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Speaker 1: The pet by Ellis Parker Butler. On the morning following

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his capture of the Hard Boiled Egg, the Riverbank Eagle

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printed two full columns in praise of Detective Gub and

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complimented Riverbank on having a superior to Sherlock Holmes. In

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its midst mister Philo Gubb said, the Eagle has thus

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far received only eleven of the twelve lessons from the

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Rising Sun Detective Agency's Correspondence School of Detecting, and we

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look for great things from him when he finally receives

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his diploma and badge. He informed us to day that

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he hopes to begin work on the Dynamite case soon.

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With the money he will receive for capturing the Hard

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Boiled Egg, mister Gubb intends to purchase eighteen complete disguises

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from the supply department of the Rising Sun Detective Agency

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slocum Ohio. Mister Gubb wishes us to announce that until

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the disguises arrive, he will continue to do paper hang

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decorating an interior painting at reasonable rates. Unfortunately, there were

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no calls for mister Gubb's detective services for some time

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after he received his disguises and diploma. But while waiting,

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he devoted his spare time to the Dynamite Mystery, a

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remarkable case on which many detectives had been working for

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many weeks. This led only to his being beaten up

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twice by Joseph Henry, one of the men he shadowed.

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The arrival in Riverbank of the World's Monster Combined Shows

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the day after mister Gubb received his diplomas seemed to

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offer an opportunity for his detective talents, as a circus

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is usually accompanied by crooks, and early in the morning,

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mister Gubb donned disguise number sixteen, which was cataloged as

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Negro hack Driver Complete twenty two dollars. But while looking

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for crooks while watching the circus unload, his eyes alighted

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on Syrilla, known as half a Ton of Beauty, the

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fat lady of the side show. As Marilla descended from

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the car aided by the living skeleton and the strong Man,

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the fair creature wore a low neck evening gown. Her

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arms and shoulders were snowy white, except for a peculiar

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mark on one arm. Not only had mister Gubb never

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seen such white arms and shoulders, but he had never

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seen so much arm and shoulder on one woman, and

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from that moment he was deeply and hopelessly in love,

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Like one hypnotized. He followed her to the side show tent,

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paid his admission, and stood all day before her platform.

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He was still there when the tent was taken down

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that night. Mister Gubb was not the only man in

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Riverbank to fall in love with Sorilla. When the ladies

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of the Riverbank Social Service League heard that the circus

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was coming to town, they were distressed to think how

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narrow the intellectual life of the side show freaks must be,

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and they instructed their field secretary, mister Horace Winterbury, to

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go to the side show and organize the freaks into

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an an Ibsen literary and debating society. This mister Winterbury did,

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and the Tasmanian wild Man was made president. But so

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deeply did mister Winterbury fall in love with Syrilla that

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he begged mister Dorgan, the manager of the side show,

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to let him join the side show, and this mister

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Dorgan did, putting him in a cage as Wah Wah

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the Mexican Hairless dog man. As mister Winterbury was exceedingly bald,

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at the very next stop made by the circus, a strong,

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heavy fisted woman entered the side show and dragged mister

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Winterbury away. This was his wife. Of this, the ladies

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of the Riverbank Social Service League knew nothing. However, they

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believed mister Winterbury had been stolen by the circus, and

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that he was doubtless being forced to learn to swing

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on a trapeze or ride a bareback horse, and they

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decided to hire Detective Gubb to find and return him.

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At the very moment when the ladies were deciding to

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retain mister Gubb's service as the paperhanger, detective was on

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his way to do a job of paper hanging, thinking

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of the fair Syrilla he might never see again, when

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suddenly he put down the pail of paste he was

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carrying and grasped the handle of his paste brush more firmly.

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He stared with amazement and fright at a remarkable creature

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that came toward him from a small thicket near the

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railway tracks. Mister Gubb's first and correct impression was that

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this was some remarkable creature escaped from the circus. The

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horrid thing loping toward him was indeed the Tasmanian wild Man.

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As the wild man approached, Philo Gub, prepared to defend himself.

