Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. This is
Speaker 1: the Bible teaching ministry of Rick Warren. Hey, we're so
Speaker 1: glad you're here with us today. We are continuing in
Speaker 1: a series called Talking about Stuff That Matters Now. In
Speaker 1: this series, Rick looks into the scriptures and he's unpacking
Speaker 1: what it means to live in community, have real conversation
Speaker 1: about what matters most, and face discouragement with courage and faith.
Speaker 1: It's honest, hopeful, So stay tuned. You won't want to
Speaker 1: miss a second. Okay, let's get right to it. Here's
Speaker 1: part two of a message called forming Healthy Friendships Number six.
Speaker 2: I should not have as my closest friend believers who
Speaker 2: sin sexually believers. Now, Honice, I didn't say unbelievers. I
Speaker 2: said believers who sin sexually. Why not everybody? Well, get
Speaker 2: let me give you principle. You might write this down here.
Speaker 2: It's on this. Never expect unbelievers to act like believers
Speaker 2: until they are. This is why I don't believe in
Speaker 2: trying to make laws to make non Christians act like
Speaker 2: Christians or make unbelievers act like believers. Why the Bible
Speaker 2: says they don't have the power to change. The whole
Speaker 2: Book of Romans was written to say that until crisis
Speaker 2: in my life, I don't have the power to change
Speaker 2: things that meet. So to expect other people to act
Speaker 2: like people who have God's power in their life is
Speaker 2: getting the cart before the horse. Never act expect an
Speaker 2: unbeliever to act like a believer till they are. I don't,
Speaker 2: God doesn't, and you shouldn't. But here's what the Bible says.
Speaker 2: Look up here on the screen. First Corinthians five nine
Speaker 2: to eleven, Paul says, you know, when I told you
Speaker 2: not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin,
Speaker 2: I wasn't talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin,
Speaker 2: because you'd have to leave this whole world to avoid
Speaker 2: all of them. Duh. What I meant was, you're not
Speaker 2: associate with anyone who claims to be a Christian and
Speaker 2: yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy or abusive,
Speaker 2: or gets drunk. Don't even eat with such people. Why
Speaker 2: Because they're a bad witness. Because they are a bad
Speaker 2: representation of Christ. Any of those four think, he says,
Speaker 2: it's not a good representation of Jesus. And if you
Speaker 2: call yourself Christian and you hang out with somebody else
Speaker 2: who claims to be a Christian but is acting in
Speaker 2: a non christ like way. He goes, that's problem. So
Speaker 2: those are some people where to stay away from. But
Speaker 2: the Bible also has a lot of positive advice on
Speaker 2: the kind of people you should choose as your closest friend.
Speaker 2: And Pastor Kurt is going to come and talk about that.
Speaker 2: Welcome him.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm not sure if you caught it a moment ago,
Speaker 3: but Rick gave us all the homework assignment. Did you
Speaker 3: know he gave us homework assignment? If you weren't paying
Speaker 3: attention in class, I'm going to put the homework assignment
Speaker 3: back up on the screen. If we can put the
Speaker 3: picture of the circles back up on the screen. And
Speaker 3: if you have a phone, as those that graph of
Speaker 3: the circles, take out your phone and take a picture
Speaker 3: of that. Take a picture of that, and that will
Speaker 3: remind you as you're scrolling through your photos or looking
Speaker 3: at your phone that Rick gave us an assignment. And
Speaker 3: that is too. At some point in the near future
Speaker 3: to do some evaluating of our friendships and who's in
Speaker 3: what circle and do we like what we see? Because
Speaker 3: our friends have a great influence on us. Now, Rick
Speaker 3: has spent some time talking about the casual and the close,
Speaker 3: and what I want to spend a little bit of
Speaker 3: time today is talking about who do we choose as
Speaker 3: those core friends. Rick mentioned, the closer they are, the
Speaker 3: more influence they have on us. We've only got room
Speaker 3: for a handful of core friends, men and women, friends
Speaker 3: who make a strong impact and have a close influence
Speaker 3: on our lives. The question is beg, okay, well, how
Speaker 3: do I decide who should be a core friend actual
Speaker 3: if they're gonna have some extra influence. Now, again, there's
Speaker 3: all sorts of qualities, all sorts of important qualities that
Speaker 3: we should consider when we're picking our core friends. I'm
Speaker 3: going to focus on three that scripture seems to give
Speaker 3: a little bit extra attention to. So here are three
Speaker 3: qualities to look for in your core friends. First, choose
Speaker 3: friends who encourage me spiritually. Choose friends who encourage me spiritually. First,
Speaker 3: Thessalonians five to eleven says this, encourage one another and
Speaker 3: build each other up. Now here's the thing. This verse
Speaker 3: isn't talking about compliments. There's a difference between compliments and encouragement.
