WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:04.639 You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network singles talk 2 00:00:04.759 --> 00:00:08.160 radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach 3 00:00:08.279 --> 00:00:12.199 to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, 4 00:00:12.519 --> 00:00:17.600 being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our 5 00:00:17.640 --> 00:00:32.479 listeners and begin living your best life. 6 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:37.920 So hello and welcome to the show The Awakening here 7 00:00:37.960 --> 00:00:42.920 on WGSNDB, The Going Bold and Going Solo Network. This 8 00:00:43.079 --> 00:00:47.759 episode of The Awakening podcast may contain frank discussions on 9 00:00:47.960 --> 00:00:52.920 sensitive topics, including abuse and sex trafficking. Content may not 10 00:00:53.039 --> 00:00:56.520 be suitable for young children and could be triggering for 11 00:00:56.600 --> 00:01:01.039 some listeners. We cover explicit details to provide a comprehensive 12 00:01:01.159 --> 00:01:06.480 understanding of these important issues. The information and opinions that 13 00:01:06.560 --> 00:01:09.760 are expressed in the show are the personal views of 14 00:01:09.799 --> 00:01:14.519 the individual speaking based on their own experiences. They are 15 00:01:14.560 --> 00:01:19.680 not intended to diagnose or provide professional advice or recommendations, 16 00:01:20.239 --> 00:01:26.680 so listener discretion is advised. So my guest today is 17 00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:32.879 Juliana Madi. Juliana is a trauma informed and somatic practitioner 18 00:01:32.920 --> 00:01:36.959 with over twelve years of experience working with children and 19 00:01:37.319 --> 00:01:42.120 parents within the foster care system. Juliana's work focuses on 20 00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:48.239 helping individuals and couples identify and shift trauma driven patterns 21 00:01:48.760 --> 00:01:56.799 that impact emotional regulation, attachment, and relationship dynamics. Juliana integrates 22 00:01:56.920 --> 00:02:02.079 trauma informed and somatic approaches to support nervous system regulation, 23 00:02:02.840 --> 00:02:09.840 expand emotional capacity, and build the foundational skills necessary for healthy, 24 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:16.719 secure relationships. As an adoptee herself, Juliana brings both professional 25 00:02:16.759 --> 00:02:22.400 expertise and lived experience to her work, offering a nuanced 26 00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:29.039 understanding of trauma, attachment, and long term healing. So you'll 27 00:02:29.080 --> 00:02:32.960 be able to find all of Juliana's contact information below 28 00:02:33.039 --> 00:02:37.719 the show, but I do suggest you look up her 29 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:42.560 Facebook group and get involved there healing childhood trauma and 30 00:02:42.599 --> 00:02:45.879 building healthy relationships. So welcome and thank you. 31 00:02:45.800 --> 00:02:50.159 For joining me today, Juliana, Yes, thank you, Tina, happy 32 00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:50.639 to be here. 33 00:02:51.479 --> 00:02:53.599 So we're going to just dig right in. So tell 34 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:56.879 me or start with your abuse story. 35 00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:06.039 Oh, my abuse story might not be your typical abuse story. 36 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:12.199 I was never really well. I guess I didn't realize. 37 00:03:12.319 --> 00:03:15.919 I guess maybe it is typical actually thinking about it, 38 00:03:16.360 --> 00:03:21.759 I don't think I really realized how much my childhood 39 00:03:22.560 --> 00:03:28.800 affected me until like later into my adulthood and my 40 00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:35.080 own relationships and like being in intimate relationships with my 41 00:03:35.159 --> 00:03:38.199 husband and things like that. But I grew up as 42 00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:40.800 an adoptee. I was never in the system. I was 43 00:03:40.840 --> 00:03:46.840 adopted from a very young age. But my mother was 44 00:03:47.080 --> 00:03:52.120 very emotionally dysregulated. So with that comes a lot of 45 00:03:52.199 --> 00:03:58.879 yelling and a lot of you know, maybe spinking and 46 00:03:58.919 --> 00:04:04.919 things like that. I wouldn't call it like fully like abusive, 47 00:04:05.800 --> 00:04:09.000 but it was just more like she couldn't control her 48 00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:11.280 own emotions, if that makes sense. 49 00:04:12.120 --> 00:04:13.520 And totally makes sense. 