WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.360 --> 00:00:05.080 You are listening to Subject to Interpretation, a podcast where 2 00:00:05.160 --> 00:00:07.919 I pull some cards to open up the conversation. But 3 00:00:08.720 --> 00:00:11.720 my job is to challenge you to lean into your 4 00:00:11.800 --> 00:00:17.839 intuition and listen closely for your own personal confirmations. I 5 00:00:17.879 --> 00:00:22.199 am your host, Cynthia be mentor and coach to women 6 00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:25.960 who have the audacity to recognize just how much of 7 00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:31.879 their journey through womanhood is truly rooted in spirituality. Please 8 00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:34.759 put your triggers to the side so you've got room 9 00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:37.439 to open up your mind and let's get into your 10 00:00:37.439 --> 00:00:48.640 message of the day, shall we. So the card of 11 00:00:48.679 --> 00:00:53.479 the day is the three of cups. And if you 12 00:00:53.520 --> 00:00:57.560 are unfamiliar with the keywords in terror, I want you 13 00:00:57.640 --> 00:01:04.920 to think about holiday. I'm kidding or serious, but I 14 00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:11.879 want you to think of celebration and emotional development emotional growth. Okay, 15 00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:15.680 I want you to think of those two things. So 16 00:01:15.799 --> 00:01:18.159 before I get into it, you know the drill by 17 00:01:18.200 --> 00:01:22.120 Now pause the episode, open up your notes app on 18 00:01:22.159 --> 00:01:25.599 your phone, and just jot down brain dump if you will, 19 00:01:26.599 --> 00:01:28.560 the things that come up for you when you think 20 00:01:28.599 --> 00:01:39.599 about celebration and emotional growth. Okay, Okay, now I trust 21 00:01:39.599 --> 00:01:41.000 that you did. What the fuck I told you to do, 22 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:44.640 and let's get into your message of the day. So 23 00:01:46.519 --> 00:01:50.519 I pulled this card this morning, and for me, I immediately 24 00:01:50.680 --> 00:01:55.359 immediately knew. I was like you motherfucking I immediately knew. 25 00:01:55.400 --> 00:02:01.760 So if mind walk and I'm thinking, and I have 26 00:02:01.799 --> 00:02:04.719 this thing that I do that I have been working on, 27 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:12.240 not necessarily fixing, but doing better at for many many 28 00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:19.159 years now, and though I am doing better, I still 29 00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:22.240 slip back into very old habits in this specific area. 30 00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:29.919 And that would be I don't celebrate myself enough. And 31 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:36.080 here's what that looks like for me. So I have 32 00:02:36.319 --> 00:02:40.639 many gifts like you listening, you have many gifts. I 33 00:02:40.680 --> 00:02:45.439 have many gifts that because they are they come naturally 34 00:02:45.560 --> 00:02:49.840 to me that I don't see them as a big deal. 35 00:02:50.039 --> 00:02:51.639 And if I don't see them as a big deal, 36 00:02:51.719 --> 00:02:55.840 I don't find them worthy to pause to celebrate. It's 37 00:02:55.879 --> 00:03:00.240 a thing, right, and that comes from a big of 38 00:03:00.280 --> 00:03:03.319 it comes from having been in survival mode for so 39 00:03:03.560 --> 00:03:05.560 many years of my life. And you know I'm not 40 00:03:05.639 --> 00:03:13.039 there anymore. However, there's things, there are some things that 41 00:03:13.080 --> 00:03:17.560 have carried over from that long, long, long era of 42 00:03:17.560 --> 00:03:23.520 my life. So my modus operandi is get some shit done, 43 00:03:23.800 --> 00:03:25.599 then beyond to the next one. Get some shit done 44 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:28.120 beyond to the next one. Get some shit done beyond 45 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:32.680 to the next one. So I'll write a book. This 46 00:03:32.719 --> 00:03:36.000 is a perfect example. I've written many books. Obviously I'll 47 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:38.240 write a book. I'm done with it, onto the next one. 48 00:03:38.360 --> 00:03:44.879 I don't really stop to look at my book and think, Dan, girl, 49 00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:49.719 you wrote a book. It's in your hand, it's a hardcover. Wow. 50 00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:53.280 Remember when you dreamed of this as a kid, and 51 00:03:53.319 --> 00:03:57.000 you would fly through books and imagine yourself one day 52 00:03:57.159 --> 00:04:00.159 being somebody who writes books that other people love of 53 00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:07.280 Remember No, instead, I'm my cool story next. I also 54 00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:09.159 think a big part of that, too, is just the 55 00:04:09.159 --> 00:04:15.439 way my brain works, where I am constantly looking for 56 00:04:18.839 --> 00:04:22.680 to create something else. Right, it kind of goes together. 