Speaker 1: What dark secret are you hiding from everyone? Story one,
Speaker 1: last Christmas, I lean my sister and I don't have
Speaker 1: the same father and are technically half sisters. My sister's
Speaker 1: biological father tried to start a relationship with my mom
Speaker 1: that resulted in a pregnancy and ultimately didn't work out.
Speaker 1: That biological father is dead now, but I didn't probe
Speaker 1: any further about his identity or how he passed away
Speaker 1: in case it was something traumatic for my mom to remember.
Speaker 1: So she raised my sister as a single mother at
Speaker 1: my grandma's house in the eighties. Then she met my
Speaker 1: father and they started dating and it worked out because
Speaker 1: they got married in the nineties, moved into a new house,
Speaker 1: and a short time after that, I was born. She
Speaker 1: told me never call my sister my half sister, and
Speaker 1: just pretend all of this doesn't matter, because she's my
Speaker 1: sister and I'm keeping it that way, And if anyone
Speaker 1: asks about the ten year age gap, I just tell
Speaker 1: them it's a long story. Story two. I'm the spitting
Speaker 1: image of my grandpa on my dad's side. Both my
Speaker 1: parents are almost a foot shorter than me, but I'm
Speaker 1: almost the same height as him. When my mother got
Speaker 1: sick when I was a kid. My grandpa went to
Speaker 1: visit her daily for extended periods of time in the hospital.
Speaker 1: In his final months. She did the same. After he passed.
Speaker 1: We found out he kept a whole other family on
Speaker 1: the side in secret too. Looking back at my dad's
Speaker 1: military deployment history, it would also be dicey if she
Speaker 1: could have gotten pregnant by him around the appropriate time.
Speaker 1: Based on a collection of various hunches, I'm fairly convinced
Speaker 1: I'm the product of an affair between my mother and
Speaker 1: supposed grandfather. More disturbingly, this would probably be one of
Speaker 1: the most lighthearted revelations about my family. Story three. When
Speaker 1: I was young, probably around age nine or ten, I
Speaker 1: was walking home with my dog from a house around
Speaker 1: the block when he cut the corner and walked diagonally
Speaker 1: through the yard of this super mean old lady who
Speaker 1: live at the end of your street. She was in
Speaker 1: her yard at the time, tending to these really fancy
Speaker 1: looking rose bushes she had growing in beds along the
Speaker 1: border with her neighbor. My dog was a very friendly
Speaker 1: Golden retriever who didn't even really come near her and
Speaker 1: certainly didn't do anything threatening, but she sprayed the fun
Speaker 1: budge out of him with some kind of insecticide or
Speaker 1: other chemical she was using on her roses. I ran
Speaker 1: back home with the dog and hosed him off. He
Speaker 1: coughed a bunch, but seemed otherwise fine. I didn't tell
Speaker 1: my parents because somehow I thought I was going to
Speaker 1: get into trouble for letting the dog walk in her yard.
Speaker 1: I'm glad I didn't tell them, though, because I decided
Speaker 1: that night to sneak downstairs, out the half bath window
Speaker 1: and down the street to her yard, where I cut
Speaker 1: down every goddamn rose bush I could get my hands on.
Speaker 1: Story four. I've struggled with disordered eating for at least
Speaker 1: a decade. It ebbs and flows. I know it's unhealthy,
Speaker 1: but the toxic part of me loves the feeling of
Speaker 1: being empty. Several years ago, it was really bad. I
Speaker 1: was at my lowest weight ever. I had brain fog,
Speaker 1: difficulty breathing. When I started eating again, my stomach would
Speaker 1: get really bloated, even if I only ate a small amount.
Speaker 1: I gained weight in the last year or so, and
Speaker 1: my depression and anxiety got really bad for a while.
Speaker 1: My family thinks I don't want to spend time with them. However,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to stay home because trying on my
Speaker 1: clothes and the idea of being in public made me
Speaker 1: want to terminate myself. It was easier on me intellectually
Speaker 1: to just stay home. I can feel myself slipping back
Speaker 1: into my old disordered eating habits. Unfortunately. Story five. A
Speaker 1: man broke into my home about ten years ago, well
Speaker 1: kind of. He knocked. I answered the door, and he
Speaker 1: pushed his way in. He spoke about the four horsemen
Speaker 1: of the apocalypse and tried to extort me for protection
Speaker 1: or he and his brothers of doom would come and
Speaker 1: terminate me. He was huge, ex navy, if he was
Speaker 1: to be believed, drunk as hell, hand covered in blood,
Speaker 1: holding a broken bottle. I was terrified. I told him
Speaker 1: to leave. He wouldn't. He was getting aggressive. I told
Speaker 1: him I would splatter his brains against the wall if
Speaker 1: he didn't. I didn't have a gun at the time. Anyway,
Speaker 1: he didn't leave. I went into my kitchen and grabbed
Speaker 1: a knife and sliced at him a few times. He
Speaker 1: staggered away, seemingly okay. I assumed he was all right,
Speaker 1: just wounded a bit. I never saw him again. A
Speaker 1: neighbor told me days later a man was found dead,
Speaker 1: some wounds on his arms. I can only guess he
Speaker 1: bled out, but I never got questioned. Somehow, there was
Speaker 1: a lot of blood in and around my house. I
Speaker 1: lived in a pretty seedy area, so I guess the
Speaker 1: cops just didn't care. The guy was apparently a repeat criminal.
Speaker 1: I terminated a man, at least indirectly, and have never
Speaker 1: told anybody story. Six. When I was younger, I lived
Speaker 1: with my grandmother. Not long after I turned eighteen, her
Speaker 1: health started to decline, that sort of decline that you
Speaker 1: no means she won't be around for much longer. Over
Speaker 1: the months, I did my best to take care of her,
Speaker 1: getting her to the hospital when she needed and other things.
Speaker 1: We had someone coming every day to help her with
Speaker 1: things I couldn't well. What my family doesn't know is
Speaker 1: that the night she passed, I was in the living
Speaker 1: room watching TV. My dog was in bed with my grandma,
Speaker 1: and I started to hear him whimper and bark. I
Speaker 1: knew what was happening. I knew that if I acted,
Speaker 1: I could potentially save her. I didn't want to watch
Speaker 1: her suffer anymore, though, to watch her live with so
Speaker 1: much pain and unable to do anything for herself anymore.
Speaker 1: So I made the choice to let her pass before
Speaker 1: making any calls. She lived ninety two years, and the
Speaker 1: only regret I have is that she passed a month
Speaker 1: after I. I would have graduated if I hadn't been
Speaker 1: kicked out of school, she had been in good enough
Speaker 1: health at the time to go to my graduation. I
Speaker 1: still kicked myself for how stupid I was back then. Edit,
Speaker 1: I didn't expect this much support. Thanks. I'm not to
Speaker 1: torn up about letting her pass. I knew it was
Speaker 1: for the best. She was such a great person. She
Speaker 1: didn't deserve to live in such a poor manner any
Speaker 1: longer than she already had. I don't regret what I did.
Speaker 1: I regret what I had done that got me kicked
Speaker 1: out of school. That I didn't try and make it
Speaker 1: to graduation for her. I think I've lived my life
Speaker 1: so far in a way that she'd be proud of.
Speaker 1: Not graduating before she passed is the only regret I
Speaker 1: really have in this life so far. And I'm thirty
Speaker 1: five now, so I think I'm doing pretty good. Story seven.
