Speaker 1: Is there something in life that you want that's impossible
to have. I'm not talking about too hard to get
or possible, but not in your current situation. I'm talking impossible,
riches beyond comprehension, the resurrection of a past loved one, Hell,
even an extra limb poking out your back. Well, this
might be for you. I know a place where these
things can happen. And all it takes is a wish. Now,
I won't sugarcoat it, miss ritual. It's got quite some history.
It's been around for ages, which honestly, if you think
about it, means it's very reliable. Anything that lasts this
long has the work right. It's not some snake or gimmick. No,
this one's the It's got charm and tradition, and most importantly,
it delivers every single time. You just have to follow
the rules and you'll walk away with your wish. Granted,
that said, the rules they're a bit particular. They've been
the same for quite some time now, and they're not
really up for misinterpretation or negotiation. But hey, that kind
of thing has its own appeal, doesn't it. If it
was easy, everyone would be doing it and we wouldn't
want that, would we But I think you can handle it,
So let me walk you through it step by step.
Stick to the plan and you'll be fine. Make sure
you pay attention. People have done it before, and it's
done wonders for many others. Some me my I've heard
of are big names in pop culture, though they probably
wouldn't admit it. Okay, First things first, you need to
find the church, and no, it's not on Google Maps,
so don't bother looking. You won't find it on Apple
Maps either, trust me, I've tried. The church has a
mind of its own and it only shows up if
it feels like it to the people who are not
looking for it. Not very convenient for us, right, But
there's a way to make it much more likely to appear.
You have to drive to the edge of town during
the night. And when I say edge, I mean edge
like the this is where the Serial convention is kind
of edge. If you just kind of go to the outskirts,
you might find the church there, and you might even
get the ritual started and completed. But you won't know
you've done it wrong until it's all too late. So
make sure it's at the edge once you're there, you'll
know because everything will go dead silent, no wind, no animals,
no nothing, just the sound of your heart trying to
brunch its way out to your chest. That's the first
sign you're in the right spot, a moment where you
can only focus on the silence. Turn off your head lights.
When you see the trees arching into each other, it
should look like a massive archway. Don't ask me why
I don't make the rules. I just know that if
you don't, you'll end up driving in circles until your
gas tank gives out and no one wants to spend
the night stuck in the woods. And for the love
of God, don't bring any one with you, not your
best ee, not even your dog. Yes, I know it's
creepy to go alone, but the place doesn't like company
too much. It's kind of antisocial that way. There was
a guy who tried bringing his girlfriend with him and
planned on leaving her in the car while he went
to the church for moral support. Many people get cold
feet looking for the place, and he chickened out each
time he looked for it. They didn't even get out
of the car before she vanished into thin air. No
trace of her, just the driver's seat soaked in sweat
and him babbling nonsense in a panic. He called the police,
but because nothing he said made sense, the idiot got
charge for her disappearance. Once you arrive at the tree archway,
park your car and leave the keys inside. Don't bring
the keys with you. Don't look back once you closed
the door. Also bring a lantern or a lantern like
light sauce, a real one, not your phone, not a
flashlight or a lighter. I know it seems easier to
just use what you've got, but trust me, you don't
want to mess with this rule. The church has been
around for a long time and it likes its traditions.
If you try using an alternative, the device will exploding
your hand about half way to the church, fingers flying
in everything. You'll be lucky to keep your hand. So
use a proper light sauce, and bring some kind of disguise.
You may be wondering what a disguise is used for
in a ritual involving the woods in a hidden church,
but just do it. Make sure the disguise can hide
you well too. No cheap plastic masks and mustache noses.
Once you break through the woods, themselves. This is where
I want you to finally use your lantern, not a
moment before. Flick the light around and scan your surroundings.
If you see no path ahead of you, it means
you use your light too early. Close your eyes now, calmly,
turn around and walk out of the woods, back to
your car, and speed out of there. If this happens
to you never come back, count yourself moderately lucky. Here
you have made no real progress, but the penalties for
failing here are significantly less impactful than the ones later on.
But if everything goes correctly, you'll see a narrow path
winding its way through the underbrush, nearly invisible beneath the overgrowth.
It wasn't always like this. Long ago, the path was
wide and clear, but over time the forest has reclaimed it.
