WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.050 --> 00:00:04.110 Welcome to the Becoming You Show, where limits get torched 2 00:00:04.290 --> 00:00:06.650 and possibility takes the mic. 3 00:00:07.410 --> 00:00:10.869 I'm Leah Rowling, human in permanent. 4 00:00:10.460 --> 00:00:15.699 Beta, neurostrategist, mom to three amazing humans, married to one 5 00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:21.359 legendary soul, and your no-fluff permission slip to stop waiting. 6 00:00:21.899 --> 00:00:27.379 Every week, we rewire brain patterns, smash hand-me-down mindsets, and 7 00:00:27.460 --> 00:00:33.729 dive into the daring, identity-shifting conversations most people dodge. Ready 8 00:00:33.799 --> 00:00:35.380 to turn potential into proof? 9 00:00:35.829 --> 00:00:40.670 Grab your pen. Your next chapter starts now. 10 00:00:42.649 --> 00:00:46.570 Hello, my beautiful friend. Welcome back to the Becoming You Show. 11 00:00:46.649 --> 00:00:51.210 I am your host, Leah Rowling, and welcome, welcome. If 12 00:00:51.250 --> 00:00:55.310 you've been here all month walking through these words with 13 00:00:55.350 --> 00:00:57.719 me week by week, I. 14 00:00:57.759 --> 00:01:00.619 Want you to know that it means something to me, right? 15 00:01:01.200 --> 00:01:04.569 Showing up for this kind of work like four weeks 16 00:01:04.670 --> 00:01:06.730 in a row is not nothing, right? 17 00:01:07.269 --> 00:01:11.629 And if this is your very first episode, I welcome 18 00:01:11.670 --> 00:01:14.189 you to. This is it. 19 00:01:14.250 --> 00:01:18.730 This is the finale of what I'm calling now the 20 00:01:18.810 --> 00:01:20.129 rant series, right? 21 00:01:20.209 --> 00:01:26.340 Week one was raw. Week two, authentic. Week three, necessary. 22 00:01:26.599 --> 00:01:32.980 And today, the fourth word, which is truth. And at 23 00:01:33.019 --> 00:01:35.299 the end of today, like I promised at. 24 00:01:35.260 --> 00:01:36.680 The very start of the month, I'm going to put 25 00:01:36.980 --> 00:01:42.299 all four of these words together and hand you this framework. 26 00:01:42.819 --> 00:01:48.519 But first, we need to have an honest conversation about vulnerability, right? 27 00:01:48.659 --> 00:01:51.540 Because I don't think that there's a word that we 28 00:01:51.659 --> 00:01:58.400 use more right now except for maybe authenticity, but understand less. 29 00:01:59.620 --> 00:02:01.359 I want you to think about it. 30 00:02:01.859 --> 00:02:07.000 It's on every book cover, every podcast, every leadership training, 31 00:02:07.079 --> 00:02:11.780 every relational self-help book, right? And I think we have 32 00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:19.830 somehow collectively drifted very far from what the word actually means. 33 00:02:20.969 --> 00:02:25.150 And what it means is, Matters. Language matters. Words matters. 34 00:02:25.229 --> 00:02:26.150 Definitions matter. 35 00:02:26.169 --> 00:02:31.310 Because if we get it wrong, right, by way of 36 00:02:31.349 --> 00:02:34.750 just definition, by way of our own understanding, right, we 37 00:02:35.650 --> 00:02:39.430 do the wrong thing when we're trying to be vulnerable. 38 00:02:39.930 --> 00:02:41.370 It's the same with boundaries. 39 00:02:41.389 --> 00:02:43.409 If we don't understand what boundaries are and what they're not, 40 00:02:43.789 --> 00:02:45.180 and we think they work this way and then they 41 00:02:45.189 --> 00:02:48.060 don't work, then we just think that boundaries don't work. 42 00:02:49.000 --> 00:02:51.639 Same thing with vulnerability, right? We wonder why. 43 00:02:52.860 --> 00:02:56.180 It didn't do what quote unquote vulnerability is supposed to do. 44 00:02:57.280 --> 00:03:04.050 So somewhere along the way, I think vulnerability got confused 45 00:03:04.129 --> 00:03:10.949 with visibility. We started believing that sharing is the same 46 00:03:11.050 --> 00:03:12.629 thing as risking. 47 00:03:14.189 --> 00:03:14.680 And it's not. 48 00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:19.409 It's not. You can share everything and risk nothing. And 49 00:03:19.449 --> 00:03:24.800 call it, oh, well, this is me being vulnerable right now. Right? 