WEBVTT 1 00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:11.199 In the early two thousands, a successful research scientist in 2 00:00:11.240 --> 00:00:14.240 New York appeared to be living a stable, well ordered 3 00:00:14.279 --> 00:00:19.640 life with a strong career and respected place in her field. Privately, however, 4 00:00:20.039 --> 00:00:23.920 she was maintaining a secret relationship and carefully managing a 5 00:00:23.960 --> 00:00:28.039 web of lies that few people around her suspected. And then, 6 00:00:28.839 --> 00:00:31.199 when a woman connected to an affair she was having 7 00:00:31.359 --> 00:00:34.679 was found stabbed to death in her apartment, police had 8 00:00:34.719 --> 00:00:38.479 no reason to look her direction, and months later, a 9 00:00:38.520 --> 00:00:43.560 disturbing incident inside her own home forced investigators to re 10 00:00:43.679 --> 00:00:48.719 examine everything they thought they knew. This is the story 11 00:00:49.399 --> 00:00:53.399 of the master manipulator known as Sheila Davalu. 12 00:00:55.600 --> 00:00:59.200 My name's Ben, I'm Nicole, and you're listening to Wicked 13 00:00:59.240 --> 00:01:02.119 and Grim true crime podcast. 14 00:01:02.520 --> 00:01:11.680 Warning the following material in more mature audience. Listener discretion. 15 00:01:32.480 --> 00:01:35.239 Don't get mad at me. But this is part one 16 00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:36.640 of a two parter episode. 17 00:01:36.760 --> 00:01:38.799 Mm hmmm. I don't think it was planned to be 18 00:01:38.840 --> 00:01:42.000 a two parter, but it wasn't. It's a lot going on, right, 19 00:01:42.159 --> 00:01:42.959 There's a lot. 20 00:01:42.760 --> 00:01:45.439 In this story, so yeah, it soon became a two parter. 21 00:01:45.599 --> 00:01:47.280 And I know we just recently did a two parter, 22 00:01:47.359 --> 00:01:50.159 but I'm sorry it's happening again. And trust me, though, 23 00:01:50.200 --> 00:01:53.239 it is worthwhile for this story to go deep and 24 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:56.959 make it a two parter, because gosh darn, there is 25 00:01:57.000 --> 00:01:57.680 a lot to it. 26 00:01:57.879 --> 00:02:00.079 Gosh dang, gosh diddaly dang it. 27 00:02:01.200 --> 00:02:03.040 I wanted to swear like a sailor there, but I 28 00:02:03.079 --> 00:02:03.560 held back. 29 00:02:03.640 --> 00:02:06.319 Could you tell, Bob, I did actually tell a little bit. 30 00:02:06.439 --> 00:02:09.960 Yeah, but this is definitely an interesting story and I'm 31 00:02:09.960 --> 00:02:11.840 stoked to get into it. But before we do get 32 00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:13.560 into it, we got to do a big old thank 33 00:02:13.599 --> 00:02:16.120 you for everyone out there who chimed in, commented, and 34 00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:19.159 messaged us regarding our new opening that we've been trying 35 00:02:19.159 --> 00:02:21.560 out on the show. We asked for your feedback and 36 00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:24.800 we heard you. We had conversations on Patreon, we got messages, 37 00:02:24.960 --> 00:02:26.719 all that sort of stuff. We read them. We went 38 00:02:26.759 --> 00:02:31.080 over it, and there's a bit of repetitive repetitiveness. There's 39 00:02:31.080 --> 00:02:33.759 a bit of giving away of the story in this 40 00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:35.840 intro a little bit too long. So we've tried to 41 00:02:35.879 --> 00:02:39.719 condense it and bring it down to something that's really 42 00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:42.919 more setting the scene, bringing you into what it's going 43 00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:45.560 to be like leading up to the story, rather than 44 00:02:45.560 --> 00:02:48.840 giving anything away. So we had people who said that 45 00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:50.439 they really like it as well. So we're trying to 46 00:02:50.439 --> 00:02:53.960 find this this best of boatword balance a balance that's 47 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:57.280 a good way of putting it. Yeah, So in today's episode, 48 00:02:57.319 --> 00:03:00.919 we're trying out the new set the tone, set the scene, 49 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:04.039 kind of opening, set the mood. 50 00:03:04.199 --> 00:03:07.080 It is pretty cool though that you know we need 51 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:10.080 help or want feedback or opinions on something, and how 52 00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:12.960 many people did take the time to do that, so, 53 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:16.080 which is awesome because that only helps make the show 54 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:18.319 better and something you want to listen to. 55 00:03:18.520 --> 00:03:21.319 Well. Yeah, so we're growing Wicketing Grim together and we're 56 00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:23.199 turning it into a show that you guys can enjoy 57 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:25.400 a little bit more. So, thank you for that feedback. 