Speaker 1: There is a painful question most people avoid asking themselves.
Speaker 1: Why don't people take me seriously? Why do they interrupt me,
Speaker 1: dismiss my opinions, cross boundaries without hesitation, joke at my expense?
Speaker 1: And the worst part, why does it keep happening. You
Speaker 1: try to be kind, you try to be understanding, you
Speaker 1: try to be mature, Yet somehow respect slips through your fingers.
Speaker 1: Five hundred years ago, Niccolo Machiavelli observed something uncomfortable about
Speaker 1: human nature. People do not respond to goodness the way
Speaker 1: we wish they did. They respond to power, not loud power,
Speaker 1: not violent power, but psychological power. In The Prince, Machiavelli
Speaker 1: writes one of the most misunderstood lines in political philosophy,
Speaker 1: it is safer to be feared than loved if you
Speaker 1: cannot be both. Most people interpret this as cruelty. It isn't.
Speaker 1: It's about human psychology. Love is fragile, fear of consequences
Speaker 1: is stable. When you build your identity around being liked,
Speaker 1: you unconsciously give others control over your behavior. You hesitate
Speaker 1: to speak firmly, You soften your opinions, you over explain
Speaker 1: your intentions, You apologize even when you're not wrong because
Speaker 1: somewhere deep inside, you're afraid of disapproval, and humans are
Speaker 1: extremely sensitive to this. The moment someone senses that you
Speaker 1: need their approval, something shifts. The power dynamic tilts. You
Speaker 1: are no longer interacting as equals. You are negotiating for acceptance,
Speaker 1: and negotiation reduces authority. Machiavelli understood something most modern self
Speaker 1: help advice refuses to admit. People test limits, not always consciously,
Speaker 1: but instinctively. They interrupt you to see if you'll correct them.
Speaker 1: They tease you to see if you'll defend yourself. They
Speaker 1: delay responses to see if you'll chase. They push boundaries
Speaker 1: to see where they end. If there is no resistance,
Speaker 1: there is no respect. Now Here's the paradox. Kindness is
Speaker 1: not weakness, but approval seeking is. There's a difference between
Speaker 1: being compassionate and being afraid of conflict. If you avoid
Speaker 1: confrontation at all costs, people learn that you will tolerate
Speaker 1: discomfort to maintain peace, and once they learn that, they
Speaker 1: will use it. This is why the nice person in
Speaker 1: a group often becomes the emotional dumping ground. They listen
Speaker 1: to everyone, support everyone, accommodate everyone, but when they speak,
Speaker 1: silence when they need something excuses because unconsciously the group
Speaker 1: categorizes them as low threat and low threat individuals rarely
Speaker 1: command respect. Machiavelli never said to be cruel. He said
Speaker 1: to avoid being despised, and one of the fastest ways
Speaker 1: to be despised is to appear unable to defend yourself.
Speaker 1: When you laugh at disrespectful jokes about you, you signal tolerance.
Speaker 1: When you let small boundaries slide, you signal flexibility. When
Speaker 1: you explain yourself excessively, you signal insecurity. Each of these
Speaker 1: signals may feel harmless, but stacked together, they create a pattern,
Speaker 1: and humans respond to patterns. Here's something most people won't
Speaker 1: tell you. Respect often begins where comfort ends. The first
Speaker 1: time you calmly say don't speak to me like that,
Speaker 1: the first time you don't laugh along, the first time
Speaker 1: you allow silence instead of explaining, the room shifts. There's tension,
Speaker 1: and tension feels uncomfortable, but that tension is the birth
Speaker 1: of a new boundary. Machiavelli believed that a leader must
Speaker 1: control perception not through noise, but through stability. Emotional stability.
Speaker 1: The person who reacts the least controls the frame. When
Speaker 1: someone insults you and you remain and calm, not submissive,
Speaker 1: just calm, you create uncertainty, and uncertainty demands caution. Caution
Speaker 1: breeds respect. But when you react emotionally, over defensively, or desperately,
Speaker 1: you hand them the upper position. Now let's go deeper.
Speaker 1: Why do we crave being liked so much? Because social
Speaker 1: rejection once meant death. In ancient environments, being excluded from
Speaker 1: the tribe meant vulnerability, So your nervous system still treats
Speaker 1: disapproval as danger. That's why confrontation feels terrifying. Your body
Speaker 1: interprets it as potential exile. But modern social settings are
Speaker 1: not survival tribes yet your brain hasn't fully updated, so
Speaker 1: you sacrifice authority to maintain belonging. Machiavelli would argue that
Speaker 1: this instinct must be mastered, not eliminated. Mastered. You can
Speaker 1: be kind, you can be fair, but you must also
Speaker 1: be capable of firmness, because without firmness, kindness becomes negotiable,
Speaker 1: and negotiable kindness loses value. There is a quiet power
Speaker 1: in being someone who does not chase approval, someone who
Speaker 1: can walk away, someone who can say no without over
Speaker 1: justifying someone who does not rush to repair every silence.
