Speaker 1: Well, well, well, welcome back to talking Schmidt Bestie's how
are you today? I'll go first. I'm just had a
mental breakdown because these chairs that I got for the
pod area in my apartment are the same color as
the wall, and I cannot fathom a world where I
return them. I can't imagine carrying them down three flights
of stairs to God knows where to return them to
God knows who. And now I just have an apartment
that's monochrome. I look like I'm living in a brick
and I'm sitting on a brick and I'm just becoming
a brick. My pants are brick colored. Everything is brick colored,
except for my tears. If you notice, I have under
eye patches on now because I was just crying. No,
I wasn't crying, but I was very upset because I
tried to shoot this and take one. Was me realizing
that it looks like I'm floating and my chair is
the same color as my wall. And that's a colossal
fuck up. And I'm depressed about it because I was
excited about these chairs because they're these like luxurious, luxurious,
What the fuck is that word? Why can't I say it? Today?
That sounds like word solid, luxurious orange color, like a
burnt orange color that's so beautiful. But guess what, My
floors are burned orange and so are my walls. So
I am just living in a burnt orange ball. I'm
the burnt orange ball man. Anyway, besties, hope your Monday
is off to a better start than mine. All things considered,
I'm doing great. I really am. I love New York City.
Can we talk about New York City?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Also, before we start talking about how much I love
New York City, let's talk about the fact I just
booked some dates in Phoenix. I'm gonna be in Phoenix,
Arizona at Stand Up Live on July eighteenth and nineteenth.
Speaker 2: I'm doing a quick little.
Speaker 1: Weekend if you guys want to come see my new hour.
I'm having so much fun with it. I am a
viscerating the situation I was just in, and that is
the thing I just want you guys all to know.
I want you to know. And while it looks like
I am recording from inside of a box under a bridge,
I have words of wisdom for you, which is that
you can heart a comedian in life.
Speaker 2: You can.
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't. I just wouldn't, uh, because we are
going to get the last laugh. And that's what we're
gonna do in Phoenix is get the last laugh. So
if you guys want to come hang out, go to
my website Brittain Schmidt dot com and get your tickets
to come see me. I have three shows the on
the eighteenth and nineteenth. I think there's two shows the eighteenth,
one on the nineteenth. Who knows none of my business.
My schedule is never any of my business, you guys.
I one time was at a show and I started
crowdworking about Texas and I was like, oh, Texas. It's
really just fucking strange here, isn't it. You guys, dud
da da da da about Texas? Whatever the fuck I
was saying. And everyone was looking at me with blank
stairs and I was like, what is going on here?
And they're like, you are in Oklahoma City. Oh, and
I got a delivery one second. That delivery system is
going to be the death of me. In case you
guys care. They Amazon comes by the way all hours
of the night. They come at three am, four am
and they ring that bell and I'm just like.
Speaker 2: I don't need my dry shampoo. That bad.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll have another day of greasy hair. Like read
the room, the room is asleep, Let me sleep, let
me rest. And it's such a startling sound. Right every
time I hear it, my cortisol spikes. I just don't.
I don't like that aspect of being in New York City.
I don't like that I don't have a doorman. That
feels like I didn't realize it was gonna be such
a problem because I never lived here before. But what
that means is if I'm not home to receive a
package when the little bell rings, I don't get the
package and it just goes back to the warehouse or
like the shipping center, FedEx or ups. And it's like,
that's fine if it was indeed just dry shampoo all
the time, But what's getting shipped right now are like
couches and shelves and shit like that. Also, I'm furious
about these chairs. The rage that burns within me pretty significant.
Not gonna lie. I was really excited about these chairs. Anyway, Listen,
nothing matters. We're all gonna die at the end of
the day. Am I really going to remember that I
even had chairs that matched my walls in New York City.
I'm really not. What I am going to remember about
New York City is what happened to me yesterday. I
had to go to Ramoa. Oh the birds are backing,
and I have to feed the birds. Are they're gonna
get mad at me? In case you're wondering what codependent
relationships have taken the place of the relationship that I
was just in, the codependent relationship is the relationship I
have made with the New York City birds. All right.
When I was laying on my ear mattress when I
first moved in, I was just a little like, did
I make the right move? Did I is this the
right call? And a cardinal landed on my fire escape,
And I think cardinals are often spirit animals, like they
come from you know. I think there's like some significant
research on this. I don't think I'm the brainchild of this.
Cardinals are are spirit animals. So I think maybe it
was my mom or my grandma, are Big Eye or whoever,
just reassuring me that I did the right thing. But
I was like, oh my gosh, I should get a
bird feeder, and then there's gonna be cardinals here all
the time. Wrong. It's now I'm getting bullied by birds.
I got a little bird feeder and there's these little
shit birds. Little tousled. That's a word I've used before,
and it's never been real, and it never will be,
but I'm gonna continue to use it with they're tossled
feathers like they've just got the shit kicked out of
them on the subway. And they come and they stand
on my fire escape and they yell at me until
I feed their little filled their little bird dish up.
And the problem is the bird dish wouldn't keep getting destroyed.
But now the puge holes have found out about it.
And there's big old battye pigeons. And when I tell you,
every bird that comes here looks like they just can't
flew out of a homeless shelter. I mean it is
the most rough and tumble looking birds there's been nothing
even remotely resembling a cardinal. But I love them. I
love them. I love these ugly little shitty birds. And
you know what, I like the pigeons too. I like
all birds. I have reached. I've reached the big olde
of I love a bird. There is a there's a
turning point in one's life when they start to appreciate birds,
and I don't know what it is, you just get
captivated by their majesty. And I remember, right after I
got divorced, I was dating this guy. He was like
a few years older than me, and he was so
into birds. He knew the name of every species. He
would go bird watching. Wow a species and luxurious or
words I cannot say today. He knew every species, he
would go birdwatching, and I was like, this fucking dork.
But he had a big old dong, so I was like, whatever,
I don't give a fucking whatever. Dude, call me a
cardinal and fuck me doggie style, like I do not care.
But he was just like really into birds, and I
was like, this guy's a fucking weirdo. And now I'm
really into birds. And look a bird was outside just
yelling at me, being like, where's the food, bitch? Because
every day I fill up their little jar and little
dish and every day it's gone by like four pm.
Speaker 2: It's kind of cool.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's like a little ecosystem of shit
birds outside of my my fire escape, outside of my window.
I'm obsessed with my windows. I feel like I'm living
in the trees. I'm on the third floor of the apartment,
so I'm exactly at tree top level, and I'm just
obsessed with this place. I didn't even know if I
would like New York. I love New York. I am obsessed.