58 00:03:25.759 --> 00:03:27.479 I have kind of set the tone a little bit 59 00:03:27.479 --> 00:03:31.680 before in previous episodes all throughout the last five years 60 00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:33.879 of Wicketing Grim, but I think I kind of want 61 00:03:33.879 --> 00:03:35.759 to make it. I think that's what I'm trying to 62 00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:37.960 lead into, is I'm trying to bring that into something 63 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:41.199 that's more prevalent in the show, really setting that tone, 64 00:03:41.240 --> 00:03:43.800 bringing you into the story. And I think I was 65 00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:46.520 just going about it the wrong way and I think 66 00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:47.639 you guys got me on track. 67 00:03:47.919 --> 00:03:50.360 Yeah, but I mean, you got to experiment with stuff, 68 00:03:50.400 --> 00:03:53.240 right and for sure see how it feels, and then 69 00:03:53.240 --> 00:03:54.759 you're going to know what you want to do. 70 00:03:54.919 --> 00:03:57.120 So but I'm confident I nailed it on this. 71 00:03:57.039 --> 00:03:59.960 One, Okay, are you? I am that confident. 72 00:04:00.120 --> 00:04:05.199 I'm that confident because I talk about the stuff like 73 00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:09.199 the dynamics of the story without giving anything away. 74 00:04:09.479 --> 00:04:10.520 Oh okay. 75 00:04:10.599 --> 00:04:15.240 And I also don't really get repetitive, so I'll just 76 00:04:15.319 --> 00:04:17.439 let you judge for yourself. Okay, Okay, should I get 77 00:04:17.480 --> 00:04:17.800 into it? 78 00:04:17.879 --> 00:04:18.959 Yeah, I want to hear it. 79 00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:23.519 So for many young professionals, life follows a very familiar rhythm, 80 00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:27.680 very long workdays, crowded commutes, and evenings spent trying to 81 00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:32.360 balance ambition and a personal life. Offices, for example, can 82 00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:36.720 become second homes. Coworkers turn into friends, and sometimes they 83 00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:40.439 even become more than that. Spending so much time together, well, 84 00:04:40.439 --> 00:04:45.040 it can blur boundaries. People share lunches, frustrations, private worries, 85 00:04:45.079 --> 00:04:48.319 and late nights. Friendships form quickly in gossips will they 86 00:04:48.439 --> 00:04:51.920 spread even faster, and even small disagreements can turn into 87 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:55.639 workplace drama. Romantic connections can even appear in places no 88 00:04:55.639 --> 00:04:59.720 one expects, and for many couples, well, this environment can 89 00:04:59.759 --> 00:05:03.800 create a lot of strain partners well, they learned to 90 00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:07.920 live on opposite schedules and conversations or even life moments 91 00:05:07.959 --> 00:05:11.839 can get postponed. Problems get pushed aside for the favor 92 00:05:11.879 --> 00:05:15.399 of dealing with it later. It creates a sort of distance, 93 00:05:15.639 --> 00:05:19.920 but that doesn't always mean physical separation. Sometimes it means 94 00:05:20.279 --> 00:05:23.639 two people living under the same roof while drifting further 95 00:05:23.680 --> 00:05:29.279 apart emotionally. Still, despite this, people make it work, and 96 00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:33.279 most lives they remain stable, good jobs, a place to 97 00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:37.399 call home, social circles, and weekend plans. But for some 98 00:05:37.639 --> 00:05:42.279 people beneath that surface, tensions can grow. In offices and 99 00:05:42.360 --> 00:05:47.680 apartment complexes around southern New York and Connecticut, relationships were 100 00:05:47.759 --> 00:05:49.879 quietly and raveling like this in two thousand and two. 101 00:05:50.639 --> 00:05:54.000 Long work hours and close working relationships had created an 102 00:05:54.120 --> 00:05:58.839 environment where professional boundaries were beginning to be crossed and 103 00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:03.560 secrets were being kept. What no one understood, though, was 104 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:07.680 that in this case, things were building towards something that 105 00:06:07.720 --> 00:06:14.680 would end in serious violence, betrayal, and even murder. Dun, Dun, Dun, 106 00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:15.959 there we go. That's my opening. 