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Speaker 1: Well, well, well, welcome back, besties. It's your mother. I'm

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in New York. She made it. She's in a house

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filled with boxes, but that's better than a housemade of cards,

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you know what I'm saying. I've been here for a

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couple of days. And am I reshooting this podcast right now? Yes?

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Because I shot it yesterday and I looked like a

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leftover shrimp and I also had the energy of a

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heroin addict behind a dumpster. So am I as good

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as I seem right now? Not always, I'll be honest.

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The ride's been a little bumpy, a little emotional, but

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in general, I'm feeling great. I'm feeling amazing. I'm so

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happy to be in New York. There is so much

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synchronosity going on around me. Before I dive in to

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tell you guys everything that's been going on, I just

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want to tell you quickly, if you are in Raleigh

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on Wednesday this week or Nashville on Thursday, please come

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to my shows. I'm doing some new jokes about the situation.

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The situation and you, guys, I'm so excited. Here's the thing,

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here's the beauty, and all of this tragedy plus time

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is comedy. And I have had a lot of tragedy

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this year, and yeah, I'm just I'm excited to transmute

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it and turn it into something that can help other people,

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because I think that's my whole entire purpose on this earth, unfortunately,

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is just to get my teeth kicked in and then

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make other people laugh about it so that I don't

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kill myself. But listen, I am loving the energy in

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New York. I know I've said this before. I never

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liked New York before. I always thought it was too loud,

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it's too stinky, and it gave me anxiety, and everyone

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was so intense and like it just felt like a lot.

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And now that I'm here, I love it. I love

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my neighborhood. I love the energy. I got here game

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one of the New York Knicks Finals, and like literally

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when I was like blowing up my little air mattress,

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I had my windows open and everyone was roaring in

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the street streets. The energy is so alive here right now,

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and it's so interesting because, like I don't know, it's

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such a it's such an interesting moment in my life

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and in time right Like you know, when I was

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a little kid at thirty seven I wasn't like, oh yeah,

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I'm gonna be not only divorced, but then single again

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from a different relationship where I thought I was getting

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married living in a studio apartment by myself in Manhattan.

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Like that was not on the vision board. The vision

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board was dead by thirty seven. That was the you know,

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hate to see other people living by dreams. Saw a

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lot of that in Palm Beach. A lot of geezers

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just fucking kicking it in Palm Beach. But I am

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so happy to be out of Palm Beach, you guys,

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Oh my god. Like I don't know how I told

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myself that was ever going to work. Like I'm really

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trying to put myself back in the shoes of a

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girl who thought, yeah, let's go to this town where

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all the have is bad lipstick, bad florals, straw handbags

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like literal straw basket handbags, highly flammable, so fucking ugly

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and so waspy and bougie, and they have questionable morals,

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bad politics, tacky Bentley's like the whole there was just

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not an iota of culture there. There was not an

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iota of character there. It's just the stuffiest, richest it's

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the land of the Lizard people, and I am so

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happy to be out. I'm so happy to see my

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friends who I, you know, share values with, and there's

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just life here. There's a sense of life here that

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doesn't exist there because it is a lot of people

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at the end of their life. And like, one thing

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that I found to be so stunning, not in a

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good way, stunning in a bad way was how many

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people get to the end of their lives and they're

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still so angry, and they're still so uptight, and there's

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still so just generally unpleasant. I'm like, how did you

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make it this far? And you haven't made one little

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like attitude adjustment, one little tweak one little like, oh hey,

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if I'm pleasant in the world, the world might be pleasant.

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Back to me, like, how did you get this far

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in life? Like I remember my condo that I lived in,

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that building down there, which I'm still paying rent for.

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Don't worry, Mom's still on the hook for that rent

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through February. Baby, No, the landlord is going to try

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and relist it. But you know who didn't let me

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out of the least because why would he? So like

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the people in that building would literally just like I

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heard a guy once like screaming at the front desk lady,

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like who said that this magazine could be in the lobby.

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Nobody wants to read this. It was like an architecture magazine.

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And I was like, this is what you're using the

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last few ounces of your life blood for? Like, this

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is it, This is truly it. I cannot believe how

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many people get to the end of their lives and

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they're still fucking miserable. My only living grandparent is that way.

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He's a he's the worst, and he's always been the worst,

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and he's never made a single change, He's never made

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a single edit. And I'm just like, yeah, I just

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don't get it. I don't get how you stay on

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this earth and you go round and round and round

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and you don't learn one fucking lesson about human compassion

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or just being kind or the things that really matter.

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Like that was a town where the things that really

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matter are upside down, Like all anyone cares about is

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wealth and extreme wealth, and it's like true lizard people galore.

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And I'm happy to be in a town that values

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creativity and you know, the hustle and the grind and

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and I just feel like, yeah, it's a lot. It's

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a lot. The subways fucking smell, there's trash everywhere. You know,

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people run into you on the streets. But it's like

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I've really just gotten into my zen with my meditating

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in the morning, meditating and journaling, and when I go

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out into the world, I'm like ready for the world.

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And it's been so fun. And has it been perfect, No,

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but it's been fun. Like I got here, I unpacked

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for a couple of days, I'm still unpacking. I still

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am like figuring everything out because I have like this giant,

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beautiful studio, but there's one closet. There's one closet, and

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it's like a tiny closet. So I'm just like, ah, oh.

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You know, here's the thing about moving hastily. When you

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move hastily, you sometimes miss things. You sometimes miss things like,

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for example, I missed that there's no closet space in here,

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and then I also miss that there's no dishwasher in here.

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And I'm like, la, la la, that's going to be fine.

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But here's the thing, it is going to be fine.

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I have had an apartment before without a dishwasher. When

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I first moved to La. I was twenty three, and

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I was broken. I didn't have a dishwasher, and it

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was fine. And my grandma used to have a dishwasher,

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but she loved to wash dishes by hand because she's like,

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it's meditative. And I think about that sometimes. I'm like

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my grandma, who came over here through Ellis Island and

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then you know, migrated her or emigrated whatever her way

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over to Milwaukee, lived like a genuinely hard life. Like

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I can I'm going to be fine washing my own

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dishes in the center of Manhattan in an egregiously priced

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studio apartment, like I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be okay.

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But I will say, like living in New York is

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a bitch, Like it's actually so difficult. I never really understood,

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obviously because I didn't live here before, how hard it

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is to not have a car. I'm so used to

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having a car. So when you go to the grocery store,

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you can like buy a ton of groceries because you

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have a car to put them in. And I went

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to the grocery store and I bought a ton of

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groceries because I was like, oh, let's got DDD and

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I'm like, you know, five blocks away from the trader

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Joe's whatever, and I had to like schlep it all

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back and it was so heavy and my shoulders hurt

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so bad. Afterwards, I felt like I just did a

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fucking iron Man. And then when I got back with

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my groceries, I realized, oh, none of my shit's here

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because my movers hadn't come yet. So I was like,

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I have to go to Marshalls and get like a pan.

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So I went to get a pan, but then I

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didn't get a pan. I got like a hundred other

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things I need because I was like, this is a

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great idea, I should just get a bunch of stuff

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while'm here. I didn't learn my lesson the first time,

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so now I mean also not learn it the second time.

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I get a ton of shit from Marshalls, and like,

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you know, you get in Marshall's baby, and you're just like,

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I'm saving so much money, Like I don't even am

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I even actually paying for anything. This stuff is also cheap.

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I just might be saving my They might be giving

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me money to take their stuff, that's how cheap it is.

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So I got so much of it and I was

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walking back like fucking Santa Claus and like there's these

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gut First of all, nobody offers to help, which vibes,

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but like at the very end, this one guy was

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like watch a one woman army coming through, Like that's

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how much shit I had. And I was like sweating,

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like fucking shock at the foul line and just dripping

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sweat and my whole body hurts so bad. I get

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all this shit up into the apartment. I have a

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third floor walk up, so I have to go up

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so many fucking stairs. I get everything up, and there

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are moments in this when I'm like, oh god, I

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feel really alone. I feel really alone, and it's like

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hard to have to be so gangster. It's hard to

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be a gangster guys like that's what I'm saying. So

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I get all the shit down and then I'm just like,

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oh my god, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. And then right

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after that, my shoulders were so fucked up from hauling

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all this stuff back. Oh I didn't tell you. After

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I got outside of Marshalls, I was like, I'm gonna

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halicap for the first time, and I tried, and then

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these three black women got in in front of me

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and laughed in my face. And that's what made me

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walk home because I was like, I can't I can't

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handle the the humiliation of that happening again. So that's

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what made me walk home. And so anyway I walk home,

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I get home, I'm like, this is this is a lot.

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I feel alone and now my shoulders aren't fucking killing me.

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So I had to go find an acupuncturist because I

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was like, I need to like release this this fucking

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tension in my back. I felt like I still had

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a semi truck sitting on my shoulders. And so yeah,

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all the money I saved h Marshalls I spent at

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the acupuncturist, I just like went down the street. I

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found this like really wonderful guy who does acupuncture and cupping,

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and I'm gonna go to him all the time because

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he was phenomenal, really really really phenomenal. So it's like

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I'm getting acclimated. I'm figuring it out. It's also summer.

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It goes from like the nicest weather ever to like

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so dog dick fucking hot. You walk outside and you

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just get hit in the face with like humidity and

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you're like wet and like, I don't know, I'm such

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a I'm here for work. I'm here to work, and

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I'm here to grind. That's what I'm here for. I'm

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not here to become a New Yorker. This is not

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like the life style that I think really speaks to me.

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I'm going to embrace it while I'm here, and I'm

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gonna do my best. But I can already tell it's

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really hard, and I feel like, you know, I lived

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in la for fifteen years. I consider myself and Angelina.

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I went home recently and it felt like home. I

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was like, I'm home. I know where I am, I

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know where I'm going, I know where everything is, I

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know everything about everything here, I don't know anything. I

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very much feel like a fish out of water here.

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But what I do know is that it's gonna fucking slap.

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It is going to fulking slap, all right. I'm not

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you know, I'm not dating for the foreseeable future. I'm

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not dating, but I'm like gonna go out as much

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as I can. It's my first time, really in my

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life that I've never had an obligation, you know, especially

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not having a dog anymore. I really, really am like

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the freest I've ever been in my life. My friend's

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husband is Mark Boone Junior. I don't know if you

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guys have ever seen Sons of Anarchy, but he's Bobby

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on Sons and he and I have become friends over

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the years, and he was in New York randomly, like

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literally the first Saturday I got here and he called

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me up and he's like, Oh, I'm going to like

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a thirty year anniversary screening of this movie I shot

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called Trees Lounge, and it's with Steve Buscemi and he's

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gonna be there, and it's like and it was just

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like I was like, that's so cool, Like of course

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I would love to go. We had like a nice dinner.

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00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:47,240
We went to JG. Mellon, which is like this iconic

236
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,039
burger spot in the Upper East Side, and then we

237
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,159
went to the Paris Theater for the screening, and then

238
00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,159
him and Steve and like a few of the other

239
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,120
cast members did a Q and A afterwards. It was

240
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,960
just nice. It was just like I was like, Oh,

241
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,679
this is fucking iconic, Like this is the kind of

242
00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:01,559
shit that happens in New York just by accident, you know,

243
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,720
like that would never have happened to me in Palm Beach.

244
00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:05,159
Like when we were in Palm Beach, we would have

245
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,679
to like go go to like the Top Golf, which

246
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,679
is like fine, but it's like you can only go

247
00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:12,799
to Top Golf and bowl and like go to the

248
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,960
three nice restaurants so many times before you're like, I'm

249
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,039
gonna blow my fucking head off. So all I can

250
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,159
say all that to say is I'm just really glad

251
00:12:19,799 --> 00:12:21,399
that I live in a city where shit's going on

252
00:12:21,519 --> 00:12:26,519
and not one where I have to like pretend bagels

253
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,159
are a good idea anymore. I don't have to pretend

254
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,879
that I think a bagel empire in a seasonal town

255
00:12:32,039 --> 00:12:34,919
is a great idea, and that that's that. Also, if

256
00:12:34,919 --> 00:12:38,720
you've never seen Trees Lounge, phenomenal movie. I had never

257
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,840
seen it before. It was really nice to just like

258
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,639
put my fucking phone down and watch a movie. I've

259
00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:45,799
been really trying to like stay off my phone, and

260
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,919
it's not working. I'll be honest, it's not working. I'm

261
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,159
like trying to stay off of it. But it's like

262
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,279
when you're alone, it's kind of like, Okay, I can

263
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,559
read a book, I can go for a walk. I

264
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,639
can do this, I can do that, but like it's

265
00:12:55,759 --> 00:12:58,159
it's a little more challenging. And I do think I

266
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,240
need to like get out in the world because my

267
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,919
tendency to isolate is popping up a little more now.

268
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,960
Like I've gone out a lot, I've gone out more

269
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,240
than I've gone out in the past few months. But

270
00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:10,799
also there are moments where I'm just like, oh, I'm

271
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,919
just isolating and I'm watching Widow's Bay right now while

272
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,679
I just finished it. If you guys didn't watch that,

273
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:21,840
whoa incredible incredible shows, like a horror TV series about

274
00:13:21,879 --> 00:13:25,639
like this Martha's Vineyard esque type town that's like super haunted,

275
00:13:25,799 --> 00:13:33,440
and it was great. It was great, And I yeah,

276
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,320
I don't know. I'm just like good, Like I'm not great,

277
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:39,200
but I'm good. Like once my home gets in order,

278
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,720
my home needs to get an order. You guys can

279
00:13:40,759 --> 00:13:43,519
see this behind me. It's chouse, says me, and my

280
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:48,639
dad always called chaos chouse. It's like there's wardrobe boxes

281
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,679
glore because i don't have any shelving to hang anything up.

