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Speaker 1: His voice broke the silence between us. There's actually something

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I've been hiding from you. I looked up from the notepader,

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my knee, my pen resting between my fingers. He sat

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with his spine drawn inward, shoulders slightly collapsed toward each other,

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and palms pressed flat against the tops of his thighs,

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a man always trying to make himself smaller. His eyes,

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shadowed by fatigue, were fixed on something on the ground.

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I didn't say anything right away. I'd learned over time

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that interruptions could break fragile moments like these. I'd been

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his therapist for a little over a year. From the

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very first session, I had sensed that his pain ran

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deeper than most. He had peeled it back slowly, as

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if uncertain whether it was even worth sharing. In that time,

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I'd come to know him as someone who had endured

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a kind of persistent misfortune that no rational explanation could

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account for. The world, it seemed, had made a project

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out of breaking him. I leaned back slightly in my chair,

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careful not to make the movement abrupt. The window beside

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us caught a thin wash of afternoon light spilling across

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the rug between us. I folded my hands and asked,

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keeping my voice low, what is it that you've been

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holding back? He shifted in his seat, fingers tapping against

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his knee. Whatever it was, it was hard for him

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to say, but something had changed. There was a weight

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to the moment, attention in the room that hadn't been

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there before. I've been able to see him for a

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long time, he said, But I I didn't tell you

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because I thought you'd think it meant I was really

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losing it. I didn't want you to think I was crazy.

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There was a brief pause. Then his name is mister Grin. Oh, well,

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that's what I call him. I stayed quiet and nodded

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slowly to encourage him. There had been no mention of

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him before, no allusions to a stalker or a delusion

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this specific. I was certain of it. There was a

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different presence in the room now, one shaped by the

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tension in his voice and the stillness in his eyes.

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And I remember thinking, as he kept his gaze averted

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and began to speak again, that whatever this was, whatever

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mister Grinn meant to him, it had been festering for decades.

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It started the night my mother died, he said, I

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was sitting in the waiting area with my father. He

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took a shallow breath and kept his gaze down. There

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were two vending machines in the hallway and a payphone

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across from them. My father and I were just waiting

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for them to tell us. I already knew though she

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had been out of it for days. He paused for

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a moment and scratched at the skin on his forearm

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through the fabric of his jacket. When the nurse came

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out and said it, I don't know. I guess I

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didn't cry. I just sort of sat there. She gave

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me this little squeeze on the shoulder and walked away.

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My father told me to stay still while he finished

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something up, and that everything is going to be okay.

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I remember going outside. I couldn't breathe inside anymore. I

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went at the side entrance. There was a meta bench

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near the ambulance bay. That's when I saw him. His

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voice cracked faintly when he said it. I leaned forward

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just slightly. There was a fence that ran along the

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edge of the lot, past it with trees, but the

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hospital kept a floodlight above the utility building, so it

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was never completely dark out there. The light was flickering

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that night, you know when it doesn't fully cut out,

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just buzzes and dims. That's how it was. He was

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standing there, just beyond the reach of the light. I

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thought maybe he was a janitor or a security guy.

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But he wasn't wearing a badge. Just this pale white

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jumper looked soft, almost fleece. The arms were long, they

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hung past his waist, almost to the tops of his knees.

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His shoulders were dropped but curved forward, like his back

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was pulling inward. I couldn't see much of his face

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at first, the light was behind him, but there was

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this grin I guess. The corners of his mouth stretched

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nearly to the side of his cheeks. His skin had

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these lines carved in deep, like he'd been smiling for years,

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and his face had just given up trying to do

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anything else. He lifted his hand briefly and touched the

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corner of his own mouth, drawing an invisible shape in

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the form of a smile. Then his hand fell back

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into his lap. I looked away for a second. I

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think I was wiping my eyes, or maybe just trying

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to shake it off, but When I looked back, he

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was gone. I hadn't slept. My mom had just died.

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I didn't even mention it to the nurses or anyone.

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I just went back inside to my father and left.

