Speaker 1: To be single, invitation from my children, grandchildren and hopefully
Speaker 1: my great grandchildren.
Speaker 2: You say, very sweet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such an emotional you know, it's such a
Speaker 1: happy day in my life, you.
Speaker 2: Know, because it's not just two people in.
Speaker 1: It, right, they're not in love, not yet in love.
Speaker 2: Do they fall in love in the first place like later.
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely I did.
Speaker 2: She doesn't give a ring to him.
Speaker 1: No, he takes her.
Speaker 2: It's not an equal, it's.
Speaker 1: Not democratic. He takes her to be his wife. This
Speaker 1: part of the ceremony is called isison, and she circles
Speaker 1: the groom seven times, you know why, to make sure
Speaker 1: he doesn't run away. And there's so much dobbning for
Speaker 1: that day. There's so much prayers for that day, and
Speaker 1: there's a lot of crying. They have a lot to
Speaker 1: ask for that their life should be happy, that their
Speaker 1: life should be harmonious, that they should be healthy, that
Speaker 1: children should be healthy, and they even pray for their
Speaker 1: parents to be healthy. And there's a lot of emotion
Speaker 1: in that day, tremendous emotion. And then comes the big moment,
Speaker 1: the wholesome color going to dance together in front of
Speaker 1: all these people, girls who've never touched the boy and
Speaker 1: a boy dancing with a girl whom he has never
Speaker 1: ever touched, and they're dancing in public. You know, it's
Speaker 1: in a way, it's it's incredible. Do one thing?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Do you cry at weddings? Are weddings to you a
Speaker 3: time to cry? Hassidic Jewish weddings are a time to
Speaker 3: cry and a time to be overjoyed. They are amazing
Speaker 3: display and festival of tradition and emotion. Added to all
Speaker 3: this intense emotion is the truth at the young couple,
Speaker 3: usually eighteen twenty years old, are practically strangers, as they
Speaker 3: have only met a few times before being asked if
Speaker 3: they want to get engaged now on their wedding day,
Speaker 3: it's the single most important day of their lives. The
Speaker 3: bride is like a queen on her throne. The groom
Speaker 3: is like a king who takes this queen to be his.
Speaker 3: The clothing is filled with symbolism. There are parts to
Speaker 3: the wedding. The coupala spunum when the bride welcomes the guests,
Speaker 3: the badekan when the groom covers the bride's face, the
Speaker 3: koppa when the couple is married outside under a wedding canopy,
Speaker 3: iRED when the couple is alone together for nine minutes
Speaker 3: with the door closed, the dancing, two hours of bringing
Speaker 3: joy to bride and groom by dancing, and finally, late
Speaker 3: at night, the end of night poetry and couples dance.
Speaker 3: Through all of this there are times of intense joy
Speaker 3: and of crying. As a YouTuber who has documented so
Speaker 3: much of the beautiful, hidden world of acidic judaism, I
Speaker 3: finally have the opportunity to share with you a perspective
Speaker 3: on acidic weddings from the eyes of pearl who has
Speaker 3: attended acidic wedding of herself, her children, and her grandchildren.
Speaker 3: I absolutely love chasidashere marriage and wedding customs.
Speaker 1: I find you love them?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why? And I'm gonna ask you.
Speaker 3: So emotional, it's so beautiful. There's so many feelings packed
Speaker 3: into the experience of marriage because it's not just two
Speaker 3: people in right.
Speaker 1: Right, they're not in love, they're not yet not yet
Speaker 1: in love.
Speaker 2: Do they fall in love in the first place? Like later?
Speaker 1: Yes? Absolutely, I did.
Speaker 2: Ah, that's cute. It's funny.
Speaker 3: When we talked, it was like fifty six years. How
Speaker 3: many years have you been married?
Speaker 1: Fifty nine sixty? I don't even know fifty nine sixty years.
Speaker 2: Kind you to be kind? Here to be sentences, oh mine.
Speaker 2: So I would love to discuss, to share with the
Speaker 2: viewers the extremely rich traditions of Harasids, weddings and engagements.
Speaker 1: Okay, so where do we start?
Speaker 3: I think a week before the wedding festivities begin, or
Speaker 3: two weeks before the wedding festivities begin.
Speaker 1: No, it starts with the shabas before the wedding, because
Speaker 1: that's when the huston puts on his stamo for the
Speaker 1: first time. That's the beginning.
Speaker 2: Can we explain.
Speaker 1: Yes, he is obligated to be called up to the toya,
Speaker 1: the husson, the groom, and it is customary to throw
Speaker 1: sweet things at him. In Europe it used to be
Speaker 1: raisins and nuts, symbolic for good luck and and you know,
Speaker 1: all good things. So that that that's the symbolism. And
Speaker 1: it's usually thrown by the women. And it's a very
Speaker 1: festive shabust, like the whole family gets together, and it
Speaker 1: like opens the whole. It opens. It's like the entrance
Speaker 1: to the wedding itself, the festivities. It's called an o flei.
Speaker 1: If it's called the bavarfun.
Speaker 2: And there's also a big kiddish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course, there's a very vaginish. The family sits together,
Speaker 1: each together, you know, the family spends time together, which
Speaker 1: is the most beautiful thing. And from then on, from
Speaker 1: the bavarfun, the Husson cannot go alone without somebody accompanying him.
Speaker 2: Really much starts from the Bavaro.
Speaker 1: Yes, why because he's now considered like a king, and
Speaker 1: the king doesn't go anywhere alone. He's always accompanied, and
Speaker 1: like the Color also doesn't usually go alone either. She
Speaker 1: also has to be accompanied by somebody.
Speaker 2: How does the Color Spendavar?
Speaker 1: Usually she's not there. She spends either at home with
Speaker 1: her parents. Sometimes the parents stay home with her. Sometimes
Speaker 1: the parents go to the Bavaria festivity shabas, so she'll
Speaker 1: stay home with her friends. She'll stay home sometimes with
Speaker 1: her mother only and the men go. You know, each
Speaker 1: family has a different way of doing it. But the
Speaker 1: Color is not part of this. This has belongs belongs
Speaker 1: to the Huson. But Color. Yeah, So her friends will
Speaker 1: come over.
Speaker 2: And they'll sing songs'll cry.
Speaker 1: No crying on shabas.
Speaker 2: No never, Oh, I didn't know.
Speaker 1: We can't cry on shabashas we get show you saida
Speaker 1: we're happy in itself a very special day without color. No,
Speaker 1: they'll you know, they spend shops together, they'll sing songs
Speaker 1: and they'll you know, just spend have a good time
Speaker 1: together with each other.
Speaker 3: So anything else we should talk about. The the the
Speaker 3: big forehead and starts to wear. Also, the family comes
Speaker 3: to pick him up.
Speaker 1: Yes, right, he's taken to shoe right, good that you
Speaker 1: reminded me. He is taken to shool accompanied by his
Speaker 1: family and by the Colors family who sing along the
Speaker 1: way to shore like you do with a king. Really
Speaker 1: what they sing the ginum songs. You know, they accompany
Speaker 1: him on the street to the shoe, and he's considered,
Speaker 1: who's Daimela Mela?
Speaker 2: He is like a king whose a groom is like
Speaker 2: a king.
Speaker 1: It's like a king, right, and the.
Speaker 3: Stravel indeed looks like a crown. What happens from the
Speaker 3: shapers the Saturday before the wedding up until the wedding, Like,
Speaker 3: let's say you're marrying off a child, what's on your
Speaker 3: mind during that time?
Speaker 1: So it depends if he's marrying a daughter or you know,
Speaker 1: so the color has her obligation to go to the mikvah,
Speaker 1: the ritual bath, the ritual bath, and that time is
Speaker 1: spent in getting the house ready, usually.
Speaker 2: The apartment, because the couple lives in their own separate
Speaker 2: apartment as soon as as always. And who prepares the
Speaker 2: whole apartment.
Speaker 1: It's it's usually the girl and the boy's family will
Speaker 1: buy some things, you know, to pretty it up. It's
Speaker 1: it becomes like a in itself. The preparing their apartment
Speaker 1: becomes like a big deal, you know, to make it
Speaker 1: beautiful and to make it to make it like, you know,
Speaker 1: very important people are coming to live here, you know,
Speaker 1: and to.