282
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,799
So I'm like ordering all that. I'm gonna figure it

283
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,080
all out. Everything's gonna be amazing. This apartment is going

284
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,960
to be fucking rad. It is so chic. It has

285
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,279
old exposed brick, it's one hundred and fifty years old.

286
00:14:01,279 --> 00:14:05,440
The floors are these old beautiful wood, everything slanted. There's

287
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,679
just like charm. For whatever reason, they bricked off my

288
00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:10,240
fireplace and that pisses me to fuck off, because you

289
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,200
guys know, I love a fireplace. And the people upstairs

290
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,480
were like, narts are fireplace is not bricked off? And

291
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,399
I'm like, God, damn it, what did the tenant before do?

292
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,159
But I love you know, at the tenant before it

293
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,960
was probably like me. Remember when I was like burning

294
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:27,440
my divorce papers and my DUI papers in Beverly Hills

295
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,840
in the place in the fire department, game like forty

296
00:14:29,879 --> 00:14:31,279
of them. They're like, what the fuck are you doing?

297
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:33,480
I was like burning my past. Also when I was

298
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,960
burning my past, I burned my title to my car,

299
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,440
so that's been missing. And so my car is still

300
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,720
in Palm Beach. So I do have to go back

301
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,000
to Palm Beach. And I want to go back to

302
00:14:41,039 --> 00:14:42,720
Palm Beach because I want to hang out with my dad.

303
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:47,360
My fucking poor dad is there all summer. So I

304
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,039
will be going back to Palm Beach. I'm gonna like

305
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,279
orchestrate another little fishing trip. Him and I can go

306
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,240
have like a boat day. I'm gonna sell my car.

307
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,399
We're gonna do all the things I'm gonna. I think

308
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,840
someone told me that car Vana can request a title,

309
00:14:59,519 --> 00:15:03,000
so I'm gonna if they can do that. And yeah,

310
00:15:03,399 --> 00:15:05,960
so this place, once it gets finished, is gonna be

311
00:15:06,519 --> 00:15:08,720
a vibe to the fucking Max. I cannot wait. I

312
00:15:08,759 --> 00:15:11,759
love living alone. I love living alone. And I'll say this,

313
00:15:12,799 --> 00:15:15,879
my ex was great to live with. He was so easy,

314
00:15:15,919 --> 00:15:18,240
he was so clean, he was so mindful, he cooked,

315
00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:22,480
he like, he was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. But just not

316
00:15:22,519 --> 00:15:30,000
having to hear a man go, just not having to

317
00:15:30,039 --> 00:15:34,679
hear a man just rip the most violent ass or

318
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:39,240
just like, oh, just men being men, like just just

319
00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:42,240
people being people. It's not even a gender thing. Really,

320
00:15:42,279 --> 00:15:47,080
Like people are disgusting. One per household is enough. Do

321
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,960
you know what else I've seen here that's pissing me off.

322
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:55,360
I have seen so many people blow air snot I

323
00:15:55,399 --> 00:15:57,919
want to punch, I want to call the police. I

324
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,639
have seen so many people just walk down the street,

325
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:04,840
not un housed. Nothing's wrong with them. They're they're doing

326
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,480
just just just air snotting I had. I saw a

327
00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:10,879
girl taed air snot It got caught on her finger

328
00:16:10,879 --> 00:16:12,600
and she wiped it on a building. She was like

329
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,799
in a trendy fucking outfit on a business call, and

330
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,440
I was like, I want whoever you're doing business right

331
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,440
now to know what the fuck they just did so

332
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,360
they can know what kind of creature they are dealing with.

333
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,600
That is creature shit. Like, sure, I get if it's

334
00:16:27,639 --> 00:16:30,720
like a an emergency, but there's no way three people

335
00:16:30,759 --> 00:16:32,919
have had that same emergency in the six days I've

336
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,399
lived here. I think people are just air snotting in

337
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:42,879
New York City and I can't relate. Also, I will

338
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,039
tell you I have a fire escape and I love

339
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,279
it so much. But I'm going to tell you this

340
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:48,919
right now. It's gonna make it very difficult for me

341
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:53,159
to stop smoking SIGs because there's something so romantic about

342
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,120
smoking a sig on a fire escape watching everyone just

343
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,440
live their little lives. Like the best moment I've had here.

344
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,039
So the Knicks one that unbelievable game, they were down

345
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,119
by twenty nine points, they came back, they went Wow,

346
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,119
the streets were going crazy. I was still unpacking. I'm

347
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:10,400
not a Knicks fan. I'm not going to cosplay in

348
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,839
the Knicks fandom because I just got here. I think

349
00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:14,319
if I had lived here for six months, I would

350
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:16,279
be like out of the bar showing my tits, like honestly,

351
00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,519
but I'm just like, I have shit to do. I'm

352
00:17:18,519 --> 00:17:20,480
gonna unpack. And also it's like I feel like I'm

353
00:17:20,519 --> 00:17:22,279
a part of it because I open my windows and

354
00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:24,160
the bars are right across the street and people are

355
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,200
in the streets screaming, and it just it feels like

356
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:27,519
I'm a part of it, even if I'm not, like

357
00:17:27,519 --> 00:17:29,720
putting myself in a situation that's gonna make me socially

358
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:33,359
uncomfortable because I have such bad anxiety being around people

359
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,359
and like sweaty people touching me, and that's been happening

360
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,680
a lot. But like one of the most joyous moments

361
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,640
I've had is having a say right after that win

362
00:17:41,839 --> 00:17:45,079
and people in the street like, oh my fucking god,

363
00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,839
oh my fuck god, fucking like it is really cool

364
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,759
to see a city that fucking lit up, Like the

365
00:17:50,799 --> 00:17:52,960
whole city that lit up. I don't care how you

366
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,279
feel about sports. Something special is happening in New York

367
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,440
right now. Something special is happening in New York with

368
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:01,880
the Knicks, and listen, their last is tonight. It's Saturday,

369
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,519
so by the time this comes out, they will either

370
00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:05,400
have one or lost. But I kind of want them

371
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,000
to lose. Not because I'm a hater. I kind of

372
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,759
want them to lose because I want them to come

373
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,480
back to the Garden to win. I want them to

374
00:18:14,519 --> 00:18:16,119
win in New York. That just gave me like full

375
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,160
body chills, Like I just feel like that the team

376
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,000
and the city both deserve it. And it's such an

377
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,640
anti climactic thing when a finals is one on the road.

378
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:28,519
So yeah, I just really I hope they lose. I

379
00:18:28,519 --> 00:18:32,359
hope they lose so that they can come back home

380
00:18:32,519 --> 00:18:36,279
and win that I think that would be I think

381
00:18:36,279 --> 00:18:40,640
that would be a lot more special. Okay, So there's

382
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,279
a few things that have come up for me personally

383
00:18:43,319 --> 00:18:45,759
recently that I want to talk about. And I'm going

384
00:18:45,799 --> 00:18:49,039
to say this as a blanket statement, I am going

385
00:18:49,079 --> 00:18:52,640
to stop discussing my personal life so much on the

386
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,559
podcast because it has gotten me quite a bit of blowback.

387
00:18:55,599 --> 00:18:59,519
I'll be honest, I'm going to reserve most of what's

388
00:18:59,519 --> 00:19:02,720
going on in my private life for the Patreon. And

389
00:19:02,759 --> 00:19:05,279
that's not like clickbaity to get you over to the Patreon.

390
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:07,440
That's just like I have to protect myself. There has

391
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,319
to be like some self preservation here, and I can't

392
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,119
keep making enemies by yeah. Then you know, here's what

393
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,359
I've learned this year. People don't like to hear the

394
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:19,839
truth about themselves repeated back to the public. And listen,

395
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,240
I'm not a perfect person. I've said it a million times.

396
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:24,160
If somebody got on a podcast and yapped about all

397
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,680
the shit that I did wrong, I would feel pretty

398
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,400
fucking bad about it too. So what I had to

399
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,160
do is take myself out of my shoes and put

400
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,160
myself into their shoes and be like, you know what,

401
00:19:31,319 --> 00:19:33,599
it's not super chill that I keep talking and all

402
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,519
this shit. And I think when I was going through

403
00:19:35,559 --> 00:19:37,440
the breakup, I wanted to be honest about it because

404
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,279
I think a lot of us go through really difficult,

405
00:19:39,319 --> 00:19:42,119
challenging things like that where it's it's a gray area, right,

406
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,440
you can go one way or you can go the

407
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,119
other way. And I chose out, but people could have

408
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,000
stayed in, and I just wanted to be like a

409
00:19:49,039 --> 00:19:51,400
safe space and to help people like heal and navigate

410
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,640
through their own shit and like, let you know, I'm

411
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:57,359
going through it too. Like I'm not impervious to heartbreak

412
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,839
or pain or any of that. Obviously, it's like almost

413
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:04,279
exclusively what I get is that. But I've seen a

414
00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:06,160
few things lately that I just want to talk about

415
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,119
because they were really poignant to me and they really

416
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,839
grabbed my attention in a meaningful way, and I think

417
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,839
it's just something I want us all to explore and

418
00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:16,720
talk about. So the first thing is I saw this online.

419
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,160
I'm not going to take credit for it. But the

420
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,279
first thing is staying after disrespect lowers your price. Right,

421
00:20:22,599 --> 00:20:25,519
So if you enter a relationship and you consider yourself

422
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:27,880
to be at a certain level, and then your partner

423
00:20:28,079 --> 00:20:30,519
or you know whoever it can be a friendship too,

424
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,319
treats you in a way that doesn't align with your values,

425
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:38,039
and you confront them, and you know, they say, like

426
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,279
I'll change or you know whatever, you want to see

427
00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:44,680
this behavior again, and then you stay. The reality is

428
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,680
that now you just lowered your price because you just

429
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,200
showed them that even after this bad behavior, you will stay.

430
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,279
And I think there's a real big difference between once

431
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:56,079
and twice. Right, Actually, I don't know. I just said

432
00:20:56,079 --> 00:20:57,559
that out loud, and then I don't know if I

433
00:20:57,559 --> 00:21:00,559
believe that. I I think that if a person thinks

434
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:04,400
they can get away with it once and you stay,

435
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,759
it's what's the difference between once, twice thrice, you know

436
00:21:06,839 --> 00:21:10,119
what I mean, Like they now think they can do

437
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,079
this thing, and you're gonna stay because that's what you

438
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,960
just showed them. So your price drops every time you

439
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,880
compromise your standards in a relationship to try and make

440
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,359
it work. And this is like one of the most

441
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,920
painful lessons that I've learned in the last few weeks.

442
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,200
It's not even like but a month, I don't think,

443
00:21:26,279 --> 00:21:30,480
but but sometimes love is not enough, and that is

444
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:35,359
maybe one of the most heartbreaking I don't know if

445
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,920
it's a paradox, but it's one of the most heartbreaking

446
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,119
things I've ever experienced in my life, because like, I

447
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,559
loved that person madly, like upside down and sideways madly,

448
00:21:45,559 --> 00:21:47,240
to the point where I like convinced myself I could

449
00:21:47,279 --> 00:21:49,519
like step away from my career and move to a

450
00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:53,480
lizard town, Like I really really loved that person. But

451
00:21:53,559 --> 00:21:57,559
then when we because obviously the breakup wasn't the only

452
00:21:57,599 --> 00:21:59,839
thing that's ever happened in our relationship, right, there was

453
00:21:59,839 --> 00:22:03,519
a lot of like micro incidences leading up to that,

454
00:22:04,319 --> 00:22:07,920
and each time they felt so small that I could

455
00:22:08,319 --> 00:22:12,519
talk my way into staying, I would be like, all right,

456
00:22:12,559 --> 00:22:14,920
it's not that big of a deal. It's not that

457
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,359
big of a deal that he doesn't, you know, respect

458
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,839
my requests to not go out until three in the morning.

459
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,599
It's not that big of a deal. And a lot

460
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,799
of times I kept using the he's so young excuse. Right,

461
00:22:25,839 --> 00:22:27,880
he's so young, he's so young, And I want to

462
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,799
get rid of that excuse completely, because like at the

463
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:34,200
age he is now, I wasn't behaving that way. That's

464
00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:36,799
that's a choice. That's that is a choice you are choosing.

465
00:22:37,559 --> 00:22:39,960
You're choosing your own adventure there. It has nothing to

466
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,359
do with your age. It has to do with your character.

467
00:22:44,519 --> 00:22:47,960
But to the point of the the point, the original

468
00:22:48,039 --> 00:22:51,440
point of staying after disrespect lowers your price. I didn't

469
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:55,400
want to be in a situation where anyone ever thought

470
00:22:55,519 --> 00:22:58,680
that behavior was acceptable or that I would stay. And

471
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:03,279
this is the unfortunate part oftentimes, and in my experience.

472
00:23:04,319 --> 00:23:08,480
The catalyst for change comes when you leave. The catalyst

473
00:23:08,519 --> 00:23:11,920
for change comes when they lose someone they really love

474
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,119
for behavior that they thought they could talk away. And

475
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,359
this is not exclusive to the relationship. I was just

476
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,839
in this also, just this happened in my marriage too.

