WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:06.400 Well, well, well, welcome back, besties, Welcome to another Monday. 2 00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:09.199 I hope you guys had an amazing weekend. I'm so 3 00:00:09.240 --> 00:00:12.759 excited to start this week off with you. Guys. We 4 00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:15.839 have an awesome guest for you this week. She is 5 00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:20.519 a comedian and friend. Please enjoy this episode with Chloe Labranch. 6 00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:24.000 Oh my god, Hi, how are you good? 7 00:00:24.039 --> 00:00:25.480 Thank you for having me on the big Show. 8 00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:28.399 Of course. Yeah, welcome to the big show in my heart. 9 00:00:28.320 --> 00:00:29.640 Big Show in the big apartment. 10 00:00:29.719 --> 00:00:32.960 Yeah. Have you been telling me all your secrets? 11 00:00:33.280 --> 00:00:39.320 Oh? Good, so many secrets. 12 00:00:41.640 --> 00:00:42.799 What are my secrets? 13 00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:45.679 Uh, come on, give us a good one. 14 00:00:45.960 --> 00:00:48.479 My boyfriend and I got back together, even though I 15 00:00:48.479 --> 00:00:50.320 still pretend he's my ex boyfriend and when I'm on the. 16 00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:52.679 Stage, Okay, great, just love. 17 00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:54.719 This is the problem. It's when when you are dating 18 00:00:54.719 --> 00:00:56.520 a guy and then you guys have. 19 00:00:56.439 --> 00:00:59.799 A problem there. Yeah, the problem is when you're dating 20 00:00:59.799 --> 00:01:00.759 a g We. 21 00:01:00.759 --> 00:01:02.759 Know, when you like go through like a breakup or something, 22 00:01:02.799 --> 00:01:05.719 and obviously, like I make every I go out of 23 00:01:05.719 --> 00:01:09.040 my way to make everybody hate him, right, yeah, I'm 24 00:01:09.079 --> 00:01:12.000 saying these terrible things about him, like he's horrible, he 25 00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:14.439 did this, he did that, and then you get back 26 00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:15.159 together with them. 27 00:01:15.159 --> 00:01:18.159 When you're like, yeah, you've got to try and walk 28 00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:21.079 it back. You're like walking like Michael Jackson. 29 00:01:21.159 --> 00:01:24.280 You're like you used the gas light yourself and be like, no, 30 00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:27.680 I was being crazy, Yeah I was. I told him 31 00:01:27.719 --> 00:01:30.439 to fuck that girl. Yeah, I want to be a cock. 32 00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:31.760 I just want to watch. 33 00:01:31.879 --> 00:01:33.280 I was being dramatic. 34 00:01:33.719 --> 00:01:35.680 But now it's like, people like, are you with him? 35 00:01:35.719 --> 00:01:38.319 And I was like, yeah, one girl. So like we 36 00:01:38.439 --> 00:01:43.840 broke up and then he started dating someone else and 37 00:01:44.040 --> 00:01:45.879 I broke up with him, but then I saw him 38 00:01:45.879 --> 00:01:47.760 and I was like I want him back, you know obviously, 39 00:01:48.280 --> 00:01:50.879 and I was like telling everybody. I was like, yeah, 40 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:54.079 you fucking cheat it on me, like this fucking asshole, 41 00:01:54.400 --> 00:01:59.319 because like you know, a woman's version of cheating, it's 42 00:01:59.319 --> 00:02:04.599 a gray area with men, it varies. Not good people 43 00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:08.400 at the end of the day. Yeah, name one great guy. 44 00:02:08.439 --> 00:02:11.960 Name one good guy, just a decent guy, just one 45 00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:15.240 average guy. You got her max husband. 46 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:17.919 But why but he still can't even be the. 47 00:02:17.960 --> 00:02:21.840 Husband because I'm a monster, because I'm one, well, because 48 00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:22.879 I craved chaos. 