Speaker 3: Make it smell like propery, like your house right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you know, to make it very enticing
Speaker 1: and and and inviting, you know. But it is prepared
Speaker 1: with that in mind. Close and color are coming to
Speaker 1: this house. We're making it beautiful for them, you know,
Speaker 1: We're making it a place for these important people to
Speaker 1: start life.
Speaker 2: Mm hm.
Speaker 1: So that's a big deal. What else.
Speaker 2: The micle is a big thing if you have a daughter.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the mcle is a big thing if you have
Speaker 1: a daughter. But it's done secretly. You know, the other
Speaker 1: children in the house don't have to know about it,
Speaker 1: and it's done very quietly and there's no popacity around it.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's a private thing, very private.
Speaker 2: It's an emotional experience.
Speaker 4: Usually would you say, no, no, no, it's of course,
Speaker 4: it's it's the colors introduction to what will be, you know,
Speaker 4: almost the rest of her life in terms of getting together.
Speaker 1: With her husband. You know, this is always going to
Speaker 1: be there for them. So this is like an introduction
Speaker 1: to a new part of her life.
Speaker 3: Because as long as she menstraights, she's going to be
Speaker 3: going after her period, right right.
Speaker 2: It's interesting.
Speaker 3: Someone just sent me an email saying, Freda, you don't
Speaker 3: sound like you talk about the period of separation as
Speaker 3: a time of renewal.
Speaker 1: Why you mean between husband and wife.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when the woman has her period, and we did,
Speaker 3: you talked about it as kind of renewal, but I didn't.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: So let's get into like the next stage, Yes, which
Speaker 1: is the day of the wedding.
Speaker 2: Yes, let's talk about the day of the wedding.
Speaker 1: That is a very very very momentous day. It is
Speaker 1: the day that hashem forgives the bride and the groom
Speaker 1: all their sins. It is like you kip it, they
Speaker 1: fast and there's so much dobvening for that day. There's
Speaker 1: so much prayers for that day, and there's a lot
Speaker 1: of crying because they are preparing for a life together,
Speaker 1: a new life, a new starting, you know, and they
Speaker 1: have a lot to ask for that their life should
Speaker 1: be happy, that their life should be harmonious, that they
Speaker 1: should be healthy, that children should be healthy, and they
Speaker 1: even pray for their parents to be healthy. And there's
Speaker 1: a lot of emotion in that day. This emotion, it's
Speaker 1: very very momentous. So the groom will spend time in
Speaker 1: the apartment, doubling in the apartment. The couple, I will
Speaker 1: spend her time at home and.
Speaker 3: You know, so the apartment where the couple is going
Speaker 3: to live is going to be where the groom will
Speaker 3: spend his wedding day.
Speaker 1: Himself by himself. Yeah, praying, praying and fasting, infesting.
Speaker 3: Is a lot of people ask me why Hasidic couples
Speaker 3: or brides are crying, and it gives them the impression
Speaker 3: that they're very sad.
Speaker 1: I know. It is like Jim kipp It, you go
Speaker 1: to if you go to a shuliam kipper, you will
Speaker 1: hear the enormous amount of crying that goes. We are
Speaker 1: begging and pleading with Hashem for something. And Hashem is
Speaker 1: not some kind of imaginary being to us. He's He
Speaker 1: is the the whole, he's the creator, He's he runs,
Speaker 1: he makes our life. So of course you're going to
Speaker 1: beg and plead for good things. And it's also very
Speaker 1: it's a very serious day. Let's put it this way.
Speaker 1: It's not a frivolous day. It's an extremely extremely serious day,
Speaker 1: just like him it kip. It is a very serious day.
Speaker 1: And here, you know, here they're fasting and they're govening,
Speaker 1: they're saying to Hilen, They're they're asking Hasham for the
Speaker 1: rest of their lives together. So it's impressed upon these
Speaker 1: young people how momentous this day is.
Speaker 2: Do you remember what you prayed for?
Speaker 1: I was saying the hiln. I was saying the prayer
Speaker 1: that people say you am kipp it. It's a long prayer,
Speaker 1: shamni bugabni, you say you repent. It's it's a very
Speaker 1: serious prayer. Sure I was. And then the parents bless
Speaker 1: their children. I remember I told you how my father
Speaker 1: blessed me. You want me to repeat it. He blessed
Speaker 1: me by putting two hands on my head.
Speaker 2: You were already dressed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, two hands on my head under a cur you
Speaker 1: know something. And he blessed me. There's a special blessing.
Speaker 1: We don't make up blessing, so we don't make up prayers.
Speaker 1: We have them down path for us. You know, in
Speaker 1: the in the city, the people think we make our
Speaker 1: own prayers. So no, we have specific prayers for everything.
Speaker 1: And then I kissed his hand when we finished, and
Speaker 1: he tells me, you should know my husband, my father
Speaker 1: was a Holocaust survivor. He told me you should know
Speaker 1: I stayed alive because a chem wants me to have
Speaker 1: Yiddish and children. He wants my children to stay Yiddish.
Speaker 1: So of course we both started crying. And then I
Speaker 1: went to ask my mother for forgiveness. Basically, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly exactly. You know that's right. And then I was
Speaker 1: crying on the way. Okay, we're not talking about me.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about what happens it.
Speaker 3: You know, gives me chills when I hear these stories.
Speaker 3: I don't know if people who haven't lived these wedding
Speaker 3: days where you're fasting, you're going through hours of praying
Speaker 3: if they can understand the feelings you have as a
Speaker 3: daughter eighteen ninety year old has this moment with her
Speaker 3: with her parents.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's a very very serious momentum that I
Speaker 1: can't stress it enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So of course the color is sometimes still crying,
Speaker 1: you know. But once she gets into the hall and
Speaker 1: the makeup lady comes and you know, and she's prepared
Speaker 1: for the actual wedding, it's still serious until after the ripper.
Speaker 1: The day is still very serious until after the ripper.
Speaker 3: Which is fairly deep into the day. I have to say,
Speaker 3: talking about this is bringing back the memory for me
Speaker 3: that when I was a bride, there was a woman
Speaker 3: who came to help get me dressed.
Speaker 1: You had a dresser.
Speaker 3: She was a woman who had a daughter that was
Speaker 3: a little bit older than me that died of cancer.
Speaker 3: Remember going to the funeral when I was maybe in
Speaker 3: high school. Wow, and this woman, the illinishma's a memory
Speaker 3: of her daughter who never got married, came.
Speaker 1: Oh that's hard. It's still that hard for you.
Speaker 3: I don't remember it being hard for me, but thinking
Speaker 3: about it now, I can see how painful it must
Speaker 3: have been for her since her daughter never got to
Speaker 3: get married.
Speaker 1: Well, she chose that as a as something you know
Speaker 1: that she made her feel better. Actually, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: think it made her feel worse. It made her feel better. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we are we up to now? In the.
Speaker 3: You want to talk about what the bride would dress
Speaker 3: in anything special, she would wear.
Speaker 1: Regular wedding dress, white wedding dress, regular crown, Tiara Veil,
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the the I'm talking about a tool. Right,
Speaker 1: all different kinds of stars today, at once upon a
Speaker 1: time was a crown. Today they were in the back
Speaker 1: of their head. Once they were on the side of
Speaker 1: the head. It doesn't matter. That's nothing religious about that.
Speaker 1: It depends on styles, you know. No, she's wearing her
Speaker 1: own hair right, her own hair. And so let's let's
Speaker 1: go to where she walks into the hall. So she
Speaker 1: has her mother and her mother in law escorting her
Speaker 1: into the hall to sit at the to sit on
Speaker 1: this beautiful decorated chair. Now, many of our customs at
Speaker 1: weddings comes from Mottin Toyta. Really, yes, that's why we
Speaker 1: have flowers around the color. That's why there are two buggers,
Speaker 1: why by Martin Toya. There was also I forgot al
Speaker 1: ready at which point, or also because she's now a
Speaker 1: queen and she has you know, escorts, Yeah, escorts, escorts
Speaker 1: like a queen. You know, a queen doesn't today, okay,
Speaker 1: But once upon a time, once upon a time, there
Speaker 1: would be a lot of honor given to a queen
Speaker 1: that she would not ever go like places a lot
Speaker 1: I me yesterday, they whatever. In those days, the queen
Speaker 1: always had escorts. And there's always the same tune played
Speaker 1: when the color comes in to sit down at her
Speaker 1: special place.
Speaker 2: So is she arriving now to the wedding.
