Speaker 1: Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
Speaker 1: a hate crime.
Speaker 2: Maybe they'll jerk my dick off for it, you know,
Speaker 2: like something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate Bath. You are rested
Speaker 1: my ship? Were there any trash ship? You're a worst friend?
Speaker 2: Do you want to know why you're all fucked up?
Speaker 1: Just look at the fucking bums you hang around with.
Speaker 1: You're listening to your Worst Friend with Shane and Matt.
Speaker 1: I'm Matt. I'm joined today by my friend and co host,
Speaker 1: a man who welcomes this month every year because it
Speaker 1: allows him to be his true self.
Speaker 2: Shane, Dude, I welcome every month every year because that's
Speaker 2: how time works.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, tell me how does time work?
Speaker 2: It goes in one direction, at the same speed all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 1: You can go to your Worst Friend dot com check
Speaker 1: out everything we do, follow us on Twitter and Instagram
Speaker 1: at worst Friendcast. Most importantly, go to patreon dot com
Speaker 1: slash worst friend Cast. Cost a dollar a month, get
Speaker 1: a bonus episode every week, and everything ever recorded entirely
Speaker 1: commercial free. I got a video for you. This is
Speaker 1: how we will be welcoming Pride month from now on.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna suck each other's We're gonna suck each other's
Speaker 1: balls through cyber phones, through the metapod. Did you ever
Speaker 1: cyber sex with anyone? Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, on the internet with girls who were probably guys.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, No, like with people you knew? Oh ah
Speaker 1: uh yeah in high school? Yeah, I didn't in high school.
Speaker 1: I did in middle school with other middle schoolers, but
Speaker 1: by high school I was like, if I'm not like
Speaker 1: touching a pussy, I don't, I'm not in.
Speaker 2: In middle school it was with strangers on the internet,
Speaker 2: like aol tat rooms, right, yeah, uh huh yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: And then in high school it was girls from our school,
Speaker 2: usually a grade below us or maybe two. Oho. I
Speaker 2: would like, you know, message and be like, hey, what
Speaker 2: are you doing up so late?
Speaker 1: Where do you live?
Speaker 2: I could walk there?
Speaker 3: Man?
Speaker 1: You really? You were really a fucking hound with that. Huh, Hey,
Speaker 1: what are you doing up so late? Want me to
Speaker 1: walk to your house?
Speaker 2: Dude? It worked like one out of every eight times.
Speaker 1: Hey, one out of every two hundred times. It's a
Speaker 1: great win on that front.
Speaker 2: You know, two hundred people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, sure, this is how we're gonna welcome Pride
Speaker 1: Month to our fellow gay people, not fellow to our
Speaker 1: too gay, too gay.
Speaker 2: To the gay to the gay. So the race of
Speaker 2: the gay. You're not sharing your screen?
Speaker 1: Oh you gotta tell me that earlier.
Speaker 2: How would I know that you're supposed to be.
Speaker 1: Because I go silent, and you know I don't do
Speaker 1: that on the show. I don't just freeze up and
Speaker 1: not talk like I have some form of advanced audience.
Speaker 2: We're only silent for a second, and then I told you, like,
Speaker 2: you're not sharing your screen.
Speaker 1: That's folks. Second, don't worry. We're gonna cut all this
Speaker 1: out like in.
Speaker 2: The olden days.
Speaker 1: We're not. We're gonna leave all of this in like
Speaker 1: in the olden days. That was just before we fucked
Speaker 1: up all the time. All right, am I sharing my screen?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Okay, So what the fuck?
Speaker 1: What is this show? I'm not in the hardcore show,
Speaker 1: so okay. So I mean just everyone is just punching
Speaker 1: each other in the head.
Speaker 2: I'm not a huge fan of the hardcore like pit style.
Speaker 2: So when you go to see, uh, this is kind
Speaker 2: of why I've been putting off seeing Code Orange because
Speaker 2: while they might be like an industrial alternative band now
Speaker 2: they came up as a punk band, a hardcore punk
Speaker 2: band like this, and their singer will like bash his
Speaker 2: head against the ground and bleed all over the place.
Speaker 2: Like it's just like such an intense style of music,
Speaker 2: and I'm not really down with this type of washing. So,
Speaker 2: like a metal mosh pit is mostly just kind of pushing,
Speaker 2: like kind of just off dancing, you know. It's just
Speaker 2: people jumping around, kind of pushing each other, shoving each
Speaker 2: other around, but nobody's hitting each other's It's really not aggressive.
Speaker 2: It's more just kind of like rough housing. I'm just
Speaker 2: kind of just like pushing and I would say, bopping around.
Speaker 2: And at every metal show there's.
Speaker 3: Always always one or two hardcore kids who show up
Speaker 3: with a sleeveless, fucking leather jacket with fucking stud spikes
Speaker 3: all stamped in it and a two foot mohawk.
Speaker 2: And it's like, ah, Jesus Christ, you know, like someone
Speaker 2: fucking get this guy. It's like it's like when you're
Speaker 2: getting on the plane, you know, like all right, you
Speaker 2: see this one guy. He's got a fucking turban wrapped
Speaker 2: around his head. He's got a big bulky spot sticking
Speaker 2: out under his cloth.
Speaker 1: He's ticking body cloth.
Speaker 2: He's got a tick. It's like, all right, just get
Speaker 2: this guy out of here. You know, I'll let this
Speaker 2: guy on because inevitably, dude, like as soon as starts playing,
Speaker 2: or as soon as the metal band starts playing, this
Speaker 2: fucking guy will do a roundhouse kick into the smallest
Speaker 2: girl there.
Speaker 1: And it's like, come on, you know, I have never
Speaker 1: been in an actual pit once, never in my life.
Speaker 1: I went to one punk show or whatever the fuck
Speaker 1: it was, back in like eighth grade into freshman year,
Speaker 1: somewhere around there at the community college near us, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Yeah, And I sat on a
Speaker 1: table that I didn't see the sign that said table broken.
Speaker 1: And I was already very self conscious about my weight.
Speaker 1: And when that table collapsed underneath me, and all the
Speaker 1: hot punk goth chicks that I was into looked like, Wow,
Speaker 1: who let this fucking elephant into the room.
Speaker 2: They didn't laugh, did they.
Speaker 1: They may have laughed, actually, I think they were too
Speaker 1: busy fucking picking at their leg scars where they were
Speaker 1: cutting themselves earlier that day.
Speaker 2: Hey, yeah, a punk girls and goth girls who are listening, Uh,
Speaker 2: go ahead and tell us how you feel about those
Speaker 2: those beauty marks. She gave yourself. Now that it's you know,
Speaker 2: twenty five years later, how do they look now? How
Speaker 2: do you? How do you like them? Do you still
Speaker 2: want to show them off in your English class?
Speaker 1: What do I call them? Sad bad sad marks?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, this Brud's got sad marks all over her. Oh man.
Speaker 1: The worst ones are when you see them on a
Speaker 1: chick's stomach.
Speaker 2: That's bad. Or I think the thighs is bad. I
Speaker 2: think legs and ass are the are the best part
Speaker 2: of a girl's body. So seeing like a rack of
Speaker 2: them down a thigh.
Speaker 1: Is like no, no, no, Aesthetically I get that, no, But
Speaker 1: what do you think like stings the most? I would
Speaker 1: think something core related every time you move and think
Speaker 1: about it. If it's a razor blade, so it's one
Speaker 1: of those real like thin cuts, and they always like flap.
Speaker 1: Oh I'll tell you they do, because I have one
Speaker 1: on my hand right now. They flap open and closed
Speaker 1: and it's like you have, you know, sixty fucking tiny
Speaker 1: pussies all over your ribs.
Speaker 2: Maybe, but I think that depends on how tight the
Speaker 2: skin is there. If you got like washboard abs, then
Speaker 2: I think yes. But if you got a little bit
Speaker 2: of flab even I think you'll be all right.
Speaker 1: That's fair. And also, to also be fair, a lot
Speaker 1: of these chicks probably don't have washboard abs. Otherwise they'd
Speaker 1: have or fucking friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they wouldn't need to fucking cut themselves if they
Speaker 2: had washboard abs. They're cutting themselves to try and make
Speaker 2: themselves magically have them. I think they had always assumed.
Speaker 1: They had washboard abs when they were younger. That caught
Speaker 1: their uncle's attention. Then they ate to compensate, and then
Speaker 1: when that didn't work anymore, sl slit, slit slit. Ooh,
Speaker 1: I'm sad, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's this chick I follow on Twitter. I can't
Speaker 2: remember her fucking goddamn name, but she's got like a
Speaker 2: curly hair and she's Mexican. And every time I see her,
Speaker 2: uh like on the feet and I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: cute face. Why don't I look.
