Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I'm Stephanie Wilder Taylor and this is Drunkish.
You know, I wrote a book called Drunkish like a
year ago January, where I talked about my whole sobriety story.
But now I have a podcast so I can listen
to other people's stories. And today I have a very
special guest. It is my daughter Elbie, who is in
college and kind of gave me some insight to what
the kids are doing today when it comes to drinking
in college. And also we went back and talked a
little bit about drinking in high school and I don't know,
could be eye opening or could be triggering, let's find out.
Welcome to Drunkish, my daughter Lbie Taylor.
Speaker 2: Thank you so excited to chat it up.
Speaker 1: I wanted to have you on because you are in
college starting your senior year, and I feel like I
wanted to talk about I know that you and I
have a lot of you know, we have a pretty
good relationship.
Speaker 3: You open conversation, open conversations.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people know what their experience
was going to college, and a lot of the women,
especially that I talked to and men, have told me
that their drinking got a lot of them felt like
they got pretty out of control in college. Many of
those people felt like they had they were under their
parents' roof though during high school, and so once they
were in school, it was like all bets are off,
and then they went really crazy and some of those
people went on to develop, you know, drinking, real drinking problems.
Speaker 3: But tell me about Let's go back to like high.
Speaker 1: School and what the vibe was as far as substances
in high school.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I feel like in high school is
like a little I don't want to say like normalized,
but I mean, like especially in my I want to
say like junior year. Definitely by senior year because that's
like right before college, but like definitely junior year and
like a little into sophomore year. I mean, I would
say freshman year. I had that one experience where everybody
around me was drinking and I was like, oh, like
I don't want to be here, Like I'm so uncomfortable,
Like everybody's drunk. I'm not used to this because I
was what like fifteen at the time. I want to say, yeah, fifteen, Yeah,
And I feel like at that point in high school
it wasn't that normalized. Like that was something that I
was not expecting to be in at all. Like, but
I feel like going into like sophomore year, some people
were like dabbling with that, although it was a little
bit hard because that was also COVID year, so like
I wasn't really hearing that much because I was in
such like a small little bubble where I mean, none
of me and my friends, like at my many hangouts
that I'd have every other weekend, nobody was drinking. Like
that was never the occasion of the functions, So I'd
never really gotten into it until like junior senior year.
I think the first time I drank was junior year,
which I came right home and told you, hey, just
letting you know I had some alcohol. Got of just
putting that out there, laying it all out on the table.
But I mean, I feel like high school it's definitely
way different than college. Still, I feel like high school
it was more like nobody was really just like drinking
every single weekkend. Like I feel like it was more okay,
like after homecoming, We're having a big party, and like
everyone there is for sure like there's going to be
a lot of alcohol at this party, and you would
kind of like know that, but I feel like it
wasn't until college where I was like, Okay, there's going
to be at least one day of the weekend that
we're all going out and people are probably going to
be drunk, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, and then I do want
to hear all about the college stuff. But yeah, since
I know a lot of sober moms, listen to this,
and I'm wondering from your perspective, not what it was
like to grow up with a sober mom, because you
wouldn't know the difference, but my attitude towards alcohol and
how I talk to you about drinking helpful, Yeah, harmful,
too straight, too loose.
Speaker 2: I think it was honestly very helpful. I really like
appreciated almost having a sober parent because I but like
you didn't like villainize alcohol, like you weren't like you
can't touch this, it's going to ruin your life, like
stay away because you know that. It's like I felt
like you made it very clear that it's very like
person a person basis. But I felt like you always
were really good at like making sure I was careful
and understanding what like drinking responsibly looks like and obviously
I've had some experiences where I did not do that,
but like, I feel like I've never Also, I just
feel like with the amount where you're like not like
I never felt scared to tell you that I was
like going to drink, because you always made it like
very much in open space where you were like, I
know you are going to obviously you're a teenager, but
if you do, and if you get into a situation
where you're like not safe, not comfortable, like I can
confidently say that like, regardless of every situation and I've
been in, I've never ever ever felt the need to
drink and drive. I've never felt like I should get
in a car with somebody that is drinking and driving, like,
and I felt like I've always kind of like had
a space from you where I'm like able to talk
to you without feeling like I'm going to get punished
for like having teenage experiences. But also I know that
you're not going to be like, oh my god, you
got super fucking hammered, like Okay, do it again next week.
You know, like I knew that you would be like, hey,
let's try not to do that again. By do it
like being more responsible with this, you know, Like I
felt like I've always just had like felt open with you,
but not so much that I'm like and also I
feel like we just talked about this the other day.
I feel like it's like loose enough to where I've
never felt the need to do it, like I said,
behind your back, Like I've never felt like I've had
to go be like rebellious and get really drunk and
not tell you just because I'm not allowed to drink.
So I've never felt like I've had to be like
fighting it all the time and being like, oh my god,
like I'm going to do this without telling my mom,
like I'm a rule breaker. She doesn't have to know.
