Speaker 1: You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network singles talk
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Speaker 1: to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
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Speaker 2: So hello and welcome to the show The Awakening here
Speaker 2: on WGSNDB, The Going Bold and Going Solo Network. This
Speaker 2: episode of The Awakening podcast may contain frank discussions on
Speaker 2: sensitive topics, including abuse and sex trafficking. Content may not
Speaker 2: be suitable for young children and could be triggering for
Speaker 2: some listeners. We cover explicit details to provide a comprehensive
Speaker 2: understanding of these important issues. The information and opinions that
Speaker 2: are expressed in the show are the personal views of
Speaker 2: the individual speaking based on their own experiences. They are
Speaker 2: not intended to diagnose or provide professional advice or recommendations,
Speaker 2: so listener discretion is advised. So my guest today is
Speaker 2: Juliana Madi. Juliana is a trauma informed and somatic practitioner
Speaker 2: with over twelve years of experience working with children and
Speaker 2: parents within the foster care system. Juliana's work focuses on
Speaker 2: helping individuals and couples identify and shift trauma driven patterns
Speaker 2: that impact emotional regulation, attachment, and relationship dynamics. Juliana integrates
Speaker 2: trauma informed and somatic approaches to support nervous system regulation,
Speaker 2: expand emotional capacity, and build the foundational skills necessary for healthy,
Speaker 2: secure relationships. As an adoptee herself, Juliana brings both professional
Speaker 2: expertise and lived experience to her work, offering a nuanced
Speaker 2: understanding of trauma, attachment, and long term healing. So you'll
Speaker 2: be able to find all of Juliana's contact information below
Speaker 2: the show, but I do suggest you look up her
Speaker 2: Facebook group and get involved there healing childhood trauma and
Speaker 2: building healthy relationships. So welcome and thank you.
Speaker 3: For joining me today, Juliana, Yes, thank you, Tina, happy
Speaker 3: to be here.
Speaker 2: So we're going to just dig right in. So tell
Speaker 2: me or start with your abuse story.
Speaker 3: Oh, my abuse story might not be your typical abuse story.
Speaker 3: I was never really well. I guess I didn't realize.
Speaker 3: I guess maybe it is typical actually thinking about it,
Speaker 3: I don't think I really realized how much my childhood
Speaker 3: affected me until like later into my adulthood and my
Speaker 3: own relationships and like being in intimate relationships with my
Speaker 3: husband and things like that. But I grew up as
Speaker 3: an adoptee. I was never in the system. I was
Speaker 3: adopted from a very young age. But my mother was
Speaker 3: very emotionally dysregulated. So with that comes a lot of
Speaker 3: yelling and a lot of you know, maybe spinking and
Speaker 3: things like that. I wouldn't call it like fully like abusive,
Speaker 3: but it was just more like she couldn't control her
Speaker 3: own emotions, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: And totally makes sense.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think a lot of people, especially especially from
Speaker 3: back then like where I grew up in the eighties
Speaker 3: and nineties, I think a lot of people experienced that
Speaker 3: in their home where parents couldn't emotionally regulate, and it
Speaker 3: maybe necessarily wasn't like intentional abuse. It was just how
Speaker 3: people parented basically. But so I have I had, I
Speaker 3: got a strong passion for helping kids just from going
Speaker 3: to college and being interested in helping at risk youth
Speaker 3: and from there I worked with kids in our systems
Speaker 3: and witnessed you know, all ofical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse,
Speaker 3: had kids, worked with kids that grew up in the system,
Speaker 3: which also unfortunately where they a lot of times experience
Speaker 3: or can experience more abuse and things like that.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, and where you talk about, oh, it's
Speaker 2: not a typical abuse, and then you do recognize that
Speaker 2: for the most part, it is typical for most of us.
Speaker 2: That the abuse that we go through and most of
Speaker 2: the abuse, you know, not to cut down our parents
Speaker 2: or anything, because they were doing everything they knew how
Speaker 2: to do. They didn't have any other I mean, yeah,
Speaker 2: if they read Doctor Spock, maybe they parented slightly different
Speaker 2: and maybe it wasn't any better. But emotional irregulation is
Speaker 2: I think was a very big thing back when my
Speaker 2: mom was going, you know, raising me, and I recently
Speaker 2: underwent some training myself, not training, but therapy where it
Speaker 2: ended up being very related to my family and how
Speaker 2: my great grandmother taught my grandmother she taught my mom,
Speaker 2: and then it ended up with me. And luckily I
Speaker 2: didn't have girls, so I changed my parenting method and
Speaker 2: but but like you, there was the yelling and the screaming.
Speaker 2: I didn't have to deal with that so much. But
Speaker 2: it was the lack of love that my mom gave me.