57 00:04:24.319 --> 00:04:27.680 But as a result, you know, I don't. I just 58 00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:31.000 don't take the time to celebrate my accomplishments and the 59 00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:34.680 things that I do the way I know I deserve. 60 00:04:35.319 --> 00:04:38.480 Because this has been pointed out to me from everybody 61 00:04:38.480 --> 00:04:41.240 who loves me. Everyone who loves me at some point 62 00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:46.560 has been has said to me, Hey, maybe give yourself 63 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:52.560 a round of applause, because who does that, right? Who 64 00:04:53.800 --> 00:04:57.480 do you know? Who's doing what you're doing? And I've 65 00:04:57.480 --> 00:04:59.959 had this put in perspective for me a few times. 66 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:02.240 Who do I know that's doing all that I'm doing? 67 00:05:02.439 --> 00:05:03.959 And I had to sit down and think about it 68 00:05:04.000 --> 00:05:10.120 and say, no, one that I know personally in my life. Right, 69 00:05:10.920 --> 00:05:14.199 I've had my best friend sit me down, I've had 70 00:05:14.279 --> 00:05:17.560 doin I've had so many people who love me a lot. 71 00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:21.319 Who do you know that can you know? Who's building websites, 72 00:05:21.319 --> 00:05:24.319 who's doing this with women, who's writing books, who's putting 73 00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:27.040 together podcast episodes, Who's da da da da da da 74 00:05:27.120 --> 00:05:30.199 da da da all the things? Who can probably solve 75 00:05:30.199 --> 00:05:31.720 the way you do. Who could see solutions the way 76 00:05:31.759 --> 00:05:34.199 you do. Who's who can read cards the way you do? 77 00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:36.120 Who could read people, who could read energy? Who could 78 00:05:36.160 --> 00:05:39.920 da da da? And I'm like, Okay, yeah, I get it. 79 00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:42.600 But because it's something that comes one natural to me 80 00:05:42.759 --> 00:05:46.160 and then to something I have worked on for so 81 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:50.160 long to not perfect, That's not the word I'm looking for, 82 00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:52.319 because I a lot of the things I do are 83 00:05:52.399 --> 00:05:58.680 not perfect, but I've worked on for so long to 84 00:05:58.680 --> 00:06:01.639 to do very well. There have to do very well. 85 00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:07.120 I just don't see it that way. And so when 86 00:06:07.160 --> 00:06:10.879 I was walking and I was thinking, I knew immediately, 87 00:06:11.639 --> 00:06:13.600 you know, some of the areas in my life right 88 00:06:13.639 --> 00:06:17.399 now that I have been just moving through that I 89 00:06:17.439 --> 00:06:20.160 should have probably paused to celebrate. It's not too late piece, 90 00:06:20.199 --> 00:06:22.199 by the way, I'm having myself a little celebration party 91 00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:26.720 for unircuit. But and it just made me think of 92 00:06:26.759 --> 00:06:31.519 how many women also are notorious for doing that, right. 93 00:06:32.399 --> 00:06:36.040 And part of this is also reparenting work as well, 94 00:06:36.319 --> 00:06:41.439 because so one thing, if you're a parent out there, 95 00:06:41.480 --> 00:06:44.319 you'll know that when you have small children, everything they do, 96 00:06:44.439 --> 00:06:45.959 you must make a big deal about it because that 97 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:50.399 is how you build their confidence. Right. So you know, 98 00:06:52.120 --> 00:06:56.600 your kid is like, you know, mom, look look look 99 00:06:56.600 --> 00:06:59.360 at this dance right, and it's a two second turnaround, 100 00:06:59.360 --> 00:07:04.399 and you have to say, oh, good job, you have 101 00:07:04.439 --> 00:07:06.879 to make it. Look, mom, look at how I can 102 00:07:07.079 --> 00:07:11.480 you know, jump in the pool right, And it's like, okay, good, yay, 103 00:07:11.560 --> 00:07:15.079 you fucking jumped in the pool. But yeay, right, but 104 00:07:15.160 --> 00:07:17.319 you have to make a big deal about it because 105 00:07:17.560 --> 00:07:19.399 that is how you build their confidence. So they jumped 106 00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:23.759 in the pool, you know, and yeah, good job, uh 107 00:07:24.199 --> 00:07:27.720 you know, so so good. One of the things that 108 00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:30.319 I do with our eight year old is well, I 109 00:07:30.360 --> 00:07:33.279 do it with both kids. But it's whenever they do something, 110 00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:37.000 I you know, we celebrate. I say yeah, and who's glowing? 