Speaker 1: At her pictures more often?
Speaker 2: Then you scroll down and you see just like these
Speaker 2: fucking weltz. Dude, it looks like it looks like a
Speaker 2: botfly exploded out of her leg a hundred times.
Speaker 1: Looks like she put her leg through a wood chipper
Speaker 1: and pulled it back out right. Yeah, fucking yeah.
Speaker 2: It looks like she cheese grated herself.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, like she had a bunch of tattoos for
Speaker 1: a motorcycle gangs that she wasn't allowed to have anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you want to join us, you gotta get rid
Speaker 2: of those marks.
Speaker 1: Yeah. She kept changing up affiliation and had to keep
Speaker 1: grinding them off. Every time She's like, can't I just
Speaker 1: put it on the other leg, They're like, no, no, no, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: that one left leg only. I got a fun video
Speaker 1: for you. Here, are you about something? Or smoke something?
Speaker 1: I wouldn't need anything, okay, all right, Oh.
Speaker 2: This looks like a train filled with corn.
Speaker 1: I will tell you that I showed this to Jen
Speaker 1: after she regained consciousness when she gave blood the other day,
Speaker 1: and then after I play this, it'll lead into that story.
Speaker 1: But her reaction to this was to move towards the
Speaker 1: garbage can to try and vomit what we have. Harr yep,
Speaker 1: Shane said it right. It's a you know when the
Speaker 1: drain when whatever you were cooking and all the gross
Speaker 1: shit or whatever was on your plates gets stuck in
Speaker 1: the drain. At the end, you have that pile of
Speaker 1: vegetables and corn and whatever else in there, slimy shit. Yeah, no, dude,
Speaker 1: it's fuck you.
Speaker 2: Okay. So the guy he picks up the not even
Speaker 2: the top layer, picks up the bottom layer of the
Speaker 2: stuff where it's peas and carrots that I couldn't even
Speaker 2: see before, or so much corn on top, and then
Speaker 2: he got the biggest spoonful.
Speaker 3: He ate it?
Speaker 2: Cool?
Speaker 1: I love that. Okay, stop.
Speaker 2: Fucking cracker right, Well, did you never you never see
Speaker 2: a fucking brother doing that shit?
Speaker 1: Though you may have a point with my next video,
Speaker 1: let me play this video then I'll tell you the
Speaker 1: story about Jen going unconscious. Okay, okay, okay, because this
Speaker 1: guy makes a point and maybe add some validity to
Speaker 1: your fucking your white people thing, like white people got problems,
Speaker 1: White people be schizos, White people invented air conditioning, you
Speaker 1: know shit like that.
Speaker 5: I do white people make they edible so strong? What
Speaker 5: are you running from? Why am I tasting colors? I
Speaker 5: just wanted to go to Target. Now I gotta call
Speaker 5: somebody to come get me because my car is turned
Speaker 5: into a spaceship and I don't know how to fly it.
Speaker 1: Not an answer that's cute. I'm so high I do
Speaker 1: white people.
Speaker 2: I remember the first time I got high.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I've talked about it recently, haven't I
Speaker 1: At that concert I went to.
Speaker 2: No, I, I wasn't gonna tell a fucking an exciting story.
Speaker 2: I was just saying, like, Oh.
Speaker 1: This guy's a pussy.
Speaker 2: It's it's cute. You know, it's cute when people get
Speaker 2: high for the first time. It's real fucking adorable.
Speaker 1: Were you told me you took a.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I smoked in third grade. That was no, no, no,
Speaker 2: just more of a paranoid trip. I would say that
Speaker 2: the time I got high for the first time was
Speaker 2: probably with that guy. If it, oh no, it would
Speaker 2: have been you and me and Blandrew and the shed
Speaker 2: because I got sacked.
Speaker 1: Was that first time? I Yeah, I had smoked with
Speaker 1: a bunch of times before that, I'd smoked whatever. And
Speaker 1: that one time when George and Little Rob shout out
Speaker 1: Little Rob patron subscriber patroon dot com stas were spring
Speaker 1: cast uh when they brought they brought over some fun.
Speaker 2: They brought off her a lot. Yeah, that we had
Speaker 2: like four blunts. I think all at one time.
Speaker 1: That fucking weed we smoked tasted like it was grown
Speaker 1: out of fucking Nate Dogg's grave or something like yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And that was the first time I came in. I
Speaker 1: think I just started. And the worst part is, what
Speaker 1: about that time we.
Speaker 2: Got we got high and we I stomped in the snow.
Speaker 2: Was that before that? Because I was high, then for sure.
Speaker 1: It might have It might have been that was the okay,
Speaker 1: maybe that was the first time in the shed. I
Speaker 1: think munchies, yeah, I think.
Speaker 2: Okay, So the time we smoked and I stomped in
Speaker 2: the snow, I think was the first time I got
Speaker 2: like high high and I enjoyed it, and it was
Speaker 2: just like, Okay, this is what being high is. But
Speaker 2: anytime I had smoked weed before that, I'm almost certain
Speaker 2: it had been like, oh fuck, I'm going to get
Speaker 2: in so much trouble now, you know. That's all I experienced.
Speaker 1: Right, But that shed time wrecked me. I went inside.
Speaker 2: That was awesome.
Speaker 1: That was the best day ever, I know. But I
Speaker 1: had to work late and you.
Speaker 4: Guys were just call out, just call out of your job.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't I can't do that, Like
Speaker 1: I can't call out of my job. And I showed
Speaker 1: up late. You guys ate fucking Popeyes before? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that was my first getting high. I went out there,
Speaker 1: I think with little Rob, but maybe not, maybe just brew.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to come on and add any more
Speaker 1: detail to this reach out to me, i'd have a
Speaker 1: little Rob on.
Speaker 2: Yeah I can. I can confront him about his stolen valor.
Speaker 2: So I went.
Speaker 1: Marines. There was a There was no fucking Popeyes left.
Speaker 1: You guys left none of it at all, which I understand.
Speaker 1: I'm not giving ship about that, dude. So Andrew had
Speaker 1: like a fucking loaf of bread in his CA and
Speaker 1: I think I just started eating dry pieces of bread.
Speaker 2: Dude, I think I remember that. I think I remember
Speaker 2: you bitching about eating bread. And it wasn't even the
Speaker 2: bread you liked, No.
Speaker 1: It was like cheap, shitty bread.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like what I mean, dude, we were all living
Speaker 2: in poverty back Dennis kids.
Speaker 1: It was his mother's house. His mother had no food.
Speaker 1: She wasn't living in poverty, she was, dude. She had
Speaker 1: her ex husband living there so she could pay rent. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, that's fair.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't want to delve too deeply into their family.
Speaker 2: The fact that Blander's a millionaire now and hasn't dug
Speaker 2: her out of the grave yet. I mean, that's beside
Speaker 2: the point.
Speaker 1: So we had to go the other day up to Secaucus, which.
Speaker 2: Is what That's a made up ass place if I
Speaker 2: have ever heard of. Is that a town from a
Speaker 2: Neil gaming book?
Speaker 1: It's an out No, you don't know. Secaucus is the
Speaker 1: last stop on the New Jersey Transit before New York. So, okay,
Speaker 1: Secaucus like the inside of a septic hang like you'd expect. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not manufacturing. I'm sure it is a byproduct of some
Speaker 1: kind of manufacturing or construction, but it actually just it
Speaker 1: smells like sewage everywhere you go, right, Well.
Speaker 2: Is it like an outlet for all the sewer water
Speaker 2: or something?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Maybe probably, Well, dude, in twenty nine Palms, where I
Speaker 2: was stationed in the Marines, there's literally just a lake
Speaker 2: of shit water because it's like all the plumbing shit
Speaker 2: has to go somewhere, right, And at the time the
Speaker 2: base was built, the spot that they had put the
Speaker 2: shit lake water was probably reasonable, you know, because it
Speaker 2: was just like a training ground and they were just
Speaker 2: like doing stuff in the middle of the desert, and
Speaker 2: the water dumped out over by the gate. But then
Speaker 2: as the years went by, they built the entire town
Speaker 2: in the base around that gate. Okay, so right when
Speaker 2: you come in the gate, there's just a big lake
Speaker 2: and it's all shit water. It's all the it's all
Speaker 2: the sewage that comes out of the barracks and the
Speaker 2: fucking chowha and the commissary and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: Bross, all the stuff that that guy ate out of
Speaker 1: the drain, right yeah, and then ship back into the y.