Speaker 2: She honestly, God didn't love me. I mean she as
Speaker 2: she put it, I have to love you because you're
Speaker 2: my daughter, but I don't have to like you. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think a lot of parents they sometimes
Speaker 3: don't know how to connect with their kids, right if
Speaker 3: they don't get that connection for themselves when they're growing up,
Speaker 3: they don't even know what that feels like or what
Speaker 3: that looks like, and they're not even aware of how
Speaker 3: important it is and how damaging it is to the
Speaker 3: self and developing. Yeah, we need that early attachment, and
Speaker 3: our parents are supposed to be there for us and
Speaker 3: give it to us. But it definitely does affect you
Speaker 3: long term and your whole sense of self and how
Speaker 3: you relate to yourself and others most definitely.
Speaker 2: And for our viewers, I want you to realize that
Speaker 2: when Juliana and I are talking, we are a totally
Speaker 2: different person because of what we went through. But you
Speaker 2: can heal. And Juliana's work is definitely the type of
Speaker 2: work that we need to have. I mean, when I
Speaker 2: was getting certified in my high conflict divorce coaching certification,
Speaker 2: we had a lot of sematic practices. So can you
Speaker 2: explain a little bit of the semantic practice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's a body based modality. Souma is Greek,
Speaker 3: the Greek word for body, and that's really where our
Speaker 3: trauma lives a lot of people get confused and think
Speaker 3: like trauma is the experience itself, but it's really what
Speaker 3: happens inside of us as a result of the trauma,
Speaker 3: and it can leave imprints on our nervous system if
Speaker 3: it's you know, if it's not fully digested and resolved,
Speaker 3: it's when the nervous system gets really overwhelmed, so that
Speaker 3: stress response stays in your system and then that's why
Speaker 3: you get triggered, and then you know, it comes out.
Speaker 3: The symptoms kind of come out however they're going to
Speaker 3: come out. But yeah, So it's working directly with those
Speaker 3: trigger responses and the nervous system to help digest those
Speaker 3: emotions so you can build capacity and heal and grow
Speaker 3: basically and not avoid those triggers but really lean into
Speaker 3: them and become more self aware and things like that.
Speaker 3: But I started it because I uh sorry, I'm like,
Speaker 3: let me let me breathe for a second. I haven't
Speaker 3: talked about this in a long time. I started it
Speaker 3: because I got diagnosed with PTSD when I left that field.
Speaker 3: I worked in crisis intervention for twelve years, and my
Speaker 3: nervous system was just shot. Like I was constantly putting
Speaker 3: myself right in dangerous situations where that traumatic stress just
Speaker 3: kind of built up. And I also had a lot
Speaker 3: of vicarious trauma from witnessing and being with people that had,
Speaker 3: you know, traumatic experiences happening to them. And I think
Speaker 3: I had my daughter, and I didn't realize like all
Speaker 3: of my childhood trauma was going to come up. So everything,
Speaker 3: I think just came up at once. And so I
Speaker 3: didn't have a choice to but to do somatic work
Speaker 3: because I could just feel the energy in my body.
Speaker 3: It was like pulsing, Like my whole arms would start
Speaker 3: like if I got nervous, like my arms would just
Speaker 3: like it was like electric almost. My palms would just
Speaker 3: start like sweating, like my body just wanted to release
Speaker 3: all of that traumatic stress. So you know, I had
Speaker 3: to learn how to use my body and like learn
Speaker 3: how to like shake it out and just let things arise,
Speaker 3: and like when emotions started coming up, just learn to
Speaker 3: sit with it and let my body kind of release
Speaker 3: it however it was going to release it. But I
Speaker 3: learned how to learn how to like do somatic meditation
Speaker 3: to really become body aware because a lot of the
Speaker 3: times when we have trauma, we live up in our head.
Speaker 3: Trauma like disconnects us from our body because that's where
Speaker 3: all the pain lives. So it's a natural response. So
Speaker 3: really learning how to get back into the body and
Speaker 3: learn what is it called inter like it's interroception, right,
Speaker 3: that's the word I'm looking for. It's when you're aware
Speaker 3: of all of those sensations and what's going on inside
Speaker 3: of you and things like that. So it's a really
Speaker 3: important skill to to learn.
Speaker 2: So for our viewers, I'm going to kind of break
Speaker 2: some of what she said down and put it into
Speaker 2: some different terms. I'm a master body worker, and what
Speaker 2: I did was very similar to what Juliana did, except
Speaker 2: for I did hands on work where we would have
Speaker 2: that memory that she's talking about, the traumatic memory locked
Speaker 2: into a muscle, tendon, or ligament, and so I would
Speaker 2: go in and manually work it. At the same time,
Speaker 2: I would ask questions about the memory that was located there,
Speaker 2: so when she's talking about you know, and I also
Speaker 2: come from emergency medicine, so when our body takes a
Speaker 2: traumatic hit or we're bleeding out internally through our system.