So anyway, I was telling you I was going to
Ramoa yesterday, which, by the way, what a scam. The
scam of all scams is the Ramoa suitcase. They're like,
it's the last piece of luggage you're ever gonna have
to own because they claim to be unbreakable. I had
mine for fucking six weeks and it broke. The wheel
busted off it when I moved here, so when I
was coming here with four suitcases and I never needed
a wheel to move to work more, it broke. When
I arrived at LaGuardia, the wheel on my Ramoa was broken.
You know what wasn't broken My Samsonite, my swimmy Swammy
Samsonite that I've had forever, which is just like an
eighty dollars suitcase that is the highest quality suitcase I've
ever had, and I could pack a dead body in
that bitch. And my toomy that I've had forever. My
toomy looks like it went to war. It is lime green,
It has more sticker go on it than a fucking
one of my trapper keepers in middle school.
Speaker 2: It looks like shit, but it is a great suitcase.
Speaker 1: This Ramoa. We fucking pop our pussy for this luxury suitcase.
It breaks in six weeks and then I have to
with a broken wheel, I can't wheel it across town.
I now have to get an Uber to go to Ramoa,
which is a fifty by the way, Uber's here the
price couching in this city. I I'm ready to call
the cops. Like it's fifty dollars to go anywhere in
an Uber. The subway system is fine. I'm figuring it out,
but I'm not like so comfortable that I'm like, I'm
gonna take my Romoa to Soho. I'm not like there
yet emotionally, mostly because I don't want to bother people
by having a suitcase on a train, even though I
know people have suit on the train. I just like,
I don't know. I'm self conscious about like getting in
people's way, and like New Yorkers are so intense, I
don't want them to get mad at me. Anyway, whatever,
long story, long as fuck. I go to Ramoa drop
it off. They're like, oh, this is a brand new bag.
We don't know how it broke. And I'm like, yeah,
gee gee me neither. They're like, are you going anywhere soon?
And I was like, yeah, I'm going to France on Friday,
which I'll tell you guys that about that later. That
was like a last minute decision I made. I'm being like,
borderline insane. I don't know if I'm having a spiritual
awakening or a manic episode, but either way, it's none
of my business. I'm going to Santra pe Bach. Mama's
getting a spray tand she's thrown a Bikinian and she's
gonna go shake her ass at Nikki Beach, all right,
Because I think the keyre for anything is France. Always,
It's always France. France is just a nurturing place for
my soul. Anytime I'm going through anything, I run away.
I usually run away to Paris. I'm only spending two
days in Paris. We're gonna go to Nice, as I've
been calling it nice, very nice. My friends don't love
that we're gonna go to Nice. We're gonna go to Santralpe.
We're gonna go to z and then we're gonna go
to Paris. And that's that anyway. So I dropped the
suitcase off at Remo. I don't worry you, guys. I'm
not losing my train of thought.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm gonna walk back.
Speaker 1: It's been beautiful in New York the last couple of days.
It is. The weather is perfect. It's like seventy five,
seventy six, sunny, little breeze, perfect, perfect, perfect. So I
get my little decaf lante. Mama loves a decaf latte, which,
by the way, I watched her pour the lante. I've
never watched anyone poor a latte before. And this is
gonna let you know how stupid I can be. And
I will admit to that. It's a latte is pretty
much a cup of milk? Did we know this? Did
everyone know that? We were just drinking milk? Like I
clown my dad because he drinks out of the container
like Vitamin D milk every morning.
Speaker 2: I'm like disgusting, but that's low key.
Speaker 1: What I've been doing. I watched her make it and
it was just like all milk, and I was like, wait,
wait wait, wait, wait wait wait wait wait wait, where's
the other stuff. She's like, it's literally one shot of espresso.
And I was like, oh not me, just drinking whole
fat milk all these mornings, thinking I'm doing something. And
here's the thing about me, I'm such an addict, right,
I need like the plissy bo effect. I need to
feel alive. I need to just feel like I'm a
part of something. Like the ritual to me is so important,
which is why I quit drinking caffeine a while ago.
But I still love the ritual, like I still have
my little coffee maker in my apartment. I wake up,
I make myself a decaf a lot dae. My lattes
are much different than the store bought ones. I do
like two shots of espresso and then whipped milk, and
it's more of like a half and half situation foamed milk.
And that's you know, now that I say it out loud,
that's not a lot day. That's something else. I don't
know what it is. Again, none of my business. Nothing
I do is any of my business. I'm just doing it.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 1: You guys are like, she's gonna forget the point she's
not gonna get there.
Speaker 2: Don't worry. I'm getting there.
Speaker 1: So I'm walking back and I'm feeling myself. I have
this cute little outfit on right, this butter colored cream
bagt a vest A real lesbian choice of mine, A
real don't fuck with me men choice of mine. I
was like, strap my tits down like they are right now,
and a sports bra, duct tape my tits down, put
a little lesbian vest on, and go for a stroll
in jorts and a vest I mean, did it look
cute when it was together? It did, but it didn't
look like I played for the team that would take Dick.
I'll be honest. I was like the cutest little lesbian
in fucking soho. I was living my best life. And
then one of the hottest men I've ever seen in
my entire life walks by me, and I was like,
certainly he's gonna just pretend I'm dead or not acknowledge me.
And he's on a phone call and he turns his
head to say in my ear good morning, and I
was like, oh, Hi, but he's walking this way. I'm
walking that way, and so I was like, Oh, that's
just gonna be like oh, a cute, cute little passing. Right,
I turn around. I do a double take, which I
it's been a long time since mama's done a double take.
Like someone's got to be really fucking hot. And he
was doing a double take at the same time, and
he was like, let me call you back, hangs up
his phone call and is like, good morning. He has
the most New York accent of all time. He's tall,
he's handsome, he has dark hair, piercing blue eyes, just Stonin,
just a Stonin man. And I'm like, I love New
York City. And he said, I'm going to get a haircut.
After I get a haircut, do you want to grab food?
And I was like, I'm really busy today, and I am,
I was really busy. He's like, I'm really busy today.
I'm really busy the next few days and then I
leave for France and he was like all right, well,
He's like, let me get your phone number. I give
him my phone number and he's like, are you sure
you don't have time for a slice, Like I'll just
just a quick slice. And I was like, I'm slammed.
He's like, but I want you to be slammed with
something else, and I was like, oh, not this man
trying to seal the deal in under forty five minutes.
It was a level of testosterone and masculinity I haven't
encountered in so long because I lived in La the
land of the Soy boys, the land of the is
he gay or is he gay? Because he's fucking gay?