111 00:07:37.240 --> 00:07:39.399 And then they say I'm glowing. I say who's glowing? 112 00:07:39.439 --> 00:07:42.399 They say I'm glowing. I said, who's glowing? I'm glowing. 113 00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:46.600 That's how we That's a local celebration vibe. Right. It's 114 00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:49.680 also something that I say to when they're feeling down 115 00:07:49.959 --> 00:07:51.399 after I give them a little pep talk and they're 116 00:07:51.399 --> 00:07:53.319 sad about something, and at the end of the pep talk, 117 00:07:53.360 --> 00:07:56.759 I'm like, Okay, who's glowing? And they're like, I'm glowing? 118 00:07:57.040 --> 00:07:59.800 And I'm like, say it louder, which chest who's glowing? 119 00:08:00.600 --> 00:08:06.120 I'm glowing? And that's just what we do, right. So 120 00:08:06.199 --> 00:08:13.240 that's a big part of instilling confidence in your kids. However, 121 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:16.879 as we get older, one thing we'll do is forget 122 00:08:16.920 --> 00:08:21.439 to continue doing that for ourselves. Right, We forget to 123 00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:24.120 continue doing that for ourselves and or there are a 124 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:26.399 lot of women out there who didn't have parents who 125 00:08:26.399 --> 00:08:28.800 did it for them, right. You may have grew up 126 00:08:28.800 --> 00:08:32.720 with parents a mom, a busy mom, or a deadbeat mom, 127 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:36.720 because they exist, you know, a busy dad, A dead 128 00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:40.720 be dead because they exist, right, And where you didn't 129 00:08:40.720 --> 00:08:47.200 get celebrated enough, maybe you were taught to believe, whether 130 00:08:47.320 --> 00:08:49.960 directly or indirectly, then no matter what you did, it 131 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:53.639 was never good enough, right, it was never good enough, 132 00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:55.879 and that it had to or that it had to 133 00:08:55.919 --> 00:08:59.759 be perfect. And so you might have spent a lifetime 134 00:09:01.320 --> 00:09:05.799 or you know, your your whole life where everything has 135 00:09:05.840 --> 00:09:08.759 to be perfect before you can launch it, before you 136 00:09:08.840 --> 00:09:12.759 can anything right. But because perfection is not a thing, 137 00:09:14.639 --> 00:09:17.919 you're constantly striving for that therefore you never feel as 138 00:09:17.960 --> 00:09:20.879 though you can celebrate yourself. Reparenting is a very real 139 00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:24.039 thing that more women should take more seriously as a 140 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:28.840 result of what they didn't have growing up. Just something 141 00:09:28.919 --> 00:09:33.720 to think about, right. So that, and especially if you 142 00:09:33.799 --> 00:09:37.440 are the type of woman who if you are the 143 00:09:37.480 --> 00:09:46.799 eldest daughter, there's a lot of unpacking there. I'm an 144 00:09:46.840 --> 00:09:52.080 eldest daughter, and you spend a lot of time taking 145 00:09:52.120 --> 00:09:57.360 care of everyone else and celebrating everyone else and everybody else, 146 00:09:57.399 --> 00:10:01.440 and you know, you're kind of I don't want to 147 00:10:01.480 --> 00:10:04.480 say cast to decide, but shit for some of us, 148 00:10:04.519 --> 00:10:10.360 cast to decide, right. I remember one time and granted 149 00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:12.919 you know, I have a great mom. She has her 150 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:15.720 flies who doesn't And we've had our tifts over the years, 151 00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:19.360 but you know, I have a great mom. Nonetheless, she 152 00:10:19.480 --> 00:10:23.120 was a single mom. However, with all of us children 153 00:10:23.320 --> 00:10:26.159 driving her mud, rightfully, so driving her mud, we were 