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He was prepared to defend himself to his last drop

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of blood. When half way across the field, the Tasmanian

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wild man glanced back over his shoulder, and, as if

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fearing pursuit, increased his speed and came toward Philo Gub

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in great leaps and bounds. The correspondent school detective waved

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his pastebrush more frantically than ever. The Tasmanian wild man

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stopped short within six feet of him. Viewed thus closely,

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the wild man was a sight to curdle. The blood

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remnants of chains hung from his wrists and ankles. His

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long hair was matted about his face, and his finger

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nails were long and claw like. His face was daubed

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with ochre and red, with black rings around the eyes,

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and the circles within the rings were painted white, giving

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him an air of wildness possessed by but few wild men.

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His only garments were a pair of very short trunks

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and the skin of some wild animal, bound about his

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body with ropes of horse hair. Filo Gub bent to

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receive the leap. He felt the Tasmanian wild Man was

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about to make but to his surprise, the wild man

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held up one hand in token of amity, and with

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the other removed the matted hair from his head, revealing

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an under crop of taffy. Yellow neatly parted in the

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middle and smoothed back carefully. I say, old Chap, he said,

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in a pleasant and well bred tone, stop waving that

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dangerous looking weapon at me, will you? My intentions are

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most kindly, I assure you. Can you inform me where

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a chap can get a pair of trousers hereabout? Philo

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Gubb's experienced eye saw at once that this creature was

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less wild than he was painted. He lowered his pastebrush.

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Come into this house, said Philo Gubb. Inside the house

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we can discuss pants and calmness. The Tasmanian wild man

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accepted now, then, said Philo Gubb. When they were safe

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in the kitchen, he seated himself on a roll of wallpaper,

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and a Tasmanian wild Man, whose real name was Waldo

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Emerson Snooks, told his brief story. Upon graduating from Harvard,

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he had sought employment offering to furnish entertainment by the evening,

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reading an essay entitled the Comparative Mentality of Ibsen and

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Emerson with side lights on the effect of turnip diet

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at Brook Farm, but the agency was unable to get

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him any engagements. They happened, however, to receive a request

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from mister Dorgan, manager of the side show, asking for

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a Tasmanian wild man, and mister Snooks had taken the job.

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To his own surprise, he made an excellent wild man.

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He was able to rattle his chains, dash up and

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down the cage, gnaw the iron bars of the cage,

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eat raw meat and howl as no other Tasmanian wild

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man had ever done those things, and all would have

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been well if an interloper had not entered the side show.

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The interloper was mister Winterbury, who had introduced the subject

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of Ibsen's plays, and in a discussion of them, the

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Tasmanian wild Man and mister Hoxy the strong man had quarreled,

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and mister Hoxy had threatened to tear mister Snook's limb

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from limb, and he would have done so, said the

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Tasmanian wild Man with emotion. If I had not fled,

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I dare not return. I mean to work my way

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back to Boston and give up Tasmanian wild manning as

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a profession. But I cannot without pants. I guess you can't,

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said Philo Gubb. In any station of Boston's life, pants

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is expected to be worn. So the question is, old chap,

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where am I to be panted? Said Waldo Emerson snooks.

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I can't pant you, said Philo Gubb, but I can

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overall you. The late Tasmanian wild Man was most grateful.

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When he was dressed in the overalls and had wiped

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the grease paint from his face on an old rag.

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No one would have recognized him. And as for thanks,

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said Philo Gub, don't mention it. A detecative gent is

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obliged to keep up a set of disguises hitherto unsuspected

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by the mortal world. This Tasmanian wild Man outfit will

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do for a hermit disguise, so you don't owe me

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no thanks. As Philo Gubb watched Waldo Emerson Snook start

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in the direction of Boston, only some thirteen hundred miles away,

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he had no idea how soon he would have occasion

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to use the Tasmanian wild Man disguise. But hardly had

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the wild man departed than a small boy came to

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summon mister Gubb. And it was with a sense of

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elation and importance that he appeared before the meeting of

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the Riverbank Ladies Social Service League. And so said Missus

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Garthwaite at the close of the interview. You understand us,

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mister Gubb, Yes, ma'am, said Philo Gubb. What you want

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me to do is find mister Winterbury, Ain't it exactly

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agreed Missus Garthwaite. And when found, said mister Gubb, the

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said stolen goods is to be returned to you just so,

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and the fiends in human form that stole him are

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to be given thee full limit of the law. They

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certainly deserve it abducting a nice little gentleman like mister Winterbury,

