Speaker 1: Hi, Hello, and welcome to another brand spaking episode of
another below deck podcast. Not this podcast, this podcast, bad TV,
this podcast, bad tv? Actually, and I am noodle brained.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a little stressed out dude. Oh my gosh,
next time I see you, you're going to be a dad.
Speaker 1: I know. I can't imagine. Oh my god, why do
you say it so ominously.
Speaker 2: Well, it's it's not a bad thing. It's just a
stressful thing. Your life is going to change, not in
a good way.
Speaker 1: I'm Dylan, that's Pat, That's Ruby. What's up everybody? Hey?
What's up? Bitches?
Speaker 3: Hey Danil, Hey Pat?
Speaker 2: How are you doing? Really good?
Speaker 1: Ruby's about to be a grandma. What's it called? So listen,
we're here to break down the Valley. That's a show
on Bravo which plays host to all sorts of deep
seated kind of interpersonal ruin and trauma. And that's why
it's our favorite show. We actually really like this, I
really do like Yeah, we really love it. So it's
a fun joke.
Speaker 2: I do have to say, I don't need a two
episode arc of showcasing Danny as a as a goddamn drunk.
Speaker 1: No, he's a little drunk, but like, who gives this ship?
Speaker 2: Who gives this ship? We need to move on from
that story.
Speaker 1: But listen, we have some great sponsors today. I Am
going to be on break for a little bit. Ruby
and Pat are going to be manning this entire thing. Actually,
producer Calan is Jagg. He'll be that thing in and
helping out. That's very exciting. You'll hear a lot from him.
Speaker 2: Well he just laughs, yeah, he laughs.
Speaker 1: He's got a really good laugh. But we have to
get into the show. We got a lot of recording
to today. We've got to speed it up. So sorry,
this is a speedy one.
Speaker 2: Because Dylan's heading to the hospital after this.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe probably not quite down Okay, sorry, I'm trying
to make it so the audience doesn't get mad if
the show's abbreviated.
Speaker 2: You know, Okay, he's going to the hospital.
Speaker 1: I gotta go after this.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Mooby's putting on a sweater.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give.
Speaker 3: This what now can you give us? Actually, though, as
a family member, what are the chances is it like
a sixty forty, seventy thirty that you go tonight tomorrow?
Real quick?
Speaker 1: I'd say fifty to fifty tonight or tomorrow. Whoa Okay, hm,
that's what happens with this stuff. Okay, it's not Michael,
and it's babies.
Speaker 2: Called the Baby's Call, and well it's the hospital to
where the doctor, the obgyn whenever, because you know, they
have to schedule all their quote unquote clients to bring
the babies into the world, so they'll shut they'll push
you off. If they got a game of golf on
a Saturday, they'll be like, uh, I think she's coming
on Monday.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, do that. Yeah. Well, listen, we've got
the whole gang together on this show and in the
studio we're here to break down the Valley episode whatever
it is. I like this episode but also hated it,
and I'm going to give it two pots. Don't really
remember what happened, but I know that I hated seeing Brock.
Speaker 2: Two rotten Hills. Hell, jes Revie, you want to go next?
Speaker 3: You know, Pat, I do, because I'm basically going to
echo what my almost father brother said. Love this show.
I love how deeply not okay everyone is Alora. It
couldn't be more applicable because they couldn't be less alright,
And this episode was was not right. It was bad,
it was slow. I hope you know. The little mid
season teaser that we got was promising, I want less
let no BINGI La La, I want in sprinkles and
that's all. I'm nervous. I'm scared.
Speaker 2: Twelve bumps, twelve bumps, Ruby, Where do you stand on Sheena,
sat and Brock.
Speaker 3: I don't think the divorce will come because of houses, right,
they have too many houses?
Speaker 2: Well, I was actually I meant that. Sorry, I didn't
articulate the question good.
Speaker 1: It was pretty open ended. She really could have said
anything after that.
Speaker 2: How do you feel about them being shoved upon us
within this this television show?
Speaker 3: Hate awful? Don't do it? Please God? Sprinkles at best,
and keep referring to them as like Michelle's realtor, Michelle's friend.
Speaker 2: Okay, Rah, Michelle's reeltor, and her husband guy who doesn't
pay child sport.
Speaker 1: She is a realtor, no flip that.
Speaker 2: Sorry forgive me. I don't know she is a singer
or something, but and do anything. Let me tell you something.
It showed how rusty Sheena she has been at some point.
I believe it's La La speaking with Michelle and Sheena
is just standing there and I like, not saying anything,
not adding, not contributing, and I'm like, get out of here.
And then Brock's like he can, I have a BIA.
That was his contract.
Speaker 1: So and they just throw me one on and they
come all away. They just to us what I tell me.
Speaker 2: They are not if this, if there are problems with
this television program, they are certainly not the solution. I
don't want them on my television.
Speaker 1: I'm all right, I'm okay, okay.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 2: The other thing, they show Jack's the Bar, Jax's Bar
at the tail end of the episode, and I think
Jasmine's trying to rip paintings off the wall. I mean,
it's still a place of business, Jasmine. Uh, there was
nobody in that place. And I got.
Speaker 1: Since its inception that business has not been a place
of business. Okay, so error and omission, you're wrong.
Speaker 2: I am wrong, But I am going to make a prediction.
