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<v Speaker 1>Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the

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<v Speaker 1>Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you

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<v Speaker 1>every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>In it, Rick Warren shares practical ways to help you

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<v Speaker 1>take your relationships with family, friends, co workers, and even

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<v Speaker 1>God from ordinary to extraordinary. And this is a series

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<v Speaker 1>you don't want to miss. Now, let's hear what Rick

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<v Speaker 1>has to say in part two of a message called

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<v Speaker 1>What Destroys Relationships and What builds Them?

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<v Speaker 2>God has wired the universe that the more unselfish you are,

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<v Speaker 2>the more He blesses you. Why because He wants you

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<v Speaker 2>to become like him. God wants you to become like Him,

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<v Speaker 2>which is unselfish. Everything you have in life is a

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<v Speaker 2>gift from God because God was unselfish with you.

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<v Speaker 3>And so God says, in.

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<v Speaker 2>Order to help you become like me, I'm gonna give

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<v Speaker 2>a little reward to this. First, you get real life

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<v Speaker 2>on earth, and you get eternal life in heaven.

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<v Speaker 3>He says.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what you get a meeting and the way

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<v Speaker 2>God has wired it. As we give ourselves away, we

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<v Speaker 2>are most fulfilled. Jesus said only those who learn to

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<v Speaker 2>give their lives away, we'll ever know what it means.

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<v Speaker 3>To really live.

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<v Speaker 2>You see, if you don't get anything else I say,

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<v Speaker 2>or Tom says, today, get this. The greatest lesson in

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<v Speaker 2>life is learning to be unselfish.

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<v Speaker 3>That's it.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the number one lesson in life, learning to be unselfish.

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<v Speaker 2>It's also called love. Love your neighbor as yourself. Once

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<v Speaker 2>you know and love God. God says, now, I want

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<v Speaker 2>you to learn to love other people, and that means

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<v Speaker 2>being unselfish.

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<v Speaker 3>And unfortunately, a lot of people.

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<v Speaker 2>Go through life and never learn the greatest lesson, and

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<v Speaker 2>they waste their life. They waste the whole reason their

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<v Speaker 2>hair on earth to learn how to be unselfish. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>notice God also says in this verse its growth process.

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<v Speaker 3>He says, letting God's.

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<v Speaker 2>Spirit do the growth work in him, you'll harvest the

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<v Speaker 2>crop of real life and eternal life. You see, it's

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<v Speaker 2>not overnight. You don't learn to be unselfish by being zapped.

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<v Speaker 2>In fact, you're not gonna learn it in forty days.

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<v Speaker 2>It's going to take the rest of your life. But

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<v Speaker 2>it is a growth process, and there's only one way

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<v Speaker 2>you can do it, and that is with God's spirit

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<v Speaker 2>in you. God's spiritings you look at the next verse,

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<v Speaker 2>live freely, animated and motivated by God's spirit. Then you

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<v Speaker 2>won't feed the compulsions of selfishness.

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<v Speaker 3>Did you know that all of us are compulsive? Every

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<v Speaker 3>one of us.

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<v Speaker 2>We are compulsively selfish. We think about ourselves first. And

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<v Speaker 2>if you don't think that, you're really not in touch

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<v Speaker 2>with the reality. Because you do. You think about you

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<v Speaker 2>more than anybody else. And he says the only way

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<v Speaker 2>you can break that cycle is God's spirit inside you. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>anybody can be unselfish every once in a while. Anybody

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<v Speaker 2>can do that, okay, just by sheer willpower. Man, Look

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<v Speaker 2>what I did, And how do you know when it's

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<v Speaker 2>motivated by you.

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<v Speaker 3>Rather than God's spirit. Pride creeps in. It's that I felt.

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<v Speaker 2>Noble, It's that look at me, what a great person

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<v Speaker 2>I I did something good for somebody. See, when God's

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<v Speaker 2>Spirit's in you, then you don't do that. Anybody can

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<v Speaker 2>be unselfish every once in a while. But God says,

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<v Speaker 2>I want it to be a lifestyle. I want it

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<v Speaker 2>to be a lifestyle. And there's only one way, God's

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<v Speaker 2>spirit in your life. Doing the growth work inside of

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<v Speaker 2>you motivated. Now here's the second thing that destroys relationships, pride.

