Speaker 1: Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
Speaker 1: a hate crime.
Speaker 2: Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or.
Speaker 1: Something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associopath. Any
Speaker 1: thrashed reship, any trash ship. You're a worst friend. Do
Speaker 1: you want to know why you're all fucked up? Just
Speaker 1: look at the fucking problems you hang around with you Listen,
Speaker 1: you're a worst friend. With Shane and Matt, I'm met.
Speaker 1: I'm joined today by my friend and co host, a
Speaker 1: man with one thousand and one bottles of lube in
Speaker 1: his house. Ladies and gentlemen, Shane.
Speaker 2: One thousand and one bottles of lube and one brand
Speaker 2: new Tesla.
Speaker 1: Go to your worstfriend dot com, follow us everywhere on
Speaker 1: Twitter and Instagram at worst friend Cast. Most importantly, go
Speaker 1: to patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast. From now on,
Speaker 1: we'll be moving one percent of the proceeds into a
Speaker 1: fund that I am calling get mad at Tesla now too,
Speaker 1: Like I have a hybrid, which I personally think is
Speaker 1: a better option because I don't get all my fuel
Speaker 1: from all that nasty coal and whatever they make electricity with.
Speaker 1: But most importantly our Patreon, you're gonna get a bonus
Speaker 1: episode every week. You're gonna get access to everything ever recorded,
Speaker 1: entirely commercial free. I'm already looking at one of the recorders, Shane,
Speaker 1: and it's not moving, So we're really gonna hope this
Speaker 1: is going well and recording uh Patreon normally supposed to
Speaker 1: go yep, slash worst Friend cast. I swear to god
Speaker 1: I would pay upwards of to eighty dollars to have
Speaker 1: someone just set this up so I don't have to
Speaker 1: deal with this fucking ass eighty dollars.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the geek squad won't even fucking pluging an HDMI
Speaker 2: for eighty dollars.
Speaker 1: Why'd you just get all fast? Now?
Speaker 2: Oh? The i'd I sound fast now?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh well just leave it. It sounds good.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's good enough for me. Fuck So, anyway, did
Speaker 1: you see any of this Diddy stuff?
Speaker 2: Oh? I heard he diddled?
Speaker 1: Okay, good. When did we originally start talking about this.
Speaker 2: Couple weeks ago? Was Diddy?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Is that it six weeks or so? We don't
Speaker 1: go back any further. I guess not. Black Stuff's not
Speaker 1: really on my radar. That's no offense, it's.
Speaker 2: Just not Yeah. Well, I mean every time there's a
Speaker 2: new Medea movie that's a big deal. But well, I
Speaker 2: get excited for that, sure, yeah, but crimes and like
Speaker 2: all the prison population, all you know, like drug reform,
Speaker 2: all all the shit that involves a lot of black people,
Speaker 2: It's like, fuck off.
Speaker 1: I worked at AMC when the first Tyler Perry movie
Speaker 1: came out. It was A Diary of a Mad Black Woman,
Speaker 1: was the first one.
Speaker 2: I think that's the I think I've seen two of
Speaker 2: his movies and that's one of them.
Speaker 1: So I turned to Bland Drew that night and I
Speaker 1: was like, Yo, what the fuck is this movie? Diary
Speaker 1: of a Mad Black Woman? I probably made some sick,
Speaker 1: hilarious joke saying something super cool, you know, like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's like this black guy, I know he's got a
Speaker 1: mad black you know, something cool. And I was like,
Speaker 1: this shit's I mean, what is no one gonna see
Speaker 1: this movie? Like what is this?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Every single show sold out all weekend long, and I
Speaker 1: think we had to move it to a bigger theater.
Speaker 1: It was crazy, just the old black ladies who fucking
Speaker 1: came to that and we're like, I mean two for
Speaker 1: the Medea movie and I don't even think Medea was
Speaker 1: in that movie.
Speaker 2: She was she was a minor character, I think.
Speaker 1: Really, oh see, I didn't see it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then Medea was already a character like in
Speaker 2: the Black Sphere because Tyler Perry had been like doing
Speaker 2: it on as a play, I think. But yeah, I
Speaker 2: remember that too. That was like, yeah, they had the
Speaker 2: theaters crammed full, like they were, you know, two to
Speaker 2: a seat, you know, forced to sit in chains on
Speaker 2: top of each other and each other's filth and sweat,
Speaker 2: you know, like they were ruel. And then yeah, it
Speaker 2: was just like it was so popular that they like
Speaker 2: they crammed them all into the bigger theater too, because
Speaker 2: it was it was like the AMC AMC theater. They
Speaker 2: changed the the C to an S and it was
Speaker 2: Amistad the cinema for a weekend.
Speaker 1: Pull your mic down just a little bit. There you go.
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know, it might sound that's better. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's better. There you go. You have a weird echo
Speaker 1: now too, but that's okay, Yeah, there you go. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I worked that fucking movie. There's nothing else to that.
Speaker 1: I don't even know how we got to that.
Speaker 2: But we were talking about black culture, which I refer
Speaker 2: to as the Blackest Sphere.
Speaker 1: In the Blackest Sphere. Okay, well I did just name
Speaker 1: that episode the Natalie Holloway Cinematic Universe, so I probably
Speaker 1: won't be calling this one the Blackest Sphere, all right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well that was for the sphere at the Vegas
Speaker 2: the Dome or whatever. They were about the Blackest Sphere,
Speaker 2: but they wanted to include all races, you know, they
Speaker 2: didn't want to just play Medea Chris Tucker movies. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Medea Friday and Bernie mac specials.
Speaker 1: Chris Tucker pre hanging out with Epstein. That was the thing, man, could.
Speaker 2: You Yeah, he's only done like weird Christian movies since then, right?
Speaker 1: Could you imagine if he was just the one normal
Speaker 1: dude on the plane and there's Kevin Spacey, Bill Clinton
Speaker 1: and fucking Jeffrey Epstein, Like, I don't even know how
Speaker 1: he fits in with that equation in and of itself.
Speaker 2: That's another one of those things that Lex Friedman softballed
Speaker 2: Kevin Spacey on. He's like soul, what was with the
Speaker 2: jet and Kevin Spacey's like, look, I didn't even know him.
Speaker 2: You know. In Hollywood people fly on each other's jets.
Speaker 2: I just I saw him there and I flew in
Speaker 2: the jet. You know, I didn't go to his island.
Speaker 2: I didn't get a massage. I definitely didn't fuck any kids.
Speaker 2: And Lex's like, all right, good enough for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah see that's not that's not his job, right, his
Speaker 1: job to be real bold. I agree with you. I
Speaker 1: want to see the other one. That's why I don't
Speaker 1: watch Lex Friedman. But normally you only get one interview
Speaker 1: and maybe not even a release form. If you fucking
Speaker 1: you know, go hard at him. You fuck kids, you liar,
Speaker 1: you lying these a shit, you know you fucked kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like Lex could have just been like,
Speaker 2: why should I believe you? And Kevin could have been
Speaker 2: like because I would never lie, and then he could
Speaker 2: have been like all right, you know, but it's like
Speaker 2: he just like, I I'm man. That interview pissed me
Speaker 2: off because it's like he really did just believe everything,
Speaker 2: and Kevin said, I guess I could just look it
Speaker 2: up and fact check it. But it's like, dude, Kevin,
Speaker 2: I know you did something. Look at you.
Speaker 1: Now. Do you think Diddy is gonna end up being
Speaker 1: more like the the Kevin Spacey or the Epstein, Well,
Speaker 1: I think Diddy's innocent. Oh really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean like someone could have planted all the
Speaker 2: lube and the dildos and the videos of him fucking
Speaker 2: kids and recording other people fucking while he jerked off
Speaker 2: that were stored on SD cards in his night side table.
Speaker 2: Like sure, someone could have just planted all that.
Speaker 1: At your age now and your level of maturity, I
Speaker 1: guess I would say, how much money do you think
Speaker 1: you could handle if you had fuck you money? How
Speaker 1: long do you think you'd live.