50 00:03:25.300 --> 00:03:28.819 And a lot of what gets applauded as vulnerability right now, online, 51 00:03:28.840 --> 00:03:33.819 in relationships, on stages, in masterminds, is exactly that. 52 00:03:35.259 --> 00:03:41.169 Share. Everything share. Sharing. But really nothing is at risk. 53 00:03:42.389 --> 00:03:47.669 There is no emotional burden that is required on the 54 00:03:47.789 --> 00:03:48.349 other side. 55 00:03:49.449 --> 00:03:54.069 Of that share. We're not becoming more emotionally resilient in 56 00:03:54.719 --> 00:03:59.280 that vulnerable act. We're just sharing. So we're going to. 57 00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:02.259 Start with some of what I'm calling fake versions, not 58 00:04:02.699 --> 00:04:07.939 in a rude way, but because you can't recognize, some 59 00:04:07.979 --> 00:04:11.069 of us can't recognize the real thing until you can 60 00:04:11.229 --> 00:04:17.319 recognize what I'm bringing forward as fakes. What vulnerability is it? 61 00:04:17.910 --> 00:04:19.730 And that's what I'm calling fake. I'm not calling it 62 00:04:19.810 --> 00:04:22.170 fake is a bad thing, and I'll bring that forward too, 63 00:04:22.189 --> 00:04:27.430 but I'm calling it not vulnerability. What vulnerability is and 64 00:04:27.470 --> 00:04:29.750 what it is not. And then we're going to talk 65 00:04:29.810 --> 00:04:37.550 about what real vulnerability actually is and what it can do, 66 00:04:37.569 --> 00:04:40.329 oh my gosh, what it can do that fake versions can't. 67 00:04:41.170 --> 00:04:42.509 And then we're going to put the whole month together. 68 00:04:43.029 --> 00:04:47.110 So that's the roadmap for the conversation. So fake version 69 00:04:47.149 --> 00:04:51.079 number one, I'm just going to call it performed openness, 70 00:04:51.600 --> 00:04:52.839 performed openness, okay? 71 00:04:53.660 --> 00:04:56.680 This is the confession that's already been edited, right? 72 00:04:57.040 --> 00:05:00.879 It's the story, as we talked about in episode one, 73 00:05:01.290 --> 00:05:06.769 that's already fully processed, already survived, already resolved, shared with 74 00:05:06.810 --> 00:05:10.810 an audience that is guaranteed to approve of it, right? 75 00:05:11.949 --> 00:05:16.589 It's the raw and honest post that went through 11 drafts. 76 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:21.649 It's I've never told anyone this, told to 40,000 people. 77 00:05:22.430 --> 00:05:25.269 It's the retreat share, right? Where by the time you're 78 00:05:25.290 --> 00:05:27.189 at the front of the room, you know your story 79 00:05:27.230 --> 00:05:29.860 is going to land because you've told it three times 80 00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:32.879 before to warm rooms. And I want to be 100% 81 00:05:32.879 --> 00:05:41.819 fair here. I'm not knocking storytelling. Sharing your story, storytelling matters. 82 00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:47.800 There's so much healing that comes from sharing your story. right, 83 00:05:47.899 --> 00:05:54.459 a well-told story about surviving something, wow, powerful, can. 84 00:05:54.350 --> 00:05:58.949 Reach somebody that no amount of framework or methodology could. 85 00:06:00.310 --> 00:06:03.110 And it's real. And I'm for it. And I do it. Like, 86 00:06:03.329 --> 00:06:07.110 this podcast does it. But I'm not here calling it vulnerability. 87 00:06:07.490 --> 00:06:10.449 Let's call it what it is. It's storytelling. Because by 88 00:06:10.490 --> 00:06:13.730 the time the camera turned on, the risk was already over. 89 00:06:14.069 --> 00:06:18.069 The outcome was already known. The wound was closed. What's 90 00:06:18.110 --> 00:06:21.449 being shared is now the memory of a risk, not 91 00:06:21.490 --> 00:06:25.089 the risk. Does that make sense? And there's nothing wrong 92 00:06:25.410 --> 00:06:26.889 with sharing the memory of a risk. 93 00:06:27.310 --> 00:06:29.040 But if we call it the same thing as taking 94 00:06:29.069 --> 00:06:31.459 a risk, we start believing that we've done something, we 95 00:06:31.519 --> 00:06:35.660 have it. And then we wonder, perhaps, we wonder why 96 00:06:35.959 --> 00:06:38.759 our relationships aren't deeper than they are. Why our marriages 97 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:43.240 don't feel more connected than they could. Why we don't 98 00:06:43.720 --> 00:06:48.139 feel more known. Because sharing the finished story doesn't do 99 00:06:48.180 --> 00:06:51.839 what taking a risk does. Those are different actions with 100 00:06:51.879 --> 00:06:57.430 different outcomes. So that's fake version one. Fake version two is, 101 00:06:58.170 --> 00:06:59.769 this one's just a little bit sneakier. 