Speaker 1: You know, that was really important to me, because, you know,
but it's interesting because different moms have different perspectives on
what they tell their kids about their own past.
Speaker 3: But I always felt like it.
Speaker 1: Was important and not just with drinking or drug use
or anything else, but I mean, or but with other
things to be open about, like what my high school
experience exactly, which I've made very clear wasn't great, Like
my drinking was way too much in high school and right,
but also not to assume that, like if somebody else
is drinking a lot in high school, that like, oh
my god, you're not you have a problem exactly.
Speaker 3: I'm trying. Yeah, So how do you feel like that compares?
Speaker 1: Did you feel like some of your other friends too
strict anything there?
Speaker 2: I mean, like from like a high school perspective, It's
hard to say, because I feel like a lot I mean,
my friend's parents all had like very like varying strictness,
you know, like I had some friends whose parents were
like absolutely not, don't drink alcohol, don't touch alcohol. And
I will say, like, for the most part, not that
I feel like any of my friends were super like crazy,
rebellious and like bad kids, because like I feel like
I surrounded myself a lot of and I'm sure you
would agree with like mostly people that act similarly to me.
But I will say there are like instances where my
friends have been like, yeah, my parents like really don't
want me to do this, so like we're gonna do
it anyways, but like we can't say anything, like we
can't tell them, like I know, I won't say who,
but like we're drinking at my friend's house and like
you already knew what I was doing, Like I had
obviously been like, hey, I'm gonna like uber here just
in case, or maybe I asked you to drop me
off or something, but I made it very clear, like
there's probably alcohol, and just in case. I don't want
to drive because I don't want to put myself in
a situation where I have to figure out if I
should drive home. Obviously, But when I got there, my
friend was like, hey, we had we can drink this alcohol.
It's totally fine. We can use it because my parents
aren't here, but don't drink too much out of any
of them because they actually don't know. And I was like, oh, okay,
So I helped her like clean off all the glasses
because she was like, she was like it's fine, Like
they're not going to be like, did you move this
cup like an inch over? But she was like they
are probably gonna notice if there's an entire bottle of
tequila just like gone out of nowhere. Like she's like
you could just like switch between every once in a while,
like it's okay, and like she was not a bad
hit it all, And I don't think she would ever
be somebody that I would ever be concerned about like
regarding alcohol or drugs. She's very much like not that
type of person, if that makes sense, not in a
derogatory way, just like in general. But it was just
funny because I noticed that, like comparatively, like her parents
were a lot more like don't drink like at the
time they do now, but like I think at the time,
because it was in high school, they like didn't really
know that she was drinking a lot. So it was
just like that was like one of those little experiences
where I did notice sometimes people were like, okay, like
we can do this, but like don't say anything, Whereas meanwhile,
I'm like telling you, hey, do you want to drive me?
Like I don't want to drive them?
Speaker 1: Well, because you knew I would be so excited to
drive you anywhere, just the mere fact that like, oh
my gosh, she's basically letting me know, like I might
have a drink, I might drink. I don't want to
have to drive home exactly, and you knew I felt
like and you knew that I and still do and
even with your younger siblings, I feel like you can
call me anytime. I will kind of get you. Just
do not ever get behind the wheel. Of a car
and by the way, I've driven drunk and that's why,
I mean, there's no reason for it.
Speaker 2: Of Course, I grew.
Speaker 1: Up with more strict parents and it was not okay,
and I just didn't want Yeah, it's hard as a
parent to know what did you were any kids? Did
you feel like doing anything out of control? I mean
out of your direct friends, because I would.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure in high school, Like there was definitely noticeably,
like even in high school, I would go to parties
and stuff like after everything like homecoming prom like blah
blah blah blah blah. And I feel like there was
like some people that I wasn't really friends with, but
people like from my high school, people that I knew
where I just noticed that they were just like absolutely
hammered flashed at every single function without a doubt, Like
like there were like certain people that would be out
that you just you wouldn't even like think about it,
like you would just know, dude, how drunk is this
person going to be tonight? Like who's going to have
to somebody's gonna have to be taking care of them,
you know. And again it wasn't anybody that I was
even friends with. It was just people that I was
like knew of and aware of and knew would be
at the same place as me, and everybody would just
be like, that person's going to be super like we
already know they're going to be They're going to be slashed,
and like it's obviously the same in college, Like there's
people that I know that I'm like, oh my god,
this person just like cannot have a single night where
they're like not completely fucking up, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So so you start college and you started a
little bit a little bit older because you know, for
those that don't know, yeah, you spent a year at
community college, but only one year, and in that year
you did socialize obviously, but you were home a lot
and it wasn't like the greatest year. So then you
started college as a junior, but as a transfer student,
so all of your friends were a lot of them
were juniors. Yeah, what how do you feel the vibe? Well,
first of all, I also wanted to ask you really
quick before we move on to college about posh sure
about marijuana?
Speaker 2: Yes, Mary, I feel like.
Speaker 1: That's us that everyone you would make fun of me
because I couldn't pronounce this as dizzy correctly call it
a swizzle.