Speaker 3: Compliments are nice, but they tend to be shallow. A compliment, Oh, Kurt,
Speaker 3: your teeth look really shiny tonight, right, that's a compliment. Kurt,
Speaker 3: you look a little less bald than last time I
Speaker 3: saw you. Ook. I thank you. That's nice. I'm glad
Speaker 3: you said that. But that's not encouragement. That's a compliment.
Speaker 3: Encouragement are things that go a little bit deeper, a
Speaker 3: little bit further below the surface. Encouragement matters a little
Speaker 3: bit more and carries more significance than a compliment. And
Speaker 3: God wants us to surround ourselves, our most core friends
Speaker 3: with people who are a source of encouragement. Now, the
Speaker 3: Dictionary defines encouragement this way, the action of giving someone support, confidence,
Speaker 3: or hope. That's encouragement, the action of giving someone support, confidence,
Speaker 3: or hope. I like this other definition. It's a lesser
Speaker 3: known definition of encouragement. At simply this, to fill the heart.
Speaker 3: Encouragement is to fill the heart. When you give somebody support,
Speaker 3: when you give somebody confidence, when you're a source of hope,
Speaker 3: what you're doing is you are filling their heart. Now,
Speaker 3: a couple quick examples. When I was in high school
Speaker 3: and college, one of my core friends. We had this
Speaker 3: group of core friends, and like what happens in a
Speaker 3: lot of friendship circles, as there's always one that seems
Speaker 3: to kind of miss out on the information. This was
Speaker 3: back when you actually had to pick up a phone
Speaker 3: that was attached to a cord that was attached to
Speaker 3: the wall and make a phone call. And so, because
Speaker 3: of all the effort that went into being good friends
Speaker 3: back in the day, this one friend would always get
Speaker 3: left out. And for some reason, when he was left out,
Speaker 3: I was the person he would call. And there was
Speaker 3: almost this routine in our friendship where we would go
Speaker 3: out and do something, we would forget about our one friend,
Speaker 3: and I would get the phone call and it would
Speaker 3: go something like this, bring hello, Hey Kurt, I heard
Speaker 3: you guys went to Disneyland last night. You didn't invite me,
Speaker 3: Real cool chump, and he'd hang up, click thring ring,
Speaker 3: Hey Kurt, I heard you guys went to the movies
Speaker 3: last night. Didn't invite me, Real cool chump. Click. I
Speaker 3: mean it's on. It was like a routine I was
Speaker 3: so afraid of. I couldn't do anything without upsetting my
Speaker 3: friend for him not being included. Free Hey, Kurt, I
Speaker 3: heard you folded your underwear last night. Didn't invite me?
Speaker 3: Real cool? I mean, no matter what we did, if
Speaker 3: he wasn't included, it was this issue. And when I
Speaker 3: start thinking about encouragement, and I had to make the
Speaker 3: decision is my friend somebody who gives me support, confidence
Speaker 3: and hope or is he a source of tension? As
Speaker 3: I evaluated my circle of friends, I had to make
Speaker 3: a decision that maybe that's not somebody I want in
Speaker 3: my core circle. He didn't fill my heart. One of
Speaker 3: my good friends right now, Eddie lives in Atlanta. We
Speaker 3: hardly ever see each other, and yet every time, whether
Speaker 3: it's for coffee or an extended weekend together when I'm
Speaker 3: in Atlanta or he's here on business, if I spend
Speaker 3: five minutes, fifty minutes, five hours with Eddie, I walk
Speaker 3: away and my heart is full. He just has a
Speaker 3: way of encouraging me and supporting me and breathing confidence
Speaker 3: into my life. Those are the kind of friends that
Speaker 3: God says you should have closest to you. So choose
Speaker 3: friends who encourage me spiritually, you see part of feeling lonely,
Speaker 3: and as Pastor Rick so perfectly set up this whole topic.
