WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:05.000 Welcome to Dear Nicky Aptain Tark, where we dive deep 2 00:00:05.080 --> 00:00:10.199 into the raw, unfiltered stories of desire, power, and everything 3 00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:14.279 in between. I'm your host, Nikki, and today we're exploring 4 00:00:14.320 --> 00:00:19.559 the electrifying world of dominance and submission dynamics. These letters 5 00:00:19.600 --> 00:00:23.600 from listeners like you reveal the thrill of surrender, the 6 00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:28.199 rush of control, and the intimate spaces where fantasies become reality. 7 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:33.520 So buckle up, it's going to get really intense. And 8 00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:37.520 on tonight's show, a flirty night at a cocktail party 9 00:00:37.600 --> 00:00:42.200 turns into a tense car ride home where defiance meets dominance, 10 00:00:42.880 --> 00:00:47.000 leading to a raw edge of your seat encounter that 11 00:00:47.200 --> 00:00:51.479 ends in a sweet, affirming praise. A young woman aches 12 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:55.280 for total submission, penned down an edge to oblivion and 13 00:00:55.359 --> 00:00:58.560 wrecked in the best way, but wonders if she's alone 14 00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:03.399 in craving that free intensity. And from a nervous movie 15 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:08.280 theater kisses to leashes in degradation on and plans for 16 00:01:08.359 --> 00:01:12.599 a hotel destruction. A first time relationship spirals into a 17 00:01:13.000 --> 00:01:21.000 dictive BDSM territory that and so so much more so 18 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:24.560 Tonight we have a question for you guys to think 19 00:01:24.599 --> 00:01:28.000 about while you're listening to the show. What hidden fantasy 20 00:01:28.120 --> 00:01:30.840 have you been keeping from your partner out of fear 21 00:01:30.879 --> 00:01:33.560 and might change things? I'd love to hear from you. 22 00:01:34.239 --> 00:01:37.159 Send your stories to my DM on discord, email me 23 00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:41.519 at Nikki and Ikky at Dearniki dot com, or the 24 00:01:41.519 --> 00:01:45.519 website at Deerniki dot com under the confession stab. And 25 00:01:45.599 --> 00:01:48.480 to those of listening right now, what draws you to 26 00:01:48.519 --> 00:01:52.239 a fantasy like that one that's too vulnerable to share? 27 00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:55.519 And how do you think revealing it could shift the 28 00:01:55.599 --> 00:02:00.079 power in your relationship? It's sights, It's time for to 29 00:02:00.200 --> 00:02:04.959 night's rettle. Are we ready? Here? It goes what goes 30 00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:09.039 in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet? 31 00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:11.759 Did I get you a get abe on that one? 32 00:02:12.639 --> 00:02:14.159 And of course you know you're out to stick around 33 00:02:14.199 --> 00:02:17.319 at the end show find out you know what time 34 00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:22.199 it is? It is time to sit down, relax, Let's 35 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:26.000 have a whiskey with some filthy cherries of course, and 36 00:02:26.199 --> 00:02:30.280 explore some erotic fantasies from people just like you and me. 37 00:02:31.479 --> 00:02:34.319 Dear Nikki, I need to tell you about this weekend 38 00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:37.759 because it's still going through me and I can't stop 39 00:02:37.759 --> 00:02:41.919 replaying it. My husband and I have been leaning harder 40 00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:46.599 into our dynamic lately. He's stepping more confidently into his dominance, 41 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:51.039 and I'm well, I'm the same and satiable twenty eight 42 00:02:51.080 --> 00:02:54.400 year old who stays wet and needy basically every day 43 00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:59.439 seventies a week. I'm ready. It's honestly exhausting in the 44 00:02:59.479 --> 00:03:02.840 best way. We went to this cocktail party and I 45 00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:06.639 had a few drinks, more than usual these days, which 46 00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:09.919 always strips away the last little filter I have left. 47 00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:15.360 I get flirty, extra bratty, and gravitate toward older men 48 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:21.039 or anyone rating that quiet, commanding energy, you know the type. 49 00:03:21.319 --> 00:03:25.240 