Speaker 1: Tonight we present the second part of the retrostatic radio
adaptation of Lewis Carroll's fantasy Alice's Adventures through the looking Glass.
As always, retrostatic radio continues to grow in our sound
and style, and we welcome all common suggestions and even
recommendations for future adaptations on our social media or wherever
you listen that allows for commenting. But on with the show.
Alice had been playing Let's pretend again. While she was
pretending that her black kitten was really the Red Queen
of her chest set, and that she really could get
into the reflected house in her looking glass, it came true,
and she found herself walking through the looking glass and
out into a garden where the flowers talked, and where
she met the Red Queen, who instructed her on how
to travel across the land, which was laid out not
unlike a giant chessboard. So Alice ran down the hill,
jumped over a little dividing brook, and found herself in
a train. No sooner had the train pulled out than
it jumped to In no time she had found herself
in the fourth square with Tweedledum and Tweedledee, and then
a monstrous crow did frightened the heroes, and Alice was
left all alone hiding under a tree. As a monstrous
bird went flying by, its wings kicking up a hurricane.
Someone's shaw drifted right past her. Alice caught it, and
while she was looking for the owner, the White Queen
came running along, her arms stretched out long and wide.
Speaker 2: Who's got my shawl? Where's my shawl? Here you are, ma'am? Why?
Thank you? May I may I help you put it on?
You are a majesty. I am addressing the White Queen,
aren't I? Well, yes, if you call it a dressing,
it isn't my notion of the thing at all. I've
been dressing myself for the last two hours. Well, if
your majesty tells me the right way to begin, I'll
dress you as best I can. Oh, but I don't
want it done at all. Every single thing is crooked
and she's all over pins. May I may I straighten
your shawl for you? I don't know what's the matter
with it. It's out of temper. I think I've pinned
it here, I've pinned it there, But there's just no
pleasing it. It can't go straight, you know, if you
pin it all on one side like that, and dear me,
what a stature hair is in? The brush has gotten
entangled in it, and I lost the comb yesterday.
Speaker 1: Alice understood that struggle and gingerly removed the brush from
the white queen's delicate hair.
Speaker 2: There now you look better already, though you really should
have a handmaid to help you. I'm sure I'll take
you with pleasure twopence a week and jam every other day. Oh,
I didn't mean you should hire me, and I'm not
fond of jam. It's very good jam, though well, I
wouldn't like any jam today at any rate. You couldn't
have it if you did want it. The rule is
jam is tomorrow, and jam yesterday, but never jam today.
Must come sometimes to jam today. No, it can't jam
every other day. Today isn't any other day. I don't
understand you. It's dreadfully confusing. That's the effect of living backwards.
It always makes one a little giddy at first. But
I think backwards. I've never heard of such a thing,
but there is one great advantage to it. One's memories
work both waysh My finger's bleeding. Oh oh, oh, what's
the matter? Did you prick? Your finger. No, I haven't
pricked my finger yet, but I shall assume. Oh oh, oh, here,
give me your finger so I can there bandished up
with my ribbon. Oh much better, much much better, better,
better better.
Speaker 1: Alice looked at the white queen in astonishment. Then she
rubbed her eyes and looked again. She was now in
a dark little shop, leaning with her elbows on the counter.
Opposite her was an old sheep in an armchair, every
so often looking up at her through a great pair
of spectacles. Come, come, you must buy something. You're holding everybody.
Speaker 2: But there's nobody else here but me.
Speaker 1: Indeed, it's so long as you're here. What do you
want to buy?
Speaker 2: Well, do you have any Eggstly, how do you sell them.
Speaker 1: Across the counter in exchange for money?
Speaker 2: But how much are they?
Speaker 1: Fivepence farthings for one? Twopence for two?
Speaker 2: Then two are cheaper than one.
Speaker 1: Certainly onlyma has keep them both.
Speaker 2: If you buy two, oh, then I'll have one. Please,
here's your money, But where's my egg? Oh?
Speaker 1: Never put things into people's hands, that would never do.
You must get it for yourself. It's on a lower
shelf at the back of the store. Go bah bah.
Speaker 2: Bah, I wonder why it wouldn't do goodness? The egg
seems to get further away the more I go towards it,
And it's so dark that, oh, this must be a
chair I'm running into. Why I declare it's got branches?