50 00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:18.519 Yeah, I think a lot of people, especially especially from 51 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:21.000 back then like where I grew up in the eighties 52 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:24.879 and nineties, I think a lot of people experienced that 53 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:28.279 in their home where parents couldn't emotionally regulate, and it 54 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:33.879 maybe necessarily wasn't like intentional abuse. It was just how 55 00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:40.199 people parented basically. But so I have I had, I 56 00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:44.879 got a strong passion for helping kids just from going 57 00:04:44.879 --> 00:04:49.959 to college and being interested in helping at risk youth 58 00:04:50.279 --> 00:04:53.759 and from there I worked with kids in our systems 59 00:04:54.720 --> 00:05:03.560 and witnessed you know, all ofical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, 60 00:05:05.959 --> 00:05:09.720 had kids, worked with kids that grew up in the system, 61 00:05:09.959 --> 00:05:16.040 which also unfortunately where they a lot of times experience 62 00:05:16.639 --> 00:05:21.759 or can experience more abuse and things like that. 63 00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:28.360 So yeah, yeah, and where you talk about, oh, it's 64 00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:31.879 not a typical abuse, and then you do recognize that 65 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:34.360 for the most part, it is typical for most of us. 66 00:05:34.439 --> 00:05:37.199 That the abuse that we go through and most of 67 00:05:37.360 --> 00:05:40.920 the abuse, you know, not to cut down our parents 68 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:44.399 or anything, because they were doing everything they knew how 69 00:05:44.439 --> 00:05:47.959 to do. They didn't have any other I mean, yeah, 70 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:51.360 if they read Doctor Spock, maybe they parented slightly different 71 00:05:51.759 --> 00:05:57.839 and maybe it wasn't any better. But emotional irregulation is 72 00:05:58.439 --> 00:06:01.360 I think was a very big thing back when my 73 00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:06.920 mom was going, you know, raising me, and I recently 74 00:06:07.000 --> 00:06:11.959 underwent some training myself, not training, but therapy where it 75 00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:16.879 ended up being very related to my family and how 76 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:21.079 my great grandmother taught my grandmother she taught my mom, 77 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:23.319 and then it ended up with me. And luckily I 78 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:27.600 didn't have girls, so I changed my parenting method and 79 00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:33.439 but but like you, there was the yelling and the screaming. 80 00:06:33.480 --> 00:06:35.279 I didn't have to deal with that so much. But 81 00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:39.000 it was the lack of love that my mom gave me. 82 00:06:39.079 --> 00:06:42.439 She honestly, God didn't love me. I mean she as 83 00:06:42.480 --> 00:06:44.600 she put it, I have to love you because you're 84 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:48.199 my daughter, but I don't have to like you. Yeah. 85 00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:53.480 Yeah, And I think a lot of parents they sometimes 86 00:06:53.600 --> 00:06:57.560 don't know how to connect with their kids, right if 87 00:06:57.600 --> 00:07:03.040 they don't get that connection for themselves when they're growing up, 88 00:07:03.079 --> 00:07:05.319 they don't even know what that feels like or what 89 00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:08.600 that looks like, and they're not even aware of how 90 00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:11.839 important it is and how damaging it is to the 91 00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:18.000 self and developing. Yeah, we need that early attachment, and 92 00:07:18.120 --> 00:07:20.040 our parents are supposed to be there for us and 93 00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:22.439 give it to us. But it definitely does affect you 94 00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:26.360 long term and your whole sense of self and how 95 00:07:26.399 --> 00:07:30.439 you relate to yourself and others most definitely. 