477
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,279
You know, it was a different thing, but there were

478
00:23:22,319 --> 00:23:25,599
things in that marriage where I was like, you know,

479
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,119
x Y and z x y and Z, and I

480
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:32,440
said it over and over and over again for seven years,

481
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:36,559
and you know, and he didn't listen to me. And

482
00:23:36,599 --> 00:23:38,400
then when I left, he did all of the things.

483
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,440
He did all of the things. He became more ambitious,

484
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,599
he became, you know, more driven. He started a hot

485
00:23:45,599 --> 00:23:47,480
dog company, which you guy should try. It's called Gleasy.

486
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,359
They're fucking delicious of the best hot dogs I've ever had.

487
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,920
And it's always going to be a millionaire. He's gonna

488
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,880
make hot dog rich. He's gonna get like fucking hot

489
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,279
dog rich. And I love that for him. I'm so

490
00:23:54,319 --> 00:23:56,039
happy for him. That's all I wanted the whole time.

491
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,200
But it's like that catalyst for change came from me leaving,

492
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,279
and I I think oftentimes the catalyst for anyone to

493
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:06,759
change comes from the absence of the safety that's brought

494
00:24:06,799 --> 00:24:09,319
by the person that they love so much. Right, So

495
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,319
I provide a ton of safety in relationships. I didn't

496
00:24:12,319 --> 00:24:14,799
feel that was provided for me in this last relationship

497
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,799
and in a multitude of different ways. But I do

498
00:24:17,839 --> 00:24:20,039
provide a ton of safety, and when that safety goes away,

499
00:24:20,079 --> 00:24:23,279
I think it's kind of a bit jarring, and it

500
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:28,799
does incite change, right, And I hate that I have

501
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,119
to walk away from someone I love to change them

502
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,799
for the better for the next person. I hate that.

503
00:24:36,039 --> 00:24:40,799
I hate that the person who's dating my ex husband

504
00:24:40,839 --> 00:24:42,680
right now got the version of him that I fucking

505
00:24:43,839 --> 00:24:47,680
fought tooth and nail for. Like, I hate that. I

506
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:52,039
hate that, but I also understand, like that's it's okay.

507
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,559
Sometimes you just have to be the impetus for change

508
00:24:54,559 --> 00:24:56,640
in other people's lives and you have to know, like

509
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,400
when it's time to go. And I didn't want to

510
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:03,680
lower my price or allow bad behavior. And you know,

511
00:25:03,759 --> 00:25:06,319
one of the problems with me that I will admit

512
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,839
is like a flaw of mine is when I'm going

513
00:25:08,839 --> 00:25:12,680
through something and I'm trying to process it, I process

514
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,880
it by talking about it. Whether it's to you guys,

515
00:25:15,039 --> 00:25:19,160
or like my best friends or whatever. But the problem

516
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,960
with that is when you talk about your partner's bad

517
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,640
behavior then and you try to forgive them or you

518
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,440
try to move forward, every single person that loves you

519
00:25:29,519 --> 00:25:31,640
is going to look at that person differently, you know.

520
00:25:31,839 --> 00:25:34,359
So I think it's both a benefit and a detriment

521
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,480
that I do that. The benefit is that it makes

522
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:40,759
me accountable to myself and to what I want out

523
00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:44,039
of this life. The detriment is that there's really not

524
00:25:44,079 --> 00:25:46,359
a ton of wiggle room. There's really not. And like

525
00:25:48,039 --> 00:25:51,920
my best friend Claudia has like told me from kind

526
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,480
of the beginning of this relationship, she kep just being like,

527
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,839
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I

528
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,200
don't know if you're as happy as you think you are.

529
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,559
I don't know if you're as in love as you think, like,

530
00:26:01,599 --> 00:26:03,559
and she just but she gave me so much grace

531
00:26:03,599 --> 00:26:05,319
and she let me like make my own mistakes. And

532
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,039
that's like another thing that I want to talk about.

533
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,880
You have to let people you love fail. I can't

534
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,839
tell you how many people told me to not do this,

535
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:18,759
to not abandon my big career, uh, to not move

536
00:26:19,319 --> 00:26:21,599
to a city that essentially takes me out of the

537
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,759
game to just to point blank period not do this.

538
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,839
But they all loved me. They all loved me through

539
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,279
every single phase of it, of it unraveling. They have

540
00:26:32,279 --> 00:26:35,759
supported me in the move. Claudia is like, that's my bitch.

541
00:26:35,839 --> 00:26:38,880
Like I would be dead without Claudia. She literally has

542
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,680
been like, it's good, it's good, we got it. We're

543
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,559
gonna figure out your apartment. We're gonna make it gorgeous.

544
00:26:42,559 --> 00:26:44,119
I'm texting her twenty four seven, I'm like, should I

545
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:45,880
buy this shy bye thishy buye this? Shy bye this? Like?

546
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,480
What should I buy? What should I get? Like, I'm,

547
00:26:47,559 --> 00:26:49,240
you know, trying to make this home as beautiful as

548
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,640
I can. You guys know it's very important to me

549
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,559
to make my home by sanctuary. And yeah, I just

550
00:26:55,079 --> 00:27:00,480
you know, I feel very grateful and I feel very fortunate.

551
00:27:00,519 --> 00:27:02,839
But I also I would be lying if I said

552
00:27:02,839 --> 00:27:05,880
I'm not sad. I've never I've never done a no

553
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:10,680
contact breakup, and they're they're hardcore. Uh, I'm not like sad.

554
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,720
Every single second of every single day, I'm like, actually

555
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,759
pretty fucking busy, But when I slow down for a second,

556
00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:16,559
it does feel like it's it's just you know what

557
00:27:16,599 --> 00:27:20,319
it is, it's my body detoxing from the oxytocin of

558
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:24,759
the relationship, and you know, the it's it's fucking sad.

559
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,079
It's like losing a friend when they're still alive. Is

560
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,240
it's like a friending, you know, it's like, oh, that

561
00:27:29,319 --> 00:27:30,920
was my best friend and now it's not. No, I

562
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:35,000
don't know. I don't know anything, and that's okay. And

563
00:27:35,079 --> 00:27:37,200
another thing that I saw that I wanted to bring

564
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,480
to your guys's attention, which I thought was very poignant,

565
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,000
which is the longer you stay on the wrong train,

566
00:27:42,079 --> 00:27:46,279
the more expensive it is to get back. And that

567
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,880
one fucking hit me because I could have seen myself

568
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:51,839
very well kicking the gan down the road on this.

569
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:57,640
You know, I could have bought into the apology, and

570
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,519
if it wasn't made so crystal clear to me that

571
00:28:00,839 --> 00:28:05,400
words were worthless, I could have kept going. And I

572
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,960
just think it's really poignant because when you're going, you know,

573
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,599
when you're going in the wrong direction and you want

574
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,160
to get off, and you know you should get off,

575
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,640
but you stay on because it's less scary to get

576
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,880
than getting off. It's just going to take you so

577
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,880
much longer to get back to get back home. And

578
00:28:25,039 --> 00:28:27,400
I think this applies across the board. It's not just

579
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:31,119
with romantic partnerships. It can also be with friendships. It

580
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,480
can also be with work. If you're in a job

581
00:28:33,519 --> 00:28:35,799
that you hate and you keep going and you keep

582
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,839
like this is actually a perfect example. Like when I

583
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:43,160
was in advertising, I knew I didn't like that job,

584
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:47,160
probably from my third year in, but I kept going

585
00:28:47,279 --> 00:28:49,960
because I kept getting better and better and better at it,

586
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,839
and the financial returns were so significant that I was like,

587
00:28:53,839 --> 00:28:55,640
why would I ever walk away from this? But in

588
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,599
my soul, I knew I hated it, and my soul

589
00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,240
I knew I needed to do something else. But then

590
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,039
I kept climbing and I kept getting better, and I

591
00:29:01,079 --> 00:29:03,680
kept getting more successful, and I kept making more money,

592
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,200
and I became harder to walk away from, because the

593
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,480
further you dig yourself into something, the harder it is

594
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,000
to walk away from, because it is you know, who

595
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,480
am I to walk away from the kind of money

596
00:29:13,519 --> 00:29:15,279
that I was making to go like Chase, my dream

597
00:29:15,359 --> 00:29:16,920
dreams are for poor people, you know what I mean?

598
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,480
Like I was just like, but it's like, I do

599
00:29:19,559 --> 00:29:21,960
think this applies to anything. It's also you know, it

600
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,960
also applies to sobriety. Let's talk about that. Like my

601
00:29:25,119 --> 00:29:28,079
relationship with sobriety has not been linear, it's not been perfect,

602
00:29:28,079 --> 00:29:31,960
and you know, I told myself I was gonna fucking

603
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:36,319
figure it out, and I haven't. And I'm I'm still

604
00:29:36,319 --> 00:29:40,640
not drinking, which is you know, drinking and hard drugs

605
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,200
are like my two major no's. But like, I'm doing

606
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,200
other things and I want to be honest because I

607
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:46,920
know I was like I'm gonna quit. I quit for

608
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:48,200
like three or four days and then I was like

609
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,440
I need something. But the thing is, the way I

610
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:55,279
behave when I'm when I'm doing anything is different than

611
00:29:55,319 --> 00:29:57,519
the way I behave when I'm sober. And I'm more

612
00:29:57,519 --> 00:30:00,000
proud of the person that i am when I'm fully sober,

613
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,160
so I'm not like so proud of myself right now.

614
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,359
I do think that's also why, like I have to

615
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,000
make amends for like some of the things I said

616
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,640
on the Patreon in the podcast, and like there are

617
00:30:09,039 --> 00:30:12,200
people that I've hurt with my words, and like the

618
00:30:12,319 --> 00:30:15,480
reality is that I don't need to be taking their inventory.

619
00:30:16,039 --> 00:30:18,880
It doesn't matter if they stole from me. It doesn't

620
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:23,759
matter if they were texting another that doesn't matter what

621
00:30:23,759 --> 00:30:26,440
they were doing, doesn't matter. How I reacted is that's

622
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,680
my responsibility, and my side of the street is not

623
00:30:28,799 --> 00:30:31,240
so clean when I have a bit of a fuck

624
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,720
it button, you know, and my fucket button has been

625
00:30:33,799 --> 00:30:36,640
like the little you know, lotto stables or whatever it is.

626
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,559
It's like fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck you,

627
00:30:38,599 --> 00:30:40,480
fuck this, fuck that puff up fu fuck fuck fuck

628
00:30:40,519 --> 00:30:43,319
fuck fuck it. And I know the further I away

629
00:30:43,319 --> 00:30:45,640
I get and the longer I kick the can down

630
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,480
the road, the more work I'm gonna have to do

631
00:30:47,519 --> 00:30:50,039
when I return to the version of myself that I

632
00:30:50,079 --> 00:30:51,799
know is the best version of myself. So I know

633
00:30:51,839 --> 00:30:53,839
I'm not the best version of myself right now. In

634
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,119
many ways, I'm not the best version of myself right now,

635
00:30:56,119 --> 00:30:59,359
but I am doing the best I can. And I

636
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,519
know that's not that's not always enough, and that's not

637
00:31:01,759 --> 00:31:03,960
that's not going to cut it for some people, you know.

638
00:31:05,599 --> 00:31:09,519
But I will say this, I had such a what

639
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:11,799
was I guess, I don't know what the right word

640
00:31:11,799 --> 00:31:18,160
for it is. It's such a moment of retrospective gratitude

641
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,400
for Chris, for my ex husband. And you'll notice I

642
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,599
can say his name because him and I are still

643
00:31:23,599 --> 00:31:26,279
friends and him and I have a good relationship. And

644
00:31:26,319 --> 00:31:27,799
also he doesn't give a fuck what I'm doing with

645
00:31:27,799 --> 00:31:29,759
my career. He's not fucking paying attention to me at all.

646
00:31:29,799 --> 00:31:31,640
He's got like a big, fat life and a hot

647
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:34,880
new girlfriend and like a boom in business and a

648
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,319
great job, and like he's great. He's great, so he

649
00:31:38,359 --> 00:31:40,079
doesn't give a fuck if I talk about it, I

650
00:31:40,119 --> 00:31:42,960
will not say my my most recent ex partner's name

651
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,480
again because the vibes are quite different there. The vibes

652
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:50,960
are very very different there, and I've, like I said,

653
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:54,119
I've never I've never done this type of a breakup before.

