Speaker 1: Did we already get to the point where Mike and
Eddie are have a little pow wow over which coworker
they'd like to bang. Uh no, oh, okay, because that
is a custom. It's like the Holy Communion at church,
but way more important.
Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of not though, right, Well you're saying it's
a sea rat sacrament. Well, yeah, like it's like eating Jesus. Right, okay,
got it. Hi, Hello, and welcome to another brandsmaking episode
of bad TV. I'm Dylan. That's pat permission to come aboard.
Kitleen is grant, Kaitlyn is granted. Hello, Hello, a new
season is upon us. Very Excitedalen, do we sound excited?
So excited? I think we're pretty excited. We kicked this
this season off with you know, it was an interesting
I've bet my tongue. It was an interesting one to recap.
It wasn't a bad bite, but it was one of
those you know, it'll stop the sentence straight in its track.
Speaker 1: Oh, the bite was bad, but the episode was good.
Speaker 2: Now, the bite wasn't bad. The episode was good though.
But there's a little bit of a slight challenge wherein
we've seen this before. This is a bit like memento. Okay,
we've been through this journey before. We've seen the water thrown,
We've seen the glasses thrown and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: So are you're referring to the Salt Lake City Crossover. Yes,
they blow right through that. I'm glad that was episode one.
I don't need to see that again.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: I thought you were referring to sea rats work on
these boats.
Speaker 2: Oh, well for sure that. I mean that's ground Day.
Is it groundhog Day or Groundhog's Day? Does it belong
to the groundhog or is it just called groundhog Day?
If you have him looking that up right now? Well,
I was actually asking you how should I know? Because
you're a child of that that time, groundhog Day? Groundhog Day?
What if somebody just kicked it when it when it
popped its heat out, you know, completely ruined the ceremony.
It never come out again. You got that guy in
the monocle. Yeah, I wouldn't come out either. I'd be like,
I don't trust you guys. I'm not going to tell
you how long winter is. And quite frankly, why do
you need me. You have all these satellites, you have
all these these people call technology people. Yeah, I mean
what are we doing. We have to get into this episode,
but if you want to hear us recap any of
the Salt Lakes City happenings and the goings on there,
go to patron dot com slash. More importantly, Traders. Well,
hang on a second, we covered the whole Salt Lake
City season at Patreon dot com slash another podcast network,
so if you want to listen to that, go there.
And yes, more importantly, Traders is at Patreon as well.
We did the first half of the season on this
feed and the second half is uh is back in
the comfort of you know, our own home, right, we
can say what we want, we can mean what we mean,
and we can really let our fucking freak flag fly.
So go over there, donate a little or a little
bit more pat thoughts pots on this episode.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna start off with the negative first, and
there's very few negative thoughts, mostly positive.
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, we are not going to start with one
positive and then go into the start off with the negative. Okay, Okay.
We are not down under, not down under. No, We're
in like a tropical.
Speaker 1: Narn We're in the middle of somewhere. Yeah, come, I
don't even it has a zip code. I think you
can kill people there and get away for sure. Okay,
but I love how Captain Hotpants gets away with this.
Speaker 2: He says.
Speaker 1: You know, down on Deck is a state of mind.
Speaker 2: Nice try? Uh, well, he says, it's it's where I am. Right,
Then ditch the fucking name. Okay. Uh.
Speaker 1: I want Australian porn stars in Australia. Okay, if I
want fake Floridian millionaires, I'll watch below Deck.
Speaker 2: Og Can we go back for a second. You want
Australian porn stars.
Speaker 1: I want Australian entertainers. Because we're not in Australia. How
are we going to get Australian guests? I watch below
Deck to get Australian guests. We're not gonna get a
bunch of Australian guests. Down and debt.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, all right.
Speaker 1: I always say, Kalen, are you hung up on the
porn star thing? Because in past seasons we always have
a group of Australian porn stars.
Speaker 2: Oh so fine, I thought you were talking about if
you were imbibing in the pornographic guards. No, no, no,
you found out that they were filming in a different location,
but they were using an auzzie. You'd be like, absolutely not.
Speaker 1: Okay, but with that, now you've prompted me to bring
this up, and it is tasteless. I always say that
Australia is America's slutty little sister. Right now, some people
that is that, by no means is an insult, that
is in fact a compliment. Right, Australians, And I've got
to know them pretty well when I worked at that
tour company that I owned. Their summer is our winter,
so I spent Christmases with these assis. They are so
much fun. The dudes are way cooler. They're all sluts
in a state of mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the men and the women, all the all the
Australians are sluts in a state of mind.
Speaker 1: And they're not going to be on these vacations on
this season and I'm pissed. Yeah that's my one negative note. Yeah, okay,
I love this episode. This is gonna be a great season.
I wish the galleys on the other boats were this
big because the dynamic of the sous chef and a
cook is just an added drama that we'd never experienced before.
And by the way, Alicia, We're gonna We're gonna talk
about you quite a bit this episode. Uh Somewhere somewhere,
Chef Serena is sitting with her feet up on a
couch with a glass of wide watch of this episode
and just fucking enjoy.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you something. Alicia's young, and her mother
sounds our mother sounds unsupportive. But if I'm a young
I'm a young woman, you know, and I have a
choice between culinary school and a ski trip. Are you
kidding me? I'm hitting the slopes. But what you'll learn
is that those decisions will cause almost insurmountable bouts of anxiety.