96 00:07:30.600 --> 00:07:33.279 And for our viewers, I want you to realize that 97 00:07:34.480 --> 00:07:41.639 when Juliana and I are talking, we are a totally 98 00:07:41.680 --> 00:07:44.720 different person because of what we went through. But you 99 00:07:44.920 --> 00:07:49.639 can heal. And Juliana's work is definitely the type of 100 00:07:49.680 --> 00:07:53.000 work that we need to have. I mean, when I 101 00:07:53.160 --> 00:07:58.279 was getting certified in my high conflict divorce coaching certification, 102 00:07:59.000 --> 00:08:03.079 we had a lot of sematic practices. So can you 103 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:08.079 explain a little bit of the semantic practice. 104 00:08:08.279 --> 00:08:13.879 Yeah, So it's a body based modality. Souma is Greek, 105 00:08:14.360 --> 00:08:18.839 the Greek word for body, and that's really where our 106 00:08:18.920 --> 00:08:23.199 trauma lives a lot of people get confused and think 107 00:08:23.319 --> 00:08:29.560 like trauma is the experience itself, but it's really what 108 00:08:29.800 --> 00:08:34.960 happens inside of us as a result of the trauma, 109 00:08:35.000 --> 00:08:39.840 and it can leave imprints on our nervous system if 110 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:43.600 it's you know, if it's not fully digested and resolved, 111 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:47.200 it's when the nervous system gets really overwhelmed, so that 112 00:08:47.399 --> 00:08:52.679 stress response stays in your system and then that's why 113 00:08:52.720 --> 00:08:56.639 you get triggered, and then you know, it comes out. 114 00:08:57.159 --> 00:08:59.080 The symptoms kind of come out however they're going to 115 00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:04.799 come out. But yeah, So it's working directly with those 116 00:09:04.879 --> 00:09:08.360 trigger responses and the nervous system to help digest those 117 00:09:08.399 --> 00:09:15.399 emotions so you can build capacity and heal and grow 118 00:09:15.519 --> 00:09:19.600 basically and not avoid those triggers but really lean into 119 00:09:19.639 --> 00:09:22.639 them and become more self aware and things like that. 120 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:29.639 But I started it because I uh sorry, I'm like, 121 00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:34.600 let me let me breathe for a second. I haven't 122 00:09:34.639 --> 00:09:38.279 talked about this in a long time. I started it 123 00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:44.320 because I got diagnosed with PTSD when I left that field. 124 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:50.000 I worked in crisis intervention for twelve years, and my 125 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:56.960 nervous system was just shot. Like I was constantly putting 126 00:09:56.960 --> 00:10:03.120 myself right in dangerous situations where that traumatic stress just 127 00:10:03.240 --> 00:10:06.519 kind of built up. And I also had a lot 128 00:10:06.519 --> 00:10:14.600 of vicarious trauma from witnessing and being with people that had, 129 00:10:14.799 --> 00:10:20.879 you know, traumatic experiences happening to them. And I think 130 00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:24.039 I had my daughter, and I didn't realize like all 131 00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:28.600 of my childhood trauma was going to come up. So everything, 132 00:10:28.639 --> 00:10:32.600 I think just came up at once. And so I 133 00:10:32.639 --> 00:10:37.120 didn't have a choice to but to do somatic work 134 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:40.000 because I could just feel the energy in my body. 135 00:10:40.120 --> 00:10:44.200 It was like pulsing, Like my whole arms would start 136 00:10:44.279 --> 00:10:48.399 like if I got nervous, like my arms would just 137 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:51.919 like it was like electric almost. My palms would just 138 00:10:51.960 --> 00:10:56.720 start like sweating, like my body just wanted to release 139 00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:01.159 all of that traumatic stress. So you know, I had 140 00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:04.159 to learn how to use my body and like learn 141 00:11:04.200 --> 00:11:07.639 how to like shake it out and just let things arise, 142 00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:12.600 and like when emotions started coming up, just learn to 143 00:11:12.679 --> 00:11:16.679 sit with it and let my body kind of release 144 00:11:16.759 --> 00:11:19.720 it however it was going to release it. But I 145 00:11:20.039 --> 00:11:22.759 learned how to learn how to like do somatic meditation 146 00:11:23.799 --> 00:11:26.519 to really become body aware because a lot of the 147 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:29.320 times when we have trauma, we live up in our head. 148 00:11:30.120 --> 00:11:34.399 Trauma like disconnects us from our body because that's where 149 00:11:34.399 --> 00:11:39.080 all the pain lives. So it's a natural response. So 150 00:11:39.240 --> 00:11:42.200 really learning how to get back into the body and 151 00:11:42.320 --> 00:11:47.000 learn what is it called inter like it's interroception, right, 152 00:11:47.039 --> 00:11:52.399 that's the word I'm looking for. It's when you're aware 153 00:11:52.440 --> 00:11:55.639 of all of those sensations and what's going on inside 154 00:11:55.679 --> 00:11:57.679 of you and things like that. So it's a really 155 00:11:57.759 --> 00:12:01.399 important skill to to learn. 