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<v Speaker 2>This is the second big thing that kills relationships. Pride

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<v Speaker 2>destroys relationships. In Proverbs thirteen ten, it says this pride

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<v Speaker 2>leads to arguments. Little history here. That was the first

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<v Speaker 2>verse that Kay and I memorized on our honeymoon, and

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<v Speaker 2>we needed it on the honeymoon. Pride leads to arguments. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>pride shows up in a lot of different ways. It

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<v Speaker 2>shows up first in criticism. If you are critical of

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<v Speaker 2>other people, If you tend to be judgmental of other people,

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<v Speaker 2>you tend to look down at other people, you tend

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<v Speaker 2>to be a picky, picky perfectionist.

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<v Speaker 3>You have a pride problem.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the reason you are critical is you have a

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<v Speaker 2>pride problem. If you tend to be competitive and you're

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<v Speaker 2>always comparing, Oh, look at her dress compared to my dress,

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<v Speaker 2>or look at his car compared to my car. Or

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<v Speaker 2>you're always comparing salaries, or you're comparing husbands, or you're

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<v Speaker 2>comparing children, or you're comparing titles or jobs or anything.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what, you have a pride problem. That comparing

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<v Speaker 2>spirit of always looking at everybody else and.

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<v Speaker 3>Comparing and judging. That is a pride problem.

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<v Speaker 2>If you have a stubbornness, if you haven't find it

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<v Speaker 2>difficult to say i'm sorry. If you find it difficult,

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<v Speaker 2>you choke on apologies. You cannot ever admit it when

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<v Speaker 2>you're wrong. You have a pride problem. Now you don't say, well, now,

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<v Speaker 2>if I may have offended you, that's not an apology.

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<v Speaker 2>That's what politicians say. If I may have offended you,

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<v Speaker 2>puts it back on you.

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<v Speaker 3>Said, well, really, it's your fault for being offended. That's

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<v Speaker 3>not an apology.

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<v Speaker 2>An apology is I was wrong, I'm sorry, Please forgive me.

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<v Speaker 2>That's an apology, Not if I may have offended you.

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<v Speaker 2>It is I was wrong, I'm sorry, Please forgive me.

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<v Speaker 2>If you can't do that, you have a pride problem.

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<v Speaker 2>You have a pride problem. If you have shallow relationships

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<v Speaker 2>and you keep everything superficial in your life, and you

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<v Speaker 2>never let anybody get close to you, and you keep

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<v Speaker 2>them at an arms distance, and you may use humor

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<v Speaker 2>to keep it all shallow and not let it get

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<v Speaker 2>too deep, and you keep faking it a lot, and

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<v Speaker 2>you wear a mask, ask you have a pride problem.

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<v Speaker 2>You see when you're too shallow to care about others.

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<v Speaker 2>That is pride. Now, what does pride look like in

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<v Speaker 2>a small group, since we're all in small groups. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>one of the ways it looks is when you always

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<v Speaker 2>have to tell a story that tops the last story.

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<v Speaker 3>Well you did that, yeah, but listen to this one, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>When you are always offering advice and you never ask

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<v Speaker 2>for it in your group, when you never admit when

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<v Speaker 2>you've had.

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<v Speaker 3>A tough week. Everybody else's saying, yeah, I've had a

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<v Speaker 3>tough week.

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<v Speaker 2>And you never admit any problem in your life. The

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<v Speaker 2>problem with pride is it's self deceiving. Everybody else can

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<v Speaker 2>see it, but we can't. When I'm full of pride,

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<v Speaker 2>I can't see it. I can't see them out. Everybody

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<v Speaker 2>else can see it, but I can't. When you have

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<v Speaker 2>a problem with pride, you don't see it in your

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<v Speaker 2>own life.

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<v Speaker 3>It's self deceiving.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody else can see your being prideful, but you can't

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<v Speaker 2>see it yourself. And so the Bible says this in

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<v Speaker 2>Proverbs sixteen eighteen, pride will destroy person. A proud attitude

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<v Speaker 2>leads to ruin. And I love this verse in the

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<v Speaker 2>message paraphrase first pride. Then the crash. The bigger the ego,

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<v Speaker 2>the harder the fall. You had a hard fall, Well,

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<v Speaker 2>that just shows how big your ego was. Now, pride

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<v Speaker 2>keeps us from apologizing, and that destroys relationships.

