WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.600 --> 00:00:03.480 Everything that I had believed prior to understanding how the 2 00:00:03.480 --> 00:00:08.000 world works was completely shattered. And I think in that 3 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:12.919 point my opinion, I think, you know, shadow work is 4 00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:15.240 very very important to even have this experience, but I 5 00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:17.199 think it's going to actually be much more If that 6 00:00:17.320 --> 00:00:19.640 is important, you know, it's not as important, but much 7 00:00:19.679 --> 00:00:23.039 more important dealing with what's going to go through your 8 00:00:23.039 --> 00:00:23.600 head after. 9 00:00:23.399 --> 00:00:25.079 You have this experience of trying to make sense of it. 10 00:00:26.519 --> 00:00:30.760 And that could be I guess maybe my dark Knight 11 00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:33.640 of the soul, because it's like one I realized I've 12 00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:36.880 probably been lied to, a miss understood, and now I 13 00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:38.560 have to sit here and try to think am I 14 00:00:38.679 --> 00:00:39.840 crazy and have I lost it? 15 00:00:39.920 --> 00:00:40.920 Or am I actually aunts? 16 00:00:43.479 --> 00:00:48.000 And that gets scary, so like even like progressively or 17 00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:49.039 even maybe the last one. 18 00:00:49.079 --> 00:00:51.479 But it had brought me to that, to even going 19 00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:52.159 to the hospital. 20 00:00:52.960 --> 00:00:54.920 There was just like a lot of stuff that was 21 00:00:55.960 --> 00:00:57.799 shattering my ideas of existence. 22 00:00:59.079 --> 00:00:59.960 I don't know what it is. 23 00:01:00.679 --> 00:01:03.200 That made me think this, but because of one of 24 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:05.599 those experiences, something just popped up in my head and said, 25 00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:09.760 look into the eyeballs in the brain. I don't know why, 26 00:01:10.599 --> 00:01:12.239 And then I started looking into that and I was 27 00:01:12.280 --> 00:01:14.640 like Jesus fucking Christ. There's so many sigils and symbolism 28 00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:19.120 and in here it's fucking insane. And then you start realizing, 29 00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:23.280 like what I thought magic is the idea that the 30 00:01:23.319 --> 00:01:27.000 Oto gave me or any other place the Satan. And 31 00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:28.719 I think I was a little bit resentful for that 32 00:01:28.760 --> 00:01:30.840 to begin with, because if what I do think is 33 00:01:30.879 --> 00:01:34.239 actually happening, and if I really did experience crossing the Abyss, 34 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:36.000 I think you should be a little bit more open 35 00:01:36.040 --> 00:01:37.519 about what somebody is going to go through and what 36 00:01:37.560 --> 00:01:39.799 their experience is going to be. Stop with so many 37 00:01:39.840 --> 00:01:44.680 fucking secrets, because I don't think it's healthy for somebody 38 00:01:44.719 --> 00:01:46.879 to have that experience not really knowing what the fuck 39 00:01:46.920 --> 00:01:50.760 they're doing, because again, if you're not mentally strong enough 40 00:01:50.760 --> 00:01:52.840 for it, I do think it will warp your mind 41 00:01:52.879 --> 00:01:57.799 and fuck you up. Do you think I'm not patting 42 00:01:57.840 --> 00:01:59.640 myself on the back saying I was a gangster because 43 00:01:59.640 --> 00:02:01.640 I dealt with some serious shit in my head to 44 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:04.200 be able to catch where I am now after these experiences. 45 00:02:09.240 --> 00:02:12.319 HI welcome to Beneath the Bloom. I'm Syria Saint Sinclair. 46 00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:15.240 Beneath the Bloom is a passion project born from my 47 00:02:15.319 --> 00:02:18.639 endless curiosity about people and their stories. I am a 48 00:02:18.680 --> 00:02:21.439 persepane dvote and it is a reflection of my work 49 00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:24.599 with her. Beneath the Bloom follows the myth of her transformation. 