Speaker 1: Not to the wedding. She's arriving to her place during
Speaker 1: the wedding. So you know, we have men and women separate.
Speaker 1: The host is sitting in his room, the colors sitting
Speaker 1: in her room where the guests are going to come
Speaker 1: and tell her Mazletov, and the men are going to
Speaker 1: tell the wholesome Mazeletov. So she sits down always with
Speaker 1: the same tune. The musicians will always seen the same tune,
Speaker 1: and her mother and her mother in law stand beside her.
Speaker 1: Sometimes the grandmothers are also there standing beside her. And
Speaker 1: also when she comes in as the two mothers are
Speaker 1: escorting her. The grandmothers or other people are also following.
Speaker 1: It's like a procession, a procession to the place where
Speaker 1: the color sits. This is to give honor to the
Speaker 1: special person. Also, today people don't know the mothers have
Speaker 1: a habit of mingling with the crowd. This is a
Speaker 1: new thing. They don't understand their job and their purpose
Speaker 1: and their honor to stand next to the bride. So
Speaker 1: this is really an honor for the two mothers to
Speaker 1: stand next to them and to stay standing there as
Speaker 1: like an her guard. So people decide it's too old fashioned.
Speaker 1: They're gonna go mingle in the crowd and leave the
Speaker 1: Color sitting there alone. Sometimes I feel like screaming when
Speaker 1: I say but anyways, And then the guests arrive, and
Speaker 1: everybody goes over to the Color and gives their hand.
Speaker 1: Giving somebody your hand means you connecting to that somebody.
Speaker 1: It's not just enough to say, muzzletom. You have to
Speaker 1: give your hand to the Color and shake her hand
Speaker 1: and wish her all the good things in her new life.
Speaker 2: And you kiss her, yes.
Speaker 1: Yes, you kiss her yes. And she sits there like
Speaker 1: on a throne, like a queen who has everybody coming
Speaker 1: up to her, and you know she's the focus of
Speaker 1: extreme focus of attention and she You don't just come
Speaker 1: into a wedding and mingle. You have to go over
Speaker 1: to the color. The whole purpose of you coming to
Speaker 1: the wedding is the mitsa of being miss Maya Hulsenva color.
Speaker 1: It's a mitzvah in the toyota to make the bride
Speaker 1: in the groom happy. And part of this is to
Speaker 1: go over to the color and shake her hand and
Speaker 1: like you say, kiss hers, but that's not it's not
Speaker 1: a must kiss, but this handshaking is.
Speaker 2: And she sits on the stage.
Speaker 1: She sits on the stage, and she sits on a
Speaker 1: throne like chair decorated with beautiful flowers.
Speaker 2: That's part of the wedding. The wedding has parts. And
Speaker 2: sometimes people will come to a wedding.
Speaker 1: Just for k yeah, yeah, who usually comes to whoever
Speaker 1: feels like it. The weather doesn't feel close enough to
Speaker 1: stay for the whole wedding, which is mostly for close family.
Speaker 1: You know, but our weddings are so big because their
Speaker 1: families can I know how it's so big. But the
Speaker 1: kabula spoona means yes, you're coming to be Macabo, she
Speaker 1: is maka her guests.
Speaker 3: How many people would you say come to a wedding
Speaker 3: on average each a wedding?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know the number. I really
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: How many couples do you pay for?
Speaker 1: Two hundred and fifty couples?
Speaker 3: Two fifty couples Smith's five hundred portions of food?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a small wedding. Sort of, that's a medium
Speaker 1: sized wedding. Let's say it's a media I really don't
Speaker 1: have the numbers in my head.
Speaker 2: By the way, why do you pay the matchmaker?
Speaker 1: Which point right after the shio? Immediately after that, immediately
Speaker 1: after the sho oh? Yeah, your first chance?
Speaker 2: Do you gotta be fund if God forbid god, it
Speaker 2: doesn't work out?
Speaker 1: Never?
Speaker 2: Never have you done any matches?
Speaker 1: By the way, you know my matches? What nobody gets
Speaker 1: married with my matches?
Speaker 2: I'm standing in line, I'm waiting.
Speaker 1: I am trying. I always try, all of us try.
Speaker 1: Everybody's to try. We try, and we try and to try.
Speaker 1: Some people have muzzle and they do. Some people like me.
Speaker 1: Sometimes people want me to be a matchmaker for somebody.
Speaker 1: I said, not me, because it ain't gonna happen.
Speaker 3: Let's talk about what happens during the kaboospohon. I'm at
Speaker 3: the men's side.
Speaker 1: So the husson. Now what used to happen by the
Speaker 1: women's side, which doesn't happen anymore. This was in Europe.
Speaker 1: There used to be a woman to bring the color
Speaker 1: to tears, to make her feel like it's really if
Speaker 1: you keep her for her, So the colors used to
Speaker 1: sit and cry. But this doesn't happen.
Speaker 2: She would be singing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she would be singing in rhyme, but she would
Speaker 1: be evoking emotions that would make her want to cry
Speaker 1: by saying what I wasn't there. I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I'm after the Holocaust. I just heard this. I just
Speaker 1: heard this. Now by the Houston, this does happen. The
Speaker 1: Houston sits at the table with his two fathers by him,
Speaker 1: and the kisiba. The marriage contract is being filled out.
Speaker 1: That's where they fill out the marriage contract. And if
Speaker 1: there was no tennium, which means an official religious engagement
Speaker 1: where the it's also a manuscript that's written about the
Speaker 1: parents saying what they will give, what they will do
Speaker 1: for the engagement. That noume is a paper for the engagement,
Speaker 1: a document for the engagement, at which place a plate
Speaker 1: is broken. But if not everybody chooses to have a tanoium,
Speaker 1: you don't have to have it, but you must have thatnyum,
Speaker 1: the religious document before the wedding. So they fill out
Speaker 1: that knowing before the wedding, and the two mothers are
Speaker 1: called down to the men and they break the plate.
Speaker 1: Everybody says, muzzled up. Now. Meanwhile, if you'll ever see
Speaker 1: by a kabulispunam pictures, the men are busy writing the casiba,
Speaker 1: filling out the casiba, and it has to be very carefully.
Speaker 1: There can be no mistakes in it. That they look
Speaker 1: it over very carefully. Every single word is supposed to
Speaker 1: be spelled correctly. The Hussin Kala's names have to be
Speaker 1: spelled correctly. And this is the document that get signed
Speaker 1: by two witnesses who are not related to the Hussin Kala,
Speaker 1: who are not related to each other. And sometimes we
Speaker 1: need witnesses for the tanoium, we need witnesses for the
Speaker 1: casiba signing, we need witnesses for yihad. So there are
Speaker 1: three times before you know at the wedding that we
Speaker 1: need to kosher witnesses so sometimes one pair is used
Speaker 1: for all three things, and sometimes there are three different
Speaker 1: sets of witnesses to give them the honors. Oh really,
Speaker 1: you know so it's not a people the wedding. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it has to be decided before the wedding because they
Speaker 1: have to know what their job is. It's always men,
Speaker 1: two men only men. Women are not qualified qualified, not
Speaker 1: not that they're not qualified, they're not permitted, but it
Speaker 1: doesn't permit women to be to have this this role.
Speaker 2: You're much better at praising these things than me. I
Speaker 2: shouldn't have said anything.
Speaker 1: It's okay, you say what you want to say. And
Speaker 1: also the opposite, okay.
Speaker 2: Do you want to talk about what's in a kimber?
Speaker 2: What's in a marriage contract?
Speaker 1: So in the contract for the engagement is the the
Speaker 1: two sides obligate themselves to buy things for the couple,
Speaker 1: you know, like dishes and and and whatever is needed
Speaker 1: for to start a new marriage. So that's the that's
Speaker 1: the to know one.
Speaker 2: That's the ah and the parents are actually going to
Speaker 2: be deciding in during the tenoy and what they're getting
Speaker 2: the couple.
Speaker 1: No, no, it's it's like a standard. It's a standard
Speaker 1: for today today's a standard fronia.
Speaker 2: But essentially they're getting the couple dishes and furniture.
Speaker 1: Whatever is necessary to set up a house. It used
Speaker 1: to be that each in Europe, each side obligated themselves
Speaker 1: to certain things because they were there was such poverty
Speaker 1: there that they had to have decided what they got
Speaker 1: with each side is going to give over Here in America, Barkashem.