49 00:02:24.039 --> 00:02:25.960 Yeah. So then I'm like, hey, you know, me and 50 00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:28.240 this girl who I like don't really know that, well, 51 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:31.879 who's a comic. She was like, I was like, oh, 52 00:02:31.919 --> 00:02:33.479 I was short at a show and I was like, oh, 53 00:02:33.479 --> 00:02:35.000 I'm going back to his house. And she was like, 54 00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:38.560 but he cheated on you. And I was like, nah, 55 00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:41.879 he didn't. Like we were broken up, you know, yeah, 56 00:02:41.879 --> 00:02:44.800 he lied, but we were broken up. And she was 57 00:02:44.919 --> 00:02:47.039 like what did she say? Oh? She looked at me 58 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:49.680 and she goes, I'm really disappointed in you. And I 59 00:02:49.719 --> 00:02:52.759 was like, you don't even know me. You're like the 60 00:02:52.840 --> 00:02:54.800 least disappointing thing I've ever done. 61 00:02:54.960 --> 00:02:57.960 I've done far worse. I've done far worse. 62 00:02:58.120 --> 00:03:00.360 My girl like, it's crazy for a girl who's like 63 00:03:00.360 --> 00:03:02.759 two years younger than you to tell you that they're 64 00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:04.000 disappointed in you. 65 00:03:03.960 --> 00:03:05.759 Right, You're like. The only person who can say that 66 00:03:05.840 --> 00:03:06.400 is my father. 67 00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:09.479 Yeah. I was like, okay, Dad, Okay, I'm disappointed. Can 68 00:03:09.479 --> 00:03:11.039 I have a side of money with that? 69 00:03:11.240 --> 00:03:11.639 Yeah? 70 00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:14.479 Disappointment might rent like what are we doing? 71 00:03:14.680 --> 00:03:15.599 Literally? What are we doing? 72 00:03:16.599 --> 00:03:16.639 No? 73 00:03:16.759 --> 00:03:19.080 That is the problem though, when you go through a 74 00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:21.639 relationship and it hits its bumps, if you decide to 75 00:03:21.680 --> 00:03:24.599 tell the people around you about the bumps, you have 76 00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:27.080 to be pretty committed to getting out of the relationship, 77 00:03:27.280 --> 00:03:29.639 because otherwise you do look like a Hong Kong on 78 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:33.719 your clown nose, so once you start expression honk, you 79 00:03:33.879 --> 00:03:37.240 look like a Hong kok And unfortunately it sounds like 80 00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:38.159 you told a lot of people. 81 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:42.800 Everybody, everybodyody would listen, everybody, everybody. And it's because my 82 00:03:42.840 --> 00:03:44.680 mom has told me this in the past about how 83 00:03:44.759 --> 00:03:47.759 like she's like, whenever your friends go through breakups and 84 00:03:47.800 --> 00:03:50.439 they like, you know, start talking shit about the guy, 85 00:03:50.520 --> 00:03:53.159 especially as you get older and you're like late twenties, 86 00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:56.919 starting like then and stuff, be really careful what you say, 87 00:03:57.159 --> 00:03:59.800 because a lot of times these people get back together 88 00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:03.680 with them and they will always remember you being like, yeah, 89 00:04:03.719 --> 00:04:07.400 he fucking sucks, totally opposed to like them telling you 90 00:04:07.479 --> 00:04:10.360 that he sucked right, and they'll always take the husband's 91 00:04:10.439 --> 00:04:11.319 side always. 92 00:04:11.400 --> 00:04:14.319 Every time I've had this happen in like meaningful adult 93 00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:17.120 friendships before, where a friend of mine was about to 94 00:04:17.120 --> 00:04:19.480 get married and I was like, do not marry this man, 95 00:04:19.759 --> 00:04:22.879 Like he is a fucking loser. Everyone thinks he's a loser. 96 00:04:22.920 --> 00:04:25.399 He thinks he's funny. He's not funny. He's just like 97 00:04:25.519 --> 00:04:29.639 misogynistic and plays weird pranks on us. Nobody likes him 98 00:04:30.639 --> 00:04:31.879 and then she just married him. 99 00:04:31.879 --> 00:04:34.600 It's acting Kutcher lack Shepherd. 