Speaker 2: If I okay, say okay. The first question was a
Speaker 2: different question than what you just asked. The first question
Speaker 2: is how much could I handle? And which is either
Speaker 2: entirely too much or not enough? Like I'm either I
Speaker 2: either have musk money, which I can only fuck up
Speaker 2: through just buying big companies and tanking them. You know
Speaker 2: which SpaceX and Tesla I don't think are going to tank,
Speaker 2: so you know, he's got a ways to go before
Speaker 2: he destroys everything. But it's like I would have to
Speaker 2: have all the money to be like feeling set, you know,
Speaker 2: like one or two billion dollars. I think I could
Speaker 2: easily fuck my life up, and those the lives of
Speaker 2: those around me and not die. I like.
Speaker 1: I like that. You can't just be a fucking heart attack.
Speaker 1: You also have to be a cancer. Not only will
Speaker 1: I fuck my life up, I will fuck up the
Speaker 1: life of everyone around me as well. I might get
Speaker 1: lower text.
Speaker 2: I pull you in.
Speaker 1: If this stays positive, we're all gravy. If this goes negative,
Speaker 1: it goes negative for everyone. Baby.
Speaker 2: Huh, you just described my whole, like my outlook for
Speaker 2: the last thirty six years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't need to shrink anymore. I'll just break
Speaker 1: that down for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm gad. I think I don't. Yeah, like,
Speaker 2: I'm just like, yeah, I'm just a piece of shit
Speaker 2: a lot of the time. But I'm accepting that now
Speaker 2: so I can fix it, hopefully or not. But who cares,
Speaker 2: You're fine, Yeah, yeah, I'll be all right. But but yeah,
Speaker 2: I just think if I had all the money that
Speaker 2: I could just keep spending and spending and spending, and
Speaker 2: I could just find new habits and new fun things
Speaker 2: that I could keep spending on ad infinitum. You know,
Speaker 2: oh god, Yeah, if I had whatever that amount of
Speaker 2: money is, that's what I would need. But if you
Speaker 2: fucking stuck me with like ten million or something. Dude,
Speaker 2: I would have to kill. I would have to find
Speaker 2: a way. I would have to have a contingency. Like, Okay,
Speaker 2: if I get down to one hundred thousand, I just
Speaker 2: take all of it and I buy all the drugs.
Speaker 2: You know, I buy eighty thousand dollars worth of stimulants.
Speaker 2: Then I buy ten thousand dollars worth of armaments, and
Speaker 2: then I buy ten thousand dollars worth of Lamborghinis, and
Speaker 2: then I fucking.
Speaker 1: Ten dollars with a Lamborghinis.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna make them, you know, self driving, like autonomous,
Speaker 2: you know, because this is the future, and I'm gonna
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stage like a coup, you know, like I'm
Speaker 2: gonna mount my own insurrection, like all my Lamborghini gun vehicles.
Speaker 1: The fuck you talking about? Who's even riding with you.
Speaker 2: And your crew? The National Card doesn't they are autonomous Lamborghinis.
Speaker 1: It's me.
Speaker 2: It's just I made them drones, so I'm making killed
Speaker 2: those making killdozers.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I couldn't buy any Lamborghinis for the remaining twenty
Speaker 2: thousand dollars. I just want a bunch of Lamborghini bodykits
Speaker 2: on old fybrid.
Speaker 1: Why be fucking what do you need to be Lamborghinis just.
Speaker 2: Because they're cool?
Speaker 1: They look, here's the thing.
Speaker 2: Most cars don't come in orange.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. Fucking being cool is what got you
Speaker 1: from ten million down to one hundred grand and planning
Speaker 1: on somehow what takes billions of dollars for of the
Speaker 1: technical research to do. You're gonna automate weaponized Lamborghinis. You're
Speaker 1: gonna do this all for a one hundred I don't
Speaker 1: even think one hundred grand. I think like fifty grand.
Speaker 2: I think he spent.
Speaker 1: Another I think you spend another fifty on drugs somewhere.
Speaker 4: Hey, yeah, well that's the contingency, right because if, like
Speaker 4: the war that I'm staging doesn't succeed, right like, and
Speaker 4: the cops don't kill me in the process, I gotta
Speaker 4: do all the drugs.
Speaker 1: Why don't you buy fucking twelve dollars worth of fentanyl
Speaker 1: and you'll be good. You'll need ten grand with the cocaine.
Speaker 2: I don't want to mess with that stuff. It seems
Speaker 2: so dirty.
Speaker 1: Cops walk in, you just rail a fat line of fendy.
Speaker 2: I don't want to bring anyone else with me. The
Speaker 2: cops are going to touch my skin and then have
Speaker 2: a reaction sweat.
Speaker 1: I hope they don't. I hope they fucking just burn
Speaker 1: your house down with you inside of it. I think
Speaker 1: that's how it should be when we when someone dies,
Speaker 1: just burn the house down around them.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, with the people still in it.
Speaker 1: Fuck it? Who cares? Clear it away? Build a new one.
Speaker 1: Let one of the big boys like Toll Brothers come
Speaker 1: in and put one up.
Speaker 2: Go pick all that trash out of the ocean, and
Speaker 2: build a house out of that.
Speaker 1: They're doing that in Ohio.
Speaker 2: I heard, Oh good, that's good man, that's someone's doing
Speaker 2: something about that trash.
Speaker 1: What Bill Maher had someone on the other day that
Speaker 1: I wanted to know if you thought they were credible
Speaker 1: or not. John travll No, it was a climate change guy, and.
Speaker 2: He's probably a fucking jerk. Uh Scott throwing soup on paintings.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, he was a he was a you're
Speaker 1: being frantic for nothing, chill out, or or all of
Speaker 1: your solutions are dog shit. Well I think that was it.
Speaker 1: It's not a denial that it's happening. It's that any
Speaker 1: of the current programs we have in place for it
Speaker 1: are ridiculous and should not be funded.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, not that they shouldn't be funded, but that
Speaker 2: they should if they're going to be funded, that the
Speaker 2: restrictions put in place should be adhere to. So like
Speaker 2: at this point, there's no there's no actual what is
Speaker 2: the word I'm looking for enforcement? Right, So you have
Speaker 2: companies like Exxon and BP and stuff or whoever the
Speaker 2: fuck BP is? Now? Are they still BEP? Didn't they change?
Speaker 2: They change their name again? I don't know. Oh, either way,
Speaker 2: these guys every year they are required to release a
Speaker 2: certain amount of particulates or less, you know, like there's
Speaker 2: a maximum that they're allowed to release into the air,
Speaker 2: and they release so much more than that. And the
Speaker 2: reason they are allowed to do this without being fined
Speaker 2: is because these companies invest a certain amount of money
Speaker 2: each year into technologies that eventually, someday, hypothetically could be
Speaker 2: used to capture all the carbon they're emitting. So for
Speaker 2: every dollar that they are, every dollar yeah that they're
Speaker 2: that they essentially emit into the air, if they invest
Speaker 2: that into future technologies, they don't have to pay the penalty, right,
Speaker 2: which is great, you know, like all this stuff, it's
Speaker 2: it's developing stuff, but all this a lot of this
Speaker 2: stuff might not even come to fruition, right, Like, it's
Speaker 2: it's just hypothetical. Shit. Carbon capture is a necessity, right, Like,
Speaker 2: we're gonna have to do carbon capture, especially if we're
Speaker 2: gonna keep burning fossil fuels, which is a possibility, right,
Speaker 2: So we're gonna have to figure out a way to
Speaker 2: capture this carbon. Even if any of the prototypes or
Speaker 2: designs or any of these projects that people are talking
Speaker 2: about as being feasible, even if they take off and
Speaker 2: they work, none of them are gonna be on the
Speaker 2: ground for like another twenty or thirty years. So it's
Speaker 2: like these guys are basically getting no penalty, right. I
Speaker 2: think it's that's a big reason why they're still able
Speaker 2: to release so much stuff. I think the incentive would
Speaker 2: be a fuck, we don't have We don't want to
Speaker 2: pay this fine, right, Like, who cares how much we're investing,
Speaker 2: We don't want to pay this fine. But then it's like, well,
Speaker 2: how do you get them to invest in the carbon capture?
Speaker 2: I feel like paying the fine is enough, isn't it.