Speaker 1: So we have to go all the way to Caucus.
Speaker 1: It's an hour and a half and it's on the turnpike.
Speaker 1: And I'm not a scared driver, but I also don't
Speaker 1: like drivers. It's not no. I would actually all right,
Speaker 1: I would lean a little more towards scared. I got
Speaker 1: into an accident pretty early into having my license. I
Speaker 1: don't like getting an accidents. They really fucking scare me.
Speaker 1: I think my biggest fear, you know, people are like,
Speaker 1: what if you got to eat by shark? I would
Speaker 1: actually prefer that. I think over a crunching car accident
Speaker 1: where you suffocate.
Speaker 2: Dude, car dude. Any death that is like a fighter's death,
Speaker 2: like fighting a shark off or mob hit or something,
Speaker 2: you know, like you have a heart attack while you'
Speaker 2: getting a blowjob or something. These are all you noble ways.
Speaker 1: You walk down the street in Philadelphia.
Speaker 2: Sure, right, well, I mean yeah, that's the Vikings called it,
Speaker 2: trying to enter the gates of Valhalla.
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I would prefer any of those to a car crash.
Speaker 2: But I'll say this about being a scared driver. I
Speaker 2: used to be a scared driver until I don't know
Speaker 2: what it was. I thought, I can't name a specific instance,
Speaker 2: but like, eventually I realized, holy shit, I am such
Speaker 2: a better driver than everybody else on this fucking road.
Speaker 1: I'm not scared of me. I'm not scared of me,
Speaker 1: right exactly, I'm scared of everyone else on this.
Speaker 2: Road, right right, right right? Yeah, I get that. I
Speaker 2: used to be scared of everybody else on the road. Uh,
Speaker 2: until I realized I can predict what every car is
Speaker 2: going to do every time, and uh, and I'm never wrong,
Speaker 2: you know. So now I drive like ninety and I
Speaker 2: never get tickets and I never get in accidents, and
Speaker 2: I defy you to prove me wrong.
Speaker 1: Okay, I just don't. I just don't. I get it. Oh,
Speaker 1: you could predict what they're doing. I've seen the Final
Speaker 1: Destination movies too many times, like I always okay, So
Speaker 1: when I get on the turnpike, it's this fucking dilemma
Speaker 1: I'm hit with immediately. Right, there's the trucks and cars
Speaker 1: lane and there's just the car's lane. To me, just
Speaker 1: the car's lane is the safer lane, right, because I
Speaker 1: don't want to get crushed by some big, giant fucking truck.
Speaker 1: And trucks go slow as fuck, sure, yes, or sometimes
Speaker 1: they really barrel and are scary. So the problem with
Speaker 1: the cars only lane is they've been doing instruction on
Speaker 1: it for fucking twenty years or something, so everything is
Speaker 1: just a single lane between two concrete barriers and these
Speaker 1: people once you doing seventy through them while they're on
Speaker 1: your ass. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't care
Speaker 1: if anyone else is. I'm not comfortable with it. It
Speaker 1: breaks me out. I saw a carr one time that
Speaker 1: right ran up against one of those barriers, ripped the
Speaker 1: door all the way up. Breaks me out.
Speaker 2: You'd benefit from adderall because dude, like, okay, So the
Speaker 2: drive to San Francisco from Reno is exactly like you're
Speaker 2: describing every time. For three hours straight, you're just like
Speaker 2: up in this winding ass fucking mountain. To your left
Speaker 2: is a flimsy ass barrier that looks like it couldn't
Speaker 2: hold up, you know, like scooter, Yeah right, yeah, it couldn't.
Speaker 2: It couldn't be a kickstand, you know. And then a
Speaker 2: fucking five thousand foot drop off, and then to your
Speaker 2: right is a cliff. It's just a cliff face, and
Speaker 2: you're just going higher and higher into this mountain and
Speaker 2: it's like that for three hours until you just hit
Speaker 2: a wall of traffic around San Jose. And after doing
Speaker 2: this a couple of times, you kind of get like,
Speaker 2: you kind of get used to it.
Speaker 1: And it really.
Speaker 2: Helps if you have a good car. So driving a
Speaker 2: shitty car makes a big difference. But if you've got
Speaker 2: a car that has like a lane assist or even
Speaker 2: a camera that lets you see the lane lines better,
Speaker 2: that adds a lot to it. So I've found myself
Speaker 2: over the last couple of years putting off those drives
Speaker 2: because I'm like, ah, that's a risky one for me.
Speaker 2: But then I've been forced to do it, and I've
Speaker 2: it hasn't been so bad. You know, you just have
Speaker 2: to realize that you, my friend Matt, they are better
Speaker 2: than everybody else on the road. That's the real key.
Speaker 2: I think you have to know that you're better.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you the real problem? And I don't.
Speaker 1: I cannot figure out what it stems from inside me.
Speaker 1: When I start going fast, real fast, eighty eighty five
Speaker 1: something like that, my hands want to come off the wheel.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, just like, see what direction you'll go?
Speaker 1: Totally no, no, But it's a it's it's an urge.
Speaker 1: I have to actively fight, like to the point I've
Speaker 1: had to take a hand off of the wheel because
Speaker 1: I was scared I was going to just jerk it
Speaker 1: into I don't know, I don't know what it is, man,
Speaker 1: I don't know what stems from I I.
Speaker 2: I mean, it makes sense. You're driving a bullet. Basically,
Speaker 2: you're moving ninety miles an hour, which is a speed
Speaker 2: no human evolutionarily or biologically should really be able to
Speaker 2: comprehend from a first person perspective, unless you're about to die.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's really the only way a person in
Speaker 2: the history of human existence up until very recently would
Speaker 2: ever experience a speed like that. It would be falling
Speaker 2: off a cliff and dying. So I mean it makes
Speaker 2: total sense. I just know that you're better than that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's good. Make sure you figure out a
Speaker 1: way to put something else out when I'm killed in
Speaker 1: I just want to drive fast. So it's funny you
Speaker 1: mentioned that. I've told you before the theory on it
Speaker 1: that road rage comes from being in such a tense
Speaker 1: environment where you could be killed at any second. That's
Speaker 1: why your intensity is always maximized. There was a lady
Speaker 1: who was doing five miles an hour in front of
Speaker 1: us in one of the back roads. I guess she
Speaker 1: was looking for a turn, but she had no blinker
Speaker 1: on and she was doing five no hazards. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to cut around her. Yeah, no hazards, nothing. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to cut around her. So I'm behind her
Speaker 1: and then she just stops and pools over, and I
Speaker 1: pull up next to her to look in, and she's screaming,
Speaker 1: big fat white lady, shitty Karen here screaming, screaming. So
Speaker 1: I stamp on the brakes, I put my window down.
Speaker 1: I go, I go, what are you doing, dude?
Speaker 2: Are you okay?
Speaker 1: She starts screaming at me. She's like, if you want
Speaker 1: to just go ahead, just go ahead, then go ahead.
Speaker 1: I said, this was a bad line, and I could
Speaker 1: see the look on her face. I go, I go,
Speaker 1: you're just in the middle of lane here, blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. She goes, just go ahead, just go ahead,
Speaker 1: now leave, you can leave, And I said, no, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna let you go first. I'm gonna follow you. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, it goes, Oh are you? Are you? I said,
Speaker 1: fuck you, And I just got my carn driveway. But
Speaker 1: I told that to Jen because I had to come
Speaker 1: up with an excuse real quick on why I did
Speaker 1: that and not seem like a complete fucking sociopathic.
Speaker 2: No, you were just raging, that's the excuse.
Speaker 1: I just needed to rage. I told Jenn. I was like, look,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. I'm not a guy with a gun,
Speaker 1: but someday that woman's gonna come across my guy, God,
Speaker 1: you might rape and kill her. So actually it's kind
Speaker 1: of a benefit that I did for her because I
Speaker 1: non violently scared her into not committing road rage in
Speaker 1: future incidents. Holy shit, I'm a spind I'm a spin doctor.
Speaker 1: Two Prince's baby, I'm a spind doctor.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I should pity you or trying
Speaker 2: to pass off that lame ass excuse, or your wife
Speaker 2: for falling for it.
Speaker 1: She didn't fall for hit.