Speaker 1: It's not my secret, but my mom's and I'm not
Speaker 1: hiding it from everyone, just the person who it potentially
Speaker 1: matters to the most. When my mom was in high
Speaker 1: school in the sixties, she had a long term, serious
Speaker 1: boyfriend named Jimmy. They were each other's first They were
Speaker 1: together for years and were planning on getting married. He
Speaker 1: went away to college, my mom stayed behind, but they
Speaker 1: were still together. You know what happened next. He cheated
Speaker 1: and got the new girl pregnant. He comes home to
Speaker 1: break the news to my mom. Abortion was not legal
Speaker 1: at the time. He basically says that he wants to
Speaker 1: be with my mom, but he has no choice but
Speaker 1: to marry this other girl. My mom was devastated. Here's
Speaker 1: the secret. My mom was also pregnant by him, but
Speaker 1: hadn't told him yet. She decided she wasn't ever going
Speaker 1: to tell him. Jimmy went on to marry the other
Speaker 1: girl and never knew my mom was also pregnant. She
Speaker 1: told me that she later threw herself down a flight
Speaker 1: of stairs to cause a miscarriage. My mom actually reconnected
Speaker 1: with Jimmy during the early days of Facebook. She didn't
Speaker 1: have an account, but asked me to look for him
Speaker 1: using mine. He was still married to the same person
Speaker 1: my mom was married to my dad. They wrote to
Speaker 1: each other for a while using my account. Ugh signed
Speaker 1: their messages saying I love you. My mom passed away
Speaker 1: a number of years ago. I think about this knowledge
Speaker 1: I have that Jimmy doesn't this major life event, thing
Speaker 1: that he doesn't even know happened, that could have changed
Speaker 1: the trajectory of many lives. I'm certainly not going to
Speaker 1: tell him. It's not my secret to tell. Edit. There
Speaker 1: seems to be a part of the story that I
Speaker 1: didn't make clear enough. My mom had a miscarriage and
Speaker 1: never had that baby. It was an intentional miscarriage by
Speaker 1: throwing herself down the stairs. Jimmy is not my father.
Speaker 1: Story eight. My wife, her mom, and I bought a
Speaker 1: house about two years ago. Just from talking to the neighbors,
Speaker 1: I'd gathered that the family who lived here before had
Speaker 1: a daughter that was mixed up with the wrong people.
Speaker 1: We had some random person knock on our door at
Speaker 1: night saying he needed gas. We are down a long driveway,
Speaker 1: no way you'd randomly walk up to our house to
Speaker 1: ask for help. I think he was looking for the
Speaker 1: people who used to live here, and then another time,
Speaker 1: Sunday morning, making pancakes for the family, I get a
Speaker 1: knock on the door and it's four sheriff's officers saying
Speaker 1: they received a nine hundred and eleven call that hung
Speaker 1: up and it was from the house. We don't have
Speaker 1: a landline, and I assured them my wife and two
Speaker 1: year old did not make any call. They mentioned a
Speaker 1: name of the previous occupants, and I let them know
Speaker 1: we moved in earlier this year, and they seemed okay
Speaker 1: with that and left. Anyways, I was doing some yard
Speaker 1: work and struck up conversation with the neighbor. He saw
Speaker 1: the police cars and asked what was up. I told
Speaker 1: him the situation, and he just goes, oh, yeah, that
Speaker 1: family was messed up. The cops were probably being cautious
Speaker 1: considering the shooting. What shooting? I ask. He kind of
Speaker 1: looks at me with a sad, worried face. The shooting
Speaker 1: in your house? Wait what I say? Truly baffled. He
Speaker 1: then proceeds to tell me that about two years before,
Speaker 1: the father in the house confronted his daughter and boyfriend
Speaker 1: he didn't like and shot and terminated the boyfriend in
Speaker 1: the house. Our state doesn't have a disclosure law, so
Speaker 1: we never knew. I was blown away. All the strange
Speaker 1: happenings kind of made sense now. He said the frames
Speaker 1: of the victim had kind of terrorized them for a
Speaker 1: while because the police were taking so long to press charges.
Speaker 1: Slashed tears, midnight fireworks, odd cow that the neighbors hated.
Speaker 1: I was shocked, but just said that's crazy. But hey,
Speaker 1: do me a favor and never tell my wife or
Speaker 1: about that. They are a little spooked by things like that.
Speaker 1: So the TRDL is that we live in a murder
Speaker 1: house and I'm the only one of my family that knows.
Speaker 1: Story nine. I found my adoption papers a few years
Speaker 1: ago when I was looking for a copy of my
Speaker 1: birth certificate. I know my birth mom, I just never
Speaker 1: had a relationship with her. My maternal grandmother took me
Speaker 1: in in two thousand and two. I never knew she
Speaker 1: adopted me. I just knew that one day I ended
Speaker 1: up living with her after telling her one day I
Speaker 1: don't want to go back home, Loel. I also found
Speaker 1: the letter that my mom wrote as to why she
Speaker 1: was giving me up. That one really hurt. EDIT didn't
Speaker 1: expect this many upvotes, honestly, Lowell Thank you everyone for
Speaker 1: your kind words. My grandma is really the sweetest person ever.
Speaker 1: I'm forever grateful for her. But I just wanted to say,
Speaker 1: now that I'm older, I understand why my mom did
Speaker 1: what she did, and believe it or not, we actually
Speaker 1: have a cordial relationship now. Lol. Edit too, this brought
Speaker 1: back some unsettling feelings I thought I was over lol,
Speaker 1: But I want to thank you guys for your own
Speaker 1: stories and kind words. They made me realize that I'm
Speaker 1: not the only one who had a rough life growing up,
Speaker 1: and I shouldn't let that stop me from healing and
Speaker 1: being the best that I can be. This has been
Speaker 1: one of the worst years of my life. I've been
Speaker 1: taking loss after loss, and I honestly felt like unaliving myself.
Speaker 1: I kept coming back to read the comments, and I
Speaker 1: see how strong everyone is and didn't let what they
Speaker 1: went through stop them from doing better. So I just
Speaker 1: wanted to say that I've made an appointment to start
Speaker 1: therapy again and I'm going to be completely honest about
Speaker 1: how I truly feel and open up more. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Reddit. Also, i haven't been the best granddaughter lately,
Speaker 1: so I'm spending more quality time with my grandma and
Speaker 1: helping her out with whatever she needs. Story ten, My
Speaker 1: grandma was in a car accident and broke her ankle,
Speaker 1: so she stayed at my house and my mom we
Speaker 1: took care of her while she recovered. I was entering
Speaker 1: puberty at the time and discovered that you could order
Speaker 1: censored photos on cable and was like a madman ordering
Speaker 1: censored photos. The bill that month came out to five
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. My mom thought it was my grandma because
Speaker 1: her novelas were on like channel fifty sixty and the
Speaker 1: censored photos was five hundred, six hundred limb fau. I've
Speaker 1: literally never told anyone to this day. Ta I am
Speaker 1: Latina and close relationship. Censored photos for women is still
Speaker 1: pretty taboo in my culture, so that's why I'm so
Speaker 1: scared to tell anyone. Even if my mom and I
Speaker 1: are pretty open with each other, I'm still embarrassed. However,
Speaker 1: my grandma passed away in twenty nineteen and I felt
Speaker 1: compelled to tell my secret. But my mom sees that
Speaker 1: story as a funny memory she has of my grandma
Speaker 1: that she likes to look back on and laugh about.