Speaker 2: What happens is our limbs starts shutting, you know, our
Speaker 2: body shuts the blood flow off to our limbs. Our
Speaker 2: nervous system works very much in a similar manner with
Speaker 2: the electrical pulses. Okay, we start freaking out. And this
Speaker 2: is where Juliana is talking about the motion or the
Speaker 2: feeling that she had in her arms. It's not the
Speaker 2: goose bumpy feel that kind of confirms something. This is
Speaker 2: more like pins and italy kind of stuff. It doesn't
Speaker 2: feel good, and it's a warning to our physical self,
Speaker 2: our physical body, our brain that something needs to be
Speaker 2: done or we are going to shut down. And in
Speaker 2: dramatic cases or serious cases, the body will shut off
Speaker 2: and there might be a collapse, person passes out, or
Speaker 2: they have a nervous breakdown and end up in the
Speaker 2: mental hospital. So Juliana was kind of like her body
Speaker 2: was saying, Hey, take care of this, or we're going
Speaker 2: to go to the next step to protect you.
Speaker 3: Yes, And I could feel it coming, and luckily, because
Speaker 3: I was trauma informed, I kind of knew what was happening.
Speaker 3: I could feel like the stress just coming up, and
Speaker 3: I remember telling my supervisor at the time, I'm like,
Speaker 3: I think a lot of my cases are triggering me,
Speaker 3: and there's I think I have childhood trauma. I had
Speaker 3: a lot of babies on my caseload, so that was
Speaker 3: hard for me. After I had my daughter, I think
Speaker 3: like I wasn't caring things the same way. I didn't
Speaker 3: have the same capacity I did before I had kids
Speaker 3: to be a worker like that and work with kids.
Speaker 3: And then I was like, you know, having to give
Speaker 3: hard recommendations in court, and I think all of that
Speaker 3: just started like building up and I could feel it.
Speaker 3: And luckily I had a good supervisor and they let
Speaker 3: me kind of take the cases where I didn't need
Speaker 3: to be on them anymore, but keep the families that
Speaker 3: I had worked really hard and like, you know, to
Speaker 3: get them sober and to reunify and all of that
Speaker 3: to get them stable. They kept them on and then
Speaker 3: I was finally able to leave. And then once I left,
Speaker 3: and I was luckily, you know, I have a partner
Speaker 3: who's really supportive, so I was able to take like
Speaker 3: a decent amount of time off all of the emotions
Speaker 3: from my childhood, from my work and from everything. I
Speaker 3: was safe, So it was finally like coming to the surface,
Speaker 3: and it took so long for my body to release
Speaker 3: all of that like traumatic stress that it was holding onto.
Speaker 3: And that was really hard because not only was I
Speaker 3: healing from my childhood and my adoption, I was also
Speaker 3: healing from I don't know the thousands of people that
Speaker 3: I had come into contact with, like over the course
Speaker 3: of twelve years. So it was a strange experience. But yeah,
Speaker 3: if I didn't, it was definitely like, I'm glad I
Speaker 3: had a safe house and a safe place to kind
Speaker 3: of do that, because I definitely think I would have
Speaker 3: had a severe nervous breakdown if I didn't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I ended up in a nervous breakdown. And I
Speaker 2: was working at the Sheriff's department at the time and
Speaker 2: it was a graveyard shift, so I was able to
Speaker 2: leave the radio on the phone and luckily there was
Speaker 2: nothing going on, and I'm sure if somebody had come
Speaker 2: in or the prisoners were able to get out, I
Speaker 2: would have been in the mental hospital. Mine was due
Speaker 2: to not getting enough sleep with working the graveyard and
Speaker 2: being a mom and having to take care of the
Speaker 2: kids when I was off duty, so I couldn't sleep
Speaker 2: during the day. And I had to work at night.
Speaker 2: So one of the things that I want our viewers
Speaker 2: to understand is there's there's some like Juliana is talking about,
Speaker 2: basically the flags that she was trauma informed, so she
Speaker 2: saw what was coming up. And so it sounds to
Speaker 2: me like your body, Juliana, mind and body connection, the
Speaker 2: whole part of you. You were learning and then finally
Speaker 2: something started to process, and so the learning and the
Speaker 2: processing started to work together, and that's when you saw
Speaker 2: that you needed to take care of this.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I was definitely suffering from I
Speaker 3: think literally everything. I think complex PTSD that I didn't
Speaker 3: even realize I had PTSD from just crisis intervention work,
Speaker 3: moral injury from working in you know, our institutions that
Speaker 3: don't always align right with your own values, betrayal from
Speaker 3: those institutions because I there's not enough resources for social
Speaker 3: workers and whatever, just stress. Like I think it all
Speaker 3: just kind of like came out at once, which was
Speaker 3: definitely a weird experience to say the least. But you know,
Speaker 3: I was having trouble like making decisions. I just like
Speaker 3: felt like everything was just so misaligned, like in my
Speaker 3: like you said, like my mind and body were just
Speaker 3: like there's something not right, like what is going on?
Speaker 3: Like I could just feel it coming on for sure.