How odd to find trees growing in a shop? Actually,
here's a little brook. Well, this is the queerest shop
I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: Though, She went on wondering more and more at step,
as everything turned into a tree when she would approach it,
and she quite expected the egg to do the same thing. However,
the egg got larger and larger and more and more human.
When she had come within a few yards of it,
she saw that it had eyes, a nose, and even
a great mouth. When she'd come quite close to it,
she was sure that it was none other than Humpty
Dumpty himself.
Speaker 2: It can't be anyone else sitting there on the wall,
and there he sits exactly like an egg.
Speaker 1: It's very provoking to be called an egg.
Speaker 2: Very I only said you looked like an egg, sir,
And some eggs are very pretty.
Speaker 1: You know, some people have more sense than a baby.
State her name, address, and occupation.
Speaker 2: My name is Alice, but it is.
Speaker 1: A stupid name. Enough, what does it mean?
Speaker 2: Must a name mean something?
Speaker 1: Why? Of course it must. My name means the shape
I am, and a good and strong shape. It is
too a name like yours. Oh, you could mean any
shape almost that's glory for you.
Speaker 2: I don't know what you mean by glory.
Speaker 1: Oh of course you don't, Shall I tell you? I
mean as a nice knockdown argument for you.
Speaker 2: But glory doesn't mean a nice knockdown argument.
Speaker 1: When I use a word, it means what I choose
it to mean, nothing more or less.
Speaker 2: The question is if you can make words mean so
many different things.
Speaker 1: The question is which is to be master? That's all?
For instance, would you like to hear a song? And
which words merely work overtime? Oh? Indeed, twas brilling and
the slithing toves did gya and gimble in the wave?
All mimsy were the borer goves and the moms wrath.
Oh grabe, beware the jabbowok, my son with jaws that
bite and claws that catch. Beware the jubjub bird and
the dreaded band a snatch. He took his vorpal blade
in hand. Long time the mangsom for he sought, so
rested by the tumtum tree, and stood away in thought,
and as in offish thought, he stood. The jabberwock, with
eyes of flame, came wafting through the tudley wood, and
burbled as it came, one two, one two, and through
and through the vorpal blade went snick a snack. He
left it dead, and with its head he went galumping
back and hast thou slain the jabbawalk. Come to my arms,
my beamish boy, Oh raptures day kaloo klay. He cortled
in his joy twas brilling, and the slighty tomes did
guyan gimbal in the wave. All mimsy were the borgoves
and the mom roth. Oh grabe, my, that was well,
what do you think of that?
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but that didn't seem to make sense.
Speaker 1: Sense. Of course it made sense. It made perfect sense.
Speaker 2: I don't know the meaning of hat.
Speaker 1: The words, oh, you don't know have the meanings. Well,
that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense. Why I would agree.
There are some hard words there. For instance, brilling. Brilling
means four o'clock in the afternoon, the time you begin
broiling things for dinner.
Speaker 2: Then what does slithey mean?
Speaker 1: Well, slithy means life, and slimy life is the same
as agile. You see, it's like a portmanteau, two meanings
packed up into one word.
Speaker 2: Oh why see it now? So what are toads?
Speaker 1: Toves are something like badgers, a bit like toads, and
something akin to corkscrews.
Speaker 2: They must be very joyous looking creatures, then, oh they are.
Speaker 1: They are. Also they make their nests under sun dials.
Were also also they live solely on cheese.
Speaker 2: And what does it mean to gayer and gimbal?
Speaker 1: To gaya is to go round and round like a groscope.
To gimbal is to make holes like a gimbal.
Speaker 2: Then I suppose the wave is the glass box around
a sun dial.
Speaker 1: I suppose, of course it is. It's called a wave
because it goes around way before it, and a long
way behind it.
Speaker 2: And a long way beyond it on each side. I
get it.
Speaker 1: That's right. Well, mimsy means flimsy and miserable. There's another
portmanteau for you. And a bora gov is a thin,
shabby looking bird with its feathers sticking all around, something
like a living mop.
Speaker 2: But I don't get what mom refs means.
Speaker 1: Oh, a race is a sort of green paint. But
mom or, I'll admit, I'm not certain about that. I
think that's so for from home, meaning that they'd lose
their way of course.
Speaker 3: Okay, so outgrabe means outgrabe means something driving between bellowing
and whistling, with a kind of sneeze in the middle.
Speaker 1: However, I'm sure you'll hear it done one day and
you'll understand better and never forget it.