50 00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:28.319 It starts in the meadow, then the descent into the underworld, 51 00:02:28.439 --> 00:02:33.000 and ultimately her sovereigny. Turns conversations with witches, occultists, seekers, 52 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:36.120 and fellow wanderers. We explore the threads that connect us, 53 00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:39.159 the endurance, the reclamation, and the quiet beauty of choosing 54 00:02:39.199 --> 00:02:42.680 meaning in a world that often misunderstands us. Through conversation, 55 00:02:42.919 --> 00:02:45.879 we explore what it means to fall apart, to rediscover 56 00:02:45.960 --> 00:02:49.199 ourselves into bloom again, each in our own unique way, 57 00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:52.680 and somehow we all go through it collectively. Beneath the 58 00:02:52.680 --> 00:02:58.039 Blue uses storytelling, humor, and raw vulnerability to explore how 59 00:02:58.080 --> 00:03:01.400 personal practice, shadow work, and devotion helps us bloom in 60 00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:04.919 the dark. These conversations are not just interviews, they're mythic 61 00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:09.199 maps of transformation. Hi, welcome to Beneath the Bloom. Conversations 62 00:03:09.240 --> 00:03:12.759 rooted and personal truth, shadow paths, and the sacred blossom 63 00:03:12.840 --> 00:03:16.719 into sovereignty. Today, my guest is Nick with the Occult rejects. 64 00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:19.599 Welcome, Nick, thank you very much for having me on. 65 00:03:19.800 --> 00:03:20.439 Appreciate it. 66 00:03:20.919 --> 00:03:23.159 So Nick is originally from New York and now in 67 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:25.960 North Carolina. He's been studying the occult for over a 68 00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:28.960 decade and was a member of the Oto is it 69 00:03:29.000 --> 00:03:33.400 Ta Hoodi to Hoodi Lodge for a few years. He's 70 00:03:33.439 --> 00:03:37.199 big into the Kabbala, planetary magic and theragy. He also 71 00:03:37.240 --> 00:03:39.960 tries to come from an academic and scientific angle, and 72 00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:46.159 it's not all dicks and demons. According to his words, welcome, 73 00:03:47.240 --> 00:03:49.240 and so I want to go ahead and start off 74 00:03:49.240 --> 00:03:52.319 with the meadow where let's go ahead and start with 75 00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:54.800 like where are you from? And when did you come 76 00:03:54.840 --> 00:03:57.280 first come across the occult or become an occultist? 77 00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:02.520 Like again, I originally grew up in New York. It 78 00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:04.800 was a Suffolk County. I lived down in ron Konkoma 79 00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:08.199 when I was a child, So right there, like that's 80 00:04:08.240 --> 00:04:10.479 even a big thing that I sometimes refer back to 81 00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:12.960 even when I'm on my own show or on other shows. 82 00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:16.480 The fact of I don't know if because there ron 83 00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:19.920 Konkoma was known. First off, everywhere I lived had Native 84 00:04:19.920 --> 00:04:23.000 American streets, so we were already had the idea that 85 00:04:23.160 --> 00:04:26.160 was Native Americans buried underneath the houses and there might 86 00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:30.279 be spirits. We had Lake Ronkonkoma that had a story 87 00:04:30.360 --> 00:04:33.199 with it that every year the princess of the lake 88 00:04:33.240 --> 00:04:35.879 would take a mail because of some story about wanting 89 00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:37.800 to marry a white guy when she was younger. The 90 00:04:37.839 --> 00:04:40.439 faller said no, and somehow they both you know, almost 91 00:04:40.519 --> 00:04:43.480 Romeo and Juliet both dead somehow at the end. So 92 00:04:43.639 --> 00:04:46.519 now she always takes a male. And as long as 93 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.560 I live there, that always happened. At least one dude 94 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:51.560 every year drowned in that lake. So we're just like yo, 95 00:04:51.720 --> 00:04:55.199 you know, as a kid, yeah, you start thinking this 96 00:04:55.240 --> 00:04:58.639 stuff is like, you know, real. So even as a child, 97 00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:00.600 probably with all that stuff from around me, I was 98 00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:06.720 already open to just paranormal and myths and lore. I 99 00:05:06.839 --> 00:05:10.839 did kind of grow up in somewhat of a religious household, 100 00:05:11.800 --> 00:05:15.360 and you know, Christians slash kind of like Catholic, and 101 00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:17.959 I think due to that, I mean, you have to 102 00:05:17.959 --> 00:05:20.800 start worrying about the devils, and eventually I'm gonna get 103 00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:22.279 intrigued by that as well, I guess. 