107 00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:18.519 That was literally what just went through my head dunt 108 00:06:18.600 --> 00:06:20.920 dun dun. So. 109 00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:22.600 I hope I didn't give too much away, and I 110 00:06:22.639 --> 00:06:25.319 hope I hooked you with just enough information to make 111 00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:28.240 you feel like you can almost relate, you can picture it. 112 00:06:29.079 --> 00:06:31.879 And with that we're going to get into the actual story. 113 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:36.519 You ready, Yeah, I am. I feel very ready right now, 114 00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:39.519 to be honest, Okay, more so than usual, I'm glad. 115 00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:44.120 Sheila was born on May eleventh, nineteen sixty nine, in Iran, 116 00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:47.759 during a period of very very much so political instability 117 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:51.279 that would soon erupt into full scale revolution. Now in 118 00:06:51.319 --> 00:06:55.199 the late nineteen seventies, as Iranian revolution intensified and daily 119 00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:58.759 life became increasingly dangerous, her family made the decision to 120 00:06:58.839 --> 00:07:03.000 leave the country. Like many fleeing the turmoil, they immigrated 121 00:07:03.000 --> 00:07:06.040 to the United States in search of safety and stability. 122 00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:10.720 They eventually settled into Yorktown Heights, a quiet, affluent suburb 123 00:07:10.759 --> 00:07:14.800 of Westchester County, New York. Her parents were medical and 124 00:07:14.839 --> 00:07:19.439 health professionals, and education was treated as a non negotiable 125 00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:24.480 in their household. Academic achievement was not exactly encouraged. In fact, 126 00:07:24.519 --> 00:07:27.759 it was more so expected, so from an early age, 127 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:34.639 Sheila was pushed towards excellence, discipline, and measurable success. Now, 128 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:39.040 as such, mistakes were not exactly easily forgiven. Emotional vulnerability 129 00:07:39.199 --> 00:07:42.079 was something that was not openly discussed, and to put 130 00:07:42.079 --> 00:07:47.199 it simple, what mattered most was performance, good grades, strong credentials, 131 00:07:47.519 --> 00:07:51.480 and a respectable public image to go with it. Friends 132 00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:55.480 described her upbringing as very strict and highly structured, with 133 00:07:55.680 --> 00:07:59.399 little tolerance for any sort of failure. Sheila learned early 134 00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:02.959 how to present herself as being capable, reliable, and composed 135 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:06.480 even when she was struggling internally, which over time this 136 00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:10.920 became second nature. One of the most significant influences in 137 00:08:10.959 --> 00:08:14.720 her personal life was her younger brother. Now. Her younger 138 00:08:14.720 --> 00:08:18.839 brother had suffered from very severe mental illnesses, including schizophrenia. 139 00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:23.360 His condition required constant attention from the family, and Sheila 140 00:08:23.480 --> 00:08:27.079 became deeply protective of him. She often framed herself as 141 00:08:27.120 --> 00:08:32.039 his emotional anchor and caretaker. Now, according to people close 142 00:08:32.080 --> 00:08:35.080 to her, Sheila was genuinely concerned about her brother and 143 00:08:35.120 --> 00:08:37.919 how he might react to major changes in her life. 144 00:08:38.360 --> 00:08:41.519 She worried that he would feel abandoned if he believed 145 00:08:41.559 --> 00:08:44.360 she was forming attachments that did not include him, for example, 146 00:08:45.159 --> 00:08:49.679 and this fear, whether real exaggerated or strategically used, became 147 00:08:49.679 --> 00:08:52.399 a very central part of how she explained her actions 148 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:56.759 to other people now throughout her adolescence. In early adulthood, 149 00:08:57.120 --> 00:09:00.600 Sheila was known as quiet and studious who was also 150 00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:02.840 not a heavy drinker. She did not party or draw 151 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:07.360 attention to herself socially. Instead, she focused almost entirely on 152 00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:12.720 school and career preparations. She spoke multiple languages, she excelled academically, 153 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:15.039 and she followed the path that her