Speaker 1: So idk if I should? Lol? Story eleven. In high school,
Speaker 1: I was a super good kid, straight a student who
Speaker 1: loved homework, keeping out of trouble, and who was quiet
Speaker 1: as hell during class. So anyway, there was this guy
Speaker 1: who was also in ap classes with me, but he
Speaker 1: was super loud and obnoxious, but would pull stunts in
Speaker 1: such a way that he would have some margin of
Speaker 1: plausible deniability. Though we never spoke, I'm not sure he
Speaker 1: even knew I existed. He rubbed me the wrong way.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was from the one cold day when this
Speaker 1: other girl in our class had her ball poking through
Speaker 1: her shirt bc she forgot a sweater, and he kept
Speaker 1: saying to her, damn, it's cold. Huh. Maybe it was
Speaker 1: from when he would pretend to be friends with kid
Speaker 1: who was definitely spectrum and desperate to be friends with him,
Speaker 1: to do the bullies homework for him and then bully
Speaker 1: him the next day, bid day. So at random, sometimes
Speaker 1: once a week or a month, or once every couple
Speaker 1: of months, I would whistle. It's this high pitched whistle
Speaker 1: that sounds like a tea kettle that I can do
Speaker 1: while barely moving my mouth. Back then, no one knew
Speaker 1: I could do it, except for my family the super
Speaker 1: obnoxious kid always got in trouble. I was never once suspected.
Speaker 1: Story twelve. I was married for thirteen years to my
Speaker 1: best friend. We had what I thought was a great,
Speaker 1: easy marriage. One day, our five year daughter told me
Speaker 1: he was having her perform oral close relationship on him.
Speaker 1: I was shocked, devastated, and afraid. He was one of
Speaker 1: those fun guys everyone loves to be around. I immediately
Speaker 1: called the police, and he was arrest When they started
Speaker 1: investigating him, they found out that he had been arrested
Speaker 1: while in college for exposing himself to very young boys.
Speaker 1: He only got a slap on the wrist that time
Speaker 1: because he came from a very wealthy family. One of
Speaker 1: his uncles was governor of the state we lived in.
Speaker 1: I was so ashamed. I told our friends that he
Speaker 1: had an affair and moved away, but the truth was
Speaker 1: that he was in prison for five years. I picked
Speaker 1: up the pieces, sent our daughter to therapy, and spent
Speaker 1: the next fifteen years being a mother, paying for private school,
Speaker 1: cool trips, et cetera. She was my life. Then, when
Speaker 1: she went to college, he reached out to her over Facebook.
Speaker 1: When I saw she was communicating with him, I was shocked, devastated,
Speaker 1: and afraid all over again. I called and told her
Speaker 1: that she was an adult, but I thought she should
Speaker 1: be careful because he's not safe. She hung up on
Speaker 1: me and has not spoken to me since that was
Speaker 1: four years ago. I send her forty thousand dollars a
Speaker 1: year still to pay for her medical school. It's all
Speaker 1: been almost unbelievable. Thank you for allowing me to share
Speaker 1: it here. Story thirteen. The only person in my life
Speaker 1: who knows this story is my husband. When I was eight,
Speaker 1: I was desperate to be liked by the older boys
Speaker 1: on the street. I was the youngest boy other than
Speaker 1: a baby or two on the block, so I rarely
Speaker 1: had any boys to play with. When I was noticed
Speaker 1: by an older boy nineteen, a senior in high school,
Speaker 1: I was thrilled. He I'll call him Mike, saw me
Speaker 1: riding my bike up and down the street one day
Speaker 1: while he was outside playing basketball with a friend of his,
Speaker 1: who I will call Sean. Together, they stopped me and
Speaker 1: talk to me about school, about my bike, and other
Speaker 1: random cow Then Mike invited me inside for a cola.
Speaker 1: Since my parents didn't keep soda in the house often,
Speaker 1: this was a treat once inside my can of cola
Speaker 1: in my hand, Mike and Sean started turning the conversation
Speaker 1: to things I didn't understand. I don't remember exactly what
Speaker 1: they talked about, but I do remember a lot of
Speaker 1: questions about my body, my banana, whether I got erections,
Speaker 1: and if I had ever seen an older boy's banana.
Speaker 1: This turned into them taking their pants off and urging
Speaker 1: me to do the same. I didn't want to, but
Speaker 1: Mike knew I was an insecure little kid. He turned
Speaker 1: on the manipulation. Oh well, I thought you they were
Speaker 1: cool faustus. I guess not. I don't talk to boys
Speaker 1: who aren't cool that kind of cow. I did what
Speaker 1: they asked from that point on, afraid to be uncool
Speaker 1: and not have older boys to talk to anymore. That day,
Speaker 1: all they made me do was touch them. But for
Speaker 1: months afterward, until Mike went away to college, I was
Speaker 1: used by them. Most often it was just Mike about
Speaker 1: half the time, though Sean was involved. He seemed less
Speaker 1: gung ho about assaulting me than Mike did. Without going
Speaker 1: into details, if you can imagine something close relationship a
Speaker 1: nineteen year old could do to an eight year old,
Speaker 1: he did it to me. The weirdest part about it
Speaker 1: all was though I hated it when it was happening,
Speaker 1: I missed it when it was over. I felt special
Speaker 1: when Mike would invite me into his house when he
Speaker 1: left for college, and when Shawn completely ignored me. After
Speaker 1: Mike was gone, I felt lonely and unwanted again. I
Speaker 1: never told my parents to this day, more than thirty
Speaker 1: years after the fact, they don't know that it happened.
Speaker 1: Mike and Shawn never faced any sort of repercussions for
Speaker 1: what they did to me, though. Oh in a small
Speaker 1: bit of justice, Mike did end up going to prison
Speaker 1: about ten years ago for doing the same thing to
Speaker 1: another boy. There are probably more than just that boy
Speaker 1: and me, but at least he finally got caught for
Speaker 1: hurting someone. Story fourteen. When I was around five or six,
Speaker 1: my mom and dad were fighting just about every day.
Speaker 1: While I was napping on the couch when my mom
Speaker 1: came in very upset and she shook me away. She
Speaker 1: asked me if I saw the girl my dad brought home.
Speaker 1: I've always felt terrible for this BC I hadn't seen
Speaker 1: anyone but my dad that whole day. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: he was just playing video games like usual, but for
Speaker 1: some reason in my sleepy kid brain, I answered yes,
Speaker 1: I said she was with him in their room. I'm
Speaker 1: honestly not sure why I lied like that, but they
Speaker 1: got a divorce shortly after, and I always felt like
Speaker 1: it was my fault until I recently found out my
Speaker 1: little sister is actually my half sister. But that's a
Speaker 1: whole other story. Edit for clarification. My dad had been
Speaker 1: cheating with my mom's sister and my mom was cheating
Speaker 1: with one of their friends to get back at him.