104 00:05:22.120 --> 00:05:24.199 At some point, you know what I'm saying. 105 00:05:24.920 --> 00:05:27.360 So it's just you know, I just even think that 106 00:05:27.399 --> 00:05:29.720 whole economy or that whole situation that just made me 107 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:32.439 very interested in everything, you know, like well, you know, well, 108 00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:34.720 who's this character that supposedly is going to you know, 109 00:05:34.759 --> 00:05:35.519 make me do all. 110 00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:36.040 These bad things. 111 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:38.680 So just even as as grown up as a kid, 112 00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:41.360 growing up, I think I was just very interested in 113 00:05:41.439 --> 00:05:45.160 just the idea of heaven and hell. I believed again, 114 00:05:45.240 --> 00:05:48.399 like in the paranormal. My my father and mother even 115 00:05:48.439 --> 00:05:50.720 believed in ghosts. They thought the house might have been 116 00:05:50.720 --> 00:05:54.160 haunted at times. So all that stuff, I'm sure had 117 00:05:54.199 --> 00:05:57.120 something to do with just me being open to unusual things, 118 00:05:57.160 --> 00:05:57.920 I guess, or. 119 00:05:57.879 --> 00:05:58.920 You know, not the normal. 120 00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:05.079 Uh there was at times there was satanic panic in 121 00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:06.519 our neighborhood too, believe it or not. 122 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:08.639 Growing up so again like this stuff is in my. 123 00:06:08.680 --> 00:06:10.759 Face, And I guess as a child, I was a 124 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:12.480 little bit more inquisitive than. 125 00:06:12.360 --> 00:06:14.839 Scared to where I was like, oh, what is this stuff? 126 00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:16.839 Like what's going on? You know, why is that bad? 127 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:18.480 And not saying it's not bad. I want to know, 128 00:06:18.519 --> 00:06:20.439 like what it is, what is it that makes that bad? 129 00:06:21.160 --> 00:06:23.279 And I mean to the point where it's like even 130 00:06:23.319 --> 00:06:27.519 a few houses down looking at it. Now, I couldn't 131 00:06:27.560 --> 00:06:29.480 tell you if there were satanic. I mean even that 132 00:06:29.480 --> 00:06:33.120 word itself. I mean it's missed whatever. You know what 133 00:06:33.120 --> 00:06:35.360 I'm getting at the way people it is wrong in 134 00:06:35.399 --> 00:06:38.959 my opinion, But growing up, I thought there was satanic 135 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:42.000 because like they they had cars that literally had sigil 136 00:06:42.040 --> 00:06:44.600 spray painted on them and you hear them blasting, well 137 00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:45.480 actually playing. 138 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:47.639 They had a band playing death metal out of the house. 139 00:06:48.079 --> 00:06:50.199 So to me, I'm thinking this is like basically moment 140 00:06:50.240 --> 00:06:52.079 Angel lived down, you know, lives down the box for me, 141 00:06:52.120 --> 00:06:54.800 and I got satist and you know, as and your 142 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:57.040 parents are telling you, the neighbors are talking about it. 143 00:06:57.079 --> 00:06:59.720 You know, these people are weird. So like I even 144 00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:01.879 think I got Satanists living on my block. And then 145 00:07:02.040 --> 00:07:04.879 at one point down the road, crazy story. People can 146 00:07:04.920 --> 00:07:07.560 look it up and ron Khan Khama. Some kid thought 147 00:07:07.639 --> 00:07:09.639 Dungeons and Dragons told him to kill his parents. So 148 00:07:09.639 --> 00:07:12.279 we off to one of them, whoa, yeah, so now 149 00:07:12.279 --> 00:07:14.319 we got like, you know, Dungeons and