I don't think that bar lasts till the end of
this season. I went there on a Friday last Friday.
I was there at seven point thirty. Now, if you
drive down Ventura Boulevard at seven thirty on a Friday,
people are spilling out of every restaurant in bar on
that boulevard. If a grenade went into the bar where
my wife and I were sitting on Friday, three people
would be dead, my wife and I and that poor
bartender that's making no money because no one's in that
fucking place.
Speaker 1: And hey, three's too many.
Speaker 2: Goddamn right. Okay, I already pointed this out at the
top of my broughten hells. I don't like the story
arc of Danny being a drunk. We come on, we
can do better than that. We can do better than that. Lastly,
Jason a lovely person, but Jason, do not get cajoled
by production or I think more likely your wife janet
Ah throwing you to the wolves like that, making an
absolute fool of yourself and also very unlikable. Zero rotten
hells for Jason and this episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, rotten to Hall. But listen, let's start at Lax. Well, listen,
girlfriend or real friends. They are going to pick up
Zach from Lax. I hate going Lax. I barely even
pick up Ruby from Lax and she's my sister, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I am so glad you said that. Yeah, because the
idea of picking up a friend or dropping a friend
off at LAX is a pastime in Los Angeles. Yeah,
it's a true test for friendship. I'd argue, I don't
care if you live one mile away from LAX, that
turnaround is still an hour.
Speaker 1: I don't think I will pick Ruby up time dependent,
work dependent. I will never pick up a friend from
Lax ever.
Speaker 2: All right, so that's your I was gonna put that
out there. Okay, so I've done this for friends.
Speaker 1: I'll pick up family depending on workload and time, and
never anyone who's not blood. Okay, Ruby, go ahead.
Speaker 3: Okay. So here's the thing that I have to say.
Because I used to agree with Dylan until they moved
ride share service to hell. Now, I've only not been
picked up by my family one time in the last
eleven years, and it was six months ago, and I
said to my family, I'm never coming here ever again.
I'm never coming here again ever in my life unless
one of you can retrieve me, which is a big
ask and I get it. So now we know that.
Because if you're coming into LAX, here's what I have
to say. Pack a lunch, Yeah, who aren't picking you up?
And also make sure you have ample water and snacks
because it's going to take you three and a half
hours to get wherever you thought you were going. Period.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've picked a friend up and had to end
the friendship because the experience are so traumatizing. I want
to say this and then I'll get off the topic.
As you pointed out, it's okay to drop off or
pick up a loved one, a family member, or a
booty call. If you do not fall into those categories,
get your own fucking ride back in the day, and
this is past your time because this doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: An it wouldn't be a personal story.
Speaker 2: Kind of a personal story. Back in the day, when
I didn't have any money, I would get out of
Lax and I'd hop in a van with five other
failures in life, right, and it would just say San
Fernando Valley. That's a big place.
Speaker 1: It's it's massive.
Speaker 2: You'd crawl in with five other losers and you'd get
in that van with your suitcase, and then you would
drive to the San Fernando Valley and you would stop
at one shitty apartment after another.
Speaker 1: That van is essentially like that cart and Monty Python
with all those dead bodies on top of it. That's van.
Speaker 2: It felt that way. It felt like you were slowly dying.
It definitely reminded you yourself while you were in that van,
you weren't where you wanted to be in the life.
Speaker 1: You have got to make moves.
Speaker 2: But I want to say that van ride and I
had to do multiple ones. It did one thing for
old Patty. It said, Patty, make an ap money so
that you can either afford a car or to be
able to park at Lax.
Speaker 1: Listen. A lot of people have philosophical disagreements with the
up chargers in the Uber blacks and Uber xxx's or
whatever you need to get to pull up right to
the terminal. It's like two hundred and fifty bucks. I
don't care. I'm not going to fucking the West Bank
where they have all of the fucking ubers picking you up. Okay,
I'm not doing it, but listen, they are here to
pick up. I would say one of the most inconsequential
and annoying people I've ever seen on reality television.
Speaker 2: We've seen a lot of reality tea.
Speaker 1: I mean, this guy, it's not hatred, it is it's
a little bit like an ant infestation. For me, personally.
I don't hate ants, right, I think they're kind of cute,
but I definitely want nothing to do with them.
Speaker 2: I will kill them, exactly my sentiment. It's like, all right,
so someone like Jesse he's on your television screen. I
despise him. I hate him, right, and I want to
continue to watch him. Yeah, Zach, I have like no
feelings about Yeah, and that's the worst thing you can
be on a television.
Speaker 1: I don't have no feelings about Zach. I do think
he's a disgusting little worm and a set excuse for
a man. I mean, the fact that we get to
this rumor later on, and of course it starts with
Zach is so indicative of the kind of bitch that
he is. But he gets back in the car, he
starts talking about his fucking Benji. His hair is is
mahogany red. For some stupid reason, I like gay gay
men are supposed to.
Speaker 2: Have it together.
Speaker 1: It together. They're they're fucking you know, they're either bears
that's impressive, or they're put to fuckinggether Zach. Sach is like.
Speaker 2: He's got no style.
Speaker 1: He's like me, no style.
Speaker 2: He's got the face the size of a goddamn pumpkin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that head is so big. And when he's talking
to Benji's x's husband directly saying, I'm like, hey, bro,
have a little tact. Huh, she's christ you Witch.