100 00:04:34.680 --> 00:04:37.199 Yeah, literally, so I through my lesson that way. 101 00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:39.480 It'll probably end up badly for her. It'll probably end 102 00:04:39.560 --> 00:04:42.600 up going badly for me. What do you know? 103 00:04:43.079 --> 00:04:45.920 Listen when the writing's on the wall, sometimes we say, 104 00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:46.480 but it's not. 105 00:04:46.360 --> 00:04:50.319 In Braille, and I'm blind, true true blind, or a 106 00:04:50.360 --> 00:04:53.279 woman I can't read, of a girl girls don't read. 107 00:04:53.519 --> 00:04:56.079 Girls can't read? What are we talking about here? Did 108 00:04:56.120 --> 00:04:57.600 you were you born and raised in New York? 109 00:04:57.879 --> 00:05:00.560 I was born in New York on that side, and 110 00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:02.399 then I lived in Manhattan till I was like five, 111 00:05:02.439 --> 00:05:06.000 and then I grew up a Long Island. Okay, then 112 00:05:06.600 --> 00:05:08.120 my parents moved back to the city when I was 113 00:05:08.120 --> 00:05:08.839 in high school. 114 00:05:09.079 --> 00:05:09.439 Okay. 115 00:05:09.600 --> 00:05:10.399 I'm one of seven. 116 00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:13.120 Oh yeah, so I have five brothers and one sister. 117 00:05:13.319 --> 00:05:14.240 Oh are they older? 118 00:05:14.680 --> 00:05:15.680 I'm the third oldest. 119 00:05:15.959 --> 00:05:18.680 Okay, So all right? What was that like? 120 00:05:19.079 --> 00:05:19.360 Fun? 121 00:05:19.639 --> 00:05:20.759 Yeah? It was rowdy? 122 00:05:21.160 --> 00:05:22.040 Was it was rowdy? 123 00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:22.639 Rowdy? 124 00:05:22.680 --> 00:05:24.800 I've been trying to talk about it on stage because 125 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:26.600 like people think it's funny, but like for me, it's 126 00:05:26.600 --> 00:05:30.040 like it's normal. It's also why I'm like so bad 127 00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:33.839 at being like alone and like I need attention because 128 00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:35.959 like I'm not used to like ever, you know, like 129 00:05:36.160 --> 00:05:37.920 being like alone and like you know those kids, I 130 00:05:37.959 --> 00:05:39.279 don't know if you're one of them who like would 131 00:05:39.319 --> 00:05:41.319 like just sit alone and like read books for hours. 132 00:05:41.439 --> 00:05:42.000 Yeah that's me. 133 00:05:42.279 --> 00:05:44.519 Yeah, but like I never did that because it was 134 00:05:44.680 --> 00:05:45.920 like we're all like a year apart. 135 00:05:46.040 --> 00:05:47.759 It's like constant simulation around you. 136 00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:50.639 I'm like constantly like used to like talking to someone 137 00:05:50.720 --> 00:05:53.199 or like writing, and then it's like then I sit 138 00:05:53.279 --> 00:05:56.199 alone and I'm like what do I do with my hands? Yeah, 139 00:05:56.360 --> 00:05:57.720 I guess I'll become an alcoholic. 140 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.600 I know, I'll fill them with forties. 141 00:06:02.040 --> 00:06:04.839 That's a busy thing to do. Yeah, who the Edward? 142 00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:08.839 Who's ed work? Why are these forties stuck to my hands? 143 00:06:08.920 --> 00:06:12.240 But yeah, so that was it was fun. We used 144 00:06:12.279 --> 00:06:15.839 to like do pranks. Okay, I loved pranks. I was 145 00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:19.519 talking about this about how my youngest brother this is 146 00:06:19.560 --> 00:06:22.800 fucked up. We used to we used to do when 147 00:06:22.839 --> 00:06:24.480 my parents would like go out for dinner or something, 148 00:06:24.519 --> 00:06:27.480 and we would lock our like the babysitter in a closet. 149 00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:30.399 Oh good, and then we would lock the youngest kid 150 00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:34.079 in another closet, and then we would all like stomp 151 00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:36.319 around and run around the house and circles, and someone 152 00:06:36.319 --> 00:06:37.680 would be like having their foot on the door to 153 00:06:37.800 --> 00:06:41.240 the kid in the closet, and we'd be like fire, fire, 154 00:06:41.360 --> 00:06:45.199 there's a fire. We'd because anyone's seen Harrison, we can't 155 00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:47.040 find him when he's in the closet. He's like, I'm 156 00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:50.680 in here, and then we go leave him and we 157 00:06:50.759 --> 00:06:52.519 would fake run out of the house. 