WEBVTT 1 00:00:09.080 --> 00:00:14.919 This is a studio both and production. As you know, 2 00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:19.679 we are celebrating my tenth year in podcasting and we're 3 00:00:19.679 --> 00:00:22.879 capping that celebration off with a three day event here 4 00:00:22.960 --> 00:00:26.160 in the Berkshires over the weekend of September twenty fifth. 5 00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:30.679 There will be studio sessions, live shows, a Bravo town hall, 6 00:00:30.879 --> 00:00:35.479 Berkshire activities like foraging, wine tasting, museum visits and more, 7 00:00:35.679 --> 00:00:38.439 and tons of special guests. Will do the Karen and 8 00:00:38.479 --> 00:00:42.039 Ellen Letters Live starring Amanda Jacobson from Wine and Crime, 9 00:00:42.359 --> 00:00:47.079 Tawny plattis famous renowned voice actress, and Chris Brayton from 10 00:00:47.079 --> 00:00:51.159 the More Gooder Than podcast. I'll be doing a very special, 11 00:00:51.359 --> 00:00:56.000 first time ever live show of the Pact with special 12 00:00:56.039 --> 00:00:59.600 guest Patrick Hines from True Crime Obsessed. We'll do a 13 00:00:59.640 --> 00:01:04.959 panel discussion on Unsafe Spaces featuring me, Kaz, Charlie Wirrel 14 00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:08.359 from Crime Lines, and Justin and Aaron from Generation Why. 15 00:01:08.760 --> 00:01:12.439 There will even be a live episode of Our Americana 16 00:01:12.680 --> 00:01:17.599 and a very cool Playlist by TCB episode featuring me 17 00:01:17.920 --> 00:01:20.480 and the entire research team. Guests, we'll get to check 18 00:01:20.480 --> 00:01:23.480 out my new speakeasy, the green Room, tour the studio 19 00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:27.040 and get elbow deep in the research process. This is 20 00:01:27.079 --> 00:01:29.159 a once in a lifetime event where you'll get to 21 00:01:29.439 --> 00:01:33.439 enjoy the berkshers, share fun activities with the podcast hosts 22 00:01:33.439 --> 00:01:37.239 you love the most, and really dig into podcasting and 23 00:01:37.319 --> 00:01:40.799 all the shows I have produced along with my friends. 24 00:01:41.159 --> 00:01:43.560 Book your tickets today by clicking the link in the 25 00:01:43.599 --> 00:01:46.319 show notes. And if that doesn't work for you, why 26 00:01:46.359 --> 00:01:50.200 don't you think about? If not now when? For example, 27 00:01:50.599 --> 00:01:54.799 we are going to the Galapagos Islands January eleventh through seventeenth. 28 00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:57.599 Haven't you always wanted to go? And if not now, 29 00:01:58.040 --> 00:02:01.040 when will you go? And wouldn't you go during the 30 00:02:01.079 --> 00:02:04.040 winter here in the States to escape to the warmth 31 00:02:04.519 --> 00:02:08.759 with like minded new friends who love true crime bullshit 32 00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:11.879 as much as you do, but also love the experience 33 00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:15.240 of travel, seeing animals and getting away from it all. 34 00:02:15.319 --> 00:02:19.080 These Trova trips have made me lifelong friends. They are 35 00:02:19.159 --> 00:02:21.879 such a great way to meet new people, get out 36 00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:25.680 of your world and shake things up. And like I said, 37 00:02:25.879 --> 00:02:27.759 if you're not going to go to the Galopagos now, 38 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:31.879 will you ever? Book your trip today by clicking the 39 00:02:31.919 --> 00:02:41.560 link in the show notes, And now here's the show. 40 00:02:44.159 --> 00:02:59.159 This is a studio both and production the first season 41 00:02:59.240 --> 00:03:02.240 of True Crime Bolo Bullshit was a very strange time 42 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:06.360 in my life. I found that I was using the 43 00:03:06.439 --> 00:03:09.800 show to work through a lot of my own experiences, 44 00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:15.159 while also using many of those same experiences to work 45 00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:21.039 through the show. Following my mental health crisis and years 46 00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:25.120 of pouring myself into the Keys Case, I found myself 47 00:03:25.199 --> 00:03:32.800 needing space and separation from just about everything. I decided 48 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:36.360 to estrange myself from my mother, who in my opinion, 49 00:03:36.840 --> 00:03:41.680 is a malignant narcissist who created an incredibly toxic environment 50 00:03:41.759 --> 00:03:48.520 growing up and beyond. I stopped drinking, I started therapy 51 00:03:49.400 --> 00:03:54.120 literally and actually through betterhelp, and I left my apartment 52 00:03:54.159 --> 