
simple little things, simple mistakes or whatever case may be.

354
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:18,079
And they got an attitude treating you wrong, calling you

355
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,079
names and all this.

356
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 2: Just over a mistake.

357
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,039
Speaker 3: I'm not talking about having an affair or something like that,

358
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:30,599
because that's not the mistake that was and you intentionally

359
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:36,880
did that. These are things that you have to be

360
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,319
on the lookout for if you're in a relationship with

361
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,359
someone that's like this, or if you are the person

362
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,599
that's even doing this to someone else. So you're either

363
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:53,759
the recipient or the aggressor. So we're gonna take a

364
00:25:53,839 --> 00:25:57,519
quick break and then we'll be back in just a moment.

365
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,079
Speaker 7: When the weight of the world starts pulling you along

366
00:26:19,759 --> 00:26:21,799
and your smile is hide and.

367
00:26:21,839 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 4: Things, I should know.

368
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,799
Speaker 2: You don't have to fight that storm.

369
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:31,279
Speaker 4: Alone, baby, Just come.

370
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,160
Speaker 2: I see the battles.

371
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:37,160
Speaker 4: You don't streak alive the quiet tears.

372
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:41,680
Speaker 5: You never say aloud and lay your work's on my chest.

373
00:26:42,839 --> 00:26:46,039
Speaker 4: I'll hold you through every test.

374
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 10: If you like your break it, I'll be a strength

375
00:26:51,519 --> 00:26:58,400
you missing out game, no maddle, Life gets hard in

376
00:26:58,559 --> 00:27:00,480
your Holgast.

377
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:07,200
Speaker 5: I still really through it, beyond the letting go and

378
00:27:07,519 --> 00:27:11,799
be got through fire and rate.

379
00:27:12,559 --> 00:27:15,319
Speaker 4: Through the joy, through the agge, through the pain.

380
00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 5: Goot a lord.

381
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 11: In many five our god you.

382
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:33,079
Speaker 6: Day and your voice is shaken with lot of fish.

383
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:34,519
Speaker 4: I remind you.

384
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 8: Are God brothers here stronger than the lies you here,

385
00:27:40,599 --> 00:27:42,799
I speak the truth and to you.

386
00:27:43,799 --> 00:27:46,279
Speaker 9: If the word turns called out.

387
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 4: Be stumble love and lets you your fee bad.

388
00:27:53,039 --> 00:27:58,960
Speaker 10: I've your state tra I'll hold you with life spends around,

389
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:05,880
your hope starts fading. I'll INTI faith in my brain.

390
00:28:06,599 --> 00:28:09,559
Speaker 8: I got you no matter what.

391
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:17,279
Speaker 11: We like, gast harding U stand with you through living it.

392
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,680
Maybe I'm letting go on.

393
00:28:22,079 --> 00:28:27,319
Speaker 4: I got you through five, rate, through the job, through

394
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:28,839
the ape, through the paint.

395
00:28:29,279 --> 00:28:37,799
Speaker 8: You're not alone anything. I've got you who you dad

396
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:39,880
not perfect.

397
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:45,839
Speaker 9: I'm astrol mouse, God made as fool house one housel

398
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:52,160
with tripling lean on me Ibby the Man of card

399
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,160
to be your bad some man.

400
00:28:56,759 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 5: Too, f.

401
00:29:01,359 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 4: It's some man to hold. I've gotten no mattered. When

402
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:13,400
the road kids.

403
00:29:13,319 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 7: Off and the doors feels shut, I've gotta used to

404
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,880
light and.

405
00:29:19,839 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 11: I carry you sad love baby forever line take It's us.

406
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,519
Speaker 7: I've got.

407
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 4: That's my promise. I've gotten old. Oh always more matter,

408
00:29:51,160 --> 00:30:10,599
I've got only I've got you no matter what.

409
00:30:13,039 --> 00:30:18,079
Speaker 3: All right, So we have been talking about am I

410
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,960
hurting my partner? How do how do you act towards

411
00:30:22,079 --> 00:30:26,039
your partner? And I want to just go with a

412
00:30:26,119 --> 00:30:30,640
few quick things that you should realize or recognize if

413
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,319
you're in this type of relationship.