So you know, lesson learned. That's a good thing about life.
Speaker 1: All Right, this is gonna I swear to God, this
is gonna be the longest not.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we're not gonna even recap the show. Okay.
Speaker 1: Now, Ben is a huge pain in the ass, And
we'll get into that one thing that he did touch
on towards the end of this episode, because it occurred
to him later in the episode.
Speaker 2: The word passion. Passion, Yeah, has quite a lot of rain.
Speaker 1: Of course, So when a youngling comes into your galley
and says, you know, what, I have a lot of
passion for cooking. He thought that meant that, well, that
might involve having a skill set for cooking.
Speaker 2: Now I think with Alicia and we'll obviously we'll get
into it, but like I remember at the back half
of last season, she was growing incompetence. I think it's
just muzzy, you know, the mean mom and the ski trip.
There's just a bout of self doubt right now. And
then you've got the bands from this fuck face who like, hey, buddy,
Like it's hard to know that someone's going through something
like this, but also like, come on you you just
spent fifty grand on a wedding, right you can you
could be a little softer, right.
Speaker 1: He walked out on his own the runaway broad.
Speaker 2: Oh did he walk out on it? Yeah, that's what
he said. He was bragging about that.
Speaker 1: Well, I was gonna throw in a crowbar a dumb
joke in here till yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well passion
it has a lot of range, and you and I
always choked you got to look out for these words
with wide range. We love the word our compound word
free spirit has a huge definition range there. Yeah, it
could on a dating profile for a girl could mean
she likes to travel a lot, or it could mean
into gang bangs.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, watch out there, kids. Thank you for crow
barring that into the show.
Speaker 1: All Right, love the episode. It's going to be amazing season.
I've been tipped off. I'm going to give it forty
eight knots.
Speaker 2: Forty eight knots is a very low score. So I
thought it was a really fun episode. It was good
to meet everybody. I'm kind of sad that that we
lost one so early. I am sure she was cute.
She looked like my ex Andrea. That's you were going
to say that. I was going to say that. Yeah,
I was going to say that, God Andrea. Huh m hm. Okay,
So what did I think of the episode? The things
that I just said, And I'll give it the same
score of forty eight pots. So you know we're gonna
be recapping Traders in a minute. The episode really kicks
off with the pomp and circumstance of Peacocks the Traders.
Wow a little round table?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, would you mind if I kind of
kick this off?
Speaker 2: Hey, I would love nothing more. Let me set the table. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Captain Jason a very serious Tony, he reflects on the
last season and lets us know that can never happen again. Yeah, yeah, okay,
because he had an environment filled with toxicity ding it
had unwelcome advances, verbal abews. Oh and don't forget that
sexual assault. Yeah, and this year, the first step forward
to combat that is to.
Speaker 2: Hire Daisy and and Joao and Ben. Yeah. Yeah. Basically,
you know what this is is a bit of a
Pandora's box that we've opened with this. It's a it's
a fool's errand a wild goose chase. Telling sea rats
to not be toxic is a little bit like trying
to reason with a goat that keeps ramming you in
the thigh. There's just it's not going to take a Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, especially since you were a participant in how your
version of this show tanked and moved from air. Not
only was your boat involved in all of these same activities,
but you were having sex with the main perpetrator of
all of them.
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait, I'm speaking.
Speaker 1: Of Daisy having sex with Gary. I believe he's still
under investigation.
Speaker 2: Well, okay, listen.
Speaker 1: By the way, poor Captain Glenn, why did he get
his show taken away?
Speaker 2: You jerks, you jerks. Honestly, that show was so was
such a phenomenal iteration, and then they started thinking that
they were more than sea rats. They started thinking that
they were in this young and the restless at sea
kind of thing. And the triangle of Daisy, Colin and
Gary it just torpedoed the shell. It sucked the air.
And you're right. The ultimate victim, you know, ironically, one
that had claimed so many victims before they'd picked up
cameras was the Murder of Horrors Captain Glenn, you know.
And and it's just sad, It.
Speaker 1: Really is sad now sad. Now I'm gonna give Daisy
because I think she is a good person at heart
another chance here. But I'm watching the trailer and she's
up to old tricks again. Okay, you weren't going to
torpedo this version there, dear, you are not.
Speaker 2: Okay, you just bust out a tom like okay. Oh,
and lastly, that some other drama.
Speaker 1: He's hired the most egotistical, self aggrandizing douchebag in the kitchen.
Speaker 2: Yeah he.
Speaker 1: At one point, Dylan we recapped his first season on
this show. He called one of his co workers a
trailer trash prostitute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to be fair to him, sounds like us to
be He's right on the money, yeah, but.
Speaker 1: It's rude nonetheless, Yes. And then jua as you point
it out, has his own baggage.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean probably more than anybody. And it's
important to remember that while we are saying that Jason's
kind of Sascifian task that he's set out on. While
it's impossible, there are marginal improvements that can be made
because last season, if you'll remember, we had a South
African that's sexually assaulted somebody and a Greek that broke
his hand on the cabinets. So that's like, that's a two.