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't, No, I don't think it makes sense
Speaker 1: to like what is the fine going to. That's the thing.
Speaker 2: The fine should just be going to the government putting
Speaker 2: more money into actual carbon capture or actual green energy.
Speaker 2: So for instance, like more electric vehicle chargers that are
Speaker 2: you know, like you know how they we have like
Speaker 2: telephone poles, we have fire hydrants, we have phone booths,
Speaker 2: all these things. Will phone booths are addict Well, no,
Speaker 2: because Bell used to be a public utility, so that's
Speaker 2: why the phones were put everywhere. But then it was
Speaker 2: it was made private and something. No Bell is still private.
Speaker 1: Or well it's now Bell is at and t Yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I went through a bunch of different things.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, got it. So the the point I'm making
Speaker 2: is like there are feasible green options. There's things you
Speaker 2: could do with the money. I'm not going to pretend
Speaker 2: to have all the answers for that, but there's already
Speaker 2: a quote unquote solution in place to get this carbon
Speaker 2: capture shit rolling. And I feel like the offsetting is
Speaker 2: a big part of why it would take a long time.
Speaker 2: There is the fine in place, but then there's the allowance.
Speaker 2: You know, like if you invest, you don't pay the fine,
Speaker 2: they're just going to keep investing, you know, like they're
Speaker 2: already just abusing hold on, op Sorry, someone texted me.
Speaker 2: I thought it was important. It's some political shit, goddamn,
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's not even a big deal to me anymore,
Speaker 2: because at the same time, I also have a view
Speaker 2: like you shouldn't really be too frantic, right, Like you
Speaker 2: should be practical and you should be solutions and goal oriented. Right.
Speaker 2: So it's like, if you see that the government is
Speaker 2: not doing a lot to face the impending climate crisis, right, Like,
Speaker 2: what can you do? I feel like my plan is
Speaker 2: within the next twenty to thirty years, I want to
Speaker 2: move to Hawaii. Right, So if you are in a
Speaker 2: state like Florida, which is doomed to be underwater in
Speaker 2: one hundred two hundred years at least the coasts, maybe
Speaker 2: start thinking, like maybe I could retire in Nebraska, set
Speaker 2: up routs there so my kids don't drown, you know,
Speaker 2: when they're taking their kids to school. It's just like
Speaker 2: simple shit like that I think is actually a practical
Speaker 2: approach for the everyday person when it comes to climate changed.
Speaker 2: There's no reason for us to freak out and get
Speaker 2: psychotic about it, right, Like, we see the government is
Speaker 2: not moving quick and we see like science telling us, okay,
Speaker 2: this is what could happen. You find your local area,
Speaker 2: see what some predictions are for your area, Like if
Speaker 2: you're in the Middle East, you're already sweltering hell hole,
Speaker 2: is going to be an even more sweltering hell hole
Speaker 2: in the next forty years. Maybe think about, you know,
Speaker 2: moving to Germany.
Speaker 1: But why in France? Why did he need so many
Speaker 1: bottles of lube?
Speaker 2: Oh dude, because have you ever tried to get into
Speaker 2: a butthole in the shower. It's harder than just like
Speaker 2: going no lube on the bed, you know, like the
Speaker 2: water actually makes more friction somehow. So you got to
Speaker 2: get this nice silicone, you know, like it's slippery shit,
Speaker 2: you know, for the butthole in the shower.
Speaker 1: I just I usually just use diarrhea.
Speaker 2: All right, that's a meat joke.
Speaker 1: Yeah, mine, okay, my diarrhea.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well that's fair because I would use someone else's.
Speaker 1: I mean either that implies I would either be getting
Speaker 1: fucked in the ass or that I would sit in
Speaker 1: my own hand and then use it as lubricant.
Speaker 2: That's immediately what I thought when you said it the
Speaker 2: first You didn't.
Speaker 1: Even think about the gay thing. No, no, all.
Speaker 2: Right, I just figured that's like, you know, like par
Speaker 2: for the course. When you're fucking in the ass so
Speaker 2: much that you're.
Speaker 1: Gonna be covered in diarrhea, it's.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's like a plunger, right, like you ever,
Speaker 2: just like a plunge your toilet and then you you uh,
Speaker 2: you know, nine times out of ten, all this stuff
Speaker 2: goes down the tube and it's like, Okay, the plunger
Speaker 2: is functioning as it's needed, you know.
Speaker 1: As intended.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, But other times you you plunge and then
Speaker 2: it starts backing up for some reason, and it's like,
Speaker 2: oh no, it's diarrhea on my dick. No, did I
Speaker 2: ever tell you about that time in my house here?
Speaker 2: This house, fuck, we had maybe lived here a few years,
Speaker 2: and I've had backed up toilets before, but I've never
Speaker 2: had a toilet overflow. And wait, let me ask you.
Speaker 1: Are you on a sewage system or a septic sewage?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I've had a toilet overflow once when I
Speaker 2: was a kid, and I remember my dad standing around
Speaker 2: the rim of the toilet with a towel being like no, no,
Speaker 2: and the water was like creeping up, you know, over
Speaker 2: the rips.
Speaker 1: You know what you gotta do. You gotta risk it,
Speaker 1: and it's scary because you have to put your head
Speaker 1: down by the bowl, but you got to risk it,
Speaker 1: and you gotta go back, and you got to turn
Speaker 1: the water off real quick.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't think he knew that much about plumbing
Speaker 2: at the times.
Speaker 1: He's just like, no, shit, water everywhere was a piss
Speaker 1: or shit.
Speaker 2: I feel like it was shit. I feel like it
Speaker 2: was shit, But it was like at the time. I
Speaker 2: remember as a kid, I was having like really bad
Speaker 2: constipation all the time because I didn't want to shoot.
Speaker 1: It sexually abused.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, maybe, yeah, I just repressed it. No, I
Speaker 2: didn't want to shoot at school because one time I
Speaker 2: got shit on my pants and then my mom yelled
Speaker 2: at me and made me feel really embarrassed, you know. So,
Speaker 2: so I didn't want to shoo it at school anymore.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: So sure, So I would like, I would like hold
Speaker 2: it in all day and then I get home and
Speaker 2: I'd be like, well, I guess I don't have to
Speaker 2: shit anymore, you know, And then I would be like, well,
Speaker 2: we're going to go, you know, just be like it
Speaker 2: would be settled.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe possibly you fucking just had nerves that
Speaker 1: were really bothering you. Maybe, yeah, we grew up in
Speaker 1: somewhat of a toxic environment.
Speaker 2: I'm realizing that. Oh okay, So I would eventually have
Speaker 2: to shit so bad and I would sit on the
Speaker 2: TWI and be like, I can't shit. Someone help, you know,
Speaker 2: and someone would have to come and go.
Speaker 1: Stop, stop, stop, you should say. I would say, well,
Speaker 1: somebody help. And the story should in there, because then
Speaker 1: you should on your own. It shouldn't be followed up
Speaker 1: with whatever you said that you just followed it up
Speaker 1: with it threw me off. And then somebody would that
Speaker 1: was it. Don't do that, there's nothing that it should
Speaker 1: he found, And somebody would stay on the other side
Speaker 1: of the door and tell me, you know, to clean
Speaker 1: myself up and come out. That's the only thing you
Speaker 1: should say.
Speaker 2: Well, no, somebody would come on the other side of
Speaker 2: the door and be.
Speaker 1: Like, what are your mean.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I won't come out. They would terrify you, yeah,
Speaker 2: and they'd be like are you just kind of push
Speaker 2: it out, and so then I would like, I would,
Speaker 2: you know, like agonizingly shit these fucking hard turds out,
Speaker 2: and then eventually my mom and my stepdad, her second husband, Bob,
Speaker 2: he like her and him were like, look, you gotta
Speaker 2: start shitting more because you're holding your ship in so
Speaker 2: long that you get these like you know, like I think,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, my stepdad took a pill bottle and he's like,
Speaker 2: your buttthole is probably this big, and your ship is
Speaker 2: this big, and what without doing trying to jam? He's
Speaker 2: trying to jam the pill bottle through this normal bottle
Speaker 2: that I see you.