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<v Speaker 3>Tom's going to talk about the next thing.

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<v Speaker 4>Pride destroys relationships. Humility. That's the antecdote to pride. Humility.

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<v Speaker 4>Humility builds relationships. Listen to these five things that build relationships.

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<v Speaker 4>Over in First Peter, chapter three, verse eight, the Bible

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<v Speaker 4>says there, live in harmony, be sympathetic, love each other,

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<v Speaker 4>have compassion, and be humble. Those five really are built

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<v Speaker 4>on the fifth one, the ability to be humble. This

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<v Speaker 4>is really a pretty good model for small groups. If

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<v Speaker 4>you take a look at these five things, it's what

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<v Speaker 4>we all want to be doing in our families and

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<v Speaker 4>our groups and our relationships. We want to live in

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<v Speaker 4>harmony and pathetic love each other. We want to have

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<v Speaker 4>compassion and be humble. I want you to notice that

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<v Speaker 4>first one, particularly, live in harmony. That's what God wants

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<v Speaker 4>in relationships. He doesn't want this unison where we're all

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<v Speaker 4>the same. He wants the harmony of us all being different.

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<v Speaker 4>Why be in a relationship, if you weren't different from

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<v Speaker 4>the other people. That's what we draw from. But this

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<v Speaker 4>is important. Harmony and humility go together. You have to

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<v Speaker 4>have them together in a symphony. The beauty is in

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<v Speaker 4>all the different instruments. But if you have one flute

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<v Speaker 4>player who wants to stand on their chair play louder

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<v Speaker 4>than everybody else, it ruins the whole thing. If you

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<v Speaker 4>have one person who's saying notice me, and I can't

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<v Speaker 4>let other people be noticed, it ruins all the joy

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<v Speaker 4>of the harmony of life, the deepness, the richness that

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<v Speaker 4>God wants to give into our lives because of that. Now,

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<v Speaker 4>let me encourage you to do something in your group

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<v Speaker 4>this week. You to do something that will promote humility

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<v Speaker 4>and harmony in your group this week. Pair up with

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<v Speaker 4>a spiritual partner, someone that you can learn from. They

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<v Speaker 4>can learn from you. You can be encouraged by they

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<v Speaker 4>can be encouraged by you. You can be friend, they

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<v Speaker 4>can be friends with you. You can support vice versa as

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<v Speaker 4>it works together. Guys, pair up with another guy. Women

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<v Speaker 4>with another women. If you're just starting to learn the

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<v Speaker 4>Bible or you don't know much about Jesus, pair up

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<v Speaker 4>with somebody who doesn't. Who knows more about the Bible,

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<v Speaker 4>knows more about Jesus. That can encourage you. Now, the

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<v Speaker 4>point about a spiritual partner is this, everybody needs a

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<v Speaker 4>spiritual partner except me. That's how we tend to think, Oh,

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<v Speaker 4>this is a good idea, this is a great idea.

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<v Speaker 4>But about a month ago, one of the guys in

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<v Speaker 4>my small group called me up and said, hey, can

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<v Speaker 4>we get together regularly and maybe read threw a book together,

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<v Speaker 4>talk about the impact that it's making on our lives.

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<v Speaker 4>It took me a month to get back to him.

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<v Speaker 4>And you know why I didn't really want to meet

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<v Speaker 4>because I feel like I'm too busy. Can you relate

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<v Speaker 4>to that this week? Don't be too busy to connect

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<v Speaker 4>with somebody else and say can we be a spiritual partner?

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<v Speaker 4>Your life will be the richer for it. And do

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<v Speaker 4>not be too busy. If somebody connects with you and says, hey,

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<v Speaker 4>could we pair up, don't be too busy to say, well,

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<v Speaker 4>I'll get back to you on that, and then never

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<v Speaker 4>get back to them on that. If you and I

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<v Speaker 4>will make this toy, it can change our lives. How

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<v Speaker 4>are you and I going to grow in humility, because

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<v Speaker 4>that's the tall order. How does that happen in our lives?