654
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,039
I do see the benefit in it, but I also

655
00:31:56,079 --> 00:32:00,039
think it's like kind of psychotic, but also whatever. So

656
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,200
but I had such a moment of juxtaposition where I

657
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,759
was able to like really look at these two people

658
00:32:06,839 --> 00:32:09,279
side by side. And when I went home to La

659
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,680
Chris and I went to go spread Biggie's ashes on

660
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:16,279
the beach. I might have talked about that on the

661
00:32:16,359 --> 00:32:18,839
last podcast, I can't remember, but when we were going

662
00:32:18,839 --> 00:32:21,519
to spread the ashes on the beach, I said to

663
00:32:21,599 --> 00:32:22,759
him I was like, Hey, do you remember when we

664
00:32:22,759 --> 00:32:25,160
were in couples therapy when we were about to get divorced,

665
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:26,720
and you said to me, you can go out there

666
00:32:26,759 --> 00:32:30,039
and look and you can try and find another man,

667
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,200
but you will never find anyone better than me. And

668
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,480
at the time I thought he was gaslighting me. I

669
00:32:35,519 --> 00:32:39,119
was like, how fucking dare you? Like, don't don't challenge

670
00:32:39,119 --> 00:32:42,720
me to a good time. I was like, but then,

671
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:46,759
once I've been out in the world and I've experienced

672
00:32:47,079 --> 00:32:50,920
men of varying degrees, and now this last partnership, which

673
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,799
I can't fully call him a man, will say he's

674
00:32:53,839 --> 00:32:58,039
like teetering on manhood but not quite there yet. I was,

675
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,680
I said to him. I was like, you were right,

676
00:32:59,839 --> 00:33:04,160
Like you really see someone's character in a breakup. You

677
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:08,240
really see someone's character when they don't get what they want,

678
00:33:08,319 --> 00:33:14,359
and you really see who people are when things when

679
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,400
shit hits the fan. They always say, you know who

680
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,839
you're marrying, and you don't know who you're divorcing, And

681
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,880
that rings true to the nth degree for me, Like

682
00:33:25,319 --> 00:33:30,440
Chris was phenomenal, like from start to finish, just phenomenal.

683
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,200
Like sure he didn't get what he wanted either. He

684
00:33:33,279 --> 00:33:36,680
wanted to stay married, and like I wanted to go,

685
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,079
and I don't regret leaving, like I have so much

686
00:33:40,079 --> 00:33:42,160
love and affinity for him and I always will. But

687
00:33:42,279 --> 00:33:45,640
like that was not We were not each other's person forever,

688
00:33:45,759 --> 00:33:47,960
we wrote each other. We rode with each other together

689
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,279
for the time that that made sense, and then like

690
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,000
we departed at the time that made sense. And like

691
00:33:53,039 --> 00:33:58,640
I've said it before, our lives have expanded significantly. And

692
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,200
you know, he was saying, I completely lost my train

693
00:34:04,279 --> 00:34:05,680
of thought. Oh you know, you're marrying. You don't know

694
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:07,519
who to do. He was so fair during the wars.

695
00:34:07,559 --> 00:34:10,039
He said, take whatever you want, like you know, everything

696
00:34:10,079 --> 00:34:12,519
is yours. I was very fair. I gave him pretty

697
00:34:12,559 --> 00:34:14,719
much this house that I bought. You know, I put

698
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,880
the down payment on. I didn't factor in like how

699
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,800
much of the market had changed, or how much the

700
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,000
interest rates had changed or anything. I just was like,

701
00:34:22,119 --> 00:34:25,159
just take the house. And you know, he ended up

702
00:34:25,159 --> 00:34:27,480
paying me back dollar for dollar what I spent on

703
00:34:27,519 --> 00:34:30,079
the down payment. And like, if I had gotten a lawyer, shure,

704
00:34:30,119 --> 00:34:32,400
I could have like shook more cash out of that situation.

705
00:34:32,519 --> 00:34:34,239
But because he was so kind and he was so

706
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,840
fair and he was so loving through the whole process.

707
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,280
I didn't want to, like I've honestly felt like I

708
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,800
was doing a friend of favor, like that's my fucking homie,

709
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,599
he deserves a house. He's I was seven or eight

710
00:34:46,639 --> 00:34:48,519
years older than me. I can't remember it, Like I

711
00:34:48,559 --> 00:34:51,039
was like, that's my that's my dude, he fucking deserves that,

712
00:34:51,159 --> 00:34:56,360
all right, And so silly me, I expected a similar

713
00:34:56,440 --> 00:35:00,239
level of respect and care in this breakup because because

714
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,679
that's the only way I'd ever experienced a breakup, I

715
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:08,400
didn't realize how much someone could rear the ugliest side

716
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,880
of themselves and like it was vacillating, right, It wasn't

717
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:15,239
always just nasty. It was a lot of rage and regret,

718
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:19,440
a lot of anger. And then also I'm not gonna

719
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,159
say it because it's private, and I'm not gonna say

720
00:35:22,159 --> 00:35:24,599
private stuff anymore, but it's just a lot of like

721
00:35:25,559 --> 00:35:28,239
anger and then with the opposite of anger, and it

722
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,800
was like it was an emotional whiplash I had never

723
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,840
experienced in my life before. But I remember I was

724
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,559
texting logistical things with my current ex and then Chris

725
00:35:36,599 --> 00:35:38,840
had taken some of Biggie's ashes after we spread them

726
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,400
on the beach in Venice, and he's like, I'm going

727
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,639
to take him on this hike that Biggie and I

728
00:35:42,639 --> 00:35:44,440
always used to go on because Bage loved to hike.

729
00:35:45,559 --> 00:35:46,840
He's like, I'm going to take him on this hike

730
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:48,679
and spread his ashes. And so while I'm going through

731
00:35:48,679 --> 00:35:51,199
this like logistical nightmare of someone actually telling me to

732
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,440
like fucking kick rocks and eat shit, and like I'm

733
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,199
on the lease, and dah da da, my ex texts

734
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,519
me a picture on top of a Chris text me

735
00:35:58,559 --> 00:36:01,159
a picture on top of a mountain that he just

736
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:05,599
scaled to spread Biggie's ashes, and it was just like

737
00:36:05,639 --> 00:36:09,519
Biggie's little Like I was just like, oh my god,

738
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,760
this is the mark of a man. Like this is

739
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:19,239
a man. This is a wonderful, wonderful person. And all

740
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,559
that to say, I just feel so grateful that I

741
00:36:21,639 --> 00:36:25,440
even am allowed his friendship and that like he was

742
00:36:25,599 --> 00:36:29,039
mature enough to continue to be a part of my life,

743
00:36:29,079 --> 00:36:33,000
because I just I feel so fortunate that I ever

744
00:36:33,199 --> 00:36:36,519
had a partner that was so kind in the dismount

745
00:36:36,679 --> 00:36:41,880
you know, I would say conversely, they're you know, in

746
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,719
this most recent relationship, like they broke their ankle on

747
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,079
the dismount, and that's just a shame. It's a shame

748
00:36:48,119 --> 00:36:50,840
because it's going to paint the lens of the entire

749
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:55,199
relationship differently. And it's fucking sad, you guys, Like, I'm

750
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,079
not gonna sit here in nect like this isn't fucking

751
00:36:57,199 --> 00:37:00,880
sad Like I was in you know, I'd been traveling

752
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,760
like crazy. I had I literally found out what happened,

753
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:09,760
and then I had to go to New York and

754
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:11,400
then I found a place and then I had to

755
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,920
I came back to Palm Beach for like three days,

756
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:15,480
and then I had to go to LA for work,

757
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,239
and then I came back for literally I was back

758
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:20,760
for two days Saturday Sunday. The movers came Monday, and

759
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,400
I was out and I was in the Atlanta airport

760
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,119
on my way back from LA just like sobbing in

761
00:37:27,159 --> 00:37:30,880
the fucking Delta lounge, like just just And it's so

762
00:37:32,199 --> 00:37:35,039
embarrassing when you can't like get it together in public

763
00:37:35,079 --> 00:37:37,360
and you have to like cry in public. I always

764
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,840
like you never know what's going on with anyone. I've

765
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:43,000
been crying in public a lot lately, Like when I

766
00:37:43,079 --> 00:37:45,039
was on my way from Palm Beach to Denver to

767
00:37:45,079 --> 00:37:48,039
do those shows with Rena. I got the call from

768
00:37:48,679 --> 00:37:53,119
the doctor who put in Biggie's feeding tube that they

769
00:37:53,159 --> 00:37:56,440
found a lump that looked like cancer in his throat.

770
00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:01,800
So even if the feeding tube, you know, and that

771
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,079
was the call that I knew he was gonna die.

772
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,639
I just like the whole flight was crying, like I

773
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:09,719
just haven't really had a moment to myself to like

774
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:14,760
get myself together to not be fucking crying. Like I'm like, dude,

775
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,559
I've really gotten my ass kicked these past couple of months.

776
00:38:17,559 --> 00:38:19,800
And like, as painful as it is, I also know

777
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,360
there's like a lot of lessons that I need to learn,

778
00:38:22,519 --> 00:38:25,599
and there's things I need to handle differently moving forward,

779
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,320
and there's things I can do better. And you know,

780
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:31,239
I don't have a ton of regret how I handled things.

781
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,639
I think I spoke my truth and I you know,

782
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:35,920
like I said, people don't like the truth about themselves

783
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,679
repeated back to them, But like that doesn't mean it's

784
00:38:38,679 --> 00:38:43,960
not the truth, you know. But I am going to

785
00:38:44,039 --> 00:38:46,880
do my best, Like I'm begging you guys, if you

786
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:52,039
support the podcast, please join the Patreon because there might

787
00:38:52,079 --> 00:38:53,960
be a world where this does move to a Patreon

788
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:55,840
only podcast. I don't want you guys to freak out.

789
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,639
I don't want you guys to lose your shit. I

790
00:38:58,679 --> 00:39:00,559
have a few friends who do it that way, and

791
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,280
I think it's just a better way to cultivate community.

792
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,239
And then I can like interact with you guys directly

793
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,239
and like figure out what what you guys want, what

794
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,360
you want to hear, And I think it'll just be

795
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,280
a bit more private. I think there's like a lot

796
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,199
of evil eyes. There's a lot of evil eyes, and

797
00:39:14,199 --> 00:39:15,960
not the ones that bring you protection, like the actual

798
00:39:16,039 --> 00:39:18,639
nasty eyes, like kind of checking out what's going on.

799
00:39:18,679 --> 00:39:21,000
I've never had an episode perform better than the one

800
00:39:21,039 --> 00:39:22,800
saying I'm single and I'm moving to New York. Like

801
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:26,480
people just laying around praying on my downfall. So anyway,

802
00:39:26,559 --> 00:39:30,800
pray worker so we can end this shit. But yeah, no,

803
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:34,239
I had I had one other clarifying moment in this,

804
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:36,119
this breakup, and I want to tell you guys about

805
00:39:36,119 --> 00:39:40,360
it a little bit so and and after this you're

806
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:42,480
gonna see an outfit change happen, because it's the one

807
00:39:42,519 --> 00:39:45,679
I recruits, half of the one I recorded yesterday and

808
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,599
it's gonna be a completely different vibe, completely different energy.

809
00:39:49,639 --> 00:39:51,400
But there's still some stuff in there that I want

810
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:54,039
you guys to hear. But if you guys want to

811
00:39:54,079 --> 00:39:56,880
go to a psychic that will like absolutely fuck your

812
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,199
shit up. First of all, someone predicted this, So I

813
00:40:00,199 --> 00:40:02,320
tell you that Salvon, the guy who predicted my dad's

814
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,519
heart problem, also predicted this, this relationship ending and how

815
00:40:05,559 --> 00:40:08,800
it would end. He told me in February. He said

816
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,639
it was actually gonna happen on October. He's always wrong

817
00:40:10,679 --> 00:40:13,039
with dates, but whatever, he's always right with what happens.

818
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:15,880
But I went to a different one. So his name's

819
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,840
Drew McLain and he's called the Manhattan Medium and if

820
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:22,119
you want his info, DM me. He's a little more expensive,

821
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,760
but he's never been wrong, which is horrifying. It's horrifying,

822
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,760
Like I just like don't actually understand how, but like

823
00:40:29,159 --> 00:40:31,920
he can be right, but it can be like years out.

824
00:40:32,199 --> 00:40:34,159
So the first time I went to him, I was

825
00:40:34,159 --> 00:40:36,760
like happily married and he's like, oh yeah, He's like

826
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,800
this is gonna probably end. He's like I don't, yeah,

827
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,400
I just don't see this one lasting. Like I think

828
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,960
you're gonna get bored and like, you know, ultimately your

829
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,679
career is going to become more important. And I was

830
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,920
just like, who the fuck is this quack? Like I

831
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:53,320
was like happily married on Like I was like, how

832
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,320
dare this man say that? And he's like, yeah, I

833
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,280
don't know what the timing is exactly, but I know

834
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:00,239
what's going to happen. And I was like, okay, fuck you.

835
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:02,480
And then it happened, and then I texted him. I

836
00:41:02,519 --> 00:41:04,679
was like, oh my god, you psychopath, Like what the fuck?

837
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:06,599
And it was years later. It literally was like two

838
00:41:06,599 --> 00:41:07,880
and a half years later. I was like, wait, this

839
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:09,599
guy said this exact thing that was going to happen,

840
00:41:09,639 --> 00:41:11,920
like the career was going to become more important, and

841
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:15,039
like the priorities were gonna shift and energies were gonna

842
00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:18,079
feel misaligned. And he's like, you're gonna feel like you're

843
00:41:18,079 --> 00:41:20,679
swimming against a current at home and you're gonna want

844
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:23,480
to break free. And I was just like this motherfucker.

845
00:41:23,519 --> 00:41:24,840
So then I reached out to him and he's like, well,

846
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,320
let's do another reading. But he's so he's booked so

847
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,400
far out in advance, and it's like, okay, whatever, let's

848
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,320
do another reading. So this is right after my divorce.

849
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:34,039
I remember I was living in like I had this

850
00:41:34,079 --> 00:41:37,400
Hollywood Hill's divorce crash pad and I was living there

851
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,679
and he's like, oh honey, he's like, you better buckle up.

852
00:41:41,679 --> 00:41:43,960
He's like, your shit's about to get rocked, like the

853
00:41:44,119 --> 00:41:47,079
most Like he's like, I don't want to say demonic.