Speaker 3: So in some of the things that you might experience
Speaker 3: for the viewers, just like Juliana said that she was
Speaker 3: having a hard time making decisions. Okay, it can mess
Speaker 3: with your eyesight to where you have a blurred vision,
Speaker 3: and it's not necessarily the eye itself, but it's the
Speaker 3: communication from the brain to the eye, and in my
Speaker 3: body medicine, that's that you don't like what you see.
Speaker 3: And so in the case with Juliana, she could have
Speaker 3: had that, and definitely frontal lobe headaches or headaches within
Speaker 3: the orbital area, within the side of the head in
Speaker 3: the orbital area. Those are types of things again when
Speaker 3: when your body is trying to tie to you, that's
Speaker 3: one of the signs that you'll see. You might even
Speaker 3: have ringing in the ears or what you feel like
Speaker 3: is real loud buzzings or beeps in your head, and
Speaker 3: that is your body saying you don't like what you're hearing.
Speaker 3: All signs that you can deal with. Ulcers, upset, stomach, indigestion,
Speaker 3: those are all signs of things that you will go
Speaker 3: through and when these start poking up and they start
Speaker 3: going haywire, you're going to think, oh, I need to
Speaker 3: go to a doctor now, going and getting some therapy,
Speaker 3: trauma informed therapy. And I love the somatic aspect. So
Speaker 3: one of the things that I have used several times
Speaker 3: with myself is the butterfly tap. I like that one
Speaker 3: because with children, it's children can do and they kind
Speaker 3: of like it, especially the little guys, when you call
Speaker 3: it butterfly tapping, and that helps the nervous system calm down.
Speaker 2: If you are dealing with this, you need to get
Speaker 2: to the point that you are finding somebody like Juliana
Speaker 2: that can help you with those types of things. So
Speaker 2: what types of things can you help somebody with here
Speaker 2: that's listening to this, that can help them calm their
Speaker 2: nervous system down.
Speaker 3: Oh what helped me the most was just grounding. Like
Speaker 3: every day I would just kind of feel into my
Speaker 3: body just from like starting with my heels and just
Speaker 3: kind of moving up and like noticing the sensations and
Speaker 3: you know, just kind of going up to my head,
Speaker 3: placing a hand on my heart and just like a
Speaker 3: lot of self compassion, a lot of gratitude, right trying
Speaker 3: to find things that you're grateful for and honestly like
Speaker 3: just finding safety, like say, that's like finding safety within yourself.
Speaker 3: Like Luckily, like I said, I had a really good
Speaker 3: partner who's super understanding and safe. So just leaning in
Speaker 3: on him, reconnecting with my friendships, you know, because when
Speaker 3: we're going through burnout and stress, you kind of want
Speaker 3: to isolate. That's your like, you know, you don't want
Speaker 3: to be around people because you're so like overwhelmed and
Speaker 3: you're like absorbing all of that energy, so it feels overwhelming.
Speaker 3: But really like leaning in into your safe relationships, right,
Speaker 3: making sure that they're comforting and they're you know, they're appropriate.
Speaker 3: But that really helped me a lot. But really just
Speaker 3: like grounding and placing hands on my heart and learning
Speaker 3: how to breathe through emotions really helped me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I like the word appropriate relationships, okay, because because
Speaker 2: in my life I reached out to some when I
Speaker 2: was a kid that were not appropriate. The type of
Speaker 2: relationship I reached out for the way I had those
Speaker 2: relationships were inappropriate for one my age, but two for
Speaker 2: the situation in which I was dealing with my PTSD.
Speaker 2: I had gone through molestation as a child, and I
Speaker 2: know these are things that oh my gosh, you know
Speaker 2: you want to cover that person. But the reality is
Speaker 2: is I didn't trust anybody then, so I didn't get
Speaker 2: the help that I needed as a child. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to tell people why I'm being threatened
Speaker 2: that if I tell them, it's going to be if
Speaker 2: everybody's gonna blame me. Well that wasn't the truth. But
Speaker 2: so years later, when I did finally tell everybody, I
Speaker 2: was an adult and I was told I was lying,
Speaker 2: I was making things up, I was like, Okay, well,
Speaker 2: obviously even now as an adult, it's not safe, and
Speaker 2: I really did. I reached out help. I started with
Speaker 2: books and nowadays we can reach out to things like
Speaker 2: this podcast and and YouTube videos where people are talking
Speaker 2: about this kind of stuff. Great place to start, but
Speaker 2: it's not enough. You have to reach out to human people.
Speaker 2: And that's where the appropriateness comes from. Reaching out to
Speaker 2: Juliana and having a one on one conversation with her,
Speaker 2: whether you choose to work with her or not, but
Speaker 2: having that conversation can help hit the light switch and
Speaker 2: turn on the light bulbs for you. You know, those of
Speaker 2: us that have been in abusive relationships. I am one
Speaker 2: in my marriage. I didn't know it was abuse, And
Speaker 2: how did I not know this? I had a broken hand,
Speaker 2: separated ribs. Later down the road, I had a dislocated leg,
Speaker 2: and that does not count for all the bruises on
Speaker 2: the arms and stuff from him grabbing me, And he
Speaker 2: wasn't technically abusive in my mind. Yeah, each out.