154 00:10:26.200 --> 00:10:33.159 fucking anyways, Let's just say I understand her better now 155 00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:37.120 that I do my own parenting. But I digress. One day, 156 00:10:37.559 --> 00:10:41.919 we're having a conversation and she said to me, I 157 00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:44.559 remember how long ago this was. It was some time ago, 158 00:10:44.720 --> 00:10:47.639 but she had said, you know, I one of the 159 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:54.000 reasons why I never really worried about you, right because 160 00:10:54.080 --> 00:10:58.480 I left the host. I left the host actually at 161 00:10:58.519 --> 00:11:00.639 around sixteen. I'm MICHAELA. I always says seventeen, but when 162 00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:03.000 I really think about it, I had to be about sixteen. 163 00:11:04.360 --> 00:11:06.919 She said, you know, I knew you. I knew you 164 00:11:06.960 --> 00:11:13.000 were good, right, I knew you got you had it right, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, 165 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:16.120 twenty one, twenty two. Right, I know, I don't have 166 00:11:16.159 --> 00:11:18.360 to worry about you. It's your brothers who are fuck 167 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:22.879 hads that which they are. It is your brothers that 168 00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:24.759 are fuck heads that I had to really keep my 169 00:11:24.799 --> 00:11:28.919 foot on and I remember saying to her, I wish 170 00:11:29.000 --> 00:11:32.000 you would have worried about me just a little bit more, 171 00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:37.159 And I kind of stopped her in her tracks. Yeah, 172 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:39.600 and even myself, I was surprised to hear it come 173 00:11:39.600 --> 00:11:43.559 out of my mouth, But I wish you would have 174 00:11:43.720 --> 00:11:47.879 because I wish everybody thinks like I got it right, 175 00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:54.200 because I am so self sufficient. I'm self sufficient because 176 00:11:54.440 --> 00:11:58.000 life at a very young age required me to do that. 177 00:11:58.120 --> 00:12:01.759 There were no other options. I didn't have time to 178 00:12:01.960 --> 00:12:05.480 be Let me tell you something, and this is you know, 179 00:12:08.039 --> 00:12:10.879 this is a little bit between you know, my mother 180 00:12:11.000 --> 00:12:15.000 was a very young mom. She was in a terribly 181 00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:20.200 abusive relationship. Then came my brothers from their father with 182 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:23.320 their father, right, we don't share their sandfather, right, And 183 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:29.879 so I spent a lot of my childhood there were 184 00:12:29.960 --> 00:12:32.440 no space for there were there wasn't a lot of 185 00:12:32.480 --> 00:12:37.080 space for my feelings, right. So I spent a lot 186 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:44.159 of time having to be the strong kid because I 187 00:12:44.200 --> 00:12:47.360 had to fend for my brothers while my mom was 188 00:12:47.399 --> 00:12:51.840 trying to fend for herself and trying to escape, you know, 189 00:12:51.840 --> 00:12:53.879 trying to get all of us out the house safely. 190 00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:56.360 There's so many nights, man trying to get all of 191 00:12:56.440 --> 00:12:59.440 us out the house safely, trying to you know, coordinate 192 00:12:59.480 --> 00:13:07.919 this these frequent midnight escapes, you know. And so I 193 00:13:08.039 --> 00:13:11.360 knew at a very young age that the ship my 194 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:15.440 mom was going through was bad, and so I spent 195 00:13:16.080 --> 00:13:20.759 I had to snap into responsibility mode, taking care of 196 00:13:20.759 --> 00:13:24.399 my brothers and taking care of my mom and however 197 00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:30.759 I could. This has stayed with me through my whole life, 198 00:13:31.000 --> 00:13:37.200 So taking time for myself to you know, yay, I 199 00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:41.279 learned how to whatever it was, like, Okay, next we 200 00:13:41.399 --> 00:13:44.159 got more important things to do. Not saying that my 201 00:13:44.200 --> 00:13:46.919 mom didn't celebrate me, I'm saying that for me, a 202 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:50.159 lot of mine would have been should have been, would 203 00:13:50.200 --> 00:13:53.799 have should have been wins. I kind of downplayed them, 204 00:13:53.879 --> 00:14:00.360 if you will, right, And I know a lot of 205 00:14:00.399 --> 00:14:04.480 y'all do the same thing because you are my clients. 