Speaker 1: When you are in your twenties. You have a two
year maximum with a boyfriend. Hey, I'm not telling you
what I heard. Listen, you have a two year maximum.
Please do not spend your twenties. I meet women every day.
I was with him from nineteen or twenty four. I
was with him from twenty four to twenty nine. I
was with him. No, ma'am, you gotta stick and move
in your twenties. Okay, you need to be with somebody
for two years. Qute, it's probably not your husband, and
you keep it moving. That is one of my biggest
advice to women in their twenties. Do not spend your
twenties going through this type of deep, deep betrayal. Hey, y'all,
welcome back to Dear to see You. We're jumping right
into it. We have i'm subscription reminders following your to
see a podcast on Apple and Spotify and leave us
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trying to get to ten k subscribers by the end
of the year, and I know y'all gonna give me
that for Christmas or like January one, because I've been
a good girl and I am on the nice list
this year. So we're introducing our Peanut Gallery. We have
miss CC Hi George, and I always say like she's
like my spirit animal. You know, I'm a tour so
I'm April twentieth, so I start the tours and so
that aries becuse I'm right on it. In C season
ares at Fire Little Flas, But I always like to
say how I met my Peanut Gallery guest. So if
you all didn't see last episode, Cec was also our guest,
but CC's husband. It's my college besties godbrother, and so
we used to like frolic at his apartment and stuff.
When I used to live in New York in Spanish
Harlem Child having us a good old time and I
always but Shane seemed like he was doing pretty okay.
Meanwhile Whitney and I were flapping around. I always say
I get the itch to move to New York sometimes,
but I'm always like, baby, I remember them days. We
ain't really you know, New York ain't the place to
go to bro but so we had a ball on.
We used to have a ball on twenty dollars. These
kids don't know nothing like we really was making it
having a good time.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I think everybody need a struggle point at some time.
It ain't life really everybody. Everybody need to be struggling
at some time of your time of your life. Anyways.
Our listener review. This is from Larrae ninety two. Where
are the updates? Child? I love it here the advice
is always on points to see it and friends always
know what to say. I'm so ready for the updates.
Did the ladies take the advice? I need to know, girl,
I need to know to call us back if you
have written in before. Okay, please let us know because
myself and the other listeners want to know by we
call us back and let us know. Did you did
you do what I told you to do? Okay? Because
I'm telling you what I heard, I'm telling you what
I know. Guy, did you do what I told you
to do? Okay? Our first dear to see a voicemail,
and it is how do I stay soft after so
much hurt?
Speaker 3: Dear to see you so over? My thirty five years
have gone through many toxic relationships, especially with the men
in my family. I was raised in the mountains and
many messed up things happened over there that used to
be reflected in the way I used to date man.
But over the time I've gotten more street and my
libida has changed drastically, Like I feel more in control
and I'm working with purpose. I feel great, discipline focused,
you know. But a couple of weeks ago, I went
out with my male best friend to celebrate his birthday,
and at the end of the night, a couple of
men approached us and one of them was hitting on me.
Apparently he knew them, but I didn't. He was hitting
on me and I asked to stop because I didn't
like the way he was doing it, and my friend
went like, oh, you got to be patient with this
bitch because she needs d Obviously wouldn't talk anymore. We
had a very bad argument. I feel so left alone,
and anyways, I don't think that I have gotten better.
But obviously my question is how do you keep your
softness from all these disappointments, Like I don't want to
lose my softness. I don't want to get better with
all these disappointments. You know, I want to be ready
for the right man, and I think that's one of
the things that I maybe I think I have to
work on. So yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1: First things first, I hope that friend you checked his ass. Okay, okay,
I help you check that friend, because a lot of
times people want to keep you where they met you,
and it takes a lot for friendships to grow in
parallel and evolve when you're not the person that they
met before. So I hope that you check that apple door,
and I hope that you are, you know, kind of
doing some recalibrating and repositioning of that and even just
like a hearty conversation that you are in a new
place and that you did not appreciate it, because I
feel like that was very disrespectful. Why are you telling
other men that she needs some d That's just second
and it really just a dig right, And again, look,
I don't know if this is I'm gonna start this.