Speaker 3: Our view, Yeah, our view and our perception of things
Speaker 3: can get really blurred. It's really on. It's really common
Speaker 3: not to to not know like that you're in an
Speaker 3: abusive relationship. Sometimes things become like normal or like you
Speaker 3: minimize a lot, right, or you want to see the
Speaker 3: good in somebody, and you know it like blurs all
Speaker 3: of those lines. So it is good to reach out
Speaker 3: and have somebody who understands that and can point out
Speaker 3: to you what's actually happening in all the blind spots
Speaker 3: in an empathetic way, right.
Speaker 2: Yes, at carrying an empathetic way is what's super important.
Speaker 2: And I can tell you my clients that come to me,
Speaker 2: they need the strength that I provide. But not all
Speaker 2: divorce coaches are like me, and not everybody needs somebody
Speaker 2: like me. Somebody like Julie Anna is on temperament, might
Speaker 2: be a better person, and although she's not a divorce coach,
Speaker 2: she is definitely somebody to reach out to when you're
Speaker 2: going through these red flags for PTSD. Let's talk about
Speaker 2: that for just a minute too. We've tied about the
Speaker 2: flags Juliana, and PTSD will show up so different for
Speaker 2: all of us. And I know in my PTSD when
Speaker 2: especially because in my wrist getting grabbed, that's a PTSD
Speaker 2: for me, and I haven't had that happen for a
Speaker 2: long time, so I don't know where it's at because
Speaker 2: I've worked on it. But if you grabbed my hand,
Speaker 2: I was a mountain lion. I don't remember what would
Speaker 2: happen next, but it being sure is going to be
Speaker 2: in a form to protect me and not protect the
Speaker 2: person that just did that. And it did not happen
Speaker 2: very well. I know in one situation, I ended up
Speaker 2: at the death of my husband in a very bad
Speaker 2: situation where I wanted to kill the person that touched me.
Speaker 2: I mean I felt that need to kill them. Yeah,
Speaker 2: as soon as that hit my my nervous system, I
Speaker 2: picked up, packed my stuff up from the situation and left.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, and that's why, like I was saying, inter
Speaker 3: reception is so important because that saved me because what's
Speaker 3: going on right is those patterns, and your body is
Speaker 3: going into those protective coping skills, so you can, you know,
Speaker 3: even if it's not a dangerous threat like that your boy,
Speaker 3: you think it is and you just react, right. That's
Speaker 3: why people a lot of people with PTSD and orps
Speaker 3: CPTSD have those like automatic reactions, and that was happening
Speaker 3: a lot with my daughter, and that's what those were
Speaker 3: some of the things where I was like, I'm overreacting
Speaker 3: like to like little things. I think I'm really stressed out,
Speaker 3: Like I need to like take a step back. But like,
Speaker 3: learning how to rewire those automatic reactions is so hard
Speaker 3: because it's going against all of your instincts. So like
Speaker 3: even though I knew it was like okay, this is
Speaker 3: my daughter, I had to really like tap into my
Speaker 3: body and I would just we carry a lot of
Speaker 3: like anger in our jaw. And I noticed that that's
Speaker 3: where I was carrying a lot of that tension. So
Speaker 3: I was noticing like my jaw would just seize up,
Speaker 3: like if something was overstimulating or like maybe she wasn't
Speaker 3: listening or something like that. I would like feel my
Speaker 3: jaw just tense up, and I knew, like, okay, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna react in a bad way. Nothing is happening, this
Speaker 3: is my kid, Let me choose a different way to respond.
Speaker 3: And so, but gaining those like and that's why somatic
Speaker 3: work is so important, because you're more in tune with
Speaker 3: what's going on inside of your nervous system, so you're
Speaker 3: not just like reacting quickly and then the fallout happens, right,
Speaker 3: it's like an inappropriate reaction to what's actually happening in
Speaker 3: the present time basically. So, and that was really really
Speaker 3: hard to rewire my that and it's hard for everybody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally agree. And so one of the things, you know,
Speaker 2: we've talked about getting in tune with your body. So
Speaker 2: I happen to read this and I cannot think of
Speaker 2: the author's name, but she's a new author and she
Speaker 2: just wrote Mundane Magic and she talked about how important
Speaker 2: meditation is. Well, we all know those of us who
Speaker 2: don't do meditation. Why am I bothering? Because if I
Speaker 2: try to get silent, like my head goes, everything goes crazy.
Speaker 2: That is because you're doing it perfect, okay. In order
Speaker 2: to get to where Juliana was when her job tightened up,
Speaker 2: and realizing you have to know what your body's doing.