So I pushed it. I laughed too easily at their jokes, 50 00:03:25.639 --> 00:03:29.000 let my hand linger when one touched my arm, even 51 00:03:29.039 --> 00:03:32.879 gave my number to this charming bachelor who drunkenly called 52 00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:37.240 me his future sex therapist. I could feel my husband's 53 00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:41.000 eyes on me the whole time, darkening, and that's exactly 54 00:03:41.039 --> 00:03:45.240 what I wanted. I wanted to come home, knowing i'd 55 00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:49.120 earn trouble. The drive back was thick with it. He 56 00:03:49.159 --> 00:03:52.520 didn't speak much at first, just let the silence build 57 00:03:52.639 --> 00:03:56.240 until he finally ordered me to take off my dress. 58 00:03:56.879 --> 00:04:00.479 I said, no, of course I did. He threatened to 59 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:05.240 rip it. I love this stress, so I slid it down, 60 00:04:06.039 --> 00:04:09.680 heart hammering. Then he told me to squeeze my thighs together, 61 00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:13.560 rub them, and let him watch me soak through my 62 00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:17.959 panties just from the tension and his voice. I was 63 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:21.000 already dripping past the fabric when I reached to touch 64 00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:25.279 myself and got a sharp slap across my face, his 65 00:04:25.399 --> 00:04:28.959 hand clamping my wrist. Don't you dare touch that pussy 66 00:04:28.959 --> 00:04:32.639 before I do? God, the sting just made me clinch harder. 67 00:04:33.399 --> 00:04:35.839 He made me unbutton his pants and take him in 68 00:04:35.879 --> 00:04:39.720 my mouth while he drove. I teased it first, slow licks, 69 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:45.720 sucking one ball, gently, stroking with spit slick fingers because 70 00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:48.639 I loved drawing it out, But he wasn't having it 71 00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:52.839 hair wrapped in his fist. Head yank back. Do as 72 00:04:52.839 --> 00:04:56.319 you're told, or the punishment later will be worse. That 73 00:04:56.519 --> 00:05:00.040 threat only made me wetter, so I sank down and 74 00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:04.079 took him deep until I gagged, tears, spilling throat, working 75 00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:06.800 around him while I groaned and fought to keep the 76 00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:11.600 car steady. Hearing him lose control even a little always 77 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:15.439 makes me feel like I still hold some power. When 78 00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:18.519 we pulled up, we didn't even make it inside. He 79 00:05:18.600 --> 00:05:20.639 told me to climb over and sit on his cock, 80 00:05:21.480 --> 00:05:26.199 but I stayed completely still, no grinding, no rocking, just 81 00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:29.759 full and stretched and throbbing with nowhere to go. I 82 00:05:29.800 --> 00:05:32.720 got frustrated fast, so I leaned in like I was 83 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:35.800 going to kiss his neck sweetly. Then I bit down 84 00:05:35.959 --> 00:05:39.439 hard enough to bruise. He shoved me back against the 85 00:05:39.480 --> 00:05:43.879 steering wheel, hand around my throat, and finally started thrusting, 86 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:48.399 slow at first, then harder as his grip tightened. I 87 00:05:48.439 --> 00:05:52.639 could barely breathe, eyes rolling, tears streaming from the edge 88 00:05:52.839 --> 00:05:56.199 he'd put me on through earlier. When he finally let 89 00:05:56.240 --> 00:05:59.879 go and pounded into me, I swear the whole world 90 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:06.000 narrow to that, feeling stars, literal stars right at the edge. 91 00:06:06.360 --> 00:06:08.959 I've flipped it. I grabbed his throat, looked him dead 92 00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:11.839 in the eye, and told him to come for me. 93 00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:16.600 I wanted to feel him swell, pulse flood me while 94 00:06:16.639 --> 00:06:20.360 I shook and clinched around him. His release triggered mind. 95 00:06:20.600 --> 00:06:24.360 We came together, messy and loud, his cum linking down 96 00:06:24.360 --> 00:06:29.040 my thighs as I kept riding through the aftershocks, the punishment, 97 00:06:29.319 --> 00:06:33.120 the roughness, the way he claims me when I've been bad. 98 00:06:33.839 --> 00:06:39.439 It's all electric. But Nikki, what absolutely undoes me afterward 99 00:06:39.839 --> 00:06:43.399 when he catches his breath, pulls me close, strokes my 100 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:47.279 hair and murmurs. Then I'm as a good girl. But 101 00:06:47.399 --> 00:06:50.199 I took it so well that I'm perfect for him. 102 00:06:50.879 --> 00:06:54.319 That praise HiT's deeper than any slap or choke ever could. 