Speaker 1: We have it, Barkashem so good that we trust each other.
Speaker 1: So the kasiba it's fifty to fifty usually here, sometimes
Speaker 1: it's fifty to fifty. Sometimes it's sixty five, thirty five,
Speaker 1: twenty five, seventy five. It's decided beforehand based on what
Speaker 1: based on the ability of the of the makatoon and
Speaker 1: the parents.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter a boy or a girl.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no.
Speaker 2: Dowry thing for a girl is not a thing.
Speaker 1: Not anymore.
Speaker 2: Brosham Broa is right. So what's in the contract from.
Speaker 1: So what's in the kasiba is everything that the husband
Speaker 1: has to do for the wife period, nothing that the
Speaker 1: wife has to do for the husband. He obligates himself
Speaker 1: to feed her, to clothe her, to house her, to
Speaker 1: everything that he only what he's supposed to do. Talk
Speaker 1: about women's rights. And it's also signed by two witnesses
Speaker 1: to say that he agreed to this. You know that
Speaker 1: he's obligating himself to do these things. Now, besides all this,
Speaker 1: there is a person there Aboutram who is there to
Speaker 1: also make the make the who's not understand the seriousness
Speaker 1: of the day, and that it's like him Kiper And
Speaker 1: the purpose is really to invoke tears. We Jews, the
Speaker 1: men are another shame to cry. We are the best
Speaker 1: criers in the world. The men, the men that don't
Speaker 1: have to act so much of that they can't cry.
Speaker 1: It's you go into Bismadish, you'll hear the men crying,
Speaker 1: just like the women in kip It. Let's say. You know,
Speaker 1: it's not something that we try to hope the men
Speaker 1: try to hold themselves back from. They can cry freely.
Speaker 3: You know, I wonder if viewers who watch this would
Speaker 3: understand the whole concept of crying as prayer, because I
Speaker 3: think in a lot of other faiths or other traditions,
Speaker 3: crying for prayer isn't really a thing.
Speaker 1: Is it, do I know?
Speaker 3: I think it's a particular thing in our world where
Speaker 3: you plead.
Speaker 1: You plead, yes, you plead and you beg Hashem. You know,
Speaker 1: we have somebody from whom they ask things.
Speaker 2: But shouldn't it be if he.
Speaker 1: Hold on? There's a time for everything. There's a time
Speaker 1: for everything.
Speaker 3: But crying is seen as an emotion.
Speaker 1: It's an emotion if you really really think about it,
Speaker 1: that you're talking to Hashem and you're asking from Hashem
Speaker 1: and you're begging him. Of course you're gonna cry buckets,
Speaker 1: you're pleading for your life. So where are we up?
Speaker 3: This?
Speaker 1: So? Okay, So the Houston is sitting there, and.
Speaker 3: I'm curious if you can explain what about come might
Speaker 3: say too?
Speaker 1: This young I don't know. I was never there. I
Speaker 1: really was never there too. He invokes certain certain ideas
Speaker 1: and certain words that will bring the Houston to to
Speaker 1: to understand the seriousness of the day. Meanwhile, while the
Speaker 1: Color is sitting and getting the muzzled off and greeting
Speaker 1: her guests, the Houston is being more is happening by
Speaker 1: the Who's by the color? Now? So he is now
Speaker 1: getting to put on a kittle. A kittle is reminiscent
Speaker 1: of kipper. That's white. It's a white, it's a white
Speaker 1: like a long shirt. And then he is Also, Ash
Speaker 1: is put on his head with a filnar to remind
Speaker 1: him of the destruction of the temple. Because the destruction
Speaker 1: of the temple has to be above all simhrels, above
Speaker 1: all happiness. We can't forget it. It doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: we have to cry day and night for it. It's impossible.
Speaker 1: But if you have a tremendous simra, you could forget
Speaker 1: about it. This is to remind him as an effect
Speaker 1: on all our invitations. The first thing that's written is
Speaker 1: to remember the destruction of the temple. On the invitation,
Speaker 1: Oh you should be what do.
Speaker 2: Lion?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, I forgot al ready. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take it out soon.
Speaker 3: Na.
Speaker 2: What does it mean?
Speaker 1: Remember youh lion, greatest in your greatest the greatest joy.
Speaker 1: Oh you should every single invitation from my children, grandchildren
Speaker 1: and hopefully my great grandchildren.
Speaker 2: I say, very sweet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such an emotional you know, it's such a happiness.
Speaker 1: It's such a happy day in my life, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, So now so.
Speaker 2: We put Ash on his head.
Speaker 1: That's interesting, hard by something, by something dish. So in
Speaker 1: other words, you could be happy and said at the
Speaker 1: same time, that's very Jewish. Yeah, exactly. Then then comes
Speaker 1: and he's put on he gets He doesn't dress himself.
Speaker 1: He is dressed jeal like a king has a dresser,
Speaker 1: is dressed by somebody. The husin is also dressed by
Speaker 1: his family, you know, by the people around him. And
Speaker 1: by then he's very serious, very very serious, shaking, praying.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he's shaking and praying then, but
Speaker 1: he comes to the color. And the purpose of going
Speaker 1: to the color now is something called the badecan right.
Speaker 1: The covering of her face. It's also very serious. You
Speaker 1: see a lot of mothers and grandmothers crying in the background.
Speaker 1: It's very emotional. And he takes this white a nicely
Speaker 1: decorated wise piece of lace that's not see through, and
Speaker 1: he comes in with pomposity to the color. He's followed
Speaker 1: by most of the men and the fathers on the
Speaker 1: side and slowly walking towards the color. By now the
Speaker 1: color is also very serious, and he puts this white
Speaker 1: covering to cover her face, and some of the fathers
Speaker 1: bless their daughters. Then some of the men are some
Speaker 1: of the close close family bless the color then and
Speaker 1: then they turn around and they go back to the
Speaker 1: Hussin's room. I don't know. No, not always.
Speaker 2: They don't throw confetti, yeah, sometimes never rise though.
Speaker 1: No. First of all the men hated because it gets
Speaker 1: into their stamol and I was using confetti gets into istamo.
Speaker 2: That's so bunny.
Speaker 1: Not always, not always.
Speaker 2: So what is the purpose of decking the color?
Speaker 1: What do you think?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It goes back to the Toyota when Rifka, when she
Speaker 1: was brought to see Yitrak, her husband, her Hussin, she
Speaker 1: covered herself with a with her with she covered her face.
Speaker 1: There's lots of other reasons for the badeku of the color.
Speaker 1: Part of one of it is sneezs to mention look
Speaker 1: at her face. But there's lots about it, but the
Speaker 1: main one is that this is what our matriarch Rifka
Speaker 1: did when she saw Isaac Rifka Emiine when she saw
Speaker 1: covered her face. That's part of it. And now the
Speaker 1: color is stood up from her chair because she can't
Speaker 1: now see anything by the two mothers, and she's taken
Speaker 1: back into the color room to prepare her for the ripper.
Speaker 1: The rusina is already more or less prepared, but the
Speaker 1: color has to be prepared, which means that the distinct
Speaker 1: the veil has to be pinned on right, and all
Speaker 1: her jewelry is taken off. I don't really know. There's many,
Speaker 1: many reasons. One of one of them is so that
Speaker 1: it means that the hussin who's taking her for a wife,
Speaker 1: doesn't care what how she is or she has jewelry.
Speaker 1: If she has, she's beautiful, she's you know, there's many,
Speaker 1: many different different reasons. I really don't know that. I'm
Speaker 1: not that familiar with it this part, and it takes
Speaker 1: long longer to prepare her. So the huston goes out
Speaker 1: to the ripper. Oh yeah. Another another thing for the
Speaker 1: Badecan is that a man is not allowed to be
Speaker 1: macadish a woman without seeing her first.
Speaker 2: See her.
Speaker 1: You must see her. He's to marry, he's not not
Speaker 1: to marry, not to give the condition without actually seeing
Speaker 1: her what she looks like. So then, and because the
Speaker 1: rifka covered her face, we also cover our faces.
Speaker 2: So the actual is outside under.
Speaker 1: Wait, so the color the husson goes out under the ripper,
Speaker 1: which is under the stars of the sky. In other words,
Speaker 1: it's not inside the inside of the room, it's outside
Speaker 1: under the under the stars is the idea, and there
Speaker 1: is a hipper canopy that's supposed to be nicely decorated,
Speaker 1: which preceded people don't do. And the Houston is there
Speaker 1: first and he's waiting for the color.