I don't know if he's a gay man. But you know,
sometimes gay man they really think that they could say
and do anything. Okay, they really do, so I don't
know that's kind of given. Anyways, let me get off
of that now. The softness. She wants to know how
does she keep her softness after all of this disappointment.
Let me tell you the funniest thing is that I
think I think people would think that's what happened to me,
that I got lied to when she did on so
much that now I'm just on the internet Claq rather
like you better not. That is not what happened to me, y'all.
I'm trying to say, y'all, I actually live a very
very soft life, and the men that are in my
life and date me, they're actually very surprised that I
am a soft, sweet girl. Okay, so that's not what
happened to me. But I will say is that I
can resonate with being burned so many times that you
build the Wall of China up because you just do
not want to be hurt and you want to make
sure that you are respecting that people are respecting your boundaries.
Here's what I'll say about this. When it's actually an
inside job, you don't have to perform it. I always
say I never have told a man when I'm not
going to accept what you can't do to me, how
you can't treat me. It's an inside job. And it
just comes out, and men know not to fucking play
with me. Right, I think it's almost innate, and it's
the aura. And this is why I say, all you
sticky no holes, all you affirmation holes that really don't
believe it. You got all these little post its and
reminders around your house. I'm smart, i am beautiful, I
am worthy, and you really don't believe it. It's not
going to work because men are like tsa hound dogs.
They're like a German shepherd, right. They can smell you
through the suitcase. They know when you're vulnerable, they know
when you're naive, they know when you're insecure. So you
actually have to believe it. And when it's an inside
job and you truly have done the work, you ain't
even gotta speak on it. And actually the true growth
would have been in how you actually handled this, right,
just walk away, don't entertain, dismiss it, start talking to
somebody else, because that type of behavior is beneath you. Right.
I think that when you really have done it from
the inside out and you believe it, you don't really
you ain't gonta do a lot of barking, okay, And
so I think to me, more of this is like
really actually embody what it is. And I think that
we forget as women that softness is actually it's almost
like softness is really what you don't entertain. It's not
actually like this, oh sweet loving and I love you,
And I think that we can put those things in
a soft category. But there is like a stale, mate
silent thing that I do. And I have literally had
men tell me like I never had a like you.
You checked me so gracefully, right, And it's actually very
silent and it's very soft, but it'll hit you in
your fucking chest, okay, Like it will literally make you
feel like whoa. And I ain't even really say it
that much, right, And so I think that she has
to see that the healing can be like double healing,
where it's like you heal it, and now you have
the knowledge that you should be doing better, but now
you have to actually embody it and get off that
couch and do it work. And that's why therapy don't
work for a lot of people, because it's not just
the work on that couch. And I think that she
may be in an earlier stage in her healing where
it's she feels like she gotta work it. You get
what I'm saying. It's like my therapist told me this,
and I know now what my traumas are, and I'm
not gonna do this. And now you're trying to work
it in public when you're around people, but when it's
an inside job, Abby, it's so silent. You ain't even
gotta do too much.
Speaker 4: Girl, you are spot on, because I was gonna say
that first of all, the fact that she's conscious that
she can be kind of icy and that she wants
to say kind of soft, that's step number one. Yeah,
you are aware of what's going on with you, and
you're trying your fucking hardest to like not just completely
turn into like an Iceberg, because let me tell you,
as someone who was real icy in the heart and
like it's truly very soft and kind hearted and very
warm and lovey. You know, like I can understand like
where she's coming from. But also I think that having
the right presence around you will bring your softness out absolutely,
and you don't have to show everybody your softness. And
I don't think that that that's a that's a gift,
you know, I think that you know, unfortunately, we live
in a world that you do have to be kind
of hard and kind of rigid at times to just navigate. However,
if you know that in your heart and then like
your pure soul, it's it's still there and it's still
like you're still like muche like around the right man,
around the right energy, around the right company.
Speaker 2: They're like, girl, you still have it.
Speaker 4: Not All these men out here, including your little friend,
deserve the off all the softness, you know what I'm saying,
Like that's a present, that's a gift. Yes, yeah, And
I truly believe like once the right person comes into
your life, you just automatically.
Speaker 2: Want to breathe, to be soft.
