Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, this is knock off
You so More with your host, doctor evangelist ko Rich,
help you to admit what you feel in order to heal.
Speaker 2: From those facts of narcissistic.
Speaker 3: Amuse, because your feelings, dude, matters. How you are doing
on this lovely Wednesday morning. This is doctor Rich would
not Abuse no More. Help you to admit what you
feel in order to heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse,
because your feelings do matter.
Speaker 4: Yes they do.
Speaker 3: But before we go on with today's podcast, I like
to invite you to vision us on our website at
www dot rc N A r C Abuse No More
dot net. That's www dot rc N A r C
Abuse No More dot net. And on our website you
will be able to find various inform information.
Speaker 2: We're gonna be actually adding on.
Speaker 3: To that because starting in actually we're gonna be starting
this in about a year or so, we're gonna be
having zoom counseling Zoom counseling, and so if you want
to be able to participate in or come you want
someone that can give you counsel, we're gonna have that
available by making appointments.
Speaker 2: V you zoom.
Speaker 3: So that's gonna be in the upcoming future, and then
we're gonna have other things that's gonna be on the
website for us helping you to navigate and learn more
about relationships, abuse, and different other things as it pertains
to your mental health. But before we go on with
today's podcast, I want to read a chapter I mean,
I'm sorry, averse a verse in the Bible, because we're
talking today about qualities of a good friend.
Speaker 2: Qualities of a good friend.
Speaker 3: Because before you get into a relationship with someone, you
first need.
Speaker 2: To be friends.
Speaker 3: And if you're not a friends first, then something it
is probably gonna be wrong with that relationship. And so
you need to know that, hey, this person is a
good friend before you even get into that relationship and
so on. In John chapter fifteen and verse thirteen. That's
John fifteen and verse thirteen, it says great love has
no man than this to lay down one's life for
one's friends, and that means that that person is going
to be giving. Okay, when you give your life of someone,
that's just the ultimate gift. Jesus gave his life for
us so that we may have life and have it
more abundantly. And therefore, when someone is self sacrificing truly
in the sense not just looking apart, but truly in
the sense, that means that they're putting you even above themselves.
And so if you have two people in a relationship
that feels, you know, that is going the extra mile
and looking out for that other person, it's not.
Speaker 2: Fifty to fifty, it's one hundred one hundred. That means
I'm giving you all of.
Speaker 3: Me, and you're giving me all of you, and therefore
that relationship is able to work.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 3: So today we're talking about excuse me, we're talking about
signs of a good friend, signs of a good friend
or you in a good friendship.
Speaker 2: And this is not just romantic.
Speaker 3: This is if you're in relationship with others whom you
call friends. Now, I often classify people, put them in
different categories. Some friends, some people that I I I
I I wouldn't call friend.
Speaker 2: But they're good acquaintances.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you acquainted with them, you know them, you
all don't really hang out or whatever, but you you know,
they're just an acquaintance, all right. Then you have that
associate where you might do a lot of things with
this person, but you haven't really put them in a
classification of a friend yet. Okay, so you're basically associates.
You're getting to know this person, you socialize with this person,
you talk to this person, so you.
Speaker 2: Get getting to know this person.
Speaker 3: And then I have the friend category where there's different
types of people in that category. Okay, I have those
that when I say friends, mean well and they love
you and everything. But there are certain types of how
my spiritual friends. Those are the ride and dies. Those
are the ones that I can call on and get
a prayer thrill. They're not gonna joke around in anything
and I say, hey, I need you to pray for me.
They're not gonna just say okay and then gone about
their married way. They are gonna actually pray. Okay, They're
gonna actually send a petition up to God for me
and intercede for me. Because you just never know everyone.
You know, there's sometimes in life where you just need
someone that you can pray with, someone that you can
talk to. These are people that it's not gonna make
the prayer session of God's obsession.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: They're gonna actually go to the Lord and pray on
your behalf.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: So those those are those that are really good to
have excive me in a spiritual community. Then you have
those that or you know, they're friends, they're good friends,
but you know you can't they're not spiritually there. So
you wouldn't go to this person as you know, can
I can you pray for me or whatever because they're
not spiritually there.