We can get to a four. I'm looking forward to it.
So Ben Juaan days you are going to be brought
in because they're the most seasoned pros of the franchise.
As we've kind of beat the horse dead, though it's
important to remember that regardless of legacy, regardless of experience,
everyone's here still a sea rat and they're going to
do sea rat shit. Now we get back to this
fish tank. I mean, I'm excited to hear your thoughts
on the fish tank. Returning to the show.
Speaker 1: Well he I guess he named all the fish in
the tank after his crew.
Speaker 2: Oh good one and and oh, by.
Speaker 1: The way, in the world of fish, I can tell
you that you never named the fish because they will die.
Speaker 2: Well, my thing was that, What a tormentative and sick,
jigsaw like thing to do to these creatures that are
already struggling with one lifespan and two memory. So they've
been named these other people, they're just trying to get
a grip on where they are in this universe. Maybe
they're starting to get there, and he changes their name.
Speaker 1: Well, Dilly also missing the main story. Look out, Peter,
that is way too small for that many fish.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay. So in the Caribbean we are. We
are not in Australia. It is comals and it doesn't exist.
You know, this show is taking place in the Twilight.
Speaker 1: Can I talk about Ben because we get some background
on him. I haven't seen this idiot for a while.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: Ben gives us some background on how he ended up
back on this show, which I'm sure he loves.
Speaker 2: It's very vague. At first, He's like, yeah, I needed
I needed a change.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well, he says and I quote because the
stars aligned, and I guess that means his revenue aligned
with bankruptcy.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1: All so he begged Andy for his job back the.
Speaker 2: Ben, We're so open to having you on the show. Ben,
for the record, we'd love to have you. We would
love to have you on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, although we've asked fourteen times and you've never responded.
Speaker 2: Oh really, Oh yeah, Oh well see, you know what,
I'm so glad that you're in charge of the DM
because you know, I mean.
Speaker 1: Whatever, Yeah, no, I look, no, I believe you keep.
Speaker 2: Putting yourself out there to sea ruts. It's very unbecoming.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, it was in the early days of
us getting started, and I thought those interviews would really
grow the audience.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: No, but Ben, I'm not kidding. I know that your
catery business probably shipped the bed. I talked to my mom.
She's an avid Fox News viewer. She says that Calmedie
over there and New York is really running out of the.
Speaker 2: Business out of there. Oh really, that's what she said. Yeah,
So anyway, I feel for you. Then, yeah, your mom's
probably got a nuanced opinion on the matter of those
what's going on. That's what she's fucking communists running all
the fucking business out of there. He's got he's got
pedophiles teaching children. He's from the He's from the fucking
Congo or something. That's what she said. Okay, So, yes,
Ben's not doing well in his personal life, and you know,
I'm happy for anybody that kind of takes the life
ring their throat.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you know, especially having to take a few
steps backward.
Speaker 2: All the power to you. You know, Daisy is ready
for a clean slate. She had a tough time on Parsival,
as we mentioned, but she's got a bob now. She
has a bob now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, new haircut and a little shade to her former boat.
Oh yeah, who wants to work on a small boat
where knife racks fly off the shelf and bludget you?
Speaker 2: It was fine to you? Got fired? Well, okay, so
the rest of the Seerirats arrived. Mike is that, Hey, Caylen,
are we being a little too hard? I think we
should cool? My am I high. I think we're at.
I think we're a little hot right now. We might,
I know, yeah, I think we're at. Okay, I'm gonna
be nicer. I'm gonna be nicer. I okay, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let's talk about Mike the deck guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, he arrives for us. Obviously his hair
is a distraction. I'm gonna get to know him before
I make up childish names for his ridiculous hair. Maybe
I'll just call him ridiculous hair.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's go with that to begin with, because he
wasn't that nicer. Yeah, Legoad, you should have seen what
I wanted to say. Legohead wouldn't work because there's an
odd kind of like there's a volume to it. It's
not like completely like plaster. It's it's one of the
most confusing hairstyles I've ever mad. It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like a mothball was like flowing down the street
like and starting to like pick up other like hair
that was on the like road, and then it just
glued to his head as his hair.
Speaker 2: If we can go back to fish and kind of
do like an finding Nemo kind of thing, like his
hair reminds me of like the turtles and the jet stream.
So there's a bunch of like odd hairdoos, right, and
they're all floating and then you know ones just like
so you guys. Later I found one and then it
just lands on his head, you know, doesn't it like
you know what? And then we boycott hair. You know
what I am? I think too high because hey, hey,
that didn't make amen. I mean, wow, I just love
those turtles so much. I wanted to try to reach
to compare them to something, you know what I mean? Okay,
so Jason. But the big thing about Mike and and
he's lovely, He's got a great attitude to start, he's
gonna be split pea. Yeah, and I think right away
Daisy is up to her old tricks. Now I'm a
little wary of Daisy. I'm not the biggest fan of
how she manages.