Speaker 3: Loneliness is a big, big struggle. In fact, current statistics
Speaker 3: say that sixty five percent of twelve to seventeen year
Speaker 3: olds sixty five percent experience loneliness on a regular basis.
Speaker 3: It's a big deal. And part of this loneliness that
Speaker 3: we feel is because our hearts aren't filled up. We
Speaker 3: feel lonely because we don't have the kind of friendships
Speaker 3: that fill our hearts. We have friendships that are full
Speaker 3: of some of these other negative things that pastor Rick
Speaker 3: encouraged us to avoid. Here's the second quality in your
Speaker 3: core friends. It is to choose friends who consistently support
Speaker 3: me emotionally. Choose friends who consistently support me emotionally. I
Speaker 3: love this first proverb seventeen seventeen says this, a friend
Speaker 3: loves you all the time, do me a favorite, and
Speaker 3: underlying that all the time, a friend loves you all
Speaker 3: the time like a brother born to help in trouble. Now,
Speaker 3: it's been said that a true friend, and how you
Speaker 3: judge your true friends is that a true friend walks
Speaker 3: in when everybody else walks out. That when you're going
Speaker 3: through trouble, you know your friends by the people who
Speaker 3: walk in your life versus a people who tend to
Speaker 3: walk out. So what does it look like to walk
Speaker 3: into somebody's life. Here's what walking in means. You might
Speaker 3: want to just jot these down someplace. Walking in means
Speaker 3: saying I'm here with you, not just i'm here for you.
Speaker 3: You know it's a difference. I'm here with you, not
Speaker 3: just hey. If you need anything, I know you're going
Speaker 3: through a tough time. If you need anything, I'm here
Speaker 3: for you. When you say I'm here for you, you're
Speaker 3: putting all the burden on them to reach out to
Speaker 3: you in their moment of need. When you say I'm
Speaker 3: here with you, what you're saying is I'm going to
Speaker 3: be proactive. I'm going to walk this journey with you.
Speaker 3: I will be with you every step of the way,
Speaker 3: and you look for ways to model that you're there
Speaker 3: with them. Walking in means listening. The best emotional support
Speaker 3: that you can give somebody is usually just to sit
Speaker 3: and be quiet when people are going through a tough time.
Speaker 3: Less words, more listening. Saying I'm here with you means
Speaker 3: I'm listening to what you have to say, and I'm
Speaker 3: willing to be with you in it. Walking in means
Speaker 3: serving your friends. Walking in means serving your friends, looking
Speaker 3: for ways to proactively be an emotional support, of physical support,
Speaker 3: whatever it is that they might need you to be. Third,
Speaker 3: choose friends who challenge me to think. Oh, this is
Speaker 3: the tough one. This is a tough if I can
Speaker 3: be honest for me, just the two of us, just
Speaker 3: me and you. I don't like this one. I don't
Speaker 3: like this one that God wants me to. Choose friends
Speaker 3: who challenge me to think. Proverbs thirteen twenty says, if
Speaker 3: you keep company with wise friends, you'll become wise, But
Speaker 3: if you make friends with foolish people, your life will
Speaker 3: fall to pieces. You see, I like to be friends
Speaker 3: with people who kind of think like I do. I
Speaker 3: like to be friends with people who have some of
Speaker 3: the same dumb beliefs, dumb opinions, strange worldview. I like
Speaker 3: people who are like me, and when somebody starts pushing
Speaker 3: up against that, I have a tendency to fight it.
