Speaker 1: What sort of song would you like me to sing?
Speaker 2: Callum, Do you know any R and B songs?
Speaker 1: No? No, I'll be honest.
Speaker 3: I don't Rugby and buggery. I thought R.
Speaker 1: And B was like the Rolling Stones, but I discover.
Speaker 2: It's rock and or roll.
Speaker 3: Can you say the rolling Stones again, please with the audience,
Speaker 3: Rolling stones, stones stones.
Speaker 2: The ray in Spain falls mostly on the plane.
Speaker 1: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane.
Speaker 3: I swear the more public speaking you're doing, the more
Speaker 3: and more you're sounding like Olivia Coleman pretending to be
Speaker 3: the Queen Ah.
Speaker 2: The water in the same room, the water in the
Speaker 2: yorka don't taste like white al.
Speaker 3: Well, Olivia. Olivia Coleman to find to find the accent
Speaker 3: had to say to say yes, you have to say ears, yes.
Speaker 1: Yes, oh I've had friends who speak like that. Do
Speaker 1: you know Sam Carlyle's father, So, Kenneth is absolutely cut glass.
Speaker 1: And I remember ones asking him about one of his
Speaker 1: cabinet colleagues when he was in the John Major cabinet.
Speaker 4: And he went, oh, yes, yes, he was much how
Speaker 4: shall we put it, much more ambitious than me. I
Speaker 4: was just delighted to be there and I thought, yeah,
Speaker 4: that's probably true. Actually, is there just delighted to be there,
Speaker 4: like so many of these the fashion walk that we
Speaker 4: saw coming down Downing Street to be given or not
Speaker 4: their position.
Speaker 1: In the Burnham thing. Oh god, that was so funny.
Speaker 1: It was They're obviously being dressed, haven't they by someone?
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm going to sit this cabinet out. I think
Speaker 3: I'm going to wait for the next one in about
Speaker 3: six months time.
Speaker 1: Six months.
Speaker 3: That long line of churn is getting getting faster every time,
Speaker 3: isn't it.
Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, I mean it is for us in our
Speaker 1: little country slide world.
Speaker 2: Eventually we could just get governed by like a stand
Speaker 2: up meeting, like a ten o'clock stand up meeting, all
Speaker 2: in an office like what we're doing government stuff, and
Speaker 2: then someone takes over. Maybe it would be like it'd
Speaker 2: be like film sports journal. You will just have like
Speaker 2: a guest prime minister every month and you can just
Speaker 2: come in and shift to some policies around to just
Speaker 2: have a crack at it.
Speaker 1: Who is your prime minister? Is a prime minister at large? Yes,
Speaker 1: it could be anybody you know this week who's prime minister?
Speaker 1: And will go where's Prudo? A bit Predo's Prime minister
Speaker 1: this week.
Speaker 2: If you could have if you could have a couple
Speaker 2: of people for like a month to be PM, who'd
Speaker 2: be your first who'd be your top three?
Speaker 1: Ian cog Hill because he would just wind up so
Speaker 1: many people.
Speaker 2: Solid choice, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think Will Self the comedian and right ways,
Speaker 1: not only a comedian, the comic writer, because he's just
Speaker 1: so dour. And then I would definitely go for the
Speaker 1: real sensible choice, Andrew Neil, the journalist and pragmatist, because
Speaker 1: you get stuff done well exactly, you see, So I'd
Speaker 1: get those two coming in. So cog Hill would just
Speaker 1: go and annoy the wick off all the right people.
Speaker 2: Anarchist, pragmatist, wild cards, that's kind of.
Speaker 1: What right, Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, who are you going
Speaker 1: to have, Richard? Who's who's your PMS for the for
Speaker 1: the trio of months?
Speaker 3: I would I think first in we'd have Yuan who
Speaker 3: does the dodgy plant hire down here in town, because
Speaker 3: he's always got an opinion on everything, but he also
Speaker 3: knows literally where all the bodies are buried. So I
Speaker 3: just want to see, Well, if you give somebody with
Speaker 3: complete local power, what they would do with the country.
Speaker 3: You know, if they could run it like the Dodgy
Speaker 3: plant higher place then where you've got the wood chipper
Speaker 3: where the all the safety devices have been removed from
Speaker 3: it because they just got in the way and slowed
Speaker 3: everything down. So if you fall in that wood chipper,
Speaker 3: you're going in. I want to see how a man
Speaker 3: like that would run a defense budget. Who else? This
Speaker 3: is the thing celebrities. There's not many you'd want now
Speaker 3: because now we know what every celebrity thinks because they're
Speaker 3: on social media. We found out they're all very dim witted,
Speaker 3: apart from anyone we wants as a future guest, in
Speaker 3: which case they're marvelous. I'd like to have Hugo Campbell
Speaker 3: hill Ah yeah, oh yes, just I want to see
Speaker 3: what pure creative ADHD could do for a country. Because
Speaker 3: they're never allowed in at the proper they're not allowed
Speaker 3: in front of cameras and things like that. But Hugo
Speaker 3: does manage to be in front of a camera. So
Speaker 3: Hugo for PM. We probably need a woman in there
Speaker 3: at some point because you know we want to go yeah,
Speaker 3: well that'd be our fourth female Prime minister.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, all Tories.
Speaker 3: So we need a yes we need a conservative who
Speaker 3: should we have?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 3: This is this is quite telling that I'm struggling to
Speaker 3: think of a woman I should be I think should
Speaker 3: be in power. Can you come back to me on
Speaker 3: this when I dig myself out of this hole. Let's
Speaker 3: do callums?
Speaker 1: Yes, go on, callum, who are you going to have?