Like that is what I'm used to. Men being more
obsessed with themselves than with women not shooting their shot.
Like this city is filled with testosterone and it feels
dangerous and exciting all at the same time. And now
I just you know, I didn't I didn't have sex
with him because I was like, that's not appropriate behavior.
That's not something that someone's on a healing journey would do.
It feels like a hard detour from a healing journey.
And I will tell you that that much is that
I'm just not ready and I don't want to, so
I'm not going to. I will be ready soon. I
was actually talking to THEO about this because I went
down to Nashville, which I'm gonna tell you more about
this in the Patreon because some of it's tea. But
I went down to Nashville and there was this guy
that was hitting on me down there, and you know,
he's really cool and he's a friend of Theo's. And
I was like, I don't think so, Like my heart
is still broken, you know, I need to like heal
a little more. And he was like, well, don't take
the rest of your life healing, honey, And that was
such good advice, because I really it's such a different
experience having to heal from a relationship that ended that
had truly nothing to do with you. Like, I don't
think there's a ton of like I need to like reflect,
and like, here's the thing I do need to reflect
and understand why I why I attracted someone like that,
Why I allowed someone like that to I don't want
to say, I don't want to say anything negative about
the relationship, because it happened for a reason and I
know that. But like, the only thing I really need
to look at is like why did I Why did
my body tell me so clearly that that was not
a match and I ignored it and I went full
steam ahead, And why did I do? I think that's
the healing I need to do. It's more why did
I ignore my body? Why did I ignore my gut?
Why did I ignore them? Many times he so clearly
let me know that was he was not my person,
and I let him convince me that he was. That's all.
I don't think there's like a ton of like, oh,
I'm like some broken, shattered, fucking piece of shit person,
Like I don't have like such a heavy heart anymore. Honestly,
I feel pretty good about everything. I feel at peace
with everything. I feel like it all happens for a reason.
Everything happens for a reason. And unfortunately, I think the
reason is going to be like some of the best
common you've ever written in my life. Unfortunately, it's just
really gonna be a banger of an hour. But I
just really needed and appreciated that advice of don't spend
too much time healing. It's like, you don't want to
keep yourself in the misery and the pity and the
sadness of a breakup when ultimately in the relationship you
didn't do anything wrong, you know. And I think there's
different lengths of time and healing for people in different
levels of relationships. And I would call that a level
one relationship. I mean, I thought it was a level ten.
I for sure thought it was a level ten, but
I think it was a level one. I think for
whatever reason, I got twisted upside down and backwards, and
I thought it was a much more impactful and meaningful
relationship than it ever was. And I think it was
just there for a brief period of time to teach
me something. And I think I learned the lessons. And
you know, one of the big ones is like do
I love myself enough to walk away? And the answer
is yes, and so so it's exciting to me because
I feel emotionally open to dating, which is like a
good place to be in. Am I downloading the apps? No?
Am I running? Am I running to that guy's house
to fuck him after meeting him on the street. No,
I'm not doing insane things. I'm not actively trying to
get my feelings hurt again. What I'm doing is going
to Sentrope. I'm just gonna go to the south of
France and shake my ass, babe. And I think, you
know what, in its own sense, that is healing And.
Speaker 2: Is it a good financial decision.
Speaker 1: That's a different conversation completely in one I don't really
want to have with you guys, because I did notice
someone commented they're like, how do you afford two reds
and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. And
someone said plastic surgery too. I don't. I don't. I
haven't had plastic surgery. I've had injections out the ass
and lasers and shit, but I've never had plastic surgery.
Not yet. I mean, I'm up into it. But someone
was like, how do you afford all this in Trump's economy?
And girlfriend, I don't, Bestie, let me sit you down
and tell you a secret right now. I fucking don't don't.
I don't know anyone who is. I'm so fucking lucky
that I had a really big, fat career in advertising
before I got into comedy because I was able to
save money. And let me tell you, I have decimated
my savings. It is in Smitherines in Palm Beach. My
savings account is in smytherings in Palm Beach. I'll tell
you what. I have spent more money this year than
I'm comfortable with admitting, between Biggie's end of life surgeries
and moving twice and getting no support financially from the
fucking loser bitch I was dating. I mean I just
I'm hanging on by a fucking thread right now. But
here's the thing. I have faith. I have a ton
of faith that something amazing is gonna happen. I keep
waking up every day and I'm like, something amazing it's
gonna happen. And I'm not even trying to brainwash myself.
I really actually believe that. You guys know me. You know,
I'm not like misoptimistic, you know. You know I'm not
the bubbliest bitch in the bunch. But I just have
this feeling energetically of alignment that everything is happening exactly
the way it's supposed to. I've had more synchronicity and
meetings and opportunities and things come up in the few
weeks I have been in New York, then came up
in the past year or maybe more, you know, and
it's like things that are gonna amount to nothing. Like
I got an audition for this TV show and it's
a bunch of twenty somethings that live in a one
bedroom that has six rooms, like you know, it's like
six roommates living in a one giant, one bedroom apartment whatever.
And I go to audition for it, and I'm like, literally,
I could have given birth to half of the people
auditioning here, like, yes, I would have been teen mom,
I would have had them at fifteen, but I could
actually be their moms. And I took that audition knowing
nothing's gonna come of it, and I'm like, why not, Like,
let's just go have some fun. Let's go audition for
the role we know we're not right for. Let's just
energetically like show the universe that we're gonna show up
and we want to do this thing. And you know,
and here's the thing. At the end of the day,
when I was looking around that waiting room, I was like,
my injector is going to be thrilled that we got
this audition. Doctor Eric Anderson is going to be doing
backflips that we even got in this room, because when
I tell you, they were all between eighteen and twenty six,
maybe at the very very oldest, and then me, me,
the big old age of thirty seven. I was sitting
there like this isn't gonna happen, but I loved. I
love that I'm here and energetically like I'm going to
show the universe where I want to be in what
I want to do, and there's just been a ton
of synchronicity in New York. I'm excited for all the
stage time that I'm gonna get. I'm just like so
genuinely excited to figure out this new hour. I did
it in Raleigh, and I did it in Nashville, and
I loved the Raleigh show, like I thought, I blew
the fucking roof off Raleigh. We had so much fun.
I I just it felt like a tour de force.
It was so fun. And then Nashville was fine, but
I was I was running on one hour of sleep,
so I was exhausted. I did not sleep in Raleigh
at all. I was staying at this a loft. The
bed was horribly uncomfortable. The pillows felt like a bunch
of pebbles. It was like, is someone gonna come beat
me with this? Or is there other bars of soap
in here? Am I in a prison yard? Are you
gonna jump me in I'm get raped in the ass?