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said Missus Garthwaite. They do, indeed, said Philo Gubb, and

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they shall be. I would only ask how far you

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want me to arrest? If the manager of the side

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show stole him, My natural and professional detecative instincts would

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tell me to arrest the manager. And if the whole

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side show stole him, I would make bold to arrest

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the whole side show. But if the whole circus stole him,

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am I to arrest the whole circus? And if so,

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ought I to include the menagerie. Ought I to arrest

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the elephants and the camels. Arrest only those in human form,

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said Missus Garthwaite. Philo Gubb sat straight and put his

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hands on his knees in referring to human form, ma'am,

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He asked, do you include them orangutangs and apes? I do,

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said Missus Garthwaite. Association with criminals has probably inclined their

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poor minds to criminality. Yes, ma'am, said Philo Gubb, rising,

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I leave on this case by the first train. Mister

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Gubb hastily packed the Tasmanian garment and six other disguises

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in his suit case, put the fourteen dollars given him

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by Missus Garthwaite in his pocket, and hurried to catch

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the train for Bardville, where the World's Monster Combined shows

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were to show the next day. With true detective caution,

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Philo Gubb disguised even this simple act. Having packed his suitcase,

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mister Gubb rapped it carefully in Manila paper and inserted

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a laundry ticket under the twine. Thus anyone seeing him

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might well suppose he was returning from the laundry and

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not going to Bardville. To make this scene the more likely,

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he donned his Chinese disguise number seventeen, consisting of a

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pink skull like wig with a long pigtail, a blue jumper,

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and a yellow complexion. Mister Gubb rubbed his face with

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crude ochre powder, and his complexion was a little high,

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being more the hue of a pumpkin than the true

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oriental skin tint. Those he met on his way to

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the station imagined he was in the last stages of

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yellow fever, and fled from him hastily. He reached the

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station just as the train's wheels began to move, and

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he was springing up the steps onto the platform of

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the last car when a hand grasped his arm. He

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turned his head and saw that the man grasping him

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was Jonas Meadowbrook, one of Riverbank's wealthiest men. Gub, I

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want you, shouted Meadowbrook energetically, but Philo Gubb shook off

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the detaining arm. Mino savi melek and talkie. He jabbered

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bunting mister Meadowbrook off the car step bright and early.

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The next morning, Philo Gubb gave himself a healthy coat

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of tan with rather high color on his cheek bones

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from his collection of beards and mustaches, carefully tagged from

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number one to number eighteen in harmony with the types

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of disguises mentioned in the twelve Lessons of the Rising

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Sun Detective Agency's Correspondence School of Detecting. He selected mustache

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number eight and inserted the spring wires into his nostrils.

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Mustache number eight was a long, deadly black mustache with

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upcurled ends, and when Philo Gubb had donted, he had

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a most sinister appearance, particularly as he failed to remove

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the string tag which bore the legend number eight Gambler

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or card Sharp, manufactured and sold by the Rising Sun

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Detective Agency's Correspondence School of Detecting Supply Bureau. Having put

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on this mustache, mister Gubb took a common splint market

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basket from under the bed and placed it in the

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matted hair of the Tasmanian wild Man. His make up

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materials a small mirror, two towels, a cake of soap,

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The Tasmanian wild man's animal skin robe, the hair rope,

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and the abbreviated trunks. He covered these with a newspaper.

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The sun was just rising when he reached the railway siding,

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and hardly had mister Gubb arrived when the work of

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unloading the circus began. Mister Gubb, searching for the abducted

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mister Winterbury, sped rapidly from place to place, the string

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tag on his mustache napping over his shoulder, but he

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saw no one answering missus Garthwaite's description of mister Winterbury.

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When the tent wagons had departed, the elephants and camels

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were unloaded, but mister Winterbury did not seem to be

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concealed among them, and the animal cages which came next

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were all tightly closed. There were four or five cars, however,

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that attracted Philo Gubb's attention, and one in particular made

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his heart beat rapidly. This car bore the words World's

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monster combined Show's freak car, and as mister Winterbury had

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gone as a social reform agent to the side show,

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mister Gubb rightly felt that here, if anywhere, he would

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find a clue and he was doubly agitated, since he

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knew the beautiful Syrilla was doubtless in that car. Walking

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around the car, he heard the door at one end open.