156 00:12:02.679 --> 00:12:06.919 So for our viewers, I'm going to kind of break 157 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:08.960 some of what she said down and put it into 158 00:12:09.039 --> 00:12:13.000 some different terms. I'm a master body worker, and what 159 00:12:13.039 --> 00:12:17.120 I did was very similar to what Juliana did, except 160 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:21.120 for I did hands on work where we would have 161 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:25.399 that memory that she's talking about, the traumatic memory locked 162 00:12:25.559 --> 00:12:28.879 into a muscle, tendon, or ligament, and so I would 163 00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:33.000 go in and manually work it. At the same time, 164 00:12:33.000 --> 00:12:36.559 I would ask questions about the memory that was located there, 165 00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:40.320 so when she's talking about you know, and I also 166 00:12:40.399 --> 00:12:45.360 come from emergency medicine, so when our body takes a 167 00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:51.200 traumatic hit or we're bleeding out internally through our system. 168 00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:54.960 What happens is our limbs starts shutting, you know, our 169 00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:58.000 body shuts the blood flow off to our limbs. Our 170 00:12:58.080 --> 00:13:01.240 nervous system works very much in a similar manner with 171 00:13:01.320 --> 00:13:05.720 the electrical pulses. Okay, we start freaking out. And this 172 00:13:05.799 --> 00:13:08.840 is where Juliana is talking about the motion or the 173 00:13:08.840 --> 00:13:11.919 feeling that she had in her arms. It's not the 174 00:13:13.399 --> 00:13:17.440 goose bumpy feel that kind of confirms something. This is 175 00:13:17.440 --> 00:13:20.080 more like pins and italy kind of stuff. It doesn't 176 00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:26.000 feel good, and it's a warning to our physical self, 177 00:13:26.039 --> 00:13:29.519 our physical body, our brain that something needs to be 178 00:13:29.679 --> 00:13:33.320 done or we are going to shut down. And in 179 00:13:34.279 --> 00:13:39.080 dramatic cases or serious cases, the body will shut off 180 00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:44.919 and there might be a collapse, person passes out, or 181 00:13:45.480 --> 00:13:48.039 they have a nervous breakdown and end up in the 182 00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:51.799 mental hospital. So Juliana was kind of like her body 183 00:13:51.879 --> 00:13:53.960 was saying, Hey, take care of this, or we're going 184 00:13:54.039 --> 00:13:55.679 to go to the next step to protect you. 185 00:13:56.840 --> 00:14:01.200 Yes, And I could feel it coming, and luckily, because 186 00:14:01.240 --> 00:14:04.279 I was trauma informed, I kind of knew what was happening. 187 00:14:04.960 --> 00:14:09.120 I could feel like the stress just coming up, and 188 00:14:09.159 --> 00:14:11.919 I remember telling my supervisor at the time, I'm like, 189 00:14:12.120 --> 00:14:15.639 I think a lot of my cases are triggering me, 190 00:14:16.200 --> 00:14:20.600 and there's I think I have childhood trauma. I had 191 00:14:20.639 --> 00:14:23.200 a lot of babies on my caseload, so that was 192 00:14:23.240 --> 00:14:27.039 hard for me. After I had my daughter, I think 193 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:30.440 like I wasn't caring things the same way. I didn't 194 00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:35.080 have the same capacity I did before I had kids 195 00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:37.840 to be a worker like that and work with kids. 196 00:14:38.399 --> 00:14:42.360 And then I was like, you know, having to give 197 00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:46.799 hard recommendations in court, and I think all of that 198 00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:49.919 just started like building up and I could feel it. 199 00:14:50.519 --> 00:14:54.000 And luckily I had a good supervisor and they let 200 00:14:54.039 --> 00:14:56.440 me kind of take the cases where I didn't need 201 