Is that what's going on here? None of that was
going on. It was just a bad bed as shitty
hotel and that's all. And so it kind of robbed
me of my peace of mind for the Nashville show.
Everyone that went loved it so much. I didn't share
that experience, but I'm glad everyone else had fun. It's
really an interesting thing when you're trying to metabolize heartbreak
and pain and trauma and turn it into comedy. And
I've said this before where there's audiences are so emotionally intelligent.
They can tell if you're okay. And I think in Raleigh,
I was okay because I had slept well. I was
so excited to be there. I was like, We're gonna
fucking We're gonna turn this shit. You know, We're gonna
turn this trauma into some fucking great comedy. And I
was so excited about it. And then in Nashville, because
I was running on no sleep. And by the way,
running on no sleep, I know it's a torture technique
and it should be, because, oh my god, a lack
of sleep is the devil's work. And I have been
having a tough time sleeping because I'm on a busy
street in Chelsea, and yeah, it's just been it's been
a tough adjustment for my body, for my physical body,
not to mention my emotional body, not to mention I'm
actually going back down on my lexapro. I had gone
up when I was in Palm Beach because I was
so fucking miserable and I was really handling the situations
that were being thrown at me not well, and so
I went I went up to ten milligrams when I
was in Palm Beach, and then after talking to my
therapist about it, I just decided to go back down
to five miligrams. And one of the side effects of
that of going back down is insomnia and anxiety. And
I've been having like this crazy body anxiety where I
feel like my soul is gonna pop out of my toes,
Like it's like there's like this like pressure of just
like this well of anxiety. But I've read into it
this is all temporary, this is all part of the
process of just getting back down to five. And I
just felt like more myself when I was on five.
I think ten really kind of numbed me out. Honestly,
I just have no idea who the fuck I was
when I was living in Palm Beach, Like that version
of me I'm not real proud of. I. I don't
really know what to say. There's gonna be amends I
have to make there's I made a fucking mess emotionally
and were some things done wrong to me? Yeah? Absolutely,
But does that mean that you get to like go
kick a fucking shit fist fit and make a mess
and drag people to hell. No, I'm just like not
proud of the version of myself that I was there,
and I can tell that when I'm here, I'm going
to become a version of myself that I'm really excited about.
So I think things are trending in the right direction.
And then I had a total like aha, god moment
in Nashville where Okay, so David Tel was working in
the big room and I was in the lab, which
is the side room. And Davidtel is an interesting part
of my comedy journey in that he is the person
who introduced me to stand up comedy. I wasn't super
aware it existed. So this was the and this is
what I think the gateway, the pipeline for most of
us millennials was into comedy.
Speaker 2: Dane Cook.
Speaker 1: Dane Cook. All my friends were like, rah, we loved
Dane Cook. I saw Dane Cook and I was like, whoa,
this is like crazy, what an electric and cool career.
And then I remember I let, I was like, I
like Dane Cook, so I was like, I'm gonna see
where else Dane Cook is and David Tel had the
Insomniac Tour and it was Dane Cook, David Tel, Greg Giraldo.
I got my hands on that DVD, and when I say,
I probably watched it one hundred times. It was so
profound to me, and Dane Cook was on the back burner.
I didn't give a fuck about Dane Cook anymore. David
Tel and Greg Giraldo were so special to me. I
thought Greg Giraldo was a fucking genius. He made me
laugh harder than anyone has ever made me laugh. When
he died, I was so sad, but I wasn't. I
had no idea I could be a stand up right.
I just saw these guys doing something that was cool
and funny. And I remember there was a darkness about
Greg Giraldo and Dave Attel that I really gravitated to.
I remember Dane Cook being like light and fluffy and
like la la la la la, and Dave and Greg
were both Greg was super fucking intelligent. Dave also highly intelligent.
But there was just like this darkness to them that
I was that I really gwvitated too. And so I
was leaving my show in the lab in Nashville and
I was talking to these guys outside of the main
room and they're like, oh, did you meet Dave? And
I was like, no, but I don't know him, so
I'm not going to go in there. And they're like, no,
he wants to meet you, and so they took me
in and he's like, oh, hey, I'm Dave. I love
this joke of yours, Like this is so smart, this
is so funny. Do you want to do a spot
on my show tomorrow night? And I just had a
moment where I was like, would you look at God?
It was so profound to me. And I'm like getting
emotional because I think there's just like a little girl
version of me that's sitting on my dad's floor in Waterford,
Wisconsin watching the insomniac who are thinking like, these guys
are rock stars, their jobs are the coolest jobs in
the world. I can't imagine a life like that. And
now for this person to have the generosity of spirit
to go look at who's performing in the lab, look
at my stuff, have a joke of mine to reference
when we meet, and to just be so generous and
kind was really I felt like a godwink. It was
God being like, you're doing the right thing, You're in
the right place at the right time, and everything is
gonna be good. And then I did his show and
it was great, and I felt so bad because he
like calls comedians up on stage after a show, and
I couldn't stay because I had to go grab THEO
from the airport. He was coming back from the Mexico
game and he was at like a World Cup game
in Mexico, and I had to go grab and like,
I just felt bad because I couldn't stay and I
couldn't do the thing. And he had invited me to dinner,
you know, after the Friday night, like after you know,
we did a show, and I just I felt bad
that I couldn't show up in the capacity that I
wanted to as a comedian. But like, I just felt
so deeply honored that he took the time to be
so kind, and it was just one of the moments
where I'm like, all right, and we're gonna keep going.
We're gonna keep going. You know, this this career is
so fucking can be dogg eat dog and hard as fuck.
And just like when you're on the road alone and
you don't know you know where you are or what
you're doing, why you're doing it, what's the purpose of
all of this? And then there are just little moments
of synchronicity that make you realize, oh, no, everything is
happening the way it's supposed to do. Everything is happening,
Everything happens for a reason, and you're exactly where you're
supposed to be. And I think that was just a
really nice That was a really nice moment for me
to have. I actually saw something the other day that
really made me laugh that I want to tell you
guys about, which is that the final step of healing
is becoming a bitch. And I really resonated with this,
right because I have done and I'm by the way,
I'm not saying I'm at the final steps of healing.
I'm obviously I just had a melt down about the
color my chair, and I'm still having a meltdown about it.