102 00:06:59.790 --> 00:07:05.189 It's kind of that strategic sharing. And again, there's no 103 00:07:05.370 --> 00:07:09.180 judgment on this podcast. I do all of these things. 104 00:07:09.189 --> 00:07:14.480 That's why I know them, okay? The strategic share is this. 105 00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:19.220 The sharing that has a job, okay? Right? It's maybe 106 00:07:19.319 --> 00:07:22.839 sharing your deepest history on a second date, right? 107 00:07:23.399 --> 00:07:26.279 Because you want the feeling of closeness without the time 108 00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:30.939 it takes to build it, right? It's leading with your wounds, 109 00:07:31.019 --> 00:07:36.279 leading with your scars, leading with your identity so people 110 00:07:37.379 --> 00:07:39.879 now know how to handle you better, how to handle 111 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:47.790 you more gently, right? It's... Telling your story, right? Before 112 00:07:47.810 --> 00:07:49.069 we talk about. 113 00:07:49.709 --> 00:07:50.470 Who you are. 114 00:07:51.810 --> 00:07:55.819 Because when you do that, it's generally kind of awkward 115 00:07:55.860 --> 00:07:59.019 for then people to hold you accountability, right? The story 116 00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:03.339 gets there first, so the accountability can't. And people can 117 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:07.639 feel it, right? They can't always name it, but there 118 00:08:07.779 --> 00:08:14.290 is a felt difference between being invited into something that. 119 00:08:14.230 --> 00:08:15.970 Is very heart provoking. 120 00:08:16.910 --> 00:08:21.449 There's some risk there in the invitation versus being very calculated, 121 00:08:21.529 --> 00:08:26.449 being very managed. Being invited feels warm, being managed feels off. 122 00:08:27.170 --> 00:08:30.649 And when people feel managed, they pull back. So then 123 00:08:31.160 --> 00:08:35.460 the very strategic strategy creates the exact distance it was 124 00:08:35.480 --> 00:08:38.360 trying to prevent. And honestly, that's the sad part. 125 00:08:39.679 --> 00:08:43.429 I mean, I've had this conversation with clients So many 126 00:08:43.450 --> 00:08:47.090 times they're wondering why their relationships aren't going deeper. And 127 00:08:47.149 --> 00:08:50.960 when we look at it, they're doing this. They're sharing 128 00:08:51.019 --> 00:08:54.539 a lot, but none of it is actually risky. It's 129 00:08:54.659 --> 00:08:59.480 all sharing that's been calibrated, that's been calculated, that's been 130 00:08:59.879 --> 00:09:05.399 performed so that they can mitigate the very risk that's 131 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:08.059 required to call it vulnerability. 132 00:09:09.299 --> 00:09:14.740 So they can mitigate The risk of feeling something, right? 133 00:09:15.320 --> 00:09:23.960 Feeling uncomfortable, feeling rejected, feeling misunderstood, right? And the other 134 00:09:24.019 --> 00:09:27.179 person can tell even if they can't articulate it. They 135 00:09:27.200 --> 00:09:31.159 just know that something is off and it happens enough. 136 00:09:31.299 --> 00:09:36.000 So do you tell? So how do you tell? 137 00:09:39.860 --> 00:09:43.259 In other words, how do you tell the difference from 138 00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:47.690 the fake and the real? And there's just, there's one test, 139 00:09:47.929 --> 00:09:50.809 one test. I'm sure there's more than this, but this 140 00:09:50.870 --> 00:09:55.850 is my favorite test. It works almost every time on anybody, 141 00:09:55.909 --> 00:10:02.190 including yourself, right? The question is, what could you actually lose? 142 00:10:03.409 --> 00:10:07.759 So if you ask that about any moment of so-called vulnerability, 143 00:10:08.860 --> 00:10:12.600 what was on the table? What was actually at risk? 144 00:10:13.740 --> 00:10:15.940 What did you stand to lose? 145 00:10:17.059 --> 00:10:21.159 Understanding? Acceptance? Tolerance? 146 00:10:22.440 --> 00:10:28.840 Did you risk feeling her at their rejection, at their misunderstanding? 