00:03:57.479 in Brooklyn with my partner to live alone for a 53 00:03:57.520 --> 00:04:01.439 few months up in the Berkshires. I needed to be 54 00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:08.039 alone with my thoughts and away from the world. This 55 00:04:08.199 --> 00:04:10.199 was at the height of the success of the Karen 56 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:13.039 and Ellen Letters, and just as True Crime Bullshit was 57 00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:18.959 finding an audience. People were loving both shows. Each show 58 00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:23.720 was building a strong community, and yet I had never 59 00:04:23.759 --> 00:04:31.600 felt more isolated. April of twenty nineteen, five months after 60 00:04:31.639 --> 00:04:36.079 the launch of TCB and three years into podcasting, was 61 00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:40.680 the first month that my podcasting career garnered more than 62 00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:45.240 five hundred dollars. I was still thousands of dollars in 63 00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:50.879 the whole and now adding a monthly Airbnb to that debt. 64 00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:56.120 So I replaced my healing time with hyper focusing on podcasting, 65 00:04:57.879 --> 00:05:02.240 because for once I could almost see the financial light 66 00:05:02.319 --> 00:05:07.399 at the end of the debt tunnel. The Karen and 67 00:05:07.399 --> 00:05:09.639 Ellen letters had just ended, and I was trying to 68 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:12.480 find a way to extend its success by creating a 69 00:05:12.519 --> 00:05:16.360 third season, while also working on a new season of 70 00:05:16.399 --> 00:05:20.000 Our Americana, which would become its last for a while, 71 00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:25.959 its shortest and also its best season. And I was 72 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:29.800 recording weekly new episodes of Playlist and still deep in 73 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:34.240 the trenches of all Things israel Keys, but still half 74 00:05:34.319 --> 00:05:39.879 of season one to finish. I am dumbfounded now by 75 00:05:39.920 --> 00:05:41.839 how much I was able to get done and even 76 00:05:41.879 --> 00:05:44.680 attempt to take on at that specific time in my life, 77 00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:49.920 let alone ever I'd been writing into and working up 78 00:05:49.959 --> 00:05:53.600 to the season one finale of TCB. I Don't Want 79 00:05:53.639 --> 00:05:57.399 Your Voice to Move Me, named after a song by 80 00:05:57.480 --> 00:06:00.360 Laura Gibson that I'd been listening to at nausea to 81 00:06:00.399 --> 00:06:03.079 both help me deal with my estrangement from my mother 82 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:09.519 and get into the headspaces of the women in Keysa's life. 83 00:06:09.560 --> 00:06:12.480 From the outset of writing the first season, I'd always 84 00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:14.720 known that the finale was going to be the most 85 00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:20.000 critical episode. It had to once and for all exonerate 86 00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:26.959 and at least empathetically emancipate Sarah, Tammy and Kimberly while 87 00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:32.079 also highlighting how deep and far trauma extends, which was 88 00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:38.279 both based on actuality and my own projections. Throughout the 89 00:06:38.360 --> 00:06:42.560 late stages of research an entire writing process, I'd been 90 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:46.720 racked with guilt over Sarah, Tammy, Kimberly, and all the 91 00:06:46.759 --> 00:06:51.199 families of all the potential victims. I would be dredging 92 00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:54.439 up their worst moments. I would be bringing them into 93 00:06:54.480 --> 00:06:59.879 the light, and I would arguably partially at least be 94 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:07.240 responsible for how people strangers would perceive them. And I 95 00:07:07.240 --> 00:07:09.920 could never know nor control how they would take those 96 00:07:09.959 --> 00:07:14.879 perceptions out into the world. And it wasn't even something 97 00:07:14.920 --> 00:07:18.800 I ever considered until I was already all the way in. 98 00:07:22.040 --> 00:07:25.759 Through all my research, I developed parasocial relationships with all 99 00:07:25.839 --> 00:07:29.319 of them. I cared for them, I worried about them, 100 00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:34.639 I rooted for them. I loved them, or