Now only those who know what they're looking for can
find it. The trees here are old, ancient, even twisted
and gnarled, and they will feel like they're inspecting you
as you walk. Don't be fooled into thinking it's just
a feeling the trees. Remember, stay on the path. No
matter what. You'll hear things, things that sound like voices,
faint whispers, just beyond the reach of your hearing. Ignore them.
If you leave the path, well, it's kind of random.
I mean, the last person to attempt this decided he
wanted to veer up the path on purpose. He ended
up on the peak of the Catu Mountain. After a
few minutes of walking, you'll see it, a stone structure
overgrown with ivy and moss, its doors hanging open like
a gaping mouth. The church. A feeling might come over you,
screaming at you to turn back, a primal instinct that
has been washed away in modern times. Ignore it. Sure,
the instinct is one hundred percent right, but you are
past the point of no return. Exiting the path has
locked you in, so now you're in for the full ride.
I already know what you're thinking. But what if I
want to stand there and truly taking the church's desolate
beauty by taking a picture of it with my handheld
camera or phone that I brought with me. Just don't
do it. The church itself is typically excited to have
someone new enter its premises, but as I mentioned, it's antisocial.
It's especially camera shy, liking its visages to be unknown
to those looking for it. So let's just say, you
wouldn't be politely escorted out for this egregious transgression, the
penalty would be far more permanent. As soon as you
enter the church, the door would gently close behind you.
This is a courtesy provided by the church for free.
The door keeps all inside from spilling out and keeps
the things outside from interfering. Once the door is sealed,
the air will grow heavier, thicker, and colder. But more
than that, the silence will press in on you, suffocating
in its weight. You won't hear a single sound in
this place. It's not just quiet, it's an unnatural, oppressive silence.
Walk down the aisle, yes like a wedding aisle, except
the only vowels you'll take are to survive the night.
Whatever you do, don't look at the pews. I mean it,
don't look, no matter how much it feels like someone
sitting there watching you, because if you do, you will
see them, and if you see them, they'll definitely see you.
And trust me, you do not want to lock eyes
with what hangs out in those pews. So if you
just don't look, they won't be able to touch you.
Not yet. Now straight to the altar you go. It's
not as grand as you imagine. A dark, solid block
with a thin white veil covering it. You'll see a
little white candle sitting there, your new best friend, along
with a bowl. But before you get too cozy, you
need to give something up. That's right, Bring an offering,
but don't panic. There's no need to cut off a
finger or anything. The offering has to be personal. Something
that matters to you. A family heirloom, the last copy
of an important photo, a USB stick with the only
copy of the save for your thousand hour hardcore Minecraft world,
anything that carries weight in your life. And no, the
lint that's been collecting in your pockets does not count
as sentimental. The church doesn't care about money only meaning
it wants a piece of your soul, something of emotional significance.
If you try leaving a ten dollar bill, the church
will take it and you. It really doesn't appreciate a
lack of effort. Put your offering next to the candle,
easy enough, right, good, your offering is on the altar.
You'll notice the silence will deepen, if that's even possible.
You will feel as though the world outside has ceased
to exist entirely. Leaving you alone in a pocket of emptiness.
Now it's time to light the candle. You don't need
matches or a lighter. The candle will light itself as
soon as you are offering touches the altar. The flame
will be weak at first, barely flickering, but will grow
stronger the longer it burns. If the candle refuses the light,
pack it up, my friend. Whatever you brought wasn't good enough.
Your best bet is to try to escape. It probably
won't work, but it's your only move from a survival standpoint.
But let's assume the candle lights, because it usually does.
You'll need to kneel down, close your eyes and not
open them until a set amount of time passes, depending
on your wish. I know, I know, why the hell
should I close my eyes in this place? What if
I want to see what's happening? Well, let me stop
you there. Just don't open your eyes. You might feel something,
actually scratch that, you will feel something, maybe a slight
shift in the air, someone grazing against you as they
walk around you, perhaps even breathing. And I know that feeling.
It's going to make you want to look. It's instinct.
But let me tell you. If you turn around for
even just a quick peek when you're not supposed to,
it doesn't end well. Remember Trevor. Trevor was a good guy,
but just a little too curious. He couldn't resist at all.
Opened his eyes just a crack, but it was enough.