family had laid 154 00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:19.080 out for her. Her life was very stable and impressive, 155 00:09:19.120 --> 00:09:22.279 but what almost no one saw was how carefully she 156 00:09:22.360 --> 00:09:28.679 managed information about herself. From an early stage, Sheila learned 157 00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:31.240 to decide what people were allowed to know and what 158 00:09:31.240 --> 00:09:35.159 they were not allowed to know. Personal details were filtered, 159 00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:40.159 stories were adjusted, and inconvenient truths were well they were 160 00:09:40.279 --> 00:09:43.759 quietly erased or swept under the rug, and over time, 161 00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:47.200 this habit of controlling perception would become very central to 162 00:09:47.240 --> 00:09:50.000 how she would navigate people in the world around her. 163 00:09:51.039 --> 00:09:55.039 She sounds quite interesting, but she almost sounds like I 164 00:09:55.080 --> 00:09:57.240 guess she was slightly groomed for this too. 165 00:09:57.320 --> 00:09:59.840 Writ She was definitely groomed in a certain sense of 166 00:09:59.879 --> 00:10:03.639 that word. Her parents put her in very high standards 167 00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:05.679 for success. 168 00:10:05.080 --> 00:10:09.120 For education, but I mean they were both very successful themselves, 169 00:10:09.159 --> 00:10:12.759 so I can kind of understand them having you know, 170 00:10:12.840 --> 00:10:15.120 a little bit of high expectations for her as well, 171 00:10:15.159 --> 00:10:18.960 because she has that opportunity. But then also it doesn't 172 00:10:19.000 --> 00:10:21.879 sound like it was the most warm of upbringings exactly. 173 00:10:21.960 --> 00:10:25.840 Having high standards or high expectations is one thing, because 174 00:10:25.879 --> 00:10:28.960 you can go beyond healthy in that regard, and I 175 00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:32.679 think with that they definitely did, because in this case, 176 00:10:32.720 --> 00:10:34.919 you're going to really as we talk about it, you're 177 00:10:34.919 --> 00:10:37.919 going to find out that Sheila was clearly craving more. 178 00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:41.240 Maybe it's because of how her upbringing was and how 179 00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:44.240 her parents treated her. Maybe she didn't get attention or anything, 180 00:10:44.639 --> 00:10:48.200 but when she received attention from people, that became the 181 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:50.919 biggest focus, something that she honed in on and even 182 00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:51.759 fixated on. 183 00:10:52.279 --> 00:10:56.360 Well, she probably only received the attention after, like she 184 00:10:56.480 --> 00:11:00.080 got a good grade or did something right, And so 185 00:11:00.320 --> 00:11:02.720 with her just being herself, I bet you that didn't 186 00:11:02.759 --> 00:11:07.519 get her the attention that she wanted, right, she had 187 00:11:07.559 --> 00:11:09.600 to earn it in a sense. 188 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:11.759 That's true, But I have a feeling there's a potential 189 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:14.039 of if she got a good grade, it may not 190 00:11:14.120 --> 00:11:18.320 have even been necessarily praised. If that's the expectation, that's 191 00:11:18.399 --> 00:11:21.159 just simply standard. We expected that of you. It's not 192 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:23.840 We're not going to like celebrate it because that's just Hey, 193 00:11:23.919 --> 00:11:24.879 you're supposed to do that. 194 00:11:25.240 --> 00:11:28.759 Okay, that is a that's that's hard, that's that doesn't 195 00:11:28.759 --> 00:11:29.519 feel very good. 196 00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:32.000 Now, I don't know that for sure. That's my perspective 197 00:11:32.039 --> 00:11:34.000 on what I've been reading about it, that that could 198 00:11:34.080 --> 00:11:41.080 likely be the situation. But either way, she definitely craved affection, attention, 199 00:11:41.759 --> 00:11:43.720 and that sort of thing relationships, I guess. 