Dragons, and you 150 00:07:14.360 --> 00:07:16.920 know this occult game that's telling kids to kill people, 151 00:07:17.040 --> 00:07:19.439 is you know, actually doing it. Well, the kid was 152 00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:21.720 play sick anyway, But you know what I'm saying, so 153 00:07:21.759 --> 00:07:24.240 I got that going on, and then you no, lie. 154 00:07:24.360 --> 00:07:28.040 Two years later, this is the craziest thing. That house 155 00:07:28.120 --> 00:07:29.800 that that kid did that in was on a corner 156 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:32.680 house at a light. A couple of years later, somebody 157 00:07:32.680 --> 00:07:34.720 blew the light and ended up in an accident and 158 00:07:34.759 --> 00:07:36.800 went into the house and killed the rest of the people. 159 00:07:36.879 --> 00:07:41.279 He didn't kill and he just like what they hit 160 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:46.279 them with the car through the house. What went through 161 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:47.279 the house and killed people? 162 00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:52.800 She di too. Uh No, he was jil oh, okay, 163 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:53.959 God if he. 164 00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:55.959 Wasn't in he wasn't in that house anymore. I can 165 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:57.160 tell you that, you know. 166 00:07:58.000 --> 00:07:59.600 I mean he was young enough to maybe went into 167 00:07:59.639 --> 00:08:02.079 like you know, uh, your mental institute instead of jail. 168 00:08:02.120 --> 00:08:02.439 I don't know. 169 00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:05.360 Yeah, how old are you? M M. 170 00:08:06.439 --> 00:08:07.720 This might have been before my teens. 171 00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:10.399 Oh that's really scary, That's what I'm saying. 172 00:08:10.439 --> 00:08:11.199 Like, yeah, yeah. 173 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:13.360 There was one time where animals were going missing in 174 00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:15.560 a neighborhood and the whole rumor was that the Satanist 175 00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:16.120 were killing. 176 00:08:15.959 --> 00:08:18.600 Them, you know, and who knows even what it was. 177 00:08:19.319 --> 00:08:21.680 I don't know, maybe people's animals, which just I mean 178 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:23.800 our dog maybe just hopped defense and didn't come back that. 179 00:08:24.120 --> 00:08:25.680 You know, I'm saying that's quite possible. 180 00:08:26.040 --> 00:08:26.439 Mm hmm. 181 00:08:26.680 --> 00:08:28.480 But you know, just having all this stuff in. 182 00:08:28.360 --> 00:08:32.039 My life growing up, especially like oh little Satan, Satan Satan. 183 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:35.960 I guess you know. I'm in North Carolina. It's also 184 00:08:36.039 --> 00:08:39.399 considered the biggest occult state, I think, in the country. 185 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:40.840 And I think it's due to the fact that, I mean, 186 00:08:40.840 --> 00:08:42.519 you have the Bible belt going through here. When you 187 00:08:42.519 --> 00:08:44.879 have something forced in your face, it's just gonna be 188 00:08:44.879 --> 00:08:46.440 a reaction at some point to go to the complete 189 00:08:46.440 --> 00:08:48.799 opposite or be intrigued by the other end. I think 190 00:08:48.840 --> 00:08:51.200 that's kind of what happened to me having that stuff 191 00:08:51.639 --> 00:08:54.480 constantly in my face. I just got interested in all 192 00:08:54.519 --> 00:08:59.120 of it. So, like long story short, throughout school, uh, 193 00:08:59.159 --> 00:09:01.679 you know, it was interested in you know, paranormal. 194 00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:03.320 UFOs, you know, bigfoot stuff like that. 195 00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:06.840 I had a few friends that were considered themselves wicked, 196 00:09:07.639 --> 00:09:10.080 and I thought they were pretty cool, and like you know, 197 00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:12.120 I would talk to them sometimes and ask them about 198 00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:15.279 their stuff. I thought it was really interesting. But I guess, 199 00:09:15.320 --> 00:09:17.039 like you know, neither maybe afraid to get into it 200 00:09:17.159 --> 00:09:19.000 or just whatever. Got other stuff. I'd rather play my 201 00:09:19.000 --> 