Speaker 2: But in other ways they may be there.
Speaker 3: You know, if you get sick and or you need,
you know, they they're there to help you or whatever.
So and they're they're actually there for you. Then you
have those friends that or they mean well, but they
have loose lips and as we know, loose lips sink ships.
Speaker 2: So they're not saying anything.
Speaker 3: Negative about you, but you know, you don't go tell
them nothing because it.
Speaker 2: Would be all in the street or whether.
Speaker 3: And so, so you have those type of friends too.
So I put you know, different people in different categories,
but most importantly in my life, Jesus is my best friend.
But I thank God that He's given me people that
I can actually call friend and even you know, there's
been times in my life when I haven't been so
friendly and they still love me.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you know, so you you you.
Speaker 3: Want to have those that are in your life that
will also tell you the truth. So Number one qualities
of a good friend. They they are real. They are
real because they're not gonna be fake. They're they're not
gonna be phony. They're going to be real with you,
and they're genuine people. I've been tell people, Hey, what
you see with me is what you get, Okay, I
don't do fake. I'm not gonna be you know, smil
enough in your face and then stabbing you in the back.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: So I try my best to be the type of
friend that I want others to be to me.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 2: So therefore they're gonna be real.
Speaker 3: With you, and you don't have to worry about them
being phony fake. You don't have to worry about them
being in a room where people may be talking about
you and then they're gonna be joining in, or they're
gonna probably leave a room or say something. But the
thing is they are real. Number two, they are a
safe place for you to be real. So that means
that if you you know, we're not always at our best, okay,
And sometimes you could be stressed out, depressed, going through
some issues or whatever case may be, and they are
a person or a place that you can you can
feel like, you know what, I can talk to this person.
I can be real with this person. This person's not
gonna judge me. Now, they gonna tell me right, but
they're not gonna judge me. I feel like I can
be safe and relax around this person and just my
natural self. It's not about any titles, it's not about
any degrees. It's not about you know, having the fanciest
home or whatever.
Speaker 2: I can just be me.
Speaker 3: Everyone needs a friend like that number three. They make
time for you. They'll make time for.
Speaker 2: You people who are people who.
Speaker 3: Are important to you, and even though you all may
have busy schedules at some point, they're gonna make time
for you.
Speaker 2: If that's a text, Hey, how you doing. If that's
a call, Hey, I haven't heard your voice in a while.
Speaker 3: If that's a message on messenger, Hey you know what's up.
Speaker 2: I'm just checking in with you. I know we got
busy schedules, but I just want to take a moment
just to say hi.
Speaker 3: You know, they're gonna take some time with you, and
you may not see them in a while.
Speaker 2: You may not I even talk to them every month.
Speaker 3: Uh you you may not see them maybe or even
talk to them maybe once or twice a year, but
they're gonna do something to reach out to you at
some point to say, you know what, I'm just thinking
about you.
Speaker 2: I just you know, you just want to make time
for that person.
Speaker 3: You might have the busiest schedule, but even if it's
just a note just to say that I'm thinking of you.
Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll
be back in just a moment.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I find myself a lord, No, I'm thinking about me.
Just a phone on hold the night will.
Speaker 6: Call my dreams.
Speaker 2: But your love came all myself.
Speaker 7: I've been there too, trying to smalling of so boo.
Speaker 8: Then you came and change my love.
Speaker 9: You now everybody feel brand new.
Speaker 2: You come, You make people. You're a fire burning in
my soul.
Speaker 9: No long time an I've found my pel.
Speaker 2: You are my family, my joy, my old.
Speaker 5: Every hearpy says your name.
Speaker 10: You turned my lousis in a game.
Speaker 4: Your name.
Speaker 5: It's a less pain.
Speaker 8: You're a floes through.
Speaker 9: I'm grateful for every day we share my reason.
Speaker 4: Together.