Speaker 3: I don't want to be challenged. Come on, if you're
Speaker 3: really my friend, just kind of agree with me. Put
Speaker 3: up with me. I'm kind of half baked and dumb
Speaker 3: ideas sometimes, and you should be okay with that. You know,
Speaker 3: Dumb and Dumber. Great movie, great movie, not a good
Speaker 3: recipe for healthy friendships. Right, Dumb and Dumber doesn't make
Speaker 3: for healthy friendships. I need people in my life. You
Speaker 3: need people in your life who are willing, not in
Speaker 3: an argument of judgmental way, but friends who are willing
Speaker 3: to call you on your stuff. Iron sharpens iron. One
Speaker 3: of my very best core friends is actually the gentleman
Speaker 3: that co wrote the book with me. And if you
Speaker 3: were to say the three or four most important life issues,
Speaker 3: Mark and I would agree one hundred percent of the
Speaker 3: time on those three or four core life issues. Of
Speaker 3: the three or four million non essential life issues, Mark
Speaker 3: and I would disagree about ninety nine point nine percent
Speaker 3: of the time. We just see things differently. We've experienced
Speaker 3: our faith differently, We've raised our kids differently. The way
Speaker 3: he and his wife navigate themes is different than the
Speaker 3: way my wife and I navigate things. He has two
Speaker 3: children that their exact same age as our kids. The
Speaker 3: way they've raised their kids is different than the way
Speaker 3: we've raised our kids. And we have had over the years,
Speaker 3: these passionate, wonderful, challenging, stretching, confusing conversations and moments and
Speaker 3: times where we get eye to eye and mean and
Speaker 3: me and say, bro, here's what I think about that,
Speaker 3: here's I'm seeing, Here's where I differ. And the result
Speaker 3: has been wonderful. It's been wonderful. I'm a better dad
Speaker 3: because he's challenged me. I'm a better husband because he
Speaker 3: sees things differently about marriage than I do. I'm a
Speaker 3: better follower of Jesus because he has experienced his faith
Speaker 3: in some ways that are different than my journey, and
Speaker 3: it's added this layer of richness and this layer of
Speaker 3: depth to my life. The easy thing in friendships is
Speaker 3: just to surround ourselves with like minded people. Birds of
Speaker 3: a feather flock together. That's the easiest route to take.
Speaker 3: It's the road of least resistance. But if you want rich, meaningful,
Speaker 3: life giving, heart filling relationships, I would encourage you to
Speaker 3: take God's advice and choose friends who challenge you to think. Now,
Speaker 3: that homework, that homework that Rick mentioned is something I'm
Speaker 3: gonna ask you to do. Is as we're kind of
Speaker 3: moved through some more parts of this messages this week.
Speaker 3: This week, sometime I'm gonna ask you to take a
Speaker 3: look at that picture, maybe draw it out on a
Speaker 3: napkin or a piece of paper. Write out those casual friends,
Speaker 3: write out the close friends. And in regards to these
Speaker 3: three things, take a look at who you put in
Speaker 3: your core friend category and ask yourself, do these people
Speaker 3: do they encourage me spiritually? Do they support me emotionally?
Speaker 3: And do they challenge me to think? Thanks?
Speaker 2: It's Kurt. Let me give you a sentence to write
Speaker 2: down to kind of summarize everything. Kurt, And I'm trying
Speaker 2: to say, my best friends should bring out the best
Speaker 2: in me. My best friends should bring out the best
Speaker 2: in me. If they're not bringing out the best in you,
Speaker 2: they're not really your best friends. Somebody else should be
Speaker 2: your best friends. If your best friends aren't bringing out
Speaker 2: the best, they're not your best So write that down.
Speaker 2: And when you're looking at your friendships into an evaluation
Speaker 2: on that, think about that, are these my best friends?
Speaker 2: Are they bringing out the best in me? Or not?
Speaker 2: Now let's switch gears and talk about the opposite, and
Speaker 2: that is this. Here's another sentence you might run write down.
Speaker 2: To have great friends, I must be a great friend.
Speaker 2: You might write that one down. That's where we're going now.