00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:59.639 to be on them anymore, but keep the families that 202 00:14:59.679 --> 00:15:03.799 I had worked really hard and like, you know, to 203 00:15:04.279 --> 00:15:07.960 get them sober and to reunify and all of that 204 00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:10.799 to get them stable. They kept them on and then 205 00:15:10.799 --> 00:15:15.000 I was finally able to leave. And then once I left, 206 00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:18.879 and I was luckily, you know, I have a partner 207 00:15:18.919 --> 00:15:23.120 who's really supportive, so I was able to take like 208 00:15:23.159 --> 00:15:28.480 a decent amount of time off all of the emotions 209 00:15:28.639 --> 00:15:34.600 from my childhood, from my work and from everything. I 210 00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:38.120 was safe, So it was finally like coming to the surface, 211 00:15:38.879 --> 00:15:43.080 and it took so long for my body to release 212 00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:48.679 all of that like traumatic stress that it was holding onto. 213 00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:52.120 And that was really hard because not only was I 214 00:15:52.159 --> 00:15:58.840 healing from my childhood and my adoption, I was also 215 00:15:58.960 --> 00:16:02.320 healing from I don't know the thousands of people that 216 00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:07.240 I had come into contact with, like over the course 217 00:16:07.279 --> 00:16:12.399 of twelve years. So it was a strange experience. But yeah, 218 00:16:12.440 --> 00:16:15.080 if I didn't, it was definitely like, I'm glad I 219 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:18.000 had a safe house and a safe place to kind 220 00:16:18.039 --> 00:16:20.279 of do that, because I definitely think I would have 221 00:16:20.360 --> 00:16:24.200 had a severe nervous breakdown if I didn't. 222 00:16:24.799 --> 00:16:28.679 Yeah, I ended up in a nervous breakdown. And I 223 00:16:28.759 --> 00:16:30.840 was working at the Sheriff's department at the time and 224 00:16:30.879 --> 00:16:33.559 it was a graveyard shift, so I was able to 225 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:36.440 leave the radio on the phone and luckily there was 226 00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:39.679 nothing going on, and I'm sure if somebody had come 227 00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:42.000 in or the prisoners were able to get out, I 228 00:16:42.039 --> 00:16:47.000 would have been in the mental hospital. Mine was due 229 00:16:47.000 --> 00:16:50.279 to not getting enough sleep with working the graveyard and 230 00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:53.480 being a mom and having to take care of the 231 00:16:53.559 --> 00:16:57.039 kids when I was off duty, so I couldn't sleep 232 00:16:57.120 --> 00:16:59.039 during the day. And I had to work at night. 233 00:16:59.799 --> 00:17:03.159 So one of the things that I want our viewers 234 00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:08.599 to understand is there's there's some like Juliana is talking about, 235 00:17:09.240 --> 00:17:14.359 basically the flags that she was trauma informed, so she 236 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:17.799 saw what was coming up. And so it sounds to 237 00:17:17.839 --> 00:17:21.279 me like your body, Juliana, mind and body connection, the 238 00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:25.759 whole part of you. You were learning and then finally 239 00:17:25.799 --> 00:17:28.240 something started to process, and so the learning and the 240 00:17:28.279 --> 00:17:31.640 processing started to work together, and that's when you saw 241 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:33.960 that you needed to take care of this. 242 00:17:35.559 --> 00:17:39.759 Yeah. Yeah, I mean I was definitely suffering from I 243 00:17:39.799 --> 00:17:44.680 think literally everything. I think complex PTSD that I didn't 244 00:17:44.680 --> 00:17:50.640 even realize I had PTSD from just crisis intervention work, 245 00:17:51.599 --> 00:17:56.680 moral injury from working in you know, our institutions that 246 00:17:56.839 --> 00:18:03.000 don't always align right with your own values, betrayal from 247 00:18:03.079 --> 00:18:10.079 those institutions because I there's not enough resources for social 248 00:18:10.119 --> 00:18:16.400 workers and whatever, just stress. Like I think it all 249 00:18:16.519 --> 00:18:20.319 just kind of like came out at once, which was 250 00:18:21.480 --> 00:18:26.079 definitely a weird experience to say the least. But you know, 251 00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:29.440 I was having trouble like making decisions. I just like 252 00:18:29.559 --> 00:18:35.200 