00:09:23.320 guitar or I don't know stuff like that. But eventually, 202 00:09:23.399 --> 00:09:29.879 like fast forward, probably like into my mid twenties, I 203 00:09:29.879 --> 00:09:32.559 started getting a little bit more into like conspiracy stuff, 204 00:09:33.279 --> 00:09:35.600 but like the stuff I came across was more like 205 00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:44.240 Michael Tassarian, who's that that, Mark Passio, David Ike, Jordan Maxwell, 206 00:09:44.399 --> 00:09:46.639 people that, you know, people that kind of heavily touch 207 00:09:46.679 --> 00:09:50.039 on the occult anyway, and that may not necessarily always 208 00:09:50.159 --> 00:09:54.080 do it in a bad light either. That interested me 209 00:09:54.360 --> 00:09:56.320 a lot more when I started getting into the cult, 210 00:09:56.600 --> 00:09:59.159 because I did believe, going back to when I was 211 00:09:59.200 --> 00:10:01.679 in school, I did believe that these people that are 212 00:10:01.720 --> 00:10:03.360 into that stuff were probably legit. 213 00:10:03.440 --> 00:10:04.919 So I believe that it actually works. 214 00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:07.720 You know, I believe this stuff was real because it 215 00:10:07.759 --> 00:10:10.200 was throughout my face honestly, even like I've been talking 216 00:10:10.240 --> 00:10:12.960 about this supposed Satanists down the road, you know, I'm 217 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:14.960 already you know, due to all that, I believe this 218 00:10:14.960 --> 00:10:17.759 stuff is real. So I'm taking the occult as you know, real, 219 00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:21.759 which you know it is to me. So I got 220 00:10:21.799 --> 00:10:24.279 interested in that stuff and listen to a lot of things, 221 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:26.519 a lot of lectures, you know, a lot of podcasts. 222 00:10:26.519 --> 00:10:28.679 Well there really wasn't podcasts back then. Actually, it was 223 00:10:28.679 --> 00:10:32.720 more of like long form YouTube videos really, and I 224 00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:36.519 got into this stuff, would research on my own, just 225 00:10:36.519 --> 00:10:39.919 to look up different things. And after a while, at 226 00:10:39.919 --> 00:10:42.440 some point, I was like, you know, I know all 227 00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:44.759 these orders, I know all these names and all these 228 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:49.039 supposed bad people. I zero have zero clue what the 229 00:10:49.080 --> 00:10:53.320 hell magic still is. I have no idea, you know, 230 00:10:53.480 --> 00:10:55.600 So like, where is this getting me? Because I actually 231 00:10:55.639 --> 00:10:57.480 want to try to understand what his magic was the occult, 232 00:10:57.720 --> 00:11:00.399 like what's going on there? So I was like, maybe 233 00:11:00.440 --> 00:11:04.279 I should actually like join an order, you know, this 234 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:06.559 time yet now at this point, I'm into. 235 00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:08.879 My thirties at some point, okay, and. 236 00:11:10.840 --> 00:11:13.840 Yeah, I was started thinking maybe I should like try 237 00:11:13.879 --> 00:11:16.399 to like visit one of these places, you know. And 238 00:11:17.320 --> 00:11:20.279 at this point already okay, at this point, I would 239 00:11:20.320 --> 00:11:21.399 have already bought books. 240 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:24.159 I think I had Donald Michael. 241 00:11:23.919 --> 00:11:27.320 Craig's Lessons in Ceremonial Magic or Lessons of Magic, whatever 242 00:11:27.320 --> 00:11:27.799 that book is. 243 00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:29.120 I had that book. 244 00:11:29.159 --> 00:11:31.000 I had a few other books that I was already reading, 245 00:11:31.080 --> 00:11:35.200 already starting to practice like certain things, and it was 246 00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:38.120 I started I can't remember exactly because I don't want 247 00:11:38.120 --> 00:11:42.240 to make a wrong accusation on somebody, but somebody's work 248 00:11:42.320 --> 00:11:45.919 that had libor rush in it did not match Crowley's 249 00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:49.120 libor rush it like one of the things was moving around, 250 00:11:49.159 --> 00:11:53.879 and I was like, well, why that's not the original thing. 