Speaker 2: A swizzle, I think I was, like, it's you could
just say a pen It's fine.
Speaker 1: Like, Okay, are more people do a lot of people potheads?
I mean a lot of people were potheads?
Speaker 2: Are ill be real with you, if you meet somebody,
it's more likely they are a pothead than they aren't.
Which it weed, I would say, is what even more
normalized in alcohol. I don't think I know anybody that
doesn't at least smoke occasionally, Like I don't know. I
just it's it's everywhere. It's everywhere, like pretty much everybody
smokes at this point. I will say that.
Speaker 1: It's so concerning to me because well, A, I don't
love I don't love it. Yeah, I grew up around
a pothead, and I don't like the idea of somebody
not being on my level.
Speaker 3: Like I I yeah, And that's for me.
Speaker 1: Smoking pot was always even though I was a big
old alkie, smoking pot was always so much more like
I'm going to be very altered. I'm not gonna be
able to follow conversations. If I try to watch a movie,
I'm gonna forget what's happening in the middle. Like that
had to be yeah, and I didn't like it.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's my thing. I think, like specifically with weed,
I have a pretty low torrance. And also I feel
like it's also a way thinner line for me from alcohol.
Like obviously, alcohol, within a couple shots, like you're going
to go from like feeling good to feeling actually out
of your body. But I feel like with weed, it's
literally the difference of like one extra like you take
one extra hit of a pen, like you go from
being like, Okay, this is good to like where the
fuck am I? What am I doing? Like you know,
which makes me paranoid. I don't smoke a lot of
weed at all, because it just honestly either makes me
really tired and like I will just get shut down
and nonverbal and I'm like it's time for bed and
it's like nine pm or or it's like the opposite,
and it makes me really paranoid, especially because I think
I've also had some really bad experience with experiences with it,
to the point where now if I try to I'm like,
oh God, okay, like is it going to be the
same thing as last time? Like I can't have it.
I can't like be on the verge of like dissociating
and seeing a third person again from like two hits
of somebody's pen like I can't do that.
Speaker 1: But when you tell technical that, you're like, oh, I
don't really love pop because it makes me feel do
you get like people going like, oh, yeah, but you
haven't tried this stuff that I have.
Speaker 2: He honestly funny enough, not really like it's funny because
everybody smokes pretty much like I would say, like the
majority of people I know, but also everybody I feel
like is very understanding of people that don't. Like I've
had people offer all the time there They'll just like
try to hand it to me, and I'm like, oh,
I'm good. Sorry, I'm like, I I don't want to
like smoke, especially if I've already drank horrible combination. For me,
I've already told you this, But like the worst experiences
I've had from smoking are when I was already drinking
and I took like one singular hit and I was like,
oh my god, I feel disgusting, Like this is terrible,
Like I'm gonna die. So like people I usually just
joke and I'm like, nah, Likenna, it's gonna fuck me up.
And they're like, you're good, like understandable, It's fine, you know,
Like no, I feel like there's not a lot of
peer pressure when it comes to weed, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: So with alcohol you start college, was the culture a
lot different. I know you joined US sorority. I was concerned, yeah,
about drinking culture with fraternities and sororities. I've had some
bad experiences myself tell me about like the the culture
with that.
Speaker 2: It's interesting because I was kind of going into it,
especially as a transfer. I was unsure because I was like,
I know, all of these freshmen are going to be
like wild, out of control, like they're in college. A
lot of people are like escaping. They're you know, really
strict parents and they're like ready to go. Like I
don't got anybody at home telling me but at home
by ten o'clock, Like I can be home whenever I
want because I live by myself. So I knew that
like freshmen would be like that, but I wasn't one
hundred percent sure how it would be as a transfer
because I was going to be surrounded by more juniors
who I feel like would still be drinking a lot.
But I was unsure whether it would be more team,
but I think being a transfer it was a very
specific experience because it's kind of just being like an
older freshman. Like a lot of the transfers were all like, okay,
like let's get this party started, you know, But I
don't know. I feel like as a junior, I've definitely
heard stories from freshmen that I know of it being
like way crazier than anything I've even seen. But I
will say I did see most of like that freshman's
side from my sorority because I'm I was obviously in
the like PC, the pledge class. I don't know why
they call it a PC for stories because that's for frats,
but whatever, we move on. I was in the new PC,
which was me, a couple transfers that became like my
main friend group, and then a bunch of freshmen, like
fifty freshmen girls. So I feel like I didn't go
out in my sorty very much. I feel like I
did most of my like going to events in fall quarter,
but I never really got that drunk at like most
obviously There's been a few that I was like, which
I'll obviously go into, but like, for the most part,
at my sorority, events. I was never getting that hammered
because it was me mostly hanging out with the other girls.
I was not hanging out with like a lot of guys,
because it's mostly freshman guys that go to these like
specific PC like sorority events because it's meant for the
new girls. But I would be surrounded just by these
girls that were like hammered. And what I didn't know
is that sororities love to do shit middle of the week.