felt like everything was just so misaligned, like in my 253 00:18:35.519 --> 00:18:37.640 like you said, like my mind and body were just 254 00:18:37.720 --> 00:18:41.079 like there's something not right, like what is going on? 255 00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:44.680 Like I could just feel it coming on for sure. 256 00:18:45.880 --> 00:18:49.160 So in some of the things that you might experience 257 00:18:49.319 --> 00:18:52.839 for the viewers, just like Juliana said that she was 258 00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:56.920 having a hard time making decisions. Okay, it can mess 259 00:18:57.039 --> 00:19:01.559 with your eyesight to where you have a blurred vision, 260 00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:05.079 and it's not necessarily the eye itself, but it's the 261 00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:08.200 communication from the brain to the eye, and in my 262 00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:10.799 body medicine, that's that you don't like what you see. 263 00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:14.759 And so in the case with Juliana, she could have 264 00:19:14.839 --> 00:19:18.519 had that, and definitely frontal lobe headaches or headaches within 265 00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:22.240 the orbital area, within the side of the head in 266 00:19:22.279 --> 00:19:25.680 the orbital area. Those are types of things again when 267 00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:28.920 when your body is trying to tie to you, that's 268 00:19:29.000 --> 00:19:31.440 one of the signs that you'll see. You might even 269 00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:34.480 have ringing in the ears or what you feel like 270 00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:39.480 is real loud buzzings or beeps in your head, and 271 00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:42.559 that is your body saying you don't like what you're hearing. 272 00:19:44.319 --> 00:19:49.559 All signs that you can deal with. Ulcers, upset, stomach, indigestion, 273 00:19:50.079 --> 00:19:53.119 those are all signs of things that you will go 274 00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:57.119 through and when these start poking up and they start 275 00:19:57.440 --> 00:19:59.359 going haywire, you're going to think, oh, I need to 276 00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:04.759 go to a doctor now, going and getting some therapy, 277 00:20:05.400 --> 00:20:09.839 trauma informed therapy. And I love the somatic aspect. So 278 00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:13.359 one of the things that I have used several times 279 00:20:13.400 --> 00:20:18.519 with myself is the butterfly tap. I like that one 280 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:23.440 because with children, it's children can do and they kind 281 00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:26.640 of like it, especially the little guys, when you call 282 00:20:26.680 --> 00:20:32.000 it butterfly tapping, and that helps the nervous system calm down. 283 00:20:32.519 --> 00:20:36.039 If you are dealing with this, you need to get 284 00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:40.480 to the point that you are finding somebody like Juliana 285 00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:44.079 that can help you with those types of things. So 286 00:20:44.920 --> 00:20:48.440 what types of things can you help somebody with here 287 00:20:48.599 --> 00:20:52.079 that's listening to this, that can help them calm their 288 00:20:52.119 --> 00:20:53.160 nervous system down. 289 00:20:54.680 --> 00:21:00.279 Oh what helped me the most was just grounding. Like 290 00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:06.519 every day I would just kind of feel into my 291 00:21:06.680 --> 00:21:10.480 body just from like starting with my heels and just 292 00:21:10.559 --> 00:21:15.359 kind of moving up and like noticing the sensations and 293 00:21:15.880 --> 00:21:18.039 you know, just kind of going up to my head, 294 00:21:18.240 --> 00:21:21.680 placing a hand on my heart and just like a 295 00:21:21.720 --> 00:21:27.079 lot of self compassion, a lot of gratitude, right trying 296 00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:32.920 to find things that you're grateful for and honestly like 297 00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:39.039 just finding safety, like say, that's like finding safety within yourself. 