158 00:06:53.319 --> 00:06:57.920 Oh no, Has Harrison said that traumatized him in any capacity? 159 00:06:58.120 --> 00:07:02.240 We circled Probably at this point there's like a lot. 160 00:07:02.839 --> 00:07:05.720 I mean, kids like do fuck fucked up stuff? 161 00:07:05.920 --> 00:07:06.560 Yes, they do. 162 00:07:06.680 --> 00:07:08.639 It's actually like because when we were growing up, everyone 163 00:07:08.680 --> 00:07:10.800 wasn't just on their phone, right. The closest I had 164 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:13.240 the technology was like a tamagotchi and a Furby. Yeah. 165 00:07:13.240 --> 00:07:17.079 When I was like a little kid, Yeah, and uh, 166 00:07:17.160 --> 00:07:19.040 I had this other friend and we used to go 167 00:07:19.079 --> 00:07:22.560 to her house and we would like pretend that her 168 00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:25.720 little sister had been murdered. Oh good, and we would 169 00:07:25.720 --> 00:07:27.680 be like, her name is Sarah, and we'd be like ah, 170 00:07:27.800 --> 00:07:29.959 and then we would pretend that she was murdered, and 171 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:32.639 then we would have a fake funeral for the girl, 172 00:07:32.720 --> 00:07:34.839 and she'd be like walking around and we'd like pretend 173 00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:37.360 she was a ghost and we couldn't see her, and 174 00:07:37.399 --> 00:07:40.199 we'd like give like eulogies. We'd be like, it's just 175 00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:42.839 so sad that Sarah was murdered. She was a really 176 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:45.680 great kid. And she would be like, I'm right here, 177 00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:47.759 We're right here. We're like it's almost like we can 178 00:07:47.759 --> 00:07:50.040 feel her spirit with us. 179 00:07:50.199 --> 00:07:55.639 We hear her, yeah, from her murder. It's like how 180 00:07:55.639 --> 00:07:58.079 we got there. But yeah, no, I mean, kids did 181 00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:00.360 really fucked up shit. I remember when time I was 182 00:08:00.360 --> 00:08:02.399 coming back from a friend's house, like a sleepover. And 183 00:08:02.439 --> 00:08:04.079 I was coming back and my sister had a friend 184 00:08:04.120 --> 00:08:07.240 over at our house. And the second I walked in 185 00:08:07.240 --> 00:08:09.600 the door, my sister and her friend started laughing and 186 00:08:09.639 --> 00:08:11.079 like putting their shoes on, and they're like, we have 187 00:08:11.079 --> 00:08:12.240 to go, we have to go, we have to go. 188 00:08:12.560 --> 00:08:13.720 I was like, where are you guys going? And I 189 00:08:13.759 --> 00:08:15.959 was like so excited to see my sister and her friend. Yeah, 190 00:08:15.959 --> 00:08:20.240 and they were like clearly had done something horrible and 191 00:08:20.279 --> 00:08:23.120 I just wasn't. I didn't know what it was yet. 192 00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:25.680 And I go up to my room and they flipped 193 00:08:25.839 --> 00:08:30.199 every single thing in my room upside down, suck my bed, 194 00:08:30.759 --> 00:08:34.919 my dresser, all of my posters they like ripped, like 195 00:08:36.559 --> 00:08:41.000 my Backstreet Boys posters, like those were my only companions, 196 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:44.279 Like those were emotional support posters, like I didn't have 197 00:08:44.360 --> 00:08:48.200 real friends. I was like this, I remember just they 198 00:08:48.279 --> 00:08:52.039 like pinned my underwear to the ceiling, and I remember 199 00:08:52.120 --> 00:08:55.320 just crying and being so sad, and my Dad's like, 200 00:08:55.399 --> 00:08:57.600 it's fine, like they'll flip it all back. And I 201 00:08:57.639 --> 00:09:01.879 was like, how did you let this happen? How did you? 202 00:09:01.879 --> 00:09:03.360 You're just there? Like what did I do? 203 00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:09.080 I was like, I don't understand your parenting. Were you 204 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:12.759 just downstairs crushing beers? Because it feels like when they 205 00:09:12.759 --> 00:09:18.200 were pinning my personal I was probably in like fourth grade. 