Speaker 2: I think on the on the woman's subject, the lady
Speaker 2: that has what's what's it called Country Food Alliance Coentry
Speaker 2: Food Trust, the Country Food Trust. Yes, she's just she
Speaker 2: just gets things done and she's just a teensy bit
Speaker 2: scary that that you just you just know not to
Speaker 2: mess with her. So I'm going to I'm going to
Speaker 2: say her as the as the lady to run things. Also,
Speaker 2: any London taxi driver doesn't matter which one, because you'll
Speaker 2: offered the opinion on anything around the government and they
Speaker 2: will tell you what the problem with this country is,
Speaker 2: whether you want to hear it or not, Like a
Speaker 2: proper London taxi driver, not like Ahmed from Uber, like
Speaker 2: the old school ones that you've all been in a taxi.
Speaker 3: And the pre boris way.
Speaker 2: Yeah one.
Speaker 1: Those guys I've had.
Speaker 3: Well, the moment someone says that there's no easy way.
Speaker 3: There's a no good answer out of that, is there.
Speaker 3: It's like saying, when did you stop beating your wife?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you will always get there, You'll always get that.
Speaker 2: Some of them are call random left wing as well, strangely,
Speaker 2: which you find. Yes, it's an odd mix, but some
Speaker 2: of them are quite hard right. But yeah, any London
Speaker 2: taxi driver, just.
Speaker 3: Any London taxi driving one. So it's someone in a
Speaker 3: black cap.
Speaker 2: And you said about ADHD creatives, and you've got me
Speaker 2: thinking Marco Pierre White. I just think it would be
Speaker 2: just great to let him loose on the.
Speaker 3: Two chefs we've had then, if you include Hugo.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think that their creative energy is
Speaker 2: it's just the perfect thing if they can give proper
Speaker 2: attention to detail to just about anything. And Marco Pier
Speaker 2: White basically completed cooking, so he just didn't need to
Speaker 2: do it anymore.
Speaker 3: I've thought of a woman that we can have as
Speaker 3: as Prime Minister. I finally remembered what women are and
Speaker 3: where they exist, because of course I only have eyes
Speaker 3: for Amy now. Yes, she's the only woman that exists
Speaker 3: in my life apart from my mother and the Weekly
Speaker 3: as well. Uh, Megan Locke of the Game and Wildlife
Speaker 3: con because we've never actually had a proper conservationist in
Speaker 3: not in the last fifty years.
Speaker 1: Now. I think she's a last conservationist we probably had
Speaker 1: was Harold McMillan had said it's he Heat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, anyone before Heath probably a better bet. He all
Speaker 3: went downhill after Ted Heath.
Speaker 1: Although that being said, you have to remember that Margaret
Speaker 1: Thatcher was the person who first brought in any form
Speaker 1: of environmental grants, Which is something I do like to
Speaker 1: remind people when I particularly have an audience of clearly
Speaker 1: sort of green leaning voters, is to go and sort
Speaker 1: of just mention the fact that the first environmental schemes
Speaker 1: in what was their math, only came about because Margaret,
Speaker 1: actually being a chemist by training, actually listened to her
Speaker 1: some of her her agriculture ministers who also happen to
Speaker 1: own shoots and said, do you know, Margaret notices a
Speaker 1: lot less birds song about? And she then looked into it,
Speaker 1: and how presto, the first environmental land management schemes came
Speaker 1: came about because of Maggie Thatcher, which is quite funny,
Speaker 1: and it's also another thing which is always fun to
Speaker 1: tell Lefties is that actually labor closed more pits than
Speaker 1: the Conservatives did, and they get very cross about that,
Speaker 1: the fact that they actually shut more minds than the Tories.
Speaker 3: Speaking of chemicals and reduction in operations, the hot off
Speaker 3: the presses as we're recording this. On Tuesday night, there's
Speaker 3: the announcement from British Sugar that they are reducing their
Speaker 3: operational footprint from four factories to three, ceasing beat processing
Speaker 3: at Cantley at the end of February. Where's twenty twenty seven?
Speaker 3: Where's Cantley.
Speaker 1: Cantley is over on the Northolk coast, Nearish in the
Speaker 1: Yarmouthysort Way. It's not good. In fact, it's a terrible thing.
Speaker 1: And I know a few blokes are in my wild
Speaker 1: Fowling Club who will be made redundant as a result
Speaker 1: of their engineers at the plant. It will put more
Speaker 1: pressure on the whole process of sugar beat harvesting because
Speaker 1: a lot of the time British Sugar will tell you,
Speaker 1: I mean, if you speak to a lot of the
Speaker 1: guys who are actually producing sugar beat, they will tell
Speaker 1: you that British Sugar are not actually that great to
Speaker 1: work with. Because British sugar will tell you we want
Speaker 1: it now, and you say, well, it's been raining for
Speaker 1: the last four weeks and if I go on this field,
Speaker 1: I'm going to completely ruin it for the next year.
Speaker 1: And they go, sorry, what didn't you understand that we
Speaker 1: want it now now? And if you reduce the number
Speaker 1: of plants then that makes it even more last minute
Speaker 1: dot com. So, I mean that sugar bee used to
Speaker 1: be a really big earner in the East. It was
Speaker 1: something that the paid more than anything else. Now it doesn't.
Speaker 1: The sugar taxes have obviously impacted everything. There's more subsidy
Speaker 1: for actually imported sugar cane sugar rather than than our own.
Speaker 3: And I think the plant at Bury near you, yes
Speaker 3: we both coun't it as well. I think it can
Speaker 3: do beat or cane correct. So yeah, you're kind of screwed.