Speaker 2: And it's always after dark the wedding.
Speaker 1: It usually happens like that. Yeah, because the host has
Speaker 1: to do minchre. He has to go to the mikvah before. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: the Houston goes to the mikvah before he doves men,
Speaker 1: even if he was there in the morning. So he
Speaker 1: goes to the mikvah before he davens minhchree. And these
Speaker 1: these prayers are not set with a minion. This is solitude.
Speaker 1: The color and the Whlston say that you can kipper
Speaker 1: prayers alone.
Speaker 2: And merch is time based in the afternoon, right.
Speaker 1: In the evening and the evening. So the Houston is
Speaker 1: standing there with two people on the side of him
Speaker 1: who are holding onto candles and it's it's it's to
Speaker 1: bring a light into this marriage. Meanwhile, the color is
Speaker 1: being prepared with all that stuff. It takes a little longer,
Speaker 1: and as the color is being led out, the color
Speaker 1: is let out with music and the Houston walks two
Speaker 1: steps towards her. She's not even outside yet, but he
Speaker 1: walks towards two steps towards her. Then he turns back
Speaker 1: around where he's standing with his parents, you know, with
Speaker 1: the parents on both side of him holding onto the candle,
Speaker 1: and the color is walked out of the ripper with
Speaker 1: the two mothers holding candles. It's also because it's it's it's,
Speaker 1: it's it's there's something about light about candles. But you know,
Speaker 1: there's probably more than what I'm telling you about the light,
Speaker 1: but you that I forgot it.
Speaker 3: Or there's so much symbolism to every aspect of such
Speaker 3: a rich day.
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly exactly meanings. No, it's not six thousand meanings.
Speaker 1: But it's more than what I'm saying. Now. The color
Speaker 1: comes out under the hipper and she the Husin who's there,
Speaker 1: sings by habo like welcome, welcome, because this is like
Speaker 1: the Hulston's house, not like his house, but sort of
Speaker 1: like like he's there first, you know, and she's coming
Speaker 1: to him. But she signifies with this that she's Muscolm
Speaker 1: to this, you understand, she signifies that she is Muscolm.
Speaker 1: She's agreed, and it's not an arranged marriage. Ah her
Speaker 1: back the original she originally got engaged to him, but
Speaker 1: now she this is called condition iis is that as
Speaker 1: she circles this part of the ceremony is called iis.
Speaker 1: And she circles the groom seven times, you know why,
Speaker 1: to make sure he doesn't run away.
Speaker 2: She should. I'm not gonna make any jokes.
Speaker 3: It's such a it's such a serious just as you
Speaker 3: talk about it, I can feel such feels.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Every wedding I go to, I have such.
Speaker 1: So this is just to break the tension over here.
Speaker 1: She circles him seven times. According to the Seven Skies,
Speaker 1: according to the Seven Blessings, seven has a. It's very
Speaker 1: it's a very sympology symbolic.
Speaker 2: It's interesting because in English you say cloud and I,
Speaker 2: but she says him someone you said in English.
Speaker 1: It's I don't know, so so you know. And then
Speaker 1: she stands on his right side, always, whether he's left,
Speaker 1: left handed or right hand. She stands on the right
Speaker 1: side of the Hussin and the pairents. The two fathers
Speaker 1: who have been standing with the Hussin the whole time,
Speaker 1: move away, and the two mothers move a little bit away.
Speaker 1: They don't stand holding on you know, they let the
Speaker 1: Hussein Carla stand there alone.
Speaker 2: And she's still completely covered, so she doesn't see anything.
Speaker 1: She doesn't have to see, she has to hear. All
Speaker 1: of the blessings are set on a cup of wine.
Speaker 1: So the first brooker is said, thanking God on all
Speaker 1: the laws that we have, which woman a man can marry.
Speaker 1: We have all these laws that tell us whom to
Speaker 1: marry and whom not to marry, you know so, and
Speaker 1: this is called irisen. This is one part of the ripper.
Speaker 1: Then comes the part of the ripper of the Hussin
Speaker 1: is Makadish the color he he he sanctifies this woman
Speaker 1: for him to him and he does that with a ring.
Speaker 1: But I forgot to say something important. At the ripper,
Speaker 1: there's the whole the whole group is standing around the
Speaker 1: husson color and basically we're supposed to stand, not set.
Speaker 2: Everyone stands.
Speaker 1: Everyone stands, but you know, there's a lot of some
Speaker 1: people sit also. But basically you said you stand around
Speaker 1: because of the bruchs that are being said. Also because
Speaker 1: during the hipper, the souls of the of the ancestors
Speaker 1: come down and stand there too. Yeah, and this is
Speaker 1: a very very holy moment because first of all, the
Speaker 1: souls don't want to leave where they're going. Then they
Speaker 1: pushed out of there. Go go, go down, because this
Speaker 1: is your descendants doing a mitz for now, and they
Speaker 1: are sent out from their comfort zone nargand no or
Speaker 1: ingand know wherever they are, you know, and have to
Speaker 1: come down to this krippan. So you can imagine how
Speaker 1: emotional the hip is when you think, my mother is here,
Speaker 1: my father is here, like let's say my age, you know,
Speaker 1: and my grandparents are here. It's very very holy. Now
Speaker 1: the Huston is going to do something that's going to
Speaker 1: sanctify this woman to him, and he takes a simple
Speaker 1: gold ring and he says the words that say I
Speaker 1: make you makadish to me with this ring. Basically those
Speaker 1: are the words, and everybody says, muzzletovchdacious. So this is
Speaker 1: the the whole point of the In other words, he
Speaker 1: says this out loud. Everybody should know that from now on,
Speaker 1: she's mine. She's mine, and then there are the blessings,
Speaker 1: the seven. Then come the seven blessings. She doesn't give
Speaker 1: a ring, no, he takes her.
Speaker 2: It's not an equal, it's.
Speaker 1: Not it's not democratic. He takes her to be his wife,
Speaker 1: and this is a very very This is the focal
Speaker 1: of the whole hipper. Then come the blessings on the
Speaker 1: couple and on the you know their future, and and
Speaker 1: seven blessings. Then comes the part where the huston breaks
Speaker 1: a glass right, also as a h Once he breaks
Speaker 1: the glass, everybody screams muzzled, and a whole simple starts.
Speaker 1: And this is a simple that if you haven't seen it,
Speaker 1: you don't know what simphra means. You have to be
Speaker 1: there to see what means. Happiness and the crowd everybody,
Speaker 1: everybody is so happy for the Houston color. But but
Speaker 1: the condition. I'm not finished yet. Now he goes with her,
Speaker 1: He takes her avel is picked up. He takes her hand.
Speaker 1: He's supposed to take her hand. Your mind, come with me,
Speaker 1: and he takes the first. It's the first time they
Speaker 1: hold hands, right, And there's a symbolic reason for this.
Speaker 1: Your mind, right, come with me. They go to the
Speaker 1: Ikage stable. The Ifage table is a room where only
Speaker 1: the Houston Color go into for about the hasidim. I
Speaker 1: think it's nine minutes by themselves and it is not
Speaker 1: to consummate the marriage. And they go went there with
Speaker 1: IDAs with witnesses who checked the room that there's nobody
Speaker 1: else in the room. The room is they too, are
Speaker 1: there alone for the first time outside the witnesses. The
Speaker 1: Color goes into the room first, and the Houston goes
Speaker 1: into the room and the door closes, and the two
Speaker 1: witnesses were Iidas that this couple went in there alone.
Speaker 1: And they're timed nine minutes. Nine minutes. The door's open.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: And what they do in there is they can do
Speaker 1: whatever they want except comes to make them. So now
Speaker 1: the parents rush in. They were going to put a
Speaker 1: wig on the color.
Speaker 3: Wait, but during the nine minutes, the couple's really spending
Speaker 3: for the first time.
Speaker 1: They spend it for the first time alone. And they're
Speaker 1: supposed to wash and eat, start to eat because they
Speaker 1: fasted all day.
Speaker 2: They're breaking the fast.
Speaker 1: Exactly how do they.
Speaker 3: Break the awkward silence or the awkwardness between them.
Speaker 1: It's none of our business. It's the couple business. Nobody's
Speaker 1: supposed to ask them such a question.