Speaker 2: I'm afraid I'm giving you a great deal of trouble.
Speaker 1: Indeed, they are a good day and Humpty dumpty shut
his eyes. Alice waited there a moment to see if
he would speak again, but he never opened his eyes
or took away any further notice of her. She said
goodbye a couple times, checking to see if he would reply.
Without an answer back, she walked away, but she couldn't
help talking to herself along the way of all the
unsatisfactory she repeated it to herself, feeling comfort in saying
such a long word.
Speaker 2: All the unsatisfactory people, I haven't know.
Speaker 1: She never did get to finish her sentence, for at
that moment, a knight, dressed in crimson armor, came galloping
down upon her, brandishing a great club, a horse, a horse,
You are now my prisoner. Suddenly the red knight tumbled
off of his horse. Naturally, Alice looked around for some
concern for a new enemy. This time it was a
white knight, who drew up along Alice's side and then
fumbled off his own horse. The two knights sat staring
at each other for some time without speaking. Alice looked
from one to the other in quite a bit of bewilderment.
She's my prisoner, you know, yes, But then I came
to rescue her. Well, then we both fight for her.
Speaker 3: Then, oh good idea a little bit then the shapes
of horseheads.
Speaker 1: You will observe the rules of battle, of course I
always do.
Speaker 2: I wonder what the rules of battle are. What rule
seems to be that one of the knights hits the other,
he knocks him off his horse, and if he misses,
then he has to tumble off his horse himself. And
another rule seems to be that they must hold their
clubs with both arms as if they were from a punch,
and judy show what a noise they make when they charge.
It's the sound of throwing pans into a blender. But oh,
how quiet the horses are. They allow them off and
on as if they weren't even real.
Speaker 1: Another rule of battle that Alice had not noticed seemed
to be that they always fell off right onto their head,
and that the only way it would end is when
they both fell side by side. When they got up again,
they shook hands, and then the red knight mounted his
paper horse and rode off. Uh. That was a glorious victory,
wasn't it.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't rightly know, sir, but I don't want to
be anybody's prisoner. I actually want to be a queen.
Speaker 1: Oh so you will. As soon as you cross the
next brook, I'll see you save through the woods, and
then I must go back. You know that'd be the
end of my move.
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you very much. May I help you off
with your helmet?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, please? Ah, thank you? Now one can breathe easy.
Holding the horse head helm, Alice stared at the night,
never having seen a soldier look quite like him. He
pushed back his shaggy hair with both hands and turned
his gentle face and large, mild eyes towards Alice. Yes,
He was dressed in tin armor, which seemed to fit
him very badly. I need a strange little deal box
fastened across his shoulders, upside down, with the lid hanging open.
Alice looked at it with great interest. Oh I uh,
I see you are admiring my little box. It's my
own invention to keep clothes and food in.
Speaker 2: But it's upside down, of.
Speaker 1: Course it is. It's upside down to keep the rain out.
Speaker 2: But the things can get out. Do you know the
lid's open?
Speaker 1: Oh? Oh no, I didn't know that. Then all the
stuff fell out, and now the box is useless.
Speaker 2: Then why are you being so careful hanging it on
that tree.
Speaker 1: There and hope that some bees may make a hive
in it? And I have a better use for it
than me. Then I can get the honey.
Speaker 2: But isn't that a beehive hanging from your saddle?
Speaker 1: Well, yes it is, and it's a very good beehive,
one of the kind. But not a single bee has
come inside. And next to that, I have a mouse trap.
I was supposing that the mice was keeping the bees
out or the bees were keeping the mice out, but
I don't know which.
Speaker 2: Yes, I was wondering about the mouse trap. But I
don't suppose your horse would have many mice on it.
Speaker 1: Oh no, not very likely perhaps, But if they do come,
then I don't want them running around on everything. So
now you see there's a why to be provided for everything.
That's the reason the horse has all those anchors around
its feet too. What are those for, Well, they're there
to protect his ankles from the bites of sharks. Each
an invention of my own design. But this isn't getting
you to that brook. It took a bit of time
to get the Night into his saddle, for he was
quite awkward, and because the saddle was already loaded with
bunches of things like carrots, hair irons and other things.