Speaker 2: Getting to a quiet place does not mean that you
Speaker 2: don't be in the middle of traffic or something like
Speaker 2: that and everything. It just means you stop for a second,
Speaker 2: hearing what you hear, seeing what you see if your
Speaker 2: eyes are open, feeling what you feel. And that's how
Speaker 2: Juliana got where she was at.
Speaker 3: Yes, I spent a lot of time on my deck
Speaker 3: meditating and basically just connecting with myself, getting to know
Speaker 3: myself again, like seeing how things arise and like tracking
Speaker 3: those sensations so I could feel them when I was triggered.
Speaker 3: And nobody's good at meditation. I think people think that
Speaker 3: like it, No, your brain is going We're all human,
Speaker 3: we all have monkey brains. Like there's a million things
Speaker 3: to be stimulated about during the day. But it's really
Speaker 3: just learning you know how to sit with yourself and
Speaker 3: seeing what arises. And that's so when you're like in
Speaker 3: actual real life, like dealing with people in situations, you're
Speaker 3: more aware of what's going on inside of you, so
Speaker 3: you can give that have that pause, right, That's the
Speaker 3: like trick to rewiring all of those patterns is gaining
Speaker 3: that pause so then you don't so you can have
Speaker 3: a choice of how you're reacting, like you're not just
Speaker 3: automatically doing something right. And I think that's what people
Speaker 3: need to understand.
Speaker 2: And you can't get there until you stop and start feeling.
Speaker 2: I know, it sucks, it's anoint it feels horrible, it
Speaker 2: makes you want to sick, makes you want to throw
Speaker 2: up in some cases, yes, but that is because you're
Speaker 2: doing what needs to be done. Your body is fighting you.
Speaker 2: It's not a saber tooth tiger that's coming after you.
Speaker 2: It's your own subconscious that's pretending it's a cyber tooth tire. Okay, stop,
Speaker 2: you can go in. I like I was a closet girl.
Speaker 2: I would close the closet, shut off the light, and
Speaker 2: sit in the corner of my closet. I did that
Speaker 2: as a child, a young child, and even now I
Speaker 2: have corners in my rooms where I can just sit down.
Speaker 3: For me.
Speaker 2: It's because these two sides. Nobody can come and buy me.
Speaker 2: Nobody can come. I'm safe. That's what you had said earlier.
Speaker 2: Get to a safe place that's safe for me. One
Speaker 2: of the fights with my ex husband, crawled underneath a
Speaker 2: pickup because it was safe for me. How come because
Speaker 2: I could see his feet, he couldn't touch me. If
Speaker 2: I could see his feet, I could keep them away
Speaker 2: from me because I could see as I was safe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And feeling all of those feelings is
Speaker 3: not fun, like you said, Yeah, it's you're basically feeling
Speaker 3: everything you avoided. So it's a lot of I cried
Speaker 3: a lot, a lot, a lot a lot, especially, yeah,
Speaker 3: because when you're being you know, abused in childhood, you're
Speaker 3: not always allowed to express your emotions, right, because that
Speaker 3: usually leads to more abuse. And when I was working
Speaker 3: in crisis intervention, I was dealing with a lot of
Speaker 3: very sad things, obviously, but I was moving so fast
Speaker 3: I never got a chance to process what I was
Speaker 3: actually helping with and witnessing. And I'm very empathetic, so
Speaker 3: I was absorbing everything. And I was also like lending
Speaker 3: people my nervous system, right, because when you're dealing with
Speaker 3: addiction and people that you know have really bad anxiety
Speaker 3: or severe depression, you're almost like your your nervous system
Speaker 3: is really like doing a lot of work for them
Speaker 3: when you're in crisis intervention, and I didn't realize that,
Speaker 3: so I think I was like absorbing all of that
Speaker 3: energy and it was like in like mingled, if that
Speaker 3: makes sense. So it was it was a weird process
Speaker 3: to heal from because not only was I, like I said,
Speaker 3: not only was I dealing with my own stuff, but
Speaker 3: I was remembering saying from like years back when I
Speaker 3: did work with like sex trafficking victims, Like all of
Speaker 3: those like memories would just pop up and like so
Speaker 3: just a lot of tears, as you can imagine you're
Speaker 3: dealing with children, So it was a lot.
Speaker 2: As an mpath, which is what you are, It's what
Speaker 2: anybody is. They all think that's a woo woo word,
Speaker 2: But an EmPATH is anybody who has feelings for other people,
Speaker 2: who care about their story. Their story hurts you. It's
Speaker 2: because you're feeling their feelings. Yeah, you don't want them
Speaker 2: to hurt, so you want to take their pain away.
Speaker 2: And those are kind of like healers. Healers take that
Speaker 2: energy and they keep it inside them, and we can't
Speaker 2: do that. So if we are somebody and empaths or
Speaker 2: people who care we're perfect targets for narcissistic people, and
Speaker 2: those narcissistic people love and they were like a little bird.