103 00:06:54.720 --> 00:06:57.680 That's what I chase every time I push him to 104 00:06:57.720 --> 00:07:01.199 the edge. I just needed you to know it's ron 105 00:07:01.319 --> 00:07:05.759 MESSI and ours and I'm still glowing from it. Yours 106 00:07:06.680 --> 00:07:10.120 her name or just the girl who can't get enough 107 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:14.399 price who you know? I actually felt this one, abe, 108 00:07:14.639 --> 00:07:18.480 because this is exactly like me. I like to push 109 00:07:18.560 --> 00:07:21.600 from the bottom, but I also know that I'm gonna 110 00:07:21.639 --> 00:07:25.319 get it. I don't think I could ever be with 111 00:07:25.399 --> 00:07:29.279 a man that I think I'd get bored eventually if 112 00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:33.959 I wasn't challenged somehow sexually, you know, if I was 113 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:37.240 able to ride, you know, run over him. I guess 114 00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:39.759 I should say I wouldn't do anything for me. But 115 00:07:39.800 --> 00:07:43.360 here's a question that we should ask her. How is 116 00:07:43.439 --> 00:07:46.879 leaning harder into this dynamic changed your day to day 117 00:07:46.879 --> 00:07:50.439 connection with your husband and for you those are listening. 118 00:07:51.160 --> 00:07:55.920 Have you ever provoked trouble on purpose just to feel 119 00:07:55.959 --> 00:08:01.279 that electric claim? What was the aftermath for like for you? Yes, 120 00:08:02.079 --> 00:08:05.800 and it was a nice, good throat fucking. And I 121 00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:08.879 proudly still. I have this little sign in my office 122 00:08:08.920 --> 00:08:11.399 I have to take a picture for you, and it says, 123 00:08:11.639 --> 00:08:14.879 don't tell me what to do. And that fits me 124 00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:20.199 so very, very very perfectly. Dear Tickie. I've been thinking 125 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:23.000 about this NonStop and I just need to get it out. 126 00:08:23.839 --> 00:08:27.120 I want to be dominated completely, fuck sentenceless until my 127 00:08:27.120 --> 00:08:30.839 brain shuts off, and that's all that's left is feeling 128 00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:33.879 him take over every inch of me. I crave it 129 00:08:33.919 --> 00:08:37.960 so badly it almost scares me. How much my husband's 130 00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:42.320 getting better, it's stepping into that role. And the times 131 00:08:42.360 --> 00:08:45.000 that he really claimed me have left me shaking and 132 00:08:45.039 --> 00:08:49.960 glowing for days. But lately this fantasy keeps building him, 133 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:52.879 not holding back at all, pinning me down so hard 134 00:08:52.919 --> 00:08:56.960 I can't move, hands everywhere, gripping my wrist above my head, 135 00:08:57.480 --> 00:09:02.799 throat hips slamming into me relentlessly until I'm whimpering, dripping 136 00:09:02.879 --> 00:09:07.000 mess who can barely form words. I want him to 137 00:09:07.159 --> 00:09:11.159 edge me until I'm begging incoherently. Then just keep going 138 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:13.200 past the point where I think I can take it, 139 00:09:13.759 --> 00:09:17.759 pounding me through over stimulation until my legs give out 140 00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:22.919 and I'm seeing stars again. Took me just right, slap 141 00:09:23.000 --> 00:09:25.840 my face or asks when I get bratty, spit in 142 00:09:25.919 --> 00:09:29.080 my mouth if that's what he wants. Make me feel 143 00:09:29.519 --> 00:09:32.799 every brutal thrust like it's the only thing that matters. 144 00:09:33.559 --> 00:09:36.879 I don't even know exactly why it pulls me this 145 00:09:37.080 --> 00:09:41.240 hard right now, it just does. The idea of being 146 00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:45.519 used like that, reduced to pure need and surrender, feels 147 00:09:45.559 --> 00:09:49.480 so fraying and filthy, imperfect. I want to be his 148 00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:54.440 good girl who's also his desperate little slut, wrecked and 149 00:09:54.559 --> 00:09:58.360 praised for taking it all afterward, when I'm boneless and 150 00:09:58.480 --> 00:10:02.279 linking him, hearing him murmur how well I did, how 151 00:10:02.320 --> 00:10:05.759 pretty I looked ruined for him. That's the part that 152 00:10:05.879 --> 00:10:09.919 makes my heart race as much as the roughness. I 153 00:10:09.960 --> 00:10:15.159 want it so bad. I can feel the egge already, like, 154 00:10:15.240 --> 00:10:18.519 please just throw me around and fuck the thoughts right 155 00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:22.399 out of my head until I'm nothing but his Tell 156 00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:24.840 me I'm not alone in this craving and this intensity. 