Like I would get a text in the group me
for my sorority and it would be like a Wednesday night,
and they'd be like, hey, guys, Like the frats would
be like, hello, ladies of sorority, who's ready to get
turned on this lovely Wednesday night. We're having a champagne
in shackles. Get ready to get shackled to somebody from
our frat and like finish a bottle of champagne and
then there's gonna be more alcohol for you. Like it
would be like a Tuesday, a Wednesday, you know. And
then in college at UCLA specifically, and like I know,
at a lot of other schools, instead of Fridays, people
go out on Thursdays now and Fridays, but Thursday is
the new Friday. So like my local college bar does
thirsty Thursdays, and so everybody's getting you know, if they're
in Greek life, they're getting fucked up on a Tuesday
or a Wednesday, and then they're going out Thursday, and
then you're probably going to the frats on Friday, and
then you're going back out Saturday. Like I was not
used to that.
Speaker 3: So, Hi, how do people like control it?
Speaker 1: Because I mean, you know, how do people learn to
like there are limits, especially when you're young and it's
such a party atmosphere and I know you've told me stories, Yeah,
a lot of stories about almost every event having something
to do with alcohol or some kind of at least
offering it to you. I mean as a I mean,
are people like oh I can do I have a
test in the morning, or I mean.
Speaker 2: I think maybe just because I go to UCLA, I
have had a lot of times people being like hmmm,
like yeah, I'm not going to go because you know,
I have an exam tomorrow and I don't want to
be out, or like I'm not going to drink too much.
But like, as like silly as it sounds, I think
a lot, Like a majority of people get it out
of their system in like freshman year, which is still shitty,
Like I think you should still be like working hard
in your freshman year. But like I think a lot
of the times people go a little crazy in freshman
year and then they realize and then they're like, oh,
like I kind of like was drinking every single wee
get and like a lot of people just get tired
of it. Like I talk to so many like seniors
that I'm friends with because obviously I'm also a tour guide,
so I have like friends from all different years, like
all different majors. Everybody in my friend group is like
very different, and I can confidently say that most of
the seniors are like either not going to the events
or showing up and getting like a little drunk demos
of the events and like but like showing up in
their pajamas or like just being like, yeah, I got
a class in the morning, like I'm cool, I'm going
to pass on that. Whereas like the younger people, like
the freshmen, are always like, yeah, I'm ready to party,
Like who's bringing the vodka? Like anybody got chasers? Like
what are we doing? What's blots, you know. So I
feel like people kind of get out of their system
and then they realize like, Okay, I'm tired, Like I
don't need to be going out four days or week
like it's exhausting. But it's hard to speak on because
I obviously have friends at other schools that are like
major party schools, like UCLA is not even really considered
a crazy party school. I have friends that go to
schools and like, you know, I don't even have any examples,
just friends that will be like, oh, your frats like
don't throw on some weekends like finals week. It's like, oh,
we have plans, like solid plans that we can go
to Monday through Sunday. And I'm like, what, Like, I
don't I don't understand how I still would not be
able to do that. I don't understand how people do that, honestly.
Speaker 1: So do you see like are there people not necessarily
like close to you, but people that you see or
that you know or acquaintances that like that you can
see a budding alcohol problem.
Speaker 2: For sure one hundred percent. And it's it's kind of
one of those things where again it's not any of
my like direct people that I know because I probably
would have flagged that even sooner. But there are people that, like,
know my friends that I've been around and like partied
around and seen where it's kind of the same thing
in high school. I'm like this person. These people are
getting like blacked out at every single function. They are
like growing up after everything. And again that doesn't go
to say like I've obviously had horrible nights where I'm like,
oh my god, like I feel so sick in the
morning or whatever, because I my hangovers be shitty sometimes,
like I wake up and I'm like, I didn't even
drink that much, Like why do I feel so gross?
But I have people that are like don't remember any
of their night, Like most nights, almost every time we
go out, even if it's like a chill time and
like we're not even doing that much, there will be
people that are like throwing up, blacking out, like just
drinking a lot, like and it's kind of hard because
they're people that I'm not that close to, so I
can't really be like so and so like I'm a
little concerned for the amount that you are drinking, you know,
like it's like such a weird subject to people that
you're not like close with at all. But it's like
stuff that I'm like witnessing where I'm like this person,
I don't think regardless of whatever terrible nights they've had,
like they don't know their limits at all, you know,
And it's like a parent for sure.