Speaker 1: No, I physically know what he was doing. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to figure out, like on an intellectual level, what's he's
Speaker 1: showing you here?
Speaker 2: Dude? I was a visual learner, Like he made me
Speaker 2: a diagram?
Speaker 1: Did he not think you knew what was going on?
Speaker 2: I didn't. Yeah, I was a little oh okay, I
Speaker 2: was like five, yeah, okay, all right. So he's like,
Speaker 2: your ship's building up in there. It's not coming out.
Speaker 2: You got a ship like ging scientist. This is the
Speaker 2: medicinal explanation. Here, his ship's building up in there. You
Speaker 2: got a real fat long Well that's true, you know,
Speaker 2: like all right, she was making a good point. I
Speaker 2: just didn't understand because I was a visual learner. I
Speaker 2: didn't like, I had these feelings of like agony in
Speaker 2: my bowel, but I didn't really equate it with anything.
Speaker 2: I just thought like, oh stop, you know. But anyway,
Speaker 2: so I was after one of these Mondo ships at
Speaker 2: my dad's house and he was like, oh shit, the
Speaker 2: water and he's trying to catch it with a towel.
Speaker 2: It's just like that's not going to work, you know.
Speaker 2: And so I remember the like thinking like, oh god, Dad, like,
Speaker 2: you don't want to catch that water. It's dirty, you know.
Speaker 2: Just back up from it, you know, just get away.
Speaker 2: And then he was like, oh, trying to catch it
Speaker 2: with the toilet and then it's like it runs over
Speaker 2: the bowl and he's just like oh no, no fuck.
Speaker 2: And I'm like I'm like, oh, okay, this is what
Speaker 2: trauma is like. All right, So I guess I guess
Speaker 2: he's mad. He's like, why did you so bad? It's like,
Speaker 2: why did you flush it twice and all this stuff.
Speaker 2: He's gonna break it up with a stick. You come
Speaker 2: get the swoon and you break it up. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I didn't know. I thought it just went down the hole,
Speaker 2: you know. And he's like no, you fucking dumbass. And so,
Speaker 2: you know, naturally, the time I get to the toilet bowl,
Speaker 2: it's overflown with my shit. And by now I'm I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm just shitting, like shredded, like diarrhea, liquor, like bloody liquor.
Speaker 2: You know, it's just a mess. And so I think
Speaker 2: the it was just so much toilet paper that was
Speaker 2: clogging it up. So when I go to flush it,
Speaker 2: it's overflowing and it's just like chunks of like red shit,
Speaker 2: and like, what do I do? I answer this the
Speaker 2: same thing. I grabbed the white towel off the rack
Speaker 2: that I've been using to dry myself for two weeks,
Speaker 2: and I fucking grabbed the rim of the bowl. I'm
Speaker 2: like stop, and all this shit water, all this bloody
Speaker 2: shit is like running over my fucking hands and all
Speaker 2: over my body, and the doors closed, and dude, I
Speaker 2: didn't know the thing about the water. My dad didn't
Speaker 2: know either, so he never taught me. He just yelled
Speaker 2: at me and told me to go away. So I
Speaker 2: think a plumber. I don't know what happened I was
Speaker 2: in that was handled without me. I just hid, you know.
Speaker 2: So I'm standing there like fuck what I do? And
Speaker 2: I shit, you not do this? Fucking diarrhea shit water
Speaker 2: filled the entire bathroom and ran out into the hallway
Speaker 2: on my carpet and shit, and then my like it
Speaker 2: started comping out, and I was like.
Speaker 4: No, what do I Finally, my wife is like, why
Speaker 4: don't you shift the water off?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, good thinking.
Speaker 5: So I ran outside to the main water line and
Speaker 5: I used the giant metal rod that the sprinkler guy
Speaker 5: left and reached down to the sewer main and shut
Speaker 5: off the main water line in the house.
Speaker 1: What happened here? You went from your you were a
Speaker 1: kid or something.
Speaker 2: This story started with me, I'm having.
Speaker 1: A frencher film. Yeah, Benjamin buttoned a little bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I took you all the way down the rabbit
Speaker 2: hole and back out.
Speaker 1: I told you the fucking one time. I don't have
Speaker 1: Oh when I was like four or five or something,
Speaker 1: there was a Christmas party at our house and I
Speaker 1: flushed a pair of my underwear down. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: holy no shit or anything, just my underwear. I don't
Speaker 1: know that. I don't know, like a curious kid four
Speaker 1: or five.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's still pretty dumb.
Speaker 1: Twenty two but uh, I was watching me flush my
Speaker 1: fucking underwear.
Speaker 2: It was it was a friend's house, it was his
Speaker 2: bachelor party.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, I did that. My uncle Pat is
Speaker 1: a plumber, and he went in the basement and opened
Speaker 1: up like a valve, some kind of big, giant fucking pipe,
Speaker 1: and he like pulled out like he had a glove on.
Speaker 1: He pulled out my underwear and kind of like showed
Speaker 1: it to everyone.
Speaker 2: Oh man, that's trauma right there.
Speaker 1: I never thought of it as trauma, but looking back
Speaker 1: at it.
Speaker 2: Maybe, yeah, you're embarrassed from that. Huh.
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I mean, I wasn't thrilled. I wasn't doing
Speaker 1: bowels and expecting fucking, you know, roses to be thrown
Speaker 1: to me. I don't know. I think I don't even
Speaker 1: really remember the after effects of that.
Speaker 4: Then.
Speaker 2: No one, no one yelled. They were just like, oh,
Speaker 2: Matt flushing his undies again.
Speaker 1: I don't see. I don't remember that young. I didn't remember.
Speaker 1: My first memory around there was being told my brother
Speaker 1: was gonna be born.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, okay, so happy memory.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess yeah or not or.
Speaker 2: Not, he might be born. We might have bored him.
Speaker 2: We're not sure.
Speaker 1: No. Well, I mean it was happy for a while
Speaker 1: and then it got real sad. But yeah, yeah, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: yeah I remember that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But anyway, the ship thing there was. Oh so I
Speaker 1: don't have a ship one. But I've told this before.
Speaker 1: My dad had a rental car. He takes me, maybe
Speaker 1: my brother. Maybe I don't. Maybe not.
Speaker 2: If you remember a story that starts with a rental car,
Speaker 2: it's probably bad news for that fucking car. Uh.
Speaker 1: Well, it wasn't great. The car didin't correct? He fucking
Speaker 1: I spend the whole morning. It was a cold, cold morning.
Speaker 1: I remember it was maybe around winter because I had
Speaker 1: a white sweater on, just a nice white sweater, and
Speaker 1: I spent the morning eating a cold canned corn and
Speaker 1: lemon jello.
Speaker 2: Uh. What the fuck kind of halfway house did you
Speaker 2: grow up in? Holy shit?
Speaker 1: Yeah, listen, you guys are all real bad heroin addicts.
Speaker 1: You can only eat yellow foods. Okay, we got corn
Speaker 1: over here, We got lemon jello over here, lemonade in
Speaker 1: the back if you're thirsty. Yeah, I don't know, dude.
Speaker 1: I was eating cold canned corn, like if you cracked
Speaker 1: the can open, and you were just.
Speaker 2: Like, are we talking like creamed corn with flavor or
Speaker 2: just water and corn salt.
Speaker 1: Salt, probably salted, yeah, yeah, yeah good. I didn't salt
Speaker 1: it personally, but those are heavily salted by the Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't buy the no salt one.
Speaker 2: That's for fucking gays.
Speaker 1: So I'm spending the morning eating cold corn and fucking
Speaker 1: uh lemon jello. I don't like lemon and everything. I
Speaker 1: don't know why they even make lemon any.
Speaker 2: As I get old, I'm such an old man when
Speaker 2: it comes to dessert. My favorite dessert At the moment
Speaker 2: you want to take a guess at my favorite dessert,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna. I'm it's not butterscotch.
Speaker 1: Mm you gotta give me a category. Is it's a pie? Pie?
Speaker 1: Key lime?
Speaker 2: Yeah, baby, it's motherfucking key lime. I love it so much.
Speaker 1: Jen likes key lime too.
Speaker 2: Is old?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, all right, good overser dry it up. Eh.