147 00:10:29.559 --> 00:10:32.070 If the answer, if the honest answer is nothing, like 148 00:10:32.230 --> 00:10:36.450 nothing was at risk, if the audience was guaranteed to 149 00:10:36.490 --> 00:10:40.269 be friendly, to be supportive, right? If the story was 150 00:10:40.450 --> 00:10:45.710 already resolved, if the approval was basically handed to you, 151 00:10:46.350 --> 00:10:48.149 then that wasn't vulnerability. 152 00:10:48.710 --> 00:10:51.009 That was visibility. And again, It's fine. 153 00:10:51.809 --> 00:10:54.990 It has a place. It's just a different thing. So 154 00:10:55.009 --> 00:10:56.879 I want you to try this on yourself. I want 155 00:10:56.899 --> 00:10:59.120 you to think about a moment recently where. 156 00:10:59.059 --> 00:11:01.200 You thought you were being vulnerable. I really want you 157 00:11:01.240 --> 00:11:01.690 to picture it. 158 00:11:01.720 --> 00:11:03.820 Maybe even said it out loud. This is me being vulnerable. 159 00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:07.700 And then I want you to ask, what could I 160 00:11:08.419 --> 00:11:15.129 actually have lost? Was there a real risk that this person, again, 161 00:11:15.769 --> 00:11:19.210 wouldn't understand you, would think less of you, would leave? 162 00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:22.100 Or did you know that, again, this room was going 163 00:11:22.120 --> 00:11:25.879 to be safe because those moments are different? The safe 164 00:11:25.960 --> 00:11:28.360 one is nice. The safe one is warm. But it's 165 00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:32.299 not the same as the other. And it doesn't do 166 00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:36.519 what the other one does. And that's what I wanted 167 00:11:36.539 --> 00:11:42.580 to get into. Real vulnerability is truth with something at stake. 168 00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:46.120 So telling someone the truth before you know how they'll 169 00:11:46.139 --> 00:11:50.070 take it. Asking for what you actually want. The promotion, 170 00:11:50.330 --> 00:11:51.450 the change, the. 171 00:11:51.389 --> 00:11:56.029 Second chance, right? When no is a real possibility and 172 00:11:56.049 --> 00:11:57.210 you'd have to live with the no. 173 00:11:57.830 --> 00:12:01.629 Admitting you were wrong to somebody who could actually hold 174 00:12:01.669 --> 00:12:03.820 it against you, who might bring it up in the 175 00:12:03.860 --> 00:12:04.519 next argument. 176 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:10.620 Trying the thing in public. When failing in public is 177 00:12:10.740 --> 00:12:16.620 a genuine possibility. Launching it, publishing it, saying it first. 178 00:12:18.379 --> 00:12:22.320 Saying I'm not okay with somebody whose opinion of you 179 00:12:22.460 --> 00:12:25.480 actually matters to you, right? Not to the internet or 180 00:12:25.519 --> 00:12:30.460 to the business, but maybe to your dad or. 181 00:12:29.220 --> 00:12:32.720 To your sister. Do you feel what all of those 182 00:12:32.799 --> 00:12:34.980 have in common? In every single one, there's a moment 183 00:12:35.379 --> 00:12:36.720 where the words leave. 184 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:41.080 You and you don't know what's coming back. You don't 185 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:45.000 know what's on the other side of that request, of 186 00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:47.750 that conversation, of that apology, of that, of that. 187 00:12:49.320 --> 00:12:49.740 Of that. 188 00:12:50.559 --> 00:12:55.100 Right? That's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. Which 189 00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:59.809 also means if the moment is fully safe, if there's 190 00:12:59.970 --> 00:13:04.429 nothing at risk, it's something else. So I want to tell. 191 00:13:04.309 --> 00:13:06.750 You a moment in like my own life. And I'll 192 00:13:06.769 --> 00:13:08.789 keep it very general because I really want to get 193 00:13:08.830 --> 00:13:11.129 to the framework. But it applies here. There was a 194 00:13:11.149 --> 00:13:13.370 season a few years ago where I had to say 195 00:13:13.429 --> 00:13:17.460 some things out loud in a relationship that really mattered 196 00:13:17.480 --> 00:13:22.899 to me. that I was genuinely afraid to say. I 197 00:13:23.059 --> 00:13:25.450 genuinely did not know how she was going to take it. 198 00:13:25.940 --> 00:13:30.820 I genuinely thought that the relationship that I had pretended 199 00:13:30.840 --> 00:13:32.860 that we had, right? 