206 00:14:05.159 --> 00:14:08.559 I work with women every day, you know, the most 207 00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:13.159 over the years of doing this in my practice, the 208 00:14:13.720 --> 00:14:18.159 most common thread between the women that I work with 209 00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:23.559 are they are eldest daughters, and they are hyper independent. 210 00:14:25.919 --> 00:14:31.480 They don't feel safe even with themselves to even celebrate themselves, 211 00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:34.000 to even big up themselves, because they feel as though 212 00:14:34.039 --> 00:14:35.720 they always have to be onto the next thing. They 213 00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:42.200 don't have time. And this is why I say a 214 00:14:42.279 --> 00:14:45.440 big part of this learning how to celebrate your self shit, 215 00:14:46.159 --> 00:14:52.120 It has to do with reparenting yourself, you know, and 216 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:55.440 really celebrating the small things because it allows yourself to 217 00:14:55.919 --> 00:14:58.480 build the courage and to keep building courage and to 218 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:02.399 keep building I'm sorry, confidence, that's what it is. Sorry, 219 00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:06.200 maybe courage to but confident. Maybe somebody needed to hear 220 00:15:06.200 --> 00:15:08.200 that they needed some courage today. That's why that just 221 00:15:08.279 --> 00:15:13.759 flew out of my mouth. But confidence, right, I'm willing 222 00:15:13.799 --> 00:15:18.000 to bet that earlier in your brain damp if you 223 00:15:18.039 --> 00:15:21.039 did what told you to do. That there, when you 224 00:15:21.120 --> 00:15:23.519 think of celebration, stuff came up to you. You know, 225 00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:32.440 celebrate buying a home, celebrate someone's birthday, celebrate you know, uh, 226 00:15:32.519 --> 00:15:41.840 launching a business, Celebrate something along those lines, right, celebrating outcomes. 227 00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:47.000 But the issue is is that we overlook all the 228 00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:51.399 moments in between that lead us to those outcomes. Right, 229 00:15:52.879 --> 00:15:56.840 you would celebrate launching your business, for example, but if 230 00:15:56.879 --> 00:16:00.000 it wasn't for all the dedicated work you did, you 231 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:03.840 and have a business to launch. So what about celebrating 232 00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:06.200 all those nights that you stayed up trying to figure 233 00:16:06.240 --> 00:16:09.799 out the missing pieces to your business puzzle, or all 234 00:16:09.960 --> 00:16:12.360 the times you said no to your homegirls to go 235 00:16:12.399 --> 00:16:16.039 out and turn up because you still had to map 236 00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:19.000 out the pieces to your business puzzle, right, so on 237 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:24.759 and so forth. Do you know what I mean? It's 238 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:31.279 it's deeper than just an outcome, right, It's deeper to 239 00:16:31.480 --> 00:16:36.000 just than just oh I crossed the finish line. It's 240 00:16:37.240 --> 00:16:46.279 it's something that we should normalize practicing as we practicing, 241 00:16:46.360 --> 00:16:49.919 as we we we go through our path. We walk 242 00:16:49.960 --> 00:16:52.639 our path, right, of course, we're trying to go somewhere. 243 00:16:52.639 --> 00:16:54.279 Every path we get on, it's because we want to 244 00:16:54.320 --> 00:16:59.519 go somewhere. Right, you want to go you you okay, 245 00:16:59.559 --> 00:17:02.600 you want to say for the hosts, for the down 246 00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:06.279 payment for the host So you walk that path of 247 00:17:06.359 --> 00:17:08.839 saving right, And maybe that path is four years, maybe 248 00:17:08.839 --> 00:17:10.400 its three years, maybe it's ten years. Go. I don't 249 00:17:10.440 --> 00:17:11.599 know what you do for a living, how much money 250 00:17:11.640 --> 00:17:13.319 you motherfuck make, but you know, is what I'm saying. 251 00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:16.799 It can't just be that you just celebrate the destination. 