Speaker 5: I see, okay, okay, you don't go into say mustletop
Speaker 5: and say hey, how did you break this.
Speaker 1: Very very private, very very private, and it stays private
Speaker 1: mostly except when you're blacked.
Speaker 2: Your friends, which I think a lot of people do.
Speaker 1: Some people not somebody some people. Yeah, So now the
Speaker 1: mothers Russian have to you know, take off the put
Speaker 1: the wig on. The makeup ladies in there putting a makeup,
Speaker 1: and the photographers rush in because this is like a mitzvah,
Speaker 1: you know, to have photographers by the it can't happen.
Speaker 2: You're being sarcused.
Speaker 1: Because I'm being sarcast It makes the whole, It makes
Speaker 1: the whole beauty of the moment, so business like, you know,
Speaker 1: stand hair standing, look hair look there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because they're they're being posed for and they're.
Speaker 1: Coming from a holy moment, and all of a sudden
Speaker 1: it goes like from shabas to oh shabas. You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a stark difference from this.
Speaker 1: Very very stark, very serious, serious holy. There's a holiness
Speaker 1: to the wedding to the ripper.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Okay. Meanwhile, the guests are coming in to the.
Speaker 2: Whole from from being outside.
Speaker 1: For the rip, and the dinner starts. The dinner starts.
Speaker 1: Everybody's sitting at the dinner and the color is being
Speaker 1: prepared for the grand entrance? Who's color being prepared for
Speaker 1: the grand entrance? The first time they're going to be
Speaker 1: seen in public, in front of everybody, not only the Hipper,
Speaker 1: but in front of the world, the whole world could be,
Speaker 1: you know, together, So it's it's like it's like the
Speaker 1: longer waited moment that they're waited for. They waited for
Speaker 1: people wait to see them together coming in. She's not
Speaker 1: wearing a veil in front of her face anymore.
Speaker 2: This that she's wearing a wing.
Speaker 1: Now who knows no, not always who no, who knows
Speaker 1: that she's wearing a win She is she is, but
Speaker 1: not shaved. No, not shaved yet. No no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's not no right, not shaved yet. So everybody awaits
Speaker 1: this moment, and mister and missus officially come into the
Speaker 1: wedding hall.
Speaker 2: But there's two wedding holes.
Speaker 1: Wait, but they're coming together. And he also holds her hand.
Speaker 1: He holds her hands to show that this is his
Speaker 1: anti feminist to say that she's his. But she is.
Speaker 1: That's the Hipper, That's what it's all about. And so
Speaker 1: the public to know that this woman belongs to this man.
Speaker 1: Only it's symbolized. There's a lot of things. So when
Speaker 1: they come in together, there's this Michigan of music that
Speaker 1: you would think machi.
Speaker 2: But backtrack first.
Speaker 3: Yes, so we've discussed three parts of the wedding, the
Speaker 3: and the meal.
Speaker 1: Right, the ichetible, those are the three parts of condition
Speaker 1: it is in conditioned, and the ikage TiVo. Those are the
Speaker 1: three parts of the ceremony.
Speaker 3: The couple is eating privately, they're breaking the fast or
Speaker 3: spending their time.
Speaker 1: I don't know what they're doing in there. It's a secret.
Speaker 2: It's it's a secret, of course we're not talking about
Speaker 2: but they are in a private room while the guests
Speaker 2: are having a meal. Yes, and the meal is like
Speaker 2: a three course meal, basically.
Speaker 1: Very fancy meal, and it's has Everybody who's sitting by
Speaker 1: the meal is full of happiness because first of all,
Speaker 1: they're doing a mitzvah. You came to be miss A
Speaker 1: Maya Husakala and you're sitting with friends and relatives, and
Speaker 1: there's such a happy atmosphere. They're just such a happiness
Speaker 1: to be sitting together and eating and spending like this
Speaker 1: holy time together. So the whole atmosphere, the whole vibe
Speaker 1: is the simpler, very simple. So can we come in
Speaker 1: to them? Can we come down? So the hoost and
Speaker 1: collar walking holding hands, and right away his loyal guards
Speaker 1: are standing. In other words, they come into the women's side.
Speaker 1: They're coming to the women's side. He's bringing the color
Speaker 1: to the women. He is bringing the color to the women.
Speaker 1: How does he get out of there? Poor guy?
Speaker 2: You know, because all the women are waiting to see her.
Speaker 1: And all her friends are standing in two lines. She
Speaker 1: has to run through a.
Speaker 2: Bunch of bridges.
Speaker 1: So his his, his parents, his father in law, his
Speaker 1: brothers are standing on the side of the door. And
Speaker 1: as soon as she goes, they grab him and run
Speaker 1: into the men with him and now his big boy
Speaker 1: but by the men, they put him on a chair,
Speaker 1: they dance with him, and there's such a feeling of
Speaker 1: extreme happiness in the hall. And the music now switches
Speaker 1: to instead of dinner music, switches to this very very happy,
Speaker 1: happy music, and there's dancing by the men, there's dancing
Speaker 1: by the women separately, but it's a huge feeling of
Speaker 1: simha of happiness, real happiness in the hall where in
Speaker 1: the hall you know all the people, even the kids
Speaker 1: who are there. The whole place is rocking, you know,
Speaker 1: And the most important thing over here is that the
Speaker 1: music should be kosher music, should be Hassidisher music. Somehow
Speaker 1: what drifted in is non Hasidish music, which which I
Speaker 1: personally find very offensive. What kind of music what sounds
Speaker 1: to me like like nightclub music, like disco music, that's
Speaker 1: like disco and it has very very nut. It doesn't
Speaker 1: happen right away because the first dance is for the
Speaker 1: color with her mother, and it's still very conscedious music.
Speaker 1: The second dance is with the colors mother in law, right,
Speaker 1: and then come the grandmothers, and then come the ants,
Speaker 1: and then come to cousins. And then by the time
Speaker 1: everybody who is first in line sort of all the
Speaker 1: friends and the whole place everybody's dancing the grandmother's, the mother's,
Speaker 1: the friends, the cousins, the ants. Everybody is really the
Speaker 1: simpa and.
Speaker 3: You're dancing a big circles and little circles.
Speaker 1: It depends, you know, keeps moving. It's very changing changing.
Speaker 1: There's not like a hard and fast rule.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but like if you see a small circle that's
Speaker 3: your sisters, let's say, then you go to that circle,
Speaker 3: and then that circle.
Speaker 1: Does is dancing. So there's different circles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's constantly circles.
Speaker 1: Yeah, circles, Yeah, you can, there's no once. Once the
Speaker 1: main important people finish their dance, then everybody can dance
Speaker 1: whichever with whomever they like, whichever way they want. But mainly,
Speaker 1: mainly the big circles always around the color. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: is always encircled by a group of whoever, friends, cousins, whatever,
Speaker 1: but she is always the center of the circle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 3: And there's one way that the Color dances like one
Speaker 3: two one.
Speaker 1: To depends, depends, depends. That's how she dresses with grandmothers.
Speaker 1: But and this takes a long time because by the
Speaker 1: time the host and color come in, most of the
Speaker 1: meal is finished.
Speaker 2: What time at night is it usually.
Speaker 1: Ten thirty eleven ish, And the tables are moved away
Speaker 1: ready by then, so that there's a large area to
Speaker 1: dancing until they bring in the v the holy Viennese table.
Speaker 2: I'm detecting sarcasm again.
Speaker 1: Yes, what is a Viennese table? Junk every kind of
Speaker 1: junk food you could think of. It's like people that
Speaker 1: are deprived. They have jump food and the only time
Speaker 1: they see it is by a wedding, and everybody has
Speaker 1: to eat from that Viennese table because it's a big mitsu.
Speaker 1: That's how they act, that's how we act. I'm not
Speaker 1: excluding anyways. Then comes like sort of to some people,
Speaker 1: the highlight of the wedding midstones.
Speaker 2: So the dancing ends, and.
Speaker 1: At one point the dancing ends. At some point the
Speaker 1: dancing ends, and most guests go home. Most just so
Speaker 1: a long time home home by then already, and the
Speaker 1: family it's past midnight, at least at least at least
Speaker 1: past midnight. The family stays, the family of the bride,
Speaker 1: and the groom stays. The bride comes into the men's
Speaker 1: side for these festivities, and she has a certain place
Speaker 1: she sits down. And in other words, even though there's
Speaker 1: not a mariita in the room, the men stay on
Speaker 1: one side and women are on the other side. But
Speaker 1: it's like permissible because it's only family, any family, and
Speaker 1: because the main mitzah are being kitsu naragh and the
Speaker 1: lifnai har color, the men are now going to dance
Speaker 1: from the color that's the mitza for them, so there
Speaker 1: has to be men and women in the same room.