some version 101 00:07:34.759 --> 00:07:39.839 of love, and yet week after week I was still 102 00:07:39.959 --> 00:07:46.480 pressing publish. My need for answers, my deep empathy, and 103 00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:52.480 my pursuit of success were competing with one another and 104 00:07:52.560 --> 00:07:59.240 eating me alive. I am not a journalist by trade, 105 00:07:59.480 --> 00:08:03.600 and never could be. I get too attached, I care 106 00:08:03.680 --> 00:08:07.680 too much. I keep the stories with me. I try 107 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:11.199 to take on all the pain. And please don't mistake 108 00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:14.759 this for altruism or heroism. It is an often reckless 109 00:08:14.800 --> 00:08:17.600 need to understand and experience that is not my own, 110 00:08:19.160 --> 00:08:22.279 and then a reckless need to help someone I cannot help. 111 00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:27.319 To me. The song I don't want your Voice to 112 00:08:27.399 --> 00:08:32.240 Move Me is many things at once. It is loving 113 00:08:32.279 --> 00:08:35.559 someone so much that their absence will destroy you if 114 00:08:35.600 --> 00:08:39.519 you give it even a moment. It is loving someone 115 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:44.559 who is complicated. It is having your idea of what 116 00:08:44.720 --> 00:08:48.120 love is shaped by someone who doesn't entirely know how 117 00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:54.000 to experience love themselves. It is having the best person 118 00:08:54.039 --> 00:08:57.120 in your life be the worst person in someone else's. 119 00:08:59.080 --> 00:09:01.960 Is trying to separate someone you love from who they 120 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:06.559 are to others from their worst parts. It is trying 121 00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:12.879 desperately not to become the terrible person you love. It 122 00:09:12.960 --> 00:09:15.679 is trying to separate yourself from the worst parts of 123 00:09:15.720 --> 00:09:19.159 the person you love. It is all the pain you 124 00:09:19.200 --> 00:09:23.360 can never quite articulate. It is forgiveness at best, an 125 00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:28.200 attempt to reconcile at worst, and it is lost in 126 00:09:28.240 --> 00:09:32.320 almost every form. I listened to that song through the 127 00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:37.360 ears of Tammy Sarah Kimberly, myself, through the lens of keys, 128 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:45.320 my mother, my partner, my work, over and over again. 129 00:09:51.200 --> 00:09:57.960 I listened as I researched, I listened as I wrote, 130 00:09:58.559 --> 00:10:01.240 I listened as I thought about out what this episode 131 00:10:01.240 --> 00:10:04.879 would do for my career, for the people within it, 132 00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:11.360 for the case, for the listeners. Both the episode and 133 00:10:11.440 --> 00:10:16.879 the song became my obsession. And the bridge, which both 134 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:20.559 evokes all these feelings and sets you firmly in the 135 00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:25.600 Pacific Northwest, breaks me every time, still to this day. 136 00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:30.639 I don't want your boys to move. I don't want 137 00:10:30.759 --> 00:10:36.799 to be cracked open. I don't want the broken headline 138 00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:41.559 flicker the right hinds, the silver side of the moon 139 00:10:41.879 --> 00:10:53.200 behind you. When I find you, Frog and Storm, we 140 00:10:53.559 --> 00:11:07.240 only spoke and never sorry, those of us by loss. 141 00:11:07.679 --> 00:11:08.600 I don't want you. 142 00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:19.559 I've become someone quite comfortably comfortable in sadness, and I 143 00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:21.799 think that's what got me through the first few years 144 00:11:21.799 --> 00:11:33.440 of TCB sadness, isolation, unrelenting and often damaging empathy, and 145 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:35.679 the episode I Don't Want Your Voice to Move Me 146 00:11:35.960 --> 00:11:38.759 is one that lives in me because the goal of 147 00:11:38.799 --> 00:11:41.440 the show has always been to identify keys as victims, 148 00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:45.720 but the show itself has always been about Sarah and 149 00:11:45.759 --> 00:11:53.600 Tammy and Kim and complicated love. Here is the season 150 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:56.639 one finale of True Crime bullshit, I Don't Want Your 151 00:11:56.720 --> 00:12:04.519 Voice to Move Me. We've ever had one of those incredible, amazing, 152 00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:08.080 legendary nights with your friends, the kind you'll be retelling 153 00:12:08.120 --> 00:12:13.360 for years, where there's laughter, honesty, everyone dropping their guard 154 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:16.279 at the same time. That's exactly what happened to me 155 00:12:16.480 --> 00:12:20.360 the first time I've tried psilocybin from Schedule thirty five. 156 00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:24.000 It wasn't about tripping at all. It was about connecting. 