Speaker 2: Well, anyway, they're boyfriends. Now I.
Speaker 3: Just have to say, well, maybe they're boyfriends. What I
have here is the Zach and Benji saga. Dash. I
will not take notes on this, dignify it any further.
I don't like this. I think this is really annoying,
and I don't feel indifferent towards Zach. I think that
it's actually again, it makes me mad, And what it's
going to make me do is fast forward like it's
a ninety day fiance couple that I don't care about,
right right right.
Speaker 1: I think that's a good protocol moving forward. By the way,
my wife and Ruby were texting this morning about the
big reveal of the Survivor fiftieth cast. We're covering that
a patroon. We're going to do that at page I
might know a few people, but not if Mike White
is coming back to Survivor. Okay, yeah, I mean it's
going to be great. We're going to do that. I
mean it's not going to happen.
Speaker 2: The creator of White Lotus.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean he and School of Rock. I mean
he was an infamous and famous cast member of Survivor. Yeah, yeah,
he was so fantastic on the show. Anyways, that'll be
coming in twenty twenty what seven, six.
Speaker 3: Two, one more season and then that one, so probably six.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we go back to the White Party and
get another little wrinkle. We're rehashing this. Danny's a little drunk,
all right.
Speaker 2: So Jasmine won't let this Danny dark side thing. She
won't let it go. He's a goddamn pig. And even
though he's apologized fourteen times, yeah, that is not good
enough for her.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: I sent my co host Ruby and Dylan a clip
from a season of The Batchelor.
Speaker 1: Didn't have any sound.
Speaker 2: I saw that after. I don't know why that.
Speaker 3: Didn't do that, didn't need it.
Speaker 2: Later in the episode, Jasmine will tell poor Danny that
what he did was so offensive and it made her
feel a certain way, and she's never done that to
a person.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately for her, we do actually have.
Speaker 1: Footage on television.
Speaker 2: Yeah, doing that to Nick Vile, now.
Speaker 1: Not only doing it to Nick Vild, doing it to
Nick vile because she was blackout drunk.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: Danny should apologize for this. And I understand that Jasmine
is hypocrite well unpacking the severity of it with a
different lens that she didn't see it initially through, which
was just gross ew And now it's a little bit
deeper because of the dynamic of her relationship. We talked
about it last week. She's right about that. We just
don't care. No, we just don't care. But there is
a new wrinkle from Danny that he was on antibiotics.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so they're supposed to be boozing on that.
Speaker 1: Oh, I guess we're still on this this that year
we talked about it. This, this fucking this airport outfit
is hideous. It's it's hideous. These these capris, these non
committal capris.
Speaker 5: And these having a bit of a moment where maybe
maybe we're all wrong and he actually does have a
bit of some type of fashion sense that we don't
get because we're straight losers.
Speaker 3: Genuinely, I'm not joking. How people say, like, you guys
dress like what gay guys dressed like three years ago.
Maybe that's what's happening, right.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe that's a twilight zone that I hope we're
not in.
Speaker 2: But who I think he looks like a douchebag.
Speaker 1: All right, So Michelle and have a bit of a
playd eight and Hea says, hey, remember when we said
we wouldn't talk about each other? Is behind each other's backs?
When I left? What did everybody say behind my back?
And Michelle's pretty much like Jazz. We just started crying again.
And my god, that little girl looks so much like Jesse.
Speaker 2: Now. Then they discuss what a narcissist Jesse is, no shit,
and even Isabelle, his own daughter, wants a new daddy.
That's kind of hurt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and new daddy lives in a house who also
has the bees that live there. Ill I told that
we were out of drinks the other night, and Patty
got a little samanthas he had his white wine going,
and I just, you know, it was it felt so
good to tell Pat. Pat has been killing me lately.
Pat has been so funny on these shows. I mean
I could. I was like when when Pat said last week,
I wonder I wonder if bees live there? Talking about
crazy ice House.
Speaker 2: I mean, my god, I'm at the top of my gates.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. All right, let's get some smash Burgers.
The amount of b roll that we get for heavy
Handed on Venture Boulevard reminded me of a Triple D segment.
Speaker 2: I'd argue the promotion of the business heavy Handed was heavyhead.
Speaker 1: It was heavy handed. Let me tell you something about this,
how the burgers are made, how the sauce is sauced.
Speaker 2: I mean, like, I've heard this place has a great burger.
Oh really, Jason? Okay, then then I think it sucks,
which it does suck. It has this stuff called the
secret sauce does, which has been created for dumb people
to be happy. It is so gross.
Speaker 1: It's it's deef not gross. But i'll tell you what.
My palette is fatigued up in Los Angeles smash Burgers. Okay,
done with them, you know. And also what a racket.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm so happy you get to cut an actual
burger into thirds, right and then sell that shit for
eleven dollars? Yeah yeah, oh no, this is new.
Speaker 3: No, no, it's not your dumb Also, you have to
have a salad on a menu, especially in Los Angeles.
I don't care what you are, it could be shitty.
You have to have one. It could be a house
salad from the grocery store, a house you can't. You
have to do well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the trick about the smash burg it's an ingenious racket.
You take two ounces of beef, you smash it down.
But but you you're you're paying for the bun.