251 00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:55.720 Like so like now I'm thinking in my head, like 252 00:11:56.039 --> 00:11:57.679 can I not even trust books? And I got to 253 00:11:57.720 --> 00:11:59.799 go to the orders themselves and actually have somebody there 254 00:12:00.240 --> 00:12:02.919 this stuff to me. I started thinking like maybe I 255 00:12:02.919 --> 00:12:05.360 should get involved and learn from other people and have 256 00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:07.600 people to learn from. Yeah, I mean to have people 257 00:12:07.639 --> 00:12:11.159 to talk to too and stuff. And so I sort 258 00:12:11.159 --> 00:12:12.879 of looking and there was some people that I knew 259 00:12:12.919 --> 00:12:14.679 that were already in the community from being on like 260 00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:17.399 Facebook groups or just like on social media kind of 261 00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:19.879 like lurking and just talking to a few people here 262 00:12:19.919 --> 00:12:23.440 and there. And I knew somebody was in the Masons, 263 00:12:23.440 --> 00:12:25.600 and they were like, dude, like you're gonna waste your 264 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:28.039 time for a long time before you can even start 265 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:30.159 getting into rituals because they're not even gonna act like 266 00:12:30.200 --> 00:12:33.960 that shit exists at a certain certain degree. 267 00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:37.799 So I was like, all right, just screw that. There 268 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:39.000 wasn't a golden doorn near me. 269 00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:42.519 I actually would have probably have preferred that that's what 270 00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:46.279 I was looking more for because I thought I might 271 00:12:46.360 --> 00:12:48.080 have been a little bit more like academic or a 272 00:12:48.120 --> 00:12:51.679 little bit more studious. And but then I happened to 273 00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:54.080 notice all this and Oto Lodge twenty five minutes away 274 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:56.440 from my house. I was like, I was like, you know, 275 00:12:56.799 --> 00:12:59.559 I've read Crowley stuff. I even read some. 276 00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:01.480 You know, it was interesting. He has a lot of 277 00:13:01.480 --> 00:13:02.320 shit in prison. 278 00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:04.519 Believe it or not, I was in prison at one 279 00:13:04.519 --> 00:13:07.399 point and he had tons of stuff that guy's books 280 00:13:07.399 --> 00:13:10.360 floating around. I had heard of him prior to them, 281 00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:12.559 but I had come across more of his stuff in 282 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:14.440 there and read it and still thought it was just like, Yo, 283 00:13:14.519 --> 00:13:16.519 this shit's nonsense. It makes no fucking sense to me. 284 00:13:16.840 --> 00:13:18.759 I actually thought it was a bunch of garbage, and 285 00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:21.120 I was like, I don't get it. But then I 286 00:13:21.159 --> 00:13:24.080 was like still eventually, like you know, when I was 287 00:13:24.120 --> 00:13:27.679 out of prison and started getting into practicing more, and 288 00:13:27.720 --> 00:13:30.279 when I came across the Oto and his work, I 289 00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:32.440 some reason at that point I was like, yeah, there's 290 00:13:32.480 --> 00:13:34.399 something here. I just don't think I was able to 291 00:13:34.440 --> 00:13:38.000 even conceive what the guy was talking about then, so 292 00:13:38.080 --> 00:13:41.600 I was like, you know, I'll try the Oto. It 293 00:13:41.759 --> 00:13:45.279 had a little bit more of it's maybe a little 294 00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:47.799 bit more different imagery than I was looking for. It's 295 00:13:47.799 --> 00:13:50.759 a little bit more darker looking. But uh, I was like, 296 00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:52.159 oh fuck, I'll try it out. And then when I 297 00:13:52.200 --> 00:13:55.120 got there, I was like, oh, these people all like harmless. 