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's Yeah, people will lose their jobs,
Speaker 1: but it will just make farming that bit more difficult,
Speaker 1: and what it'll probably do is go and inspire more
Speaker 1: people to come out of sugar beet.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: I know that there's a lot of downsoid's sides to
Speaker 1: soil health, which may be a good thing, but I
Speaker 1: often think that one of the great things about sugar
Speaker 1: beet is it provides one of those winter cover crops
Speaker 1: that actually pays the bills. And there are a lot
Speaker 1: of little gray partridges about that owe their lives to
Speaker 1: having some sugar beet cover over their heads. And so
Speaker 1: I think it would be a loss to it. And
Speaker 1: I suppose it's yet another bift of a nail in
Speaker 1: farmings what coffin?
Speaker 2: What would they replace sugar beat with if they won't.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I suppose they have to do another root crop calum.
Speaker 1: I suppose if you're putting it into a rotation. So
Speaker 1: I mean, so if perhaps you put it in there
Speaker 1: something like stubble turnips, and then you grazed sheep over.
Speaker 3: It, it's a lot of sheep.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of sheep, and it's we don't have
Speaker 1: that profitable, not really.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that hasn't been profitable since about seventeen seventy.
Speaker 1: Although this is really bizarre. The price of a cull
Speaker 1: you when I came up to Wales, and where did
Speaker 1: I get this? When I was in Montgomery? Is that
Speaker 1: it's so very Welsh? Is I sat down to have
Speaker 1: breakfast in this lovely little cafe, which was also the
Speaker 1: shop and the post office, and she was running trying
Speaker 1: to do three different things, you know, all at the
Speaker 1: same time. And she said, oh, you'll want to read this,
Speaker 1: and she passed me the local sort of Montgomery and
Speaker 1: wherever it is, Courier or something, and about four or
Speaker 1: five pages are dedicated to the livestock prices and the
Speaker 1: market returns from Montgomery, which or whatever the local livestock
Speaker 1: market was. And I looked down through what the prices
Speaker 1: the averages were returning, and one cull you was one
Speaker 1: hundred and forty quid was the average price, which is
Speaker 1: exactly the same price as a ton of wheat at
Speaker 1: the moment, and you think, oh my god, the idea
Speaker 1: that a ton of wheat is now only the same
Speaker 1: as a cull you. I want a cull callum, if
Speaker 1: you didn't know, is one which is basically no longer
Speaker 1: going to have lambs anymore. She is destined for the
Speaker 1: kebab shop. And yeah, one hundred and forty quinn, speaking
Speaker 1: of wheat, you got yourself in trouble last week, did
Speaker 1: oh yes, I did, yes.
Speaker 3: Which which is a strange thing. We don't often get
Speaker 3: complaints into the show. But we had a complaint last
Speaker 3: week from a lady on Instagram saying that she wished
Speaker 3: we'd spoken to her about her content before we went
Speaker 3: into our informed rant about wheat prices and the amount
Speaker 3: of damage that pigeons caused the problem is we weren't
Speaker 3: referring to that lady and I have no idea who
Speaker 3: that is, but I think she sort of or herself
Speaker 3: within the the role you're describing and shooting eight hundred
Speaker 3: pigeons or whatever it was.
Speaker 2: I wonder how many people might think that that could
Speaker 2: possibly be about the thing. Should we just start throwing
Speaker 2: long accusations out. I saw a man at the game
Speaker 2: fair with red trousers on, and I thought his actually
Speaker 2: was terrible.
Speaker 3: It raised a question I was talking. I was talking
Speaker 3: about this with international man of Mystery and Occasional Odd
Speaker 3: Hat Choices, George Brown, and we're trying to work out,
Speaker 3: you know, what's the weight of cartridges? You would need
Speaker 3: twelve gage to shoot eight hundred pigeons assuming a one
Speaker 3: to one ratio.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean that's a lot. I can remember dear
Speaker 1: old Archie Coats saying that we're writing when he shot
Speaker 1: his world record breaking number of four hundred and something
Speaker 1: other he basically broke his old webley and he said
Speaker 1: he had to send someone back for more cartridges because
Speaker 1: he had only bought six hundred out with him and
Speaker 1: he had to send back for more. And he said,
Speaker 1: and he had these lovely old fashioned heavyweight springers and
Speaker 1: he said, are my dog? Well it had shell shock.
Speaker 1: So I mean it's a serious, a serious amount of cartries.
Speaker 1: I mean, that was an amusing thing. It's a firstly,
Speaker 1: someone saying that I wish you had checked out with
Speaker 1: us first because of what we've done you their objection
Speaker 1: to what I think it was because you see, she
Speaker 1: was saying this particular person who I have to say,
Speaker 1: it's very weird, the fact that we should have checked
Speaker 1: with this individual. Thing is neither Richard nor I nor
Speaker 1: you have a clue who this individual is. And we
Speaker 1: only Jenny came to our attention by her complaining.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 1: But more to the point I think she was saying
Speaker 1: because I don't think she understands. Perhaps the new on
Speaker 1: Solvid is that she said that pigeons will cause damage
Speaker 1: to stand in crops. She said, because they tread it down,
Speaker 1: and you know they will then, which is very true,
Speaker 1: knock the heads off. Knock the heads off and they
Speaker 1: will flat it. Now, this is very true, particularly in
Speaker 1: years when it rains. Now correct me if I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: but nowhere in the British Aisles as it rained. It's
Speaker 1: also fairly unlikely to be perfectly honest in most modern
Speaker 1: wheat varieties because the straw length is incredibly short.
Speaker 3: So therefore it's.