Speaker 2: In the next part of this message. To have great friends,
Speaker 2: I have to be a great friend. I can't expect
Speaker 2: people to be to me what I'm not being to them,
Speaker 2: and so whatever I want other people to do with me,
Speaker 2: I need to do with them. You will attract what
Speaker 2: you are. If you're a great friend, guess what, you
Speaker 2: will attract great friends. So that's a factor that we
Speaker 2: need to look at. Now, let's look at eight building
Speaker 2: blocks on how to be a great friend. According to
Speaker 2: the Bible, according to what God says, He's always going
Speaker 2: to be right. So let's just go through these eight
Speaker 2: I'm going to take some of them. Kurt's going to
Speaker 2: take some of them. Number one the building blocks of
Speaker 2: close relationships. Eight factors for forming friendships. Number one, be cheerful.
Speaker 2: Greet people with a smile. Now that may seem com obvious,
Speaker 2: but when you take a friend for granted, you often
Speaker 2: don't smile at him. There is an enormous power in
Speaker 2: a simple smile. A smile can change an atmosphere overnight, instantly,
Speaker 2: it can change a room. The shortest distance between two
Speaker 2: people is a smile. A smile is a universal language.
Speaker 2: It is known all around the world. If you smile
Speaker 2: at somebody else, guess what, they're going to smile back
Speaker 2: at you. You don't have to know their language, but
Speaker 2: if you smile, they will smile. It is the one
Speaker 2: thing that's understood besides the international finger of disapproval. Everybody
Speaker 2: knows that one too, But this is a better one
Speaker 2: that everybody knows, and that is if you smile at somebody,
Speaker 2: they're going to smile back. It's a universal language. The
Speaker 2: great thing about a smile. It costs nothing, but you
Speaker 2: can cheer up somebody who's having a tough time just
Speaker 2: by smiling at that clerk, at that grocery store stock person,
Speaker 2: at the anybody you come across with walking down the street,
Speaker 2: you know, the post office person or whatever. Studies have
Speaker 2: shown that when you smile, you actually become cuter. Well,
Speaker 2: there you go. You don't have to lose that weight
Speaker 2: after all, just start smiling. If you smile, you will
Speaker 2: be more attractive. Study after study after study say that
Speaker 2: when a person smiles, they instantly become more attractive. How'd
Speaker 2: that work? I don't think so. That wasn't a smile,
Speaker 2: That was a grin. I think sour push Christians are
Speaker 2: an insult to the joy of God. They look like
Speaker 2: they were baptized in vinegar, you know, Okay, and it
Speaker 2: just go come on. I mean, they're just they walk
Speaker 2: around with these long faces. They're an embarrassment to God.
Speaker 2: How many of you are happy? Can I see your hands?
Speaker 2: You're really happy? Okay? How many of you are thrilled
Speaker 2: that you're saved and you're going to heaven? All right? Okay,
Speaker 2: notify your face. You know, it only takes seven muscles
Speaker 2: to smile. It takes forty two to frown. If you're frowning,
Speaker 2: you're wasting a lot of energy. Now, notice what the
Speaker 2: Bible says fifteen, verse thirty, A cheerful look brings joy
Speaker 2: to the heart. Now here's an interesting thing about that verse.
Speaker 2: We think the opposite, a cheerful heart brings a smile
Speaker 2: to the face, But the Bible says the opposite, a
Speaker 2: cheerful heart brings a smile to the face. But this
Speaker 2: verse says, a cheerful face, a cheerful look brings joy
Speaker 2: to the heart. Did you know that your facial muscles
Speaker 2: can change the mood of your heart? That when you
Speaker 2: don't feel happy, if you'll just start smiling, it will
Speaker 2: change your mood. I guarantee you study after your scientific
Speaker 2: study have shown that when you actually start smiling, then
Speaker 2: it'll actually change your mood. I can't tell you how
Speaker 2: many times I've been driving the church to preach on
Speaker 2: Sunday morning and I didn't feel like preaching. I'd just
Speaker 2: like to stay home watch football. And then I've already
Speaker 2: done that a few times. So how about now, somebody,
Speaker 2: And what I do is I just start smiling, and
Speaker 2: I look at myself in the mirror. I just start smiling. Hey,
Speaker 2: that guy's happy.