854
00:41:47,159 --> 00:41:49,280
He's like, but it's pretty close to demonic. Like you

855
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,360
are about to meet a guy. He's like six five,

856
00:41:51,519 --> 00:41:55,920
he's blue eyes, blonde hair, he's beautiful, and he is

857
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:58,199
going to flip you inside out, like to the point

858
00:41:58,199 --> 00:41:59,960
where you have to get sober from sex and love

859
00:42:01,559 --> 00:42:05,159
from sex. Sorry. And I was like what this doesn't

860
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:07,719
know and he's like, there's also a musician coming, Like

861
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,960
I don't know. He's like, I don't think he's like

862
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,800
a drum He's like I think he's like it starts

863
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,159
with a D, but he's not a drummer. He might

864
00:42:13,199 --> 00:42:15,199
be a DJ. And I was just like, oh god,

865
00:42:16,119 --> 00:42:19,719
this sounds horrible, but like yeah, So first came DJ,

866
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,079
then came if you guys followed the old podcast, you

867
00:42:22,159 --> 00:42:25,320
know who, uh, the one who gave me these tattoos,

868
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:28,760
And then came my like journey into sex and love

869
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,760
sobriety and then he all he said in that same one,

870
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,079
he's like, your next solmate is coming, and he will

871
00:42:34,079 --> 00:42:35,920
tell you initials. They're not always going to be in

872
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,920
the right order, but there he's like, your next soulmate

873
00:42:38,039 --> 00:42:39,840
is coming, but it's gonna be a while. And his

874
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:43,440
initials are AMJ and I was like, okay. And every

875
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:44,840
time I met someone, I would be like no, I

876
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,679
was like, who the fuck even has an A in

877
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:53,159
their name? And my exes initials are MJA. And he

878
00:42:53,199 --> 00:42:55,480
also said to me, he's like, oh, he's not gonna

879
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,920
be like your traditional type, like he's gonna be like

880
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,320
Middle Eastern or something like that. And I was like again,

881
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:01,960
like it was like, this guy is a fucking quack.

882
00:43:02,079 --> 00:43:05,840
Like I'm not attracted to those types of men, no offense,

883
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:11,000
it's just not my preference. And yeah, old boy is

884
00:43:11,039 --> 00:43:14,199
half Syrian. So I just was like, oh my god,

885
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:16,960
this fucking guy. But it did take me three years

886
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,880
before I met him, and then I texted him and

887
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,920
because he's so booked out, I was like, oh my god,

888
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:25,199
it happened again. You fucking predicted the initials of the

889
00:43:25,199 --> 00:43:27,159
guy that I'm like dating and moving to Palm Beach

890
00:43:27,159 --> 00:43:29,320
for and blah blah blah blah. And he's like, oh

891
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:30,880
my god, Bud, and he's like, if you give me

892
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,440
like a review, because he's like trying to, you know,

893
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,480
grow the business. Obviously everyone's trying to grow their business.

894
00:43:36,679 --> 00:43:38,199
He's like, if you give me a review, I'll do

895
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:40,119
like a free thirty minute session with you. And I

896
00:43:40,159 --> 00:43:42,239
was like, okay, we put it on the books again.

897
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,320
Unbeknownst to anyone, we put it on the books literally

898
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:49,679
three days after my ex and I really hit the

899
00:43:49,679 --> 00:43:53,480
fucking skids. We really hit the skids, and I go

900
00:43:53,559 --> 00:43:57,280
to this this medium and he's like, oh honey. He's like,

901
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,480
this is ending and it's ending bad. He's like, you're

902
00:43:59,519 --> 00:44:02,400
gonna see who this man actually is and you're not

903
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:06,039
gonna like it. And he was right, and he's told

904
00:44:06,079 --> 00:44:08,400
me some specific things that I'm not going to repeat

905
00:44:09,119 --> 00:44:15,679
that literally happened two or three days later, like very

906
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:20,039
specific interactions, and I was like, collect my pearls because

907
00:44:20,039 --> 00:44:21,639
the other things he told me. He's like, if you

908
00:44:21,679 --> 00:44:23,840
hang around and if you wait, this just gets worse

909
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:26,440
and it doesn't get better. And he's like, you know,

910
00:44:28,199 --> 00:44:31,639
very insecure, and they're like, you know, just like things

911
00:44:31,639 --> 00:44:34,599
that like we could have all pieced together. And I

912
00:44:34,639 --> 00:44:36,360
was like, Okay, I think I'm good. And then he

913
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:37,880
told me, he's like, but if you leave, and he's like,

914
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:40,280
I'm seeing like flat Iron, I'm seeing New York. He's like,

915
00:44:40,519 --> 00:44:42,360
he's like, I see the next chapter for you being

916
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:44,519
in New York. And he's like and he's like, you

917
00:44:44,559 --> 00:44:47,360
are not shy on soulmates. He's like, another one will come.

918
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,599
He's like, it's probably not gonna happen fast, but it

919
00:44:49,639 --> 00:44:52,280
will happen. And I'm like fine with that. I'm fine

920
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,280
it sold me. Take your time, dog, if you're out there,

921
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,920
if you hear me right now, big dog, fucking chill.

922
00:44:59,159 --> 00:45:01,519
You just take a lo lazy river to Mama whenever

923
00:45:01,559 --> 00:45:04,039
you're ready. Because I am not in the mood. I'm

924
00:45:04,039 --> 00:45:05,760
not in the mood for a soulmate. I'm not in

925
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:08,960
the mood for a soul tie. I'm not in the

926
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,840
mood for somebody who I knew in the past life

927
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:15,119
again like that, but past life shit, whether or not

928
00:45:15,119 --> 00:45:17,119
you believe in it, that's your own business. I fucking

929
00:45:17,119 --> 00:45:19,360
believe in it. I believe one hundred percent. That's what

930
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,119
happened with this person I just got out of a

931
00:45:21,119 --> 00:45:26,719
relationship with, and that soul tie. It was like both

932
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:28,400
of us were locked in, not in like a love

933
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:31,559
bombing way like in augh I found you way. And

934
00:45:31,599 --> 00:45:34,679
it was the most challenging eleven month relationship of my life.

935
00:45:34,679 --> 00:45:36,719
It was the most challenging relationship of my life. It

936
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,800
was hard as fuck. It did not feel easy. It

937
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:42,199
often did not feel fun. It felt like we were

938
00:45:42,199 --> 00:45:44,119
there to like teach each other something, and I think

939
00:45:44,159 --> 00:45:45,840
we did. I hope we did. I know that I

940
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:48,840
learned a lot. I think he learned a lot. Again.

941
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:50,880
If I ever loved you once, I'll love you always.

942
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:54,480
I'm never going to not love somebody that I once

943
00:45:54,559 --> 00:45:56,800
loved or have love for them, at least like I might.

944
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:58,679
It might not actively be like I love you, I

945
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,840
love you, but it's like I I have so much

946
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:05,639
love for you and such a profound, such profound respect

947
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:07,880
for the position you held in my life while you

948
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:13,320
held it. And I feel so full of joy and

949
00:46:13,599 --> 00:46:16,639
light and love, and I feel lighter, and I feel brighter,

950
00:46:16,679 --> 00:46:19,840
and I just feel like I know, I just keep

951
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:21,920
waking up every day being like I think something amazing,

952
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:23,880
it's gonna happen. I think something amazing it's gonna happen.

953
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,079
I go tobout it and I being like, I think

954
00:46:25,079 --> 00:46:27,559
something amazing is gonna happen, and I do. I just

955
00:46:27,639 --> 00:46:30,000
feel like amazing things are happening all the time, and

956
00:46:30,039 --> 00:46:33,599
they might not be huge, amazing like breakthrough things, but

957
00:46:33,639 --> 00:46:36,760
I just do feel like divinely protected and supported. And

958
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:39,079
New York is beautiful this time of year, and I'm

959
00:46:39,079 --> 00:46:41,159
sad to obviously not be going on my trips. Everyone

960
00:46:41,199 --> 00:46:44,079
wants to go on fucking trips, you know what I mean,

961
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:46,320
Like everyone wants to go on their trips with their

962
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,800
man in the summer. But I might be going on

963
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,480
some trips with some girlfriends. And listen, there's a little

964
00:46:51,519 --> 00:46:54,320
more podcast coming up for you, guys. I'm gonna switch

965
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,679
back over into who I was yesterday and you get

966
00:46:57,719 --> 00:46:59,280
to see that version of me. That version of me

967
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:02,280
might be like a little more of a bummer. But

968
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,800
I love you all best sies, and I will see

969
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:08,760
you next week. So I wanted to share with you guys.

970
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:11,719
I've been reading this book all year called The Pivot Year,

971
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:13,920
because I felt like this year was a pivot year

972
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:16,199
before it showed me that it was a pivot year.

973
00:47:16,679 --> 00:47:19,920
And it's a book of it's three hundred and sixty

974
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,280
five days to become the person you truly want to be.

975
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:25,360
It's by Brianna West and it just one day, like

976
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:29,519
one affirmation a day. And right now I'm on day

977
00:47:29,559 --> 00:47:32,159
fifty three and this really spoke to me and I

978
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:35,320
just want to share it with you guys, because I

979
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:39,599
thought it was I thought it was insightful Day fifty three.

980
00:47:39,679 --> 00:47:41,760
Nothing is wrong with you. You are supposed to have

981
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,360
days in which you are so self assured, followed by

982
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:46,760
nights where you gaze into the sky and wonder if

983
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,559
that's all there is. You're supposed to have years that

984
00:47:49,599 --> 00:47:52,199
feel like weeks and weeks that feel like years. You're

985
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:55,559
supposed to get rejected sometimes, you're supposed to have people

986
00:47:55,599 --> 00:47:57,719
disagree with you at times. You're supposed to be a

987
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,000
little lost now and again, you are not supposed to

988
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:02,920
have all of the answers. Nothing is wrong with you?

989
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:07,760
And I thought this was so interesting just for today,

990
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:11,760
is because I have I have been feeling these feelings recently,

991
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:14,559
like what's wrong with me? At what am I doing

992
00:48:14,599 --> 00:48:17,960
with my life? Where am I going? Where's this all headed?

993
00:48:18,079 --> 00:48:20,559
And I do have such faith in God and like

994
00:48:20,639 --> 00:48:23,639
divine redirection and everything like that, but like there are

995
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,239
days where I'm like, how is this my life? Like

996
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,599
I really didn't envision my life at thirty seven to

997
00:48:28,639 --> 00:48:33,159
be single, living in a studio apartment by myself, having

998
00:48:33,199 --> 00:48:35,639
moved twice in under four months. Like I just didn't

999
00:48:35,679 --> 00:48:39,599
think this was my journey. But the truth is, you

1000
00:48:39,599 --> 00:48:41,840
don't know what your journey is. And I think you

1001
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,079
know your higher power knows what your journey is, and

1002
00:48:44,119 --> 00:48:45,880
it will make sure that you're on the right track

1003
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,559
at you know, at the right time. And so even

1004
00:48:48,599 --> 00:48:50,639
if you're feeling lost, or even if you're feeling like

1005
00:48:50,679 --> 00:48:52,920
something's wrong with you, nothing is wrong with you. We

1006
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:54,960
are all just people and we are all just doing

1007
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,599
our best. And I think if you wake up in

1008
00:48:57,639 --> 00:49:01,599
the morning and you have intentional gratitude, and even when

1009
00:49:01,639 --> 00:49:04,119
things are bad, like I do not think my life

1010
00:49:04,159 --> 00:49:06,880
is bad right now. I really don't. Like bad things

1011
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,679
have happened, but my life is not bad. I'm so

1012
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,199
excited to see what the next chapter has in store.

1013
00:49:12,639 --> 00:49:15,400
But it's really hard in these moments of pause when

1014
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:19,280
you're going through extreme change to keep the gaze forward

1015
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:22,800
and just not look back right it is. It's I

1016
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:25,000
think it's easy and it's human for us to all

1017
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,559
look back and be like, did I fuck that up?

1018
00:49:26,599 --> 00:49:28,119
Did I make the right move? Did I say the

1019
00:49:28,199 --> 00:49:30,880
right thing? Did I act the right way? And you know,

1020
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:32,880
I've been confronted with a lot of the things I've

1021
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:37,280
said on this podcast not being the kindest or the

1022
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:39,840
right thing to say. And while it was my truth,

1023
00:49:40,039 --> 00:49:43,320
it's not always right to share that. And you know,

1024
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:45,679
the big lesson that I'm having this week is I

1025
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:52,079
need to exercise discernment in what I share publicly, you know.

1026
00:49:52,159 --> 00:49:54,519
And it's something I struggled with on the last podcast too.

1027
00:49:54,559 --> 00:49:56,280
I just felt like it was oversharing and there was

1028
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:58,039
like no part of me that was sacred, and I

1029
00:49:58,039 --> 00:50:00,000
felt like I lost myself a little bit to the podcast.

1030
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,039
But like at the end of the day, I get

1031
00:50:02,119 --> 00:50:05,239
so many messages from people saying like, what you're doing

1032
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:08,679
is important and please don't stop, And you guys are

1033
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:12,039
the most loving, supportive group of people, and I'm so grateful.

1034
00:50:12,079 --> 00:50:14,000
Like the best part of my week every week is

1035
00:50:14,039 --> 00:50:16,280
when I get to sit down and do this podcast.