Speaker 1: Yes, And that is so true. When I was say,
one of these men in my life, and I always say,
even when he's like, I to see it, wa ain't
doing that shit today. It's a gentle firm right, And I'll.
Speaker 2: Just be like, okay, exactly, I.
Speaker 1: Know I'm tripping right Like it's like a gentle firm right.
Even his like redirect it's out of kindness and it
immediately makes you melt.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 1: But also I think women forget you can bully these
niggas with femininity. It is so powerful. This actually just
happened to me about a month or two ago, and
I was out with my friend and she was dating
one of the guys in the group, and so she
know that whole like where your friends at. So she
brought me and a couple other girls out and we
got introduced to their friends, and I think I had
like kind of went to the bar or something, and
he just kind of had a very rue response, kind
of like I guess you didn't see me here or
something like that, very kind of mean and rude. Y'all.
I looked a man dead in his face, held out
my hand and I said, are.
Speaker 2: You okay today? And he's like, yeah, what you mean?
Speaker 1: While I'm not okay? I said, because I just met you,
I'm not sure why you would be so mean? Are
you okay?
Speaker 4: That?
Speaker 1: Nigga had nothing to say. It was the way I
literally I'm holding his hand. He don't know me from
pay on the wall. I said, are you okay to that?
Speaker 6: That's good?
Speaker 1: He's like, what you mean? Yeah, yea ya ya yah,
I'm okay what you're talking about? I said, because I
just met you, that comment wasn't really that kind. So
I'm wondering are you okay?
Speaker 2: You probably expected you to like kind of like beat
your chest, like meet him where he was at too.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And when I tell you he had nothing to
fucking say, it's just like sometimes you can bully these
niggas with femininity. I'm telling you, like, it has so
much power and for you to be just calm and
sweet when men are being like rude and you know
this kind of behavior, I'm telling you can get very
very far with this. That's my advice to this young lady.
I'm telling you, I will love people and you know too.
I was watching a marriage therapist and she has couples
in there, and one of the things that she said
is that it's abt kind of like one of the
ways to de escalate is and it's always be touching, okay,
Like when you are having a tough conversation or argument,
something be near that person, be on the arm, leg,
the leg, hand in hand, okay, always be touching because
it's hard to especially somebody you care about, to really
when I grab that man hand and I said, are
you okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so there's like an exchange of energy.
Speaker 1: Absolutely seems to be like something's wrong with you, you assholes,
what I really wanted to say, because why you don't
even know me, but a lot of men, the way
that how domineering they are really comes from an internal thing,
you know. And so even just I don't know if
he feel like, oh, maybe I thought that I was
the egg girl out the group and they quickly try
to humble you, and I humble that nigga right back. Okay,
real cute and I was real cute with it, real
cute with it. So anyways, that's my advice to you.
Make sure it's an internal job. Actually believe what you
want to project out into the universe, and also just like,
feel so much more comfortable with your feminine You don't
really gotta say much, girl, I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Anyways,
thanks for writing second voice no voicemail. Dear to see you.
He wants to parent through his girlfriend.
Speaker 6: Huh there to see you. Hey, my name is Keith
Shun and I just need a little bit of your
advice if you do not mind. On Mother's Day of
twenty twenty five, I found out that I was pregnant.
My current boyfriend at the time told me to either
a word the baby or give it up for adoption
and basically say he couldn't do it anymore and left
five months within my pregnancy. I want to say I
called to check up on him. That conversation didn't really
go as I thought would go plan I thought we
was going to be mature about it. He asked me,
was I silf pregnant? I just ended a conversation, because
what do you mean? A week later after that, his
ex wife, which is now his girlfriend they're planning on
working things out, is now doing all communication for him.
He rathers to do conversation through her than to speak
to me directly. There is a lot of unanswered questions,
There is a lot of unresolved issues at this moment
in time. I just would like to know is it
best for me to just put him on child's board
and just leave it at that, or go ahead with
co parenting through the now girlfriend, because I don't know
what I don't know what his thought process is on it.
But now he is wanting to be in the baby's
life and wanting to keep the baby three months on
and three months three months off, and wants to provide
for the baby, but it has to be through her.
If it's not through her, then basically it's no other option.
What should I do?