Speaker 1: And oh you don't you know you remember that time
she was smoking a cigarette talking to her sister for
ten minutes on the phone while one of the charter
guests had broken his nose and was bleeding out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, she got to him eventually, but well, I mean,
you know, ten minutes. I gotta make a difference. It's
a broken nose. Let me have my sig. SIGs are
important to see rats, they'll go nuts without them. Uh, no, no,
they are, and we've talked about it before. Sea rats
and Malaysian children are some of the only people that
are keeping the tobacco industry of float right now, because
everybody's going to Chinese vapes and or Swedish snow. But
it's Malaysian children and sea rats. But I heard gen
Z is starting to smoke again. Evidently it's cool. Wow. Yeah,
they're boofing camel lights. Okay, fuck fuck all right, let
me no, no, no, I got, I got, I got. One
of the things that I could never really stand about
Daisy was this interior placed above everything kind of attitude,
and you know, it was always like, why are you
guys not doing anything? Why are you're not helping us?
You know, regardless of what the deck team was going through.
And she it's soft and this may be paranoid, you know, defensiveness,
but she's like, so how are we going to handle
the uh, the split between Mike and to me, I'm like,
you know, Daisy's gonna want him fucking all the fucking time.
She's just gonna try to monopolize him. I feel like
I've seen it before. But anyways, it will happen. It
will happen. Juau.
Speaker 1: He tells us why he's here, and it's something about
learning a lot from Jason and wanting to learn. I'll
be Jule's truth detector. Okay, there's cameras here. What do
you mean, well, that's why he's here. Oh oh yeah,
that's oh God, got the truth.
Speaker 2: You're that fat guy with the mustache and all the
Vanity Fair YouTube videos.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she's telling the truth.
Speaker 2: Does he have that weird voice? I don't know. I
think he sounds pretty normal and not like he has
a stoma. Sorry, it's okay. Let's meet the other kids.
We've got Jenna, We've got Joe. It turns out that
the escape that Ben needed was because of a fifty
thousand dollars wedding that didn't happen. But he's inspired, so
he's also super fucking horny. These women walk on the
boat and him and Joe are like six year olds. Again,
you know, it's like, well, aren't you guys like forty three?
So let's get to Jenna, who's sad, sounds like she's
from Mars. Is this Jenna? This is Jenna? Okay, Jenna
has expensive tastes, but she also scrubs toilets, and she
says that being around wealthy people will kind of rub
off on you through osmosis. And while there's some truth
to you should surround yourself with impressive people. I think
you're more likely to be taken out with a serial
a gun with a serial number that's been scrubbed off.
If you're around people that are chartering like really expensive yacht,
they're not going to pull the ladder up with you.
They're Russian oil magnates and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I will say this, she could end up getting a
job at an oligarch's house, sure, and then maybe having
an affair.
Speaker 2: I know that's the thing though you always want. And
if I could, just if I could give one piece
of advice. If an old ark offers you a position
inside the oppera, you have to say no, things get
very messy. You could fall in love and die. You
could find something out and die. You know, look at
Obama's chef. I mean these are extremely dangerous positions.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean the guy feared water and next thing
you know, he's like god.
Speaker 2: With surfboarding. Yeah, he's not on a ways, he's got
a boogie board underneath him, but he's freaking dead and like, yeah,
it's just crazy stuff. So anyways, just don't all right?
Next up? But two the Virgin I and we love
the Obama So of course if I would have voted
for him three times if I could, Yeah, I mean
it's crazy. And if you hate them, we do too.
We I don't know about hate, but I can't stand
what he did to the economy. Oh my god, Oh
my god, the economy. How about those drone strikes? Jesus,
it's crazy, I get it. Wow. But two, what an
interesting name?
Speaker 1: Also a world at Disneyland.
Speaker 2: Oh it's not but two. Oh no, that's not her
name because she's not from Star Wars. Let's move on
to our dear Alicia. Ah, yes, the Sue is back. Yes,
the young woman who is going to get the shit
beat out of her by Ben. Jason says, keep the
sassy banter going and everything will be fine. And I
think what Jason didn't realize is actually that is the
thing that is going to Uh. I just plunge the
galley into oblivion because Ben is Listen, even if you
had a tough spine and love to talk shit, the
way he talks shit is just so cutting and fucking mean.
But to be fair to him, Alicia's still at Oprey
right now. Okay, she's got to, you know, dust the
cob webs out a little bit, because you know, if
I looked at those cucumbers, I would have asked the
same question, did you cut those with a hammer? Okay?
Speaker 1: I feel like he's dealing her with a kid gloves.
I worked in a kitchen and they were crueler to
me and I was like, fourteen.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, well, real kitchen's violence occurs. Exactly.
Speaker 1: Well, I want to say this, and you pointed this
out after last season. She had all the ambition in
the world and had planned on going to culinary school,
but you know, ski trip and that was, uh, you know,
that's when she just said fuck it. And it's like
she got designed in a c rat lab.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I mean, listen, who wants to work on
sauces for three weeks when you can freaking hit the
slopes and have crazy sex and have hot chocolate for
a while. You know, like that sounds so much better, exactly, Gota.