By the way, I'm looking at the feedback on the
camera and I'm like, this is I cannot believe there's
share is the same color as the wall, I'm going
to cry anyway. I think the final step of healing
is being a bitch. I really do, because I think
that you have to be so boundaried to be able
to accept that you're going to be the villain in
people's story. The people who are not willing to admit
what they did to you or how they might have
impacted you, they need to make you the villain. And
I think we all do this, and I, you know,
I always try and whenever I'm being accusatory about someone
making me the villain, I look at times where I
have made other people the villain. And I'm not perfect.
My hands are not clean in this either. You know.
I think it's human nature to try and rewrite stories
so that we're not the bad guy. So I don't
think anyone has, you know, a mental disorder or they're
a bad person and if they're trying to like rewrite
a narrative where they're not the bad guy. But I
do think it's it's it's pertinent to understand that you
have to be okay with being the villain. You have
to be okay with being the bad the bad guy
in some people's story because they are not going to
have the accountability or the culpability to be the villain.
And they're not going to have the growth or the
maturity to take accountability and apologize and admit, you know,
who they were in the story for real. And I
think people are gonna think you're a fucking bitch if
you stand up for yourself, if you speak the truth,
if you say what's right or what's right in your eyes.
You know, it can be wrong in their eyes, right
in their eyes or wrong. You know what I'm saying.
It can be wrong in their eyes and right in
your eyes. There is no real I mean, there's a sense,
there's an overall sense of morality right, but there is
no real right and wrong. Like we're all varying shades
of everything. But but I just do think that, like,
you have to be okay with being a bitch, and
you have to be okay. And this is something I've
been struggling with. This is why I'm saying it to
you guys, because every time I say anything out loud,
I'm usually struggling with it. I don't like that there's
a version of the story where I'm a fucking villain.
I don't like that I can't explain my side of
the story to people who have painted a different picture
of me. But the reality is, if they didn't ask
for my side of the story, then the picture that
was painted to them is the one that they wanted
to accept. So you have to be able to accept
that you're the fucking bad guy in a lot of
people's stories and you're not the people pleaser in you.
Is not going to be able to make everyone love you,
care about you, see your side, think you're right. This
is something you have to let go of, right and spiritually.
One of the most evolved things we can be is
not concerned with what people view us as the perception
of the outside world is something that is none of
our business.
Speaker 2: Oh god, this is It gives me like a fucking
heart attack.
Speaker 1: It gives me an actual fucking heart attack every time
I have someone at my door. But yeah, all I
was saying is you have to be okay with being
the bad guy in some some people's stories. You know,
like this unhealthy obsession with everyone knowing your truth, your
version of events, this, that, and the third. It's none
of the It's none of my business. At the end
of the day, what you think of me is your business.
And you know, the greatest evolution of self is to
not care about the perception, to not care about what
the fuck people think of you, and to genuinely not care,
not to pretend that you don't care, but to genuinely
not care and not be bothered, not be concerned by
Because I had something plagging me recently where I know
a story going around about me is not true, and
that makes me furious. But at the end of the day,
everyone gets to tell their own story, and everyone gets
to have their own version of events, and the people
in their circle and in their lives are going to
believe to be true their version of events. And that's okay,
that's okay. At the end of the day, it all
comes out in the wash. And if it doesn't come
out in the wash, it comes out in the rinse, bitch,
all right, So.
Speaker 2: Just let God take care.
Speaker 1: Of everything, Let Karma do its thing, because like I've
said a million times, Karma doesn't miss a fucking doorstep. Okay,
Karma does not miss a fucking doorstep. And and that's that.
And that's all, folks, that's that's it. On that I
think we all just have to be okay with being
the bitch. We gotta be okay with being the bitch.
And some people start in like people are gonna paint
you as the villain because they cannot take accountability, and
that's okay, Like what is someone really gonna do? Go
around and be like, oh my god, not what they're anymore?
Is they cheated on her?
Speaker 2: No, of course not.
Speaker 1: They have to invent a new story. And you know
who doesn't participate in reality people with mood disorders. People
with mood disorders like narcissism and bipolar don't participate in
right reality. So also there's a huge ego component too, Right,
there's a huge ego component of us wanting the world
to see and perceive us a certain way and knowing
that certain information will dam or bastardize the version of
ourselves that we want the world to believe we are.
So you got a just you just gotta let it roll, Bay,
let it roll, besties. I will say this, I didn't
think at this big age in my life, I would
be using any meany miney mo so much to make decisions.
You guys, it is making most of my decisions any
meani miney, most of my decisions santrapez yes or no
fucking yes, fuck the guy on the street, Nope, what
to eat? Yep, like every like, I just it is shocking.
How little what's the word I'm looking for? It's a
word and it's right there, and it's on the tip
of my tongue, but I don't know it because autonomy
is not the right word. How little, how few decision
making skills I really have. I've just been I think
my nervous system is so shocked from all the changes
right now that I'm like, I cannot decide between sushi
and pizza. That's a crazy thing to ask of a girl.
So now a lot of it is Eni media minemo
and someone is like, well, you know, that's like formulaic
and you can decide it. But I haven't figured out
the formula yet. I haven't figured it out, and I
don't want to because it's making all my decisions and
it's doing a pretty good job. So if you're in
a gym, just use Eni media minimo. Tell Alexa to
flip a coin, just, do you know, leave it to fate.
I think, and I guess Enie meanie Manuma is not
fat whatever anyway, I will say going to Nashville really
was a big turning point for me. I felt like
very healed after that. There's something about my friendship with
THEO that just feels so nurturing and special, and he's
just so kind and wonderful and caring and also like
funny and you know, can make a joke of anything.
So I just feel so lucky to have that friendship
and to have him to kind of check me, keep
me in check. I'm going to talk a little bit
more about Nashville on the Patreon because some fun things
did happen, but they don't feel like they're for public consumption.
Even though I've had the argument that Patreon is public,
I will die on a hill that it's not. And
then their counter argument was like, are you telling me
that Netflix isn't public because you can pay for Netflix?
And I was like, you're making a really good point,
but I'm still gonna die on this bucket. I'm still
gonna fucking die on this hill that people have to
pay to hear me talk a dish little shit. It's
not just out there. You gotta pay the big bucks.
And by the way, all of you who have joined
the Patreon, I love you so much. I feel like
we're a little family. I'm so grateful for you, and
I'm so grateful to have that like portion of our
week to just hang out with each other and you know,
talk more shit. And I have some like juicy fun
stuff for today. But I told you I'm being a
heeled bitch and being am I. I'm doing my best
to be as healed as possible and not talk shit
on the podcast anymore. How am I doing? You guys
can tell me later. I will say this. Did I
say this already? The price gouging in New York City
is out of control. It's absolutely out of control. I
was gonna get groceries delivered the other day because I
wanted to make this healthy soup before I go to
San Trepez. I was like, I need my waistline. I
can't find it. I can't find it. Has anyone seen it?