200 00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:44.200 Okay. 201 00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:47.600 Now, by the time that Sheila entered adulthood, her future 202 00:11:47.759 --> 00:11:51.759 was already well basically mapped out. Following the expectations set 203 00:11:51.759 --> 00:11:54.799 out by her parents, she pursued higher education with rather 204 00:11:54.879 --> 00:11:59.159 relentless focus. She enrolled at Stonybrook University in New York, 205 00:11:59.360 --> 00:12:02.759 where she studied biochemistry, which is a very demanding field 206 00:12:02.799 --> 00:12:05.720 and it requires a lot of long hours, discipline, and 207 00:12:06.279 --> 00:12:10.240 technical precision, to say the least. But she was prepared 208 00:12:10.600 --> 00:12:13.720 and she performed very well, earning respect from professors and 209 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:19.240 peers alike. After completing her undergraduate degree, Sheila continued directly 210 00:12:19.480 --> 00:12:23.320 into graduate school. She attended New York Medical College, where 211 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:26.720 she worked towards a master's degree in public health. The 212 00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:30.120 program placed her along other high achieving students who were 213 00:12:30.120 --> 00:12:34.559 preparing for careers in medicine, pharmaceutical research, and even scientific 214 00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:38.639 and administration, but once again, she still stood out as 215 00:12:38.720 --> 00:12:42.720 very capable and driven. During this period, however, her personal 216 00:12:42.759 --> 00:12:46.840 life began to take its first complicated turn. Not long 217 00:12:46.879 --> 00:12:51.679 after finishing high school, and under strong cultural and family expectations, 218 00:12:51.759 --> 00:12:56.720 Sheila entered her first marriage. The relationship was arranged through 219 00:12:56.759 --> 00:13:00.320 traditional channels, and although some accounts differ on how the 220 00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:04.120 formal arrangement was, it was widely understood that family pressure 221 00:13:04.159 --> 00:13:07.039 played a major role in it. So she married a 222 00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:10.759 man by the name of Farid Mussafi while she was 223 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:14.080 still very young. To people she knew, the marriage looked 224 00:13:14.120 --> 00:13:18.039 appropriate and very respectable. They were two educated young people 225 00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:21.600 from similar backgrounds building a life together, but privately the 226 00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:25.639 relationship it lacked a lot of emotional depth. Sheila was 227 00:13:25.639 --> 00:13:28.600 immersed in her studies and Forarid, while he focused on 228 00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:31.840 his own career too. They functioned more like roommates really 229 00:13:31.879 --> 00:13:36.000 than romantic partners. In reality, now During this time, Sheila 230 00:13:36.039 --> 00:13:40.559 began developing close relationships outside of her marriage. During her 231 00:13:40.559 --> 00:13:44.200 time at New York Medical College, she met Paul Christos, 232 00:13:44.679 --> 00:13:48.200 another graduate student who was deeply involved in academic research. 233 00:13:49.039 --> 00:13:52.759 At first, their connection revolved around school. Paul ran a 234 00:13:52.799 --> 00:13:55.720 private study group to help cover his tuition, and Sheila 235 00:13:55.759 --> 00:13:58.600 had joined in on it. They spent hours working together 236 00:13:58.679 --> 00:14:02.600 reviewing material and prepared for exams, and over time though 237 00:14:02.639 --> 00:14:08.759 the relationship it shifted. Conversations extended beyond just coursework. Study 238 00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:14.039 sessions turned into long walks in late night talks emotional intimacy. 239 00:14:14.639 --> 00:14:20.200 While it developed quietly, and eventually that relationship crossed into 240 00:14:20.279 --> 00:14:24.759 being a full on affair. When Farid discovered Sheila's involvement 241 00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:30.360 with Paul, the marriage quickly unraveled. The scandal created tension 242 00:14:30.360 --> 00:14:33.639 within her family, who had very high expectations on maintaining 243 00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:37.879 appearances and honoring commitments. But not only that, divorce carried 244 00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:40.679 a cultural consequence too. It was viewed as a failure 245 00:14:40.840 --> 00:14:45.159 and even an embarrassment. But despite all of this, Sheila 246 00:14:45.279 --> 00:14:48.639 chose to leave the marriage and continue her relationship with Paul. 247 00:14:49.720 --> 00:14:53.600 This divorce marked a very huge turning point in her life. 248 00:14:53.639 --> 00:14:58.840 For the first time, she openly defied expectations. Yet even 249 00:14:58.919 --> 00:15:03.039 then she worked carefully to manage how the situation was perceived. 250 00:15:03.399 --> 00:15:06.960 She didn't present herself as reckless or impulsive. Instead, she 251 00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:11.639 framed the breakup as unfortunate but completely necessary. 252 00:15:12.279 --> 00:15:14.960 I was just thinking that this was probably the first 253 00:15:14.960 --> 00:15:18.519 thing that she sort of did for herself in a way. 254 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:20.559 Yeah, and in a sense you could say it's quote 255 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:23.519 unquote like rebelling for the first time, right. 