Speaker 3: Pearl asked me to add here very important to clarify
Speaker 3: that at this point of the night, the groom, the rusin,
Speaker 3: goes to the women section, the place where all the
Speaker 3: women are sitting in the same part of the ballroom,
Speaker 3: to sit right next to his bride.
Speaker 1: And there is a bathroom. I don't know how you
Speaker 1: say a ba in English.
Speaker 2: It's a rhyming entertainer. No does he make jokes still nowadays.
Speaker 1: Wait, once upon a time, the closest definition that I
Speaker 1: could come to would be a holy gesture. Interesting, and
Speaker 1: he speaks in rhyme. He speaks in rhyme. And what's
Speaker 1: his what's his job? His job is to call give
Speaker 1: this honor to the men to dance before the color.
Speaker 1: Certain men are called up, they are called up. This
Speaker 1: is only for the men. The women they're dancing is finished.
Speaker 1: They could sit down and moan about their feet. So
Speaker 1: who is called up? The closest relatives. Basically, it's the
Speaker 1: closest relatives. And this holy gesture speaks in rhyme and
Speaker 1: says nice things about them, you know, nice things about them.
Speaker 1: And in my time they used to really be Miss
Speaker 1: Maia the Houston in color by saying jokes, holy jokes.
Speaker 1: It wasn't you know, just plain jokes. It was people left,
Speaker 1: the color left, the people left. It was a very
Speaker 1: festive atmosphere. You know today, I don't know. These holy
Speaker 1: gestures changed everything. And they make such a sad a
Speaker 1: mitzva dans, which I believe that they they're not being
Speaker 1: the Sumi of the Houston color. Interesting, if the Hussin
Speaker 1: Kala sit by the mitz with dance and cry, I
Speaker 1: think they're defeating the whole purpose of being the Sumaria
Speaker 1: of the Huston color. But they claim it's a very
Speaker 1: holy moment. I don't think so. I think the whole
Speaker 1: purpose was a very holy moment. But I'm not a rabbi.
Speaker 1: I'm not you know, I'm just just my personal feeling
Speaker 1: because I hate to see people crying by mitz with dance.
Speaker 1: It's such a happy occasion. It's it's the combination of
Speaker 1: the wedding. It's and it's and and there is the
Speaker 1: mitzvah making Houston Cola happy. Not cry. You did this
Speaker 1: by the ripper, not now. But anyway, this is my
Speaker 1: personal what do you call it? Campaign? So they call up,
Speaker 1: let's say, the the uncles now because the families are
Speaker 1: so large, once upon a time, each uncle was called
Speaker 1: up separately separately, and he was, you know, giving this
Speaker 1: whole song and dance about who he is, what his
Speaker 1: yes is. Today they call up all the uncles together
Speaker 1: and mention each uncle's name, and the color has a gardle.
Speaker 1: What's a gardle.
Speaker 3: It's a long long belt that Asidic men wrap around
Speaker 3: their waist when.
Speaker 2: They doesn't when they pray.
Speaker 1: It's a long black knitted belt. Knitted belt, right, it.
Speaker 2: Goes around the waist at least three times.
Speaker 1: So the color is holding on to one end, and
Speaker 1: all the uncles are holding on to the other hand,
Speaker 1: and their uncles are dancing while the Color is standing
Speaker 1: there and holding out because she is for whom they
Speaker 1: are dancing.
Speaker 2: Aha, So they're dancing.
Speaker 1: Kate madagdan Lifnai hakala before the color. They are dancing
Speaker 1: for her. She is being honored by their dancing for her.
Speaker 1: I Meanwhile, the music is playing and it's supposedly is
Speaker 1: not supposed to take too long. And then the huston
Speaker 1: and then they make their own circle them in they
Speaker 1: leave go of the garth, and the Houston is taken
Speaker 1: in to dance a little bit with his uncles. Fine,
Speaker 1: everybody sits down. The Holy gesture is at it again.
Speaker 1: Now he's calling different people. Now the climax of this
Speaker 1: is the the Houston color dancing together. But before that
Speaker 1: comes the part with a parent. The fathers are dancing
Speaker 1: with the color. Now all of the men besides the
Speaker 1: father dance with the color with this gardle. Right, the
Speaker 1: color's father dances holding onto her hands. And it's pretty
Speaker 1: emotional because it's like father, It's like it's like it's
Speaker 1: like she's not she's going out of your house into
Speaker 1: somebody else's house. You know. It's like it's like the
Speaker 1: you know, you get married, you leave you the nest. Okay,
Speaker 1: here you cry?
Speaker 2: You cry at this point.
Speaker 1: It's emotional, but I'm not saying you have to. Nobody's
Speaker 1: making you cry. Nobody's saying things to make you bore.
Speaker 1: I see, I see no balling.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, people are teary, right, you know. And then
Speaker 1: the color's father dances with the hands, and the host's
Speaker 1: father dancers with the gardle. And then comes the big moment,
Speaker 1: the wholes and color going to dance together in front
Speaker 1: of all these people. People have never never touched the boy,
Speaker 1: girls who have never touched the boy and a boy
Speaker 1: dancing with a girl whom he has never ever touched,
Speaker 1: and they're dancing in public. You know, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: it's in a way, it's don't think so. For the
Speaker 1: they're saying, aishus kail a woman of valor. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: So this is this is what the men sing every
Speaker 1: Friday night when they come home for shul. The cover
Speaker 1: there the women folk, and it's pretty emotional, but nobody
Speaker 1: is really crying. It's people are standing and they're watching,
Speaker 1: and it's it's a holy moment. And then when that's over,
Speaker 1: everybody goes home, including the Hussan Cala, going home together
Speaker 1: for the first time and starting a new life together.
Speaker 1: So have we covered it all?
Speaker 2: I think we've covered it all. It's like three in
Speaker 2: the morning by now.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's about three four o'clock in the morning. Yes.
Speaker 1: The next morning, her mother comes and cuts her hair off.
Speaker 1: This is the big mitsvah byous by hasidam. For the
Speaker 1: rest of her life, she has to have her head covered,
Speaker 1: whether she has hair or not, especially she has hair.
Speaker 1: No man is allowed to see her head uncovered except
Speaker 1: her husband. And women you know, get used to they
Speaker 1: know this is what they're getting married for. This is
Speaker 1: no this is life from now on, and you get
Speaker 1: used to it and you don't even becomes part of you.
Speaker 3: And also you you have such a big life changing
Speaker 3: experience with.
Speaker 1: Now looking so yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you're wearing But
Speaker 1: also it's one of the minor things in this life
Speaker 1: changing event.
Speaker 3: It's not a major eventing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's not. It's not the biggest deal for me.
Speaker 1: It definitely wasn't for me neither. I mean, you're you're
Speaker 1: for the first.
Speaker 3: Time living outside of your parents' house by yourself but
Speaker 3: a boy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, your own age.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's very momentous, you know. And then so
Speaker 1: for the next seven days, the couple is honored with
Speaker 1: a dinners every night and the seven blessings are said
Speaker 1: again that were said by the ripper, and everybody who
Speaker 1: comes is also coming to be Missamaya Husingakala to shave
Speaker 1: a broughs. And it's also festive. It's very festive. Sometimes
Speaker 1: people have like they don't have these people who you know,
Speaker 1: who speak like like a holy gesture. But now they're
Speaker 1: not making anybody cry. They're only saying nice and funny things.
Speaker 1: Some people have it. There's some form of entertainment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there could be. That doesn't have to be, but there
Speaker 1: could be some form of entertainment for the people.
Speaker 2: Can you give an example of a joke that a
Speaker 2: batron would make.
Speaker 1: You'll have to translate it. This. This was during the
Speaker 1: time when Mayor Kouch was mayor and the bathroom was saying,
Speaker 1: Mayor Kouch is a bachelor. Why doesn't he want to
Speaker 1: get married? Why why isn't he married? He's afraid that
Speaker 1: people are going to say over there goes catch me.