Turns out no, nobody's seen it. But I was gonna
make this soup, and I was on Instacart shopping at
this place called west Side Market. Bay leaves. Bay leaves
were thirteen dollars. I'm like, you mean the mythical things
we throw in soup and nobody's sure if they actually
do anything at all? Those are thirteen dollars. Are you
guys on fucking crank? What are you smoking? And can
I have some? And then eggs fifteen dollars? And I
was like, hey, man, do you want to shit in
my fucking mouth? I don't know. This feels illegal. All
everything feels illegal. I'm gonna call the police and or
Mundani because I probably can get his private line, like
this is who can afford to live here? Who can
afford this shit? It's crazy? And so I didn't want to,
but I you know, I didn't want to schlep again.
But Trader Joe's is my saving grace. It is the
only reason I'm gonna be able to eat in this town.
It's because eggs there are four dollars, and bay leaves
are four dollars like they should be like at Like
who cranked those prices up ten dollars each? That's crazy,
It's fucking crazy. Anyway, I'm doing great. I can't wait
to go to santra Pez. The next time you guys
see me, I will be in a hotel in santra
Pez and we're gonna bootstrap a little episode together. Because
you know me, Mom's going on vacation, but I'm taking
my besties. I'm taking my babies. Pack your bags, grab
your passports. We're going to santrape honeys. Okay, you guys,
There's one more thing I want to talk to you
guys about before we leave.
Speaker 2: Before we leave, because we're all going together, we're all no.
Speaker 1: I do have to go. I have to go get
a spray TN and a blowout and do all of
the things before I leave for sant Trope. I'm leaving
to Brown Night. I still have to pack. Oh my god,
I need a personal assistant. I need someone else to
just do my life for me. But there's one thing
I want to talk about, and I'm gonna say right now,
there's spoilers. Here's there's spoilers here. If you guys haven't
watched Maternal Instinct, turn the podcast off if you want
to watch it, because I need to talk about this
motherfucking documentary. This is the most haunted, fucking documentary ever
seen my entire life. And I was trying to tell
a friend the other day to watch it. I was like,
you have to see this. It's the most unhinged documentary
I have ever seen in my entire life, and she's like,
isn't that the one where a woman like kills a
baby or something? And I was like, yes, but that's
not even really the problem, Like that's not even top
ten of the problems here. So basically, the documentary starts,
and this isn't a spoiler. It starts with this woman
getting pulled over. She has a baby in her lap
and she's covered in blood. She goes to the hospital.
The blood's not hers, the baby's not hers, and she said,
she just gave birth to this baby. The baby's dead.
Then this whole documentary pops the fuck off about this
woman who is basically just this fucking pathological liar, and
she couldn't physically have babies anymore. She had already had two,
and she had a hysterectomy, and she was with this
guy who didn't they they hadn't been together that long,
but he wanted her to be in love and he was.
She was like, Oh, if I get pregnant with this kid,
he'll love me. And then she like buys a fake
pregnancy belly and does all this durain shit, like you
want to talk about committing to the fucking bit like
I think we could all commit to the bit more
like this documentary taught me.
Speaker 2: That we could all be fucking crazier.
Speaker 1: We have not been letting our freak flags fly, and
we need to a little bit. Like this woman faked
an entire pregnancy, And then I won't completely give away
what happens, but like this bitch plotted and plotted and plotted,
and then.
Speaker 2: All right, I'm gonna say it.
Speaker 1: She fucking murders a woman who's pregnant and cuts the
baby out of her and is trying to pretend it's
her baby. In what world is that ever gonna work?
In what world is that gonna fly? And I think
we can all just be crazier. And she had a
long history of lying. She had a long history of
pathological lying about illness, which which is just something that I
think is so interesting because this is something my mom did.
My mom would often fake illnesses because I think there's
a medical term for it. I could be wrong. This
is when it would be nice if Mike was here.
I think it's called malingering. I could be wrong, though,
When you have a mental illness but you're not getting
the attention you want for the mental illness, so you
fake a physical illness because what you want is sympathy
and attention, and you want that because of your mental illness,
but you're not getting it. So you're like, oh, if
I have cancer, I will get the attention I need.
My mom at one point was saying she had lung cancer.
She never had lung cancer. She had and maybe in
bacterium infection, which is like a lung disease, but she
didn't have lung cancer. And it's just such an interesting
phenomenon to me, these people that will just go to
such great lengths to get attention instead of just going
to therapy. I'm like, hey, babe, take yourself to the
fucking therapist, pop your little tush in a therapy chair,
and figure out what the fuck is wrong with you
before you cut a baby out of a woman to
pretend it's yours so guy will say he loves you
when he never loved you.
Speaker 2: It really stresses me out.
Speaker 1: The whole documentary gave me nightmares and stressed me the
fuck out, So if you don't want nightmares or to
be stressed, I wouldn't watch it. And also I just
ruined the whole documentary for you. So I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, but I did tell you to turn
the podcast off if you wanted to watch it. Bruh,
that documentary gave me nightmares. Like I told you, I'm
already not sleeping right now. Insomnia is a motherfucker. I mean,
a good night's rest can really cure anything, you know.
I was so excited. Last night was my first night
where I was like, I'm not gonna take any sleeping
pills to sleep. I'm just gonna sleep. I don't have
anything to do this morning. I'm just gonna get through
the night. I'm gonna fucking raw on it. And I
fell asleep on my own, by the grace of God.
And then a fly that got into my apartment decided
it was fucking on. Like Donkey Kong, this fly kept
fucking landing on me. I kept getting think, I was
getting thinking I was getting bit by mosquitoes. I forgot
about mosquitoes, you guys. I am from Wisconsin. So this
weather that's going on in New York right now is
very similar to Wisconsin. Like hot Summer's Buggy, Muggy, the
whole nine. I'm so spoiled. I'm so used to living
in la where it's just seventeen two and seveny all
the time. The weather's perfect, there's no bugs, there's nothing
going on. Nature's not trying to fuck with you. This
whole city's trying to fuck with me. Oh. Another thing
I will say is the trash trucks. It feels like
an inside job. The garbage trucks, it feels like nine
to eleven. I'll be honest, like it feels like an attack.
I think they come every night. I don't think they
have a night off. And it's like between three and
four in the morning, they're just like dorshe doushsh like
banging outside of my windows. I'm like, what, I understand
that this city is filled to the brim with trash,
and I don't know what they're doing with the trash.