Speaker 2: Oh dude, my fucking testosterone's real low. We're all that's.
Speaker 1: Good, but I'm still trying to have kids.
Speaker 2: Oh dude, you got way high tea, especially after losing
Speaker 2: all that weight. Your tea is probably so high right now.
Speaker 1: It might be high right now, I might be cranking
Speaker 1: on full tea.
Speaker 2: I'm not tea checked lately.
Speaker 1: I haven't gotten my tea checked the doctor. My fucking
Speaker 1: I do feel like my balls have gotten smaller, though.
Speaker 2: That's a sign of high tea. That's like the bodybuilders, right,
Speaker 2: their fucking balls shrink up and their tea goes up, right.
Speaker 1: Because they got so much fucking tea.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, it's like that their balls actually become the tea.
Speaker 2: That's actually what's happening.
Speaker 1: You know what really got my tea up high was
Speaker 1: my all yellow diet.
Speaker 2: So here, you've just been teed up since adolescent, since boyhood.
Speaker 1: So I'm spending the morning eating these wonderful treats. Okay, uh,
Speaker 1: these wonderful yellow treats, and I fucking my dad's like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're going to food town. So we went to food Town,
Speaker 1: which sounds like a fucking shitty Nickelodeon show nowadays.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like a game show where kids run
Speaker 2: around with shopping carts and hastily throw them into the cart.
Speaker 2: But then they fucking have to push the cart through
Speaker 2: like an obstacle course of slime and bookers and fat
Speaker 2: kids with red hair say card again.
Speaker 1: Card cart cart yeah, I thought it was funny. You
Speaker 1: said it like three times in one sentence at one point.
Speaker 2: Oh sorry, No.
Speaker 1: I liked it. It was cool. These kids pushed the cart.
Speaker 1: They're like, check out this.
Speaker 2: Cart, look at the cart.
Speaker 1: Everyone gathered around the cart.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, dude. It was a very cart centric show.
Speaker 1: So we go to food down. Yeah, I know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's important. I don't know why it's not called carttown then.
Speaker 2: Because they throw food in the carts and then push
Speaker 2: the carts through Si.
Speaker 1: No, you ever hear a word too many times and
Speaker 1: it loses all meaning.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, dude. I hate when that happens, because then
Speaker 2: I want to fucking.
Speaker 1: Take all your thoughts and put them in the cart.
Speaker 2: No, I want to find another word to like counteract it.
Speaker 2: So like that always sets me on the the hunt
Speaker 2: for the perfect word. Right, So it's like you're on
Speaker 2: the hunt. You have this word that's like, oh, it's
Speaker 2: lost its meaning. What's the word with all the meaning?
Speaker 2: And then you're just confounded.
Speaker 1: Right, I got the perfect word, but I only say
Speaker 1: that one on Patreon.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you found the word with all the meaning?
Speaker 1: Yeah, all the meaning in the world.
Speaker 2: Yeuh huh. Yeah, you can say all that word.
Speaker 1: Uh. So we go to food town and I'm feeling
Speaker 1: a little rumby, like I don't feel well doing this,
Speaker 1: oh God, and my stomach, and I'm telling my dad
Speaker 1: he has a rental car because all he has is
Speaker 1: like his work truck. So what he would do was
Speaker 1: when he would have us kids for the weekend. This
Speaker 1: is when my parents are separated, he would like rent
Speaker 1: a car so he could drive us around places.
Speaker 2: And that's baller, dude, your dad was probably a drug dealer.
Speaker 1: Huh uh No, No, he just fucking rented a car
Speaker 1: once in a while. And sometimes that car fucking stunk.
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you why. Because we go to food
Speaker 1: down and I start feeling upset and I'm like feel good.
Speaker 1: He's just probably like, you know, you shut up, Not really,
Speaker 1: but he probably got frantic. He'd be like, you're gonna
Speaker 1: be fine, You're gonna be fine. Come on, you're gonna
Speaker 1: be fine. Let's go. And then just in the middle
Speaker 1: of the floor, in front of all the checkout lanes
Speaker 1: like checkout lanes, then there was actually a really big aisle.
Speaker 1: It probably wasn't, but like my memory now, and then
Speaker 1: like right the aisle start is how I pictured it,
Speaker 1: and uh, I just start puking man puke and just
Speaker 1: all yellow. I mean, and it's just corn and yellow
Speaker 1: yellow yellow yellow.
Speaker 2: Just looks like fucking somehow digested corn guts.
Speaker 1: I think it looks like I was eating a whole
Speaker 1: bunch of corn. And then my fucking what would be
Speaker 1: your ankreas?
Speaker 2: What makes bio your liver? Your liver?
Speaker 1: Okay, my liver was going bad, So I was just
Speaker 1: puking a bio on fucking corn.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, like an alcoholic five.
Speaker 1: My dad tries to take my sweater and like cup
Speaker 1: it underway.
Speaker 2: Dude, what's what? Dad's trying to catch nasty liquids in fabric.
Speaker 2: It's not gonna work.
Speaker 1: Hey, you guys never made it as baseball players. Okay,
Speaker 1: just accept it. You can't catch things. It's already.
Speaker 2: This is not even a solid thing.
Speaker 1: So he tries to take the shirt, the sweater, and
Speaker 1: it was like a knit sweater with like big holes,
Speaker 1: not holes, but like big patterns. Yeah, and it's just
Speaker 1: all puke is flowing through it. And then I walk
Speaker 1: out to the car just covered in puke, and I
Speaker 1: get in his rental car, which now stinks like fucking puke.
Speaker 2: So is he like yelling about the deposit or did
Speaker 2: he just drop you right back off at your mom's.
Speaker 1: Uh, he definitely dropped me back off at my mom's. No,
Speaker 1: he wasn't yelling about the deposit. He was more I
Speaker 1: don't know, dude, I put myself in that situation. I've
Speaker 1: never even been like, oh he was wrong. He didn't
Speaker 1: comfort me this and that, because even as a kid,
Speaker 1: I was like, what the Oh, yeah, man, no, I
Speaker 1: that if I saw some I mean I covered like
Speaker 1: it felt like three aisles worth I blocked with just
Speaker 1: turning my head puking. My dad's trying to stand in
Speaker 1: front of me, catching it with my fucking shirt. Oh
Speaker 1: oh my god, he probably threw a book.
Speaker 2: To be honest, he probably was.
Speaker 1: I should have I should have got a bucket.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, Yeah, I should have gone and asked for
Speaker 2: a mop and a bucket. I should have done the
Speaker 2: right thing.
Speaker 1: If I had my work truck, I would have had
Speaker 1: a bucket, you.
Speaker 2: Know, right, fucking car, God, damn his fucking car and
Speaker 2: should have never arranged his car. Should just picked him
Speaker 2: up in the work truck that I could have to buy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he had a million things going through his head at
Speaker 2: that moment. Why did I use the fucking nick cap? So?
Speaker 1: Uh, yeah, that was I had that.
Speaker 2: But you bought a Tesla, Oh yeah, dude, and it
Speaker 2: was so much better than buying a car with my
Speaker 2: mom or dad when I was a case. Since we're
Speaker 2: on the subject of them freaking out, my dad bought
Speaker 2: an Ex Tarra. Okay, so here's one difference between buying
Speaker 2: a Tesla and other cars. Don you tell me when
Speaker 2: your when you ever when your parents bought cars as kids,
Speaker 2: did you ever go with them and have to be
Speaker 2: stuck with them all day at the dealership?
Speaker 1: Uh? Maybe once? Yeah, yeah, I think so for one
Speaker 1: of my like middle school.
Speaker 2: Though, do you remember it as a day ordeal?
Speaker 1: Yes, she was gone all day. No, I don't think
Speaker 1: I went with her because I think when she bought
Speaker 1: a car, it was I was in high school already
Speaker 1: and I started staying home in like seventh grade or something,
Speaker 1: sixth grade, so it was an all Sorry, I know
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be it shouldn't be that, but yes, I
Speaker 1: understand what you're saying. It is a long arduous pro
Speaker 1: I've bought cars, so.