Speaker 1: She thought he was cheating with a different girl, but
Speaker 1: found out later it was my ane. Honestly, their relationship
Speaker 1: was on its way out. I don't feel bad about
Speaker 1: it now since a few years ago we found out
Speaker 1: my little sister is my half sister from the affair
Speaker 1: my mom had. Story fifteen. This first part isn't exactly dark,
Speaker 1: but when I was a kid around nine or so,
Speaker 1: my cousin, who was twelve at the time, would make
Speaker 1: out with me. I didn't really know better at that age,
Speaker 1: but thought I'd be in trouble if I talked about it.
Speaker 1: For whatever reason, About six years went by before I
Speaker 1: saw him again, and it was never brought up, never mentioned.
Speaker 1: He was like a totally different person. I sometimes wonder
Speaker 1: if it even happened. My memory isn't very reliable, and
Speaker 1: it was so long ago now I'm in my twenty
Speaker 1: ass Fast forward a little bit more, and I found
Speaker 1: out he passed away a couple of years ago. While
Speaker 1: cleaning a gun, accidentally shot himself. My great aunt, who's
Speaker 1: his grandma and who basically raised him, believes wholeheartedly that
Speaker 1: it was an accident, but I suspect it wasn't. He
Speaker 1: grew up around guns and knowing how they work and
Speaker 1: how to empty them and everything. I find the odds
Speaker 1: that he accidentally forgot to empty the chamber pretty low.
Speaker 1: I also know he was struggling with depression and brain
Speaker 1: damage from a car accident a year prior, but I
Speaker 1: won't tell my aunt any of this. I think it
Speaker 1: would break her heart at it. About the first part,
Speaker 1: I don't really know how I feel about it nowadays.
Speaker 1: It's just a thing that happened. I struggled with some
Speaker 1: weird negative emotions about it for a while, but it's
Speaker 1: so far gone in the past, and I live half
Speaker 1: a country away that it's easier to just not think
Speaker 1: about it about the second. I know accidentally shooting yourself
Speaker 1: is more common that it seems, but I have plenty
Speaker 1: of reason to believe it was suicide. I don't really
Speaker 1: want to break down the paragraphs of details, but he
Speaker 1: had a pretty massive accident a year prior, leaving him
Speaker 1: with brain damage, and it messed up a lot of
Speaker 1: his goals in life. That plus the depression he dealt
Speaker 1: with in other factors, I think it was suicide. I
Speaker 1: hope it wasn't. Story sixteen. My uncle owned an old
Speaker 1: Camaro that collected dust in his garage. When I was
Speaker 1: around ten, My family and I were in town visiting
Speaker 1: and I wrote the word fudge in the dust on
Speaker 1: the hood of the car. I used my thumbs so
Speaker 1: that the letters were fatter than my normal index finger.
Speaker 1: A few hours later, my aunt uncle asked us who
Speaker 1: did it, and I proved it wasn't me by showing
Speaker 1: how the person who did it had bigger fingers than me.
Speaker 1: Taking that cow to my grave. Edit this blew up.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty three now and the entire family definitely knows
Speaker 1: it was me. It's an inside joke now where someone
Speaker 1: tries to get me to admit to it and I
Speaker 1: never will. Story seventeen. I've been accessory to both my
Speaker 1: parents' infidelity. At age five, my mother cheated on my
Speaker 1: dad while he was deployed, and my brother told me
Speaker 1: what was happening and that I shouldn't tell anyone. My
Speaker 1: father slept with his secretary two years later for a
Speaker 1: few years and would even bring me on dates with her,
Speaker 1: telling my mother we were going to the movies. He
Speaker 1: took me to her house and had her roommate watch
Speaker 1: me while they went out or just hung out in
Speaker 1: her room. They're still married. I don't know if either
Speaker 1: no the other did the thing or if they still
Speaker 1: are doing the thing. Edit to everyone saying maybe they're
Speaker 1: in an open or polly relationship, Sure, maybe they are,
Speaker 1: but I doubt it considering their views on most everything. Also,
Speaker 1: if they were in one, then they should have explained
Speaker 1: it to us instead of sneaking around and telling us
Speaker 1: not to tell the other parent and maybe don't bring
Speaker 1: your kid on your house dates. So yeah, maybe they were,
Speaker 1: But if they were, then I amo their behavior goes
Speaker 1: from poor for involving their kids and their infidelity to
Speaker 1: poor that they involved their kids in a lifestyle without
Speaker 1: explaining it to them and making their kids think that
Speaker 1: they were cheating on each other. Story eighteen that I
Speaker 1: didn't graduate from college. I failed one course my senior year,
Speaker 1: second semester. The ceremony was already set up, so they
Speaker 1: let everyone walk. I had no diploma in my award.
Speaker 1: Nobody knows to this day and it's been seventeen years.
Speaker 1: Failed one course, three credits, was ashamed, so I never
Speaker 1: went back for those three credits, so everyone believes I graduated.
Speaker 1: Edit Holy Cow, got a lot of responses from this.
Speaker 1: Currently working, but we'll get back to everyone as soon
Speaker 1: as I am able. Edit too, still working on getting
Speaker 1: back to everybody. I can't believe that so many went
Speaker 1: through the same situation as myself. I thought there may
Speaker 1: be a handful of people. All of you are great,
Speaker 1: and I appreciate all the advice. It has a lot,
Speaker 1: quite literally changed my perspective on a couple of things.
Speaker 1: Thank you all for the information resources and above all,
Speaker 1: your personal experiences. Story nineteen funny, lighthearted story from my childhood.
Speaker 1: My little brother was in the shower. I could hear
Speaker 1: him singing. I put a coat on backwards and a
Speaker 1: stocking cap pulled over my face and waited outside the
Speaker 1: bathroom door. He opened the door, still singing and dancing
Speaker 1: kind of, and I did the Frankenstein thing, arms out, moaning. Uh.
Speaker 1: He screamed and fell backwards, knocking the toilet completely over.
Speaker 1: Water went everywhere, the top of the toilet tank broke,
Speaker 1: shower curtain ripped down, and him laying on the floor.
Speaker 1: In the middle of all this, I ran back down
Speaker 1: the hall, coat and hat off and sauntered back casually.
Speaker 1: By then, my mother and father and our sisters were there,
Speaker 1: and everyone is like, you know, what the hell. I've
Speaker 1: heard him tell this story as proof of the existence
Speaker 1: of ghosts. To this day, Little Feller is now a
Speaker 1: fifty two year old bank manager with two kids. He
Speaker 1: believes in ghosts. I don't feel a bit bad story twenty.
Speaker 1: Cutting off my dad was the best decision I've made.
Speaker 1: I hope it terminates him inside every day to not
Speaker 1: know how his only child and only grandchild are doing.
Speaker 1: I tried for years to have a relationship with him,
Speaker 1: since age ten until eighteen. From ten to thirteen, he
Speaker 1: would tell me he wished I would have passed away.
Speaker 1: When I was sick as a kindergartener because I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have tattled and ruined his marriage to my mom. I
Speaker 1: tried multiple times, but was unsuccessful. I asterisk still asterisk
Speaker 1: tried to have a relationship with him for my mom
Speaker 1: to help her financially, and would visit him for months.
Speaker 1: He'd keep me locked in a closet for hours at
Speaker 1: age fourteen. From sixteen eighteen. He thought throwing money around
Speaker 1: would help me, but I was already working by then
Speaker 1: and it didn't matter. I still have my daily battle
Speaker 1: where I ask myself if he's right or not. But
Speaker 1: I see my kid and I can't imagine thinking such
Speaker 1: vile things about them at that age like my dad
Speaker 1: did about me. Story twenty one. I was drinking with
Speaker 1: my ex in her room when I was nineteen years old,
Speaker 1: she was twenty three. All of a sudden, I started
Speaker 1: seeing images of my uncle, who passed away when I
Speaker 1: was thirteen. In my grandmother's bathroom. He was motioning me
Speaker 1: into the shower and telling me to touch his banana.