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He raised his head slowly and met my eyes for

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the first time since he started talking. A strange man, right,

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that's all. But then I saw him again. The next

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time it happened was after my father passed, but the

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time after that would come around a decade later, he said,

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his voice now steadier. It was a few months after

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I'd started college. I'd worked my butt off to get in,

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had no back up plan. Then out of nowhere, I

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got this notice from the administration office saying my financial

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aid had been revoked. There was a discrepancy in some paperwork.

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They said it was a clerical error. I remember thinking,

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no one makes that kind of mistake, at least not

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by accident. He scratched the inside of his wrist again

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and blinked, But he wasn't really with me in the

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office any more. That night, I couldn't sleep. I was

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up reading emails, trying to figure out who to contact.

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My roommate was passed out headphones on, snoring. I got

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up and walked over to the window my dorm overlooked

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the quad, and there he was, his voice tropped, standing

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right in the middle of it, in the dark, arms

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at his side, just the same as he had looked

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all those years ago, almost glowing in the moonlight. I

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didn't know what to think at the time. I hadn't

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seen him since I was a kid. I thought he

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was just something like a kid's delusion. He didn't move,

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he said, didn't do much of anything, just watched. I

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closed the blinds and sat back in my bed, told

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myself I was just tired, like I always did. His

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throat bob slightly as he swallowed. His eyes were glassy now,

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though no tears came. It kept happening every time something

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fell apart. When my roommates stole from me, cleaned me out,

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and vanished overnight, I came home and found him standing

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at the end of the hallway outside my dorm room.

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He was closer than I could see more of him.

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His hands moved to his temples, pressing gently. He's been

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there through everything. When I got fired for my first

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real job, when my girlfriend left me, when I couldn't

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pay rent any more and had to sleep in my

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car for two weeks, always watching as these things were happening.

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I hadn't even noticed he'd been getting closer each time.

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I opened my mouth to finally speak, but he beat

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me to it. I don't know how long I can

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keep talking. I have to say this before I lose

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my nerve. If I think too much about it, I

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won't finish. I'll back out, and then he'll keep eating

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at me. He leaned back in the chair and stared

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toward the floor for several seconds, then reached slowly into

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the front pocket of his coat. He pulled out his

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phone with a slow, hesitant motion. His fingers trembled faintly

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as he unlocked it and tapped through the screen. Here,

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he said, I filmed him last night for you. He

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turned the screen toward me and press play. The footage

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began with the camera pointed toward the carpet. The audio

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picked up his shallow breathing, occasional rustling, and the faint

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sound of floorboards creaking under foot. It was dark, with

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the glow from the digital clock provided a faint illumination.

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The video shifted as he raised the phone. It panned

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up and centered on a doorway, with the edges of

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the frame slightly out of focus. He said nothing while

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it played, just watched me and my reaction. When the

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video ended, I glanced back at him. He leaned forward

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and whispered, that's where he stands every night. He doesn't

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sharpen video. But I see him. I swear to you,

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I see him. He had a kind of pleading beneath

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the exhaustion of his expression. He wasn't trying to convince me.

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He wasn't even looking for validation. Have you ever considered that,

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mister grim might be a kind of projection, a figure

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shaped by everything you've been through, your grief, your isolation,

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maybe something your mind created to contain the pain. His

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jaw tightened. It wasn't an angry reaction, but something deeper.

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His fingers clenched the edge of his chair. He looked

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down and gave a small, sharp shake of his head.

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I've taken pills, he said, risperidone, halloparidol, quatiepine for years,

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off and on. I've seen neurologists, psychiatrists. I even stayed

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in a clinic of state for a month. Nothing touches him,

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he stays. His voice had gone thin, with a breathless quality,

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as if the words were trying to outrun something behind them.

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I thought about suggesting another specialist, someone who could reevaluate

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his medication regimen, but before I could speak, his voice

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broke through again, lower now uncertain, would you come over tonight,

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he asked, just for a bit, please. The words sounded

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awkward coming from him, as if he'd rehearse them and

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was still unsure whether he should be saying them out loud.