Speaker 2: She knows I'm a monster, okay, all right, well then okay,
Speaker 2: well then she's attracted to that, and I can't. I
Speaker 2: can't knock somebody for their fetish. I can't, king shame.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a step below those chicks that write
Speaker 1: serial killers in prison, right, yeah it was. Who's a
Speaker 1: fucking loser sociopath? I'll just team up with this guy here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could marry a guy who I'll see once
Speaker 2: a year through a plexiglass wall in exchange correspondence with
Speaker 2: or some guy who yells at Karen's on the side
Speaker 2: of the highway.
Speaker 1: No, so that was a back road. So all right,
Speaker 1: I'm on the highway and I decide I'm going to
Speaker 1: take the truck and car route, so it's more wide
Speaker 1: open there. Okay, even though I'm dealing with these trucks,
Speaker 1: it's not all those barricades and whatever else, Like there's
Speaker 1: no shoulder at all. It's like six inches from the
Speaker 1: line is a barricade. So it just doing seventy between.
Speaker 1: It's like a stunt car thing. It feels like to me.
Speaker 2: I get that, yeah, like your your car, Like That's
Speaker 2: the thing that's so wild to me is like you
Speaker 2: ever like be pulling into a parking space and you're like, ah, fuck,
Speaker 2: I don't have enough room, and then you get out
Speaker 2: and you look and you're like, damn, I had plenty
Speaker 2: of room. Like I understand what you're saying. You're literally
Speaker 2: six inches from that barrier, but it feels so much
Speaker 2: closer when it's speeding by. You.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, You're six inches from the
Speaker 1: end of the line, which is six inches, so you're
Speaker 1: a foot for the but it feels yes when you're
Speaker 1: speeding by, You're like, am I graping along the side
Speaker 1: of this?
Speaker 6: You know?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Oh No, I've been there where I'm just like I
Speaker 2: don't want to bang into this, but I never do
Speaker 2: because I'm fucking better than every other driver.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I forgot about that one. Yeah, So I take
Speaker 1: the truck route, and the truck route getting there's fine,
Speaker 1: it's okay. It's like at one point we get boxed
Speaker 1: in by literally four trucks and then I'm just kind
Speaker 1: of like, this makes me like they blocked out the
Speaker 1: sun like they were fucking leoniitis or whatever, and I
Speaker 1: just it freaked me out. But I was fine with
Speaker 1: that because it was I bet you.
Speaker 2: Felt it safe though, if there was a Decepticon attack.
Speaker 1: Unless I was in the middle of the Decepticons. Oh no, dude,
Speaker 1: The Decepticons are always aircraft. That's just like there are
Speaker 1: always jets and helicopters and missiles and fucking plagues and ohows. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I was what was on the trucks?
Speaker 2: You didn't even ask, Well, was there fighter jets on it?
Speaker 1: Helicopter two? Helicopter transports? Yeah, okay, the one in front
Speaker 1: of me was a was a flying one man droned
Speaker 1: and the one behind me was a warship.
Speaker 2: He was a battleship.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was a battleship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, with you know the at the helm, the ones
Speaker 1: they keep those jets on when they put blocks behind
Speaker 1: the wheels, those things.
Speaker 2: Aircraft carrier.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was behind me.
Speaker 2: You know what's so funny in World War Two?
Speaker 1: I can name a few things, but we won't get
Speaker 1: another episode, so go ahead.
Speaker 2: Well, we would just have a war and then or
Speaker 2: a battle and then we would just like sink these
Speaker 2: giant ships and then they're at the bottom of the ocean.
Speaker 1: Now did we do that? What do you mean when
Speaker 1: we blow them up and stuff?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean any submarine and any destroyer and any
Speaker 2: warship that sunk, they didn't retrieve it out in the
Speaker 2: middle of the fucking ocean. You know, they're just down
Speaker 2: there in the middle of nowhere with you know, like
Speaker 2: octopuses and stuff and like a bunch of dead soldier's bones.
Speaker 1: That's the worst part. There's nothing even that valuable on them.
Speaker 1: So there's gold, like stolen gold or treasure, some shit.
Speaker 2: Corpedoes and missiles and shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, from fucking you know, one hundred years ago, almost
Speaker 1: eighty years ago.
Speaker 2: I think. You know, there's like a few nuclear incidents
Speaker 2: that have happened throughout the years that people don't know about.
Speaker 2: Like everyone knows about Chernobyl and all this stuff, but
Speaker 2: there's like more interesting nuclear incidents like the guy who
Speaker 2: got the beam through his brain because he went into
Speaker 2: a room when he wasn't supposed to. And then I
Speaker 2: know that there's been ordinance lost, and if I'm not mistaken,
Speaker 2: there's a nuclear sub It might have been a Russian one.
Speaker 2: I don't remember, but it went missing in like the
Speaker 2: nineties or the two thousands.
Speaker 1: It just it sunk.
Speaker 2: It just disappeared, and nobody knows where it is and
Speaker 2: it's never turned up. And it hadn't fucking nuclear missile
Speaker 2: on it.
Speaker 1: Hmmm. I wonder if they were. I was just gonna
Speaker 1: suggest somebody like fucking Iran or Pakistango get it. But
Speaker 1: why uh yeah, they would.
Speaker 2: Just be doing the work for us, and we're not
Speaker 2: gonna let them get all the glory.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's true.
Speaker 2: We'll get the nuke.
Speaker 1: So we're going up there. We got up there. Fine,
Speaker 1: truck Lane's fine, right, Oh good, you made it. So
Speaker 1: she's gotta give piss and blood and damn.
Speaker 2: Piss for us and bleed.
Speaker 1: God, oh my god. You know what's so cool? Your
Speaker 1: chick's like this too, you know, and mine is too.
Speaker 1: The one nurse was this Spanish lady spoke like no English, right,
Speaker 1: But it's the first time I've ever thought long legs
Speaker 1: were sexy.
Speaker 2: Every once in a while you'll see a set of
Speaker 2: long legs and you'll be like, Okay, I see why
Speaker 2: some people like this. But it's not every set but yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Know, And it's not every long leg it has to
Speaker 1: come up to the right ass. It can't just be
Speaker 1: a huge ass. In fact, if it's long legs, it
Speaker 1: needs to be smaller and plump.
Speaker 2: I would say, yeah, the proportion like has got to
Speaker 2: be right, Like so your torso has still got to
Speaker 2: be like an appropriate when like I don't know if
Speaker 2: it's the golden ratio or whatever, but it needs to
Speaker 2: be proportional to your legs. You can't have a super
Speaker 2: stumpy ass mid section, you know, and then a big
Speaker 2: fat head or something. It's it's it's a whole package.
Speaker 2: But I know what you're talking about, like that that
Speaker 2: used to be such a fucking thing, Like oh, especially
Speaker 2: when we were kids, like Nicole Kidman and all these
Speaker 2: fucking bitches that nobody gives a shit about now. The
Speaker 2: idn't ever thought Nicole Kidman was very attractive, to be honest,
Speaker 2: but it's like that's what was always celebrated, long legs,
Speaker 2: And it's like, what you're into fucking giraffes.
Speaker 1: You're wait, that's next, Yeah, yeah, you're uh. I feel
Speaker 1: the exact same way and the exact same premise. The
Speaker 1: one exception not an exception at all, and maybe it
Speaker 1: was an exception. But the one that I put in
Speaker 1: the same category that I never really found hot except
Speaker 1: in one movie role was Cameron Diaz in The Mass
Speaker 1: She was oh, yeah, gorgeous in that and then I
Speaker 1: just never got it. But she was one where people
Speaker 1: would be like, wow, look at the long legs. I
Speaker 1: don't give a shit about your long freak legs. Go
Speaker 1: play in the WNBA.
Speaker 2: But yeah, do something valuable with your life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, fucking reach light bulbs for pollocks. So no, just
Speaker 1: need one of them, just one person. You just turned
Speaker 1: the bulb, not the house.
Speaker 2: Uh So, Yeah, beauty standards have definitely changed, that's for sure,
Speaker 2: but I think that, uh I can I can appreciate
Speaker 2: what was the thing that was attractive to folks. So, like,
Speaker 2: I still think Marilyn Monroe is attractive, even if you say,
Speaker 2: like she's averaged by today's standards. I see why she
Speaker 2: is celebrated as a beautiful person and as a beauty icon. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then you go back even further to somebody like
Speaker 2: Audrey Hepburn or even Catherine Hepburn, who's like more masculine
Speaker 2: and stuff. You know, it's like total dick. Yeah, total
Speaker 2: fucking burburger.
Speaker 1: But it's like these bitches. Uh.