157 00:10:25.519 --> 00:10:28.399 I feel like I'm burning up just writing it. Still, 158 00:10:28.440 --> 00:10:31.759 your listener, the girl who wants to be utterly ruined? 159 00:10:32.840 --> 00:10:35.399 There is nothing like her, you know, I know I 160 00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:37.360 had just said this, but there is really nothing like 161 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:42.759 someone just railing you and taking control and hello, welcome. 162 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:48.519 So the question for the author what sparked this fantasy 163 00:10:48.960 --> 00:10:52.759 building so strong right now? And for you, those of 164 00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:55.559 you who are listening, do you ever fill that pull 165 00:10:55.679 --> 00:10:59.480 towards total submission, where freedoms come from letting go completely? 166 00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:04.480 And how do you melance that with your everyday life? Anybody? 167 00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:07.840 I know? Our new person just popped in like three 168 00:11:07.919 --> 00:11:13.320 quarters away through any thoughts? I love the cat. Is 169 00:11:13.320 --> 00:11:16.440 that a hat or a piece? Or is that a 170 00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:19.840 two pe wig of the cat? I can't really tell. 171 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:23.600 It's a really bad bull cut. The cat deserves better. 172 00:11:23.639 --> 00:11:27.559 I'm just gonna say that it looks awful though it 173 00:11:27.639 --> 00:11:32.720 needs a better haircut. Though it's very pretty cat, very 174 00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:36.360 pretty cat. I'm gonna guess it's a red enom photo. 175 00:11:40.679 --> 00:11:46.759 It's beans free holes, am I? Right? Guys? Abe? Where'd 176 00:11:46.759 --> 00:11:50.960 you yeah? Where'd you uh come up with it? When 177 00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:53.480 I was in high school, I took French and when 178 00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:56.679 I was in French three I started Spanish, and yeah, 179 00:11:56.679 --> 00:11:58.840 that didn't work out so well because a lot of 180 00:11:58.879 --> 00:12:02.919 them are close. And I remember I would start My 181 00:12:03.440 --> 00:12:06.080 French name was cecil and when I went because the 182 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:09.240 samely you taught. When I went to Spanish, it was Cecilieah, 183 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:16.440 And no, I cannot speak Spanish, so but I used 184 00:12:16.440 --> 00:12:19.080 to and kind of do I try to ride it 185 00:12:19.080 --> 00:12:21.399 on my hand when I go to Mexico. The only 186 00:12:21.440 --> 00:12:24.240 thing my history teacher told me I needed to know 187 00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:27.919 was well, for me, more margarita please, and where's the bathroom? 188 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:30.720 He said, Really, that's the only thing you really need 189 00:12:30.759 --> 00:12:35.039 to know in Spanish to get you through vacation. I'm 190 00:12:35.080 --> 00:12:38.039 just quoting him. Don't don't you know, don't whip me 191 00:12:38.120 --> 00:12:41.679 or anything, guys, and forgive me. I have Zeppelin watching 192 00:12:42.159 --> 00:12:46.039 the Olympics, so and Kashmir is in here with me. 193 00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:48.440 So this is a whole new trial and air kind 194 00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:55.639 of thing. Well, we're glad you're here for free holidays. Oh, 195 00:12:55.879 --> 00:12:58.720 I'll tell your wife Ansa and I is she listening 196 00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:02.799 with you? Oh? Well she can listen to or she 197 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:08.519 busy with the bundles of joy. Okay, hang on Okay, 198 00:13:08.559 --> 00:13:11.480 let's go see let's go see one second. Guys, a's 199 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:19.480 cash okay, right, Gossie go sing go Scosi. Ah, well, 200 00:13:19.480 --> 00:13:22.440 you can show her the rebroadcast tomorrow sometime. Sorry, I 201 00:13:22.440 --> 00:13:24.679 had to let mine out