298 00:21:39.240 --> 00:21:42.559 Like Luckily, like I said, I had a really good 299 00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:48.119 partner who's super understanding and safe. So just leaning in 300 00:21:48.160 --> 00:21:53.279 on him, reconnecting with my friendships, you know, because when 301 00:21:53.279 --> 00:21:57.160 we're going through burnout and stress, you kind of want 302 00:21:57.160 --> 00:22:01.480 to isolate. That's your like, you know, you don't want 303 00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:05.240 to be around people because you're so like overwhelmed and 304 00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:09.799 you're like absorbing all of that energy, so it feels overwhelming. 305 00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:16.559 But really like leaning in into your safe relationships, right, 306 00:22:16.680 --> 00:22:21.440 making sure that they're comforting and they're you know, they're appropriate. 307 00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:24.680 But that really helped me a lot. But really just 308 00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:28.079 like grounding and placing hands on my heart and learning 309 00:22:28.160 --> 00:22:30.799 how to breathe through emotions really helped me. 310 00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:38.160 Yeah. I like the word appropriate relationships, okay, because because 311 00:22:38.200 --> 00:22:40.680 in my life I reached out to some when I 312 00:22:40.759 --> 00:22:43.920 was a kid that were not appropriate. The type of 313 00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:47.599 relationship I reached out for the way I had those 314 00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:52.759 relationships were inappropriate for one my age, but two for 315 00:22:52.839 --> 00:22:55.960 the situation in which I was dealing with my PTSD. 316 00:22:56.160 --> 00:23:02.119 I had gone through molestation as a child, and I 317 00:23:02.200 --> 00:23:04.920 know these are things that oh my gosh, you know 318 00:23:05.119 --> 00:23:08.720 you want to cover that person. But the reality is 319 00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:13.079 is I didn't trust anybody then, so I didn't get 320 00:23:13.079 --> 00:23:15.319 the help that I needed as a child. You know, 321 00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:17.599 I'm not going to tell people why I'm being threatened 322 00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:19.599 that if I tell them, it's going to be if 323 00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:23.079 everybody's gonna blame me. Well that wasn't the truth. But 324 00:23:23.480 --> 00:23:26.400 so years later, when I did finally tell everybody, I 325 00:23:26.440 --> 00:23:29.200 was an adult and I was told I was lying, 326 00:23:29.240 --> 00:23:33.039 I was making things up, I was like, Okay, well, 327 00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:36.279 obviously even now as an adult, it's not safe, and 328 00:23:36.319 --> 00:23:39.880 I really did. I reached out help. I started with 329 00:23:40.039 --> 00:23:43.799 books and nowadays we can reach out to things like 330 00:23:43.839 --> 00:23:48.200 this podcast and and YouTube videos where people are talking 331 00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:51.119 about this kind of stuff. Great place to start, but 332 00:23:51.240 --> 00:23:55.759 it's not enough. You have to reach out to human people. 333 00:23:56.559 --> 00:23:59.599 And that's where the appropriateness comes from. Reaching out to 334 00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:04.599 Juliana and having a one on one conversation with her, 335 00:24:04.920 --> 00:24:07.039 whether you choose to work with her or not, but 336 00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:11.799 having that conversation can help hit the light switch and 337 00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:14.839 turn on the light bulbs for you. You know, those of 338 00:24:14.920 --> 00:24:18.319 us that have been in abusive relationships. I am one 339 00:24:18.519 --> 00:24:22.400 in my marriage. I didn't know it was abuse, And 340 00:24:22.519 --> 00:24:25.119 how did I not know this? I had a broken hand, 341 00:24:25.400 --> 00:24:29.039 separated ribs. Later down the road, I had a dislocated leg, 342 00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:31.759 and that does not count for all the bruises on 343 00:24:31.799 --> 00:24:35.279 the arms and stuff from him grabbing me, And he 344 00:24:35.880 --> 00:24:42.680 wasn't technically abusive in my mind. Yeah, each out. 345 00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:46.920 Our view, Yeah, our view and our perception of things 346 00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:51.160 can get really blurred. It's really on. It's really common 347 00:24:51.319 --> 00:24:56.920 not to to not know like that you're in an 348 00:24:56.960 --> 00:25:03.000 abusive relationship. Sometimes things become like normal or like you 349 00:25:03.079 --> 00:25:07.839 minimize a lot, right, or you want to see the 350 00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:11.440 good in somebody, and you know it like blurs all 351 00:25:11.480 --> 00:25:14.160 of those lines. So it is good to reach out 352 00:25:14.240 --> 00:25:19.400 and have somebody who understands that and can point out 353 00:25:19.480 --> 00:25:23.079 to you what's actually happening in all the blind spots 354 00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:25.839 in an empathetic way, right. 