Speaker 1: Let me tell you this, This why sometimes I know
why God didn't give me no kids, because I bitch.
What you're not gonna do is send a messenger through
your fake ex wife girlfriend and think you're gonna coperent
with me after fucking lily not because see, I'm a lunatic. Once.
I always say, if my husband cheat on me and
he go be with somebody, bitch, we're gonna be sister
wise because it's gonna be me, you, the new wife,
a new girlfriend, all of us in this fucking house.
I'm I'm not well. This is why I think God
has not really given me children, because I got to
mature a little bit. What you're not gonna do is
send a woman to see about me and your child
because you want to be Also, what kind of woman
are you? You know that I am pray. I don't
know what she told him, but I think that this
is a her thing. This is me personally. When the
ex wife wanted to reconcile, or them reconciling, I think
that she kind of made that demand to be the one. Oh,
you got a baby on the way, and you cause
that's why he asks her, are you still pregnant? So
now she kind of got them by the balls because
he got a baby on the way while they were
trying to reconcile. So now she like, oh, if you're
gonna be doing this, I gotta be doing Nigga's not
this messy. A man is not gonna put a third
party woman in the middle of this. I just feel
like this is a woman's thing, and I really wish
that women knew at the end of the day, you
are a woman. Baby it could easily be you. It
probably was you, and it could be you going forward.
Why would you treat another pregnant woman like this that
it had the baby and now you want to come
in like the custody police, you know, Like have you
ever wonder like what a woman's standpoint is. It's like,
I would never do that because his presence, even in
the cod parents in space with arranging pickups and things
like that, is very very important. It don't sound like
they got no kids together. So maybe she just like
real salty, real salty that that girl had that baby,
and now she wants to enforce her presence. But it's
the fact that he's conceding with it. You baby, you
you will never see your child fucking with me?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean this.
Speaker 4: This is definitely tough because I don't ever want to
condone any woman having to be a single mother, because
that shit is her. Motherhood in general, whether you have
a supportive partner or not, is difficult. Yes, so being
a single mother I can only imagine how much more
difficult it's going to be. So, but it seems like
she's going to be parenting on her own regardless. It
doesn't seem like this man really wants as much as
he may say that he does now, it doesn't really.
It's not giving that he wants to be that involved
with his with this child. And if he does, having
to do it through this other woman that you don't
even know or is not even going to stay in
this man's life, that's a hard no for me. This
is that man's child, his ex wife now girlfriend are
trying to get back with him. She may not even
be around the next year or two, you know, So
like now, you you don't went through all these hoops
of trying to arrange something just so that this man
can be with his child. Y'all need to come to
an agreement together and if you cannot do it through
the courts, regardless, she needs to do it through the
courts because this man has already exposed himself and his
intentions of you know, not being the quality man that
her and her child deserve. So you need to get
some papers documented legally, you know what I'm saying, just
just to cover yourself because you don't know where his
head is gonna be at.
Speaker 1: I don't know you because you won't talk to me exactly.
You want to have things processed through this woman. I
don't even know you and your true standpoint on how
you feel about this even just down to, you know,
things that we agree on in terms of safety, in
terms of what things she the baby should eat, and
things like that. Like I don't even know nothing about
you now because you're communicating through somebody else. And she
said he wants to do three months on three months.
Speaker 2: Baby please baby.
Speaker 1: I see this, I will go to jail. See this
type of stuff. Were you trying to now give me
an ultimatum over a baby that you didn't want before
you said put up for adoption or get an abortion,
and now you trying to lay down the law about
what I'm gonna do with my child in your absence
when I've been footing this bill in your absence. No, ma'am, No, no, ma'am.
You should take him to court, let them deal with it,
and if he wants to be in his child's life,
he will. You don't owe it to this woman to
talk to her. No, I'm telling you, he wants to
be with this woman. He knows that that this is
a gaateway. I think that the child happened in the
middle of them, the reconciliation, and now she's she's the
bully of the group.
Speaker 2: Yep, agreed, that's what that is.
Speaker 1: Take that man to court if he want to be
in the baby's life, if he want to have custody
of some sort, if he want to pay to take
it through the courts. Don't let this man bully you
into having a non court appointed mediator. Who the hell
is this one? She could be and she could be
Freddy Kruger, And I ain't trying to be funny. From
what I gather, I don't know if they have children together,
but I also don't know how she gonna treat my child.