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He rubbed the side of his neck, eyes fixed on

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the carpet. I haven't had anyone stay over in years,

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he continued. I don't even really talk to anyone any

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more outside of here. I just I don't want to

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be alone tonight. I know he'll come. I always know

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when he's going to I hesitated. Every part of my

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training told me this wasn't appropriate. It blurred boundaries and

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created complications. I had spent a career keeping my clients

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at a careful distance for this exact reason. But the

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expression on his face disarmed me. He looked like he'd surrendered.

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I nodded slowly. All right, I said, but just for

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a few hours. He didn't thank me. He just looked away.

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And I knew he hadn't been expecting me to say yes.

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His building sat wedge between a shuttered laundromat and a

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currency exchange that I lost half the letters on its sign.

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The sun had started to sink behind the skyline, casting

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along his streaks across the narrow sidewalk. I buzzed this unit,

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and the door clicked open before I could step back. Oh,

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come in, he said, stepping aside. The space was small.

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The smell of dust and paper filled the air. The

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blinds were halfway drawn, casting broken shadows across a threadbare

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rug and a sagging love seat. There were stacks of

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bucks on the floor. He gestured to the kitchen table

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and we sat. He had already brewed tea, though I

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could tell from the way he moved that he didn't

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usually make it for more than one. We sat quietly

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at first, sipping from mismatched mugs. After some small talk,

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something about the vulnerability of this situation made me talk

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about my own problems. I moved into a new place

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a few months ago, I said, after that divorce, it's quiet,

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which I thought i'd want, But now it's there all

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the time. I don't know meals feel wrong. I still

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find myself reaching for her side of the bed in

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the morning. He looked up, surprised. I never thought about

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you having stuff going on, he said. I guess I

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always pictured you going home and just, I don't know,

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being fine. We both laughed. He leaned forward a little.

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You know, I feel guilty sometimes I sit here and

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pour all this out on you. I don't think I've

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ever asked how you're doing. You're not supposed to, I said,

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and took another sip of tea. We sat in silence,

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but it was no longer uncomfortable. We finished our tea

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just after the sky turned dark. The orange streaks along

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the window blinds faded into a dull, stale blue, then

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vanished completely. He got up and moved toward the bedroom,

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gesturing for me to follow. The bedroom was sparse, a

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low mattress pressed into the far corner, one night stand

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beside it, scratched along the edges, and a pairing knife.

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I looked at him. He was pulling an extra pillow

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from the closet, placing it at the foot of the mattress,

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as if he had already decided that I'd take the

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chair in the corner. I nodded toward the knife. Do

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you usually sleep with that there? He glanced back, his

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face neutral. I don't use it, he said, 'is just

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for comfort if something ever happens, if he ever does anything,

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it helps me sleep knowing it's there. He wasn't offensive,

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but his tone didn't invite further questions either. I stared

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at it a moment longer, then sat down in the chair.

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People kept all sorts of things near their beds, flashlights, rosaries,

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baseball bats. Everyone had their own form of insurance. Still,

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a small ripple of hernease moved through my chest. He

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dimmed the lamp and sat on the edge of the bed.

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The room fell quiet, apart from the faint sound of

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traffic beyond the window. It had been nearly fifteen minutes

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of silence when he spoke again. He's close, he whispered,

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I can feel him. He was staring at the far wall.

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His shoulders had begun to curl inward, his hands gripped

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the edge of the mattress. I wasn't even really sure

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what to say to him. After this so called mister

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Grinn doesn't appear. I was sure he wouldn't. Of course,

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my thoughts always go fast. When he's near, they don't

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make sense. It's like I'm drowning in them, and they're

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pulling me lower and lower. He was describing depression kicking in.

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A heaviness settled across my shoulders, followed by a pressure

242
00:18:30,519 --> 00:18:34,759
in my chest. It felt like humidity, but without warmth.