414
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,119
Speaker 2: Do you do uh? Do they seem nervous around you?

415
00:30:36,279 --> 00:30:36,319
Speaker 4: So?

416
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:37,559
Speaker 2: Am I heard my partner?

417
00:30:38,079 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 3: Do they seem nervous around me? That means that they're

418
00:30:41,079 --> 00:30:44,559
they're feeling awkward every time you come around.

419
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:45,319
Speaker 4: Uh.

420
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 3: They they don't feel like they can be themselves. Do

421
00:30:49,839 --> 00:30:54,920
they seem afraid of you? Do they cringe or move

422
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:59,119
away when you're angry? Do they cry because it's something

423
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,039
you don't let them do or something you made them do?

424
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:07,279
Do they seem scared or unable to contradict you or

425
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:12,119
speak up about something? And do they restrict their own

426
00:31:12,319 --> 00:31:17,000
interaction with friends, coworkers, or family in order to avoid

427
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:22,519
displeasing you. And if any of these behaviors sound familiar,

428
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,920
then that's a red flag. You may be hurting this

429
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:32,400
person when they're having to respond or have these reactions

430
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:37,200
to you. Or if you find yourself doing these things

431
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:43,279
in response to that person that may be the abuser, then.

432
00:31:43,559 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 2: This these are red flags.

433
00:31:46,279 --> 00:31:48,680
Speaker 3: Let me just say this for those who have not

434
00:31:48,839 --> 00:31:51,799
gotten married. If you are dating someone and you're having

435
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:57,480
these things happen while you're in the dating stage, that's

436
00:31:57,559 --> 00:32:02,960
a red flag to say, do not move forward. Do

437
00:32:03,279 --> 00:32:10,240
not move forward. We often get warning signs before the

438
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:15,599
actual event, so pay attention to the signs. Don't allow

439
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,440
your thoughts of well, I'm going to be lonely. No,

440
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,480
it's better to be by yourself in a cardboard box

441
00:32:23,559 --> 00:32:25,839
with a bunch of cats than it is to be

442
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:31,559
with an abuser. And again, abuse comes in various forms.

443
00:32:31,839 --> 00:32:39,400
Rather it's physical, financial, sexual, spiritual, when you're when you're

444
00:32:39,559 --> 00:32:45,799
if you're dealing with someone that's emotionally abusive, verbally abusive,

445
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,200
just because you don't have a blue and black eye

446
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,279
on the outside doesn't mean you're not wearing one on

447
00:32:54,480 --> 00:33:01,640
the inside, and that's exactly what happens. Happens when you

448
00:33:01,799 --> 00:33:07,279
are involved in a relationship. Don't allow peer pressure for

449
00:33:07,359 --> 00:33:10,519
those who are younger to make you stay in a relationship.

450
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,279
And this needs to even be taught to teenagers. Do

451
00:33:14,519 --> 00:33:20,240
not ever date anyone who doesn't respect you. And if

452
00:33:20,279 --> 00:33:25,759
they start off with small little things of disrespect, such

453
00:33:25,799 --> 00:33:29,240
as any of these type of abuses, then they would

454
00:33:29,279 --> 00:33:32,960
grow into bigger, larger things. Let me just say this too,

455
00:33:33,039 --> 00:33:38,119
if you're married and you're dealing with these things, especially

456
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:45,160
if you're in a physical abusive relationship and not just physical.

457
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,759
If you're dealing with any of these things, talk to someone,

458
00:33:49,799 --> 00:33:53,680
get the help that you need. There are especially women

459
00:33:53,759 --> 00:33:57,400
and children dying every day. Just recently I had heard

460
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:02,440
about and I believe it was her children that have

461
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:07,960
been killed by I believe it's the husband. Let me

462
00:34:08,079 --> 00:34:12,400
just say this, and I'm gonna be frank, because I

463
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,719
hear pastors that are telling women to stay in these

464
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:19,840
relationships or you can't get divorced, or you can't separate

465
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:20,599
from his person.