Speaker 2: Right, that's who they're about to let that my baby
over there.
Speaker 6: See.
Speaker 1: This is why I'm telling you. This is why. No
no no no no no no, take him to court
period voice small number three, dear to see him. He
cheated with a woman nothing like me. They always do.
Speaker 5: There to see you. I'm twenty two years old and
I've been with my boyfriend for about three years now.
He's twenty seven. Recently, he cheated on me about three
months ago, and I decided to stay. But it's been
very hard on me mentally. While trying to stay within
this relationship and fix he would get up out of
the bed while I was sleep in his bed to
go see this other woman. It's caused me a lot
of insecurities and a lot of problems with my confidence
due to this woman looks nothing like me. This woman
was of another race, and it just kind of makes
me feel a type of way as a black woman,
because it's kind of hard for me to understand how
he's attracted to me and also attracted to this woman
as well, and he doesn't want to talk about this situation.
He's bad at communication. And also he told me that
he was going to do something special for me after
this situation and still to this day, I haven't seen
a romantic day. What should I do from here?
Speaker 1: So many things before we get to the nitty gritty,
y'all gonna think. I just don't become a thing. I
do not date men that have been with others.
Speaker 2: Racist really tell us some fuck.
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. Absolutely, if your ex was
some like Mexican girl, or if your ex was like
a white girl, or I just I don't. I don't
really know. It's just me. I do not date men
that been dipping back. And I will ask you like, oh,
like you know one of your preferences? Who you I
don't know. I just want I just feel like, go
where you want to be. And I know that people like,
oh you can be attracted. So that's just one thing.
I would feel some type of way too. It's like, what.
Speaker 2: Who are you?
Speaker 1: What are you? What do you like? Okay? I do
not personally date men that have dibbled and dabbled in
the United Nations, Okay, I just to me, I don't know,
I just never really. I just prefer black men that
have a high preference for a black women. That's are
you going to find other women attractive? Absolutely? But where
you want to spend your time, invest your wealth, reproduce,
spread your offspring. Okay, build a legacy. All right? Did
you vote for Kamala because that is where I want.
I want my person to have invested in there. Right,
you know, look up Umar Umar wasn't Umar Johnson?
Speaker 5: Umar?
Speaker 3: What's his name?
Speaker 4: I know you're talking about williamar Johnson. Right, they were
talking about the pacers players all day in the White Girls.
Speaker 1: Hey look, hey, I'm with you when you're right, brother.
If you out here dibbling and dabbling, I'm cool. So anyways,
I said all that to say, sweetheart, I completely understand
because that is confusing. It's like and he was getting
out of bed to go and be with this woman.
So it's like, oh, you craving that, you really want that?
I don't know something. I could see why she's messed
up mentally because of that, because it's also somebody's totally
opposite of her. Put a pin in that. Let me
tell you this, sweetheart, I'm look we did in your
face in this camera at twenty two years old. Get
out of there, I always say, said. She buil with
her for two to three years, maybe three years. When
you are in your twenties. You have a two year
maximum with a boyfriend. Hey, I'm not telling you what
I heard. Listen, you have a two year maximum. Please,
do not spend your twenties. I meet women every day.