Speaker 2: While I wouldn't say like, oh that's my type, I
Speaker 2: can absolutely see the appeal of like the time, the girl,
Speaker 2: the the whatever the attribute is. It's just that we're
Speaker 2: not living in that time right now. And I don't
Speaker 2: know that long legs is has ever really been. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's just like having a big ass, right, Like big
Speaker 2: butts are are great as long as they're not on
Speaker 2: ROSI O'Donnell.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you're a sloppy pig the
Speaker 1: rest of you, like, who gives a shit?
Speaker 2: It's been but within within reason, you.
Speaker 1: Know, sure, sure, sure. So Jen goes in finally to
Speaker 1: get out of her blood or whatever, right, and I go, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go grab coffee for both of us because
Speaker 1: she couldn't she had the fast and not drink coffee.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna go downstairs and grab coffee. I go
Speaker 1: to their Starbucks at this it's the Hudson Regional Hospital.
Speaker 5: Huh.
Speaker 1: The Starbucks is not actually a Starbucks, but the stuff
Speaker 1: is branded as a Starbucks. Specifically, here's why I got
Speaker 1: the idea was not actually a Starbucks.
Speaker 2: What it's like Folgers or something.
Speaker 1: Uh no, No, I'm not like being a cunt and
Speaker 1: like commenting on the quality of the coffee. It's like
Speaker 1: they bought Starbucks cups on Amazon or something and they're
Speaker 1: selling coffee as Starbucks. I don't know. Problem is it?
Speaker 2: Is it Starbucks coffee though that they're brewing like that
Speaker 2: you buy from the store.
Speaker 1: The only reason I don't I think it's Starbucks coffee
Speaker 1: is because when I went over to where the creamers were,
Speaker 1: there was also a pot of chicken soup that you
Speaker 1: could scoop into a bowl and bring in pay at
Speaker 1: the front. Now, Starbucks doesn't really have an open soup
Speaker 1: policy in that way, I don't believe.
Speaker 2: I mean, they're always changing their menu though I always
Speaker 2: see different varieties of cake pops.
Speaker 1: There was also an unbranded seven to eleven heater one
Speaker 1: of those heaters, and there were empanadas inside. Now again
Speaker 1: this was in a seven eleven one. I'm just giving
Speaker 1: you the idea of the size of you know, their
Speaker 1: little warm deck area or empanadas in there. And again,
Speaker 1: I know Starbucks is trying to become more international, but
Speaker 1: I've never seen them sell empanadas. Third thing, was there
Speaker 1: was a live chicken running around at my feet at.
Speaker 2: One Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm fucking on that one. I'm just fucking on
Speaker 1: that one. But yes. So I get two coffees and
Speaker 1: like a bag of chips. I'm like, maybe she'll want
Speaker 1: something to eat afterwards.
Speaker 2: Her blood you gave her.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Well no. I get upstairs and the gorgeous
Speaker 1: Spanish woman with the plump ass and long legs is
Speaker 1: in a catcher's position, and I'm like, ooh, this bitch
Speaker 1: is twerking nice.
Speaker 2: Oh nice, she's shitting' all right?
Speaker 1: I see, Oh yeah, she's gonna just shit her pants
Speaker 1: in the middle of the hospital. I then look in
Speaker 1: and I see three other Hispanic women gathering around a
Speaker 1: person who's laying on the floor. And the last time
Speaker 1: I was up there and little Lady Jen was the
Speaker 1: person that was in the room. So it's weird because
Speaker 1: why would Jen be passed out on the floor.
Speaker 2: Damn? I wonder if she just saw the fucking lady's
Speaker 2: torkin and it was too much for her.
Speaker 1: They stuck Jen with the needle and immediately they went sweaty,
Speaker 1: you're going white? Are you okay? And Jen's head just
Speaker 1: kind of went sideways and they tried to get her
Speaker 1: to stand up. When she did, they had to sit
Speaker 1: her down. She just kind of passed out. So I
Speaker 1: come up and they're putting her feet up on a
Speaker 1: chair and I'm just holding this coffee and there's this
Speaker 1: black dude in the waiting room and he's watching me
Speaker 1: hold this coffee like I'm fucking I don't know Gunther
Speaker 1: and Friends, and.
Speaker 2: I don't get the reference, but I hate Friends, so
Speaker 2: I'm laughing he was.
Speaker 1: I didn't never really watch Friends. I just know he
Speaker 1: was that gay coffee guy. He would hang out of
Speaker 1: the coffee. He was his home up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I explain it more Happy Pride month.
Speaker 1: So I'm balancing the coffee and this black dude goes, hey, brother,
Speaker 1: you want me to hold that coffee for you. I go,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Man, Here you go take it.
Speaker 1: I want it to off from the chips, but I
Speaker 1: thought that would be insulting. So I did you think
Speaker 1: he's fucking homeless?
Speaker 2: Well you think I never had chips before?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You think I never had Lai's delicious kettle cook that's.
Speaker 2: Due kettle Cook's overrated.
Speaker 1: Nah, pretty good man, I.
Speaker 2: Mean, they're good. But what's good about kettle cook is
Speaker 2: they have a different variety of flavors. Yeah, salt, pepper
Speaker 2: and jalapino.
Speaker 1: Those are my favorites.
Speaker 2: But continue, But it's like, if you're talking potato chips
Speaker 2: and you're talking lays, how are you going to beat
Speaker 2: the classic yella?
Speaker 1: That's a fair point, the classic yellow. So anyway, my
Speaker 1: wife's passed out on the floor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, that's what I don't get about those fasting things.
Speaker 2: They tell you not to eat and then they stick
Speaker 2: you with a fucking needle.
Speaker 1: What do you think is gonna happen. I've never passed
Speaker 1: out from giving blood before.
Speaker 2: It's if you don't eat. It's very common when you
Speaker 2: lose blood to get light headed and to faint.
Speaker 1: I believe it because likely it's something to do with
Speaker 1: your blood sugar, probably, right, which is why they have
Speaker 1: little things the juice for you afterwards. No, it's fine,
Speaker 1: she comes to, she gives her blood, she gives her piss,
Speaker 1: no incident, We're all good. You have to give a
Speaker 1: shit sample. Yeah, sorry, I smeared it on the outside.
Speaker 1: I called it on my hair.
Speaker 2: And oh you gotta swab for this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they put it in the bag and it just
Speaker 1: smears along the bag.
Speaker 2: So ship being a ship doctor's got to be the
Speaker 2: worst kind of doctor, the kind where you got to
Speaker 2: like take ship out of one person and put it
Speaker 2: in another person's intestines.
Speaker 1: Like like a hippie thing.
Speaker 2: Now, that's a real medical procedure, like to build up
Speaker 2: Like if you have a gut bacteria, like an issue
Speaker 2: with your bacteria and they're not breaking down food or whatever,
Speaker 2: they can take the shit out of a healthy person
Speaker 2: and stick it in your asshole like surgically, you know,
Speaker 2: with a glove or something.
Speaker 6: With a turkey baster. Yeah, oh, imagine there with the bellows.
Speaker 6: Close your eyes and really imagine the feeling of of
Speaker 6: a jerky baster all of someone else's ship being pumped
Speaker 6: into your body.
Speaker 1: That's the worst thing I've seen. And I watched that
Speaker 1: guy eat those fucking corn and peas out of that.
Speaker 1: It's worse visual than the corn and peace for sure.
Speaker 1: Not good. It's not good. No, But I.
Speaker 2: Bet you is micro bio mis thanking him right now.
Speaker 1: But that is also I think south Park made fun
Speaker 1: of that. I think that's also started either as like
Speaker 1: a holistic thing. I understand there is an actual procedure
Speaker 1: where you move that, but I remember who's the jew
Speaker 1: Kyle's mom didn't she have There was an episode where
Speaker 1: she had some kind of shit transplant and it made
Speaker 1: her feel healthier or lose weight, and all the other
Speaker 1: women were trying to get her shit. It wasn't a
Speaker 1: great episode. It was only the recent seasons.
Speaker 2: Well, a lot of people will take the medical procedures
Speaker 2: and then turn them into fads, right like ozempic where
Speaker 2: it's like that's what South Park just did recently, where
Speaker 2: it's like it started for healthy people and now people
Speaker 2: who don't necessarily need the drug or taking it to
Speaker 2: lose weight when other people need it and they can't
Speaker 2: get it. And I think that's like kind of the
Speaker 2: same thing right where it's like it's the same idea
Speaker 2: where it's like it can be have a completely valid
Speaker 2: medical use, but then people can go crazy with it,
Speaker 2: you know, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get it. No, it makes sense, by the way,
Speaker 1: a zempic, that's the us y I don't I would
Speaker 1: benefit from after all. Uh No, I'm not some pussy
Speaker 1: that needs pharmacological drugs. Here's the thing I needed to
Speaker 1: lose weight. I wanted to get ozempic. I couldn't get ozempic.