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Goose bumps rose across my arms. I rubbed the back

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00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,200
of my neck, trying to shake it off, but the

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feeling only deepened. I don't know when exactly he appeared.

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One moment the corner of the room was empty, and

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the next the space had changed. There was no footstep

248
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or any other indication of movement. There was only a distortion,

249
00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:08,440
something off in the shape of the room itself, not

250
00:19:08,599 --> 00:19:12,839
physically but optically, as though the light around that spot

251
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:20,680
had lost direction. Then he stepped forward. He was tall,

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00:19:21,279 --> 00:19:26,440
his spine bent forward unnaturally, his necks stretched out, forcing

253
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his chin low toward his chest. His skin had a

254
00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:33,759
waxy pallor, but like the sheen of sweat or oil,

255
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the surface looked stretched, almost preserved. His lips never parted,

256
00:19:40,319 --> 00:19:43,920
but they stretched wide, deeper at the corners than what

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00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:49,759
should have been possible. And his eyes they didn't belong

258
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:55,960
in a human face clouded milky white with pinprick pupils

259
00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:01,599
buried beneath. I couldn't breathe. My body had gone still,

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00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:07,720
frozen in place, or my thoughts scattered. He was real

261
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My patience breathing had turned jagged. The mattress creaked beneath

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him as he reached toward the knight stand with a

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trembling arm. I can't, he whispered, I can't. He was

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00:20:24,079 --> 00:20:28,640
gripping the knife, his fingers closed around it. He held

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00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,079
it low, the blade angle toward the floor, as if

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unsure whether he intended to use it at all. His

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other hand clutched his thigh, gripping through the fabric of

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his pants. The muscles in his arms spaztened as he

269
00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:45,880
tried to lift the knife higher, but it was a

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00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:51,000
weak motion. I wanted to call out to him, but

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00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,440
my voice felt buried under a weight pressing into my chest.

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My legs refused to move. Every part of me had

273
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locked up. Mister Grinn, however, had no issues moving. When

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00:21:06,079 --> 00:21:10,640
he reached the bed. He extended one arm, his hands

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00:21:10,799 --> 00:21:15,319
closed around my patient's wrist, the one holding the knife,

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00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,640
the fingers wrapped around it completely The joints of his

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00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,720
hand flexed as he adjusted his grip, and I could

278
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:27,519
see that his fingers were disturbingly long. They curved downward,

279
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:31,960
rapping over the knuckles. He didn't yank the knife like

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00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,720
I thought he would have. Instead, he seemed to guide

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00:21:36,759 --> 00:21:42,559
my patient. He let out a soft gasp. His body resisted,

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00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:47,400
but his hand kept moving. The blade rose hovering near

283
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:53,920
my patient's wrist. Of his free hand. I his words

284
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:58,599
fell apart beneath his breath. Mister Grinn tilted his head further,

285
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:03,680
eyes fixed on the man's face. His grin never wavered.

286
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:10,640
He stared as if memorizing every feature. His eyes remained unfocused,

287
00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:15,240
but still locked onto him. My patience seemed to try

288
00:22:15,279 --> 00:22:20,079
fighting back, but to no avail. Then mister Grinn forced

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00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:24,480
my patient's hand and he started slicing the knife back

290
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:29,799
and forth. The knife slid across the skin, gliding through

291
00:22:29,839 --> 00:22:33,480
the soft flesh and veins of the wrist. The motion

292
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:38,519
was smooth, almost tender. His body jerked as a wet

293
00:22:38,599 --> 00:22:45,200
gasp slipped out of his mouth. My arms felt numb,

294
00:22:46,039 --> 00:22:50,319
but I still couldn't move from the chair. Blood poured

295
00:22:50,319 --> 00:22:54,200
from the wound in waves. The patient's chest heaved once,

296
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:59,440
then twice, and his eyes rolled upward. He made a

297
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:04,519
sound desperately wet. The handle of the knife trembled in

298
00:23:04,559 --> 00:23:11,000
his hand. Mister Grinn remained still. His hand lingered on

299
00:23:11,039 --> 00:23:15,119
the patient's wrist for a moment longer, then slipped away.