Speaker 2: We look so beautiful to them, and so they get
Speaker 2: a whole to this and they squeeze the life out
Speaker 2: of us. And that's what happens. We stay in a
Speaker 2: relationship that we become abused in and don't even know
Speaker 2: what's happening because it's so snow as they choke the
Speaker 2: life out of you. And having all of that within
Speaker 2: you and being afraid of what's on the outside puts
Speaker 2: you into put your nervous system into a very fragile state.
Speaker 2: And I know women that are classified as crazy have
Speaker 2: been put in that state by the abuse and their
Speaker 2: nervous system being so fragile.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it affects, you know, your mental health, but
Speaker 3: those are all coping like how you adapt it and
Speaker 3: how you cope. And yeah, and I think that was
Speaker 3: a big misconception for a long time, and unfortunately it
Speaker 3: still is. Like mental health and distress don't appear out
Speaker 3: of nowhere. Usually it's usually from abuse and distress like
Speaker 3: all that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right, so true, it doesn't appear out of nowhere.
Speaker 2: So another question is, so, what what would you want
Speaker 2: somebody who's dealing with a PTSD from, either abuse or
Speaker 2: in dealing with the work that you did. What do
Speaker 2: you want them to know?
Speaker 3: What I see a lot is that people think that
Speaker 3: it's just the way they are, Especially when you're dealing
Speaker 3: with complex PTSD. It seems like it's impossible to heal from,
Speaker 3: but it's not. Your patterns were wired a certain way,
Speaker 3: and luckily the way our body and brain and mind
Speaker 3: and heart and soul are all interconnected, you can definitely
Speaker 3: heal and repattern your nervous system. So I know it
Speaker 3: seems like a lot. It is a long process for
Speaker 3: especially depending on what's going on right in the circumstances,
Speaker 3: And everybody heals at their own in their own way,
Speaker 3: at their own speed, right, But you heal in relationships,
Speaker 3: safe relationships, like I said, and doing the work, learning
Speaker 3: how to sit with yourself and your emotions and leaning
Speaker 3: into your triggers and the underlying feelings that a lot
Speaker 3: of us are avoiding. Like I said, we avoid feeling.
Speaker 3: It's like the feeling of it is what's hard for
Speaker 3: people to sit with and then connecting it to the
Speaker 3: stories right that we tell ours about those circumstances and
Speaker 3: things and the shame we carry and all of that.
Speaker 3: But it's possible. Our bodies were designed to heal, So
Speaker 3: don't ever, you know, lose hope.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And I one hundred percent agree with that.
Speaker 2: I sit with a bunch of vets. I have done this.
Speaker 2: It's just one of the things that it's important to
Speaker 2: me is our vets need to be heard. And it's
Speaker 2: so often that they break down in total tears and
Speaker 2: when you ask them what is going on or why
Speaker 2: or what, they don't know. They don't know when we
Speaker 2: are going through PTSD. I have witnessed some of the
Speaker 2: most horrendous PTSD, like murderous PTSD, and these type of
Speaker 2: events happen because we don't seek the help. You can
Speaker 2: get out of this. You can do it privately. You
Speaker 2: can learn a little bits and and then take it.
Speaker 2: But you need to have somebody, a human person like
Speaker 2: we tied to, somebody that you can talk to at
Speaker 2: least in small bits about what you're experiencing and come
Speaker 2: up with tools that you can use.
Speaker 3: Yes, and apply them like yeah, in your day to
Speaker 3: day life. It's all about our habits, our lifestyle, who
Speaker 3: we surround ourselves with and like I said, yeah, just
Speaker 3: healing the nervous systems. It's possible. It definitely is.
Speaker 2: We're both sitting here because we've gone through our healing aspect.
Speaker 2: So there's people that support these people that are in
Speaker 2: these abusive relationships, that support the people that are dealing
Speaker 2: with PTSD the fragile nervous systems. What would you tell them?
Speaker 2: What do you want them to learn from this?
Speaker 3: Take it slow, be compassionate. You know, have a lot
Speaker 3: of empathy. You have to meet people where they are right,
Speaker 3: and you heal in safety, presence and connection. So really
Speaker 3: being present with somebody and just allowing them that safe space,
Speaker 3: that's what really does the healing work. It's just natural.
Speaker 3: It's like that flow of energy, right, It's like if
Speaker 3: somebody feels safe in your presence, that is like everything
Speaker 3: to somebody with PTSD is just being seen and understood
Speaker 3: and heard and looking at past all of those those
Speaker 3: outer symptoms like and just seeing them like at like
Speaker 3: their human soul level. That is what is really healing
Speaker 3: for somebody.
Speaker 2: Yes, And and I really do advocate for don't give
Speaker 2: your advice, don't give your loved one your advice. It
Speaker 2: you're you're too close to them. Somebody going through a
Speaker 2: divorce needs to have a professional there to help them
Speaker 2: that's trained in divorce. If they're going through PTSD, they
Speaker 2: need somebody who understands PTSD. And I can tell you
Speaker 2: that going through the somatic training and then Juliana being
Speaker 2: you know, experiencing all of this stuff from both both sides,
Speaker 2: she's definitely somebody that can help with that. People that
Speaker 2: understand are trauma informed. They're a better person to reach
Speaker 2: out to. So you can maybe take this little video
Speaker 2: and say, hey, I saw this, let me know what
Speaker 2: you think. You know, ask questions, don't give advice.