But they did manage to accomplish it, and soon enough
they were off. Whenever the horse stopped, which was quite often,
he would fall over the front, and whenever it would continue,
as it often did, he fell off behind. Otherwise he
kept on pretty well, minus a small habit of falling
off sideways, as he did this generally on the side
that Alice was walking. She had developed a plan of
not walking so close to the horse, and as Alice
helped the white knight up for the fifth time, she
finally ventured to say.
Speaker 2: I'm afraid you've not had much practice in riding.
Speaker 1: Well, what makes you think that, because people.
Speaker 2: Don't fall off quite so often when they've had enough practice.
Speaker 1: I've had plenty of practice, plenty. Indeed, the great secret
of riding is to hear. The sentence ended as suddenly
as it had begun, as the knight fell heavily onto
the top of his head, directly in the path that
Alice had been walking. She was quite frightened this time,
and said, in an anxious tone as she picked.
Speaker 2: Him up, Oh, I hope no bones are broken, No,
none to speak of.
Speaker 1: The great art of riding, as I was saying, is
to keep your balance properly like this, you know. Having
remounted the horse, he now let go of the bridle
and stretched out both his arms to show Alice what
he meant. This time, however, he fell flat on his back,
right under the horse's feet. Plenty of practice, plenty of practice,
plenty of practice.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's too ridiculous. You ought to have a wooden
horse n wheels.
Speaker 1: Does that type of horse go more smoothly?
Speaker 2: More smoothly than a live horse.
Speaker 1: Oh, well, then I shall get one one or two.
I'm a great hand at inventing things, you know. I
dare say you noticed that the last time you picked
me up, I was looking rather thoughtful.
Speaker 2: You were looking rather great.
Speaker 1: Well, just then I was inventing a new way of
getting over a gate. Would you like to hear it? Oh?
Very much so well. I thought to myself that the
only difficulty is with the feet. Now the head is
high enough already, So now the first thing I do
is I put my head on top of the gate,
and then the head's high enough. Then naturally I stand
on my head, and then the feet are high enough,
and then voila, I'm over.
Speaker 2: Yes, I suppose you would be over by then. But
don't you think it would be rather hard?
Speaker 1: Oh? I don't know. I haven't tried it yet, so
I can't be too sure. Uh, you ought to get
moving along? Anyways, I should leave.
Speaker 2: Oh you needn't rush off.
Speaker 1: Oh but I must. You don't have too long to
go down the hill and one hop over the brook
and you'll be a queen. But you stay there and
see me off first, Okay, I shan't be long. You
wait and wave your handkerchief when I get over that
bend in the road. Oh, I think that'd be encouraging.
Speaker 2: Of course, I'll wait, and thank you very much for
coming so far.
Speaker 1: So they shook hands, and the knight rode slowly into
the forest.
Speaker 2: It shouldn't take long to see him off.
Speaker 1: So Alice stood watching the horse walking leisurely down the road,
and the night tumbling off, first on one side, then
the other, then the front, and finally the back. After
that fourth tumble, he reached the turn, and she waved
her handkerchief to him, waving until he was out of sight.
Then she turned and began sprinting down the hill.
Speaker 2: I hope it encouraged him. And now the last brook,
and to be a queen, Oh, how grand it sounds.
Speaker 1: Alice ran the rest of the way down the hill,
seeing the little brook and leaping grandly over, and found
herself standing in front of a great arched doorway on
which the words Queen Alice were carved. On the other
side of the door, she heard voices singing. In her hand,
she held a scepter, and on her blonde hair a
golden crown. She was, indeed at last the queen, although
a slightly puzzled one, for at either side of the
great door was a bell. One was marked visitor's bell,
and the other was marked servant bell.
Speaker 2: Hmm, Now which bell should I ring? I'm neither a
visitor nor abservant. There ought to be one more for
the queen. You know. Oh, that's good, someone's opening the door.
Speaker 1: You admitted that the week after next, Oh the impertinence,
And Alice knocked and rang in vain, for it seemed
hours before a very old frog, who was sitting under
a tree, got up and hobbled over to her.
Speaker 2: What is it now? Just where is the servant whose
job it is to answer this door?
Speaker 1: Which door?
Speaker 2: This door? Of course?
Speaker 1: What's it been asking for?
Speaker 2: I don't know what you mean?
Speaker 1: I speaks English, doesn't I? Or are you deaf? What
did it ask you? What?
Speaker 2: Nothing? I've been knocking on it?
Speaker 1: Oh, shouldn't do that.
Speaker 2: Shouldn't do that at all? Wex is it?