Speaker 1: That person feels stable, and stability attracts respect not because
Speaker 1: they are feared, but because they are not easily moved.
Speaker 1: And here is the uncomfortable truth. If people don't respect you,
Speaker 1: it is rarely because you are too quiet. It is
Speaker 1: usually because you are too available, too eager to accommodating,
Speaker 1: too predictable in your forgiveness. There is something deeply unsettling
Speaker 1: about a person who cannot be easily read. Not aggressive,
Speaker 1: not dramatic, not emotionally distant, just controlled. Machiavelli understood this
Speaker 1: better than most modern psychologists. He knew that power is
Speaker 1: not loud, power is contained, and one of the fastest
Speaker 1: ways to lose respect is to make yourself completely transparent.
Speaker 1: Now this sounds strange. We're constantly told to be open,
Speaker 1: be vulnerable, share your truth. And yes, vulnerability builds connection,
Speaker 1: but unmanaged vulnerability destroys authority. There's a difference. When you
Speaker 1: reveal everything about yourself, your insecurities, your plans, your fears,
Speaker 1: your triggers, you remove psychological tension, and tension is essential
Speaker 1: to respect. Let's break this down. Human beings instinctively calculate risk.
Speaker 1: When someone is unpredictable, people behave more carefully around them,
Speaker 1: not because they are afraid, but because they cannot fully
Speaker 1: anticipate reactions. If I know exactly how you will respond
Speaker 1: in every situation, I don't have to consider consequences. If
Speaker 1: I know you will always forgive quickly, I don't have
Speaker 1: to fear losing you. If I know you will explain
Speaker 1: yourself endlessly, I don't have to take your words seriously.
Speaker 1: Predictability invites complacency. Placency kills respect. Machiavelli wrote that a
Speaker 1: ruler must learn how not to be good when necessary.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean immoral, It means adaptable, capable of controlled
Speaker 1: deviation from expectation. Now apply this to modern relationships. You
Speaker 1: tell a friend every detail of your goals. They nod, smile, encourage,
Speaker 1: But weeks later they casually joke about your ambition in
Speaker 1: front of others. Why because they don't perceive your goal
Speaker 1: as sacred. You made it too accessible, You made it soft.
Speaker 1: Mystery protects value. When you keep certain intentions private, you
Speaker 1: create psychological weight, and weight commands seriousness. Think about the
Speaker 1: people you naturally respect. They don't overshare. They don't react instantly,
Speaker 1: They don't reveal their full emotional landscape on demand. There
Speaker 1: is space around them, and space creates gravity. Gravity pulls
Speaker 1: attention inward. Let's go even deeper. When someone insults you
Speaker 1: and you instantly react with emotion, anger, defensiveness over explanation,
Speaker 1: you reveal your emotional leverage points. You show exactly where
Speaker 1: you can be controlled. But when you pause, when you
Speaker 1: let silence hang, when you respond slowly, measured, calm, the
Speaker 1: other person becomes uncertain, and uncertainty shifts the power dynamic.
Speaker 1: Machiavelli understood that control over perception is control over influence.
Speaker 1: If people cannot fully mapp your internal state, they must
Speaker 1: treat you carefully. But if your emotional dashboard is always visible,
Speaker 1: you become manageable. Now here's where most people misunderstand this concept.
Speaker 1: Mystery is not coldness, it is selectivity. You don't need
Speaker 1: to become distant. You need to become deliberate. Share joy,
Speaker 1: share warmth, share humor, but do not reveal your entire strategy.
Speaker 1: Do not expose every doubt. Do not narrate your weaknesses
Speaker 1: to those who haven't earned that level of access. Access
Speaker 1: must feel earned because humans protect what feels exclusive. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about over explaining. Over explaining is one of the
Speaker 1: clearest signals of low authority. When you say no and
Speaker 1: immediately follow with three pairs of justification, you subtly communicate
Speaker 1: that your no requires permission. It doesn't. Machiavelli believe that
Speaker 1: a prince's decisions must appear firm, even when internally uncertain,
Speaker 1: not arrogant. Firm. When your words are short and controlled,
Speaker 1: people assign them. Wait, when your words spill endlessly, people
Speaker 1: assign them in security. Silence is uncomfortable for many, so
Speaker 1: they rush to fill it. But the person who tolerates
Speaker 1: silence controls tempo, and tempo is power. Let's explore another layer,
Speaker 1: emotional accessibility. If someone can trigger you easily, tease you, criticize,
Speaker 1: you ignore, you delay replies, and you immediately show frustration,
Speaker 1: you are emotionally transparent. Transparency feels honest, but psychologically it
Speaker 1: reduces leverage. The less reactive person always holds more influence.