Speaker 1: Do you think that having a mom who's in recovery
makes you more cautious about your own drinking or do
you think it you feel like it doesn't.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's it definitely makes me more cautious, Like
it makes me more aware. Especially when I have a
bad night, I'm like, oh, like I know that that's
not as normal, if that makes sense, because some people
will be like I don't remember my entire night. I
don't remember getting in the uber on the way to
the club, I don't remember being in the club. I
don't remember getting kicked out of the club. I don't
remember leaving the club, you know, Like and like even
if I have a night where I'm like, oh shit,
I don't remember like forty five minutes of like what
I was or like that was a very fuzzy like
I know, like I clock it in my mind where
I'm like, oh that thank God, that that's not happening
every time, because I shouldn't be having so much that
I'm like not remembering anything, you know, like every single night,
and I hate not remembering. That is the worst, because
I have the worst anxiety in the entire universe. I
will drink and I will remember my entire night top
to bottom, and I will still wake up being like, Okay,
I didn't do anything. I didn't text anybody, dumb, right,
And I'll go through my phone and obviously I didn't
text anybody or post anything. But I will still wake
up being like, Okay, I know I talked to this person,
but did I say anything stupid because I was drunk
and just didn't really care what I was saying, you know.
So like I just know, I think from having a
parent that's like sober that it's like should not be
blacking out every single time I drink. Like that's normal
because again in college, people kind of like we'll have
a full blackout and they'll be like, hey, he like
that was so funny, Like I don't remember anything I did,
and like sure, if that happens every once in a while,
you're like, oh god, like that's that sucks. But like whatever,
but there will be some people that are not remembering
entire weekends and being like that's so funny, Like I
you know, it was a good weekend when you don't
remember a single second of Friday, Saturday and Sunday, And
I'm like, no, actually, like that. That should not be
happening right right right. We should be able to go
out and have like a couple drinks and have fun
and not have to literally not remember a single second
to know that we had a fun night, you know
what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yes, what's the worst? I feel like there's been two
for you. Too bad drinking.
Speaker 2: Nights, too bad, drinking nights, incage.
Speaker 1: I've got to say, though, I mean, and maybe there's
more that you didn't tell me about because one of
them I knew about because uh, because I witnessed it
in the morning.
Speaker 2: Yes, that was low point for me, for sure. I
could talk about it both. I don't care. Okay, yeah,
I've had a couple. What do you want me to say?
Just tell them? Uh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's interesting because hold on, I'm interviewing Albie,
our daughter. Okay, it was our dog needed to go out,
our dog. I don't know if you know people Okay,
I don't recall. The thing is I picked you up
and you were really hungover, and I was I want
to hear like from your perspective, because like there was
no judgment from me at all, attack you know, I mean,
it's the the amount of times that you've had a
bad experience with alcohol is like one billionth of the
times that I've had a bad experience with alcohol. So like,
I am nobody to judge, and I was hoping to
like help you out, and but yeah, that it seemed
like a bad time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that was like the worst morning I've
ever experienced. For everybody wondering I went to. This was
of course no shade. I would never say what sorority
I'm in because it's not their fault. But I was
with my sorority at the time, and we were having
an event with a frat and I went to this event.
It was like a It wasn't a date party. It
was just like a little thing where you have, like
the sororities have a specific event where you go to
a venue and it's just with one frat, like it's
like with the two of them. I think it was
a pinning where like one person from the sorority is
like dating somebody from another frat, so they do like
a little like kind of fake wedding type beat, but
except the girls in red doesn't matter. Unimportant. You go
to a venue with another frat, and the frat that
we went to happened to be the frat of my
first UCLA little boo than who ended up being a
total daycad, but we won't talk about that. Anyways, he
was there and I think he either was still hitting
on me or felt sorry for being a dick to me,
so he was like, Hey, I'll buy you drinks. Don't worry,
I'll buy you alcohol, and I was like, okay, cool.
I'd already had a little before I was leaving, but
barely any because I knew I was going to be
drinking there. Obviously, I wasn't planning on drinking a lot
there because I was like, I have work in the morning,
don't do that, you know. So I'd had like a
little because I just knew it was going to be
a minute before we even went to the venue. We
were going to the house first because we had to
do a whole thing. So I was like, whatever, wasn't
expecting there to be alcohol at the house. There was
so all my friends were at the house, and I
was like, okay, I'll have like a tiny bit. Still
was not that drunk at all when we get to
the venue, but this guy is like buying me drink
after drink after drink, and I'm like, oh, like whatever,
it's funny. I'll take one. I'll take one. I'll take
one like blah blah blah blah blah. And then you
get to the point where you are drunk enough to
where you don't think you're gonna be too drunk if
you take another shot. But then that's my problem. Yeah,
I was gonna say, I usually don't get to that point.
My my problem is when I get too drunk, it's
because I drink them too fast, you know, so like
I'm usually not so drunk that I'm like taking another one.
It's usually because I fucked up and paste myself wrong
and was like not drunk at all or like a
little tipsy, and then I took a few and then
suddenly I'm like, oh my god, like twenty minutes later,
I'm like going from tipsy to like really drunk, you know.
Like my thing is not normally like drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink,
and then you just keep going like but this one
was like I drank quite a bit and then I
was drunk, but not like ridiculous, and then I was like,
all of a sudden boom, like I'm like fucked up
beyond anything, like I don't remember all. The last thing
I remember was being at the venue. And then I
woke up the next morning with a bag hanging on
my bed from my roommates who barged into my room
and they were like I woke up and I was
like what the fuck? And I knew something was bad
when my roommate goes, oh, wait, are you okay? Like
are you good? And I was like what do you mean?