256 00:15:23.480 --> 00:15:26.279 Because her husband she didn't even have full control of 257 00:15:27.000 --> 00:15:30.360 choosing him. No, Okay, I just wanted to clarify that. 258 00:15:30.440 --> 00:15:33.120 Now, Again, there is some like gray areas and how 259 00:15:33.159 --> 00:15:35.240 that is all set up. It is a very culturally 260 00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:38.200 thing or cultural thing. So I'm unaware on the exact 261 00:15:38.279 --> 00:15:43.120 parameters on how this you know, prepared marriage was. But yeah, 262 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:45.080 it was not fully her call. 263 00:15:45.480 --> 00:15:48.039 And this other man she met, you know, through her 264 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:51.799 own means, and they had maybe more similar interests, and 265 00:15:51.799 --> 00:15:55.080 we're spending a lot of time together, and so I 266 00:15:55.120 --> 00:15:57.600 can kind of see how this went about, not saying 267 00:15:57.639 --> 00:16:00.200 it it's right in any way, but that's true. 268 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:02.840 But the bones of the situation remained the same. She 269 00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:06.000 had entered a relationship still while committed to someone else 270 00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:11.559 while married. Yes, she also concealed the two relationships she 271 00:16:11.639 --> 00:16:14.639 had navigated, basically living two lives at once, and she 272 00:16:14.759 --> 00:16:19.039 walked away without fully confronting the emotional fallout and responsibility 273 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:21.720 of what she'd done. She had an affair, and she's 274 00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:24.279 essentially saying, yeah, well this had to happen. 275 00:16:25.080 --> 00:16:28.639 So really not right at all exactly, So. 276 00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:32.240 She's manipulating the situation to make it look like it 277 00:16:32.360 --> 00:16:35.639 was necessary, it had to happen. She's doing something for 278 00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:39.559 herself for the first time, but in the reality is, well, 279 00:16:40.120 --> 00:16:41.279 you're still kind of a bitch. 280 00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:45.960 Well yeah, because her husband just like, I mean, look 281 00:16:45.960 --> 00:16:47.639 at what he has to deal with now, right. 282 00:16:47.639 --> 00:16:51.039 Exactly, And not only that, but the person that you're seeing, 283 00:16:51.080 --> 00:16:53.039 they had no idea about you being married either. 284 00:16:52.919 --> 00:16:56.120 Right, Yeah, so not good at all now. 285 00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:59.720 Paul he was not someone who easily fit into dramatic storylines. 286 00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:02.960 He was quiet, methodical, and he was deeply committed to 287 00:17:03.000 --> 00:17:05.559 his work. He was raised in a very close knit 288 00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:08.400 Greek American family in New York. Paul had grown up 289 00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.960 in a household that valued very similar things as Sheila, 290 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:14.160 you know, education, discipline, and long term planning. Were all 291 00:17:14.279 --> 00:17:17.359 very important, and from an early age he'd been focused 292 00:17:17.400 --> 00:17:20.319 on building a very serious career in science and medicine. 293 00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:23.119 But by the time that he met Sheila, Paul was 294 00:17:23.160 --> 00:17:26.440 already well on his way. He had earned multiple college 295 00:17:26.440 --> 00:17:29.640 degrees and was studying at New York Medical College, working 296 00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:34.640 towards advanced qualifications in epidemiology and medical research. His days 297 00:17:34.680 --> 00:17:38.720 were filled with lectures, lab work, and teaching responsibilities. He 298 00:17:38.759 --> 00:17:41.839 supported himself partly by you know, leading those private group 299 00:17:41.880 --> 00:17:44.680 studies for other students, helping them prepare for exams while 300 00:17:44.720 --> 00:17:47.319 earning that extra income to pay tuition. And it was 301 00:17:47.319 --> 00:17:49.880 of course through these where he met you know, Sheila 302 00:17:50.359 --> 00:17:52.960 for the very first time. But Paul was drawn to 303 00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:57.400 Shila's intelligence and confidence, and to him, she presented stability 304 00:17:57.480 --> 00:18:01.839 and compatibility. The time, Paul was