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<v Speaker 1>Section four of the Awful German Language by Mark Twain.

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<v Speaker 1>This LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by

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<v Speaker 1>Kirsten Weber. Section four. There are some exceedingly useful words

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<v Speaker 1>in this language, schlog, for example, and suk. There are

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<v Speaker 1>three quarters of a column of schlocks in the dictionary,

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<v Speaker 1>and a column and a half of zuks. The word

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<v Speaker 1>schlock means blow, stroke, dash, hit, shock, clap, slap, time, bar, coin, stamp, kind, sort, manner, way, apoplexy,

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<v Speaker 1>wood cutting, and closure field forest clearing. This is its

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<v Speaker 1>simple and exact meaning, that is to say, it's restricted,

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<v Speaker 1>its fettered meaning. But there are ways by which you

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<v Speaker 1>can set it free, so that it can soar away

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<v Speaker 1>as on the wings of the morning, and never be

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<v Speaker 1>at rest. You can hang any word you please to

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<v Speaker 1>its tail and make it mean anything you want. You

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<v Speaker 1>can begin with schlock adah, which means artery, and you

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<v Speaker 1>can hang on the whole dictionary word by word, clear

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<v Speaker 1>through the alphabet, to schlack vassal, which means bilge water,

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<v Speaker 1>and including schlock mutta, which means mother in law, just

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<v Speaker 1>the same with tsuk. Strictly speaking, zuk means pull, tug, draft, procession, march, progress, flight, direction, expedition, train, caravan, passage, stroke,

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<v Speaker 1>touch line, flourish, trait of character, feature, lineament, chess, move,

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<v Speaker 1>organ stop, team with bias, draar, propensity, inhalation, disposition. But

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<v Speaker 1>that thing which it does not mean when all its

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<v Speaker 1>legitimate penants have been hung on, has not been, to

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<v Speaker 1>say covered yet one cannot overestimate the usefulness of schlock

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<v Speaker 1>and tsuk. Armed just with these two and the word alzo,

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<v Speaker 1>what cannot the foreigner on German soil accomplish? The German

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<v Speaker 1>word alzo is the equivalent of the English phrase you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and does not mean anything at all in talk, though

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<v Speaker 1>it sometimes does in print. Every time a German opens

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<v Speaker 1>his mouth and azol falls out, and every time he

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<v Speaker 1>shuts it, he bites one in two that was trying

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<v Speaker 1>to get out. Now, the foreigner, equipped with these three

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<v Speaker 1>noble words, is master of the situation. Let him talk

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<v Speaker 1>right along, fearlessly, let him pour his indifferent German forth,

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<v Speaker 1>And when he lacks for a word, let him heave

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<v Speaker 1>a schlock into the vacuum. All the chances are that

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<v Speaker 1>it fits in like a plug. But if it doesn't,

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<v Speaker 1>let him promptly heave a zuk after it. The two

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<v Speaker 1>together can hardly fail to bung the whole. But if

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<v Speaker 1>by a miracle they should fail, let him simply say alzo,

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<v Speaker 1>and this will give him a moment's chance to think

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<v Speaker 1>of the needful word. In Germany, when you load your

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<v Speaker 1>conversational gun, it is always best to throw in a

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<v Speaker 1>schlock or two and a zuk or two, because it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't make any difference how much the rest of the

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<v Speaker 1>charge may scatter. You are bound to bag something with them.

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<v Speaker 1>Then you blandly say alzo and load up again. Nothing

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<v Speaker 1>gives such an air of grace and elegance and unconstraint

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<v Speaker 1>to a German or an English conversation as to scatter

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<v Speaker 1>it full of alzo's or you know's. End of Section

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<v Speaker 1>four