well out my office door. 202 00:13:27.320 --> 00:13:30.440 Ah okay, Yeah, we just started. This is the first 203 00:13:30.440 --> 00:13:35.200 week we're doing live, so I'm I can't wait till Friday, 204 00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:36.440 and I'll tell you guys about that to see at 205 00:13:36.440 --> 00:13:38.600 the show. I've come up with an idea that I 206 00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:42.440 think is going to be fine with audience participation if 207 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:45.080 you happen to listen if I don't know if you 208 00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:49.559 paid subscriber or not. But Abe does the erotic hypnosis 209 00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:53.759 for me. He's my writer in the erotic hypnosis. Yes, 210 00:13:53.799 --> 00:13:56.559 you guys should listen together. Maybe I'll do one late 211 00:13:56.600 --> 00:13:59.960 for couples that have later. Maybe I'll do one later. 212 00:14:00.039 --> 00:14:03.639 We are on Saturdays, so will you even tell her? 213 00:14:03.679 --> 00:14:07.320 I said, Hi, dear Nikki, I'm twenty one and this 214 00:14:07.480 --> 00:14:11.480 is my real first relationship. My girlfriend is my first 215 00:14:11.480 --> 00:14:16.240 girlfriend ever, So everything feels intense and new. I still 216 00:14:16.279 --> 00:14:19.720 get nervous just thinking about how it all started. Our 217 00:14:19.879 --> 00:14:22.840 second date, we went to a movie. I was so 218 00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:26.440 anxious about making a move, heart pounding the whole time. 219 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:30.879 Then she leaned in and kissed me first. That broke 220 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:35.639 everything open. I couldn't hold back. I started devouring her lips, 221 00:14:35.879 --> 00:14:40.440 kissing her deep and long tongues everywhere. My hands slipped 222 00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:44.039 under her top, inside her braw and I squeezed those huge, 223 00:14:44.320 --> 00:14:48.480 soft boobs. I felt incredible in my hands. I pinched 224 00:14:48.480 --> 00:14:52.120 her nipples, rolled them between my fingers, and she moaned 225 00:14:52.159 --> 00:14:55.759 into my mouth like she loved it. A few days later, 226 00:14:55.919 --> 00:14:59.720 her birthday, another movie date. This time we didn't wait. 227 00:15:00.240 --> 00:15:04.720 We started making out hard right as little lights went down, 228 00:15:05.399 --> 00:15:09.320 kissing fiercely, hands all over each other. I got so 229 00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:12.879 worked up I pulled out my cock six and a 230 00:15:12.919 --> 00:15:16.639 half inches, hard as hell. She looked shocked at first, 231 00:15:16.759 --> 00:15:20.120 eyes wide staring at it, and I asked her politely, 232 00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:25.799 wanna suck? She said sure, without hesitation. She started licking 233 00:15:25.799 --> 00:15:29.240 the tips so gently, teasing, then took more in her mouth. 234 00:15:30.039 --> 00:15:32.399 It was my first blow job ever, and it felt 235 00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:36.720 like heaven, her warm mouth sliding up and down my 236 00:15:36.840 --> 00:15:39.919 huge cock. On her birthday, I gave her that as 237 00:15:39.960 --> 00:15:43.639 her gift, and she took it eagerly. We kept going 238 00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:46.440 to the movies just for the dark, empty spaces to 239 00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:51.039 fool around. Soon we discovered bedeous end stuff online, the 240 00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:55.080 idea of putting a leash on her, controlling her completely. 241 00:15:55.679 --> 00:16:00.360 It fascinated me. Next date, I bought a leash. I 242 00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:02.519 put it on her collar, made her sit on the 243 00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:06.399 floor like my pet. I slapped her face lightly, told 244 00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:10.320 her to suck me again. I thrust into her throat deep, 245 00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:14.679 pulling the leash to yank her closer, forcing more of 246 00:16:14.679 --> 00:16:20.919 my cock down until I heard those wet glock clock sounds. 247 00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:24.679 She gagged a little, but kept owing, eyes watering, and 248 00:16:24.799 --> 00:16:28.000 I could tell she was into it. I came hard 249 00:16:28.039 --> 00:16:31.639 in her mouth and filled it up completely. Come overflowed 250 00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:35.000 and got on my hands too, and that dirty girl 251 00:16:35.039 --> 00:16:38.919 licked every drop off my fingers like she couldn't get enough. 