Speaker 1: The is the female version of It's not the female version,
Speaker 1: but in our parlance in Hungarian, we would say after
Speaker 1: a woman's after the name of a woman. Ah, that guy,
Speaker 1: that guy Brown with the bronca, I don't catch.
Speaker 5: Me catch him, he's Doug. Yeah, he could have changed
Speaker 5: his name and gotten married. Should he never got married?
Speaker 5: That's so funny. I love this dated joke. The jokes
Speaker 5: are often about marriage.
Speaker 1: And always about marriage. Oh it's about the husband taking
Speaker 1: out the guard. But things like that, and they give
Speaker 1: him and they give him instructions, you know what to do,
Speaker 1: what not to do. It's you could laugh, you really
Speaker 1: really laugh.
Speaker 2: A lot of old fashioned joke.
Speaker 3: I remember a lot of old fashioned jokes about how
Speaker 3: men put.
Speaker 2: Up with these terrible wives.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, after the seven days of shave Bros.
Speaker 2: Which the biggest shave bros is shavas.
Speaker 1: There is a shavros. Yeah, and when its and it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's the seventh day. It could be the
Speaker 1: third day. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but che falls sas is like a mini wedding.
Speaker 1: No, there's no dancing, there's.
Speaker 2: No dancing, but there's like so much to do.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, it's only the main part of
Speaker 1: that shape bros. Is that the hussin has to be
Speaker 1: called to datya again and now his rebitson can be
Speaker 1: there too. There because there is for her for her,
Speaker 1: there's something called shield feed, all right. So her parents,
Speaker 1: the women, the women of the family will go up
Speaker 1: either to the this house or to the Colors house
Speaker 1: and escort her to shoe as a married woman for
Speaker 1: the first time.
Speaker 3: Oh sweet, I meant shave Brooks is a big deal
Speaker 3: in terms of how intensive it is for the parents
Speaker 3: who are marrying off a child, because it's like hosting
Speaker 3: various meals and guests.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but everything today is catered. You can't. You
Speaker 1: can't do this yourself. Everything is catered and many people
Speaker 1: who are not who missed the wedding will come shop
Speaker 1: a Chevy Brooks. They'll come to same mazlet because they
Speaker 1: missed the wedding, they weren't here or they had something
Speaker 1: going on, so they'll come to the shop Chevy Brooks
Speaker 1: just the same muzzle tugh and then they lived happily
Speaker 1: ever after. You have to explain o shoon. The husband
Speaker 1: and wife have got to be together as much as
Speaker 1: much as pole, meaning that the husband can't go on
Speaker 1: a business trip. You have to stay. The couple has
Speaker 1: to stay together for the first year and they have
Speaker 1: to be They have to stay together as much as
Speaker 1: not as they possibly can.
Speaker 2: They have an opportunity to really get to know each other.
Speaker 1: To bond. They get to know each other right over here.
Speaker 1: It's getting to know each other. And the first time
Speaker 1: they're walking the streets and shaven BLUs and they're so shy,
Speaker 1: and they're wearing this gorgeous clothing. Both of them dressed
Speaker 1: shabas dig.
Speaker 2: They dressed shops for the whole first week, so you.
Speaker 1: Can for the the weak is shavy Brooks. They are
Speaker 1: dress shops. They are the King and Queen, and I
Speaker 1: wonder what people think when they see them going around
Speaker 1: people who don't know our lifestyle and see all of
Speaker 1: a sudden this couple that's dressed Shabas Digg, which which
Speaker 1: they know about. All of a sudden, what's the occasion,
Speaker 1: you know?
Speaker 3: Yeah, when I give a tour and I see a
Speaker 3: couple and they're dressed in shop, and I find that
Speaker 3: it's hard to impress on my guests. But this is.
Speaker 1: A special, special, special, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Especially here goes a newly wet.
Speaker 1: Couple of Brian. Everybody, everybody looks after them. Everybody is
Speaker 1: like so like happy for them. Yeah, it's like an
Speaker 1: very special Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much for sharing so many of
Speaker 3: these rich traditions I have them, I have. I want
Speaker 3: to go out on hearing, in particular from you, how
Speaker 3: you would say things were different many years ago when
Speaker 3: you got married.
Speaker 1: What's what's different? Things change? Nothing is different. It's all
Speaker 1: exactly the same as far as as the you know,
Speaker 1: the necessary things. It's the out is the music, it's
Speaker 1: the I don't know, basically, I would say it's the music.
Speaker 2: What do you think we didn't talk about we should
Speaker 2: have nothing. What do you feel is valuable to impart
Speaker 2: to outsiders who want to know about our wedding traditions.
Speaker 1: The holiness of it, the extreme momentous occasion of it,
Speaker 1: and although we allow divorce, the toya allows divorce, right,
Speaker 1: But we want to impress upon ourselves, the couple, the public,
Speaker 1: how holy marriage is, how it's not to be taken lightly.
Speaker 1: You know, it's not to be taken like, oh I
Speaker 1: cannot do this. No, it's it's it's it's it's supposed
Speaker 1: to be forever, yeah, and to live in happiness and
Speaker 1: then support of each other.
Speaker 3: What do you think is the point at which the
Speaker 3: couple really starts to become more than just two people
Speaker 3: who are being put together.
Speaker 1: But with time, with time, and certainly children bring them together.
Speaker 1: But even if it takes a while to have children,
Speaker 1: time brings the closeness spending time together. Like you say,
Speaker 1: they're living with each other.
Speaker 2: Is there an emphasis on them to grow to love
Speaker 2: each other?
Speaker 1: One percent?
Speaker 2: Who emphasizes it, who teaches.
Speaker 1: It to the toy, the toilet expects it. If it
Speaker 1: says that you have to let Ayachu komijo love your neighbor,
Speaker 1: your friend, as yourself, how much more so a husband
Speaker 1: and a wife. It doesn't even need explanation.
Speaker 3: I love that I have to say what I take
Speaker 3: away from this discussion today. I'm always very fascinated by
Speaker 3: the wedding rituals in the city community, especially because it's
Speaker 3: so structured and similar from one wedding today. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 3: But what I take away today is the mitzvah, the
Speaker 3: good deed of participating in.
Speaker 2: It's really hard when you keep having weddings.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's very hard. Sometimes you go simply because you
Speaker 1: know you're going to make the people happy, not because
Speaker 1: it's you're happy, not because it's your comfort. You're going
Speaker 1: because you want to make because because of the mitsvah
Speaker 1: you want to make. You want to make the jus
Speaker 1: kala happy, you want to make the mahtunam happy, you know,
Speaker 1: the parents or the grandparents whatever. It's so appreciated. I
Speaker 1: know when I when somebody comes to ours myself, I
Speaker 1: am so thankful to them, and they really make me happy.
Speaker 1: They really add to the happiness.
Speaker 3: You know, all the weddings you've been to in your life,
Speaker 3: you've spent pretty much the entire time without your husband
Speaker 3: because he's in the men's section.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 2: Why good?
Speaker 1: Because men and women together are a whole different dynamic.
Speaker 1: It's a completely different dynamic. I don't want my husband
Speaker 1: looking at any other women. Ah okay, and he's there
Speaker 1: with the men. They don't look at all the men.
Speaker 1: And it's an avida for a man. It's an avitor
Speaker 1: for a man to look at a woman. Did you
Speaker 1: know that? It's a sin?
Speaker 2: So I what about the dynamic among the women?
Speaker 1: No, total different story, you know, it's it's very it's
Speaker 1: good that there's no other gender there because you understand.
Speaker 1: We understand each other, you know, Yeah, and I don't know.
Speaker 1: We love spending time with each other. And you spend
Speaker 1: time with your husband in the house with the children. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know vice versa. They too.
Speaker 2: Wonderful. Anything else we miss.
Speaker 1: No, but you have a lot of good questions, missus.
Speaker 2: I love this discussion, Thank you so much. I love
Speaker 2: the subject placidic uddings. Everyone I think on the internet
Speaker 2: love So you see these videos? Yeah, yeah, yes, are amazing. Well,
Speaker 2: thank you so much, very very very welcome.
Speaker 3: Many thanks to the wedding footage of our beloved friend
Speaker 3: by lu and Smillie Feldman. Schmilli is a a Citic
Speaker 3: workout trainer whom I have interviewed on my channel about
Speaker 3: his innovative work in the acidic community. I'm so grateful
Speaker 3: to him and his wife for sharing their wedding footage,
Speaker 3: and I will share his training work in the link below.