Speaker 1: This is why Machiavelli emphasized composure, not because emotion is weakness,
Speaker 1: but because visible volatility invites manipulation. When someone knows exactly
Speaker 1: how to push you, they can steer you, but when
Speaker 1: you become harder to provoke, they lose that steering wheel. Now,
Speaker 1: think about relationships, romantic friendship professional. The person who texts
Speaker 1: back instantly every time, explains every mood, reassures constantly, forgives immediately,
Speaker 1: feels safe but not powerful. And here's the brutal truth.
Speaker 1: Safety without boundaries becomes taken for great Granted respect requires
Speaker 1: a slight edge of uncertainty, not toxicity, not games, just
Speaker 1: the awareness that your presence is not guaranteed. Machiavelli would
Speaker 1: say this plainly. People value what they fear losing. If
Speaker 1: you are endlessly available, there is nothing to lose. If
Speaker 1: your forgiveness has no cost, there is nothing to learn.
Speaker 1: If your reactions are predictable, there is nothing to consider. Now,
Speaker 1: let's clarify something important. You do not need to become manipulative.
Speaker 1: You need to become internally disciplined. Discipline creates unpredictability because
Speaker 1: disciplined people are not controlled by impulse. They respond based
Speaker 1: on strategy, and strategy is hard to exploit. Imagine two people.
Speaker 1: One reacts emotionally to every comment, the other listens, pauses,
Speaker 1: and chooses words carefully, which one feels more stable, which
Speaker 1: one feels more grounded, which one feels harder to shake.
Speaker 1: Respect follows stability, and stability requires restraint. Machiavelli lived in
Speaker 1: a time of political chaos. Betrayal was common, alliances shifted overnight.
Speaker 1: He observed that leaders who survived were not the loudest.
Speaker 1: They were the most controlled. They revealed only what was necessary.
Speaker 1: They forgave selectively. They punished rarely, but decisively. Now bring
Speaker 1: this into your world. You don't need to punish PSH,
Speaker 1: but you do need consequences. If someone crosses a line
Speaker 1: and you address it calmly but firmly, once, without drama,
Speaker 1: without emotional overflow, you create memory, and memory shapes future behavior.
Speaker 1: But if you confront them emotionally, ten times your words
Speaker 1: lose weight because repetition without consequence becomes background noise. Here's
Speaker 1: a question you need to ask yourself. Do people feel
Speaker 1: they can predict you completely. If the answer is yes,
Speaker 1: then you have likely sacrificed mystery for comfort. Comfort reduces tension,
Speaker 1: and tension maintains structure. The most respected individuals balance warmth
Speaker 1: with unpredictability. They are kind but not saw, open but
Speaker 1: not exposed forgiving but not forgetful, available but not desperate.
Speaker 1: Machiavelli never advocated cruelty. He advocated awareness, awareness that humans
Speaker 1: are not purely noble creatures. We respond to power signals,
Speaker 1: subtle ones, micro behaviors, tone shifts, silence, pacing, eye contact,
Speaker 1: decision firmness. The person who controls these variables controls perception,
Speaker 1: and perception creates respect perfect I'll rewrite part three in
Speaker 1: a more natural, long form narration style, fewer line breaks,
Speaker 1: deeper flow, more cinematic pacing. This will feel smoother for
Speaker 1: voiceover Why people don't respect you, maki Velli explained Part three,
Speaker 1: Mercy without memory destroys authority. There is a quiet mistake
Speaker 1: that slowly erodes your authority, and most people think it's
Speaker 1: a virtue. It's excessive forgiveness. Forgiveness in itself is strength.
Speaker 1: It requires emotional maturity, it requires self control. But when
Speaker 1: forgiveness comes without consequence, without memory, without behavioral adjustment, it
Speaker 1: stops being strength. It becomes permission. Machiavelli understood this at
Speaker 1: a brutally realistic level. He observed that human beings are
Speaker 1: not guided purely by morality. They are guided by incentives.