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, I thought you were talking about like professional.
Speaker 2: People too.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, if your loved ones are going through our
Speaker 3: experience into met partner violence, then yes, definitely seek outside support.
Speaker 3: But then also do what I said, like, they need space,
Speaker 3: they don't need judgment, they don't need yeah, advice, it's
Speaker 3: you just want to empower them, right, They need to
Speaker 3: be empowered, be.
Speaker 2: There for when they're ready. So what would you like
Speaker 2: the people that are eventually going to help this people,
Speaker 2: the lawyers, the police officers, the ems, people that might
Speaker 2: have to show up for a nervous breakdown type of situation.
Speaker 2: What do you want that group of people to know.
Speaker 3: Allow people to have their reaction and just be a
Speaker 3: safe presence and believe them.
Speaker 2: Right, it's a.
Speaker 3: Lot of abuse survivors get dismissed or the abuse gets minimized,
Speaker 3: and I think it's just a shame that still today
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty six, when we know how prevalent domestic
Speaker 3: violence is, that we still question it when we're on
Speaker 3: the scene and really educate yourself. There's no perfect victim.
Speaker 3: We already know that people will protect their abuser, right,
Speaker 3: That's very common, and I think a lot of people,
Speaker 3: like in these fields dealing with that, don't understand the
Speaker 3: trauma responses. And I think it's get educated. If you're
Speaker 3: going to be helping victims, you need to be educated.
Speaker 3: It's definitely, it's not an excuse anymore. It's twenty twenty six. Sorry,
Speaker 3: I don't need to be used, but.
Speaker 2: You need to.
Speaker 3: It's enough. Yes, it's enough. Like women are dying and
Speaker 3: you know, I know it just doesn't happen to women,
Speaker 3: but come on.
Speaker 2: Yes, and totally agree. We're just about here at the
Speaker 2: Angelian them. But I'm one of the things that I
Speaker 2: want the people on the outside. Yes, listen, get informed,
Speaker 2: get informed and research trauma informed information. But then find
Speaker 2: your victims advocates in your area. If you're an EMS
Speaker 2: police officer, anybody in that realm, find your victims advocate,
Speaker 2: get their business card, and please give it to that individual.
Speaker 2: Just say, hey, this is somebody you might want to
Speaker 2: talk to. Don't judge them, don't think whatever. If you're
Speaker 2: handing it to the abuser, they're not going to call,
Speaker 2: so you don't have to worry about that. But if
Speaker 2: you're handing it to the one who needs it, they're
Speaker 2: going to hide that card and they're going to call
Speaker 2: when they need it.
Speaker 3: Yes, believe somebody the first time.
Speaker 2: Yes, So we're come to the end, and I can
Speaker 2: tell you everybody that that all of Juliana's information is
Speaker 2: going to be below the show notes and so you
Speaker 2: can find her. But how do you suggest that people
Speaker 2: get a hold of you and set up an appointment
Speaker 2: to talk one on one.
Speaker 3: They can go to my website Julianamadcoaching dot com and
Speaker 3: I have on there you can find my calendar and
Speaker 3: I do free thirty minute consults.
Speaker 2: And please do that even if you don't hire her,
Speaker 2: it is going to be life changing to understand a
Speaker 2: little bit about yourself, and so you really want to
Speaker 2: reach out to Juliana for that type of stuff. So,
Speaker 2: for those of you who don't know me, I am
Speaker 2: a certified high conflict divorce and co parenting coach. I
Speaker 2: also am a restorative family mediator. I use all of that,
Speaker 2: along with all the other training together to help my
Speaker 2: clients that through from abusive situations to get out. I
Speaker 2: believe that men need the same support that women do
Speaker 2: because men can be abused too. You can reach me
Speaker 2: through my email at Tina dot Huggins dot se at
Speaker 2: gmail dot com. That is t I n A dot
Speaker 2: h U g g I n s dot se at
Speaker 2: gmail dot com. I'm also on social media on Facebook
Speaker 2: at Tina Lynn Huggins, at LinkedIn at Tina Huggins, on
Speaker 2: Instagram under Divorce Coach Tina Lynn, and on TikTok under
Speaker 2: Divorce Tina and my website is Divorcecoachspecialist dot com. So
Speaker 2: I want to thank you Juliana for being with us
Speaker 2: here today and sharing all your information with us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. I hope you know this lands with people,
Speaker 3: and people just find hope from this.
Speaker 2: Yes, hope is the seed for growth and that's what
Speaker 2: we need to get out of this situation. So again,
Speaker 2: thank you, Juliana, thank you, okay, and we'll see everybody
Speaker 2: next week.
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