206 00:09:19.440 --> 00:09:23.279 I just like, wasn't Yeah they really got me. 207 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:26.120 Yeah, well that's a good brank. 208 00:09:26.679 --> 00:09:26.879 Yeah. 209 00:09:26.919 --> 00:09:29.480 It was really intense fed it takes a long time 210 00:09:29.559 --> 00:09:30.879 to must. 211 00:09:30.639 --> 00:09:31.360 Have taken all night. 212 00:09:31.879 --> 00:09:34.320 Must have taken it. Did they did they flip it back? 213 00:09:35.159 --> 00:09:38.480 They had to, fine, but they didn't. I mean, it wasn't. 214 00:09:38.279 --> 00:09:40.480 It didn't go back to how it was. Things weren't 215 00:09:40.519 --> 00:09:41.159 how they used to be. 216 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:42.600 Posters couldn't be unripped. 217 00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:43.840 That's so sad. 218 00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:48.960 Also, I couldn't unsee her friend's hands all over my underwear. 219 00:09:48.600 --> 00:09:51.080 Like it just was like, okay, traumatized. 220 00:09:51.200 --> 00:09:55.159 I guess this episode of Talking Schmidt is brought to 221 00:09:55.240 --> 00:09:58.279 you by Berber Hair Oil. Look at all my hairs, 222 00:09:58.360 --> 00:10:02.240 you guys, not to flex flex, But mama's got hairs 223 00:10:02.279 --> 00:10:04.759 on her head and it's all thanks to Berber Hair Oil. 224 00:10:04.840 --> 00:10:07.440 My journey with them has been it's honestly making me 225 00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:10.200 feel like a brand new bitch. And I'll tell you what. 226 00:10:10.279 --> 00:10:12.600 I'm never gonna let someone gas light me into thinking 227 00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:14.519 I don't have enough hair on my head. It is 228 00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:17.919 so thick, it's so healthy, it's growing back better than 229 00:10:17.960 --> 00:10:19.840 it ever was in the first place. Is it as 230 00:10:19.840 --> 00:10:21.360 long as I want it to be? Not yet, But 231 00:10:21.399 --> 00:10:23.240 give me another six months, it's gonna be down on 232 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:27.399 my fucking tail. Use my code BRIT for fifteen percent 233 00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:31.440 off your first oil at your oil for fifteen percent 234 00:10:31.480 --> 00:10:34.440 off your first order at Burber dot com, br br 235 00:10:34.559 --> 00:10:39.440 dot com. Use the code Brit and think me later. Also, besties, 236 00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:41.879 if you're not subscribed to the patreon, you have to 237 00:10:41.879 --> 00:10:45.159 subscribe to the patreon. I'm giving you, guys the juices 238 00:10:45.240 --> 00:10:48.200 tea on the Patreon and I feel like we're all 239 00:10:48.279 --> 00:10:50.519 kind of a family on there, and I would love 240 00:10:50.519 --> 00:10:52.799 for you to just come over there spend an extra 241 00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:54.960 fifteen to twenty minutes a week with me where we 242 00:10:55.039 --> 00:11:00.720 can just yep and be grooves. Okay you ah bye. 243 00:11:02.320 --> 00:11:06.320 I know this girl's fucking nuts. Blank, it's a I 244 00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:08.799 guess we say that a lot. Yeah, very man thing 245 00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:11.120 of me to say, I know this girl's nuts. She 246 00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:14.240 was like telling me. She was like she's a comic 247 00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:16.080 and I like went on the road somewhere with her 248 00:11:16.080 --> 00:11:19.399 and some shitty thing, and she was like, yeah, like 249 00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:21.320 me and my boyfriend, everyone's like, you don't want to 250 00:11:21.320 --> 00:11:22.559 hang out with this girl. She's crazy. 