157 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:27.320 We were listening to each other, laughing until our face 158 00:12:27.399 --> 00:12:29.559 is hurt, and remembering what it feels like to be 159 00:12:29.639 --> 00:12:32.600 fully present with the people you love, kind of like 160 00:12:32.840 --> 00:12:35.919 just being with your friends without all the other bullshit 161 00:12:35.960 --> 00:12:38.279 that lives inside your head. Ninety percent of the time 162 00:12:38.759 --> 00:12:42.519 since then, I've microdosed on heavy days to find clarity 163 00:12:43.159 --> 00:12:46.000 and take in recreational doses when I need to reset 164 00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:50.600 and feel human again. Schedule thirty five doses every product precisely, 165 00:12:51.240 --> 00:12:53.679 so whether it's a microdose or a bigger journey, you 166 00:12:53.759 --> 00:12:56.559 always know exactly what you're getting and where it can take. 167 00:12:56.600 --> 00:12:56.720 You. 168 00:12:57.159 --> 00:13:00.559 Go to Schedule thirty five dot co and U code 169 00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:05.639 TCBs for fifteen percent off your first order. That's Schedule 170 00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:10.919 thirty five dot co code TCBs for fifteen percent off. 171 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:14.279 It's August and it is the perfect time to hit 172 00:13:14.360 --> 00:13:17.840 reset before the autumn rush begins. And honestly, I can't 173 00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:20.679 think of a better place to start than my closet. 174 00:13:20.759 --> 00:13:23.960 And that's why I love shopping at Quints, because Quin's 175 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:27.720 is all about fewer, better pieces. Their clothes are made 176 00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:31.519 with premium materials, built to last, and designed to become 177 00:13:31.559 --> 00:13:35.080 the ones you reach for day after day. Quint specializes 178 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:38.639 in everyday staples that work harder, like their ultrasoft organic 179 00:13:38.679 --> 00:13:44.440 cotton teas and premium Mongolian cashmere sweaters. They're versatile, timeless, 180 00:13:44.840 --> 00:13:48.840 and transitions seamlessly from a casual workday to a dinner out. 181 00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:51.519 If you're still hanging on to the same worn out basics. 182 00:13:51.600 --> 00:13:54.799 Quince makes it super easy to upgrade. They have premium 183 00:13:54.840 --> 00:13:58.799 denim and tailored chinos from just sixty dollars, with a 184 00:13:58.919 --> 00:14:02.879 kind of perfect structure in high quality fabrics you'd expect 185 00:14:02.919 --> 00:14:06.320 from a luxury designer brand, and everything at quintc's priced 186 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:09.200 fifty to eighty percent less than similar brands because they 187 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:13.159 work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middleman, 188 00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:16.519 so you're paying for high quality and not brand markup. 189 00:14:17.039 --> 00:14:21.440 I love Quints, and as I said, we're transitioning into fall, 190 00:14:21.519 --> 00:14:24.759 which in my opinion is the best season for fashion, 191 00:14:25.279 --> 00:14:27.799 and I had been filling up a shopping cart on 192 00:14:27.879 --> 00:14:32.600 Quince's website, very eager to press by and spice up 193 00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:36.360 my autumn wardrobe. And I think you should too, So 194 00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:40.519 upgrade your every day and download the Quints app for 195 00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:44.639 app exclusive offers, or go to quints dot com slash 196 00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:48.480 TCBs get free shipping on your order and three hundred 197 00:14:48.519 --> 00:14:51.879 and sixty five day returns now available in Canada and 198 00:14:51.919 --> 00:14:58.039 the UK. Two that's qui Ncee dot com slash TCBs. 199 00:15:02.600 --> 00:15:03.720 Everybody I've known. 