Speaker 1: I'm proud to announce that today I am one point
Speaker 1: four pounds below my COVID starting weight. I lost Wow,
Speaker 1: seventy one and a half pounds.
Speaker 2: Congratulations whatever I'm clapping.
Speaker 1: Oh zempic. All I had to do was eat meat
Speaker 1: anytime I was hungry. Just eat some meat. Now, depression, sadness,
Speaker 1: eats some meat. Fucking you feel like you're adhd eat meat.
Speaker 1: You an insel, you want to shoot up your school?
Speaker 1: Eats a meat. Just do that fixes all your meat
Speaker 1: to come, eat some meat. I do shit, eat some meat.
Speaker 1: I do have to go to my gi doctor on
Speaker 1: Wednesday because my guts have been swollen since Cinco Demayo.
Speaker 2: So I mean that happens when I eat a lot
Speaker 2: of meat.
Speaker 1: Dude, that's just eat and I think I figured it out.
Speaker 1: Maybe too much meat?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, just have like a tortilla every stid Like,
Speaker 2: that's what I do when I make tacos. I have
Speaker 2: like one of those little street taco tortillas, the small ones.
Speaker 2: But then I feel it with so much meat and onions.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you got your meat.
Speaker 2: Then right, got so much meat and it's just a
Speaker 2: little bit of tortilla. So it's like it's most I'm
Speaker 2: trying to copy you, you know, but it's like I
Speaker 2: can't give.
Speaker 1: Up the bread.
Speaker 2: I gotta have a little tortilla, so I have so
Speaker 2: much meat and then my shit comes out like, you know,
Speaker 2: just like blended onion, stew onion, porridge.
Speaker 1: What were DJ names?
Speaker 2: I don't remember it all.
Speaker 1: Oh Joe, Joe. Somebody commented in the Patreon it was
Speaker 1: meat and something bully, I don't remember. I don't remember
Speaker 1: what it was. Yeah, Joe, let us know what it was,
Speaker 1: meet and what we got to design a logo with
Speaker 1: it and then it'll stick. So on the way back, right,
Speaker 1: I break it down. I go, hey, I'm going to
Speaker 1: do the same thing as last time. I don't want
Speaker 1: to get stuck in the car lane where it's all
Speaker 1: jammed up and real tight, especially with her having just
Speaker 1: passed out. She's not a real good navigator right now
Speaker 1: because their head's all fucking dizzy.
Speaker 2: So wait a minute, But what did they do at
Speaker 2: the procedure? They just looked at her blood and piss
Speaker 2: and then they told you to go.
Speaker 1: It's a pre op work up. So she's having surgery
Speaker 1: on the fourteenth, and it's it's yeah, they got to
Speaker 1: make sure your cholesterol levels are good and this and
Speaker 1: that one.
Speaker 2: So it's fine, it's all, it's fine. No, yeah, I
Speaker 2: hate to like just brush your chick aside, but it's like,
Speaker 2: come on, until they're taking into her with a scalpel, Like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck do I care?
Speaker 1: Okay, I apologize. I was just trying to eat some
Speaker 1: time here, but okay, go on. Uh. I decided I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take the truck lane again. Now here's the fucking problem.
Speaker 1: The barriers are not on the car side on the
Speaker 1: way home.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, you fuck her? Oh no, so I me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't even think about.
Speaker 2: Everything is reversed.
Speaker 1: Well kind of, but they're working on something, yeah, mirrored,
Speaker 1: but they're working on the op. Yeah. So I'm in
Speaker 1: the truck lane and we're doing seventy and it's two lanes,
Speaker 1: thank god, completely boxed in right yeah, yeah, farmers. There's
Speaker 1: a truck in front of me at one point, and
Speaker 1: he has those metal pipes all shit. Yeah, like the
Speaker 1: ones from Final Destination that just ripped through the skull,
Speaker 1: you know, as they fall off of the truck. That's
Speaker 1: a good scene in the descent. Also, Yes, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think I remember it. Yes, I'm gonna go watch it
Speaker 1: after this.
Speaker 2: It's a dream sequence, I think before they even go
Speaker 2: in the cave. Yeah, Bean goes through this bitch's fucking face.
Speaker 2: It wos.
Speaker 1: So I need to get away from behind this truck, right,
Speaker 1: I just have to. It's creepy, wonder. I was gonna
Speaker 1: try and go over, but it didn't work either. Go
Speaker 1: go gadget and get me away from this fucking truck please. Uh. Plus,
Speaker 1: I hit that black eye on a bike man and
Speaker 1: that wasn't even my fault that one time. So I
Speaker 1: just don't like car stuff. Every accident. I just don't
Speaker 1: like it. So anyway, I go, all right, I'll go
Speaker 1: to the left of this guy and I'll try and
Speaker 1: get as fast as I can ahead of him. Right right,
Speaker 1: and it opens up to three lanes, so I got
Speaker 1: a little breathing room if I can get up and
Speaker 1: ahead of him. And then in that last lane, I'm
Speaker 1: a lane away and ahead in the slow lane. I'm happy.
Speaker 1: So I'm in all the way to the left lane.
Speaker 1: I'm doing seventy five between this truck and the barrier
Speaker 1: and the truck is swaying towards me. Okay, don't you
Speaker 1: love that? The reason I'm trying to get ahead of
Speaker 1: him is because he's swaying close, real close, like coming
Speaker 1: on the line.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll just give him a honk,
Speaker 2: like let him know, like, hey, motherfucker, this is my lane.
Speaker 1: We were going so fast and I was so close
Speaker 1: behind him because there was another truck kind of pushing
Speaker 1: me ahead from behind that if I had beaped and
Speaker 1: he had break checked me, I would have been killed.
Speaker 1: I would have been crushed between the two trucks. Likely
Speaker 1: it was two car lanths maybe.
Speaker 2: Oh, now, dude, I would have breaked simultaneously so that
Speaker 2: I matched his exact position in velocity, and I would
Speaker 2: have locked in line with his tires and skid it
Speaker 2: under the trailers carriage thing with the chains under there,
Speaker 2: chain one of those chains connect to Oh those are
Speaker 2: for the tires, all right, Well you put them on
Speaker 2: the tires when this snow's real bad to give you traction?
Speaker 1: All right? Real answer works?
Speaker 2: Thanks, I mean, dude, I didn't want you to think
Speaker 2: that there was still a slave times, because it used
Speaker 2: to be like the slave drivers would just get out
Speaker 2: and beat the slaves to the chain and then hurt
Speaker 2: them all back into the trailer and then keep driving
Speaker 2: to Nevada. Uh, how slavery was, folks.
Speaker 1: So I'm doing eighty eighty five trying to get ahead
Speaker 1: of this guy in that narrow lane we talked about,
Speaker 1: and he starts swaying towards me. Okay, okay, okay, real close,
Speaker 1: and it felt like it felt like he was six
Speaker 1: inches away or whatever it was where I felt the
Speaker 1: truck on me next to gen store. Obviously it wasn't
Speaker 1: close enough for the mirrors to hit. But I'm just
Speaker 1: peddled up, just pound against I'm doing eighty five, just
Speaker 1: trying to get ahead of him, not get crushed because
Speaker 1: if he hits me, the barriers there and he's a giant,
Speaker 1: heavy truck and I'm a kiah okay, so he's fucked
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, yeah uh, And I fucking find a way
Speaker 1: to rip ahead, and I cut over two lanes and
Speaker 1: just before we got to that, I rip ahead of him,
Speaker 1: but he had to swing back over because I think
Speaker 1: he realized how fucking close he was.
Speaker 2: So I almost killed those little kids. It was two
Speaker 2: fucking weird thirty your kids until you fucking bro create. Man,
Speaker 2: that's just how it works. Like you're always going to
Speaker 2: be a kid to me?
Speaker 1: Is it? Shut up?
Speaker 2: What the fuck care?
Speaker 1: I don't care? Uh you want to go?
Speaker 2: You got so much kid? Yeah, I did want to
Speaker 2: talk about this. I think this is the best. This
Speaker 2: is the best tactic in war I've seen since the
Speaker 2: Vietcong covered spikes and ship and buried them in leaves
Speaker 2: for archieies to fall onto.