largely unaware of the 305 00:18:01.880 --> 00:18:05.039 complications she had in her personal life. He knew she 306 00:18:05.119 --> 00:18:07.559 was going through a divorce now at this point, but 307 00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:10.920 he didn't push for details. He wasn't aware that the 308 00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:15.079 relationship had actually developed while she was married, and that 309 00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:18.680 their relationship kind of pushed for that divorce. He wasn't 310 00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:22.880 suspicious by nature. He took her for her word that Oh, like, 311 00:18:23.160 --> 00:18:25.279 you're going through a divorce and that's kind of how 312 00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:26.160 it's always been. 313 00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:29.720 Okay, So he is not aware that the divorce is 314 00:18:30.119 --> 00:18:32.440 basically because of their relationship. No. 315 00:18:33.559 --> 00:18:36.519 So he's a very stable individual. He's going through all 316 00:18:36.559 --> 00:18:40.200 this sort of stuff like building his life, building his education, 317 00:18:40.359 --> 00:18:43.319 building his future career, and he finds someone he thinks 318 00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:46.079 is just Hey, they're going through a divorce and they're 319 00:18:46.079 --> 00:18:49.039 building a connection together. He had no idea of all 320 00:18:49.079 --> 00:18:50.359 this underlying issues. 321 00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:54.559 Oh gosh, well, yeah, he sounds kind of incredible, like 322 00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:59.160 very motivated, very intelligent. Yes he is, and he's wanting 323 00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:02.400 a partner to match that, but has no idea what 324 00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:04.119 exactly she's all about. I guess. 325 00:19:04.279 --> 00:19:06.880 So he is falling for someone, and quite literally because 326 00:19:06.920 --> 00:19:10.440 he soon fell in love with her where he doesn't 327 00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:14.279 actually know who she is right at least to a degree. Now. 328 00:19:14.359 --> 00:19:17.400 Soon they got engaged with the approval of both families, 329 00:19:17.720 --> 00:19:19.599 and so in May of two thousand, they were married 330 00:19:19.640 --> 00:19:23.000 in a small, carefully planned ceremony attended by close friends 331 00:19:23.039 --> 00:19:26.799 and relatives. Sheila's parents helped provide the couple with a 332 00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:30.200 condo in Pleasantville, New York, which gave them a very 333 00:19:30.200 --> 00:19:34.480 solid foundation for married life. Two highly educated professionals with 334 00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:38.279 strong family ties, good careers, and a comfortable home. What 335 00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:40.440 they had was essentially picture perfect. 336 00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:44.200 Okay, So her family was alright with this, though, I mean, 337 00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:46.039 I think they moved on to it. 338 00:19:46.119 --> 00:19:48.599 They moved on to it, at least they approved of 339 00:19:48.599 --> 00:19:51.240 the marriage. Yes, Okay, So I mean I don't think 340 00:19:51.240 --> 00:19:53.119 they had really much of a choice. She was going 341 00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:55.400 through a divorce, Like, what do you do. It's either 342 00:19:55.440 --> 00:19:57.559 abandon your child and you are no longer part of 343 00:19:57.599 --> 00:20:01.119 this family because like dishonorment or she's moving on. She 344 00:20:01.200 --> 00:20:03.279 found someone else. Okay, we approve of this. 345 00:20:03.240 --> 00:20:05.839 Guy, right, I mean, and he is a good guy. 346 00:20:06.279 --> 00:20:08.079 Yeah, So what do you do in that situation? 347 00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:08.400 Really? 348 00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:12.319 Now? After the wedding, Paul devoted himself even more fully 349 00:20:12.359 --> 00:20:15.240 to his studies. He enrolled in a doctoral program at 350 00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:19.200 Columbia University. He taught undergraduate classes several nights a week 351 00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:22.559 and spent long hours working on many research projects in 352 00:20:22.599 --> 00:20:26.200 clinical trials. Sheila, while she did the same and focused 353 00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:30.039 on her growing career in pharmaceutical research. Their schedules were 354 00:20:30.119 --> 00:20:33.720 very demanding and they were often exhausted. The two told 355 00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:37.359 themselves that This was simply what ambitious young professionals need 356 00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:40.559 to endure. They believe that once their careers stabilized, they 357 00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:43.279 would have more time for each other, and in the meantime, 358 00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:46.920 they focused on maintaining appearances and supporting each other's goals 359 00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:50.359 for a future where well the hard years would eventually 360 00:20:50.359 --> 00:20:55.039 pay off. But slowly the emotional space between them widened. 