200 00:15:03.639 --> 00:15:07.320 To a certain extent, you could say they're my victims too, 201 00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:09.720 because they're going to have to pay for this for 202 00:15:10.519 --> 00:15:11.399 five years. 203 00:15:11.159 --> 00:15:17.759 To come somewhere. This is true crime bullshit. 204 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:22.320 I'm your host, Josh Hallmark, and this is a serialized 205 00:15:22.360 --> 00:15:41.799 story of Israel Keys. When I started this podcast, I 206 00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:45.960 had a razor sharp focus on Keys and identifying his victims. 207 00:15:47.559 --> 00:15:50.120 The further endo the research and the story that I got, 208 00:15:51.080 --> 00:15:53.679 the more grounded I became in the stories of those 209 00:15:53.840 --> 00:15:59.519 he left behind. How does a family survive something like this? 210 00:16:01.120 --> 00:16:07.200 How did his family survive this? He seemed to actually 211 00:16:07.279 --> 00:16:11.200 genuinely care about Kristen and trying to get her car back. 212 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:14.639 Was that just a ploy for control or do you 213 00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:17.759 think that there were pieces of him who genuinely cared 214 00:16:17.799 --> 00:16:18.519 about his family? 215 00:16:19.080 --> 00:16:21.720 You know, I think of all the questions about Keys, 216 00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:27.240 that's that's the one that's either most interesting or at 217 00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:33.039 least to me, most perplexing is and I kind of 218 00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:34.960 I'll admit, I flips up on this. I go back 219 00:16:35.000 --> 00:16:38.600 and forth on it. You know, like I said, on 220 00:16:38.639 --> 00:16:41.799 some levels, he is a living, breathing human being. He 221 00:16:41.840 --> 00:16:43.240 has a brain, he has a hearty has a livery 222 00:16:43.279 --> 00:16:44.960 and lung, you know, all of those things that, yeah, 223 00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:48.399 physically he has. Now obviously he's a stone cold psychopath, 224 00:16:48.759 --> 00:16:50.879 So his brain doesn't work the same way yours are 225 00:16:51.080 --> 00:16:54.559 mind does. But you know there are people who struggle 226 00:16:54.559 --> 00:16:57.759 with that. Hey, he had a daughter, he braided her hair, 227 00:16:57.799 --> 00:17:00.879 he got her to school, and and so those are 228 00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:05.279 the things that are the most difficult to square with 229 00:17:05.319 --> 00:17:11.680 what we know was his behavior on other occasions. And 230 00:17:10.519 --> 00:17:15.960 I said at one point that I think psychopath like keys, 231 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:20.519 who are you to me? Born and raised evil, What 232 00:17:20.559 --> 00:17:24.839 they do as they grow up is they realize that 233 00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:29.079 they're different. And he realized. One of the seminal moments 234 00:17:29.119 --> 00:17:30.440 in his life was when he brought one of his 235 00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:34.000 friends out into the woods to torture that cat and 236 00:17:34.039 --> 00:17:36.759 set it on fire. They had a tie tour reopened 237 00:17:37.319 --> 00:17:40.400 when the friend threw up. You know, he says, well, 238 00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:42.759 I learned not to take anybody into the woods anymore. 239 00:17:43.119 --> 00:17:46.359 So that's the beginning of him saying I'm different than 240 00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:50.680 everybody else. Now they rarely find each other, thankfully, Psychopaths 241 00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:54.519 like him rarely find each other, So they basically operate 242 00:17:54.559 --> 00:17:57.359 on their own most of the time, and they know 243 00:17:57.519 --> 00:17:59.160 that they are different than the rest of the world, 244 00:17:59.319 --> 00:18:01.759 but they also know that they have to survive in 245 00:18:01.759 --> 00:18:04.799 that world if they are to carry out their you know, 246 00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:08.200 blood lust and their urges to kill. They can't walk 247 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:10.319 her in the middle of the day on main street 248 00:18:10.319 --> 00:18:12.079 in a small town and kill somebody in front of everybody. 