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He crouched under the platform, his ears and eyes on edge.

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Hardly was he concealed Before the head ruffian of the

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unloading gang approached mister Dorgan. He said, in quite another

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tone than he had used to his laborers. Should I

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fetch that wild man cage to the grounds for you today? No,

245
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said Dorgon. What's the use I don't like an empty

246
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cage standing around. Leave it on the car, Jake, or

247
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hold on, I'll use it. Take it up to the

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grounds and put it in the side show as usual.

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I'll put the pet in it, are ye foolin? Asked

250
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the loading boss with a grin. The cage won't know itself,

251
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mister Dorgan, after holdin that rip snortin wild man to

252
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be holdin a cold corpse like the pet is never

253
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you mind, said Dorgon shortly. I know my business, Jake,

254
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You and I know the pet is a dead one,

255
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but these country yaps don't know it. I might as

256
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well make some use of the remains as long as

257
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I've got em one hand. Who are you going to fool, sweetie,

258
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asked a voice, and mister Dorgan looked around to see Sorilla,

259
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the Fat Lady, standing in the car door. Oh just folks,

260
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said Dorgon, laughing. You're going to use the pet, said

261
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the fat lady, reproachfully. And I don't think it's nice

262
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of you say what you will, mister Dorgan. A corpse

263
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is a corpse, and a respectable side show ain't no

264
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place for it. I wish you would take it out

265
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in the lot and bury it like I wanted you to,

266
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or throw it in the river and get rid of it,

267
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won't you, deary, I will not, said mister Dorgan firmly.

268
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A corpse may be a corpse, Sorilla, any place but

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in the circus. But in a circus, it's a feature.

270
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He's going to be one of the seven sleepers, one

271
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of what, asked Sorilla. One of the seven sleepers, said Dorgan.

272
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I'm going to put him in the cage the wild

273
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Man was in, and I'm going to tell the audience

274
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he's asleep. He looks dead, I'll say, but I give

275
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my word he's only asleep. We offer five thousand dollars.

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I'll say to any man, woman, or child that proves

277
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,039
contrary than that. We have documents proven that this human

278
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,799
being in this cage fell asleep in the year eighteen

279
00:16:33,879 --> 00:16:37,519
thirty seven and has been sleeping ever since, the longest

280
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,320
nap on record. I'll say that'll fetch a laugh. And

281
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you don't care, dearie, that I'll be creepy all through

282
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the show, do you, said, Sorilla, I won't care a hang,

283
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:53,240
said Dorgan. Mister Gubb glided noiselessly from under the car

284
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and sped away. He had hurt enough to know that

285
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deviltry was afoot. There was no doubt in his mind

286
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that the pet was the late mister Winterbury. For if

287
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:05,680
ever a man deserved to be called pet, mister Winterbury,

288
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:09,920
according to missus Garthwaite's description, was that man. There was

289
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,359
no doubt that mister Winterbury had been murdered, and that

290
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:15,279
these heartless wretches meant to make capital of his body.

291
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The inference was logical, It was a strong clue, and

292
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mister Gubb hurried to the circus grounds to study the situation. No,

293
00:17:24,839 --> 00:17:28,160
said Syrilla, tearfully, you don't care a hang for the

294
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nerves of the lady in gent freaks under your care,

295
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,839
mister Dorgan. It's nothing to you if repulsion from that

296
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corpse like Pet dragged seventy or eighty pounds of fat

297
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,880
off of me for you well know what. My contract

298
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,519
is so much a week, and so much for each

299
00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:45,640
additional pound of fat, and the less fat I am,

300
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,759
the less you have to add on to your pay roll.

301
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The day that Pet come to this show, first I

302
00:17:50,759 --> 00:17:54,279
fainted outright and busted down the platform. But little do

303
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:58,960
you care, mister Dorgan. Don't you worry? You didn't murder him,

304
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:04,720
said mister Dorgan. He looks so lifelike, sobbed Sorilla. Oh

305
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:09,079
Hooxy shouted mister Dorgan. Yes, sir, said the strong man

306
00:18:09,079 --> 00:18:12,200
coming to the car door. Take Sorilla in and tell

307
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,119
the girls to put ice on her head. She's getting

308
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,920
hysterics again. And when you've told him, go go up