I was with him from nineteen to twenty four. I
was with him from twenty four to twenty nine. I
was with him. No, ma'am, you gotta stick and move
in your twenties. Okay, you need to be with somebody
for two years cute, it's probably not your husband, and
you keep it moving. That is one of my biggest
advice to women in their twenties. Do not spend your
twenties going through this type of deep, deep betrayal. I
always wonder, though, at what point in your life do
you have to learn what this is about? But sitting
through pain and unsettlement and being uncomfortable and heartbroken, and
at twenty two for a boyfriend that she'sd on you
with a Karen Girl bride, Please, it's really just not
worth it. Now she's wondering how she can trust him. Also,
I'm very big on this make up with me? How
you messed up with me? This man has not done
anything romantic afterwards, I means she does not care. He
clearly has not tried, because some people say, well, what
flowers die? If you're gonna, you know, show me that
you're sorry, Let's actually rebuild the trust. Let's be intentional,
do all of that shit and give me some fucking flowers. Okay,
give me a gift, buy me something, take me on
a trip, do something, because how sorry are you? Are
you really sorry or are you just no? He should
have done something for her. Absolutely agree, And I think
that she said that the deep insecurity and the racial comparison,
I just gotta take this moment to say this, wee heart,
let me say this. There's a whole bunch of things
going on in the world. You will see a lot
of tropes about colorism, about skin complexion, about hair texture,
about lips, about and you're gonna see a whole bunch
of competing shows. But I'm here to affirm you, baby
that please do not let this make you feel any
insecurities about your blackness. Okay, we are the trendsetters. Okay,
we are the head of the class. They all want
to be like us, girl, all right, and so I
can get it because like the attraction, that's just what
infidelity does like the attraction is to somebody else. But
I hope it doesn't make you doubt how attractive you
are and that there are plenty of men okay that
love everything about you and they actually have a preference.
Speaker 4: Okay, at the end of the day, I'm a firm
believer that you need to go where you're loved. Huh, Like,
why would you go into a room full of men
who don't love on you the way you like to
be loved.
Speaker 2: I go where I'm loved, Okay.
Speaker 4: I know, I like, I know, I have to agree
with you. I've never dipped outside of black men. I
love black men, yes, okay, and like I've never tried
anything outside of that.
Speaker 2: And I'm good with that because I know what I like.
Speaker 4: But also I would I would put myself in situations
that the black men also loved black women. I go
where I'm loved, okay, first and foremost. And I agree
with you, shorty, you're too young to be tripping about
this man who let let left the bed to go
be with somebody else.
Speaker 2: That's insane, that's insanity.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would have walked out immediately, like immediately, Like, girl,
you're too young, learn from this.
Speaker 2: Situation, take it to a different situation.
Speaker 4: Know what he did and how he did it to
let you know that, like you can peep the signs
if that will ever happen again, and when it does,
leave also too.
Speaker 1: He did not. I'm this is not a blanket thing,
just like, oh, if he cheats, leave, But look what
he did after the cheating. He's not he's he's not
proving himself. He doesn't seem like he would want to
work on it, and that he's trying to get in
your good graces because he has done barely anything after
he's cheated on you. And so I don't know why
you decide to stay, but I get it and I understand.
But I'm gonna tell you this, there is nothing, absolutely
nothing when a man has a like strong preference for
black women. I don't know. It's just a different type
of love, respect, it's a different type of connection, all right,
So go where to love is. There's plenty of people.
So I now, this is why I never moved to La.
I'm tell y'all this story once on a sign, y'all.
Many of times I was in La and I have
walked in a room full of black men in LA
and none of them niggas even looked my way. And
I always said, I said, let me tell you this,
I'm not gonna go from DC to fucking LA. I'm
not gonna go from shuk how I go to fucking La.
I'm not gonna go from Atlanta, Wakanda baby to fucking
La where black men are not even turned their head
but they don't even look my way. So why I
will never spend my tax dollars in LA. I will
never live there, Okay, because I don't. I don't. I
go with the love is if I'm not high on
the tone and pole, if you not push a peep
press for me and my people and my kind of
people that look like me, okay, uh uh uh huh.
Even when you find out a man's type, I don't
want to be the uh what you call let the
eyeball out. I don't want to be the one that.
Speaker 2: Broke your your little room.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hell yeah, they're token. If you if you was like, oh,
I like, you know, I don't know chocolate girls, and
I'm like, well, if you say you like slim fit,
and I'm not fucking slim or fit, Okay, I'm not
not your cool. I'm cool off of you. Everybody should
get their preference, and so this is why I don't
dibble and dabble with men that be, you know, switching
it up. But also I could see how her confidence
is really broken. Please get out of their sweetheart, Do
not waste your twenties. He's probably not gonna commit to you.