I've been skiing in so long. I really miss it,
don't you. No, I hate skiing. It's cold, When was
the last time you went to do snow sports like
a like a ski, maybe a snowboard. I was pressured
into it thirty years ago. Thirty years ago. Yeah, you
wouldn't go. What if the trip was completely paid for?
Nice lodging, nice lodging, ski pass is paid for. That's
like seven hundred and fifty dollars.
Speaker 1: I'll go for my kids now, But I just for
me on a personal level, I hate it.
Speaker 2: Would you? Would you? Actually? Why does someone want to
be cold? Why? Because it feels good? Now? What would
you actually ski? Though? No? So you would just sit
in the cabin and just drink hot chocolate. You'll just
drink hot choco.
Speaker 1: I don't understand why humans want to be cold. We
can migrate to warm places, right, go by the way,
go visit places where people are cold.
Speaker 2: They're miserable. No that's not true. It is No, it's
not go I'll tell you why. Pat. The Scandinavian countries
are the happiest countries on planet Earth. Oh no, no
they're not.
Speaker 1: They have the highest suicide side rates on the planet.
Speaker 2: That's because they have euthanasia programs. But they're the happiest.
People go to fucking Russia. Have you ever seen as
absolutely not. They've been under the thumb of crony communism
for I mean such a long time. You know. In fact,
I think that the life expectancy of men is a
decade younger than the rest of the developed world because
of vodka ca pain. I'll tell you, well, why do
they is the chicken under the egg?
Speaker 1: I'm telling you above the equator, misery, misery below the equator.
Everyone's shaking their asses hot bodies.
Speaker 2: Well, well, I mean there are also people like you know,
getting their hands chopped off in Favela's.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's no perfect place. My god, there's no utopia. Okay,
it's just warm and cold.
Speaker 2: I can't believe you wouldn't ski. I mean it's one
of the coolest things. It's like one of the we'll
get back to the show, but I just really want
to quickly want to say, I mean, think about human ingenuity. Right,
you see a mountain, you go, you know, it'd be
fucking fun fly down that thing. Well, you can't fly
down it, so you got to put things in. It's
like so fun. You're like you're wing down a mountain
on skis. It's like the coolest thing, and you're not
cold because you have all the jackets and stuff. We'll
go Okay, all right, let's get to the pre friendship. Man.
Heather Gay, Lisa Barlow, Meredith Marks, and Mary Crosby are
coming aboard this vessel, women of luxury and class. Daisy's
not gonna lie. She's a bit anxious about this now.
The thing that made me the most anxious was the
aqua banana. Okay, if I was a deckhand, I wouldn't
mind the ropes. I wouldn't mind the chains. Okay, the
chain's scare me because I'm worried about my finger getting
ripped off, but I'd get over it. Okay, all that
cool stuff, that's that's cool stuff. The second you tell
me that I have to unbox and inflate and put
together this fucking night mirarish uh Pergola in the water,
I'm out. I'm not doing that. That's my least favorite thing.
It looks cool, it does look cool, but I mean
it's not worth a headache to put it together. I mean,
these poor fucking deckhands. So we get to Joe. She
is Canadian and she likes warm stuff too. Lit'tle see
red history with her. We did.
Speaker 1: I feel like they the producers once again, once I
have a good season where I'm having some fun.
Speaker 2: Off mikes, later.
Speaker 1: I understand now why I got a little shit from
a particular castmember last season.
Speaker 2: Ya Sideways Sea rat History? Oh really Yeah, we'll get
to that later.
Speaker 1: Anyway, producers, producers, they realize I'm having a good season
with Sea rat History, and they just pull it away
from me, like yeah, like Charlie Brown with Lucy Well Football.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a very, it's a very. It's a long
dance you do with the production of really any reality
TV show that we cover. So what happens is, well,
they'll film a season a year before we recap it.
Then we'll recap the entire season. They implement the changes
you will not see for another year, right, you know,
But you do have this weird kind of dance with
one another. I actually think it's quite beautiful. It is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, I can't. I can't just always be going
at one hundred miles an hour.
Speaker 2: I guess no one can.
Speaker 1: Anyway, Joe said she'd been I guess had some small
petty crimes or something. So we're just scratching the surface here.
I hope she comes back.
Speaker 2: Well, think think about the people that really did go
one hundred percent. You know, they're not with us any longer.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, those are the people flying in those those
squirrels suits. Yes, yes, it's weird because if you're hanging
out with that dude, like you're one of his buddies,
and then you go see you like the Avatar movie. Huh,
He's like, wow, I was really good, and I'm like, yeah,
it's too bad.
Speaker 2: You're not going to see the next one, right, And
his name is like Jensen something sweetish ryeah. And so
those people they go one hundred percent and what happens
is they die. Bonnie and Clyde one hundred percent. They
got shot to smitherings, you know, John Dillinger, Thelma and Louise,
who else a bunch rock climbers. Yeah, Alex Hanald. By
the way, did you see that thing? What what the
scaling of the building on the Netflix?
Speaker 1: Uh, that's where you were supposed to watch it live
because you could actually see a human being.