309
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,160
to the grounds and tell Blake and Skinny to unpack

310
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,240
the petrified man. Tell him I'm going to use him

311
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,799
again to day. And if he's lookin shop worn, have

312
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,880
one of the men go over his complexion and make

313
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:31,079
him look nice and life like. Mister Dorgan swung off

314
00:18:31,079 --> 00:18:34,920
from the car step and walked away. The petrified man

315
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,519
had been one of his mistakes. In days past, petrified

316
00:18:38,559 --> 00:18:41,319
men had been important side show features, and mister Dorgan

317
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,480
had supposed the time had come to reintroduce them, and

318
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he had had an excellent petrified man made of concrete,

319
00:18:47,839 --> 00:18:50,759
with steel reinforcements in the legs and arms, and a

320
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:55,799
body of hollow tile so that it could stand rough travel. Unfortunately,

321
00:18:55,839 --> 00:18:58,160
the features of the petrified man had been entrusted to

322
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:02,240
an artist devoted to the making of clothing dummies. Instead

323
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,480
of an Aztec or cave dweller. Cast in the countenance,

324
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:08,640
he had given the petrified man the simpering features of

325
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,880
the wax figures seen in cheap clothing stores. The result

326
00:19:13,039 --> 00:19:15,400
was that instead of gazing at the petrified man with

327
00:19:15,559 --> 00:19:19,279
awe as a wonder of nature, the audiences laughed at him,

328
00:19:19,519 --> 00:19:23,160
and the living freaks dubbed him the pet or still

329
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:27,000
more rudely, the corpse, And when the glass case broke

330
00:19:27,039 --> 00:19:29,119
at the end of the week, mister Dorton ordered the

331
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,920
pet packed in a box. Just now, however, the flight

332
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,119
of the Tasmanian wild man and the involuntary departure of

333
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,720
mister Winterbury at the command of his wife. After his

334
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,480
short appearance as wah Wah the Mexican Hairless dog Man,

335
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:47,599
suggested the new use for the petrified man. When Detective

336
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,720
Gub reached the circus grounds, the glaring banners had not

337
00:19:50,799 --> 00:19:53,680
yet been erected before the side show tent, but all

338
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,240
the tents except the big top were up, and all

339
00:19:56,319 --> 00:19:59,000
hands were at work on that. One. Were supposed to

340
00:19:59,039 --> 00:20:03,119
be two were not. Two of the roughest looking roustabouts,

341
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,079
after glancing here and there, glided into the property tent

342
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,480
and concealed themselves behind a pile of blue cases, hampers,

343
00:20:09,519 --> 00:20:13,240
and canvas bags. One of them immediately drew from under

344
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,960
his coat a small but heavy parcel wrapped in an

345
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,880
old rag. Say cull, he said, in a coarse voice.

346
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:22,759
You sure have got a head on you. This here

347
00:20:22,799 --> 00:20:24,799
stuff will be just as safe in there as in

348
00:20:24,839 --> 00:20:29,279
the bank. See gimme the screwdriver, not to be opened

349
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,920
until Chicago, said the other gleefully, pointing to the words

350
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,599
daubed on one of the blue cases. But I guess

351
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,559
it will be hay old pal, I guess. So together

352
00:20:39,599 --> 00:20:42,039
they removed the lid of the box, and detective cubs

353
00:20:42,079 --> 00:20:44,720
seeking the side show, crawled under the wall of the

354
00:20:44,759 --> 00:20:47,480
property tent, just in time to see the two Ruffians

355
00:20:47,559 --> 00:20:50,440
hurriedly jam their parcel into the case and screw the

356
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,279
lid in place again. Mister Gubb's mustache was now in

357
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:57,839
a diagonal position, but little he cared for that. His

358
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:01,319
eyes were fastened on the countenance of the two rousedabouts.

359
00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:04,920
The men were easy to remember. One was red headed

360
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,599
and pock marked, and the other was dark, and the

361
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,240
lobes of his ears were slit, as if someone had

362
00:21:10,279 --> 00:21:13,759
at some time forcibly removed a pair of rings from them.

363
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,279
Very quietly, Philo Gubb wiggled backwards out of the tent,

364
00:21:17,759 --> 00:21:19,880
but as he did so, his eyes caught a word

365
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,200
painted on the side of the blue case. It was pet.