Speaker 2: Okay, and thats sauce and that saw. So this is
my daughter's favorite What is that.
Speaker 1: Sounds like an as an airplane.
Speaker 2: This is my daughter's favorite place. She loves heavy handed.
Speaker 1: She's a four exactly.
Speaker 3: She wants the fries from Chateau but they're heavy handed,
all right.
Speaker 1: So we sit down with Jason, who very casually brings
up the time where he was just trying to have
a good times Daniel was and Jason has gone from
not that big of a deal to this is actually
a very very big deal, and Jason implies that there
is something bigger going on. This was very sassy, this
was very zesty, and it was very fucking weird from Jason.
Speaker 2: Okay, now I pointed this out at the top of
my rotten hells. Yeah, he was forced to do this
by his wife.
Speaker 1: Don't agreed, don't commit So much to it, though, because
it's really pathetic, like, don't say because I told you
to go do this that you have to do it
because it's the lawyer in you, because then we're we're
going to throw up in our mouths.
Speaker 2: When he confronts Danny, do you remember this party, he said,
Jasmine was traumatized when she saw him take a swig
bottle near her in her vicinity. She was troubled by it. Yeah, okay,
that's a new one. I mean, we go to bars
all the time, right her freaking out, Oh my god,
that person just take a sip of that. Oh my god,
I gotta go home.
Speaker 3: And he's like, okay, don't look, don't look at the
car closure eyes. Okay, it's okay. I did. I think
one of the best parts about that whole scene was
Danny like vehemently being like, I had a shot in
a white klwan. I was gonna nap anyways, you guys,
what in the mother is going on here? I wasn't drunk,
and I was like, oh, oh my.
Speaker 4: God, yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 1: We we get a little Jake in Vienna moment here,
stop interrupting me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we did that. And then Jason reminds dark
Side Danny that Jasmine might need fourteen more apologies until
she can get past this. I want to say this. Sorry,
it just triggered a thought. Elliott's birthday this past March,
we had inside the house if you needed to use
the restroom or one of your crumb crunchers needed to
change to their diaper. The door was opened to our
living room and on the screen was the Mario cart
Mario Brothers movie or whatever. And I was standing in
there in my own kitchen, and I was looking over
a living room and a mother walked in and she said, oh,
don't look at the screen. And she covers her five
year old daughter's eyes like what was on the screen
was like, I don't know, Nazi pop propaganda. Yeah, And
she really made a big deal out of something being
on the screen. I gotta tell you, I said, I
told my wife. I tracked it out and pointed at
her when I go, who is that woman? She said, so,
and so I said, I don't ever have her at
our house again.
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, I'm gonna piss some parents off.
I'm just gonna have no fucking fear. I'm I'm I
just you know, people have been driving me insane lately.
Yesterday I was in an office. I walked into the kitchen.
Smelled like absolute fucking death. Somebody at MicroID salmon, okay, salmon.
So we're all standing around right trying to find the culpra,
and this guy walks in. He pulls the salmon out
of my mind, crave, I go, just microwave salmon. And
I don't know him very well, so you know this
is he goes, yeah, I goes's fucking disgusting. He gets
like legitimately upset at me. And and when when I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna set it better, like whoa that's gonna be?
Speaker 3: No, no, no, you shouldn't set it any other.
Speaker 4: Way than that.
Speaker 1: No, no, no. It is a war crime to microwave
salmon in an office building. And I know that this
has happened to you many times.
Speaker 2: A coworker named Diane did that multiple times, had North
American insurance. And you know what I did to get revenge?
Speaker 1: You banged her daughter, that's right, right. So today I
was picking up a bass in at one of my
wife's addictions is Facebook marketplace, and I had to go.
I was standing outside of this woman's house. This fucking
neighborhood Snoop comes over starts asking me what's going on?
I go, who the fuck are you? What is going on?
I cannot do it with.
Speaker 2: Like Dylan, You're under a lot of stress right now.
I think a lot of things are probably triggering you,
in annoying you that won't after you get some sleep
and your baby girl is here.
Speaker 1: If someone came into my house and shielded their child
from the Mario movie, Universal's the Mario movie. I would
be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And
I would say it in a joking way, but it
would probably get misconstrued. Anyways, I'm going on a diatribe,
and I apologize for that. Let's get to a very
very special day for Jacks. Oh yeah, he hasn't seen
his little boy in a long time. And these tears
are the tears of someone who wishes more than anything
that he could just do a little cocaine. Yeah, he
is so sad that he hasn't done any coke. I
mean the heartbreak that is running through this man right now.
Speaker 2: He's talking the talk, but I don't think he's gonna
walk the walk.
Speaker 1: He miss his cocaine so much, have.
Speaker 3: So Okay, I don't. Did you did either of you
watch the after show?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: God, no, okay. So so this man is slowly but
surely climbing in the ranks as someone who I mean.
Brittany says like, I mean, I hope he I wish
he was actually in real jail. Same me too, because
he's he's such a horrifically selfish, narcissistic, untreatable liability. I
don't know what you do with when you have a
kid with someone like that, because you can't just like
divorce it.
Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing, though, like this is and and
this is like I don't want to be a dick,
but but hey, mem have your walls up a little
bit more. Jack's was always like this. You could see
these markers from a mile away. And he literally says,
when we do the montage of their beautiful, meaningless relationship
that's ended in complete ruin, he says, I want to
be with you for a very long time. There's no
death to us part here. It's like, I think pretty.