300
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,119
He stepped back into the corner from where he had

301
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:26,039
come from. Then he was gone. The space he occupied

302
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,160
simply ceased to contain him. One moment he was there,

303
00:23:30,799 --> 00:23:37,920
and the next there was only the wall. I rose

304
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,920
from the chair with a violent jolt, then knocked it backward.

305
00:23:41,759 --> 00:23:44,640
My knees buckled for a moment, and I stumbled toward

306
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:49,759
the bed. My patient was slumped forward, chin lowered. The

307
00:23:49,839 --> 00:23:54,880
floor beneath him had turned dark red and glossy. I

308
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,119
dropped to my knees beside him and reached for the knife.

309
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His fingers were still wrapped round the handle. Blood dripped

310
00:24:02,319 --> 00:24:06,519
from his eviscerated wrist under the floor in thick rivulets.

311
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Hold on, I said, My voice cracked. Stay with me, please,

312
00:24:15,279 --> 00:24:17,759
I thought, by pressing my hand into the wound to

313
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,759
try stem the bleeding. But I heard the sirens going

314
00:24:21,799 --> 00:24:25,880
off in my head. My thoughts raced forward faster than

315
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:31,200
my breath. The room closed in around me. I thought

316
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:35,720
of the knife. They would never believe I wasn't there.

317
00:24:37,799 --> 00:24:41,759
I stood up, backing toward the door. The floor creaked

318
00:24:41,799 --> 00:24:45,680
under my feet as I reached for the handle, using

319
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,119
the sleeves for my clothing to open it as to

320
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:53,519
not leave any prince. I looked back at him once more.

321
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:59,119
His body had gone still, his mouth hung slightly open.

322
00:25:00,079 --> 00:25:08,319
The knife remained in his hand. Then I turned and ran.

323
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I spent the next day in my car. I didn't

324
00:25:17,319 --> 00:25:20,759
go home. I didn't call anyone. I parked a town

325
00:25:20,839 --> 00:25:23,680
over and a lot behind a closed antique store and

326
00:25:23,799 --> 00:25:26,799
sat with the windows cracked until the sun went down.

327
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When it got dark, I drove around for hours, taking

328
00:25:31,799 --> 00:25:35,440
roads I hadn't used in years, trying to find intersections

329
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:39,880
that didn't lead me back to anything familiar. When I

330
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:44,440
finally walked through my front door, it all felt so cold.

331
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I kept the lights off. I didn't want to see.

332
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,279
I didn't want to look at my phone. I knew

333
00:25:52,319 --> 00:25:55,720
what story would be there eventually, and I didn't want

334
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,480
to see his name in a headline. I told myself

335
00:25:59,519 --> 00:26:02,319
it wasn't my fault. I told myself no one could

336
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:06,680
have helped him. But those words didn't land anywhere solid

337
00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:11,400
inside of me. They passed through and left nothing behind.

338
00:26:14,039 --> 00:26:17,720
Three mornings after I stopped returning calls, I stood in

339
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,599
my kitchen and made coffee. I had run out of sugar,

340
00:26:22,039 --> 00:26:25,599
the creamer had gone sour. I stirred the black liquid

341
00:26:25,599 --> 00:26:30,240
in slow, distracted circles, my body moving through the ritual

342
00:26:30,559 --> 00:26:35,359
while my mind wandered. It had started raining some time

343
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,279
before dawn, and the sidewalk across the street shone under

344
00:26:39,279 --> 00:26:44,640
the low light. I glanced through the kitchen window a

345
00:26:44,759 --> 00:26:48,799
man standing still beside the bus stop, half hidden behind

346
00:26:48,799 --> 00:26:52,920
the frame of a tree. He stood facing the window,

347
00:26:54,559 --> 00:27:00,640
facing me. He wore a white jumper, his shoulders slip downward,

348
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:08,200
and on his face was a wide grin. I stood

349
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,759
motionless for nearly a full minute. Then I stepped back

350
00:27:11,799 --> 00:27:16,480
from the glass and closed the blinds. I couldn't sleep

351
00:27:16,519 --> 00:27:19,519
after that. I stayed awake, with every light in the

352
00:27:19,559 --> 00:27:23,400
house on. I sat in bed with my laptop open,

353
00:27:23,839 --> 00:27:27,640
searching for something, anything, that could explain what was happening.