366
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:28,680
Mister Gubb proceeded to the next tent. Stooping, he peered inside,

367
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,799
and what he saw satisfied him that he had found

368
00:21:30,799 --> 00:21:33,799
the side show. Around the inside of the tent, men

369
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,079
were erecting a blue platform, and on the far side

370
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,920
four men were wheeling a tongueless cage into place. A

371
00:21:41,079 --> 00:21:43,240
door at the backside of the cage swung open and

372
00:21:43,319 --> 00:21:46,039
shut as the men moved the cage, but another in

373
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:50,200
front was securely bolted and barred. Mister Gubb lowered the

374
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,759
tent wall and backed away. It was into this cage

375
00:21:53,799 --> 00:21:56,200
that the body of mister Winterbury was to be put

376
00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:00,000
to make a public holiday for yokels, and the murder

377
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:06,400
was still at large. Murderer, murderers, For who were the

378
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,880
two rough characters he had seen tampering with the case

379
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,880
containing the remains of the pet? What had they been

380
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,119
putting in the case. If not the murderers, they were

381
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:20,319
surely accomplices. Walking like a wary flamingo, mister Gubb circled

382
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,680
the tent. He saw mister Dorgan and Syrilla enter it.

383
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,759
Himself hidden in a clump of bushes. He saw mister Lonardon,

384
00:22:27,839 --> 00:22:30,839
the living Skeleton, mister Hoxey, the strong Man, Major Ching,

385
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:34,839
the Chinese Giant, General Thumb, the Dwarf, Princess Zozo, the

386
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,720
Serpent Charmer, Maggie the Sircassian girl, and the rest of

387
00:22:38,759 --> 00:22:42,279
the sideshow employees enter the tent. Then he removed his

388
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,960
number eight mustache and put it in his pocket, and

389
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:49,279
balanced his mirror against a twig. Mister Gubb was changing

390
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:53,440
his disguise. For a while, the lady and gentleman Freak

391
00:22:53,519 --> 00:22:58,359
stood talking, casting reproachful glances at mister Dorgan. Crilla with

392
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,799
traces of tears on her face, with complaining of the

393
00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:03,519
cruel man who insisted that the pet become part of

394
00:23:03,519 --> 00:23:07,759
the show once more, and mister Dorgan was resisting their reproaches.

395
00:23:08,839 --> 00:23:11,480
I'm the boss of the show, he said, firmly. I'm

396
00:23:11,519 --> 00:23:13,880
going to use that cage, and I'm going to use

397
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,480
that pet. Couldn't you put Orlando in it and get

398
00:23:18,559 --> 00:23:22,839
up a spiel about him, asked Princess Zozo, whose largest

399
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,279
serpent was called Orlando. If you got him a bottle

400
00:23:26,279 --> 00:23:28,759
of cold cream from the make up tent, he'd lie

401
00:23:28,799 --> 00:23:31,400
for hours with his dear little nose sniff in it.

402
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:36,319
He's passionately fond of cold cream. Well, the public ain't

403
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,960
passionately fond of seeing a snake smellet, said mister Dorgan.

404
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:44,599
The pet is goin into that cage. See. Couldn't you

405
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:48,359
borrow an ape from the menagerie, asked mister Lonerdon, the

406
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,839
living skeleton, who was as passionately fond of Sorilla as

407
00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:55,720
Orlando was of cold cream, and have him be the

408
00:23:55,759 --> 00:23:58,920
first man monkey to speak the human language. Only he's

409
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,039
got a cold and can't today. You did that once

410
00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:06,920
and got roasted by the whole crowd. No, sir, mister Laningingon,

411
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,759
I can't and I won't bring that case right over here,

412
00:24:10,799 --> 00:24:13,640
he added, turning to the four roustabouts who were carrying

413
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,960
the blue case into the tent. Got it open good now?