251 00:11:22.679 --> 00:11:25.519 I was like, I'm crazy stage time. Yeah. And she 252 00:11:25.720 --> 00:11:27.360 was like going on about how. 253 00:11:27.320 --> 00:11:29.440 She's like we gotta leave like early today, and I'm 254 00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:31.240 like why, and she's like, I just I got to 255 00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:33.240 get out of the house, like I guess her and 256 00:11:33.240 --> 00:11:36.120 her boyfriend like she's like Basically, what she did was 257 00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:39.240 she thought he was cheating on her, so she broke 258 00:11:39.279 --> 00:11:43.000 into his apartment and went to the bank and got 259 00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:46.000 like one hundred or two hundred dollars worth of pennies 260 00:11:47.159 --> 00:11:50.120 and she threw them all over the house, like dump 261 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:52.759 have you heard of people doing this? Dumped them all 262 00:11:52.799 --> 00:11:54.960 over the floor so it'd be pain to pick up, 263 00:11:55.000 --> 00:11:57.759 and then shattered all of his plates and his glasses 264 00:11:58.039 --> 00:12:00.480 and stole his laptop. And then she'd be like, can 265 00:12:00.519 --> 00:12:02.759 you drive, I'm gonna try to break into this laptop. 266 00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:06.399 And I'm just like what, Like, yes, I'll drive. I 267 00:12:06.440 --> 00:12:09.200 was like, I've been drinking, yeah, so yes I will. 268 00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:11.559 So yeah, I'm the best driver. 269 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:13.639 I didn't know that was like a thing people did. 270 00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:18.039 I mean, crazy, what is it? Hell? Hath no fury? 271 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:20.759 Like a woman scorned, Like a woman who thinks that 272 00:12:20.799 --> 00:12:23.840 she's wronged, will do anything. I had a friend go 273 00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:26.759 to an exotic pet store, get a box of forty 274 00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:32.000 Madagascar cockroaches. Oh my god, break into her boyfriend's apartment 275 00:12:32.120 --> 00:12:33.399 and I'll let them loose. 276 00:12:33.960 --> 00:12:38.840 Damn like that rats. The best prank could be bed bugs? 277 00:12:39.279 --> 00:12:41.759 Bed bugs? Is that's like not even a prank, that 278 00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:44.279 is well like someone's life. 279 00:12:44.600 --> 00:12:45.720 Yeah, that's what they should have done. 280 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:49.120 Yeah, I've never had it in me. Have you ever 281 00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:50.200 done anything crazy? 282 00:12:50.279 --> 00:12:53.360 I've wanted to the most crazy things I would do 283 00:12:53.519 --> 00:12:56.240 is like I was like a really big drunk dialer. 284 00:12:56.399 --> 00:12:57.080 Oh yeah, yeah. 285 00:12:57.080 --> 00:13:01.200 So like when I was drunk, I'd be like, oh up, 286 00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:04.639 and like I was like I didn't understand. Like it 287 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:07.879 was almost like I thought everything was so funny that 288 00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:09.279 like it would get to the point where I was 289 00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:11.399 like trolling them and be like it's enough, and I'd 290 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:13.519 be like, hmmm, it's not. I feel like, why are 291 00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:15.120 you responding? I feel like you're in love with you 292 00:13:15.240 --> 00:13:16.960 and they'd be like I don't like you. I'd be like, okay, 293 00:13:17.080 --> 00:13:20.159 good one, you know, Like I just like was like 294 00:13:20.919 --> 00:13:23.799 it was it's this like sense of entitlement. I think 295 00:13:23.799 --> 00:13:26.960 that comes with alcoholism that like I thought like when 296 00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:29.279 I drink, I can do whatever I want. 297 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:29.799 I'm God. 298 00:13:30.120 --> 00:13:31.960 And then I'd get sober for one day and I'd 299 00:13:32.000 --> 00:13:34.840 go around being like amends, like yeah, you know, I'm 300 00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:37.399 so sorry. I really cleaned my life up since And 301 00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:38.519 they're like, your trunk. 