Speaker 3: Look at that guy.
Speaker 2: He really by the time I get here, I'm ready
Speaker 2: to smile at all of you. We think your heart
Speaker 2: has to change before you smile. God says, if you
Speaker 2: start smiling, it'll change your heart. Okay, So when you
Speaker 2: get up in the morning, just start forcing that smile
Speaker 2: in your face. Now, by the way, while you're at it,
Speaker 2: use friendly language. Look at this next verse. The Lord
Speaker 2: is pleased with what friendly word? Circle back? Did you
Speaker 2: know that anytime you say a friendly word to anybody,
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be some kind of witness, It's
Speaker 2: just a friendly word. God is pleased. The Lord is
Speaker 2: pleased with friendly words Proverbs fifteen twenty six. You know
Speaker 2: the problem we have today is, you know the world
Speaker 2: seemed to be getting crankier and crankier. Would you agree
Speaker 2: with that? It just seems like everybody's in a cranky mood,
Speaker 2: and you know, nobody wants to be a friend with
Speaker 2: a cranky person. I heard this week about a cranky,
Speaker 2: cantankerous guy who came into a a it was a
Speaker 2: flower shop, a florist, and he was all upset because
Speaker 2: they had gotten the order wrong. And he said, I,
Speaker 2: you got my order wrong. You made a mistake. I
Speaker 2: ordered flowers for my friend's new housewarming, and you sent
Speaker 2: a bouquet that said rest in peace. And he was
Speaker 2: just being cranky. And I turned to him and I said, well,
Speaker 2: just think about somewhere there's a graveside that says, I
Speaker 2: hope you enjoy your new location. You got a problem.
Speaker 2: You think that's a problem. So somebody's got a worse
Speaker 2: problem than you do. So just start off smiling. You'll
Speaker 2: make friends just by smiling.
Speaker 1: That was such an encouraging message from Pastor Rick. And
Speaker 1: now to encourage us more, here's Rick with a letter
Speaker 1: from one of our listeners.
Speaker 2: Friends, you are so essential to this ministry of daily hope.
Speaker 2: Your prayers, your support help us reach more and more
Speaker 2: people around the world. I was really blessed today when
Speaker 2: I read this note from Edward and he talks about
Speaker 2: how he's learning from Daily Hope while he's working with
Speaker 2: inner city kids right here in America. He wrote this,
Speaker 2: Dear Pastor Rick, I'm a middle school teacher, and it's
Speaker 2: a real challenge every morning waking up and coming to
Speaker 2: my school to teach. I teach you a school where
Speaker 2: one hundred percent of our students need financial help just
Speaker 2: to eat lunch. In other words, it's in a very
Speaker 2: poor section of a city. He says. I listen to
Speaker 2: your Daily Hope message during my break and I usually
Speaker 2: give my students bits and pieces of it. Today I
Speaker 2: told them to think about what they can do for
Speaker 2: others if they truly want to be happy. Pastor Rick,
Speaker 2: thank you for making your Daily Hope messages free. I'm
Speaker 2: able to keep listening to them until I really understand
Speaker 2: what you're teaching well. Edward, you are making a real difference.
Speaker 2: I am so proud of you for working with those
Speaker 2: inner city students. You're giving them a message of hope
Speaker 2: and healing and help, and you're helping them to understand
Speaker 2: how that by giving their lives a way to help
Speaker 2: other people, they bring new meaning and significance to their
Speaker 2: own lives. And I'm praying Edward that today you'll be encouraged,
Speaker 2: not just today, but every day as you go to school,
Speaker 2: knowing that what you do is making a difference in
Speaker 2: students' lives for eternity, God bless you.
Speaker 1: Hey, if you've been blessed by this teaching as I have,
Speaker 1: please share it with your friends and family members. You
Speaker 1: can do it right from our website pastorick dot com.
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Speaker 1: to join us next time as we look into God's
Speaker 1: Word for our daily hope. This program is sponsored by
Speaker 1: Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support