414
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:22,039
He looked toward the cage and stopped short, his mouth

415
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:26,079
open and his eyes staring. Sitting on his haunches, his

416
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,640
fore paws or hands hanging down like those of a

417
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:33,839
becking dog. A Tasmanian wild man stared from between the

418
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,440
bars of the cage. The matted hair, the bare legs,

419
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,200
the animal skin blanket, the streaks of ochre and red

420
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,720
on the face, the black circles around the eyes with

421
00:24:42,839 --> 00:24:45,640
the white inside the circles were those of a real

422
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:50,359
Tasmanian wild man. But this Tasmanian wild man was tall

423
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:54,920
and thin, almost rivaling mister Lanardon in that respect. The

424
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,960
thin Roman nose and the blinky eyes, together with the

425
00:24:58,079 --> 00:25:01,839
manner of holding the head on one' side, suggested a bird,

426
00:25:02,599 --> 00:25:07,359
a large and dissipated flamingo for instance, mister Dorgan stared

427
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,559
with his mouth open. He stared so steadily that he

428
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,240
even took a telegram from the messenger boy, who entered

429
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,960
the tent and signed for it without looking at the address.

430
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,680
The messenger boy, too, stopped to stare at the Tasmanian flamingo.

431
00:25:21,559 --> 00:25:23,559
The man who had brought the blue case set it

432
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,519
down and stared. The freaks gathered in front of the

433
00:25:26,559 --> 00:25:30,440
cage and stared. What is it? Asked Cyrilla, in a

434
00:25:30,559 --> 00:25:35,079
voice trembling with emotion. Say where in the USA did

435
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,880
you come from? Asked mister Dorgan. Suddenly, what in the

436
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,839
dickens are you anyway? I'm a Tasmanian wild man, said

437
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:49,559
mister Gubb mildly. You a Tasmanian wild man, said mister Dorgan.

438
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,440
You don't think you look like a Tasmanian wild man?

439
00:25:52,519 --> 00:25:56,160
Do you? Why you look like you look like you?

440
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:01,200
You look? He looks like an intoxicated pterodactyl, said mister Lonergan,

441
00:26:01,279 --> 00:26:06,799
who had some knowledge of prehistoric animals. Only harrier, he

442
00:26:06,839 --> 00:26:10,279
looks like a human turkey with a piebald face, suggested

443
00:26:10,319 --> 00:26:14,680
General Thumb. He don't look like nothing, said mister Dorgan,

444
00:26:14,759 --> 00:26:17,680
at last, that's what he looks like. You get out

445
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,119
of that cage, he added sternly to mister Gubb, I

446
00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:24,640
don't want nothing that looks like you nowhere near this show.

447
00:26:25,559 --> 00:26:31,759
But mister Dorgan, dearie, think how he'd draw crowds, said Marilla. Crowds.

448
00:26:32,079 --> 00:26:34,839
Of course, he'd draw crowds, said mister Dorgan. But what

449
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,359
would I say when I lectured about him? What would

450
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:41,039
I call him? No, he's got to go, boys, he

451
00:26:41,079 --> 00:26:43,559
said to the four roustabouts, two of whom were those

452
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,319
mister Gubb had seen in the property tent. Throw this

453
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:50,440
feller out of the tent. Stop, said mister Gubb, raising

454
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,839
one hand. I will admit I have tried to deceive you.

455
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,119
I am not a Tasmanian wild man. I am a

456
00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:04,480
detecative detective, said mister Dorgan. In disguise, said mister Gubb modestly.

457
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,240
In the detecative profession, the assuming of disguises is often

458
00:27:08,319 --> 00:27:11,680
necessary to the completion of the clarification of a mystery plot.

459
00:27:12,559 --> 00:27:16,039
He pointed down at the pet whose newly rouged and

460
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,680
powdered face rested smirkingly in the box below the cage.

461
00:27:20,519 --> 00:27:23,480
I arrest you all he said, but before he could

462
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,960
complete the sentence, the red headed man and the black

463
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,599
headed man turned and bolted from the tent. Mister Gubb

464
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,920
beat and jerked at the bars of his cage as

465
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,519
frantically as mister Waldo Emerson's snooks had ever beaten and jerked,

466
00:27:35,559 --> 00:27:39,559
but he could not rend them apart. Get those two fellers,

467
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,319
mister Gubb shouted to mister Hoxey, and the strong man

468
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:48,000
ran from the tent. What's this about, arrest, asked mister Dorgan.