302 00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:40.399 Gets drunk, you're literally drug right now. 303 00:13:40.679 --> 00:13:45.639 That's about as crazy as I would get. Yeah, like that, yeah, 304 00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:48.879 I was I'm too lazy, yeah to like do anything too, 305 00:13:49.159 --> 00:13:50.320 Like I just don't have it. 306 00:13:50.440 --> 00:13:52.879 I just have a healthy fear of the law. And 307 00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.519 I also at this point in my life have a 308 00:13:55.519 --> 00:13:59.039 healthy fear of karma because karma doesn't miss a doorstep. 309 00:13:59.159 --> 00:14:01.519 So it's like, if you go do something horrible to somebody, 310 00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:02.960 that energy will come back to you. 311 00:14:03.080 --> 00:14:03.360 Yeah. 312 00:14:03.399 --> 00:14:05.720 And if you think you got away with anything you didn't, 313 00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:11.039 just wait, yeah it's coming, you know, Like it's urry, I. 314 00:14:11.159 --> 00:14:13.799 Know, I uh yeah, I'm not like I don't have 315 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:16.799 anything in me that's like malicious because the only person 316 00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:19.519 like I truly want to not succeed is myself. 317 00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:22.240 Oh you know, Ark, I'm sorry, it's it's whatever. 318 00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:24.080 So it's like I've never like tried to like ruin 319 00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:27.799 someone's life, very right. It's the furthest I've just the 320 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:30.600 furthest I've gone is just being really annoying and ruining 321 00:14:30.600 --> 00:14:31.120 my own life. 322 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:33.840 Yeah yeah, yeah, No, I would say the most annoying 323 00:14:33.879 --> 00:14:36.000 I ever was I was a big drunk dialer too 324 00:14:36.519 --> 00:14:39.919 in college and like right after I got out of college, yeah, 325 00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:43.120 because I pretty much got sober when I was twenty seven, 326 00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:47.440 twenty eight, so up until I was with Chris. Chris 327 00:14:47.519 --> 00:14:49.639 and I that's my first husband, and we started dating 328 00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:56.960 in twenty twenty, twenty fifteen, and so twenty fifteen to 329 00:14:57.080 --> 00:15:00.159 college so like, let's twenty eight to twenty fifteen. Those 330 00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:02.240 were my big years of drunk diyaling. And there was 331 00:15:02.279 --> 00:15:04.600 this one guy who he played for the market basketball 332 00:15:04.639 --> 00:15:06.360 team and then he went into the NBA and we 333 00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:10.360 had like the most toxic relationship, like it was just 334 00:15:10.360 --> 00:15:13.639 like hot, nasty, fucking sex, but we hated each other, 335 00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:16.399 like we would fight like I don't fight with people. 336 00:15:16.120 --> 00:15:17.559 Like I hope you die and then you send a 337 00:15:17.559 --> 00:15:18.279 news yes. 338 00:15:18.360 --> 00:15:21.279 Yes yes, or like I you know. It was like 339 00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:23.080 the only time I don't get violent. I don't do 340 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:24.919 any of that shit. I would like throw my phone 341 00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:27.279 at his fucking head. He would like punch the wall 342 00:15:27.320 --> 00:15:29.039 next to me, and then we'd be fuck. He was insane. 343 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:32.279 It was insane. But I would text him so much 344 00:15:32.360 --> 00:15:34.000 when I was drunk that he had to change his 345 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:38.559 phone number five times well, and I kept getting his 346 00:15:38.759 --> 00:15:41.559 new phone number from very nefarious ways, like he was 347 00:15:41.639 --> 00:15:44.159 not He made it clear to everyone in our immediate 348 00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:46.200 circle that he did not want me to have his 349 00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:48.360 phone number. And then I would somehow get his phone 350 00:15:48.440 --> 00:15:50.440 number and then I would just text him the meme 351 00:15:50.879 --> 00:15:54.360 of Jack