Speaker 1: I felt like I was five years old seeing that. Luckily,
Speaker 1: my ex was really great and realized I was having
Speaker 1: a full on anxiety attack. During that moment, I was
Speaker 1: holding my knees, rocking back and forth with my eyes closed.
Speaker 1: She asked me what was happening, and I was able
Speaker 1: to dictate what I was seeing. I was probably in
Speaker 1: the best place for this to have happened. I still
Speaker 1: don't know what that was all about. I don't know
Speaker 1: if it was real or something my brain made up
Speaker 1: in a drunken state. It's almost been ten years since
Speaker 1: story twenty two. When my grandpa was on his deathbed
Speaker 1: he admitted to terminating fellow marines in the Vietnam War
Speaker 1: for torturing and assaulting young girls. Most of our family
Speaker 1: doesn't know. Edit. Wow, didn't expect this to blow up, lol,
Speaker 1: Thank you for all the awards. My grandpa was a
Speaker 1: pretty cool guy, very calm, mellow, so my mom and
Speaker 1: I were shocked when he admitted this to us. He
Speaker 1: was a gunsmith his whole life and was very proud
Speaker 1: of being a marine, but the guilt he carried from
Speaker 1: the war made him believe he was being punished. In
Speaker 1: the end, he passed away a really painful and traumatic
Speaker 1: death that I would never wish on anybody. I hope
Speaker 1: it lets him rest easier in peace. That the majority
Speaker 1: of you commend what he did. I certainly never held
Speaker 1: any qualms about it. Story twenty three NSFW warning that
Speaker 1: I am a meth and close relationship addict and I
Speaker 1: am a boy. I used to be addicted to hookups
Speaker 1: and close relationship only, but when pandemic began, social isolation
Speaker 1: made me try KEEM close relationships, specifically meth. My friends
Speaker 1: and family do not know about my attractiveness, let alone
Speaker 1: my struggle with addiction. They see me as a sane
Speaker 1: and sordid guy since I am the breadwinner, and I
Speaker 1: can say I am pretty responsible and reliable. During my
Speaker 1: addiction period, I was able to secure new job, promotion
Speaker 1: and raise, so really no one did suspect because of
Speaker 1: my KEM close relationship addiction. I had many risk in
Speaker 1: counters and I got all sort of STIs. I was
Speaker 1: on prep to protect me from HIV, but I did
Speaker 1: got gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and the worst was anal warts.
Speaker 1: My anal Warts required me to undergo surgery, and I
Speaker 1: think it was one of the lowest point of my life.
Speaker 1: I had to go to surgery alone, I did not
Speaker 1: tell anyone about it, and I had to endure the
Speaker 1: pre and post surgery recovery by myself. I thought, after
Speaker 1: all these I will change, But even after my surgery,
Speaker 1: I relapsed several times. It actually had made my anal
Speaker 1: canal tight, which the doctor said would be permanent. So
Speaker 1: I cannot have anal close relationship now. Part of me
Speaker 1: regret having the surgery not knowing it could happen, and
Speaker 1: other part is thankful that at least I can't have
Speaker 1: risky hookups anymore. Story twenty four. My to the sky
Speaker 1: depression isn't gone. I've just accepted that I have to
Speaker 1: wait to pass away of natural causes, because terminating myself
Speaker 1: would scar my family and most people who know me
Speaker 1: for life. Edit. I appreciate all the support, and I'm
Speaker 1: glad for those that find comfort in not being alone
Speaker 1: and feeling this way. FAQ. No, this isn't passive to
Speaker 1: the sky ideation, as I've attempted twice before and still
Speaker 1: have active thoughts sometimes. Yes, I am in therapy and
Speaker 1: have tried medication, exercise, etc. No, I don't want to
Speaker 1: try microdosing psychoactive substances, as I have psychotic depression, meaning
Speaker 1: I'm prone to hallucinations and such if pressed. Story twenty five.
Speaker 1: My son will never know how much I can't stand
Speaker 1: as idiot friend from next door. The kid is legitimately
Speaker 1: stupid and so confident, which makes it worse. Edit since
Speaker 1: I got a lot of up votes, let me elaborate.
Speaker 1: He's not a bad kid. He's not malicious or a
Speaker 1: troll or anything. He just has zero common sense or
Speaker 1: ability to do the simplest tasks. He constantly talks, and
Speaker 1: when he does, it's either about absolutely nothing or it's
Speaker 1: just a bunch of wrong info. And he never leaves
Speaker 1: me alone unless I'm a bit terse and short with him.
Speaker 1: My kid is a few years younger than him and
Speaker 1: has more sense. I feel like I can leave my
Speaker 1: kid alone in the house for thirty minutes if I
Speaker 1: absolutely had to. I felt like if I left this
Speaker 1: kid alone for just ten minutes, he'd break something due
Speaker 1: to pure idiocy. Story twenty six. I love my kids
Speaker 1: so much, but I hate being a parent. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: miss my life before kids a lot, And I hate
Speaker 1: saying that because I really do have great kids. They're
Speaker 1: just a lot at it. Thank you guys, so so
Speaker 1: flipping much. I am in tears right now. I honestly
Speaker 1: have felt so oh no alone for so long about
Speaker 1: this because when I try to talk about it with
Speaker 1: my loved ones or people i'm close to, I just
Speaker 1: get judged so bad. And I just really appreciate you
Speaker 1: guys for understanding, relating to me, sharing your experiences and
Speaker 1: advice and words of encouragement. It means so much. I'm
Speaker 1: not alone in this because I really do love my
Speaker 1: kids so much and I would do absolutely anything for them.
Speaker 1: It's just so flipping hard being a parent sometimes. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys again. Story twenty seven. When I was ten,
Speaker 1: I was the victim of serial child molester, a teacher,
Speaker 1: a woman, and no one believe me. This is an
Speaker 1: important detail as to why I did what I would
Speaker 1: later do. Several years ago, I saw her while I
Speaker 1: was shopping. First I was afraid. Then I realized I
Speaker 1: was not ten anymore. I was a twenty five year
Speaker 1: old adult male. I became angry. I stalked her for weeks,
Speaker 1: saw her working as a teacher. Still found her on
Speaker 1: social media. Catfished my way into the Cougar dating FB
Speaker 1: group she was in. Learned she had victimized more kids
Speaker 1: since she had lost me as her pet. She called
Speaker 1: her victims her teacher pets. After I was sure of
Speaker 1: everything and had gathered my information. I plastered her neighborhood
Speaker 1: with her private FB group posts about how much she
Speaker 1: loves the feeling of power as she pins the little
Speaker 1: cubs to the desk in her office. The flyers had
Speaker 1: her face, her address, her phone number, and a bunch
Speaker 1: of other stuff. This isn't a dark secret, really, because
Speaker 1: if I get caught, so what I outed a loud
Speaker 1: and proud cub hunter. Edit. As I can't reply to
Speaker 1: all individually, I'm going to put this here. One. Yes,
Speaker 1: I did report her in the FB group. The group
Speaker 1: no longer exists and hasn't since I did this. Two.