1036
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,719
I love hearing from you guys. I love knowing what's

1037
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,880
going on in your lives. I love being able to

1038
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:24,800
be just a small part of your life, even if

1039
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:27,199
it's just Monday morning, you know, even if it's just

1040
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:30,159
Monday morning when we're hanging out together and you guys

1041
00:50:30,199 --> 00:50:32,480
are commuting to work or you know, whatever it is.

1042
00:50:32,599 --> 00:50:34,840
I just hope I'm bringing a small fraction of joy

1043
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:36,440
to your life. But just know, for the people that

1044
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:40,719
I've heard, I'm also very sorry, and I do. I

1045
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:43,360
feel like I can do better, and I want to

1046
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:45,559
do better. And I have been having these thoughts like

1047
00:50:45,599 --> 00:50:47,679
what the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I

1048
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:51,159
keep my mouth shut? Why can't I let people just

1049
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,719
do what they do and me not yap about it.

1050
00:50:54,159 --> 00:50:56,800
But like, another thing I've really been noticing this year

1051
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,599
is people don't like when I tell the truth, you know,

1052
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,039
like when the truth about you makes you look bad,

1053
00:51:04,599 --> 00:51:06,960
you don't want to hear it, especially not publicly, especially

1054
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,519
not you know, sometimes I forget that people even listen

1055
00:51:09,519 --> 00:51:11,320
to this podcast. I feel like it's just like three

1056
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:13,440
of us hanging out in a room, braiding each other's hair,

1057
00:51:13,519 --> 00:51:17,119
telling each other's secrets and I have to stop with

1058
00:51:17,119 --> 00:51:19,519
that mentality, and I have to be more meaningful with

1059
00:51:20,039 --> 00:51:21,679
the things I say and what I put out into

1060
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,320
the world and know how deeply it affects other people.

1061
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:29,079
And I have had quite a year, like a lot

1062
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:33,440
has gone tits up, and I've had a lot of

1063
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:36,119
I've experienced a lot of rage this year, which I

1064
00:51:36,159 --> 00:51:39,719
want to talk about because like I don't consider myself

1065
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:43,000
an angry person, I don't consider myself a rageful person.

1066
00:51:43,079 --> 00:51:45,719
I have felt more rage this year than I've ever

1067
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,480
felt in my life, and a lot of it has

1068
00:51:48,519 --> 00:51:52,159
been things that have happened to me, you know. Obviously,

1069
00:51:52,679 --> 00:51:54,480
what happened when we first got to Palm Beach with

1070
00:51:54,519 --> 00:51:58,079
the designers made me very angry. What happened when Biggie

1071
00:51:58,119 --> 00:52:02,679
past made me very angry. This recent breakup made me

1072
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,000
very angry. Like there's been a lot of anger. And

1073
00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:09,079
what I do need to remember is the beauty and

1074
00:52:09,119 --> 00:52:14,280
the pause, right, like not always speaking the second something happens,

1075
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:18,639
like take a minute, evaluate it a little better. I'm

1076
00:52:18,679 --> 00:52:20,800
just doing my best. But I have been like the

1077
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,639
past two days being like should I quit this podcast?

1078
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:26,679
Like I am I just fucking my shit up? And

1079
00:52:26,679 --> 00:52:29,639
everyone else's shut up, And like, is this like really

1080
00:52:29,639 --> 00:52:33,320
worth it to have people that I once really cared

1081
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,800
about be in a place where they like want to

1082
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:39,079
block me publicly because they don't want to hear another

1083
00:52:39,079 --> 00:52:43,880
word I say. I do need to figure that out,

1084
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:46,920
and I do need to exercise discernments. So moving forward,

1085
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:50,079
that is going to be what I do and how

1086
00:52:50,119 --> 00:52:53,039
I operate on this podcast. I'm going to do my best,

1087
00:52:53,159 --> 00:52:54,760
all right, I'm gonna do my best. And I do

1088
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,119
think some of the tea and the Patreon is still

1089
00:52:57,159 --> 00:52:59,239
going to be there. I do want to share parts

1090
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:04,559
of my life, just not maybe quite so publicly, and

1091
00:53:04,599 --> 00:53:06,880
that's that's a challenge for me. You know, I've always

1092
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,639
been a yapper and keeping my mom shut is a challenge.

1093
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:12,400
And there was a time in my life, Sorry one second,

1094
00:53:16,559 --> 00:53:18,480
there was a time in my life when I was

1095
00:53:18,559 --> 00:53:22,679
incredibly private and when people didn't know a lot about me,

1096
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,840
and I was kind of more of an enigma and mysterious.

1097
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:27,880
And that was obviously before I started podcasting. And then

1098
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:29,800
I started podcasting. I'm like, blah blah blah blah blah

1099
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:32,599
blah blah, but no, I want to focus more on

1100
00:53:32,639 --> 00:53:34,440
mental health stuff. I want to talk to you guys

1101
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,599
about your journey with sobriety. I want to talk to

1102
00:53:36,679 --> 00:53:39,119
you guys about your journey and your own relationships and

1103
00:53:39,159 --> 00:53:42,480
your own lives. And maybe instead of me just constantly

1104
00:53:42,519 --> 00:53:44,559
sharing about me and what's going on, I can use

1105
00:53:44,559 --> 00:53:46,920
my experiences to relate to yours and help you guys

1106
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:51,679
through you know, the things that you're going through. And

1107
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,039
so that is my goal moving forward. I do want

1108
00:53:54,039 --> 00:53:57,599
to do more Badvice. I think that's just a good

1109
00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:59,719
that's a good spot for us. It's a good spot

1110
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:01,960
because you guys feel heard. I feel like I can

1111
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,760
be helpful and I don't necessarily have to share every

1112
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:10,880
single thing about my life. Sure, on that note, I'm

1113
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,519
gonna get into bad Vice. This episode's gonna be a

1114
00:54:13,559 --> 00:54:18,760
little shorter. I just I'm exhausted, you guys. I never

1115
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:21,840
ever ever want to miss a week. And I'm gonna

1116
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:24,000
start having a lot more guests. Son, I'm so excited

1117
00:54:24,039 --> 00:54:25,840
to be in New York where there's so many comedians

1118
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:29,400
that I can have on. Hopefully my podcast setup will

1119
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:31,679
be ready in a couple of weeks. It's probably gonna

1120
00:54:31,679 --> 00:54:34,280
be in my bed for the next like two weeks.

1121
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:37,000
But then after that everything will be set up. I'll

1122
00:54:37,039 --> 00:54:39,079
have a cute little studio. I'm gonna have guests. We're

1123
00:54:39,079 --> 00:54:41,400
gonna have so much fun this summer. I can't wait.

1124
00:54:41,679 --> 00:54:45,039
It's hot girl summer. You guys, everyone is single right now.

1125
00:54:45,199 --> 00:54:47,719
Everyone is single, and by that I mean me and

1126
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,679
Meg the Stallion and Meg the Stallion dropped a banger.

1127
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:52,480
If you guys haven't heard it, well, she didn't drop

1128
00:54:52,519 --> 00:54:56,119
it yet. She previewed it. Her fucking distract to Klay

1129
00:54:56,159 --> 00:55:03,679
Thompson is hilarious, and it's just feeling like hot girl summer.

1130
00:55:03,679 --> 00:55:05,679
And listen at the big age of thirty seven. Did

1131
00:55:05,679 --> 00:55:07,519
I really want to be having a hot girl summer.

1132
00:55:07,679 --> 00:55:10,320
I'm gonna be honest, No, I wanted to be inside

1133
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:12,880
with my man. I wanted to be traveling with my man.

1134
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,840
We had so many fun travel plans. We were supposed

1135
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:17,039
to go to Italy, we were supposed to go to

1136
00:55:17,039 --> 00:55:19,920
Saint Bart's. We had like just the best summer planned,

1137
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:22,159
and like sometimes make plans and got to laugh, and

1138
00:55:22,199 --> 00:55:24,760
that is just truly what happened to me this year.

1139
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,400
I made a bunch of plans and God was like,

1140
00:55:26,519 --> 00:55:30,440
absolutely fucking not bitch, and so now instead of you know,

1141
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:33,920
going on those fun trips with my man, I'm gonna

1142
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,000
take some fun trips with my girlfriends. But I honestly

1143
00:55:36,079 --> 00:55:37,679
might just chill in New York and figure out the

1144
00:55:37,679 --> 00:55:40,599
comedy scene and like try and just embed myself here

1145
00:55:40,639 --> 00:55:44,760
a little more. I feel very excited about what's coming

1146
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:50,960
up next. Okay, so let's rip into this bad vice.

1147
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:59,199
Shall we get in request bad vice? Okay, hy Britt,

1148
00:55:59,199 --> 00:56:02,079
I recently cut out alcohol over a year ago. Congrats.

1149
00:56:02,599 --> 00:56:04,480
I decided to do this because I was struggling with

1150
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:07,000
my mental health and had really bad depression. Addiction also

1151
00:56:07,079 --> 00:56:09,280
runs in my family. My goal was to get one

1152
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,719
year of no alcohol, which I did. I'm getting married

1153
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:14,039
this year and have my bachelorette trip coming up. I've

1154
00:56:14,079 --> 00:56:16,559
been struggling with my decision on if I should reintroduce

1155
00:56:16,599 --> 00:56:19,519
alcohol just for occasions or if I should stay sober.

1156
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,440
Cutting out alcohol didn't fix my mental health like I

1157
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:24,719
thought it would, but I think it's helped a little.

1158
00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:26,360
It used to be a party girl, so I can't

1159
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:29,519
imagine going on my bachelorette trip and not drinking. I

1160
00:56:29,559 --> 00:56:33,199
would love to get your advice. Okay, this is a

1161
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:35,800
tough one. This is a This is a tough one

1162
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:40,360
because mental health issues are so serious, right, and you

1163
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:43,239
need to get treated for that first, And when you're sober,

1164
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:47,199
you are able to get properly treated for depression or

1165
00:56:47,239 --> 00:56:50,760
whatever other mental health stuff you're dealing with, because there's

1166
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:54,880
not there's not something interfering with your mental health, right,

1167
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:58,199
Like alcohol and drugs are a real interference of how

1168
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:03,679
you actually are because they are you know, they can

1169
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,480
temporarily take you away from or numb out the pain

1170
00:57:06,679 --> 00:57:09,519
of struggles with mental health. But then when the effects

1171
00:57:09,519 --> 00:57:12,719
of drugs or alcohol we're off, you're then usually confronted

1172
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:16,679
with something much worse and much darker. And I think

1173
00:57:16,679 --> 00:57:21,000
if you've made it a year and you're feeling even

1174
00:57:21,119 --> 00:57:25,639
a little better, I wouldn't reintroduce alcohol, especially not for

1175
00:57:25,719 --> 00:57:27,920
a bachelorette trip, because this is what happens. So when

1176
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:33,239
you take the time off from alcohol, like we as

1177
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:37,760
party girls, as a retired party girl myself, right, we

1178
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,280
were used to drinking at a certain level, Like I

1179
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:43,440
could drink anyone under a fucking table. Not proud of it,

1180
00:57:43,519 --> 00:57:47,199
I just could. If you reintroduce it, it's almost like

1181
00:57:47,280 --> 00:57:50,480
starting all over again from when you were like sixteen

1182
00:57:50,639 --> 00:57:52,559
or fifteen or I don't know what age you were

1183
00:57:52,559 --> 00:57:55,400
when you started drinking twenty twenty one, twenty one, when

1184
00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:59,480
you were twenty one, right legally, but it's like starting

1185
00:57:59,519 --> 00:58:01,719
over again. You have to like build your tolerance up

1186
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:04,400
to it. You're gonna have moments where you're like slurring

1187
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:07,679
and sloppy after like two drinks, and you're like, wait,

1188
00:58:07,719 --> 00:58:10,360
this isn't fun. This isn't like the version of myself

1189
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:12,639
that I remember that was like a curated party girl

1190
00:58:12,679 --> 00:58:14,559
who knew how to handle her shit. Right, Like, you're

1191
00:58:14,599 --> 00:58:16,719
starting over again, and I just do not think the

1192
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:19,159
right place to start over would be a bachelorette party,

1193
00:58:19,199 --> 00:58:23,480
because I do think that has the potential to ruin

1194
00:58:23,519 --> 00:58:28,199
your bachelorette Like, I'm just gonna be honest. Like, also,

1195
00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:31,039
like when you're sober, you're able to manage your emotions,

1196
00:58:31,079 --> 00:58:33,280
and when you start drinking, you're really not. Like you

1197
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:38,039
can get really sad. Obviously, you can also have a

1198
00:58:38,039 --> 00:58:40,519
great time and feel really happy, but like there is

1199
00:58:41,079 --> 00:58:43,599
the variable, especially if you have depression where you could

1200
00:58:43,599 --> 00:58:46,119
feel really fucking sad, and like, imagine you have three

1201
00:58:46,199 --> 00:58:47,840
drinks and then you start crying and you're like, I

1202
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:49,440
don't even know if I was supposed to be marrying

1203
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:52,760
this guy, and like I do think it has a

1204
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:57,639
real possibility to fuck your shit up. So my advice

1205
00:58:57,719 --> 00:59:01,079
would be, if you've made it a year, challenge yourself

1206
00:59:01,119 --> 00:59:04,280
to make it a year and six months and if

1207
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:07,000
you you know, if you need and a lot of

1208
00:59:07,039 --> 00:59:09,280
people when they quit drinking, they need an end, you

1209
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:12,079
know what I mean? They can't. That's why in the

1210
00:59:12,119 --> 00:59:13,880
program they always say one day at a time, because

1211
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:17,159
we can't imagine our whole lives without it, right, Like,

1212
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,199
no fucking way. This was my whole life. My whole

1213
00:59:20,239 --> 00:59:23,039
life was drinking, and now my whole life is supposed

1214
00:59:23,039 --> 00:59:25,119
to be not drinking. That's insane. So like for me,

1215
00:59:25,159 --> 00:59:27,679
when I quit drinking, I told people I'm taking a break.