Speaker 1: One of the things that good plant breeders of bread
Speaker 1: out of straw, which is why we don't have thatching
Speaker 1: straw anymore. But thirdly, the weird idea that she didn't
Speaker 1: seem to get the hang of is that the comment
Speaker 1: was about that wheat prices are so low. So therefore,
Speaker 1: rather than ranting about because the fact we say is
Speaker 1: a big ghost, to go and talk about how many
Speaker 1: pigeons that you've shot and it doesn't really matter what we did.
Speaker 1: The whole point of country slide is the fact we're
Speaker 1: supposed to represent real rural life. So therefore, to indicate
Speaker 1: that wheat is an undervalued product, which is why our
Speaker 1: farming system is completely going down the toilet. And to
Speaker 1: be perfectly honest, whoever this woman is, I don't really care,
Speaker 1: because you don't understand about farming. So therefore I suggest
Speaker 1: what you would be better off doing is just don't complain.
Speaker 1: Don't complain all the time you want to complain to anybody.
Speaker 1: Tell the global wheat markets to.
Speaker 3: Pay a fair price to our farmers. Yeah, and if
Speaker 3: you actually do, want to unblock me and reply to
Speaker 3: the message future guest opportunity there, Yes you have, we'll
Speaker 3: come and talk about come and talk about pest control.
Speaker 3: And anyway, we got the Game Fair coming up, so
Speaker 3: that we're recording this on Tuesday. Patrons get this on
Speaker 3: Thursday and this is.
Speaker 2: In their ears as they drive up.
Speaker 3: Yes, and then and for the rest of the world,
Speaker 3: it's coming out at four pm on Friday. So you've
Speaker 3: already missed the first day of the Game Fair. But
Speaker 3: you have chance now to go on to go to
Speaker 3: the links in the show notes. Here, there's a link
Speaker 3: there that says bingo cards. So this is something we've
Speaker 3: been talking about for a few weeks. It's something that
Speaker 3: started as a joke a couple of years ago. Oh yes,
Speaker 3: that's on the Game Fair bingo card. We'll actually realize
Speaker 3: no one had done them. So you now have your
Speaker 3: game Fare bingo cards and you go there and it's
Speaker 3: just a little thing we've drawn up. You click on that,
Speaker 3: you pay a quid per card and you get a
Speaker 3: download and then you go around the game fair. They're
Speaker 3: knocking things off, So it's everything from red trousers, mustard cords,
Speaker 3: a dog in a pram I think is in there
Speaker 3: and one of them hif helmet club, the fox call, yeah,
Speaker 3: the fox called bastard man in a pair of de
Speaker 3: Barris standing in a pond in a paddling pool. Too
Speaker 3: much flesh on display?
Speaker 1: What else is on? Oh, I'd tell you what the
Speaker 1: other one was. Was that thing about the flipping whirligig
Speaker 1: the pigeon magnets going around constantly.
Speaker 3: That's just still going.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you go Campbell Hill.
Speaker 3: You celebrities, yes, celebrity hedge layer, Richard Nigus. So you
Speaker 3: can go along there and there's four different types. You
Speaker 3: can choose one, two, three or four. You can buy
Speaker 3: the bumper set which is a whole four pounds. But anyway,
Speaker 3: everything after the card process of fee, which we can't control,
Speaker 3: the rest of the money goes to the Game of
Speaker 3: Wildlife Conservation Trust. They haven't actually said they're willing to
Speaker 3: take our donation or be associated with this, but they're
Speaker 3: getting the money either way, So do.
Speaker 1: You know what I reckon? They'll be prepared to take
Speaker 1: the donation. Have you seen some of the people who
Speaker 1: donate to them, they're absolutely rotters.
Speaker 2: Do you know.
Speaker 1: I actually donate.
Speaker 3: That's an invitrus.
Speaker 1: I've donated twelve pounds per month to them.
Speaker 2: They take a large donation in crypto.
Speaker 3: And offload your dog with hats or whatever. These crypto
Speaker 3: valuation of so other game fair news. Because we said
Speaker 3: that we would meet outside, there'd be a sort of
Speaker 3: a fans of the show meetup, which could be anywhere
Speaker 3: from two people with a dog on a bit of
Speaker 3: string all the way up to two thousand people who knows.
Speaker 3: On Saturday morning outside Hugo Campbell Hill aka the Game
Speaker 3: Glutton on his stand and I have his stand number
Speaker 3: fresh off the presses stand T one five two six.
Speaker 3: So he's right in the middle of the food vendors
Speaker 3: bits there's a there's sort of a double row of
Speaker 3: food vendors and they're all facing each other with like
Speaker 3: a big jousting arena right at the top end of
Speaker 3: the hill, and he's in the middle of that. So
Speaker 3: go and find there the game Glutton and I think
Speaker 3: we're meeting there at what time on Saturday at ten
Speaker 3: am ten am or Saturday meeting just outside there. So
Speaker 3: if you're not going on Saturday, so you're going on
Speaker 3: Friday or Sunday. And this is if you're a public listener,
Speaker 3: you've already missed the Friday one. I suggest that if
Speaker 3: you want to go and meet some Country Slide fans,
Speaker 3: just wander there for twelve pm on any of the
Speaker 3: days Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. We can't guarantee that we'll
Speaker 3: be there because we've got interviews and things to do.
Speaker 3: But if you're at a loss and twelve pm is
Speaker 3: a good time to be visiting the food area, go
Speaker 3: there and just hang around for fifteen minutesside hugos if
Speaker 3: nothing else, you'll see hugo. Yes, and there is a
Speaker 3: code word look.
Speaker 1: At look for the increasingly large number of T shirts
Speaker 1: that are being sold.
Speaker 3: Yes, we sold some T shirts, so we have their
Speaker 3: T shirts are for sale. They I'm not going to
Speaker 3: repeat the story once again of how I was too
Speaker 3: busy and I was bullied into doing this.