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<v Speaker 4>It happens by letting Jesus Christ begin to control our

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<v Speaker 4>thoughts and hearts and attitudes and reactions. He's got to

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<v Speaker 4>be a part of this. The Bible says over in

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<v Speaker 4>Ephesians four twenty three and twenty four. This verse on

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<v Speaker 4>your screen. Let the spirit change your way of thinking

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<v Speaker 4>and make you into a new person. How do I

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<v Speaker 4>become a new person? How do I start to think

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<v Speaker 4>in a different way? Basic law of relationships is this,

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<v Speaker 4>I tend to become like the people I spend time with.

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<v Speaker 4>Spend time with grumpy people, you get more grumpy. Spend

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<v Speaker 4>time with happy people, you get more happy. You want

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<v Speaker 4>to have more humility. Spend time with Jesus Christ because

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<v Speaker 4>he is humble. He wants a relationship with you. He

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<v Speaker 4>wants you and I to spend time with him in

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<v Speaker 4>prayer and reading his word and talking to him. He

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<v Speaker 4>is humble. Look at this next verse in the outline

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<v Speaker 4>Philippians two three and then five and six. Be humble

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<v Speaker 4>and give more honor to others than to yourselves. Your

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<v Speaker 4>attitude should be the same as that that Christ Jesus had.

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<v Speaker 4>Though he was God, he did not demand and cling

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<v Speaker 4>to his rights as God. No one's ever done anything

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<v Speaker 4>more humble than Jesus coming from heaven to earth to

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<v Speaker 4>become a man to live for us, Give his life

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<v Speaker 4>for us, be a resurrected for us, and I spend

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<v Speaker 4>time around him. That enables me to begin to become

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<v Speaker 4>more humble, and that builds relationships. Now on the back

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<v Speaker 4>of your outline, there's a third struggle we all face,

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<v Speaker 4>and that is the struggle of insecurity. Insecurity destroys relationships.

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<v Speaker 4>The Bible talks about this over in Proverbs twenty nine

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<v Speaker 4>twenty five when it says, the fear of human opinion

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<v Speaker 4>disables when I'm so insecure that all I have got

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<v Speaker 4>to think about is your opinion, what you think of me?

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<v Speaker 4>That disables my life. What's the problem with that fear?

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<v Speaker 4>What does that problem cause us to disable in relationships? Well,

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<v Speaker 4>when I'm afraid, it tends to cause us to try

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<v Speaker 4>to control each other, and that destroys relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>I hate you when people say that in a relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>it is often a sign that somebody's trying to control

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<v Speaker 2>somebody else. And what's beneath that control. What Tom talked about,

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<v Speaker 2>fear insecurity causes us to try to control others, and

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<v Speaker 2>insecurity causes us to resist the control of others, and

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<v Speaker 2>that destroys relationships. You know, it's amazing dilemma as human

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<v Speaker 2>beings we have. We long to be close, but we

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<v Speaker 2>also fear being close. We want it, but we don't

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<v Speaker 2>want it. We long to have intimacy with others, but

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<v Speaker 2>we are also scared to death of having intimacy with others.

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<v Speaker 2>Would you write this down? Insecurity prevents intimacy. Insecurity prevents intimacy.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't get close to somebody if there's fear in

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<v Speaker 2>the relationship, which is why living together it doesn't work

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<v Speaker 2>in the long run, because you never know when somebody's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna walk out. There's no lifetime commitment. So I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 2>hold back because what if it doesn't work. It's only

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<v Speaker 2>a situation where I say I'm committed regardless of weather

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<v Speaker 2>we get along or not, We're gonna make this thing work.

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<v Speaker 2>Then the fear vanishes, and then the intimacy, real intimacy rises.

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<v Speaker 2>Now what do we fear in relationships? Well, we fear

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<v Speaker 2>a couple things. First, we fear exposure, We fear that

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<v Speaker 2>somebody is gonna find out what we're really like. And

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<v Speaker 2>we fear that, so we hide ourselves, and we don't

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<v Speaker 2>want people to know what we're really like. And this

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<v Speaker 2>is man's oldest fear, all the way back with Adam

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<v Speaker 2>the first Man in Genesis three, verse ten, he says,

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<v Speaker 2>I was afraid because I was naked, and so I hid.