Speaker 2: Sure, Hey, I bought another car. Yeah, I bought with
Speaker 2: me and the wife bought a Nissan in twenty fourteen
Speaker 2: and it was a year old at the time. But
Speaker 2: that again, that was an all day fucking affair. It's
Speaker 2: like the kind of thing where it's like you talk
Speaker 2: about it the night before, Okay, tomorrow we're gonna get up,
Speaker 2: We're gonna go buy a car. You get there at
Speaker 2: ten oh five when the fucking dealership's open, and you're
Speaker 2: there till six. You know, it's like you're signing the
Speaker 2: papers at six and it's like a huge stack, and
Speaker 2: it's like you're making phone calls to underwriters and financiers
Speaker 2: and shit, and it's just an all day, long, drawn
Speaker 2: out process. I remember my dad he negotiated with these
Speaker 2: fuckers on a brand new Extra all day and the
Speaker 2: guy kept trying to upsell him to the ex Terra Supercharged,
Speaker 2: and my dad was like, finally, at like seven, He's like, no,
Speaker 2: I think I'm just gonna take this one. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: oh yeah, And I remember the guy was like my
Speaker 2: dad was like, still like gonna leave, you know, jewing
Speaker 2: out like to the to the nth degree, you know, Okay,
Speaker 2: and then the dealers like what do I gotta do
Speaker 2: to get you to leave in a vehicle today?
Speaker 1: And my dad fucking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he pretty. My dad was like look my fucking
Speaker 2: bull sack or or my kids, you know, like no, no,
Speaker 2: But he finally left in the regular ex terra after
Speaker 2: like just getting this guy to take money out. I
Speaker 2: was like, this fucking negotiation, which I hate it. And
Speaker 2: then I go to his house again. Two weeks later.
Speaker 2: He spent the whole Saturday on my every other weekend
Speaker 2: with him. He spent the whole Saturday buying a new tribe. Right,
Speaker 2: not the next Saturday when I wasn't scheduled to be there.
Speaker 2: The Saturday when I'm.
Speaker 1: There, gives you something to do.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah. And then so the saturday I come back
Speaker 2: two weeks later, he's like he picks me up and
Speaker 2: he's like, you notice anything about the truck And I'm
Speaker 2: a fucking dumb ass kid. I'm like, no, you don't
Speaker 2: notice the difference. And I'm like, did you paint it
Speaker 2: or something like is it a seat cover? He's like, no,
Speaker 2: I took the truck back. I got the super charge one,
Speaker 2: and I was like, Jesus fucking fuck. He's like, you spend.
Speaker 3: All day the sky and deal breaking and negotiating and
Speaker 3: fucking reading a Torah and all the shit, just so
Speaker 3: you can get a regular vehicle at this crazy low price.
Speaker 2: And you brought it back and you just got the supercharge.
Speaker 2: He's like, oh yeah, this one's way better. It's got
Speaker 2: circular headlights and it's got a first day.
Speaker 1: We were building a car for Jen, right, and it
Speaker 1: was like, like you add on the different things. We
Speaker 1: didn't buy anything. We were just fucking around with it
Speaker 1: one night and one of the things was like like
Speaker 1: a premium first aid kit. And she was like, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's good to have first aid kit. I go, do
Speaker 1: you see what the cost is to add this? She
Speaker 1: was like, what is it?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Two hundred and seventy five dollars? God damn, get the
Speaker 1: fuck out of here. Get some of those markups are
Speaker 1: fucking crazy horrendous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, yeah, that's go ahead. I'm right about what.
Speaker 1: You Well, I was gonna say, you can't be buying
Speaker 1: out of desperation if you to get the absolute best price.
Speaker 1: I want to hear about you buying your car, but
Speaker 1: I assume you knew what you wanted. Also, I guess
Speaker 1: it's do multiple Tesla dealerships.
Speaker 2: Uh, there's the Tesla show room here in Reno, and
Speaker 2: then there's another one in Sacramento. I think people do
Speaker 2: buy in Sacramento because they have a way bigger lot,
Speaker 2: so there's like more selection. So, like the we could
Speaker 2: have just ordered the vehicle and it would have been
Speaker 2: the same price, but well, there was like two specifications
Speaker 2: that we were like, oh, yeah, we'll get the white interior.
Speaker 2: We'll pay the extra thousand for the white interior. It's fine,
Speaker 2: it's fine. But then they didn't have a one or
Speaker 2: one with a white interior on the lot. So we're
Speaker 2: just like whatever, well, we'll just save a thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pull your mic down a little bit. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: I uh ah. What was I gonna say about that?
Speaker 2: Well, I was gonna say about accessories. The Tesla accessories
Speaker 2: decently priced. I do think that the there was one
Speaker 2: that was like seventy bucks, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: would but seventies a little too much. But yeah. There
Speaker 2: was like a cup holder that like snaps into the vehicle.
Speaker 2: It's like because the vehicle just has like a big
Speaker 2: open kit, right, Like you can open the console and
Speaker 2: it's just like an abyss, you know, like a void
Speaker 2: and you can put in like a front cup holder.
Speaker 2: There's some in the back, but you can put in
Speaker 2: a front cup holder. It's thirty bucks, you know, And
Speaker 2: it's like, I think that's fair. You know, it's thirty bucks.
Speaker 2: It stays snapped into the vehicle permanently if you want
Speaker 2: it to be, or you can take it out. That's fair.
Speaker 2: But yeah, like two seventy five for a first ay
Speaker 2: kit is a little ridiculous unless it's got like quick
Speaker 2: clot and a fucking radio to call a metavac, you know.
Speaker 1: Flash bang to throw it fucking mercenaries coming at you. Yeah, right, No,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna go ahead.
Speaker 2: Oh I was a long buying experience.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I want to hear about one thing first.
Speaker 1: Did you have to upgrade your fucking charger shit at home?
Speaker 2: Oh? Well that's optional, so you can. You can get
Speaker 2: a home charger. It's four hundred dollars, and then you
Speaker 2: have to have an electrician install it. You you're not
Speaker 2: even allowed to at least in a matter, you're not
Speaker 2: even allowed to do certain electrical shit by yourself. So
Speaker 2: if you want a new wall outlet, because I was
Speaker 2: just thinking about it the other day. It's like, I
Speaker 2: want to put a new wall outlet in the garage.
Speaker 2: There's two in there. I want a third one for
Speaker 2: a saw or something if I buy it, you know,
Speaker 2: And I was like looking into how I would do it.
Speaker 2: It's like, all right, I already have this coax support here.
Speaker 2: Could I just turn this into a power outlet? No,
Speaker 2: you can't because you'd have to splice into the main
Speaker 2: wires of the house. You could do it, but then
Speaker 2: if anybody ever came and worked on your electrical like,
Speaker 2: you could get trouble. It's it's not authorized, it's illegal.
Speaker 2: You got to get a license electrician to do it
Speaker 2: because they don't want you to fucking explode yourself or
Speaker 2: your house.
Speaker 1: But uh, counterpoint, if you explode yourself or your house,
Speaker 1: you don't have to worry about reselling it.
Speaker 2: That's true, but they don't want to clean it up.
Speaker 1: Hmm okay, but I think that's when you sell a
Speaker 1: house as is, right, m you don't have to so
Speaker 1: much worry about that. Like you can do those types
Speaker 1: of things here house.
Speaker 2: I think that even the state well that I mean,
Speaker 2: we just had a furnace put in right the county
Speaker 2: has an inspector. Like, anytime a furnace is installed in
Speaker 2: at home and in our county, it has to be
Speaker 2: reported to some bureau or something, and within thirty days
Speaker 2: somebody from the county is supposed to contact us to
Speaker 2: schedule an inspection. They have to come out and make
Speaker 2: sure the furnace was installed properly, that there's no leaks,
Speaker 2: the like all this stuff, you know. So the what
Speaker 2: the fuck was I saying that in reference to Why
Speaker 2: was I making that comparison?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's how selling the houses is. Oh yeah, I
Speaker 2: wanted to put an outlet in, but I can't. So yeah,
Speaker 2: we would have to call a Tesla or an electrician
Speaker 2: to put the Tesla outlet in. So that would probably
Speaker 2: be like five hundred bucks. So that's like a great
Speaker 2: yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. But we bought the mobile charger
Speaker 2: because we're we're like cleaned out. This is all our money,
Speaker 2: this is our last of our savings with our down payment.