Speaker 2: Long now, dyl if Jax could get help, I think
there's a way that he could be helped.
Speaker 1: Jay's episode is brought to you by Rula Jack's really
could use some RULA, because listen, Rula genuinely is there
to help you on your mental health journey. They're not
a thirty thousand dollars a month up front, no refund
thing where you get your phone.
Speaker 2: And you get to go out and shop condos. Wow,
what a rehab.
Speaker 1: No, Rula is as little as fifteen dollars a session.
And with RULA you can find the right therapist for you.
RULA partners with a network of over fifteen thousand therapists
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and state requirements. I mean, listen to this. What did
I say earlier? Patty is killing me lately. He's so funny,
he's so light. Why because of Rula.
Speaker 2: Dylan, I signed out paid fifteen bucks. My therapist said,
what are you here for a depression or something? I said, No,
I want to be funnier and I think the proof
is in the pudding. Okay, it was worth all of
that money.
Speaker 1: True and care. RULA is committed to supporting you and
staying with you every step of the way, and your
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When you check out, they'll ask you where you heard
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Thank you Rula for sponsoring the show.
Speaker 2: Now, Jacks, I have a prediction. I think it will
be two years after he's been kicked out of reality
TV or the works dried up, you know, And I
think that can happen. I think he ends up with
some jail time.
Speaker 1: I think I got one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: I think that a little.
Speaker 1: A little dewey, a little hit and run.
Speaker 2: He will be long out of our world and we'll
just see a TMZ story one day and we'll go,
who is that fat guy that's all great here? It
will be Jack's and it will be a mug shot. Yeah,
and he'll be pleading guilty and he'll be getting a
couple of years in the clink.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and look out, because people get real stab happy.
I mean I heard Tory Lanez got stabbed for fourteen
times the other day, Is that right? Yeah, he was
in there for shooting Megan thee Stallion. I don't know.
It's just nuts. I mean, I don't know why I can't.
Everybody can't get along. Let's get to Sherry and Britney.
Quite a bizarre beehive cut on Sherry. She's been hanging
out at the house so Britney can have fun with
her friends, and we get to this new look in
the Talking Heads with Brittany. Britney's outfit choices are a
little bit like sex outfit choices, though not as bad.
I'm just always unbelievably confused by the choices. Yeah, I
mean a lot of tit, and it's there's a lot
of tit there, you know.
Speaker 2: You know, if you got it, m.
Speaker 3: Maybe don't. Yeah, yeah, I sure. She's having a tough time,
so I don't want to. I don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Her, neither want to talk about kind of looks like
a like a I don't want to. Yeah, that's okay.
Something black liquoric. Alright, that's going on there.
Speaker 2: I have said this the entire time of Jack's supposed
stint at rehab. I don't know what rehab. He's allowed
to escape or leave on his own reconnaissance. Yeah, to
head back to his own house and mess with cameras. Yeah,
then negotiate a deal to live next to Tom Sandoval.
Speaker 1: Of course. Yeah. Sports, I'm sorry, across the street from
the hot Dog.
Speaker 2: He's making a lot of hay while the rehab sun
is shining.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, totally. I mean he's given time to go
spend time with his son and do a little cocaine,
take the playing cards off of the security system, the
closed circuit security system that he has installed. And after
the playing cards have been removed, he has his phone
so he can send Jigsaw killer texts about knowing that
she's wearing red things. It is crazy, wild, absolutely wild. Now,
I just want to say this. I don't want people
to get upset with me, but I don't like Kingsley.
I think he's stupid.
Speaker 3: Hey, hey, can I say something that people might get
upset with me for? I'm not coming for anyone's parenting.
If you could avoid talking this type of shit in
front of your child who speaks English and like is
at an age where he understands like he's not a
day oldbe not or like get Zuli and go to
the park.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you know he's nonverbal right now, but
his ears still work, you know.
Speaker 3: So he understands exactly.
Speaker 1: All right, Let's get to the lawless brewing company.
Speaker 2: Brand new bar and no ho.
Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no no, nothing is fine. And and
that's about as good as it gets in no.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's what I am agreeing with. Two breweries
in the San Fernando Valley. And it translates to kid friendly.
It translates to yes it does, big tic tac toe.
It translates to a cornhole ess and big chess and
lots of kids running, lots of kids running around. Now
when I'm a father, when I'm a father now conditioning
very muggy, I might like a place like this right now,
get me away.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you something didn't Because Studio City and
No Hoo are right next to each other. They have
found out. Business owners and entrepreneurs have realized, ah, we
got a little business model here.
Speaker 1: Kids.
Speaker 2: The parents are drunkies. They used to come to these
certain watering holes to try and find other people to
have sex with. They did, and now they have a
kid and they still want to frequent the watering holes. Yes,
let's make them kid friendly. It's a new business model.
It was not in existence ten years ago. It does exist.
Speaker 1: It works flawlessly. And you know, we went to LT
the other night, and I am fine with LT. When
the sun goes down.
Speaker 2: That's right, all the crumb crunchers go home and go to.