249 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:15.400 They know they have to maintain an appearance of being 250 00:18:15.559 --> 00:18:18.079 like everybody else, even though they know they're not like 251 00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:23.480 everybody else. So they get into relationships, and they have children, 252 00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:26.759 and they get jobs, and they go to work and 253 00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:31.039 they do all those things. And in my mind, to 254 00:18:31.079 --> 00:18:35.359 some extent, they're acting. They have observed what the rest 255 00:18:35.359 --> 00:18:37.920 of us do, and they go, oh, that's how people 256 00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:40.480 act to be able to live their lives, and that's 257 00:18:40.519 --> 00:18:43.599 the way I need to act, so that in the 258 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:46.720 darkest moments, in the moments that I you know, take 259 00:18:46.759 --> 00:18:48.799 for myself and I'm careful, I can go out and 260 00:18:48.839 --> 00:18:52.680 I can do this thing that something deep down inside 261 00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:56.839 me drives me to do. And so, you know, there 262 00:18:56.880 --> 00:18:59.319 are people that are of the opinion that, yeah, there 263 00:18:59.400 --> 00:19:03.240 is an inkling. It's a minor, you know, minuscule amount 264 00:19:03.359 --> 00:19:08.160 of conscience in him or fatherly impulse in him when 265 00:19:08.200 --> 00:19:10.839 he's braiding his daughter's hair and sending her off to school. 266 00:19:11.160 --> 00:19:15.359 You know, my opinion is probably he doesn't love as 267 00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:17.559 the rest of us love, and so the feeling he 268 00:19:17.559 --> 00:19:19.480 has for that kid isn't what we would have for 269 00:19:19.519 --> 00:19:21.960 our own kids. And so I think that he is 270 00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:25.680 simply maintaining a facade that he knows he needs to 271 00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:30.400 maintain so that he can act on these other overwhelming 272 00:19:30.519 --> 00:19:33.400 urges that he gets. Sometimes a time, they get them 273 00:19:33.400 --> 00:19:35.440 at different time, they get them for different reasons. But 274 00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:37.799 he knows it's going to come back, and he knows 275 00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:40.680 he's going to kill again, but he can't do it 276 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:44.680 if he doesn't uphold this facade and this act of 277 00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:47.559 being a father or being you know, a carpenter or 278 00:19:47.559 --> 00:19:51.279 whatever it is that gives him the cloak of you know, 279 00:19:51.720 --> 00:19:55.880 humanness the rest of us, or that it's just natural 280 00:19:55.880 --> 00:19:57.920 for the rest of us. And so I think that 281 00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:01.640 all of those aspects of him to me, and this 282 00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:05.559 is only my opinion to me or act. 283 00:20:10.319 --> 00:20:13.839 At eleven forty five am Central Time on December two, 284 00:20:14.119 --> 00:20:18.200 twenty twelve, a Texas State trooper arrived at the home 285 00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:22.759 of Heidie Keys and there just minutes after his death. 286 00:20:23.640 --> 00:20:27.319 He told her that her son was dead. She put 287 00:20:27.319 --> 00:20:29.279 her head down and asked if she could pray for 288 00:20:29.319 --> 00:20:32.559 a moment. She walked to the corner of her living 289 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:40.359 room and stood silently with her head down. And as 290 00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:44.839 she stood there in deafening stillness, several people from a 291 00:20:44.839 --> 00:20:49.279 neighboring house met the trooper at the door. They were 292 00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:55.880 her church family. They came to comfort her. The trooper 293 00:20:55.960 --> 00:20:58.559 informed Heidi that at the time he didn't have the 294 00:20:58.599 --> 00:21:02.480 details of Israel's death and gave her contact information for 295 00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:06.880 a deputy who could give her those details. Before leaving, 296 00:21:08.200 --> 00:21:12.319 the trooper told her not to worry that Sarah would 297 00:21:12.359 --> 00:21:22.279 be well taken care of. You see, when Keyes was 298 00:21:22.359 --> 00:21:28.839 arrested in Texas, Sarah ended up with Heidie Keys, and 299 00:21:29.079 --> 00:21:34.400 it seems no one immediately informed Tammy. In fact, she 300 00:21:34.519 --> 00:21:37.960 only discovered that is was arrested when her son, James, 301 00:21:38.279 --> 00:21:44.160 covered on the news. Two days later. James, who was 302 00:21:44.279 --> 00:21:50.000 only