354
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:33,400
I found myself in obscure forums, threads filled with phrases

355
00:27:33,519 --> 00:27:39,440
like psychic contamination and shed trauma apparitions. One post mentioned

356
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,759
a woman who claimed her husband's hallucinations had followed her

357
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:47,039
after he died. I reached out to psychics, paid a

358
00:27:47,079 --> 00:27:49,759
woman two hundred dollars to burn herbs in my living room.

359
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,799
She set my home with thinned energies and left a

360
00:27:53,839 --> 00:28:00,599
pouch of salt under the window. Nothing changed. Visited a

361
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,240
priest told him I was asking for a friend. He

362
00:28:04,319 --> 00:28:07,440
gave me a small silver crucifix and asked if I

363
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:13,759
had repented. I thanked him and walked out. My assistant

364
00:28:13,799 --> 00:28:17,839
stopped calling. After I missed the fourth appointment. I knew

365
00:28:17,839 --> 00:28:22,279
I wouldn't go back. I had no answers anymore. Nothing

366
00:28:22,319 --> 00:28:25,519
I could say to clients about hope or progress would

367
00:28:25,519 --> 00:28:31,039
hold any truth. The clinic eventually sent an email. I

368
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:35,119
opened it and read the first few lines. My license

369
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:39,000
would be placed under review. My caseload had been reassigned.

370
00:28:40,559 --> 00:28:44,160
I closed the laptop and placed it under the bed.

371
00:28:45,759 --> 00:28:48,720
I sat in the hallway that night and stared at

372
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:53,119
the dark space near the bathroom door. I knew he

373
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:58,000
was standing there. I could feel the air pulling. Two

374
00:28:58,079 --> 00:29:03,200
plain clothes officers came the following morning, one younger, soft spoken,

375
00:29:03,279 --> 00:29:07,119
with a notepad in hand, and the other eyes heavy

376
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:11,960
from experience. I invited them in because I didn't know

377
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,759
what else to do. We sat in the living room

378
00:29:16,519 --> 00:29:20,039
I hadn't cleaned in days. The coffee table was clotted

379
00:29:20,039 --> 00:29:23,079
with unopened mail and an empty glass with a film

380
00:29:23,119 --> 00:29:27,279
of dust collecting near the rim. One of them apologized

381
00:29:27,319 --> 00:29:31,920
for the visit before we even started. We're just trying

382
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,240
to get a sense of what you might know, the

383
00:29:34,279 --> 00:29:37,359
younger one said. We know he didn't have many people

384
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,799
in his life, but your name was one of the

385
00:29:39,799 --> 00:29:43,240
only ones that came up. We figured if anyone would

386
00:29:43,279 --> 00:29:49,480
know something, it'd be you. The words struck deeper than

387
00:29:49,519 --> 00:29:54,759
I expected. I nodded slowly, forcing my eyes to stay level.

388
00:29:56,559 --> 00:29:59,559
It was hard to get him to open up, I said,

389
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:04,240
but he was working through a lot, childhood trauma, long

390
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:09,640
history of loss. He always carried it alone. He ended

391
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:13,640
our most recent session telling me it'll be our last one.