Speaker 1: I am now in my thirties and this revenge was
Speaker 1: seven years ago. Three she moved not long after I
Speaker 1: did this, But I can't say that my actions are
Speaker 1: the reason. Four. I have not continued to follow her,
Speaker 1: as my mental health takes priority and the actions I
Speaker 1: took back then for my revenge actually caused a bit
Speaker 1: of relapse on my depression. Five. I reported her when
Speaker 1: I was ten, and again when I found her living
Speaker 1: in the same town when I was twenty five. The
Speaker 1: group chat logs the Facebook's posts and all information was
Speaker 1: turned over to the local police via throwaway e mail.
Speaker 1: To my knowledge, nothing was ever done on the matter.
Speaker 1: Six I didn't terminate her or cause her physical harm
Speaker 1: because I have a life, and while it isn't all
Speaker 1: that great, it's a lot better than prison. Story twenty eight.
Speaker 1: My only child, who is twenty three, has schizophrenia. He
Speaker 1: was diagnosed a year and a half ago. He is
Speaker 1: at a point where he is stabilized. But because he
Speaker 1: has stabilized, he understands the road that he has in
Speaker 1: front of him, and of course it's devastating for him.
Speaker 1: I am no longer married to his father, but we
Speaker 1: co parent extremely well and we are rallying around him
Speaker 1: the best that we can. Having said all of this,
Speaker 1: if my son were to follow through with his to
Speaker 1: the sky ideation, my dark secret is I completely understand
Speaker 1: because he would be out of his pain, and although
Speaker 1: it would completely destroy both of us, he would be
Speaker 1: more at peace than he is now. This kid is
Speaker 1: my life and my light, but him being at peace
Speaker 1: is something that I don't know that medication, or his
Speaker 1: parents or environment can give him, and that is the
Speaker 1: worst possible feeling you can have as a parent. Story
Speaker 1: twenty nine. Two Days before my dad took his life,
Speaker 1: he called me telling me what he wanted to do.
Speaker 1: He had been calling me and telling me how depressed
Speaker 1: he was for months, and I was sick of hearing it,
Speaker 1: and I hung up on him. I hung up on
Speaker 1: my to the sky father. He then terminated himself on
Speaker 1: my seventeenth birthday. Everybody in the family thinks it was
Speaker 1: coincidence that he took his life on my birthday, but
Speaker 1: I know the real reason. I've never told a single
Speaker 1: member of my family, as I know they would blame me,
Speaker 1: especially my brother. Ever since he took his life, I
Speaker 1: have this recurring nightmare of seeing my dad in a
Speaker 1: grocery store passing at the other end of the aisle.
Speaker 1: He's pushing an empty shopping cart and briefly looks at
Speaker 1: me at the other end of the aisle, but keeps going.
Speaker 1: When I run to where he was, he's now at
Speaker 1: the other end aisle. Rinse and repeat until up, wake up, screaming.
Speaker 1: Some secrets will haunt you until you pass away. Story thirty.
Speaker 1: After my parents got divorced, my stepdad basically moved right
Speaker 1: in and started six siily abusing me. I knew it
Speaker 1: was wrong, deep down somewhere, but figured since he was
Speaker 1: an adult, he knew what he was doing and to
Speaker 1: trust him. One night, my sister caught him red handed
Speaker 1: and flipped out and told my mom. Cops came and
Speaker 1: he got arrested. I was only like nine, ten years old,
Speaker 1: so a lot of it is a blur. At first,
Speaker 1: my mom had me sleeping in bed with her at
Speaker 1: night and was babying me, and I loved it. One day,
Speaker 1: months later, we were walking home from school and we
Speaker 1: saw me dad's van sitting outside of our house. We
Speaker 1: weren't allowed in, and we saw garbage bags sitting outside.
Speaker 1: My dad told us that my mom had called him
Speaker 1: earlier in the week and told him that if he
Speaker 1: didn't come and get us, she'd get rid of us.
Speaker 1: She wouldn't come out and talk to us, and I cried.
Speaker 1: My dad lived in another state, so this meant we'd
Speaker 1: have to leave our friends and our hometown. Our friends
Speaker 1: ran after the van as we drove away. For a
Speaker 1: few years, she wouldn't talk to us BC she had
Speaker 1: allowed my stepdad to come back and that's why she
Speaker 1: stayed away. Guess she didn't want to face us after
Speaker 1: what she'd done. She'd chosen a man who'd abused her
Speaker 1: child over her own children. Eventually we had a relationship
Speaker 1: with her again, but she was so sick. The funny
Speaker 1: thing is that she's in a really high up position
Speaker 1: for one of the largest banks in America. Professionally, people
Speaker 1: think she's amazing. She's a monster. I finally had the
Speaker 1: courage to cut her out when I went into recovery
Speaker 1: from candy addiction eleven years ago and havn't spoken to
Speaker 1: her since. A few people know this story, but not many,
Speaker 1: and it felt good to get it out to the world.
Speaker 1: My life has flourished since cutting her off. People always
Speaker 1: say how I need my mom lool. Don't be scared
Speaker 1: to boot family out of your life, just b c
Speaker 1: their family. Thanks for allowing me to share this Reddit
Speaker 1: eat it first and foremost. Thank you all so much
Speaker 1: for all of the love and support, the awards and messages.
Speaker 1: I figured this would get buried in the post, and
Speaker 1: then I heard my phone going mad Lowell, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Some clarifications. The trash bags were
Speaker 1: the clothes my mother had gotten together for us. My
Speaker 1: brother and I each had one bag full of clothes,
Speaker 1: and none of our other belongings. My father was poor.
Speaker 1: We barely had running water and lived in a little
Speaker 1: log cabin in rural ne Epaus. He struggled with alcoholism
Speaker 1: for years and had anger, resentments and shame for not
Speaker 1: terminating my stepfather, also for not saving us sooner. The
Speaker 1: women he was with left him when he gained custody
Speaker 1: of us, and he almost passed away from that. He
Speaker 1: got pneumonia and we had to help him through it.
Speaker 1: I was picked on for a few years at first
Speaker 1: because we were clearly very poor and kids are dicks.
Speaker 1: I eventually started fighting back, and then I started to
Speaker 1: get into a lot of fights. It was a way
Speaker 1: to have control, and in my traumatized adolescent mind, if
Speaker 1: people were afraid of me, then I'd never get hurt again.
Speaker 1: My addiction was al of having no coping skills and
Speaker 1: not wanting to feel the disgust I had for myself
Speaker 1: and shame. I wound up in jail in twenty eleven,
Speaker 1: and that started my recovery journey. I had no contact
Speaker 1: with my dad for almost ten years, and then I
Speaker 1: made amends with him in twenty eighteen, and he was
Speaker 1: sober and we became closer in that time. Than we'd
Speaker 1: ever been. I cherished that time with him. He sadly
Speaker 1: passed away very unexpectedly, after hitting his head in January
Speaker 1: twenty twenty one, Story thirty one. My mother is a
Speaker 1: monster who began six sially assaulting all of her children
Speaker 1: from the moment we were born. That isn't the secret.
Speaker 1: The secret is that I will spend the rest of
Speaker 1: my life making absolutely certain that she faces consequences for this.