361 00:20:55.960 --> 00:20:58.920 They talked less about personal matters and more about logistics. 362 00:20:59.400 --> 00:21:03.920 Conversation centered on schedules, on errands, and work stress, rather 363 00:21:03.960 --> 00:21:06.559 than feelings or long term plans. Like most couples do, 364 00:21:07.480 --> 00:21:11.319 shared routines disappeared, meals were often eaten alone, and even 365 00:21:11.319 --> 00:21:14.000 when they were in the same room, they were frequently 366 00:21:14.039 --> 00:21:18.759 distracted by emails, paperwork, or fatigue. Sheila even began spending 367 00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:21.960 more time socializing with colleagues after work. She joined a 368 00:21:22.000 --> 00:21:26.880 volleyball league and attended regular happy hour evenings near the office, 369 00:21:26.920 --> 00:21:30.079 sort of thing. When they were together, she would just 370 00:21:30.119 --> 00:21:34.920 talk about work. She described internal politics, rivalries, promotions, and 371 00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:39.039 conflicts between employees, and Paul listened patiently. He enjoyed hearing 372 00:21:39.039 --> 00:21:41.119 about her work, as it was really the only thing 373 00:21:41.119 --> 00:21:44.599 they actually connected with anymore. Their marriage, of course, had 374 00:21:44.680 --> 00:21:48.720 begun to feel increasingly hollow, though, but Paul still remained 375 00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:52.720 committed to it. He believed in patience and in loyalty. 376 00:21:53.279 --> 00:21:56.319 He assumed that hard work and time would resolve whatever 377 00:21:56.480 --> 00:22:02.160 strain it existed. He never seen questioned Sheila's loyalty your intentions. 378 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:08.279 In his mind, they were still partners working toward share goals. Sheila, 379 00:22:08.359 --> 00:22:13.519 on the other hand, well, she was growing restless. Throughout 380 00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:16.960 her life. Sheila had been driven by validation, control, and 381 00:22:17.079 --> 00:22:21.400 emotional intensity. Professional success alone was never enough for her. 382 00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:25.480 She needed attention, she needed reassurance, and she needed to 383 00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:28.640 feel a central of like to be central of someone's life. 384 00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:32.440 I guess growing up her parents focused on her right, 385 00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:36.799 focused on her achievements, focused on her succeeding, and that 386 00:22:37.000 --> 00:22:40.799 sort of focus it became a craving. And then it 387 00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:44.519 also coupled with, you know, having someone pay attention to 388 00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:48.359 her outside of just being successful also become a craving. 389 00:22:48.519 --> 00:22:50.359 So it kind of compiled. 390 00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:54.200 What you were describing though, as their marriage kind of now, 391 00:22:54.480 --> 00:22:57.119 I think it's pretty common that that sort of thing happens. 392 00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:01.559 It does, right, it does, unfortunately, But yeah, like their marriage, 393 00:23:01.559 --> 00:23:05.000 it was just quiet and distant and I mean they 394 00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:07.680 were no longer being like really met with each other, 395 00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:09.720 I guess, and it is sorry, go. 396 00:23:09.720 --> 00:23:12.640 Ahead, Well, they weren't really making the time to just 397 00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:16.279 be together and do fun things together because like you said, 398 00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:19.559 she was going and hanging out with coworkers or she 399 00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:23.480 joined volleyball, and at that time they could have been 400 00:23:23.519 --> 00:23:26.319 doing maybe things together and that would have sort of helped. 401 00:23:26.079 --> 00:23:30.079