And she goes, do you not like remember anything that happened?
And I was like wait, what the fuck. My other
roommate then barges into my room and goes, I'll be
your mom is like frantically texting me right now you
have work, and I.
Speaker 1: Was like, oh.
Speaker 2: My god, I like shoot up in my bed, feeling
absolutely disgusting. I have never been this hung over my
entire life. I am so nauseous there's like throw up
like on my shirt. Because they couldn't get off me.
They wanted to get me in my bed and they
were like, you need to shower, like you for sure
need to shower. And I was like why and they
were like, you threw up last night for like three
hours straight. And I was like sobbing, like I wake
up like absolutely in hysterics. My phone is dead. I
like text my mom. I'm like, oh my fucking god,
I'm so sorry, Like you can come get me right now.
Like my clothes are here, like I have my word pants, YadA, YadA, YadA.
I run through the shower. I don't even have time
to dry my hair. I just put it up in
a little claw clip and pray that it looks I draw.
I dried my bangs actually so that something looked to dry.
And then my roommates meanwhile are recapping me. And they're
kind of like laughing at this point because not because
they're like thinking it's nothing, but because they're just like
relieved that I'm like awake and like functioning and that
I just kind of feel sick, you know, like whatever.
But they were like, yeah, this random freshman boy from
the frat had to like like walked you back to
the bus to come back to UCLA and then walked
you home. But you didn't really know where you live.
You just kept saying I live near in and Out.
I live near in and Out. Didn't know where to
go from there, so we were calling your phone, which
is at like two percent, which I was just I
had no idea, and they were like, thank god. He
picked up your phone and was like hello, and they
were we were like, who the fuck is this. He
was like, this is blah blah blah from frat. I'm
at I'm on Gaily right now. And they were like, okay,
are you like in front of the stairs and he
was like yeah. She keeps saying she lives near in
and Out, but she doesn't already go So my roommates
came down got me. Thank god. This was like the
nicest person I ever could have gotten left with as
this fraut. He was the like sweetest freshman boy ever,
zero ill intentions. He came with my roommates to make
sure I was okay. He was like, I'm going to
come up and make sure she's good so I can
like go home knowing she's okay. So he like came
up to my apartment with my roommates, sat asked them
if I needed anything, and they were like, she's our roommate,
don't worry about it, like you can go like whatever,
and he was like, okay, just making sure, so nice
to me after that. By the way, that was probably
part of the best case scenario is he was a
really nice guy. Could have gone away different route, which
is terrible. But I ended up having to go to
work hung over a shit was terrible, and that was
like my worst night because I didn't remember anything. Like
I said, last thing I remembered was being at the
bar talking to the guy who sucked me over because
he kept buying me eight billion shots like over and
over again. I'm be able tequila and I don't even
like tequila. That's the worst part. I fucking hate.
Speaker 3: Two questions. One is.
Speaker 1: I mean, as as a mom of college age child
and soon to be college age kids, I'm so worried
about this, Like you know, like roofie culture, like yeah,
happens a lot. So how do you guys protect yourselves
against that because that like that kind of situation, you
might have been drugged or you could get drugged or
I remember texting you an article when you'd first started
school about that at UCLA, on the UCLA campus, a
couple of hour drugging incidents had happened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean the scary part that I'll say is
like a lot of my friends, like, even though I've
told them the situation, still think I did get druggs
because I literally told them, Like I don't think I drank.
Like not that I should be like bragging about this
to you, but like I'm not a lightweight, like I
can handle, like, especially if I'd eaten I can handle
like a solid, very solid about of alcohol without getting
like really fucked up, you know. Like and like that's
not to say that I'm like downing twelve shots every
time I go out, because that would still have me crazy.
But like I know that if I have two or three,
I'm not gonna be like slosh, you know, Like I
know that I'm still going to be very much good, functional,
feeling good, you know. Whereas like I have some friends
that will take two and they're like out of commission
for like three hours, you know. So my friends were
like confused because I had eaten a big dinner before
I went out like I made sure that I ate
I had, like I can't remember. I think I probably
do or to ask them thing because I'm a lazy bitch,
but I sue me. But I, you know, ordered a
fat dinner, ate the whole thing, and my roommates were
there they saw me have, Like I didn't even take
a shot before I went out. I think I made
myself a drink while I was getting ready, so I
was like not really feeling it. And then I was
with one of my roommates at my sorority house before
she also saw because she remembered. She was like, you
barely drank anything at the apartment. You barely drank anything
at censored And she was like, and I from what
I saw because she left a little bit early, but
I was like pretty blacked out, like very soon after
she left. She was like, I was watching you at
the venue, not because you were with I mean, not
because you were drinking too much, but because you were
with mister shithead, and I wanted to see what he
wanted from you. But she was like, I didn't even
see you drink that much when you were with him,
So I mean it's that situation is also scary because
it is kind of hard to tell, Like I don't
remember drinking that much while I was there, and suddenly
I was didn't remember anything. So a lot of my
roommates and like a lot of my friends do think
I possibly did get roofeed, which is like the worst,
because I remember it was really scary. I woke up
the next morning and my roommates were like, we need
to like google symptoms of like getting roofeed, because like,
I don't think you drank enough to be blacked out
for hours at a time and be throwing up for
four hours and waking up like I was sick all
day all day, like you saw, my mom brought me
McDonald's shut out a lot. I left work early, and
I came and sat in my bed and ate McDonald's
and slept for like five hours to try to sleep
it off. But they were like, yeah, the symptoms of
like getting roofeed is you black out like pretty much instantly,
and then you wake up with like the worst hangover
of your life, which was that. So I was like,
it's kind of hard to say whether I did just
like take too many shots and wouldn't know, or if
I did like get something put in my drink because
I was with a shitty frat, you know, so like
it's kind of hard to tell, which is scary, and
that that was also one of the only situations I
noticed where I wasn't around a lot of girls that
I know, if that makes sense, because my roommate not
her fault at all, by the way, not that I'm
even saying who it is, but not her fault at all.