252 00:16:39.759 --> 00:16:42.360 Things got rocky for a while. We fought a lot, 253 00:16:42.840 --> 00:16:45.960 but then she decided to submit fully. She told me 254 00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:50.159 she wanted to be de behore and my randy just 255 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:53.840 for me. Since then, I've treated her like an absolute slut. 256 00:16:53.960 --> 00:16:57.399 She craves to be calling her names, using her whenever 257 00:16:57.559 --> 00:17:01.279 I want, making her bag. Now I've got plans to 258 00:17:01.320 --> 00:17:03.919 take her to a hotel soon and destroy her with 259 00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:09.079 my huge dick. I'll let the leash on her the 260 00:17:09.119 --> 00:17:11.799 whole time, force her to crawl like a dog on 261 00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:14.559 all fours. I'll make her pee like one right in 262 00:17:14.599 --> 00:17:17.039 front of me on the floor, and I'll record it 263 00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:20.480 all to humiliate her more. I'll slap her to grade 264 00:17:20.519 --> 00:17:23.759 her to the limit, call her every filthy name, and 265 00:17:23.880 --> 00:17:27.160 force her to suck my toes and lick my feet clean. 266 00:17:27.799 --> 00:17:30.720 Make her lap up my come off the floor. If 267 00:17:30.759 --> 00:17:33.680 I spill any then I'll fuck her so hard she 268 00:17:33.759 --> 00:17:38.359 can't walk straight, pounding her relentlessly. At the end, I'll 269 00:17:38.359 --> 00:17:41.440 make her drink my piss straight from me, making her 270 00:17:41.519 --> 00:17:45.599 mind completely. She's excited for it, she says, she's ready 271 00:17:45.640 --> 00:17:48.200 to be ruined that way. It turns me on so much, 272 00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:52.279 knowing she's giving herself over like this. The power is control. 273 00:17:52.680 --> 00:17:56.279 It's sictive. I had to tell someone, it's wild how 274 00:17:56.319 --> 00:18:01.279 far we've come from nervous movie kisses to this, your confessor, 275 00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:05.799 the twenty one year old who owns his whore. Yeah, 276 00:18:05.880 --> 00:18:08.759 I oh, you change. You're not a kiddy cat anymore. 277 00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:13.480 Guys are changing on me. You're still Undrello's abe. Uh 278 00:18:14.079 --> 00:18:18.799 what about you for Jolee, I don't know. Come go 279 00:18:18.839 --> 00:18:22.319 out and come back in and see if that helps. Yeah, 280 00:18:22.759 --> 00:18:27.279 like I was telling Abe earlier, there's a neighbor I 281 00:18:27.319 --> 00:18:32.039 think sometimes at night it's like we cross streams. I 282 00:18:32.039 --> 00:18:36.119 guess you'll say he is amateur radio. So I'm wondering 283 00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:39.440 if that cross is over, if it's really bad, we 284 00:18:39.480 --> 00:18:42.400 can stop because I want to be able to. Oh 285 00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:47.880 but you can hear me clearly. I've okay, well it 286 00:18:47.960 --> 00:18:50.839 might just be him. We'll see. I'll keep going. So 287 00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:53.240 maybe you can have any answers on this. This is 288 00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:57.119 a no for me because I'm not getting on no nasty, 289 00:18:57.359 --> 00:18:59.599 no offense to the person that wrote in I'm not 290 00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:02.400 kidding the nasty movies, the or floor. That is just 291 00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:05.480 and he had me until he went into the whole 292 00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:09.680 degrading and pissed drinking, and that's just yeah. No, that's 293 00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:13.400 a note for me as well. But yeah, and I 294 00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:16.240 don't mind being a you know, a man I'm into. 295 00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:20.160 I don't mind being a whore for him. But this 296 00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:23.680 everything else is in now, that's see what he has 297 00:19:23.720 --> 00:19:28.799 to say here. Oh so for you, this is listening. 