Speaker 5: We bride that they can't tear the bond.
Speaker 9: We built they you come be me?
Speaker 3: You make people lord of fire burning in that?
Speaker 4: No long good on me?
Speaker 6: I found my fool.
Speaker 8: You are my family, not joy, my own. Can you
make thople the lord.
Speaker 5: Of fire burning in mass?
Speaker 4: So no long on me.
Speaker 9: I've found my home. You are my family, my joy,
my own.
Speaker 2: Come you he me? You don't make me who you're
the fire by my soul?
Speaker 3: No longer.
Speaker 8: Only I found my home. You are my family, my joy,
my own.
Speaker 6: You com.
Speaker 2: You complete me? And they did have a name right there.
Speaker 3: Okay, so we're talking about friendships and knowing that you
got a good friend or being a good friend to
someone Number four, they like you for you listen and
listen real good. And so you have people that like
what you can do for them, but they don't really
like you. You can have someone that has all the
money in the world and they might have what people
may consider a lot of friends. But let that same
person get broke and then you a be able to
find out who your real friends are. Someone that may
be up and about and they're at the top of
their game, but then they get sick and you will
find out who your real friends are. You may somebody
that may be popular in sports or whatever, but then
as soon as they have an injury, then all the
fans go away and you will find out.
Speaker 2: Who your real friends are. So they like you for you.
Speaker 3: And this is so important. Have a genuine person even
when you're in a dating relationship. It's not about uh
uh for as what you can do for.
Speaker 2: Them all the time.
Speaker 3: It's basically you know what you do for one another, okay,
And so I'm not saying that there's no particular standards
that we're to have, but that person really loves you
and likes you for you. Number five, you can trust them.
This person doesn't lie to you. This person doesn't stab
you in the back. This person isn't jealous of you.
This person isn't envious of you. You can trust them.
This person when you when you when you subceee the life,
they're your biggest cheerleader, and even when you don't, they're
there to support you. And so you can actually trust
them and can talk to them. And the thing is
is that when you when you have someone that you
can trust, that means that they're not gonna go and
tell everybody what you said.
Speaker 2: It stops with them. This is a good friend. Number six,
They're approachable. They're approachable.
Speaker 3: It's not fun to be around somebody who acts like
they're above you, act like you beneath them.
Speaker 2: You want somebody again. This goes back to being real.
Speaker 3: Someone that doesn't try to hurt your feelings, someone that
will be honest. But then also somebody that will apologize
and say, hey, I'm wrong, I'm sorry, Please forgive me.
You know, someone that's genuine, someone that's not going to
intentionally do anything to hurt you.
Speaker 2: They're approachable. Number seven. They show up.
Speaker 3: You know, it's good to have someone that shows up
for birthdays or celebrations or you know, good times, bad times.
Speaker 2: I remember not well, it's been a year ago, but
I was telling someone I was like one thing a
friend of mine.
Speaker 3: One thing that I like about my friend is that
she is somebody that you can really depend on. She's
you know, if you having some event or whatever, she
is always you know, if she can, she will always show.
Speaker 2: Up to support you. And I've always loved that about her.
She's not one that will you know, be jealous or
hating or anything like that. She supports you.
Speaker 3: And so we all need friends that will support us
and we want to be that type of person for
other people. If they're getting a degree and they graduated,
they support you.
Speaker 2: If you are.
Speaker 3: Taking on a task and you're trying to succee, they
will support you. If you get that promotion, they're gonna
support you. They gonna support you in the good times
and be there when things are not so good. If
you have you lose your job, they're gonna be there
to try to make it better for you. They may
not be able to fix it, but they're gonna be.
Speaker 2: There all right.
Speaker 3: Number eight, They are not negative. You know, negative energy
can suck the life out of a room.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: And so when you have a good friend, any type
of criticism is gonna be constructive.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: So that's the difference between a good friend and a
not so good friend. Good friends are gonna give you
constructive criticism.
Speaker 2: If that means that.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be if they say anything, it's gonna actually
be for your empowerment, not to belittle you, not to
be value you, not to demean you.