Speaker 1: Bed, and so do the dogs. But anyways, Danny is
going through too much for what he did. Now, I'm
talking about Santa Barbara. And listen, Like we said, Danny's
a little drunk. But like the him getting the water,
the him drinking the water, the adversary saying nice to
see you drinking water. I'm like, listen, I get these
a little tequila gremlin, but this is like a lot
like who who.
Speaker 3: Did he punch you in the fucking face? Because Kristen
Dody does worse things sober on a Monday than this
guy did. Like if he literally I this was bad. Yes,
acknowledge that. Also, by the way, Jasmin, we also acknowledge
you were black down, fucking trying to choke nkfile and
fuck him on TV. Yeah, he was asking you not
to everyone behaves badly. We should apolodras and suffer for ursons. Danny,
stop drinking water. Stop crying. This is weird.
Speaker 2: I just watched a dock on Brett FARV. I'm like, ooh,
let's get the dirt on this guy.
Speaker 1: Dirt on him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah yeah. So the accusations are he was
cheating on his wife. Oh yeah, when flared, Yeah, that's
a new one. NFL quarterback cheating on their wife. Wow.
He sent a dick pic to a sideline reporter who
he should burn in hell for that. Not saying it's right,
I'm just saying the.
Speaker 1: Big Brett Farr things, the siphoning state funds for a
private school's.
Speaker 2: Volleyball and that was four years ago, when, as they
point out at the end of the dock and right
up until now, no charges have been filed against him
for that.
Speaker 1: Well they should be. That's a gross thing to do.
Brett Farr is a gross guy.
Speaker 2: I agree with you. I'm just saying there's some typical
male behavior there, and I'm not justifying it. I'm just
saying I'm just.
Speaker 1: Saying Yeah, it's the ritual killing. I mean, listen, men
have had it so hard.
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry you guys.
Speaker 1: All right, So I think he gets it now and
this doesn't you know. Dress says, this happens to us
on the daily, you know, And I was like a
little tequila gremlin slapshow on the ass that says, get
daddy a drink. That does not happen to you on
the daily. Nor does what you're implying. But I get
what they're saying. We covered it last episode. They are
in the right. Let's move Hold on.
Speaker 2: Hold on? By that, you mean, did we point out
that they did a different version edited of this show
in Europe? And Janet says that Nia is an alan On.
Did we talk about that.
Speaker 1: No, we didn't. Thank you so much for bringing that up,
and thank you to the patrons for letting us know.
Speaker 2: That he's had a troubled past with alcohol. When you're
an alan On, that's kind of a big deal. That
means you're living with a full blown boozer.
Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't necessarily mean that. I mean, my therapist
is recommended that I go to alan On, not because
any one in my family is like a super drunk.
You know there's alcoholism in our family. But I yeah,
it's ruby, but I just get really triggered by people
who can't handle substances. So it's not necessarily for people
that are in it's usually for that. The main thing
is evil evil bird woman. Shouldn't be saying that people
are in anonymous support groups, right.
Speaker 3: She's an evil bird She's an evil bird woman. So chirp, chirp,
cheap cheap one two. I believe the cop out that
I think that Nia being like I was a homeless
person when I was younger and it was really sad.
Your fucking husbands are drunk. It's crazy. I believe perhaps
Danny being a little tequila gremlin is probably very triggering
because maybe there was some drinking or alcoholism in that part.
So she's trying to deal with it that way, and
that's why she brought that up. Total speculation either way.
Cheap cheap, No bird woman, No bird woman, no, no.
Speaker 1: Bird You can't you can't say, hey, you know I
heard he's in a Yeah, this is not okay to do. Okay,
let's get to the Los Angeles loves Waffles. They go
out to eat a lot on this show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where they talk.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they talk at restaurants. Jesse comes to the Valley
and he gets a chicken breast all the carte in
regular fries, which is the order of a serial killer.
We get to Danny and or Patty. It's serial killer
or Patty. I'm saying that order.
Speaker 2: Okay, So they discuss Danny being thrown under the bus. Now,
Kristen Dodie, I have not figured out what her relationship
is with Danny and why she feels the need to
protect him, but she does.
Speaker 1: It's not about that, It's about how much she hates Jennet.
Speaker 2: About how much she hates Jennit okay, because yeah, she
wants to score some points. So she creates this baseless,
baseless claim that Jason, of all people, goes out and
doesn't wear his wedding ring.
Speaker 1: I want to break down the wedding ring stuff, but
first I want to let people know that. But if
you're having a party, if you're hosting people, if you're
having a dinner party, a big one, there's one company
that can really really help. That's First Leaf.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I love First Leaf.
Speaker 1: You know what I got my shipm in. Okay, this
stuff is delicious. Okay, ceass been having a little bit
of it responsibly. Yeah, but listen, I was, I was
in a wine rud. I was like, I'm done with
the natural stuff. I don't want to go to lose
anymore and spend a bunch of money. First Leaf has
really really opened my palate and my eyes up to
the world of wine. They curate wines based on our taste,
and they deliver them right to our door. We're discovering fresh,
bright flavors that we wouldn't have otherwise.
Speaker 2: I had a wine from Norway. That's the fun part
is I actually put in my preferences I want wines
not from America. And then I drank the whole bottle
last night, and then I had a dream that that
wine was the ocean and I was a fish swimming
in it. Yeah, and I was just getting to, you know,
absorb the alcol because I'm a fish swimming it, right,
and I'm just having great time. And I had this
long talk with a sea turtle. It was awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So go to try first Leaf dot com, slash
Bad TV. Okay, that's where you're gonna go and listen.