252 00:17:18.279 --> 00:17:21.079 What about all the little winds that are actually big 253 00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:23.640 winds that are accumulating and compounding in between I've been 254 00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:26.160 talking a lot about effects of compounding, I think for 255 00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:31.160 the last couple of days. So you know, take heed right. 256 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:35.799 If the only time you allow yourself to feel to 257 00:17:35.880 --> 00:17:40.839 feel proud of yourself is when you finally did the 258 00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:47.119 thing right, you finally made it, You're gonna spend a 259 00:17:47.119 --> 00:17:50.160 lot of time. You're gonna spend a lot of your 260 00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:59.599 life waiting to enjoy it for a small moment. I 261 00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:03.279 think a lot of people struggle with happiness. This is 262 00:18:03.440 --> 00:18:05.640 just my This is just my theory. This is a 263 00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:08.240 Cynthia theory. It doesn't have to be a sent and 264 00:18:08.279 --> 00:18:11.160 Stone theory. However, I think a lot of the reason 265 00:18:11.160 --> 00:18:16.839 why people, especially women, struggle with happiness and what happiness is, 266 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:20.319 and peace and all of these things is because they 267 00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:24.720 don't afford themselves or don't allow themselves to experience it 268 00:18:25.960 --> 00:18:29.920 in everyday moment. They wait, right, You guys are waiting 269 00:18:29.960 --> 00:18:32.640 for the big thing to happen before you can allow 270 00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:37.559 yourself to experience happiness. It's a shitty way to live, 271 00:18:37.799 --> 00:18:44.279 just saying, right. So I want to invite you to 272 00:18:45.160 --> 00:18:52.799 look at celebration right and emotional growth from a different 273 00:18:52.799 --> 00:19:00.240 point of view. Okay, what if today you realize that 274 00:19:00.279 --> 00:19:03.559 you kept a promise to yourself after years of constantly 275 00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:07.279 breaking that promise to yourself, and just like that, you 276 00:19:07.319 --> 00:19:13.839 did it. What if that was worth celebrating right now, 277 00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:17.519 however you feel like celebrating it, But what if that 278 00:19:17.640 --> 00:19:20.079 was worth making a big deal, because that is a 279 00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:25.720 big deal if you spent you know, I'm gonna we're 280 00:19:25.720 --> 00:19:27.279 going to use this as an example because a lot 281 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:31.960 of women relate to it. If you had a stupid 282 00:19:31.960 --> 00:19:35.680 ass situationship, you don't know how I feel about that shit. 283 00:19:36.039 --> 00:19:38.039 But if you had a stupid ass situationship that went 284 00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:42.640 on for five years, and for five years, twice a week, 285 00:19:42.680 --> 00:19:45.079 you promised yourself, fuck it, this is the last time. 286 00:19:45.079 --> 00:19:47.519 I'm not answering this motherfucker's text. I'm not answering his phone, 287 00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:50.720 I'm blocking him. And for five years, twice a week, 288 00:19:50.759 --> 00:19:55.480 you broke that promise, right and today you said to yourself, 289 00:19:56.160 --> 00:19:58.720 fuck that, this is done. Enough is enough. I'm not 290 00:19:58.799 --> 00:20:01.680 answering that motherfucking tech, I'm not answering that phone called. 291 00:20:01.720 --> 00:20:04.000 Matter of fact, i'm blocking him, and you actually did it. 292 00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:09.519 You don't think that's what the celebration should I do. 293 00:20:11.519 --> 00:20:14.680 That's a big fucking deal. That's a big fucking deal, 294 00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:16.920 and you need to treat it as though it were 295 00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:20.680 a big deal, because it is. Because five years of 296 00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:23.920 doing this, breaking your promise to yourself, and then one 297 00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:27.480 day you finally keep your promise. Hey, that's a big 298 00:20:27.559 --> 00:20:34.160 motherfucking deal. Right. What if you some of you guys, 299 00:20:34.200 --> 00:20:36.440 you know, like I said, it could be the smallest 300 00:20:36.480 --> 00:20:44.000 of things, right, the smallest of things for my ladies 301 