Speaker 1: Bullied bullied, Oh, that's a harsh word. Is just because
Speaker 1: Calum and I are incompetent, that's all. Don't black bully and.
Speaker 3: You can utter faith in a mate who could definitely.
Speaker 1: Do it and beach and he was on a beach
Speaker 1: in Bali. Look, he's in the household, was in the
Speaker 1: household cavalry. What do you expect?
Speaker 3: So there are some T shirts which are available. We're
Speaker 3: going to come up with a better solution for later
Speaker 3: in the year, but that will do for now. So there
Speaker 3: are a T shirts available in that. But that's it. Gamefaring.
Speaker 3: And then if you see us, say hello, one of
Speaker 3: us may may not be wearing a pith helmet, possibly.
Speaker 1: Just narrow itch ditch one down. Callum, do you own
Speaker 1: a pith helmet?
Speaker 2: I don't think so.
Speaker 1: I just want to put it out there. I do
Speaker 1: not own a pith helmet. So if you see someone
Speaker 1: with a pith helmet and a kilt, the chances are
Speaker 1: it won't be Calum and I. It will definitely be Richard.
Speaker 1: So you can guarantee if you go up to the
Speaker 1: hobbloy Richard, it's a yeah, hobbling in a kilt, sobbling.
Speaker 3: And I'm going to go to the game wildlife Conservation Trusts, Taylor's,
Speaker 3: whatever they are of.
Speaker 2: Taylor is the is the tea tea company?
Speaker 3: Oh that's the tea company to their drinks party in
Speaker 3: a pith helmet and see it and get thrown out.
Speaker 2: Just just let you know that the Tailors is the
Speaker 2: second best port brand in the in.
Speaker 3: The h Yeah, that's a photography gig you don't want,
Speaker 3: isn't it.
Speaker 2: The Symmington's They're just they're just anyway.
Speaker 3: So we have a topic for us, chosen actually by
Speaker 3: producer Amy. Good topic it is too, it's quite a
Speaker 3: good topic. Yes, I think this is why we let
Speaker 3: them vote in the end, because it turns out they
Speaker 3: do have quite good ideas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think it's that. And also, any woman
Speaker 1: who wants to suffer a jet movement gets my vote
Speaker 1: every time, sorry, chain herself to my railings and suffer
Speaker 1: a jet movement gets my vote every time. That's a
Speaker 1: Blackadder quote, Callum.
Speaker 2: Before your I was going to say, I have no
Speaker 2: idea what you're saying.
Speaker 1: Any woman who wants to chain herself to my railings
Speaker 1: and suffer a jet movement gets my vote every time.
Speaker 1: It blast Wolf exactly.
Speaker 3: It's we should sit Calum down and make him watch
Speaker 3: everything that we give references to. Yeah, it will take
Speaker 3: a long time. Everything with Lord of the Rings, the Blackadder,
Speaker 3: to the railway children, Daddy, my daddy, Are you okay?
Speaker 2: Hunt?
Speaker 1: Oh, come on, you must have seen railway children? Anyway,
Speaker 1: back to what Amazon's We didn't mean to go to
Speaker 1: see they in my shackles? Do you not? Do you
Speaker 1: not know? Swallows and amazons? Arthur Ransom?
Speaker 3: You know who Titty is?
Speaker 1: That's middle aged?
Speaker 2: Then this is what happens when I wake up and
Speaker 2: it's really hot and the missus has got the fan,
Speaker 2: just little ticks like that just.
Speaker 1: In your ears hasn't stopped. This is what our patrons
Speaker 1: pay for, or have you know your fever dreams? People
Speaker 1: pay for? So what did Amy suggest that we do? Richard?
Speaker 3: So the topic is given that we all do several
Speaker 3: different things and not all of them well at the
Speaker 3: same time. The it's about special interests, not those type
Speaker 3: the topics that you would choose. Is your specialist subject
Speaker 3: on mastermind? Amazing factoids? You know what's our special thing?
Speaker 3: If you had to say that's our thing that we
Speaker 3: know about and that we do, well, I can stand
Speaker 3: there and talk about or answer questions about because it
Speaker 3: may not be what you expect and it's not your profession.
Speaker 3: Certainly you're a bit of a head start with this one, Richard,
Speaker 3: because you've written about You've got a whole book about hedges.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to choose hedges. I think it would
Speaker 1: be unfair because that is the day job. So I
Speaker 1: would say my other thing if I actually had to
Speaker 1: go on Mastermind and had a chosen specialist subject, because
Speaker 1: I think I'd do all right on the general knowledge
Speaker 1: because I am a mine of useless general knowledge information.
Speaker 1: But if you ask me what seven nine's are, I'm
Speaker 1: having to go and take my fingers and you know,
Speaker 1: check my fingers and toes. I think I would go
Speaker 1: probably for the works of RS. Thirties. He who wrote
Speaker 1: books like Jix johnson Jollities and Mister Sponge's Sporting Tour.