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<v Speaker 2>I was afraid because I was naked.

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<v Speaker 3>So I hit.

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<v Speaker 2>When we're afraid, we hide ourselves, we cover up, we

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<v Speaker 2>wear masks, we pretend to be people that were not.

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<v Speaker 2>Now it's interesting today we don't have this problem anymore

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<v Speaker 2>with a lot of people. Many people are not afraid

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<v Speaker 2>at all of their physical nakedness. They walk around half naked, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>they walk around showing off barty parts I don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to see, and so they're not ashamed of their physical nakedness,

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<v Speaker 2>but they're scared the death of their emotional nakedness. That's

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<v Speaker 2>what really scared them. I know a lot of people

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<v Speaker 2>who flomp their bodies, who are extremely insecure, extremely insecure,

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<v Speaker 2>and they're afraid of emotional nakedness. What if somebody understands

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<v Speaker 2>finds out my fears, finds out my faults, finds out

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<v Speaker 2>my dark side, find out the parts that I don't

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<v Speaker 2>want anybody to know. And you see, fear makes us dishonest,

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<v Speaker 2>and it causes us to build up walls, and the

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<v Speaker 2>result nobody ever gets to know you, and you don't

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<v Speaker 2>understand one of the things that God puts you on

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<v Speaker 2>earth to.

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<v Speaker 3>Do, and that is to be fully known.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody deserves to be fully known and to fully know

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<v Speaker 2>somebody else, whether you ever get married or not. This

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<v Speaker 2>is haws to do with soul to soul intimacy, and

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<v Speaker 2>God designed the family, the church to do this, where

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<v Speaker 2>we get to know each other on a gut level basis.

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<v Speaker 3>And we fear exposure.

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<v Speaker 2>But there's a fear even deeper than that, and it

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<v Speaker 2>is the fear of rejection. And this may be the

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<v Speaker 2>greatest fear in human beings, the fear of being rejected.

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<v Speaker 3>We've all been rejected.

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<v Speaker 2>At some point and we know how much that hurts,

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<v Speaker 2>and so we feared and we close ourselves off as

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<v Speaker 2>I'll never let anybody hurt me.

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<v Speaker 3>Again, and we build up walls.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, maybe you have been hurt by rejection by somebody,

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<v Speaker 2>a boyfriend, an ex, or somebody a parent who said

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<v Speaker 2>you're never gonna mount anything, or you're not good enough.

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<v Speaker 2>And you felt the sting of rejection by a teacher

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<v Speaker 2>or a coach or somebody.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe you even.

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<v Speaker 2>Felt it by a so called quote Christian, somebody who

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<v Speaker 2>claimed to be a believer, or maybe you felt it

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<v Speaker 2>in a church, or maybe you felt then in a

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<v Speaker 2>small group. And if so, I would say to you,

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<v Speaker 2>I am sorry. I mean I am really sorry, and.

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<v Speaker 3>God grieved at your rejection.

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<v Speaker 2>In fact, if anybody understands rejection, it's Jesus Christ. Remember

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<v Speaker 2>they nailed him to a cross. That is the ultimate rejection,

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<v Speaker 2>so he understands how you felt. But as your pastor,

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<v Speaker 2>I would beg you, please, please.

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<v Speaker 3>Don't let that pardon your heart.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't build up a wall, a crust, put yourself in

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<v Speaker 2>an eggshell. That's a self imposed prison you don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to be in. And when you won't let anybody get

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<v Speaker 2>close to you, because I'll never let anybody hurt me again.

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<v Speaker 2>You're making a terrible mistake. You're not living, You're just existing.

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<v Speaker 2>And it is my job as your pastor, to help

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<v Speaker 2>you and to encourage you and to say take the risk,

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<v Speaker 2>have the courage to risk love again, Have the courage

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<v Speaker 2>because if you will do and you will open up

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<v Speaker 2>your life, and you will lower the berries, and you

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<v Speaker 2>will let somebody have the potential to hurt you, you.

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<v Speaker 3>Will come alive again in a way you have never

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<v Speaker 3>ever experienced.