She left early because she just like was not feeling great,
and like there were other girls I was friends with there,
so I think she assumed, like, obviously I'm not gonna
like go crazy. I think this was like worst case scenario,
and she felt so bad that she'd left. But I
think that was one of the scenarios where I was
not with a ton of people that I'm like comfortable
with and like know where I live. Like nobody else
there really knew where I lived, which is the problem.
But I think to like protect myself and kind of
like stay out of those scenarios. Ninety nine percent of
the time I go out with people, usually I don't
like to go out with to frats. When I or
with frats. When I do go to frats, I am
with my friends the entire time, and I'm also usually thankfully,
I feel like we've avoided this a little bit frats
these days, at least at UCLA, I can say, don't
really have a lot of hard liquor. It's all pretty
much beer or seltzer's, which are a lot harder to roofye,
But I usually don't ever put something down. If I do,
it's usually because I'm not going to finish it, you know,
Like I never put down like an old seltzer that
I'm drinking to like come back to it. I always
hold it right here or right here. I'm never holding
it like this.
Speaker 3: So sad that we even have to think that way.
Speaker 2: I know it's it's shitty. But like, if I'm ever
like drinking like a drink that like would have been
able to really like get, you know, drugged, it's usually
at my apartment with my closest girlfriends and whoever's over
that's pregaming, which is ninety five percent also just a
bunch of girls. Yeah, we never really have too many
guys in my apartment. But I think in LA at least,
which I think this can apply to some other schools
that aren't as much like like I feel like Westwood
is a college town, but also UCLA is very much
like instead of going to frats every weekend, you go
to frats maybe for a day, and then you go
to a club or like a bar, and I feel
like those are a lot easier to have somebody put
something your drink because you are drinking like mixed drinks,
but a lot. I'm very thankful that me and a
lot of my friends all have the same mindset where
we always go to the bathroom with like more than
one person, Like we never go to the bathroom alone,
but we also never leave the table by ourselfs So
like if we are drinking something and we want to
stay at the table, we will just make sure one
or two people stay and watch our drinks on the
table if we can't bring them and then to whoever
else goes to the bathroom, or if we all leaving
the table, we either take our drinks with us or
we leave them knowing that we are not going to
come back to them, you know. Yeah, So like it's
it's very like that situation was obviously like a scary
one because, like I said, it was one of the
ones where I wasn't sure like, there was not that
many people that I knew, so it was a lot
easier for me to like get in that situation. And
I think since then, I've also gotten my like not
really put myself in situations at all where that could happen.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you one more thing, which is.
Speaker 3: So you have.
Speaker 1: Through the years you have you have social anxiety. I
can say that, yes, of course not all biological girl.
No no, no, you and you've done a lot of
work around it.
Speaker 3: You've gotten a lot better, but you still have it.
Speaker 1: And I've always worried a little bit as a mom,
you know, because a lot of people drink to ease anxiety,
that's you know. And even before you started drinking, it
was like a concern of mine that that you would
drink and then go like, oh my god, I don't
feel anxious in a social situation because I'm having a drink.
Speaker 2: Does that?
Speaker 1: Like, how have you been aware of because I have
how do I put this? I have noticed that you
don't seem to rely on alcohol as a crutch in
those situations, and that you do try to push through
situations which make you uncomfortable to get the practice of
like yeah, and you don't seem to have a lot
of problems being in social situations. But have you found
it difficult to not always drink in a situation that
makes you uncomfortable?
Speaker 2: I don't think so. I mean, it's definitely like a
case by case basis, like there are definitely people that
are like at before everything, like I need to drink.