I'm telling you, And again, I don't think you should
attach it to your self worth. Let that man go
fralic and do what he wants to do. And he
hasn't been intentional about making it work with you. That's it,
and that's all he's yet to do it. And you're
gonna move on and go live a happy life where
you're not into bed crying talk about some your confidence
is shattered, please huh. Anyways, as digress onto our fragrant segment,
our bitch you smell good segment, this is are I
just open this box, y'all, just open this box. I
haven't even smelled in myself. They actually gifted this to me,
so thank you to Ji. Okay, this is irresistible. I've
heard so many good things about this CC. We do
not rub. We don't rub what we do Now you
just pat, but you disrupting all of the notes when
you're rubbed.
Speaker 2: Y'all, y'all, just don't be like me before. Let me
see it.
Speaker 1: Just okay, look the notes pair. I smell the pair
off the back and bread must must mellow, soft, musky green,
the heart rose. The heart scents are rose and iris,
and then the base is blonde or light wood. See
the wood and musk.
Speaker 6: This really good, y'all.
Speaker 2: This is kind of cute.
Speaker 1: I love it, very light, blurty. This is a pretty
girl scent. Is kind of like the bottle. It's pink too.
This is a pretty girl sent and it's also given irresistible.
How can you resist me? Can you resist me? She
called me? Okay, this is good. This is real cute,
and when I came out was telling Breathe that she
would love it. I feel like this is like a
a girly girl scent.
Speaker 4: It is hmm okay, blurty, like I just opened it today.
Speaker 1: I'm late to the party anyhow.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: Do recommend, do recommend, I do recommend? All right. This
is our red flag, oh, our red flag report. This
is so funny. Red flag report. Chest to chest hugs
harmless or highly disrespectful. Jane Harri, is known as the
Virgin Hair Fantasy on Instagram, recently went viral for a
TikTok clip that stirred up major conversation around marriage boundaries
and body language. In the video, Harris, who says she's
happily she's been happily married for fifteen years, passionately tells
women to stop hugging people's husband chest to chest. She
argues that it's inappropriate, it lacks respect and crosses a
boundary that women should honor. Her stands, my husband doesn't
need a presentation, he knows the assignment. She insists that
this isn't about being controlling or insecure, It's about respect
between married people and those around them. But the Internet
was immediately divided. Some users agreed, saying this is why
people lose their spouses. Some users agree, saying this is
why people lose their spouses. No boundaries. Respect is subtle
but powerful. This is one of those moments. And another
person said, a side hug won't kill you. Others push back,
arguing it's just a hug. Y'all make everything weird. If
you're secure in your marriage, this wouldn't bother you. Y'all
find a new red flag every day. Some landed in
the middle, suggesting side hugs or no hugs, that all
just be self aware. Red flag question is when do
when does comfortably close turn into calculated control? And if
you act your partner to avoid physical interactions? Is that
about trust or about ownership? Say, as a married woman,
what do you think about y'all?
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie to you.
Speaker 4: When I first heard this, I was kind of like, well,
that's why, Like it's just a hug, Like what's the
big deal.
Speaker 2: But when I actually sat with it a little bit, I.
Speaker 4: Was like, I mean, I can understand where she's coming from,
you know, like some times hugs can be a little
too too much, a little too flirty, and it's like
when it's like that and it's starting like make make
me be like Saga and I'm you know, very secure
in my in my relationship, sometimes it can be a
little too much.
Speaker 2: I don't I'm never gonna be like, you're my man,
you can't. You can't help no other women. That's wild.
Speaker 4: Like I think that, you know, a side hug is
very appropriate, Like we love a good little side hug,
a little church hug. Little pat pat Like I'm not
mad at that, but I'm also like I'm not gonna
dictate like women can't like hug, you know, like ches hug.
I just I think like there are boundaries to it,
and that I want to like emphasize that there are
boundaries to it.
Speaker 2: It shouldn't be too close.
Speaker 4: I need a little bit of gap in between the
pelvic area, you know what I'm saying. But like, I
don't know, I don't want. I don't think that I'm
gonna think too deeply into that if it's if it's
obviously like too close and too intimate, then we have
a problem.