Speaker 2: So we just spent two hundred and fifty dollars on
Speaker 2: the mobile charger, which you can just plug into a
Speaker 2: regular outlet. It just takes three hours to do a
Speaker 2: full charge.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you do it overnight?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: And how long do the charges like on the road
Speaker 1: and shit take ours?
Speaker 2: Is that ours is rated at two hundred and ninety
Speaker 2: five miles?
Speaker 1: I think no, no, no, no, no, Like if you go
Speaker 1: to like a quote unquote.
Speaker 2: Gas station, Oh, those take like fucking twenty minutes to
Speaker 2: get I think. I think. I think they take ten
Speaker 2: minutes to get to eighty percent, twenty minutes to get
Speaker 2: to ninety, and then a half hour maybe an hour.
Speaker 2: There's a long time to get to one hundred.
Speaker 1: Okay, pull your mic up a little bit again, only
Speaker 1: because it's yeah, it keeps going weird, all right, and
Speaker 1: we don't we don't have that second feed, all right,
Speaker 1: tell me about the buying experience. I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: get a car at some point soon.
Speaker 2: Okay for jen, So I don't care what kind of
Speaker 2: car you get for, but just keep this in mind,
Speaker 2: Like all the car companies could learn from Tesla, right.
Speaker 2: So I'm not an Elon Musk fanboy, but I really
Speaker 2: think the company is just extraordinary, right, Like labor issues aside,
Speaker 2: and you know, all all that stuff, like I don't
Speaker 2: I don't really follow that too. Much, but god damn
Speaker 2: if they don't deliver a great product and they just
Speaker 2: streamline the whole car buying experience. It's almost like they said,
Speaker 2: all right, we understand how much people hate buying a car,
Speaker 2: So the only way they're gonna want to come into
Speaker 2: a building and buy our new, experimental, weird hippie car
Speaker 2: is if we are completely transparent and honest. If we
Speaker 2: if we're honest about faults, if we're honest about price performance,
Speaker 2: and we are like just fast and quick, we don't
Speaker 2: try and sugarcoat anything like that's really how it works.
Speaker 2: They're just like they're super friendly, yes, but they're not
Speaker 2: selling me anything like it. Oh yeah, and they don't.
Speaker 2: They don't follow you around right like there's doesn't seem
Speaker 2: like it's commission based, and if it is, they split
Speaker 2: everything because they're just like passing you off. It's like
Speaker 2: the Apple Store. It's like one person will help you
Speaker 2: for a few minutes, another personal help you for a
Speaker 2: few minutes, and and you buy your car that way.
Speaker 2: And it really just felt awesome, you know, it just
Speaker 2: felt like we weren't getting taken advantage of. Maybe this
Speaker 2: is like a reverse psychology thing, but it really just
Speaker 2: felt like, Okay, they're honest about what this vehicle can do.
Speaker 2: They're honest about like, hey, you need to plan your
Speaker 2: routes if you're going to go on a long trip
Speaker 2: because there's not going to be charging everywhere. Like they're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: they were, they were real oh snow, Like look if
Speaker 2: you're if you're think, oh yeah, we were like under
Speaker 2: the impression, right like we need the all wheel drive.
Speaker 2: We need the all wheel drive because of the snow,
Speaker 2: because of the hill we live on. And I had
Speaker 2: actually already kind of taught I think I might have
Speaker 2: talked about this on another episode. How I kind of
Speaker 2: made this equation in my head where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 2: torque in a car is you're a measure of torque
Speaker 2: is for a layman is how well you can get
Speaker 2: up a hill and how well you can grip in snow. Right,
Speaker 2: Because torque is you're twisting power. So if you're twisting
Speaker 2: something around an access and you're slipping and sliding all
Speaker 2: over the place, you're applying too mark, you're applying too
Speaker 2: much torque, right, so the wheels are spinning too fast
Speaker 2: for the snow. In this case, if you can't get
Speaker 2: up a hill and you're like lagging, you know, your
Speaker 2: transmission feels like it's like straining. Well, that's because the
Speaker 2: torque isn't enough. You don't have enough spinning power to
Speaker 2: go fast enough. Every vehicle that I've ever owned has
Speaker 2: been like you know, so I think the Toyota Matrix
Speaker 2: was the lowest, and then the Hyundai's kind of low too,
Speaker 2: but it's it's still pretty strong in the snow, all
Speaker 2: things considered. And then we had the Marana, right which
Speaker 2: handles really well in the snow. Like I've had friends
Speaker 2: in my car. Yeah, my friend Kevin, I pulled into
Speaker 2: his driveway once with him in the car and it
Speaker 2: was like covered in snow. He's like, holy shit, how
Speaker 2: did you do that? Because it's on a big slant.
Speaker 2: And I was like, this car just rules, man, this
Speaker 2: is a great car. You know. He's like, I've never
Speaker 2: been able to pull into my driveway when it's like this.
Speaker 2: I had to just park on the street. And I
Speaker 2: was like, for real, I didn't think. OK, and he
Speaker 2: drives it's a two will drive, but it's a it's
Speaker 2: a Toyota four Runner, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Sure. But anyway, the Marano, which people like I said,
Speaker 2: people are like, damn, this handles well in the snow.
Speaker 2: That has two hundred and forty foot pounds of torque
Speaker 2: on the model we have, right, and it was still
Speaker 2: holding up up until last winter. Our base model rear
Speaker 2: will drive Tesla that we bought. We didn't get the
Speaker 2: all will drive. He talked us down. He talked us
Speaker 2: out of spending more money. Is three hundred foot pounds
Speaker 2: of torque. Yeah, and it's a smaller vehicle and it's
Speaker 2: got better weight distribution. I looked at the way the
Speaker 2: weight is spread out because of the battery. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: just a phenomenal design. It's an awesome experience. I hate
Speaker 2: to suck Musk Dick because I think he's a weird
Speaker 2: wigner who came to my country and bought an American
Speaker 2: coney and how Cootive's jobs is not a foreigner. He
Speaker 2: didn't come here to buy an American company exploit it
Speaker 2: for South Africa. Everyone's worried about China. Everyone's so worried
Speaker 2: about China. Dude, look at these Syrians and these South
Speaker 2: Africans coming in here and ruining our technology. Anyway, the
Speaker 2: Tesla is a fucking amazing vehicle and they sell the
Speaker 2: car just so goddamn good. I can't recommend it enough.
Speaker 2: I love it, but I haven't even dripled a thing yet.
Speaker 2: I drove it for like eight minutes, and then my
Speaker 2: wife has been driving it the whole time.
Speaker 1: I saw a video where so much of the shit
Speaker 1: inside is connected together with plastic like mirror should be metal,
Speaker 1: And there was one inside the cyber truck. There was
Speaker 1: a thing where it was like something didn't fit. So
Speaker 1: somebody electrical taped two pieces or two washers or something
Speaker 1: on top of each other to like balance the thing
Speaker 1: on top of it. Wow, And it wasn't a great look.
Speaker 1: Now that being said, I'm not going off roading. You
Speaker 1: know none of that shit?
Speaker 2: Do people take those off roading it? It looks like
Speaker 2: it's just a spectacle vehicle.
Speaker 1: What cyber truck?
Speaker 2: Cyber truck?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean if you bust out your fucking torque stats,
Speaker 1: which trust me, the gear heads out there hearing about
Speaker 1: your niss Amrano the torque on it really got wet
Speaker 1: on that one. Us that are into fucking cars, you
Speaker 1: know that broad Pool women? Yeah, are you torqued?
Speaker 2: They call them that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to call I don't like saying insulting
Speaker 1: things like that about women.
Speaker 2: Your cunt. That's just what they have, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's what they act like at times too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so uh uh stop stop with all. I don't really
Speaker 1: like just accepted these good business guys to see.
Speaker 2: That's the thing is, like I can accept that. That's
Speaker 2: why I'm saying how much I like Tesla. I just
Speaker 2: don't like that guy. I think he's a fucking autistic
Speaker 2: South African And we all know what happens in South Africa.