200 00:13:33.500 --> 00:13:34.259 That's another key. 201 00:13:34.899 --> 00:13:39.370 It was pretending that we had it because the relationship. 202 00:13:38.970 --> 00:13:41.330 As itself was built on things that I was too 203 00:13:41.370 --> 00:13:42.009 afraid to say. 204 00:13:43.169 --> 00:13:45.789 I didn't know. I didn't know how they were going 205 00:13:45.830 --> 00:13:50.500 to land. And in hindsight, It turned out fine. But 206 00:13:50.539 --> 00:13:53.840 in the moment, standing there, I did not know. And 207 00:13:54.019 --> 00:13:57.799 saying those things to this particular person was one of 208 00:13:57.870 --> 00:14:01.110 the most uncomfortable things that I've had to do. But 209 00:14:01.129 --> 00:14:04.269 it's also one of the reasons, right, that I have 210 00:14:04.289 --> 00:14:07.690 the relationship with her that I have right now. Because 211 00:14:08.190 --> 00:14:13.190 the conversations that couldn't happen, right, while I was still 212 00:14:13.269 --> 00:14:16.769 managing the truth, started happening the very minute that I stopped. 213 00:14:17.610 --> 00:14:20.309 And I allowed for the truth to be told. And 214 00:14:20.350 --> 00:14:21.649 not in a way, and we'll get to that, but 215 00:14:21.690 --> 00:14:23.669 not in a way that, you know, was blaming or 216 00:14:23.730 --> 00:14:28.070 shaming or anything. It was just my truth that she 217 00:14:28.090 --> 00:14:30.330 could have rejected. She could have stomped on. She could 218 00:14:30.350 --> 00:14:32.669 have said, I'm out on this. Like, I'm out on this. 219 00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:35.899 This is not, I don't agree with this. 220 00:14:36.580 --> 00:14:39.940 And if this is your perspective and this is your 221 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.139 mentality and this is what you're bringing to this relationship, 222 00:14:42.200 --> 00:14:42.779 I'm just out. 223 00:14:43.240 --> 00:14:46.279 That absolutely could have happened. That's the real risk. 224 00:14:48.139 --> 00:14:52.200 And it's why this matters, getting this definition right. 225 00:14:52.220 --> 00:14:56.720 This is not a vocabulary lesson. Real risk is what 226 00:14:56.799 --> 00:15:00.340 creates real connection. It's one of the very few things 227 00:15:00.379 --> 00:15:02.179 that does. 228 00:15:03.379 --> 00:15:08.070 So I want you to see that this is not 229 00:15:08.129 --> 00:15:11.610 just in romance and friendships and in family. 230 00:15:12.470 --> 00:15:16.509 This is leadership. This is the leader who says, I 231 00:15:16.529 --> 00:15:20.720 don't know. Or I got that one wrong. That's on me, okay? 232 00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:24.919 That's truth with stakes. And it builds more trust than 233 00:15:24.980 --> 00:15:27.870 any speech that you can give, any values that you 234 00:15:27.879 --> 00:15:32.330 can share, any mission statement that you can frame, right? 235 00:15:32.370 --> 00:15:37.169 Because the team relaxes. Not because now they know their 236 00:15:37.210 --> 00:15:40.389 leader is fallible. They already knew that. We all are. 237 00:15:40.769 --> 00:15:43.490 But because now they know that their leader can say it. 238 00:15:44.389 --> 00:15:48.769 They can say that they are fallible, which means the 239 00:15:48.820 --> 00:15:51.559 leader is safe to be around, which means they can 240 00:15:51.580 --> 00:15:56.259 be honest too. Truth is contagious that way. Guess what 241 00:15:56.299 --> 00:15:59.940 else is? The absence of it. This is parenting, right? 242 00:16:00.450 --> 00:16:04.710 Letting your kids watch you actually apologize without a lecture 243 00:16:04.750 --> 00:16:07.669 attached to the end of it, right? 244 00:16:08.409 --> 00:16:12.149 Not, I'm sorry, and here's what you should learn from this. 245 00:16:13.309 --> 00:16:17.470 Or I'm sorry, but let me justify what I did 246 00:16:17.529 --> 00:16:19.830 because I'm the parent. 247 00:16:20.750 --> 00:16:21.840 It's just I'm sorry. 