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<v Speaker 2>Ask God for the courage to take that risk again,

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<v Speaker 2>to be open, to be vulnerable. Now, let me talk

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<v Speaker 2>to the guys for a minute, because men, we're the

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<v Speaker 2>worst about this.

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<v Speaker 3>As guys.

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<v Speaker 2>We wear are We hold our cards close to us

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<v Speaker 2>and we don't let our feelings be known. We don't

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<v Speaker 2>let people know what we're really thinking or feeling. And

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<v Speaker 2>I want to dare you to do a very courageous

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<v Speaker 2>thing to be openly honest about what you're feeling. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't have to do it with everybody, but you

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<v Speaker 2>need to do it with one person. You get in

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<v Speaker 2>a group and share it with a group, or if

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<v Speaker 2>that's too hard, get one Person's Tom talked about. I

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<v Speaker 2>firmly believe in having a spiritual partner in life, one

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<v Speaker 2>person that you can level with, you can encourage, you

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<v Speaker 2>can grow, you can support, you can share, and somebody

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<v Speaker 2>that you tell what you're really like to and they

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<v Speaker 2>tell back.

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<v Speaker 3>And that's a spiritual partner.

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<v Speaker 1>What a great message from Pastor Rick today. There's something

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<v Speaker 1>I always take away from his message. Here's Rick to

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<v Speaker 1>tell you how you can help support this ministry.

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus told his disciples that they should live their lives

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<v Speaker 2>according to five specific purposes. He said, you've got to

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<v Speaker 2>love God with all your heart. That's worship, and love

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<v Speaker 2>your neighbors yourself. That's ministry. That's called the Great Commandment.

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<v Speaker 2>And then Jesus said, go make disciples. That's evangelism. Baptize

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<v Speaker 2>them into the Family of God. That's fellowship, a sign

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<v Speaker 2>of fellowship. And then he said, teach them obey everything

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<v Speaker 2>I've taught you. That's discipleship. And we call that the

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<v Speaker 2>Great Commission. We believe it daily hope that a great

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<v Speaker 2>commitment to the Great Commandment and the Great Commission will

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<v Speaker 2>produce a great Christian, a great church, a great company,

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<v Speaker 2>a great community. You know, I started Daily Hope so

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<v Speaker 2>I could spread the good news about Jesus, not just

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<v Speaker 2>across America, but all around the world. And we want

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<v Speaker 2>people to know that God's word is filled with hope

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<v Speaker 2>and truth, and the power that we need to follow

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<v Speaker 2>him every day is available to every single one. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>as well as I do that the Word of God

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<v Speaker 2>changes lives. It's a live it's active, and it breathes

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<v Speaker 2>new life and new love into all of our lives.

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<v Speaker 2>So wherever you listen to this, whether you listen on

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<v Speaker 2>the website, whether you listen on a radio station, or

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<v Speaker 2>whether you listen to a podcast, you're a part of

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<v Speaker 2>the Daily Hope family and I need your help. We

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<v Speaker 2>could not do this without your support. We're one hundred

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<v Speaker 2>percent listener funded. Would you continue to pray for this

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<v Speaker 2>broadcast and would you continue to support us right to

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<v Speaker 2>me let me hear from you. I absolutely love reading

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<v Speaker 2>the stories that are sent to me. So write me,

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<v Speaker 2>pray for me, and support this ministry, and God will

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<v Speaker 2>bless it, and God will bless you, and we'll get

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<v Speaker 2>to heaven, and we'll thank God for all the people

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<v Speaker 2>going to be in heaven because you cared.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, if you'd like to support Pastor Rick's Daily Hope,

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<v Speaker 1>just go to Pastorick dot com. That's Pastorick dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Or you can text the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 1>three oh nine. That's the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 1>three oh nine. And really, from the bottom of our hearts,

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<v Speaker 1>we thank you so much for your support. Your gift

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<v Speaker 1>to Daily Hope helps us share the hope of Christ

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<v Speaker 1>with people everywhere. Hey be sure to join us next

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<v Speaker 1>time when we look into God's Word for our daily hope.

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<v Speaker 1>This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and

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<v Speaker 1>your generous financial support.