Speaker 1: Right now, she thinks she won. That's necessary. She wormed
Speaker 1: her way out of criminal charges by throwing money at
Speaker 1: a crooked lawyer. She's smug. That's great because very soon
Speaker 1: I will have everything in order to leave this country,
Speaker 1: and once there's an international border between us, I will
Speaker 1: go after her legally with every single breath in my body.
Speaker 1: I've been collecting evidence, and I just found a new
Speaker 1: smoking gun. I have hard proof. Now I will make
Speaker 1: sure that she never has access to children ever again.
Speaker 1: So I hope she enjoys the calm before the storm. Edit.
Speaker 1: I've been looking at these comments in shock for the
Speaker 1: past twenty four hours because I'm completely new to experiencing
Speaker 1: support around this. It's been mostly the opposite. So from
Speaker 1: the bottom of my heart. Thank you. It especially hit
Speaker 1: me hard to see people complimenting my writing because my
Speaker 1: sister and I are writing a television series about our
Speaker 1: experience surviving our mother. Again, thank you. It's difficult to
Speaker 1: express how much the support touches us both. We're in
Speaker 1: the final stages of fixing up an RV to take
Speaker 1: to Canada. Once there, we will expose everything we know.
Speaker 1: We'll definitely post an update when that happens. Story thirty two.
Speaker 1: My finances ain't adding up. I earn wade a little
Speaker 1: cash to be able to live. Ninety five percent of
Speaker 1: my earnings go to bills, and no, I haven't bought anything.
Speaker 1: It's just standard living bills, apartment, electric, phone, internet, CSN,
Speaker 1: study loan. Soon I might lose my apartment and nobody
Speaker 1: I know knows about it. Edit lol, I had misspelled
Speaker 1: lose with loose, and nobody until now said anything fixed
Speaker 1: now edit too. Since I got so many people answering yesterday,
Speaker 1: I wanted to come with an update update. Was at
Speaker 1: a meeting today with local government and it seems I
Speaker 1: will be keeping my apartment as long as I solve
Speaker 1: a few things, which I'm already have begun to do.
Speaker 1: So it looks brighter than yesterday, but winter will be tough,
Speaker 1: like it is for many people this year. Story thirty
Speaker 1: three years ago, a candy dealer that I knew asked
Speaker 1: me to hold onto a package of money for him.
Speaker 1: The guy was straight up bad news, selling candy and cola.
Speaker 1: He was awaiting trial on his third offense and they
Speaker 1: were preparing to put him away for a while. Anyway,
Speaker 1: he figured because I wasn't in the game, that he
Speaker 1: could trust me with the money, and he was right,
Speaker 1: so I said, sure, no problem, and he handed me
Speaker 1: a bag of money that had one hundred and twenty
Speaker 1: five K stack of one hundred dollar bills. It wasn't
Speaker 1: what you'd think either. It was all wrapped up in
Speaker 1: rubber bands and was only about five or six inches thick.
Speaker 1: Every week or so he would ask me to peel
Speaker 1: off five K and meet him somewhere and hand it over.
Speaker 1: This went on for months. Finally, when it was down
Speaker 1: to the last ten K, he got caught selling while
Speaker 1: out on bond, and this time he didn't get out.
Speaker 1: He had a girlfriend who kept calling me asking for
Speaker 1: the rest of the money, but I just blew her off.
Speaker 1: I need that she would just snort or shoot the
Speaker 1: rest of the money. They ended up giving him twenty
Speaker 1: years in prison. One month into his sentence, he hung
Speaker 1: himself dead. I kept that ten k and never told
Speaker 1: a soul story thirty four not really a dark secret,
Speaker 1: just sad. I live in small town where more or
Speaker 1: less everybody knows everyone body or has some connections to.
Speaker 1: I have family and friends, some best, some close, some good,
Speaker 1: and some acquaintances. Lately, I feel like everyone's forgotten about me,
Speaker 1: or they just grew tired of me. They don't include
Speaker 1: me in major or minor gatherings, outings, or events anymore.
Speaker 1: We used to have a group chat, but ever since
Speaker 1: me and one person in the group fought, it's just
Speaker 1: never been the same. I mean, I reached out and
Speaker 1: tried to mend things, but it's just never been the same.
Speaker 1: I feel lonely and depressed, and seeing everyone happy makes
Speaker 1: it worse. Majority of the time I am by myself.
Speaker 1: They sometimes post about their gatherings, and I know that
Speaker 1: they sometimes hide it from me. I know because I
Speaker 1: have a private account that we follow each other, but
Speaker 1: they haven't hid their post from that account. IDK why.
Speaker 1: It just sucks because I thought they were my friends,
Speaker 1: so why do they have to hide it from me?
Speaker 1: I want to disappear when I have the money or opportunity.
Speaker 1: I'm contemplating on cutting and leaving everything behind and start
Speaker 1: from scratch, somewhere else where no one knows me. At
Speaker 1: least there I'll be free. Sorry for the bad English.
Speaker 1: I'm not good with these things. Story thirty five. No
Speaker 1: one is going to read this comment, but I think
Speaker 1: typing it out will help me intellectually. My husband passed
Speaker 1: away in a pretty horrific car accident in twenty sixteen.
Speaker 1: He was thirty two and I was thirty. We hadn't
Speaker 1: been married even two years yet, and it was absolutely
Speaker 1: devastating to me. But we rushed into the marriage, and
Speaker 1: the short time we spent together was a bit tumultuous,
Speaker 1: to say the least. I spent most of my twenties
Speaker 1: as a single mom, barely making over minimum wage. Last
Speaker 1: year I finished my bachelor's degree with high honors. I
Speaker 1: moved to a whole new state with a very cushy job.
Speaker 1: I make three x more than the highest paying job
Speaker 1: I ever had before this. I absolutely love it and
Speaker 1: love that I can do whatever and go wherever. I
Speaker 1: want with my kid. It's something I could only have
Speaker 1: dreamed of six seven years ago. I wouldn't be here
Speaker 1: if he hadn't been in that accident. I'd still be
Speaker 1: doing menial work or being a stay at home mom.
Speaker 1: I feel like I got to restart my life with
Speaker 1: a clean slate, and it's actually going really flipping good.
Speaker 1: The kicker is I now work in the position and
Speaker 1: industry he had hoped to be in one day. I'm
Speaker 1: not thankful he passed away, but I don't miss him
Speaker 1: like I think I'm supposed to. Story thirty six. First,
Speaker 1: I'm not a danger to myself or others, and that's
Speaker 1: not going to change. But beyond that, I'm feeling pretty
Speaker 1: done with life. I've been a chronic pain sufferer for
Speaker 1: almost four years now, severe sciatica, and I'm disabled enough
Speaker 1: there's no way I could work. But I'm not so
Speaker 1: disabled that there's any help available for me beyond what
Speaker 1: provincial health care covers. Since I'm from the US originally,
Speaker 1: I fully wrecked recognize how meaningful healthcare that won't bankrupt
Speaker 1: me is. I love my wife and daughters. I want
Speaker 1: to be there for their milestones, their good days, bad days,
Speaker 1: and really every day. I still manage to do most
Speaker 1: of the shopping and cooking, and I enjoy feeding them
Speaker 1: delicious meals, but I have no desires left for myself
Speaker 1: beyond not being a burden to them. That's my goal,
Speaker 1: improve their lives. However, I can slowly, over the last
Speaker 1: few years, I've just shed and discarded any wants or
Speaker 1: ambitions for myself. I can't bring myself to read books.