I think they're just sending it off to sea. I
think there's I'm pretty sure there's a floating island of
trash shit in the middle of the Hudson. I'm not
and I know the Hudson's not the sea, but you
know what I'm saying, I'm pretty sure there's a trash
island somewhere. I wonder what the rent's like. There. I
wonder if it's che to live there, because maybe I'll
move to Trash Island and just become one with the trash,
return to my roots. You know, wants a trash bitch,
always a trash bitch. And uh so, yeah, that's it.
That's all I've got for this week. I know it's
a short episode. I'm sorry, I'm cramming. I'm struggling to
get this shit done. If you are doing the artist's
way with me, I'll come on the little journey with
me to do the artist's way. If not, besties and
you want a little more tea, come to the Patreon
because the Patreon is where it's mother the fucking at.
And I'm in there and I'm responding to your comments.
And if you guys have any questions, if you want
to DM me anything, I'm in there. I'll respond. I'll
say what's up. I'll kikey with you guys about whatever.
I have nothing better to do. The next week I
might be a little touch and go because I will
be in Santralpe. But after that I am free, like
a bird, free like my little trash shit birds that
are on my balcony that I love so much. These
birds are little spirit animals. And you know what, every
once in a while, I'm just ripping a sig talking
to a pigeon. And that is what my life is
looking like in New York City, babes. But I do
have to stop smoking cigarettes. It's getting old, and I'm
it's gonna make me old. It's gonna age. It's aging
me like the devil, and.
Speaker 2: I'm like wheezing. I'm like, it's not a vibe.
Speaker 1: But anyway, besties, I love you so much, thanks for
hanging out with me and my monochrome apartment and chairs.
And I'll, you know, have a panic attack about it
next week, I'm sure. Okay, Week nine of the Artist's Way,
you guys, we are recovering a sense of compassion this week.
And you know what, I didn't read this chapter, so
I have to do that right now. Bye. All right,
you guys. Did I have a nuclear mental breakdown earlier
about the color of these chairs? I sure did? But
then guess what. I contacted Quints the place I got
them from, and they're like, we can just swap them
out for the tope ones and we'll come get these.
And I was like, would you look at God? That
is just another moment, you guys. I had body anxiety earlier.
I almost canceled my trip to France because I was like,
I can't go to France when I look like I'm levitating,
when I look like I'm a Laddin on a magic
fucking carpet doing this podcast. So anyway, I gotta blow out.
I emailed Quints and now everything's fine, baby girls, going
to France. We're not gonna worry about the fucking chairs
that match the walls. We're not gonna have a mental
breakdown like that again. And that is something that I
need to put in my godbox and just remember next
time i'm having a fucking freak out, a fucking panic attack.
And for those of you who don't know what a
godbox is, godbox is a place you put a situation
that worked out for you, just find but you freaked
out about it in the moment. So this one's going
in the godbox. And yeah, soon it's gonna look better.
The production on this podcast will be higher quality. I'm
very sorry you guys that were in the shit together
like this, but you know what, at least we're together
and I love that, all right, you guys, come hop
on over to the patreon. Mama's got tea for you.
I want to hang out with you. And the hill
I will die on is that the patreon's not public
because you have to pay to get there, you know.
And uh so it's not public, it's private. It's just
the three of us having a sleepover because we're girls
and we're braiding each other's hair. That's what's going on
in the Patreon. We're braiding each other's hair and telling
each other's secrets and it's a safe space. And I think, oh,
I think I got the ops out of there. I
think I got the ops out of there. I don't
know if I got the ops out of there, But
come join us on the Patreon, and I have for
those of you doing the Artist's Way with me. I
do have the Artist's Way, and we're gonna do that
because I promised you that we would. Where's my book?
Speaker 2: Ah, life is so hard? I found it.
Speaker 1: Mike. I know you were so worried about me. I
wonder if Mike even watches this. I don't think he does. Anyway,
you guys, we are on week nine for the Artist Way.
Bestie is recovering a sense of compassion this week is
so important. Okay, so we name our behavior incorrectly. If
we're an artist that wants to create and we don't,
we often call ourselves lazy. But we're not lazy. We're
blocked and we have to move through those blocks with
compassion in order to get to the other side in
order to make anything. So this is not merely an
accurate it's cruel saying that that's laziness. It's cruel. Accuracy
and compassion serve us far better. Being blocked and being
lazy are two different things. The blocked artist spends energy
on self hatred, on regret, grief, and on jealousy. Do
not call the inability to start laziness. Call it fear,
because that's what it is. We're fucking afraid, right. It's
fear of failure, fear of success, most importantly, fear of abandonment,
fear that we create something from our hearts and people
don't like it. I struggled with this immensely when I
first started stand up full time. I'm like, I pour
my soul out on stage and when people don't like it,
it hits different because I'm not like Jerry Seinfeld. I'm
like Oh, what I noticed about public restrooms is da
da da, You know, Like, no, I'm like, my mom
killed hers all three days before my wedding. And when
people don't laugh at that, I'm like, I just I
feel completely exposed. So there is a fear of putting
something out there that people don't like. And if it's
so special to you and so you're so vulnerable that
if they don't like it right away, then perhaps we
could be in a bit of a pickle. Right. Fear
has its roots in childhood reality. Most blocked artists tried
to become artists against either parents good wishes or their
parents good judgment. For youngsters, this is quite a conflict.
So this is interesting. My experience is actually different. I
didn't become a creative person out of I wasn't rebelling
against my parents, right, Like, my dad always wanted me
to have a nine to five and to have stability.
My mom always was like, you're going to be the
most famous person in the world, And there was such
a crushing amount of pressure to be good at things
that I genuinely was not good at. Like she would
drive me to Chicago once a week to go to
acting classes, and I stunk.
Speaker 2: I was so bad. I didn't know what I was doing.
Speaker 1: I didn't even feel like literally, for the first thirteen
years of my life, I didn't feel like I was
even in my body, like I didn't connect to myself.
I couldn't connect to people around me. I couldn't connect
to an audience when I was on stage.
Speaker 2: I just and I.
Speaker 1: Really had such a complicated relationship with my mom that
whatever she wanted for me, I did not want. So
I spent my life rebelling against everything my mom wanted
for me. My mom worked out twenty four to seven.
She ate healthy, she had a bit of an eating disorder,
and she wanted me to be a fucking actress. And
I was like, I'm going to eat McDonald's all the time.
I'm never gonna work out again after I'm done with
high school volleyball, and I'm going to get a day job.