Speaker 1: You know? Let it alone, and it'll let you alone,
you know. Just as the frog began to hobble away
and Alice stared in disbelief and confusion about what had
just occurred, the door flew open on its own accord,
and Alice looked in at the banquet hall just as
another song began. Yet as soon as Alice crossed the doorway,
the cheering stopped, and all the guests, the birds, the beasts,
and flowers watched Alice in silence as Alice took her
place between the Red Queen and the White Queen at
the head of the table.
Speaker 2: It's nice of you to host the party for me,
your red majesty. I should never have known who were
the right people to invite. You missed the soup and
a fish.
Speaker 1: Put on the joint, my leg joint, Your majesty, you look.
Speaker 2: A little shy. Let me introduce you to this leg
of mutton, Alice. Mutton mutton, Alice, and the leg of
mutton got up in the dish and give a slightly
meaty bow to Alice.
Speaker 1: And Alice returned the bow, unsure if it was the
right thing to do or not.
Speaker 2: May I uh give you a slice now, your majesty,
certainly not. It isn't etiquette to cut anyone you're introduced to.
Remove the joint and bring on the pudding. I won't
be introduced to the pudding, please, or we should get
no dinner at all. May I serve you so putting Alice,
Alice pudding, Remove the pudding, waiter, bring back the pudding,
the pudding, your majesty. Now, then, your majesty, here is
your slice of pudding for you.
Speaker 1: What impertinence?
Speaker 2: I wonder how you would like it if I.
Speaker 1: Were to cut a slice down you, you.
Speaker 2: Creature, make a remark, it's ridiculous to leave all the
conversation to the pudding. Oh what shall I say? Absolutely nothing.
We shall drink to your health instead, Queen Ellis's health.
You ought to return thanks in a neat speech or
else you are toward very well. I rise to return.
Speaker 1: Thanks, And she really did rise. As she spoke, she
felt herself grow seven inches and only just managed to
should herself on to the edge of the table.
Speaker 2: Tank, care of yourself for something about to happen.
Speaker 1: And something did happen many things. The candles grew until
they became great fireworks. The bottles took flight, sprouting wings,
and with forks for legs, began to dance around the hall.
The leg of mutton had usurped the White Queen's chair,
while Alice just glimpsed the good natured grinning at her
just for a moment over the table. Before the white
Queen disappeared into the soup, several of the guests began
to lay in the dishes and the soup. Tureen was
walking up the table towards Alice, beckoning her impatiently to
get out of the way.
Speaker 2: Oh, I can't stand it any.
Speaker 1: Longer, Alice cried out as she jumped up, seizing the
tablecloth with both hands, and with one good pull, the dishes, plates, guests,
and candles came crashing into a heap on the floor.
Alice then turned to look at the Red Queen, who
she felt must have been the cause of all of this,
But her majesty had dwindled down to the size of
a doll. I was now on the table, merrily running
round and round in circles, chasing after her own shawl,
which was trailing behind her, not unlike a cat's chasing
its tail.
Speaker 2: As for you, I'll shake you into a kitten, I will.
Speaker 1: She took the Red Queen off the table and shook
her back and forth with all her might. The Red
Queen made no resistance whatsoever, only her face started to
shrink smaller, while her eyes grew larger and greener and
still as Alice kept shaking her she kept growing shorter
and fatter and softer and rounder, and and it really
was a kitten after all.
Speaker 2: Oh your red majesty, you purse so loud, and you've
been along with me, kitty all throughout the Looking Glass World?
Did you know that I became a queen?
Speaker 1: And that is all for tonight's show. We hope you
enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed making it. I
don't actually think we've done something as large as both
Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glasses, both two parters,
but we do have some movie adaptations if you want
to hear It's a Wonderful Life, the Maltese Falcon or
War of the Worlds. But next week we turn things
back to normal with the trailer for our show that's
in two weeks, an adaptation of the cultish horror classic
Nightfall that will actually probably have cultish as are not
an ad shout out, but who knows. And I personally
want to give another wonderful credit to the great Megan
Claude Nikki as our voice actress for the Queens, and
of course Alice herself and with Zach Cassidy and AJ
Carey's additional voices, So please check us out on our
social media's and our kofee, which doesn't have a table
read for this, but it does have all the other
previous episodes. But with all of that said, I'm Arthur Carey,
good night and God
Speaker 2: Bless and you're watching Retrostatic Radio.