298 00:13:54.759 --> 00:13:56.000 Nice people. Yeah. 299 00:13:56.279 --> 00:14:02.000 Yeah, they're all just nerds like me honestly, and so yeah. 300 00:14:02.039 --> 00:14:04.000 So but eventually I was like, you know what, let 301 00:14:04.039 --> 00:14:08.080 me go, let me hit this place up. And you know, 302 00:14:08.120 --> 00:14:10.679 these secret societies aren't as secret as people think they are, 303 00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:14.639 or at least hiding themselves. Maybe they're mysteries and mysteries 304 00:14:14.679 --> 00:14:17.080 they might keep secret like the stuff that you can learn, 305 00:14:17.159 --> 00:14:19.320 but their existence they don't hide it. So it was 306 00:14:19.320 --> 00:14:20.879 really easy. I mean, I'm sure you would know. It's 307 00:14:20.879 --> 00:14:22.440 really easy to go find these places if you want 308 00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:23.200 to go find them. 309 00:14:23.399 --> 00:14:23.919 You know, they. 310 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:27.639 Themselves so yeah, well they also they want people to 311 00:14:27.679 --> 00:14:28.279 come there too. 312 00:14:28.279 --> 00:14:30.200 They have bills to pay, like you know what I'm saying, 313 00:14:30.200 --> 00:14:31.200 like it would help. 314 00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:35.759 So I found a hoodie lodge and I was like, oh, 315 00:14:35.799 --> 00:14:39.600 we'll go to a Gnostic mass and I think there 316 00:14:39.639 --> 00:14:41.679 was one like a month away, which to Hoodi Lodge 317 00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:44.960 has like every weekend, very active lodge a lot of people, 318 00:14:45.399 --> 00:14:48.960 and I will say the Gnostic Mass is done. Correct there, 319 00:14:49.159 --> 00:14:51.559 I'll give them that too. We were talking about that earlier. 320 00:14:53.279 --> 00:14:55.720 I when I hit them up, they were like, that's 321 00:14:55.759 --> 00:14:57.519 a month from now. They're like, just hit us up 322 00:14:57.519 --> 00:14:59.799 again and we'll give you directions on how to get here. 323 00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:02.159 Want to come? I was like, all right, not a problem. 324 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:03.879 Uh So at that point I had even watched the 325 00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:06.080 Gnostic Mass on YouTube Chuck checked it out. 326 00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:08.759 I was like, Oh, no problems. It looks a little weird. 327 00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:10.720 Well, it looks a little weird maybe to other people, 328 00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:11.960 but to me, I was just like, yeah, this is 329 00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:15.080 no big deal. I can handle this, and uh I 330 00:15:15.159 --> 00:15:17.759 went Eventually I hit them up I think a couple 331 00:15:17.799 --> 00:15:19.759 of days before the Gnostic Mass, and then they had 332 00:15:19.799 --> 00:15:21.840 given me directions or you know, the address and stuff 333 00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:23.960 and let me know how to get there. I will say, 334 00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:26.559 first going there, I don't want to give like too 335 00:15:26.600 --> 00:15:28.679 much away on how they are with like talking about them, 336 00:15:28.679 --> 00:15:31.919 you know, specifically, but like this setup was weird because 337 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:35.559 it was in like an apartment building, so you can't 338 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:36.279 just walk in. 339 00:15:36.360 --> 00:15:38.559 There was like a gated it's like a gated place. 340 00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:39.960 So in the directions. 341 00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:42.039 It tells you, like, you know, across the street from 342 00:15:42.039 --> 00:15:43.919 the lodge, there's a park. They'll sit at the bench 343 00:15:43.960 --> 00:15:45.320 and like there'll be people out there, and I'm like, 344 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:46.360 what the fuck. 345 00:15:48.200 --> 00:15:51.360 So they're like i'd like driving and un parking, and 346 00:15:51.399 --> 00:15:52.960 I'm like walking down the road and I see, I'm 347 00:15:53.000 --> 00:15:53.519 just gonna keep it. 348 00:15:53.559 --> 00:15:55.519 Realized saw like a group I looked like goth kids, 349 00:15:55.519 --> 00:15:58.759 and I was like, oh, that's that's good. Yeah, they're 350 00:15:58.759 --> 00:16:01.600 all wearing black. You know, it's probably the guy, you know, 351 00:16:01.639 --> 00:16:04.000 the people there. So I walked over and just you know, 352 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:05.399 all hung out. And then I saw a guy come 353 00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:08.039 out with the key on locking the gate, being like 