Speaker 2: It's going to beat for your betterment. Okay.
Speaker 3: So good friends will be honest with you and they're
not gonna be negative. They're gonna just be honest and
frank with you. Hey, you know, you might pick up
an outfit and it might be it might not be
flattering to you, and they be like, no, girl, you can't.
Speaker 2: You know, you can't wear that outfit.
Speaker 3: Put that back of the rack. But you need those
type of people in your life that it's gonna be positive.
But they're gonna be honest with you and the ups
and downs. And the thing is when you're around them,
just talking to them or being around them feels good.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 3: Number nine, They're just good people all the way around.
You know, you have some people that are just just
good people to be around. And I love being around
people that are godly, godly individuals, people that you know,
have a relationship with God. Because let me just say this,
if someone has a genuine relationship with God, they're gonna
watch how they treat you. And that's a difference, the
difference between the real and the faith. If they are
have a really good relationship with God, that means that
they got a conscience, and that means they're gonna listen
to God and they're not gonna mistreat you.
Speaker 2: They're not gonna do harm to you.
Speaker 3: Rather it's physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, whatever else, they're going
to have God as they're here. I'm just gonna say
this for us that are Christians, is that you never
want to pair up with anyone, especially if you're talking
about dating in marriage. You never wanna pair up with
anyone that does not have a genuine relationship with God.
You have a lot of people that are good church attenders,
but they don't have a genuine relationship with God. And
what I mean by that, you know, because you have
to be very careful. And this is why it's so
important to make sure that you talk to God about
who you are going to be in relationship with, Okay,
because you just don't want to just be in relationship
with anyone, all right, So make sure that you talk
to God about anyone that you are even whether it's
a friendship or a mance or whatever. Make sure you
talk to God about who that person is. We're going
to take another quick break and we'll be back in
just a.
Speaker 9: Moment, said the names areas as When.
Speaker 4: And I felt so fair watching another walk or between
the battles, one twenty fives would come around.
Speaker 8: I was tired away saddle the plain, try to call
him love back in from names. But Heaven was working
behind the.
Speaker 4: Scenes, even when it didn't feel like anything. Every closer,
every tear or I cried, every mine, and I didn't understand.
Speaker 6: You protected my heart answer, preparing me for your bad
plane gods back for it's for the wall.
Speaker 3: It means for a moment holding true.
Speaker 9: Where I finally meet you and you every delady.
Speaker 8: Had a reason.
Speaker 4: Every day, every season had a kiss of bread, kiss
of grace.
Speaker 2: God, Hell, let's bad for these.
Speaker 8: For this kind of.
Speaker 9: At this perfect place.
Speaker 8: We must survived. We could have broken stone wrong terms
from the lost ground.
Speaker 6: If we met sooner, we might have failed.
Speaker 8: But she knew our hearts were already as you.
Speaker 7: Would have suddenly taught us to pretty, taught us patience,
to us face when our past cross face to face.
Speaker 8: Swee to recognize your fingerprint.
Speaker 2: How see why it took so?
Speaker 5: Why are you sit away with a big now thing?
Speaker 6: You were making my rooms? So there's a lett wouldn't
burn out? Tells the word for love that in quin.
Speaker 10: For a bonsal in truth with you at the center,
to whether retine turned in the prayer every.
Speaker 8: Day now makesy.
Speaker 10: Say he spy for this kind of love.
Speaker 4: Heaven. Since if I met you before the heeling, I
would have you in call me.
Speaker 9: But God rebuild me peace baby, so I could love
you faithfully.
Speaker 8: He didn't mess out.
Speaker 6: We didn't lose time.
Speaker 4: We would be in shame by the divide time.
Speaker 5: Every step will you tell you Max because.
Speaker 6: God this mold.
Speaker 8: My guys, but lothing now never question him again on
it because what he gives his worth the way he's way,
and he's timing always. When I thank you Lord for
every no, every door you what in.
Speaker 6: All be only Lord, God held spend.