I need to drink. I need to drink. And I
won't say that I've never been in a situation where
I was like, you know what, I'm gonna like make
myself a little drinky before we go to this because
I'm low key really scared and I don't know anybody
or whatever like I would. I'm not gonna be somebody
that's like I've never done that. But I will say
like in most scenarios, I think just because I know
I have anxiety, so it kind of makes me a
little more hyper aware of like I know that I
would be more susceptible to wanting to drink before a
social function because I'm like an anxious person. But I
think I make myself do stuff that I don't like
to do or that I'm not comfortable with without alcohol
so that I know that I can be fine without
alcohol because then it makes me want to do it less,
like because there are a lot of nights too, Like
as much as I have drank in college, there are
also a lot of nights where we'll be doing something
and I'm just like, I'm so down to go out,
but like I do not feel like drinking, Like I
just don't want to. But I feel like if I
were a more like person that relied on alcohol to
be anxious, I feel like I would. It's good that
I don't force myself to drink just because I don't
want to feel anxious, Yeah, if that makes sense. Like
I like being able to be like I don't want
to drink, and like I know I don't have to
to have fun. And obviously there are some nights where
I'm the only one that's sober, and I'm like, I
would love to be drunk right now, Like everybody looks
like they're having a great time, and I'm like not
having the best time. But on the flip side of that,
there are also a lot of times where somebody will
get too drunk and I'm sober, and I'm like, first
of all, I'm having a great time without being sober,
Like there are plenty of nights where I'm like, I'm
having a great time. I'm sipping on my little sprite,
you know, I'm I'm so happy that I'm going to
wake up tomorrow morning feeling fresh and like not worried
if I texted somebody that I shouldn't be texting. And
then on top of that, I know that I'm like
a overall responsible person. So I'm happy that I've been
the sober one in a lot of situations where somebody
needs to be taken care of, and I'll be in
my head being like, I am so glad that this
is not me right now, Like I'm so glad that
I'm here to make sure that they're good, like I'm
There's been a ton of situations you know which one
I'm referencing, probably, but I won't share where I last
minute decided I don't feel like drinking, and I ended
up having a car, which was very necessary in some
of these situations where I needed to end up driving
people home that would have had to call an uber
and I don't think I would have felt safe sending
them in an uber. Or I've been in situations where
I had to uber home with somebody because I was sober,
but I didn't drink because there was no parking. Like,
we went to a club and I was just like ugh.
And I've had friends who ended up getting so drunk
that they don't they can't even go in because they
have to go home, or they're like feeling like shit
inside the club. And I'm sober and you know, kind
of good with my night already, and I'm like, here,
I don't want you to get an uber by yourself.
Let me come with you and like make sure that
you're okay and take care of you. And again, like
I said, I am just like always more than anything.
There has never been a night I don't think where
I was like I'm so thankful that I was drunk,
you know, like even in situations where I knew I
would be uncomfortable, if that makes sense. I don't think
there's ever been a time where I went to something
feeling uncomfortable and then I was like, damn, I really
should have had a couple drinks before I went out.
But there's always been nights where I'm like, I'm really
thankful I didn't drink, you know, which is like I
try to keep in mind.
Speaker 3: It seems to me in a positive way.
Speaker 1: Your I sound so old going your generation, but it
seems like a lot of times when you go out,
there seems to be at least a few people that
you're like, oh, so and so didn't drink at all,
Like that person drove me because they didn't drink tonight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And like I feel very lucky because I feel
like the people I surround myself with, like all my friends,
all my roommates for sure, a lot of my college friends,
like my direct friends pretty much ninety five percent of
the time, are very responsible. Like of course all of
my friends have had their nights where we all have
to take turns, skate, taking care of each other. I
feel like, unfortunately that is normal, like that's college. But
I feel lucky that like a lot of my friend
group is very responsible, and like I think they all
have a very similar mindset to me, where they're like
sometimes they're like I don't feel like it, like i'll drive,
you know what, I'll drive, I'll do this, like I'll
stay sober, Like I think I'm just gonna have one drink.
I'm not going to drink there, or you know, like whatever.
I feel like a lot of people I know, are
in that mindset, which is very refreshing because then everybody
feels safe and they're like, there is going to be
somebody here who like could drive me home, or could
take care of me, or you know or whatever. It's nice.
It's and I definitely think it's common with my age
group at this point.
Speaker 1: Your age group, which by the way, is you're only twenty.
You're not actually even league to drink yet, I mean
not according to your ID.
Speaker 3: Obviously, I have the worst.
Speaker 2: I have the worst fake ID inhuman I just want
to say before I go that I showed my face
to somebody the other day and they were like, oh what.
The girls they were like me. They were like, well,
you're not a bouncer wape.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They were like you get in places with this, and
I'm like, oh, it scans right, it does. I'm like,
I just like walk in and give them like little
and also I'm like with the promoters, so they kind
of they kind of they kind of just assume I'm
not twenty one.
Speaker 1: Anyways, Again, Helby, thank you for being here, Thank you
for being in your bedroom us. Thank you for making
the time.
Speaker 2: Go walk down the hall in like two seconds to
say hey but love you.
Speaker 3: Thanks everybody. Hope you learned something I did. Yay, all
right bye, it's doing me.
Speaker 2: Good good again. Good Dark