248 00:16:22.889 --> 00:16:25.720 That teaches them more about being human than any lesson 249 00:16:26.100 --> 00:16:30.879 you could plan. Any curriculum that you could invite their 250 00:16:30.919 --> 00:16:33.480 character into because they see it. 251 00:16:34.600 --> 00:16:38.429 They file it. And years later, when they mess up 252 00:16:39.210 --> 00:16:43.580 and they will, they know apologies are possible. Because they 253 00:16:43.600 --> 00:16:46.440 saw one. They saw one in you. This is business. 254 00:16:47.259 --> 00:16:51.679 The honest pitch, the real number, the I need help, right? 255 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:57.399 Anywhere people are trying to build something together, this is 256 00:16:57.460 --> 00:17:01.899 the skill underneath it. And it's the ones who can 257 00:17:02.059 --> 00:17:05.220 do it that move faster than everyone around them. Because 258 00:17:05.259 --> 00:17:10.819 they're not spending energy managing perfection, managing all of the 259 00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:12.569 ways that people could infer. 260 00:17:13.589 --> 00:17:17.670 Experiences are truth, right? All that energy that goes into 261 00:17:17.750 --> 00:17:19.309 keeping the appearance. 262 00:17:18.829 --> 00:17:20.089 Up, right? 263 00:17:20.490 --> 00:17:23.849 All of that energy, that energy is available for the 264 00:17:24.049 --> 00:17:27.670 actual work when you're willing to be truthful. And that's 265 00:17:27.690 --> 00:17:30.609 why the most effective people in any room over time 266 00:17:31.289 --> 00:17:33.509 are the ones who tell the truth. 267 00:17:33.910 --> 00:17:37.829 Not because it's morally superior, although some might argue that 268 00:17:37.849 --> 00:17:40.509 it is, but because it's operationally faster. 269 00:17:41.250 --> 00:17:43.079 So let's put the whole month together, my friends. 270 00:17:43.619 --> 00:17:49.720 Week one, raw, stands for R, raw, unedited. The version 271 00:17:49.779 --> 00:17:53.700 of the truth that didn't get cleaned up first, right? 272 00:17:54.329 --> 00:17:58.910 That you already haven't run a thousand times. Okay, two, authentic. 273 00:17:59.390 --> 00:18:04.589 That's A, unperformed. Who you are underneath the story about 274 00:18:04.690 --> 00:18:08.410 who you are. Under the labels, under the conditions, under 275 00:18:08.450 --> 00:18:09.170 the applause. 276 00:18:09.349 --> 00:18:14.009 Underneath the expected.... 277 00:18:14.420 --> 00:18:18.920 Emotional response that you get every single time you tell 278 00:18:18.960 --> 00:18:22.089 that story and you make it mean that that's just, well, 279 00:18:22.109 --> 00:18:26.369 that's just who you are, okay? Week three, necessary, yours. 280 00:18:27.789 --> 00:18:31.529 What is mine to do here? Not what's fair, not 281 00:18:31.569 --> 00:18:37.690 what should have happened, yours. And today, truth, right? Truth 282 00:18:38.230 --> 00:18:44.410 with something at stake, said live. before you can manipulate 283 00:18:44.650 --> 00:18:50.009 how it lands. Raw, authentic, necessary truth. It spells rant. 284 00:18:50.630 --> 00:18:55.480 That's the framework. Your rant is your raw, authentic, necessary truth. 285 00:18:55.819 --> 00:18:58.420 And I picked that word on purpose because think about 286 00:18:58.460 --> 00:19:01.200 what we have been taught about ranting. Right? 287 00:19:02.039 --> 00:19:05.819 It's shameful, right? Nobody wants to be the ranter. Calm down. 288 00:19:06.420 --> 00:19:10.210 Calm down. Don't make a scene. We learn to smooth 289 00:19:10.430 --> 00:19:13.839 every truth down. before we say it in company. And 290 00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:18.109 look where it got us. Really, I really want you 291 00:19:18.119 --> 00:19:18.730 to think about it. 292 00:19:19.109 --> 00:19:21.369 And again, and I'll get to this in a minute. 293 00:19:21.450 --> 00:19:23.910 I'm not talking about being dramatic for the sake of 294 00:19:23.950 --> 00:19:28.150 being dramatic. I'm not talking about raging. I'm not talking 295 00:19:28.190 --> 00:19:32.650 about having a curse show and pointing fingers. 296 00:19:32.289 --> 00:19:38.450 And, no. I just, I want you to think about 297 00:19:38.470 --> 00:19:45.240 where this idea got us. It got us in rooms 298 00:19:45.599 --> 00:19:50.700 full of very composed people carrying things they never said. 299 00:19:52.259 --> 00:19:57.380 Marriages where the truth hasn't been in the room in years. 