354 00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:10.000 all right, you know, I was like, oh, okay, this 355 00:16:10.039 --> 00:16:12.159 just makes sense. You can't just walk in, you know. 356 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:13.919 It almost made me feel a little bit safe. Actually, 357 00:16:13.960 --> 00:16:15.399 I know, some crazy guy, you know, you want to 358 00:16:15.399 --> 00:16:17.679 get some school shooters showing up. He's probably not gonna 359 00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:22.480 get in right away, you know. But so I was like, 360 00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:24.159 all right, that made sense. But at the first, you know, 361 00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:25.840 at the beginning, I was already like, okay, this is 362 00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:29.360 getting weird. But so I finally went downstairs, you know, 363 00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:31.639 hung out, you hang out in the main room for 364 00:16:31.639 --> 00:16:35.200 a while and then you know, people bullshitting. I'm sitting 365 00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:36.919 there just nervous, like what the fuck am I doing here? 366 00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:42.279 And starts up and I will say for people like, 367 00:16:43.080 --> 00:16:43.799 I'm not vanilla. 368 00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:45.799 But it did freak me out because I was like, Okay, 369 00:16:45.799 --> 00:16:49.120 on YouTube, they don't show titties, So when that shit 370 00:16:49.320 --> 00:16:51.080 came out, I was just like, Yo, what the fuck's 371 00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:54.000 going on now? I was like, Yo, this shit turns 372 00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:55.840 into eyes white shut, I'm getting the fuck out of you. 373 00:16:57.279 --> 00:16:59.720 And I'm like, yo, Like literally, I'm like standing there. 374 00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:01.279 You haven't been to a mask, so like you don't 375 00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:03.399 know what, like two rows of people and then you 376 00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:05.519 have everything going up there and I'm like kind of 377 00:17:05.559 --> 00:17:07.119 in the back. So it's just I just got this 378 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:10.960 whole view and I'm just like, yeah, like I'm really here. 379 00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:14.079 Right now, Yeah happening. 380 00:17:14.920 --> 00:17:21.599 And I was like and two weeks later I went back, no, 381 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:23.839 I will say, you know, and I don't know if 382 00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:27.440 maybe maybe she was smart about it too. The priestess, 383 00:17:27.519 --> 00:17:30.200 you know, the one with the tits out, approached me 384 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:32.319 after the fact and was like, you know, we sometimes 385 00:17:32.319 --> 00:17:34.480 we do classes, So I don't know if it was 386 00:17:34.519 --> 00:17:37.920 already like, you know, that uncomfortable, weird situation, or maybe 387 00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:39.799 she thought I might have enjoyed what I saw, you know, 388 00:17:39.839 --> 00:17:41.799 who knows. Was trying to like, at least talk to 389 00:17:41.799 --> 00:17:45.319 me and tell me that there's other things here besides this. 390 00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:49.200 We have some classes sometimes we cover people's history, and 391 00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:50.960 I was like, you know what, I think I'll come 392 00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:54.039 back for something else m And I did, and I 393 00:17:54.039 --> 00:17:56.160 thought it was really good. So I was like, you 394 00:17:56.200 --> 00:17:57.880 know what, I don't think I'll just stay and I'll 395 00:17:57.880 --> 00:18:00.599 get used to the uncomfortability of just random boobs, you 396 00:18:00.599 --> 00:18:02.039 know what I'm saying. I mean, it's normally not a 397 00:18:02.039 --> 00:18:04.400 thing a guy and normally complains about. But it was 398 00:18:05.079 --> 00:18:06.799 it was just, you know, it was a little weird. 399 00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:09.599 In it's still if you're not it. 400 00:18:09.759 --> 00:18:12.559 Yeah, I was like, oh, I should have watched the 401 00:18:12.599 --> 00:18:13.480