Nicholson in the Shining and I'd be like hello, 352 00:15:57.279 --> 00:15:58.960 just that that and then a gun. 353 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:02.600 I'd be like what it was so funny because like 354 00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:04.840 when guys would be like you has stop, like you'd 355 00:16:04.840 --> 00:16:06.759 be so annoying, you have to leave me alone. I'm 356 00:16:06.799 --> 00:16:10.440 just like you understand, like you're not special like I do. 357 00:16:10.519 --> 00:16:12.519 There's so many I do this to every guy like 358 00:16:12.600 --> 00:16:14.320 this is not I don't even like you. 359 00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:16.240 Nobody likes you. Were bored. 360 00:16:16.759 --> 00:16:19.360 I'm just bored. I remember my friends and I would 361 00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:21.720 like in college, we thought like drunk diling was like 362 00:16:22.120 --> 00:16:24.080 got to your point, like it was like hilarious. And 363 00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:26.360 we'd be like, you're allowed to. And one of my 364 00:16:26.360 --> 00:16:28.039 friends would be like I called someone forty times and 365 00:16:28.120 --> 00:16:30.399 we were like, okay, well I'll call my friends sixty times. 366 00:16:30.639 --> 00:16:32.840 One of my friends drunk dial this guy ninety five 367 00:16:32.919 --> 00:16:35.799 times and he took up he printed out a screenshot 368 00:16:35.799 --> 00:16:37.840 of it and taped it to her door in the morning, 369 00:16:37.879 --> 00:16:39.840 and she was like she'd like taken like a bottle 370 00:16:39.879 --> 00:16:42.200 of adderall blacked down and just called him like ninety 371 00:16:42.240 --> 00:16:43.879 eight times. Were like that's a lot of work. 372 00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:46.279 It's good for on Adderall that's nothing. 373 00:16:46.799 --> 00:16:49.679 I had this therapist once, who uh this guy was 374 00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:53.639 like kind of dating from rehab obviously. I was like, 375 00:16:53.679 --> 00:16:57.440 he's so cool. He shoots cocaine, like he's a hardcore and. 376 00:16:58.720 --> 00:16:59.840 But he was a therapist. 377 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:03.639 No, he was a drug addict, Henri. But my therapist. 378 00:17:03.679 --> 00:17:05.880 I was telling my therapist. I was like, yeah, and 379 00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:09.799 gets over with Henry and he was like I was like, yeah, 380 00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:13.000 he blocked me classic and he was like he was like. 381 00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:15.319 I was like, so I couldn't even get in touch 382 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:16.880 with him if I wanted. He's like, you know you 383 00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:19.920 can message people onto Google. They have phone numbers and 384 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:21.599 I go, why are you telling me this? Yeah? 385 00:17:21.640 --> 00:17:23.039 Why why would be the workaround? 386 00:17:23.079 --> 00:17:23.839 Why did he doubt? 387 00:17:23.960 --> 00:17:24.039 Like? 388 00:17:24.039 --> 00:17:25.799 And I was like, this is great. 389 00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:29.039 This is great. So you got one of the Google 390 00:17:29.079 --> 00:17:31.759 fake numbers and he said, well, well, well, Henry, here 391 00:17:31.480 --> 00:17:32.559 we beat again. 392 00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:34.960 I ventured him. I was like, Hi, it's it's Chloe. 393 00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:37.359 And he's like, Chloe, this is enough. And I was like, 394 00:17:37.720 --> 00:17:40.480 I have your mom with me right now in the 395 00:17:40.559 --> 00:17:44.200 basement and a gun to her head. He's like, it's 396 00:17:44.279 --> 00:17:46.240 not funny. 397 00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:51.240 I have here, Bob. It's always nice to be crazier 398 00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:53.799 than the person who shoots coke mm hmm. It's like, 399 00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:55.400 it's not it doesn't even have to do with what 400 00:17:55.440 --> 00:17:57.960 we're using. It has to do with how we were made. 401 00:17:58.559 --> 00:18:00.480