Trevor was never found, only his eyes in his abandoned car.
So don't be like Trevor. So before starting this ritual,
I want you to really practice your ability to count
the time in your head. You're going to be waiting
for a predetermined amount of time before you turn around.
The number of minutes you must wait here depends on
the nature of your wish. If you want something basic
like a new car, a better paying job, or free
pizza for a year, wait for about five minutes, give
or take. Doesn't have to be too exact. However, it's
a bit more specific. If you want something more like
a fortune in money, a grand house, or fame, fifteen
minutes and a few seconds in change. But if you
want someone brought back from the dead, it's a tight window.
You have to wait twenty two minutes and thirteen seconds.
It's not easy, but I've seen it done before. Anything bigger,
like control over the weather or on entire nation. No
one knows the exact timing. I can only imagine it's
specific down to the millisecond. It doesn't stopped some people
from trying, but I've only seen it pulled off once,
and boy did Genghis Khan have a good run. Who knows,
maybe you could be the next. Oh and on the
flip side, turning around too late isn't any better. You see,
once the presence is behind you, it knows the window
of time for your wish, and if you linger too
long pass the point when you're supposed to turn around,
you're basically overstaying your wealth. Come it's quite patient, just
not that patient. The ritual can continue after you are
confident you counted your desired time perfectly and turned around.
You must draw a salt circle around yourself and the altar.
You didn't bring any salt, did you. That's okay, and
that's why I didn't mention it at all. Ordinary storeboard
salt wouldn't work for this anyway. Reach into the stone
bowl on the altar. It's always there. Use the coarse
ancient salt inside to create a circle that is as
perfect as you can. This is crucial. If you try
being as smart ass and draw a salt square, the
ritual will be all sorts of messed up and you'll
be flying blind from there. While you draw the circle,
you'll hear whispers, soft at first, but growing louder. They'll
tell you things, things you've buried, forgotten and wish you
could forget. Ignore them. The whispers are meant to distract you,
so you can't let it work. Finish the circle before
they get too loud. Once the salt circle is down,
you'll need to whisper the names of three people you've hurt. Yep,
it's time to dig deep. Doesn't matter how you hurt them, emotionally, physically, whatever,
even if he did it unintentionally, the church wants those names,
and it wants them real. No faking. Now, if you're
thinking I've never hurt anyone, first of all, that's a lie.
Then secondly, if you can't come up with three names,
just turn around and leave. The church will know if
you're faking it, and things will go downhill fast. And
and the off chance that you actually never hurt three people,
then well, I'm actually not too sure what you're supposed
to do maybe try hurting yourself to add an extra person. Congrats,
you've made it to the big moment. Now it's time
to make your wish. The candle will turn black and
you'll feel a cold breathing your neck. Don't worry, that's normal.
A voice will ask you what do you seek? Here's
your moment to shine. Be clear, be specific. This thing
doesn't do nuance and it definitely doesn't appreciate ambiguity. Say
what you want, no more, no less. The entity that
listens doesn't understand meta force more figures of speech. It
takes everything literally. If you make your wish too vague,
the results might be unexpected. Like a guy came in
to ask for hell a cheddar dog, and when he
got back in his home for a variety of dogs
made out of cheese, and for the love of all
things holy. Don't ask for more wishes. How do you
think the figure that grant's wishes is stuck? There? One wish?
That's it, wish made great? Now get out. But here's
the thing. Don't run. I know, I know you want
to bolt for the door. The church will sense your fear,
and the things inside like the taste of fear. Resist
the urge. If you feel something brushing against your skin,
walk don't react. It's testing you, checking if you're ripe.
Keep moving. Walk backwards three steps at a time while
keeping your eyes on the candle, and make sure not
to step on the salt circle you created earlier. There
was a guy who wished to see his mother one
more time. Managed to get the timing down perfectly and
word did his wish exactly. While he was stumbling his
way backward through the church toward the door, he heard
his mother's voice calling out from behind him. He thought
his wish had been granted, and in a moment of
horrible judgment, he turned around. His mother was there, but
not fully formed, yet rasping out calls for help through
a half formed corpse. So remember, anything the church does
outside of the rules I have told you while the
ritual is ongoing is trickery, no matter how genuine a
loved one of yours may sound from behind you calling
out for help. Now, once you make it to the door,
quietly open it and close it as gently as you
can as you leave. I mean, have you ever given
your friend a lift and gone out of your way
to drive them to where they need to? Be, and
as they leave, they slam the door. Rude, isn't it?