One of the best parts about First Leaf and having
a membership with them is how flexible a delivery schedule is.
Whenever you need it, it'll get there. Okay, you want
Old World, you want New World, you want Norway, you
want sleepy time, fish in the water, dreamy Time. Uh,
they got it all. I mean, no guarantees that that's
gonna happen. No, no, no, But join first Leaf today and
enjoy the fresh vibes of spring with wines that you
will love. Okay, go to try first Leaf dot com
slash bad tv to sign up. All right, They're an
amazing company. Go do it. Support the show. If you
love a little wine, if you love a little us,
go to try first Leaf dot com slash bad tv.
Speaker 2: Now let's get to the Shark Week party.
Speaker 1: I don't know what really quickly though, Can we talk
about wedding rings? Oh? Yeah, yeah, I have not taken
my wedding ring off for a single thing since it's
been on my finger.
Speaker 2: You sleep with it? Yeah, Mine's rubber and I take
it off all the time.
Speaker 1: Do you really? Yeah? I think it differs.
Speaker 3: But does it though? Should it? I?
Speaker 1: Honestly, I think I think people take their wedding rings.
Speaker 2: Hold on, Moby here's my thing. I don't have any
like weird like ticks about most things on the planet Earth.
I can't wear jewelry, Dylan, You've known me for ten years.
People have given me watches.
Speaker 1: I can't even worry.
Speaker 2: I can't have things around my appendages. It just weirds
me out. And I told that to my wife like
in the you know, when we started dating. I don't
like it.
Speaker 1: Honestly, it sounds fishy, right, It sounds like God is
in the ocean again, just like it.
Speaker 3: Just you need to you need to grow up and
get it. Yeah, or I don't care be a disgusting,
fucking gross person. Sorry, if anyone listening has this tattooed
on your fucking finger, or or here's the thing, Jesse
being like here, then then I'll just forget to wear
my rings when I go to the grocery.
Speaker 2: Oh, now you sound like my wife.
Speaker 3: Well, but what's the difference, because is it not a
symbol that this is like a golden doodle to someone
who is like not wearing a wedding ring because you're
just a boyfriend or you're just.
Speaker 1: To be fair, you know, the wedding ring kind of
attracts people that's right.
Speaker 2: I don't wear because I don't want women falling all
over me. Ruby. Ruby. I offered my wife to put
a white trash tattoo ring on my finger, okay, and
she said, don't do that. I can't be married to
a guy that has that.
Speaker 1: Well, listen, and Suri's right about that. I have lost
a wedding ring.
Speaker 2: That hurts. It hurts, especially if it was the one
the og for the wedding day.
Speaker 1: It was the wedding day. I was moving bales of
hay to feed horses, and all of a sudden, boom,
it's gone. When I was up the ranch and so
as wegy and now it's literally a needle in a haystack.
I mean, I can't fine. We spent literally probably twenty
one minutes looking for it, you know, couldn't find a
damn thing. But listen, keep your wedding rings on, everybody.
We got to get to the shark party. The charcuterie
board was.
Speaker 2: Can we was it shark couterie?
Speaker 1: That'd be funny, that would be funny. I don't know
if it was or not.
Speaker 3: It wasn't, but it should have been.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it probably should have been.
Speaker 2: No one's thinking.
Speaker 1: On this show, Zach gets abs all the time. Fast forward.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was shocked to see he actually did have
some signs of abs, despite his face looking like he
swallowed an entire fucking jar of mustard. What Yeah, No, No.
Speaker 3: Pat is right. He has the face of someone who
takes off their shirt and you like, it's just.
Speaker 1: Not his body.
Speaker 3: He's way more trim than I would imagine. And I'm
sorry to say that, I don't know if that's really horrible.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess all the truth, including La La, Sheena,
and Brock, and we'll get to them in a minute.
But first Jason and Danny have a chat. Jason sits
him down and is on the verge of tears almost
from the onset or outset or starting line.
Speaker 2: Yes, regrets about making a complete full of himself.
Speaker 1: Well not just regrets. He he's losing sleep, he's lost
weight late, he cannot eat, and is in a really
bad place. He is almost crying. But they do smooth
it over and move on. Now Laala has a conversation
with Jesse, and Lala has a really really easy position
defend to defend, you know, it would be like I
would say in America, that like, it would be like, uh,
saying that Nazis are bad, but I get you would
have some real pushback in America nowadays.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now, so we got to come up with a different example.
Maybe the Cleveland Browns are a bad football team. It's
probably easier than the nos.
Speaker 3: Oh, I have a good one. I have a good one.
It's like saying like that that show he O Tawani
is cute. I can't disagree.
Speaker 1: He is the cutest boy, my gosh. So anyway, she
has a very easy position to defend, that being you
shouldn't call you the mother of your children, a cheating,
lying horror.
Speaker 2: You douche bat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he agrees. He says, you know what, that
was a moment of weakness, and she is a cheater
and is a liar, but she's not a whore.
Speaker 3: That was justin I need to clarify what he actually said,
because I do believe it is important. He said in
his cutaway that she's she is, but she is a
liar and she is a cheater. Takes a beat and
then says, and I shouldn't have called her a whore.