466
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:24,119
Speaker 2: Let me just say that that's a lie. That's a lie.

467
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 3: Yes, God hates divorce, but he also hates those things

468
00:34:27,519 --> 00:34:28,199
that lead.

469
00:34:28,159 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 2: To divorce, such as abuse.

470
00:34:34,679 --> 00:34:39,719
Speaker 3: You know, in the Bible, it tells husbands husbands love

471
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,639
your wives. It is Christ love the Church, and then

472
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,239
it tells wives to submit to your husbands. But when

473
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:50,920
your husband is abusing you, then your husband is not

474
00:34:51,119 --> 00:34:56,159
loving you as Christ love the church. Because Christ does

475
00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:00,920
not abuse the church. He does not abuse it. And

476
00:35:01,079 --> 00:35:06,719
so therefore you do not stay in any situation where

477
00:35:07,159 --> 00:35:13,079
you're being abused, and abusers oftentimes don't want to.

478
00:35:13,199 --> 00:35:16,199
Speaker 2: Let go of the person.

479
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 3: It's not that they care about you. They want to

480
00:35:20,119 --> 00:35:24,360
maintain control. And sometimes the only way to get away

481
00:35:24,519 --> 00:35:32,239
from that abuser is to sever all ties, which means divorce.

482
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:35,599
And so you have to be the one to determine

483
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:41,800
what situation you fit in at If a person doesn't

484
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,320
go get the help that they need and you return

485
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:49,119
to them, you're only putting yourself back into the frying pan.

486
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:51,760
Speaker 2: A person.

487
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:57,079
Speaker 3: You know, people often ask can they change? And I

488
00:35:57,199 --> 00:36:02,199
always say this, yeah, they can if if they get

489
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:06,880
the help that they need. But apart from that, no,

490
00:36:07,599 --> 00:36:11,320
they won't because oftentimes when you're dealing with narcissists. One

491
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,159
of the things that we know about one of those

492
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,079
narcissistic traits is that they don't look, they don't take

493
00:36:16,119 --> 00:36:21,599
responsibility for their actions. They shift blame, they don't want

494
00:36:21,599 --> 00:36:27,280
to take accountability. So therefore, someone who doesn't take accountability

495
00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:33,360
responsibility for their actions will never change. It's only to

496
00:36:33,519 --> 00:36:36,119
you see that you know what I need to change,

497
00:36:37,199 --> 00:36:40,280
that a change can be made. But first you got

498
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:46,119
to acknowledge it. So what happens is that more people

499
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,960
that have been victimized be the ones go on to

500
00:36:49,039 --> 00:36:52,639
counseling than the ones who are doing the actual abuse.

501
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:59,840
But the thing is, regardless or whatever your situation is,

502
00:37:00,159 --> 00:37:03,960
that's unique to you, you have to know when you

503
00:37:04,119 --> 00:37:07,960
have had enough and don't make anyone feel make you

504
00:37:08,079 --> 00:37:10,719
feel as if you have to stay in an abusive relationship.

505
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:16,719
Rather it's a pastor who else, Because let me just

506
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,559
say this, many of the ones who are telling women

507
00:37:19,599 --> 00:37:23,719
to stay in these abusive relationships are oftentimes abuses themselves.

508
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:31,000
You see the what they call the first lady, smiling,

509
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,880
maybe dressed nice and everything, but behind closed doors, when

510
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,159
the sermon has ended and every one has emptied the church,

511
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,840
they're going to a devil's home.

512
00:37:44,639 --> 00:37:48,519
Speaker 2: And that's the reality, all.

513
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:54,559
Speaker 3: Right, we're going We're out of time. We are out

514
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:59,639
of time. Our print of today's podcast has been a blessing.

515
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:03,519
Speaker 2: To you and that you would know your feelings do matter.

516
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:07,079
Speaker 3: This is doctor k l Rich would knock abuse no

517
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:09,480
more a tale next time