00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:50.279 that are disorganized. It's just a really sweet word we're 302 00:20:50.359 --> 00:20:58.200 using for ADHD people. But yay us No. But what 303 00:20:58.319 --> 00:21:05.920 if you have been needing to make a dentist appointment 304 00:21:05.960 --> 00:21:10.039 for the last two years, and today's the day you 305 00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:11.880 finally do it. You kept putting it off, putting it off, 306 00:21:11.880 --> 00:21:13.799 putting it off, put it off, and today you finally 307 00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:16.319 you face your fear, you face your anxiety, or you 308 00:21:16.359 --> 00:21:18.359 face your stress of picking the phone and just calling 309 00:21:18.359 --> 00:21:20.240 the fucking dentist office and saying, hi, my name is 310 00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:21.359 so on and so forth, and I would like to 311 00:21:21.359 --> 00:21:25.079 make an appointment place right, And the secretary is like, sure, 312 00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:28.319 no problem, Katie, I can put you in at this 313 00:21:28.319 --> 00:21:29.759 time of this time. And then you hang up and 314 00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:31.599 you realize, hey, that wasn't scary at all. I did 315 00:21:31.680 --> 00:21:33.880 the damn thing, go me, and then you write it 316 00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:36.920 down right away, right away. You must write it down 317 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:41.839 before you forget right. That's a big deal for you. 318 00:21:42.920 --> 00:21:45.200 For somebody else, sure, it's not a big deal. For 319 00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:47.960 somebody who is an organized on top of their ship 320 00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:50.640 person who you know, that's not a big deal. They 321 00:21:50.680 --> 00:21:53.240 got their their calendar, it's color coded, they know where everything's, 322 00:21:53.240 --> 00:21:54.920 the place where everything and everything is placed, and they're 323 00:21:54.960 --> 00:21:57.960 they're you know, that's not a big deal. For you, 324 00:21:59.000 --> 00:22:04.799 that's a huge deal. Yesterday I spoke about the importance 325 00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:11.799 of knowing who you are, right, knowing who you are, 326 00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:16.039 and to stop trying to work against that. So if 327 00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:18.400 you know that you are somebody who typically puts things up, 328 00:22:18.440 --> 00:22:21.079 and then today you finally did that ship for yourself, 329 00:22:21.880 --> 00:22:26.519 that is something worth celebrating, right something we're celebrating something 330 00:22:26.559 --> 00:22:33.759 worth big enough, right Maybe you learned to Maybe you're 331 00:22:33.759 --> 00:22:36.839 somebody who always orders uber eat because it can't be 332 00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:38.839 bought at I get a girl. I used to be there. 333 00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:45.319 I used to order I don't even wanna I used to. 334 00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:50.359 I used to, especially when I was single. Actually, when 335 00:22:50.440 --> 00:22:52.440 Duayne and I first got together. One thing you told me, 336 00:22:52.480 --> 00:22:54.839 I think six months into our relationship. He was like, bbe, 337 00:22:54.839 --> 00:23:00.079 you got to stop ordering uber eats like you're high. 338 00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:02.559 You have to stop ordering uber ets like you're high, 339 00:23:02.599 --> 00:23:07.839 because I would. And you know, my ordering food was 340 00:23:07.839 --> 00:23:12.000 connected to my emotional eating situation at that time too. 341 00:23:12.039 --> 00:23:16.160 But boy, oh boy, And I'm a type of person. 342 00:23:16.200 --> 00:23:17.440 I like to eat a little bit of everything. I 343 00:23:17.480 --> 00:23:18.759 like to taste a little bit of everything. You know, 344 00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:24.480 It's just I'm just that person. So I understand. I 345 00:23:24.519 --> 00:23:26.079 used to have a terrible relationship with uber Eats. I 346 00:23:26.119 --> 00:23:29.960 spend so much money on uberts. It was discussing and 347 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.599 then that stopped, and you know, we were cooking more 348 00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:37.279 and was cooking more, and then we were taking turns cooking, 349 00:23:37.319 --> 00:23:39.400 and then we had hired a meal prep service and 350 