Oh that's not so so you're oh my, you and
Jack's deserve each other together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they deserve each other. Yeah, he's not a great guy.
He's not a great guy.
Speaker 2: Jackson Jessett.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you have to say, Pat, I feel
like you're you're champing at the bit.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, no. I agree with everything both
of you have said. I think oh one thought, though.
I believe Jackson does finally return back to the show
next episode.
Speaker 1: We got a peak of the rest of the season,
so I'm not sure if it's going to be I think.
Speaker 2: His presence is needed.
Speaker 1: Uh maybe who's the guy in the blue gloves?
Speaker 2: The blue gloves? Mmm?
Speaker 1: See that big guy in the blue gloves. It was weird.
So anyways, Jesse clues Jason in on some stuff. Jason's
wondering if he is a racist Republican are you No, no, no, It's.
Speaker 2: Much worse than that dyling he's he doesn't wear his
ring to bars.
Speaker 1: Now listen, Jason recaps what this accusation is, and the
accusation is you try to cheat Jesse did well. Jason
summarizes this when he sits down with Kristin and Luke,
who is always weird and always ready to get in
the drama. He says, So you're implying that I'm attempting
to cheat, but I'm just bad at it. I don't
know that Jason is doing anything. I think that he's
scared of Janet, And as Janet mentions, she is not
anyone to fuck with. She puts air tags on him
for his safety quote unquote, and I love that she.
Janet thinks that she's a dawn. She tells Kristen that
the thing that she needs to do right now is
to apologize, say that she doesn't believe it, and then
they can move on, as though she's offering kristin the
menu of her her own Little Goosebumps book. Like Janet,
I don't know who you think you're dealing with. Kristin
Doty is a live wire. Okay, so there's no preordained
steps that she's gonna take.
Speaker 2: A seasoned veteran of rev she will destroy you. You
are not ready for her, and she'll.
Speaker 1: Destroy herself in the process. But you will also go down.
Speaker 3: Yes, but she will rise like the phoenix that she
is most likely, and you will you your ashes will
be spread too far. You will never come together again.
Speaker 1: Now, Brittany makes an announcement she met with Jacks at
the park and looks like rehab didn't take no, no,
no quite the announcement. I mean, that's like, do you.
Speaker 2: Guys remember last year when I said Jacks and Brittany
were with Cruise at Woodbridge Park and we saw them
talk for two minutes and then they both went their
separate ways. I think we actually witnessed this interaction.
Speaker 1: Did was it filmed?
Speaker 2: Oh no, you wouldn't. Oh yeah, it wasn't.
Speaker 1: It wasn't.
Speaker 2: It wasn't film. I think we saw that happen. Is
that crazy?
Speaker 3: M hm?
Speaker 1: Well, good luck to them. I mean I really I
really ship them.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, what.
Speaker 1: A beautiful relationship. Thanks for the announcement, Brittany. Now listen,
I saw an ad for this for a show called
Next Gen n I c mm hmm.
Speaker 2: These are the the offspring of some of the most
notable reality TV stars.
Speaker 1: Now, I think there's a lot of things we should
be boycotting in this country. I think that we should
be I'm not going to get into them, but I
think we should be boycotting a lot of stuff. This
is probably fourth on the list of the top ten things.
Speaker 2: I think it is a play of Bravo attempting to
attract younger viewers to the Bravo world, seeing as the
average viewer is forty nine and a half years old.
Speaker 1: I would say that unchecked, a quote unquote progression what
with the Stargate campaign and whatnot, would be like seventh
on the list compared to the evil that this show
can bring. Yep, I mean this is a gate of
hell opening. No one watched this show. So let's get
to Jackson's pretty slow night. Well it's always slow.
Speaker 2: Oh no, Saturday at ten in the morning.
Speaker 1: It's a bar with framed pictures of Jax Taylor. Who
the fuck would want to drink in there? That'd be so.
Speaker 2: I noticed on the menu when I was there last
Friday her what's her famous famous dish that she makes?
They were scratched off the menu haphazardly with a sharpie.
Speaker 1: No is it yama memo?
Speaker 3: It's so what it definitely is not is Yamo? And
it is me Ma.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's me Ma's beer cheese. And we find out
that Schwartz's been talking to jack and Jackson has a
mantra that Jacks is a work in progress, aren't we all?
But we also find out that Jacks has not paid
the mortgage on their home for four to five months. Pat, Yeah,
you've signed a faustian bargain with a bank to get
some some equity. What happens if you don't pay mortgage
for four months?
Speaker 2: Well, in California, nothing for a couple of years.
Speaker 1: That's sick, sick. Yeah. So all right, Jackson's doing fine.
He's a work in progress. And listen, aren't we all
get in the comments? Let us know what you thought
about the episode. We love you guys, support the sponsors.
Speaker 2: Support Ruby and I while Dylan is on a break.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, let us know. Do you think the Cleveland
Browns are a bat football team? Will be back next week?
I'm Dylan Renz saying you won't be Dylan Wren.
Speaker 3: What last name sign off?
Speaker 1: Whoa last name sign of? What the heck is that?
I'm Dylan Wren saying goodbye. Patrick Kickey, say goodbye later,
Ruby Wren.
Speaker 4: Bye bye.
Speaker 1: He is a
Speaker 4: Street sign your head