And I did all those things, and I accidentally found creativity.
I didn't think, Oh, I'm some creative person that's like
dying to break out of this shell. But what I
did find is when I worked in advertising and I
was writing, I didn't like that the clients told me
what was good and what wasn't good. I liked being
I liked being my own north Star. So that's how
I found it. I found it by happenstance. But a
lot of blocked creatives are people that wanted to be
creatives and their parents urged them to not be, and
then you know, they do it against their parents will,
and then you have to be great, right, And then
you have in your mind, I have to be great.
I have to be the best singer. I have to
be the best writer. I have to be the best director.
I have to be the best, best, best, because if
I'm going to rebel, I have to be the best.
And that is such a high bar that it's hard
to get started when your expectation is to be the best, right,
because then you're just setting yourself up for this crushing
level of disappointment. And I have done that in my
life before. Where I launched right after the right before
the pandemic, I launched something called Ho to Go, which
was this brand. It was like an overnight bag for
girls who went out to clubs, went home with dudes,
and in the morning you have to like wake up
and put dress and your dress and your heels on
and you have like crusty makeup on your face and
you don't have to, like it's a bad place to
be in. So the HO to Go bag was like leggings,
t shirt, sunglasses, makeup, wipe, advil, hair tie, little jewelry pouch,
a tote for your bag from thee for your clothes
from the night before, like flip flops. It was like
this whole thing. And I was like, I'm going to
be on Forbes list next year. I'm gonna look out
Kylie Jenner because I'm going to be on Forbes list.
Guess what I wasn't. And then the pandemic hit and
hoes were not going, hose were held hostage, and I
had to donate all of those bags to a women's shelter.
And here's the thing, because my expectations of success were
so high that when I didn't hit those marks, it
felt crushing. There was no greater failure in my life
than How to Go, and I felt so sad. But
when your expectations are just to start and just to
get in the mix, then all you ever are is
pleasantly surprised. And that has been my experience with comedy
is I just wanted to get in the mix. I
just wanted to throw my hat in the ring and
let everyone know that I had one or two things
to say. I didn't have expectations to be the best,
or to be the greatest, or to be anything.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I have no lofty goals, and not in like an
impending doom way, even though that is my brand, just
in like a I don't. I do not expect to
be the highest paid comedian. I don't expect to be
in the conversation of the top ten. I don't have
any of those expectations. I just want to speak my
truth and whoever it resonates with and whoever it helps heal,
those are my people, and that's it. That's the only
reason I'm creating in this field, and so I think
that's important. So yeah, what I said is the need
to be a great artist makes it hard to be
an artist. The need to produce great work of art
makes it hard to produce any art at all. You
need help from your higher power, from your friends, from
everyone in order to get anything out. For me and
my first special, you know, how to Housewife? I called
everyone I knew from advertising, and I said homies were
phoned in a favor, can we throw this special together?
And I had some friends like bootstrap it, and it
it went great. Like I was talk about synchronicity, the
universe lined up with that and was like yes, the
clips went viral, like the numbers were great. Everything, everything
worked way beyond my wildest dreams of how I ever
expected it to work. And then here's the other thing.
We need. Enthusiasm, right, Enthusiasm is in the short it's
talking about discipline here right, Like discipline is important, but
enthusiasm is really what you need. By its very nature.
Discipline is rooted in self admiration. We admire ourselves for
being so wonderful. But over any extended period of time,
being an artist requires enthusiasm more than discipline. It's a
spiritual commitment, a loving surrender to our creative process, a
loving recognition of all of the creativity around us. Enthusiasm
from the Greek word filled with God, is an ongoing
energy supply. It tapped into the flow of life, itself
grounded in play. And here's the thing I will hear
people out for the case that discipline is important. I
really think it is important. I think if you sit
down to write once a week or twice a week
or four times a week. However many times you sit
down to write, something will come out. You cannot wait
to be inspired all the time. You do need to
have a bit of discipline, and there does need to
be a bit of a schedule. But what needs to
come with that is enthusiasm, which is the energy to
bring something beautiful to life. And just remember your inner
artist is a child and it needs to be treated
as such. And the only way to really get kids
to do anything is to play. And so you just
have to remember to be playful. Even though it might
be a little bit structured, there does need to be
a sense of play, and just be cognizant for creative
U turns. You know, when you're about to reach success
or when you're about to put something out and you
want to fucking turn around, You want a board ship,
you want to burn it to the fucking ground. Look out,
because that is that's fear, that that's a blurt, that's
something that you you don't want. When I was about
to put out How to Housewife, I emailed my manager
and said, I don't want to put this out anymore.
I'm going through a divorce. I'm not a housewife. None
of this is true, and I don't want this to exist,
and he respectfully told me to fuck off. He said, respectfully,
we have the deal, we have the launch date. It's happening.
We're putting it out. And thank god for that, because
left my own defenses, I would not have put out
How to Housewife. I would have not put out Horney.
You guys know how much I fucking hated that special.
The only special I would have put out is Sorry Dad,
which is the least viewed special. So it's just interesting.
Just just remember you do not always know what's best,
and if there's if you're getting close to creating something
or accomplishing something and you try and steer the show
so it crashes onto the shore, just no, just no,
that's very normal, but just don't do it. So you
got to blast through your blocks right in order to
work really on a project, and artists must be at
least functionally free of resentment, which is anger, and resistance,
which is fear. Remember your artist is a creative child.
It sulks, throws tantrums, hold grudges, harbor's irrational fear. Like
most children, it's afraid of the dark. The Boogeyman and
the Adventure that isn't safely scary. Your artist's parent and guardian.
It's big brother, warrior and companion. It falls to you
to convince your artists it's safe to come out and play. So, yeah,
you guys, it's week nine. We're fucking cruising here. I'm
so proud of you guys for doing this. I know
there's at least ten of us doing it. Don't forget
your tasks, don't forget your artists days dates, don't forget
your morning pages. I'm gonna be so honest. I haven't
been doing morning pages because no, because nothing. Because I
haven't been doing them because I don't know where my
journals are in all of my boxes. And I ran
out my journal that I was journaling and ran out
the second I moved to New York, and so I
haven't been doing that. And just because I said it
out loud, I'm going to start tomorrow. I'm going to
open these last four boxes and I'm going to find it.
If you're doing the work, I'm really proud of you. Besties.
DM me let me know you're at how it's feeling,
what's shaking loose? Some of you have sent me some
really cool messages about things that have happened in synchronicity
and thoughts, feelings, all the things. So just let me
know how it's going. Besties, Okay, I love you so much.