00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:43.920 that has changed life dramatically in the best ways, the 351 00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:45.960 best type of dramatic that you can fucking think of, 352 00:23:46.519 --> 00:23:48.480 because I'm gona do something. One thing about being and 353 00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:50.799 one of the most annoying things about being in a 354 00:23:50.839 --> 00:23:53.720 healthy relationship is every day asking so what are we 355 00:23:53.720 --> 00:23:58.759 going to eat? I sort of oh or I hate 356 00:23:58.759 --> 00:24:00.640 that question. It's every time, what are we gonna eat. 357 00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:01.640 I don't know what do you feel like eating? I 358 00:24:01.640 --> 00:24:02.720 don't know what do you feel like eating? What you 359 00:24:02.759 --> 00:24:04.039 feel like eating? What do you feel like eating? What 360 00:24:04.119 --> 00:24:05.519 are we gonna eat? What do you want to cook? Oh? 361 00:24:05.599 --> 00:24:11.839 My god, every fucking day? Good take it anymore? Just 362 00:24:11.960 --> 00:24:16.319 who cares? Eat this pickle with some hot cheetos and 363 00:24:16.359 --> 00:24:20.680 a slice of cheese and crackers. There is your fucking 364 00:24:20.839 --> 00:24:26.160 girl dinner. Okay, God, anyways, I digress, but you should 365 00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:27.839 try that though. This is what you do. You're gonna 366 00:24:27.880 --> 00:24:31.000 take so I don't digress right away. Hold on, this 367 00:24:31.039 --> 00:24:32.599 is what you're gonna do. You're gonna take a pickle. 368 00:24:34.359 --> 00:24:36.200 Listen to me. Take a pickle. You can cut it 369 00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:39.319 in half, not slice it, not not slice it so 370 00:24:39.440 --> 00:24:42.839 that it's like two thick pieces. You're gonna cut it 371 00:24:42.839 --> 00:24:45.039 in halfs and so you can still hold it right. 372 00:24:46.119 --> 00:24:49.039 Here's what I'm thing. And then you are going to 373 00:24:49.359 --> 00:24:51.640 take a knife and you're gonna cut a little hole 374 00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:54.519 right clear out the middle, just a hole in the middle. 375 00:24:55.799 --> 00:24:58.000 And then you're gonna take two hot cheetos. Please listen 376 00:24:58.039 --> 00:25:00.920 to me, two hot cheetos, and you're gonna put them 377 00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:03.200 in the middle of the pickle. And then you're gonna 378 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:05.359 take some cheese. I don't care what fucking type of 379 00:25:05.440 --> 00:25:10.400 cheese it is personally, personally, I like the baby Bell cheeses. Personally, 380 00:25:10.720 --> 00:25:15.200 I'm a baby Bell person. Take some cheese. This also 381 00:25:15.240 --> 00:25:17.359 works with breed too, It's really good with breed. Anyways, 382 00:25:17.400 --> 00:25:20.160 take some cheese and take two crackers. You can take 383 00:25:20.200 --> 00:25:24.200 the salt crackers, regular saline crack, saltine what is it called? 384 00:25:24.720 --> 00:25:26.400 You know the motherfucking ones in the red box that 385 00:25:26.440 --> 00:25:30.880 you have tomato soup that one, or you can bump 386 00:25:30.920 --> 00:25:34.240 it up and get some wheat thins. Anyways, and then 387 00:25:34.359 --> 00:25:37.799 you're gonna take a bite. You're gonna take a bite 388 00:25:37.799 --> 00:25:39.880 of the pickle with the hot cheese Cheetos in it. 389 00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:42.680 You're also gonna take a bite of the This has 390 00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:44.799 to be all at the same time. Bite the pickle 391 00:25:44.839 --> 00:25:46.680 with the hot cheet does in it, bite of the 392 00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:53.359 baby Bell cheese, bite of the cracker, Thank me later, girl, dinner, 393 00:25:53.480 --> 00:25:57.039 all right, that's what you're gonna do. Anyways, I digress. 394 00:25:57.720 --> 00:26:02.359 So maybe you have stopped ordering Uber eats and you've 395 00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:05.640 learned to either make dinners for yourself or hire a 396 00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:07.920 meal prep service. To make your life easier. That is 397 00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:16.880 a win. That is a win celebrated. All right, maybe 398 00:26:17.319 --> 00:26:24.079 it is day one of therapy after years of you 399 00:26:24.119 --> 00:26:26.519 really think, I don't ne therapy, anti therapy, at need therapy. 400 00:26:26.559 --> 00:26:31.119 I't need therapy, bitch, you need some therapy. Okay, it'd 401 00:26:31.160 --> 00:26:33.480