Speaker 1: So he was basically the author who was like the
Speaker 1: rural version of Dickens. In actual fact, Thackeray said that
Speaker 1: he wrote a book called Mister Faci's Rof's Mister Facy
Speaker 1: Romford's Hounds, and Thackeray said, I wish I had written that,
Speaker 1: you know. So he was highly credited he edited the
Speaker 1: sporting magazine. He was a squire from up in the northeast,
Speaker 1: Jedburgh sort of way, and just on the sort of
Speaker 1: English borders up in Northumberland. He was ridiculously curmudgeonly. He
Speaker 1: had no time for new moneyed people, He had no
Speaker 1: time for snobby people, he had no time for anyone
Speaker 1: who was gutless. He was an out and out I mean, basically,
Speaker 1: we've already mentioned it. I'm gonna mention twice. Imagine Coghill, right,
Speaker 1: but with some money. And he was a trained barrister
Speaker 1: who went the law's shit. And then he happened to
Speaker 1: inherit his sort of family estate, which is a relatively
Speaker 1: small thing, and he just went hunting. And he wrote
Speaker 1: these hilarious books most of the time, I'm for his
Speaker 1: own because he owned his own magazine. So he wrote
Speaker 1: all these things and they were serialized. And he had
Speaker 1: this major character called John Jorrucks, who they think was
Speaker 1: more or less where John Bull came from, is that
Speaker 1: they more or less modeled it on his character, John Jorricks,
Speaker 1: of this bluff englishman who was a self made man
Speaker 1: who was nobody's full but drank six bottles of poor tonight,
Speaker 1: and I think I would do it on him, and
Speaker 1: I love his works. And although it's very long and
Speaker 1: Victorian and Rambley, which I suppose perhaps I'm type casting
Speaker 1: myself Victorian long and Rambley. I don't know where I
Speaker 1: like him, but I think so that it would be
Speaker 1: the works of RS. Sertis. I've read everything he's ever written,
Speaker 1: and even his slightly indecipherable ones, and I've got them
Speaker 1: all sat on my b bookshelves just there next to me.
Speaker 1: And I've even read Horebuck Grange, which is literally unreadable,
Speaker 1: but I read it anyway. And yes, that would be it. RS.
Speaker 2: Sort of eighteen hundreds early, yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, back before the Victorian age kicked in. Correctly, it
Speaker 3: was the best bit of the eighteenth century. Was in
Speaker 3: the beginning of the nineteenth century, Yes, more or less weirdly.
Speaker 2: I remember you mentioning him before some Yes, wasn't he
Speaker 2: a grocer?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Was Ax was a grocer from Great Korum, Great
Speaker 1: Cooram Street in London. And he actually used to go
Speaker 1: hunting and he meets up which shows you how life
Speaker 1: has changed. He met up with his favorite. He went
Speaker 1: to Croydon, of all places, the Croydon frog down from
Speaker 1: central London the Surrey, the Surrey Hunt.
Speaker 3: But it was a village still.
Speaker 2: You could probably you could probably do that now to
Speaker 2: be honest, Well enough foxes in Croydon.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is I've actually I went on a
Speaker 1: pilgrimage because I'm so sad to have a day with
Speaker 1: the Surrey. And I thought you were going to say
Speaker 1: to Croydon. Oh no, I can tell you a story
Speaker 1: about Croydon. Actually, my wife, bless her, we went to
Speaker 1: meet my mother in law off the trail or drop
Speaker 1: her off to the train of Croydon because she had
Speaker 1: come to do. My sister lives in Reigate in Surrey,
Speaker 1: and we dropped off my mother in law on the
Speaker 1: train to get weaned the way back to York and
Speaker 1: we dropped off in Croydon and Claire made a bit
Speaker 1: of an error. There was sort of basically five yardies
Speaker 1: in a car and they pulled out without indicating and
Speaker 1: Claire beat them and I went, oh my god.
Speaker 3: This just killed us.
Speaker 2: I didn't know where this story was going.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to I now clap because I'm
Speaker 1: not going to stand up for them going and ripping
Speaker 1: our our car aparts, I'm gonna have to go down
Speaker 1: and fighting. And I went to open the door and
Speaker 1: they must have been busy because they sort of put
Speaker 1: a hand out the window waving something and I don't
Speaker 1: think it was a pen. And then they drove off
Speaker 1: very fast, and I have to say, I've never felt
Speaker 1: that close to death. Well, the last time I felt
Speaker 1: that close to death when they Ira mortared me. So yes,
Speaker 1: not fun. So yes, your exis to hunting Croydon, of
Speaker 1: all places, and then he buys his own estate and
Speaker 1: becomes a master of hounds and all sorts of things.
Speaker 2: Because of Croydon, there's still quite a lot of shooting
Speaker 2: on the estate there.
Speaker 1: So yeah, isn't that it's going to say there's lots
Speaker 1: of drive by shooting? I don't know how much I think, Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: So what would your chosen specialist subject be, Richard?
Speaker 2: I've got so many I know this is like, what
Speaker 2: kind of autism do you have?
Speaker 3: Basically ask me, watch what flavor I have?
Speaker 2: It's please tell me it's World War two history? No,
Speaker 2: can you just list off a few that you are
Speaker 2: had an intense possession with that bordering line.
Speaker 3: On civil defense and fallout, carryles, steam trains, World War two, history,
Speaker 3: the Battle of Britain, in particular, specialist Welsh mountain names.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't want to list all the stuff
Speaker 3: for work because work stuff boring. It has to be weird,
Speaker 3: random stuff, isn't it? Okay? So my my topic I'm
Speaker 3: going to actually have is the relationship between the human
Speaker 3: brain and being outdoors, because that's pretty much been more
Speaker 3: my career, whether as an outdoor instructor or as an
Speaker 3: instructor of the weird and wonderful things that gradually I
Speaker 3: used to teach don't do so much of anymore, the
Speaker 3: foraging and the wild food aspects of that and things
Speaker 3: like that, because I used to get asked to do
Speaker 3: I still do every now and again to go and
Speaker 3: do talks on stage. Could you come and do a
Speaker 3: talk about foraging? Yes, but in your mind you're expect
Speaker 3: to be to hold up plants and tell you their names,
Speaker 3: aren't you. That's a crap talk. Instead, what I'm going
Speaker 3: to do is talk about the relationship between the hunter
Speaker 3: gatherer brain and where we are now. And once you
Speaker 3: start digging into that, you see how much about who
Speaker 3: we are now as a species and how we interact
Speaker 3: with each other and how we've built things, which is
Speaker 3: basically anthropology and evolutionary psychology. It's fascinating stuff and when
Speaker 3: you start looking around at other people it explains so
Speaker 3: much so things like your hunter gatherer brain is. I mean,
Speaker 3: you're the result of lots of people having sex with
Speaker 3: each other and successfully breeding, who are all good at
Speaker 3: spotting resources in the distance, in the edges of grassland
Speaker 3: and on rocky beaches and in woodlands and things like that.