298 00:19:29.480 --> 00:19:33.440 Vape is in here? Did the BDSM elements sneak in 299 00:19:33.559 --> 00:19:37.759 unexpectedly in your relationship. If you are doing the whole 300 00:19:37.799 --> 00:19:40.839 bondage and submission thing, and if so, how did it 301 00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:45.319 view your power and consent? And if you are exploring 302 00:19:45.319 --> 00:19:48.759 those dynamics, what is yes and no? I mean where 303 00:19:48.759 --> 00:19:51.319 are your limits? You know, do you like the full 304 00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:56.000 degradation or are you just into the impact play and 305 00:19:56.119 --> 00:19:59.519 not so far? And like I said earlier in the week, 306 00:19:59.640 --> 00:20:03.119 because had somebody that had a choking fantasy as well 307 00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:08.519 in there, and I mentioned that if you're going to 308 00:20:08.599 --> 00:20:11.480 go this far into the extreme, you really should be 309 00:20:12.279 --> 00:20:15.160 learning from someone that is trained in the art. In 310 00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:16.960 the arts, I guess I should say, because they are 311 00:20:17.000 --> 00:20:20.160 out there. I mean, if they're Shabari teachers. I know, 312 00:20:20.279 --> 00:20:23.279 for a factor, I don't know exactly where everybody is, 313 00:20:23.279 --> 00:20:26.079 but they're not really hard to find, and if you 314 00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:30.279 are interested in them, I would suggest a munch so 315 00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:34.000 that way you can meet other people as well. I'm 316 00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:40.119 waiting we're able to type something out. Yeah, yeah, I 317 00:20:40.119 --> 00:20:42.359 don't know. If you heard the whole made her drink 318 00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:43.960 my pist kind of thing, I was like, yep, this 319 00:20:44.039 --> 00:20:45.880 is an absolute no for me. It was a no 320 00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:47.960 for me when he made her niel on the nasty 321 00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:52.599 theater floor. You know there's some shit that don't come 322 00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:56.920 out of close and nope. But to each their own, 323 00:20:56.960 --> 00:21:01.880 your mileage may vary. As I say, dear Niggy, I've 324 00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:05.079 never really talked about this out loud, so I figured, 325 00:21:05.079 --> 00:21:09.039 if anyone's going to get without judgment, it's you. I'm 326 00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:12.759 in my mid thirties, always identified as straight, always been 327 00:21:12.799 --> 00:21:17.079 the dominant in one bed, taking charge, calling shots, very 328 00:21:17.160 --> 00:21:21.200 much into women. That was just who I was, no question. 329 00:21:22.039 --> 00:21:26.160 Up until twenty twenty. I'd never been high and didn't smoke, 330 00:21:26.519 --> 00:21:29.880 didn't touch anything. Then life hit hard, a bad break 331 00:21:29.960 --> 00:21:33.440 up fueled by depression, and I started smoking weed to cope. 332 00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:36.799 At first, it was just to take the edge off 333 00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:41.599 quiet noise in my head. But something unexpected happened. The 334 00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:45.640 higher I got, the more my usual writing seemed to flip. 335 00:21:46.279 --> 00:21:50.160 Dominant in control version of me softened, melted away to 336 00:21:50.279 --> 00:21:54.079 this other side, came out submissive, pliant, almost eager to 337 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:57.400 let go. And when I was around other guise while 338 00:21:57.400 --> 00:22:01.160 I was stoned, I caught myself looking, not just glancing, 339 00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:05.440 but lingering, noticing their hands, their jaw lines, the way 340 00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:08.880 they carried themselves. It wasn't like I suddenly wanted to 341 00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:12.680 date men or anything close to that. I still feel 342 00:22:12.759 --> 00:22:16.920 zero attraction to guys when I'm sober, but hi, there's 343 00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:19.839 this haze where the idea of being used, of submitting 344 00:22:19.920 --> 00:22:23.960 to another man, or better yet, being shared, doesn't scare 345 00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:29.440 me off. It starts to feel intriguing hot. Even I 346 00:22:29.480 --> 00:22:32.480 still see myself as straight. Women are what turn me 347 00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:35.359 on day to day, what get me hard without question. 