355 00:25:25.880 --> 00:25:30.880 Yes, at carrying an empathetic way is what's super important. 356 00:25:31.480 --> 00:25:35.640 And I can tell you my clients that come to me, 357 00:25:36.359 --> 00:25:40.279 they need the strength that I provide. But not all 358 00:25:40.440 --> 00:25:45.279 divorce coaches are like me, and not everybody needs somebody 359 00:25:45.400 --> 00:25:50.720 like me. Somebody like Julie Anna is on temperament, might 360 00:25:50.759 --> 00:25:53.680 be a better person, and although she's not a divorce coach, 361 00:25:54.079 --> 00:25:56.880 she is definitely somebody to reach out to when you're 362 00:25:56.920 --> 00:26:02.200 going through these red flags for PTSD. Let's talk about 363 00:26:02.200 --> 00:26:04.680 that for just a minute too. We've tied about the 364 00:26:04.759 --> 00:26:10.160 flags Juliana, and PTSD will show up so different for 365 00:26:10.279 --> 00:26:14.880 all of us. And I know in my PTSD when 366 00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:19.039 especially because in my wrist getting grabbed, that's a PTSD 367 00:26:19.160 --> 00:26:21.359 for me, and I haven't had that happen for a 368 00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:24.000 long time, so I don't know where it's at because 369 00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:27.480 I've worked on it. But if you grabbed my hand, 370 00:26:28.359 --> 00:26:31.960 I was a mountain lion. I don't remember what would 371 00:26:32.039 --> 00:26:34.160 happen next, but it being sure is going to be 372 00:26:34.200 --> 00:26:37.920 in a form to protect me and not protect the 373 00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:41.440 person that just did that. And it did not happen 374 00:26:41.640 --> 00:26:44.799 very well. I know in one situation, I ended up 375 00:26:46.359 --> 00:26:49.599 at the death of my husband in a very bad 376 00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:53.079 situation where I wanted to kill the person that touched me. 377 00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:59.559 I mean I felt that need to kill them. Yeah, 378 00:27:00.200 --> 00:27:03.559 as soon as that hit my my nervous system, I 379 00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:07.400 picked up, packed my stuff up from the situation and left. 380 00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:14.160 Yeah. Yeah, and that's why, like I was saying, inter 381 00:27:14.279 --> 00:27:19.759 reception is so important because that saved me because what's 382 00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:23.359 going on right is those patterns, and your body is 383 00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:29.640 going into those protective coping skills, so you can, you know, 384 00:27:29.759 --> 00:27:33.880 even if it's not a dangerous threat like that your boy, 385 00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:37.599 you think it is and you just react, right. That's 386 00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:41.039 why people a lot of people with PTSD and orps 387 00:27:41.079 --> 00:27:46.680 CPTSD have those like automatic reactions, and that was happening 388 00:27:46.759 --> 00:27:52.160 a lot with my daughter, and that's what those were 389 00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:55.039 some of the things where I was like, I'm overreacting 390 00:27:55.480 --> 00:27:59.880 like to like little things. I think I'm really stressed out, 391 00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:02.960 Like I need to like take a step back. But like, 392 00:28:03.680 --> 00:28:10.319 learning how to rewire those automatic reactions is so hard 393 00:28:10.519 --> 00:28:15.920 because it's going against all of your instincts. So like 394 00:28:16.119 --> 00:28:18.440 even though I knew it was like okay, this is 395 00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:22.839 my daughter, I had to really like tap into my 396 00:28:22.920 --> 00:28:25.480 body and I would just we carry a lot of 397 00:28:25.519 --> 00:28:29.119 like anger in our jaw. And I noticed that that's 398 00:28:29.200 --> 00:28:32.400 where I was carrying a lot of that tension. So 399 00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:36.319 I was noticing like my jaw would just seize up, 400 00:28:36.519 --> 00:28:42.519 like if something was overstimulating or like maybe she wasn't 401 00:28:42.559 --> 00:28:45.440