1216
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:29,559
I'm taking a break for a couple months. I'm taking

1217
00:59:29,559 --> 00:59:31,719
a break. I'll be back. I'll be back, And I

1218
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:33,480
too was like maybe when I hit a year, I'll

1219
00:59:33,519 --> 00:59:35,119
be able to drink wine again. But then, like you

1220
00:59:35,199 --> 00:59:38,519
hit the year, and if you look around, your life

1221
00:59:38,639 --> 00:59:42,960
does get better. Like, I don't know, you didn't give

1222
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:44,960
me tons of details on how it's only gotten a

1223
00:59:45,039 --> 00:59:48,480
little bit better. But like for me again, like my clarity,

1224
00:59:48,679 --> 00:59:52,519
my skin, my my mental health is what happened with me,

1225
00:59:52,559 --> 00:59:56,239
and my mental health is my mental health issues became

1226
00:59:56,400 --> 01:00:00,760
way more pronounced in sobriety because I was successful self

1227
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:04,000
medicating with alcohol and drugs and it was working, and

1228
01:00:04,039 --> 01:00:06,719
I was always in such a bleary state of delusion

1229
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,920
that like I couldn't even identify as somebody who had

1230
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:12,880
mental health problems because I just thought I was hungover

1231
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:15,079
and I just needed another drink, you know what I mean.

1232
01:00:15,159 --> 01:00:18,840
So like it does get so much clearer. And that's

1233
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:22,159
why I ultimately ended up getting on lexapro was because

1234
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:26,400
I had long term sobriety, full sobriety. You know, I

1235
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:30,000
had three years and then I started doing you guys

1236
01:00:30,079 --> 01:00:31,599
know the story. I go back and forth. But I

1237
01:00:31,599 --> 01:00:33,679
had three years I started doing, and then I got

1238
01:00:33,719 --> 01:00:37,800
another three years, okay, And in both of those three years,

1239
01:00:38,519 --> 01:00:40,920
my depression was the worst it had ever been. But

1240
01:00:41,039 --> 01:00:44,079
I couldn't even identify it as depression because I was like, oh,

1241
01:00:44,119 --> 01:00:45,679
this is just how I am when I'm sober, Like

1242
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:47,559
this is just who I am. I didn't even realize

1243
01:00:47,599 --> 01:00:50,119
it was depression and like, the person who saved my

1244
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:53,440
life is doctor Shannon Curry. I don't know if you

1245
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:55,960
remember her. She came on This is the Worst an

1246
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:59,199
Old podcast, and her and Brittany and I went to

1247
01:00:59,519 --> 01:01:02,440
a lunch. It was like a year and a half

1248
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,880
ago and it was one of these days we're on paper.

1249
01:01:07,239 --> 01:01:09,280
The day was perfect. I woke up, I went to

1250
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:11,960
soul Cycle, I went to Soho House. I got brunch

1251
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,159
with Brittany and Shannon, and then afterwards they were going

1252
01:01:14,199 --> 01:01:16,079
to go back to Britney's house because Tommy was like

1253
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:18,360
making music or whatever. They're like, do you want to come?

1254
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:21,000
And I didn't. I just was like, for whatever reason,

1255
01:01:21,039 --> 01:01:25,840
I fucking couldn't. And instead I went home and got

1256
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:33,000
in bed and I started googling. I started googling trips

1257
01:01:33,039 --> 01:01:35,800
to Sweden because they have that suicide pod, and I

1258
01:01:35,880 --> 01:01:37,719
was like, I think, I just I think I just

1259
01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:40,119
have to go do this. And while I was literally

1260
01:01:40,159 --> 01:01:44,360
looking at flights, she called me. Doctor Shannon called me

1261
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:46,480
and she's like, hey, buddy, I'm not trying to overstep,

1262
01:01:46,519 --> 01:01:50,800
but I've been doing this for years. You have crushing

1263
01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:55,039
depression and I want to I want to see you

1264
01:01:55,079 --> 01:01:56,480
get out of this and I want to see you.

1265
01:01:57,360 --> 01:01:59,599
I want to see you feeling better. And she told

1266
01:01:59,599 --> 01:02:03,719
me about it out how Hymns and Hers the hair

1267
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:06,119
regrowth site has now become like a full three sixty

1268
01:02:06,159 --> 01:02:08,440
health site. She's like, it's really easy. You go on there,

1269
01:02:08,480 --> 01:02:12,719
you take a survey and it can tell you you

1270
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:14,800
know what level your depression is. And she's like, I

1271
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:17,559
would try Lexapro. Lexapro is the one that has worked

1272
01:02:17,599 --> 01:02:19,199
the best for me, and it has worked the best

1273
01:02:19,199 --> 01:02:21,000
for the majority of my clients. And da da da

1274
01:02:21,039 --> 01:02:24,559
da da. And so I'm like, Okay, I'll toggle over

1275
01:02:24,639 --> 01:02:26,519
and I'll see what's going on over there. But like

1276
01:02:26,559 --> 01:02:30,320
I still kept the flights to Sweden up, said Sweden

1277
01:02:30,400 --> 01:02:31,960
or Switzerland, I don't. I probably would have gone to

1278
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:33,599
the wrong country. With my luck, I would have been like,

1279
01:02:33,639 --> 01:02:37,199
it's not even here, just jump off a tall building. No.

1280
01:02:37,639 --> 01:02:41,280
So I did it, and I got treated for my

1281
01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:46,719
mental health. And while my life has been so challenging,

1282
01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:50,239
I still, as long as I take my Lexapro, do

1283
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:53,440
not have thoughts of suicidal ideation. I really thought all

1284
01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:55,599
of us were waking up every single day the same

1285
01:02:55,639 --> 01:02:58,360
way I was, which was just like this crushing weight

1286
01:02:58,400 --> 01:03:00,559
of like do I do this day or do I

1287
01:03:00,639 --> 01:03:04,760
get the fuck out here? And and that's not true,

1288
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:07,840
that's not how people are living. So long story long,

1289
01:03:09,159 --> 01:03:12,920
before you decide to start drinking again, go to a

1290
01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:18,920
psychiatrist and get evaluated and try meds, because like there's

1291
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:24,119
a real good chance, like you just need meds and

1292
01:03:24,159 --> 01:03:28,079
you don't need the alcohol. And you know, I also

1293
01:03:28,159 --> 01:03:33,559
read somewhere that lexapro, I don't know what the exact

1294
01:03:33,639 --> 01:03:36,599
terminology was, like softens the effects of alcohol, so like

1295
01:03:36,679 --> 01:03:39,199
if you drink on lexipro, you don't necessarily feel it.

1296
01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:43,679
And I thought that was really interesting because then I'm like,

1297
01:03:43,840 --> 01:03:46,239
that's that's actually kind of a miracle in its own right,

1298
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:48,679
because for those of us who did drink to cure

1299
01:03:48,679 --> 01:03:52,039
our depression, if we get on depression medication, that's working

1300
01:03:52,079 --> 01:03:54,880
and then the drinking does kind of nothing. And that

1301
01:03:55,079 --> 01:03:57,840
what a dream, right, What a dream? What a dream

1302
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:02,920
that is? So I would say, go ahead, get yourself

1303
01:04:04,119 --> 01:04:08,760
a psychiatrist meeting first, get medicated, or even just go

1304
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:12,199
on hers dot com and do the same test I did.

1305
01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:14,960
Whatever mental health stuff you're struggling with, I think they

1306
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:17,960
mostly focus on depression and anxiety. There are like more

1307
01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:23,519
complex things that I don't think they can do, like borderliners, getsprennier, bipolar, Like,

1308
01:04:23,559 --> 01:04:26,880
I'm not sure that they can help with those. But

1309
01:04:27,039 --> 01:04:30,400
I would say, don't revert back to drinking right before

1310
01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:34,599
the wedding because also, like there's nothing Oh, a fucking

1311
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:40,960
Amazon packaging. Sorry, this Amazon delivery driver is an up.

1312
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:45,760
You fucking trying to ruin our podcast. There's nothing worse

1313
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:48,159
than a drunk bride. There's nothing worse. And I will

1314
01:04:48,159 --> 01:04:50,320
tell you that as someone who is a drunk bride.

1315
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:53,840
I mean the pictures I have flop sweat like shack

1316
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:56,960
at the foul line. I do not look as good

1317
01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:58,800
as I could have looked. I also got way too

1318
01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:02,239
much botox before my wedding. I was I didn't even

1319
01:05:02,280 --> 01:05:05,000
need to. I was twenty seven, twenty eight, I didn't

1320
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,800
have a single wrinkle on my face, and I got

1321
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:09,199
like all this botox. When I smiled, I looked terrified

1322
01:05:09,719 --> 01:05:12,360
and terrifying. And so those are my two tips. Don't

1323
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:17,400
be drunk at your wedding and uh, don't get fifty

1324
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:19,800
units of fucking botox for the first time ever two

1325
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:26,480
weeks before your wedding. That Ischrisy Christy shit. Okay, let's

1326
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:32,800
rock and roll into our next bad vice. Okay, so

1327
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:36,519
this one isn't necessarily bad vice, but it's an interesting

1328
01:05:36,639 --> 01:05:39,840
DM I got and I want to address it. The

1329
01:05:39,880 --> 01:05:42,800
guy said, Hey, as a guy with insecurities and being

1330
01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:45,679
a good looking guy, i've I would love to tell

1331
01:05:45,719 --> 01:05:48,960
people my story of love and sex, the story from

1332
01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:51,679
the other side. Girls always talk about big dick energy

1333
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:54,840
and what that does to normal guys and maybe below

1334
01:05:54,920 --> 01:05:58,960
average guys is pretty hectic. Lots of guys thinks we

1335
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:02,960
lots of guys think we aren't enough because of the

1336
01:06:03,039 --> 01:06:07,760
porn industry and our girls' exes, et cetera. I would

1337
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:10,960
love you to hear from a complete bang, wait, from

1338
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:15,000
a complete bang on an average guy that's married. Hmm Okay,

1339
01:06:15,039 --> 01:06:17,360
I don't think this makes a ton of sense, but basically,

1340
01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:21,239
I think what he's saying is that he is good

1341
01:06:21,239 --> 01:06:24,400
looking and he's insecure, and it sounds like he doesn't

1342
01:06:24,440 --> 01:06:27,039
have a big dick, and that's okay. Here's the thing.

1343
01:06:27,159 --> 01:06:31,199
Here's the thing guys need to know the big dick energy.

1344
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:34,480
That's an energy thing. That's just like a confidence. Think like,

1345
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:35,760
I don't know if you just saw. It came out

1346
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:40,760
recently that Paul Rudd has a huge dick. Great news, right.

1347
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,559
He did a podcast where he was talking about how

1348
01:06:42,559 --> 01:06:44,079
big his dick is and I was like, that makes

1349
01:06:44,079 --> 01:06:46,400
a lot of sense. But it's like, you can tell

1350
01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:51,559
he does because he's calm, cool, collected confident. Right, So

1351
01:06:51,679 --> 01:06:55,639
you can be calm, cool, collected confident without having a

1352
01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:59,039
massive dick. I have hooked up with guys that are calm, cool,

1353
01:06:59,079 --> 01:07:01,400
collected confident, and I was like, this guy's gonna have

1354
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:04,480
a fang on him, and he didn't, and he had

1355
01:07:04,599 --> 01:07:09,480
a blow average dick. But if you act like you

1356
01:07:09,599 --> 01:07:12,440
got the sauce, then you got the sauce. Because confidence

1357
01:07:12,519 --> 01:07:15,440
is an illusion, right, confidence can control anyone into anything.

1358
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:17,239
When I was young, when I was in college and

1359
01:07:17,239 --> 01:07:20,039
I was getting into the clubs, I just was confident.

1360
01:07:20,079 --> 01:07:21,800
That's how I got in. I didn't have a fake ID.

1361
01:07:22,159 --> 01:07:24,119
I was just confident. I was like, I'm I made

1362
01:07:24,119 --> 01:07:25,719
friends with the door guys and I would just like

1363
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:28,800
walk in. I would bring a whole drove of underage

1364
01:07:28,840 --> 01:07:30,960
people with me and they would just do whatever because

1365
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:34,199
I had the confidence of somebody who was older, right,

1366
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:36,000
And so when it was my twenty first birthday and

1367
01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:37,639
I went to the club to celebrate that, They're like,

1368
01:07:37,719 --> 01:07:42,559
excuse me, what you've been eighteen, nineteen twenty this whole time?

1369
01:07:42,599 --> 01:07:44,440
And I'm like, you bet you, but I acted older.