392
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,039
I was almost proud of him. I thought he'd finally

393
00:30:17,079 --> 00:30:20,519
made the progress he'd come here to make. But I

394
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:25,559
was shocked when I heard the news. I lied. The

395
00:30:25,599 --> 00:30:31,160
officer wrote something down, then locked up. Mum yea, it

396
00:30:31,279 --> 00:30:36,440
was clearly suicide. He added clean scene. He'd recorded some

397
00:30:36,559 --> 00:30:40,000
thoughts and notes we found. Didn't mention you directly, but

398
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,440
he talked of a man. He spoke to one that

399
00:30:43,599 --> 00:30:48,559
helped him immensely. I stared at the grain of the

400
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:54,079
table and felt something crawl into my stomach. I wish

401
00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:57,079
I could say I saw it coming. I lied again.

402
00:30:59,039 --> 00:31:03,440
The officer didn't. They stood after a few more questions,

403
00:31:03,839 --> 00:31:07,960
thanked me for my cooperation. The older one paused at

404
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:12,160
the door and said, you're probably carrying some this with you.

405
00:31:13,279 --> 00:31:18,160
These things believe a mark. You should talk to someone.

406
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:29,440
I gave him a smile. I will. That night, I

407
00:31:29,519 --> 00:31:32,559
tried to sleep on the couch. I thought maybe the

408
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,240
change in rooms would help. I left the hallway light on.

409
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:41,160
I closed my eyes for less than a minute. When

410
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:45,720
I opened them, he was there in the corner of

411
00:31:45,759 --> 00:31:48,640
the room, half shadowed by the edge of the curtain.

412
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:54,119
His grin carved through the dark. My body folded in

413
00:31:54,119 --> 00:31:57,200
a fetal position. I pulled the blanket up to my

414
00:31:57,319 --> 00:32:00,559
chin and pressed my back against the cushions, as if

415
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,440
that thin layer of cotton could shield me from whatever

416
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:07,519
his presence meant. My eyes watered from the strain of

417
00:32:07,599 --> 00:32:12,440
keeping them open, but I didn't blink. I missed my

418
00:32:12,519 --> 00:32:17,200
wife and everything I had not that long ago. He

419
00:32:17,319 --> 00:32:21,079
stayed there until the sun began to rise, and even

420
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:27,720
then I didn't feel him leave. I made the appointment

421
00:32:27,759 --> 00:32:32,079
the following morning. I didn't think it through. I clicked

422
00:32:32,079 --> 00:32:35,880
a name on a list. I booked the first available spot.

423
00:32:36,599 --> 00:32:38,960
I just needed to speak to someone whose voice I

424
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:43,440
hadn't memorized. She met me in a small office down

425
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:48,720
town I converted dental sweep, judging by the layout. Young,

426
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:54,039
maybe early thirties. I sat on a couch and started

427
00:32:54,079 --> 00:32:57,960
from the beginning. I told her about the divorce, about

428
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,640
the years I had spent convincing others that healing was linear,

429
00:33:02,359 --> 00:33:05,160
about the nights I stared at the ceiling, unable to

430
00:33:05,279 --> 00:33:10,640
name what I was feeling. She wrote very little. Mostly

431
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,880
she just listened, and when I could no longer find

432
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,200
ways to avoid it, I looked her in the eyes

433
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:23,720
and said, there's actually something I've been hiding from you.

434
00:33:26,039 --> 00:33:29,599
Her pen stopped. I said it before I could talk

435
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:35,279
myself out of it. I told her about mister Grin,

436
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:40,359
and then would you come over just for one night?

437
00:33:41,359 --> 00:33:45,160
He's going to appear tonight, and I don't want to

438
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:52,440
be alone. My voice was low, empty, All the emotion

439
00:33:52,559 --> 00:33:56,960
had burned out of it. She didn't answer right away.

440
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:01,799
Her fingers danced slightly around the pen, her brow furrowed

441
00:34:01,799 --> 00:34:06,200
with uncertainty. I could see the conflict behind her eyes.

442
00:34:07,279 --> 00:34:10,679
She knew the boundary I'd just crossed, knew that she

443
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:16,239
should say no. But then her face softened and she

444
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:22,199
nodded once. All right, she said, but just for a

445
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:37,239
few hours.