nineteen at the time, frantically called the FBI. He 303 00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:53.240 called himself James Keys and claimed to be Israel's son. 304 00:21:54.279 --> 00:21:56.680 He said he saw news piece on TV where his 305 00:21:56.799 --> 00:21:59.720 dad had been arrested in Texas for the disappearance of 306 00:21:59.759 --> 00:22:06.200 some anthe Konig. According to FBI files, he was hysterical 307 00:22:06.279 --> 00:22:11.000 and incoherent on this call. He wanted to know who 308 00:22:11.039 --> 00:22:14.880 had his sister, because his dad had custody of her 309 00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:19.839 and nobody had contacted him, and his mother knew nothing 310 00:22:19.880 --> 00:22:25.799 of the arrest or the whereabouts of her daughter. The 311 00:22:25.880 --> 00:22:29.279 answering agent advised that they could not release any information 312 00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:34.079 on keys or the whereabouts of his daughter, and so 313 00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:40.440 James hung up. Shortly after, Tammy's sister, who also lived 314 00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:43.240 in Anchorage, called the FBI to say that she had 315 00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:47.119 no specific information about the case, but was deeply concerned 316 00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:50.400 for Sarah's safety. She said that she had talked with 317 00:22:50.519 --> 00:22:53.559 James and Tammy, who said that Israel had taken Sarah 318 00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:58.720 to Texas for a family wedding. According to FBI files, 319 00:22:58.720 --> 00:23:01.319 she was very cooperative and just wanted someone to let 320 00:23:01.319 --> 00:23:16.200 her know that her niece was all right. At the 321 00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:20.000 time of Isza's arrest, Tammy had fallen back into drugs 322 00:23:20.039 --> 00:23:23.000 and alcohol and was living in a hotel room in 323 00:23:23.079 --> 00:23:28.880 Port Angelus, Washington. Tammy says it was when her sister 324 00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:31.720 called with the news of Izza's arrest that she fully 325 00:23:31.759 --> 00:23:35.599 snapped out of it. The news shook her to her core, 326 00:23:36.640 --> 00:23:42.079 but also probably saved her life. She had to be 327 00:23:42.119 --> 00:23:48.359 strong for Sarah, for James for friends and family and 328 00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:55.119 that meant being sober. Tammy immediately made arrangements to travel 329 00:23:55.160 --> 00:23:58.559 to Texas to pick up Sarah from Heidie Keys. It 330 00:23:58.599 --> 00:24:03.079 would be the first time she ever meet Heidi, and 331 00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:07.759 she immediately wanted to get Sarah back to Washington. She 332 00:24:07.880 --> 00:24:11.160 didn't want Sarah being raised in the extremest environment is 333 00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:14.519 had been raised in. Despite Heidi's many failed attempts to 334 00:24:14.599 --> 00:24:20.640 keep Sarah in Texas, within that same week, Tammy and 335 00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:23.839 Sarah returned to Washington and moved in short term with 336 00:24:23.880 --> 00:24:28.640 her mother. Tammy began to clean up her act, and 337 00:24:28.839 --> 00:24:34.440 the FBI made their first unannounced visit. All in all, 338 00:24:34.960 --> 00:24:38.319 Tammy would meet with the FBI on more than six occasions, 339 00:24:38.920 --> 00:24:45.119 talking for close to fifteen hours. In those interviews, Tammy 340 00:24:45.160 --> 00:24:48.480 shared every piece of information about his and his travels 341 00:24:48.480 --> 00:24:52.400 that she could remember, and every document from their time 342 00:24:52.440 --> 00:24:55.920 together that she'd held on to. She gave them travel receipts, 343 00:24:56.160 --> 00:25:00.720 old phone records, contact info for friends, acquaintances, and family, 344 00:25:01.319 --> 00:25:05.000 and even searched for their old shared computer, which she 345 00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:10.519 never could find. She also updated them with the conversation 346 00:25:10.759 --> 00:25:17.880 she was having with Kristin Heidie Keys. James and Sarah. 