Speaker 2: But like I don't know a chest to chest hug,
Like I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I think I'm with you when you're right,
and I feel the same kind of way. I think
that some of the hugs can be a little too
much in those But I also feel that I don't know,
I got so much faith in this man that I
don't have. But I just feel like my man, he
don't know what to do, okay, Like he's gonna know
when to break that hug up a little bit. He's
gonna know when that relationship is just a little to
when we're out okay together, and this is some coworker
or childhood friend or some type of you know, girl
you used to talk to or date or somebody you
had a situation, you gonna know when to like break
that up and kind of be appropriate to. I just
feel like I'm gonna follow his league. I think that again,
this man that I don't have yet, he will always
honor me and respect me. He would never want to
embarrass me or humiliate me in public. And so I'm
gonna just follow my man league. If he give that
girl a hug, I know that it's completely platonic, okay,
so if he give her. Also, I have great guy
friends now that they're getting chest to chest hugs, and
I firmly believe that if they got married, they would
still give me a chest to chest hug. As if
they didn't, I think I would feel sad about that.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent.
Speaker 4: And like when I like sat back and thought about it,
I was like, shoot, Like when I came in here today,
I gave Drake.
Speaker 2: A chest to chest hug.
Speaker 4: Dre's like a brother to me, and it's like it
was like nothing weird. It was not inappropriate, like so
I'm definitely not against it. However, I do agree it's
the man and the woman should be able to take
the lead because when I give other men hugs, I'm
not never gonna be too appropriate or like linger too long.
Like you have to know your boundaries, and if you
are comfortable with in your relationship, and you were secure
in your relationship and you and your man had that connectivity,
you all have that communication about And I think that
this should be talked about early on, about opposite sex
friends and stuff like that, because we had to discuss
it because my husband has a lot of female friends.
You know, I think he knows the boundaries, and the
boundaries are set, and he knows when to kind of
be like, all right, well, it was nice to see you,
Like he knows when to back away.
Speaker 1: But I think too, we have gotten so much in
this gender war thing. Male and female friendship is so good.
And I remember having trauma from being sexualized very young
that I never was friends with men because I always
thought they wanted something from me. And so I got
older and I actually had platonic male friendships. I'm like, yo,
this my dog, Like this man that had my back.
He then helps me out. He cares about my well being.
It's not no, he my brother, but I was rolling
around with him. It's not we still flirting. This is
like true friendship and you cannot get that from a woman.
Like male and female friendship is very needed. I agree,
it's very needed. And so I want to hug my friends.
Like even in my homeboys that got married, they would
still give me a good hug, a good hug. Agreed, Yeah, agreed, hmm.
I think I think it's I think a siege is.
I don't think a woman will be insecure by feeling
some type of way about it. But I also think
you know who your husband is.
Speaker 2: And also.
Speaker 4: The I think the only thing that could you know,
kind of sew some seeds of insecurity is if he
is not abiding by the boundaries that you all set,
like or if like there's like this one specific chick
whenever y'all see her, she's a little she's always too inappropriate,
and he's never like right yo, kind of shutting that down.
Then you can be like, what's what's going on here?
But like if it's just if that's just how you
guys carry your friendships, you know, and you guys are
huggers like so bad, Like I'm a hugger, I'm a
humber friends.
Speaker 1: I also think it's important like where you put certain
in your relationship, in what category you.
Speaker 2: Put them in?
Speaker 1: Sign not when women are like, don't like size matter
to me? Anybody knows, No, I'm team size doesn't matter.
But there are women that make this like such a
big deal. And I'm like, you know that you only
have sex like ten percent of your relationship can but like,
this is my thing. You're only gonna be hugging these
women five percent of the time that we out and
we happen to be you know what I'm saying. So
it's like, what is the big thing? I think it
has to be wayed, Like there are certain things are
just are not happening frequently enough that I'm gonna put
that much thought exactly and pressure on it. Like, yeah,
we may be in a social gathering maybe once a month.
Speaker 2: Right, it's not, it's.
Speaker 1: Not that serious.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 1: You don't have sex with your husband, not often, y'all
believe it, or not even for y'all to think y'all
pretty active, right, sex is probably twenty percent on a
good on a good day.
Speaker 4: Okay, there's there's so many different ways. Yes, levels of
intimacy that are not just physical, that happened in relationship like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, Yeah, it's not that often. So you know,
maybe if size didn't matter, you would have a lot
more options. You know, it's not you know, you don't
be doing it as month as you really think you are.
You're not anyhow, They're saying, y'all, thanks for joining us.