Speaker 2: Die in front of your eyes. Yeah, yea, yeah, wow
what great TV. Yeah yeah, we're there, man, And you
know it's it's cool. I mean, he's really talented man.
So yeah, sea rat history as she made fake IDs.
The adr is already really really, really bad. We have
this whole moment where Daisy is fully eighty yard giving
the second stew to Jenna. Not a totally important moment
in the show, but usually we see it. This is
just complete sausage factory stuff. Did you enjoy?
Speaker 1: When the crew is prepping the boat and Mike gets
to know Jenna, they're making the bed with each other
and he's like, yeah, what kind of guy are you into?
And she's like, not a filthy, fucking se rat, ridiculous hair.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well it's so crazy. I'm not sure what's going
on in uh in England with the young men because
Mike is a handsome guy, right, but he's he's he
looks like a he looks like a bit of a
fuck doll. There's there's the I went through a wind tunnel.
Well they're doing like people are doing botox and like
lip filler and stuff like that, and I'm just like
what what? I just didn't I I don't get it.
I'm too old, I don't I don't think this SNL
is that good, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what happens you start thinking SNL sucks that
you've hit the I.
Speaker 2: Have a kink in my neck. I'm excited about getting
a ppo. Okay, I'm old. Huh. I cannot tell you
how excited i am to make these appointments. I'm so
excited it's crazy. I'm gonna go to a physical therapist
because I keep kinking my neck. I'm gonna go. I'm
gonna get a physical. I don't have a physical in
a while. I'm probably gonna get my shitter looked at
because what Chadwick Boseman had to go through. You know,
younger and younger men are dying of colon cancer every day.
So I'm gonna I'm gonna get therapy. I mean, I'm
gonna do everything.
Speaker 1: I was on a phone call with my money manager
today and we're talking about my positions.
Speaker 2: I'm looking at all these wave lines. Yeah, I'm old. Yeah,
I gotta say it's kind of great. Okay. So Asha
and Ben are getting on, No, Alicia and Ben are
getting on, and she says, what if I'm not good enough?
And he says, you're passionate about cooking. It's fine. We
get to Eddie with the mustache. He was a late bloomer,
and it turns out a bouquet of rugby dick helped
him get over or overcome his body image issues. And
I say, however you get over these things, just get
over and feel proud to go for it.
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm sorry, I've lost my thought process
for a second there. Did we already get to the
point where Mike and Eddie are have a little powwow
over which coworker they'd like to bang?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: No, oh okay, because that is a custom. It's like
the Holy Communion at church, but way more important.
Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of not though, right, Well you're saying it's
a sea rat sacrament. Well yeah, like it's like eating Jesus. Right, okay,
got it? Next morning. Next morning, Jenna's starting off with
quite a bossy tom.
Speaker 1: Oh wait a minute, Sorry, we do get some sea
rat history from Eddie that I can mind.
Speaker 2: That's what I said. He've got a bouquet of rugby
dicks and it made him feel better about his own dick.
Oh sorry, yeah, where'd you go? Well?
Speaker 1: I had a couple notes here because I was like,
where's the story? Dad drank too much? I was born
with three toes and my body was weird looking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, none of that just well that would have
been a story. Yeah, but you know, I mean all
men have gone through that, you know. I mean, I
certainly did. You get in the locker room and you
have these thirteen year olds that have these seven inch penises,
and you're just like, what kind of fucking monster island
am I walking into? Right now? I have a cute,
tiny little penis and I feel horrible about it. You know. Yeah,
it's tough. It's tough. It's really tough. It's tough. So
next morning, Jenna's BOSSI, but the ladies are on their
way and we get to Alisha trying to cook eggs
of for tata in a stainless steel pan. One of
my biggest pet peeves in life generally is not only
the stainless steel pan, which I loathe immensely, but the
collective culinary cultural gas lighting around this kind of cookery. Okay,
there are some of the worst things you could possibly
have in a kitchen. People swear by them. The reason
this took place, that she burnt the bottom of the
fritata is because stainless steel fucking sucks, and in order
to not have the eggs just stick and fucking you
have to rip them off, and the whole thing's ruined
is to turn the pan up to the sun's temperature
in order so that things don't stick. If you cook me,
it just gets you know, you know what? I hate
having to use bar keeper's helper to clean pots and pans.
You don't want to do that, right, you want nonstick.
I'd rather die of cancer when I'm older then use
stainless steel for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: So, Dylan, are you saying that this may have not
been Alicia's fault.
Speaker 2: It's her fault for not knowing that that dish could
not be executed in that kind of path.
Speaker 1: Second question, yep, And I like Alicia a buster her
balls a little bit here. Does she make it through
the season?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: I don't see a world where that takes place either.
I'm sorry to say that.
Speaker 2: And we should also say Ben didn't do that much better.
He put it in a non stick that was way
too deep, and then it ripped the bottom out, and
he tried to play it off like nothing bad happened,
and then flipped the fritada, you know, bottom down so
you can't see the goring that took place beneath Yeah,
by the way, can I cutch you a meanwhile here
of course.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, Captain Hotpants takes a phone call from Heather Gay,
which is one of those classy ladies from Salt Lake
City that where we're talking about. Yeah, yeah, and she says, hey,
we're on a way and I hope you don't mind.