Speaker 2: They take aliens, they round him up in camps, and
Speaker 2: they electrocute him with rods. Is that what they do
Speaker 2: in that movie by Darren Aronofsky, which was a documentary,
Speaker 2: At least he was presented as such.
Speaker 1: I saw that movie with my friend Nicole, and uh
Speaker 1: we walk. Yeah yeah, my friend Nicole. Yes, I didn't
Speaker 1: necessarily want to point that out, but she eat is
Speaker 1: a bit of a muff diver.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, that's just her identity. That's how I know her.
Speaker 1: I told you about that rude time when I went
Speaker 1: to go see a movie and it was Nicole's girlfriend, Nicole,
Speaker 1: me and Bland Drew and fucking Nicole and her girlfriend
Speaker 1: were kissing, and Drew leaned past me and turned his
Speaker 1: head so he could watch them make out. Oh god,
Speaker 1: it was the fucking rudest but also creepiest fucking thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I would have leaned back further, but then watched
Speaker 2: behind your neck.
Speaker 1: You know what I should have done, pulled my cock out,
Speaker 1: and then he'd be leaning watching the lesbian kissing and
Speaker 1: then slam his head on my deck and start screaming,
Speaker 1: you know slurs for homosexual people.
Speaker 2: Oh, this suck my deck, see each other's face.
Speaker 1: So I'm shit. So I'm sitting there with my dick
Speaker 1: out right. This guy's trying to suck a couple of
Speaker 1: queers on my leafter making out. I don't know, stinks
Speaker 1: like fish over here, like homo over here?
Speaker 2: Is this what I got to put up with the
Speaker 2: CMDA movie.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to see Diary of a Mad Black Woman,
Speaker 1: which is, of course the first if Tyler Perry's multiverse universe,
Speaker 1: the Black Averse, blackest sphere.
Speaker 2: If Tyler Perry brings any of his shit, if he
Speaker 2: brings the pain to the sphere in Las Vegas, they
Speaker 2: got to call it the black Sphere.
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know what are they doing with that.
Speaker 1: That's so like people are having to redesign those shows, right,
Speaker 1: You can't just pop a normal show in there.
Speaker 2: Yeah for real. I mean I keep on saying, like
Speaker 2: a band like Tool or something would be so cool
Speaker 2: to have there, but it would be an exclusive, you know.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine them wanting to do a residency, so
Speaker 2: it would be Yeah, it's gotta be hard. You're gonna
Speaker 2: have to keep getting an act to just stay there
Speaker 2: for a long time. It's never gonna be a venue
Speaker 2: where it's like unless they just build up such a
Speaker 2: big repertoire of residencies that eventually they can start touring them,
Speaker 2: you know, but they'll probably start dying off by then.
Speaker 1: Well you know what. Maybe it's like Blu ray players.
Speaker 1: When they first came out, there were like six movies
Speaker 1: you could buy with them, right, But as time went
Speaker 1: on and it became cheaper and the process of making
Speaker 1: Blu rays became easier for people to be able to
Speaker 1: produce more of them came out, the price on them
Speaker 1: came down. So once they're able to like format these
Speaker 1: shows to be like, oh, this is how we do
Speaker 1: light cues with this you don't have to pay a guy.
Speaker 1: What are you laughing at? Are you laughing at?
Speaker 2: I just want to know what your favorite Blu Ray is.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not a big special features guy like
Speaker 1: you are.
Speaker 2: So I thought that was the coolest shit when it
Speaker 2: came out. They could update those special features on the internet.
Speaker 2: Fucking they never do.
Speaker 1: No, They never do no. And those digital codes that
Speaker 1: they get you inside to download something, they always expire
Speaker 1: like three months after you buy the movie, which I
Speaker 1: understand normally people are gonna go and download it right away.
Speaker 1: But like it's a digital code, you can make that
Speaker 1: live forever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how many digits do you need, like to have
Speaker 2: infinity codes for this one movie? It's the Legend of
Speaker 2: Bagger Vants on Blu Ray. Do you really need six
Speaker 2: hundred trillion codes for it? Oh? Man?
Speaker 1: I think I put my code in wrong. I was
Speaker 1: trying to get the Avengers and instead I got the
Speaker 1: Legend of Bagger Vance.
Speaker 2: Oh man, Well, I guess it's kind of an uplifting movie.
Speaker 2: Maybe watch it? Is it uplifting? I don't know it's
Speaker 2: what it will Smith is the Black Helper to Matt Damon.
Speaker 1: I don't think they call them helpers. I think it's
Speaker 1: a caddy. I don't think helper is the right term.
Speaker 2: What is it that that? The turf n word? Is
Speaker 2: that what they call it? The green? The no that
Speaker 2: the golfing version of the house and word.
Speaker 1: Due no, no, no, no no. You know what? On
Speaker 1: that note, go to your Worst friend dot com. Follow
Speaker 1: us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram. At worst friend cast
Speaker 1: patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast. You get a
Speaker 1: bonus episode every week and access to everything ever recorded,
Speaker 1: entirely commercial free. Uh so you enjoy your tesla? You
Speaker 1: like your Tesla?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I mean it's cool for the drive home,
Speaker 2: you know. We drove it to Popeyes. We went through
Speaker 2: the drive through and the guy was like, hey, is
Speaker 2: this a Tesla?
Speaker 1: Oh shit, this boy got a computer car out here.
Speaker 2: And I was like, yes it is. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 2: could you tell me why Ruth gat Ginsburg was so important?
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, what are you? My three
Speaker 2: year old? Have you get out of here?
Speaker 1: You know, Ruth Gater Binsburg.
Speaker 2: Yeah, is that her name? Ruth Gater Binsburg. Things by what.
Speaker 1: People aren't gonna know the title unleist. They listen to
Speaker 1: the list thirty seconds of this show, they're gonna sit
Speaker 1: here going when the fuck are they gonna bring up
Speaker 1: Gators or Ruth E. Spence forever talking about torque and
Speaker 1: now fucking we get here and it's about all right Gator.
Speaker 2: Part Okay, so Gator's wrong. Okay, So it's Ruth Binsburg.
Speaker 2: What's the midder part.
Speaker 1: What's the minner part? You're not even talking fucking words
Speaker 1: and Chinese?
Speaker 2: What's the middle part?
Speaker 1: Oh? Middle Ruth gat Binsburg. You said, what is it? Ruth?
Speaker 1: Gator Peter Bader Ginsburg talking.
Speaker 2: About like b A T E r like a master
Speaker 2: Baider and Ginsburg. Okay, yeah, that's a Jewish name. I
Speaker 2: didn't I didn't put it together. I thought it was
Speaker 2: Gator Binsburg because she wore Gator shoes under her hood.
Speaker 1: What hood? Oh, they don't wear hoods.
Speaker 2: They don't wear black hoods.
Speaker 1: And they were like smocks.
Speaker 2: I thought they wore like an executioner hook hood. And
Speaker 2: it was just like it was always draped back because
Speaker 2: they were indoors all the time. Now, like I always assumed,
Speaker 2: if you saw them on the steps going up to court,
Speaker 2: you see them cloaked up.
Speaker 1: Room may soundic ritual vibe determined laws in this country.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it started out as just a way to keep
Speaker 2: a low profile, but now it's they're just keeping up tradition.
Speaker 2: Now we all know.
Speaker 1: We all know me. You Ruth Gaiter Binsburg.
Speaker 2: Man, we should make Ruth Bader Ginsburg's You know I
Speaker 2: said it right that time, didn't I Ruth Gater Binsburg's
Speaker 2: shirts should be like an alligator with eyeglasses and a
Speaker 2: black hood and those little like curly hair she had
Speaker 2: on the side there and a little bun. You know,
Speaker 2: no when okay for your worst friend. I'm Matt, I'm
Speaker 2: Ruth gat Binsburg. We're attorney at law.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. You know
Speaker 1: all us old run you're I'm really gonna miss you
Speaker 1: on in the show's over.
Speaker 2: I hear by abolish slavery and abortions. They're in both
Speaker 2: banish from the land. I hear by decree this the
Speaker 2: law of Ruth Gator Binsburg, Tyrant