Speaker 8: Now I knows choose and joy so lose had God
is guarding. It's worth the doll He's not denying.
Speaker 6: He's prepar love.
Speaker 2: That so love sh and that is God held us
back for this.
Speaker 3: All right, So we're talking about signs of a good friendship.
One of the signs that you are in a good
friendship is when you're able to respect one another's boundaries.
Speaker 2: Respect one another's boundaries.
Speaker 3: That means that even in the best of friendships, we
all have some boundaries that you know that's knows or whatever.
For example, friends you know, those that I may call
friends know that I'm not a club person anymore.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't go to the club. I don't done
it in years.
Speaker 3: Yes, and so they when you try to get you
to do things that is not particularly or that you
go that goes against your beliefs and goes against your value,
So they will respect your privacy.
Speaker 2: Another thing, when you're when you're when you're dealing with friends, Uh, there,
you don't. You don't want those.
Speaker 3: Type of people in your life that is always constant drama. Okay,
the relationship never feels safe and never feels stable. They're
they're You want people that's low maintenance, high quality. Uh,
quality over quantity. Okay, quality over quantity. And many of
us learning as we get older that we don't have
to have a large circle. Okay, just one of two friends,
it doesn't matter. You don't have to have a large circle.
You want quality over quantity. Another thing is you want
someone who listens, because communication is.
Speaker 2: Key to a good relationship.
Speaker 3: If you're if you're in a relationship, or you're you're
wanting to be in a relationship someone or you're just
a friendship. Because as I mentioned earlier when we first
started is and before you jump into a intimate relationship,
and I mean what I mean by that is dating
moving to marriage, because as a Christian, I cannot promote
premarital sex. Okay, so when I mean intimacy, I'm not
talking about sexual acts, but I'm talking about going beyond
just being the friends. So you're moving into Okay, we're dating,
moving to if you all move forward to thinking about marriage,
into that engagement and then beyond. You need someone that's
a good a person that's a good listener, a good listener,
someone that hears you listens, because it's not always about talking.
Sometimes you just need someone just to be there just
to listen. Another thing when you are in a good
relationship is again that person is trustworthy and they're honest.
They're not going to do anything that's going to compromise
you all's friendship and trust. Compromising to trust does compromise
the friendship. If the person lies to you, the person
is not honest with you, you catch them and lies,
and you you know this person just they just habitual liar,
then that means that you can't really trust that person,
and therefore that without trust, your relationship crumbles. All right,
So you definitely want someone that is trustworthy. You know,
good friends are really really hard to come by, they
really are. But last, but not least I want to mention,
is they pursue you right back.
Speaker 2: That means that you're not the.
Speaker 3: Only one that's texting, You're not the only one that's inviting,
You're not the only one that's checking in. They will
initiate the pursuit. They will invest in you, and I'm
not talking about financial investment. I'm talking about invest their time.
Speaker 2: They will try to.
Speaker 3: Build bridges and men fences. Build bridges and men fences.
Speaker 2: What do I mean by that.
Speaker 3: I mean they're gonna build a bridge to that relationship
so that both of you all can walk across, and
they will mend fences when there's a disagreement or if
there's something that happens.
Speaker 2: They're gonna value.
Speaker 3: That relationship to the extent that they will do what
they can to men fences.
Speaker 2: If you have someone that does not care about ever
mending fences.
Speaker 3: Because you know, sometimes we have disagreements. Okay, sometimes we
have disagreements with the person that we're friends with. But
if someone is truly if someone truly values you, that
means that they're gonna do what they can to make
things right, and that means both parties are gonna put
aside the pride and they're gonna be ministers of reconciliation.
It takes people to not be operating in pride in
order for a relationship to build.
Speaker 8: And to last.
Speaker 2: All Right, we are a body here.
Speaker 3: I pray to today's podcast has been a blessing to you,
and that.
Speaker 2: You would know your feelings do matter. This is doctor
ko Rich until.
Speaker 9: The persons
Speaker 2: Asssssssss.