The same applies here. The guests do not take kindly
to the audible disruption to their prayers, and the one
sleeping upstairs are things you especially do not want to anger.
You made it outside impressive, but you're not out of
the woods yet. Literally, the forest is going to feel different. Now.
Remember when you felt like the trees were watching you.
They were, and they remember what you look like. Probably
some failed wishes turned into trees idiots mad at someone
succeeding or something. They're trying to recognize you, but you're
too far away for them to see for now. Just
don't look up at them too long. Keep your eyes
on the ground. Now, put on the disguise that you
brought with you. Start walking. No matter how heavy the
air gets or how loud the whispers grow, ignore every
sensation you feel. You have to keep walking. The trees
will rustle, branches will snap. Then you'll swear you could
see figures darting between the trunks. But don't stop. The
moment you hesitate is the moment they close in, Because you,
who have just crossed into dangerous territory, would hesitate the
stranger you're dis guys das well. They're just going for
a leisurely strolled through the woods, couldn't possibly be the
person Thereafter, you have to make it back to your car,
and this is where many people fail, not because they're
slow or because the disguise was not good enough, but
because sometimes the woods just want a victim. You'll hear
footsteps behind you, louder, now closer. Something will be following you,
but you can't look back, not even a glance. Try
out matching its pace without acknowledging its existence. You don't
want them to think you're running away from it. The
thing following you will stop at the tree line. If
you can return to your car before it reaches you, you'll
be safe. Once inside your car, lock the doors, turn
on the engine, and drive. Only stop once you're back
in town. Don't look in the rear view mirror for
a while either. As I mentioned, they don't like being
looked at. If you followed every step perfectly, your wish
will come true. It might not happen immediately, but you'll
notice the change soon enough. The Church keeps his promises.
It doesn't play around with that. Riches love life, maybe
even peace. Whatever it is, it's yours. But there's one
final addendum. Once you've made your wish, you can never
go back to the church ever. Even if your wish
doesn't turn out the way you hoped, even if you
want to take it back, you cannot step foot in
that church again. See here's the issue. The Church isn't
done with you, not by a long shot. Sure it'll
grant your wish, but from then on it will keep
an eye on you. It'll try to bring you back,
and it has many tricks to do that. It won't
be obvious at first. The Church is subtle, smart even
he knows exactly how to get under your skin. You'll
continue living your life, and when you start thinking you're
in the clear, that's when it strikes. It could be months,
even years down the line. Imagine waking up in the
middle of the night, half asleep, just trying to make
it to the bathroom. You've lived in the house you've
gotten from your wish for years, and you know the
layout like the back of your hand. You don't bother
turn on the lights, you don't need to. But as
you walk through the dark hallway, something feels off. You
take a turn and suddenly you're not in your hallway anymore.
The floor under your feet, cold stone, the air, that
same silence you remember from the church. You've been baited back,
just like that. I've heard of people getting so confident,
setting up many contingencies for the appearance of a strange room,
but they see how far the church will go to
get you to return. One person was about to sit
down at his desk the top floor of the company.
He just happened to inherit, only to see the ground
below his desk wasn't the hardwood mahogany flooring imported from Europe,
but decaying graystones. When he called maintenance to look at it,
when it was back to the hard wood, it had
always been one misstep and he would have been pulled back,
lost in the church to join the others on the pews.
When you hear of a high profile celebrity or a
politician mysteriously disappearing, and you wonder how someone so important
could just vurnish. This could be why. That's the church's game.
It'll keep trying to pull you back in using moments
when you're not paying attention or most vulnerable. Maybe you're
confident enough to always be paying attention. Thinking the wish
has made you untouchable. Maybe you think you can outsmart it.
You'll live with this for the rest of your life,
that's the real cast of the wish. Sure you'll get
what you want, but you'll always be watching a step,
making sure you don't find yourself wandering into the dark
into a place that feels just a little too quiet,
And as soon as your foot hits the cold stone
of its ancient floor, that's when you lose. But hey,
if you're confident enough and you think your wish is
worth it, then by all means, give it a go.