Speaker 3: You have good sort of ocular acquisition of things. You
Speaker 3: can spot things and say that's the resource. You also
Speaker 3: have good resource mapping, which is you know where the
Speaker 3: things are in your house that are useful to you.
Speaker 3: So I think we've done this on the podcast before.
Speaker 3: But miss Nigus, if you could just point to the
Speaker 3: nearest copy of Curtis from you just.
Speaker 1: There, it's about just over an arm's length.
Speaker 3: Away, okay, and the nearest bottle of household leech.
Speaker 2: That's a pink job.
Speaker 1: I think it's in the downstairs loo. I wouldn't guarantee it, though.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you've got an upstairs loo, and by that wall, haven't.
Speaker 1: You one of three bathrooms?
Speaker 3: I don't know but you have a map for every
Speaker 3: item in your house that's useful to you that comes
Speaker 3: from standing in a woodland knowing where those things grow
Speaker 3: at that time of year. And anybod who works on
Speaker 3: the land, who has to work with certain species, they
Speaker 3: know that already. Any forest that any woodland manager, gamekeeper,
Speaker 3: whatever listening to this knows where the really big patchwa
Speaker 3: garlic is on the estate and where the small patches
Speaker 3: and where the little bits are that are down by
Speaker 3: the stream that are there. But no one really bothers
Speaker 3: with that sort of thing. Your brain does that. But
Speaker 3: your brain also does that for every object you own
Speaker 3: and everything in your in the supermarket, so the way
Speaker 3: they lay supermarkets out is based around the hunter gatherer
Speaker 3: brain because your brain carried on processing information that way
Speaker 3: even though we invented farming between eight twelve thousand years ago,
Speaker 3: depending where you are, So we have that relationship between
Speaker 3: the hunter gatherer brain and who we are. And then
Speaker 3: you have things like dumbar number, which is a number
Speaker 3: of people you can form meaningful relationships with, which is
Speaker 3: anywhere from one hundred to one hundred and fifty or so.
Speaker 3: So that's the number of people you can you can
Speaker 3: remember who they are, their relationship to other people, their
Speaker 3: relationship to you, friend or foe, and your status relative
Speaker 3: to them.
Speaker 1: So that explains why K never spoke to any of
Speaker 1: his backbench MP's. It was the fact that he couldn't
Speaker 1: physically well, I never well, I never.
Speaker 2: This tees me up nicely. If anyone, if anyone does
Speaker 2: recognize me at the game fair, you'll have to state
Speaker 2: your name. Where I know you from the interactions. I
Speaker 2: might have had the bleachers kept in your house, and
Speaker 2: then I might have an idea because my cash, my
Speaker 2: token allowance has been expired for a long time, one
Speaker 2: is full and I am awful at this stuff. Will
Speaker 2: have to be like, I'm this person on Instagram and
Speaker 2: then take a picture and then show me it.
Speaker 3: Can you show me the la? Yes?
Speaker 1: Correct, there were nasty means callum, what would yours be?
Speaker 1: And you're not allowed to say anything to do with fish.
Speaker 2: I thought long and hard about this because, well, since
Speaker 2: you sent me about three hours ago.
Speaker 3: But how many topics did you cycle through in those
Speaker 3: three hours?
Speaker 2: I am a generalist and having the brain that I do,
Speaker 2: I can go really deep on absolutely any subject and
Speaker 2: then just happily move on from it. I find that
Speaker 2: people that like memorize the exact date that some historic event.
Speaker 2: I find that just I appreciate that you're interested in it,
Speaker 2: but that is not information that should be retained. Like
Speaker 2: a good head injury should should wiggle that out, you know,
Speaker 2: and you should be getting regular head injuries if you're
Speaker 2: a real country folk or just stupid like I am
Speaker 2: now with the burns, you don't do the long way.
Speaker 1: Of trying to explain your burnt head.
Speaker 3: Well, head injuries are sort of the universal et. Just
Speaker 3: get charn't you Just give it a shake and it
Speaker 3: all goes.
Speaker 5: That's basically, yeah, that's how that works. But like, there's
Speaker 5: just so many things that I have studied over, you know,
Speaker 5: just bought the top ten books on it and sat
Speaker 5: there and listened to all of them in the car.
Speaker 5: It's like, right, okay, not like the matrix where he
Speaker 5: loads the loads of the thing in it and then
Speaker 5: ten minutes later he's like, I know, kung fu, I'll
Speaker 5: just do that with like finance or the Secret to Happiness,
Speaker 5: and I'll just do a whole binge of it.
Speaker 1: So what are you going to have when when what's
Speaker 1: his name? Your man Myrie. What's his name, Clive Myrie,
Speaker 1: who is now the presenter of Mastermind, that says, this
Speaker 1: is Calum name Calum No, no, no, no, sir yeah.
Speaker 1: Occupation So I.
Speaker 2: Think the only one that's given me occupation good. I'll
Speaker 2: just pick one of them. Probably photographer would be the
Speaker 2: one chosen.
Speaker 1: Specialized subject.