I lied to TMZ and told him that you sat
on my face and we messed around.
Speaker 2: A little bit. Yeah, okay, yeah, not even I sat
on your face. You sat on my face. He's a
giant guy. So just backtracking a little bit. After the
Fretata is massacred by Alicia, she begins to get prettyctary
eyed and she's losing confidence and then she touches a
plate and it's too hot and she starts to cry
and she leaves the galley and this is mom, this
is ski you know, this is not the plate. This
reminds me of that time I was going to make
out with this girl named Tanna and I put my
hand on the little HVAC thing in the backyard. It
wasn't hot, but said I burnt my hand. I had
to go. I was just too scared to kiss a lady. Wow,
I was way too scared. The plates weren't that hot.
This is mom, this is ski Wow. Yeah I know
because Ben touched him. He's like, they're not that bad. Okay,
So Jason, the ladies get there, and as we get
a call that they're on their way, Joe gets a
call Grandpa's dead or he's dying. He's one step closer
to knowing. He's one step closer to me.
Speaker 1: Unless he did something really bad in his life that
we don't know about, which is possible, then he's not
going to heaven.
Speaker 2: He's going to hell. Yeah. Oh for sure. If you
do like really bad shit, you'll go to hell. That's right.
And everybody knows that, like Kaylen, Klen's going to heaven.
Speaker 1: Can I say this, I love people that have great
relationships with you.
Speaker 2: You acknowledge that Kaylen's going to heaven. Oh yeah, he's
a nice guy. I don't think he ever did anything bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I because this has happened a couple times on
reality TV, where you see it's usually a girl by
the way, their grandparents are ill and they'll leave the
reality TV show to go be with their grandparents. I
didn't have that kind of relationship. So I'm always in
awe that I wish I have that kind of relationship
because it's like, Wow, Okay, you're a good human being,
and they must have been good human beings because.
Speaker 2: You're, you know, really love your job. Yeah.
Speaker 1: There was some idiot on the real world like ten
years ago. His mother was dying and she's about to die,
and he wouldn't leave the real world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, and then she died. We have newspapers
to deliver on camera.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so she died while he was doing a
stupid show. So so this is an opportunity for all
the Barnacles out there to leave us five stars on
Apple Reviews and in the comments let us know.
Speaker 2: Do you hate your family? I think that's a really
really good idea. Five stars? And do you love your
family or hate your family? Really good?
Speaker 1: And would you fly with your grandparents sick? Would you
fly to go see them?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, starts from camal or wherever the fuck. That's right,
that's right, all right. So cut to Lisa Barlow as
this girl is like crying dealing with her grandpa because
this is gonna be insane. So she's going home and
this was great TV, but a little fucked up on production,
Like you don't need to kill the grandpa to get
the sea rat off, like just you know, I don't know. Anyways,
they're getting dark. Jason starts off with, as we mentioned
when we covered this, the first thing you said to
them was we're gonna get you wet. Don't do that.
That's fucking gross. So we do a little tour and
we fight over beds and we find out that Whitney
sleeps naked. Thoughts on sleeping naked only after you have sex? Okay, Yeah,
I'm good with that. I always think, like in terms
of preparedness for crises, I just I don't want to
be naked, you don't. How about Vicko Mortensen when he
was in that.
Speaker 1: Film Eastern Promises, Yeah, man, you could fight better.
Speaker 2: No, you can't fight better, And you.
Speaker 1: Don't want people grab it onto your shirt.
Speaker 2: They can hold you down. What are they gonna grab
onto your wang? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, good luck with that.
A glancing blow if you're in jeans, can be a
glancing blow. You can be protected if somebody if there's
a glancing blow with let's say a butterfly knife or
a throwing star. I don't know what these criminals have,
you know, I don't want to be fully throwing star.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, do you want a nineteen eighties movie.
Speaker 2: Well, you don't know what these criminals have, and.
Speaker 1: Uh, you know he hit me in my ball throwing star,
Jesus christ Man.
Speaker 2: Some of these, some of these modern criminals could be,
you know, wising up to the fact that we have
to go back to the more traditional ways of doing things.
And maybe sure can is you know, one of those
one of those answers. But I think more along the
line of earthquake. I mean, what if people need help,
You have to run outside with your cat and your
baby and your disgusting ass and your balls are out
for all your neighbors to see. All of a sudden
the door falls, you can't get inside again, and it's
just I'm so scary.
Speaker 1: Fair enough, Yeah, I'm still in the emergency room with
the doctor trying to pull a Chinese star out of
my ball.
Speaker 2: Right right right, yeah? Yeah. So anyway, so I'm so
sorry about this episode and how it really has made
not one like I since the entire time pretty much.
All right, So we get to guest lunch he serves
them some disgusting collection of Christine as a snack. It's like,
Benny's my favorite. I'm so excited to get to Ben's
cooking because it's so uninspired, it's so underwhelmed, it's it's
it's so fucking it's like two thousand and seven, you know.
But we'll get there. So we get to lunch Ben
and Alisha. I think that if she was in a
better place, like I mentioned, the shit talking might be okay.