469
00:27:48,799 --> 00:27:51,599
I arrest this whole side show, said mister Gubb, pressing

470
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,039
his face between the bars of the cage, for the

471
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,920
murder of that poor gentle, harmless man, now a dead

472
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,839
corpse into that blue box there, mister Winterberry by name,

473
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:06,640
but called by you by the alias of the pet Winterbury,

474
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:11,680
exclaimed mister Dorgan. That Winterberry, That that ain't Winterberry. That's

475
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,400
a stone man, a made to order concrete man with

476
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:18,000
hollow tile stomach and reinforced concrete arms and legs. I

477
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,599
had him made to order. The criminal mind is well

478
00:28:21,599 --> 00:28:25,240
equipped with explanations for use in time of stress, said

479
00:28:25,279 --> 00:28:29,559
mister Gubb. Less than six of the Correspondent's school of detecating,

480
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:33,759
warns the detecative against explanations of murderers. When confronted by

481
00:28:33,799 --> 00:28:39,759
the victim, I demand an autopsy onto mister Winterbury. Autopsy,

482
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:44,240
exclaimed mister Dorgan. I'll autopsy him for you. He grasped

483
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,400
one of the pet's hands and wrenched off one concrete arm.

484
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,640
He struck the head with a tense steak and shattered

485
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:54,119
it into a crumbling concrete He jerked the Roman tunic

486
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:58,160
from the body and disclosed the hollow tile stomach. Hello,

487
00:28:58,839 --> 00:29:02,200
he said, lifting a rag wrapped parcel from the interior

488
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,720
of the pet. What's this? When unwrapped, it proved to

489
00:29:06,759 --> 00:29:09,480
be two dozen silver forks and spoons and a good

490
00:29:09,559 --> 00:29:15,319
sized silver trophy cup Riverbank Country Club Duffer's Golf Trophy

491
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:20,559
nineteen o nine, mister Dorgan read, won by Jonas Meadowbrook.

492
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:25,279
How did that get there? Jonas Meadowbrook said. Gubb is

493
00:29:25,319 --> 00:29:28,960
a man of my own local town. He is is,

494
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:33,559
he said, mister Dorgan. And what's your name? Gub? Said

495
00:29:33,599 --> 00:29:39,039
the detective Filo Gubb Esquire detecative and paperhanger, Riverbank, Iowa.

496
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,359
Then this is for you, said mister Dorgan, and he

497
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:45,799
handed the telegram to mister Gubb. The detective opened it

498
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:52,119
and read Gub care of Circus Bardville, Iowa. My house

499
00:29:52,279 --> 00:29:58,119
robbed Circus Knight golf cup gone game now rotten. Never

500
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,640
win another five hundred dollar's reward for return to me

501
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:07,000
Jonas Meadowbrook. You didn't actually come here to find mister Winterbury,

502
00:30:07,039 --> 00:30:11,599
did you, asked Syrilla. Mister Gubb folded the telegram, raised

503
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,359
his matted hair, and tucked the telegram between it and

504
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:19,039
his own hair for safe keeping. When a detecative starts

505
00:30:19,039 --> 00:30:23,200
out to detect, he said calmly, sometimes he detects one thing,

506
00:30:23,319 --> 00:30:26,640
and sometimes he detects another. That cup is one of

507
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:30,680
the things I detected today. And now, if all are willing,

508
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,519
I'll step outside and get my pants on. I'll feel

509
00:30:33,559 --> 00:30:37,119
better and you'll look better, said mister Dorgan. You couldn't

510
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:41,519
look worse in the course of the detecative career, said

511
00:30:41,519 --> 00:30:44,039
mister Gubb. A gent has to look a lot of

512
00:30:44,039 --> 00:30:46,960
different ways, and I thank you for the compliment. The

513
00:30:47,079 --> 00:30:51,279
art of disguising the human physiology is difficult. This disguise

514
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,039
is but one of many I am frequently called upon

515
00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:58,119
to assume. Well, if any more like this one, said

516
00:30:58,119 --> 00:31:03,440
mister Dorgan with sincerity. I'm lad I'm not a detective. Marilla, however,

517
00:31:03,519 --> 00:31:06,920
heaved her several hundred pounds of bosom and cast her

518
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:11,119
eyes towards mister Gobb. I think detectives are lovely in

519
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:16,519
any disguise, she said, and mister Gobb's heart beat wildly.

520
00:31:21,599 --> 00:31:25,920
And of the Pet by Ellis Parker Butler