1370
01:07:44,480 --> 01:07:46,840
So that's the thing. It's like, and that goes with

1371
01:07:46,880 --> 01:07:50,320
anything in life. Just like acting like you belong is

1372
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:52,679
so important. Like when I walk into comedy clubs, it's

1373
01:07:52,679 --> 01:07:55,480
easy to be intimidated. There's big dogs all around me, right,

1374
01:07:55,559 --> 01:07:57,800
but like, you got to act like you belong there

1375
01:07:57,840 --> 01:07:59,639
because you fucking do. And at the end of the day,

1376
01:07:59,679 --> 01:08:02,239
everyone has some sort of complex about themselves. So if

1377
01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:06,920
you have a complex about your dick and its size,

1378
01:08:07,199 --> 01:08:12,159
don't just don't. Like literally, I I some real I've

1379
01:08:12,159 --> 01:08:14,719
had some really really great sex with guys who do

1380
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:17,960
not have a thang on them at all, And like,

1381
01:08:18,119 --> 01:08:21,720
that sort of energy just comes from you being actually

1382
01:08:21,840 --> 01:08:24,000
confident person. It doesn't have anything to do with your

1383
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:26,600
dick size. And I will say, as a woman, confidence

1384
01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:29,319
is one of the most attractive things in the world.

1385
01:08:29,680 --> 01:08:31,880
That's something I was very attracted to in my ex

1386
01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:36,880
Both of my exes very very very fucking confident dudes.

1387
01:08:36,920 --> 01:08:39,960
They're confident, they're funny, they're cool, they're and yeah they

1388
01:08:39,960 --> 01:08:42,680
had good dicks too, but it wasn't like whoa dicks.

1389
01:08:42,720 --> 01:08:46,439
And also, I'm gonna say this as at the big

1390
01:08:46,520 --> 01:08:49,439
age of thirty seven, I don't want any of those

1391
01:08:49,439 --> 01:08:52,359
big dicks anymore. They hurt me. You have to be

1392
01:08:52,520 --> 01:08:55,760
so unbelievably horny to even let that inside of you.

1393
01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:57,560
Like I don't know if you know this about vagina's.

1394
01:08:58,079 --> 01:09:01,720
They're short. The only way they expand is if we're

1395
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:05,119
like very horny, and like most guys no offense don't

1396
01:09:05,119 --> 01:09:07,119
know how to get us very horny. So like an

1397
01:09:07,159 --> 01:09:12,439
average dick is actually great, Like an average dick is

1398
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:16,479
actually just fine. And if your dick is not what

1399
01:09:16,520 --> 01:09:18,880
you want it to be, it's not what we hoped

1400
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:21,720
and dreamed of because we're watching these porns and we're like, whoa,

1401
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:24,720
it could be so much bigger. Get good with your hands,

1402
01:09:24,760 --> 01:09:28,840
my guy, or your mouth. Like watch if you're watching porn,

1403
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:31,520
watch a YouTube tutorial on how to find the G

1404
01:09:31,640 --> 01:09:34,680
spot or the clit, because that's all you need to find.

1405
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:37,800
And the G spot is like four and three and

1406
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:40,399
a half inches in it's just hook up. You gotta

1407
01:09:40,439 --> 01:09:43,600
hook up. Guys who finger straight like they're shooting a

1408
01:09:43,600 --> 01:09:46,039
gun like boom boo boo boo boom, they should be

1409
01:09:46,039 --> 01:09:49,039
shot with the finger gun because that like, you're just

1410
01:09:49,199 --> 01:09:51,800
poking my fucking cervix. I don't know what you're even

1411
01:09:51,840 --> 01:09:55,880
doing up there. Guys do like the little hook, the

1412
01:09:55,960 --> 01:09:59,000
little hook, because that's where the G spot is. Okay,

1413
01:09:59,279 --> 01:10:01,520
the G spot in like a little like you just

1414
01:10:01,560 --> 01:10:04,199
got a hook up in there, and then finding the

1415
01:10:04,239 --> 01:10:07,399
clip wouldn't kill you. It's literally not that hard. It's

1416
01:10:07,399 --> 01:10:10,520
a little button at the top, and sometimes it's covered

1417
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:12,399
in a little bit of fucking bologny. But you can

1418
01:10:12,439 --> 01:10:15,760
dig through that shit like a fucking you can dig

1419
01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:18,039
through it like an ant eater, and you can get it,

1420
01:10:18,079 --> 01:10:19,640
and you can find it. And I believe in you,

1421
01:10:20,199 --> 01:10:22,279
and that is where your confidence is gonna come from,

1422
01:10:22,279 --> 01:10:26,079
because confidence should actually come from making women come. If

1423
01:10:26,119 --> 01:10:29,000
you know how to make a woman come, it doesn't

1424
01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:32,640
matter if you don't have a dick. Why do you

1425
01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:36,640
think lesbians are so confident they you don't need to

1426
01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:39,319
have a dick to make women really really fucking happy.

1427
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:42,720
Like and so if yours is blow average or you're

1428
01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:46,840
not just like you're not super stoked on it, learn

1429
01:10:46,960 --> 01:10:49,359
other tricks. And it sounds like you're married, and I

1430
01:10:49,359 --> 01:10:51,520
bet your wife would be really open to you like

1431
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:54,359
exploring and trying new things on her, especially if it's

1432
01:10:54,359 --> 01:10:57,319
going to ultimately lead to more pleasure for her. And

1433
01:10:57,359 --> 01:10:58,960
it might be like, yeah, you're learning. It might be

1434
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:00,880
like a little uncomfortable for a while, but then like

1435
01:11:00,920 --> 01:11:03,279
you're gonna get it, and it's gonna give you confidence

1436
01:11:03,279 --> 01:11:05,279
because you're gonna be like, I gave her a mind

1437
01:11:05,359 --> 01:11:08,600
blowing orgasm. And if you can't find the clip with

1438
01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:10,880
your finger or your tongue or whatever, go get a

1439
01:11:10,920 --> 01:11:13,439
womanizer and just stick that puppy on there while you're

1440
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:16,239
while you're having sex, and you're gonna feel your wife's

1441
01:11:16,319 --> 01:11:19,000
vagina do things you never knew it could. It's gonna

1442
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:23,600
turn into a Chinese finger trap, my guy. Okay, all right,

1443
01:11:23,880 --> 01:11:30,399
Well this episode has been pretty fucking hectic. I dropped

1444
01:11:30,439 --> 01:11:32,359
word of the week. I don't think any of you

1445
01:11:32,399 --> 01:11:33,960
guys are gonna care at all. I don't think any

1446
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:35,439
of you guys wanted to come on that journey with

1447
01:11:35,439 --> 01:11:37,039
me about getting smarter. I've had so many of you

1448
01:11:37,079 --> 01:11:39,560
be like, we don't care about this at all. I'll

1449
01:11:39,600 --> 01:11:42,399
just keep going on my own with that journey, and

1450
01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:44,880
I'll just keep getting words like acrimonious. Did you guys

1451
01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:48,319
notice acrimonious and acrimony. That was a good one. That

1452
01:11:48,439 --> 01:11:53,479
was a good one. Um. But yeah, I love you

1453
01:11:53,479 --> 01:11:56,760
guys so much. Sorry it was a little out low energy. Sorry,

1454
01:11:56,920 --> 01:12:01,359
and you know, sorry, I just can't can't be so

1455
01:12:01,560 --> 01:12:05,039
funny every episode. Sometimes you're going through too much to

1456
01:12:05,119 --> 01:12:09,199
be like giggle giggle, giggle sticks. But I am very

1457
01:12:09,239 --> 01:12:10,840
excited about some of the guests that I'm gonna have

1458
01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:12,920
on when I when I, you know, keep doing these

1459
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:16,159
podcasts here in New York. There's so many people to

1460
01:12:16,159 --> 01:12:18,439
to choose from and hang out with, and I think

1461
01:12:18,439 --> 01:12:20,199
we're gonna have such a good time together. And I

1462
01:12:20,239 --> 01:12:22,840
know you guys loved that episode with Charlotte. There's a

1463
01:12:22,920 --> 01:12:25,039
chance she's coming to New York and we will shoot again.

1464
01:12:25,079 --> 01:12:28,840
I'm also gonna have Ellie Colbert back next week. So yeah,

1465
01:12:28,880 --> 01:12:31,079
we have a lot of fun. We are gonna have

1466
01:12:31,119 --> 01:12:32,520
a lot of fun this summer. All right, you guys,

1467
01:12:32,560 --> 01:12:34,479
It's gonna be hot girl summer. It's gonna be hot

1468
01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:39,600
bestie summer. Hbs bitches. We're gonna be out, We're gonna

1469
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:42,319
be hot, we're gonna have fun. We're not gonna date.

1470
01:12:42,560 --> 01:12:44,319
I gave it a gander. I gave it a thought,

1471
01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:47,199
you know. I got on Riyah for like two seconds,

1472
01:12:47,199 --> 01:12:49,760
and I was like, ugh, like just the thought of

1473
01:12:49,800 --> 01:12:53,840
a man. It's oppressive and no offense. Men. I love you.

1474
01:12:55,720 --> 01:12:58,520
I love men, and I do want to eventually be

1475
01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:01,279
with a man who's at my level and a partner

1476
01:13:01,359 --> 01:13:03,560
and a wonderful you know. I think they bring so

1477
01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:06,359
much value. But right now, Mama's steel is still healing.

1478
01:13:06,399 --> 01:13:11,039
I'm still going through a fucking lot, you know. And yeah,

1479
01:13:11,520 --> 01:13:13,239
I'll see you next week. I'll be in a better mood.

1480
01:13:13,319 --> 01:13:14,920
I'll have a little more energy. I didn't sleep well

1481
01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:18,239
last night because the Knicks won that insane game where

1482
01:13:18,239 --> 01:13:19,760
it was like they were down by thirty and then

1483
01:13:19,760 --> 01:13:21,399
all of a sudden they came back and one and

1484
01:13:21,439 --> 01:13:24,119
then like there were sirens in the street and people

1485
01:13:24,159 --> 01:13:27,640
like rioting until like three in the morning, which is

1486
01:13:27,680 --> 01:13:30,600
an interesting juxtaposition, right when someone when a whole city

1487
01:13:30,680 --> 01:13:33,159
is so excited and they're rioting, and I'm like in bed,

1488
01:13:33,239 --> 01:13:36,600
like did I just fuck my whole life up, did

1489
01:13:36,640 --> 01:13:40,319
I h No, I actually wasn't thinking that. I'm just

1490
01:13:40,359 --> 01:13:45,439
having anxiety about like getting my space in order. If

1491
01:13:45,479 --> 01:13:47,439
I'm honest, you guys know me. I'm a Taurus. I

1492
01:13:47,479 --> 01:13:50,119
need my space to be in order. And the movers

1493
01:13:50,159 --> 01:13:52,000
just came the other day, and I have so much

1494
01:13:52,000 --> 01:13:54,720
shit to unpack and so many things to buy, and

1495
01:13:55,399 --> 01:13:57,920
you know, I just got shit to do. Babies, I

1496
01:13:57,960 --> 01:14:02,560
got shit to do, Besties. But I love you all

1497
01:14:02,600 --> 01:14:06,319
so much and I hope you have the best, best,

1498
01:14:06,399 --> 01:14:08,920
best best week ever. And if you haven't subscribed to

1499
01:14:08,920 --> 01:14:11,560
the Patreon, please do. I'm I'm not telling you this

1500
01:14:11,640 --> 01:14:13,680
to taunt you. I'm telling you this to be honest.

1501
01:14:14,840 --> 01:14:18,159
My stuff, like my real stuff, is going on the Patreon.

1502
01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:22,000
This podcast is going to be a little more broad strokes.

1503
01:14:22,680 --> 01:14:25,159
We might do, like a little more I don't know,

1504
01:14:25,399 --> 01:14:28,560
entertainment news or world news, or just responding to stories

1505
01:14:28,600 --> 01:14:30,199
that are going on out in the world. It's just

1506
01:14:30,239 --> 01:14:31,960
gonna be a little lighter and a little bit less

1507
01:14:31,960 --> 01:14:33,840
about me, because there's a crushing way when I have

1508
01:14:33,880 --> 01:14:37,000
to share every single thing that's going on in my life,

1509
01:14:37,159 --> 01:14:38,560
and I don't want to do that until the end

1510
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:40,439
of time. That's just like, not my journey. But I

1511
01:14:40,479 --> 01:14:44,039
love you guys so much. And sub the Patreon it's

1512
01:14:44,079 --> 01:14:47,880
just Brittany Schmidt on Patreon. And then what else? I

1513
01:14:47,880 --> 01:14:51,159
was gonna say? One more thing? He la la la

1514
01:14:51,279 --> 01:14:55,319
la la Oh. This week we're pausing on the Artist's Way.

1515
01:14:55,359 --> 01:14:56,840
We are going to get back to the artists Way

1516
01:14:56,880 --> 01:14:59,760
next week. I lost the book. If I'm gonna be

1517
01:14:59,800 --> 01:15:01,640
com honest, I don't know where the book went in

1518
01:15:01,680 --> 01:15:04,439
the move. So we're pausing the artist week artists Away

1519
01:15:04,479 --> 01:15:06,239
this week. We're gonna get back to it next week.

1520
01:15:07,520 --> 01:15:10,159
Go if you can give me five stars on Spotify

1521
01:15:10,239 --> 01:15:11,920
or Apple Music or wherever you listen to your podcast,

1522
01:15:11,960 --> 01:15:13,880
share with the friends. We're still growing. We still want

1523
01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:15,760
to get this thing. We still want to get this

1524
01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:19,279
thing going. And I love you guys so much. I

1525
01:15:19,319 --> 01:15:20,920
hope you have the best week and I will see

1526
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:23,239
you next week. Bye, besties,