She's so fragile, she's so vulnerable, so his shocking or
his shit talking is just going to detonate her. But
Brittany starts to talk about her thirty day break from
Jared and Barlow. This is why Barlow is one of
the greats. She just says, he doesn't like you, he
doesn't like you, and sometimes we need someone.
Speaker 1: Is this when they decide that it's a good idea
to just douse her with water every time that I think,
So this was fun because this is when she gets
deals with water like that Witch of the Wicked West.
But she doesn't die, she just gets more annoying.
Speaker 2: You're speaking of Alphaba. Yeah, yeah, So Bromwin arrives in
that outfit. Oh yeah, Katty, Patty here.
Speaker 1: Sorry, Oh yeah, it looks like a taxi threw up
on a person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh for sure, real eyesore. Yeah, so the housewives
just start to flip out. Okay, they've got two stews
in the housewives are going unpack our bags? Did you
get can you get doctor pepper for me? Can you
clean this puke? I'm puking? And then we get to lunch,
which is chicken tenders, sliders, and curried curried lobster salad. Now,
I'm I don't spend a lot of the time in Utah,
and by that I mean I've never been, but I
would imagine that is it's a bit of a culinary desert. Okay,
Sliders are not okay. Sliders are simply not okay. Okay,
chicken tenders are simply not okay. That's okay at eleven thirty.
If we had dinner at seven, Oh.
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say the bottom of
the menu for the kids menu, it is.
Speaker 2: That's it's okay there, right. If you're at Universal Studios
and you're sitting there with your family and you're miserable
and you're seeing ice detain people in the middle of
the theme park, you can get sliders and tenders, or
if you're a bowling out someplace more fun, but not here.
It's like so nuts that you're in this tropical place
and you don't start off the season with something like,
I don't know, a savice, some kind of legeded t gray,
something light, a salad that's seasonal. Something we're putting out
fucking hockey puck burgers and chicken tenders. I think zero pots, Ben,
Thank you? All right.
Speaker 1: So Chef Adam and Chef Ben have a few things
in common. They were almost they started around the same time.
They both hate people, which I think is bad if
you're cooking for people. Ben did this on purpose. He's
capable of way more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think
he despises these people, and he knew that they would
accept this, and he did as little as possible.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's like a fuck off kind of thing. So
we get to the fight about the source of this
is more housewife stuff. We break all this stuff down
at Petro he Alicia at some point says she can
make a cheesecake. And the second she said I can
make a cheesecake, I immediately knew that that was impossible. Okay,
Now I'm not saying I'm not saying that cheesecakes are
the most difficult thing in the world. But you know,
a New York style requires a water bath. A Basque
style doesn't. But it's a delicate bake, you know. And
Alicia can't make a fortata right now. Now, forritatas are
challenging in their own right. It's a lot of egg.
You know, you gotta flip it. It's challenging. But I
was just overcome with doubt the second she said I'll
make a cheesecake. And it turns out that she did
not include one of the most important things in a cheesecake,
which is sugar. So essentially what she did was she made.
Speaker 1: Of cream cheese sour creamer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, some vaguely lactic cheese liquid with no sweetener. So
Ben is kind of flipping out here and going, I
think we've got a big problem on our hands. I
think that passion is a little too big of a word.
But we get to dinner, which is barata salad with
a piccorino tweal and some kind of tomato sauce on
the bottom. Now this is we we go back to
two thousand and seven, but it's a little bit refined. Okay,
I'm good with a brulaid barrata. I'm good with a
tweal laid the top. But you know, this is we
didn't see the rest of the dinner. We'll talk about
it in one second, but we're just going off of appetizer.
I mean, this is his sixty nine A appetizer as
you possibly, I mean, this is this is Ashley Simpson
album kind of appetizer.
Speaker 1: We are two, all right, where's Cabrera sitting there?
Speaker 2: Cabrera? This is a this is a Ryan Cabrera appetizer. Okay,
spiky hair. Wow, I think actually, since it was probably
like two thousand and three, two thousand oh no, no, no,
I followed her career two thousand and seven, did she
really wow? Wow? I loved the show. What was the show?
Speaker 1: I forget, but I watched both seasons.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was really good. I love that show. She
was moving out, yeah, you know, getting the house up
on Valley Glenn yeah, man, yeah, she lived right over
here on arch Stone. Yeah yeah, yeah. That was really awesome.
So we have a problem. We wrapped the episode with
Ben being really pissed off that he's not getting time
cues from the interior, and what the interior is trying
to communicate to this just queen of a man, is
that they can't give them accurate information right now because
the women are literally throwing glassware at one another. Okay,
so that that okay, it's it's impossible to give you
the information. We'll we'll feed them when we feed them,
and we'll see where we go with the rest of
the season. I mean, my gosh, what a way to
kick things off. You know, I think it actually was
better than forty eight pots. I'm gonna give this episode
eighty one. It was entertaining. Yeah, it was pretty entertaining.
Get in the comments, let us know what you thought
about the episode. We love you guys. Were ready for
another brand new season of this show. And until next time,
I'm dying sayingobye, Pat saying goodbye, kayl Yeah, the
Speaker 1: Rest