Speaker 2: Dank memes from twenty seventeen to the present day.
Speaker 3: Questionable internet material.
Speaker 1: Question is that what a dank meme? Is that question?
Speaker 1: In the present day?
Speaker 2: Who said? What a day? Harvey Price?
Speaker 3: He hasn't taught a pug how to do a Nazi
Speaker 3: salute yet, but he has thought about it.
Speaker 2: Complete the catchphrase by yeah. The phrases, the popular phrases
Speaker 2: of Harvey Price is particularly We've been my subject.
Speaker 1: I'll be perfectly honest. Is that that is a bit
Speaker 1: like a real world Mastermind because you see people go
Speaker 1: on there and when I was a kid, when could go.
Speaker 2: To be honest, I think I'd probably have a good run.
Speaker 1: If it was the problem, they would let you do it. Now.
Speaker 1: Back when I was watching it as a child, people
Speaker 1: would go on and they would say the battles of
Speaker 1: Sir Thomas Fairfax sixteen twenty four to sixteen forty, and
Speaker 1: this guy would be listing off all the things you
Speaker 1: say that you think are completely worthless, because he'd be
Speaker 1: asking about, you know that the Great Parliamentary General and
Speaker 1: these people were going to do. Now they have things
Speaker 1: on that.
Speaker 2: I saw one with the Simpsons, Yes, and I was
Speaker 2: just like, I know all of these answers. It's like
Speaker 2: I've only watched a few episodes.
Speaker 3: It's fifty percent of how you communicate to me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: Simpson's reference, I.
Speaker 2: Can'm wearing nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all.
Speaker 2: One thing I say quite regularly is the Millhouse quote,
Speaker 2: which is my feet are wet, but my ankles are
Speaker 2: bone dry. Everything's coming up Mealhouse. Just the epitome of
Speaker 2: optimism in a single quote.
Speaker 1: I know this isn't you know?
Speaker 3: We're talking about evolutionary psychology. I Wance Callum studied for science.
Speaker 1: Now listen, we don't have very much longer left here.
Speaker 1: So we've worked out that that Calum's going to do
Speaker 1: dank memes. Yes, you're going to do this fascinating thing
Speaker 1: right about how basically we have evolved to eat, how
Speaker 1: we eat and find our food. And I'm doing some
Speaker 1: obscure old author. Here's a question for you, which would
Speaker 1: be your final question when they go I started so
Speaker 1: finish Richard. When we first discovered that we could find
Speaker 1: these things called red kidney beans and we ate them,
Speaker 1: or you watched your mate eat them and then they died?
Speaker 1: What thought process went through the people who would see
Speaker 1: their mate dine? So obviously they kill you. But if
Speaker 1: we boiled them, then they might not kill us. What
Speaker 1: the hell possessed these individuals to do that? And how
Speaker 1: do they go off? Few? That's all right? You know,
Speaker 1: that's the worst chilikon calm?
Speaker 2: Is this?
Speaker 1: Ever?
Speaker 2: Is this neophiles and neophobes.
Speaker 3: It's not food preferences. It's not whether you're like turkey
Speaker 3: twizzlers and therefore you can't be deported this there's a
Speaker 3: niche reference. Okay, do you want the actual answer?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: Because there is there is There is there is an efficient.
Speaker 1: This is mastermind.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's to do with the fact that there are
Speaker 3: quite a few food types that are made edible and
Speaker 3: made safe to eat by a process of washing, purging, boiling, whatever.
Speaker 3: You know, quite a few different edible roots and tubers
Speaker 3: are like that. In process of starvation if you know
Speaker 3: people are eating it and dying, that you know not
Speaker 3: to do it again. But you could experiment on prisoners
Speaker 3: of war. Okay, so the prisoners from tribal battles would
Speaker 3: be very You'd have to feed them something if you
Speaker 3: wanted to keep them alive, So you may as well
Speaker 3: try and feed them on experimental foods, and that would
Speaker 3: be how you'd gain information. But then the passing down
Speaker 3: of that information would become one of the most important things.
Speaker 3: If you lived in the area where red kidney beans
Speaker 3: were all different roots and different things that have horrendous
Speaker 3: amounts of tannin in them, or something that you have
Speaker 3: to leach out, so you have to pass that on
Speaker 3: to your children and to keep the tribe alive, in
Speaker 3: which case the tribal groups that developed language and complex
Speaker 3: language first survived.
Speaker 1: There you go. You see all that from a kidney bean,
Speaker 1: So that slightly top trumps your dank memes callum, and
Speaker 1: it makes my knowledge of R. S. Serties look positively rubbish,
Speaker 1: doesn't That's.
Speaker 3: The episode title now, isn't It means kidney beans and R.
Speaker 1: This is actually the reason, dear listeners, why we are going, however,
Speaker 1: to Hugo Campbell Hills stall at the game fair because
Speaker 1: he is basically our leader, because he knows that even
Speaker 1: that he gets a pheasant and then he smashes the
Speaker 1: hell out of it with a hammer, and he turns
Speaker 1: it into something quite edible.
Speaker 3: So there we go.
Speaker 2: You see, so actually say that the pheasant's dead.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, it is dead.
Speaker 2: It doesn't just smash the hell out of pheasant. No,
Speaker 2: that's that's for that. He does that one at the
Speaker 2: Scottish game Fair. He does good.
Speaker 1: Well, here we go one can of Campbell in forty
Speaker 1: five Yes, and he's got a Campbell in it. You
Speaker 1: can you imagine all the non Campbell's going, I hate
Speaker 1: that Campbell's So we learned a lot in forty five minutes.
Speaker 3: Thank you everyone, Bye driver, bye bye bye bye bye
Speaker 3: bye