Speaker 1: Costs and consequences. When a behavior has no cost attached
Speaker 1: to it, that behavior repeats. If someone disrespects you once
Speaker 1: and you address it calmly, that's clarity. If someone disrespects
Speaker 1: you again and you forgive them instantly without changing anything,
Speaker 1: that's reinforcement. You may think you're being kind, but what
Speaker 1: their mind registers is this. There is no penalty here,
Speaker 1: and humans respond to patterns more than words. You can
Speaker 1: say please, don't speak to me like that ten times,
Speaker 1: but if your tone stays soft, your access remains open,
Speaker 1: your availability stays constant, and your warmth never shifts. The
Speaker 1: message underneath your words says something very different. It says
Speaker 1: you can try again. Machiavelli wrote that injuries should either
Speaker 1: be dealt with decisively or not at all, because small,
Speaker 1: repeated offenses create instability. If you translate that into modern
Speaker 1: psychological life language, it means this inconsistency destroys authority. When
Speaker 1: your boundaries exist only when you are emotionally overwhelmed, people
Speaker 1: don't experience them as standards. They experience them as moods,
Speaker 1: and moods are temporary. Authority is not about aggression. It
Speaker 1: is about predictability of standards. If someone crosses a line
Speaker 1: and you calmly reduce access, shift your energy, or withdraw
Speaker 1: certain privileges, that creates memory, and memory changes behavior far
Speaker 1: more effectively than lectures do. Most people avoid doing this
Speaker 1: because they are afraid of being seen as harsh, dramatic,
Speaker 1: or difficult, so they choose harmony. They choose smoothness. They
Speaker 1: choose comfort over tension. But harmony that requires self abandonment
Speaker 1: eventually turns into resentment. Resentment is dangerous because it builds quietly.
Speaker 1: You keep tolerating, you keep adjusting, you keep rationalizing. You
Speaker 1: tell yourself they didn't mean it. You tell yourself it's
Speaker 1: not worth conflict. But internally something weakens, and people feel
Speaker 1: that weakening. Respect is deeply tied to internal alignment. When
Speaker 1: your actions don't match your standards, your presence loses weight,
Speaker 1: not loudly, subtly. Machiavelli believed that a ruler must avoid
Speaker 1: being despised, and paradoxically, one of the fastest ways to
Speaker 1: be despised is to appear unable to defend your own position.
Speaker 1: When people sense that you will always absorb the cost
Speaker 1: of conflict, they subconsciously place you lower in the hierarchy.
Speaker 1: This doesn't mean you need to punish people. It means
Speaker 1: access must feel conditional on respect. The most powerful boundary
Speaker 1: is not yelling. It's not dramatic speeches. It's controlled withdrawal.
Speaker 1: When someone realizes that your energy, your warmth, your responsiveness
Speaker 1: are no longer automatic, they recalibrate. Why, because humans value
Speaker 1: what they can lose. If losing you costs nothing, your
Speaker 1: presence becomes ordinary. If disappointing you changes nothing, your standards
Speaker 1: feel flexible. If disrespecting you produces no shift in dynamic,
Speaker 1: there is no psychological reason to stop. And here is
Speaker 1: the uncomfortable truth you must face. Sometimes people don't respect you,
Speaker 1: not because they are cruel, but because you have made
Speaker 1: disrespect inexpensive. You respond instantly. Every time you fix every
Speaker 1: awkward silence. You apologize first, You chase reconciliation. You smooth
Speaker 1: over tension before it matures into accountability. Over time. This
Speaker 1: teaches others that your boundaries are negotiable. Machiavelli's realism forces
Speaker 1: us to see something we don't like to admit. Humans
Speaker 1: test strength, they measure stability, They observe reactions, and the
Speaker 1: person who is emotionally disciplined, consistent, and measured becomes harder
Speaker 1: to destabilize. That stability commands caution, and caution is one
Speaker 1: of the foundations of respect. If you want people to
Speaker 1: treat you differently, you don't need to become colder. You
Speaker 1: need to become firmer. You need to remember patterns. You
Speaker 1: need to stop resetting the dynamic to zero every time
Speaker 1: someone crosses as a line. Selective forgiveness is powerful, It says,
Speaker 1: I understand, but I also observe. When people know that
Speaker 1: you observe patterns, their behavior sharpens. When they know you
Speaker 1: forget instantly, their behavior relaxes. Relaxed behavior around your boundaries
Speaker 1: often turns into carelessness. Carelessness becomes disrespect, and disrespect, repeated
Speaker 1: enough times becomes your identity in that dynamic. Respect is
Speaker 1: not something you demand. It's something you enforce indirectly through consistency,
Speaker 1: through controlled responses, through measured access, through emotional steadiness. Machiavelli
Speaker 1: was not teaching cruelty. He was teaching clarity about human behavior.
Speaker 1: In every relationship, there is a subtle negotiation of power.
Speaker 1: The person who reacts least impulsively, who forgives thoughtfully instead
Speaker 1: of automatically, who withdraws strategically instead of exploding emotionally, slowly
Speaker 1: shifts that negotiation in their favor. You do not need
Speaker 1: to dominate anyone. You need to become difficult to exploit,
Speaker 1: and that begins when your kindness is paired with memory,
Speaker 1: when your forgiveness is paired with standards, and when your
Speaker 1: warmth is paired with structure. If this made you reflect
Speaker 1: on your own patterns, then you are already ahead. Awareness
Speaker 1: is the first layer of power. Discipline is the second