347 00:25:17.920 --> 00:25:21.039 While he was in jail, Tammy and Sarah kept in 348 00:25:21.079 --> 00:25:25.480 contact with Is weekly. Tammy was still having a hard 349 00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:29.400 time reconciling the Is she knew from the Israel she 350 00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:34.839 was hearing about from the FBI. She was, however, the 351 00:25:34.839 --> 00:25:37.440 only member of her inner circle who truly believed Is 352 00:25:37.640 --> 00:25:41.920 was guilty. She did her best to shield Sarah from 353 00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:46.599 knowing the extent of Isza's crimes, though, and Is repeatedly 354 00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:50.920 stressed that Tammy should change Sarah's last name, that she 355 00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:55.799 needed to be protected from him and his crimes. He 356 00:25:55.880 --> 00:25:59.480 also stressed that things would only get worse, and he 357 00:25:59.519 --> 00:26:01.759 hoped to Sammy and Sarah could forgive him for what 358 00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:08.319 he'd done. As more and more information continued to leak out, 359 00:26:09.559 --> 00:26:11.640 he worried that none of his friends and family would 360 00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:13.759 be able to forgive him once they heard about the 361 00:26:13.799 --> 00:26:21.960 extent of his crimes. Throughout these weekly conversations, Tammy consistently 362 00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:24.599 tried to get Is to open up about his other crimes, 363 00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:28.359 to get him to share the details to be a 364 00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:40.599 trusted confidant, but he never did. Tammy said that when 365 00:26:40.839 --> 00:26:46.920 Is did eventually kill himself, she wasn't surprised. She was 366 00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:51.839 only surprised that it hadn't happened sooner. It was something 367 00:26:51.880 --> 00:26:56.559 that worried her throughout his entire incarceration, and she often 368 00:26:56.559 --> 00:26:59.079 made a point to tell him to fight for his life, 369 00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:01.799 that he could still be a father to Sarah from 370 00:27:01.799 --> 00:27:06.759 behind bars. She said that she could tell he was 371 00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:11.400 depressed in his final days, that while he was always 372 00:27:11.480 --> 00:27:15.200 upbeat on the phone with Sarah, his tone would take 373 00:27:15.240 --> 00:27:19.160 a noticeable turn with her. She said, Keys was not 374 00:27:19.240 --> 00:27:23.440 a man who could be caged. Prior to his death, 375 00:27:23.960 --> 00:27:25.519 he had been trying to get in touch with her 376 00:27:25.559 --> 00:27:28.319 and Sarah for about a month, and it was only 377 00:27:28.359 --> 00:27:31.880 several days after he finally did that he killed himself. 378 00:27:33.960 --> 00:27:37.559 Around the time of his death, his final letter to 379 00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:42.279 Sarah arrived. In it, he said that he would always 380 00:27:42.319 --> 00:27:47.559 love her. Tammy knew it was a goodbye letter, and 381 00:27:47.640 --> 00:27:51.119 at the age of eleven, after her father being in 382 00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:55.599 jail for close to a year, Tammy had to explain 383 00:27:55.680 --> 00:28:21.000 to Sarah that Izz had committed suicide. On December tenth, 384 00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:25.519 twenty thirteen, the Keys family flew from Texas to Deer Park, 385 00:28:25.720 --> 00:28:29.920 Washington to hold a funeral for Is. They had initially 386 00:28:29.960 --> 00:28:33.240 wanted to bury him in Nea Bay, but Tammy refused 387 00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:37.640 to accept his body there. In fact, Tammy refused to 388 00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:43.000 attend the funeral. Altogether, only Heidi Keys, her four daughters, 389 00:28:43.079 --> 00:28:48.000 and three sons in law attended. It was presided over 390 00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:51.119 by the Church of Wells pastor Jake Gardner, who held 391 00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:54.400 no punches in his sermon for Israel Keys. 392 00:28:55.319 --> 00:28:59.319 He is not in a better place. He is in 393 00:28:59.400 --> 00:29:05.799 a place of eternal torment. Israel rejected the Gospel, and 394 00:29:05.839 --> 00:29:09.680 thus the outcome of his life is this tragic story. 395 00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.000 It was eleven fifty one am December second, twenty twelve, 396 00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:19.440 this past Sunday, a week ago from today, that I 397 00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:23.720 got the call Tanner, son in law, to Miss Heidie Keys, 398 00:29:24.039 --> 00:29:27.400 the mother of Israel Keys, telling me the news that 399 00:29:27.519 --> 00:29:33.640 Israel had died. He committed suicide. Do I believe this 400 00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:34.400 man is in heaven? 401 00:29:35.319 --> 00:29:35.400