Speaker 1: Sticks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we're really smart. You read the headline, North
Speaker 2: Korea floats more rubbish filled balloons over South. Rubbish for
Speaker 2: those the uninitiated, is British for shit.
Speaker 1: No, I think it's trash.
Speaker 2: I thought it was shit. I thought it's rubbish as shit,
Speaker 2: it's ship, it's shite.
Speaker 1: No, go throw that rubbish over there. That's not how
Speaker 1: it goes.
Speaker 2: Oh no, you're bad at British. Shut up.
Speaker 1: Rubbish meaning in English useless waste or rejected matter. Trash
Speaker 1: that's my ship is something that is worthless or nonsensical.
Speaker 2: Rejected matter is what I literally look in the toilet
Speaker 2: every day and I'm like bye bye. Rejected matter made
Speaker 2: it cut.
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say you didn't make the cut.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: North Korea is sending more balloons carrying rubbish across the
Speaker 1: heavily fortified southern border. South Korea's military has said. It
Speaker 1: comes just days after North Korea appeared to send at
Speaker 1: least oh man, imagine if it was shit, and imagine
Speaker 1: being the guy having to fill them.
Speaker 2: I mean, if it's trash, there's definite least one diaper
Speaker 2: or turret or something.
Speaker 1: Oh sure, yeah, no, there's one hundred some form of
Speaker 1: shit in there. Yeah. Well, rats North Korea. Though they
Speaker 1: might be sending like human bones over or something, aren't
Speaker 1: they eating each other now?
Speaker 2: I don't know what the fuck they're doing. I feel
Speaker 2: like they could eat the dirt right.
Speaker 1: I don't think his dirt is very sustainable.
Speaker 2: Hey, dude, the Irish did it. We were slaves. We
Speaker 2: ate dirt, we ate potatoes. You look at we bounced back.
Speaker 1: They're still doing it.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, fighting Irish.
Speaker 1: South Koreas Defense minister shinwonk sek called it unimmassed, generally
Speaker 1: petty and low grade behavior. I mean, aren't they kind
Speaker 1: of technically at a war, a cold war or something.
Speaker 2: It's bullshit. I think they are A, yeah, it's it's
Speaker 2: what is it? A ceasefire is what it's called. They
Speaker 2: are something like that, the Korean War is technically still happening.
Speaker 1: We should send in troops.
Speaker 2: Oh dude, we should send in balloons full of our
Speaker 2: shit and come, we'll fucking keep escalating. It's like a
Speaker 2: it's a new Cold war. It's the fucking it's the
Speaker 2: sewage that what is the foul war? That's what it is?
Speaker 1: How would they?
Speaker 6: So?
Speaker 1: I do think this is a brilliant tactic. I do
Speaker 1: like the idea of using balloons to float over shit
Speaker 1: or human waste or just waste in general, and hoping
Speaker 1: that it pops and lands onto one of these people.
Speaker 2: Or just hoping that it solves climate change.
Speaker 1: What was the think I was gonna say? I forget.
Speaker 2: It's kind of a nice way to be at war.
Speaker 2: It's better than killing each other.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, I guess, so, I guess we should comment
Speaker 1: on this.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, this is this is real good. I like
Speaker 2: this clip.
Speaker 1: Trump unfairly convicted on thirty four counts my opinion.
Speaker 2: I don't really care about well, I mean, I don't
Speaker 2: know if it was unfairly or not, because I haven't
Speaker 2: followed it enough. I'll just say for now, Yeah, sure
Speaker 2: it was unfair because the.
Speaker 1: Only part of the thing I don't want to I
Speaker 1: want to clarify my own self here, not to argue
Speaker 1: or whatever. The timing of it I thought was the
Speaker 1: only kind of unfair part. It's in the middle of
Speaker 1: this when you did have from the end of twenty twenty,
Speaker 1: you know, from when he left office execute these kinds
Speaker 1: of things. I just timing wise, that's the only I
Speaker 1: believe everyone should have their day in court and should
Speaker 1: be charged if they committed a crime. It's just timing wise.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of there are things that make
Speaker 1: it look political, whether it is or not, and we
Speaker 1: have to understand narrative and perception is very important in politics.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I kind of take the argument that
Speaker 2: Trump made at the beginning, where it's like, how can
Speaker 2: you get a jury of his peers? He has no peers.
Speaker 2: He stands in a league of his own.
Speaker 1: I never heard that, and that does kind of make sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just execute him.
Speaker 2: You know, there's no one else like him. You can't
Speaker 2: try him, so you know, just like gotta get rid
Speaker 2: of him.
Speaker 1: It is funny that there are people who look at
Speaker 1: him in that way in real life, but who look
Speaker 1: at him as a rasputant type character?
Speaker 2: Wait, what do you mean, Oh, you just can't kill.
Speaker 1: Him, not only executing this man, we have to behead
Speaker 1: him and quarter him and bury limbs at sea. Otherwise
Speaker 1: there's a chance, yeah goodness that he comes back. So
Speaker 1: this is a homosexual gentleman. I guess we celebrate Pride
Speaker 1: month like this?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I don't know. He doesn't say if
Speaker 2: he's homosexual, but he does have a shirt on that
Speaker 2: says what does it say.
Speaker 1: A's for Trump. Okay, so he definitely supports gaye for
Speaker 1: Trump at least.
Speaker 7: I told you.
Speaker 1: Oh that's how we knew he was gay. I'm sorry. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there the lilt.
Speaker 2: There wasn't a clue until he spoke.
Speaker 1: I like his shirt. I love Donald Trump. You got
Speaker 1: a problem with that bitch? Not a question and a
Speaker 1: problem with that bitch. Gaze for Trump? Holy ship. Look,
Speaker 1: I will rip on the left because they do ship
Speaker 1: just as retarded as this, like Gaze for Palestine. But
Speaker 1: everyone is so dumb anymore, aren't they just anyone? People
Speaker 1: don't even have a grasp of the language they speak.
Speaker 1: I'm not being a grammar Nazi on this, but like,
Speaker 1: that's not a fucking statement, that's a question.
Speaker 2: This guy has two whole identities. He's a gay and
Speaker 2: a trumper.
Speaker 1: It'd be like, what do you want to understand which
Speaker 1: do you have tuna? Exclamation point?
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you have tuna? Tuna? Do you have tuna?
Speaker 2: It's so hard to not even make it a question.
Speaker 2: But it's like it's.
Speaker 1: Difficult that way. It's actively difficult to make that a question. Yes,
Speaker 1: all right, I told you ship.
Speaker 5: I told you, Holy fucking ship father fuck mother.
Speaker 3: You suck.
Speaker 1: That ship. Ship and I like, eat ship and die.
Speaker 1: That rules.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, dude's classic. You can't go wrong with that one.
Speaker 1: These guys do rule. Okay.
Speaker 2: They make a great team. I do out of respect
Speaker 2: it for for those just listening, it is a you know,
Speaker 2: like a gay Frasier and then like the star of
Speaker 2: the newest Discovery Survivor series, you know, like this guy's
Speaker 2: gonna teach you how to survive in the wilderness.
Speaker 1: Or or he could play John Leguizamo's uncle on the
Speaker 1: sitcom Sure yeah yeah, or Scuzzy cousin.
Speaker 2: They make a great duo, that's for sure. They an
Speaker 2: unlikely duo.
Speaker 1: Just just like gays for Palestine, they make a duo
Speaker 1: that from the outside should make zero sense whatsoever.
Speaker 2: But then you see it up close and you're like,
Speaker 2: all right, now it makes sense. It's like a it's
Speaker 2: like a shrimp taco.
Speaker 1: Hmm okay, shit, joy, your fucking kids are all Your
Speaker 1: kids are all fucking you. They're all fucking down. Ye hey, hey,
Speaker 1: you laughed at him like he's ridiculous. Let me ask
Speaker 1: you if they were screaming that same exact thing, your
Speaker 1: kids are all dead about climate change, would you agree?
Speaker 2: I would still be laughing, because I mean, our our
Speaker 2: kids are all everybody's all dead. Right moment you're born,
Speaker 2: you're dead, right, That's the only thing you're guaranteed. I
Speaker 2: just think it's funny that this guy is, like, huh,
Speaker 2: he's very threatening about how he's telling me my kids
Speaker 2: are already dead.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: That's what I just find so humorous about it. Is like,
Speaker 2: if I don't laugh, I'm gonna start trembling the worst
Speaker 2: the best person starting to worry about my kids.
Speaker 1: If he wrote it out, he'd end it within an
Speaker 1: in taro bang the question mark with the exclamation point
Speaker 1: right kids are all dead. Your kids are all dead.