Speaker 1: I can't even watch movies or TV shows that are
Speaker 1: new to me. In many cases, I recognize a desire
Speaker 1: to watch them, but I usually can't bring myself to
Speaker 1: do it. I'll have to pay attention, and that's just
Speaker 1: so hard. The willpower to really focus on something is
Speaker 1: less easily found these days, so I most often wind
Speaker 1: up rewatching things I've already seen, or listening to the
Speaker 1: same bands and same songs I've listened to for years.
Speaker 1: I occasionally treat myself to something new, but in the evenings,
Speaker 1: my wife and I usually watch something new together. I
Speaker 1: save my focus for then so I can enjoy that
Speaker 1: time with her. The rest of the day, I just exist.
Speaker 1: It would be heartbreaking if she knew I felt this way.
Speaker 1: If there was a solution I'd take it, but everything
Speaker 1: that can be done has been done. My condition is degenerative,
Speaker 1: so it's just going to get worse. But I have
Speaker 1: time still, and I intend to use that time to
Speaker 1: make sure I'm a net positive to the household and
Speaker 1: not just a drain. It's bad enough I haven't been
Speaker 1: able to bring in a paycheck for years, but there
Speaker 1: are still ways I can help, and I do. Story
Speaker 1: thirty seven. I have a son. Nobody but me and
Speaker 1: the mother knows. The mother was a really, really good
Speaker 1: friend who was somewhat homely and never had a BF
Speaker 1: and was in her early forties. She always wanted a
Speaker 1: husband and a child, but decided at this point if
Speaker 1: she couldn't get a husband, then she would have a child.
Speaker 1: Twelve K dollars later, she gets artificially inseminated with a
Speaker 1: whopping twelve percent chance of it taking. Well, it doesn't take,
Speaker 1: and she's on a teacher's salary and her dream of
Speaker 1: kids and marriage is drifting away, and especially with the kid,
Speaker 1: time is of the essence. So I stepped up. We
Speaker 1: hashed it all out, and we decided the story would
Speaker 1: be she got artificially inseminated and doesn't know the father.
Speaker 1: We went to a lawyer and paid a good little
Speaker 1: amount to basically absolve me of responsibility. To this day,
Speaker 1: I see it like I donated to a bank and
Speaker 1: somebody used my It would have been twelve ka pop
Speaker 1: every time she tried, and with this method she could
Speaker 1: try as many times as it took. Luckily, it only
Speaker 1: took a couple tries. We'd wait till she was ovulating
Speaker 1: and I'd donate. So ye, technically I have a son,
Speaker 1: but everybody thinks I'm childless. Story thirty eight. Not me,
Speaker 1: but a close friend of mine. She tried one of
Speaker 1: those twenty three and me DNA tests to learn a
Speaker 1: little bit more about her genetic predisposition and stuff. When
Speaker 1: she got her results back, she saw that she had
Speaker 1: a distant relative that lived in NY. She figured it
Speaker 1: might be some cousin of something she's never met. We're
Speaker 1: both South Asian, so we have huge families. A few
Speaker 1: weeks go by and she receives a friend request on
Speaker 1: Facebook from a guy sharing her last name. He actually
Speaker 1: DMS her with a story along the lines of Hi,
Speaker 1: I know this is crazy, but I think you might
Speaker 1: be my half sister. My friend immediately freaks out and
Speaker 1: is super doubtful of the entire thought of this stranger
Speaker 1: being related. She tries to ghost him, but the guy
Speaker 1: and his wife attempt to reach her through all social
Speaker 1: media platforms, trying to connect. The guy's story is that
Speaker 1: when my friend's father immigrated from back home in the
Speaker 1: late eighty ees, he had an affair with a woman
Speaker 1: in NY. The dad apparently moved to a different state
Speaker 1: before the guy was born and doesn't even know he exists.
Speaker 1: The guy is now trying to confirm who his father is,
Speaker 1: hence the twenty three and me test. He also drops
Speaker 1: really specific and accurate information about my friend's father, which
Speaker 1: led the two of us to believe he was actually
Speaker 1: telling the truth. A few days go on, and I
Speaker 1: convince my friend to confront her dad in private about
Speaker 1: the situation. I don't know the details of that conversation,
Speaker 1: only that her dad was shell shocked and moved out
Speaker 1: of their house for a little while. This was a
Speaker 1: few years ago, and all seems good now with my
Speaker 1: friend and her family, but I don't dare to ever
Speaker 1: bring that up. Story thirty nine. I purposely tanked a
Speaker 1: church's finances well while I was the treasurer. Both pastors
Speaker 1: were making obscene amounts of money for the lack of
Speaker 1: work they were doing. They were misusing funds to the
Speaker 1: tune of dollar five k a month. One pastor refused
Speaker 1: to abide by the direction of the board not to
Speaker 1: give money to certain individuals. None of the board members
Speaker 1: wanted to be the bad guy. The pastors technically weren't
Speaker 1: doing anything illegal. It was morally reprehensible. It happened ten
Speaker 1: years ago, and everyone that isn't in the no thinks
Speaker 1: I made a few clerical errors that nearly put the
Speaker 1: church under I'm a fairly hated person by a lot
Speaker 1: of people to this day, but super respected by a
Speaker 1: handful of people that knew that I did it on
Speaker 1: purpose to expose them. Pastors couldn't get the authorities involved
Speaker 1: because they know I would sink both of their careers
Speaker 1: and family dynamics. No regrets at all what I did.
Speaker 1: I'm super successful career wise after the fact. Story forty.
Speaker 1: My daughter is not biologically mine. Been with same girls
Speaker 1: since twenty eleven. I relapsed hard in twenty eighteen and
Speaker 1: she left me. I got clean and completely one hundred
Speaker 1: and eighty ed my life around. We got back together
Speaker 1: and she was pregnant. We had had four miscarriages, so
Speaker 1: I took it as a blessing. The first time I
Speaker 1: held my daughter, she was maybe a week old and
Speaker 1: had the biggest smile. She only smiled for me, and
Speaker 1: I instantly became dad in that moment. I love her.
Speaker 1: She keeps me clean and makes me want to stride
Speaker 1: as hard as I can every single oh no day.
Speaker 1: Her real dad, I guess, is a meth head and
Speaker 1: has harmed many people. We still live in the same
Speaker 1: state and within fifty miles of him, and he has
Speaker 1: no idea I'm in the picture. It's getting scary, and
Speaker 1: I can't seem to get my wife to want to
Speaker 1: move out quickly. Daughter is almost four, so soon we'll
Speaker 1: be saying my name and understanding that I am dad. Oh,
Speaker 1: and my mom and dad don't know, more so my dad,
Speaker 1: because I have no idea how they would react since
Speaker 1: my mom kept me from my dad for eighteen years.
Speaker 1: It all hurts every day and I just want to
Speaker 1: leave this place and move far away so I feel
Speaker 1: safe with my daughter. I love y'all. I haven't told anyone,
Speaker 1: even my friends. I work in construction in and seems
Speaker 1: like raising a kid that isn't yours is one of
Speaker 1: the biggest taboos there is. Yeah, it makes me feel
Speaker 1: like I'm a weak, little bad person some times, but
Speaker 1: nothing matters more to me than my daughter.