300 00:19:58.200 --> 00:20:02.079 Workplaces where nobody says what everybody knows. 301 00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:08.400 Friendships that have gone, I don't know, half real for 302 00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:10.440 a decade. Very superficial. 303 00:20:11.660 --> 00:20:16.700 Very superficial because where would we begin if we actually 304 00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:21.480 allowed ourselves to tell the truth? So I want to 305 00:20:21.579 --> 00:20:24.680 flip it. Your rant, the real one, is the most 306 00:20:24.819 --> 00:20:28.140 valuable thing you're carrying. It's the thing that you haven't 307 00:20:28.220 --> 00:20:31.200 said in any room. It's where you kind of get 308 00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:35.740 defensive when somebody gets anywhere near it. It's where you 309 00:20:35.779 --> 00:20:37.900 go quiet. It's where the resistance lives. 310 00:20:38.980 --> 00:20:39.640 Everybody has one. 311 00:20:40.460 --> 00:20:43.700 Every single person listening to this right now has a 312 00:20:43.740 --> 00:20:47.240 sentence in them that they have never said out loud 313 00:20:47.640 --> 00:20:50.099 to the person it belongs to, even if that person 314 00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:50.400 is you. 315 00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:54.059 I know you know yours. It kind of moved a 316 00:20:54.079 --> 00:20:57.309 little when I said it out loud. Just observe it. 317 00:20:58.279 --> 00:20:58.950 Just witness it. 318 00:21:00.099 --> 00:21:03.309 Years of coaching has taught me about that unsaid sentence. 319 00:21:03.940 --> 00:21:08.009 It's expensive. You're paying for every single month. You are. 320 00:21:09.009 --> 00:21:15.150 Every judgment... you're maintaining, every defense you're running, every old 321 00:21:15.349 --> 00:21:20.839 argument that you're keeping warm, every truth that you're managing 322 00:21:20.930 --> 00:21:24.079 instead of saying, all of it slows your life down, right? 323 00:21:24.119 --> 00:21:26.759 You're working way harder than you need to. And you're 324 00:21:26.779 --> 00:21:30.500 tired in a way that sleep doesn't fix. Ask me 325 00:21:30.539 --> 00:21:30.980 how I know. 326 00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:35.349 And a lot of that is the carrying, right? The 327 00:21:35.430 --> 00:21:39.670 rant said once all the way to empty. is how 328 00:21:39.710 --> 00:21:44.289 you put it down. Not perfectly, not safe, not safe. 329 00:21:45.950 --> 00:21:49.849 There is a risk here, but said true. So here's 330 00:21:49.869 --> 00:21:52.569 your final assignment. It's the one this whole month has 331 00:21:52.589 --> 00:21:57.069 been building toward. Everything else was practiced for this. One 332 00:21:57.130 --> 00:22:00.849 truth to one real person this week. Before you know 333 00:22:00.890 --> 00:22:02.569 how it lands, before you know how it's going to 334 00:22:02.589 --> 00:22:05.730 be received, okay? Not to an audience, not in a post, 335 00:22:06.529 --> 00:22:08.630 not in a journal, right? We did the journal in 336 00:22:08.650 --> 00:22:11.960 week one. Okay, now it's time to go further. A person, 337 00:22:12.259 --> 00:22:17.160 the actual person, right? Where this truth of yours belongs. 338 00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:19.849 This is not ranting for the sake of being dramatic. 339 00:22:19.869 --> 00:22:22.990 This is not scene making it, right? 340 00:22:23.210 --> 00:22:29.150 This is not raging at this person. It's yours. It's yours. 341 00:22:30.710 --> 00:22:34.720 Said live. I want you to understand, right? 342 00:22:35.599 --> 00:22:41.170 That the stakes are real here. So maybe you start 343 00:22:41.210 --> 00:22:44.730 with something that is a little bit more survivable, right? 344 00:22:45.190 --> 00:22:47.569 I don't want to send you into your hardest conversation, 345 00:22:48.450 --> 00:22:50.309 but there's a ladder here. Can you start with something 346 00:22:50.390 --> 00:22:54.230 honest and maybe small sized, right? Maybe the friend that 347 00:22:54.259 --> 00:22:55.920 you need to be straight with, that you haven't been 348 00:22:55.960 --> 00:22:56.480 honest with. 349 00:22:57.359 --> 00:22:57.980 Maybe it's the. 350 00:22:58.119 --> 00:23:01.680 Ask that you've been swallowing at work. Maybe it was 351 00:23:01.720 --> 00:23:05.160 that I was wrong. That's a year overdue. 