Speaker 1: That's a semi colon and they're all that's that's what
Speaker 1: the gay guy. That's what the gay guy has left.
Speaker 2: Oh man, play it again.
Speaker 1: No, do you get that's what the gay guy has left.
Speaker 1: He only has a semi colon left.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because his colon got destroyed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, all right, Sorry, I was proud of that one.
Speaker 1: I had to know.
Speaker 2: It's good. I'm sorry I didn't hear it. I'm glad
Speaker 2: you explained it, even though it ruined the joke.
Speaker 1: I'm guilty. Yeah, you feel you do it?
Speaker 5: Just country.
Speaker 2: There's another clip? All right? Is there another one from
Speaker 2: another angle? Because this dude, uh, he calls the people
Speaker 2: uh the f slur? I remember, yeah, And I think
Speaker 2: it was funny because he is an f slur, so
Speaker 2: he gets a pass. But it's like he was so vicious.
Speaker 1: About it, you know, for Trump. Maybe maybe I was.
Speaker 2: I know that was taken the day of the trial
Speaker 2: or the guilty verdict, so it was like right outside
Speaker 2: there he is.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, but it's not a video.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, if I'll look for.
Speaker 1: It in the episode, yeah, or yeah, we'll talk about it. Someone,
Speaker 1: let's see that's the same one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, either way, this f slur called everybody an f
Speaker 2: slur for finding the president guilty of the other f
Speaker 2: slur fraud.
Speaker 1: Now let me show you the inverse of that. Here's
Speaker 1: a woman who has different colored blankets all over a couch, which, look,
Speaker 1: I understand. Here's the thing, like my mother does, the
Speaker 1: type of shit like when you get she has like
Speaker 1: a new washing machine. Right, she didn't just get it,
Speaker 1: she got it ten years ago. But the plastic graph
Speaker 1: is still on the top because you don't want it
Speaker 1: to get scratched up. Well, here's the thing. If you're
Speaker 1: gonna resell it, I understand you don't want it to
Speaker 1: get scratched up. You're not going to resell it. You've
Speaker 1: had it ten years now.
Speaker 2: You got to look at it every day, and now
Speaker 2: this plastic is covered in fingerprint, fingerprint grease.
Speaker 1: Yea, yeah exactly, it's discussed. Feel it off, just fucking
Speaker 1: use it. So this couch, I'm sure this white trash
Speaker 1: family is like, well, we don't want a bunch of
Speaker 1: dog hairs on the couch. This couch looks like they
Speaker 1: got it out of a fucking dumpster anyway, gives a ship.
Speaker 2: Well, dude, you know couches are expensive.
Speaker 1: Okay, fair point. All right, here is the inverse of
Speaker 1: the guy losing his mind for Trump.
Speaker 7: Okay, oh my god, hand.
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ, Oh my god, having a joker moment.
Speaker 5: Counts.
Speaker 2: What is she celebrating exactly.
Speaker 1: That he got that he got convinced. Yeah, you you're
Speaker 1: having a hard time understanding why this woman here?
Speaker 2: Yeah, white trash?
Speaker 1: Sure what changes her day? Oh? I misunderstood. I understand now, gotcha?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Is like dogs eat Yeah, I know, dogs like m
Speaker 1: smells rotten.
Speaker 2: Yeah, got a steak in there.
Speaker 1: You know how when a dog goes and eats cat
Speaker 1: ship that's in the yard or something by accident they
Speaker 1: do that. That was what I was picturing him thinking,
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, right, who sucks this woman? Maybe for four
Speaker 2: years potentially you'll probably do six months. Dogs, poor dog.
Speaker 2: That'd be funny if she was.
Speaker 1: Like shut kicked it in its head. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: bad for the dog.
Speaker 2: That's probably why it cuts there, because that's what happened.
Speaker 1: Fucking piece of shit dog owner. Uh So, again, if
Speaker 1: we've both been very political at times, and we'll continue
Speaker 1: to have our own opinions, but if you're that into it,
Speaker 1: you're gay for Pride Month, you're gay? Yeah, I got
Speaker 1: not homosexual the derogatory term of gay.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, like you're gay like in the insult,
Speaker 2: I get it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you're faying like not in the derogatory term.
Speaker 2: I just think it's funny that so for the thirty
Speaker 2: four felonies he's found guilty of, the maximum time he
Speaker 2: can spend in prison is four years. It's like, man,
Speaker 2: was it worth it?
Speaker 1: You know? If if and and that would be if
Speaker 1: he was like if he had a prior record or.
Speaker 2: And also, how can you commit thirty four felonies and
Speaker 2: also only serve four years? That seems incorrect to me.
Speaker 1: Because they're not they're not really, they're they're you.
Speaker 2: Really, But no, Like, here's the thing, Like, if other
Speaker 2: people are convicted of any of those crimes at all,
Speaker 2: I don't care how valid they are in Trump's case. Right,
Speaker 2: if these laws exist and people are found guilty of
Speaker 2: them in any other case.
Speaker 1: Oh, I know why, I know why. I know what.
Speaker 2: And they and they go to jail and they have
Speaker 2: served time or whatever. Why is it that the thirty
Speaker 2: four of these case.
Speaker 1: They're not because they're not supposed to be felonies the
Speaker 1: DA Alvin Bragg, I believe, and look this up. You
Speaker 1: should look into because I don't know either, and I'll
Speaker 1: try and commit to this too to look into like
Speaker 1: the legal ease of it and everything. I believe they
Speaker 1: were a majority of them were misdemeanors and they were
Speaker 1: upgraded to fellows because Rico, No, not Rico Rico would
Speaker 1: be the Georgia case, I believe.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, so why would they upgrade this to felonies?
Speaker 1: Again? This case made no sense. But here's the case
Speaker 1: made no sense and it's been out there in public
Speaker 1: since twenty sixteen. Why are we only now prosecuting it
Speaker 1: during the election run up?
Speaker 2: Oh dude, I don't I that I think is a
Speaker 2: bad argument, just because there's so many other people who
Speaker 2: commit crimes and then sit in a jail cell for
Speaker 2: years before they have a trial. So it's just like
Speaker 2: that's just the justice system. I mean, you're you make
Speaker 2: you could be right, right, I'm not completely dismissing your argument,
Speaker 2: but the justice system is already broken and fucked up,
Speaker 2: Like there's already people who don't get fair quick expedient trials.
Speaker 2: Why would you expect Trump to you know.
Speaker 1: So, let me ask you if leading up okay, but
Speaker 1: I mean, we weren't even allowed to discuss the Hunter
Speaker 1: Biden laptop leading up to the last election. Right, and
Speaker 1: imagine if at that time, when Trump was president, he
Speaker 1: had actually had his Justice Department start indicting, not just investiga, indicting,
Speaker 1: should have people from he should not have because he
Speaker 1: should should the swamp. That's okay, that's election interference. That's
Speaker 1: really what should you should have drained the swamp? Is
Speaker 1: what I think. Yeah, I'm draining my balls.
Speaker 2: I'm draining the fucking stuff from your balls out of
Speaker 2: my fucking swamp.
Speaker 1: Uh go to your hold. Thank you. Go to your
Speaker 1: Worst friend dot com. Follow us on Patreon. Uh no, wait,
Speaker 1: follow us on Twitter and Instagram. At Worst friend Cast,
Speaker 1: go to patreon dot com sae Worst friend Cast your
Speaker 1: bonus episode. Every week you get access to everything ever recorded,
Speaker 1: entirely commercial free Winners and losers. Winners or guys like us.
Speaker 1: Losers are people so politically obsessed with Trump or hating
Speaker 1: Trump that they're willing to scream f slurs. Let's try
Speaker 1: and make that. Let's try and only say f slurs
Speaker 1: at all for all of June. But I'm gonna make
Speaker 1: a promise. I'm gonna I'm gonna make a promise. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: only use the term f slur.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah I will June. I will say it's not February.
Speaker 1: I'm going to they should have made Pride Month February.
Speaker 1: I'm going to just jam them all in there. Uh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to exponentially increase my use of it.
Speaker 2: This should have been made Black History Month November for you.
Speaker 1: Just we're good, we we're good.
Speaker 2: For your spendo, Matt, I'm Shane, and my winners this
Speaker 2: week are gays for Trump and thanks for list and.
Speaker 1: We'll see it extra, you know, follow us all with
Speaker 1: a Bruno thing. But I'm really gonna miss your guts
Speaker 1: and the show's over.