348 00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:38.759 But weed unlocks the stoor in my brain where the 349 00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:43.839 line blurs just enough that m M F scenario doesn't 350 00:22:43.839 --> 00:22:46.519 sound wrong any more. The thought of being on my 351 00:22:46.599 --> 00:22:50.039 knees between a woman and a guy, and her guiding 352 00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:53.440 me while he takes control, or even just letting the 353 00:22:53.480 --> 00:22:57.279 dominant man use my mouth while she watches and praises me, 354 00:22:58.039 --> 00:23:01.200 it creeps me into my fantacies. When I'm eight, I 355 00:23:01.279 --> 00:23:06.039 get this submissive rush, this craving to be directed, objectified, 356 00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:10.519 a little passed around. It's confusing as hell, because sober 357 00:23:10.599 --> 00:23:14.839 me would shut that thought down instantly. I don't know 358 00:23:14.839 --> 00:23:17.920 if it's the weed lowering my inhibitions or if it's 359 00:23:18.039 --> 00:23:21.720 revealing something that always there under the layers of control 360 00:23:21.799 --> 00:23:26.240 and depression, or maybe just a temporary chemical thing. All 361 00:23:26.279 --> 00:23:28.799 I know is that when I'm high enough, the idea 362 00:23:28.839 --> 00:23:31.799 of being submissive to a man, of being his good 363 00:23:31.880 --> 00:23:34.839 boy for a night or part of a threesome where 364 00:23:34.839 --> 00:23:38.880 I'm not one getting wrecked feels less like not me 365 00:23:39.720 --> 00:23:43.359 and more like why not. I haven't acted on it, 366 00:23:43.599 --> 00:23:47.079 haven't even came close, but it's there now, this quiet 367 00:23:47.599 --> 00:23:50.839 curiosity that shows up when the smoke's thick and my 368 00:23:50.920 --> 00:23:54.519 guard's gone. Part of me wonders if I'll ever chase 369 00:23:54.559 --> 00:23:57.400 it sober, or if it'll stay locked away in that 370 00:23:57.559 --> 00:24:02.200 hazy space forever. Either. It has changed how I see myself, 371 00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:05.960 a little less rigid, more open to whatever my body 372 00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:09.240 wants when the walls are down. Thanks for being the 373 00:24:09.279 --> 00:24:12.000 place I can say this without feeling like a frod 374 00:24:12.359 --> 00:24:18.039 still figuring out the guy who turns sub when he stoned. Yeah, 375 00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:22.200 highly aroused can trigger many things that doesn't rise up, 376 00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:26.599 especially I don't know I do edibles. I haven't done 377 00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:29.200 him in years. But when I want, if I'm with 378 00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:32.920 somebody like or socially, it's inedible for me, and I 379 00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:36.880 have to say that, I get pretty worked up. Horny 380 00:24:37.240 --> 00:24:40.880 when I'm high as a kite, and it doesn't take 381 00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:44.839 much for me. I also see a marching band walking 382 00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:47.400 going down streets but naked. But that was the last 383 00:24:47.400 --> 00:24:52.599 time I got high. But yeah, I don't. I don't 384 00:24:52.599 --> 00:24:55.319 get like crazy horny, like where I'm running around saying 385 00:24:55.319 --> 00:24:57.480 fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, like some girl did 386 00:24:57.480 --> 00:25:00.000 in high school at a party, apparently when she was high. 387 00:25:00.519 --> 00:25:05.799 But I do get arousal in it. I think because 388 00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:10.160 marijuana and pot whatever we're gonna call it, brings our 389 00:25:10.160 --> 00:25:13.240 antibitions down and it does relax us. It could make 390 00:25:13.319 --> 00:25:15.720 us more susceptible to things that maybe are back in 391 00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:19.240 our brain. So I don't think it's wrong. I think 392 00:25:19.359 --> 00:25:22.920 you know, if you want, I don't know, how would 393 00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:25.799 you guys have that conversation with yourself. I like that 394 00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:29.039 he's keeping the toothpaste in the tube until he's completely ready. 395 00:25:30.119 --> 00:25:32.839 I mean, do we think this curiosity will ever cross 396 00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:35.480 into a sober life or is it just like a 397 00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:38.799 fancy maybe he could get off on when he's high. 398 00:25:38.839 --> 00:25:41.319 And for those of you who are listening, has substance 399 00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:45.480 ever revealed a new layer of your sexuality? What boundaries 400 00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:49.680 do you set around exploring it. Like I said, I've 401 00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:53.200