352 00:23:05.700 --> 00:23:07.359 Start there. Start there. 353 00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:12.079 The real version, right? The one with stakes doesn't break you. 354 00:23:12.140 --> 00:23:14.279 I promise you, it builds you. Every time you say 355 00:23:14.299 --> 00:23:16.940 a true thing and live through the landing, you become 356 00:23:16.980 --> 00:23:19.690 a little more permanently somebody who can say true things. 357 00:23:20.269 --> 00:23:25.089 And somebody that can say true things at the right 358 00:23:25.170 --> 00:23:28.890 time to the right person, wow, that person is free. 359 00:23:30.369 --> 00:23:33.569 Free. Not free of fear. Fear still shows up, right? 360 00:23:33.930 --> 00:23:36.430 Free of the carrying, free of the managing, right? That's 361 00:23:36.450 --> 00:23:38.309 what's That's what free actually is. 362 00:23:39.910 --> 00:23:43.029 And if you're sitting here right now thinking, Leah, I 363 00:23:43.089 --> 00:23:45.630 know exactly what my rant is and I've known it 364 00:23:45.789 --> 00:23:49.019 since week one and I don't have anywhere to bring it, 365 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:50.619 then hear this last thing. 366 00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:52.779 This is why the inner lab exists. 367 00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:57.859 It's my membership and it's built to be exactly that place. 368 00:23:58.420 --> 00:24:02.619 Because understanding these four words, that was this month. Living them, 369 00:24:03.349 --> 00:24:05.960 that takes a space. where you could actually do the work, 370 00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.890 where you bring the real thing and you say it 371 00:24:08.990 --> 00:24:11.670 out loud and you get feedback and you get direction 372 00:24:11.730 --> 00:24:15.450 and you get coached forward instead of circling it alone. 373 00:24:16.289 --> 00:24:19.779 We all spend so much time in our life, in 374 00:24:20.019 --> 00:24:23.720 our life, and almost no to little time working on 375 00:24:23.839 --> 00:24:25.759 our life. Inner Lab is where you work on it. 376 00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:29.420 Every week with me, with the people that are doing 377 00:24:29.440 --> 00:24:33.890 this brave work that you're doing, your rant deserves a room. 378 00:24:34.220 --> 00:24:35.319 Come bring it, right? 379 00:24:35.779 --> 00:24:38.519 The link is in the show notes. And if you're 380 00:24:38.599 --> 00:24:42.200 not in the membership already, I will welcome you in there. 381 00:24:42.920 --> 00:24:47.950 This rant, as I mentioned, is wildly costly. It is 382 00:24:48.089 --> 00:24:48.950 wildly costly. 383 00:24:49.309 --> 00:24:50.009 It takes up. 384 00:24:50.230 --> 00:24:56.230 So much clutter in your mind. Rumination on who they 385 00:24:56.299 --> 00:24:59.579 should have been, right? When really who should have been 386 00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:02.119 is the person that's brave enough to be honest. 387 00:25:02.990 --> 00:25:03.869 We're talking about. 388 00:25:03.769 --> 00:25:09.069 Clutter next month in the inner lab. This rant is 389 00:25:09.130 --> 00:25:13.910 part of that mental clutter that until released creates so 390 00:25:13.970 --> 00:25:17.420 much overwhelm and exhaust and frustration unnecessarily. 391 00:25:17.579 --> 00:25:21.940 And it's painful. You, you deserve better. I hope you'll 392 00:25:21.960 --> 00:25:25.460 join us in there. So I'll see you next week 393 00:25:25.819 --> 00:25:27.339 on the show. Have a beautiful one, everybody. 394 00:25:27.380 --> 00:25:33.480 Take care. Bye-bye. If this episode cracked something open, Good. 395 00:25:34.259 --> 00:25:34.619 Let it. 396 00:25:35.400 --> 00:25:40.319 And then head to LeahRollingCoaching.com and grab the tools to 397 00:25:40.359 --> 00:25:41.799 rewire the story. 398 00:25:41.849 --> 00:25:46.210 And reclaim your future. It is yours. 399 00:25:46.930 --> 00:25:50.549 And then share this with someone who's still waiting to 400 00:25:50.589 --> 00:25:54.390 be chosen, still waiting for permission and remind them they 401 00:25:54.430 --> 00:25:57.450